Has anybody ever asked you for advice regarding their situation and then halfway through you realized, “holy doughnuts Batman, this chick is totally dating a dude who isn’t dating her.” I’ve seent that very scenario with my own two eyes and let me tell you, that realization is a motherf*cker.
Well since we here at VSB are into community development and the advancement of the species, we try to help out those individuals who find themselves in the most dastardly of circumstances. And there can’t be any circumstance more dastardly than this one. Well, perhaps that’s not true. Finding out that the man or woman you’re in a relationship with is married with 3 children and a labradoodle named Fefe might be worse.
On the real though, imagine that you think you’re in a relationship with somebody, doing all the things you surmise one would do in a relationship only to have somebody tell you that though they think its cute that you want to be with them and that you’re such a sweetheart, they’re really more interested in just having fun. That’s what folks might call a sign. But like most situations in life, there are always signs that indicate things might not be on the up and up like you might like. As a service to the good people, I’ve decided to lay out a few signs that are indicative of lopsided loving. Follow me.
1) You ALWAYS initiate all of the contact
If every time you text or call, they say to you, “I was just about to call you”, well, they’re lying. The law of averages teaches us this is wrong. If somebody’s actually interested in you, they’re going to beat you to the punch at least a few times. Especially with text messaging. At some point in every real relationship, you should be the recipient of the random 3am, “just thinking of you” texts or even the, “I know you’re at work as a pet masseuse but I figured you could use a pick me up so i wanted to say hello even if i couldn’t’ hear your voice. lol 
” If you never get the LOL …you’re probably not dating.
2) You always buy them gifts but they never seem to get you anything
If you always find a way to remember your person when you go out of town with little trinkets like snow globes that say “Toronto” on them or the ubiquitous spoon (why the hell do folks always by location spoons) and on your significant days i.e. birthday, Christmas, you get a card and maybe a lotion set from Victoria Secret (if that), you just might more single than you think.
3) You never hang out with his friends
Say you only go to your friends events but never hang with his friends. Totally in the single status zone. Friends are the co-sign of your relationship. As in, meeting all the friends validates that you do exist in the realm of important people of his life. If you never hang with the friends, you never get the co-sign, which means all they probably know of you is that he’s banging you. Bang bang does not a relationship make.
4) He always finds an excuse to go home
We all know that time is the main factor needed for a relationship. You know somebody likes you when they find odd reasons to hang around you. If you always want just 5 more minutes of his time but her never wants to stay around you too long or often bounces after that good lovin’, you’re more jumpoff than you are girlfriend. Even if its just 8pm and he’s like, “it’s getting late”…yeah, no. He’s just not that into you. And oh yeah, you’re really single.
5) You suggest interesting dates and end up at TGIFridays and the movies, every time
Variety is the stuff of life. If you’re always up for something new and different but he really just loves the food at TGIFridays, well, you’re not in a relationship. If he really cared about your happiness, you’d be at Benihana. But you’re not. You just got a double cheeseburger since he was on the way over for like 30 minutes. So sad, sister.
I know there are more so good folks of VSB, help the people out. What are the signs that you’re dating somebody who isn’t dating you?
It’s community service. Help the people out.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Humh. I think this list works for men who think they are in a relationship when they aren’t. But I’ll add:
1. If a woman only suggests fun things for you to do that benefit her, then you’re probably not dating her. (i.e. Wouldn’t it be fun for you to go tire shopping for me??)
2. If at anytime it’s even hinted that she has a friend you’d get along well with, you aren’t her guy. You’re her assistant…or she thinks you’re gay.
@Ms. Smart,
*dead* at assistant!!! HOLLUHS!!! (Yes, I’m country.)
@Ms. Smart, i know some cats who get caught up like that. every time i talk to them they’re like, yeah i just had to make an IKEA run with such-n-such and then i had put her sh*t together…but its all good, i been meaning to see if i could break my old record of putting together an entire living room with 12 screws and some really cheap wood anyway. my old record from her old house was like 17 days.
@Panama Jackson,
LMAO! too funny!
@Panama Jackson,
LMBO!! I love takin a guy ona trip to ikea….i needs my ish put together, and i clearly am not tryin to do it by myself!
besides…as long as i have a meal ready when you’re done putting stuff together, there shouldn’t be a problem
@missjess, i think it depends on the job. putting together a tv stand…sure, something to eat will suffice.
i’m putting together a damn armoire that’s wall length in your room, then you’d better be coming off some dome, dinner, and after dinner delight.
@Panama Jackson,
Haha @ “Let’s make a deal: The dirty version”
What does grilled chz and a hand job get you?
@Panama Jackson, and not that regular begrudging dome… It oughtta be that ‘I’ma do this right since it’s your birthday’ dome.
@Ms. Smart,
“1. If a woman only suggests fun things for you to do that benefit her, then you’re probably not dating her. (i.e. Wouldn’t it be fun for you to go tire shopping for me??)”
WHAT?! I thought men liked doing this stuff for us. I tried to buy my parents a snowblowers years ago and this dude tried to take over. AND he aint know isht about snowblowers. Could it be that he thought I was snowblowin’ for snowblowers?
@Me fail english?, They like it but it doesn’t benefit them. Picking you up from the airport is another one dudes get caught up in. The only way it benefits them is that in their minds, they are ‘seeing you’ and can add this to their date tally. But in reality, you only asked him cus he was cheaper than the long-term lot and 1800bluevan.
@Ms. Smart,
I had “Aug 2006″ ( I gotta find a better codename for him) show up at the airport earlier this year…unannounced. First of all, who the eff asked you to come? Second, you know I got a man. You tryna get us shot?
lmao @ I know you’re at work as a pet masseuse
and i LOVE benihana!!!! simple food but sooooo delicious. nothing like fried rice cooked on the grill. mmmmm. never been there on a date. hmph.
@Gem in Chicago for SFN,
Girl, since you in Chicago, try Ron of Japan if you never had it! Benihana was my first Japanese steakhouse experience, but Ron of Japan takes the dayum cake.
