And Then I…Exhaled.

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Have you ever met somebody who’s breath literally whipped your ass whenever they spoke?

I know a person or two like this.  Needless to say, we stay texting one another.  My thumb game?  Vicious.

It gets to Gold-medal Olympic levels when the thought of conversation with those individuals even enters my mind.

Do you remember those Certs commercials where the dudes pulled out the huge Certs packs?  Good.

So let me tie this all up.  In middle school, there was this chick with less than stellar breath with a ginormous crush on me.  Me being the completely murderous smack-a-b*tch gangsta nice person that I am, despite her husky breath, I did my best to be swell towards her at all time.  I mean, hell, unrequited love is that bullsh*t right?

Well, in my youth, I was also prone to peer pressure.  And somehow I got myself mixed up in a ploy to out ole girl and her yakmouth in front of a bunch of people.  Instead of standing up to people and not hurting somebody who didn’t deserve it…

…I straight Cert’d her ass at a party one night.  Oh yeah, full monty ass commercial style and everything.  It was a spectacular performance.  F*cked up in every possible way.  As far as ways to humiliate somebody, lose a friend, and piss them off to tears in one fell swoop goes – I hit the perfect 10 on that ass.

Le sigh.

Man was I f*cked up.  But I was 13 at the time.  Thing is, I felt hella guilty about it for a long time.  She never did quite recover from that and I know she teetered on hating me for a the duration of our 8th grade year.  Of course, some teachers found out and sat me down as I was the shining pupil and shit.  Needless to say, I got a good talking too.

I still feel bad about it.  It was unnecessary and rude.  And being the uber-motherf*cking swell ninja that I am, it just ain’t right to be breaking young girls hearts.

By the way, I did apologize to her.  I tried my best to make amends.  It didn’t work.  I saw her like 13 years later…despite her pissededness at seeing me, I still had her stuck off the realness, I’m the infamous, you heard of son, official VSB murderer.  Yep, she wobble wobbled.

I’ve got more stories of assholishness – I actually made a chick beg me for the salami once…lol.  But we’d like to hear your stories.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done in a relationship?  Or even to somebody who just really liked you?  I know some of you have a conscience.

Let us be your couch.  Go ahead…woosah.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST

302 thoughts on “And Then I…Exhaled.”

  1. funny, my story is about a guy who had bad breath and had a huge crush on me too. i never outed him about his breath (i just always offered him gum everytime i saw him), instead I outed him about something else. i had an emotionally unavailable boyfriend at the time so he took it upon himself to be my ‘emotional tampon’ (he made up this title, i didn’t). In fact my brother used to call him ‘johnny on the spot’ because if i wanted pancakes at 2 in the morning he was there…with cambodian breast milk in the other hand. at any rate, he had this 5th grade style of flirting with me; you know he teased me in public, made witty jokes about my lack of pop culture knowledge, pulled my hair, got on my nerves etc. But one day, enough was enough. See he forgot how much I knew about him and his dirty ass ways. So, I told our mutual friends about the time I was over at his apartment and opened his dishwasher only to discover a family of maggots crawling all over his dishes. It was like poltergeist, y’all. i dry heaved for five minutes and drove my ass home. After that, I never ate at his house again, but after I told his friends about that nasty sh*t, things were never the same between us either. I also confronted him about his feelings towards me and told him that I would never like him back…this was equally crushing :( (no ladies, he wasn’t cute…not even with both eyes squinted)

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    • “emotional tampon”

      I can not stand you!! LOL… I don’t think I would let him name himself that..or refer to himself as such…in public or private! too funny!!!

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    • ‘‘johnny on the spot’ because if i wanted pancakes at 2 in the morning he was there…with cambodian breast milk in the other hand”

      Oh man did I do a guy so bad who had the biggest crush on me who was the aforementioed ‘johnny on the spot’….. I pretty much used him for months without giving him the ‘goodies’ and ended up sleeping with his cute roommate after a drunken party… I feel uber-shitty about it to this day, boy was I a big ol’ canniving slut at age 20, karma has sufficiently whooped my ass for the ill -ish I used to do…. smh, lol

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  2. ok…i am a considerate dumper…(as i have declared in a previous post) but there are some dudes that i wont even entertain, for various reason ranging from parole to man-tits…anyhow, last month i ran into a guy i went to high school with at the bus hub thingy downtown…he was still crushing on me…i made him so nervous his voice was cracking…it was cute…but he isnt…he kind of looks like LaunchPad McQuack from Ducktales (ooooooo oooh), but i digress…he invited me to his 30th bday party and gave me his number…im nice and he invited me so i planned to go…i called for directions and his mom answered the phone, she said he wasnt home yet but his curfew is 11 so call then and then goes on to tell me that i sound too smart to date her boy, hes been living w/ her since high school and isnt motivated…Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?… can u see my face? can u see me throwing the flag(s) on the play(s)? i skipped the party and now everytime i see him at the transit center i act like i cant hear him calling my name or see him waving me down or feel him tapping my shoulder…but only cuz i dont know how to tell him that being 30 with long ass relaxed hair, living w/ ur mama, having a curfew and a mom that says you are fruitless are all things that are the antithesis of attractive to me…you know sans his uncanny LaunchPad McQuack-ness…

    next time i see him…i will just tell him i have a boyfriend…i dont want to offend him, hes a sweet guy and someone will find him attractive and hatch permed out ducklings at his mamas house before 11pm…but just not me…i feel kind of bad for even typing this…but it was cathartic and i feel better…

    VSB worked for me!

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  5. My shortest relationship was one week. It happened when I was a senior in high school. I broke up with the guy because his breath stank and I couldn’t deal with talking to him and he wanted to be around me every day–just couldn’t do it and had to give him the boot. I never told him it was his breath. That was one of those times I just said, it’s not working out and that I didn’t want to be his girlfriend anymore. He couldn’t figure out why after only a week that I would come up with that conclusion. Silly me, thought I could get past the breath, but couldn’t. He was so cute and fine so I had overlooked it. To this day, he tells everyone I broke his heart but unless he’s reading this, he still doesn’t know the real reason :)

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    • “To this day, he tells everyone I broke his heart but unless he’s reading this, he still doesn’t know the real reason ”

      i can imagine some terribly bad breathed guy sitting at some pc somewhere fogging up the screen, reading this and crying

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  6. I was talking to this guy in like my senior year of highschool and everything was kosher until I saw his hands and he had a nerve to try and stroke my hand w/ his. Well…yeah, no problem right?! NO your wrong. Dude had like midget hands and plus on top of that they were crusted over, sandpaper–ish, busting brick type hands, crack and bleed any moment type of hands; lets just say any word you can come up w/ to describe dry, thick, and callus-it was him. It was just the mere thought of him trying to touch me or make any excuse to touch me and I happily made excuses to not touch him and ended this very short but one of the longest weeks of my life.

