Lists, Theory & Essay

And That Makes Me Feel Some Type Of Way…

make-me-feel-some-type-of-wayOne of my absolute favorite songs out right now is Rich Homie Quan’s “Type of Way”. I love this song like Fitz loves Liv. I love it like rainbows love rainy forecasts. This song is on nearly every Spotify playlist that I’ve created.

Sade’s Smooth Operator Mix? Not unless Rich Homie Quan get’s his say. I even changed my name to Wealthy Friend Panama, but it didn’t have the same ring to it. And it just wasn’t true. Like at all. For one, I don’t even know Quan like that.

Despite loving this song to bits and pieces, I can acknowledge that the homey, Rich Homie Quan, is talking about some pure d non-sense. He invokes God quite a few times for somebody whose entire premise is centered around why everybody else is hating. Then again, he really just says, “ain’t no man perfect, but God”…poetry it ain’t, but it didn’t make me feel some type of way.

But you know what did make me feel some type of way? Glad you asked.

– The government shutdown has continued to make me feel some type of way. Not because I don’t enjoy a good vacation, but I don’t enjoy UNPAID vacations. One day is cute. Two days…less cute but rest is never a bad thing. No end in sight? Now you’re f*cking with my money. That definitely makes me feel some type of way.

– “Are we gladiators…or are we b*tches?” This piece of pure poetry was uttered by Harrison Wright on the 3rd season premiere of Scandal. I felt some type of way because I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or not. I be gettin’ my gladiator on whenever I can so I didn’t appreciate him asking…even though he was asking the rest of the team…Abby, Quinn, Huck. I’m just saying, I feel some type of way now, like I need to go gladiate something.

– Scandal redux. Confession time: Until this weekend, I’d never seen a full episode of Scandal. I binge watched the entire series over the past weekend. I completely understand why women love it, but at the same time, it’s not the greatest show ever. HOWEVER, I found myself all wrapped up in and invested in the 3rd season premiere because a) I knew all the characters and it feels good to know who  you’re talking about; and 2) even if something ain’t great, you can be totally compelled to pay attention. Plus, Kerry Washington. Duh.

– Apple products…wait…what? Let’s keep it gully. I’ve got an iPhone 4. Not a 4S. I’ve got no Siri. My phone has never spoken to me and tried to make sweet love to me by the fire place. But it has started acting up all to be damned. I’m trying my level best NOT to go buy a new iPhone, but I feel myself cracking. Sometimes my phone just does not work at all. Like at all. Like it blacks out and calls me a p*ssy. To my face. I wish I could show you, but its hard to take a screenshot when you’re phone gives zero f*cks.

– The lady who decided to attempt to drive into the White House, and when that didn’t work, she took on the Capitol. I don’t know all of the details, but this story has weird written all over it. There was a baby in the car. She was likely unarmed. But she attempted to run over some police officers. Or something. I just feel some kind of way because what the f*ck makes somebody with a kid in the car decide to attempt to penetrate the impenetrable? We may never know. I feel some type of way about this.

– The DC Screening of the “Very Smart Brothas” Pilot: we had a great turn out, and a great Q&A afterwards where we got to talk about the project and give some behind the scenes information about it all. It went swimmingly and I couldn’t be prouder of the team. People seemed to genuinely enjoy the pilot and that makes me all warm and fuzzy on the inside. See, I feel some type of way in the positive sense. Thanks to all who came out and all who have supported. Thank you for sleepwalking with us. The pilot got some great reviews and people were genuinely excited for us. That type of motivation is why we keep on keepin’ on…no Xscape.

Who can I run to? To feel this empty space with my laughter…

So…it’s Friday, and if you’re like me, you ain’t got no job…what has you feeling some type of way?

Holler at a playa when you see him on the street, trick!

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka lower.case.p aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Filed Under:
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

    I feel some type of way about how the ladies were not thrilled with my advice to be more forward with men they are interested in and grab their snacks, as Bunni put it. Hey, I thought enthusiastic consent was the thing men needed to get from women before proceeding with fun activities. :). Also, on my initial forays into the dating world post divorce, I had a couple of women just go for the goods. i even had one of them straight tell me they don’t usually do this. Ha!

    I FSTW about my impending divorce, as all I am waiting on is for the final paperwork to be drawn up by the mediators. i didn’t expect it to end up like this. Then again, I didn’t expect to be married to a 34 year old Black mentally ill woman from Connecticut.

    On the flip side, at least my wife has tried to drive in government buildings. She doesn’t drive. I am waiting to see if people will take mental health seriously in our community, or will we think of it as something for people named Becky and Heather who have more money than sense. Shout out to my in-laws who think mental illness can be cured by mere prayer. Phony a$$ Christians…they make me feel some type of way.

  • AmericanDream

    -Redskins’ record

    -Obamacare.Let that shit die a slow and painful death

    -Drake’s NWTS pushing $658,000 copies first week. Emo rap ain’t going nowhere

    -Pusha T album

    -Diddy

    -Miami heat

    -Chicago

    -Lebron James’ hyper sensitivity to jokes about his hairline or lack thereof

    -Supporters of minimum wage increase

    -Michael. Bloomberg

    -Baggage claim

    -Jihadists

  • Obsidian Files

    Good morning Panama, everyone,

    First, I want to say that the government shutdown ends soon; the last thing we need is more Brothas out of work.

