Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

8 Real Reasons Why Black Women Should Date White/Non-Black Men

I jacked this from Madame Noire. A white man wouldn't do that.

I’m convinced that LaShaun Williams and therefore Madame Noire just spoofed Black America. In fact, I’m so convinced of this fact that you cannot convince me otherwise. You could tell me that you have beachfront property in Kansas for sale and I’d believe that before I believed that article was intended to be serious. I’m fairly sure that the author has been told to go f*ck herself so many times in life that she decided to take a chance to piss off the reading ninja massive for sh*ts and giggles.

Plus, as a person who often times writes complete and utter bull malarkey, I know non-sense when I see it. The article, “8 Reasons to  Date a White Man” AKA the article heard around the powder room was pure and utter biship. But then I got to thinking – as a thinker, I’m prone to thinking – and realized that despite her non-sense and clear disdain for Black people, she’s right. Just for all the wrong reasons.

If she was serious, to say that white men aren’t looking for somebody to take care of them because more of them come from stable backgrounds, etc just proves that she’s never watched Ricki Lake, Jerry Springer, or CNN’s White in America series aka The News. Actually, each and every point that she outlines proves that she either has the most selective data pool in history or has only spent her life watching BET and reading Black Tail…and never watched day time television talk shows.

Oh yes, why is she right? It’s common knowledge that Black women should open up their dating pool since Black men have. I love loyalty, it was a great song on GangStarr’s Moment of Truth album, but it pretty must stops there. So as a service and in support of our wayward sister with the really Black name from Madame Noire, here are 8 serious reasons as to why Black women should date non-Black men (I couldn’t just say white, I mean there are at least 2 other races that Black women should consider).

1. Don’t have to worry about anybody using the word swag all the time…or having any of it

I don’t know about you, but I’m so tired of hearing about swagger, so imagine how our women must feel . Dudes running up on them talking about their self-esteem going through the roof and how they got their swag. And since for the most part nobody else has that swag that Black men have and talk about, you can live a life without all that unnecessary charisma and “thing” that Black men have. It’s SO useless.

2. Smaller wangs

I’m a Black dude so I assume the myth is true. Why is this a good thing? Ladies, aren’t some of you tired of getting poked in your stomach every time you and your man get it on? Ulcer my arse. It’s all that Clarence Carter endorsed stroking that you’re doing with your the real Mandingo in the family. If you go date Small Wang, you are in the clear for some concentrated area boning. No more pain. Plus, the walk of shame always looks worse when you got the blowlegged he-stabbed-me-officer walk going on.

3. Less emotional and more logical reactions

As a Black man, I’m required to assume everything that has a possible racial component to it, DOES have a racial component to it. You know who doesn’t think like that? White people and Asians who are considered white people. You can have your mind expanded into a world where its completely plausible that you didn’t get the job because that other person was more qualified. Who wants to sit around and talk about race all day anyway when there’s global warming and Greenpeace to talk about.

4. A movie library that doesn’t include Menace II Society

Face it, you grew up in Chilllicothe, Ohio, not Compton and you don’t understand why people love and glorify this movie. It wasn’t your life and you can’t appreciate it the way that all the “brothas” do. Time to venture out. Who the hell is Mc Eiht anyway, and why is there no “g” in his name? Pishaw.

5. You didn’t go to an HBCU and they didn’t either

Common ground thy name is education. What’s the big deal about homecoming and marching bands anyway?!

6. You like Friends more than A Different World

…what a surprise, so does everybody else! The ability to relate is at the top of everybody’s list and non-Black guys TOTALLY get Friends and Seinfeld and whatever a Bobcat Golthwait is.

7. VSB is generally as Black as you want to get in your life. You can’t do that if you date a Black man.

SAME FOR THEM! Appreciation from afar is not only a motto, it’s a way of life.

8. Only a White man can truly appreciate the depth of The Color Purple

All the Black men you know think its a comedy. Wait, it’s not? Black men don’t understand the plight of the Black woman but a white man can appreciate what you bring to the table unlike any brother really can, as evidenced by his love for The Color Purple (true story). Hey sucka ni**a, wherever you are…you just lost one.

So good people of VSB, while Mrs. Williams article was f*ckery, what are some other real reasons that Black women should date non-Black men?

Help a sista out.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

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Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • tnt_ftw

    first for the first time!

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Congrats. *throws confetti*…we can still celebrate.