    I mean hey…I love hands and sandpaper I will not tolerate AT ALL

    Just picture the dude from scary movie trying to help the person in the window w/ his midget callus hand…I just rather go kill myself. LOL

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  7. im over here tryna mediate on something viscious I”ve DONE and I can’t really think of anything.

    oh wait…I do have one I’m about to do…(but I don’t think its so bad)

    There is little situation on the side of my house where YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO PARK. But my neighbor parks there anyway on the weekend even after I told her that Im hooking sprinklers up. So she can drive her “special car”.

    So she parks her “unspecial car” right up next to my petunias. Well I got a surprise for her dat tomorrow morning.

    She parks there for the weekend at 6am. I’ve bought a timer for my sprinklers. And every 15 minutes its gonna spray. So she can park there tomorrow morning if she wants to.

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    • I still did try to meditate on a relationship …and I had to offer up my sprinkler situation.

      I’m rather perfect in one. no visiciousness here..oh wait..

      ok this JUST came to me. But I we had BROKEN UP. This was a LONG LONG time ago. This dude took some butt azz naked pictures of himself ..sending them to this other chick. I forwarded those pics to everybody in his address book.

      but was that viscious…what nasty azz takes pics of their penis and fowards.

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    • “She parks there for the weekend at 6am. I’ve bought a timer for my sprinklers. And every 15 minutes its gonna spray. So she can park there tomorrow morning if she wants to.”

      The Comeback Girl…I bet she won’t park there anymore. Hope she has her windows up.

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  9. i already spoke about the most vicious thing ive done:

    ***taken from http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/a-fish-named-karma/***

    “a decade ago, while the champ was still a college-aged “challenger”, i used technology to intentionally hurt and embarrass someone who i thought had disrespected me.”

    i also broke up with my fiancee 4 months before we were supposed to get married. it was inevitable and completely the right decision, but still…i guess it does rank pretty high up there in f*ckedupedness

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    • “i also broke up with my fiancee 4 months before we were supposed to get married. it was inevitable and completely the right decision, but still…i guess it does rank pretty high up there in f*ckedupedness”

      hell to the fyk yeah…I’d sue dat azz (ok maybe not) …you know a woman did sue this dude who broke an engagement, a jury awarded her 100k (emotional distress, vera wang dress, invitations, and EMBARRASSMENT)

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    • i also broke up with my fiancee 4 months before we were supposed to get married. it was inevitable and completely the right decision, but still…i guess it does rank pretty high up there in f*ckedupedness

      I don’t think it’s f*cked up…if you left and it was for good reason,..then she knew it too..but didn’t want to be the first to abandon the investment…you were the “bigger person”…so remove this from your “naughty” list…you’ve been absolved!

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    • “i also broke up with my fiancee 4 months before we were supposed to get married. it was inevitable and completely the right decision, but still…i guess it does rank pretty high up there in f*ckedupedness”

      I did the same a few years ago…we were about 3 1/2 months out. Course I didn’t completely break it off then, since we lived together…broke everything up in stages. I learned that drawing sh*t out does NOT make things easier.

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    • “i also broke up with my fiancee 4 months before we were supposed to get married”

      What made you change your mind?

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    • “i also broke up with my fiancee 4 months before we were supposed to get married. it was inevitable and completely the right decision, but still…i guess it does rank pretty high up there in f*ckedupedness”

      Call me cold, but I don’t think its EFFed up. It’s better to break it up then 10 years down the line, u try to muff her w/ a pillow while she sleeping b/c u hate her guts. I think it takes more courage to end it when you realize its broken, than to continue in an empty shell of a relationship.

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  10. The worst thing I’ve done is recently.. I was dating this guy. He was cool. A little agressive secretly I called him to my friends “the silverback gorilla” cause he was like 6’6 and super aggressive. So we dated for a couple months and then eventually we did the deed or at least I think we did the deed. Dude had a “pigs in a blanket” sized wienersnitzel.. basically the deed was terrible. So afterwards..well during..ok I let him finish.. so then I got up and left. He called, he texted, he emailed for months. I just never picked up the phone.

    Wrong? Maybe. Thats why you should look at the goods before you get it! Literally..

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    • OMG!! a pig in a blanket? you should have answered the phone and just told him that he wasn’t what you are used to physically and it wouldn’t work for you…

      see? I can tell a brother his d*ck is too little but not that he is too sorry and unnattractive for me to take him seriously…but bad sex is a tangible reason…LaunchPad was ineligible for the opportunity to provide a tangible reason…

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    • “Wrong? Maybe. Thats why you should look at the goods before you get it! Literally..”

      I’m a firm believer in the touch test. Or have them send you a pic on the cell phone…lol

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      • I really thought it had the possibility of getting bigger. it just never did. you know how some people look like they arent working with anything and then it grows and your like “chi chi chi chia!” its all of a sudden HUGE ..well this wasnt the case. And that shoe size myth ..clearly a myth..!

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          • HILARIOUS! Yeah… but you can tell before it’s at the fully extended size if it’s workable or not.

            I should have known better. But I figured he may be able to work it in a way that would feel somewhat good. Boi was I wrong.

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      • ***disclaimer***brothers, DO NOT send UNSOLICITED piece pics…

        yeah if I am unsure…I ask for a pic msg…and I ask for several different ones from several different angles…cuz the camera add 10 lbs…lol…

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    • I have done that so many times…. when disappointed by the goods. I don’t stick around for the after-glow cuddle confessional. I just be OUT!

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  11. yo P that bitch breaf was, HUSKY? guyt-dam P. HUSKY?

    LOL!

    i got stories like a mu fuc*a but i got shit to do today too.

    i’ll be back.

    Congrats on the Black Web Award Nods again too niacuz!

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  12. Hands down… the worst thing I’ve done was tell a man to leave when he didn’t perform up to my “standards” in the bedroom. Yep, I had no hard feelings about it either. I feel it’s rude for a woman to allow a man to believe he’s done some great deed when really and truly I could have ate some pizza and watched good times until I fell asleep versus experience that plain foolery. I explained to him that he was not fulfilling (literally) in any way, shape or form. Too many men out here to be wasting time with that nonesense. I think I was like 20 yrs old when all this went down. *shaking my head*

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    • I explained to him that he was not fulfilling (literally) in any way, shape or form.

      holy crap!! see… I got more tact than that…but I feel you…it’s community service and sh*t!!

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      • @GOODENess – more like a charity case. But technically it wasn’t that because I didn’t even let dude finish.

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    • ” I could have ate some pizza and watched good times until I fell asleep versus experience that plain foolery”

      let me see..JJ over the Vajay jay…hmmm…I still might pick the Vajajy, ms. Freckles. Sometimes its in the mind.

