Theory & Essay

Another Question About Cheating.

I’ve always felt like the wives and girlfriends of athletes and politicians, and well, men in power really got a raw lot in life. I think that they are almost guaranteed to date and/or marry a man who is going to step out on them at some point. Of course, not all athletes, politicians, etc are going to cheat. I know this.

Conversely, they are also privy to many riches and to a status that most people will never know or achieve. And I’m sure that there’s a certain long-term cost-benefit analysis that goes into marrying certain men anyway.

This might be a good place to mention this, I’ve spent time trying to decide if a man who married a politician woman or whatever really felt any type of way about their woman stepping out on them and my guess is that most of us just wouldn’t sweat it. Not that women can’t cheat, obviously they can, I just think that the male mentality of being a woman’s end all be all makes us all think that we’re immune to being cheated on…which is why we totally lose our sh*t when we find out that our woman has cheated on us. Men…we so dumb sometimes. Patriarchy, you’ve got to love it.

Anyway, the point of those few paragraphs above is this: I get the impression that in nearly all of those relationships, the woman says at some point: “do not embarass me.” Basically, wear condoms and be discreet. Remember your family and don’t bring anything home that you didn’t leave with. Nobody wants to be the last person to find out something. In fact, I’m willing to bet all of your paychecks that the main reason a woman won’t stand next to her husband after some scandal breaks is because she found out about it via newspaper or somebody else telling her as opposed to her husband. Nobody likes to be the last to know, but especially if you get questioned about something and have no clue what the asker is talking about.

Don’t embarass me.

Which leads to my main question here: is it worse to be cheated on, or to be the last one to know you got cheated on?

Perhaps this is an easy answer since if you know before everybody else, you can control the release of information better or at least be able to get ahead of the situation. You can make sure that you’re taking care of home and attempt to close out everybody else from speaking on your situation. But that also assumes that cheating is a forgivable offense to begin with, right?

But I don’t know, I mean it definitely makes the act worse if you’re the last to know, but shouldn’t the infidelity by itself be enough of a transgression? Does it even matter how you found out that you got cheated on assuming that its both true and verifiable?

How did this all come up? Believe it or not, I was watching the movie Rio and somehow, during the course of that movie, THAT idea came to my head. For those who haven’t seen Rio, it’s a movie about two blue macaw’s who have to smang in order to preserve the species, except one can’t fly and Jamie Foxx is a yellow bird with a bottle cap hat. Oh, and And I became curious. Is there any connection? Not really. Total non-sequitur? Absolutely. Point is, don’t question my authority.

So, anyway, to the peanut gallery: what’s worse – being cheated on or being the last to know you got cheated on?

Inquiring minds would like to know.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. NO NO NO aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • Cheech

    I think it is worse to be the last one to find out you were cheated on, because if you find out early you can control the info. also it makes it harder to be more independent in what moves you make because everyone will send their input in before you hear it

    • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

      The 2 cents people put in on ya every day is bad enough. Let you get cheated on and these ninjas is gonna go HAM on you about how you could have done this or that to make everything alright. And all you doin is sittin there contemplating who you gon cut first and save for last

      • Rewind

        Hmm…true story. People are always waiting in the peanut gallery to throw stones. Give them the proper ammo, and those bytches will be throwing boulders.

        • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

          Tell the truth Rewind!

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Amen! Everyone has their personal limits as to what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Putting it out there in public means everyone gets their own 2 cents to put in, and that’s a pain.

      • http://www.twitter.com/mcnairian5 fiveisthenumber

        either way…it’s all bad.

      • Asiyah

        If everyone took their 2 cents and applied it wisely, there would be a shortage of needy folks and a shortage of stupidity.

  • JackieofallTrades (@MzPK7)

    I think being the last to know is worse. No one wants to be cheated on but it would be devastating to find out from twitter/facebook/cnn that your husband has been smanging the interns.

    • That Ugly Kid

      ” it would be devastating to find out from twitter/facebook/cnn”

      Add the Food Channel to that list as well. Don’t ask, just do it.

      • Rewind

        Guess that peaches & cream a la mode came with a price.

      • http://www.mindinfection.wordpress.com UDWRocks

        No….the WORST would be….The View!

      • http://www.mindinfection.wordpress.com UDWRocks

        No….the WORST would be….The View!