    Second, I’ve been waiting for the premiere of the third season of “Scandal” – now that it’s officially back on the air, I can now post some thoughts that have waited for a long time to be presented. That will be coming up over at The Urban Politico and other venues. Stay tuned.

    But what I wanted to actually address, was yesterday’s discussion, the guest post by a fellow named Malik. I didn’t comment in part because I just wanted to “listen” to what everyone else had to say about the topic he broached, his “advice” he gave, and I must say, many of the comments were quite illuminating. Oh yes, I lurk a lot more than I write, believe it or not.

    By now, familiar readers of this particular venue, and many others across the Internet, Black and White, know well my positions on matters Mr. Malik spoke to yesterday – it has long been my position, that Black Men in our time need what White Men have been able to greatly benefit from: a detailed, academic approach toward human mating, in the early 21st century. Unfortunately however, and as yesterday’s post illustrates, there are precious few resources for Black Men to make use of when it comes to such things. For the ladies reading along, just let that sink in for a moment – you, as a Black Woman, have far and away MORE resources to turn to, if you want to get your mating game on track; not so for Black Men in the main, and the Mr. Maliks in particular. That alone, should be cause for concern among the putative Best and Brightest.

    • Obsidian Files

      One of the things I didn’t hear, was the following: throughout upwards of 500 comments, there wasn’t a single one that bemoaned the “dearth of eligible Black Men” – and I thought that was quite illuminating indeed. I say that because, that line of thought has been one that is well known and shopworn at this point, having been bandied about as to the reason why a particular cohort of Black Women were unlucky in love – but I for one, don’t hear that line coming from many of the Sistas today.

      I think the reason why, is age – the Sistas who trotted out the “All the Brothas are either Dead, in Jail or Gay” line are of a certain age now – around the 40ish age mark, or older – and their younger Sistas simply don’t live in that world. While one could quibble as to the validity of the claims made by the older crowd, the younger Sistas comes up at a time when there were quite a few Brothas on the college campus and working in the cubicle over from them. Simply put, the “eligible Brotha problem” – if by “eligible” is meant, college educated, white collar working and pulling a decent paychek – simply isn’t as big an issue it may have been a few decades back.

      I think this is very important to point out in the light of Malik’s post, and a consistent theme I’ve been hammering away on for a good long minute now: Black America has changed. And the way we see things, the way we need to think about things along these lines, needs to change, too.

      • Obsidian Files

        By all accounts, Malik is an “eligible” Brotha – yet, he was not want the ladies wanted. This is vitally important, because it focuses on something Sistas in Our Time of Scandal have to really confront: that since they no longer need a Man to survive, and, since there are quite a few Brothas who are “on their level”, what remains is finding a Brotha that is DESIRABLE: tall, good looking, in shape, HAS GAME, is socially dominant, has charisma, who other Women want, is good in bed, etc, et al. In other words, the issues and problems Sistas in 2013 face, simply aren’t the kinds of issues that Sistas in the Mad Men era of 1963 faced – and that’s a good thing, on balance. But we’d be fooling ourselves, if we didn’t think that the current era doesn’t present its own problems, too.

        The “problem” Brotha Malik was/is facing, was one of Female Choice, unfettered by Racism, Sexism, Classicism, you name it – the lady, or ladies, he had his eye on, were now free to choose, unencumbered by considerations Sistas of previous generations were constrained by. Whether those choices were the right or wrong ones, the point of the matter is, that today, in our time, Sistas Can Choose, based on Desire alone. And when it comes to that metric, MOST MEN CAN AND WILL LOSE.

        This should not come as any great surprise or shock to anyone here reading these words: as Eugene Robinson pointed out in his excellent work “Disintergration: The Splintering of Black America”, Black Women of the highly college educated type are among, if not the, most likely cohort in Black Female America to remain celibate, in large part BECAUSE they couldn’t find (Black) Men they found desirable. I think this is a hugely important point that simply cannot be said enough: the educational and economic issues along these lines, have largely been addressed, as again, Brotha Malik has demonstrated. The issue now, is about Desire – and that is the “battleground” on which the next phase in the ongoing, neverending, conversation on “Black relationships” is now being waged – at least among the Black middle classes.

        • Obsidian Files

          Now, to be sure, there are those among you – mainly Sistas – who will say, “Well Obsidian, there are just as many “not hawt” Sistas out here too, and the Maliks of the world don’t “see” them/us” either” – and you know something?

          YOU’D BE RIGHT.

          I’ll repeat that: there’s a there, there, ladies; you’d be right in pointing such a thing out – and which raises the question as to the notion of Assortative Mating; the idea, that “like attracts/goes with like”, that people, Men and Women, of similar educational and social backgrounds are more likely to get together than those from disparate ones. I would like to submit, that there needs to be some “fine print” added to such a notion: *that under optimal conditions, assortative mating can and often does, “work”* As I’ve said recently, 10s, 9s, 8s and 7s may happily pair off with each other; but no one who is a 1, 2 or 3, is really all that enthused with the prospect of mating with a 1, 2, or 3. All things being equal, they trying to upgrade their situation, and who could blame them? And, for the ladies reading along who made the point that I’ve just addressed above, let us also be as equally honest – most Sista Ones, Twos and Threes, ain’t really checking *that hard* for their counterparts on the scale, not if they can help it. Why do you think cats like Brunson, and Harvey and ladies like Lucas can stay living the lifestyles they do? I’ll tell you why: because said lifestyles are funded by the female equivalents of the Maliks of the world trying to upgrade their situation, too – that’s why. As Ms. Esa rightly observed, said Sistas “see” the Maliks around them all the time, AND ARE NOT S8XUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM. And again, since Sistas in our time simply don’t NEED a Malik to survive, they can and will, keep it movin’.

