Lists, Theory & Essay

flag on the play

***flashback to fall 2006 as a younger champ is out a second date with an extremely attractive philly who also shared his affinity for “the wire” and angela nissel. basically, a potential all-star***

the champ: “…and so anyway, thats when we started calling her “bucket face”. i never looked at feathers or windex the same way again. enough about me, though. whats on your mind and sh*t”

flighty philly, after a prolonged sigh: “please don’t tell me you’re one of those guys, are you?”

a perplexed champ: “huh”

philly: “i mean, you seem great in all, but i’m a cynic. without fail, every guy i’ve ever had feelings for has cheated on me. every. single. one. they all seemed nice in the beginning, but then again, so did nicolae carpathia.”

***btw, i’m not making this up. she actually used the perfect carpathia analogy in real-time conversation. when you combine this with her close-to dimeness, it was very hard for me to make the decision i eventually made. i cried for three days afterwards***

the champ, creating a sentence that signifies his potential hurt at the lost potential while doing his damnedest to give her one last try: “seriously?”

philly: “seriously”

“ok”, the champ responds, while subtlely erasing her number from his cell phone and transferring his thoughts to cream of wheat and lightly buttered toast

ok. i can imagine the questions going through everyone’s heads: how the hell did the champ become so magnificent, and what do i need to do to get there??? what was the big deal? what caused you to go from “damn she’s bad as hell” to “virtual restraining order” in less than 15 seconds?

if you’re thinking it was about her moving too fast (ie: her using the second date to ask whether or not i’d cheat)…you’re wrong. i have a tendency to attract and be attracted to “relationship-ey” women, so this early line of questioning wasn’t a surprise. in fact, from what i knew about her, i expected it.

its not even about her admitting to being a cynic, questioning my greatness (blasphemy!!!!) and motives. initial cynicism is nothing but a bit of self-preservation, and i’d actually be turned-off by a woman completely devoid of that quality.

no, my early escape that evening and subsequent mental sprint from even entertaining the idea of a third date had everything to do with this line:

“without fail, every guy who’s ever been with me has cheated on me. every. single. one”

whats the big deal, you ask? whats so wrong with dating a woman who hasnt had the best history with men?

well, if you assume that she’s telling the truth (which i did), four things immediately came to mind:

1. she’s a terrible judge of character.

if it happens once, that sucks.

twice? damn.

three times? you must have bad luck.

with every person you’ve ever been with? the “coincedence window” closes somewhere between three and four. at this point, its safe to say that your character gauge is more f*cked up than gary payton’s suits, a fact which permeantly bars you from my circle. sorry

2. she’ll project

i’d be fighting a losing battle from day one. each day would be test, a neverending gauntlet of inane inferences and hilarious hypotheticals with her at the end of the line, waiting for me with a jousting stick.

3. she’s a reformed ho

for whatever reason, there seems to be a strong correlation between reformed ho-dom and being habitually cheated on. i have absolutely no idea why this is true…but it is true

4. wack sackiness

ok…lets say number one isn’t true. lets say she is a great judge of character…but all of these high character guys still cheat on her. hmmm. it doesn’t take a genius or a…

…champ, a gem of the ocean, or a killa k to figure out how this can possibly be.

vsb.com…what are some other subtle relationship red flags? behaviors or actions that might not seem like much on the surface, but tell a much deeper and more disturbing truth? my inquiring mind wants to know and sh*t

—the champ

***btw, we’re trying to create a virtual gallery of people rocking their vsb shirts. if you’re interested, send a pic of you wearing your shirt to us at contact@verysmartbrothas.com and we’ll incorporate you into an entry somehow***

Filed Under: , ,
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

    If you’ve been dating a guy 3 or so weeks and one day you have some version of this convo, heed the red flags:

    Boy: I called you last night. Where were you?

    Girl: Sleeping.

    Boy: But I called three times.

    Girl: At 1 a.m. When I was asleep.

    Boy: Let me know right now if you are on some bull-ish…

    If you are in your man’s bathroom and have this convo, upon exiting, heed the red flag:

    Man: Who were you on the phone with?

    Woman: I was peeing.

    Man: I heard the phone.

    Woman: Not from in that bathroom you didn’t.

    Man: Guess I have trust issues.

    I continued dating both of these men. They were really hot.

    • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

      Dayum VEG that was mine!!!

      • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

        lol.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “Dayum VEG that was mine!!!”

        …said the 8th wonder, after she witnessed v.e.g. leaving the champs bedroom

        • 8th Wonder

          I just never expected her to use my personal “supplements” to finish the job you halfway started. I shouldn’t have left them at your place. You’re supposed to bring your own. I mean, that’s just rude.

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            8th, Im not tryin to be all in your business and such, but did you leave said implements at the Champ’s place cause you would be back ? Or cause you knew he was going to need them?

            • 8th Wonder

              good question.

              • Intellectual Hedonist

                and the answer would be?

              • 8th Wonder

                gumbo.

        • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

          gross

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            yeah. 8th wonder just put a blanket of stank on that entire comment

            • http://rantsofawildchild.wordpress.com ladebelle

              ROTFLMAO!!! never a blanket of stank…

  • 8th Wonder

    One flag that women seem to constantly ignore is the “I’m not interested in a relationship right now” flag. I don’t know how the man can say “I’m just trying to hit it” any clearer, yet for a lot of women, it becomes some sort of twisted challenge. Come on girl, its a flag.

    Or, lets just flip your example around, Champskie (Nice egg-head, by the by). You’re sitting down with a dude and he says to you, “I’ve basically cheated on every woman I’ve ever been in a relationship with. I don’t know what that’s about…”

    Umm…flag. Actually, Flags. As in plural. As in a flag from every nation.

    I’m not sure either of those are subtle, however. Ahh well, sue me.

    • Gem of the Ocean

      One flag that women seem to constantly ignore is the “I’m not interested in a relationship right now” flag. I don’t know how the man can say “I’m just trying to hit it” any clearer, yet for a lot of women, it becomes some sort of twisted challenge. Come on girl, its a flag.

      great point, 8th. too many women try to make/force men to settle down. if he wants to just hit, and is intentional about letting you know, either let him or move on. you cannot change a man any more than you can save a ho3–why don’t ppl understand these rules of engagement??

      i don’t even run into the “i just want to have fun” guys anymore. nowadays i only seem to meet men who are clingy and relationshipey. h3ll, i could start my own “mr. right now” directory.

      • Peyso

        I dont think this is totally true. B/c there have been many men who only intended to hit and ended up in a relationship. It happened to me before.

        • 8th Wonder

          Yeah, but did it happen because you told her you were only trying to hit and she disregarded that and tried to change you, or did it happen because yall were only hitting and then somehow it evolved into something more serious?

          All I’m saying is, women who are fortunate enough to have a man be honest with them from jump, shouldn’t act like they didn’t hear him when he said he didnt want a girl, and try to convince him in some way to be in a relationship with them.

          • Peyso

            I told her but the knowledge was too powerful…

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              I told her but the knowledge was too powerful…

              vsb.com: where fellatio euphemisms happen

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              And this is exactly why I don’t be giving my knowledge about all willy nilly~Knowledge is POWER!

              • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

                i had to learn that one the hard way…..

                *sigh* he just wont stop callin.

          • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

            “I want a girl when I want a girl, and when I don’t want a girl, I want a girl who understands that…”

            (c) Phonte

            You know I had to do it. ;)

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          I dont think this is totally true. B/c there have been many men who only intended to hit and ended up in a relationship. It happened to me before.

          i agree, peyso. i don’t think its so cut and dry and sh*t.

          btw, “cut and dry and sh*t” sounds like the directions for a nasty ass midwestern line dance

          • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

            you know, just because it has happened before doesnt really make her statement untrue. the bottom line is, if a man tells you he just wants to hit, wishing and hoping and thinking and praying is not going to change his mind. she would be wasting time to sit around waiting on him to decide otherwise and theres no guarantee he ever will.

            i dunno…thats just not a bet im willing to take.

        • Gem of the Ocean

          of course, ppl change their minds ALL THE TIME. that’s life, that’s normal. a person making their own changes on their own terms is not what i’m talking about. i’m saying i think it’s silly to expect and/or force some one to change on acct of what some one else wants from them. which i find to be selfish.

          • 8th Wonder

            “which i find to be selfish.”

            And delusional.

          • Ivy St.

            Sorry Gem, I have to disagree with you on this one. The point of being in a real, grounded and long lasting relationship is to act as a unit. NO, one should NOT change just for silly selfish reasons but it is a give and a take situations so everyone must be willing to compromise or meet the other halfway… which would involve change. Change we can believe in. I mean you would have to change in order to meet someone else halfway and a change that you may not just make on your own as it may not be a personal flaw. It is a change (not life goals and your foundation as a person) that improves the relationship.

      • Ivy St.

        Speak sistah!!!! I think the problem is, is that people think they can change others behavior and their mind. Sadly enough, a dog will always be a dog and an “AM call” should be called what it is…

      • jellybeans

        I would really love to meet some of those relationshipey guys, but hold the clingy. I seem to keep meeting “I just want to hit it” guys. But of course, they see I ain’t budging, so they move on to the next for sex. Maybe it’s because I’m young and attract young & immature suckas?

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      “I’m not interested in a relationship right now”

      When a man says that–believe him. It’s hard to be upset with an honest man, but we’ll do it if we feel like we can change his mind and fail.

      • miss t-lee

        True. He’s telling you what time it is, you can’t change that.
        Believe it, either chill with him if you’re on the same page, or keep it moving if you’re not.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        i honestly don’t think the majority (and i’m talking 98 percent here) of women ever truly believe a man when he says that. they just think he hasn’t come across the right woman (i.e. her). i’ve run into this problem a few times where a woman has actually told me that she thought i just hadn’t found the right one (i.e. her). lol. dames.

        • Gem of the Ocean

          i find a lot of dudes like this too tho, when it comes to male-female interactions in general. always thinking they can change my mind about this (pda)that (s3x) or whatever (relationships). i’m not easily persuaded and i mean what i say and say what i mean, very rarely do i mince words. but dudes take this as a challenge and continually play themselves.

        • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

          “i honestly don’t think the majority (and i’m talking 98 percent here) of women ever truly believe a man when he says that. ”

          i do. this is open invitation and confirmation to multi-task dat @zz. But he can’t get brand new when you do. If thats your decision… attitudes can’t correspond with me beefin up the roster. I think thats only fair.

          • Peyso

            we forgot to mention that all the women who comment on vsb.com omiscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. they are perfect women who are goddesses and never fall head over heels and act rationally and know when to believe a man and when not to. and never cheat and all have that good good lol

            • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

              peyso, i always fall hard, and i never know when to believe a man. so, i’m working on a litmus test but i can’t share the ingredients, because the patent is still pending. i’m gonna make a killing!
              as for the cheating…uh no.
              and the good good? don’t you read your vsb? no woman (or man) is supposed to answer that question! gheesh! (lol)

              • jellybeans

                what’s the “good, good”? I’m not trying to be funny. I really don’t know.

    • http://rantsofawildchild.wordpress.com ladebelle

      the first flag is definitely some truth… i had that happen to me but i kept f*cking him (had some great p*nis) and then he caught feelings… too bad there was already a flag on the play!

      • IVR

        “the first flag is definitely some truth… i had that happen to me but i kept f*cking him (had some great p*nis) and then he caught feelings… too bad there was already a flag on the play!”

        Which is why some things are better left unsaid. I think most of us are initially out to hit it. I’ve never heard a man say “that is the woman I’m gonna marry” (it may happen, never seen it) . . . it is normally some variant of “I’m gonna smash”

        We may see wifey material, but we know we have to go through the female vetting process (if she is normal). I believe a well adjusted man can complete this process without changing intentions . . . once the process is complete, it is then the man’s decision as to whether or not he would like something more with this woman. Saying it out in the open like that is kinda like taking yourself out of the race before it starts . . . or getting shot in the foot with the starter pistol . . . you may finish the race. . .not necessarily on your own terms.

        • http://myspace.com/shatani shatani

          i know a couple of men who said “that is the woman im gonna marry”….its cute, but they didnt marry her!

        • jellybeans

          so if a guy who has been talking to me for a shorter than a month tells me “You’re going to be my girlfriend. I know this.” Is this a variant “I’m gonna smash and then I’m gonna be out”?

  • 8th Wonder

    And wow @ the carpathia reference. That’s dope. Too bad you had to let her go.

    Am I the only one that sometimes gets paranoid and wonders if Obama is a carpathia in disguise? He fits all the criteria and shyt.

    • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

      I fear this too. He and Oprah.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        dang, yall are deep. reminds me also of Manchurian Candidate type stuff. i mean, my biggest fear about Obama is some raunchy sex scandal lol

        • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

          I fear this too. lol. That he’d be involved in some sex scandal that would be caught up on tape. And that the world would see him stroking in much the same way he danced on Ellen.

          Makes me tear up just thinking about it.

          • Gem of the Ocean

            And that the world would see him stroking in much the same way he danced on Ellen.

            this also makes me tear up… from laughing so daggone hard! you are a mess!

            • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

              I can only pray his dancing is not indicative of his stroke cuz in my dreams…um…nevamind.

          • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

            Ok I’m tearing up at a hypothetical obama scandal, God/Jah/Allah/Jehova forbid

            And also dyying at:

            That he’d be involved in some sex scandal that would be caught up on tape. And that the world would see him stroking in much the same way he danced on Ellen.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          you know, i pray Obama has the restraint of a thousand virgins b/c he has potential to get some of that NBA-level stank thrown his way…

          hell, i know women who are trying to get internships and jobs at the White House right now…and he ain’t even not gotten elected yet.

          btw, that last sentence was brought to you by the DC public school system.

          • miss t-lee

            “you know, i pray Obama has the restraint of a thousand virgins b/c he has potential to get some of that NBA-level stank thrown his way…”

            I pray he came keep it together as well.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            hell, i know women who are trying to get internships and jobs at the White House right now…and he ain’t even not gotten elected yet.

            btw, that last sentence was brought to you by the DC public school system.

            lol. was this one a product as well?

            “I pray he came keep it together as well.”

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

              i’m sure miss t-lee’s came from the Texas school system.

              • miss t-lee

                You know what? lol
                I typed that ish kinda fast.

                You don’t get me on typos too often, so relish that ish.