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    • Mrs Freckles don’t feel bad about that because if you didn’t perform up to his expectations homeboy would either a drop you like a hot potatoe or string you along and cheat on you later.

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      • @Shelia – I concur. Although the goodness of Ms. Freckles will never disappoint! LMAO. But you’re right… if a woman sucks in bed, a man is just as fast to kick her to the curb.

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  13. Okay…I thought of a few.

    #1:
    Well—I strung this dude along for an entire year. He was basically what I call “an entertainment guy”. I had no actual plans to even get with this guy, but this was back when I was being really evil and not really caring about anyone’s feelings. Plus I was dating a few other guys at the same time so he was really not of top priority. We never even went out once. We talked on the phone the whole time!! 11 ½ months into this charade he called me at 6am drunk as hell. Telling me that he hated me and I shoulda been glad to have a man of his “caliber” interested in me. I laughed in his face.

    #2: I made a dude stop mid-stroke because he was boring me to tears. I sent his azz home. I figured if I wasn’t gonna get one, he wasn’t either.

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    • Ok. i’ve kinda done this .. I dated a guy and dumped him about 4 times. on the 4th time I acted like i actually wanted something with him.. when i didnt.. i just wanted him to want me. then i told him i didnt want him once he wanted to take it further.. ughhh.. hope this doesnt come back on me.

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      • “Ok. i’ve kinda done this .. I dated a guy and dumped him about 4 times. on the 4th time I acted like i actually wanted something with him.. when i didnt.. i just wanted him to want me. then i told him i didnt want him once he wanted to take it further.. ughhh.. hope this doesnt come back on me.”

        he stuck around to get picked back up 3 freakin times???

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        • YUP… I’d call and be like ..”i changed my mind” or he would keep calling until I answered or agree to do lunch with him or coffee. he just kept trying..

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    • I made a dude stop mid-stroke because he was boring me to tears. I sent his azz home. I figured if I wasn’t gonna get one, he wasn’t either.

      this sh*t was EVIL…I am talking pinky to lips and smirk evil!!

      I wonder if any of our VSB men have ever made a chick raise up on some old “your snatch is wack” type sh*t…

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        • @Jolie…but WHY did you fake sick…you have to elaborate…this is VSB for f*ck’s sake…you know better…we like to read and sh*t….lol

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          • Well it was Freshman year in college. And me and this dude were getting hot in heavy in his dorm room. Well I went to do the “feel test” and I looked down and to my amazement, shock and aww.. I saw was looked like a catapillar or a rollie poley. I had never seen an uncut wiener and it literally scared the shat out of me! I thought to myself.. does he have a disease, is he deformed! I did not know what to do .. but I knew I wasnt gonna do him. So being 17 at the time I did what I could and started dry heaving like I was going to throw up and told him that I thought I had food poisoning and I had to go. I fixed myself put on my shoes and ran out the door. Theres the story..

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            • “uncut wiener”

              I call this turtleneck action.
              Yeah he could have warned you about his unit.
              That’s not nice…at all.

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              • “at the time .. i didnt know they came looking different… I mean people should really tell you that in sex ed.”

                yeah. they dont tell you about squirters either. maybe we should write a revamped sex-ed curriculum and distribute it to school districts

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              • yeah. they dont tell you about squirters either. maybe we should write a revamped sex-ed curriculum and distribute it to school districts

                LMAO!!!!

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              • I think squirting should remain a surprise…I love the looks on their faces…and if we broadcast it…those that don’t squirt will develop self esteem issues…we can’t have that…

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            • I have tears in my eyes…I too have been caught off gaurd by the foreskin…(or peek-a-boo-piece) I am not sure how I feel about it because when the meat puppet is performing, you can almost barely a little but still tell…lol… but they don’t tell you that stuff in school and I have yet to see some uncut pern or “intimate massager”…and ummm…how does head go with that extra set of lips at the end…wow… I think I’m sick, now…turtle necks need PR person…damn… I wish I was in PR…

              I had a guy that wanted me to be hist “first”, I told dude I woudn’t sleep with him because he wasn’t circumsized…so his 18 yr old ass went and got snipped…after that.. I felt obligated since he ad gone through such trouble…(PSA… just say no to virgins…)

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              • turtle necks need PR person

                Yep…IMO, it’s not bad, just different. I never had any trouble with one…matter of fact, my first was actually a “turtleneck”…though I realized it like years after the fact.

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            • when i first read this, i was on the bus on my way to work and laughed so hard everybody on the bus stopped and stared. funny!!! i had an experience like that where i straight lied too. i told the guy i wasn’t ‘ready to take our friendship to that level’. at it wasn’t because he had a meat puppet…it was because of the fact that when he was inside of me for those 2 seconds i thought it was his finger. i don’t think you should ever ever ever tell a man it’s because of his size. ever!
              *miss p has left the building*

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      • “I wonder if any of our VSB men have ever made a chick raise up on some old “your snatch is wack” type sh*t…”

        i havent done that, but i’ve had this morning convo numerous times

        chick sleeping with the champ (cswtc): “so youre not gonna apologize???”

        the champ: “for what??”

        cswtc: “for falling asleep while i was on top of you last night!”

        the champ: “oh. my bad.”

        *couple moments of awkward silence*

        the champ: “do you want a waffle?”

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        • “couple moments of awkward silence*

          the champ: “do you want a waffle?”

          The Champ your humor is on point this morning. I’m going to get in trouble laughing so loud over here. One question–did she take the waffle? ROFLMAO

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        • Champ…absotutely HILARIOUS son! I mean, I’m mad at the chicas for staying once they realized you were actually asleep…and even more mad that they expected you to apologize for THEIR wackness (I’m gonna assume that’s why you passed out in the middle of the “happenings”).

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          • I don’t even know how they stayed for that waffle. I woulda been so embarrased I probably would have left in the middle of the night.

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        • wow…you have had this convo numerous times?? where are you finding thes women? I am assuming (praying) that this wasn’t with the same girl more than once!! you need to refine you cooch query…cuz I am running out of flags to throw on this play!

          I mean did they literally rock you to sleep??

          damn…now I want a waffle…

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          • the thing that many women dont realize is that there are times ya’ll just want a nut and we just want some sleep, and, because i’m a nice guy, i try to oblige. there have been times where i literally rolled over and fell asleep as soon as she got hers, and, others where fatigue just kicked my ass.

            it happens.

            i’ve only fallen asleep due to a boring ass bone twice (i think) though

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            • how nice of you…however, SHE/THEY should have realized that if you were that tired, to fall back and handle it themselves…least that’s what I would have done. him falling asleep for ANY reason means I’m not doing my job…

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      • Mid-stroke…that’s what’s up! I was never mean enough to stop them…but they got put out quickly after and NEVER got an explanation as to why they couldn’t have the goodies again.

