although i know most many of us will stick it out with an aint sh*t chick as long as her medulla’s mean and she stays extra right in her jeans, i’ve seen too many relatively good dudes wasting their time with them to stay quiet any longer.
swayed by a great smile, a sexy voice, a top-notch ride game, or that bomb-ass tomato sauce she always seems to make when she’s on her period, we have a tendency to be so entranced by the view at the beach that we fail to realize all of the fish are dead.
while our friends at the frisky have already named 13 signs that she’s a loser, to stop this madness and save the sea animals and sh*t, the champ has decided to share sevennine women to avoid at all costs. hopefully those of us lusting over aint sh*t chicks will stop daydreaming about her impressive boobage long enough to listen
1. ms. her friends aint sh*t
aint sh*t chicks run in packs, like wild wolves and jaded hispanics. basically, if at least half of her girlfriends could have easily auditioned for the love of ray j, she’s definitely more likely to be nivea than tamia.
2. ms. outrageous ultimatums (MOUS)
- damn you and your mesmerizing hips
in college, influenced by an ass-to-waist ratio rivaling free’s, i once let an MOUS strong arm me into choosing her over a close high school friend who i hadn’t even seen in two years, just because she found out that the friend and i played “hide the tongue” a couple times in the summer of 1998 and 1999
the friend and i haven’t spoken since. the MOUS? two words: cat lady
3. ms. missing father figure
i know its not her fault that her dad had more miscellaneous seeds than shawn kemp. i also know that its not a turtles fault that its slower than southern math, but you dont see me out there baggage tortoises either.
4. ms. type a
the single worst bi-product of the obama era is the fact that the obama’s marriage has given all the type a chicks and dudes seeing type a chicks hope that things can eventually work out, failing to realize that their successful relationship is the exception, not the rule.
by definition, type a’s are “impatient, time-conscious, concerned about their status, highly competitive, ambitious, business-like, aggressive, having difficulty relaxing; and are sometimes disliked by individuals with type b personalties for the way that they’re always rushing”.
basically, a longwindedly politically correct way of saying “perpetually unhappy, evil b*tches”.
5. ms. zero to sixty in less than three
being conditioned to accept that women are highly irrational emotional beings has led many of us to excuse clearly bipolar behavior under the guise of “she’s a woman. its ok“, nevermind the time when you were three minutes late for picking her up from work and she stabbed you in the shoulder with a nail file or the time you told her she “looked nice” and she bawled uncontrollably for seventeen consecutive minutes until she fainted, she a woman, so its ok.
6. ms. i suck at life
i’ll admit, there’s a certain allure in dealing with women whose lives are a series of unfortunate events. it gives you the opportunity to play ironman while letting your dramalessness be an aphrodisiac. theres a reason chicks whose lives are a mess are usually the best in bed.
still, eventually the trials and tribulations of her life will affect you, and each of your days will become a scene from “final destination 3″, you unsuccessfully trying to avoid the ever approaching deathgrip of sh*ttyness that is her life
7. ms. i usually don’t date guys like you
there’s a reason for that. the rest of the “guys like you” were smart enough to run the f*ck away when they saw her coming
8. ms. batsh*t
although we covered them a bit more extensively already, i wanted to include this just to remind everyone that pulling a jasmine sullivan might get you dead
9. ms pretentious piece of sh*t (PPOS)
i have absolutely nothing witty or insightful to say. they need to perish, so just please stop f*cking them.
i know i’m forgetting a few. any additions?
—-the champ
LMAO. This post was funny as sh*t.
And whew. I’m not on the list.
@chaoticdiva,
So girl, washhyoonumma???
@Officer Ricky,
The question is…if I gave it to you, would you be able to handle all this quality woman-ness? lol…
let my crazy ass stop.
@chaoticdiva,
LOL! that’s what I was thinkin the whole time. I mean – i DO have a friend that aint sh*t… but that’s just one of many, and we don’t hang much. so ha!
@chaoticdiva, LOL right? I’m not on this list neither.
Nope. Not me. Mmmhmm….
@chaoticdiva,
I wonder how many women are on this list, but are in denial that they’re on this list. LOL!!
@Monk,
As do I
@8th Wonder, *snicker*
@Monk,
yeah, i think a few of our dear vss’s need a couple more people
@The Champ,
Is “a few” the new “a lot”? Just asking…
@Monk, “Is “a few” the new “a lot”? Just asking…”
^That made me chuckle.
As far as the list itself, I might identify with # 5 sometimes. Don’t judge me! (LOL) When I DO snap, it’s usually a good reason.
@The Champ, yo mama needs more people.
@Miss Patterson,
awwwwwww shiii
@Miss Patterson,
LMFAO. She Skip Gates-ed YOU!
@The Champ,
lol
It’s just SEVEN qualities. Us VSSs are complex and varied.
In other words, you’re gonna have to do a list of 535 qualities for us to admitting being on the list.
@Cheekie,
Basically.
@Cheekie,
complex and varied = crazy
@Deviant,
LOL, hush.
And by “varied”…I meant there are a variety of VSS personalities up in here that can’t be summed up with
79 bullet points. So, don’t act like it’s not possible to not be one of the girls in this wittle list.I didn’t mean “varied” as in borderline multiple personality disorder just in case there was any confusing there…lol
@Cheekie,
I wasn’t confused. I stand by my comment. Yall crazy.
This list cant include all the women here. Some of yall have to be good ones…at least 1 or 2.
@Cheekie,
“I stand by my comment. Yall crazy.”
Actually, you should SADDOWN by your comment.
6. mr. i suck at life
still, eventually the trials and tribulations of her life will affect you, and each of your days will become a scene from “final destination 3?, you unsuccessfully trying to avoid the ever approaching deathgrip of sh*ttyness that is his life
*flashback*
………………….
*twitching*
co-sign, lool. i’ll be back with my own in the am.
@overitloveswednesdays,
6. mr. i suck at life
ummm, i dont care how much you love wednesdays, like the mcdonalds value meals, no substitutions are allowed here
@The Champ,
lmao @ “i dont care how much you love wednesdays”
BOOOOOO! i think im number sex i mean six.
@adopefiend,
you freely admit this? *sad face*
@blackberry molasses,
I totally can respect adopefiend for admitting this. A lot better than possessing these traits and lieing to yourself.
@Monk,
indeed
@BlackBerry Molasses,
I’m working on it promise.
First step to rehabilitation is acknowledgement of the problem. lol
@adopefiend,
***trying my damnedest not to take my cape out of the closet***
@The Champ,
lol. what if she don’t wanna be saved?
@charli skipper,
nawwwwwwwww i wanna be saved. Save me SuperChamp!
@Dope Fiend,
I know, right? Deep down, we all wanna be saved. And I don’t trust any wanch that says otherwise.
ms. egotistic(she’s got a big ego)–too big, too wide, too strong, it won’t fit. this is the type of female who thinks everyone, including her man, should feel blessed that she has honored them with her presence. she thinks the wet spot is like holy water, and her man should feel blessed to lie in that spot all night absorbing all of the greatness that is she. humility is not in her vocabulary…the beatitudes were not written for her. she thinks she is the best at everything, thinks she is the best woman you will ever have a chance of being with, and she knows that she can change and save you, even if you don’t want to be saved. stay away my very smart brothas…stay away.
@N.I.A. happyhumpday!!!, I skates like bounced rocks from that broad…ev-ree sing-o tom!
@N.I.A. happyhumpday!!!,
I think my b*tchassness radar is accurate as ever thanks to VSB dedication to crime fighting and people like you. I have thankfully not met miss ego in a loooooong time.
@Officer Ricky,
I think my b*tchassness radar is accurate as ever thanks to VSB dedication to crime fighting and people like you
this makes me smile and sh*t
@N.I.A. happyhumpday!!!, “too big, too wide, too strong, it won’t fit ”
LMAO.. Lovin’ your use of the lyrics here.
