A Lengthy Word On Ciara, Russell Wilson, and Baby Future Calling Him “Papa” » VSB

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A Lengthy Word On Ciara, Russell Wilson, and Baby Future Calling Him “Papa”

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Y’all really got to stop it with the Russell Wilson and Ciara news. And by y’all, I mean anybody who gives enough of a shit about this on-going saga when there are more important things going on to report it and make it part of everyday conversations. In no world should Ciara and Russell Wilson be a part of everyday conversations outside of football season. Ciara isn’t part of any music convos anymore and that’s okay. She took her shots, made a few, and now there’s a new league.

But since we’re here and because you people hate me, the latest Ciara news centers around the fact that Baby Future refers to Russell Wilson, her newly minted husband and Baby Future’s stepdaddy, as “Papa”.

So. The. Fuck. What?

Look, again because you people hate me, we are all aware of the pretty fucked up saga of Ciara and ex-boothang, Future. Future, while making music we all enjoy while sipping our Moscato and vaping, appears via court documents and social media shenanigans to be pretty much an ain’t shit dude. I’m guessing the only reason we haven’t heard from the rest of his baby mamas about how ain’t shit he is is because they’re not famous and he’s the meal ticket. You do not fuck up the meal ticket. And as messed up as what I’m about to say is, I’d bet good money he didn’t exactly sire his legion of children with a bunch of independent women sporting Ph.D.s and such. If I’m wrong, I apologize. From the heart.

Ciara on the other hand is a woman who has her own, and for the better part of the past few years has been in one of the more annoying relationships with one of the more annoying athletes in Russell Wilson. He’s been present for her and her child and it’s been a thing. We all know it’s a thing because social media and virginity pledges and late night talk shows and shit. Future has been playing the public “she’s disrespecting me as a father” card and the truth is probably that she has been living her life the best way she can as a woman who has found a new relationship but the ex won’t let her cook AND happens to be a public figure who comes off as a bit of a dick.

But, let’s remove the famous nature of the people involved and make it about new dad boo and allowing another man’s child to call him “papa” or any reasonable facsimile of “daddy”. I’ve heard via radio and seen via social media several men up in arms about this, as if to imply that Ciara is being disrespectful to Future and his role as Baby Future’s daddy by allowing him to refer to another man in such a fashion. This is pure and utter poppycock.

Let’s delve, shall we? Yes, let’s.

But first, some background on me. We’re about to wade into hallowed waters because we’re going for the “mommy” card here.

When I was six-years-old, my little sister and I moved from the care of my mother in Ann Arbor, Michigan (at the time) to Frankfurt, Germany, to live with my father, a man that I didn’t remember all that well and who my sister had only seen twice before her third birthday though my parents were married for a short time. My father and my now step-mother were living together with her two children, my step-sisters (ain’t really no step in our lives, I’m only referring to her as my step-mother to make a point).

This woman raised me from six until eighteen. Sure, during summer breaks we’d go back to America and stay with my mother and all that jazz. But the fact is, at some point, we started to refer to my step-mother as “mama”. I don’t know when it happened or why, really, but it happened. She is, to this day, “mama” and she is “mama” when she and my biological mother are in the same room. Do you know what I call my biologocial mother? “Mommy.” I have tremendous relationships with them both and they both took part in raising me into the gorgeous individual that I am today. I’ve never asked my biological mother how she felt about calling my step mother “mama”, but she ALSO refers to her as such when speaking of her, as in, “How are your dad and mom doing?”

There’s a level of respect there because the fact is, “mama” raised me, and she knows it. She was there for me when my “mommy” couldn’t be for geographical reasons and its okay. We’ve managed to create this family that works. Do you know what my step-sisters refer to my father as? “Daddy”. Well there’s a caveat: I have a sister who is my same age, and she does. My oldest sister refers to my father by his name most of the time but on occasion calls him “dad”. She was also thirteen years old when my parents got married, and eleven when they moved in together. It’s never been an issue in my house. My sister calls both my father and her biological father dad because both men actively raised her.

My oldest sister? When she got re-married a few years ago, BOTH of her fathers, my dad and her dad walked her down the aisle. And to complete the confusion, when my step-sister’s father died in 2012, I flew out to California to be with the family because you know what, he wasn’t my father, but he was my family and always treated me like a son.

Our family is a mixed bag and probably not the norm. I recognize this, but the fact is a bunch of adults had to recognize that they were raising kids as a group and what kind of sense would it make for these children who’ve been actively raised by other people to call them by their names and not “dad” or “mom”.

Let’s make this MORE personal.

My daughter’s mother was recently married to a man whom I respect greatly because he loves my daughter and treats her as his own. We have a blended family and he respects that. He respects me and I respect him. My daughter still refers to him by his first name (or at least she does when I’m around), but I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point if she were to call him “dad”. I will forever and always be her “daddy”, but this man will be there and has been there for a significant part of her growth and development. This is my life and at LEAST it’s a man who has shown me respect as her father.

But in no way  would it be disrespectful UNLESS her mother is TELLING her that she has a daddy now and that I’m just the sperm donor or some such ACTUALLY disrespectful shit. Look, to a degree, I can understand why men in particular feel some type of way about their child calling another man “daddy”. Especially when you’re in a co-parenting situation. Then again, if it was co-parenting, this wouldn’t be a thing. So if you’re in a situation where there’s a lot of tension and aggravation and anger, and somebody is being petty and trying to use the kid against you, then yes. Be pissed. Be angry. But I’m guessing the kid calling another man who has been in his life consistently “daddy” isn’t the main issue, it’s just added to the list of issues that need to be addressed. It’s rough when you feel powerless to make changes and when it seems like the person you created a child with is being difficult and attempting to erase you and you role out of your child’s life. That’s what court is for, though. When people talk about fighting for your kids, that’s the time.

