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A Minute-By-Minute Recap Of The 2013 BET Awards

bet-awards-2013

8:20: As Gabrielle Union’s Being Mary Jane promo airs for the 1st out of the 67 times it aired last night, I’d like to welcome you all to the 19th annual minute-by-minute summary of the BET Awards, aka “20,000 cats who couldn’t do ASAP Rocky’s hair,” aka “that time BET decided to give everyone in the entire Diaspora an award.” 

If you notice, I’m starting 20 minutes late. I have a legitimate excuse for that, as well as a legitimate reason not to print it.

8:22: Robin Thicke hit the stage, reminding me of the fact that White male performers get a thousand times more love from Black people that White female performers. He’s accompanied by T.I. and Pharrell, who eerily look like they’re turning into the same person. Let’s just call it Tarrell.

8:25: (Overheard sometime last week in Dwyane Wade’s household)

“You got Lebron and Bosh’s goofy asses two rings and you can’t get me one? F*ck you and your typo-inducing name.”

8:29: An ad for a movie featuring every singing-ass nigga ever called Black Nativity airs. Can’t wait for the day I DVR it on TVone.

8:32: Wayne Brady appears to give an award, and decides not to take advantage of the once in a lifetime opportunity to mow down the entire crowd with an Uzi.

8:34: Gabby “Say something about my hair now, motherf*ckers!” Douglas receives some award for best something. Black people should be ashamed for forcing lacefront on her.

8:38: Erykah Badu’s ass can write a book on a calculator. When life gives Erykah Badu’s ass lemons, Erykah Badu’s ass makes life apologize. Erykah’s Badu’s ass once drew a triangle with four sides. Che Guevara wears a t-shirt with a picture of Erykah Badu’s ass on it.

8:40: Erkyah Badu’s ass is joined onstage by Kendrick Lamar and Erykah Badu herself, performing an inspired rendition of “Bitch Dont Kill My Vibe” and increasing the odds of Lamar being Badu’s next baby-daddy to 3 to 1.

8:45: I haven’t said anything about host Chris Tucker yet because, well, there really isn’t much to say. He’s doing a decent job, he looks like he lost a little weight, and he even got the opportunity to finally perform a 50 Cent/Michael Jackson mashup impersonation that he’s probably been sitting on for the last seven years. He had a good night.

8:48: There are middle-aged dark-skinned men all over the country who still hate El Debarge for ruining the 80s for them. Fortunately for them, right now Debarge’s liver is probably the same color they are.

8:50: On the list “the old end of middle-aged White women who can get it,” Helen Mirren has to be top four, right?

(My list: Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep, Jane Seymour, and Paula Deen)

8:59: Say what you want about R. Kelly, but he’s definitely the most talented, engaging, inspiring, and influential pedophile ever. I mean, seriously. That nigga who likes to pee on prepubescent girls has an unbelievable catalog full of hits. He’s a genuis.

9:05: Meagan Good’s boobs were kind enough to publicly challenge Erkyah Badu’s ass to a duel.

(Winner? America.)

BTW, where other than the BET Awards are you going to get gospel awards, R. Kelly, Meagan Good, and Meagan Good’s boobs all on stage in a 30 sec span?

9:10: Most underrated thing about watching a live event on BET? The local Black commercials that finally get some shine. Just found out that Cubana Lust will be hosting some party in Pittsburgh that at least three people will get shot at. Also, had no idea there was a gas station a mile away from me that also sells fried chicken.

9:22: In the last 15 minutes, Mariah Carey sang some song while covered in diamonds, Miguel appeared rocking a coat that looks like it was made out of dead bouviers, Kevin Hart got all stage to do some Kevin Hart shit, and Jamie Foxx gave a speech to remind us all that he’s the cockiest nigga alive.

But, they were all upstaged by Amber Rose, who, despite her Whiteness, managed to win a “Best Face” award. I guess no one here paid any attention to Dark Girls. 

9:32: The whole cast of We’re Doing This Cause We Need To Pay Our Mortgages, er, The Best Man Holiday appears, sans Taye Diggs, who obviously is dead set on proving that he really, really, really doesn’t f*ck with y’all niggas at all.

9:42: Between Miguel, Kendrick Lamar, and Kevin Hart, is there any doubt whatsoever that 2013 is the start of the short nigga revolution? Hide your kids, and your ankles.

10:12: The last half hour or so was spent giving Charlie Wilson a very entertaining tribute, ultimately proving three things:

1. I don’t like Justin Timberlake anymore. Don’t know why. I just don’t. (Strangely enough, I still like his music. Just not him.)

2. Since Pharrell, Snoop, and Charlie Wilson haven’t aged a day since the “Beautiful” video, I’m certain someone on that set was injecting them with shark blood between takes.

3. The only person there with an ass bigger than Erykah Badu’s? Stevie Wonder.

10:30: Everything I just said about Justin Timberlake can be said in reverse about J Cole. I like him. I like what he “stands for.” I like what he “represents.” I like that people like his music. I like that he’s finally seeing some real success after grinding for so long. I just…don’t like his music. I don’t dislike it either. It just exists, like lawn furniture, celery, and empty bottles of deodorant.

10:41: Chris Tucker pulls out a great Barack Obama impression. Only problem is that the impression sounds like President Obama doing an impression of George Bush. This is getting awkward.

10:45: Ciara finally found her way from underneath one of Amare Stoudmaire’s beds to join us all. Welcome back, babygirl!

BTW, “Goodies” was released 9 years ago. 9. I’m officially old as f*ck. (and so are you)

10:51: I apologize to you all for neglecting to mention the fact that I’m not ashamed to admit that it’s kinda striking how attractive a “normal” Nicki Minaj actually is.