Call me Luke Skywalker: Red 5, I’m going in…but first:
that bomb-ass tomato sauce she always seems to make when she’s on her period
That image is so iCan’t…
Anyways, on the types you named off:
1. That is the last ex-factor. Little miss thang talks about the snobbery of her two closest girls, but it runs deep in her like uteri. Extremely stuck-up. And swears that is not a fatal flaw of hers.
2. OK, wasn’t exactly a real ultimatum, but I did let that first real gf (then-ex) kinda persuade me to cut off a Belizean chick I was seeing and take her back (the argument: “known me for a year vs. her three weeks”). All this off a visit that led to suckling. What might have been…with either one of them. But hey, I was 21…live and learn (c) Joe Public.
3. Can’t stand dad-haters. I known too many of those (little miss thang, known from here on out as LMT, included). If it’s too much of a sore spot, she will be guaranteed to have issues with me as a father if we crank one out together.
4. Generally didn’t get along with those women enough to make anything real jump off.
5. Sounds also like that chick that just wanna be mad all the time. LMT had traces of it.
6. If the fifis can say “I can do bad all by myself,” we can too. So it’s only 33-1/3% gay. Because someone who complains about her billion problems and doesn’t seem to be progressing in solving them is a drain after so long, which durb can’t cure (see LMT again).
My types to steer clear of:
-Those who don’t know how to get along with their own family. Holds grudges and always complains about them. As if they can never find a way to work it out. Just gon’ be bitter the rest of they damn lives. So my kids will never know that side, or at best a limited amount of the fam. No.
-Clingy control freak. A man needs to be allowed to be a man. Yes, this is vice versa for the girls. If you love somebody, set them free (c) Sting. Stop with the attempts to make someone submit, let them naturally choose to have you as their filter of life.
-Girls who live by “do I look fat in this dress?” questions. She’s pretty much the likes-to-fight type and has self-esteem issues to boot, quite a poisonous concoction. I know iCan’t with her, but you can play with her at your own risk.
-Chicks that disrespect your house. Her place is spotless, but she has the nerve to leave her trash behind every single time she comes over, for example. Got the nerve to pop over whenever too. Same one who tries to mark her territory with draws, her toothbrush, pad wrappers, etc.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
…are you happier with today’s topic? Lol *tee hee*
@Smiley Face,
LOL!!!!
@Smiley Face,
*snicker*
@all of the above so far (before this gets out of hand),
All I learned yesterday was that one runs a great risk of getting on too many bad sides and ruining a reputation and a brand by speaking out of turn. Definitely gonna watch it in the future.
And am I happier with today’s topic? Slightly…
OK, I’m ecstatic.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“OK, I’m ecstatic.”
I knew it.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
No, no. Feel free to speak out of turn. We’re all about freedom of speech and sh*t.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“OK, I’m ecstatic.”
mmhhhhmmmmmm….LMAO!!!
@Smiley Face,
LOL…when I was reading this post, I was looking for The Champ to put “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW STUFF GHETTO PEOPLE LIKE?!”. Possibly with a strikethrough tag? Maybe as a footnote?
Moral learned from Stuff Ghetto People Like: If you complain about brothas getting the sh*tty end of the deal, the blog writer will treat you with the quickness, but then next day you’ll still get the results you wanted. Now that’s brothahood.
@Cheekie,
zactly! lol…I couldn’t resist!!
@Cheekie,
Moral learned from Stuff Ghetto People Like: If you complain about brothas getting the sh*tty end of the deal, the blog writer will treat you with the quickness, but then next day you’ll still get the results you wanted. Now that’s brothahood.
although his complaint yesterday wasn’t the impetus behind this entry, i still feel like a sell-out and sh*t.
damn blogging principles
@The Champ,
It’s aiight, Champ. You’re the people’s Champ, thus you are for the people.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Um, what’s with ladies being in the hot seat in your post?!!
*giggling*
OK, don’t have me get all “Ice Cube’s first two albums” on y’all ninjettes….
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Go for it.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Please, I beg you.
Do.It.
I know you’re feelin’ froggy today… so JUMP.
@BlackBerry Molasses, I might be paying for yesterday the rest of the week on this site….smh….
@SGPL,
Nah…. just till 1:48 PM Eastern.
Its all love from The Molasses One. I can’t never turn off my snark.
I like you. “…you’re a baddy daddy lamatai tebby chai!”
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
lol…it’s all love shugahsnap, but you HAD to know somebody was gon say something, lol
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Yeah, go for it. *Ice Cue Voice* Yeah-yeah-eee!
And you WILL pay for this the rest of the week. You know how VSB runs ish to the ground*.
*running ish to the ground is 4% gay.
@Cheekie,
“And you WILL pay for this the rest of the week. You know how VSB runs ish to the ground*.”
*giggling*
It might be the rest of the month.
Pedestal Patty (Google her) … It’s the chick who thinks she’s too good for everyone, but wonders why she can’t find a man… Yet won’t realize that she’s the biggest part of the problem… Stay clear. Trust me.
And the worst one on this list is “miss missing father figure.” I hate saying that, but the woman who has that complex the worst might be one the most effed up persons you can date. They tend to take a lot of stuff out on you … Never again.
@thismayconcernyou,
And the worst one on this list is “miss missing father figure.” I hate saying that, but the woman who has that complex the worst might be one the most effed up persons you can date. They tend to take a lot of stuff out on you … Never again.
Maaaaan, this missing father figure sh*t is getting to your boy. I finally got my certification in this arena and BOY can I tell you how true it is.. the trust issues are a motherload, who wants to deal with that? I’m sorry, I’ve had a fair share of family issues but i think it gets shady after a damn while when you can’t get the f*ck on with life.
@Officer Ricky,
If the father is present it can be just as bad. If their father treated them like princesses and never held them accountable for anything it can be just as bad.
@Humble_One,
I agree with this one, too … this is Pedestal Patty in her finest hour.
@thismayconcernyou,
Co-sign.
@thismayconcernyou,
Pedestal Patty keeps calling me! I let a date answer my phone and she keeps calling. I need to off this broad.
Ms. Missing Father figure-Unfortunately, there is an entire generation of these women out there who are doomed to be single for the rest of their lives due to issues the have accrued from a situation they had no control over. Well…SOMEbody gotta be mistresses and concubines (shrugs)
Bond.
@BlkBond,
“Well…SOMEbody gotta be mistresses and concubines (shrugs)”
LMAO!!!
@BlkBond,
Two words: Restraining Order.
@BlkBond,
“Well…SOMEbody gotta be mistresses and concubines (shrugs)”
True! God bless the ones that step into that role. Ya gotta know the indecent to know the decent. Word to Mr. Ying and Mr. Yang.
@BlkBond,
“Well…SOMEbody gotta be mistresses and concubines (shrugs)”
Yep! Know your role.
@miss t-lee,
And play your position, dammit.
Too many people out there trying to play above position!
To them I say.. SADDDOWN.
@BlkBond,
Well…SOMEbody gotta be mistresses and concubines
this is true. everyone has a role and sh*t
“theres a reason chicks whose lives are a mess are usually the best in bed.”
….wowww, just wow!! smh
@AO aka MrBackfromtheBrink,
Surely you don’t disagree…
Venus Fly Traps apparently smell delicious to the unsuspecting bugs and small animals unlucky enough to try to taste it…
I think you see the connection.
@AO aka MrBackfromtheBrink,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
What about the crazy chick? (I’m actually posting about this tomorrow) You fellas know you try and overlook the crazy in favor of the good cupcakes until she’s standing outside your house wearing night-vision goggles waving a gas can… All of sudden ya’ll are like… This B* is crazy! All that freaky-deaky manic set it off stuff she did in bed translates poorly when the crazy kicks in … I’m just sayin’
The over-attentive, super jealous chick (which leads to restraining type crazy named above). The woman who stalks you across Facebook and Twitter, texts 10 times a days and freaks out when you haven’t called her back all day. That girl who wants to know where you are going and why it took you so long to get back from the gym. She listens to your voicemails when you leave the house, she has rifled your dresser drawers. She is positive you are cheating or getting ready to cheat. Just run fellas… fast, far and free.
@OneChele, I stopped at night vision goggles.