Mmm, fried rice on the grill is definitely like no other! *Homer drool*
@Cheekie,
Is that margarine they spread all on the grill? That’s why I cant do hibachi anymore. High blood pressure runs in my fam. If I’m gonna eat that heart attack at least dont let me see it!
@Me fail english?,
Yeah, I think it is. High blood AND diabetes runs in my fam. That’s why I gotta take that ish in small doses. Oh, and because it’s a recession. That mess ain’t cheap. lol
*phew* I was almost afraid that you would have written another article pertaining to me. Apparently, I only seem to be the “evil wench” type that preys on innocent men.
Sowwy.
(maybe not)
@chaoticdiva, girl, what on earf are you talking about. lol.
You tell him where you want to bury the body and he snitches before it’s cold. He’s really not into you.
@Kit (Keep It Trill), “…cases in virginia, bodies in DC…”
oh, and to add to the list…
this kinda goes with #3 but… if he doesn’t introduce you to ppl when you’re out. or just introduces you by just your name or with the “my friend…” prefix instead of the “my girlfriend/lady/woman/lover/wifey/main-squeeze/etc” prefix.
@Gem in Chicago for SFN, I don’t prefix date introductions with any title, I just say “this is ____.” “My friend” is really dismissive, and I don’t want to lay it on too thick for a chick who quite possibly doesn’t see herself as on a date with me.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
if yall are just in the getting to know you phase of the “date-ship” then no label is acceptable. i was thinking more a long the lines of more serious dating (at least in girlfriend’s mind).
@Gem in Chicago for SFN,
I agree! I’d be crushed if a dude that I thought was my man said “This is MeFail”. Esp if it’s not followed up by a warm, enthusiastic “Oh, this is MeFail”
@Gem in Chicago for SFN, on a similar note, isn’t it the MOST awkward situation when you and your new whatever are out and you all are in that “what are we phase” and somebody has to do the introducing to other people…and you just wonder how they’re gonna do it.
for some reason, “friend” always stings in that sitch.
To add to the list:
If a guy doesn’t meet any of your girlfriends, or any group activity together.
If most nights he doesn’t want to go out somewhere. He’s either 1) a homebody, ugh or 2) he doesn’t want to be seen with you in public, especially if someone may reccognize him.
If you find out from mutual friends/other people he’s telling people behind your back he’s not seeing anyone, because his live is private and it’s nobody’s “business”.
I let him go 2 days before his birthday. That Ahole. It’s all about honest communication. Hope my naive young love/pain helps.
@Alynrochelle, If most nights he doesn’t want to go out somewhere. He’s either 1) a homebody, ugh or 2) he doesn’t want to be seen with you in public, especially if someone may reccognize him.
probably about 5 years ago now, i was messing with a chick that i refused to go out with. lol. somehow, she let it slide. and she also never came to my house. i dont even think she knew where i lived.
@Panama Jackson, how is that even possible?
@Miss Patterson, arsonist in training,
I know! I’m intrigued, Panda.
@Miss Patterson, arsonist in training, she had too much pride to ask me for more. lol.
that’s the key. deal with chicks with too much pride to look vulnerable.
Co-sign on the list! Other ones I would add…
- He disappears around the holidays especially Christmas and Valentine’s Day
- You’ve never been to his place (knew a girl who dated a guy for a year and she didn’t know his address)
- He gets uncomfortable when you make plans for the future
- His family doesn’t know youl
- He takes you on dates way out in the cut
- You only see each other late at night
@Leila, “He disappears around the holidays especially Christmas and Valentine’s Day”
YES! lol
@Leila, YES, holidays will rat these types of non-dating situations every single time!
@Leila,
“- You’ve never been to his place (knew a girl who dated a guy for a year and she didn’t know his address)”
This has red flag written all over it…lol
@miss t-lee,
LMAO! I was thinking she may as well have wrote “His real wife/baby mama won’t let you come by….you may not be in a rel’ship”
@Me fail english?,
Yep!
That kat was definitely married, or was co-habitating.
@Leila,
“- He disappears around the holidays especially Christmas and Valentine’s Day
- You’ve never been to his place (knew a girl who dated a guy for a year and she didn’t know his address)”
i’ll roll with these two. especially the one about not knowing where he/she lives. you’d be surprised how many chicks will fall for this one. smh.
@Leila, – He disappears around the holidays especially Christmas and Valentine’s Day
or breaks up with chicks before christmas so he can avoid the christmas and valentines day rush. seent it. aint’ done it. though there have been years i’ve been glad me and an ex called it quits in november.
@Leila,
“- You’ve never been to his place (knew a girl who dated a guy for a year and she didn’t know his address)”
O_o
Did his crib, like, EVER come up in convo?
@Leila, Or you get a guy that doesn’t call/text you on your birthday because for some odd reason:
1. he just up and forgot [ but you and father has the same birthday]
2. his phone got shut off, for that one day only and he had no way to call/text [I had a guy give this excuse before]
3. he thought it was on the 26th, instead of the 6th… [I mean, Really??]
But I hate guys that don’t even consider your birthday and I just went out and bought you that new Madden game for your birthday that you absolutely had to have. But I will get a forwarded text message on New Years or Columbus Day [ I was like "Really?? Columbus Day??"] but not even on the 6th, instead of the 26th.
Something has got to give…
I have so been this chick. I am that chick. LOL to hide my shame.
But when one is in a relationship all by ones self, do they have to “break up” with the other party to completely move on?
@Imperfect,
Yes.
@Imperfect,
Don’t feel bad. I’ve been this chick, too. One time it was in an on/off relationship for 3 years. Yeah, I guess I was a little slow on that one.
@luvtheshoes, ahhh I wasn’t going to say anything but I’ve done the on/off thing for 2yrs. I kinda knew, but he was borderline with making me feel existant, I did meet his cousin, lol. That’s one of a few pros vs. too many cons. I know you had a feeling all the while but chose to hope a little bit more. For me, it was them dog on holidays over the time too, lol. I can laugh about it now, but I know some red flags for a lifetime!!!
