***flashback to fall 2006 as a younger champ is out a second date with an extremely attractive philly who also shared his affinity for “the wire” and angela nissel. basically, a potential all-star***
the champ: “…and so anyway, thats when we started calling her “bucket face”. i never looked at feathers or windex the same way again. enough about me, though. whats on your mind and sh*t”
flighty philly, after a prolonged sigh: “please don’t tell me you’re one of those guys, are you?”
a perplexed champ: “huh”
philly: “i mean, you seem great in all, but i’m a cynic. without fail, every guy i’ve ever had feelings for has cheated on me. every. single. one. they all seemed nice in the beginning, but then again, so did nicolae carpathia.”
***btw, i’m not making this up. she actually used the perfect carpathia analogy in real-time conversation. when you combine this with her close-to dimeness, it was very hard for me to make the decision i eventually made. i cried for three days afterwards***
the champ, creating a sentence that signifies his potential hurt at the lost potential while doing his damnedest to give her one last try: “seriously?”
“ok”, the champ responds, while subtlely erasing her number from his cell phone and transferring his thoughts to cream of wheat and lightly buttered toast
ok. i can imagine the questions going through everyone’s heads: how the hell did the champ become so magnificent, and what do i need to do to get there??? what was the big deal? what caused you to go from “damn she’s bad as hell” to “virtual restraining order” in less than 15 seconds?
if you’re thinking it was about her moving too fast (ie: her using the second date to ask whether or not i’d cheat)…you’re wrong. i have a tendency to attract and be attracted to “relationship-ey” women, so this early line of questioning wasn’t a surprise. in fact, from what i knew about her, i expected it.
its not even about her admitting to being a cynic, questioning my greatness (blasphemy!!!!) and motives. initial cynicism is nothing but a bit of self-preservation, and i’d actually be turned-off by a woman completely devoid of that quality.
no, my early escape that evening and subsequent mental sprint from even entertaining the idea of a third date had everything to do with this line:
“without fail, every guy who’s ever been with me has cheated on me. every. single. one”
whats the big deal, you ask? whats so wrong with dating a woman who hasnt had the best history with men?
well, if you assume that she’s telling the truth (which i did), four things immediately came to mind:
1. she’s a terrible judge of character.
if it happens once, that sucks.
three times? you must have bad luck.
with every person you’ve ever been with? the “coincedence window” closes somewhere between three and four. at this point, its safe to say that your character gauge is more f*cked up than gary payton’s suits, a fact which permeantly bars you from my circle. sorry
2. she’ll project
i’d be fighting a losing battle from day one. each day would be test, a neverending gauntlet of inane inferences and hilarious hypotheticals with her at the end of the line, waiting for me with a jousting stick.
3. she’s a reformed ho
for whatever reason, there seems to be a strong correlation between reformed ho-dom and being habitually cheated on. i have absolutely no idea why this is true…but it is true
4. wack sackiness
ok…lets say number one isn’t true. lets say she is a great judge of character…but all of these high character guys still cheat on her. hmmm. it doesn’t take a genius or a…
…champ, a gem of the ocean, or a killa k to figure out how this can possibly be.
vsb.com…what are some other subtle relationship red flags? behaviors or actions that might not seem like much on the surface, but tell a much deeper and more disturbing truth? my inquiring mind wants to know and sh*t
***btw, we’re trying to create a virtual gallery of people rocking their vsb shirts. if you’re interested, send a pic of you wearing your shirt to us at email@example.com and we’ll incorporate you into an entry somehow***