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  14. I’ve persuaded a girl who liked me to break up with her man, then after she did it I told her I didnt want to be with her either.

    I had a girl i was dating and her best friend on the telephone. It was after a party, and the girl best friend was drunk. I asked the girls best friend to come over and let me hit, while ol girl was on the phone. Girls best friend said yes and was seriously about to leave the house. Girl I was dating got mad at her girl, and they proceeded to get into a fight. I laughed at them the whole time then went to sleep.

    I had an ongoing affair with a married woman. She told me she would leave her marriage for me if I asked her to, but I told her I couldnt be that man for her. Eventually her husband found out and all hell broke loose. Her husband knew of me, we werent boys but we knew each other. After he stopped threatening to kill me, he began to tell me all of his wifes personal secrets she didnt tell me. I voluntarily told him some things about her he didnt know. She called me, telling me more negative things about him. For a whole month a got calls from both husband and wife, and eventually friends and family around all involved knew what had happened. They are still together but they still have alot of problems, and my name still comes up in conversations often.

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    • I am mad at case three! not you…not cuz she was married…but the “sitch” in general…HOW IN THE F*CK are you going to call your wife’s mister (the masculine tense of mistress) and tell him anything other than “don’t let me catch you slipping ni99a!” I mean really? and then ya’ll trading “secrets” and “bidness” about her…and she calls to “tell” on him…the only thing that let’s me know that this occured post high school (cuz it sounds grade level to me) is the fact that they were married…(smh) it’s like they were campaigning for your approval…and they are stil together? I mean WOOOOW!

      NMH… I love you…lawd knows I do…and it never ceases to amaze how the most DOPE folks get caught in the most ridiculous situations…

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      • It literally went from “your soul is required in hell” to “man i try my best to be a good husband, she doesnt respect me” in a day. We all were still pretty young then. They are still together, the issues they have now are the same they had in the beginning, but they work on it…I wish I hadnt even entertained them, I wouldve just changed my number and vanished.

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    • Sitch 1 is foolish

      Sitch 2 is honestly hilarious and sad in the same fashion.

      And Sitch 3 just has me shaking my head. Yall shoulda hashed it out on Jerry Springer.

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  15. I’ve persuaded a girl who liked me to break up with her man, then after she did it I told her I didnt want to be with her either.

    Ouch.

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  16. Damn y’all are mean!

    I just got basic college hijinks like throwing girls out after head treatment, making chicks walk home in the middle of the night through north philly, having random girls buy me sneakers/trips and letting me use their cars. But nothing on the level of breaking up marriages or nothing.

    Oh I did mess with this engaged girl one time. Their relationship was on the rocks though, not that that makes it better, but i”m saying.

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  17. Alright, my story (one of the ones I don’t feel bad about lol)…

    I dated this one guy in high school. He and I had had a crush on each other for several years, but didn’t finally make it happen until our senior year. One day, we got out of school early, and he came over to the crib. We did the do…and I was so disappointed once we got to the act itself…his foreplay game was that FIYA…but his “tool” left much to be desired…I couldn’t feel anything when he put it in. The fool had the nerve to call me a few days later and ask me “I hope you don’t mind about my size”. I was all, no, of course not…knowing full well he wasn’t getting anywhere near me again.
    A month or so later, some sh*t broke out, and I found out he’d been dating two freshman girls and talking isht about me. Well, unfortunately for him…my revenge involved telling ALL my friends about his little peter. We’d even walk past each other in the hallway and hold up our pinky or thumb if he was in the vicinity. Once he figured out what we were doing…that ninja wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the year…literally, the most he said was goodbye to me at graduation. To this day, this still make me giggle…yeah, it was f’ed up, but it’s still funny to me.

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    • “I hope you don’t mind about my size”

      This makes me sad, its like he knew he was lacking and was apologizing for it…even though its nothing he can control.

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      • You’d think that would have stopped him from trying to bad-mouth me…but alas, his bad…he SO looked foolish later on. I don’t feel bad for him…dat ninja has probably fooled other chicks with his wackosity…and probably has about 5 or 6 lil’ bebe’s running around Houston.

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      • “I hope you don’t mind about my size”

        damn…if you’re little and you know it clap your hands!!

        he knew he was “lacking” and had the nerve to talk sh*t after you excused his “short-coming”…no ma’am…my guitar doth not weep for him! he had to learn it the hard way…at a certain point.. size does matter!

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  18. The second half of my junior year in high school, I was dating this chick that was crazy head over heels for me, but I really didn’t plan on having the relationship last past the summertime. Thing is, my birthday is in October… So, I told her that my birthday was in March so that I could get a birthday gift out of her.

    She ended up going and buying me a gift with her mom (balloons and everything), and they BOTH came to my parent’s house to surprise me. When I saw them drive up, I begged and begged my mom to go along with it, just until they left, which she did. I dumped her after the school year was over.

    It was a pretty close call, and I felt like crap afterwards. Thing is, I met up with her again in college and came clean. Boy that felt good. I ended up getting the drawls again!

    Reply ↓

    • I LOVE IT!! you got your mom to lie for you…and then got the drawals in college on some old “cmoing clean to me makes you so honest and therefoe f*ckable” type sh*t…you are a hero! lol

      Reply ↓

    • “It was a pretty close call, and I felt like crap afterwards. Thing is, I met up with her again in college and came clean. Boy that felt good. I ended up getting the drawls again!”

      This aint a diss 2 ur game but why in the hell would she give u the drawls again??? Us women GOTTA do betta!

      Reply ↓

  19. I was stuck on what I was going to share but I got one…….so I invite this guy over and he has been talking COW SHIT about what he can do and blah blah blah. My friends have called me mean but if you arent doing anything my remote is in reach and I will turn it on and let u finish your little nut. Sorry I got sidetracked but this dude thinks he is doing something and he is talking shizt. 5 strokes and the sweat hits my face……ARE U SERIOUS? I wanted to throw up. EWWWWWW. I hate sweat especially because you have tuned me out and are going for the gold all alone……………………………..I had to get up. He thought we were about to kick it. NO SIR. Get out ASAP.

    I had another one but…………………………………….viewer discrection adviced. I will leave that alone.

    Reply ↓

    • “I had another one but…………………………………….viewer discrection adviced. I will leave that alone.”

      Sharing is caring.

      Reply ↓

    • utc115… uh uh no way…you KNOW better than that…VSb is the birthplace and home of TMI..so spill it!

      and umm.. I learned my leasson about sh*t talkers! and empty wagon makes a lot of fuggin noise!

      Reply ↓

    • okay I stepped away from my laptop and all i had was my phone.