@Imperfect,
I’ve been in this situation, and since I didn’t realize I was dating myself until it was too late…I also felt no need to inform the other party I had broken up with him…after all the unreturned calls, he finally got the hint too…
@Imperfect, yeah, you pretty much need to just break up like a mario, sean garret, and gucci mane song.
but then be prepared for the , ‘but why would you wanna break up” like a mario, sean garret, and gucci mane song.
so all purpose, so fly.
@Panama Jackson,
Cole…you stupid!
I think there are exceptions for three because my cousin would hang with this guy she was talking to for whole weekends and would be around his friends and everything but when she wouldn’t be around him she said he would be distant. So I think theres a but in there.
@Lavonne,
His ‘real’ girlfriend must have been with her husband on the weekends and holidays and could only be with him during the week when the hubby was travelling.
you were in a relationship by yourself if you meet one of his other girls and he either doesn’t try to explain it to you all or is too busy explaining to her to even notice you. or if he sends you a text message on christmas or you get no holla at all. lol.
one time i was with one of my friends while she stopped by to see her “boyfriend” and her cell phone was disconnected. he straight up said, “maybe you should get your boyfriend to pay that bill for you.” da*n homie. just….da*n.
@charli skipp, esq.,
d*mn….just d*mn
@charli skipp, esq., Christmas Text sounds like a song that would feature t-baby, reh dogg, and eli porter.
@Panama Jackson,
Remix featuring the “It’s so Coooold in the D” All Stars
Well, with the one-sided dating thing, the basics are pretty much covered. And I’ve stated some of my takes in similar topics (e.g. that chick who is more than happy to take your money, will only kick it if you’re buyin’.)
A similar girl is the one who wants to be entertained, but ain’t tryna entertain you.
In basic, she’s completely indifferent to you…her interest is in a one-woman good time on your dime. Delete that booch the minute you assemble that part of the puzzle.
But set aside the date thing for a moment, more to a point I wanna make right now is signs someone ain’t even down with you. One sign is curt answers. Someone down with you will attempt to add something to the conversation.
Another sign goes like this, which happened to me tonight: When I send out a single text to multiple people, at times my phone can kinda freeze up, leaving it stuck in the outbox. What will unstick it usually is to turn the phone off and back on, and it should send right away. But at odd times and for some odd reason, it can send that same text multiple times, which unfortunately makes a monkey out of me, but it’s totally unintentional. To make a long story short and cut to the moral, anybody who will talk to you in the following way in response to an honest mistake: “Stop f*cking sending me that message.” is a complete piece of sh*t you need never attempt to reach out to again, cut them off right on the spot. Because a person who’s down with you will cut you some slack, give you the benefit of the doubt and pull their punches.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“Stop f*cking sending me that message.”
Mayne!!! She’s hardcore.
*snickering loudly*
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
This…
“that chick who is more than happy to take your money, will only kick it if you’re buyin’”
…and this…
“Stop f*cking sending me that message.”
Make me think we must’ve dated before! HAHAHAH, I am so this chick. It should be noted however, that I don’t say stuff like that to normal guys. The only people I gave it to raw like that were both party promoters who I nicely asked SEVERAL (more than 5 or 6) times to take me off their spamming-ass text message blasts. They refused so I got aggressive about it.
Anyhow, believe it or not, it really had no bearing on whether or not I liked the guy. I’m just abrasive. I’m working on it.
As for the paying for dates thing. I’ve never done an extended courtship so I’ve never been in a position where a dude has taken me on several expensive dates, still isn’t my man, but I feel compelled to bring smthg to the table. And I’m damn sure not spending a dime on a man I dont know that well or is still unsure of whether or not I’m right to be his girl…6 months later. (We not talkin bout the actual marriage, but practice? PRACTICE?!)
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, i also hate motherf*ckers who go from 0 to 60 without any warning. folks that do that might get you dead.
@Panama Jackson, do tell, my brother…
A few for the fellas (though I guess it works both ways):
If you are with a woman who only gives it up after you buy her something, your aren’t her boyfriend – you’re her banker.
If every time you call her she says, “Let me call you right back” and never does, she’s seeing someone else.
If she says she’s on her way but it takes her four hours to get there and she breezes in with no explanation, that’s not a relationship that’s a driveby.
If she says, “I really want to see you,” but makes no effort to do so and comes up with excuses when you try to see her… uh-oh.
Check the non-verbals. When you are talking to her, is she looking at you or anywhere but? When she introduces you, does she pause before introducing you as her “friend.” You reach out to hold her hand and she shifts her purse the other arm… not good.
@OneChele,
“When you are talking to her, is she looking at you or anywhere but?”
What if she’s cross/cock-eyed? Or has the wonky Forrest Whitaker/Musiq eye. Can eye tragic people get a chance?
lol…
@Naturally Alise,
“Can eye tragic people get a chance?”
got to the corner…ret now! LMAO!!
@Naturally Alise,
*dying* @ the term “eye-tragic”. Please put this in the DSM IV, officially.
@OneChele, If every time you call her she says, “Let me call you right back” and never does, she’s seeing someone else.
i had a chick do me like that years ago. it would make me so livid. of course thats cuz i was in a relationship with her and she was in a relationship with her boyfriend.
@Panama Jackson,
LMAO!!!!
@OneChele,
Yeah, I caught myself doing the ‘looking everywhere else’ thing the other day. Dude is sweet and I wasn’t doing it on purpose, but yep…he may be dating me but I sure ain’t dating him.
One question though…how the hell are we supposed to break up with people we aren’t dating?!
You’ve never been to where they live. Yep your trysts are always at a hotel or at your crib. You guessed it, youz a jump off.
When you’re ‘The Sexless Inn Keeper’ – girl lives in Jersey…knows you got a spot in the city, whenever she’s in town partying and needs a place to crash you get the call. But no booty. Yep Sexless. A variation of this is the ‘Sexless Car Driver’. Not your girl son, you got played.
‘I’ll call you back’- and they never do. You’re just not that important. Or you lose a phone contest. Y’all are talking and then there’s someone on the other line. They hang up on you to talk to the other person. Loser, Bueller.