@OneChele,
What about the crazy chick?
i wrote about the crazies a few months ago and sh*t.
you know what, i think i’m gonna add it to the entry
@OneChele,
“The woman who stalks you across Facebook and Twitter, texts 10 times a days and freaks out when you haven’t called her back all day. That girl who wants to know where you are going and why it took you so long to get back from the gym. ”
yes lawd.
this trait in a man has to be even more frowned upon than in a woman.
then homeboy wants to kno why he hears men in the background….
i’m at the gym, trick, what do u expect?!?
but neways we goin in on women today, so i will co-sign hating the brawds who are forever whale failing and not doing anything about it or their pessimistic views on their situations. and when u make a suggestion they immejiately shut it down saying there’s no way they can work.
it’s called “trying”.
Ya’ll fellas are just looking way way too deep into this sh*t.
The ultimate deal breaker has got to be the girl who BEGS and just doesn’t understand that NO means NO. LAWDAVMERCY! I think there is nothing more unattractive than a girl who begs for your time and attention in a hardy way. She just doesn’t get your not into her or doesnt want to see it. She is with the thickness.
I’ll take the baby daddy(lying) and ms.type a(still lying) or whatever over a lil miss dun dun any day!
@Officer Ricky,
Does “In a Hardy Way” mean she begs as she solves small neighborhood crimes? I’m confused.
@Officer Ricky,
*nodding head*
Yep, begging chicks are bad. Bad as in bad, not bad meaning good.
Ms Woman Hater. The type of girl who can’t get along with other women to save her life. She claims that they are all backstabbing heffers but really this is just a reflection of her own slapper like tendencies and uber b*tchiness. Beware gentleman- a girl who can’t have a healthy relationship with her own sisters will never be able to have one with the opposite sex!
@Quark,
Word. Hmmm – “slapper-like” tendencies reminds me of Sorority Life. I like it.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Neckbones,
that show was a hot mess
@Quark, ” a girl who can’t have a healthy relationship with her own sisters will never be able to have one with the opposite sex!”
I agree, Dr. Quark (psycholo-gizing deez h*es)
@Quark,
Beware gentleman- a girl who can’t have a healthy relationship with her own sisters will never be able to have one with the opposite sex!
yeah, this is one of the signs that you’re an evil b*tch
ROFLMAO! This was waaay too funny. But let’s not forget that Ms. I Suck at Life would die out if she wasn’t being enabled by Captain Save-a-Hoe, who can’t resist a damsel in distress even when she’s got more baggage than the Titanic’s cargo hold.
@PeachyKeen,
Damn right.
The problem with Ms. I suck at life, especially when you’re like me and tend to love the allure of the 22-25 year old hard-bodied freshly out of college sex kittens, is that they’re very likely to be in that mold… Especially in this the age of no parental whoopins and even less accountability…
What about Internet Celebrity? Can we put that one on the list?
I’m cleaning out my closet, cot dammut.
@Dante_Alexander,
I’m cleaning out my closet, cot dammut.
Aight Marshall Mathers, I see u. That was durty what you did to Mariah. HI-F*CKIN-LARIOUS, but durty.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
I would love nothing more than to air out the pretty ladies in the life of D2A sometimes. But I refrain. I’m not a vindictive chick who dated Bill Maher and Corrupted Eddie Winslow.
I’m a dude. And dudes don’t do that. Unless they lack testicular fortitude…
@PeachyKeen,
But let’s not forget that Ms. I Suck at Life would die out if she wasn’t being enabled by Captain Save-a-Hoe, who can’t resist a damsel in distress even when she’s got more baggage than the Titanic’s cargo hold.
this is true. they’re like the cheech and chong of sh*tty-ass codependency.
So funny I come across this cuz I went to the police station yesterday filing out a report to get a restraining order from a broad who fits ALL SEVEN OF THESE.
I thank Jesus for rescuing me from the flames before they burned my skin…and my car.
@TC,
All seven?! Pray for you!
@TC,
You should be happy you made it out of that one alive…..or at least with all the essential body parts. All 7 is the type of chick that’ll get you killed.
@TC,
You’re lucky you didn’t end up like this kat.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1204038/Scorned-lovers-use-superglue-exact-revenge-cheating-man.html
@TC,
welcome and sh*t, and please post a pic of that chick so we know who the f*ck to
stone in publicavoidMs. Bridezilla – there are 2 types of Bridezilla’s as outlined below:
Type I is the girl who mantra is “He will marry me” with EVERY dude she dates and will put the guy on the spot about marrying her all the time. And will eventually lower the boom in the form of an ultimatum, which usually leads to her starting the process all over with the next guy.
Type II is the girl who could star on the WeTV show Bridezillas. I blame that show for scaring dude’s out of getting married. If an otherwise sane girl can go completely batsh!t over a wedding I wouldn’t be in any rush to jump the broom either. BTW is it me or has every husband-to-be on the show has a serious ball deficiency?
For my next selection I’ll pick the “Yvette” type. You know the girl who jumps bad in her man’s face GOING IN and LETTING HAVE and is not pleased until she is on the bed crying “Joooodddyyy”.
Last I’d like to present the Drama Queen/Reckless Chick. Yup she’s got your nose wide open (no Mario). So much so that when you guys go out and she’s all over the next man thereby causing a heated argument resulting in the only threesome that involves fully clothed people ending up with misdemeanor charges filed, jail time, and fines. Another example would be the girl who pops off at the mouth incessantly and then gets her man to “eff you up!” and/or pops off at the mouth to her man berating him mercilessly. All of that frustration is going to go somewhere and it just might be upside yo head.
***aside*** there is no excuse for violence in any relationship and if violence is the only option you can think of I’d like to offer another….walking away. ***End aside***
Honorable Celebrity mentions: Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Stephon Marbury, Lil’ Wayne, Lady Gaga, and Jackie Christie. LOL.
@Nola Darling,
BTW is it me or has every husband-to-be on the show has a serious ball deficiency?
Um…I’m starting to think this show is staged like Jerry Springer. Why are these b*tches so mean!? That’s not cute at all. And they’re always ugly. That’s not cute at all. And then, how you gon’ be bridezilla over some dumb ish but you ain’t got no (yes. aint got no.) wedding shoes and your wedding hair ain’t set!? These are the dumbest wanches. If I’m bridezilla about anything, it’s making sure I’m the flyest bride ever. Ugh, I digress and all, but….I just have this strong love/hate for that show…
In conclusion, yes. I cosign the whole “avoid bridezillas” advice.
@charli skipper,
“BTW is it me or has every husband-to-be on the show has a serious ball deficiency?”
Nope, it’s not just you. Those dudes make Lance Armstrong look like Shaft.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Neckbones, LMAO!!! Exactly… and I also wonder why are the friends LETTING THEM talk to them like that? If my friend told me that she is only letting girls uglier than her (I seen that forreal) come to her bachelorette party, I’m whooping arse.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“and I also wonder why are the friends LETTING THEM talk to them like that?”
Girl, I know! Let one of them heffas act a fool with me and I’m tryna HELP? That show would have to be renamed RedBeanz-Zilla forreal, lol. Ungrateful broads. It makes you wonder why their fiances’ even want them. SMH.
@charli skipper,
And they’re always ugly. That’s not cute at all.
lol, thanks captain obvious
@Nola Darling,
got your nose wide open (no Mario).
iReallyCan’t with some of y’all today….
um…wait a minute. so which one is robin givens?
@charli skipper,
All of them.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Neckbones,
*dead*
@RedBeanzNRice w/Neckbones,
Was definitely gonna say that… hahahaha
@charli skipper,
i’m thinking 2, 4, 7, 8, and 9.
and men should avoid the woman that thinks she’s too good for you. she’s closely related to ms. “i usually don’t date guys like you,” and nothing you do for her will be enough because she thinks she’s entitled to it.
