I’ve always felt like the wives and girlfriends of athletes and politicians, and well, men in power really got a raw lot in life. I think that they are almost guaranteed to date and/or marry a man who is going to step out on them at some point. Of course, not all athletes, politicians, etc are going to cheat. I know this.
Conversely, they are also privy to many riches and to a status that most people will never know or achieve. And I’m sure that there’s a certain long-term cost-benefit analysis that goes into marrying certain men anyway.
This might be a good place to mention this, I’ve spent time trying to decide if a man who married a politician woman or whatever really felt any type of way about their woman stepping out on them and my guess is that most of us just wouldn’t sweat it. Not that women can’t cheat, obviously they can, I just think that the male mentality of being a woman’s end all be all makes us all think that we’re immune to being cheated on…which is why we totally lose our sh*t when we find out that our woman has cheated on us. Men…we so dumb sometimes. Patriarchy, you’ve got to love it.
Anyway, the point of those few paragraphs above is this: I get the impression that in nearly all of those relationships, the woman says at some point: “do not embarass me.” Basically, wear condoms and be discreet. Remember your family and don’t bring anything home that you didn’t leave with. Nobody wants to be the last person to find out something. In fact, I’m willing to bet all of your paychecks that the main reason a woman won’t stand next to her husband after some scandal breaks is because she found out about it via newspaper or somebody else telling her as opposed to her husband. Nobody likes to be the last to know, but especially if you get questioned about something and have no clue what the asker is talking about.
Don’t embarass me.
Which leads to my main question here: is it worse to be cheated on, or to be the last one to know you got cheated on?
Perhaps this is an easy answer since if you know before everybody else, you can control the release of information better or at least be able to get ahead of the situation. You can make sure that you’re taking care of home and attempt to close out everybody else from speaking on your situation. But that also assumes that cheating is a forgivable offense to begin with, right?
But I don’t know, I mean it definitely makes the act worse if you’re the last to know, but shouldn’t the infidelity by itself be enough of a transgression? Does it even matter how you found out that you got cheated on assuming that its both true and verifiable?
How did this all come up? Believe it or not, I was watching the movie Rio and somehow, during the course of that movie, THAT idea came to my head. For those who haven’t seen Rio, it’s a movie about two blue macaw’s who have to smang in order to preserve the species, except one can’t fly and Jamie Foxx is a yellow bird with a bottle cap hat. Oh, and And I became curious. Is there any connection? Not really. Total non-sequitur? Absolutely. Point is, don’t question my authority.
So, anyway, to the peanut gallery: what’s worse – being cheated on or being the last to know you got cheated on?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. NO NO NO aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3
I think it is worse to be the last one to find out you were cheated on, because if you find out early you can control the info. also it makes it harder to be more independent in what moves you make because everyone will send their input in before you hear it
The 2 cents people put in on ya every day is bad enough. Let you get cheated on and these ninjas is gonna go HAM on you about how you could have done this or that to make everything alright. And all you doin is sittin there contemplating who you gon cut first and save for last
Hmm…true story. People are always waiting in the peanut gallery to throw stones. Give them the proper ammo, and those bytches will be throwing boulders.
Tell the truth Rewind!
Amen! Everyone has their personal limits as to what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Putting it out there in public means everyone gets their own 2 cents to put in, and that’s a pain.
either way…it’s all bad.
If everyone took their 2 cents and applied it wisely, there would be a shortage of needy folks and a shortage of stupidity.
I think being the last to know is worse. No one wants to be cheated on but it would be devastating to find out from twitter/facebook/cnn that your husband has been smanging the interns.
” it would be devastating to find out from twitter/facebook/cnn”
Add the Food Channel to that list as well. Don’t ask, just do it.
Guess that peaches & cream a la mode came with a price.
No….the WORST would be….The View!
No….the WORST would be….The View!
As much as I hate liars, deceivers and that ilk if I had to choose fr me if would be: being the last to know… I do not ant to get emassed & I need to have my responses & gameplan in hand… Don’t blindside me!!!!
Happy Side Note: I have gotten quite a few VSB fb friends… I feel soooo special
Whew posting from my phone made me look 3rd grade reading level illiterate… It’s so many I can’t even post corrections… I sawry….
I’m wondering why you want to kill me over my P90x in reverse post tho…..
Marshal… it’s cuz im jealous
#FatGirlBlues
*waves at Yoles* Glad to be your friend too on my special FB page.
Oh yea! Your page is pretty dope. Kudos.
Thanks and when you gonna be my friend too? I need some men on my friends list. *psst… don’t ask me who that other guy is… I have no clue.* LOL
Whenever you want me to me. I’m here.
nillalatte4eva@yahoo.com… that’s how you can find me on FB… well, my incognito FB.
It’s me….no seriously it is
LOL… thanks for letting me know. I kind of thought it was, but wasn’t sure.
Well, when you have a VSB avi that shows that you have, um, well-developed secondary sexual characteristics, it tends to attract people. Jussayin’.
Now if I could only find a way for women to not assume I would be a threat to them if I’m blatantly sexual and also eliminate homophobia. I could post a pic of my package to attract the ladies and have the dudes be cool with it. Yeah son.
Behave Todd!
Yoles, What’s the secret handshake to FB?
Everyone can find me using the email UrYolie@hotmail.com just pls send a small message saying VSB and I’ll add you forthwith!!!!!!
I just sent you one!
*waits to get on the special kids list*
come along Rewind!! We are BK peeps!!!!!
Girl, I forgot you were in BK!
I shall look for you through you email right away!
Definitely being cheated on.
For those who haven’t seen Rio, it’s a movie about two blue macaw’s who have to smang in order to preserve the species, except one can’t fly and Jamie Foxx is a yellow bird with a bottle cap hat. Oh, and And I became curious. Is there any connection? Not really. Total non-sequitur? Absolutely. Point is, don’t question my authority.
iCackled. hilarity.
i think the question is silly – being cheated on and being the last to know is obviously worse. you’re simply adding another layer of something unfavorable to another something unfavorable. nobody wants all those layers of despair!
BUT… if i were the last to know, balls would be cut. if he told me first, i might spare his manhood.
Dang? really the manhood has to go?
“you’re simply adding another layer of something unfavorable to another something unfavorable”
Agree with Dr. Jones.
Damn Gem said she’d Lorena Bobitt dat azz. All you youngsters, look it up.
LOL… I don’t have to look it up. I don’t know whether that’s something to be proud of or sad about. :\
Definitely the latter. Nobody deserves that. Nobody. And i cant get over the fact that she drove with it in her car & threw it out the window bwahahaaa. Im prolly going to Hell for that one.
He got it back didnt he?
Lol but i feel soooooo bad.
Moral of the story: never mess with a Latina LOL
I had an idea of who she was but googled anyway. Ugh, there is a freaking picture of it on Wiki. My precious eyes.
That was really more than I needed to see. Yuk!
“i think the question is silly – being cheated on and being the last to know is obviously worse. you’re simply adding another layer of something unfavorable to another something unfavorable. nobody wants all those layers of despair!”
LOL, right. layers of despair is like a 7 layer dip that makes your tummy upset. Wait… that might be real life for some. LOL
Anyway, I can’t see adequately answering the question since you NEED the former (being cheated on) to even have the latter (being the last one to find out). So yeah, it’s more about adding fuel to the fire than one being worse than the other.
don’t you hate to see everyone in the family laughing and smiling in the person’s face and they all know that the person is getting cheated on. Not only that they are the butt of so many jokes. there would be no working anything out. all bets are off.
Being the last to know hands down. Not knowing you were cheated on makes you feel vulnerable and foolish. Being the last to know makes you feel doubly vulnerable and foolish. Or so I’ve heard. And getting ahead of the mudslide and doing (preemptive?) damage control does not make cheating acceptable.
No it doesn’t, just keeps one’s ego in control. No matter what, it’s going to hurt.
If you didn’t cheat, I wouldn’t have to worry about being the last to know.
If a tree falls in a forest & there’s nobody around to hear it, did it really make a sound?
Yes, it does. A tree falling will still create an oscillation of pressure, which will travel through the air. Whether or not anyone is there to actually hear it is irrelevent, as sound is still a material wave and unless the event occurs in a vacuum, will still happen.
Thanx for clearing that up lol. You are my favorite sexy nerd. Keep up the good work.
I’m pretty sure someone needs to hear it in order for it to make sound. The thump of the tree falling makes sound waves, but an ear is require to convert those sound waves to sound. Sound waves do not equal sound. They got their name “sound” from humans’ ability to perceive them- hence a human is needed for them to exist. (And to include deaf or hearing-impaired people, I’m sure that definition comprises the average range of sound perception.)
There are waves of many frequencies around us all the time- those termed “sound” are called so because they are within our frequency to perceive them. We can’t hear microwaves, X-rays, UV rays, or even those high-frequency waves that dogs can hear so if we were in a room full of them, we’d consider the room to be silent.
If you think the tree makes a sound, then you’d have to consider does it make a high enough sound to be heard over the light rays from the sun up top, or the radioactive ways from the decaying things below. and then you’ll get back to having to determine what the hearing range for sound is. Which gets you back to needing something to receive these waves. Which means someone needs to be around to perceive sound b/c their ability to do so is what defines sound in the first place.
hmmmmm
what about the deer that start running when it falls?
Just because there is no one to interpet that sound does not mean that no sound waves are emmited.
“Just because there is no one to interpet that sound does not mean that no sound waves are emmited.”
Exactly. But just because waves within the hearing range of humans (i.e. sound waves) does not mean that SOUND is emitted without there being a person around to hear it. Sound is defined by the act of being heard/detected. Sound waves are defined as being within a range of wavelengths able to be heard by a human ear. Those are two different things. While sound involves sound waves, sound waves do not necessarily cause sound, by their definition in physics.
Great analogy. Lol.
The animals hear it, that’s proof enough.
Yes because sound exists irrespective of who hears it!
#NerdyAsiyah
teehee
The thing about me is that once I’m turned off to someone then I just don’t give a damn anymore. So whether I was the first or last to know wouldn’t be a big deal to me. When ever I do find out I’m done and I just wouldn’t care enough to sweat how or when I found out.
“The thing about me is that once I’m turned off to someone then I just don’t give a damn anymore.â€
The two sides of T2I’s upset are rage and indifference. As I mature I’ve been able to walk away from many situations that could have led to my arrest. With that being said if ever I walk away from you, you are dead to me.
“As I mature I’ve been able to walk away from many situations that could have led to my arrest. With that being said if ever I walk away from you, you are dead to me.”
Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying.
So THAT’S why you haven’t been returning my calls after I met you at that club, emphatically groped your posterior (with both hands), and asked if you if you wanted to play a little game I like to call, Womb Raider.
Because…you walked away pretty goshdarn quickly…
No, I walked away because you were being all kinds of clingy and scaring off the women, TUK.
Lol.
I was told clingy is the new “Bad boy” these days. Women loved being stalked because it makes them feel like the most special person alive, yes?
ROTFLMAO!
TUK is a trip lol
This is why we can’t be lovers and friends TUK. We’d probably meet at an underground Harry Potter Appreciation Club disguised as an underground Fight Club before we ever meet at the club.
Oh snap you go to the HPA Club meetings too?!?! Then we are destined to be lovers! I bought the last Harry Potter movie on Blu-Ray as SOON as it dropped!
No TUK, my destiny is to find those 150 Pokemon without parental supervision.
*pushes glasses back up onto the bridge of my nose and adjusts pocket protector*
You know, there are WAY more than 150 and pokemon. Those days are long gone.
*Should be just “150 pokemon”. No and.
@TUK
“Womb Raider”, I am stealing that.
“When ever I do find out I’m done and I just wouldn’t care enough to sweat how or when I found out.”