@Da Iceman,
I have pulled the Sexless Inkeeper caper myself… I live in NC and me and my girls in college had a sexless inkeeper in each city of the Triangle and Triad area…
@Naturally Alise,
LMAO. We used to do this too.
@Da Iceman, When you’re ‘The Sexless Inn Keeper’ –
perhaps this is old as dirt, the actual phrase, but i swear i learn more interesting and funny sh*t from “how i met your mother” than nearly any other television show i watch…
Adding to #5,
If all you do is go out to eat AND you’re the chick paying, you’re not dating him.
You’re buying him groceries.
@SexyCool, yeah, all dates are food dates is such bad look. unless they’re always paying. then its still a bad look, but a satisfying one.
If he only calls/ shows up at certain, weird times.
If he’s always “busy…..”
If he’s never brought you around his parents/ family, etc.
If he never asks you to tag along…….
If he refers to you as his business partner when he introduces you to his mama and his woman in the dark (true story. lol)
LOL Smiley Face, I’ve had a LOT of experience in this field.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Wowwwwww, business partner, damn that ain’t a sign, that’s an anvil on the head!
@Naturally Alise, right. its actually pretty funny too (sorry nicki sunshine)
@Panama Jackson, That’s awright- laugh away. I can laugh too at the dumbness.
He was one of those people who was always in one of those pyramid type business… he was always trying to get me on board, I guess intro’ing me as a business partner would make it seem less confusing when he brought girl #2 to meet his mama. lol
@Naturally Alise,
But what is a “woman in the dark”? Why is he intro’ing yall?
@Me fail english?, Sorry- that was confusing as hell. lol.
I meant behind closed doors, I was his woman, his girl.. the one he wanted to have children with.
- Never answers their phone in your presence… EVER… Now I don’t like folks all on the phone when on a date, but there are times when you can answer it, especially if you are just chilling watching mindless TV or waiting for the pizza to come. If someone constantly lets their phone ring without answering there may be a problem Houston (no eye-gouge)…
- If someone is super affectionate and doting in private, but won’t as much as brush up against you in public or say sweetie/darling/beautiful/snookums/lady or some variation of those when out then that is an issue. I know some folks don’t like PDA, and that is fine, but folks should be able to tell through context clues that y’all even know each other…
- If you don’t know things besides purely surface info then someone has something to hide. (after several dates/phone calls/encounters) Even the most guarded person will let you in a little bit. When you know very little it is for a reason and that reason is not because they are digging you on a dating/future relationship tip.
I have been on both sides of this and the realization is a b*tch!
@Naturally Alise,
Good list.
@Naturally Alise,
Yeah, #1 happened to me long time ago. All affectionate in private, but nothing public. What was I, his secret lover??
*cues songs*
@Alynrochelle,
I’m debating over whether to make that the ringtone for my bf’s best friend. He doesn’t call me often but if he did and my boyfriend was around I would imagine it resulting in some hearty, T-Mobile ad laughter….or domestic violence. One of the two.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJkpxxs-BhM
I MISS YOU GUYS!!
I gotta say…until VERY recently I was (not) dating a few dudes…for the most part it was because they were cool enough to kick it, maybe even hit it, but there was something about them that (Like Luther’s jheri curl) just wasn’t quite “right”…they shoulda known because…
-they would send these dissertation length text messages and I would be like “:-)” *u know, cuz booches LOVE the smiley face* or “sounds good” or “k”..not even “ok” just, “k”.
-when they call me to go out…I’m already out…
-I answer the phone when they’re around and have a rousing, animated conversation with one of my girls, full of laughter and code words…
-I answer the phone in their presence and throw on my “GIRL6″ voice and use words like “baby”!
-I mention other men CONSTANTLY, in a “homeboy” kind of way of course *smirk*
@GOODENess, you just trying to hurt feelings…lol
@GOODENess, I sometimes just reply with ok or k because I typically hate texting. after three go rounds, its best to just pick up the phone, IMO. unless I’m at work and can’t talk–I get tired of typing out long ish on a small keypad. I sometimes read into short messages as curt, so i’ll try to send one then call. or send another saying lets talk in detail later. I hope nobody thinks I do this because I’m not interested in their convo…
Definitely co-sign not meeting friends..on the fence about family, you can’t choose your family, specially the crazy ones…o_O like your cousin Pookie and NayNay, you may be trying to protect them.
If they don’t introduce you to people they know, for instance, you run into one of their friends and they hold and entire conversation without saying one word about or to you and then walks away like nothing happened…(I’ve been guilty of this *hides face in shame*)
If they constantly have previous plans amazingly clear up and they call you to go out after 7 on a weekend…you are plan b, c, d, or even e.
@Smiley Face, If they don’t introduce you to people they know, for instance, you run into one of their friends and they hold and entire conversation without saying one word about or to you and then walks away like nothing happened…(I’ve been guilty of this *hides face in shame*)
i’ve done this before…but usually cuz i cant remember their name. but i’ve totally done this before and i aint ‘shamed
@Smiley Face, “If they don’t introduce you to people they know, for instance, you run into one of their friends and they hold and entire conversation without saying one word about or to you and then walks away like nothing happened…(I’ve been guilty of this *hides face in shame*)”
this is so rude. lol. I’ve been called out on it myself. I usually introduce my self, then side eye the person I’m with (male or female). lol
@Reecie, lol, but it’s even worse when the person has a happy smile on their face the whole time just waitin…waitin..waitin on you to say something…
Damn..VSB I herby donate .1/5 of my 401K to you. I just had to tell the man I was “dating” to kick rocks on Wednesday, and was starting to wonder if I did the right thing.. this, this right here yeah I did the right thing.
@PrincessCutc, glad we could help.
vsb: saving sanity and relationships, one day at a time.
If he’s freely tellling you about plans that he’s has with other chicks, or better yet, he has that chick show up while you are over.
You’re probably in that piece by yourself.
I’m not talking about plans with plantonic friends/co-workers either.
*This may or may not be a true story that happened about 10 years ago.