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            @ PJ

            NBA-level has nothing on OBama, he is about to get some James Bond SUPERSPY, CARLOS (Ilich Ramírez Sánchez) type bedussy thrown his way

          • shay-d-lady

            and he ain’t even not gotten elected yet.

            LMAO way to represent the South Panama!

          • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

            hey P! can you not throw our city under the bus? can we pretend to be proud?

            i will tell you though, when Tabi Bonney did the song “Welcome to DC” and said something to the effect of, “even the mayor had a run in with crack, but we kept it real and voted him back”, I was like am i the only one hearing crack and realness in the same sentence?

            if only he could expound.

            • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

              Tabi Bonney can’t expound.

              Him too wittle.

              • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

                Tabi Bonney can’t expound.

                Him too wittle.

                agreed.

      • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

        I fear this too. He and Oprah.

        I fear it about Barack..Oprah has shown her cracks. But I keep thinking that he is too perfect

        • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

          If Oprah is the devil, the world is in trouble.

          That’s all I’ll say…

          • http://thebeautifulstruggler.com Sister Toldja

            Word’em up.

            Barack ain’t perfect. He smokes Kools. I don’t see perfect when I see him. I see awesomely human.

            • superwoman

              BARACK SMOKES!?!?!?!?!?!

              O Jehovah, mphe matla……

              *slumps into dead faint, muttering in seTswana*

            • aja

              “Barack ain’t perfect. He smokes Kools.”

              I always wondered about his dark lips…

              *flatlines________________*

              • VSB Non Reader

                Hey he may legalize herbal … high I mean good times

              • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

                HAAAA! Ew.. he smokes? His attractiveness just went ‘nil for me.

              • miss t-lee

                Yeah Nicki he’s undercover, he’s been tryna stop for a while now.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              yeah. as pointed out by one of my herbal loving stinky fart having vegan friends, obama definitely has weed lips.

              • shay-d-lady

                yeah definitely weed lips.. unless he smokes filter less cigarettes.. no way to burn your lips with regular cigs cause the filter prevents the fire from getting to close no such prevention on a blunt(or joint if you old school…pass me the 1.5’s and Im straight!)

              • jellybeans

                yeah those vegans sure do know how to clear out a 5 mile radius. gas mask anyone?

            • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

              Yeah, either way, David Plouffe is looking out. Don’t sleep on DP.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                Don’t sleep on DP

                …………………………………………….

                ****i’m such a sixth grader, lol****

              • miss t-lee

                I’m upset I know where you’re going with that…lol
                I gotta stop that.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            i fear Harpo too.

            *hold me*

            • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

              i fear Harpo too.

              You’s told Harpo to beat me?????

      • http://www.MrSwagger.com J. McFly

        No matter, he still will be our first black president and he’s still a better choice than McCain. I hope Barack is a straight-up dude though.

      • Intellectual Hedonist

        “I fear this too. He and Oprah.”

        actually my pastor did a sermon re Oprah and her Secret and it was not flattering, he prefaced it by saying I know some of you will be upset when I start talking about her…he basically said she did not acknowledge she was a Christian.. (don’t shoot the messenger)

        • MsSula@Work

          So? Maybe she’s not Christian. Doesn’t mean she can’t believe in a higher power.

          See, why I have a problem with the “church”!!!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “Am I the only one that sometimes gets paranoid and wonders if Obama is a carpathia in disguise? He fits all the criteria and shyt.”

      i dont get paranoid, but i will say that he does fit the criteria of one of the fictional characters created by a couple orthodox christians.

    • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

      i rebuke this message. why are we waiting for a black man to fyck up? why cant he be one of moral character and judgement…but my momma always says though that if you look hard enough for anything you;ll find it.

      to that i say STOP LOOKING black people. stop looking.

      • MsSula@Work

        That’s why I joined in your Divine SisterHood!

        It’s like we are so scared of others finding faults in us, that we try to find them before they do.

        Barack is AWESOME! :D

        (and he quit smoking by the way)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com simplyunique

      wow…i am guilty of thinking the same thing…(ashamed as i sashay to the corner)

    • genius khan

      ayyf and paranoia go together.

      “Am I the only one that sometimes gets paranoid and wonders if Obama is a carpathia in disguise?

      fear thee not! …i bet u 5000 Amero’s that u need to “follow the money” before these governmental figureheads.

      carpathia obama? many politicians are but willing conspirators to whats really poppin. even with all our tax dollars governments bum money too. the defecit and such. who does the gov borrow from? i know right…

      thieves in the temple tonight. Jesus meets the moneychangers.

      turning over tables, slashing throats cha boi,

      b.k.a gets it in.

  • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor miss patterson

    when a guy says…
    1. i don’t go out much = socially inept
    2. i’ve experimented with a few drugs= he’s a current drug user. and a hard drug user.
    3. i call my mother by her first name/i don’t talk to my mother= trust issues.
    4. my boy cheats on his wife, but we’re still cool= moral code, not so much.
    5. i used to be a real dyck, i fcuked a different girl every week back in the day= he still does.
    6. i just wanna kick it= he’s not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else. next…

    • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

      “i just wanna kick it= he’s not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else. next…”

      Overall, I agree with this 100 percent. But I’ve had two dudes who dropped this line on me who ended up being long-term boyfriends. Weird exceptions to the rule.

    • Gem of the Ocean

      1. i don’t go out much = socially inept

      this sounds like Champie

      • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

        That sounds like my ex. He liked me better as his laptop stand instead of as his girlfriend.

        • miss t-lee

          *throat punch* to that guy.

        • genius khan

          chaos i think i’d like you better as a laptop than a laptop stand anyday. slim goodies. i c u.

          embrace urself.

          • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

            lol. That actually made me smile.

      • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor miss patterson

        this sounds like Champie
        *snickering*

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “1. i don’t go out much = socially inept

        this sounds like Champie”

        champie deez

    • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor miss patterson

      7. he says “i don’t get seinfeld”= no sense of humor and won’t get mine. also may have problems with the chosen people.
      8. he says “i don’t really read books all that much”= he’s trying to impress you by not admitting that he doesn’t read at all. he’s a terrible conversationalist and you’ll run out of things to talk about halfway through the first date.
      9. he says “you’re a good girl”= he’s used to dating hood rats and still bags them on the side.

      • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

        “7. he says “i don’t get seinfeld”= no sense of humor and won’t get mine. also may have problems with the chosen people.”

        cosign and LMAO

        • miss t-lee

          Yeah, if he doesn’t get Seinfeld…man…it’s gonna be a long night.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        lmao @ “also may have problems with the chosen people”

        all this laughter is tiring me out. should be a good night’s sleep–thanks gals!

      • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

        Sweet baby Jesus in the library!! I have experienced number 8. When he saw the guffaw, he tried to back out of it by saying he only read career related materials.

        • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

          “he tried to back out of it by saying he only read career related materials.”

          That was supposed to make it better? lol.

          I have to say, I was sooo turned on by a guy who, on his coffee table, had both of Obama’s books, one of Edgwidge Danticatt’s books, the Bible and the Karma Sutra. Upon further investigation, I discovered that he’d read them all.

          • 8th Wonder

            That’s my kinda man.