Exactly. My friends call me an Ice Queen sometimes because of this but some things are just unacceptable. I’ll forgive and move on. I’m never all “I’ll forgive you and we can work this out despite the fact that you stepped out on us and put my health at risk.” I keeps it moving after intentional acts of betrayal.
Yep, being able to turn off your feelings is something that everyone should learn. If they did imagine how much drama that exists would just cease.
I’m the same. My emotions are based on a switch. The minute I’m turned off, a person’s presense no longer exists to me. I’m quite comfortable totally ignoring someone I stopped caring about to their face, looking at them as if they aren’t even there. I’ve done it before and it surely does drive people crazy.
Same here, but I’m trying to change that because not everyone is to be written off like that. Some people are worth fighting for. You just have to determine which are the people worth forgiving AND working things out with and which you should just forgive for YOUR sake and never speak to again.
This is true. This is why I’ve tried my best to learn to let go of my anger and see beyond the things I don’t like.
Moms taught me that you should hate the behavior, not the person. Took me a really long time to get it, but I see it. People go through changes. A jerk today is an angel tomorrow. So you have to seperate who a person truly is from what they’ve done.
@Asiyah & Rewind
You two are better than me. I just don’t have the ability to see any redeemable qualities in someone who would cheat. Fidelity and honesty are at the core of who we are as people. So if someone is a cheater then that is just the tip of the iceberg with regard to their character, IMO.
I agree with you, Val. I was speaking in general terms…but I like to think that if I ever made that kind of move, that I would be forgiven, or, at the very least, not judged too harshly for it. We’re not perfect and a lot of smart, good people make a lot of dumb, nasty moves.
Someone being a cheater doesn’t make them a bad person in my eyes, it just makes them a greedy bastard…AT THAT MOMENT. They could learn from their mistakes, grow up, and atone for what they did. If that happened, how could I really see them as a horrible person anymore? I might still be angry, but eventually you put some prune juice on it and let the shyte go.
If on the other hand, we are talking about cheating that ruins an entire family and has unmassed repurcussions on the future of the kids involved, or just a slimy fawk who could care less about who they hurt, as long as they get a nut….then fawk them and the womb they came out of.
Your last paragraph is on point!
I’ll just break it down like this… and I know that y’all men are gonna call me out on this, but it is what it is. I don’t think there has ever been a time when I said, “He (whoever he might be) will never cheat.” In fact, I go further. I automatically assume that a man will cheat at some point in time. Yeah, I said it. Why? Because it is in a man’s nature to stray.
Don’t make it that easy for the VSBs Nilla. You’re stepping out on a gun range with a target on your back with that one.
I’m wearing body armor.
I’m going to call you out…as soon as I come up with a good comeback. But, I think the reason your theory exists is because males are encouraged from birth to explore. It’s not frowned upon for men to cheat, have multiple partners and the like. It’s accepted to a degree. But when a woman partakes in the same activities, they are viewed as vindictive, dirty and other unsightly four and five letter words. but I am just speaking from a neophyte relationship perspective. Consult Champ or Panama before making a rebuttal.
I think the reason my theory exists because I have known more men than women to step out on their partner. That said, when I hear of a woman cheating on her man/husband it really disturbs me.
“I think the reason my theory exists because I have known more men than women to step out on their partner. “
Thats because women have better PR reps.
CHURCH! Women will not only step out for fun. They’ll build who lives around stepping out, then blame you for not getting the job done. I mean yeesh, sorry for being loyal to your trifling ass. I didn’t know a man can’t both provide cash, his heart and a peen at the same damn time. Women probably cheat more than men, at least in my experience. Though apparently, I meet only the worst women on the planet, so my view is skewed, right?
PR is key. If I cheat… I’m telling no one, not even my girlfriends.
honestly, I think it’s in everyone’s nature to stray. One gender might be perceived to stray more than the other, but ain’t nobody immune at the end of the day.
I can’t speak for other women, but I haven’t ever strayed. Yes, I’ve had opportunity and probably should have tried it, but it’s this damn sense of loyalty that I have to my partner, but mostly to myself. I try not to do things that make me feel like shyt.
Ok so this is based solely on your own experiences.
However just as easily as you’ve said that, I’ve known more women to cheat on men than vice versa. Now do I think women are just built to cheat? No, it’s simply circumstancial, it has nothing to do with birthrights.
” it is in a man’s nature to stray”
I’m standing in the line of fire with you cause I totally agree!
I hope you too bought the body armor!
Some men get highly offended when I actually do talk about them cheating more than women. You ain’t noticed?
Idiots stray from what they have. Major cheating and ish like that is for the movies. Real life situations like these are becuz you have two people literally too damn stupid to know that they have reached the end of whatever it is they were and just won’t let go. I promise you that over the course of my short life (23 yrs. old), the only reason most men AND women cheat is becuz (drumroll): They are too damn lazy or too damn afraid of telling the other person they are done. So what do they do instead of “manning up” and “facing the music”? They cheat period
….live a little bit longer and you’ll find out every relationship is unique and that there are a million of reasons why people cheat not just because they are too lazy or too afraid to break up.
great answer.
+100 in real life points.
+1 @ Ms. Debbs
The reasons mean nothing though when the outcome is the same: someone isn’t willing to shed that part of their life before pulling off their pants for someone else.
Why should life be so complicated that we can’t move on before getting in another person’s bed?
@ msdebbs thanks for the wisdom. And you’re right every relationship has it’s own special thing.
Respectfully disagree. It’s socialized to a large extent that if a man cheats it’s in part, if not entirely, the other woman’s fault for leading him astray. I will agree to that. It’s not innate or inherent though. Plenty of man can and do stay in long relationships without ever attempting to put themselves in that situation. It requires a high degree of self-control, honesty, and discipline that a lot of men don’t like cultivating in relationships either because of ignorance or ambivalence.
“if a man cheats it’s in part, if not entirely, the other woman’s fault for leading him astray.”
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. That is entirely his choice.
We are in agreement there. Society outside of my and your mind likes to always at least blame the women in part unless they’re on some Virgin Mary type reputation.
Yes to all of that.
Way to have faith in men. Me and cheating just isn’t my thing. It takes too much effort, especially when leaving someone is so much easier…and cheaper.
I like to economical with my sex and my emotions. 
“Way to have faith in men.”
I know, huh? I’m a mess when it comes to trust. Wonder why? Must have been because of a MAN!!! BOL…
I think people assume that men cheat more because women are better at hiding it. Add that to the patriarchy that has more men in the public spotlight and it makes it seem like its true, but I’ve known many unfaithful churchgoing (and non-churchgoing) women.
I call bullshyte on you Nilla, and I expect more from you since you’re the one usually calling women out on BS just as easily as men.
Yea, on the average, we hear more about men cheating than women. Yes, from childhood, men are fostered to go humping as many people as possible. That doesn’t change the fact that women are right there in the trenches with men, going HAM any chance they get. They just keep a lower profile, but that doesn’t change the issue.
All I can say is cheating is cheating, anyone can do it, it is not that hard, most people don’t even have a good reason not to cheat, and if nothing else, cheating proves how worthless most people are to begin with.
LOL… call it bullshyt all you like… here’s my reasoning – and this is for me only, no one else has to subscribe to this – but this mentality does provide me with a veil of sorts, a veil over my heart.
If I’m in an exclusive relationship, dude cheats, and I found out about it, then you know what, his unfaithfulness is easier to reconcile – i.e. “you knew he was a dog when you started messing with him so you got what chu got.” It is a hell of a lot easier to kick his arse to the curb emotionally and move on. Everybody has their coping mechanisms. Recognizing that a man can and will stray when they want is legit.
On the flip side, like I said, men have issues with this thinking because some of you (like .000001%…lol) might never stray. Wonderful! Me, I’m a loyal and faithful individual in a relationship. If we’re together then we’re together. But, I’m also intuitive enough to realize when we’re no longer emotionally connected and I know how to let go. But, it has been a skill I had to develop.
I read a lot about emotional healing in the past – imagine that. One of the techniques that I found that really works is releasing someone. One of the examples was imagine your former partner inside of a balloon. Once you have that image, imagine cutting the string as you say to yourself or out loud, “I release you. Peace be with you.” And, you imagine them floating away. Anytime you have thoughts about this person do the exercise again. In time, all the emotions you felt about that person are also gone and you have no ill feelings toward them remaining.
Here’s the caveat… this technique has the boomerang effect. It’s really strange and when I read it I didn’t think that could be true. But, it was so true. I’ve released a couple of people only to have them pop back into my life later. When that happens, one has to evaluate if you really want to be in a relationship with that person again.
There is certainly a lot of time spent on many blogs talking about wanting to be in relationships and looking for them. Not so much on how to let them go which is as equally important as building them. IMHO.
Finally, on this topic, I speak only for myself. I’m a faithful woman in an exclusive relationship. When I go all in, I’m in 100%. It’s getting me to that point that the difficult part. A commitment & trust is hard to garner from me.
But then see, the issue isn’t that men cheat. It’s about letting go of something when there is no reason to hold on to it, and I feel like both genders have that problem equally.
As a man, I think about cheating ALL THE TIME. But as a person, I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I refuse to do it. I put too much time and effort into my relationships to turn my back on the woman who nurtured my heart. So like you, I’m committed to what I do. But in the past I have had problems letting things go.
But the stuff you read about, I lived and learned for myself. I realize when you let people go, there’s a good chance you’ll meet them again in life. Why? Because maybe when you met them the first time, they were going through a transition in life. They weren’t at their best when you met them, and perhaps you weren’t either but, maybe in due time, both will have grown and be better off.
“I automatically assume that a man will cheat at some point in time.”
Same here. But this is what makes me not obsess about cheating too much. Am I a forgiver of cheating? I don’t know, I’ve never been in a serious relationship so I haven’t been cheated on, but I don’t obsess about it because I just assume he’ll do it one day and it really isn’t my fault. I give my best anyway and see if I’m right or wrong.
Just need to clarify my thought processes here for you men…
Just because I may assume that a man may cheat as a given, the expectation of my partner when I’m in a relationship is they will not be fcuking around with another woman. I think expectations out weight assumptions any day.
The only thing worst than being the last one to know is to find out through your gynecologist (she is a Nicole Beharie look alike) who also tells you you’re pregnant, with twins… twin aliens. You have a non-curable STD/STI and the conservatives won’t let you have an abortion or get treatment for the STD/STI. Then your mom shows up with her pastor to beg for forgiveness because she knew all along. Then your father walks in too, with your grandmother who is using a cane to walk and she whispers “That n*gga ain’t worth sh*t and you ain’t either.†In your ear before she dies in the office. Then news cameras burst through the door to tell you your athlete/politician/high-power husband has been cheating on you with the gynecologist for the past 5 years. Then your husband comes in on a white horse, grabs the gynecologist, chucks deuces, and gallops away. He also gallops away with all your money because he convienced you not to sign a prenup and had been tranfering your money to accounts in the Caribbean because he knew you would find out about his cheating ways.
…..and I thought I had a detailed imagination. I mean…tell me whats the worst that could happen?
Being last to know was the most painful for me. It makes the trust issues go beyond your spouse, and to your circle of friends. Because then you’re sitting there wondering how they could let something like that take place behind your back for so long and not say anything.
Personally, I think the cheating in itself is enough. If it went no further than kissing, then it is forgiveable. Anything past that, and it goes onto my list of Unforgiveable Acts along with:
1. Giving me a bl*wjob yet using more hands than mouth.
2. Putting ketchup on a f*cking hotdog,
3. Tell me that you (my gf) want me to have a threesome with you and your much hotter bestfriend, then back out right before it is to take place.