      • tnt_ftw

        i was so giddy with excitement, that it felt wrong…thanks for the warm reception!

        oh btw i read the article too. and panama you a fool

        • http://None Josh

          This is insane. I’m so tired of black people both men and women thinking that interracial dating is the answer. You dont see Asian or hispancs etc. Doing this. Running to the same people who destroyed our continent and raped our women creating those freaking bi racial stuck up children. Everytime I see these black interracial sites it sickens me. Without black women black men wouldn’t exist and without a black father and mother a black women wouldn’t exist. this is so retarded!!!! I Wish the media would stop dividing our people. And it’s not that black men our bad it’s just that some black women choose the wrong ones and the good black men wanna keep runin to White trash.

      • tnt_ftw

        i was so giddy with excitement, that it felt wrong…thanks for the warm reception!

        oh btw i read the article too. and panama you a fool

    • http://twitter.com/SmartFoxGirl SmartFoxGirl

      Congrats. *throws confetti*…we can still celebrate.

  • tnt_ftw

    first for the first time!

  • http://www.beezandhunny.com Beez

    I have nothing to add, except a well placed roll across the floor, as laughter tears stream down my face.

    Good job, sir threemerson.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Sir Threemerson is actually a pretty dope name. good job to you as well.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      Sir Threemerson is actually a pretty dope name. good job to you as well.

  • http://www.beezandhunny.com Beez

    I have nothing to add, except a well placed roll across the floor, as laughter tears stream down my face.

    Good job, sir threemerson.

  • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dasher of The Newport Dashers

    I have always treated Black women torture pr0n like Precious, The Color Purple, Beloved, What’s Love Got To Do With It?, and The Jacksons: An American Dream like comedies. It is the only way to be able to watch those films.

    1)Lactose tolerance would be at the top of my list of reasons to date a snow bunny.

    2)The ability to swim.

    3)Appreciation for Robert Johnson(The Blues Man)

    4)The ability to dress up as Power Girl, and having it look right.

    5)Never having to listen to India Arie again.

    • Fivegurl

      Am I the only negro who doesn’t have lactose issues?
      And forget you! India.Arie (please note the name is spelled with a period rather than a space) is the truth!!!

      • 90sgagirl

        @Fivegurl: I don’t have lactose issues! and India.Arie is that ISH!!!!
        the industry doesn’t know what 2 do with people like her, I remember the grammy’s and Alicia Keys walked away with everything, they totally 4got about India, I think skin tone had a lot to do with it, they are both equally talented/beautiful musicians, but could I see India.Arie dating out…idk?? Nawll. you don’t write #Brownskin, to date whiteskin….

      • 90sgagirl

        @Fivegurl: I don’t have lactose issues! and India.Arie is that ISH!!!!
        the industry doesn’t know what 2 do with people like her, I remember the grammy’s and Alicia Keys walked away with everything, they totally 4got about India, I think skin tone had a lot to do with it, they are both equally talented/beautiful musicians, but could I see India.Arie dating out…idk?? Nawll. you don’t write #Brownskin, to date whiteskin….

      • Keisha Brown

        @fivegurl
        im with you. my life would end without cheese. and ice cream. and cheese.
        no lactose intolerancy ovahere!!

      • Keisha Brown

        @fivegurl
        im with you. my life would end without cheese. and ice cream. and cheese.
        no lactose intolerancy ovahere!!

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        I don’t have lactose issues, but I don’t fux too much with milk. Now chocolate milk, I’ll take. Ice cold, please. Andre 3000.

      • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        I don’t have lactose issues, but I don’t fux too much with milk. Now chocolate milk, I’ll take. Ice cold, please. Andre 3000.

      • Scipio Africanus

        Must be that strain of Massa’s cavedwelling blood, because I adore milk like I was getting paid to drink it. Like on some Delta Tau Delta frathouse “CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!!!” type stuff.

        • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

          hey, how old are all of you “no lactose intolerance” people?

          cause umm if your under thirty? you might wanna wait it out fo you proclaim
          your intololerance to the intolerance..

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            Good point, actually.

          • http://www.pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

            Good point, actually.

          • Tonya

            For real. Lactaid is my new best friend.

            • DaGardener

              Forget the white man’s cow poison! I’m all about bean juice but I do hate how it ruins Capt’n Crunch, makes it too sweet and I’m drinking Silk original.

          • Tonya

            For real. Lactaid is my new best friend.