            • ForReal

              Cosign.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            “I have to say, I was sooo turned on by a guy who, on his coffee table, had both of Obama’s books, one of Edgwidge Danticatt’s books, the Bible and the Karma Sutra. Upon further investigation, I discovered that he’d read them all.”

            vsb.com: where evidence of women being gamed happens

            • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

              Well, it was good, literary game.

            • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

              Lol ol ol!

            • 8th Wonder

              lol…yeah, you’re right.

            • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

              vsb.com: where evidence of women being gamed happens

              Don’t worry Champ, Maxim kinda counts. Baby steps…

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                how about blacktail?

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              I have a “friend” that has on his nightstand a plethora of books including the Kama Sutra and erotic tales, one authored by the Marquis de Sade and such, whenever I see the neatly kept stack I laugh.

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                he has the works of the Marquis de Sade? You hang with said person?
                woah… either he’s a pretentious f**k who THINKS people don’t know who that is, or he gets off on that crap…

                either way….

              • Intellectual Hedonist

                he’s a pretentious f**k

              • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

                eagh… pretentious f**ks…

                ewww… my stomach just turned.

          • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

            Who is he V.E.G.I’m a sucker for readers. My best friend and I both pre-ordered Harry Potter #7, went back to my crib, and layed out on the couches and read all day, only breaking for food and toiletries.

            I was like my dude needs to read like that.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              “My best friend and I both pre-ordered Harry Potter #7, went back to my crib, and layed out on the couches and read all day, only breaking for food and toiletries.”

              when you laid down, did you all take off your pocket protectors or just keep em where they were

              • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

                when you laid down, did you all take off your pocket protectors or just keep em where they were

                keep it up champ.

              • http://cntrlz.wordpress.com overit

                i don’t even know what blacktail is, but it probably does not count.

              • Peyso

                blaspheny to u know knowing what blacktail is

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          When he saw the guffaw, he tried to back out of it by saying he only read career related materials.

          lol…he actually saw the guffaw? like, did you laugh so hard that a literal “haha” formed out of your mouth?

          • 8th Wonder

            “he actually saw the guffaw? like, did you laugh so hard that a literal “haha” formed out of your mouth?”

            *Blinks*

          • http://nextbigthing.blogsome.com Hostess

            Yes. I remember it clearly. I opened my mouth, nothing came out. There was like a sound delay. I saw the bubble form over my head. So did he because he looked up at it. THEN the sound came out. He saw the guffaw way before he heard it.

            You smart ass!

      • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

        he says “i don’t really read books all that much”= he’s trying to impress you by not admitting that he doesn’t read at all. he’s a terrible conversationalist and you’ll run out of things to talk about halfway through the first date.

        or how about a dude that says he loves to read… and when you ask him what he says
        “Shakespeare”
        Uh say what fool? LMAO if you dont read enough to even come up with a plausible response thats an immediate TKO…

        • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

          “immediate TKO…”

          Think I’d betta let it go…
          Looks like another love TKO…

          *sorry. I am hyped up on peach cobbler and can’t sleep. lol*

      • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

        “he says “i don’t get seinfeld”= no sense of humor and won’t get mine. also may have problems with the chosen people”

        LOL. I am not a Seinfeld fan… now “the Office” or “American Dad” or “Family Guy?” That’s my kind of humor.

        • Gem of the Ocean

          *hi five* on The Office! yay!

        • ForReal

          I love them all (except American Dad). If someone doesn’t get The Office or Family Guy I want to forget I ever knew them

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            that’s very true for me as well. Family Guy has never disappointed me. if you don’t think its funny i will think you lack a soul and only watch C-SPAN or the NASA Channel which only shows a computer generated screen of some launched spacecrafts orbit around the galaxy, which is akin to watching a puma f*cking a paint can.

            • Peyso

              a puma f*cking a paint can might be interesting though

          • shay-d-lady

            I love them all (except American Dad). If someone doesn’t get The Office or Family Guy I want to forget I ever knew them

            yeah American Dad is not that funny to me…and I will give break for the office because its only kind of funny if you have not worked in that environment….but Family guy? you know that shyt funny…you just dont want to admit it…and that means you are a pretentious prick so I cant fugs wit cha…

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          I think the baby is my favorite guys.

      • ForReal

        7. he says “i don’t get seinfeld”= no sense of humor and won’t get mine. also may have problems with the chosen people.

        This is too hilarious

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        7. he says “i don’t get seinfeld”= no sense of humor and won’t get mine. also may have problems with the chosen people.

        yeah…someone doesnt hafta be funny…but at least understand and appreciate comedic genius (ie: “the champ”)

        • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

          and by comedic genius you mean- laughs at his own jokes which include the following 4 daily standards:

          “i need my f*cking toast”
          “vsb: where ____happens”
          “[copy and paste reader comment] since 1913″
          “that’s what she said” (plagiarized from “the office”)
          “that almost made me choke on my [insert borderline alcoholic breakfast combo]

          *snickering*

          • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

            Miss P–

            me likes you :)

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        i’m with you on the non-reading thing. i loathe a heffa who’s idea of education is a glossy mag.

        that’s actually something i look for when i enter a chick’s home: books.

        you ain’t got none, you don’t get none.

      • MsSula@Work

        Amen! :)
        Especially the Seinfeld reference.

    • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

      2. i call my mother by her first name/i don’t talk to my mother= trust issues.

      I stopped dating a guy after I heard him call his mom a “B” and then he wanted to know why. After I told him why, he was like, “she made me mad”, yada yada. I was like I don’t care. If you don’t respect your mama, then I know if we were to be in a relationship, you wouldn’t respect me.

      Relationship tip for today: Do Not Ignore Red Flags (thanks Champ for bringing this tip to the light)

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “I stopped dating a guy after I heard him call his mom a “B” and then he wanted to know why”

        stopped dating? you should have kick him in the nutz, lol.

        oh, and ummmm…

        “…thanks Champ for bringing this tip to the light…”

        i’m just gonna leave that one alone. its too easy

    • Peyso

      “4. my boy cheats on his wife, but we’re still cool= moral code, not so much.”

      I disagree with this one. Difficult concept for some women out there but sometimes you just stay out of other grown folks business. Would you not be friends w/ ur home girl if she was stepping out on her ole man?

      • 8th Wonder

        Yeah, I agree with you. I have a couple of friends that do things I frown upon, but they have always been good friends to me. That doesn’t make me a bad woman, it simply means I know flawed human beings.

        With that being said, I can totally understand why this would be a flag for some people, I just try never to judge the man I’m dating by the actions of others unless he specifically gives me a reason to.

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

          I was going to just lurk today, but I had to come out and agree with you on this one.

          My husband’s friends are some of the most trife dudes ever. Almost all of them cheat on their wives/gfs regularly… and the wives/gfs cheat as well. When we first started dating, this BOTHERED me… I almost broke it off with him. I told him that to be with me, he needed better friends…

          He told me that he understood my concerns, but then asked me if he ever gave me a reson to suspect that he was like his boys… upon serious consideration it dawned on me that he wasn’t. Never once did he ever support/condone the actions of his boys, even though their wives were stepping out on them as well.

          I understand why this situation would cause serious trepidation in the hearts of many. Especially when you first start seeing someone. And if it appears that he is okay with and even justifies his friends’ behavior to you then RUN LIKE H3LL! But if not then give him a chance…

          • 8th Wonder

            “And if it appears that he is okay with and even justifies his friends’ behavior to you then RUN LIKE H3LL!”