10:53: I know you’re not supposed to reward songs like this with actual awards, but there’s no way in hell “Pop That” doesn’t win rap song of the year. I’m actually pissed about this. Seriously.

10:55: Is Debra Lee the Black David Stern, or is David Stern the White Debra Lee?

11:00: “So that’s what you were doing all season instead of getting your ass in shape and rehabbing your knee? Teaching kids how to read. I guess I can’t be mad at that.”

11:02: A dancehall reggae mashup performance starts, beginning with “No, No, No” = aka “the song that started the transition from rap to reggae at every college party between 96 and 99,” and ending with the Gay Reindeer starting an impromptu one woman Dutty Wine contest on my couch.

11:21: Chris Brown stops changing someone’s oil, and decides to come onstage and accept some award. I was wondering why Drake…and Rihanna…and Jay-Z…and Beyonce…and Kanye…and Lil Wayne…and Rick Ross weren’t there. I guess I know why now.

11:25: Mentally preparing myself to read the 4843747393 angst-ridden posts and articles that will be written about “The Butler” in the next year.

(And yes, at least one of them will be written by me. )

11:30: As Janelle Monae ends the show on an typically awesome note, I’m reminded of a tweet I saw from Panama a couple hours before the show began.

“I feel like Twitter is the reason people watch the BET Awards. If Twitter didn’t exist niggas would just go to Red Lobster for shenanigans.”

While Red Lobster is a bit too bougie for my tastes—I prefer Waffle House—he had a point. I think we’ve reached the point where talking about shows like this among ourselves surpasses the joy (and cultural relevance) of actually watching them. I mean, I can’t think of any other reason why I’d watch a three hour show that was an hour and a half too long.

Hmm. Perhaps I do it and write these recaps so you all won’t have to watch. I’m sacrificing my sanity for you. In that case, well, everyone else got an award tonight. where’s mine?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • I Am Your People

    I missed Coonfest 2013, and I’m kind of glad I did. I just logged onto the Twittanets about 15 minutes ago, and it’s World War Z on BET. Problem – B. Scott was asked to host the red carpet, but when he showed up, they told him he couldn’t wear heels and had to take off most of his makeup. (So if you saw the preshow, apparently he was late and appeared rattled. That’s why)

    I need to know what inept person at BET (I know, that would be all of them) would hire the fabulous .B. Scott and tell him not to be…the fabulous B. Scott. They can make up for this by telling Nicki Minaj one accent, no wigs.

    • john31676 .

      B. Scott always were make up what was the point in ask him to take off his make up and heels?

      • Kema

        *goes to figure out who B. Scott is*

        • The Champ

          LOL, this is like every woman I know’s first reaction to B Scott

          • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            Eh, he looks like a man impersonating a woman. Doing a decent job of it. Nice bones, though.

            • Camilleblu

              That kinda what I thought too Dub-C….just really looks like…a man…*shrugs*

    • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

      lol @ one accent. “Oh gosh, should I pick Cockney or Valley Girl!!?!?!”

    • Todd

      “I missed Coonfest 2013, and I’m kind of glad I did.”

      Dead. AND Buried. Hey, I missed it too watching the Yankees get swept by the Orioles. Thankfully, FB reminded the kid of the coonery I missed. And for BET to pull a stunt with B. Scott on motherloving Pirde weekend is all kinds of dumb. Don’t invite gay dudes if you’re going to act brand new when they act in gay ways. LOL

    • The Champ

      How did you miss it? I thought you enjoyed to chronicle coonery

  • AfroPetite

    Can we talk about Jaime Foxx and his tattoo on the back of his head? Also, Charlie Wilson’s wife couldn’t catch a beat to save her life (bless her heart). Thirdly, I applaud BET for seamlessly transitioning from pussC popping to praising Jesus. This is not a small feat.

    • john31676 .

      I like Jaime shirt.

      • kidvideo

        I hope he cut Trayvon’s family a check.

        • The Champ

          That’s all I was thinking about.

      • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        I want one. Was this the men in white movie? I’ve decided. I like black men in white pants. And white men in black music. Or just Robin Thicke. He can get it.

        • Kema

          I love seeing black men in white.

          • Madlark

            #ThingsSistasDontUsuallySay

    • kidvideo

      “from pussC popping to praising Jesus”
      Blk folks love Saturday nites and Sunday mornings…

      • HRH Prince Farouk I

        hahahaa aint that the truth

      • Todd

        I know…and the fact that this makes sense to me makes me question my Blackness on a regular basis.

        • Kema

          Jesus was cool with mary magdalene so…

    • The Champ

      “I applaud BET for seamlessly transitioning from pussC popping to praising Jesus. This is not a small feat.”

      yeah it is. it happens at my house every sunday morning

      • AfroPetite

        I understand that a vast majority of the market BET reaches are black Christians or proclaimed followers of the Lord but why must there be a Gospel segment mixed into the awards? I supposed they do a decent job of separating the most questionable acts from the sole Christian act but it still seems rather forced to me.

  • kidvideo

    I posted a comment a few minutes ago, but don’t see it now…disqus sucks.