      I was in college and the guy in question lived two hours away. I always had a neat room. I had put fresh linen on my bed for my company. This fool came straight in ready to do the do. Again he is effortlessly pumpin and within seconds of entering me he pulls out and cums all over my comforter. I CALL BULLSHIT. not on my fresh linen. granted I didnt want it in me but ON MY COMFORTER…….that azz had to leave and he had just drove two hours NEVER TO RETURN. No towel to clean himself or anything. As Martin would say: GET TA STEPPIN…………

      Reply ↓

  20. Only guy I can think of that I have ever been really wrong to is Wayne. Poor ole Wayne. What is even worse is, I could still do him wrong to this very day, because he always makes sure to be in my periphery in case I might wanna be with him again.

    Well, we were together and I was young. This was before I got with my son’s father. I had met a guy named Dee that I was crushing on a bit. Ok crushing on a lot. He had a girl (well she was the baby momma). Wayne and I were at his baby momma’s house (Dee was living there at the time) and we had been drinking playing spades, etc. All of us were pretty wasted, so Wayne and I ended up staying the night there. Dee left for whatever reason and left his drunk baby moms there. Well, I somehow got her over to the bed Wayne and I were laying on, and started “messing’ with Wayne. Then I got HER to “mess” with Wayne. This eventually led to Wayne doing her. He thought wow I was so cool to lead him to different snatch. Yeah … lol. Well about a month later there was some unhappiness going on with Dee and BM, so I told him that Wayne did her. Wayne got slightly assaulted and I broke up with him, BM got her feelings hurt and got dumped as well. I at least waiting a week (out of respect and shit) before I made my moves on him. He liked my moves.

    Story number 2 with Wayne … after the above mentioned story, about 3 months after that I met my son’s father. When our son was about 3 or 4 years old pops and I had a falling out. I don’t remember about what, but we broke up and he moved to Maine. Guess he had to get far away from me or some shit. I ran into Wayne at the movie theater and we started dating again. Wayne is sometimes too nice of a guy, and really lets his family take advantage of him, especially his mother. After we had been dating for like 7 months, hes all confessing love and wants to marry me and blah blah blah. I get drunk one evening partying with some friends. Well, when I get drunk I get a smidge of the horny. I called him and told him as such and basically demanded he bring me his manhood. He said his mom took his car and he didn’t have a way. I was like LOOK DAMMIT … either you come handle this or imma let this dude here “Miami” handle it. Well Wayne didn’t come thru … and I let my inner whore reign for the evening. I called Wayne the next morning to let him know I had cheated on him, and well, my bad. Wayne said nah, he understood it was his fault he wasn’t there for me. So I broke up with him for being a bitch. I guess he found his balls somewhere because he then proceeds to a woman’s house that I know (he couldn’t have chose an uglier person) and fucked her. He knew I hated her. He had her call me and on some trife ass “My bad Cheryl, I think I left my bra in your man’s car.” I told her he wasn’t my man anymore, but I was still gonna come kick her ass anyways. And I did. They continued to see each other for a few months after that, then broke up but by that time I was back with my son’s pops.

    I’m more mean to people I’m not dating. And have revenge acted on me more times than once … I have funny stories.

    Reply ↓

      • Well, Dee started to really go in on him, and Dee could have seriously hurt him. I didn’t think he really needed to be beat down for his actions. So I kinda stepped in and directed Dee’s attention to BM. He got hit a few times, no real injuries; ergo slightly assaulted.

        Reply ↓

      • putting me in the corner only gives me time to think of other devious stuff to do.

        idle hands and shit.

        Reply ↓

      • CHAMP…you mean you are going to put ME and CHERYL in the same corner and expect that to make things better?? I think you just like using the corner to create bigger monsters…LOL

        Reply ↓

    • CHERYL!! I can’t even READ story #2!! are you fuggin kidding me?? you set up a ninja to 2.5some with your crushes baby mama only to reveal said transgression to the crush in order to bag him free and clear?? I love you and sh*t.. you know I do…but did the Old Testament know about this mess?? if he did, THIS is why “Churchy Mc Jesus” said you were a demon…that was some cold blooded calculatory type sh*t that ended in “slight assault”…girl…the hell express is waiting on you! no worries…we can be roomies…LOL

      I think you get the “most f*cked up shit I done did” award…

      Reply ↓

      • I have only told that story twice. Once was to Wayne to come clean, several years after it happened. Then here. I’m sure if I sat here and thought about it, I could come up with several other not-so-nice shit I did (but not necessarily to someone I dated … but I am sure I have some of those, too).

        I hope this falls under the most f*cked up … I’m gonna have to stop thinking before I come up with worse.

        Reply ↓

        • ok I finally read the second one…CHERYL, you are a fuggin gangster…and when we get to hell…we will be co-conspirators in a plot to overthrow the Devil! it will be glorious!! (rolling neck and snapping) glow-ree-uhs!!

          Reply ↓

  21. What’s really hood VSB fam!? THE BABY IS BORN! Her name is Chloe Bianca and she kicked her way out of the womb weighing 7.5 lbs and 19.5 inches long. I’m planning on putting some pics on one of those Kodak sites so you guys can see her.

    On the issue at hand…I haven’t done any f-ed up things to any woman’s face (behind there back is a different story…yikes). I generally reserve my f*cked-up-edness for dudes who get outta pocket.

    Bad stuff I’ve done to women:

    Hooked up with a girl and her roommate(s)
    Hooked up with a girl and her friend(s)
    Hooked up with a girl and her cousin(s)
    Openly dumped women to get with other women

    That is about it. oh wait a minute…I feel really bad preceding this ancient story with the news of my daughter’s arrival but…oh, well.

    A while back…I was cool with this older chick who was mixed but wasn’t well in tuned with her Black side. She had a white boyfriend of 6 years with whom she was “deeply in love. ” Anyway, one day we went out for drinks and she let me know that she had never been with a black man and was wondering if it were true that all black man had big jammalammas. I said..”well, I can’t speak for anybody but myself…”. She wanted to see the goods so I showed her (at the bar mind you). five minutes later we were outside in an alley and she is putting her degree to good use (if you know what I mean). Anyway, after a few weeks and countless outdoor romps, she realized that she wants to leave her man for me. Yikes! She said that her man was little and didn’t satisfy her… and that she wants brown babies. (Yep…she said she wanted brown babies). WHOA!!!! And who the f8ck was she talking to??? I was waaaay too young to be thinking about anything of the sort….not to mention the fact that I didn’t even like her like that. Anyway…I immediately became Dr. Phil and started to try to patch up her relationship. Counseling her on how to repair the sh*t. All the while accepting bj’s for my services. Eventually, I had to dead her all together because she became emphatic about her desire to be with the kid.