            Yeah, I think this is the key.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “4. my boy cheats on his wife, but we’re still cool= moral code, not so much.”

        I disagree with this one. Difficult concept for some women out there but sometimes you just stay out of other grown folks business. Would you not be friends w/ ur home girl if she was stepping out on her ole man?

        you know what though, although this is off topic, i understand where miss p is coming from. like, i don’t see how someone could stay close friends with a person who habitually cheats on their mate/spouse. its not even so much a moral issue as much as a personally selfish one.

        my thinking: if they’re willing to treat a person they claim to love dirty like that…what the hell would they do to me if given the opportunity??

        • ForReal

          I think habitual is the key. Did he mess up once? Not ideal but okay. Does he go out with the boys, pretending not to be married, looking for new chicks every night? Indicative of a problem, in both him and his wife (cause she is likely willfully ignorant) and doesn’t reflect well on the dude trying to holla at me.

          • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

            ” Did he mess up once?”

            and that really is the only gray here all else is black and it can’t get no blacker. I’ve made business decisions based on a man actively cheating on his wife. I’ve also questioned my man’s friend’s behavior as well and it goes past “cheating on his wife/gf”. In order to cheat you have to actively LIE, finagle (sp), sidestep, manipulate others to co-sign your whereabouts.

            thats not somebdoy i would want in my home to water my plants and feed my fish if i was out of town. a cheater just isnt a cheater…there alot of other things too.

        • shay

          “my thinking: if they’re willing to treat a person they claim to love dirty like that…what the hell would they do to me if given the opportunity??”

          i ve had so called completely righteous and stand up people sh*t on me in the past on the strength of their own insecurities, so i would like to attribute that to the cause of cheating, more so than selfishness…

    • ForReal

      4. my boy cheats on his wife, but we’re still cool

      For me this one is not so black and white and it depends. It’s not so much if he’s cool with his friend but more if he agrees with and is a fan of what he’s doing. I have friends that do things I disagree with, but I can still be cool with them. (don’t we all have that one friend that’s just a little bit…different?)

      I’d also look to see if ALL of his friends cheat. One can be an anomaly, but if the majority of them do it I’d see that as a huge flag.

    • http://cornellwestside.blogspot.com/ Cornell Westside

      1. i don’t go out much = socially inept – what if you stay in a wack city where there aren’t any young black professionals and every time you do go out, you meet chicks like the one in Champ’s post? (read: Philadelphia)

      2. i’ve experimented with a few drugs= he’s a current drug user. and a hard drug user. – current? “with so many amendments in the constitution, I can only choose one…”, hard user not at all, I let the 2520’s do that

      5. i used to be a real dyck, i fcuked a different girl every week back in the day = he still does. – It’s a phase we all go through…a very fun phase at that. Unfortunately, it gets old.

      6. i just wanna kick it= he’s not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else. next… – sometimes by the time we meet you, we don’t consider you wifey material, but you are cool/cute enough date (read: have $ex with) while avoiding committment as long as possible….or maybe you just have a really phat a** and a wack personality? Or maybe your pulling the “relationship talk” trigger a bit early and I just want to shut you up?

      Just wanted to provide some clarity in case we ever date haha.

      • IVR

        Good Answer.

      • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor Miss Patterson

        1. if you live in a wack city, go to citysearch, or read the underground creative loafing-esque magazine and discover your city…or move. there is something out there. philly ain’t erie, pa. (and even in erie, you can go skip rocks or hang out by the train tracks and shoot rabbits)
        2. can’t do drug users, sorry. been there done that.
        3. why men gotta go through this ho phase? even if it’s temporary, i’ll never understand this. i mean, do y’all like going to the free clinic that much? (lol)
        4. actually, i’m usually finding men who just aren’t ready to commit…but they’re ready to do all the things that come with commitment…i.e.) regular booty and other requests.

        *fyi- after reading this post and all gazillion comments i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and noticed someone put a big red flag on my back. wtf? NEWS ALERT: miss p just kissed dating goodbye…*giggling* i crack myself up, this is actually the name of a book my pastor gave me in the ATL.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/ blackberry molasses

        ummm Mr. Westside?
        I work in Philly (live in Jersey)…. how long have you been here and where have you been looking to meet people/hang out?

  • Gem of the Ocean

    a red flag for me is a man who is extremely close with his mother. i’m talking d@mn near attached by an umbilical cord, sharing fluids and nutrients and ish type of close. most of the time these men are emotionally unavailable. the mother never thinks any woman is good enough and likely will disrespect the gf and the relationship and eventually tear things apart. there’s just nothing good that can come out of a relationship with a mama’s boy who thinks he’s still in the womb.

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      I can’t deal with mama’s boys. I mean, I think it’s at 14, latest 15 that one should stop breastfeeding. A grown-ass 16yo should not be pulling no lactose intolerance anymore. There’s soy milk!

      • Gem of the Ocean

        exactly. let go and step away from the teet.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          step away from the teet

          possible t-shirt, especially for day care workers

      • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

        apparently its still oh to breastfeed at 15.

    • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor miss patterson

      mama’s boy= wife beater tendencies bubbling under the surface.

      • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

        YUP. my girl’s ex husband is a momma’s boy…let’s say he got free with his fist one night and I offered to loan her my brothers to handle that.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        mama’s boy= wife beater tendencies bubbling under the surface.

        please expound, miss p

        • http://www.myspace.com/chicanextdoor miss patterson

          *a number of sociopaths suffer from this affliction. they have an idealized view of their mother combined with an underlying resentment towards her and her life long controlling behavior. when met with an opportunity to fly from the nest (i.e. -marriage) they play out this resentment in very aggressive and/or violent behavior towards potential mates. (norman bates type)

          *the other scenario is a mama’s boy whose idealized view of mother is the prototype for all potential mates. he harbors no resentment towards his mother, but he feels threatened by independent women and this competes with his idea of what qualities a woman should possess (i.e. doting on him). so, when she does cater to herself rather then him…violence occurs.

          • MsSula@Work

            Whoa. Agreed!

          • Peyso

            what about the mama’s boy who’s momma is an independent woman?

          • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

            Truisms…Miss Patterson has them.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      i’m talking d@mn near attached by an umbilical cord, sharing fluids and nutrients and ish type of clos

      ummm, thanks for the imagery gem. you just ruined my toast

  • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

    LOL
    A guy that has the leave call voicemail call pattern if you are supposed to meet at 8 pm and I have 6 missed calls at 4 and 3 voicemails even if they are all nice? its o-v
    or a guy that leaves a voicemail everytime he calls especially if they are all I was just calling to see…type joints…C-R-A-Z-Y

    If he is 28 or 0lder and has never lived by himself

    • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

      I think I am dating your exes minus the never lived alone part. lol.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        ditto lol

      • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

        I think I am dating your exes minus the never lived alone part. lol

        RUN GIRL RUN!!!!

    • SouthernCharm

      these days… i don’t see the reason to leave a voicemail unless it’s something important. otherwise, we all got caller i.d.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        i’m not a phone person, so chatting just to chat isn’t for me. so if you don’t leave a vmail to tell me why you called, i’m not likely calling back. i have friends who call just to say hi (um thanks?) or they forget to keylock their phones so they call me by accident or they need some one to keep them company on their train ride home. seeing that some one called is pretty meaningless to me.