        • http://www.shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

          hey, how old are all of you “no lactose intolerance” people?

          cause umm if your under thirty? you might wanna wait it out fo you proclaim
          your intololerance to the intolerance..

      • Scipio Africanus

        Must be that strain of Massa’s cavedwelling blood, because I adore milk like I was getting paid to drink it. Like on some Delta Tau Delta frathouse “CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!!!” type stuff.

    • Fivegurl

      Am I the only negro who doesn’t have lactose issues?
      And forget you! India.Arie (please note the name is spelled with a period rather than a space) is the truth!!!

    • CrissieD

      India Airie effin sux. I bought one of her albums because I thought I should like her and it sounded like an hour of the same annoying song over and over.

      • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/2010/10/03/revisited-album-reviews/ Dasher of The Newport Dashers

        I have always had a lot of disdain for India.Arie because she shamelessly panders to women’s issues about colorism. Her music lacks dynamism, and tends to sound the same. India having a signature sound would not be an issue if her sound was unique in anyway. If I wanted to listen to someone aping Sheryl Crow, I would listen Sheryl Crow.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          her first album was dope. plus, i thought she was the most self-aware woman on the planet with the song about not being the average girl in the video. i was like finally a chick who knows she’s not cute and is singing about it. how refreshing.

          • Journee

            LMAO!!!!!!

          • Journee

            LMAO!!!!!!

          • Yonnie 3000

            LMAO! This is NOT what the song was about!

          • Yonnie 3000

            LMAO! This is NOT what the song was about!

          • Scipio Africanus

            The thing about India is that she’s overall at least basically decent-looking, and her body is way past tight, and I have no choice to believe that she knows she’s not this ugly girl that she’s acts like. That’s the reason I kind of dislike her. Her self-pity needs way more people.

          • Scipio Africanus

            The thing about India is that she’s overall at least basically decent-looking, and her body is way past tight, and I have no choice to believe that she knows she’s not this ugly girl that she’s acts like. That’s the reason I kind of dislike her. Her self-pity needs way more people.

          • http://www.shesoflyy.com Muze

            i hate you for making my side hurt this morning.

          • http://www.shesoflyy.com Muze

            i hate you for making my side hurt this morning.

          • Alvin

            That may be the greatest backhanded compliment of all time.

          • Alvin

            That may be the greatest backhanded compliment of all time.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          her first album was dope. plus, i thought she was the most self-aware woman on the planet with the song about not being the average girl in the video. i was like finally a chick who knows she’s not cute and is singing about it. how refreshing.

      • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/2010/10/03/revisited-album-reviews/ Dasher of The Newport Dashers

        I have always had a lot of disdain for India.Arie because she shamelessly panders to women’s issues about colorism. Her music lacks dynamism, and tends to sound the same. India having a signature sound would not be an issue if her sound was unique in anyway. If I wanted to listen to someone aping Sheryl Crow, I would listen Sheryl Crow.

    • CrissieD

      India Airie effin sux. I bought one of her albums because I thought I should like her and it sounded like an hour of the same annoying song over and over.

    • http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young

      I strangely want to see number 4 pulled off properly. Somebody give Christina Hendricks or Scarlett and the Johanssons a power girl costume and a blond wig.

      • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dasher of The Newport Dashers

        Scarlett is too down syndrome in the face for her to pull of Power Girl.

        • http://uphereoncloud9.wordpress.com/ Wu Young

          “Scarlett is too down syndrome in the face for her to pull of Power Girl.”

          That my friend was colder than a pimp’s heart.

        • http://uphereoncloud9.wordpress.com/ Wu Young

          “Scarlett is too down syndrome in the face for her to pull of Power Girl.”

          That my friend was colder than a pimp’s heart.

      • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dasher of The Newport Dashers

        Scarlett is too down syndrome in the face for her to pull of Power Girl.

    • http://uphereoncloud9.com/ Wu Young

      I strangely want to see number 4 pulled off properly. Somebody give Christina Hendricks or Scarlett and the Johanssons a power girl costume and a blond wig.

    • thebagladywhobrokeherback

      question: how would her lactose tolerance benefit you?

      • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/2010/10/03/revisited-album-reviews/ Dasher of The Newport Dashers

        Not having to deal with someone else’s lactose intolerance related stealth emissions would be a nice change of pace.

      • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/2010/10/03/revisited-album-reviews/ Dasher of The Newport Dashers

        Not having to deal with someone else’s lactose intolerance related stealth emissions would be a nice change of pace.