    • Tristan

      disqus be treating comments like aaron hernandez jerseys

      • rooseveltdunn

        ha ha ha

  • SR

    I am glad that I am currently in a place where there was no way that I was able to watch this….
    Not to say that when I get back on home turf that it will play 1844958269 times before the month is out

    • The Champ

      You know you wanna watch

  • Yoles

    i wasn’t home, so this was the first BET awards that i have seen in so many years that i can’t count it… i liked it… i admit i did not listen to or pay any kind of attention to who got what award but i watched all the performances… i thought it was well done, i liked the black and white theme and it flowed…

    i came away with the following: i like j. cole, love janelle monet, me & erykah have the same bday so we are cosmic twins the R has all the good baby making music and i still loves me some him charlie wilson is the man, stevie wonder needs to get a new stylist and please let the braids go, i am sure he can feel that his hairline is behind his ears now, 90s reggae was the best and i sorely missed my favorite rapper lil wayne, i swear a$sap came to accept an award with two neat cornrows then came out shortly after with his hair looking like he was working on the railroad what happened?, charlie last name wilson can get down for the get down, homeboy was practically dropping it like it was hot and so on and so forth…

    believe me vsb fam, i was surprised to like it but i did… good times… it was times like this that i wish i was on twitter… but alas i am not

    • Todd

      So your birthday is the same day I love my virginity. Hint, motherf*ckin’ hint. LOL

    • WIP

      I also thought Chris Tucker did a good job. I finally found out who ASAP Rocky is. (old person)

    • Kema

      “me & erykah have the same bday so we are cosmic twins”
      Me and Joe budden have the same bday and are cosmic twins. Take that how you wanna. lol!

      • The Champ

        i share a birthday with lebron james and tiger woods

        • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          I have Larry Flynt, Jenny McCarthy, Stephen Crane, and LaTavia from Destiny’s Child. SMH.

          • The Champ

            That sucks

            • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

              Tell me about it. B-squad like a mutha

          • Maharaja Misty

            Not LaTavia! I almost spit out my smoothie, I just would not have told that story.

            • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

              Girl look at the whole list….its a fail from jump lol….

        • WIP

          So I became curious and Googled. I got Bobby Brown, Hank Aaron and Tony Jaa. Not sure what to do with that.

          • http://twitter.com/ktemjin Kaname

            Tony Jaa is awesome and you should rock it!

          • ElleEnEss

            We have the same birthday! Feb. 5, stand up! Also, Barbara Hershey and Tim Meadows.

        • Todd

          I got Brett Fave, Mario Lopez, Mya, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and David Lee Roth. Jump, motherf*ckers. *synthesizer solo*

        • Michelle

          Tupac and I share the same birthday.

          • nappymind

            Hey Gemini. We have the same birthday!

      • kidvideo

        Me and erkkah also got the same bday…even more creepy…she’s from Dallas, TX…and i was born in Dallas County, AL.

      • Yoles

        @disqus_UtAHUy5O0a:disqus thats why we get along so well, me & joe have the same nickname, im attracted to him and a host of other things in common!!!

        • Kema

          Girl! I wanna hang with him. I could be his Damien “I ain’t goin’ say nothin’, got yo weed go ‘head smoke it, go ‘head drink it, go ‘head ‘n fuck shorty you know I can keep a secret”

    • The Champ

      “i swear a$sap came to accept an award with two neat cornrows then came out shortly after with his hair looking like he was working on the railroad what happened?,”

      the gay reindeer asked about that too

  • HRH Prince Farouk I

    I dont think I have ever watched the BET awards in its entirety, when I was in highschool I was more of an MTV VMAs sorta person. The last 4 years or so, I have just read posts on VSB and observed the convos on twitter to get the general gist of the show.

  • Obsidian Files

    Research Question For the Brothas Of VSB: Why Do You Have Female Friends?

    “Listen carefully…”

    -The Wire

    Good morning Champ, everyone,

    I am not sorry to say that I have nothing to contribute to the conversation insofar as BET is concerned; I haven’t watched the channel for many years, and have no intention of doing so anytime soon.

    But, given the nature of this forum, I DO have a Burning Question for the Brothas:

    WHY, do you have Female Friends? What purpose do they serve? What benefits accrue to you as a result? Do they serve a purpose at all? Do you consider having them, to be a net plus, no effect, or a detrimental effect, on your lives, and in what ways?

    I ask because, I have noticed that many of the posts Champ and Panama write rarely discuss their friendships with other males, and instead, often – almost invariably – focus on their friendships they have with females. And since this is a forum that is by and caters to, Black people of a certain Class – middle class, college educated, white collar professionals – having “friends” across the gender aisle isn’t just common – *it’s expected*.

    Especially if you’re (a Black) male – indeed, if you don’t seem to have many or any, (Black) female friends, Black Women themselves can and will not hesitate to relegate you to the “something’s wrong with you” pile; that you somehow, loathe or otherwise “don’t like” Women or some such. The judgmentalism, is quite harsh indeed, punctuated by the fact that it comes from people who tout themselves as being so very nonjudgmental to begin with.

    Oh, the irony.

    I have often thought of all this, what is really at work along these lines; why people find it so very important to have “friends” across the gender aisle, almost as if signalling, if you’re a guy, that you’re “safe” to Women, or “normal” in some way. That’s been my observation, in any event.

    Anyway, that’s my question. Hopefully, the ladies will take a step back please, and let the Brothas get this.

    I really, truly, need to hear what they have to say about all this.

    Thank you.

    Now adjourn your arses…

    O.

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      You womenfolk keep quiet, I need the men to justify your presence in their lives as something more than &%$! receptacles because I just don’t get it……and you persist in wondering why…..

      • Obsidian Files

        Well, looks like we have our first customer of the day! Good morning Ms. Wild Cougar; something told me you just couldn’t resist…

        Thank you so much for following instructions!

        :)

        O.

        • kidvideo

          You two need to get a room and sweat it out….

          • Kema

            Miss Sassy aint having that!

          • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            *dry heaves* I’d rather have a rabid monkey fling sh*t at me

            • kidvideo

              “a rabid monkey fling sh*t at me”
              Lil Wayne dont got time for that…he’s about to go on tour.

              • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                *gone to see Jesus*

              • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

                :::takes off wig, faints:::::

              • Yoles

                nah don’t bring weezy f into this fight… leave him my favorite rapper alone!!!!

                • Kema

                  OMG!!! I love him and would love to hang with him as well. We would probably be doing advanced pharmaceuticals.

          • Todd

            Sidebar: 3 different people at the VSB NYC meetup a few weeks back mentioned this hookup. Unprompted.

            Well, Philly and DC aren’t but so far apart. :)

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              I really don’t know what it would take to convince some of you that this man is about as far from as he corks possibly be

              • Maharaja Misty

                I really don’t know what it would take to convince some of you that this man is about as far from attractive as he could possibly be

                Girl……
                http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6lvlqEF461r7qsdw.gif

              • thepopculturist

                wow.

              • Obsidian Files

                @Ms. Wild Cougar:

                “I really don’t know what it would take to convince some of you that this man is about as far from attractive as he could possibly be.”

                O: Simple – stop commenting on my discussion threads. Take a page out of Dionne Warwick’s book and “walk on by” like you didn’t even know I existed. Stop going out of your way to find and comment on discussions I broach. Stop giving reasons for people who get together offlist, to all come to a consensus that you would very much want an audience with The Obsidian.

                Listen carefully:

                1. Todd above said, that *3 different people* at a VSB gathering recently mentioned you hooking up with me – unprompted.

                2. You were the first commenter on this thread – this, after I specifically asked the ladies to refrain from doing so.

                3. To date, you have made no lesss than FIVE comments in this discussion alone.

                and

                4. Kid Video, said pretty much the exact same thing Todd’s offlist VSB buds said. 50K Frenchmen, can’t be wrong.

                Who are we gonna believe – you, or our lying eyes?

                Heh heh…

                O.

          • Obsidian Files

            Hardly; she’s much too old for me, I’m afraid.

            Anyway, tell me, KV: do you have any female friends – and if so, why?

            O.

      • Todd

        Well, this is actually a legit question. The problem is that a lot of guys are aciting “friendly” in a false hope that they’ll get to fill your oven with baby batter, and all things being equal, I’d rather have them keep it 100 than lie to women. That’s just me though. If someone has the hate in their blood to pimp, why grin?

        Also, this flashes back to something Yoles and I were talking about among ourselves, but I’ll save that for a reply direct to the O man himself.

        • The Champ

          “The problem is that a lot of guys are aciting “friendly” in a false hope that they’ll get to fill your oven with baby batter”

          does this really happen that often outside of college?

          • Todd

            Yes. I don’t know where you rep, but I’ve seen it live and in HD.

          • Kema

            It happens forever! lol! There’s no limit on what some men will do for a chance at a sniff.

          • Maharaja Misty

            That’s what I’m thinking…I don’t know may guys in their 30’s that goofy anymore.

            • Obsidian Files

              @Ms. Misty:
              Question – just *how many* guys in their 30s do you actually *know*?

              Give me a number.

              Is it say, 500?

              5,000?

              50,000?

              How many?

              Hmm?

              O.

          • Obsidian Files

            @Champ:

            “does this really happen that often outside of college?”

            O: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_Harry_Met_Sally

            Next question?

            ;)

            O.

        • Obsidian Files

          @Todd:

          “Well, this is actually a legit question.”

          O: Thank you!

          “The problem is that a lot of guys are acting “friendly” in a false hope that they’ll get to fill your oven with baby batter, and all things being equal, I’d rather have them keep it 100 than lie to women.”

          O: You’re 100% correct – they are hoping to employ what is known colloquially as the “Nice Guy” strategy, *which does work* – BUT – only *under certain conditions with lots of “fine print”*. This is the reason why so many of them fail…and why so many Women are so deeply upset by it.

          Your statement above though, about your desire to see guys just “keep it 100 than lie to women” is fascinating to me though, and I am hoping you will elaborate on it – why do you care whether people you don’t even know, lies to each other or not? After all, couldn’t it be said that Women lie at least as much, if not moreso, to Men, all the time? Do you have as much concern there as well, or not, and why/why not?

          “That’s just me though. If someone has the hate in their blood to pimp, why grin?”

          O: Please explain? I need clarification. Thanks!

          “Also, this flashes back to something Yoles and I were talking about among ourselves, but I’ll save that for a reply direct to the O man himself.”

          O: At your service – shoot!

          O.

          • Todd

            For one, in terms of lying, I’m against it, period. And I’m with you that in the relationship realm, women do lie more often than men. Still, my issue is that men pretend that they are these Nice Guys, knowing good and well that if the socially acceptable strategy to get ahead with women was blackening their eye, they would be working on their jab and hook.

            Perhaps keeping it 100 with the women isn’t wise all the time, but a man shouldn’t have to lie to themselves as to their own motive. If all they want is to bend a few women over for carnal pleasures, they should be comfortable enough in their own skin to want that. The key is a bit of self-knowledge, which few people have regardless of gender.

            • Obsidian Files

              @Todd:

              “For one, in terms of lying, I’m against it, period. And I’m with you that in the relationship realm, women do lie more often than men. Still, my issue is that men pretend that they are these Nice Guys, knowing good and well that if the socially acceptable strategy to get ahead with women was blackening their eye, they would be working on their jab and hook.”