But Baby Future calling Russell Wilson, his step-father, and a man who has clearly taken an active interest in his life, papa? That’s nothing. Is he supposed to call him Uncle Russell? Or Russy? Now, perhaps if Future and Baby Future are out playing invisible or something and Baby Future says that he plays this with his dad all the time, then absolutely, he should convene a pow-wow with Russell and Ciara and they should all talk about who or what roles people are playing and how to address perceived sleights, especially for a child so little. It might ALSO be time for Future to, you know, step up and spend more time with his son if he’s worried about losing his spot.

And do we even know if Future is hot about this? From the little I do know, I wouldn’t be surprised, but it could also be pride talking.

Now, if Baby Future runs up on Future and calls him…Future, THEN, y’all can pull out the pitchforks. But the truth is…

…it will probably be Future’s fault anyway for being exactly who he seems like he is right now.

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    This problem with this whole thing for me is it’s a prime example of how messed up family situations are these days.

    People have babies and then the pettiness comes out to the max, and nobody gives a damn. They claim they care for the children but don’t even think of the ramifications the child will face, because their pettiness won’t let them be great.

    One day, that child will get to scour the internet on his parent’s careers, and realize how petty as fuck his Dad is, and how much his two parents were stunting on camera to show they were the better team.

    All I know is that kid is cute, and liked calling Russell “papa”….so Papa is what he will be from here on out.

    • PhlyyPhree

      Were they really stunting trying to appear as the better parents?
      I feel like Cici and Russy were just trying to live life and then live life together and then paparazzi. I could be wrong or just not looking, but I’ve never heard Russell address the situation negatively, if I’ve even heard him speak of it at all

      • JennyJazzhands

        She gets the paparazzi the same way kim does. By calling them.
        And their morning after routine was recorded and posted by them, which I thought was a bit much.
        The paparazzi only “finds” Ciara when she’s in a relationship. Otherwise they hardly ever just “catch” her walking down the street unless it’s with kim.

        • towninc

          thank you!

  • Illumina

    Panama, your family sounds like mine.

    My dad has 9 siblings: two full, 4 half and 3 step. The only people that seem to be out of the loop, for the most part are his three step siblings.

    Anyway, my dad refers to his step-mom as mom, and she’s only every called my dad her son. It might not have been that much of an issue because my biological grandmother passed away when my dad was 14.
    My biological grandmother’s siblings even consider my grandmother an honorary sister. My grandmother was more likely to show up at a family reunion than I was.

    Now we have the second generation of this. My uncle married a women from Michigan and moved her and her son down to live here. He already had two kids from a previous marriage and in addition to her son, they now have two little girls. No difference is ever made. He coached his step-son’s football team and hosted sleepovers in his back yard. For my nephew’s and cousin’s recent joint graduation party, my uncle’s wife did all the planning along with my sister while bio-mom didn’t really help at all. It wasn’t her thing and everyone understood that.

    They are the model for me for co-parenting because the no matter what, the kids come first and everyone knows their role. If bio-parents can’t handle something, the step-parents (on both sides) are more than willing to step in and help.

    • panamajackson

      I love to find out how many folks have non-traditional families but it all works because family over everything.

    • towninc

      my dad has the same setup: 2 full, 3 half, and 3 step. they wasn’t playing back in the day about moving on, they just didn’t have the internet to expose any pettiness

  • Tyrell Holmes

    I have a 4 year old daughter and her mother got married when she was 3…my daughter calls me daddy and she also calls her stepfather daddy…the first time I heard her call him daddy it threw me off but after thinking about it I wasn’t tripping anymore…at this age she won’t understand the difference between a dad and a stepdad…both of us are very relevant father figures in her life and I respect his position just as he respects mine….I too grew up with a stepfather but my mom got married when I was 13…because of the strong relationship that my dad and I have, I felt like it would be disrespectful for me to call another dude dad so I have always referred to him by his first name

    • Aly

      I really think it all depends on the age of the kid. An older child who has a strong connection with their bio parent probably doesn’t want to call their step parent “dad” or “mom.”

      • Tyrell Holmes

        yea that’s the biggest difference…before my daughter’s mom got married my daughter would call her uncle dad because that’s what her cousins referred to him as…once she gets older her stepfather and I will sit her down and explain the situation to her…and honestly it doesn’t bother me at all

      • miss t-lee

        This is true.

      • PhlyyPhree

        I agree with that assessment. Also, as someone said upthread, it depends on how close of a bond the child forms with the step parent too. I think I was…15 or so when my dad remarried and it took years, but eventually his wife became a “mom”.

  • I kinda like Ciara and will still give her music a listen. Her last song I can remember “Dance Like We’re Making Love” came out just last year and was pretty good I thought. Where I get fcuk deficient in this discussion is why these grown people felt the need to announce the secks they weren’t having like we needed to know about that. I may just be a heathen (okay no, I definitely am) but the point was lost on me and I am wholly uninterested in that anyway. I have no step or half anythings so I have to trust they’re working that part out in a smart way.

    • Val

      Hiya, Sawyer!

      *waves*

      I think there are people out there, in particular Black folks, who are celibate so I’m sure for them to hear of about Ciara and Russell being celibate helps. Same goes with Lolo Jones or Jordin Sparks or Angela Simmons (back when Jordin and Angela were virgins). It’s nice to know others are going through what you are, I think.

      • Buster Cannon

        I think there are people out there, in particular Black folks, who are celibate so I’m sure for them to hear of about Ciara and Russell being celibate helps. Same goes with Lolo Jones or Jordin Sparks or Angela Simmons (back when Jordin and Angela were virgins). It’s nice to know others are going through what you are, I think.

        Yeah, as someone sitting at the ‘abstinence-till-marriage’ table, I think it’s good to let people know that it’s an option. and that there isn’t really a stigma among us. It’s encouraging b/c more often than not it can be a subject of ridicule, especially among dudes. Besides, if anything else, it gets a discussion going.

        If people can talk about their active chex lives, those of us that are holding out should be able to have a voice as well.

