Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

All Of Men And Women’s Issues Can Be Tied To This Very Scenario: Do You Want Me To Come Over or Nah?

(via Guymoments)

For those who can’t see the video because your technology is in beta mode circa 2002, let me break this down very simply. And this is a scenario that I’m sure nearly everybody who has ever dated somebody is familiar with.

Girl calls Boy and says she’s in neighborhood and asks him if he wants her to come over.

Boy says, “I ain’t trippin. You can do that.”

Girl says, “What does that mean? Do you WANT me to?”

Boy says, “It’s cool if you come by, but if you don’t, it’s okay too.”

Girl says, “So you aren’t looking forward to me coming by?”

You know how the rest of this goes. Boy gets flustered, girl gets pissed. Boy can’t believe this turned into an actual argument. Girl can’t believe boy doesn’t understand her simple request. Boy realizes he actually doesn’t want her to come over any longer. Girl determines that boy is an asshole.

Quick synopsis here as this situation is likely familiar enough to everybody where much discussion on my part ain’t necessary. I will never understand why this battle gets fought. I really won’t. You called me in the middle of whatever the hell I was doing. Which means that at the time, no, I wasn’t thinking about your monkey ass. But you call and are all like, “Oooooh we love you PJ, I’m around the corner, you want me to stop by.” At which point I’m like, sure, cool. Come thru. That’s the green light. The whole, “wait, but do you want me part” is sooooooooo unnecessary. That’s like calling your damn hairdresser and being like, “hey, I’m free, can you do my hair right now?” She’s like “cool.” You’re not going to ask her, “oh, but do you want to do my hair?”

And miss me with the intimacy. Relationships with hairdressers and barbers are as personal as sh*t gets. You actually have to break up with them. Real talk. I just avoided my barber. It was easier for all of us.

But, I know women have this whole “I want you to want to do xyz”. I even alluded to it in my last post about a perfect man. You want to feel wanted. And that’s cool, and I’m gon’ let you finish, but real spit…bye Felicia.

It’s an unnecessary fight. You called me and I’m like, “it’s cool.” You want me to be just as excited about your idea at the moment you have as you are despite the fact that you probably “ended” up in my neighborhood with a plan in the first place.

This is the breakdown point for men and women. And it was ARTFULLY crafted from the male’s point of view via the video. Especially our frustration. We go from like, “yeah, come thru” to actually NOT wanting you to come by. At all.

Man wants something? He makes the call, gets it, or does it. When presented with option that we’re okay with, we say “cool, that’ll work”. It should end there.

The rest of that drama can be kept for your mama. Oh, and your cousin too.

Ladies, make this make sense to me. Please. Fellas…can you help me??

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. SHE’S KILLIN’ MY VIBE SHE’S KILLIN’ MY VIBE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • AaronSmarter

    Women just good at turning a win into a loss.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      Snatched defeat from the jaws of victory

  • Cheekie Mae

    For something to be so “simple”, he coulda just said “yes.” All that extra ish… :) <— BISHES love these.

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      The thing is he did. The problem is that in this scenario, whether or not she could come through was not the real question she was trying to ask.

      • camilleblue

        *nods head* Gotta agree with you here…

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

        Exactly, She didn’t want to just stop by she needed to know where she was in his power rankings

        • PaddyfotePrincess

          She’s not even sixth off the bench. He looked at his phone like it was the crypt keeper calling.

          • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com/ K.

            I agree. His response made that clear.

            • PaddyfotePrincess

              Yes – she didn’t like the response and tried to force the issue.

      • Cheekie Mae

        I actually agree that what she really wanted to know is that he WANTED her to come over, I’m just saying… for someone to want someone to be want something so simple, adding “oh I’m not tripping, if you come it’s cool, if you don’t that’s cool too” complicates it more than it needs to be lol. It’s like the ninja was tryin to be overly nonchalant. Y’all ain’t as simple as you want us to think.

        • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

          Why would you call someone in the middle of the night to inquire if they wanted you to come over?

          • Cheekie Mae

            Because booty. It don’t lie.

            • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

              Then she should of just asked if she could come over instead of trying to do some jedi mind trick. And if she wasn’t comfortable/secure enough to straight up ask without making it seem like he asked her to come over in her own mind, she shouldn’t have even called.

              • Cheekie Mae

                Didn’t she… ask that at first? LOL (it ain’t get complicated til he added extra ish to a yes or no question) Man, y’all keep saying he said “yes” but yes is one word. I heard several. Y’all don’t listen! Not even to yourselves lol

                Again, simple is concise. KISS.

                • SuperStrings

                  But she didn’t ask to come over. She asked if he wanted her to come over. To me, that’s her way of avoiding rejection and putting the ball in his court.

                  • Cheekie Mae

                    And yet… simple would’ve been sayin yes or no. Like I said before. lol

                    • SuperStrings

                      Simple would have been her asking a better question.

                    • Cheekie Mae

                      LMAO.
                      What’s better “Can I come over?” … because if ya’ll claim that what she REALLY wants to know is… if he WANTS her to come over… why is her actually asking that… a problem? Because when we don’t ask exactly what we want, you get mad at that too. *downloads can’t win for losing app*

                    • SuperStrings

                      “What’s better ‘Can I come over?’”
                      All day.

                    • Cheekie Mae

                      Except that’s not what she wanted to know. She was clear in her question. He wasn’t so clear in his answer, tho.

                    • SuperStrings

                      Her question was a red herring.

                    • pls

                      I actually agree with the fellas here. we don’t have to be ashamed of inviting ourselves over since 2001 when aaliyah sang “come over.”

                  • Negro Libre

                    Dingo!

                    She was being manipulative.

                • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

                  No. She asked “DO YOU WANT ME TO COME BY.” She never said at any moment that she wanted to come by or asked if she could. It was all about if he wanted her to.

                  • Cheekie Mae

                    Still a yes or no question.

                    • panamajackson

                      It is but it isn’t. See, he had no real opinion on it one way or another. He’s cool with either outcome. But because she called she wants him to have an opinion. That he didn’t have because the scenario didn’t exist until she brought it to him. And he’s wrong for being like, “i mean it’s cool, either way.”? NO MAAM.

                    • Cheekie Mae

                      Her: You want me to come over?

                      Him: yes.

                      Her: *comes over… then comes another way later*

                      THAT is simple. Adding all that other rigmarole based off what you THINK she will say (which sounds like what y’all call chick thinkin but ok) is unnecessary.

                      The fact y’all think “yeah I ain’t tripping it’s cool either way” is simpler or equal to “yes” says that y’all wanting it as simple as possible is a load of Sarah Jessica Parker manure.

                      Y-E-S. ONE WORD. THREE LETTERS. ALL DAY. EVERYDAY. YOU WANNA GO NIGHT NIGHT NINJA?!

                    • MyTwoCents

                      Actually I was inclined to side with @panamajackson:disqus upon reading this article that is a sorta manipulation plain and simple, however @cheekiemae:disqus brought up some good points that made me re-read the article and if I’m not mistake the question was her asking the guy if he ‘WANTs her to come over’. Now ‘CAN I come over is not the same’ as ‘Do you WANT me to come over’. One implies the ability to do something (is it okay to go to your house) and the other implies intend or purpose Do you wish/want me to come to your house. Its like the whole ‘Can I have an apple’ versus ‘May I have an apple’ that many people don’t get?

                    • nillalatte

                      Yeah, because when a man says ‘it’s cool either way’ they don’t care. Seems like she WANTS him to care. But, nah, y’all butt heads just don’t LISTEN nor interpret. Some of y’all just don’t have that sensitivity. :P

                    • T.Q. Fuego

                      “Yeah, because when a man says ‘it’s cool either way’ they don’t care. ”

                      They don’t care if she comes over at that moment. Correct. Don’t be implying that they don’t care ABOUT HER though. That’s making something deeper than it is and being manipulative about how you try to gather information.

