Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

And You Say She’s Just A Friend.

If you do this, you are wrong. Stop it. And get some color.

Here’s a simple question for the single masses: if you happened to get into a committed relationship tomorrow, exactly how many people would you have to stop talking to outright because your relationships could be deemed inappropriate?

Take your time. Think on it.

*humming Curtis Mayfield’s “The Makings Of You”*

If I did an actual honest assessment of most of my opposite sex relationships, then there’s a good chance I’d need to drop kick a solid 98 percent of my female friends to the curb. Ya know, should I get into a relationship.

Here’s an even more interesting piece: I don’t even know how half of those relationships got to the inappropriate phase. Or if they’re even really inappropriate. Most of them would probably just bother anybody that I’d be dating. It’s no like all of my friendships are filled with sexting and slumber parties that involve naked twister. In fact, most of them are chock full of conversations that are relevant to life and dating. It’s just that every so often, they can veer into questionable and head right down into “make the preacher blush” territory.

And I think that 99 percent of functioning, datable men have this same problem. Hell, I’ll bet that even men in relationships have this conundrum. Because from what I’ve learned, most women aren’t really that concerned with making an off the cuff remark on occasion. And there aren’t many dudes who are going to check that kind of behavior because…well…why? It doesn’t happen frequently and he doesn’t plan on digging deeper into its origins or meanings so…live and let live.

Here’s another thing to wonder about: I’m almost sure that women would be on a seek and destroy mission when it came to those relationships they didn’t feel were appropriate now that their man has a woman. But I can’t honestly ever remember caring really that my girls had single male friends. Maybe its the assumption that all men are dogs and need to have the temptation removed for them. Kind of like the idea that women don’t trust other women when its the man’s actions that would be the problem. Twiddle dee dum.

And maybe its the idea that men are so self-centered that we’d never really suspect our women of stepping out on us anyway, so it doesn’t matter. I’m not much of a jealous guy anyway so maybe I’m projecting here. Cinema.

I’ve lost my point.

So if men have these inappropriate relationships with beaucoup women, do these same women deem their own relationships inappropriate or do they feel that because they can manage them it doesn’t matter. Can they really manage them? Or does it not matter because women get tunnel vision once they’re in relationships and through attrition get rid of all of their friends anyway leaving only their man to be their homey/lover/friend because R. Kelly created the term on a lonely night when all the kids were at Christmas pageants?

Hell, what do women deem inappropriate within the confines of a “friendship” anyway? I know what constitutes inappropriate but I don’t mind it at all. And if a tree falls in the forest and a badly written essay about what a white man would do if he were a Black child is the only thing around to hear it, does the essay even matter? Lauryn teaches me that nothing even matters, at all.

I asked a lot of questions. Mostly because I’m curious after looking at my own life and having a conversation or two with male and female friends of mine. And it hurt a little that I’d have to get kicked to the curb. But it makes sense. You make one too many “what you can do with that boob” jokes and next thing you know the new beau ain’t really feeling you dun son.

So I ask you, VSBers, how many relationships do you have that would have to end if you got into a relationship? And if you are in a relationship, do you have any that could be deemed questionable if your boo thang found out? If so, why maintain them?

Holler at me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka YUNG P DA FLY THIEF aka GIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

For the DC massive: If you’re looking for a good deed to do this Christmas season, consider heading out to support Karaoke for a Cause on Thursday, 12/15 from 6-10pm at Liv Nightclub (11th and U, NW). You can bring a toy or a $20 donation for Southeast White House as one of VSB’s own commenters, Crystal Marie of awordorthree.com is helping put on the event. This is not a VSB event, but it is something that all VSB/VSS can get behind because its intended to help the less fortunate out. And if you can’t make it but would like to donate, click here.

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is a co-founder of VSB and co-author of Your Degrees Won't Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • MzPW

    Man….you mean I gotta consider lettin’ go of the boys…even if I’m a girl?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you don’t. but you do.

      thats why the suburbs exist. before cell phones folks just moved and that was it.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        That must be why married suburban moms stalk other married suburban moms. They’ve dumped all their old friends and are lonely as hell. Suburbia sometimes is a trip to another planet.