@charli skipper,
***nodding head and sh*t***
I guess I have some…
Ms. “Bad Bitch.” Pretty much the woman who thinks she’s the greatest thing on earth, partially BECAUSE of the level of ghettoness and unfeminine tendencies she has. Is liable to have six children by seven different fathers, some sort of inappropriate tattoo which will no doubt prevent her from getting a job, and curse like a sailor while not only knowing she does but fully believing it is attractive somehow. Likely to have the mentality of a fourteen-year-old and/or listen to more Trina/Nikki Minaj/etc. than anyone ever should. Ever.
and…
Ms. I Don’t Know Why I’m Dating You. Sort of like number seven, only a little worse in that she’ll not only flippantly make the comment as if to protect herself, but will constantly repeat that she doesn’t know why she’s doing this as if your entire relationship is a drunken one-night stand. Will also make implications that the relationship is unhealthy and that you are subpar. Will likely have an attitude for NO reason at random times, which, luckily, will likely be the only time she isn’t complaining about dating you. She’ll just complain about everything else then and continue to dog you out to her girls later like she’s been doing the whole time.
and…
One in three women who listen to Keyshia Cole on a regular basis. Chya.
@Purplenat,
“Is liable to have six children by seven different fathers…”
Ok, THAT was funny! *chuckling*
@Purplenat,
“Is liable to have six children by seven different fathers…”
*cackle*
@Purplenat, and Ms. I Don’t Know Why I’m Dating You is the MAIN one who won’t simply pick up and leave.
@Purplenat,
Ms. “Bad Bitch.” Pretty much the woman who thinks she’s the greatest thing on earth, partially BECAUSE of the level of ghettoness and unfeminine tendencies she has. Is liable to have six children by seven different fathers, some sort of inappropriate tattoo which will no doubt prevent her from getting a job, and curse like a sailor while not only knowing she does but fully believing it is attractive somehow. Likely to have the mentality of a fourteen-year-old and/or listen to more Trina/Nikki Minaj/etc. than anyone ever should. Ever.
these women are scarier than birthers, midgets, gonorrhea, and “phantasm 2″ combined
Ms. Strong- By gyrating her neck, speaking in loud tones, profane language, and challenging everything from the restaurant choice to the Earth’s rotation…she believes she is showing charateristics of inner strength. Sit down before I show you what Ike Turner strong sounds and feels like…lol
The Swan-This girl was busted as f*kc. Now she looks nice. She will take every moment to relish in the fact that she has come into her own and everyone (including you) should recognize that. Completely oblivious to the fact that you cannot relate because you were ALWAYS popular, outgoing, and attractive-as noted by the trophies, awards, photos, homecoming court, class favorites, recognition, yearbook signatures, etc. that occupy space in your parents house. Sit down loser, welcome to the life.
Bond. BlkBond.
P.S.-New Bond Post up
@BlkBond,
Yo… The Swan is a double edged sword… a 50-50 shot, if you will. You can get a seriously diamond studded, meet my mom AND my nana type chick in the good side. The bad side is what you mentioned in your post.
It all depends on where she discovered she was hot. If it was early in high school, her young mind was destroyed by the Seniors on the Football and/or basketball teams. Trust me. We’ve done it before. Ain’t no thang to do it again… Her nickname might just be “Finger Cuffs”, too.
If it was late in high School, she’s enamored with the lamest dude in the mix. Why? He was nice to her in that pivotal 9th/10th grade time frame when kids are at their meanest. They’re married now, and have two kids. But she’s still hot. You still have a chance to bed her. But she’s not leaving that dude. Unless she discovers she’s a lesbian.
If it wasn’t til college… You hit the jackpot. She probebly likes ALL the things you do, because she discovered back in the day that that was the only way she’d get to hang with cute boys or whatever. She’s outstanding. She may have even been one of the non-lesbian hoopers on the HS Hoop Squad. She likes football, and could prolly hang for a quarter on madden. But she also likes all that girly sheet she never got to wear before because she was built like Calista Flockheart before her Freshman 15 actually went to work FOR her, not against…
“Fellas… We should also put a From New York”Uber-Ghetto note up at the top, now that I think about it…
@Dante_Alexander,
wow. you know a comment is entertaining when you’re upset that it ended. good job and sh*t
@The Champ,
I tried to find one of them at my Reunion a couple weeks back. No such luck, They’d all been infected with that disease that causes multiple children, abject obesity and scratchy “I don’t smoke cigarettes, but it sounds like I do” voices.
And thank you. Just doing my part for the VSB nation.
@The Champ, agreed.
@BlkBond,
“The Swan-This girl was busted as f*kc. Now she looks nice. She will take every moment to relish in the fact that she has come into her own and everyone (including you) should recognize that. Completely oblivious to the fact that you cannot relate because you were ALWAYS popular, outgoing, and attractive-as noted by the trophies, awards, photos, homecoming court, class favorites, recognition, yearbook signatures, etc. that occupy space in your parents house. Sit down loser, welcome to the life. ”
HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a guy friend like that I can only take him in spurts. He claims that everyone acts funny with him. I am like dude these people did not speak to you before, why should they speak now, and why are you getting angry about them not speaking!
Well, I really don’t have one for the Male/Female dating, but as far as Female/Female friendships…
Watch out for the girlfriend that has 4 kids, but can’t keep a man longer than a month, and is always tryna give you unwarranted advice on how you should behave/treat ya man in YOUR relationship – like she’s the love guru. She can’t see that SHE’S the common denominator in all these failed relationships, but is quick to give advice on how to keep a man? Ugh. Sorry, but that just irks the hell outta me, lol.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Neckbones,
OOooh last week I made a neckbone stew/vegetable medly/gumbo mmmm
@WuDaMan,
…and you ain’t gimme none?!! ooooo… selfish!
@Smiley Face, I could nevuh resist making that face smile. You could get it. + You know good n well I ain’t that kind of selfish. I call b 4 I come.
@WuDaMan,
aw sukey, sukey now….
@WuDaMan,
And you couldn’t even email a sista a sample? Ole evil Wu!
@RedBeanzNRice w/Neckbones,
Listen there have been some hawks in my neighbor hood and I didn’t even want to risk loosing a pidgeon sending you a bowl. besides I got to keep my Buda Zen physique on.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Neckbones,
yeah, i can’t even concentrate on your comment because im mesmerized by your name. i think i just slobbered on my mouse
I should be studying…but since I’m not, I will add…drumroll please…
The heffa who is narcissistic like a mofo. The chicks who spend more time looking in the mirror than they do looking within themselves. **Stay clear of these women**. If they have bags of make-up, hair pieces, and other items from the lost world that are bigger than your domestic luggage case, you WILL have some issues.
At times they tend to be the “look at me, look at me, please look at me, i need to be looked at, woohooo you over thereeee…yea you, look at me” chicks. And if you enable them…oh sh*t will hit the fan and it will splatter, eventually.
Back to studying…booo to textbooks and ish…
@blackpearl287,
what the hell were you studying at 7 in the morning?
@The Champ,
the wonders of anatomy…ooo lala
Ms. Satisfy You: She’ll stop everything to satisfy you…. push her friends to the side, push her family to the side, push her church to the side (do you seriously want her to take you to hell with her? lol) But seriously, this chick will drive you crazy.
Ms. Gossip: All she talks about is everyone else’s business… chances are high that she’s gonna dish all your business too.
Ms. I don’t have any female friends: Don’t trust her.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Ms. Satisfy You: She’ll stop everything to satisfy you…. push her friends to the side, push her family to the side, push her church to the side (do you seriously want her to take you to hell with her? lol) But seriously, this chick will drive you crazy.”
Actually this sounds excellent
@Dorian G., It sounds good until you do something to disappoint her, like not go along with her plans…. she’ll cut you to pieces. lol.
Plus it’s co dependent.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Ms. Gossip: All she talks about is everyone else’s business… chances are high that she’s gonna dish all your business too.”
Mmmhmm! And there are no limits to who she would tell. Probably your own family if she becomes close enough with them. You don’t want yo Mama finding out about that time you got into a fight with a dude in a Barney costume and then boinked his girlfriend dressed as Baby Bop the same night.