              O: Two things:

              1. WHY is the “Nice Guy” thing such a huge issue for you, Todd? Again, why do you care? Unless there are people close to you, in this Women it seems, who may fall prey to such a situation, it simply doesn’t seem to make much sense as to why you would go out of your way to broach such a topic.

              Which leads me to:

              2. Your responses – all day actually – all assume a certain mindset. My question had nothing to do with “pimp grins” or “Nice Guys” – it simply asked Black Men in this forum as to WHY, they had female friends, if indeed they had them at all. That you would make the jump into these other areas is quite fascinating, indeed…

              “Perhaps keeping it 100 with the women isn’t wise all the time, but a man shouldn’t have to lie to themselves as to their own motive. If all they want is to bend a few women over for carnal pleasures, they should be comfortable enough in their own skin to want that. The key is a bit of self-knowledge, which few people have regardless of gender.”

              O: And yet, even as you openly admit that Women engage in mendacity, deception and manipulation MORE than do Men, you still feel some kind of way about Men in this instance, and what Women do doesn’t seem to rise to the same level of importance – why?? Indeed, per my research question above, a Man may decide that engaging in such potentially deceptive tactics may not be worth their cost in time, effort and damage should things go wrong, and may decide that it is not in his interests to have such “friends” at all – a rational choice, given all the hooplah over “Nice Guys” of late.

              Hmm…

              O.

    • Kema

      O… Why do you have male friends? What benefits accrue to you as a result of these male friends? Do they serve a purpose at all? Net plus, no effect or a detrimental effect on your life?
      I ask this because if you have male friends then surely you can understand having female friends. Or is the issue that with your male friends you dont have an agenda and therefore can just take them as they are. But with female friends you just cant help think about the fact that there’s no s*x’n involved and this makes you secretly start to hate them.

      • Todd

        You say agenda like it’s a bad thing…especially when it comes to certain friends. LOL

        • Kema

          I dont mean it as a bad thing. I just think it plays into some men having issues with female friends. I have male friends but its usually the dudes that just aren’t pressed to fcuk. They treat me like any other friend. Its the dudes that are always trying to win favor by doing stuff that they wouldnt do for a male friend that tend to get upset or feel slighted.

          • Todd

            On the flip side, I think a lot of dudes believe that if they don’t hump their female friends that they’ll end up taken advantage of. It’s straight pimp logic, but it’s more common than people would like to admit.

            • http://recklessactsofpunctuation.tumblr.com/ dtafakari

              I agree with the pimp logic, with one exception: As I hear so often, people can only to do you what you allow them to do. Getting taken advantage of, for either gender, inherently involves self-complicity.

              Is men’s hump or get chumped mantra a byproduct of expending time/resources to get a woman horizontal who doesn’t have that same goal in mind?

              • Todd

                I will say it’s necessary, but not sufficient, to cause that mindset. The prob is that so few men keep it real about the stuff they grew up around and how it impacted them that they get caught up. I know my lack of knowledge of self was used against me 50-11 times through my marriage until I got help…then all of a sudden, I was a bad husband who didn’t care. LOL

            • Kema

              No one can take advantage if you dont let them. As Lincoln says… You’re not a victim you’re a volunteer. To those dudes I would ask… what do you do to your male friends to keep them from taking advantage of you? That’s the solution.

              • 321mena123

                They don’t place the peen on a pedestal. That’s what they do.

                • Kema

                  Exactly!!!!

              • Obsidian Files

                @Ms. Kema:

                “No one can take advantage if you dont let them. As Lincoln says… You’re not a victim you’re a volunteer. To those dudes I would ask… what do you do to your male friends to keep them from taking advantage of you? That’s the solution.”

                O: Perhaps avoiding people who are more inclined to use you? In that case, avoiding them would achieve the objective of being taken advantage of.

                Also: I must say, that the notion of “blaming the victim” here is quite interesting; I wonder if the same thing would be said by the ladies if we were talking about a Woman or Women, instead of a Man or Men.

                Hmm…

                O.

          • 321mena123

            It’s just normal to have friends of the same and opposite s3x. I have
            never heard anyone ask “why should I as a man have female friends or why
            should i as a woman have male friends?” That doesn’t make sense to me.
            A friendship is a friendship. Why do you want to have anything
            s3xually to do with your friends anyway? That’s why you place them in
            the friend category to begin with. I do believe that the older you get,
            it may become harder to make friends with the opposite s3x since the
            assumption is that one person wants the peen or v@g.

      • AfroPetite

        Y’all got this Obsidian thing all wrong.

        Step 1: Locate Obsidian’s comment
        Step 2: Down vote
        Step 3: Enjoy all that life has to offer you for the day :-)

        • Obsidian Files

          @Ms. AfroPetite:
          Your consternation is noted; and yet, one must simply ask:

          Given your consternation, and the fact that I had specifically asked for the ladies to refrain from commenting at all so as to allow the Brothas a chance to speak in their own words unfiltered – WHY have you seen it important to go out of your way to comment at all?

          Freud and Jung would have a field day with you…

          O.

          • 321mena123

            Dude, this isn’t your blog. Didn’t PJ ask you to respect that fact. We can comment on anything here something that you choose to do all the time.

            • Obsidian Files

              @Ms. Mena:
              Indeed; but, given the fact that I clearly make at least some of you ladies so very upset, I would have thought that the chance to bow out of my commentary would be a welcome respite for many of you…

              Evidently NOT…

              ;)

              O.