        • PhlyyPhree

          I agree with this. If you want a voice, I think you should have a voice and not ever feel persecuted about what you’re saying.
          Again, my biggest issue is, having it or not having it, shouldn’t be public knowledge that I hear on my nightly fucking news. (no pun intended)

          • Buster Cannon

            True, but I don’t think people who announce it have the intention of blasting it to the whole planet, especially when it’s a result of someone asking them about it. The media usually takes it and blows it up on every celebrity gossip site. They’re the real villains lol

            • PhlyyPhree

              If I didn’t work in media, I’d say you were unfairly maligning them, but….. Lol!

      • Hey Val, hey!!

        You know, you mad sensible. I sort of see your point, I still think it’s a weird announcement to make. Partially because I didn’t even know who Russell was until he started dating Ciara. Also, it’s not like anyone asked them… did they? But you know what, it ticked off a lot of ignorant people who could not fathom Ciara being regarded as worthy of Russell’s respect, so that’s good at least.

        • Blueberry01

          He went on a Christian TV show and shared what he believed God was asking him to do in their relationship (be abstinent). So, the media outlets picked it up and have be monitoring it ever since. It kind of became like what Meghan Good and Devon Franklin did.

    • ChokeOnThisTea

      I mean, why not? Do we really need to hear the different ways and number of times other celebs ARE having secks? I say we let Russell and CiCi be “great.”

      • I’m all for them being great, just… privately? Abstinence is fine until you’ve announced it to the world and now it follows you around everywhere. Serious question, were they asked about this? Or they just felt the need to share? Either way, I’m not getting involved with either of them so I really wasn’t thinking about it.

        • ChokeOnThisTea

          I hear you. But the same can be said of celebs who share their sexual exploits. I think Russell and Ciara just want to be a different kind of example for the public. Is there a bit of self-righteousness involved? Arguably, yes. But I still think what they did and why they did it was beautiful.

          • I can def respect that. I’d be just as happy to not hear about most of the exploits as well. But yes it is, I suppose, a nice change of pace.

    • PhlyyPhree

      You say heathen, I say savage. Tomato, Tomahto.
      I was literally telling my friend the other day that I’d love it if we allll stopped being concerned about the chex that other people are having. (This was in the context of a conversation re:homo/transphobia but still)
      I feel like if none of the parties involved are fucking ME??? I don’t wanna hear about it.

      • Exactly. Worry less about others consenting adults’ secks lives, and worry more about improving yours. Or curbing it. Or whatever. lol and Iiii am not a savage. My morals are firmly in place, thank you. They just set up a little funny.

        • PhlyyPhree

          That’s what all the savages say. It’s ok darling. Welcome home…

          • lol You got me all wrong. Savage sounds so negative. I’m all light, love and positivity over here, ma’am.

      • brothaskeeper

        *pokes head in* I heard the word secks. Where it’s at?

        • PhlyyPhree

          IDONT KNOW!!!
          That’s the whole point. If I ain’t getting it, I’m not interested in who else is*

          *Some exceptions apply.

          • brothaskeeper

            *goes to wake up Mrs. BK*

        • Mochasister

          ¡Te veo! Mis películas están listas cuando tu esposa las necesite…

          • brothaskeeper

            ¡Cállate!

            • Mochasister

              Lol! Mira hombre. No me callo para nada ni nadie. Tú no me mandas a mí. Sra. Brothaskeeper, ¿dónde estás?

              • brothaskeeper

                Ni yo no miraré películas románticas bajo cualquiera circunstancia…Sra. BK ya llegó ¡hasta luego!

                • Mochasister

                  Ya verás, hombre. Ya verás….

    • blueevey

      I don’t think they ever really announced it. With like a press release and watch not. The whole waiting for marriage thing came abt because Russell Wilson did a talk at the rock church in san diego like over a yr ago. Russell said something abt guiding Ciara or something.

      • So someone asked them whether they were having secks? And wasn’t Russell already married before? See, I really don’t know that much about him. I’m glad they settled on something that worked for both of them tho.

        • Bah Debo

          He was previously married. Rumor around the time of the separation was that she was cheating on him with a teammate…

          • Mochasister

            I read that somewhere as well. Is that why they’re divorced?

            • Bah Debo

              That’s my uninformed assumption. I’m sure the official reasoning was “irreconcilable differences”. She was his college sweetheart, if I remember correctly.
              …and the rumored teammate was traded as soon as the rumors started popping up

              • Mochasister

                I guess the roommate was expendable! Hopefully he and Ciara will have a happy and blessed marriage.

  • Now we’re on to the important matters. LOL

    Seriously though, it’s petty for anyone to give a good gosh darn about. Would I be annoyed if my daughter called another man papa? So long as dude seems like a decent human, I’d be pissed for about 15 seconds. Past that, I’m more worried about how my child is being cared for by whoever is around. I’d hope my ex would feel the same about anyone I would bring into the picture as well.

    Past that? Why aren’t there any Pokemon in Black neighborhoods? Seriously. :)

    • Pokemon subsist on artisanal breads and mayonnaises, duh. (I just learned about that game today… I can not).

      • The upshot is that there are multiple Pokegyms within 5 blocks, but naan a Pokemon. WTF? LOL

        • Todd, Pokemon is an obvious distraction. You out here enslaving Pokemon when you should be liberating your mind and isht. The nerve.

        • TK

          BRUH.. tell them bout our struggle! Lol

      • Cleojonz

        This made me cackle lol. “Artisanal breads and mayonnaises. Plus beautiful green space. Y’all ain’t got no good green spaces in the hood lol.

      • Furious Styles

        But those artisanal breads and mayonaise shops are all over the hood now. That’s(one of) the issues. Now I’m off to get my honey bacon whiskey scone…

        • That actually sounds good! Gimme an address…

        • That sounds amazing. We don’t have those in my hood lol

        • LMNOP

          There are mayonaise shops? Entire shops filled with mayonaise???

          • Blueberry01

            Yup, I believe it. In Brooklyn, they have a “specialty” mustard shop.

          • Furious Styles

            Yes.