@Cheekie, “You don’t want yo Mama finding out about that time you got into a fight with a dude in a Barney costume and then boinked his girlfriend dressed as Baby Bop the same night.”
LMBO!!! Right…. plus if she’s telling everytime you two get in an argument, how do you think the family is gonna start looking at you?
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Ms. Satisfy You: She’ll stop everything to satisfy you…. ”
Ugh, that is just SO desperate. That’s such an ugly characteristic to have.
@RedBeanzNRice w/Neckbones, Exactly!
Ms Superwoman- Faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound with one arm tied around her back while she’s doing the cooking, the taxes, working 14 hour days and taking care of everything…without you and you begin to resemble a piece of furniture
Ms. I need to fix you- There’s always something wrong with the way you dress, how you talk, how you eat..hell you’re just ALL wrong
@Smiley Face,
It’s funny because there are so many women who try to play the Ms. I Need To Fix You Role out there. It seems like it would make more sense to aim for a dude that has his shyt together or is actively getting his shyt together himself, but some chicks gravitate towards the “fixer-uppers”. Why is that?
@Monk,
‘Cause they crazy.
@Monk,
“It seems like it would make more sense to aim for a dude that has his shyt together or is actively getting his shyt together himself”
…sounds too much like right.
“but some chicks gravitate towards the “fixer-uppers”. Why is that?”
IMO men don’t need to be “fixed”…I think that females that think that they do need to be fixed and who tend to want to fix folk do so to get the spotlight off of them and what’s wrong with their crazy behinds. Or they need a project or something to keep them occupied. If she’s constantly in “fix it mode” what’s going to happen to you once she’s done….?
Just leave Barbara Villa alone….matter of fact..run!
@Smiley Face,
Ahhhh
The fixer uppers keep FINDING ME!!
I told a nig last week, that this is not This Old House and I am not Bob Villa!!!
I’m out!
@AngelicNastyness,
well…that’s different, and a whole nother scary creature!…run girl run!!!
@Monk,
It seems like it would make more sense to aim for a dude that has his shyt together or is actively getting his shyt together himself, but some chicks gravitate towards the “fixer-uppers”. Why is that?
because it gives them a sense of purpose, and also gives them a perpetual self-esteem boost. whenever they’re feeling sh*tty, they can always look at them as at least one person they’re “better” than.
“or that bomb-ass tomato sauce she always seems to make when she’s on her period”
I seriously hate you for this.
*crying*
@miss t-lee,
I seriously hate knowing what he was talking about.
Fooking Caribbean arse broads with their Santaria and their BunDun and their incessant tossing of bones onto a plate and telling me what lottery numbers to play…
@Dante_Alexander,
“I seriously hate knowing what he was talking about. ”
Yeah I hate knowing that ish too. We have a lot of Louisiana transplants here in TX…lol
I know too many kats (including my own brothers) who won’t eat spaghetti unless they see it being prepared before their own eyes.
Can’t say that I blame ‘em either, some chicks will do some foul ish to trap a man.
@miss t-lee, are you implying that actually works?
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
No.
I’m not implying anything.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Yes she is.
@miss t-lee,
Ain’t he a MESS for that?! LMAO
@Cheekie,
Yes ma’am….lol
@miss t-lee,
wait. the spaghetti thing isnt a myth?
@Humble_One,
I wouldn’t know from first hand experience…lol But from what I understand, it’s not a myth.
@Humble_One,
Um…no. Alot of that stuff is not a myth; however, I hear it can only be effective if you yourself are not living a righteous life. Carry on…
Bond.
@BlkBond,
Apparently, it is quite unrighteous to combine strange spaghetti and disgusting animal baboon sweat monkey trapeze trampoline catch what I throw (all of it) chex.
Trinidad will be the Death of me.
@Dante_Alexander,
lol, be careful. that curry with ginseng soda is classic though…
@miss t-lee,
I seriously hate you for this.
hate deez
@The Champ,
Go play in traffic.
I sooo incredibly sad that I have an attribute on the list, #3…despite the fact, I’m well rounded and worked out my issues. I’m not blaming men for any problem I may have or crying incessantly whenever my SO leaves my side…or so overly independent that “I don’t need a man to do anything for me…”
Well, to carry on…
I stay away from serial monogamists. The guy thats ALWAYS in a relationship with someone and that someone is ALWAYS “the one”. Hes been engaged 5 and a half times within a 2 year period. If hes not comfortable enough with himself to sit out a couple of rounds to give his wang and his heart a break and actually think about what it is that he does and does not want then I can’t do anything for him.
Guys that has faimily issues and treats/talks to their mothers badly. He can’t ask any family for help because they all hate him. And he tells me that the woman that gave birth to you, kissed your boo boos to make them better, consistently sent those care packages while you were away in school, AND took care of you when you couldn’t get that job right outta college is a b*tch and he wishes she would run out into traffic and get hit by a car??? Yeah, I’m gonna have to now…or he treated her like this in his youth…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF6WJSXaa2M&feature=player_embedded
@CoCoPuffs,
Shots fired?
@CoCoPuffs,
I sooo incredibly sad that I have an attribute on the list, #3
me too
@CoCoPuffs,
OMG! that vid is crazy. smh. slapping my mom is on my list of things to do if I ever decide that I want to stop living. lol
Ms. “‘I’m a 10′ but In Reality I’m Just A THREE!!”
These are the chicks with the preconceived notion that they look WAY better than how they actually look. This may be caused by their bloated opinion that their shyt don’t stink, but in recent years, research has shown that it is really guys who give them this false sense of “dime-dom”. So many dudes a.) Have poor standards b.) Will holla at damn near anything just cause she gotta donk and/or a set of tig ol’ bitties for the sport of it c.) Gas chicks up by leaving all type of “baby, you can sit on my face anyday” comments on their myspace and facebook photos or d.) Just play the numbers game when it comes to females.
This inflated value on one’s own physical appearance can often lead to personality flaws such as being stuck up for no apparent reason thus turning a possible “alright” looking chick with a pleasant personality into an “alright” looking chick who carries herself like b*tch.
@Monk,
This is a serious problem. The p**sy speculators have killed the game. What kills me is that these dudes have no shame in doing it. They create monsters and then leave the rest of us to deal with it. At the same time these women don’t understand that some dudes will say and do ANYTHING to get some.
@Monk,
This happens in those unfortunate counties and Cities where the women:men ratio is almost equal, and in other places where the number is SO high, three dudes get a couple expensive cameras and create a modeling agency.
You ever heard of Eyecandymodeling? I hear that’s how they got their start. Fooked Detroit and most of Southeastern Michigan up for YEARS. We’re only now beginning to recover…
Atlanta. That’s all I’ll I have to say about that.
@Dante_Alexander,
Why does my boy know the dude that started Eye Candy Modeling? We use to go to their parties. I think they pulled most of their models from Southfield, Oak Park, Lathrup Village, and the Northwest side(6, 7, and 8 mile). I think they are partly responsible for elevating the average or hot chic in the hood to urban supermodel.
@Humble_One,
Yep!! Although I do appreciate some aspects of ECM photography, when it comes to getting the most average looking chicks in the ‘D’ and airbrushing their flaws away, they have mastered that, especially using just the right lighting.
@Monk,
But no, They USED to not airbrush NADA. The calm, approchable chicks who were close to 7s or 8s but had the personality of 2′s and beefy broads disappeared and were replaced by the women who have a uber-inflated self worth.
However those that I knew before… It was very fun boning after.
@Dante_Alexander, did TKM do the same thing? Because pictures I’ve seen from them use a lot of Detroit freaks too.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I dunno… I only knew a few of those ladies, and I never really asked. However the ECM dudes, when they first started, almost exclusively used EMU and MSU and Wayne State chicks it seemed like. That was a fun time in East Lansing.
@Dante_Alexander,
MSU had so many chics back in the late 90s to early 00′s that it was crazy. They all came from Cass, King, or the suburban schools.
@Dante_Alexander,
Damn right… I went to King, but don’t sleep on Mumford and Rennaissance…
@Monk, This is the unintended consequnece of dudes hollering at women for sport, which I mostly only see in our community, unfortunately.