  • Yoles

    As much as I hate liars, deceivers and that ilk if I had to choose fr me if would be: being the last to know… I do not ant to get emassed & I need to have my responses & gameplan in hand… Don’t blindside me!!!!

    Happy Side Note: I have gotten quite a few VSB fb friends… I feel soooo special :D

    • Yoles

      Whew posting from my phone made me look 3rd grade reading level illiterate… It’s so many I can’t even post corrections… I sawry…. :(

      • Marshal

        I’m wondering why you want to kill me over my P90x in reverse post tho…..

        • Yoles

          Marshal… it’s cuz im jealous

          #FatGirlBlues

    • nillalatte

      *waves at Yoles* Glad to be your friend too on my special FB page. :D

      • That Ugly Kid

        Oh yea! Your page is pretty dope. Kudos.

        • nillalatte

          Thanks and when you gonna be my friend too? I need some men on my friends list. *psst… don’t ask me who that other guy is… I have no clue.* LOL

          • That Ugly Kid

            Whenever you want me to me. I’m here.

          • Justmetheguy

            It’s me….no seriously it is

            • nillalatte

              LOL… thanks for letting me know. I kind of thought it was, but wasn’t sure. :D

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Well, when you have a VSB avi that shows that you have, um, well-developed secondary sexual characteristics, it tends to attract people. Jussayin’.

      Now if I could only find a way for women to not assume I would be a threat to them if I’m blatantly sexual and also eliminate homophobia. I could post a pic of my package to attract the ladies and have the dudes be cool with it. Yeah son. :)

      • MJoy

        Behave Todd!

    • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

      Yoles, What’s the secret handshake to FB?

      • Yoles

        Everyone can find me using the email UrYolie@hotmail.com just pls send a small message saying VSB and I’ll add you forthwith!!!!!!

        • Kema

          I just sent you one!

    • Rewind

      *waits to get on the special kids list*

      • Yoles

        come along Rewind!! We are BK peeps!!!!!

        • Rewind

          Girl, I forgot you were in BK!

          I shall look for you through you email right away!

  • HoneyG

    Definitely being cheated on.

  • http://thatswhatgemsaid.wordpress.com M.F. Gem Jones, BS, RGS, NBR, PhD… and you sir?

    For those who haven’t seen Rio, it’s a movie about two blue macaw’s who have to smang in order to preserve the species, except one can’t fly and Jamie Foxx is a yellow bird with a bottle cap hat. Oh, and And I became curious. Is there any connection? Not really. Total non-sequitur? Absolutely. Point is, don’t question my authority.

    iCackled. hilarity.

    i think the question is silly – being cheated on and being the last to know is obviously worse. you’re simply adding another layer of something unfavorable to another something unfavorable. nobody wants all those layers of despair!

    BUT… if i were the last to know, balls would be cut. if he told me first, i might spare his manhood.

    • Cheech

      Dang? really the manhood has to go?

    • nillalatte

      “you’re simply adding another layer of something unfavorable to another something unfavorable”

      Agree with Dr. Jones.

    • Iceprincess

      Damn Gem said she’d Lorena Bobitt dat azz. All you youngsters, look it up.

      • nillalatte

        LOL… I don’t have to look it up. I don’t know whether that’s something to be proud of or sad about. :\

        • Iceprincess

          Definitely the latter. Nobody deserves that. Nobody. And i cant get over the fact that she drove with it in her car & threw it out the window bwahahaaa. Im prolly going to Hell for that one.

          • Sweet GA Brown

            He got it back didnt he?

            Lol but i feel soooooo bad.

          • Asiyah

            Moral of the story: never mess with a Latina LOL

      • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

        I had an idea of who she was but googled anyway. Ugh, there is a freaking picture of it on Wiki. My precious eyes.

        • nillalatte

          That was really more than I needed to see. Yuk!

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “i think the question is silly – being cheated on and being the last to know is obviously worse. you’re simply adding another layer of something unfavorable to another something unfavorable. nobody wants all those layers of despair!”

      LOL, right. layers of despair is like a 7 layer dip that makes your tummy upset. Wait… that might be real life for some. LOL

      Anyway, I can’t see adequately answering the question since you NEED the former (being cheated on) to even have the latter (being the last one to find out). So yeah, it’s more about adding fuel to the fire than one being worse than the other.

    • COME ON PEOPLE

      don’t you hate to see everyone in the family laughing and smiling in the person’s face and they all know that the person is getting cheated on. Not only that they are the butt of so many jokes. there would be no working anything out. all bets are off.