                    • nillalatte

                      lol… hello you. :D

        • panamajackson

          Wait, wait…you’re implying that HE complicated it?

          • Cheekie Mae

            YES. If I ask you a question that requires a SIMPLE yes or no and you add extra ish that no one asked for… how is that as simple as it gets?? JEEBUS. lol

            • panamajackson

              No.

              • Cheekie Mae

                You spelled “yes” wrong.

            • SuperStrings

              Yeah, the question could have been answered simply, but for the dude, the problem wasn’t the answer. It was the question itself. You want to come over, but you won’t ask outright. Instead, you put it on me.

              • Cheekie Mae

                “You want to come over, but you won’t ask outright.”
                The exact question was “you want me to come by?” which is exactly what ya’ll claim she wanted to know. She asked it.

                • T.Q. Fuego

                  And he answered it “I’m ok with that.”

            • T.Q. Fuego

              There are more possible answers to that question than yes or no. Women should know this more than anyone with all your “shades of grey” perspectives. The issue is that she was manipulating him (not maliciously tho) cause she was manipulating the situation in her own head (ie trying to create a specific reality and make him a co-conspirator). It’s like she wanted to control the record of history and turn it into him wanting her to come as opposed to her wanting to come and him being ok with it….I’m not even sure if it was simple anymore lol

              • Cheekie Mae

                “There are more possible answers to that question than yes or no. Women should know this more than anyone with all your “shades of grey” perspectives.”
                Right. If you’re admitting his answer was a “shade of grey”, then why was it surprising she reacted as such? Shades of grey answers lead to shade of grey reactions. Which actually makes sense to me. I’m confused why men don’t understand why she was wondering why he wasn’t clear… when he wasn’t. Clear is black or white. Shade of grey is complicated. Complication begats complication. lol

      • panamajackson

        Preach.

    • me

      Takes maturity. I swear women pour pousae (be smooth and rough while you say it) on me when I keep it simple. 18 to 80, blind, crippled or crazy…yall love it. Damn male ego is a trip…it gets us all sometimes.

    • Lurker4Life

      I gotta jump in on this one. It’s not as simple as the dude just saying ‘yes’. The problem, which the dude may not be able to express, but can feel in his bones…is that the woman is creating a narrative in her head in which he’s as excited and gung-ho as she is and she wants him to co-sign it. Forget about how he really feels and fall in line with her version of reality.
      Now, it’s all good to be a supporter of ‘your’ woman and to make her feel special and wanted and all, but clearly they’re not there yet. The dude wants the room to measure his feeling without being put in a box and that’s his right. The answer he gave her is the right one, because it’s honest, and at the beginning of relationships one of the most important things is honesty, but not just with your partner, but with yourself as well. She is not being honest with herself and she’s okay telling herself the lie about what he’s supposed to feel, and now she mad because he refuses to lie to her too. Just my 2 cents yall!
      I think it’s time to get off my lurking post….

  • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

    I feel you. But. Butt. I am the same dude that has on occasion requested that a lady “linger” more when we were getting off the phone together rather than immediately hanging up. So I have my diva dude moments even though I understand where the dude is coming from.

    • ratchet dialogue

      If you want to linger, why not just come on over and mingle. I rarely use headphones when talking on the phone, so save me from the agony of having to hold the phone any longer than I should.

      • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

        Because there are moments where I’m very particular with how I want to interact with a woman.

        • ratchet dialogue

          alright, mr. very particular.

    • panamajackson

      That’s all well and good and cute and all, and I’m sure the ladies love that sh*t like they love Cool James, in this scenario…she took that joint to Erica Mena levels. For no reason.

  • ratchet dialogue

    Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, supposedly….so there’s that.

  • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

    Shout out to Champ- Moderate deez.

