Has anybody ever asked you for advice regarding their situation and then halfway through you realized, “holy doughnuts Batman, this chick is totally dating a dude who isn’t dating her.” I’ve seent that very scenario with my own two eyes and let me tell you, that realization is a motherf*cker.
Well since we here at VSB are into community development and the advancement of the species, we try to help out those individuals who find themselves in the most dastardly of circumstances. And there can’t be any circumstance more dastardly than this one. Well, perhaps that’s not true. Finding out that the man or woman you’re in a relationship with is married with 3 children and a labradoodle named Fefe might be worse.
On the real though, imagine that you think you’re in a relationship with somebody, doing all the things you surmise one would do in a relationship only to have somebody tell you that though they think its cute that you want to be with them and that you’re such a sweetheart, they’re really more interested in just having fun. That’s what folks might call a sign. But like most situations in life, there are always signs that indicate things might not be on the up and up like you might like. As a service to the good people, I’ve decided to lay out a few signs that are indicative of lopsided loving. Follow me.
1) You ALWAYS initiate all of the contact
If every time you text or call, they say to you, “I was just about to call you”, well, they’re lying. The law of averages teaches us this is wrong. If somebody’s actually interested in you, they’re going to beat you to the punch at least a few times. Especially with text messaging. At some point in every real relationship, you should be the recipient of the random 3am, “just thinking of you” texts or even the, “I know you’re at work as a pet masseuse but I figured you could use a pick me up so i wanted to say hello even if i couldn’t’ hear your voice. lol ” If you never get the LOL …you’re probably not dating.
2) You always buy them gifts but they never seem to get you anything
If you always find a way to remember your person when you go out of town with little trinkets like snow globes that say “Toronto” on them or the ubiquitous spoon (why the hell do folks always by location spoons) and on your significant days i.e. birthday, Christmas, you get a card and maybe a lotion set from Victoria Secret (if that), you just might more single than you think.
3) You never hang out with his friends
Say you only go to your friends events but never hang with his friends. Totally in the single status zone. Friends are the co-sign of your relationship. As in, meeting all the friends validates that you do exist in the realm of important people of his life. If you never hang with the friends, you never get the co-sign, which means all they probably know of you is that he’s banging you. Bang bang does not a relationship make.
4) He always finds an excuse to go home
We all know that time is the main factor needed for a relationship. You know somebody likes you when they find odd reasons to hang around you. If you always want just 5 more minutes of his time but her never wants to stay around you too long or often bounces after that good lovin’, you’re more jumpoff than you are girlfriend. Even if its just 8pm and he’s like, “it’s getting late”…yeah, no. He’s just not that into you. And oh yeah, you’re really single.
5) You suggest interesting dates and end up at TGIFridays and the movies, every time
Variety is the stuff of life. If you’re always up for something new and different but he really just loves the food at TGIFridays, well, you’re not in a relationship. If he really cared about your happiness, you’d be at Benihana. But you’re not. You just got a double cheeseburger since he was on the way over for like 30 minutes. So sad, sister.
I know there are more so good folks of VSB, help the people out. What are the signs that you’re dating somebody who isn’t dating you?
It’s community service. Help the people out.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3