@miss t-lee,
Damn. When I first started dating “Big”, the first time we met up I actually revealed to him that I was on my way to a date with another dude. It was an accident! He saw me checking the clock and looking at my phone and stuff and started asking questions. Since my dumbass cant lie to save my life I gave him the whole rundown. He caught me offguard damnit! That’s what his nosy arse gets for asking all them questions.
@Me fail english?,
I can’t lie for ish either. Don’t feel bad.
I tell all my folks, if you commit a crime, please don’t tell me. ‘Cause if I get questioned, it’s a done deal.
You’re going down!!!
@miss t-lee,
haha! I tell ppl the same thing!
@miss t-lee,
“If he’s freely tellling you about plans that he’s has with other chicks, or better yet, he has that chick show up while you are over.”
This is probably the most telling of all. I am flabbergasted that some chicks still don’t get this, talmbout, “I’m so glad we’re close enough where he can tell me anything”. Yeah, bish, but listen to what the f*ck he’s telling you!!! lol
@Cheekie,
LOL! Some ppl can spin anything into a positive. *Sigh*
i feel like most of these examples are things that guys might do. i couldn’t see a guy ever caring if he never met a woman’s friends or if she leaves after good sexing. *shrugs*
the only one i could see a guy complaining about is the fact that he always initates contact.
@Tunde,
“the only one i could see a guy complaining about is the fact that he always initates contact.”
True.
I’ve heard this one a few times.
@Tunde, “i feel like most of these examples are things that guys might do. i couldn’t see a guy ever caring if he never met a woman’s friends or if she leaves after good sexing.”
Some guys might not…but you keep getting up 5 minutes after amazing (lol) chex hop, skipping and jumping in your clothes with a kiss, “see ya gotta go, talk to you later” some guys get miffed, lol
@Smiley Face,
That’s true. If only for the fact that he couldn’t wear you out and put you to sleep, some dudes really aint feeling the fact that you :
a) Would be much more comfortable in your own bed (c) Jay-Z
b) Got enough energy to chuck the deuces drive off.
They may not even want you to stay, but if YOU actually dont wanna be there…that could start a fight.
@Me fail english?,
LOL..exactly
@Me fail english?,
if it were my girl i would have a problem with it. anyone else can feel free to take her ass on if she don’t wanna be there.
“the only time i love ‘em is when my dick hard.” ~jigga
@Tunde, Not so! A guy, when lovin’ a chick, will care about every single one of these, you crazy! lol
Real Sh*t Guys do
He’ll rather eat ur carpet than tongue kiss u. Kisses mean alot, guys dnt kiss anychick.
When he askes you to switch positions he just gives you hand signals or does it for you, rather tell you what he wants.
He parks his car a block down from his house, when you all go there, cause “he dnt want his neighbors to know he’s home”.
He’d rather share his Harolds with u than buy you your own a six peice with mild n hot sauce, black pepper, salt n sum jalopeno peppers on the side.
Wouldnt care if yo boyfriend or ex boyfriend pick you from his house.
Allows you to go through his phone.
Everytime you finish the bump n grind, sum sh*t pops up.
He doesnt put on the merona boxer briefs for you, just the ones with the sports car or hot dogs with mustard on em
Just doesnt take his time pleasing you.
If you spend the night he magically goes elsewhere to fall asleep.
@The Hallway,
“he dnt want his neighbors to know he’s home”. *DEAD*
“he dnt want his neighbors to know he’s home”. *DEAD*
He doesnt put on the merona boxer briefs for you, just the ones with the sports car or hot dogs with mustard on em *DEAD*
Funniest ish I’ve read on VSB in a minute!
@The Hallway,
Merona?!
Ain’t that the Target brand?
Are those supposed to be special?
Inquiring minds want to know.
@miss t-lee,
LMAO! I thought I recognized that name. I think I have a Merona beach hat. Damn you t-lee!
@Me fail english?,
LOL!!! I have plenty of Merona stuff. I’m a Target shopping something.
@miss t-lee,
Yeah they target, but I love em. I got these purple joints or jewns(DC is taken over). If I put them on mean, if I put them on sumbody’s getting slayed, taken to the lair.
@The Hallway,
Oh I see…those are your “I mean bizness” draws.
Niiiice. Slayed huh?
I’m walking away now.
@miss t-lee,
Im just saying you know if yo man was anticipating you.
He got da boxer briefs on.
Da Coming of Age fresh socks str8 out the pack. Or if he got spiffy n wore dress attire the black or navy dress socks not to many desings like he’s a bishop or sumthin.
The tank top still got the elastic popping n it doesnt resemble a throwback jersey or jamiacan net shirt.
He’s ready for you.
@ The Hallway ,
Yep…I’m well aware of the “getcho azz in hurr and close the door” attire.
Normally consisting of the boxers with the good elastic…lol
@The Hallway, He’ll rather eat ur carpet than tongue kiss u. Kisses mean alot, guys dnt kiss anychick.
this why so mean REAL guys got herpes too
logic is a$$ backwards (pun intended)
@OrangeStar616,
Not in essence kisses are more emotional, more passionate, symbolizing in a way a commitment. If he’s dating you he’s goin to romance u. If he’s not he goin to f*ck u.
When we are into a woman we tend to do things women like and like my uncle said, “Saran wrap n she cant tell the difference, yo Man’s might not fall off, but your lips will.”
@The Hallway, I overstand the intimacy of a kiss when the right emotion is beyond it…. not all kisses are passionate or symbolizing of a commitment either…..some mofos just freaks and do all that sh*t with whomever……..
@OrangeStar616,
I think the woman or man should be able to tell if the other person’s intentions, I believe many times people try to overlooked their intuition or natural instincts. If it dsn’t feel right, den mostly likely it’s not right. But I understand your point.
@OrangeStar616,
Thank you. You can never make me understand how people will put they mouth on other folk’s junk-but won’t kiss someone on the mouth.
Ya’ll can give me all the emotional mumbo-jumbo you want (I’ve heard many arguements), but that ish is azz backwards.