4. Suck a d*ck in the school stairwell then come tongue kiss me in the mouth right after (don’t ask).
5. Sleep in my arms and then drool every-f*cking-where. And I mean every. where. (don’t ask).
6. Lie about being pregnant and subsequently having a miscarriage to guilt me into staying with you (don’t ask).
“4. Suck a d*ck in the school stairwell then come tongue kiss me in the mouth right after (don’t ask).”
Brotha man, for your sake I’m hoping it was your joint she was puffing on before throwing her tongue in your mouth.
LOL… why did I have that same impression in my mind?! smdh
There’s a reason I said “suck A d*ck”, instead of “suck MY d*ck”. You can connect the dots from there, man.
Figured as much, but was hoping it wasn’t so. Either way, sucks for you…and him apparently, but for different reasons obviously. Gotta stop kissing them hoes
JesseTUK.I see what you did there.
*chin drop* No she didn’t. Dayummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
B1tches ain’t sh1t but h0es and tricks. *Cues trouble Funk drum sample*
Amen on #1 TUK, I can’t front though #3 would have me 38 hot. I couldn’t forgive that one. Don’t play wit my emotions Smokey!
Oh my!!! sorry dude
7. Licking my earlobe during coitus thinking that sh*t turns me on. It does not.
8. Still trying to give me hickies in order to mark your “territory”. We are not in 6th grade. Stop it.
9. Telling me that the Resident Evil movies stay true to the video games. My Geekdom will rage. Hard.
10. Failing to explain to me why Terrance Howard sounds like he’s about to cry in every f*cking movie he’s ever been in. Seriously, dude sounds like he’s an ingrown toenail away from committing suicide every time he opens his mouth.
Hey, I’ve done #8 before. It’s funner with White girls because it shows up on their skin more. It also is a way to let the world know you’re about your business, if you get my drift.
RE movies to the games are like female condoms to good sex: NO NO NO.
Funny? You need to stop. That shyt hurts. I only let that happen once. No more. Plus, I ain’t about ‘showing’ my business, ya know?
Wow, you Chicagoans really have a thing about ketchup on hog dogs, don’t ya.
#TEAMMUSTARD
+ a NYC dwelling ME
#TeamMustard (spicy preferred) baby!!
Word! I don’t put mustard on my hot dogs. #TeamKetchup
Ketchup and hotdogs go together…what are you talking about?
No they do not. They are mortal enemies and should never mingle. You are a vile person to suggest such a thing.
Vile? Really? Down here in the south ketchup goes on hotdogs along with mayonnaise and relish…..EAT THAT!!!
Damn, y’all got a whatever hungry! Personally, not too fond of ketchup on my hotdog or hamburger either. Hotdog with mustard, mayo, relish, and diced onions is my preference. But, then again, I mostly avoid processed meats so it’s rare for me to eat hotdogs. *slides out of chair to go cook something.
Lies & blasphamey.
I have no clue what goes on in your ass backwards city, but in NYC, if you don’t put some ketchup on that bytch, the dude selling it to you will gladly spit on your sauerkraut.
Um, no, miss, they dont. Ketchup & FRIES go together. Not hotdogs, or hamburgers for that matter. Sheesh, who taught you non-midwesterners how to eat smh
and the media got y’all under the impression that all those murders in Chicago are a result of gang violence. I don’t like ketchup on dogs? that’s like a white sox fan rooting for the cubs.
yall are crazy ketchup GOES on hotdogs and hamburgers…at least they do down south.
Damn, I thought ketchup and hotdogs was a metaphor for……nevermind.
)
“4. Suck a d*ck in the school stairwell then come tongue kiss me in the mouth right after (don’t ask).”
She should be forced to register as a sex offender IMHO.
+1 That was just ALL kinds of disrespectful. Who violates someone they care about like that?
Someone who never cared for you in the first place.
LMAO @ “sex offender”
How do you think the average 15 year old gets a STD?
That’s the most basics of basics, it’s like new age lip gloss for dese hoez
Trip to doctor’s office would be a good thing when dealing with those you can’t trust…
“Being last to know was the most painful for me. It makes the trust issues go beyond your spouse, and to your circle of friends. Because then you’re sitting there wondering how they could let something like that take place behind your back for so long and not say anything.”
Word!
Man, TUK’s miscarriage example makes me shutter. Some women are just plain evil.
“6. Lie about being pregnant and subsequently having a miscarriage to guilt me into staying with you (don’t ask).”
You know, I ain’t never understood why a woman (or hoe for that matter) would ever do this. In my mind, that makes no damn sense whatsoever. If you can’t have a guy that is all in, what is the point?! smdh…
“Being last to know was the most painful for me. It makes the trust issues go beyond your spouse, and to your circle of friends. Because then you’re sitting there wondering how they could let something like that take place behind your back for so long and not say anything.”
Yea, that is the worst part. Everyone has a hand in the deception at that point. I read an article this weekend about a woman whose whole town knew she was married to her father but kept mum about it till after he died. THE WHOLE TOWN KNEW and no one did anything to stop it. Not one family memeber, who knew. Or even a friend, who knew. Not during the “talking to” stage or dating stage or fiancee stage. Surprisingly she forgave her husband/father-who also knew the whole time.
ahhh. This is a reply to TUK.
I read that SAME damn article. I was like WTH?! And, this woman had kids with her husband/father and grandchildren. That is some shyt right there! If he weren’t dead I would have killed him.
Wonder if the DA’s office would have charged me with 2 counts of murder instead of one?
I read about that too. There has got to be more to the story. There is no way an entire community could keep quite for decades about something like that.
*quite should be quiet*
I read that too. And see, that’s messed up. Being the last to know is not even about the embarrassment for me. I don’t get embarrassed about something like that. Like I said above, it’s trust. How can you sit there in my face and call me your bestfriend, or homie, or whatever, and tell me you got my back and sh*t, and you KNOW my girl is foul. Especially, after I told you I was looking for a wedding ring because I planned to propose.
You don’t tell me about her “extracurdickular” until AFTER we’ve broken up, when it’s too late to do much of anything with that info.
And TUK said let my people go.
LMAO…Wth?
* and it’s “extracurdickular activities”
Damn keyboard…
““extracurdickular”
LMAO… you are too much.
I couldn’t believe that! I feel like there are so many missing pieces to that cluster f*ck of a puzzle.
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Meh. Being last to know is only important if she gave me an STD/STI. I’m not going to embarrassed because of actions SHE took.
Good point malik. Im the same way. Ima hold my head up high regardless. “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” -Elenor Rosevelt
No I think you’re looking at it wrong while I get what you’re saying… so basically, you’re saying… if all your boys knew she had f*cked someone else and they (your boys) just waiting for the right time to tell you… so instead you found out from some random person, who you’re not even all that cool with that she f*cked someone else and that everyone (including your boys) knows about it… that you wouldn’t be more hurt than if she had come to you and told you directly?
Does that make sense? That’s a long @ss question.
If that’s the case, he can be mad at them independently for keeping information but he won’t allow her actions to belittle him and make him feel like a fool.
To which he shouldn’t, you should never give someone that much power over you.
I’d probably be additionally hurt depending on how far into the relationship I am with the woman, but it isn’t worse than the actual cheating. I can understand why someone would hold the philosophy of not telling someone what’s going on in their relationship.
ok.
I was thinking the same thing, but since the only thing I value in myself is my brain, I can’t front that being the last to know will really destroy my ego. But it’s all ego, though.
Being the last to know would be the worse, because it wasted a whole lot of your time. Just finding out by itself first, will hurt, but you probably already suspected it and would have the opportunity to just move on without the humiliation of EVERYBODY BUT YOU but you stupid sign on your face.
I hate being the last to know ish. Like on the real I’ve have almost went to jail over my boy Eazy gettin locked up and his gf at the time thought this was the perfect time to remind me that she didn’t like how I told him she was into that “white line chemistry.” Needless to say a brick, a chain, a razor and 4 people kept me from killin that ho. Plus to add insult to injury I was the only friend he had who had the cash to get him out and that wench didn’t even put up a penny.
Oh and let me be the last to know I got cheated on. I’ma start plottin on that trick like I’m Bad Dog from Lucky # Slevin and that’s gon be all she wrote.
I hear gangsta fairytales in your future. Boy you better get out of there quick, this world is too big to be caught up in hoodrat drama.
Rewind I know but that’s my boy. When I didn’t have somewhere to live I had literally known him barely 3 months and he and his mother took me in. I’m a very loyal person and I wasn’t gonna just let him sit in jail over a license plate light being out.
I feel you. Loyalty is beautiful when done right, but it can blind us just as easily. I guess though, he’s got a friend in you. Pretty damn lucky.
Being the last to know. I had a co-worker who had been cheating on his wife for about 12 years. We found out after she finally kicked him out. When I found out the whole story, I finally understood why she gave me the cold shoulder the last time I saw her…she thought we all knew. We didn’t but the way she found out was so disrespectful, she assumed the staff had to know. I always felt bad for her because she already felt stupid, and betrayed and then she walked around assuming we must have known which made her feel like an even bigger idiot.
Thats crazy. Even if ya’ll didnt know, someone else probably knew and she just assumed everyone was triflin lol. Lucky for me, my friends let me know. And 12 years???
smh @ stepping out on someone.
I would rather a person be frank with me about their standing in our relationship so that we can come to a mutual decision. Be forward with me; I’m of the value to hear the truth prior to the act. We can make decisions from there.
Gosh you sound like me. Like minds think alike.
Sigh. Both are bad. I’ve been in a situation where I was the last to know that my high school sweetheart (ex) was creeping. I was away at college and my cousin called and let me know because her friend told her who was told by her cousin’s friend whose sister he was creeping with. Yes…In. That. Order. I was so upset I started shaking (3 years gone)…then in an instance I didnt gove a f*ck anymore because my spidey senses had kind of been tingling. Broke up with him and finally took the Morehouse cutie up on that date offer (id been blowin him off cuz I had a boyfriend). #Win
The worst though…I think is to find out after a doctor appointment and a foreign invader is detected in your body. *cough* STD. Thats all types of hell nos
Still on my birthday high
being cheated on is just horrible so all those other stuff are toppings.
Happy b-day!
Happy Birfday!!! I hope you have a wonderful day.
#LibraSeason
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday!
♫ ♪♪ ♫ Happy Birthday to You ♪♫•*.*•♫♪♪Happy Birthday to You ••♫♪ Happy Birthday, Dear NyangiHappy Birthday tooooooo You! ♫ ♪♪ ♫ Hope it was the best EVER!!!!!!!!
~*~*~*~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY NYANGI ~*~*~*~*~*~*~
LIBRA!
Happy Birthday! Have a blessed day!
Happy born day!!!!!
Thanks y’all too sweet. I had an awesome weekend. It was rugby weekend. Safari sevens. The afterparties were insane. Thankfully no hangover but my feet are killing me. Too much dancing.
Being the last to know is the worst, it is so humiliating knowing that your friends and family knew and didn’t tell you.
“Real badboys move in silence…”
-Notorious B.I.G.
Good morning panama,
Ordinarily i would say “good topic!” and then proceed to jump right in; however, i must say, with all due respect, that todays topic is just a weebit off-kilter.
Let us see if we can right the ship.
1. We know from our study of human mating that it is possible for both sexes to “cheat”, albeit for differing reasons. For the human male, the goal is for sexual variety; for the human female, it is for getting a new mate.
2. Higher status males are more likely to seek extra-pair bonds for the aforementioned reasons above. High status females seek higher status males with which to longterm pairbond.
3. Women can and will make tradeoffs provided the man in question is high powered enough. To wit: hillary clinton.
Now…
While it is indeed possible to employ effective harem management, the truth is this is not only a highly specialized subset of game, but it is one that requires an equally specialized and highly refined degree of a mans suite of studied charismatic traits. For most men walking around, it is simply impractical for this reason.