    Reply ↓

      • umm..you shouda been doing that….can I get a logo please? I want to make a “www.verysmartbrothas.com” beater for the Nas/Kweli show on 8/26..I for real and shit!
        and I think I am going to make my son a shirt that says “VSB in training”… available in youth sizes only…

        Reply ↓

      • Does this mean anything?

        D is the first to have a VSB baby, I know Queen is in the family way too, but should we start a scholarship fund, Im just sayin’…Should a portion of the proceeds from Tshirt sales go to said scholarship fund

        Maybe Im just getting carried away?

        Reply ↓

        • NO…sorry little C*Stroy is the first birth in the fam..

          but the first OFFICIAL REAL DEAL HOLYFIELD first VSB baby, would technically have to be the product of a hookup that was born on the blog…

          I’m just saying…LMAO.. and that might not happen until 9 months after the VSB picnic…

          Reply ↓

          • C*Stroy! LMAO!

            Goodeness, I’m telling her that you single-handedly f-ed up her scholarship. Thank you I.H. for being considerate.

            LOL

            Reply ↓

            • Never let it be said that I dont Luv the kids!!!

              @ D~fist to chest 2 times finger tips to the lips kiss and a peace sign

              Reply ↓

            • whatever…she will benefit from her daddy e-knowing “aunt good”… at least she is now “C*Stroy”…that’s gotta be worth something! lol

              Reply ↓

    • “putting her degree to good use”

      what did she do wrap your joint up in it ***looking bewildered***

      What was her degree in? City Planning? Landscape Architecture? Urban Planning and Development? I mean you were in an alley and had subsequent outdoor romps.

      ***Lost***

      Reply ↓

      • Don’t worry IH *holding up right bent arm* do you know what this is it’s a wing and your under it. There you are right by the rippling forearm.

        *clearing throat* I believe the gentle man was refering to her Lawinski style learnedness.

        Reply ↓

      • Wu nailed it. It was a reference to a line spit by the great Lil Wayne (aka Dwayne Carter) “…give good brain like she graduated from a good school”

        Reply ↓

        • oh! so she had an advanced degree from the Einstein School of Middle Management ;)

          Im with you Now

          Reply ↓

    • Mister Stroy…CONGRATULATIONS onf the seedling…now sir…oyour only job is to keep her off the pole! lol…

      and as for that mandingo move you pulled on the shelterd half sister…I am both proud and shocked…how you gonna get in her head…if you’re getting her head!??! lol… yeah ummm… clever!

      Reply ↓

    • D*STROY!!! YOU’RE BACK!!! YAY!!!! Congratulations on the beautiful baby girl!!! Hey, is she a Cancer or a Leo? inquiring minds wanna know! *virtual hugs and dap*

      Reply ↓

      • Leo! after a few false starts she finally came out on Monday 7/28/08!

        To everybody,

        Thanks for all of the well wishes and the kind sentiments.

        Reply ↓

  22. (Sinister Giggle)

    I am not even touching this one today. Just trying to choose one off the really messed up things I did in my younger days is giving me a headache. Suffice it to say that I was once the King of Assholetopia, if I could do it then it was done, but i have since renounced my crown.

    Reply ↓

  23. My girls and I THANK GOD Daily that we were in college before cell phones and the internet reigned. Cause that would have been Dangerous!

    I have many stories, some are mine and some are what I have witnessed.

    All of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, the guilty and the mean (but mostly to protect the guilty and the mean)

    Story 1:

    my girls (5 of them) shared an apartment in college. They were all attractive women. Well 5 young attractive college women tend to attract a lot of attention especially when your apartment always has other attractive college aged women visiting. Well in this apartment (the door of which was never locked) I stayed overnight many a time and could be found their lounging on one of the oversized couches watching Animaniacs on any given afternoon. We came and went, and so did the men, some of them to visit and “watch animaniacs and drink pepsi” while others had different intentions. One young man, we will call him Tim, would come over on a regular basis, bringing food and beverage (when in college you know that might as well be a coach bag or tiffany bracelet). Tim would come over almost daily to check in on “Amanda”. Amanda would sometimes entertain him, often not really paying him too much mind cause her boo of the week was layed up passed out in her bed, and Tim knew this. It got so bad that the girls posted up a white tube sock by the door with a nail to the wall, and whenever Tim was alluded to the sweat sock was pointed to. To this day I can’t remember Tim’s real name because whenever we tell stories of him he is referred to as “sweat sock”. He never did get with Amanda, and I believe the only reason he stopped coming by was because he graduated. Im sure he was a nice guy.

    Reply ↓

    • “my girls (5 of them) shared an apartment in college. They were all attractive women. Well 5 young attractive college women tend to attract a lot of attention especially when your apartment always has other attractive college aged women visiting. Well in this apartment (the door of which was never locked) I stayed overnight many a time and could be found their lounging on one of the oversized couches watching Animaniacs on any given afternoon. We came and went, and so did the men, some of them to visit and “watch animaniacs and drink pepsi” while others had different intentions. One young man, we will call him Tim, would come over on a regular basis, bringing food and beverage (when in college you know that might as well be a coach bag or tiffany bracelet). Tim would come over almost daily to check in on “Amanda”. Amanda would sometimes entertain him, often not really paying him too much mind cause her boo of the week was layed up passed out in her bed, and Tim knew this. It got so bad that the girls posted up a white tube sock by the door with a nail to the wall, and whenever Tim was alluded to the sweat sock was pointed to. To this day I can’t remember Tim’s real name because whenever we tell stories of him he is referred to as “sweat sock”. He never did get with Amanda, and I believe the only reason he stopped coming by was because he graduated. Im sure he was a nice guy.”

      the point of the sweatsock (and, quite frankly, the entire story) has been lost on me. please expound

      Reply ↓

      • Sorry, because I know the storry so intimately I left out ALot of detail

        Tim was SWEATING Amanda HARD! coming over all the time and most times she had some man that she just sexed in her bed, and dude in the bed would be passed out or Amanda and dude would be laid up in the bed while Tim was chillin on the couch sometimes chillin by himself, cause none of Amanda’s housemates would be there (yes he would let himself in) or he would be chillin with me or another of the friends that were visiting. At the time it was uncomfortable cause the walls were paper thin and you could here Amanda and dude doing the do.

        Reply ↓

        • “Tim was SWEATING Amanda HARD! coming over all the time and most times she had some man that she just sexed in her bed, and dude in the bed would be passed out or Amanda and dude would be laid up in the bed while Tim was chillin on the couch sometimes chillin by himself, cause none of Amanda’s housemates would be there (yes he would let himself in) or he would be chillin with me or another of the friends that were visiting. At the time it was uncomfortable cause the walls were paper thin and you could here Amanda and dude doing the do.”

          lol…ok. i get it and shit.