@miss t-lee,
Im speaking for myself as a man, giving head is almost the equivalent of F*cking it draws submission. one dominant, one submissive. Kissing is not the same its shared. But whomever is pleasing the other at that particaular time is the dominant one. Men like to be dominant, we like to see you all squander and twitch, the kiss just doesnt have the same affect, its nearly useless as far as sexual dominance is concerned especially to a man’s sexaul ego.
The kiss only really powerful when weve got your heart or on want it.
We kiss you on the head to reassure you or to comfort you.
We kiss you on the mouth to shut you the f*ck up.
We kiss you on the neck to seduce you.
We kiss you on the hand to be chivarous.
We kiss you with the accompanied bite to tease you.
The kiss is the mark of a motive or intention.
The kiss is for you not us. The abundance or lack there of is a symbol of ones pursuit or liking/loving of you.
@The Hallway,
see this comment right here is the perfect segue into the complexity of ‘The Forehead Kiss’. Is it possessive? erotic? dismissive? protective?
I know you all saw The Best Man.
@The Hallway,
Well…let that be case for you. Some guys like to kiss.
I’ve actually have kats get upset because I wasn’t trying to kiss them.
“Men like to be dominant, we like to see you all squander and twitch”
Trust some of us like to see the same ish. Especially when ya’ll can’t form actual words and you start making that little bytch whining sound. Except I don’t think I’d use the word “squander” to describe that.
We’ll have to agree to disagree.
@Underfire,
Yes mam, I had to go in. (no pun intended)
But the forehead kiss will confuse the sh*t out of a chick, and its a no risk factor for a smooth guy. You’re not goin in for the kill, but you do provide mystery.*girl walks in house gets ready for bed, later clinches sheets, puts pillow inbetween legs, sucks thumb, while covered by an intense blue moonlight*
@The Miss t-lee,
The point is why were they mad? Because you didn’t kiss them because they like to kiss or the fact that you denied them the opportunity to plant the seed of lust, seduction, game?
Talk to me
@The Hallway,
The forehead kiss ain’t doing ish. Don’t let the Best Man fool ya’ll…lmao
I like how you refered to me as “The” –my homegirl’s dad used to do that. He only spoke Spanish, so he would call me “La miss t-lee”–hilarious.
You asked
“The point is why were they mad?”
Not really sure, maybe it was the fact that they got denied period. You already know ya’ll’s egos can be really fragile sometimes if ya’ll don’t get what you want.
@miss t-lee,
FTR, I thought the “forehead kiss” thread in “The Best Man” was the most pretentious, neurotic, extraneous and obnoxious part of the entire movie. Including Augustus’ (Oz) wife.
I mean who really ruminates on a damn forehead kiss? As opposed to the cheek? I wanted to slap Nia, Trey (not the characters, the actual ppl) and whatever studio producers greenlit this corny bullshet.
@OrangeStar616, naw…i wouldnt kiss my jumpoff chicks either. (also wasnt going down on ‘em)
they hated the no kissing thing. most akwaard moment is when you hit them with the “dodge”. lol.
good times.
@Panama Jackson, a quick cheek turn and a”Wow did you see that purple monkey?!” ( i so evil
lol)
@Smiley Face,
AHAHA! I HAVE to use that. I must!
@Panama Jackson,
Thank U. We dnt love them h0es
@Panama Jackson, thats my whole point……you have dudes that do all to whomever… then you have the ones with some sense to a degree that do neither, depending on how the woman has been catergorized………then you have DL nuccas with their DL reasons…theres an assortment out ‘chere, a mixed trick bag LLS
@The Hallway,
iCant…iDead..LOL
@Smiley Face,
You feel me with the Harolds though, right?
@The Hallway,
I’ve heard about how serious Harolds is to folk! LOL
@Smiley Face,
Harolds is as serious as Andre Leon Talley in a tub of glitter.
@The Hallway,
“He’d rather share his Harolds with u than buy you your own a six peice with mild n hot sauce, black pepper, salt n sum jalopeno peppers on the side.”
This was that real Chi right chere. *dap*
*rolling* @ “he magically falls asleep somewhere else”. Like, “Oh, dayum baby, see I was watchin’ the game and before I knew it…”
@Cheekie,
*does a toast with one crispy, mild sauce smothered chicken wing. And commences to eating* LOL
@The Hallway,
I’m mad I’d kill gladiator or medevally for that order you listed up above. Oh my word I miss the Chi. I was on twitter yesterday talking about a rico benne’s steak sandwich and an Italian beef…
@WuDaMan,
Your not alone we should start a back to Chicago thang. Like it was back to Africa or sumthin.
Italian beef with the provolone cheese, hot peppers, the red sauce, cheese fries, and strawberry pop. Like my mama say she disappointed. “WELL GOD DAYUM” lol
@The Hallway, I feel u. Especially when he doesn’t take his time pleasing you. So I got him back, it was kind of mean but I got my point across.
I told him in the car right before I dropped him off at the airport. He was going to visit a friend, and was flying out to see her for the weekend. I told him straight up he didn’t know jack about pleasing me in bed. He was mad/sad/angry/disappointed/had a lot to think about the WHOLE weekend.
That’ll teach his behind to pay attention to a woman’s needs. He came back not only remorseful, but ready to work.
(Although, unfortunately he never got it right, at least he really started trying.)
@Alynrochelle,
Thats hot
Sign #34.2
If you can’t find them or catch up with them… when you finally do they say, “Oh, I was sleep in the attic.”
@SouthernCharm, SLAYED!!!!
@SouthernCharm, TOO SOON! TOO SOON!!!!
LMAO.
that should become the new de facto response to not being able to be found…
@Panama Jackson, I second that motion!
@Complex Simplicity,
I third it. BWAHAHAHA!
@Cheekie,
motion passed! LOL
@Panama Jackson,
LOL!!!
@SouthernCharm,
“Oh, I was sleep in the attic.”
_______________________
*I just let out the loudest laugh.
@SouthernCharm, bwahahahahhahhaa!
@SouthernCharm,
Da fudge! LOL. That’s real crazy. Thank u for our new excuse for the year.
Oh yeah. And Outback>TGI Friday’s.