          It really is as simple as that.

          • Obsidian Files

            There is one other facet of yesterday’s guest post, and ensuing discussion, that I’d like to address: that of the notion of “waiting her out”.

            Quite a few people, Brothas and Sistas alike, took exception to this mating strategy; personally, I find it repulsive. After all, what self-respecting Man would gleefully hop on what amounts to Sloppy Seconds, after Mr. Brotha Big done had his way with so-and-so in her prime?

            And yet, all of the admittedly anecdotal evidence, rooted in all that we now know and understand in terms of the science and psychology of human mating, tells a very different tale: Men can and will be ready and able to get with a Woman who partied down in her youth and is now ready to settle down. Online dating sites and social media abounds with examples of this. Carmen Bryan, better known as Nas’ Baby Mama, was able to conduct a multiyear affair both with Jay-Z and Allen Iverson, BOTH of whom knew she was Nas’ Baby Mama, and still technically “with” him, almost from Day One. Studies have shown and proven that even more plainer, homlier Women on dating sites like OKCupid, can and will field more interest from Men than the other way around, by easily a magnitude. In the economics of human reproduction, Women are the more “valuable” s8x – and therefore, there can and will be Men vying to get with her. So long as she’s relatively young and relatively attractive – and again studies have consistently shown that the bar in that regard don’t have to be that high for the vast majority of guys – she can and will fiend attention from suitors.

            So, in a disconcerting way, Malik’s “advice” to “wait em out” CAN and DOES work – but again, as with the idea of Assortative Mating, we have to add a bit of “fineprint” to the label. For one, it’s a relatively high risk strategy, for the reasons Ms. Esa and others here have mentioned; but it’s also a viable strategy for those guys who, let’s face it, in an era where the key metric is now Desire when younger, Utility when older, is the order of the day for a not insignificant number of ladies in our time. Despite the howls of derision about my many allusions and outright references to Mate Value, which yes, can and does change over time, it is nevertheless a very real thing – a psychological adaptation – that helps us to get the job of sending our genes into the future done. In this sense then, Malik’s “advice” may not in the end, be as tentative as it sounds; maybe he has a better grasp of his Mate Value, than many of us are willing to give him credit for…or our willing to admit to ourselves.

            My job is done here.

            Now adjourn your arses…

            O.

            • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

              ~ Desire when younger, Utility when older

              i believe it is possible to have both.
              the trick is to master one’s self.
              steer the wheel of fortune
              and the world is yours ~*~

              • Obsidian Files

                Ms. Esa,
                Evidence abounds that quite a few Women do indeed get both. But that’s not the issue.

                The issue, from the standpoint of Brothas like Malik, is that they do not wish to be the Clean Up Guy – coming in after Mr. Brotha Big has had his way with her during her best years. Make of that what you will, but it is a REAL concern that we need to take seriously.

                O.

                • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                  ~ coming in after Mr. Brotha Big has had his way with her during her best years

                  with all due respect. this reeks of presumption. were some one to see me in such a light, i would leave them in the dark. some women’s best years go on for decades. like a fine wine. i dig thas not for everyone. some wants a champagne that goes flat quickly. to each their own, i decree.

                  my contention with the post was not that a man would be dealing with spoiled goods. i dont speak of people this way, being that i am a person, you see. but rather, it was my projection, having had an imaginary boyfriend and all. of what it means to carry an image in your mind while the person is not that at all.

                  my other contention with the post was that it encouraged passivity. i cant go for that, like Hall and Oates said. i dont like it in me. i dont like it in men. i believe in creating the life you of your dreams. i dont know, stranger things have happened in my life, so i believe that when you see what you want, you step to it. tout de suite ~*~

                  • Obsidian Files

                    Ms. Esa:

                    “with all due respect. this reeks of presumption. were some one to see me in such a light, i would leave them in the dark. some women’s best years go on for decades. like a fine wine. i dig thas not for everyone. some wants a champagne that goes flat quickly. to each their own, i decree.”

                    O: Indeed – and I maintain that quite a few Men hold the views I have articulated – even a number of Women in this very forum have agreed with that view. In no way am I attempting to suggest that “all” Men think this way, or that “all” Women should or should not do thus and so; what I AM doing however, is bringing a much needed voice into the discussion that is largely mute. These concerns, however reprehensible YOU may find them, DO in fact exist – and they DO merit our due consideration.

                    “my contention with the post was not that a man would be dealing with spoiled goods. i dont speak of people this way, being that i am a person, you see.”

                    O: Nor do I recall ever making any such contention…

                    “but rather, it was my projection, having had an imaginary boyfriend and all. of what it means to carry an image in your mind while the person is not that at all.”

                    O: Indeed; I thought you made that and related points very well; hence my referencing you in my commentary.

