Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

A Gender Role Bending Christmas

***And, just in case anyone doubts the validity of the engagement scene from the video, I’d like to share a quick synopsis of every conversation my fiancee (BTW, it still feels funny typing “my fiancee.” Admittedly, it might just feel funny because I just might still be compelled to type “the Gay Reindeer” when writing about her.) and I have had with our friends since our engagement***

“Her”

Her: “So…I’m ENGAGED!!!”

Friend: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Her and Friend together: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

***5 minutes later***

Her and Friend together: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

***10 minutes later***

Friend: “OMG, that ring! Did he have help? Tell me you helped him pick it out. Bitch, you helped him. You had to help him. Right? He couldn’t have picked that by himself. You helped him! You had to help him. He had help, and this help was from you, right? There’s no f*cking way you didn’t help him. But, if you didn’t help him…wait, nevermind. I won’t even f*ckng go there. You helped him. You had to help him. Help was had by him and it was offered by you, right?”

Her: “ ….yea. I helped him. A little. But I helped.”

Friend: “I knew it!!! You helped him!!! OMG, the ring is so perfect for you and like, for the Earth. It’s Earth perfect. If the sun and the stars had a baby, and that baby knew how to make guacamole, it would totally be that ring.” 

Her: “Thank you!!! That’s exactly what I was thinking!!! Exactly!!!”

Friend: “So how did he do it? I need details. Where? When? Why? How? Did he write something? I could see him writing something. Like a vow. Not a wedding vow. But an engagement vow. And having you find it on a tree outside your house. And giving you clues all day by saying stuff like ‘You should look outside the box more often’ and you not even knowing they were clues until after you saw the tree. Did he carve the engagement vows with a knife? What kind of knife was it. OMG! OMG! OMG! Did he get it from Williams Sonama? Cause that would have been soooo romantic. And they were having a sale last week.” 

“Me”

Me: “So yeah, I’m engaged and shit now.”

Friend: “Word?”

Me: “Word.”

Friend: “Congrats, man.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Friend: “What her friends look like?”

Me: “They aiight, I guess.”

Friend: “They f*ckin?”

Me: “Which one?”

Friend: “Any.”

Me: “I guess.”

Friend: “Aiight. I’ll come to the wedding, then.”

Me: “N*gga, aint you married?”

Friend: “Yea. And faithful too.”

Me: “So why you asking me about single chicks?”

Friend: “I prefer to fantasize about the ones who I know are f*cking. Makes it more real.”

Me: “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Friend: “It will after you’ve been married five years.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • SuperStrings

    Compatibility and timing are a mutha.

  • menajeanmaehightower

    But that is how this conversation is coming off as if you don’t have a mouth to say no and don’t mind being walked over. I didn’t say that you were being hysteric but b*** @**, if that is what you want to call it is fine with me.

    You act is if you have no voice, no say, and are just there for the money. How does this make any sense? Serious question here.

  • SuperStrings

    “I mean…so y’all men are just letting yourselves get ran the fukc over but then complaining about it after the fact??”
    I don’t think that this is what they’re saying. Not having an opinion on something isn’t the same as being ran over. If you ask me to choose between pink and lavender, I don’t really have a preference for either, so why would I risk an argument over that? What kind of cake do I want? Eh, I’m only eating one piece on one day…so go with whichever one you want. What kind of stationary for the invitations? Shiiiit regular standard white printer paper (or even an evite) seems adequate to me, but if that’s not really an option, well then let’s just go with your choice. Reception? Hey a bbq in the backyard sounds like a plan, at least we’ll be eating food we like. If not, well your idea sounds nice. I just want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. All that other sh!t is just fluff. And sure, this is all something that we would have supposedly discussed prior to, but, really, not agreeing on seating arrangements doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get married. It just means that you’re more passionate about it, so I’ll let you handle it.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    Its easy for you to say that when you think a little different. But have you dated women? No. Have you had any of our history of dating women who follow gender stereotypes to the T, and should for any reason, us men want to be independent thinkers and try things differently, are you aware of how much he-ll these women put us through? No.

    What Malik is trying to say is that, YOU LADIES may be different, but MOST LADIES are not. They follow the Disney codebook, let their momma’s wedding story become the ideal story they must have, and so on. Granted, getting older means finding a more suitable partner for your tastes, and that perhaps is what is the most important part. But when history has burned you, you tend to not forget the lesson. I shouldn’t speak for Malik but I feel like that’s what he is trying to say.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    I get that part but ever since I was a kid, all older people told me was “shut up and let her have her way” and I listened to that archaic nonsense until one day I realized most of the women I was dealing with her childish as-$ holes who had no realistic understanding of love or relationships, just like I didn’t. So why keep my mouth shut over that? But I understand why other men don’t get it, because I happen to be smart, that’s why I figured it out young, but other men don’t learn until whenever the hell they finally figure it out. For some, it takes a real long time to realize when to speak up.

  • Epsilonicus

    Same here. Ain’t no one pay for shit at my wedding but us. Every wedding I have ever been to (i have been to around 12-15), the couple paid for it.

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