Have yall had those Tassie Buffalo Strips? The crab-stuffed shrimp? The blackberry mojito? My new happy hour spot.
@Me fail english?,
TGI Fridays. Jack Daniels sauce with ribs, shrimp, chicken, everthing. Cheese Grits and Shrimp. They really know how to make a ninja feel like a ninja.
@The Hallway,
Haha! I didnt know they served cheese grits.
But…Kookaburra wings, rack of lamb, coconut shrimp!
I just thought about this. You must be in the south with some cheese grits on the menu. Like when I went to New England and found McDonald’s serving lobster. Gotta love those regional menus. Mmmm
@Me fail english?,
Now in Chicago they serve cheese grits, it was something new to the menu. In dat Sh!t was banging
@The Hallway,
I fell in love with TGIFridays just because of their Jack Daniels sauce. I pretty much get everything that comes with it, and/or request it on the side. lol
@The Hallway, loves the jack daniels sauce. there’s one in walking distance to my spot. Outback isn’t too far away either, but I ate there waaay too much in undergrad. I might go see what them drink specials talkin bout though. lol
@Reecie,
Word up. I admire your blog, very creative.
@Me fail english?,
I absolutely abhor TGIFriday’s. Maybe it’s because the one across the street from here (work) is so terrible.
@miss t-lee,
The one in Times Square smells like mildew. Plus one time I saw lip prints on my wine glass! I sent the glass back and this fool wiped around the rim…with his bare hands! Then tried to give it back with a smile. FOH! Take this isht off my bill! I’m out.
@Me fail english?,
“I sent the glass back and this fool wiped around the rim…with his bare hands”
That’s a throat punch right there.
One time they served me a frozen drink in a glass that was straight from the dish dryer. I went to take a sip from my drink and it was warm and melty. ‘da hell?
Um…you’re gonna be comping that drink buddy boy.
@miss t-lee,
The best part is that I was sitting at the bar and this fool didnt even attempt to go in the back and wipe it in privt. He did this out in the open. Um…ex-squeeze me? I was dumbfounded for 38 seconds.
But I got one better. One time I went to the McDonald’s drive thru. Got home, bit into a chicken sandwich and this ish was RAW on the inside. Not frozen. Raw. I was hot! hot! hot!
@Me fail english? ,
I got a chicken sandwich from Wendy’s once. They musta thought I was a vegetarian or something because it was minus the chicken.
I took it back, they were were like “is everything okay?” I was like “Um, no the key ingredient is missing from my sandwich”.
I understand ya’ll are trying to get food out to me quickly, but I’ll wait an extra 2 minutes to make sure I get all parts of my sandwich…lol
@miss t-lee, We’re not going to talk about the time I went to Wendy’s and ordered a chicken sandwich sans mayo. They gave me one with mayo (I always check before I pull off), so I gave it back to them. When I got home, I realized they did not give me a new sandwich, as any normal place would–they simply WIPED the mayo off! I was hot…went back and demanded my money back. I will drive crosstown to go to Wendy’s now.
@miss t-lee,
lol @ Wendy’s. I think they’re just cheap and doing that ish on purpose. One time I was at the drive thru and they handed me a bag full of salt, pepper, ketchup and napkins. LMAO!
@me fail,
“One time I was at the drive thru and they handed me a bag full of salt, pepper, ketchup and napkins. ”
Girl stop LYIN! For real? ROFL
You just gotta ask some folks: WHY?!
@Cheekie,
Honest injun! I was in the car with my pops. I really didnt think it was on purpose. It was the end of the night so I assumed they were just restocking condiments from that bag, but he took it as a personal affront and he has a hair-trigger temper. I thought he was gonna jump through the window and beat somebody’s ass! haha!
@me fail,
I’m just sayin’…didn’t they notice the bag was a little…light? lol
@Cheekie,
Now that you mention it, they prob were just playin a prank! They had to know. LOL. They’ll know next time not to pull that isht on wild-eyed black men
@ dee,
” When I got home, I realized they did not give me a new sandwich, as any normal place would–they simply WIPED the mayo off! ”
Oh trust!! After my chicken-less sandwich, I also check everything before leaving…lol
@Dee,
“When I got home, I realized they did not give me a new sandwich, as any normal place would–they simply WIPED the mayo off!”
Someone pulled that ish on my sister when we were out to lunch one time. I think it was Bennigans. Best believe they were TOLD about themselves.
You could still see the now-smushed-into-bread mayo.
@miss t-lee,
TGI is just one of my favorite cheap folk go out to dinner spots, along with…
Red Lobster when the biscuits warm n melt in your mouth.
Pappadeux, Cheesecake factory, Chi Tung, Giordiano’s, Leona’s.
Im hungrier than POW up in this mugg
@The Hallway,
Is there anything Cheesecake actually makes well. Maybe I’m asking too much because the menu is so extensive, who has time to learn to cook any of this. Or maybe I should be eating the cheesecakes and not worry about the food. But the only thing I actually like at Cheesecake is the “Georgia Peach”.
@The Hallway,
“Pappadeux”
Hahah. We were just here for HH last night. Swampthangs what?!
@The Hallway,
HAHA, you up on Chi Tung, huh? Then again, I’m not surprised. That bish is hella crowded forever.
@The Hallway, “Im hungrier than POW up in this mugg”
I was getting ready to ask you if you were hongry (yes hongry, hongry is when hungry left the house, drove around the corner and came back and slapped your @ss like KAPOW! I’m Rick James bish…feed me)
@Smiley Face,
*DEAD* I HATE YOU!
@Smiley Face,
Realy tho feed me*attempts to pick and dust off Smiley Face* my bad
@Me fail english?,
“Have yall had those Tassie Buffalo Strips? ”
Naw, but I need to. I always make a point to try the restaurant’s Buffalo wings/strips. I haven’t been there in a minute, though. I used to love their black bean soup a lot.
If you find out from mutual friends/other people he’s telling people behind your back he’s not seeing anyone, because his live is private and it’s nobody’s “business”.
or if you find out s/he is dating other people, but hasn’t told you. Dating multiple people is fine up to a certain point, just let me know. s/He is not dating ‘other people’ if they are not dating YOU.