                    “my other contention with the post was that it encouraged passivity. i cant go for that, like Hall and Oates said. i dont like it in me. i dont like it in men. i believe in creating the life you of your dreams. i dont know, stranger things have happened in my life, so i believe that when you see what you want, you step to it.”

                    O: As I noted above, I don’t see Mr. Malik’s strategy as “passive” at all; he was merely waiting for the best time to make his move. And it happens a lot more than we’re willing to admit, no matter how personally repulsive we may find it to be. “Friendship”, “Mate Poaching”, having affairs, “dumpster diving”, et al, are all on the wide menu of mating options that comprise human mating psychological “software”. We must lift our heads from the sand if we are to finally get a handle on the mystery of human mating.

                    I will do my part to enlighten my Brothas.

                    O.

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      ~ I don’t see Mr. Malik’s strategy as “passive” at all; he was merely waiting for the best time to make his move.

                      strategy is everything, i agree. but “merely waiting” for “the best time” sounds like coddling a cop out. nothing from nothing leads to nothing, like Gwen Guthrie say.

                      i agree, it’s worthy to discuss poor strategies to ensure you learn from errors in order to step it up. keep on risin to the top, like Keni Burke say ~*~

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Esa:
                      If I may, mating strategies are merely ways of solving problems. Clearly, Malik desires a particular type of Woman, or this conversation that took place yesterday would never have happened. There’s a reason as to why he said what he did in the first place – please try to keep your personal moral impulses in perspective. We both agree that is not something we would do or endorse – yet, Malik can and will do this, and he is by no means alone. Women who have “ripped and ran” can, if they want to, get a Man to settle down with; we all know quite a few instances of this happening, again, no matter what any of us thinks of it.

                      The question isn’t to get all huffy about it; the question is, WHY do some people act as they do – in this case, the Maliks of the world? They do because it is a viable mating strategy, *for them*. By his own admission Malik has admitted that he lacks the traits, qualities and characteristics that would put him on an equal or greater competitive footing with other males the kinds of Women he finds attractive, finds attractive; but, given that Womens’ s8xual/mating attaction triggers DO change over time, Malik has favored a strategy that he feels, is optimal for him and others of like mind.

                      Whether any of us agrees or disagrees with said strategy, is irrelevant; the fact that it remains in existence, is what should draw our attention; it alerts us to some of the harsher sides of the human mating game – one with clear winners, and losers.

                      O.

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      ~ the fact that it remains in existence, is what should draw our attention

                      i know of many things in existence that are a matter of what i perceive to be poor form. i will give you that existence, in and of itself, requires acknowledgement, for nothing is to be gained in ignorance.

                      i suppose all i wish to add is, poor form does not turn me onn. at. all. i’m the type to break it down, ashes to ashes and such. at the least it helps me to better vet for those who know what it takes to win is to have heart ~*~

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Esa:
                      Your personal preferences have been noted; but, as I recall, the point of Mr. Malik’s essay was not what you, or even I, personally prefer, but rather, what Men like him may consider doing in order to acquire the kinds of Women they desire.

                      I think what you are forgetting about all this – and I was keen to emphasize it in my commentary – was the role of Desire in all of this. Clearly, Malik has to know that he could easily get himself a Woman who would want to be with him; but they would likely not be attractive to him. That’s something that we should cultivate a much greater sense of awareness about and sensitivity to, however “shallow” we may consider it to be – for many people, more than we’re willing to admit, it simply isn’t about getting with a warm body and someone who “provides” thus and so – relationships, mating, marriage, simply ain’t about that anymore – it’s about some who is actually desirable to us. And as human nature and history has shown us, we can and will go the extra mile – or years in this case – to get that which we actually desire.

                      This is why I favor our “conversation” in the Black community evolving past 1963 along these lines; its time that we acknowledge some of the things I’m talking about here and elsewhere. And I think this is part of the reason why “Scandal” is so immensely popular among educated Black Women – because it speaks to the themes Mr. Malik broached and that I’m expanding on.

                      O.

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Esa:
                      Your personal preferences have been noted; but, as I recall, the point of Mr. Malik’s essay was not what you, or even I, personally prefer, but rather, what Men like him may consider doing in order to acquire the kinds of Women they desire.

                      I think what you are forgetting about all this – and I was keen to emphasize it in my commentary – was the role of Desire in all of this. Clearly, Malik has to know that he could easily get himself a Woman who would want to be with him; but they would likely not be attractive to him. That’s something that we should cultivate a much greater sense of awareness about and sensitivity to, however “shallow” we may consider it to be – for many people, more than we’re willing to admit, it simply isn’t about getting with a warm body and someone who “provides” thus and so – relationships, mating, marriage, simply ain’t about that anymore – it’s about some who is actually desirable to us. And as human nature and history has shown us, we can and will go the extra mile – or years in this case – to get that which we actually desire.

                      This is why I favor our “conversation” in the Black community evolving past 1963 along these lines; its time that we acknowledge some of the things I’m talking about here and elsewhere. And I think this is part of the reason why “Scandal” is so immensely popular among educated Black Women – because it speaks to the themes Mr. Malik broached and that I’m expanding on.

                      O.