The major reason as to *why* so many men cheat on their women is…
Wait for it…
*Thier woman wasnt hot enough to begin with*.
While it is very difficult for women to do so, men can and often do settle; getting sex is relatively difficult for most men to pull off-and this often results in many men latching onto whatever they can get. Of course, especially if a man experiences a rise in profile/status, he will want to upgrade. Of course, by then hes got a tangled web of history with the pre-existing wifey, etc. Hence the cheating.
This is why it is of the utmost importance that, when it comes to an ltr situation, the man cashes in his chips on a chica who is no less than a full-on solid two points above him on the scale; if hes a 6, hes gotta gun for an 8; if hes a 5, hes gotta go for a 7; if hes a 3 (panama), hes gotta go for a 5. Doing so will act as hedge against his straying elsewhere. Men who are higher on the scale than their women, are virtually guaranteed to cheat on them. To wit: brad pitt, bill clinton, john edwards, etc, et al.
Finally, the simple truth is that there are men who are incapable of longterm pairbonding to one woman for any length of time. They are hardwired to desire “more than one”-and so long as they adhere to the code, there is nothing wrong with this. The problem is that they are largely ignorant of the proper care and feeding of their harem.
They should study more.
My job is done here.
Now adjourn your arses…
O.
Your waaaay off the mark today O. Cheating has nothing to do with the hotness of the wifey. I mean, you would HOPE that if/when a man cheats, he would “cheat up.” It totally makes sense in theory. However in many cases, the jump-off is way more busted than than wifey. I know you dont watch tv, but if u’ve ever caught a few episodes of “cheaters”, you’ll quickly see what i mean.
Hello ms iceprincess:
Oh, im quite familiar with what youre talking about; the problem is that you utterly misunderestimate just how gameless the vast majority of men out there truly are.
Take arnold the (former) governator. Do you honestly think he has or had, game? In fact his meeting and eventual marriage to maria shriver was a classic example of fools mate.
It has always been true that desperate men can and will hit anything. Nothing new there.
O.
I call bullshyte. Dudes be having hot ass wives and still cheat. Know why?
Because as a person, she aint shyte. Looks are only 1/4 of the equation. Most people love beauty, but as soon as they get it, they try to stretch beauty into humble activities: caring for their partner, being mindful of things at all times, skills (cooking, cleaning, driving, etc)…the list goes on.
There’s a reason why a 62-year old man will date a 34 year old woman one day, and then a 19 year old the next…because the first one wasn’t shyte, the second one aint shyte neither, and when he’s done with her, he’ll find another that aint shyte but he keeps hoping that all of them are more than a pretty face.
Why are you trying to reason with a person who doesn’t do that? lol
lmaooooooo I have no idea
rotflmaooooooooooooo… good one Asiyah! lol
You know why he cheats? Because HE AIN’T SHYTE.
It has nothing to do with the spouse and everything to do with the morals and lackthereof of the person cheating.
Being the last to know. Truthfully, I don’t want to know, let me be ignorant and in love.
Word!? They say ignorance is bliss. I say bliss is overrated.
+1 F*ck all dat Mario Winans sh!t, I wanna know
LMAO @ Mario Winans refrence
That song always struck me as weird… I mean, what man wouldn’t want to know that their woman is cheating on them?
A weak one.
Cuz his, heart, cant, take it anymooore…..
Ole bytch ass, whiny ass, cranky ass, “i’m built like glass because I can’t take the pressure” ass sucka ass nygga.
Yea…I know that’s a lot.
@ rewind You have no idea how much it turns me on when you talk like that. #alphamaleswag
Lmao @ Ice- U a trip girl
D.E.A.D.
Aww woman, you made my day
Answer to your question: A ninja who knows he’s done all kinds of sh*t and also knows that when what goes around comes back around, he ain’t goin’ no where. I had to reach a grey hair age before I realized how many men live in that state.
Don’t believe me: Do some math
Add up all the brothas who talk about smangin someone else’s woman
Subtract the women who’ve admitted to being said smangee + 20%
Result: Lots of ninjas who know but stay and ninjas who suspect but deny.
Hmm… interesting theory.
+ 1,000,000
That song has got to be the most p*ssy song of all effin’ time. A man sings that to me and I’ll dump him for not being a man. I wasn’t thinking of playing you homie, but now I’m going to just because you’re not a man!
Lol, right. That song is just so… punk-ish.
Yall say you want to know but trust me… You don’t want to know.
We don’t, but we didn’t write a song about it haha
lol. True.
First, I’d like to say to the people of VSB….Scarlet Motherf*ckin’ Knights!
Onto the topic at hand, being the last to know is worse than the cheating. With cheating, I can make my own decisions as to how I’m going to deal with you and the circumstances. For example, a night out clubbing leading to fun is different than a woman abandoning me to spend all this time with someone else. Once it becomes public knowledge, though, I’m not only dealing with you, but all of my friends, family and acquaintances and their expectations, issues, quirks, etc. Then what was a personal matter between two people become an issue with me managing all sorts of different people at once. No bueno. Putting me in that spot will put you on the side of Snake Road by Kennedy Airport, if you get my drift. (And my Queens cats know exactly what I’m talking about.)
Moderation? For what? I didn’t curse! Is someone an Arkansas fan on this board? LOL
Nygga, no you didn’t suggest dumping bodies for the sea gulls to peck at by the airport.
But then again….being betrayed gives you that visual in your mind.
Is that the road out to Costco??? I make a point to take Rockaway after dark. Couldn’t imagine breaking down or getting into an accident/running off the road out there. The car would never be found…and it stinks!
Yep! Though with people doing a buck 20 on Rockaway Blvd. out there, it’s not exactly safe either. Silly cops thinking a stop light would stop the drag racing. LOL
hmm. I wonder about “cheating” at different levels. Like holding hands with somebody vs a date vs a kiss on the cheek vs a kiss vs oral vs etc. Are they all the same? I think I’d have different reactions to the different actions.
Like take for example the idea of my girl going out on a “date” with another guy. What a date is is a concept that’s not well defined. So if she was up front with me, or even told me about if after the fact I think I’d be (or try to be) understanding. But if I’m seeing photos of her tagged on some random dude’s facebook page at the movies or the baseball game, then I’m probably gonna be wondering what else she’s leaving out and its probably not gonna end well for the relationship.
I’m with you. What constitutes as cheating has to be defined first, since most people have different definitions. I hang out with a homie for lunch, but because the homie is a female, my girlfriend will call it a date. No, no and hell no.
I guess it just depends on circumstance. If it’s just beyond obvious there’s chemistry between two people, you have every right to question things.
Yeah, and then there’s the whole “but you and I both know she likes you”, as if I have no input in what is and is not a date.
A-FAWKING-MEN!
Jesus, it’s like me, the person who is living through the scenarios, has no point at all about what’s going down in front of my face, but she, someone who’s not even around when I’m chillin with these people, can TELL ME EXACTLY what I’m doing.
@Panama says
-_-
No they don’t. It is called TRADE-OFFs. They did not get with a janitor or MTA bus driver, they got with a male of high social status. And in these professions, there are no checks & balances (better yet, it is encouraged), so if the man wasn’t raised to value monogamy, nothing will stop him from getting & enjoying side poon.
And lastly in 2012, it is okay for men to cheat, or have a harem, you just gotta handle it with delicacy. Women don’t mind sharing for the most part.
It is the woman that can’t step out. A woman’s fidelity is in the top three of things that REAL men value, yes REAL men (I understand if you have kids with a cheating wh0re, how problematic that can be). Dispose of a cheating wh0re immediately.
SSTTE
So you said your parents were stubborn last year, if I recall correctly. Tell me specifically how they were stubborn with you. Trust me on this one. It seems unrelated, but if what I suspect is going on is accurate, it’s important.
(Whispers) Give it up Todd…it ain’t worth it
For real, Todd. Let it go. Don’t psychoanalyze this guy lol. Your attempt is admirable, I give you that!
The Sexism is oozing out your comment like a bad runny nose, bruh. While SOME women are cool with being #2 (the Joseline Complex), REAL Women want to be the Only, not #1, the Main Chick, Wifey, or Anything Less than the Sole Female in a Man’s Life.
See Katt Williams for therapy over your past hurt from the ladies YOU attracted
Leave it be. His opinion is his opinion. As long it can’t be a proven fact written down in the history books for all to see, it just remains an opinion.
Clearly some don’t agree with it…so then why respond? Now yall welcome him to debate and argue, which leads to stupid shyte. Don’t engage, plenty of other people have said stimulating things that will keep you occupied.
@Marshal
I am a proud sexist. Men (higher) & women (lower) should not be held to the same standard. Most women should be barefoot pregnant, and most men should be providing & protecting. It works.
But if you try to shame me with the “S” word, I am interested to hear your spiel on how the sexes are equal, and should be seen as such, this is going to be good.
Nah. Real Women are just honest with what they want, and go for it unapologetically. Some women play the #2,3,4, etc. strictly with self-interest (money, status, etc.), because I understand why a woman would avoid a guy like you to be #7 in Trey Songz’s (and he is BiSexual BTW) rotation.
That’s low, only because Katt Williams is trying to get his life, I have been no where near the tramatic experiences he’s had, and I hope he pulls himself together.
“I am a proud sexist. Men (higher) & women (lower) should not be held to the same standard. Most women should be barefoot pregnant, and most men should be providing & protecting. It works.”
lol. I like this guy. A bit extreme with the views, but apart from being brash, at least it’s refreshingly unemotional and devoid of hysterics. I can respect that.
I get what you’re driving at with the excerpt above. There is a balance that is automatically acheived within a relationship/household if both individuals(male and female) play their traditionally prescribed roles to a tee. I agree with this because in theory and in practicality, it does work. The laws of nature do not lie, and neither does God.
However, where I don’t agree is that one role has more importance than other, i.e. “Men (higher) & women (lower)”. It is that prevailing & shaming attitude that has sent many a woman running for the hills, and away from traditional roles. This has given birth to an era where more & more women are devoid of any domestic know-how, and even worse, proud of it.
I believe had it not been for society perpetuating a perception of such low value & servitude with domestic responsibility, women may not have been so apt to abandon those roles in search of more ‘respectful’ responsibilities and status.
With the subhuman stigma associated with traditional gender roles prescribed for women while placing such a high value on the male’s prescribed role, it was only a matter of time before the women rebelled.
I think had society(MEN) regarded doemstic know-how with more importance and respect, we wouldn’t be living in a time where many young women gleam with pride about not knowing how to boil a simple pot of water.
The ‘Men Higher Women Lower’ mantra is a less tactful and less appealing approach to shaping society. Women didnt go for it then, and they certainly will not go for it now.
And the church said AMEN
What I’m reading from you and Adonis’ comments is how you believe things should be in terms of relations between men/women. That’s nice and all, but the reality is, fewer and fewer women are subscribing to these traditional roles. We’re becoming more educated and are beginning to outearn men in the workplace. Basically what I’m saying is, for most women it’s too late to erase the stigma associated with traditional gender roles.
So instead of focusing on something that will likely never happen again, what are other ideas about how to achieve balance in relationships?
You’re right, but he isn’t going to hear you. You need to engage him where he’s at before you go to anything else.
Don’t engage him. You’re giving him credit by doing so. Who cares what he thinks? He has no respect for others, we shouldn’t respect him enough to even entertain him. Come on, Todd! Let’s go get some dessert.
“Don’t engage him. You’re giving him credit by doing so. Who cares what he thinks? He has no respect for others, we shouldn’t respect him enough to even entertain him.”
I don’t think his comment said anything that warranted this response. Why create something out of nothing. Just sayin.
I’m taking into account all of his comments, not just this one. Him and Todd have gone at it.
