A List Of Things Longer Than Anthony “The Situation” Scaramucci’s Term As White House Communications Director » VSB

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A List Of Things Longer Than Anthony “The Situation” Scaramucci’s Term As White House Communications Director

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1. The seventeen furious pumps of fury Lawrence gave Issa during their break-up “sex” on Insecure

2. The rumored text (“Congratulations, I’ll pray for our child”) Anthony Scaramucci sent his soon to be ex-wife when their child was born last week and he was out tanning with Donald Trump instead of in the delivery room

(Apparently there’s some doubt about whether this text actually happened. Regardless of the truth, I’ll continue to believe that it did.)

3. Steve Bannon’s cock, according to Anthony Scaramucci

4. How long it took me, just now in a text I was sending, to spell “similar” correctly without the aid of spellcheck

5. The number of fucks discarded, in the last six months, by Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and Lady Olenna Tyrell

6. The number of unread messages in the GroupMe chat group you joined 23 months ago and haven’t checked in 22 months but can’t delete because you don’t know how to and don’t feel like learning and you actually enjoy complaining about it more than doing anything about it

7. The number of Kappas ordering tailored sweater vests from Bonobos at any given moment

8. The median toenail length of niggas who rock bluetooth headsets to baby showers and Applebee’s

9. The length of the premium-grade, gluten-free White Tears you’ll find underneath harvest festival cancellation status messages, in Serena Williams’s Twitter mentions, and on Facebook when this is published

10. The faces of Trump supporters today, still attempting to justify their support of this clusterfuck of an administration

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Mary Burrell

    I love#5?

  • Emily Harris

    Ha, his role was shorter than a Britney Spears Vegas marriage. You have to be embarrassed when you’re too much of a circus for Barnum and Bailey. He was the 4th ring and they told him there was only room for 3. Whaaaaat a s#*tshow.

  • Courtney Wheeler

    “7. The number of Kappas ordering tailored sweater vests from Bonobos at any given moment”

    Kappa shade…it’s been awhile.

    • Jennifer

      Feels like home again.

  • Alessandro De Medici

    Gave up all that suction and didn’t even get a money shot…

    • Hugh Akston

      Hopefully he goes and see a therapist no joke

      • Tam

        Why? He got this

        • Hugh Akston

          His ego got the best of him so someone must pay…

          • Tam

            Yeah him. Alimony and child support . lol

            • Hugh Akston

              But hopefully this doesn’t end in one of those asinine headlines of him doing something crazy

              Despite not liking this guy I don’t believe in either of those but kats like him can use that to commit some heinous action

              • Tam

                Anything anyone connected to 45 and his WH does will not surprise me.

              • cedriclathan

                Long as he doesn’t hurt anyone but himself.

                • Hugh Akston

                  too many times those guys hurt themselves last unfortunately

            • cedriclathan

              So, does the wife take him back like Weiner? Or, is he too big of a dyck.

              • Tam

                Nah. He has grey scale now

                • cedriclathan

                  Lol

    • BrothasKeeper

      Electile Dysfunction.

  • Mary Burrell

    All that aynus sucking for nothing.?

  • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

    That is that ether right there. Karma doesn’t play as Scaramucci’s vulgar tirades are totally unprofessional. The Trump administration is a disgrace.

    • Mary Burrell

      Exactly all that course language such a class act.

      • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

        He certainly is. Trump is treated like he’s a child, but he’s a grown man almost 75 years old. Trump lectures others on crime and responsibility, but he refuses to take responsibility especially for his recent statement advocating for the police to enact police brutality against suspects.

  • AntMoOAK

    That was one slimy dude. I watched that first presser when he was announced. Talk about EVERY Long Island, Wall Street, Italian A-Type stereotype rolled into one. LOL

    • miss t-lee

      Pops called him slick the other day, and I couldn’t stop laughing.

      • cedriclathan

        After shaking his hand you’d have to count fingers to make sure you got yours back.

        • miss t-lee

          LMAO
          Definitely.

    • Mary Burrell

      I couldn’t decide if he was something off the Sopranos or Good Fellas. He was such a cartoon of bad New Jersey mobster stereotypes.

  • Glo

    Olenna Tyrell!

    When you’re still handing out Ls in your own death scene, you know you’re a true boss.

    • ClaymoreParamore

      “Be a Dragon”. Also need that on a shirt with my “Reclaiming my Time” tank

      • Janelle Doe

        Hahaha isn’t that video hilarious?
        I watched the guy singing three times already

    • ennhaichekay

      Damn. Long time lurker, first time poster here. But I couldn’t keep scrolling without posting.

      Y’all just letting spoilers fly with no warning?

      • AOM

        I’ve learned to stay off the internets until I can watch or risk inadvertent spoilers. :-/

        • Ms. Odessa

          That’s a good rule to follow.

      • ClaymoreParamore

        Oh s hit, yeah, we should put spoiler alerts on these posts lol. my bad. Welcome and all that too. I got Modelo Negra as a delurking inaguration

    • Mary Burrell

      Olenna Tyrell is my spirit animal.

  • Sweet Potato Kai ?

    11. A CVS receipt.
    Good riddance

    • Val

      Those darn things get on my nerves. Seems like they will never stop printing out.

      • Gibbous

        I can’t even throw them out. I have to bring them home to put them in the recycling bin for fear of damaging the earth!

        • Ms.Moon

          They are coupons take the ones for the stuff you buy I get stuff like dishwashing soap, scented candles, toothpaste because that’s stuff that I buy there the coupons add up don’t just throw them out.

    • ClaymoreParamore
      • Sweet Potato Kai ?

        Facts!

      • Lmfao. I’m cracking up at this.

      • Monica Harris

        Why is this so accurate?

      • dmcmillian72

        Why is this TRUE!!! Lol!

  • VeronicaMars

    11. My hair when it’s straightened.

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