          • Yoles

            Obie

            i do find it quite telling that you feel that you can post your thoughts, comments & questions on this blog whether it lines up with the post of the day or not and that you should be free to do so with hindrance BUT you come to a blog that is not your own and make demands on who can respond and comment…. very telling indeed

            • Obsidian Files

              @Ms. Yoles:

              “i do find it quite telling that you feel that you can post your thoughts, comments & questions on this blog whether it lines up with the post of the day or not”

              O: True; but do you deny the fact that many others here, *includin you, I might add*, do pretty much the same thing, just about all the time? Why is my doing this any different or “standout” from any of you?

              Do tell?

              “and that you should be free to do so with(out) hindrance BUT you come to a blog that is not your own and make demands on who can respond and comment…. very telling indeed”

              O: I did not make any “demands” – just a request. and again, one that I would have thought, given how much I apparently upset so many of the ladies here, you would all welcome the chance to bow out of.

              All of your responses/reactions, are most telling, indeed…

              :)

              O.

              • Yoles

                Obie…

                i never have any beef with you… regardless of what happens with the other ladies but to tell someone that you told/requested them not to respond while not on your own blog is a bit big for your britches. that is all that i am saying…

                • Obsidian Files

                  @Ms. Yoles:
                  “Fortune favors the bold…”

                  :)

                  O.

      • Obsidian Files

        @Ms. Kema:

        “O… Why do you have male friends?”

        O: The assumption here is that I do indeed have such friends…and assumption, not anything you can confirm or deny – right?

        “What benefits accrue to you as a result of these male friends?”

        O: There are many potential benefits that accrue to a Man from having male friends, ranging fom enhanced/increased status seeking, resource acquiring and mating opportunities, just to name a few…

        “Do they serve a purpose at all?”

        O: See above…

        “Net plus, no effect or a detrimental effect on your life?”

        O: It all depends – more on this elsewhere in this thread…

        “I ask this because if you have male friends then surely you can understand having female friends.”

        O: Not necessarily…

        “Or is the issue that with your male friends you dont have an agenda and therefore can just take them as they are.”

        O: Your statement assumes that male friends aren’t built/forged with strategic goals or “agendas” in mind…

        “But with female friends you just cant help think about the fact that there’s no s*x’n involved and this makes you secretly start to hate them.”

        O: Why, Ms. Kema – if you want to know something personal about me, all you have to do, is…

        …wait for it…

        …ask.

        :)

        O.

    • Todd

      Thanks for the threadjack, because this is better than coonery that was the BET Awards. LOL

      In terms of friends of other genders, it’s not a goal for me. If I like you, mean me goodwill AND are willing to express support and appreciation, cool. If not, oh well. I don’t really press the gender/friendship thing too hard. Not everything has to be perfect to be beneficial.

      Still, there are a lot of dudes who need women and hate women at the same time. It’s like if they can best women, they are somehow better than women. To me, IDGAF one way or another. Even if patriarchy made a major comeback, it isn’t like the benefits are going to accrue universally to men…or did I somehow miss the part of the past where all men were G-ing off bigtime. Just let people live, maintain strong boundaries, help each other where they can and simply live. :)

      • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        People who didn’t actually see the awards but call it “coonery” remind me of the Samuel L Jackson character on Django. You are doing just a bit too much.

        Friendship with women is only an issue for men who don’t like women. Mommy issues and such. Everybody else just makes friend with humans they like. Either gender

        • Obsidian Files

          @Ms. Wild Cougar:

          “Friendship with women is only an issue for men who don’t like women. Mommy issues and such.”

          O: In your mind, madam – in your mind…

          Which reminds me – have you taken your psychotropic medications today?

          O.

    • h.h.h.

      to answer your question O, primarily it just happens organically. similar interests and what not. i guess the main reasons would be advice, and potential relationship/love interest.

      *shrug*

      • Obsidian Files

        @Triple H:

        “to answer your question O, primarily it just happens organically. ”

        O: Interesting; please allow me to ask – did you education, “just happen organically”? Did your line of work, “just happen, organically”? I think we are far more deliberate about these matters than we’re willing to admit. Why cannot we just openly state that?

        “similar interests and what not.”

        O: OK – are you “friends” with everyone who shares “similar interests and what not”? Indeed, I’m pretty sure there are people in the same or similar lines of work and avocation that you’re not only not friends with, that you probably don’t like very much.

        “i guess the main reasons would be advice, and potential relationship/love interest.”

        O: Now, we’re getting somewhere…

        O:

        • h.h.h.

          ” please allow me to ask – did you education, “just happen organically”? Did your line of work, “just happen, organically”? ”

          Yes.

          “are you “friends” with everyone who shares “similar interests and what not”? Indeed, I’m pretty sure there are people in the same or similar lines of work and avocation that you’re not only not friends with, that you probably don’t like very much.”

          Yes.
          there are very few people “that i probably don’t like very much”; none in the particular things i’m peculiarly interested in.

        • Yoles

          Obie

          how can you ask about friendships then when he answers they occurred organically, then flip and ask him if his job and education occurred organically… don’t most friendships regardless of gender happen organically.. its not a goal to have and work toward ie studying & doing well in school to get scholarships for college then working post college…

          h.h.h. and i have a friendship that is developing quite nicely and gasp organically and it’s not because he is aiming for my gushy or me sharpening cougar claws…

          as for the friends with everyone you have something in common with… what kind of question is that? some people you get along with and enjoy their company and some you don’t, regardless of gender… are you saying that other than intimate relationship interest, there is nothing between the genders or there should be nothing sought further than that???

          i am truly curious at your end goal in this line of questioning…

          • Obsidian Files

            @Ms. Yoles:

            “how can you ask about friendships then when he answers they occurred organically, then flip and ask him if his job and education occurred organically…”

            O: It’s not hard at all, Ms. Yoles; I simply asked Triple H the questions, is all… ;)

            “don’t most friendships regardless of gender happen organically..”