@Scipio Africanus,
I know it’s not intentional, but the end result can still create a monster…who think she looks GOOD.
This is one reason we need another million man march to get all the brothas (for the most past) on one accord so the bullshyt can cease.
@Monk,
…you know you ain’t right! you jess ain’t right! lol
@Monk,
This is problematic. I wrote a blog called ‘Gassed’ about this. This women should consider the source of the compliments and the motive before believing the gospel. There is a difference between Brown-White t-shirt wearing Tyrone with 5 kids and a pregnancy stomach exclaiming how beautiful you are, in comparison to a professional handsome articulate brother telling you the same. Snap out of it.
Bond.
@Monk,
Ms. “‘I’m a 10? but In Reality I’m Just A THREE!!”
this is number 9 on the “worst effects of the internet” list
My ex was #3, #4 AND #6 all in one. It all came out slowly though. Started as Ms. Type A. Then, when she wasn’t getting what she felt she “deserved” (read: a better job than she had) after graduation, she became Ms. I suck at life. During this time, I, after being unemployed for 6 months, had an IT job cross my path, which brought her into the realm of Ms. missing father figure, because I didn’t deserve the job, she did, it was my fault she was stuck at a part time gig & my fault her stepfather kicked her out the house and one day I might kick her out of my apartment.
Phenomenal reverse cowgirl though.
@Mr. Mister,
Dayum….just reading that made me wanna throat punch her.
Glad you made it out.
@Mr. Mister, Oh so my list:
1. Ms. Im not happy for you because I deserve it more : (see above)
2. Ms. questions your “manhood” for whatever reason: It seems as if this is the new sh*t. Granted a lot of young guys these days are more b*tchmade than a little bit, but still, this is should never be allowed & is probably the reason most domestic disputes ensue.
@Mr. Mister,
The reverse cowgirl is a persuasive tool used for granting extensions, be careful though. cowgirls have guns and spurs.
Bond.
All I can do is laugh at this post. I’m so glad I don’t fall into any of these categories.
@Voiceofreason,
All I can do is laugh at this post. I’m so glad I don’t fall into any of these categories.
mmmhmmm
Don’t forget an oldie but still a goodie
Ms. NAS – She starts every sentence with “Y’all men” and takes every movie, TV show and song extra personally, like “SEE I TOLD YOU THAT NI99A WASN’T SH!t”
@Dorian G.,
otherwise known as “ms. no perspective”
I got a few to add to this list.
1. The Hiring Manager.
She isnt looking for a teammate or a partner she is looking for an employee. She looks at the things you do for her as your job and part of your responsibilities of being with her. Inconveniecing yourself and going out of your way for her is what you are suppose to do.
2. The Boughetto Woman
There a few types of these women. This can be the woman that may have a job in an office were they have to dress in business attire. Being that they wear business attire she thinks that she is a professional and of a higher intellect than those in blue-collar jobs. They totally miss the fact that the blue-collar dude is skilled. Not only that she makes $12.00/hr compared to his $50k/yr. The other type is the hoodrat that drives the luxury car or SUV that wears designer clothes with big labels.
3. Ms. I have a body so you should sweat me(although u look like Sam Cassell)
This woman thinks that b/c her @ss is big or t!tt!es are big and her @ss to waist ratio is ridiculuous it makes her a dime. Cornballs have simped and gassed these chics to death.
4. The RingMaster
This is the woman that expects you to wow her on site. If you want her number or to get to know her you have to walk a tight rope, over a pit lions, with your back on fire. If thats not enough you may have to swim in lava. The bad thing is that they make it hard and they really aren’t as great as they would like to believe.
@Humble_One, I beg to differ on the Bougieghet chic, she can be the ultimate. the best of both worlds, universal, being able to blend in both the corporate world and the hood, fly as phcuk, with style and grace for days, shes intelligent, classy, regal, and elegant, but she can get ethnic on that ass when need be, her foundation may be the hood but she is not limited to that, altho the hood can provide an education money cannot buy, she is more “every woman” like Chaka Kahn …….that example you gave is a bit off…….
@OrangeStar616,
I agree. I dont mean that chic. I forgot to add that I’m not talking about the accountant or the HR chic. I am talking about the receptionist or bank teller.
@Humble_One,
“I am talking about the receptionist or bank teller.”
You forgot call center employee.
@SouthernCharm,
LMAO! Cruel!
@Humble_One,
I meet alot of 1 & 4. They always tell me the requirements then scoff when I do no participate in the contest. I would rather penetrate a meat grinder. Kick sharp rocks down hot coal bare feet chick.
Bond.
@Humble_One,
2. The Boughetto Woman
There a few types of these women. This can be the woman that may have a job in an office were they have to dress in business attire. Being that they wear business attire she thinks that she is a professional and of a higher intellect than those in blue-collar jobs. They totally miss the fact that the blue-collar dude is skilled. Not only that she makes $12.00/hr compared to his $50k/yr
i’m actually planning to devote an entire day to this tomorrow.
I think I’m #4…half of it..in a good way..
@Carmen™,
which half?
welcome and sh*t, btw
I’ve had a few women hit me with #7. It’s always struck me a such a tremendously arrogant thing to say and way to act because 9 times out of 10, when women say it, they’re basically saying “you’re cornier than the guys I usually like.”
The wild thing is they say it with such impunity that it’s clear they don’t even realize how arrogant it comes off. A dude would *never* get away with that.
@Scipio Africanus,
A dude would *never* get away with that.
lol, this is true. i can’t imagine a guy uttering “i dont usually wine and dine wack chicks like you”, unless he’s trying to get a plate of ziti thrown at his ear
@Scipio Africanus,
ok….i’m guilty of saying this to the last guy i dated. and i definitely said it more than once. and i did kinda mean that he was more corny than the other guys. but…at the time, i meant it in a good way and sh*t. like, “normally i would have passed you by. and i’m really glad i didn’t.” okay, i could see how that comes off as arrogant.
LMAO @ Champs examples LOL…its really some crazy folk out here that take lunchin to new heights LOL
@OrangeStar616,
lunchin?
basically, a longwindedly politically correct way of saying “perpetually unhappy, evil b*tches”.
iDied inside reading that! Good post!
@K to the…,
thanks and sh*t
Ms. “I don’t want kids”. Well, only if you *do* want kids. I’m probably wrong for this, but I view women who don’t want kids as not fully human. To me, that’s like saying you don’t like vanilla ice cream or 75 degree, low humidity summer days. Like your human being starter kit was missing one of the essential lego pieces we all get as zygotes.
@Scipio Africanus,
Ms. “I don’t want kids”
with the exception of one (who’s due to break any time now) every woman i’ve ever known who’s made that “i never want kids” statement eventually recanted it.
every
@Scipio Africanus,
“I’m probably wrong for this, but I view women who don’t want kids as not fully human. ”
*taking offense*
@charli skipper, Some women are not meant to have kids and they know it. That’s better than the women who have kids and don’t care of them.
@Leila, or those who have kids and are uber-miserable persons for the next 20-25 years.
That sparks another one.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, I concur! I’ve seen those women and it’s like their souls died.
@Scipio Africanus,
“I’m probably wrong for this, but I view women who don’t want kids as not fully human. ”
‘da hell?
@miss t-lee, I just feel like wanting kids is a basic part of human emotion. That’s me, my thought.
@Scipio Africanus,
Disagree… Only because it’s never really a good time of the day to watch kids gettin’ beat in the middle of a grocery store. Ever.
(Btw… I like that name. Haha)
I’m just happy I’m not on the list (or am I? Eh, that’s for you to judge I guess…but the answer is “No”).
More women to avoid:
1. Miss Anti-Female Annabell. Ya know, those that say they don’t hang with chicks evah? Because they are so full of drama? They fail to realize that they were the common thread in all their failed relationships with women. I mean, yeah, there are dramatic chicks that should be avoided, but enough with the anti-sisterhood. Sometimes, we alls we got. Besides, men ain’t impressed with that ish anyway. In fact, it turns a lot of ‘em off. You hanging with a lot of dudes? Not your boo’s fantasy.