@Aly
“What I’m reading from you and Adonis’ comments is how you believe things should be in terms of relations between men/women.”
No. I simply explained how things were, and offered my thoughts on how they possibly came to be the way they are today.
So instead of focusing on something that will likely never happen again, what are other ideas about how to achieve balance in relationships?
I need not concern myself with such things since any woman I choose to procure a serious LTR with, will be in proud posession of both career and domestic prowess. Any other woman devoid of the latter attribute is not my problem, but instead the problem of those men who have submitted to accepting such a woman into their arms.
What’s your definition of “traditionally prescribed” roles as you call it?
@Aly
The same ones society is trying so desperately hard to reverse between men and women.
Men/ Adam = Provider. Head of Household. Protector.
Women/ Eve = Nurturer. Caretaker of household. Companion of Man.
She is the ying to His yang, and vice versa.
Perhaps this may be of some interest and entertainment regarding the subject.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPkYmI5RECY
I listened to most of the clip and reread your comment, and it sounds like you want a woman who’s a mix between domestic/career.
If this is the case, this is not a “traditional” relationship. Traditional would be woman stays at home, man works. What you’re describing sounds more like a modern relationship. A lot of women take issue with this because men expect us to work outside AND inside of the home. Women are working just as hard outside of the home, then are expected to take on the bulk of the household chores and take care of the kids. Besides a paycheck what other concrete ways are men providing? (spare me with laying down his life, etc.- I’m talking about concrete day-to-day stuff)
Correct. I am not referring to absolute traditional roles being upheld in today’s society. That is virutally impossible when you factor in economics unless the husband’s paycheck is substantial enough to support a non-working spouse.
What I am saying is that a woman with traditional values in addition to being progressive, is desirable.
” Besides a paycheck what other concrete ways are men providing? (spare me with laying down his life, etc.- I’m talking about concrete day-to-day stuff)”
The answer to this question is in my comment immediately below to Kema This should provide a clear idea of how my household would exist with a comparable mate.
@Mr. Sobo – Makes sense, thanks for the replies.
“any woman I choose to procure a serious LTR with, will be in proud posession of both career and domestic prowess”
Can she expect the same?
I would never ask of someone what I wasnt willing to give in return.
As an individual, I believe in being a complete man, not a partial one. ‘Complete’ meaning self-sustaining in every aspect of life, not dependent on anyone to provide me with shelter or FOOD. So it is only fitting for me to seek out someone who is just as whole.
Fair enough…
@Mr. Sobo
I am here to tell you, I demand certain qualities with women that I do NOT possess myself. Women need to get over themselves. Men & women are different. And the way you are low key pandering to quiet the situation feminists, you need to double down on your masculine stances.
@Adonis
lol. I really did chuckle at this. Me….Mr. SoBo….pander? Absurd.
Let us not confuse pandering with Alpha male principle my good man.
Fact about SoBo: Perhaps its narcissism in its highest and most purest form, but I look for myself in women. I have come to discover that I require my mate to either be me, or a better version of myself. So if I don’t see my reflection in her, back into the sea she goes.
You speak of masculinity, but based on the extremity of your comments, I find it difficult to believe you are in possession of any of it. Instead, what I observe is an after market manufactured masculinity within you. A synthetic version of masculinity coursing through your veins that only works when one self-medicates with hits of ‘WomenAreBeneathMe-cain’. You shouldnt have to make ‘em feel low, so you can feel high my brotha. Detox.
@Aly
I don’t want nothing to do with those women for serious investment. And their children tend to be incomplete.
ok
(Slow claps for Mr Sobo) and slides a dub in the collection plate. He done broke it ALL THE WAY down so that it don’t EVER need to be broken down no mo lol
Yeah, you nailed it. Even in a traditional mindset, the woman isn’t lower because she’s in the home. If anything, she’s in the role that makes the rest of civilization possible.
@ Mr. Sobo – I can dig this.
@Mr Sobo
Great comments.
I am not trying to win over people. Obama would be my hero if that was the case.
the man & woman are complements to each other. And should be appreciated. Point blank.
@Marshall is still an idiot with is IMPLIED egalitarian views
Well put, SoBo!
All Privates salute the General for this dissection of revolutionary manliness.
He is completely hysterical, he needs to comment every time someone mentions him and he is completely emotional about being called out he get’s all butthurt and name calls. Let’s get real about it, here.
Observation: No matter how beautiful, smart, sexy or awesome you may be, it won’t keep you from being cheated on. Cheating is a selfish act. Much like eating. Have you ever had a refrigerator filled with food but still ate fast food? That is how cheating works. It does not mean your food was bad, not good enough or lesser than fast food. It just means at the time, you selfishly indulged on an impulse.
With that being said, being the last to know sucks donkey nutz.
Not completely true B. It’s like people who work in the food business because they get to eat for free. After a while it gets old and you no longer have that desire. So you can settle down to one choice and be happy and be tempted.
Eating just one tasty thing is boring as hell, and will have you going on a rampage at some point to everything but that one thing.
So if you put it in the context of cheating…yea that’s exactly how it goes down.
Not really. If you have had the opportunity to sample a wide selection first. It makes it easy to make ONE choice that fits who you are.
IF people had that option, which many people do not.
I agree. Cheating for many is impulsive, while for others, it is methodical. Either way though, we clearly change our minds to highlight something different from what is waiting at home.
I think its the cheating, the embarrassment is just icing on the cake, well unless you’re Mrs. Kobe Bryant. .
Bytch you wasn’t with me shooting in the gym!
I don’t care what nobody says, no gold digger ever got called out on a song until Drake said that shyte.
Vanessa Bryant is my favorite Laker <3
In this age of social media, being the last to know is just plain stupid. You have to be really hard up and lonely to allow yourself to be in a relationship where everyone around you knows you are being cheated on and no one values you enough to tell you even leave a hint, or invite you out so you can see it for yourself.
I disagree. Some people will treat others like abused dogs. Just have the sad face the whole time, won’t want to be the one to take responsibility for making your shytty life even shyttier, because they are that damn selfish.
That only happens when you want someone more than they want you, but they keep you around because you serve a purpose.
Well truth be told, that’s a lot of relationships for a lot of people.
As a person that’s been cheated on and everybody knew (except the person that would actually tell me) …. cheating is worse. It’s selfishness at it’s best. If you want someone/ something else, let the person you have know so there not sitting there investing in BS.
Being the last to know doesn’t alter the cheating and feeling that come. The people that knew just let you know what the think of you as a person.
1) stupid for not knowing (feel you know already and just in denial)
2) too weak to accept the truth so tou’re not told
3) could care less about other people business
They are one or combination of the choices.
*they’re not sitting
Lol, it’s kind of like asking which one’s better: to be shot in the heart or shot in the head. That being said, no one ever wants to be the last person to know something, especially if the information is relevant to them.
However, when it comes to cheating, I’m wondering; how much of a role should the act of cheating, play on our judgment or opinion of a man or woman’s entire character?
This is a question for me. After closer observation I’ve found out that some of my heros have cheated on their wives/husbands. Does this make them less heroic?
I’ve asked obsessive (black) folks I know over the last 4 years what would they think about Pres. Obama if they found out he stepped out on Michelle. I’ve also asked what would they think of Michelle if they found out she rolled with it? What if she stepped out on him? Would they cheer for the home team any less? Would I stop seeing the FB posts holding them up as the example and standard barer of “real black love?” Would they not vote for him? Would he be like “all the rest?”
I get few straight forward answers.
if Obama cheated on Michelle I would lose all respect for him but if it were vice versa I wouldn’t look at her any differently; either way, I believe when you’re role modeling successful black couples there’s moral obligation beyond the fact of already being a fufilled, content couple. that being said…
I couldn’t care less about the next couple. not my business.
Hmmm…why would your opinion of Barack change but not that of Michelle?
Interesting. You admit to a double standard.
Are you a man or woman? Can you explain why you feel that way?
Clearly she’s a woman. A man wouldn’t say no silly sh!t like that lol
lol. like how you get right to it my dude.
Lol but you have to admire how brazen and matter-of-fact that comment was though.
Lol true. I did respect her for that at least
I hold him in high regard and he has a lot of support in his position as President whereas Michelle is a bit fairer in positioning and support and has to endure a tremendous amount of pressure. it seems more understandable for her to cheat: needs overlooked, sacrifices made, hardship endured. but I do however believe as President and First lady, the black community’s general go to couple, regardless of personal feelings the integrity of that relationship should be maintained. I guess I would just be THAT dissapointed since I have such a high opinion of him.
I wouldnt say it’s a double standard. I would call a man weak who couldn’t lift 100lbs but I would understand if a woman couldnt….just like I would look at Obama differently for adultery when his woman has gone through so much to support him whereas I would understand if Michelle felt she couldn’t deal anymore.
There’s a lot of problems with your argument – the fundamental one is that Michelle is under more pressure than Barrack. Before and after pictures of the presidency show quite clearly who is under more pressure and what effect that pressure is having on them. That being said, pressure has nothing to do with morality.
The other problem is “pressure.” The poverty stricken man who steals food is as guilty of stealing as the white-shoe boy who steals millions of dollars out of people’s pension funds. The difference between the two is the effect of their stealing. The effect of Obama cheating on Michelle would be far greater than the effect of her cheating on him – but that’s because he’s under more pressure to be a morally upstanding figure. If Michelle was president and Obama was vice, the tables would be turned – but in the end cheating is primarily about the couple, not the perception, image and propaganda the public has of them.
Indeed. I don’t get her logic. It’s the Bill Clinton situation all over again. An American President is held to ridiculous standards to be a beacon of positivity, which is impossible to follow. No First Lady can be deprived of anything more so than their husband, because at least she can be left alone. Presidents can’t even take shytes without SS being right there to hand them toilet paper. And with your entire life under a microscope, there’s no room for error, it takes a lot out of anyone. I’d be more pissed at Michelle, because she’s there watching her husband run the country to the best of his abilities, yet would have the audacity to stab him in the back?
+ alladat. Michelle gets naaaan passes from me.
it isnt an argument. its how I feel. there is no right or wrong or holes or problems. that being said….*shrugs*
what I said wasn’t difficult to understand. YOU actually missed the fundamental.
Just because you “feel” like you can fly and gravity doesn’t exist, doesn’t mean it doesn’t. Feelings when simply felt and kept private aren’t opened to judgement; when expressed, they are open to the judgement of reality i.e. right, wrong, problems, holes etc.
= l
do you want a debate or do you want comprehension of a fundamental?
That’s up to you. I’m just saying your fundamental is wrong.
…………….right. but you missed the ACTUAL fundamental in making up your own because you wanted a debate. *I* am within the fundamental of healthy marriages. YOU are within the “fundamental”/stance of a non existant debate. two completely different fundamentals.
I didnt state an opinion I expressed an emotional state. this emotional state is not “false” nor is it meant to be the shot discrediting an intellectual argument. that just IS the emotional state and its comprehension is a fundamental of being a good husband. you guys went far left field so *shrugs*
pretty uninteresting convo to me but whatever.
Hmmm, there’s a lot of stuff going on with this but lets go to the basics.
Here is basically what it means to “say how you feel” – I’m cold or I’m hot.
Here is a basic argument – I’m cold because the AC is on or I’m hot because the heat is on.
There is no response for how you feel comments. However, when it comes to arguments, one can say: You’re cold, but the AC is not on; You’re not cold because the AC is not on; You’re right, it’s cold because the AC is on etc. Basically, someone can respond to your comment by showing either agreement or disagreement.
An argument always involves a reason for something or a desire to persuade people to understand what you’re saying or feeling, kind of like what you did when you talked about women wanting empathy above. You can go to a dictionary for wikipedia for the definition if you like.