            O: That all depends…

            “its not a goal to have and work toward ie studying & doing well in school to get scholarships for college then working post college…”

            O: This is not necessarily true…

            “h.h.h. and i have a friendship that is developing quite nicely and gasp organically and it’s not because he is aiming for my gushy or me sharpening cougar claws…”

            O: Good on you!-how does this jibe with what I’m talking about, again?

            “as for the friends with everyone you have something in common with… what kind of question is that?”

            O: One that drew your ire, evidently…

            “some people you get along with and enjoy their company and some you don’t, regardless of gender… are you saying that other than intimate relationship interest, there is nothing between the genders or there should be nothing sought further than that???”

            O: Not necessarily…

            “i am truly curious at your end goal in this line of questioning…”

            O: Curiousity is good.

            The reason for why I bring up the question (and to which I note, yet again, that Black Men have had minimal input) is because of the centrality of cross-sex friendships in our time. It undergirds many of the discussions we and others have about relationships and the like, and so I thought to pose the question from an angle rarely if ever investigated in so pointed a manner. That so relatively few Black Men have responded, I think is quite interesting, indeed.

            What say you?

            O.

            • Yoles

              actually, doesn’t the fact that h.h.h. have a budding friendship align perfectly with your question… aren’t you asking about male/female friendships, how they came about and why?

              it didn’t draw my ire, the question seemed absurd almost like thinking all blacks must know each other/need to be friends because of genetic material they have in common… even someone so far from you life and experience will still have things in common with you… but in just numbers and time and exposure and language barriers and proximity etc you can not possibly be friends with everyone that shares common interest

              • Obsidian Files

                @Ms. Yoles:

                “actually, doesn’t the fact that h.h.h. have a budding friendship align perfectly with your question… aren’t you asking about male/female friendships, how they came about and why?”

                O: Yes; hence my line, “now we’re getting somewhere…” – remember?

                “it didn’t draw my ire, the question seemed absurd almost like thinking all blacks must know each other/need to be friends because of genetic material they have in common… even someone so far from you life and experience will still have things in common with you… but in just numbers and time and exposure and language barriers and proximity etc you can not possibly be friends with everyone that shares common interest”

                O: With all due respect, Ms. Yoles, the very fact that you and roughly half a dozen other ladies responded in such a visceral reaction does indeed track with my usage of the word “ire”.

                I also need you to know that I’ve conducted this and similar “surveys” over the years, in varying locales, and have gotten pretty much the same responses from the ladies, whether they were the parties being asked or not; they were quite upset at the mere mention of a Man openly questioning the cost/benefit calculations of such an association. It was deeply disconcerting to them, and when one considers what so many Women have to gain from such associations, their/your response is quite understandable.

                That, however, does not address the centrality of the utility of such associations for many Men in our time.

                Thank for your unlikely cooperation! Much appreciated.

                :)

                O.

    • The Champ

      Three things

      1.On a blog where many of our topics deal with dating/relationships, the conversations we have with our female friends are more relevant to beginning and contributing to most of the topics than the conversations/relationships with male friends.

      2. If you’re a social person of a certain age—especially a social person in the “certain class” you refer to—you’re going to meet a lot of women. In fact, you’re probably going to interact with more women than men, because between parties, happy hours, professional organizations, and even work, there are just more women around. It stands to reason that you become friendly with many of these women, and sometimes even actual friends with some of them. Are the relationships always 100% platonic? No. But just because some sexual tension might exist doesn’t mean that it has to dominate the actual relationship. Some of these women are legitimately great, resourceful, intelligent, compassionate, smart, and funny people, and it would be stupid to not form positive relationships with them.

      3. Having good relationships with women I’m not sleeping with has helped me develop better relationships with women I am.

      • Todd

        I know this is a crazy digression, but I always find it striking the gender ratio difference between, say, a bunch of skilled trades dudes and boughie white collar circles. Living in Queens, home to strong a$$ trade union types, it’s not unusual for boughie Black folk to have some blue collar dude making close to six figures living next door to them. Since they live next to each other, you can see how both sides live, and the fact that the gender ratio varies so wildly among Black folk who are otherwise similarly situated (even down to attending the same churches and sending their kids to the same schools) has always intrigued me.

        • Yoles

          pls expound on the gender ratio differences… which group is which way?

          • Todd

            Blue collar scenes tend to skew more male heavy, while White collar scene skew more female heavy. The thing that makes it striking is that they have broadly similar lifestyles other than their professions.

            • The Champ

              “Blue collar scenes tend to skew more male heavy, while White collar scene skew more female heavy. The thing that makes it striking is that they have broadly similar lifestyles other than their professions.”

              I would agree with this

            • 321mena123

              Women have never been in the blue collar scene in droves (if we exclude working during the war). This isn’t really striking.

              • Obsidian Files

                @Ms. Kema:
                This is not entirely true; Women have performed blue collar work in America for easily a century or more prior to WW2. Women worked in the factories of cities like Chicago, New York and Philly at the turn of the last century, for example, and played a crucial role in the Labor Movement. There are other notable examples (the novel turned film, “The Help” comes to mind)…

                O.

                • Yoles

                  actually careers that are typically filled with women vs men (despite the type of labor) is called “pink collar” this includes maid service, nurses, secretaries, teachers (for young children), social workers, nannies, wet nurses, courtesans etc…

                  • Obsidian Files

                    Ms. Yoles:
                    Although we have to say, in all fairness, Nursing isn’t seen as blue collar work, but a profession in its own right, but still, your point is indeed made and highly valid…

                    O.