        *shudders @ memory*

        • Todd

          Preach! I’ve seen that phenomenon among the residents…and ended up regularly scheduling the trips to the old neighborhood on the REG.

  • xLadyTx

    Wow, I’m goin thru this situation right now. This is the same guy I’m trying to get away from, but we still talk about “hypotheticals”.

    Personally, I wouldn’t care if he had single female friends, as long as they still respected me & our relationship. It’s all about boundaries. Here’s where my personal issue comes into play: is it ever okay to hang out with your friend of the opposite sex, ALONE, when ur in a relationship??

    • LO (literarily orgasmic)

      Girllllllll…..hanging out with ur guy friend on a solo basis…Most men are not gonna feel that AT ALL. It’s such a double standard. Lol. But seriously, I could care less. Bye….have fun! Tell her I said hi! My take on it is that when you start tryna regulate too much and put people on the no no list or label them as forbidden fruit….uh, yeah. Think Adam and Eve. That some got eaten the fcuk up. :-) telling someone o just makes it that much more desirable

      • xLadyTx

        That’s true. He claims it doesn’t bother him & that its ok. We’re talkin movies & dinners, etc, alone with a chick that’s not your gf. He claims he knows to cut it off if she gets too inappropriate. I’m a lil iffy about that lol. I just can’t see myself doin that. But instead of arguing about it or debating it, I just think, in the back of my mind, “eeehhhh, this may not work…” Lol

        • MissLady

          I’m in a similar situation with similar feelings. I can’t really get myself to a place where I ever WOULD police his friendships, I don’t really want to….

          … but there’s always a small part of me that says to myself, “Girlfriend, are you just getting walked all over like a dirty ol’ welcome mat?”

          • Justmetheguy

            I was recently exiled from my best female friend EVER when she got her new boo. We don’t even live in the same state, but I still can’t really talk to her ne more (she still calls every month or so, but it’s not the same). The worst part about it is that she didn’t (fully) lie about our history…so now he’s even more paranoid and non-trusting of our relationship. I can’t say that I blame him, but we really aren’t even looking to take things that way anymore, and I respect their relationship (met the guy before and he’s cool ppl). I just wish she would’ve lied though, cause I miss my bff :(

            • http://www.testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

              :(
              *e-huggles*

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              awww give it time and she might get in touch with you more often

              • INFOFo

                *tear*….donotlietothatman…smhhah

    • http://purplelikerawr.tumblr.com Purplenat

      I recently broke up with someone because he had what I felt was an inappropriate relationship with a close female friend. Nothing sexual by the time we were dating, but she would offer him money/buy him isht from time to time (non-necessary isht) and continually got mad at him when he didn’t check up on her enough/answer her text messages quickly enough and threaten to stop being his friend all the time when she didn’t get enough attention… She would also coddle him all the time (including when he did dumb stuff in our relationship) and generally just be waaaay too much in the mix, especially given that she hadn’t wanted us to be together off rip–claiming she was being objective about it even though she’d had STRONG (unreturned) feelings for him for the previous 2 years or so. Hmm.

      • http://purplelikerawr.tumblr.com Purplenat

        Yeeeah that was definitely supposed to be its own comment. Whoops

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        yeah…you probably made the right move. he was her boyfriend even if she wasnt his girlfirend.

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          +1

          • http://www.facebook.com/BtichfulBliss The Btich

            +2

            • Justmetheguy

              +3 Great summary of that “complicated situation” Petey. Very succinct lol

      • http://thehumanspider.wordpress.com The Human Spider (@HumanSpiderACNJ)

        Sounds like ole girl had some SERIOUS (SERIOUS) emotional issues…

        And I mean something serious…

        • http://purplelikerawr.tumblr.com Purplenat

          She really did. Months earlier, even though we were cool then, she RANDOMLY gave me half of her life story and gave me a long rant about how lonely she was… even though it’d already been established that I was dating the guy and that that was causing her extreme stress/sadness. Weirdest isht of my LIFE.