        • IVR

          “i’m not a phone person, so chatting just to chat isn’t for me. so if you don’t leave a vmail to tell me why you called, i’m not likely calling back. i have friends who call just to say hi (um thanks?) or they forget to keylock their phones so they call me by accident or they need some one to keep them company on their train ride home. seeing that some one called is pretty meaningless to me.”

          Thank GOD a woman is saying this . . . I have a friend that calls me at 11 o clock at night a few times a week to speak for hours . . . we are cool but you gonna have to move closer, call earlier, something . . . I cannot be on the phone for hours unless you are my exact personality match and the hours fly . . . I dont want to hear you sing songs and complain for 3 hours! (venting)

  • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

    When a guy ignores text messages/questions about the two of you. I have this guy who I’m re-connecting with (its complicated, but we never dated or got serious for reasons that I’d rather not expound on). But seriously, it drives me insane to hear him always talk about how we should eventually be a couple, and then when I call myself asking anything ranging from a simple “I miss you” all the way to asking when are we planning to get together, he ignores them, then claims that he never gets those texts/phone messages, but gets the rest of them.

    Another flag is the guy who always wants you to come over his house, or someplace secluded where its just him, or just him and one friend, and never anywhere where people would see him out with you. I have another guy like that who refused to go to an Obama rally with me as a friend, but wanted me to come over afterwards. I swear I will never drunk dial again…

    Another red flag is when a guy makes controlling statements. At one point, I met this guy, who played this little shy role, but then would be sending me texts or calling me on some “You NEED to come over and give me a massage” or “You NEED to come see me today”. All that controlling crazy shiznit has to go…

    And of course, my favorite: the older guy after the younger girl. I must say, I’ve been intrigued by some of these guys because we’ve gotten to know each other (in a non-sexual way), which may complicate the situation a bit. But seriously, if you are 40 ish and you have a masters, money, and well, everything, why are you interested in being with a 20 something person who doesn’t have shiznit, who lives with her parents, and who doesn’t have a degree? Do they know how wrong that looks on both parties? 25 and 40 are ok, but 22 and under is a no-go.

    • Gem of the Ocean

      uhhhh to address your 1st point–i don’t think those things should be discussed over text in the 1st place. if you really serious about knowing how he feels about you, yall need to talk one-on-one. all this talk about “we should do” this that and the 3rd is some bull if yall still aren’t together. you either in a relationship or you not, it ain’t brain science. sounds like some one is playin games.

    • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

      co-sign with Gem on the “text discussions”. That is for face to face.

      But overall, methinks you need to clear the stable out and get some new contenders.

      Though my mens have been and prolly will continue to be crazy, they’ve all at least made me feel like the Queen Bee my parents told me I was.

      Don’t waste time being brushed off/hidden away by some dude who is too foolish to realize how fly you are.

      • Gem of the Ocean

        Though my mens have been and prolly will continue to be crazy, they’ve all at least made me feel like the Queen Bee my parents told me I was.

        oh yeah girl, the crazy ones know how to put you on a pedestal and worship. problem is–they’re simultaneously building a titanium gate around said pedestal with an intercom system for constant communication and a camera above recording your every move. it gets tricky.

        • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

          An example of the crazy magnet that V.E.G. is: there’s a guy I dated for about 6 months. I have not returned his calls or texts in a year. I promise you that he calls and texts me twice a week. As much I want to think it is, I cannot accept that my *stuff* is that good that it caused him to misplace his dignity. It was flattering for a month. Funny for three. But now I can only conclude that he is crazy and I am glad I am not seeing him anymore. I am also glad that I have since moved.

          • Gem of the Ocean

            wow, 6mo?? you’re a good one for that. but i feel you on it going from flattering to funny to straight up freakishly disturbing. the crazies i deal with never even got so much as a whiff so i’m still unclear on why they were so pressed. *smh* i think there’s something in the water here…

        • http://latenotsogreats20s.blogspot.com/ DorchestersDaughter

          Woo! Church! I need a fan up in here. Amen and Amen!

      • charli skipper

        “Don’t waste time being brushed off/hidden away by some dude who is too foolish to realize how fly you are.”

        that is so relevant. ugh. you should write a book. “and sh*t.” lol

      • shay

        “Don’t waste time being brushed off/hidden away by some dude who is too foolish to realize how fly you are.”

        werd up.. i got 2 exes calling me like crazy right now… when i was all up in their face, they would make me the last thing they did for the day; never take me anywhere, only come thru at nite, now i peep game (better late than never i always say), i got somebody doin it the way i need it, and so now phone calls and texts are completely ignored just liek they did to me…

    • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

      “When a guy ignores text messages”

      yeah umm i agree with the ladies..cut the texting out. in fact i wouldn’t even respond to texts with men you first meet (esp this “reconnection business). That way you can really get a feel for the tone and the rhythm. Some men you can break of this habit early on, by just not responding to stupid greeting type stuff that justifys a dam#n call.

      sadly though once you get into a text flow with a man …its a hard habit to break him out of.

      • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

        When a guy ignores text messages”
        I would consider a guy trying to have meaningful text conversations with me a red flag anyway.. WTF?
        especially if he is using text talk.. that shyt is irritating as he.ll

      • http://www.sheliagoss.com/blog Shelia

        “sadly though once you get into a text flow with a man …its a hard habit to break him out of.”

        Comeback, sho you right. One guy I was dating wouldn’t answer his phone but he sure would text a sister religiously. I stopped texting him back and now we no longer communicate. All he had to do was pick up the phone and call, but he didn’t–so that was the end of that.

      • 8th Wonder

        “sadly though once you get into a text flow with a man …its a hard habit to break him out of.”

        When will I learn this, dammit….

        • miss t-lee

          You gotta cut that off after 3 messages (max!). If we’re having a convo either I’m calling or I’ll ask him to call me.
          I can’t be texting you all day, I can’t stand that ish.

        • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

          deactivate that shyt??? for real LOL…technically speaking there are reliablility and redundancy issues with doing this and I won’t get into them here. And sometimes they just show up BUT…its a mental excercise too. It means that you aren’t accepting that kind of behavior.

          to me “can we go out tomorrow” and other regular phone salutations are UNACCEPTANBLE. since i turned mine off (though i do still get some texts)..its made men call. And its allowed me to be really exact about this issue. meaning im not accepting it. So when texts appear i dont even “see” them.

          its got women out here who would prefer to “talk” to a man via this medium. I don;t understand it. particularly when she later explains he has problems communicating. uhh yeah right.

          • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

            “deactivate that shyt!!!!!”

            removing question marks ..deactivate!!!

          • 8th Wonder

            “its a mental excercise too. It means that you aren’t accepting that kind of behavior.”

            That’s real. I am getting my CBG on, starting today. Thanks for the words o’ wisdom.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            technically speaking there are reliablility and redundancy issues with doing this and I won’t get into them here

            please do

            • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

              i need a white board..does vsb have a virtual one?

              • 8th Wonder

                Just use Champ’s forehead, its big enough.

              • http://www.thecomebackgirl.com The Comeback Girl

                “Just use Champ’s forehead, its big enough”

                ok rubbing champie poo poo’s head down …draws one pair of STPs to the SM platform. Demonstrates around Champie Poo Poo’s ear where GTT could be done for SMTP point to point delivery bypassing any care platform that may have toggled the service off.