You actually made an argument, because you provided a reason for your belief. Rather than defend your belief; however, you have evaded the responses to your arguments, by using reason to defend the fact that your argument was not an argument to begin with. However, if you hadn’t made an argument to begin with, and you had simply stated how you felt, the opportunity to criticize you would have never came about.
Reasoning and Logic is the way we as human beings communicate with each other. You can’t have communication, without logic and reasoning; and you can’t have empathy without communication. Even when you argue against it, or dismiss it as merely a man thing, the only way you’re able to do that is through the use of logic and reasoning smh.
lmao! right. so when I say Im cold because the AC is on and the AC *is* on…….
all we need to discuss is you turning it down/off. instinctual response. and thats as far as it goes. because Im cold.
Context…
smh
Yeah, she brought a butterknife to a gun fight that time. I mean, I get that it’s her opinion, but we all have the right to scrutinize it with our opinions as well. It was funny, silly, and interesting and I’m glad she shared. No harm no foul. We’re all entitled to our own perceptions, no matter how peculiar or erroneous they may be
“she brought a butterknife to a gun fight that time”
*DEAD* I heart you more for this!! This just brought images of my pippoz fighting with bows and spears against the whiteman’s gun! Oh lawwwwdie
BM (OOOGA, chairman, husband to be!) you are HOLDING it allllllllllllllllllllllllll the way down!!
“his just brought images of my pippoz fighting with bows and spears against the whiteman’s gun!”
Daaaaaayum lolol, it hurts me to laugh but that’s so funny because it’s true lol
And yeah their lil exchange was HILARIOUS. I won’t harp on it, but her whole argument was….interesting…
lol, ah you know now.
But this gal be MU-square oh…smh.
@ ooga,
LMAO!! I dey just shake my head oo!!
“Michelle is a bit fairer in positioning and support and has to endure a tremendous amount of pressure. it seems more understandable for her to cheat: needs overlooked, sacrifices made, hardship endured.”
Sooooo, she cant cheat because she just wants some new @ick?
I’m not attacking you. I feel a lot of modern women I encounter find it easier to justify cheating ass women because women are so burdened by men. I just want to understand.
Lets say we take her off the pedestal and give her room just to be horny and attracted to men. Does that change your opinion?
I dont wanna give the impression Im justifying adultery. I stated an emotional set of a woman who, overtime, would be more prone to cheating and I understand how such a woman would feel in that position. horny, vulgar and classless isnt it.
Brother, that is the generally accepted rationale behind a woman’s infidelity. Her motivation for cheating is and always will be a direct result of neglect within the relationship. Society has duped people into believing that women are incapable of being driven by s*xual desires. It is unthinkable that s*x could be a reason for a woman’s infidelity. It MUST be something the man did, or is not doing that led her to such unthinkiable and ‘desperate’ actions.
These are the silly myths that are perpetuated. This is in large due to the shaming tactics employed by society that has brainwashed women into feeling insecure about their own s*xuality. Charm schools were built on this propaganda and educated women that a ‘real lady’ does not embrace or give in to her s*xual callings.
To further exploit this myth, they added science to the picture to validate that women are less chexual creatures than men due to biological & chemical reasons.
Rather interesting since when one really examines the ongoings of life, he/she can see nothing could be further from the truth.
It is these societal myths that have perverted our perceptions to believe that, “when men cheat, its because they are uncontrollable chexual animals. But when women cheat, its because they are being deprived of the emotional attention they require from thier man.”
Pure Rubbish.
………………or in the context of a moral woman and a high powered man, his failure to tend to her emotional needs within a marriage….is a legitimate cause of her seeking fufillment elsewhere. why are men avoiding the stark reality thats your duty as a husband? President or not.
moral women have sexual desires and drive, yes. thats a fact and thats all it is. a moral woman does not cheat on her husband simply because shes horny. lmao. her husband wasnt paying attention to the emotional build up. HIS bad.
Nonsense. If that is your rationale, we cannot seriously engage in sensible discourse.
A highly moral woman will only compromise her morals to cheat not for chexual fulfillment, but for an emotional one. Awweee…how noble of her.
I would like to issue a challenge and dare you to say that in the mirror without laughing at its absolute absurdity.
we had a brief sensible conversation where it was reflected to men that:
A. men operate in logic/reasoning and seek debate…..on things that are emotional and dependent upon comprehension of emotion (empathy)
B. a majority of men do not acknowledge basic duties of being a husband……and deny correlation between a woman’s infidelity and his blatant deprivation of her core needs
C. a woman’s emotion is met with callousness, disregard, and sarcasm void of cleverness or wit………which just makes continued conversation excessively pointless, mainly because that’s exactly the reason a moral woman cheats when she gets horny.
^_^
So lets just weed through all the fluffly rhetoric and unravel the crux of your position. What you are essentially saying is this in its most simplest and raw form:
Men are ultimately responsible for a woman’s infidelity.
Now that I have revealed the underlying premise of your argument, perhaps now you can see it for what it is – Fallacious nonsense.
kind of.
Im actually alluding to the emotional climate of a woman which, yes, men are responsible for.
are husbands not responsible for caring about their wives and how she feels…?
You are attempting to rationalize and excuse inexcusable behavior.
You are suggesting a man is responsible for his wife’s choices. Seriously? Surely you jest.
If we can blame the husband for his wife’s indiscretions due to a lack of emotional nurturing on his part, then we can certainly excuse the husband’s infidelity whenever the meatloaf she cooks is too dry. She isn’t adequately tending to his dietary requirements, therefore it is understandable why he would seek nutritional sustenance in another woman’s pot.
Like hoes. a moral man gotta eat too.
you didnt answer my question. you flabbergasted a deflection. but its cool. im kinda over the conversation feel free to believe tending to your wifes needs is debateable.
@ chameleonic,
Would you happen to comment on SBM(single black male) too, under a different name?!
If the man neglecting his wife results in the woman cheating and the demise of the relationship then, indeed, the man should own his part of the divorce but he is not to blame for her cheating.
Word.
I worked with a much older guy of Egyptian decent during my first job out of College. I barely listened to the dude as he said a lot of things that seemed outdated and I was so modern. But one lunch break he spoke about sex and relationships and because of where I was in life it resonated with me:
“Smart women and naive men will let you believe that you’re more horny and women have no such bone; That it is you with your selfish maleness who crave/need sex for validation, ego, and all things lustful. But if you have been with enough women you know that you have been lied to.”
Upon reading this ^^, there is now a tear forming in the corner of my eye.
So poetic. So eloquent. So Bo.
I think it depends. What type of role models are they? I look up to a lot of people in music and sports for their work ethic and dedication, but not necessarily for instructions on “how to be a man”. So, when I found that Kobe and Tiger cheated it didn’t change my opinion of them as a hard working basketball and gold players.
I think a lot of this goes back to Charles Barkley’s famous comment, “I am not a role model”. I mean, I look to my teachers, friends, and people in my community as role models in life. Athletes and celebrities are people that the media tells us to admire because they help get ratings. But if you’re going to be my role model, then I need to see you more than just from 1-4 on Sundays.
Well, here’s the thing:
What if the person is a role model, and perhaps the ultimate role model in modern USA history: Martin Luther King?
I mean it’s pretty well known, but rarely discussed that Martin cheated on his wife a couple times. Now some people say that’s not true, that it’s a lie, but agree with everything else that was discovered from the COINTELPRO burglary – I find that contradictory – however, what would happen if by some way, shape or form, in 2012, someone leaked out either a tape or audio of MLK cheating on his wife: what effect, after that event, should that have on his legacy?
I knew exactly where you were coming from BM. I immediately thought of MLK when you asked the question the first time. I have to say that I took it into count when judging his character, but overall it didn’t make me lose any respect for him. It just made me see him as more human. It was a lil disappointing, I’m not gonna lie, but the rest of his life troubled and impressed me so much (simultaneously) that I was somewhat relieved that he had an outlet to enjoy himself and be a young man (before his life was taken) but then by the same token I feel really bad for Coretta. She didn’t deserve that. It’s a tough bit of history for most folks to digest, so they deny it, but it definitely happened
I agree! We put these people on such a high pedestal and forget that they are human.
Well, I think of Obama and MLK in the same light as athletes. Think of Clinton in the 1990s (and even today). He’s a guy that I’d want running my presidential campaign, but not necessarily one I’d leave alone with my wife.
I don’t know the circumstances surrounding MLKs incidents and depending on who you believe you get different pictures, but ultimately they do lower his character in my opinion. So he becomes a guy I’d try to mark my professional career after, but not somebody I’d say, look to as a role model.
I mean, I hate to bring Christianity into the picture, and especially not this aspect of Christianity because I hate it so much, but there’s a concept that fits in so well here that I’ve just got to say it. Its like, we’re all flawed people. So I may look to you for how to do A, B, and C, but not X, Y and Z. Hopefully I’ll have somebody else to look for X and Y, and maybe somebody else for Z. That’s also why I read both fiction and nonfiction. Some of the fiction helps with the idea that maybe I can live the life where I don’t make the mistakes that those before me made. And the nonfiction shines a bit of light on the things that trip up people like me and hopefully I can learn from their mistakes so as to not make them myself.
I get where you’re coming from.
However, I think what you said is very important even if you didn’t state it directly: the men you mentioned, the idea of their character that you have is based on propaganda not on reality. That propaganda might be from the media, from literature or even from the very individual through speeches or biographies. I don’t think that this is the admission of how flawed human beings are, rather it is a testimony to the futility of thinking that you can completely know what goes on in another person’s mind, outside of what they tell you directly.
I think when you take that into consideration, when talking about cheating, the fact is we will never know, outside of the reason the cheater gives us, why exactly people cheat. The only thing we can do is decide, how big a deal is cheating to us, and whether or not we wish to accept it. So many people try to psychoanalyze the cheater, that they don’t understand that they’re wasting their time. How you react to cheating is more important and more crucial than the actual cheating.
moderation…
Pretty much. Like, I didn’t know Tupac. Dude could describe my teenage life to a tee, and that created an artificial sense of a “yeah I get him”, but I didn’t know him. So with all the controversy that went on in that man’s life, I can’t say things like, “I KNOW Pac, he wouldn’t do that” cause I don’t know Pac.
And when you think about it, who do we really know? I mean, just about everybody in our lives is there for a certain aspect of it. Our spouse/partner may not get to see the side we show at work or in the office, and our people at work may not see the side we show when we’re relaxing. And what happens is that we get to know a certain side of a person and then are surprised when they do something outside of the image of that side that we’ve gotten to know, but maybe that’s just because they didn’t show you that side of them just yet.
wooow. I totally didnt know MLK cheated. maybe since to me, MLK is like the origin of civil rights. hes like our founding father. his legacy is almost infinitely honorable and plus, hes not my generation. Obama is my present black figurehead so the impact would likely devestate me. hes an honorable man though. hypotheticals just seem a bit, naaaah. I couldnt realistically see that happening. its just weird.
Maybe I’m a weird dude, but finding that out about him made me have a bit MORE respect for him. I’m not saying cheating is OK. That said, he’s held out as this superior moral figure so much that trying to be like him is like trying to be a bit like Jesus: a worthy goal, but not something a mere mortal could pull off. That even MLK could be human enough to get caught up in some booty on some BS and still pull off stuff like the March on Washington is amazing. It makes me stand in awe of the capacity of the ordinary people around you to do extraordinary things.
I agree, but its a different type of respect. Its like going from being a kid and thinking your parents are invincible to seeing your dad laying in a hospital bed and realizing his humanity. These type of events help humanize the people, and take them from mere icons to more realistic people. But they’re still celebrities and listening to how they supposedly live their life isn’t going to give me too much info on how I should live mine. I learn much more by watching people close to me who live theirs (right and wrong) and learning from that.