          Reply ↓

    • Why is it chicks tollerate so much company? I totally know the dynamic I was always @ least somewhat close to one of these apts in school.

      But yall called him sweat sock. hahaha lol

      Reply ↓

    • I think you should die. I want you to not be alive anymore. I am not even talking to you. I am not talking to you but to your heart. If there is any justice in this world, can you please stop pumping blood to this moron for telling a story like that and wasting 2 minutes of my life.

      Reply ↓

    • “I stayed overnight many a time and could be found their lounging on one of the oversized couches watching Animaniacs on any given afternoon.”

      Animaniacs was THE SHIT! I can sing the theme song right now! “It’s time for Animaniacs, we’re insany to the max…”

      Reply ↓

  24. Fisrt off…I didn’t make nobody do nothin’!
    This particular person happend to be a punk…and I just wasn’t aware of his punk assness until I was already in it…*but then I exploited it…so shame on me for that part*
    …and so the story begins like…

    I was tired…as hell…altho, not sure there is much slepping in hell but I digress…
    It had to be about 2 in the morning and this *man* (for lack of a better word than punk ass batty boy)… kept moving around and telling me he wasn’t sleepy yet.
    Me being me…all nice and shit…told him that he was either gonna have to find some sleep somewhere…or leave the premises.
    He keot figgiting around and couldn’t get comfortable.
    Finally, me being fed up and maybe…jusy maybe…a little asshole-ish…told him he’s gonna have to lay his ass on the floor or get out.
    He gets out of bed… now I started drifting off to sleep then it dawned on me that I wasn’t hearing anything from him anymore…
    So I get up to see where he is…and his dumb ass is laying on the kitchen floor rug…all balled up in the fetal poistion.
    I told him to get the fuck out of my house and neva come back.
    He didn’t even go lay on the couch or something…
    I mean…seriously…what kind of man does that?!!

    As I stated… I ain’t make that man do nothing!
    *if he wasn’t known for leaving at least $500 everytime he came to visit me…I’dda let his ass go after that kitchen floor thing. Damn bastard, why he godda be like that.*

    Reply ↓

  25. It’s very rare that I share my stories of F*ck’d up-ped-ness with anyone because even now… MANY many years later I am still a bit ashamed. In Elementary you know we’re all learning about our bodies and at the same time starting puberty… now some of us have parents that give us the proper tools and information to handle such things as hygiene. It seemed as if this girl in my class … had no hygienic training. So she was funky as HeLL… all day long. She would kill the entire classroom after lunch recess. Me being bothered by this daily offense, decided to speak with my mother about it. To which she advised me to give her some deodorant… but in a nice way… The story went like this….

    Parental advised dialogue: Hey A* my mother buys me this b/c now that I’m a pre-teen I sweat differently than I used too. Why don’t you give it a try!

    My actual dialogue: Hey A*… you are really funky… you NEED to use this. We all tired of smelling you.

    I said this in front of an entire group of people…. To which she had a number of negatives to express about me. But at that point I didn’t really care. All I know is… after the weekend… she must have gotten the hint b/c the entire class was rarely offended from that point forward. Of course we were never really the same and I switched schools after that year so I never had to see her.

    Reply ↓

    • “I said this in front of an entire group of people…. To which she had a number of negatives to express about me. But at that point I didn’t really care. All I know is… after the weekend… she must have gotten the hint b/c the entire class was rarely offended from that point forward. Of course we were never really the same and I switched schools after that year so I never had to see her”

      this story isn’t f*ed up at all. even though you werent taciful, you actually did the right thing.

      Reply ↓

  26. Ok, my one bad deed ::crosses herself::

    Was dating thid dude, everything was kosher until he cheated and a child was produced…so of course he got walking papers.

    Then on my birthday, ya boy comes back with the sob story of how it was a mistake, the little girl may not be his, and he wants back into my good graces (aka my bed).

    I strung him along, making him do everything to prove hes worth, he broke up with baby mama, moved out, then I promptly dumped him….

    Hes messed up about it and I sorta felt bad, but them the moment past…..oh yeah, kid wasnt his.

    * making him do everything – ie. going to the hosp. where his mom is a nurse and getting 2 AIDS/HIV/7 year itch tests. He had to tell his sexual history to his moms co-worker.

    Reply ↓

    • “I strung him along, making him do everything to prove hes worth, he broke up with baby mama, moved out, then I promptly dumped him….”

      proof that women can take manipulativeness to a completely different level. damn

      Reply ↓

      • I KNOW I KNOW!!!

        I felt/feel bad about it!! Don’t make me feel worse! :(

        Besides, I apologised and we parted on good terms.

        *good terms = he still wants to date.

        Either hes dense or I wasn’t mean enough

        Reply ↓

  27. I was once mid coitus atop of a fellow and realized I couldnt feel him inside. I promply got off, looked at his fully erect Vienna sausage and told him I was done. As I got myself together I told him that he never needed to call me again, as a matter of fact he should delete my number as he got dressed. I went to the bathroom, and to my horror when I returned he was still laying in the bed and had fallen asleep. I literally screamed, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?” He jumped up startled. I then told him he had 2 minutes to gather his stuff or I would call the police and tell them he had broken in… He left. I never heard from him again!

    In my defense I blame the patron! I would have never been that adamant had I not been drunk

    Reply ↓

      • at the time I was staying at a 3d floor apartment, owned by one of my girlfriend who is a social worker for the corrections department and had the state police on speed dial and we had two police officers living on our block, that day one of the police cars was parked in front of the house.

        I felt pretty safe. So the patron really helped to embolden me

        Reply ↓

  28. I once wined and dined a lady…afterwards I ate her…..homo sapiens would call that social deviancy i suppose

    Reply ↓

  29. These comments are hilarious! I’ve been lurking here for a couple of weeks. I guess I’ll throw my hat in. Worst thing? Back in my hoe days, I was messing with this girl. Never wanted anything serious. She was basically another spot on the roster. One day I’m drunk w/ my roommates, sitting around, & we all start talking about our sexual exploits. She calls. My phone is on vibrate in my pocket & I don’t answer. I guess Sprint made one phone in the world that wasn’t f*cked up b/c the phone picked up anyway… and she heard everything! And I was going into all sorts of details about what she did, said, squealed, etc. lol… Needless to say, I received a txt message immediatley calling me every name in the book. The crazy part is that I somehow smoothed it over, and she was back in “rotation” by the weekend. lol…

    Reply ↓

  30. ok… so we weren’t in our relationship together at the time but he’s my first ex-fiance…

    so years after i had broken up with him, he came to see me while i was interning in VA… being from NY but living in ATL at the time, i was excited at the prospect of having someone i knew be there… any who, he came to celebrate our birthdays and for my birthday he was going to have my car raised ($400 for any of those who don’t know much about cars). i figured that i already had everything i wanted and didn’t wanna drop $400 of my own cash so why not have him do it right?

    anywho, he had just found out some bad stuff at home and was in a tough money situation… i think that he expected me to take pity on him but being the bitch i was then (no longer) i still demanded he get my car fixed so i could make the long drive back to ATL. so he did it… we went back to his hotel and snuggled some… he was makin moves as if to get some as if he deserved it for paying for my car… well i wasn’t givin the booty up to him so i started this huge arguement with him knowing that he was still the insensitive prick that he was when i dumped him… i ended up leaving his hotel room without giving up the booty and him fixing my car… He was so pissed he left that night versus stayin the rest of the time and his moms called me to apologize for his behavior.