            • LMNOP

              Ew. Why??? Are there multiple kinds of mayonaise they sell there?

              I really want to open a spice shop, but a lot of people have said “you can’t have a whole store where you just sell spices.” But the existence of mayonaise stores gives me hope.

              • MsSula

                Sure you can! Isn’t that the whole reason America exists in the first place? Spices? :-)

              • Princess Jai
              • Furious Styles

                We got a spice shop out here in Oakland. I didn’t want to go at first because gentrifying enemy, but it’s alright.

              • SPG

                I have a spice shop in my city and I ?? it.

            • Mochasister

              Why Jesus? Why?

          • Nik White

            And apparantly a cereal resturant in NYC (I read about one in the UK last year).

          • Mochasister

            Ewwww!

      • I’m coming to Philly to catch all the Pokemon

        • Cool, cmon down! I can’t be seen in public with you playing that game, but when you’re done for the day, hit me up.

          • I’m coming in my Ash Ketchum Season 8 fit

            • I don’t know what that is, but I’ma have to go ahead and veto that.

              • HouseOfBonnets

                In his defense that bad boy legit:

    • miss t-lee

      “Why aren’t there any Pokemon in Black neighborhoods?”

      I think you know why…lol

    • Sahel

      Pokemon are everywhere,you just gotta catch em.Though i did read a comment about some dudes using the game to rob people.

      • Tyrell Holmes

        yeaaaaa I heard they lured them in and rob these kids at gunpoint….sad but quite clever if u ask me

    • HouseOfBonnets

      There are Pokemon it’s just ratitas, pidgeys, and zoobats…..a lot of them.

      • brothaskeeper

        Who, what, and huh?

      • ThaMan ThaLegend

        yeah those are the more common low level ones. I seem to be surrounded by Drowzee and Jynx

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Jinx (shudders), I never liked her then I learned her origin made it worse.

    • L8Comer

      I seen people playing in my black neighborhood, prolly safer there

    • disqus_74H9OXqZ4r

      Luckily all the churches and gas stations in my hood are poke stops! And you know there are nothing but churches and gas stations around.

    • Val

      It’s times like this that I’m glad I don’t have a cell phone. I already have enough distractions in my life.

      • Sahel

        Val,you dont own a cell phone.Good girl,you have no idea how easy traingular tracking is.

        • PhlyyPhree

          I just read an article about all of the data that app can access and collect and decided against downloading it for myself. I’ll watch everyone else have fun.

          • miss t-lee

            I read that the new Pokemon game gives complete access to your google accounts.
            That’s insanity.

            • -h.h.h.-

              I read that the new Pokemon game gives complete access to your google accounts.

              From Niantic, the app’s maker:

              We recently discovered that the Pokémon GO account creation process on iOS erroneously requests full access permission for the user’s Google account. However, Pokémon GO only accesses basic Google profile information (specifically, your User ID and email address) and no other Google account information is or has been accessed or collected. Once we became aware of this error, we began working on a client-side fix to request permission for only basic Google profile information, in line with the data that we actually access. Google has verified that no other information has been received or accessed by Pokémon GO or Niantic. Google will soon reduce Pokémon GO’s permission to only the basic profile data that Pokémon GO needs, and users do not need to take any actions themselves.

              • miss t-lee

                Ah!
                Thanks for that clarification. :)

              • H’s do you play Pokemon Go?

                • -h.h.h.-

                  yes ma’am

                  • I don’t get the appeal of it but I like that you’re keeping the masses informed at least :)

                    • -h.h.h.-

                      just trying to provide relevant info and stay in the shadows ma’am :)

                    • No one wants you to slip into lurkdom, btw!

              • PhlyyPhree

                I don’t trust that. What about the users who’ve already allowed access? Is it going to go back and update those settings for those users as well?

                • -h.h.h.-

                  i’m presuming as they send out an update app, that update will include an update in permissions, to only request the minimum that they need.
                  i actually checked my permissions, the app hasn’t shown up as needing full access.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    I guess. But in instances where it’s already accessed and stored the information?
                    That makes me just as leery.

            • PhlyyPhree

              YUP!
              Even if that’s not true, I already know a lot of the apps on my phone collect more info than I’m truly willing to share.
              Also, I didn’t have enough space what with all these photos I ahve stored on my phone anyway. Lol

              • miss t-lee

                Any app that starts wanting too much access I’m like…nah playa.

                • PhlyyPhree

                  Right? I turn off allll the access I can that still allows the app to function. So ain’t no location services, can’t see my emails or my contacts, none of that.
                  Still, I know they’re getting info somehow and I’m not catching everything.
                  Some guy sent me a picture yesterday and sure enough when I logged into fb, there he was as a “suggested friend to add’.
                  Mind you, it was ONE picture from someone I JUST met and we have no friends and nothing else in common, so there was absolutely no reason for fb to suggest him except that somehow they can see my texts. Smh

                  • miss t-lee

                    I’m sure FB is a big offender that way.

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      That’s honestly the first time that has EVER happened to me. It kind of scared the sh it out of me honestly.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I know IG and Twitter have suggested I follow folks who are in my phone that I don’t follow. So there’s that.

                    • Mochasister

                      I don’t do FB, snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, or Tinder. I do still have a Google e-mail account and Pinterest account. I comment here and order online so they know about me and my obsession for fountain pens and makeup.

                  • LMNOP

                    They know the numbers you text, this has happened to me several times. Sometimes with clients that I have a confidential relationship with, but have texted me. It’s really unsettling to me.

              • ThaMan ThaLegend

                Check out Google Photos or Photobucket to put your pics on the cloud and save space.

                • PhlyyPhree

                  Ehhhhhhhh. I’m iffy about saving my photos on a cloud because I don’t like the notion of having a gatekeeper to access MY memories. I have a physical hard drive, I just need to transfer things over.

          • PinkRose

            Apps are getting FAR more intrusive with what they collect on people through your phone, so I deleted ALL of mine!