  • BGRZB

    Being the last to know hands down. Not knowing you were cheated on makes you feel vulnerable and foolish. Being the last to know makes you feel doubly vulnerable and foolish. Or so I’ve heard. And getting ahead of the mudslide and doing (preemptive?) damage control does not make cheating acceptable.

    • Rewind

      No it doesn’t, just keeps one’s ego in control. No matter what, it’s going to hurt.

  • She Who Reads

    If you didn’t cheat, I wouldn’t have to worry about being the last to know.

    • Iceprincess

      If a tree falls in a forest & there’s nobody around to hear it, did it really make a sound?

      • That Ugly Kid

        Yes, it does. A tree falling will still create an oscillation of pressure, which will travel through the air. Whether or not anyone is there to actually hear it is irrelevent, as sound is still a material wave and unless the event occurs in a vacuum, will still happen.

        • Iceprincess

          Thanx for clearing that up lol. You are my favorite sexy nerd. Keep up the good work.

        • Pseudonym

          I’m pretty sure someone needs to hear it in order for it to make sound. The thump of the tree falling makes sound waves, but an ear is require to convert those sound waves to sound. Sound waves do not equal sound. They got their name “sound” from humans’ ability to perceive them- hence a human is needed for them to exist. (And to include deaf or hearing-impaired people, I’m sure that definition comprises the average range of sound perception.)

          There are waves of many frequencies around us all the time- those termed “sound” are called so because they are within our frequency to perceive them. We can’t hear microwaves, X-rays, UV rays, or even those high-frequency waves that dogs can hear so if we were in a room full of them, we’d consider the room to be silent.

          If you think the tree makes a sound, then you’d have to consider does it make a high enough sound to be heard over the light rays from the sun up top, or the radioactive ways from the decaying things below. and then you’ll get back to having to determine what the hearing range for sound is. Which gets you back to needing something to receive these waves. Which means someone needs to be around to perceive sound b/c their ability to do so is what defines sound in the first place.

          • MJoy

            hmmmmm

          • http://www.learninglover.com AfterMath

            what about the deer that start running when it falls?

          • COME ON PEOPLE

            Just because there is no one to interpet that sound does not mean that no sound waves are emmited.

            • Pseudonym

              “Just because there is no one to interpet that sound does not mean that no sound waves are emmited.”

              Exactly. But just because waves within the hearing range of humans (i.e. sound waves) does not mean that SOUND is emitted without there being a person around to hear it. Sound is defined by the act of being heard/detected. Sound waves are defined as being within a range of wavelengths able to be heard by a human ear. Those are two different things. While sound involves sound waves, sound waves do not necessarily cause sound, by their definition in physics.

      • Sweet GA Brown

        Great analogy. Lol.

      • Rewind

        The animals hear it, that’s proof enough.

      • Asiyah

        Yes because sound exists irrespective of who hears it!

        #NerdyAsiyah

        teehee :)

  • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

    The thing about me is that once I’m turned off to someone then I just don’t give a damn anymore. So whether I was the first or last to know wouldn’t be a big deal to me. When ever I do find out I’m done and I just wouldn’t care enough to sweat how or when I found out.

    • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

      “The thing about me is that once I’m turned off to someone then I just don’t give a damn anymore.”

      The two sides of T2I’s upset are rage and indifference. As I mature I’ve been able to walk away from many situations that could have led to my arrest. With that being said if ever I walk away from you, you are dead to me.

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        “As I mature I’ve been able to walk away from many situations that could have led to my arrest. With that being said if ever I walk away from you, you are dead to me.”

        Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

      • That Ugly Kid

        So THAT’S why you haven’t been returning my calls after I met you at that club, emphatically groped your posterior (with both hands), and asked if you if you wanted to play a little game I like to call, Womb Raider.

        Because…you walked away pretty goshdarn quickly…

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          No, I walked away because you were being all kinds of clingy and scaring off the women, TUK. :-) Lol.

          • That Ugly Kid

            I was told clingy is the new “Bad boy” these days. Women loved being stalked because it makes them feel like the most special person alive, yes?

            • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

              ROTFLMAO! :)

            • Asiyah

              TUK is a trip lol

        • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

          This is why we can’t be lovers and friends TUK. We’d probably meet at an underground Harry Potter Appreciation Club disguised as an underground Fight Club before we ever meet at the club.