                **runs out of space for mobile registration scenarios**

    • eff yo couch

      ” I swear I will never drunk dial again…”

      This is a Red Flag in itself. . . Chicks that Drunk Dia

      • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

        …It was a looong night, and a rough week…lol…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “I miss you”

      this is a loaded text message, and its perfectly understandable if someone chooses to ignore it.

      • 8th Wonder

        please expound.

        • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

          How do you possibly answer that question from someone who’s not A. Your girlfriend/wife, or B. a significant family member?

          Its an awkward ass question. I have a system of answering it based on the “relationship” as I see it.

          Friends = “yeah of course”
          Potentials = “lol, good morning/afternoon to you too”
          Randoms = “and I missed breakfast”

          • 8th Wonder

            No, that makes sense. You should never ask someone if they miss you. I think Champ is saying that if someone texts you and says, “I miss you”, that its okay to ignore it, which is why I asked for further explanation.

            I personally don’t do the I miss you thing first…I’d rather be the one to respond to it, especially if we haven’t known each other long. After that though, if I feel like I miss you, I have no problem saying/texting that.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              dorian summed it um perfectly

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            Is this why we stopped chatting DG? but I did miss you

            • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

              No actually its cuz you didn’t make pancakes for me for breakfast. I love my pancakes.

              • Intellectual Hedonist

                but I thought what I did in lieu of breakfast was just as satisfying? No?

                complete lack of communication

              • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

                “but I thought what I did in lieu of breakfast was just as satisfying? No?”

                Cleaning my bathtub? No not really actually.

              • 8th Wonder

                “Cleaning my bathtub…”

                Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

              • Intellectual Hedonist

                I cleaned the pipes not the tub… get your lingo straight!

          • IVR

            “How do you possibly answer that question from someone who’s not A. Your girlfriend/wife, or B. a significant family member?”

            True story – college cafeteria – see frat brother and a girl that I haven’t seen in a few weeks but have no connection to whatsoever.

            Me: What’s going on y’all?
            Frat Brother: Chillin
            Girl: Not much, I’ve missed you
            Me: That’s crazy
            *blank stares*
            Later on in quad . . .
            Frat Brother: YO {Girl} said she missed you and you told her that’s crazy
            Me: This is how I will always answer such unsolicited public displays of affection.

            no moral to this story, just thought id share something that makes me laugh on occasion.

          • Cheshire Cat

            Randoms = “and I missed breakfast”

            classic.

      • MsSula@Work

        I would ignore it too. Especially if we haven’t been talking on the phone or you don’t know anything about my schedule (i.e knowing I’m in class or something along those lines).

        If we have just started dating, then there is no place for “I miss you” in text!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      And of course, my favorite: the older guy after the younger girl. I must say, I’ve been intrigued by some of these guys because we’ve gotten to know each other (in a non-sexual way), which may complicate the situation a bit. But seriously, if you are 40 ish and you have a masters, money, and well, everything, why are you interested in being with a 20 something person who doesn’t have shiznit, who lives with her parents, and who doesn’t have a degree? Do they know how wrong that looks on both parties? 25 and 40 are ok, but 22 and under is a no-go.

      you know whats funny about this? a few years ago, a female friend of mine was on my case for dating a 22 year old (i was 27), even railing on about how all the guys my age seem to want fresh out of college chicks, but she saw no hypocrisy in the fact that all of the men she dated were 30 plus (she was 26).

      moral of the story: i never should have slept with her

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      why are you interested in being with a 20 something person who doesn’t have shiznit, who lives with her parents, and who doesn’t have a degree?

      1. she’s still perky.
      b. you can control her b/c ultimately she doesn’t have her own sh*t
      D. he aint trynna get married but wants a nice young jumpoff, who’s naive enough to think the relationship might be going somewhere, so she ain’t leaving

      • 8th Wonder

        ding ding ding!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=73903598 Dom

        Too true. Too true…

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        …and she’s easily impressed

        example:

        champ: “…anyway though, we’ll stop at the chic-fila in the mall on the way back. ”

        youngie: ***slowly begins to kneel and unzip champ’s fly***

    • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

      ladies, the guy from case 1 lives a cool 600 miles away from me…which is why my cases are more complicated than I let on. So sometimes (when minutes aren’t free), text is all you have…

      • genius khan

        chaos laments:

        “… I have that much more of a reason to stop dating altogether. I admit I suck at judging character at times, but at least I don’t put all my eggs in one basket.”

        attends pity party. ur just young and perhaps earning ur wisdom. the game is so fly, i’m inspired by it, i admire it, i analyze it, i chop it up, i serve it. not necessarily in that mu fu*king order neither.

        red tags u and lets u go…

        • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

          Its not a pity party. I hate when people pity me. I find it more of a “state my case thing”.

          Besides, I’d much rather stay away from serious dating and go out to just have fun (which is what I’ve been doing). I’m learning that boyfriends are overrated.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            I’m learning that boyfriends are overrated.

            oddly enough, liz feels the exact same way about showers

          • MsSula@Work

            If all they do is text you, then of course they are overrated!

            My so lives a cool 6000+ miles from me. And we do talk twice a day…. on the phone.

            The texting-only dude is a red flag all by himself.

    • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

      …and with all of the comments left behind, I have that much more of a reason to stop dating altogether. I admit I suck at judging character at times, but at least I don’t put all my eggs in one basket.

      But if it helps any, the guy from case 1 and I have a bit of a history…so he’s not some guy that I just met and started having text convos with.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        how old are you, chaotic one, if you dont mind me asking?

        • http://graywords1000@yahoo.com Dorian G.

          Too young for you my dude.

          Now me however, I wasn’t born when Thriller came out, I’m just saying chaotic…

        • http://jdiva.wordpress.com chaoticdiva

          22…dude, you’re like, what 3 years older than I…

  • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

    I’m old in the game now. Nothing gets past me. I see it all. And when I see crazy coming, I cross the street.

    • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

      I try but crazy follows me across the street and tackles me.

      • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

        Oh yeah? Well, I got somethin’ nice in my purse for his azz if he gets out of pocket w/me. Crazy better get the h3ll on. Get yourself a weapon, VEG. Testicle-shrinking sarcasm works best for me.

        • Gem of the Ocean

          lmao V.E.G. me too girl!!! we need to hire PBG as our personal security guard. give her some glittered shades and a bedazzled piece, we’d be straight!

          • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

            PBG should teach crazy defense classes.

            • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

              Lesson #1: Smile and look sweet.
              Lesson #2: Cut him low. Real low, real deep.
              Lesson #3: Run like h3ll.

              The End.

              And thank you for the glittery shades. I’m feelin’ them, for real.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                what about the bedazzled semi-automatic firearm?? you no likey?? if we switch to geico we could save some money to upgrade to something diamond crusted.

              • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

                “if we switch to geico we could save some money to upgrade to something diamond crusted.”

                bwwwaaaah.

              • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

                Gem, that firearm is too impersonal. You gotta get right up in Crazy’s face to make him leave you alone. That calls for a more intimate weapon, ya dig?

                We should switch to Geico anyway though. I hear that’s a boss move out on the boulevard.