    • thebagladywhobrokeherback

      question: how would her lactose tolerance benefit you?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      You know, I don’t like India.Arie either but the more I think about it, I don’t even remember why. Sure her pretentiousness annoys me but her first album was dope as hell. Oh yes, I’m remembering, it was after she lost all those grammy’s to Alicia Beatz Keys (new name? – i mean it still works if you think about it) and she started making paint-by-the-numbers songs like “little things” where she shoots videos where she’s doing a talk show and a ladybug distracts her into giddyness and sh*t. yes, i’m fairly sure that’s where i started to really unlike her.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      You know, I don’t like India.Arie either but the more I think about it, I don’t even remember why. Sure her pretentiousness annoys me but her first album was dope as hell. Oh yes, I’m remembering, it was after she lost all those grammy’s to Alicia Beatz Keys (new name? – i mean it still works if you think about it) and she started making paint-by-the-numbers songs like “little things” where she shoots videos where she’s doing a talk show and a ladybug distracts her into giddyness and sh*t. yes, i’m fairly sure that’s where i started to really unlike her.

  • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dasher of The Newport Dashers

    I have always treated Black women torture pr0n like Precious, The Color Purple, Beloved, What’s Love Got To Do With It?, and The Jacksons: An American Dream like comedies. It is the only way to be able to watch those films.

    1)Lactose tolerance would be at the top of my list of reasons to date a snow bunny.

    2)The ability to swim.

    3)Appreciation for Robert Johnson(The Blues Man)

    4)The ability to dress up as Power Girl, and having it look right.

    5)Never having to listen to India Arie again.

  • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson

    Idk blogging brethren. I thought the article in question was spot on accurate…

    o_O

    In an alternate universe that is.

    I don’t got nothing else at the moment. This topic gives me a headache so I’ll sleep on it and return with a reason(s) I should tell Black women to go elsewhere.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I was kind of surprised by the uproar. As soon as I read her first bullet I was like, oh, shes joking. this has to be a spoof. She cant possibly be writing this as a real contribution to the discussion. then i figured maybe she went to the Panama Jackson school of Pissing People Off (we’re accepting applications for the spring semester now).

      or maybe she hates her mother. and malcolm x. i dont know.

      • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson aka Still Big Meech

        Part of me thinks this was written to be inflammatory and create a storm of traffic. It has indeed done exactly that. It’d be funny if a few days from now she did another post saying it was a spoof just to create dialogue amongst people like ourselves.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          i think we call that, pulling a Touré

          • Darrkman

            Yo what is up with Toure’?? Does that brotha really think he’s the voice of Black America?? I think he’s starting to believe the BS his little Twitter sycophants feed him.

            Dman I found a way to work sycophants into a sentence….VSB is making ME smarter.

            • http://www.somethingaboutata.blogspot.com Muze

              i was about to comment on your use of the word when i read it. good job. #wordnerd

            • http://www.somethingaboutata.blogspot.com Muze

              i was about to comment on your use of the word when i read it. good job. #wordnerd

            • tgtaggie

              I think Touré married this bad Lebanese chick. I’m talking about Keri Hilson bad. I think he believe he is the voice of Black America like Tavis Smiley was a couple of years ago. Before Tavis (who showed obvious bias in the Dem. primaries) started to criticize then presidential candidate Obama.

              • Nic

                Who is Toure?

              • Nic

                Who is Toure?

            • tgtaggie

              I think Touré married this bad Lebanese chick. I’m talking about Keri Hilson bad. I think he believe he is the voice of Black America like Tavis Smiley was a couple of years ago. Before Tavis (who showed obvious bias in the Dem. primaries) started to criticize then presidential candidate Obama.

          • Darrkman

            Yo what is up with Toure’?? Does that brotha really think he’s the voice of Black America?? I think he’s starting to believe the BS his little Twitter sycophants feed him.

            Dman I found a way to work sycophants into a sentence….VSB is making ME smarter.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          i think we call that, pulling a Touré

      • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson aka Still Big Meech

        Part of me thinks this was written to be inflammatory and create a storm of traffic. It has indeed done exactly that. It’d be funny if a few days from now she did another post saying it was a spoof just to create dialogue amongst people like ourselves.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      I was kind of surprised by the uproar. As soon as I read her first bullet I was like, oh, shes joking. this has to be a spoof. She cant possibly be writing this as a real contribution to the discussion. then i figured maybe she went to the Panama Jackson school of Pissing People Off (we’re accepting applications for the spring semester now).

      or maybe she hates her mother. and malcolm x. i dont know.