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      ahh. i hear you. the key is: if a man wants someone who doesnt see him, he need to go work on himself. get thee to have an edge over the competition so that the world is his oyster and all his desires can be met. i agree, this is about finding a solution to desire. i dont think it’s all that complicated.

                      it’s, for me, about integrity. about embracing one’s inner self. about manifesting one’s essence with every breath, in each and ever step. it’s a vibration. people pick up on this. earlier today during my morning stroll thru BK, a truck driver at an intersection felt compelled to acknowledge my walk.

                      my walk is my own. i do it for me, but i also give it to the world. it makes me feel good, great, amazing, to sway like a melody. i do this for the pleasure it brings me to be at one with myself, and i do it because i am daamn well know the effect it has on men and i love how this goes.

                      i’m sayinn, i’m goinn back to the drawing board right about now. i’m not just out for Desire but for Utility. tho that word is a lil too masculine for my taste, i respect its intention of functionality. and i’m sayinn, back here at the drawing board, i’m reconsidering everything. my goals, my strategies, my tools, my talents, my ability to manifest whatever i dream.

                      i think men have this same option, and they can live into this possibility, but only if they are willing to stop rationalizing some lame moves that border on self-sabotaging pathology. and i’m not here to down anyone. i’m only saying i see this in others cause i know it in myself, and i understand where it’s coming from but i cant co-sign it. no one should feel compelled to play themselves for a fool.

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Esa:

                      “ahh. i hear you. the key is: if a man wants someone who doesnt see him, he need to go work on himself. get thee to have an edge over the competition so that the world is his oyster and all his desires can be met. i agree, this is about finding a solution to desire. i dont think it’s all that complicated.”

                      O: Sure – and to be sure, quite a few Men do indeed improve themselves, to the extent they can, and this often plays a role in them acquiring the Women who initially “didn’t see them”. So too, does Time, and the pitfalls and consequences of the mating decisions said Women have made when younger – the “kissing of frogs” Mr. Malik mentioned.

                      Look, are you going to sit there, and seriously tell me, that if Kimye called it quits right now, that there wouldn’t be a sizable number of suitors waiting in the wings? You mean to tell me that if Angelina Jolie, given all that she’s been through, had called it quits with Mr. Pitt, she’d be done? Come on, Ms. Esa. You’re a sharp lady. I think we’d agree that this would hardly be the case.

                      “it’s, for me, about integrity. about embracing one’s inner self. about manifesting one’s essence with every breath, in each and ever step. it’s a vibration. people pick up on this. earlier today during my morning stroll thru BK, a truck driver at an intersection felt compelled to acknowledge my walk.”

                      O: Quite a few Women were “acknowledged” today in Brooklyn…or Bankhead…or Bridesburg, too I’m sure. Of course, certain other ladies would consider that “street harassment”…

                      “my walk is my own. i do it for me, but i also give it to the world. it makes me feel good, great, amazing, to sway like a melody. i do this for the pleasure it brings me to be at one with myself, and i do it because i am daamn well know the effect it has on men and i love how this goes.”

                      O: See above; you are by no means alone among the Womenfolk (NOTE: for the Brothas reading along, recall the “Red Lady” test from the film “The Matrix”? Well, in the community, you undergo a similar training)

                      “i’m sayinn, i’m goinn back to the drawing board right about now. i’m not just out for Desire but for Utility. tho that word is a lil too masculine for my taste, i respect its intention of functionality. and i’m sayinn, back here at the drawing board, i’m reconsidering everything. my goals, my strategies, my tools, my talents, my ability to manifest whatever i dream.”

                      O: And hence, you have proven my point – that Women, can and often do, *change over time* with regard to these matters. Surely, I think you would agree that you were NOT in “Utility mode” a decade ago – yes?

                      “i think men have this same option, and they can live into this possibility, but only if they are willing to stop rationalizing some lame moves that border on self-sabotaging pathology. and i’m not here to down anyone. i’m only saying i see this in others cause i know it in myself, and i understand where it’s coming from but i cant co-sign it. no one should feel compelled to play themselves for a fool.”

                      O: Is it “foolish” if said strategy achieves the desired, pardon the pun, result?

                      And, to be sure, Men can and often do, “date/mate” down – go and see for yourself, right there in Brooklyn. Guys who can clearly “do better” are with gals that even other Women would give a side eye to. The reason is simple: again, in the economics of human mating, Women are the more “expensive” reproductive s8x; they’re chooiser because of the costs of mating for them, compared to the costs of mating for Men. Therefore, the s8x that incurs less costs to mate, is more likely to vie for the mating opportunities with members of the opposite s8x. For Men, and keep in mind now, we are talking about the Mr. Maliks of the world, mating options aren’t as wide as it is for comparable Women.

                      O.

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      ~ Sure – and to be sure, quite a few Men do indeed improve themselves, to the extent they can, and this often plays a role in them acquiring the Women who initially “didn’t see them”.

                      i love agreeing with youu. so let’s be sure to let men who are invisible know there is a very real chance for being seen if you invest in yourself. it could be any number of things, the most obvious being the packaging. we, or at least me, as a woman, am highly attuned to presentation, appearances, and vibrations that come from how a man presents himself. both with his body and his mind. like i said yesterday, most communication is non-verbal and a lot can be said in how someone carries themselves.