      • Igbo_boy

        How old are you again ma’am? Because this sounds too Middle School ish

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      that’s the problem. folks like to test boundaries. at first just casually…next thing you know ninjas are sending you pictures of their Christmas book for their hubby…and its them in lingerie. lol.

      not saying that ever happened.

      • Todd

        Real talk, I did have something like that happen when I started going with my wife. Obviously, I was falling back from women who weren’t respecting my boundaries that had to be in place if they wanted to keep in touch. Next thing I know, I’m getting an email talmbout “testing her digital camera”, and it’s ole girl’s booty in a thong. I showed my wife, let her know I did NOT solicit said pic, then showed her me deleting it.

        • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

          smart man.

        • Sam

          VERY great thing to do, not only to have your own back, but to reassure your significant other that you are doing your part! KUDOS…Your wifey is a lucky lady

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      ” Here’s where my personal issue comes into play: is it ever okay to hang out with your friend of the opposite sex, ALONE, when ur in a relationship?? ”

      Grown people can do what they want to do. What if your best friend is someone of the opposite gender?

      If I couldn’t trust my best friend AND didn’t trust myself, then I didn’t really want to be faithful to the person I was dating.

    • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

      it depends on the relationship my male BFF takes me to lunch every once in a while we catch up etc. but my husband is comfortable with him, they know each other, know the relationship and tell him well in advance upfront. I have severely limited these interactions since i got married but i didnt have to cut them out. its a hard road to navigate but it is navigable… LOL is that a word?

  • Chanelle

    I have guy friends who play in my hair and some give me massages and we always share dirty jokes so i guess those things would be considered inappropriate (if I were to get into a relationship) therefore all of my male friendships would probably need to end lol or at least be cut to a minimum

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      at least you’re aware. cuz 2 out of those 3 are sensual as hell.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        lmao

        • SpottieOttieDarlin

          2/3?? Umm…. I think all three are sensual…

          Playing in your hair? Or pulling? hmm..

          Massages… yeah, that’s very sensual.

          I actually think the dirty jokes is the most appropriate of them all. I make off the color remarks all the time, and it’s never in the form of flirting or testing the waters.

  • J.T. Thorne

    I probably have one female friend that I would have to kick to the curb if I got in a relationship, it’s tough though because we’re like family. I chill with her and her family on holidays and everything. Shoot, I even call her Momma…Momma, but there has been some unspoken tension between us and I kinda think that her family would like to see us together. Is it so unfathomable to think that I could maintain my friendship with her while being in a relationship with another woman?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      eh…yes and no. yes, it is unfathomable b/c the tension exists. that means there’s something there.

      but no, its not unfathomable b/c maybe y’all just need to smash it out and see what happens.

      • Justmetheguy

        Yeah, I agree wit Petey, you guys need to smash so you can breathe already lol. I ain’t gon lie though, she’ll start actin a lil weird and more girlie (not in a good way though). But you’ll be glad you did. It’ll just take WAY MORE unnecessary reassuring that she’s still your homie afterwards…but I say just do it (no nike)

        • http://www.becauseimwrite.com Muze

          you and PJay have just administered the WORST advice ever. geesh. lol. men suck i tell ya.

          if you’re already “part of the family” and she’s that comfortable with you, and you guys are THAT close, AND there’s sexual tension… she probably has already explored the “what-if” scenario in her head a million times. if that what-if is realized it will definitely become a “now-what?” and she will have major expectations. seeing as though she’s probably already emotionally invested to some point, if you’re not interested in her beyond sex, i don’t advise sleeping with her. unless you want your friendship doomed.

          it’s possible to sleep with your best friend and still remain friends afterwards with no weirdness, but those situations are very few and far between.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            for the record…im not saying just smash and move on. i mean that in the smash and try it out together thing. tension will exist forever unless it gets let loose.

            thank you very much, ass.

            • http://www.becauseimwrite.com Muze

              *smiles*

            • Justmetheguy

              Bam! What he said! Teamdudelogic FTW

              We weren’t sayin smash and keep it movin, just leave no stone unturned. At least there are no more “what if” anxieties. Those are the worst…It could turn out that her expectations are fulfilled to some degree, but it’s his responsibility to quell her inclination for expectations in the first place. It’s all just theory because situations unfold uniquely each time. I’m wit Petey tho, if he’s a good guy he won’t do wrong, he just may not do exactly as expected, and that’s the beauty of sex/love/relationships/friendships…ya kno?