            • PhlyyPhree

              I realllllyy want to, HOWEVER, I figure at this point, they have the info so Meh.
              When I upgrade my phone (if I ever upgrade my phone) I may not download as much, but the way I operate my life, I’m not completely sure that I’d be able to function without any apps at all just because of how integrated they’ve become into normal life.

              • arafat

                If you are on Android, most have a privacy guard option that lets you control what each app has access to and block all other privileges. I’m not sure if apple has something similar.

        • Val

          Yep, cell phones are basically tracking devises and spy machines all in one.

          • Sahel

            Get those really old nokias.Free advice.

        • Blueberry01

          Guys, long gone are the days of privacy. Certain agencies don’t even need your cell phone to find you. #AskEdwardSnowden

          • Sahel

            Disclaimer,in America. The rest of the world still is uncharted my friend.You can be shocked why simply abandoning a phone and travelling on fot can achieve.

            • Blueberry01

              Thank you, Jesus, for showing us exactly how to be in the world but not of the world. :wink:

              But, girl, until we get to Noneckaghistan for that new way of life, they will find you before you board that redeye flight. Or, just freeze your assests…or both.

      • Buster Cannon

        I don’t have a cell phone.

        *record scratches*

        Wait, how do you function without one? Not even something for emergencies?

        • Val

          Lol You do know that people somehow survived before cell phones were a thing, right? I used to have a basic cell phone but it was a waste of money. I almost never used it unless I was travelling.

          • Buster Cannon

            I know you can survive without one, but they’re so…useful! Technological swiss army knife lol

            • Val

              Yeah, I can see how they would be useful. I just like being disconnected at times. Plus, like I said to Miss T, I really don’t like talking on the phone.

          • Aly

            So you just have a home phone?

            • Val

              Yep, that’s it.

              • Aly

                It must be nice not to be tethered to a phone all the time. I think I’m addicted to mine lol.

                • Val

                  It is, Aly. It’s nice to be out and about and alone with my thoughts, you know. You’re not the only one. I think most people are addicted to them, from what I see. Like they never put them down. Lol

                  • Sahel

                    Its the nudes Val….the nudessssss

                    • Agreed. They make phones worth the hassle lol.

                      (I heard)

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      LMAO. “heard”

                • brothaskeeper

                  My cell phone has to remind me to turn it off every 7 days.

              • Monique

                Wow. That’s impressive. You are my hero lol.

          • Cheech

            Of course, now all the pay phones are gone. If you need one in a pinch, you have to mooch someone else’s.

            • LMNOP

              A few years ago I didn’t have a cell phone, and needed to make a phone call. The looks I got when I was trying to find a pay phone lol

              • Cheech

                I still have an AT&T calling card in my wallet. At this point it’s an old-times-sake novelty.

      • miss t-lee

        You’re the 2nd person I’ve met that doesn’t have one.
        I kinda dig it.

        • Val

          It’s nice, T. I mean I really don’t like talking on the phone period so I really don’t want to talk to anyone when I’m at the market picking out tomatoes or walking down the street.

          • Don’t like talking on the phone, eh? So you’re lining up dates on AIM?

            • Val

              Lol Nope. Thankfully those days are over, hopefully.

              • lol I hope so too, I remember that life wasn’t easy. And I feel like we’ve come to the end of the road already, Val. I need someone who likes to talk on the phone. It’s def on my short list of demands.

                • Val

                  I don’t know what happened, Sawyer. There was a time when I could and would talk on the phone for hours. Like I used to talk to a particular gf all night on the phone since we lived in different cities.

                  Then and I don’t know why exactly, I just started hating talking on the phone. I mean I really despise it. As soon as I get on the phone I’m thinking of how I can end the conversation and get off the phone. Lol

                  • -h.h.h.-

                    you ain’t the only one ma’am…i hate talking on the phone as well.

                    • -crosses H’s and Val off my VSB Would List-

                    • -h.h.h.-
                    • I don’t get Harry Potter references, but I’ma assume there’s a layer of hurt under that shrug.

                    • PhlyyPhree

                      Still kang with them meme’s I see.

                    • -h.h.h.-

                      as i get more silent, i will occasionally pop up to show off my MemeGawd crown

                    • Where are you going and for why?

                    • Blueberry01

                      Triple H, you hate talking period. :wink:

                  • See, I’ll have a pleasant phone convo with bill chasers and stuff. It’s the phone, it was built for niceties. Or something like that lol.

          • miss t-lee

            I can imagine. I leave mine at home on purpose some days. It’s good to have that disconnect.

          • LMNOP

            Texting is a great way to avoid talking on the phone, though. I actually like talking on the phone, but for some reason I really, really dislike having to make a phone call, so texting helps with that.

            • Val

              Do you know how to text from a computer? I heard there’s a way to do it but I don’t know how.

              • Blueberry01

                I’m not sure what calling plan you have, but Verizon Wireless has a computer to text feature. Well, at least they DID have one. I haven’t used it a couple of years.

              • LMNOP

                I would google it, because I know several kids that have free texting on phones or tablets, but they can only use it when they have wifi. I’d imagine you could do something like that on a computer.

            • MsSula

              I am right there with you. I am the queen of texting. I find phone calls very intrusive: they demand that you stop everything you are doing and attend to it. A text delivers the content of the request and gives you time to attend to it when needed…

              Ok, obviously I have thought too much about this. Lol. I don’t like talking on the phone but will text in a heartbeat.

              • Buster Cannon

                I find phone calls very intrusive: they demand that you stop everything you are doing and attend to it. A text delivers the content of the request and gives you time to attend to it when needed…

                Ditto. Half the time I just let them go straight to voicemail unless I’m expecting a call or it’s someone that I have a close relationship with. Otherwise, if it’s that important they’ll leave a message.

          • Blueberry01

            Can’t you just turn your ringer off, then? Or, is it about not having the temptation to use it?

            • Val

              It’s not cost effective since I don’t talk on the phone much.

          • MsSula

            How do you manage with work?