The MLK issue just simply shows how stupid all of us are. We hold someone up on a pedestal by having Messiah complexes, and then are surprised when they are just as faulty as we are. But that’s our fault. Nobody told us to say Martin was a chubby Jesus Christ, but people took that image anyway.
The thing that people forget was, you actually don’t care about the celebrity. You care about their craft. People don’t love MLK, they love his ideology. And there is no argument because WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM OUTSIDE OF A BOOK TO LOVE HIM? No one can answer that unless you were family or close friend.
Well, this is where I come to disagreements with a lot of social intellectuals.
Nowadays, all these intellectuals like to come and write articles about how the media portrays individuals or the groups they represent negatively, yet, they always evade the fact that they want the media to portray their self-interested groups more positively. Basically, they have no problem with propaganda as long as it favors their group. Rather than teach people to be truth seekers and not to buy immediately into what the media tells them without thought, they teach people to buy into the kool-aid of positivity that they rightly deserve. Truth is non-existent, the only thing that matters is the lies you choose to believe.
Indeed. And we all buy into the propaganda at some point. But then it is our jobs to be fact checkers and see if the information adds up, to which most won’t, ergo they remain believers of the lie.
I get how it works, but that’s why people can’t complain about what they think they know, when they never take the time to actually know.
Yeah between the 3 of you my point was fully stated. The whole truth is important to someone like me. Todd articulated what I was tryna say earlier (I was in a rush though). It made me realize that ordinary flawed humans can make an EXTRAORDINARY difference in the world despite their flaws, and Rewind’s right about us bein the naive dummies that put these folks on a pedastal. BM I agree that people don’t favor the whole truth when it makes them look bad, and that’s another pet peeve I have with most intellectuals and ratcheds alike. The whole truth is relevant, and it’s up to us to decipher what’s truth from what’s irrelevant or misleading propaganda.
Shoot me in the head. Getting shot in the heart would take a little while to kill you. Those moments would be filled with terror and agony. Same with cheating. Shoot me straight. I want to know. Cheating is one thing. Long term relationships don’t make any of us as human beings immune from being attracted to other human beings so cheating can be understood. It shouldn’t be tolerated by any self respecting being but it can be understood. But to lie and make a fool of me is an insult. If I’m the last to know then you obviously have ABSOLUTELY no respect for me… oh plus you STILL cheated on me lol. Its a no-brainer.
So more appropriately its not “Would you rather be shot in the head or heart?” but “Would you rather be shot in the head or be shot in the heart first AND THEN shot in the head too?”
just shoot me DEAD! That’s all.
I’m wondering; how much of a role should the act of cheating, play on our judgment or opinion of a man or woman’s entire character?
- I don’t know. I think the devil is definitely in the details and the motives behind the actions tend to be more important to me than the actions themselves.
+1 YeahSo- The devil is definitely in the details. Intentions and context mean the most to me when judging people’s character
I think it’s less in the details and more about what they’re doing about it. If that’s their past it’s their past. If it’s their present that says a lot about their character, because either way they’re embracing a lack of integrity: By telling you they are unfaithful, or by lying about cheating.
Only if it goes the character. You can preach fidelity and get caught cheating. However, if you are my lawyer and you win my case, I don’t give a fck about who you are sleeping with.
I don’t know, BM. I try not to let one bad trait color my entire perception of a person, but it really depends on what that one trait is. If you’re a chronic cheater that really does affect my opinion of you. Then again, what does it matter? If I don’t pay your bills I’m irrelevant.
What’s worse? While married, my ex-husband step out on me. He carried on a long term affair with two different women, one of which he had a child with. His ENTIRE family knew about because he would bring them around. I was the last one to find out about this. Honestly, being the last one to know didn’t hurt as nearly much as his actions. For a quick moment, I felt angry at all who knew and didn’t say anything to me. Then once logic set in, my ex-husband was the only one responsible for letting me know about his actions.
I just wished he could have been adult enough to say I want out of this marriage before doing all of that becuase I would have happily obliged him.
Im curious. So you would have walked away if informed, I take it. So you were ready for it to be over?
No, emotionally I wasn’t ready for it to be over. If he would have told me ahead of time, the relationship would have still ended. Yeah, I might have stayed, but the trust would have been gone. If I don’t trust you, I can’t be with you.
This was a person that I loved, invested time in, and built a relationship with. I tried to ‘work things out’ (counseling, GPS tracker on his car, boiling hot grits on standby), but his actions showed me I had no choice but to accept that it was over.
“hot grits on standby”
You were about to do an Al Green?
I think I like you already.
Yes, and would have been siging love and happiness while doing so. LOL!!
See Tyler Perry IS good for something.
Ooooh you aint nothing to F with…I can see that now. I shall remain on your good side.
Why did I just imagine you coming home from work to add water to a pot of grits set on “simmer”??? Lol!
“Honestly, being the last one to know didn’t hurt as nearly much as his actions. For a quick moment, I felt angry at all who knew and didn’t say anything to me. Then once logic set in, my ex-husband was the only one responsible for letting me know about his actions.”
You and I are on the same page. When folks get over their egos, they can learn to deal with the root of an issue. People knowing about your cheating mate before you do is only a distractor to the situation. Not worth putting much energy into.
I was on the opposite end of this, kimmysue. My uncle was cheating on his wife for years. My family knew and even accepted the mistress and lovechild, only for the sake of the child. It really was a tough situation because we had to be “loyal” to blood (who obviously doesn’t value loyalty) and still look at his wife in the face. She knew, though, but still. Tough situation.
Wow, his whole family knew. And he brought the kids around his family. Yikes. He was taking cheating to a completely different level.
Also the Patriots loss.
boo
That was clearly no good….stupid fix a flat referees
According to the rule good it is good. Any field goal that is above the goal post counts as 3 points.
Hell yeah Malik, I went to bed with a smile because of that
me too… and i want to craddle torrey smith into my bosom
while i am completely nude and on my back with legs upand offer my most heartfelt condolences…But i truly feel for him… RIP young Smith
I see that strikethrough Yoles. LOL You’re incorrigible.
There was a baby made somewhere between all those strikethroughs.
I’ll give him your request and see what he has to say about it.
Yoles
i’m a sucker for a vulnerable man.. as pointed out to me by Malik AND Todd
@ Yoles- Soooo either you’re nurturing and maternalistic or kind of a predator….My guess is both lol
The stupid refs took a TD away from the Skins on a fumble recovery that was clearly a TD, but they called him down. And they missed a PI call where Hankerson basically got beat up twice on his route, then to end the game they call a mystery unsportsmanlike penalty and we get hit for 20 yards.
True, but RGIII played like a boss and made 2 clutch drives when they needed them most. Those penalties at the end killed it tho smh
Yep, and my fantasy team greatly appreciates it!
Yes, this is wonderful! Plus me and the boo usually bet on the outcome of Sunday night football and I won….*sits back and waits to be pampered*
wahoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got me 20 bucks!
speaking of cheating did anyone watch sharktank and see the new cheaters app called CATE (call and text eraser) basically when you call or send a text it asks the recipient to download the app before they can receive/ view call/ text. Then you can control how long the call/text is stored on your and their phone. The data is never actually stored on their phone but on the app so you can even have it deleted immediately after reading to avoid blackmail. And the app itself is hidden and is accessed with a code so if your partner snoops they wont see it.
first comment and already moderated ughh
I saw that; “privacy app” is probably the better way to market it as they mentioned. It’s only a cheating app if you decide to cheat, LOL
Getting cheated on and being the last to know is automatically worse because of the two because it also included the other choice. But to be betrayed and to be made a fool in public are two separate things. I would want to know which one of those two is worse. If I were a woman I would say the public humiliation, but I think the betrayal would sting the most for me.
That’s a good point… one of the options does also include the other… making that option worse.
Betrayal or humiliation… that’s a difficult one… in a way I see humiliation a form betrayal in and of itself.
Between those two horrible choices, being the last to know is definitely worse- why wouldn’t it be? Isn’t one easily an extension of the other?
If we accept the idea that women are competitive when it comes to men then you have to understand that it is the embarrassment of all embarrassments to find out that all this time you’ve been telling folks about the flowers he bought you and how you make his favorite meal on Sundays he’s been getting it with some other chick.
Boo-boo-the-fool.
That sh*t right there makes me made even talking about it…
so mad I can’t spell mad right…
It does suck to have the wool pulled over your eyes, but I think it’s just silly to sit in a relationship thinking you have it made.
Everyday on the radio, I’m hearing rappers talking about smashing somebody’s chick. Every time I read the news, someone is cheating on someone. Everytime I’m online, somebody is crying on a social media site about being cheated on.
It all tells me the same thing :don’t get comfortable. I feel like people should treat relationships like they treat their jobs: you might be good at it, and you might have built a good enough repore to believe you’ll be fine for a good amount of time, but that doesn’t change the fact that at any moment, your spot can be taken from you.
I think the expectations of loyalty from my employer are completely different than my expectations for someone I’m in an intimate relationship with and better yet someone I consider my friend. Most people don’t consider their employer a friend. A relationship is a place you’re supposed to be comfortable! I think the reality you’re talking about can and will be contemplated after the end of a relationship. That’s when you have to suck it up, say “that’s life” and not drive your car off the overpass. But while you’re in it, I say enjoy it. Wallow.
I get what you are saying, we should feel comfortable when in a relationship, but it just seems to me that getting comfortable is always the easiest way to be blindsided. People start ruining their purpose in a relationship when they get comfortable because they tend to forget the actions that were necessary to engage the relationship in the first place, or they make assumptions about their partner rather than confirmation.
i believe its worse to be the last to know. i know the one time i found out (read: this is different from the one time i was cheated on) i was cheated on i was the last to know. a lot of people knew what was going on and no one told me. people i thought were my friends knew. me and him were cool. i felt like the whole world was playing a joke on me. definitely way worse than actually being cheated on.
Totally agree. You have to take a look at who you are cool with after sh*t like this happens. I lost a lot of respect for some cats because of situations like this.
Being the last to know is much worse because there could be a chance you could forgive the person but if you find out last, you don’t even get the privacy and respect to make your decision because everybody and their dog has their opinion and their idea of how you should handle it.
I feel like being the last to know is actually WORSE than the actually deed because usually those who know are people you deal with on a day to day basis so while you skipping around them all bubbly and full of life and love….they are just shaking their heads at you thinking “Po Lil Tink Tink, this chick has no Clue” I’m sorry but my EGO and PRIDE will not let me deal with that.
OAN: I can understand as to why some people may not want to get involved and tell you that you are getting done dirty, because it can hurt friendships in the end especially if the victim stays with the cheater, it makes things awkward for EVERYONE.
Being the last to know, because it means everrrrrybody knows. Your best friend. Your mama. His mama.
Not a pretty sight to witness a person realizing this.
“what’s worse – being cheated on or being the last to know you got cheated on?”
I’m actually pretty surprised at the number of people who care more about being embarrassed than about being betrayed.
When you enter into a relationship, you have made yourself vulnerable to someone and/or given them some sort of power in your life. What that person does to me…..I care about. People who happen to come up on information about what happened in my relationship before me?……..I’m trying to think of a solid reason to care about that. I can’t because I don’t give them that kind of power.
Granted, no one wants to be embarrassed (myself included), but in this case that is only insult to the injury.
+1000
The act hurts the same if 0 or 100 people know.
“The act hurts the same if 0 or 100 people know”
Exactly CrayolaGirl!
Yes! To all of ^^^ that.
THANK YOU!
All this talk about being embarassed basically means too many egos are featherweight. The person who fawked you over is the true culprit, not people who don’t sleep in your bed.