“1) You ALWAYS initiate all of the contact”
I’m currently going through the pre-stages of this right now. Except the “you” is “he”. Oh, and except there’s no relationship. I just gave him my number (out of nicenessness…I really wasn’t feeling him like that but he seemed nice) and he asked me when would be a good time to call me, and I was like, “whenever you can” with a shrug (I mean, for real…just call when you call, if I’m available I’ll pick up, if not, I won’t…I don’t have a schedule for phone calls) and he’s all giggity, “Tonight?!”. I shrug. Anyhow, RIGHT after work he texts me….I was busy that evening so I text him the next morning:
Cheekie: Morning. I got your text. Too my niece out to dinner for good grades, blah blah blah fillercakes.
Anxious Andy: Oh, ok. I was wondering if you changed your mind about giving me your number. [Cheekie's Mind: No, but now that you said that I'm beginning to] Oh, and I wanna let you know you are so beautiful to me.
Cheekie: Aw, thanks!
And he managed to initiate like 50-leven more texts that day each ending with a variation of how beautiful I am to him. He reeked of insecurity and I wonder if this is the warning of how clingy he is or it’s just that nervousness of pre-date jitters. Anyhow, he probably noticed I never initiated texts so maybe he got the hint? We’ll see. Until next time, folks…
@Cheekie,
lmao! Poor Andy
Just dont go on a pity date. You will never hear the end of him. I have a guy from Sept. 2007, another from Oct. 2005 and another from Aug. 2006 who STILL call me (all have called within the last week). You dont want that. Oh no, you don’t.
@Me fail english?,
I know.
We’ll see…lol
@Cheekie,
“Nerousness of pre-date jitters?”
Since when did you decide you were goin to give this shy guy a date, you didn’t even want to drop the digits?
@The Hallway,
He just wanted to take me out to lunch. Well, actually he asked for movie or dinner and I went for the safer…less date-like and more casual….lunch during work. Badda bing.
@Cheekie,
Now you already know you should’ve told that kat “no” when he asked you for your number.
Unless you’re gonna use him as your “entertainment guy”–then otherwise, go right ahead.
@miss t-lee,
You’re on the right track….lol That’s evil, mayne. For real.
But seriously, though, he seems like a nice guy so I was gonna “entertain” him and see where it goes. I give folks chances once in a while. Not just initially write him off without at least getting to know him as a person. Then, I’ll just tell him, “I like you on the inside”. Naw, lemme stop. I’ll see…
@Cheekie,
“You’re on the right track….lol That’s evil, mayne. For real. ”
I know…lol
I used to be really mean back in the day.
Re: Today’s post picture
Why that man so ALONE? I kinda wannt run up to him and hug him. But he sorta looks like Deebo from afar…so I’ll pass for now.
@Cheekie,
He do got some broad shoulders and a tiny head. Oh shet, it’s Dwight Howard in “Dune”!
@Me fail english?,
You get mad points for that “Dune” reference.
I have to say yall are fun-nay.
I have to act like I’m having an aim conversation so the people in the library won’t think I’m completely bonkers for laughing outloud…..repeatedly.
The only thing the responses today have told me is that women are still out here playing themselves (men too, but its friday = gender warzzz! dammit)
Seriously though, P you bout to get many a chick way too comfy talking bout I met all his friends, and he always stays after sexytime, and we go to interesting places. Nah shorty that just mean that he likes easy access to the kitty, and don’t wanna go to the museum by himself.
@Dorian G.,
Niceeeee. You right though. Maybe.
@Dorian G.,
lol. Leave it to the Indigo Ninja of Excellence to shet on someone’s parade. *I was thinkin the same thing though*
GENDER WARZZZ!!
@Dorian G.,
OOOOOoOooooohhhhhhh
If you get the side eye when you tell him how you were talking about ‘your man’. So you add ‘oh, just to my girls’ because ‘he doesn’t like putting his business out on the street’ foh
If you ever really wanted to call him, but felt like it might be a bit too much for him to take as you spoke yesterday
If you withheld calling him so that he called you instead for a change. And you break after 3 weeks and call him. And he’s glad to hear from you-but doesn’t even ask where you been, or so silent? You are part of a harem- and very lowly placed @ that
If he acts like his coming to see you requires massive planning like its an mdg or invasion of somalia
(And I have to agree that meeting family ain’t isht. H0ishness runs in some families, and they have siblings who pimp for their siblings)
Even though I got one this morning….I HATE that stupid lol
song! #fail……But other than that thanks for the reminders.
Does it still count as dating yourself if you never slept with the person and you only kissed them isn’t the whole point of side pieces is to get some pieces on the side? I know I could’ve been this girl but avoided it because I never slept with him. So. Ha! At least I got some free meals and movies outta him. Stupid bish.
Why is it that ALL the respondeees on VSB have ISSSSUESS… coincidentally, they all have the issues that you blog about… hmmm
Its still very early days and he’s just not doing enough chasing. So you think, as a woman, not to appear to “uptight” and to show that I AM INTERESTED, let me loosen up a little bit and open up so he can read that im also keen for this. You initiate contact now and again, call, sms, suggest dates. All good an well, only on the day the “going out” is meant to happen brother doesnt say a word and you follow up a few hours just before you are due to meet – note a few hours before and not first thing in the morning to avoid appearing overly keen! So when you do call, those few hours before you are due to meet, he sudenly has something…WHY did you not say so earlier and when were you going to say so if i didn’t follow up, or best still, as most brothers do, was he just not going to pitch and pull amnesia the following day! All good and well, these things do happen, but the least you would expect is for the brother to follow up or propose an alternative date at a later stage, without me having to remind him. Bad behaviour and manners i think and totally inexcusible. You wouldnt do it to friends or colleagues so why should I put up with it!
What if he says you’re his girl but he’s always getting textessages from his girl “friends” at 4 am and telling you he loves you after 3 weeks but never texts or calls you unless you text or call him first… Oh and only sees u at night… Smh…. I should break up with him…