              • Gem of the Ocean

                lmao PBG i’m going to start calling you sensei-licious becuz you be droppin straight knowledge, diva style! i love it i love it i love it

              • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

                Gem, that firearm is too impersonal. You gotta get right up in Crazy’s face to make him leave you alone. That calls for a more intimate weapon, ya dig?

                SHYT.. I f!cks with the firearm tough… sometimes you need something that will blow crazy off yo a$$… a ni%%a can be crazy enought to get cut and not realize it and choke yo a$$ out through the pain.. but a 380 or a 40 or 45 cal will get him up off ya real quick….

              • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

                yeah, Shay. Sometimes you want to kill crazy dead.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      And when I see crazy coming, I cross the street.

      this is exactly how i feel about intellectual hedonist

      • Intellectual Hedonist

        You aint never seen me cumin, cause if you did you would be following me around

  • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

    Any dude who after four dates is proclaiming his love/asking your intentions toward him.

    An ex who, after six years of no contact, proclaims his undying love for you when you ask how old his 2 kids are.

    Yup…same guy.

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      well, at least he’s consistent

      • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

        yeah. consistently crazy.

    • Gem of the Ocean

      O.M.G. you are my dating/relationship twin, VEG! my girls know (ask Ivy) that as soon as a dude starts gettin too emotionally attached early in the game, i check out. even if the dude is real cool and we’re vibin, i’m out yo.

      • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

        “as soon as a dude starts gettin too emotionally attached early in the game, i check out.”

        *hugs twin* I KNEW I had a sista somewhere in this world. lol.

        I don’t trust that nonsense. I mean…I am a woman and if I can keep all the stuff that’s runnin through my head silent, why can’t a man?

        lol.

        Scares me off. I make tracks…

        • Gem of the Ocean

          lol *hugs twin back* awwww

          i sooo feel you! i remember i was dating this guy for a month or so. we saw each other about once a week, if that. i went out of town for a week and he picked me up from the airport. he gave me the biggest, tighest, longest hug ever and was like “i missed you soooo much.” i was like WTF?? i was gone for 6 days! i likely wouldn’t have seen you even if i was in town. get.a.life…. immediately… disconnected from mine, that is.

          • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

            how about a dude I met at a club while home one weekend during fall break or something.. we talked on the phone (he was a caller, voicemail, caller) maybe 2 times a week for 2 weeks….drove his a$$ up to my school and had campus police tell him which dorm I lived in? This fool sat in the lobby ALL DAY until I walked in from class..When I saw him I was like is this a sitcom? this shyt happens in real life? and then had the nerve to try to get incredible hulk when I told him to hit the road.. Campus Police..get ya boy…..

            • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

              You coulda used that bejeweled .45…

              • http://www.myspace.com/shay_d_lady79 Shay-d-lady

                You coulda used that bejeweled .45…

                girl I wasnt old enough.. but when I tell you if I could have gotten a permit at midnight on my 21st birthday, I would have… he was yelling causing a scene and shyt.. I hate public embarrasment with a passion.

            • charli skipper

              this story made me smile.

              and, on a related note, crazy dudes have a hell of a memory. how did i give you a fake name in walmart while walking the h*ll on to get away from you, and you randomly see me 2 years later calling me out all loud and wrong like we have history or something!? who is you?

          • 8th Wonder

            “i went out of town for a week and he picked me up from the airport. he gave me the biggest, tighest, longest hug ever and was like “i missed you soooo much.””

            That would have melted my heart and shyt.

            • Gem of the Ocean

              it might have melted mine if i felt the same. but it just let me know we weren’t on the same page, you know?? that’s when we had to have the “talk” and that was just… umm… well… pitiful.

              • 8th Wonder

                LOL, I feel it. It sucks when you’re just not that into him.

            • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

              “i went out of town for a week and he picked me up from the airport. he gave me the biggest, tighest, longest hug ever and was like “i missed you soooo much.””

              That would have melted my heart and shyt.

              speaking of which, come here. i havent had a hug from you all week and sh*t

              • 8th Wonder

                awwwwww

                *walks into Champ’s open arms*

                Make it a good one, please.

              • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                “Make it a good one, please.”

                isnt it always?

              • 8th Wonder

                I mean, I’m just saying….I’m having one of those days n shyt.

            • Intellectual Hedonist

              “That would have melted my heart and shyt.”

              he would’ve gotten the best Brain in the car on the ride home

      • Ivy St.

        “(ask Ivy) that as soon as a dude starts getting too emotionally attached early in the game, i check out.”

        Gem your stories always make me laugh. LOL! It has gotten to the point where I feel like I have to pull them aside and be like, “yo brotha keep your feelings to yourself and even if u get the urge to say you miss her, say something else!” LOL!

        • Gem of the Ocean

          ivy, you are the gem relationship guardian. always trying to help the brothas out! lol and i appreciate you for it. hopefully this next one will heed the advice :)

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        “even if the dude is real cool and we’re vibin, i’m out yo.”

        we need to update your slang.

        • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html Naturally Alise (Trial Version)

          Okay! I felt like I was at a Zhane video shoot.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            Okay! I felt like I was at a Zhane video shoot.

            ***guffawing***

        • Gem of the Ocean

          hey hey hey. leave my slang alone. i say what i feel ok?? so i’m outdated, why do you care??

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Any dude who after four dates is proclaiming his love/asking your intentions toward him.

      how about a chick pulling this after two? cuz that chick had to go. hell, i didn’t even know the first time we kicked it was a date. lol. that’s when we met!

    • MsSula@Work

      Gosh, I dated this guy!!! Like 8 years ago!

      Just this morning, he sent me a nice Hello Love email. WTF?????

  • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com Naturally Alise (Trial Version)

    Well the subtle thing that changes my thoughts to farina and browned bread spread with oleo are variations of these statements within the first couple-few months of dating:

    “I could see myself:

    …. really falling for you”
    ….falling in love with you”
    ….with you forever.”

    These are flags that this person is in love with love or the idea of you, so will move things entirely too fast and also will not be rational if AND when there is a breakup….

    • http://www.igville.blogspot.com V.E.G.

      LMBAO at “trial version”. too funny. Brava!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “i could see myself with you forever.”

      did this actually happen, or is this just urban legend?

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        my guess is that’s something that really happened b/c i’ve ALSO had a chick tell me that she could not get into Heaven without me by her side.

        and i’m totally not making that up.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          my guess is that’s something that really happened b/c i’ve ALSO had a chick tell me that she could not get into Heaven without me by her side.

          so, knowing that you’re not with her anymore, you’ve basically banished her to hell.

          that must suck

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            she’ll be alright. i guess.

          • Intellectual Hedonist

            misery loves company, cause you know Pan D Jams isn’t getting past St. Pete

        • http://pbghappenings.blogspot.com/ PBG

          “…had a chick tell me that she could not get into Heaven without me by her side.”

          I’m sorry, but this is a completely slappable offense. I mean, I would want to slap the dude that said this ridiculous shyt to me so bad, but I wouldn’t. But I definitely would get up and walk away from him, no matter WHERE we were. If we were in my house and he said it, I’d go outside and sit in my car. This level of f*ckery is inexcusable.

      • http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html Naturally Alise (Trial Version)

        really happened on multiple occaisons with otherwise “seemingly normal” cats