              • J.T.

                Part of me says the “simplest” thing to do is just continue to be her friend and not risk destroying our friendship. Let’s be real, what are the chances we fail as a couple and seamlessly go back to being friends? Another part of me says the “best” thing to do is go for it and see what happens, and if it doesn’t work out we’re still going care about each other and that should trump any post-relationship pettiness.

                • Justmetheguy

                  ” Another part of me says the “best” thing to do is go for it and see what happens, and if it doesn’t work out we’re still going care about each other and that should trump any post-relationship pettiness.”

                  In my experience, this has been the case. Results may vary though…

  • En Squared

    Umm honestly, I’m pretty inappropriate. Might be one of the main reasons why I thinks its better to be single at the moment. But if I were to enter into a relationship tomorrow I’d say half of my male to female friendships would have to change drastically. More if you considered the man’s intentions and not just my own. I also have a great deal of lesbian friends that wouldn’t mind getting it either… Dayum. I prolly shouldn’t get boo’d up any time soon.

    I agree with Lauryn though, nothing even matters, to me. To me. I’m not a jealous person. I think that if two people are committed to each other they show it and it shouldn’t be questioned by what other people might deem suspect. I tend to trust the folks I’m with. Every relationship is different and has different boundaries. Set em up and stick to em.

    • Chanelle

      “Umm honestly, I’m pretty inappropriate”
      Yeah this completely describes me

      • chunk

        Me too. Funny thing is… I’m not too sure I’m going to be changing that.

        • Chanelle

          I dont think I will either

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      oooooh at all 3 of yall lol

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      yeah thats my problem. as a single man…i can be wildly inappropriate. i do it for the people.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        We have to have stories to tell the grandkids.

        • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          LOL, bingo.

  • griffdamagician

    let’s be real! relationship guys can’t just be out with non-relationship females. the only a woman will allow a friendship between her man and chix that are in his life that ain’t fam AND single is if she can meet her on three occasions: 1 the female out with other females as much can be learned about her from the company she keeps. 2 see her with her man to make sure that there is no spark or attraction, 3 observe Tha chick and her man when they think she ain’t around. I don’t see any woman a guy free course to make possibilities with other women.

    I was taught that when u in a relationship, that person becomes priority 1 over friends.

    • LO (literarily orgasmic)

      Agree 100%. Your partner definitely has Rochester a priority. More importantly, they have to feel like a priority. :-)

      • LO (literarily orgasmic)

        Predictive typing. My bad. Lol

        • LMNOP

          I would have gone back to read that like 80 times, to try to figure out who said what about rochester..

    • xLadyTx

      “I was taught that when u in a relationship, that person becomes priority 1 over friends.”

      Co-sign!

      • chunk

        NO sign on this. Boys come and go… my friendships have lasted a lifetime.
        No m’am.
        I find a guy who gets it and participates within the circle that’s there (his friends- male and female included- are welcome too).

        • Caballeroso

          @Chunk – Co-sign!

          I have lost out on relationships that seemingly had potential simply because I would not abandon my female friends. The way I see it, my female friends have withstood the test of time. It would be foolish of me to turn my back on proven friends for “Janie-come-lately” who is here today and possibly gone tomorrow.

          Given my track record, the relationship would last 2 – 6 months, then I’d have to either find new friends or go grovelling back to the old friends and try to re-establish the bond that was broken by some insecure person who no longer has any significance in my life. No thanks.

          I see red flags when a lady I’m dating takes issue with me having female friends. Usually people judge you by what they themselves would do. Yeah it’s possible that the last guy she was with abused his privileges, but he ain’t me. I need you to differentiate.

          I’d gladly introduce any potential new boo to my friends so that she could see for herself that nothing questionable is going on, but she’ll need to understand, it’s a package deal.

          • http://6monthsto30.wordpress.com/2011/12/08/you-should-know/ chunk

            “Yeah it’s possible that the last guy she was with abused his privileges, but [s]he ain’t me. I need you to differentiate.”