            • Val

              My work calls are brief and to the point. So they aren’t really a problem.

      • PinkRose

        If I didn’t have a kid and a business, I probably wouldn’t have one either.

      • Proverbs31WIFE!

        Val, say what?!?! You started being off the grid.

        • Val

          Lol I wish I was off the grid. But I guess not having a cell phone is a tiny first step though, right.

          • Proverbs31WIFE!

            Soooooo like how do you survive?!?!?!?

            • Val

              Lol Easy. I have a land line and that’s more than enough.

              • Proverbs31WIFE!

                Gosh, Val!!!! Like, smh.

      • NonyaB

        I knew you were a hippie! LOL. I have relatives who didn’t have any cellies either, until this year (due to work). I’ve got one but rarely use it, partly because skype and co. are cheaper for int’l calls.

        • Val

          I’m not really a hippie but I’m definitely hippie adjacent. Lol One day I hope to be a full fledged hippie though.

      • Cheech

        Wow Val, you are hard core.

      • Blueberry01

        Val, no cable, no cell phone…Are you on a modern civilization fast?

        Do you walk around with no shoes either? :wink:

        I, too, grew up before cell phones, but now there aren’t as many pay phones that you could possibly access.

        • Val

          The few times I’ve needed to use a pay phone I’ve been able to find them, so far. Lol

          • Blueberry01

            Okay, lady. Just make sure you leave the house with a piece of paper and a dove. You may have send out some distress signals to us here on the East Coast. Lol.

      • Mochasister

        I don’t have cable. The only way I know about television shows is through my phone.

  • miss t-lee

    Seriously…folks were up in arms about this yesterday and I sat there with blankest stare.
    I’m almost willing to bet that Russell is there more often than the baby’s bio father, so what’s really hood? Plus, I kinda feel like if you don’t want your child calling some other man “Dad” you better step up to the plate and be present. Plus that kid is like what, 2? It seems like he has a good loving relationship with his step-father. Which is really the best thing that can happen in a blended family.
    On the other hand, I have a step-mother and we’ve never really gotten off on the right foot. I call her by her first name, and that’s really all I got. Children know when someone is really in their corner, especially when it comes to step-parents. If you get to that point where the child is close enough or comfortable to call them some variation of Mom or Dad, you’re really doing things right.

    • AGAIN.

      • miss t-lee

        Can never have too many folks loving your child.

    • PinkRose

      “I call her by her first name, and that’s really all I got.” Disrespectful hef fa!!!

      • miss t-lee

        I’ve been nicer to you than to her. Feel lucky.

        • PinkRose

          LOL. Karma usually takes care of situations like this in life.

          • miss t-lee

            True, I look forward to it.

            • PinkRose

              Just remember what you did………

              • miss t-lee

                This is where you making assumptions goes wrong.

                • PinkRose

                  There’s nothing to assume, mistreating/disrespecting others usually doesn’t led to a very happy life.

                  • miss t-lee

                    Says the person calling others names.
                    It’s gonna be really happy after you catch this block.

                    • AnswerMe
                    • Conrad Bess

                      Uhhh….

                    • PinkRose

                      miss t-lee
                      “It’ll gonna be really happy after you catch this block.”

                      “It’ll gonna be really happy” when you learn to write in English, threats on a blog? Pfffft!

                    • AnswerMe

                      But seriously…what’s wrong?

                    • Mzpw2016

                      Real question though: so, I’m pretty much a lurker and barely write comments or respond to comments. How much time out of your day do you use e-arguing with some other commenter? Like, do you actually have an alarm that goes off when you get a response, sort of like a text message? Do you actually follow up with further comments? I’m not being a smart-a $$; I’m just baffled at the amount of effort y’all put into an e-argument…but it was quite entertaining so thanks for that….:-P

                    • PinkRose

                      Given that this is a 2 day old “argument” and folks have moved on, maybe the question you should be asking is why you feel the need to dig up old s hit. And really, I’m not being s mart a ss either.

                    • Mochasister

                      Bloop!

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    ….

                    • PinkRose

                      Metamucil will fix that face, lol!!

                    • Blueberry01

                      #SureJan

                    • Mochasister

                      It just seems like you’re judging her without knowing all of the facts. She hasn’t really said but if you read between the lines it doesn’t seem like they have a good relationship. Some step relationships aren’t good. No need to fake the funk and pretend like they have a good relationship when they don’t. If one can at least be cordial, then that’s better than nothing.

                    • PinkRose

                      Giving respect isn’t predicated on having a good relationship, case in point, the President and the ENTIRE Republican party.

                    • PinkRose

                      And they don’t have a good relationship? Geez I wonder why, blended families take a LOT of work but can be fulfilling when EVERYONE respects each other.

                    • Mochasister

                      Yes, they do. But maybe for her calling her stepmother by her first name is being respectful. Maybe in her family it was decided that the stepmother would be called by her first name.

                  • Blueberry01

                    In her defense, you do not know the nature of her relationship with her stepmother. If she revealed that it was toxic, abusive, or just plain unhealthy, I’m sure you wouldn’t be advocating for her to be “nice” to her.

                    • miss t-lee

                      Appreciate this.
                      That’s what happens when folks just talk out their azz…lol

                    • Mochasister

                      I know it’s none of my business but did your mother ever say anything to your dad about the situation? If this question is too personal, just tell me to shut it.

                    • miss t-lee

                      My mother passed away when I was young. My father remarried about 6 years later.

                    • Mochasister

                      I’m sorry. Both about your mother and the situation with your father’s wife.

                    • miss t-lee

                      I appreciate it.

                    • Mochasister

                      If I had seen this post, I wouldn’t have typed mine. I literally just wrote the same thing.

        • HouseOfBonnets

          Welp

        • brothaskeeper
      • Val

        Why are you always so salty? Jeez.

        • PinkRose

          You get salty around here all time time, don’t let your status as Queen of VSB (which is well deserved BTW) get your tiara twisted, LOL!!! Besides, folks where I come from (down south) use the term heffa more as joke than fact.