    • nillalatte

      LMAO! They got me on lockdown again too. I wasn’t even the one that used a bad word. ALL PANAMA! :D

  • kidvideo

    She can at lease bring a 6 of Modelo…show me you really care.

  • Fivegirl

    I hate when people don’t answer my questions. Easiest way to get me mad is when I ask you where you are, and your response is on my way. Or if I ask how much you’ve completed, and you say almost done. No. I want an answer to the question asked. I am on 5th and 31st. I have completed 65 pages out of 90. I don’t know if this is a girl thing, or just two people on different wavelengths who cant just get to the heart of a conversation. As Cheekie said, “he coulda just said “yes””.

    • Yoles

      I am like that too… Just answer my question… Clear, concise & skip the vague bull… I also give information like that in response… You ask I’ll answer to the best of my ability… Maybe its an XX thing me no know… What I do know is its a fivegirl and yoles thing!!!

      • Rachmo

        I totally used to do this. #youarenotalone

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

        It all depends on what kind of question you may be answering. If you are asking about something that’s a little too personal to discuss or something too painful to talk about, that person isn’t going to be as forthcoming as you would like them to be.

        • Yoles

          I’m not talking about deep personal things, I’m speaking about… hey you wanna do ___? OR how long will it take you to get here? what are you looking to spend/do you have a budget? what do you do for a living? (i find that men get prickly when asked this one and to that i will say… middle management-middle class marvin you really need to pause and reflect, aint no “gold diggers” checking for YOU!!) and so on and so forth, just answer the question, if i need further clarification i will ask you

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

            “(i find that men get prickly when asked this one and to that i will say… middle management-middle class marvin you really need to pause and reflect, aint no “gold diggers” checking for YOU!!) ”

            It’s not as cut and dry for that when it comes to men. Sure, they have to be on the lookout for gold diggers, but another reason why men get prickly when asked about what they do for a living is completely understandable.

            You see, men have been rejected outright because of their employment- or the kind of shift they actually work. Women aren’t too quick to deal with a man if they find out that he works overnight- even if the money they make is great (Myself as well as a LOT of men who are graveyard shift workers can attest to this).

            Another reason for the reluctance is the kind of job that may require them to do things that could possibly put them in harm’s way could get them the automatic screwface. Don’t believe me? Ask any man that works as a firefighter, law officer, telephone lineman or mine worker- they will tell you the same thing.

            • Yoles

              i work overnight and men aint feeling it

              i remember mine worker from chile had wife and mistress waiting on tenterhooks

              every blue collar dude i know that has any of the jobs you listed stays with a wet piece…

              i don’t know PA… lying or vagueness about employment speaks to a bigger issue than rejection imo… how is lying or delaying the info make her stay anyway?

          • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

            PA brings up some good points, but there are also situations where what someone does for a living materially effects how they will interact with you. For example, in my line of work, it’s not unusual to do unscheduled overtime because of something going on in the lab. These things happen, and if you want to go on further, that situation is going to be a part of OUR day to day existence. That said, I’m not going to lay out my life story right after “hello”. If I’m going to integrate you that deeply into my life, I want to know who you are as a person.

            I mentioned my line of work as an example, but I can think of many different scenarios for many different occupations, from timing to clothes to cleanliness to who knows? Jay Z said it best when he said: “But ma you got a f’real f’serious role/I’m bout to give you all the keys and security codes/Bout to show you where the cheese, let you know I ain’t playin/But, before I jump out the window, what’s your name?” Like let a dude get to know you before he opens up his life first.

      • Cheekie Mae

        Vagueness is the WORST. And yet, here the men are claiming they so simple. Yeah… bye. LOL

        • miss t-lee

          OOP.

    • PaddyfotePrincess

      +1 on getting to the heart of the conversation. Small talk, skirting the issue and extra words are just…extra.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

        As you know, men of a certain age don’t do small talk. If they are in a particular age group (such as mine, for example), don’t expect them to say much- especially if said small talk is about nothing that interests them.