            THIS.IS.EVERYTHING.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              It can’t be a happy relationship if there is no trust.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            that’s how i feel. but how realistic is that once you meet somebody you really feel. i tend to think that way, but folks get into relationships and expectations show up.

            it sucks though.

        • xLadyTx

          I was co-signing on the fact that that’s what I was TAUGHT. I don’t actually live by that. I should’ve clarified lol.

      • Mena

        At times but not to the detriment of a true friendship. Females that have this mindset are the ones that become so engrossed with their SO that when that relationship goes south, they wonder why when they call on someone to talk to, their friend is busy. That female usually chalks it up to jealousy (she isnt calling me back b/c she is jealous that I have a man) instead of realizing that instead of managing both, she allowed for a friendship to die.
        At times, your SO takes the front seat but there comes a point where you need to have/find balance.

        • LO (literarily orgasmic)

          Thank u! I agree there is a balance that has to exist. And to clarify the priority statement, it doesn’t mean abandon your friends and life as you once knew it. But you take care of home first….otherwise you may not have a home to come home to. Or you find out that someone else is taking care of your home for you. Men don’t get down on one knee and ask for forever of they do not feel like a priority in your life. Relationships ….the serious ones are usually working towards a marriage or form of long term commitment. Nobody is going to do all of that with a person if they do not feel that they are #1. As a woman, there is no way I am thinking marriage, babies or anything else with someone that doesn’t make me number 1. I encourage him to have time for himself and with friends. It’s important. It goes both ways. But at the end of the day, we come first and I don’t worry about his friends because I feel like I come first based on his actions. And his friends of both sexes show me proper respect.

          • Todd

            I agree with taking care of home FIRST. However, making it first doesn’t make it only. Remember, you married a person, not a life-support system for your other brain. Yes, there has to be a balance, but that’s the key word…BALANCE.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      I dont have time to do all of that.

      Some women are territorial. And some women are not.

  • LO (literarily orgasmic)

    You can’t speak to your partner about what they do that makes u uncomfortable when u are possibly doin it ur damnself. That’s a case of Pot Meet Kettle. It’s important to have mutual respect in a relationship and set boundaries for what is ok and falls in the No Bueno bucket. It is also important that your opposite sex friends show your relationship respect. I think opposite sex friendships are perfectly healthy. It becomes unhealthy when they become secretive and you hide details fro ur boo. At that point, it is time to evaluate what the hell you are hiding and why?
    My male friends…..I look at them like they are just one of the girls. They find that isht MUY offensive at times. But we both know it ain’t that.kinda party so its all good.
    Hmmm….inspiration for a new poem. Thanks Panama Jax……girllllllll he a 3. You are at least a 5 boo. Lol

    • xLadyTx

      “You are at least a 5 boo. Lol”

      His Twitter avi bumped him up to a 5.5-6! Lol

    • chunk

      I agree with this line of thinking.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      awww thanks boo.

      • LO (literarily orgasmic)

        Well I said I might write a poem…and here you go Mr. Jackson…

        curiosity
        the air of mystery is killin’ me
        so enticing
        it draws me in
        makes me want to know more about
        the infamous panama jackson
        the man with a million pseudonyms
        your candid blogs
        and witty comebacks
        you’re definitely a very smart brotha
        sometimes so smart
        that it seems more like
        a very smarta$$
        but it’s almost
        kinda sorta
        cute
        if ain’t nobody ever told you this
        what ever that je ne sais quois is you got
        you are workin’ it boo
        you stand out among the rest
        but norah jones said it best
        “baby take off your cool…
        i wanna see you….”

        ***Exits stage left.

        Have a blessed day everyone.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          well damn. i aint neva really watched the sunset befo.

          nor have i had anybody write a poem about me publicly. thanks you. that was dope. honestly, i’m just rambling b/c i’m slightly speechless.

          *blushing*

          • SpankDubious

            Lol @ I ain’t Neva really watched the sunset befo.

            Norah Jones line…definitely dope.

          • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

            jason’s lyric?

          • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            “*blushing*”

            UM. *snaps fangers in Panama’s face* Blush your way back eHome to ME, knigga. Yes, you’re a knighted ninja.