                    • Yoles

                      nursing… as a nurse i know that i am a professional but i know its not considered “white collar” regardless of the income possibilities, not quite “blue collar” either (even though its quite dirty), basically i am saying i do not know where it really fits…

                  • 321mena123

                    Thanks. I didn’t have the energy.

            • Obsidian Files

              @Todd:

              “Blue collar scenes tend to skew more male heavy, while White collar scene skew more female heavy. The thing that makes it striking is that they have broadly similar lifestyles other than their professions.”

              O: Really? Please explain? What objective examples of these “similar lifestyles” can you point me or anyone else to up there in the Big Apple along these cross Class lines?

              O.

              • Todd

                O, I’m speaking from my direct experience where I grew up. Among my neighbors were skilled electricians and building contractors who built up their businesses and dealt with the same social organizations off of work as my parents. (For the record, my mom and dad were a Registered Nurse and a IT System Administrator respectively.) Also, my best friend growing up had his father working as a building operator under a union contract, and a number of parents of my classmates in private school had blue collar jobs. Granted, they were elite blue collar types who had did their journeymen work, but they were nowhere near White collar types (which we had no shortage of, by the way). I’m just speaking from my own experience though.

  • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

    Is it now bougie to ignore the award show? Oh. I didn’t get the memo. Must be cuz I’m not bougie. It was a very good show. All the performances were good. Well most. Mariah lipsynched badly. Some were great like Charlie Wilson. Who knew he was behind all those hits? Robin Thicke brought the house down. Miguel jumped around more than last time and managed to not break anything. He tries too damn hard. Just sing and look cute. K? Janelle Monae was awesome. Gonna download that song. If you missed it on purpose cuz you think you’re too high class or whatever, it’s your loss. It was a good show and I’m sure it got enough down home and international viewers to quit giving fcuks about bougie black people. Speaking of international. That reggae medley was a hot mess. everybody except Nikki Minaj had their face scrunched up like WTF?

    • Tristan

      the mariah lip synch was just uncalled for not like she dances or anything

      • WIP

        I love me some Mimi and I know the pipes ain’t what they used to be but that whole arrangement was messy. Jeezy took more time than she did. Didn’t seem like she was trying to be there at all.

        • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          everybody has better things to do than the BET awards….I feel like they all treat it like a scrimmage for real awards shows

    • The Champ

      “Some were great like Charlie Wilson. Who knew he was behind all those hits?”

      Yeah, I didn’t know he was the lead of the gap band, and I didn’t know the gap band was responsible for all those songs

      • Camilleblu

        Lol…Was that shade??

        • The Champ

          Nah. I was serious. Had no idea. Sometimes you know a person is famous, but you just don’t know for what

          • John Shannon

            I’m younger than you and even I knew about the Gap Band and the songs they inspired………… JS

    • h.h.h.

      i personally don’t watch any award shows (that goes for grammys/tonys/oscars/raspberries), i don’t see point, other than to ooh and ahh at what people are wearing; i have no clue who b scott is; i had no clue until 45 minutes ago that gab union had a show…

      it’s just really not my thing. and i know enough people that offer their play by play like they’re Statler and Waldorf, so much so that i didn’t even check into twitter. so i’m good. have fun though.

      ironically enough, the only part i watched, WAS the dancehall spot (because i saw 8 people on facebook mention it), and if the grimaces from the faces of the audience were any indication, i can definitely spot the Americans.
      :)

      • Yoles

        i liked the dancehall spot!!!!!!!

        PULL UP

        • h.h.h.

          *bangs the ceiling with his hand*

          MORFYAH MORFYAH RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

          Wait, i probably shouldn’t do that at work…

          *goes back into grumpy mode*

        • Kema

          *Buk it down with Yoles* Yes!!! I was so happy!

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Ok, guess you’d have to be from an island or something because I love “no, no, no” and really liked some of the other songs. I wanted to actually hear them. But it was like sing-screech-fog horn-fog horn-sing-screech-foghorn-screech….

          • Todd

            *sips tea*

      • afronica

        Statler and Waldorf…love this

    • Frankly

      Hey i like the reggae section too. Except elephant man’s part.

  • Tristan

    like how bet basically took anything can happen and used it as an excuse to be horribly unorganized….

  • Tristan

    quick observations

    1. nicki is quite attractive when she looks like a 31 year old woman
    2. kevin hart wasnt funny. like at all
    3. wiz and amber were probably amped jay and bey aint show….then dwayne and gabrille stole all their shine
    4. that awkward moment when you realize jeezy wasnt on none of the hottest tracks and had to settle for mariah
    5. pharrell is lowkey running things, now would be perfect for a nerd album

    • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

      mann ive been WAITING on a nerd album….i need that in my life like yesterday

      • kidvideo

        I really dug the Neptunes production on Kelis’s first two albums…

        • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          i have a hard time tryna name ANY work by neptunes that I dont love….I still listen to In Search Of… like it just came out lol

        • http://www.TheNewEve.com/ Bunni

          also….I think the primary reason I loved Despicable Me is because Pharell did the soundtrack

    • 321mena123

      Your #1 is the truth.

    • WIP

      Gabrielle Union is living the dream.

      • The Champ

        Not according to all the studies and surveys that say 40 year old women who haven’t been married yet need to die

        • Toya

          Or that next season D-Wade will be working on his third ring with them ninja’s and she still won’t have one

          • GirlSixx

            #TheShade…..
            lol

        • WIP

          Studies and surveys not written by women fvcking D-Wade…

    • The Champ

      I would agree. When she decides to look like a human being, she’s actually pretty hot.