        • PaddyfotePrincess

          Agreed. My observation is specific to a couple of my friends (both sexes) who pull a Jackie and don’t ask what they really want to know. This baffles me especially since I’ve been friends with one of them since college. Girl just ask.

    • Heavens2Murgatroid

      Because it was a casual conversation, he answered casually. That’s the general tone for most black males, we’re not that PC or professional over the phone (text or talk) when dealing with friends and the such.

      And this probably is more so from a younger guy’s POV, saying “yes” in that situation takes away style and leverage

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

      “I hate when people don’t answer my questions. Easiest way to get me mad is when I ask you where you are, and your response is on my way. Or if I ask how much you’ve completed, and you say almost done. No. I want an answer to the question asked.”

      But..but..but…those are answers- your questions were answered in the way you asked them.

      • panamajackson

        bro…I thought I was trippin. Glad to see I can still read.

        • Fivegirl

          It’s actually hilarious to me that y’all think those are answers to the question posed. CLEAR mistranslation and maybe it really is girlspeak vs guyspeak. Where is a place. Where are you means what is your location.

          On my way could mean I left the house thirty minutes ago or I’m slapping on some lotion in beginning the process to transport myself to the agreed upon place.

          When I ask where you are, it’s so I can judge how long its gonna take your late as usual ninja asz to get there, and people only respond with vague answers when they want to avoid giving the real one. Dude in the video did not want to commit to saying yes, just like your late friend will never admit to being on the other side of town.

          • SuperStrings

            But you’re using “where are you?” as a proxy for “how long its gonna take…”. If you really want to know how long it’s going to take, why not just ask…”How long before you get here?”

            • Fivegirl

              And I really don’t see it that way. I want to know where you are. It could be because I heard there was traffic on the 101, so if you’re about to merge onto the 101, I’m going to tell you to take the 280. Or it could be because I need you to pick something up from the store or the house and I want to know your proximity to those locations. I am perfectly capable of asking how close are you or how long is it going to take if that’s the question I want the answer to, but people assume they know the answer I want and/or the reason I’m asking the question, and then choose to answer as they see fit which is what annoys me.

              • SuperStrings

                Sounds like you’re in the Bay area. If that part of the 101 is anything like it is in LA, then there’s ALWAYS traffic. lol

              • panamajackson

                I feel like you are asking for a whole lot out of a simple question. Basically anybody that dates you should know that if you ask a question, there’s a million other thoughts behind so they should be as specific as possible. Or should know that you’re asking for specific reasons b/c you never just ask questions for the f*ck of it.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      Sorry, I’m not going to be overly enthused at some girl coming over. She didn’t ask him out or to do something she just gonna be at his crib….um, cool.

      • Fivegirl

        That’s fair. I was going to write a long response/rebuttal, but youre right. Coming over is not that exciting.

        Unless you really want to see the person, which was clearly not the case in the video.

    • SuperStrings

      If you’re going to tell someone the answer you want to hear, then why ask the question?

    • Ms. Bridget

      I’ve had to realize that my dude doesn’t have to respond the way I want him to. Like, I have to say that out loud to myself (“self, he is choosing not to answer my question directly and that’s his right”) when he’s giving me those non-answers. I’ve also had to realize that not understanding and accepting that fact made me kinda controlling…

  • Msdebbs

    Womanology 101: She just wanted to feel wanted simple as that. For him to say yea “I’m good either way” didn’t make her feel special resulting in that silly fight.

    • Yoles

      I swear they are pretending to not understand ON PURPOSE.. One minute dudes say they don’t like too much talking or explaining but here ole boy go, giving her his feelings on more than 1 option and discussing outcomes like its a choose your own ending book.. She didn’t ask if you were going to be upset if she didn’t come so why all the explanation my dude?? Fuh Wat??????????? You could have just said “yes”

      • Msdebbs

        All this!

      • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

        There was a simple answer. The explanation came when she started digging to figure out his feelings. Broad, if you’re that scared to open up, go get a Hitachi Magic Wand and stop dealing with men!

      • panamajackson

        No.

    • camilleblue

      Hey Msdebbs!

      Ok…But, why did she want to feel wanted by a dude that she clearly wasn’t kicking it like that with? I think that’s where I’m stuck. I can see that question/conversation much more with a “couple” or at least something close to a couple. It just seemed random with this guy.

      • Heavens2Murgatroid

        Thank you! Hence, why he replied the way he did

      • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

        ~ But, why did she want to feel wanted by a dude that she clearly wasn’t kicking it like that with?

        ego is a helluva drug ~*~

        • panamajackson

          So is the ego check. she needs to get on that.

          • http://missrosen.wordpress.com/ esa

            but she didnt get on it. she gonna need a much harder check before she reflects on her attitude, behavior, words, thoughts, choices, and actions, so she can determine why she isnt able to create a winning proposition.

      • Msdebbs

        I see your point of view and I think this is where miscommunication comes in….He barely remembers her but she remembers him. Why is that??? Did he lead her on when they were kicking it or did she read too much into it??

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          It’s probably the other way around. She may have led him on and left him for someone else. That may be why he doesn’t remember her. However, this is pure speculation on my end.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

      You have to understand, in this case he was saying to her he will still be okay even if she decides not to visit him. That’s all there is to it- nothing more, nothing less. She just made a mountain out of a molehill in this instance.

      • Msdebbs

        “he will still be okay even if she decides not to visit him” That’s the problem his non-nonchalant demeanor confused the ish outta her. Negro either you do or you don’t she needed a definite answer.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          But he gave her a definite answer, msdebbs! She just got bent out of shape over nothing.

          • Msdebbs

            No he didn’t. He could’ve said nah I good or yea come thru. I’m good either way is not a definite answer to me and Ms. Jacki

            • http://vagabondaesthetics.tumblr.com/ Ricky

              Honestly, of someone asks me to invite them rather than just asking to be there, it comes off as the acknowledgment bring more important than three activity and being together. Just me though.

        • panamajackson

          No, it’s her problem. Not his. He gave her an answer. She didn’t lke it and decided she wanted more clarity. Seh needed to understand why his answer wasn’t definitive enough for her. Ego, you’re on the clock.

          • Cheekie Mae

            I’mma use that next time men want us to be more clear on our responses/questions. “You just want me to be clear because of your ego.” We’ll see how that works…

            • panamajackson

              How it works? Hell if I have to ask I’ve probably already been fired.

      • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com/ K.

        But she didn’t ask him if he’d be okay or not lol. Some of y’all’s emotional unavailability backpacks are showing.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          So my emotions should be available for any and all women to abuse when they need it? Who need stress balls and stiff drinks when emotional abuse is available? ;-)

          • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com/ K.

            Interesting how our experiences influence how differently we respond to the same scenario. Emotional abuse? Wow.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              Fair enough. What would you consider emotional abuse then?

        • panamajackson

          WAit…what? He gave her an honest answer. It was HIS honest answer. So…he shoudl have just said yes, whether he felt that way or not? Or no, whether he felt that way or not?

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

          Wrong! Try seeing this from the perspective of a person who sees this from the outside looking in. This is not about emotional unavailability, it’s about reading way too much into something- which is clearly the case here. Nice try though…

          • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com/ K.

            You see this through the lense of your past experiences, just like everyone else here. But, cook.

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

              That’s ironic coming from you- especially by reading your comments. Projection much?

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

              That’s ironic coming from you- especially by reading your comments. Projection much?

              • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com/ K.

                Interesting. When I first commented on this post, I read her question more as “do you want company?” I didn’t read all this manipulation and mindfuggety into it. That’s not to say that isn’t what she was doing…I’m not in her head. Projection all around.

                • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                  Here’s the problem. You’re making a statement about someone you don’t even know in reference to a comment where you’ve never thought about seeing it from their point of view- even after they told you.

                  My point stands that I was looking at it from the view of an outsider. It’s easy to side with either one of the characters- as many are doing right now. From my end, this is a case of her reading too much into what he’s saying. That’s it- and if you can’t see that, then I don’t know what to tell you…

                  • http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com/ K.

                    I saw you comment that you’re seeing it from the POV of an outsider. However, I don’t see the post where you ACTUALLY tried to see it from the view of an outsider.

                    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                      That’s probably because you see what you wanted to see…

    • SuperStrings

      She basically wanted him to invite her over so she didn’t feel like she was asking to come over. Just an indirect way of getting the result she wanted without putting herself out there. Problem is, she didn’t get the result…her bad.

      • Cheekie Mae

        I’m STILL trying to figure out what was indirect about her asking “you want me to come by” when she wanted to know if he wanted her to come by. ?????
        Like, I’m sincerely wanting someone to explain this to me. And it hasn’t been done yet.
        You would’ve had an argument if it went like this:
        Her: Can I come by?
        Him: Yeah.
        Her: UM DO YOU WANT ME TO COME BY OR NOT?
        Except that’s not what happened. She clearly asked him if he wanted to in the first place. So why is the problem with her question again???

        • SuperStrings

          Because she really just wanted to know if she COULD come over, but she repackaged the question to avoid directly asking.

          • Ms. Bridget

            No, she wanted to know if HE WANTED her to come over. She already knew she COULD come over. Her ability to get into the house was not a problem. It was about her feeling WANTED.

        • Around the Way Girl

          The question isn’t necessarily indirect, it’s just loaded with a bunch of emo bullsh*t, that’s all. She wanted to kick it. He said it was cool to kick it. She didn’t need to ask anything else after that…should have just rolled on through and given him something to remember for the next time, if you know what I mean.

    • panamajackson

      Yeah, but trying to force the “wanted’ is the problem in the first place. I mean I get it. Don’t get me wrong. But the method is the problem.

    • T.Q. Fuego

      Manology 101. Only ask the questions you’re ready for truthful answers to.

  • LehcarB

    Maybe it was just me, but the answer seemed to be in the second before he answered and the moments after. He seemed irritated his phone was ringing for one. Secondly he couldn’t keep track of who she was. Is her name saved to the number or nah? Third he knows nobody is ever just in the neighborhood, it’s convenient to have her come thru. No he didn’t WANT her over. But it’s not bad if she did.

    Generally and I believe it was also mentioned,a simple yes is very definitive. A ” That’s cool,you could do that” leaves much to be desired.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      She casually asked to come over, he casually answered. Had she been specific about why she wanted to talk or come over than maybe there’s a point

      • LehcarB

        In this context it had been a while. She needed to make sure so there’s no double booking. Should she have asked as many times if this is what he wanted ,no. But homegirl is a thorough. Lol

    • panamajackson

      I learned a long time ago, that not say yes, is just like saying saying no. ONe to grown on.

  • camilleblue

    I’m not sure I see what the problem with his answer was. I mean, she did say that it had “been a while” seen they’d seen each other, and he didn’t even immediately know who she was. Even with all of that, he said “it’s cool – I ain’t tripping.” So trick, take yo azz on over there then! I don’t know that I feel like he owed her anymore of an answer than that because they obviously were not kicking it like that. I feel like she did the most for no good reason. She could have saved all the extra for someone that actually has her name and number saved in his phone. *shrugs*

    • PaddyfotePrincess

      He was like JACKIE WHO????

      • camilleblue

        Lol…why did I read that in my ‘Amil’ voice? *jackiewhut…jackiewho*

        • PaddyfotePrincess

          Lol. This entire scene was extra. I fully expected him to hang up the phone at the 30 second mark.

          • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

            I would be hit her with “I gotta let my phone charge” so fast

            • PaddyfotePrincess

              Lol. And then you would have turned on do not disturb.

            • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

              Or the old standby I use: “Can we talk about this some other time? I need some sleep”, LOL!

              • ratchet d-Ibaka

                Jesus Christ! Just say, no! It will hurt, but I would rather that than boolshyeet.

                • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

                  Sure, that’s easy to say, but you and I both know that “no” is never an acceptable answer to a person on the other end of the phone.

    • Rachmo

      So ashamed I’ve totally done this before to a certain extent

      • Heavens2Murgatroid

        Curious, why?

        • Rachmo

          I’m an extrovert and my bf is an introvert. I can spend tons of time around him and be fine while he needs to be alone sometimes. I triple check bc I could easily smother him.

          • Kozy

            I have experience in a relationship with that same dynamic. It always felt like I was dragging her places or over-booking us. Took me a good while to realize that she really was fine just laying up in the house 9 out of 9 times.

            • Rachmo

              Yeah I’m starting to like the couch and TV on a Saturday night.

              • Agatha Guilluame

                LIES

            • Rachmo

              I also overbook. #twinsies

          • Tx10inch

            This is me and my gurl all day. Love talkin to and having her around, but sometimes I need my NASA. She’s getting betta about knowing when to leave me be tho…

            • BreezyX2

              So basically you are saying every so often you want her to be cool with you floating off into space ala George Clooney in Gravity?!?! En nobody waiting on you to get back TX10inch :)

              • Tx10inch

                If I decide to circle tha solar system, she gonna wait. She betta…

                • ratchet d-Ibaka

                  *rolllllls eyes*!!!!! Wait for you like you are the King of for where? Nah son.

                  • Tx10inch

                    *Bobby Brown voice* That’s tha “Kang” to you gurl. :-)

          • 321mena123

            Which is cute.

            My co worker and i were talking. She has a roommate and was saying how her roommate is always ready to talk or be around her when she gets home. My co-worker doesn’t want to be a jerk but she also doesn’t know how to make her roommate understand to back off or go be in her room sometimes.

            • ratchet d-Ibaka

              Lord, no. We are roomies, not best friends would be the sign that would greet her the next day.

          • Heavens2Murgatroid

            That’s a different dynamic, since you’re in an actual relationship. In this scenario dude didn’t even have a good recollection of homegurl. Hence, why he was put off with her questioning if he wanted her to come thru. Seems like she should have picked up on him not even expecting her company, or it even being a deal if she was going to be company

      • panamajackson

        Yo, my ex was NOTORIOUS for doing this. I mean, it was straight her M.O. lol

    • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

      I get the feeling from her reaction that the only dude that has her number saved is Big D Tyrone who knows when homegirl is desperate to be broke off. If she had another dude feeling her like that, this conversation wouldn’t be taking place. :)

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

        Also, suppose that she may have left Mark for Big D Tyrone because she thought the grass would be greener. Things didn’t work out with Tyrone and now she’s trying to work it out with Mark. Had to throw that angle in there to make the story more interesting.

        • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

          That may be a possibility. I remember back when I started dating my (soon to be ex as soon as she stops ducking #dempapers) wife, I got a message from this girl who I thought of as a jumpoff. Now, her and I weren’t even that tight, but she was down for a good time, and I had condoms. :) Anyway, when I opened the message, it was her picture of her a$$ in a thong talking about how she was just “testing the camera to make sure it works”. I politely told her thanks, but no thanks and moved on with my life.

          • Epsilonicus

            If I was in college, I would have taken that as a green light to go smash.

            To be young and dumb…

          • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1 Perverted Alchemist

            Testing the camera by taking a picture of DAT A$$!!!
            I could tell you how that one’s going to end with what you’re going through…and it will NOT be pretty. At least you had the sense to move on.

            • http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

              With what I’m going through, I’m seeing how this is going to end. Hopefully, I won’t be out too much cash in the process. Just a lot of…interesting behavior of late.