2. Miss Overly-Independent Olivia. The chick that you’re happy she got her own, but mad she don’t want you to do nothing for her. I know Ne-Yo said he likes girls to say “I got it”, but he wears lipgloss. Yeah, men love when a girl can take care of herself, but they also love that vulnerability. Loosen up. Just stay tight where it matters.
3. Miss I’m-So-Hood Holly. The only quality time ya’ll gonna be spending is catching a case…together.
On the flip-side:
4. Miss Nose-In-The-Air Nancy . Her nose will be too busy smellin’ herself to even give you attention, let alone play. She will hurt your feelings with the utmost quickness.
5. Miss Doormat Darlene . Yeah, I know ya’ll men
are babieslike to get your way from time to time, but in the long run you wouldn’t want this weakling to be the mother of your kids. Plus, you won’t have any respect for her.6.
Miss New Booty…
Naw, scratch that. You betta scoop up and MARRY number 6.
@Cheekie, Loosen up. Just stay tight where it matters.
Yaup.
@Cheekie, I enjoyed that for the names LOL everything else was gravy
@Cheekie, “They fail to realize that they were the common thread in all their failed relationships with women. ”
I couldn’t agree with you more! I’ve met some women who think every woman is jealous is them. The more time that I hung out with them, I realized that they didn’t have female friends because they were self-absorbed and didn’t make good friends.
@Cheekie,
1. Miss Anti-Female Annabell.
Most of the time, this Annabell ends up being a human train track. *pause* Why? Because she doesn’t have those decent female friends to tell her “having trains ran on you is NOT cute…nor kosher. H*e sit down!!!”
@Cheekie,
“but he wears lipgloss”
BWAhahahaha.
Request: please write the first section for my future textbook, “Damn, Y’all N*ggas Didn’t Know That Already? No Wonder Y’all Stay Gettin’ Got: Psychological Background For Selecting Fly Women”. Thank you very much.
Man, I wish there was a ” Fully cosign!” button on here somewhere….
Champ, you out-did yourself with this one!! Funny yet truthful stuff!
@Kamala Jones,
thanks and sh*t.
btw, is “you out-did yourself with this one!!” a backhanded compliment?
“I stay away from serial monogamists. ”
co sign….monogamy is great but serial monogamists never seem to take time to unpack the baggage from their last gazillion relationships..and then wanna store em at your house….freakin hoarders…
@Happy Meal,
This is that good truth right here.
@Happy Meal,
LMAO only cause I know who you talkin bout:-P
@Happy Meal,
serial monogamists are conflicted people; afraid to be alone but afraid to commit
@Happy Meal,
What you doing after work. I could use you a few extra sandwiches.
Mr./Mrs. Me Against the World
these folks i would gladly beat in the head with 2Pac’s 3rd album, but I decided against it because after they cry “So Many Tears” they would claim that was holding back their life and it was part of a grand conspiracy. Why do folks that feel there is a c-o-n…spiracy against them have a job as a hostess at Rufus’ Rib Shack, ain’t nobody interested in sabotaging your life when you are already doing a good job at it…
@Naturally Alise,
One of my best friends is that chick. She thinks that drama always finds her, but it’s really her that attracts the drama. She won’t ever get it im afraid. These people never seem to take any advice from a level headed, non dramatic person either. Methinks they like the drama.
Ms. Ninjas Come & Go But My Gurl’s Are 4-Life!!!
then get them heffas to come over here and help out with the mortgage! I have no time for this kind of female and I wonder why you even bothering dating dudes if you automatically giving them two strikes even before you met them? Eliminate the middleMAN and start shackin’ with one of your gurls?
Ms. Mental Land Mines/Recyclable Bag Lady see 5. ms. zero to sixty in less than three
Everything bad that happened to her in her previous relationships automatically gages how she deals with you. If you go out to the store, “You call me when you get there and let me know when you leaving to come home, my last ninja went out for some smokes one night and didn’t come back for three weeks, I AIN’T HAVIN’ IT WITH YOU, NINJA!!! AWW HELL NAW!” If you say hi to one of her girlfriends, “What was that? You don’t say “hi” to me like that. Do you like her? Do you want her? I seen the way you were looking at her, you think she better than me? My last ninja met one of my gurls and the next thing you know, she be havin’ his baby. I AIN’T HAVIN’ IT WITH YOU, NINJA!!! AWW HELL NAW!”
You can’t do nothing with this woman without stepping on one of those Mental Land Mines that will trigger some flashback to something that “last ninja” did.
Run from this woman…fast.
@T. Troy Stewart,
“Ms. Ninjas Come & Go But My Gurl’s Are 4-Life!!!”
I’m intrigued. What do you feel about the proverbial “Bros before hos”?
@Cheekie, the “Bros Before Hos” thing will either wear off by the time they’re 35 and they realize that their “Bros” can’t cook, and/if a “Ho” catches more than one of the “Bros” eye.
@T. Troy Stewart,
LOL. Trueness.
@T. Troy Stewart,
“then get them heffas to come over here and help out with the mortgage! ”
*sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
for real!! LMAO!!!
Miss Immma Strong Woman
“I dont have a man because it takes a strong man to handle a strong woman like me”
She’s like this b/c
1. Her mama was a super strong woman (da*m near manly) who never had a sucessful relationship with a man or never brought him around so see positive male/female interaction..
2. All the women she knew growing up were single moms and or just super bitter and bashed men on a regular basis…told her that men aint sh*t and women have to do it for themselves.
3. Has never seen an example of a good black man handling his biz so its super foreign to her…
Miss “If you dont have what I have Nikka dont talk to me”
******RUN FOR YOU LIFE*******
@MizThickaDenThick,
Yuuuuuuuup!
@MizThickaDenThick,
Miss “If you dont have what I have Nikka dont talk to me”
Eeeeh. My only thing with this is that, yea I want you to have something close to what I have.
I got a job. I want you to have one too.
I’m working towards attainable aspirations. You should be too.
We don’t have to be writing out Doctorate dissertations together but damn, lets be in the same book if not on the same page.
What irks me more is that when I’m dating a guy that may me slowly progressing in life, people are like “ooh maybe you’ll inspire him to do better, help him fill out his Devry aps (NTTAWW Devry)”.
But on the flip, when my male cousin with a college degree brings some yardbird around the fam, it’s like “Naw son you can do better than her.” Why aren’t they tellin him to “upgrade her”? Help her pay for hair school? I’m suppose to be a Personal Welfare to Work Program but he can have standards.
It ain’ t right! Got damnit! It ain’t right!
Rant over.
@AngelicNastyness,
Word.
@AngelicNastyness,
“I got a job. I want you to have one too.
I’m working towards attainable aspirations. You should be too.
We don’t have to be writing out Doctorate dissertations together but damn, lets be in the same book if not on the same page.”
Co-sign!
I mean, it’s not like Imma never give a dude that makes less than me a chance, but if you ain’t got no ambition? You ain’t got no Cheekie.
Yo…..so the whole “I’m THEEE strongest woman and my man needs to be strong, too” is totally my best bud.
Now, I’ve got her back throughout, and she’s a completely excellent person inside and out, but MAN, just earlier tonight I suggested she look into a Prozac prescription.
Eeek! I was scurred I was a type A until I read the description:
“impatient, time-conscious, concerned about their status, highly competitive, ambitious, business-like, aggressive, having difficulty relaxing; and are sometimes disliked by individuals with type b personalties for the way that they’re always rushing”.
Patience is my virtue (teacher) and especially wit guys, my ass is late all the time and I’m not really business like or aggressive (cept in bed hehehe, *dirty old man laugh).
Am I ambitious because I have career goals?
I think I’m Type AB positive.
It’s the Gemini in me:-P
@AngelicNastyness,
Am I ambitious because I have career goals?
depends on how you define ambition and sh*t
@The Champ,
Well the connotation surrounding ‘ambitious’ seems to be the Omarosa cutthroat social climber type broad.
That I am not.