          • That Ugly Kid

            Oh snap you go to the HPA Club meetings too?!?! Then we are destined to be lovers! I bought the last Harry Potter movie on Blu-Ray as SOON as it dropped!

            • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

              No TUK, my destiny is to find those 150 Pokemon without parental supervision.

              • That Ugly Kid

                *pushes glasses back up onto the bridge of my nose and adjusts pocket protector*

                You know, there are WAY more than 150 and pokemon. Those days are long gone.

                • That Ugly Kid

                  *Should be just “150 pokemon”. No and.

        • Adonis

          @TUK

          “Womb Raider”, I am stealing that.

    • Thai

      “When ever I do find out I’m done and I just wouldn’t care enough to sweat how or when I found out.”

      Exactly. My friends call me an Ice Queen sometimes because of this but some things are just unacceptable. I’ll forgive and move on. I’m never all “I’ll forgive you and we can work this out despite the fact that you stepped out on us and put my health at risk.” I keeps it moving after intentional acts of betrayal.

      • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

        Yep, being able to turn off your feelings is something that everyone should learn. If they did imagine how much drama that exists would just cease.

    • Rewind

      I’m the same. My emotions are based on a switch. The minute I’m turned off, a person’s presense no longer exists to me. I’m quite comfortable totally ignoring someone I stopped caring about to their face, looking at them as if they aren’t even there. I’ve done it before and it surely does drive people crazy.

      • Asiyah

        Same here, but I’m trying to change that because not everyone is to be written off like that. Some people are worth fighting for. You just have to determine which are the people worth forgiving AND working things out with and which you should just forgive for YOUR sake and never speak to again.

        • Rewind

          This is true. This is why I’ve tried my best to learn to let go of my anger and see beyond the things I don’t like.

          Moms taught me that you should hate the behavior, not the person. Took me a really long time to get it, but I see it. People go through changes. A jerk today is an angel tomorrow. So you have to seperate who a person truly is from what they’ve done.

        • http://valsotherblog.wordpress.com Val

          @Asiyah & Rewind

          You two are better than me. I just don’t have the ability to see any redeemable qualities in someone who would cheat. Fidelity and honesty are at the core of who we are as people. So if someone is a cheater then that is just the tip of the iceberg with regard to their character, IMO.

          • Asiyah

            I agree with you, Val. I was speaking in general terms…but I like to think that if I ever made that kind of move, that I would be forgiven, or, at the very least, not judged too harshly for it. We’re not perfect and a lot of smart, good people make a lot of dumb, nasty moves.

          • Rewind

            Someone being a cheater doesn’t make them a bad person in my eyes, it just makes them a greedy bastard…AT THAT MOMENT. They could learn from their mistakes, grow up, and atone for what they did. If that happened, how could I really see them as a horrible person anymore? I might still be angry, but eventually you put some prune juice on it and let the shyte go.

            If on the other hand, we are talking about cheating that ruins an entire family and has unmassed repurcussions on the future of the kids involved, or just a slimy fawk who could care less about who they hurt, as long as they get a nut….then fawk them and the womb they came out of.

            • Asiyah

              Your last paragraph is on point!

  • nillalatte

    I’ll just break it down like this… and I know that y’all men are gonna call me out on this, but it is what it is. I don’t think there has ever been a time when I said, “He (whoever he might be) will never cheat.” In fact, I go further. I automatically assume that a man will cheat at some point in time. Yeah, I said it. Why? Because it is in a man’s nature to stray.

    • http://www.MinorityMenShow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

      Don’t make it that easy for the VSBs Nilla. You’re stepping out on a gun range with a target on your back with that one.

      • nillalatte

        I’m wearing body armor. :D

    • Secret Sauce

      I’m going to call you out…as soon as I come up with a good comeback. But, I think the reason your theory exists is because males are encouraged from birth to explore. It’s not frowned upon for men to cheat, have multiple partners and the like. It’s accepted to a degree. But when a woman partakes in the same activities, they are viewed as vindictive, dirty and other unsightly four and five letter words. but I am just speaking from a neophyte relationship perspective. Consult Champ or Panama before making a rebuttal.

      • nillalatte

        I think the reason my theory exists because I have known more men than women to step out on their partner. That said, when I hear of a woman cheating on her man/husband it really disturbs me.

        • http://www.MinorityMenShow.com Mr SoBo – www.MinorityMenShow.com

          I think the reason my theory exists because I have known more men than women to step out on their partner. “

          Thats because women have better PR reps.

          • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

            CHURCH! Women will not only step out for fun. They’ll build who lives around stepping out, then blame you for not getting the job done. I mean yeesh, sorry for being loyal to your trifling ass. I didn’t know a man can’t both provide cash, his heart and a peen at the same damn time. Women probably cheat more than men, at least in my experience. Though apparently, I meet only the worst women on the planet, so my view is skewed, right?

          • MJoy

            PR is key. If I cheat… I’m telling no one, not even my girlfriends.

        • Secret Sauce

          honestly, I think it’s in everyone’s nature to stray. One gender might be perceived to stray more than the other, but ain’t nobody immune at the end of the day.

          • nillalatte

            I can’t speak for other women, but I haven’t ever strayed. Yes, I’ve had opportunity and probably should have tried it, but it’s this damn sense of loyalty that I have to my partner, but mostly to myself. I try not to do things that make me feel like shyt.

        • Rewind

          Ok so this is based solely on your own experiences.

          However just as easily as you’ve said that, I’ve known more women to cheat on men than vice versa. Now do I think women are just built to cheat? No, it’s simply circumstancial, it has nothing to do with birthrights.

    • msdebbs

      ” it is in a man’s nature to stray”

      I’m standing in the line of fire with you cause I totally agree!

      • nillalatte

        I hope you too bought the body armor! :D Some men get highly offended when I actually do talk about them cheating more than women. You ain’t noticed?

    • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

      Idiots stray from what they have. Major cheating and ish like that is for the movies. Real life situations like these are becuz you have two people literally too damn stupid to know that they have reached the end of whatever it is they were and just won’t let go. I promise you that over the course of my short life (23 yrs. old), the only reason most men AND women cheat is becuz (drumroll): They are too damn lazy or too damn afraid of telling the other person they are done. So what do they do instead of “manning up” and “facing the music”? They cheat period

      • msdebbs

        ….live a little bit longer and you’ll find out every relationship is unique and that there are a million of reasons why people cheat not just because they are too lazy or too afraid to break up.

        • The Guy Formerly Know As Hmmmm

          great answer.

          +100 in real life points.

        • Justmetheguy

          +1 @ Ms. Debbs

        • Rewind

          The reasons mean nothing though when the outcome is the same: someone isn’t willing to shed that part of their life before pulling off their pants for someone else.

          Why should life be so complicated that we can’t move on before getting in another person’s bed?

        • http://voodoochile88.tumblr.com/ Craig and Dem

          @ msdebbs thanks for the wisdom. And you’re right every relationship has it’s own special thing.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      Respectfully disagree. It’s socialized to a large extent that if a man cheats it’s in part, if not entirely, the other woman’s fault for leading him astray. I will agree to that. It’s not innate or inherent though. Plenty of man can and do stay in long relationships without ever attempting to put themselves in that situation. It requires a high degree of self-control, honesty, and discipline that a lot of men don’t like cultivating in relationships either because of ignorance or ambivalence.

      • nillalatte

        “if a man cheats it’s in part, if not entirely, the other woman’s fault for leading him astray.”

        You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. That is entirely his choice. :P

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          We are in agreement there. Society outside of my and your mind likes to always at least blame the women in part unless they’re on some Virgin Mary type reputation.

    • Thai

      Yes to all of that.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      Way to have faith in men. Me and cheating just isn’t my thing. It takes too much effort, especially when leaving someone is so much easier…and cheaper. :) I like to economical with my sex and my emotions. ;)

      • nillalatte

        “Way to have faith in men.”

        I know, huh? I’m a mess when it comes to trust. Wonder why? Must have been because of a MAN!!! BOL…

    • http://LEARNINGlover.com AfterMath

      I think people assume that men cheat more because women are better at hiding it. Add that to the patriarchy that has more men in the public spotlight and it makes it seem like its true, but I’ve known many unfaithful churchgoing (and non-churchgoing) women.

    • Rewind

      I call bullshyte on you Nilla, and I expect more from you since you’re the one usually calling women out on BS just as easily as men.

      Yea, on the average, we hear more about men cheating than women. Yes, from childhood, men are fostered to go humping as many people as possible. That doesn’t change the fact that women are right there in the trenches with men, going HAM any chance they get. They just keep a lower profile, but that doesn’t change the issue.