But some people, like me, don’t get embarrassed. It’s about the trust. Because now, not only can’t you trust your spouse, but your so called “friends” who sat there and let you continue a relationship with that person knowing they’re doing dirt. As a “friend” I think you will at least confront my spouse about her actions and inform her that if she doesn’t tell me, you will, instead of just not doing anything at all. F*ck embarrassment, it’s about the trust.
But that is about your ego TUK.
You fail to realize, while you believe you have your friends have your back, if you can’t prove it, then it isn’t really true. I said it before, the main reason people don’t tell other people about their issues is because they don’t want to be responsible for the fall out. Yes it would be nice if people looked out for you, BUT THAT IS NOT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY. That is your own.
Wrong. If you have a relationship with someone (like friendship) in which the persons in question value each other and give one another more respect than they’d give a normal stranger, then it IS partly their responsibility to look out for your emotional well-being, as that’s the whole f*cking reason you’re friends in the first place. Otherwise you might as well be strangers. This is why “friends” cheer each other up when one is down, share intimate secrets, etc. Basically things you don’t normally do with strangers. When you’re put in that category, from that point on, if you’re a decent friend, you want to make that your buddy is okay. Emotionally and physically.
With the title of friend, comes the responsibility of looking out for someone has been there for you, who has shared emotionally scarring secrets with you, and other things they wouldn’t TRUST to just anyone. WILLIINGLY letting someone live a lie is bullsh!t. Period. Friends don’t do that.
I’m not saying I don’t agree with what we should expect out of friends, especially if we do it for them. But at the end of the day, your friend is not you, they are another human being. Ergo, you may have expectations, but that does not mean your friends will meet them. You hope they will, and you nurture your friendship to ensure that it can happen, but when it is crunch time, that’s when you see true colors.
I’d hope the people I care for would look out for me if I was in a situation like that, but if they don’t follow through, then clearly decisions have to be made.
@CNotes my reason is simple when I am the first to know I have a choice to stay or go. I am more ready to have a discussion about the issue and see if it is fixable or not. Being the last to know puts me in ghetto mode because it says you don’t respect me or our relationship and you were using me to support you while you looked for other opportunities to replace me. Also, it tells me about the people who are around me because they don’t value our freindship.
“when I am the first to know I have a choice to stay or go.”
Even if you were last to know, you still have that same choice. Makes no difference.
“Being the last to know puts me in ghetto mode because it says you don’t respect me or our relationship …….”
When the person cheated is when it said “that they don’t respect you or the relationship”. You knowing about it before anyone else doesn’t necessarily mean that they respect you. There are many other reasons why they confessed to you first (wanting to be out of the relationship quickly, felt they would be caught anyway, etc.) other than having “respect” for you.
“Also, it tells me about the people who are around me because they don’t value our freindship.”
This is true, but a separate issue altogether. I know a lot of woman who use this as an excuse to stay with someone who did them wrong. Their man cheated, their friends knew and they were more focused on the friends not telling them than dealing with the betrayal that started it all. Learning that your “so-called” friends are not really your friends is bonus information.
“…in this case that is only insult to the injury”
I think this goes back to our interpretation of what was asked. Is it “being cheated on vs. embarrassment”
or
“being cheated on vs. being cheated on and embarrassed”? The latter scenario gives you an extra scoop of bullsh*t on top of your problems. How is that not worse? LOL
yeah, being cheated on would suck. being cheated on while everyone talks about your husband’s girlfriend behind your back has got to be worse. that might call for violence. just saying.
YUP.
This is how folks end up misplaced.
Just sing the lyrics
“I’ll beat that bytch with a bat/I’ll beat that bytch a bat/(say what!)/I’ll beat that bytch with a bat.
Say it 50 times over and by the time you’re finished, I should have your bail money.
I’ll be the odd ball out and say just being cheated on.
I’ve been the last to know about being cheated on in three different occasions. I fully admit I didn’t have myself together back in those days, and weird as it is to say it, I completely understand why they cheated on me.Being young, dumb, & full of c*m simply means you can’t rely on the idea of relationships the way Disney movies taught you to.
Anyway, I do remember the feeling of being embarassed and enraged that so many people knew but didn’t say anything. But grown up me now realizes, people don’t owe me anything. They could care, but the merit of who they are as people as nothing to do with my principles. Ergo, the person truly at fault is the one who stabbed me in the back: my partner.
Let’s be real. This conversation is all about ego and what kind of blows your ego can take. Mines was shot to shyte a long time ago, so I basically don’t care about betrayal that much anymore. I walk into any situation believing people can stab me in the back. It’s a human trait and we all have it. Compliment yourself as much as you’d like but chances are you’ve done it before.
The difference for me is, I have to believe in the relationship enough to have faith that this relationship is as important to them as it is to me. So if she cheats but never says anything, I’ll know she was never someone I should have wasted time on, and it won’t be so painful. But if she cheats but tells me, it will hurt more because now she’s trying to save her own ass, and deep down I’ll know I’ll still care.
I agree about ego completely. I can’t get down with the idea of not trusting folks though. You can’t build a relationship on the premise that someone can’t be fully trusted. You can, I think, let go of worrying about hurt. But that isn’t the same as not trusting folk.
I am fully aware I have trust issues and I’m working on it. But I’m convinced all people have the ability to do good and bad, that it is impossible to just be on one end of the spectrum for one’s whole life. Even a hero is the villian to someone else at some point.
So I do believe that people who I deal with aint shyte unless they can prove otherwise, and I do believe many people do the same, maybe don’t even realize it.
I think a person might f*ck up, OK. Let me deal with that. But as a friend, which my man should at least be my very close friend, he shouldn’t let me go around cheesing while he stabs me in the back. A friend, referring to the partner in the relationship, shouldn’t do that.
For me the “last to know” hurts more because that’s a step beyond falling to temptation. My man, my friend, should just come to be and say “I f*cked up.” So he not only he lied about his exclusivity, but additionally he’s lied about being my friend. For me that takes it a step further.
And that’s where we agree
Off Topic:
Lady Gaga just released a rap song. It is catchy as hell and it is better than 90% of what I hear on the radio. I wish I were joking.
wtf?
I don’t think it’s about cheating or how the news is shared. It’s that really real question, how deep is your love? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zWP1V9Eo0c).
If you’re in a true marriage (you’re both whole, healthy in love, etc.) cheating is basically one of many forms of abuse. The only question is what you do moving forward, and if you can repair it.
It’s terrible, but how different is cheating really from a substance abuse problem or physical abuse? Everyone’s hurt. I think cheating and physical abuse are especially sinister because it’s easier to pretend it’s not just the abuser’s choice and fault.
Whether you were told or not, in my opinion how the one who cheated responds afterward would be the biggest issue. Denial, justification and anger is probably an exit cue.
Honesty, remorse and a sense of responsibility is that horrifying sign it just got really real: “Oh sh–. This is what they meant when they said for better or for worse.”
Good or bad, how they respond has nothing to do with the one they cheated on.
At the end of the day, I think negative responses to infidelity are rooted in fear: That you won’t ever be whole, loved, right, etc. again. If that’s what you’re afraid of then yeah, having the whole world know what went down exacerbates it.
Cheating is typical. It’s what all couples and single people think about. It is so normal that it is a general topic that is expected at some point or another to come up.
Drug abuse, spousal abuse…that’s different. It is not expected or likely. It definitely can happen but they will never reach the high marks that cheating has for so many people. Cheating is so known that whole businesses are built off of it. You still have to buy your drugs from a dealer, but AshleyMadison.com can help you find a person to have an affair with. Ergo, I think it is something that scares the crap out of people because it is engrained in our society…but again, that is ego all the way.
Cheating is definitely glorified and discussed, sadly. It’s also harder to see coming and by definition, you’re already in the relationship. But substance and physical abuse is a lot more prevalent than folks think. The reported incidents are high and the taboo (for the abuser and abused) keeps it hush-hush.
I think folks look out for this stuff more than they realize: Mental instability and “partying too much” aren’t desirable traits… ‘Cause they usually are warning signs of abuse.
I agree. I’m not saying that drug abuse and spousal abuse are not common (Lifetime makes sure to remind everyone of that every week), but those two and other marital problems have nothing on cheating. It simply is just the most known factor in the definition of relationships in American society. I really don’t think people can learn to deal with it the proper way, which is scary.
I like Chuck Jackson. Song of the day? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd0tCeF8c9k
I read VSB daily, via Google Reader but have never felt compelled to comment. I wonder why this subject touched a nerve enough to make me open another tab? Hmmm….
Anyhoo, I digress…Picture it…1988…Smalltown, USA…I’m watching tv, doing my homework and chatting on the phone with my first love/high school sweetheart. He tells me that he’s been seeing this other girl and that he’s so sorry he heart my feelings. I ask who else knows? (Did I mention it was Smalltown, USA?) He says such and such and such. That conversation ended with me weeping and being physically ill but theeee next morning I marched my hindparts into school to confront ,not my ex-boyfriend, mind you, but the friends that knew the ish was going on and didn’t tell me.
I went all around Robin’s Barnyard to say for Almond E. Brown the worst part is being the last to know. The thought of other people gossiping about my personal gets under my skin! My new friends call me Secret Squirrel.
The last to know is worse. I mean one is the stab in the back, the other is the final twist.
From a male POV: I would be upset if my closest friends knew and didn’t tell me. I’d only be upset with her, if the affair involved my money. It’s her body and decision, but I definitely don’t want to finance the situation. In my experience of being the other man, the women only wanted me to be and do what their S.O. wouldn’t. If he didn’t take her to a movie, I would, and smash. If he didn’t take out the garbage, I would, and smash. Whatever I needed to do to smash, I did. I never cheated for what I didn’t have, because I really only wanted to be with someone else physically in that moment.
Long time lurker – first time poster.
IMO
I believe that if your not married, how can you realistically expect 100% fidelity.
Let me explain. There are levels of fidelity that are appropriate at various stages in a relationship.
Stage 1 – Dating Stage – at this stage no-one owes anyone anything.
Stage 2 – Relationship – 90% Fidelity – This is a pledge that I will make the “best effort possible” not to cheat. I won’t go LOOKING for trouble. I am 90% sure nothing I won’t cheat – but your not my wife and as such there is a 10% chance that I will, and sweetie that is the nature of the game, for me and for you.
Stage 3 – Marriage – 100% Fidelity is expected and understood. We are building a life and family together because you are the one. Half of all I own is yours. Period. If I cheat you have every right to be upset because of it.
See the logic here?
A Wife is greater then Girlfriend – she gets a deeper commitment (100% vs. 90%), better security (for life), and better benefits (50% in most states). So WHY ON EARTH would a girlfriend ever expect the WIFE package of 100% Fidelity???
If I as a man treat every girlfriend I ever had like a wife, then how on would my eventual wife ever feel special?
If on the other hand, there are elements and things that NO girlfriend has or will every experience and are EXCLUSIVELY a wife privilege, then it gives the girlfriend something to look forward to.
IMO – 100% Fidelity is exclusively for the WIFE,
Girlfriends get 90% “Best Effort Possible”
For me being the last to know is obviously worse because in my eyes, you’ve been doubly betrayed, by your partner and then depending on the closeness of the said ‘everyone’ people that are meant to have your back and catch you when life doesn’t go right. Some relationships won’t go right that can be expected, the world is full of liars, cheats and The Stupid. I basically would be possibly more hurt if someone I thought was a friend to the point I thought of as ‘blood’ or actually family, stood back and said nothing while my name was being clowned on the street by a person, I had most likely known for a significantly less time. I guess I give more importance to and expect more, thus leave myself more open to hurt, from close friends than ‘passing partners’.
This said I can accept that my views are shaped by my youth and being a bit of an idealist.
I am only 21 and a bit of an idealists, so maybe my youth as something to do with it.