          • Val

            So much venom for no reason. sigh.

            • HouseOfBonnets

              It makes you question the understanding of social cues during conversation.

              • PhlyyPhree

                I assume people like that have social integration issues hence why they’re on the internet to begin with.

                • PinkRose

                  And that explains why YOU’RE here 24/7? In fact, what’s going on now for what 2 days, is no different than what you see among high school FEMALES. The popular one disagrees with someone, and her team of suck ups and cronies jump in. BTW Val, NOW I’m feeling venomous.

                  One last thing, the Queen of VSB moniker wasn’t a put down, it WAS a compliment, it’s all about perception.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Lol. Nope. A lot of reasons, I’m here allladatime, but that ain’t it.

                  • PhlyyPhree

                    Well, since you edited your response, I’m going to go ahead and add an addendum to mine:

                    I’m not here 24/7. I’ve actually been a lot less active lately for a lot of reasons.
                    I was reacting to your initial comments to T-Lee. No matter your intentions, there was no way to perceive that other than rude. There’s never any to call someone a “disrespectful he ffa” and have that mean something pleasant. It wasn’t about popularity or who I’m friends with. There are few commenters I know in real life and they definitely don’t need me to fight their battles.

                  • Kas

                    Pink all kidding aside. I have a heck of a time telling when you are joking around vs. being serious.

                    • PinkRose

                      Well Scientists types have never been known for having a sense of humor that others could understand. I think it’s called dry whit or something like that. But

                    • LMNOP

                      Dry wit is definitely not the issue here.

                    • PinkRose

                      Whatever you THINK is this issue is, is completely irrelevant as is your insistence on adding dumb a ssery to this thread.

                    • LMNOP

                      So witty!

                    • Blueberry01

                      Others may call it willful ignorance or extensive unawareness…

                    • Buster Cannon

                      Just a tip:

                      From one ‘scientist’ type to another, sarcasm doesn’t usually translate over the internet that well unless you make it known. Slipping a simple ‘lol’ after a comment can be the difference between a harsh comment and a fun, lighthearted jab.

                    • PinkRose

                      From one ‘scientist’ type to another, I’m familiar with the concept of LOL, thanks! So did you ignore my comment about adding LOL to THIS particular comment? Wasn’t warranted AT ALL otherwise I would have edited it.

                    • i admire your patience. sweet quality.

                    • Buster Cannon

                      Thanks, I try not to let stuff bug me

                    • PinkRose

                      This should help you. I deal with people who have life threatening illnesses M-F and sometimes on the weekends. And abject poverty makes it much worse. VERY LITTLE that goes on here will EVER be serious enough to warrant a truly angry response from me. I call it perspective.

                    • Kas

                      So assume you are joking unless you state otherwise. Got it.

                    • PinkRose

                      I was actually in the process of editing my he ffa comment to read he effa, LOL so it would be understood that I was joking. But after ol’ girl got ghetto fabulous with the threats (bet I couldn’t have gotten away with that), I decided to leave the original statement alone.

                      That said, I’m a Step mother, and bet not NO ONE’s child EVA call me by my first name. EVA!!

                    • Kas
                    • PinkRose

                      That is so sweet, I’ll have to add it to my Dr. McStuffins collection, thanks so much for the link!

                    • PinkRose

                      Men move on, NO surprises here.

                    • Blueberry01

                      Oh, now I REALLY get it. She stepped on your toes with that stepmother comment. I wonder what your relationship is like with your step-children. Or, better yet, what there perception of you might be?

                    • miss t-lee
                    • Mochasister

                      That’s one of the downsides of the internet. You can’t see people’s facial expressions or hear their tone of voice to help you understand their meaning.

                  • Blueberry01

                    So, how would you know how often she’s on here….if you’re not ALSO on here with her? Or, maybe you’re just on her enough to be clocking her response times?

                    Oh…I think I get it now. You’re upset because you don’t think you’re popular on here? Well, if you want more people to like you — or response positively to your posts — perhaps you should not attack people, use backhanded compliments, or have a passive aggressive tone in your writing.

              • Val

                Right.

                • Kas

                  How did I just now catch this exchange? I have to stop trying to work during the day.

            • PhlyyPhree

              Val girl, they gave you a tiara??????So its it a half tiara to cover half your face or what?
              LOL!

              • Val

                Lol No one told me. It must have gotten lost in the mail.

            • PinkRose

              Actually not feeling either salty or venomous at all, but be real. You get special privileges for being salty/snippy/ect here, I’ll call them VBS privileges.

              • AnswerMe

                *etc

              • Simone-Elise Charles

                You’re new aren’t you? As a long time lurker and student of VSB, it’s verve, wit, lucidity, insight and the ability to not call people out they name while educating said person. In other words, we pull your coat without dipping into the sea. It’s a craft.

        • JamesInstagram

          Me, after not being in the VSB threads for awhile:
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiG9V_qfuaE

      • Mochasister

        I call my father’s wife by her first name. Of course I was twenty-three when they married. She didn’t have a hand in raising me so I’ve never called her any type of maternal name.

    • Yay Radley

      Same here with the stepmom. Something in our relationship still don’t curl all the way over. I call her by her first name, but refer to them collectively as “my parents,” and my children call her “Granny.”

      Then again, she’s been that, to them, but was never “Mama,” to me. Go fig.

      • miss t-lee

        I often wonder how that will go down if I ever have a little one. My late nephew called her Grandma even though my brother doesn’t have a relationship with her either.
        Out of respect for my Dad, I refer to them as my parents to anyone outside the family, but he, we and I really know what it is. I’m cordial at best, that’s the best I can do, and my father understands that.

        • Yay Radley

          Pretty much. Now, she treats my children better than she ever treat me, so I’ll give her that.

          • miss t-lee

            That’s good to hear.

          • Mochasister

            How odd.