  • http://www.threewaystotakeit.com Slim Jackson

    Idk blogging brethren. I thought the article in question was spot on accurate…

    o_O

    In an alternate universe that is.

    I don’t got nothing else at the moment. This topic gives me a headache so I’ll sleep on it and return with a reason(s) I should tell Black women to go elsewhere.

  • http://twitter.com/essbreezy Summer

    #9. For the sake of natural hair: A non-black man thinks your natural/nappy hair is really cool, neat, interesting, (insert positive but non-descript adjective) and not… well… nappy. Twists-in, twist-out, wash-and-go, hey whatever! He has no idea when you actually need to get your hair done. It all looks the same to him — really awesome!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      don’t believe that sh*t. white man or dark man, EVERYBODY knows a f*cked up hairdo when they see one. he might not know what to call it, but he knows you need to do something to that uncoiffed f*ckery you might have on your head.

      btw, i know beaucoup ninjas who love natural hair. nappy on the other hand…then again, i’ve learned that what women consider nappy could be some sh*t that y’all got done at the beauty shop that men just consider “natural”. it’s like nappy is a way of life under which natural is part of the puzzle or something.

      im sexxy.

      • JessicaL

        “don’t believe that sh*t. white man or dark man, EVERYBODY knows a f*cked up hairdo when they see one. he might not know what to call it, but he knows you need to do something to that uncoiffed f*ckery you might have on your head.”

        You just got me in trouble for laughing at that.

      • JessicaL

        “don’t believe that sh*t. white man or dark man, EVERYBODY knows a f*cked up hairdo when they see one. he might not know what to call it, but he knows you need to do something to that uncoiffed f*ckery you might have on your head.”

        You just got me in trouble for laughing at that.

      • http://twitter.com/essbreezybaby summer

        bwahahaha! dang, you came at me with the HARSHness. lol.

        tough love comment posting ass.

        “uncoiffed f*ckery”? Wowwww, lol. Niiice.

        So, basically, whatchu sayin is, I need to go back and side-eye all those people of non-color who said my hair was awesome when I knew it was shot out?

        and yeah, i’ve been happily nappy for 3+ years. I used it here instead of natural ’cause we’re all family. I love my kinky curls!

        So um, *ahem* where are all these “beaucoup ninjas who love natural hair” of whom you speak?? *fluffs fro Mae West style*

        Good post btw.

        • morningjoi

          They’re in Los Angeles.

        • morningjoi

          They’re in Los Angeles.

      • http://twitter.com/essbreezybaby summer

        bwahahaha! dang, you came at me with the HARSHness. lol.

        tough love comment posting ass.

        “uncoiffed f*ckery”? Wowwww, lol. Niiice.

        So, basically, whatchu sayin is, I need to go back and side-eye all those people of non-color who said my hair was awesome when I knew it was shot out?

        and yeah, i’ve been happily nappy for 3+ years. I used it here instead of natural ’cause we’re all family. I love my kinky curls!

        So um, *ahem* where are all these “beaucoup ninjas who love natural hair” of whom you speak?? *fluffs fro Mae West style*

        Good post btw.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      don’t believe that sh*t. white man or dark man, EVERYBODY knows a f*cked up hairdo when they see one. he might not know what to call it, but he knows you need to do something to that uncoiffed f*ckery you might have on your head.

      btw, i know beaucoup ninjas who love natural hair. nappy on the other hand…then again, i’ve learned that what women consider nappy could be some sh*t that y’all got done at the beauty shop that men just consider “natural”. it’s like nappy is a way of life under which natural is part of the puzzle or something.

      im sexxy.

    • dudette

      That also goes for weaves. I always see the scariest looking weaves on women who date non-black guys. They really don’t notice. I bet they can’t even tell it’s a weave.

      • JessicaL

        OMG! Yes!

      • JessicaL

        OMG! Yes!

    • dudette

      That also goes for weaves. I always see the scariest looking weaves on women who date non-black guys. They really don’t notice. I bet they can’t even tell it’s a weave.

  • http://twitter.com/essbreezy Summer

    #9. For the sake of natural hair: A non-black man thinks your natural/nappy hair is really cool, neat, interesting, (insert positive but non-descript adjective) and not… well… nappy. Twists-in, twist-out, wash-and-go, hey whatever! He has no idea when you actually need to get your hair done. It all looks the same to him — really awesome!

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