                      ~ Look, are you going to sit there, and seriously tell me, that if Kimye called it quits right now, that there wouldn’t be a sizable number of suitors waiting in the wings? You mean to tell me that if Angelina Jolie, given all that she’s been through, had called it quits with Mr. Pitt, she’d be done?

                      of course there’d be others. in my eyes they’d be suspect. because people who stand in the wings rarely make it to the stage. but if there’s some Chris Judd or Casper Whateva waiting his turn, the trick is to be sure you are offering the lady something she feels no one else can deliver so that you make yourself stand out from tha herd.

                      ~ Of course, certain other ladies would consider that “street harassment”…

                      i used to feel harrassed. but that was because i was in a permanent state of PTSD and the vibration i put out was one that attracted harrassment because like attracts like all day every day. dude in the truck, he was pure BK. he did what he had to do, as did i.

                      ~ NOTE: for the Brothas reading along, recall the “Red Lady” test from the film “The Matrix”

                      i am not a Brotha and the Great God of Google yielded up no results. would appreciate knowing what this means, just cause i am a curious cat who loves details ~*~

                      ~ Surely, I think you would agree that you were NOT in “Utility mode” a decade ago – yes?

                      i wasnt in “Utility Mode” a year ago. in fact, i didnt even understand exactly what that meant til my girl pointed out a very real blind spot of mine, just yesterday on tha phone ..

                      ~ Is it “foolish” if said strategy achieves the desired, pardon the pun, result?

                      there are many paths to the same place. sometimes the path can be the result in and of itself. and often, when that happens, when one reaches the destination they find out that it was not what they thought, but rather an illusion they held, an illusion that had been rooted in ignorance.

                      yea, this is a little foolish, and i say it only having been a fool. but then again the Fool is the Zero Card in the Tarot deck, so it is very reasonable to consider the fool knows things i do not.

                      ~ Men can and often do, “date/mate” down – go and see for yourself, right there in Brooklyn

                      i see none of this. i dont check for men with women, out of principle. the most invisible men are those who are unavailable to me. and i happily let any man who has his eye elsewhere go. i dont doubt that men may date down, it simply has nothing to do with my world.

                      ~ Women are the more “expensive” reproductive s8x; they’re chooiser because of the costs of mating for them, compared to the costs of mating for Men.

                      costs of mating ? i didnt get this memo. i know i sound naive, but thas only because in many ways i am ..

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Esa:

                      “i love agreeing with youu. so let’s be sure to let men who are invisible know there is a very real chance for being seen if you invest in yourself. it could be any number of things, the most obvious being the packaging. we, or at least me, as a woman, am highly attuned to presentation, appearances, and vibrations that come from how a man presents himself. both with his body and his mind. like i said yesterday, most communication is non-verbal and a lot can be said in how someone carries themselves.”

                      O: True; in fact, over the past decade or two, there have been noted increases in “male beauty” products and services – the dreaded “Axe” line of products, along with “male versions” of Dove, Nivea and the like; male cosmetic surgeries have gone up over that same period; there was the famous “haircuts” of both Bill Clinton and John Edwards; gym memberships and fitness equipment sales have dramatically increased; high end clothing lines like the famed Tom Ford Gucci line (a personal fave, for those who may be interested – 44 Atheletic) and so forth, have been on the radar over the same period, and so on. All of these things are proofs and evidence of Womens’ increased ability toward mate selection, be that long and most definitely short term, based on the metrics of Desire. Right or wrong, merely having “good provider” traits, has at best, limited utility in our era. In short: you gotta look good, too.

                      “of course there’d be others. in my eyes they’d be suspect. because people who stand in the wings rarely make it to the stage. but if there’s some Chris Judd or Casper Whateva waiting his turn, the trick is to be sure you are offering the lady something she feels no one else can deliver so that you make yourself stand out from tha herd”

                      O: Peacock Theory, anyone? ;) And yes, “waiting in the wings” is a mating strategy that is much more common than many of us would like to admit (again: note the immense popularity of “Scandal”)…

                      “i used to feel harrassed. but that was because i was in a permanent state of PTSD and the vibration i put out was one that attracted harrassment because like attracts like all day every day. dude in the truck, he was pure BK. he did what he had to do, as did i.”

                      O: Personally, I believe in the “what you put out is what you get back” – but my personal views aside, the fact of the matter is that there very could be “hurt” people attempting to weave public policy that could wind up whipping up yet again, on Black and Brown Men who are already catching Hades as it is; more here: http://www.theurbanpolitico.com/2013/10/hollabacks-final-solution-open-letter.html

                      Would love to get your reaction…

                    • Obsidian Files

                      “i am not a Brotha and the Great God of Google yielded up no results. would appreciate knowing what this means, just cause i am a curious cat who loves details ~*~”

                      O: Certainly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIoMXYBztdg

                      It is not unusual, in seduction community venues online and off, to hear allusions to Matrix ideas, concepts and the like; for example, guys who refer to themselves as “Red Pills” do so because they have been “awakened” from the “Matrix” that is the pretty lies and fabrications that they have been told about human mating; upon learning the truth about these matters, they consider themselves as being freed from said “Matrix”.

                      One of the first things a Man learns when learning Game, is to control his autonomic impulses when in the presence of devastatingly beautiful Women. Because Men are hardwired to respond to visual cues (and Women, more than anyone, KNOW this), those Men who can successfully control their involuntary responses in this regard tend to intrigue said beautiful Women – they give off the air that such a thing is a regular occurrence for them, and as such, is a DHV (Demonstration of Higher Value).