          • PoetrysTruth

            I think step parents who know they weren’t very good parents to their non bio offspring seem to do better by the grandkids. I think they know as ADULTS those same kids ain’t about taking their sh*t and they tread lightly. It’s easy (though it shouldn’t be) to be mean to kids, but when those same kids are adults they know you ain’t right and usually keep a close eye out for any shenanigans. They don’t want it for real. I’ve had several step-monsters. (one is dead now probably playing the devil’s bed whore). The latest, step-monster had issue with my baby sis (who went to live with our Dad when her mom died she was 12!) but she knew not to try me as I was an adult when my Dad married her and my reputation as the “crazy oldest one” preceded me. She treats my kids like royalty. LOL

    • Jazz G

      All of this. My son recently asked me what he should call his stepmother. I said, it might be nice if you call her Mama Dee (name changed to protect the innocent – or not so innocent).

      He simply replied, No, I was thinking either Ms. Dee or Mrs. Dee.

      My son is 8 – if he thought she was good enough to be called Mama anything then he would have jumped at the chance. And it makes me sad. Because when he goes to his dad’s house then that should be just as much as home as mine. And the woman that he married should try to love him as much as I do. But she is so mad that we exist that she literally won’t speak to him. After 6 years of marriage and a 2000 mile gap. It is heartbreaking because my child was born out of a pure, clean love. It didn’t last but it was real and they weren’t together. So, why is she so angry?

      • Nik White

        Cuz they don’t have kids together maybe? Or your son looks just like you and she feels threatended that you still have some sway over her hubby?

        • Jazz G

          Maybe at first. But now they have their own child. In fact, it is worse because she won’t let the children speak to or play with each other. She clearly has issues. I keep asking my son in the most neutral tone if he still wants to go. Until he says something, I am going to keep letting him go…

      • AnswerMe

        Wouldn’t/shouldn’t a man be concerned that a woman treats his child this way? Is it the distance that lets him let her behavior slide because visits are fewer (I’m assuming and of course I could be wrong).

      • Illumina

        I’m just going to say that’s stupid. I don’t understand getting into a relationship with somebody, who you know has a kid. And then they want to pretend that said child doesn’t exist.

        People suck.

      • Mochasister

        Why do people get involved with people who have children if they can’t handle it? Don’t marry that person if you can’t handle the fact that this person is part of a package deal. That child was there before you and will be there after you. You’re marrying into a family.

    • Mochasister

      You remind me of my mother. She didn’t really have a good relationship with her step father and always called him by his first name. I’m so glad I didn’t have to deal with step parents after my parents got divorced. My mother never remarried and father remarried when I was in graduate school. I don’t consider her to be my step mother; I always refer to her as my father’s wife.

      • miss t-lee

        Each situation really is unique unto itself.

        • Mochasister

          True. Unfortunately, I don’t hear too much about the good situations like Panama’s family.

          • miss t-lee

            I’ve heard more bad than good.However, it’s always heartwarming to hear about the good blended family situations.

  • Cleojonz

    My older brother is my half brother. I don’t refer to him as such. His birth mom is still around but my mom is also mom to him, we are all the better for it. Future needs to pull up his big boy pants and be thankful his child is being loved and try to form a partnership. It’s the best for all involved.

    • Illumina

      “Future needs to pull up his big boy pants and be thankful his child is being loved and try to form a partnership.”

      I never understood why people want their children to be miserable. Because to me that’s what you’re saying with this nonsense.

      Nope, I don’t want my child to be loved and cared for by someone else; I’d much rather they be treated like crap because I’ll always come out looking good.

      Selfish a z z.

      • Cleojonz

        That’s exactly what it is, selfishness. The reason why I never understood why baby mommas fight with eachother. Girl that’s a potential resource and baby sitter for you. You better set that village into motion!

        • PhlyyPhree

          DASSIT!!!!
          If the best interest is truly the kid, then at a MINIMUM, why not try to form a cordial bond or relationship with the person who will more than likely end up as your best baby sitter when you’re ready to go do your single mother turn up?

          • Cleojonz

            Exactly, I mean I can understand a little feeling some type of way about a random girlfriend, but if you both have kids with this dude, your kids have an automatic bond for life. A cordial bond like you said would be best for both your kids.

            • PhlyyPhree

              RIGHT???
              Not even asking the mothers to be friends, but at least be cordial.
              And honestly, I think to some extent that extendsd to girlfriends too. Not random gf, but long-term, been there for a minute, clearly are invested in your child gf? I extend them respect to.
              The only reason to be salty is if you want your ex back and ya’ll either gotta work that out or get counseling.

        • Illumina

          My sister damb near cried when her sons’ father broke up with this lady named Veronica (it’s been at least 10 years now).

          Veronica was awesome. She treated the kids like they were hers. She bought clothes for them when their dad didn’t bother to get any clothes for them from my sis. She had no problem calling my sister when the school called her house instead of my sis’s when one of the kids was sick. My sis didn’t have to worry about them when they were in her care which is important when your kids are 8 and 6.

          Veronica was basically a good human being and acted like an adult. Of course the kids’ father ended up cheating on her.

          • miss t-lee

            I was like that when my brother broke up with his ex. She really treated my nephew like he was her own. She made no difference between him and her own children. I’ll always love her for that.

  • RaeNBow

    in my experience, it’s usually the ain’t ish negroes (who dont do what they SHOULD be doing) that have a problem with this kind of thing. Hearing their kid call someone else “dad/”daddy”/”papa” just serves as a reminder that there is someone who has stepped in and filled the gap that they left.

  • HouseOfBonnets

    “Then again, if it was co-parenting, this wouldn’t be a thing. So if you’re in a situation where there’s a lot of tension and aggravation and anger, and somebody is being petty and trying to use the kid against you, then yes. Be pissed. Be angry.”

    Congratulations you just summed up 97 percent of the current baby mama/daddy relationship ranters on twitter

  • ChokeOnThisTea

    Too bad Russell isn’t the biological father. Let’s just hope genetics doesn’t load the gun or pull the trigger in this case, but environment instead…

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