      All I can say is cheating is cheating, anyone can do it, it is not that hard, most people don’t even have a good reason not to cheat, and if nothing else, cheating proves how worthless most people are to begin with.

      • nillalatte

        LOL… call it bullshyt all you like… here’s my reasoning – and this is for me only, no one else has to subscribe to this – but this mentality does provide me with a veil of sorts, a veil over my heart.

        If I’m in an exclusive relationship, dude cheats, and I found out about it, then you know what, his unfaithfulness is easier to reconcile – i.e. “you knew he was a dog when you started messing with him so you got what chu got.” It is a hell of a lot easier to kick his arse to the curb emotionally and move on. Everybody has their coping mechanisms. Recognizing that a man can and will stray when they want is legit.

        On the flip side, like I said, men have issues with this thinking because some of you (like .000001%…lol) might never stray. Wonderful! Me, I’m a loyal and faithful individual in a relationship. If we’re together then we’re together. But, I’m also intuitive enough to realize when we’re no longer emotionally connected and I know how to let go. But, it has been a skill I had to develop.

        I read a lot about emotional healing in the past – imagine that. One of the techniques that I found that really works is releasing someone. One of the examples was imagine your former partner inside of a balloon. Once you have that image, imagine cutting the string as you say to yourself or out loud, “I release you. Peace be with you.” And, you imagine them floating away. Anytime you have thoughts about this person do the exercise again. In time, all the emotions you felt about that person are also gone and you have no ill feelings toward them remaining.

        Here’s the caveat… this technique has the boomerang effect. It’s really strange and when I read it I didn’t think that could be true. But, it was so true. I’ve released a couple of people only to have them pop back into my life later. When that happens, one has to evaluate if you really want to be in a relationship with that person again.

        There is certainly a lot of time spent on many blogs talking about wanting to be in relationships and looking for them. Not so much on how to let them go which is as equally important as building them. IMHO.

        Finally, on this topic, I speak only for myself. I’m a faithful woman in an exclusive relationship. When I go all in, I’m in 100%. It’s getting me to that point that the difficult part. A commitment & trust is hard to garner from me.

        • Rewind

          But then see, the issue isn’t that men cheat. It’s about letting go of something when there is no reason to hold on to it, and I feel like both genders have that problem equally.

          As a man, I think about cheating ALL THE TIME. But as a person, I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I refuse to do it. I put too much time and effort into my relationships to turn my back on the woman who nurtured my heart. So like you, I’m committed to what I do. But in the past I have had problems letting things go.

          But the stuff you read about, I lived and learned for myself. I realize when you let people go, there’s a good chance you’ll meet them again in life. Why? Because maybe when you met them the first time, they were going through a transition in life. They weren’t at their best when you met them, and perhaps you weren’t either but, maybe in due time, both will have grown and be better off.

    • Asiyah

      “I automatically assume that a man will cheat at some point in time.”

      Same here. But this is what makes me not obsess about cheating too much. Am I a forgiver of cheating? I don’t know, I’ve never been in a serious relationship so I haven’t been cheated on, but I don’t obsess about it because I just assume he’ll do it one day and it really isn’t my fault. I give my best anyway and see if I’m right or wrong.

    • nillalatte

      Just need to clarify my thought processes here for you men…

      Just because I may assume that a man may cheat as a given, the expectation of my partner when I’m in a relationship is they will not be fcuking around with another woman. I think expectations out weight assumptions any day.

  • http://www.twitter.com/think2inspire Think2Inspire

    The only thing worst than being the last one to know is to find out through your gynecologist (she is a Nicole Beharie look alike) who also tells you you’re pregnant, with twins… twin aliens. You have a non-curable STD/STI and the conservatives won’t let you have an abortion or get treatment for the STD/STI. Then your mom shows up with her pastor to beg for forgiveness because she knew all along. Then your father walks in too, with your grandmother who is using a cane to walk and she whispers “That n*gga ain’t worth sh*t and you ain’t either.” In your ear before she dies in the office. Then news cameras burst through the door to tell you your athlete/politician/high-power husband has been cheating on you with the gynecologist for the past 5 years. Then your husband comes in on a white horse, grabs the gynecologist, chucks deuces, and gallops away. He also gallops away with all your money because he convienced you not to sign a prenup and had been tranfering your money to accounts in the Caribbean because he knew you would find out about his cheating ways.

    • Sweet GA Brown

      …..and I thought I had a detailed imagination. I mean…tell me whats the worst that could happen?