                      “i wasnt in “Utility Mode” a year ago. in fact, i didnt even understand exactly what that meant til my girl pointed out a very real blind spot of mine, just yesterday on tha phone ..”

                      O: Hmm. I would kindly urge you to checkout The Evolution of Desire, by Prof. David Buss. He explains all of this beautifully, how mate value and in this case, the mating priorities of Women, change over time. I think you’ll enjoy it.

                      “there are many paths to the same place. sometimes the path can be the result in and of itself. and often, when that happens, when one reaches the destination they find out that it was not what they thought, but rather an illusion they held, an illusion that had been rooted in ignorance.”

                      O: Hmm…

                      “yea, this is a little foolish, and i say it only having been a fool. but then again the Fool is the Zero Card in the Tarot deck, so it is very reasonable to consider the fool knows things i do not.”

                      O: I see; unfortunately, God only gave me the gift of the Stars; not Tarot, I’m afraid…

                      “i see none of this. i dont check for men with women, out of principle. the most invisible men are those who are unavailable to me. and i happily let any man who has his eye elsewhere go. i dont doubt that men may date down, it simply has nothing to do with my world.”

                      O: Alright…

                      “costs of mating ? i didnt get this memo. i know i sound naive, but thas only because in many ways i am ..”

                      O: Buss covers this in the book, but to briefly explain: for Women, the potential costs of mating is nine months of pregnancy, the rigors (and dangers) of childbirth, and at least another year of weaning the new babe; the costs for Men to mate, is a matter of minutes (some would even argue seconds!). Therefore, from a psychological perspective, Men and Women evolved software (behaviors) and adaptations (biological, but also psychological) in response to these fundamental s8x differentials in mating and the challenges that each faced in the ancestral environment. These adaptations and “software” remain with us today.

                      O.

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      ~ I see; unfortunately, God only gave me the gift of the Stars; not Tarot, I’m afraid…

                      you do charts ?

                    • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                      ~ Personally, I believe in the “what you put out is what you get back” -but my personal views aside, the fact of the matter is that there very could be “hurt” people attempting to weave public policy that could wind up whipping up yet again, on Black and Brown Men who are already catching Hades as it is; more here: http://www.theurbanpolitico.co

                      Would love to get your reaction…

                      as i said up post, i dont do apps. i dont support an government-funded app used to file complaints about street haras.sment with city council members. this is not how i operate. i deal with men one on one, or not at all.

                      ~ over the past decade or two, there have been noted increases in “male beauty” products and services –

                      thas not what i meant. i am against metrochexuality. i’m the only woman, like Mary J. said. what i meant by packaging is not how a man styles his hair or what he wears thp i am partial to paint covered t-shirts and jeans, with some Timberlands. nahh. what i mean about packaging is how a man presents himself.

                      like. his posture. stance. eyes. the way he commands space. the way he moves through the public sphere. the way people respond to his presence. all this package, inhabiting all this positive space. that’s a way of being, a way of communicating so many all at once. presentation. when done right it sets me spinninn. and i like to feel dizzy. it’s funnn

            • BreezyX2
              • Obsidian Files

                Ms. Breezy:
                Is that pic you?

                O.

                • BreezyX2

                  No yo Momma :)

                  • Obsidian Files

                    Ms. Breezy:
                    LOL, hardly. And good morning to you too! Feel free to contribute anything substantive; we have all day… :)

                    O.

                    • BreezyX2

                      Morning Uncle, whachubeendoing? Your days away from VSB are getting longer and longer.

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Breezy:
                      Ah, that’s better. Yes, it’s true, it’s been awhile since I last sat in here in the VSB Lounge; but what can I say, life has me quite busy these days. Thank you for asking! :)

                      O.

                    • BreezyX2

                      Ahhhhh, you went ahead and selected a girlfriend huh? Come on you can tell me :) It’s cuffing season so you can always blame it on that.

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Breezy:
                      Didn’t your mama tell you not to be inquiring into the private lives of your elders?

                      O.

                    • BreezyX2

                      Whatevs….confession is good for the soul :) Plus you just all but admitted that you are booed up.

                      *sings* Uncle O and Brittney sitting in the tree. K.I.S.S.I.N.G.

                    • Camilleblu

                      Lol! Breezy, you stoopid!

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Breezy:
                      “Brittney”?

                      O.

                • T.Q. Fuego

                  hahahahahaha! And they say O doesn’t have a sense of humor lol

            • Rachmo

              Luckily I’m furloughed so i had the time to read all this. But in the end I think…I agreed with this. Like I legitimately think I do but I’m uncertain bc of the length…and i may have confused myself? Anyways Happy Friday

              • DC

                Same. I read his entire thesis and then didn’t know what to do, or think. Guess we gotta pick and choose. Love O, though! haha

                • Rachmo

                  I choose to agree bc it’s Friday dammit

              • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                “Like I legitimately think I do but I’m uncertain bc of the length…”

                That’s what she said…

                • Sahel

                  Dude,welcome back

            • Oshun

              My -0.0000000000000000000001% ssa is thoroughly adjourned. :)

              • DC

                hee-larious!

