A List Of Things Longer Than Anthony “The Situation” Scaramucci’s Term As White House Communications Director » VSB

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A List Of Things Longer Than Anthony “The Situation” Scaramucci’s Term As White House Communications Director

(Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

1. The seventeen furious pumps of fury Lawrence gave Issa during their break-up “sex” on Insecure

2. The rumored text (“Congratulations, I’ll pray for our child”) Anthony Scaramucci sent his soon to be ex-wife when their child was born last week and he was out tanning with Donald Trump instead of in the delivery room

(Apparently there’s some doubt about whether this text actually happened. Regardless of the truth, I’ll continue to believe that it did.)

3. Steve Bannon’s cock, according to Anthony Scaramucci

4. How long it took me, just now in a text I was sending, to spell “similar” correctly without the aid of spellcheck

5. The number of fucks discarded, in the last six months, by Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and Lady Olenna Tyrell

6. The number of unread messages in the GroupMe chat group you joined 23 months ago and haven’t checked in 22 months but can’t delete because you don’t know how to and don’t feel like learning and you actually enjoy complaining about it more than doing anything about it

7. The number of Kappas ordering tailored sweater vests from Bonobos at any given moment

8. The median toenail length of niggas who rock bluetooth headsets to baby showers and Applebee’s

9. The length of the premium-grade, gluten-free White Tears you’ll find underneath harvest festival cancellation status messages, in Serena Williams’s Twitter mentions, and on Facebook when this is published

10. The faces of Trump supporters today, still attempting to justify their support of this clusterfuck of an administration

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Janelle Doe

    So …. I guess SNL is about to have another great season.
    I wonder who the new characters will be

  • BM, Superman

    And in 11 days Mooch sold his company, got divorced and missed the birth of his kid for nothing.

    Ahahahahahaha!

    • Alessandro De Medici
      • Attaymik

        Leave my Klay outta this!

      • C.

        ????????

      • Tlholohelo Makatu

        Tragique

    • Mary Burrell

      I don’t feel sorry for him he hitched his wagon to a buzzard like Trump and that’s what you get.

      • NonyaB?

        Exactly. He deleted his integrity (whatever semblance of it he had) like an afterthought just to ride that mad train, so good for him.

        • Tam

          Was probably working on his upgrade wife.

      • cedriclathan

        Somebody told him buzzard taste just like chicken.

    • I guess he should have kept those prayers he gave to the baby for himself. ????

  • Sixfootdiva

    This administration will be the laughing stock of the world. I just cant’ just can’t

    • Furious Styles

      Will be???

      • Michelle is my First Lady

        right.

      • Mary Burrell

        It is the laughing stock of the world.

        • I can attest to that. I live in London and we laughed our a**es of when we heard about his firing in my office. It was great.

    • Mary Burrell

      This administration is the laughing stock of the world. There fixed it for you.

      • truthseeker2436577@yahoo.com

        Exactly.

    • Tam

      Not will. Is

  • miss t-lee

    Grand opening, grand closing.

    I’m reading his official start wasn’t even until 8/15. Getting fired before you start working is a real talent.

  • Me

    The thing about aligning yourself with a narcissist in hopes of riding his coattails is that you have to remember narcissists don’t like to share the spotlight. Mooch thought he would be Trump-lite but no one asked him to be. Know your role!

  • Mary Burrell

    Kelly is letting them know he’s the big dog in the house.

  • Alessandro De Medici
    • Nametaken

      “Mooch got the job about a week ago (week ago)!”

  • Mary Burrell

    This administration is such a dumpster fire.

  • Nametaken

    11. The opening sentence of “A Tale of Two Cities.”

    • Mary Burrell

      It was the best of times it was the worst of times.

    • Tam

      That book still triggers

      • Nametaken

        I voluntarily read it in high school because I liked some of Dickens’ other novels. I opened the book and read the first sentence and immediately regretted my decision…

        • Tam

          I had to do it for externals at Secondary School. It was a set text.

  • Wendy

    My one true hope is that I never have to see this toenail fungus on CNN ever again.

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