    Reply ↓

    • His Mama apologized whut thu phuk for him being pissed. Okay maybe there was more behind those words but woe she apologized. Hey I got to gone n give it to you pimpin game recognize game and you looking real familiar.

      **sticks out fist in offerance of dap**

      Reply ↓

  31. once upon a time i was a teenager dealing with puberty. i was just beginning to explore my sexuality and had begun “hunching” and what we also called “getting some dookey.” (chicks was telling me where to find them for hide-and -go-get-it and such) i still hadn’t achieved orgasm yet so i had never seen my own spunk. i got a “feeling” but no sperm. it was a time when i was experimenting with masturbation using the vacuum cleaner and porn mags until my willie would swell up too large to fit in the mouth of the hose any longer. (puberty is a period of physical and sexual growth right? well i was growing)

    anyways, there were these two girls in my neighborhood, one was my age and the other was 2 or 3 years older. naturally the older girl influenced the younger girl. the younger girl had a crush on me for the summer, so we “went together” for a few weeks. during this “going together” time, she confided in me that the older girl had some “titty cream.” It was supposed to make your titties grow. The older girl had bought some out of a magazine.

    well there was a good friend of mine who was 2 yrs older than me and popular because he had light brown eyes. im a genie with light brown eyes too but they loved him more. (maybe because he didn’t live in our neighborhood or whatever the fuc*) my homey’s family owned a convenient store near us. so when he would come to the store, he would walk around to my house and hang out. we went to the same church and his mom was a teacher and my mom was an elementary school principal. (we go back to gi joe’s with the kung fu grip) he was like a mentor for me.

    the older girl took a shine to his ass and we would walk down to her house and sit on her porch in the summer and feel her up. Grip titties, ass and palm coochie (her parents were away at work and her father and my father worked at the same place) when she got hot enough she would take my homey inside and take my homey inside. (you feel me.) she wouldn’t give it to me though. (trick) i’m on the front porch with a hard dic* listening to her moan. (bitch)

    so during the time my neighbor girlfriend (younger chick) and i were “going together” i happened to bust my first knutt . …afterwhich i had the presence of mind to tell the young girl that my cum was the same thing as “tittie cream” so she screws me a coupla days straight and i pull out and bust on her stomach or tits. later she tells the older girl and they monitor the young girls titty growth for a few days and they sware that my cum is working on the younger girl. so now the older chick is jealous of the young chick and seduces me. im busting knutts on her tits everyday almost. she was very promiscuous so i’m sure i wasnt the only one but i did bring a friend with me once or twice. (mostly not though sex was new and i was greedy with it) my younger girlfriend finallly catches us and quits me crying of course. she has open face beef with the older chick for the rest of the summer and they schedule a fight that had been promoted for a week or so. it was a big thing to announce when and where you were gonna kick somebodys ass. (ima kick yo ass on the last day of school at the flag pole etc.) so everybody showed up for the fight and it was a thriller. clothes ripped. bras off. hair pulled. just crazzzy. …better than ali vs. frazier. (tits and red panties under a tennis skirt and white daisy dukes and black panties, feel me) hot sweaty summer day OMG! i could still smell it.

    Btw, they were running trains on the older chick by that next summer and she was loving it. Old greasy ass dropout niacuz was killing it.

    sorry vsb, i know long dick stories are immature and soo not grown ass man but it was the begnning of my hood heffner stylings.

    dam ima have to call somebody i can smel the sweat from that day. so pungent. sex was so new. whoa!

    Reply ↓

  32. Genius,

    That story was f8cking awesome!!!!!!!! Sh*t had me captivated!

    But seriously, tricking chicks to believe c*m pomotes t*tty growth???? Damn…you really are a genius.

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    • Congrats and SALUTE on the new seed! looks like something good was created out of your D*Struction. im happy for yall homes. keep up the good D! LOL!

      Reply ↓

  33. OK this is my first post and it’s kind trife. But a sistahs gotta do what she’s gotta do.
    I called another guy to “hook me up” afterwards while first dude (or should I say dud) was in the bathroom washing up and whistling about this good puddin’. *tee-hee* And of course he was one of those who did a whole lot of promoting for his skillz beforehand. NOT SO! But dude #2 blew my back out, y’all. Bed room bully for real. So, the night wasn’t a total waste. I went to sleep humming the same tune first dude (dud) was whistling in the bathroom.

    Reply ↓

    • you gets T*tty dap for that

      “So, the night wasn’t a total waste.”

      Sometimes a gal has to do what a gal has to do

      Reply ↓

    • honey child…(wo)man…ummmm…I don’t think that’s that bad…cuz if calling someone to bat clean-up while the no-hitter is still at bat is bad…then…I REALLY have done more f*cked up sh*t than I realized…I mean…

      If your sex…an’t the best..please get dressed…while I send a text… to the next…

      Reply ↓

      • girl I thought that was standard too thats why I aint write any of those tales.

        the best way to get over a man is with the next man especially if he aint able to get to third base nevermind even hit it out the park

        Reply ↓

      • “If your sex…an’t the best..please get dressed…while I send a text… to the next…”

        Sex rhymes… a VSB original.

        And GOODE, who let you out the co’nah??

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  35. I really wish my work day would have allowed me to participate in this blog. I could barely read through my laughter. Thanks for that!

    Reply ↓

  36. I had this on again off again relationship with a total douche bag in college. However he was my first and I was quite sprung. I had a really good guy I was starting out with and we were really close. I had been off with ol’ boy about six months and me and my new beau were home for fall break. He had a f*cked up home situation so he was staying with me and my sister, who had her own crib. I feel so bad about this, but Ol’ boy called (he lived around the corner from my sister) and whispered those sweet nothings in my ear. I got up, got dressed, had him pick me up from my sister’s house and left him on the couch. I am still ashamed to this day. Then came back the next morning, took a shower and carried on like nothing happened. This is on top of the fact that new dude was not getting any play.

    Reply ↓

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