              • Kema

                Girl… did you lose value? what did you do?

            • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

              Malik’s advice really put a damper on my inner fire to divide and conquer. Why am I waiting around for a 10, 9, 8 to decide they want to approach me when I get just do so on my own time? Waiting it out is a viable option but I don’t support it for someone who is actively trying to meet a mate. Time waits for no man. Do not miss your opportunities.

              • Obsidian Files

                Ms. Afro Petite:
                I could have read Mr. Malik’s post wrong, but I think he was aiming it towards MEN, in this case, Black Men like himself. By and large, this isn’t a problem Women face.

                O.

                • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ AfroPetite

                  Understood. I guess I’ve always assumed that men would advise other men to aggressively pursue women as opposed to passively doing so. Different perspective that didn’t appeal to me and my carnal nature lol

                  • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

                    ~ I guess I’ve always assumed that men would advise other men to aggressively pursue women as opposed to passively doing so.

                    mmmmaybe they would give bad advice on purpose to block others from scoring. that’s one strategy that could work if one’s goal is to narrow the playing field, tho the only ones that would fall by the way side are the ones who dont have the heart to go for theirs ..

                    • Obsidian Files

                      Ms. Esa:

                      Indeed; derogation of competitors is something both s8xes engage in, because displaying your wares is only one aspect of the mating game; dealing with (and besting) competitors, is another.

                      O.

                  • Obsidian Files

                    Ms. Afro Petite:
                    As I’ve pointed out to Ms. Esa, it would be a mistake to characterize Mr. Malik’s strategy as “passive”; it isn’t “aggressive”, if by that its meant, making a direct approach – but it IS a strategy, nonetheless. One that does work, from time to time.

                    Hence its permanence in our time…

                    O.

                    • T.Q. Fuego

                      O, you’re losing me now. You normally make sense to me, but how on Earth is sitting around waiting for her to notice you or “kiss some more frogs” NOT a passive strategy?

                    • Obsidian Files

                      TQF:

                      If you’ve ever been hunting – and I have, many times – you understand that there are a number of ways to go about it.

                      One way, is to stalk your prey, and “hunt them down”.

                      The other is to get the lay of the land and your prey, understand its habits, and then simply wait for them to come about to a certain spot, and then…

                      Bang.

                      What Mr. Malik is doing is very similar to the second method – letting Time to do its work. Again, its not something I’d be interested in doing, but neither is the “Friendship” strategy – and yet, the topic of being “Friendzoned” is a seemingly inexhaustible one – proof if there ever was any, that scores of Men do attempt it. They attempt it for good reason, evolutionarily speaking:

                      Because it works. At least 20% of the time.

                      O.

                    • T.Q. Fuego

                      Yeah, all that’s well and good, but it didn’t answer my question. I never said there was no strategy involved. I just don’t see how that strategy could NOT be considered passive. But whatever, I guess we’re splitting hairs cause at least we agree that it’s a terrible strategy.

        • Oshun

          STOP! The problem, brother Malik is facing is a creation of his own cowardice. Approach the lady of your dreams, let her turn you down, DON’T assume, she already has just because she isn’t paying you any attention.

  • http://CabreraInteriors.com/ Bunni

    -The very first fundraiser for my startup nonprofit was last night and we nearly doubled our fundraising goal. THAT got me feeling ALL kinds of ways :-)

    -Being at a fundraiser/scandal watch party till damb near midnight then back in the office at 7am for a meeting–this got me feeling some type of way :-(

    -My 2yr old niece G checked me yesterday. I told her she needed to sit down and eat her pizza before it got cold or else….and she slowly turned her head towards me and said “oh?” **sigh** I lost that one lol

    -Though I am not furloughed, I feel so bad for folks who are, and having multiple offices closed is a hassle for a lady like me who 1) Is still at work and 2) Is expected to get shnit done via these closed offices. I feel some type of way about this playground standoff in DC. Like seriously?!?!

    -I feel some type of way about the kid in the backseat of the car who witnessed his mom get shot and k.illed. Not cool.

    Thats it, lemme head to this meeting. *sulks and drags feet*

  • http://TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

    Folks who are googlesmart make me feel some type of way. Here I am, tryna spew knowledge off the noggin the old fashioned way, and these young whippersnappers being fake smart asking google every damb thing. CHEATERSSSS lol

  • panamajackson

    I just need to get a new damn phone. LOL. No apple products are meant to be used past 2 years.

  • WIP

    For the record, I am sick of that expression and I hate that GD song. “Feel some type of way” = “turn up” for me right now.
    But I’m a team player so:

    Not being able to bend over is making me feel some type of way.
    My piece-of-sh** Nokia phone is making me feel some type of way.
    Applying to what has to be my last stint in grad school is making me feel some type of way.
    The Walking Dead coming back is making me feel some type of way.
    My coworker hacking/coughing every 90 seconds is making me feel some type of way.

  • Camilleblu

    Disqus got me feeling some kind of way on my iPad. Is it just me? My browser keeps closing out when I try to load comments.

    • CrayolaGirl

      Not just you. I was wondering if I somehow got a virus.

  • Camilleblu

    Aww..congrats on your nonprofit and your fundraiser Bunni. Do tha dang-gone thang!

  • WIP

    ” talking about she is mad about Obama’s interference with SIRI”
    O_O

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