            *neck roll*

            (I gotta admit that poem made me say, “dayummmm!” doe… *snaps and daps*)

            • http://twitter.com/eazylittle Eazy

              LOL!!

          • LO (literarily orgasmic)

            Awww, did I make you blush boo????? And the million dollar question is….now that I made u say that, are u ready to cross it off of your “romantic bucket list”? :-)

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              it is now off the list. thank you.

              marry me? lol

        • Mena

          OKAY!!!!!

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          *snaps fingers* lol

  • Mena

    People seem to equate friendship with having acquaintances. If when you are about to enter into a relationship, you know you have to drop some people of the opposite sex, they aren’t friends. They are cool people you have a good time with but at the end of the day, if they weren’t part of your inner circle, life would continue and everything would be fine.
    Then there are friends. Those people who, when you are about to get into a relationship, already know bc they have been there since day one. These are the people you want your SO to meet from the jump since your friends will tell you if the person is right for you or not. These are the people that you wouldn’t consider getting rid of simply bc you enter into a relationship. In fact, the thought alone is inane.
    I think the problem lies when we hide people from our future other bc we “know” they are going to get jealous. Seriously?!? Give people the benefit of the doubt and a chance to meet if they are both that important to you. Also, if you have friends of the opposite sex who you know are trifflin, why do you consider them to be a friend to begin with? Maybe I am being too simplistic but if people were honest from the jump, a lot of our problems wouldn’t exist.
    As for me, there isn’t one guy friend that I would need to drop bc I entered into a relationship. My inner circle is small for a reason and it took me too long to find those few people that have my best interest at heart to let them go simply bc I got into a relationship. Now, for the acquaintances, I can always find more.

    • chunk

      PREACH. You saved me from typing a lot later.

      • Mena

        I do what I can :-)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      i feel you but i disagree on your main premise. i have actual friendships with people that i know other women would be suspicious of. without a doubt. not just acquaintances…but friends. people who know important things about me and me them. people i lean on when i need to lean.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Me too! I don’t judge my friends.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        And to be specific, your leaning is gangsta.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          that’s what she said.

          • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            Inappropriate!!

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              lol :)

      • Mena

        So then my premise is correct. Don’t see where the disagreement lies. You have friends that you feel a woman you date would have a problem with. Either she understands where you are coming from or she may not be someone you want to date.

      • Mena

        So then my premise is correct. Don’t see where the disagreement lies. You have friends that you feel a woman you date would have a problem with. Either she understands where you are coming from or she may not be someone you want to date.

      • Heartful

        If you don’t mind sharing, why would these women you would date be suspicious? What is it about the friendship that would anger the potential or prospective new girlfriend?

    • Heartful

      Agreed

  • Iceprincess

    As females, we know the difference between out truly platonic freinds & the “im frontin like im harmless but i wud f_ck the beejesus out of u givin the slightest chance” freinds. So i say keep the former & ditch the latter when in a relationship.

    • En Squared

      +1

      • Mdanielle

        Agreed!!!

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          Naw, I’m not ditching my friends. If I break up with dude, I’ll be azz out missing the friends I dumped for his azz.

  • Mdanielle

    Very interesting topic!! I’ve actually had a few of what I considered to be male close friends kick me to the curb once they got into relationships and I don’t know why because I didn’t think our friendship was inappropriate. However, I do have a male friend (strictly platonic) whom I’ve known for 9 years and we are extremely close and I can see how mine or his significant other would be upset about our friendship but I feel like if you trust your mate it shouldn’t matter and if you don’t then you don’t need to be with that person.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      you know, i think the if you trust them it shouldnt’ matter and if you dont you shouldnt’ be with them is too clean and tidy. like it makes sense, but removes the human element from everything.

      people in relationships dont always think rationally.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      ” I feel like if you trust your mate it shouldn’t matter and if you don’t then you don’t need to be with that person.”

      Problem is if your close friend’s girlfriend picked that vibe from you, she is liable to have an atittude with you. While I’m cool with friends, I don’t think that significant others should feel like the best friend is literally keeping her from being just as close with her man.