Having a masters and at some point wanna get a doctorate in my field by working hard and perfecting my craft.
That I’m is.:-)
I’d like to contribute the Ms. You Bet Not Dare. This is the woman who feels the would should cow tow and swami bow backwards to her beckoning call. Life it self should stop in awe of her greatness. This woman expects you to always meet her needs. Though should you need a tooth pick she like there’s a tree go make you one. NI&&a Please!
Fellas I think we have to acknowledge our part in these relationships and the perpetuating of said foul deportment. Us guys like to feel needed. & these women sure do need something. (a kick in the pants from their parents woulda been a great start) But no. Homies we too old to be raising someone else’s grown ss@ children. The children are our future & them crazy itches is the past like dinosaurs.
P.S. also watch out for that chili.
@WuDaMan,
“P.S. also watch out for that chili.”
For real?! i ain’t heard of that…
@miss t-lee,
For safety sake I avoid anything w/ meat in it during that time o the month.
@WuDaMan,
*dry heave*
@miss t-lee,
You asked… so sorry Sensei T-Lee (where the T stands for Throat punch)
You seen this off that onion movie
I don’t think that this is work safe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEsbY1-9UYg
@ WuDaMan ,
LOL!!! I see you’re whylin’ out today…
@WuDaMan,
Oh.My.Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
I know!! EW.
Wu, I told you yesterday and it still remains because you deserve it:
SAD-alltheway-DOWN.
@BlackBerry Molasses, & Cheekie
Yall need to quit people need to know that it ain’t just if it’s red. You see when blood cooks it turns the color of cooked meat… I’m just saying pay attn next time you hook up a hamburger.
@WuDaMan,
O_o
OMG, no…
Make like a road sign and STOP.
@ WuDaMan,
*2nd dry heave of the day*
@WuDaMan,
Amazing. We haven’t covered this b 4? Sooooo much to jibber jabber about so little time.
@WuDaMan,
funny I met a 3,4,5,7,8,9
The Too Freaky Too Soon Chick…
I’m not against first day freakiness. As the great Dre 3000 said…
“She just knows what she wants out of life”
But if your date consisted of going to get Ice Cream and afterwards she tries to do stuff to you that is too freaky for the Kama Sutra then you might wanna let that one go.
Especially if she hits you with the line. “I’ve never done this before, it’s just something about you.” Yeah it’s something about you and the dudes that belong those 400 mysterious white stains on the headboard.
@Trillionaire Wood,
eah it’s something about you and the dudes that belong those 400 mysterious white stains on the headboard.
thanks for ruining my clam chowder.
Maybe there should have been an accompanying quiz
@MilkandCookies,
WORD.
Ladies, if you answered “a” to 5 or more of these questions you might be a chick dudes avoid like the Bubonic ….
@MilkandCookies,
lol
@MilkandCookies,
Great idea!
@MilkandCookies,
Hey you wanna curl up this winter w/ a book or two?
LOL! I am actually ONE of the things on this list LOL! Hilarious blog!!
@Yaa,
which one?
@The Champ, Sadly #3.
On the glass half full side of things….at least I am not ms batsh*t LOL
Ms. Free Spirit – Descendant of Freddie Brooks. Believes God or Jah is everywhere. The song, “Mind Chex,” tends to get her open. She’s needs to get her life together.
Ms. Chexual Being – it’s 2009. but ain’t nothing new under the sun. you say she’s this type of woman who is a “chexual creature,” this “chexual being.” To that I say, “What woman, sir? That there’s a h03!”
Ms. Internet Famous – she pro’lly hired a professional photographer to take her facebook/twitter/myspace pics. She’s also an aspiring model/singer/dancer… despite the fact she has no talent at all. Yet, she’s a celeb in your local club or bar every weekend. should have seen her guidance counselor and got some real goals…
Ms. Call Center Employee – fresh outta college with her criminal justice degree… but the fact that she’s now supervisor of the employees in cubicles 31-49 at the verizon call center seems to make her think she’s arrived in life.
Ms. Oblivious – can’t give you a single, substantial reason as to why she supports universal healthcare, but can give you an entire recap of Tiny & Toya. take 5 minutes out of your day and glance at the cnn.com headlines.
@SouthernCharm,
i actually think i’ve dated each of these chicks before.
i used to take alot of baths back then too
@The Champ,
hm…i think i’ve BEEN each one of these chicks before…i kid, i kid. but, no, really. this could be almost any college aged girl.
@SouthernCharm,
“Ms. Oblivious – can’t give you a single, substantial reason as to why she supports universal healthcare, but can give you an entire recap of Tiny & Toya. take 5 minutes out of your day and glance at the cnn.com headlines.”
Unfortunately I have dealt with this personally. This chic could have a full conversation about 50cent vs. whoever but had no idea about Darfur.
@SouthernCharm, Ms. Call Center Employee – fresh outta college with her criminal justice degree…
but the fact that she’s now supervisor of the employees in cubicles 31-49 at the verizon call center seems to make her think she’s arrived in life.Yup. Dated her.
@SouthernCharm,
Ms. Oblivious – can’t give you a single, substantial reason as to why she supports universal healthcare, but can give you an entire recap of Tiny & Toya. take 5 minutes out of your day and glance at the cnn.com headlines.
She has a twin brother!! I actually had drinks with him last night. He spent all night talking about pop culture, hip hop & his brushes with the rich & famous while sippin on…..YOU GUESSED IT PATRON!! I tried to swing the convo and I stepped on my soap box and gave this long friggin dissertation/soliloquy on world view. I was going on for about twenty minutes when I stopped to get a reply from him dude looked me right in the face nodding & said HUH MAN in agreement! Nothing else…just HUH MAN. I was DONE!
Naw, Champ the compliment was totally sincere.
Dam i gotta go in on this one cause i kno a few off balanced chicks
1) Chicks with weapons: she gotta knife/sword collection that aint cute. She go to the gun range coo have fun shii im way to cooo fo those chicks you can get Air McNaired if ya wanna not the blunted one.
hon mention: chicks w/ black belts or kick boxin chicks
2) Chicks that talk loud: tha shi jus gets on my nerves if im sittin right next to you keep ya volume level at 5 not 9.5 you will become a S.P.H. (speaker phone hoe) and will get handle accordingly. I had a ex that actually talked on speakerphone to her friend and they would be dam near screamin at eachother makes no mf’n sense. plus loud chicks got issues and hidden stuff.
3) Chicks that dress slutty: think about that bad chick you tryna bag that got 80% of her skin showin cause she will do that fo-ev-ver and you will get into at least 5 fights in 2 months. Im sorry i want a respectable chick if you got tig o bitties even with shaqs sweater on eryone kno u gott um why show off in that halter top w/ no bra and tha nickles sayin hi, pokin out, strait callin a ninja………………………..*daydreamin* dam wha wha? wha happened? lets keep it movin
4) Broke/laggin chicks: “broke hoes isa no-no broke hoes isa n-o n-o fo sho”-luniz.
yea sorry i dont care if you look like halle berry if you broke i aint fuggin withcha. If you 22 and still aint got ya L’s i aint fuggin witcha. if you over 25 still livin wit moms (cause u aint leavin the house untill u married) i aint, i cant and i wont but i will burn rubber on you quick as hell.
5) Fake chicks- sorry fake hair fake nail fake eye brows fake bood fake booty but you a real person on the inside tho huh? yea mf right peace out.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
#5. bood=boob
@BLUNTBLAZER,
AWWW blunt, you knows I carries a weapon.. im sexy with mine though!
LMAO
and I am signing up for some kickboxing lessons ..
I am sad cause I am on both lists! I am a type A
but I am married so F!ck all yall LMAO
@BLUNTBLAZER,
#1 lol- my first cousin is like that. This trick travels with a blade, swiss army knife and brass nucks all da time. She was playin one day at my house and stabbed my homeboy in da hand while playin cards…and she wonders why she never gets invited to anything
LMFAO!!!!
I have but one to add.
Ms. Never let the grass grow under my feet
This is from personal experience.
I met this girl who had been all over the world. Lived in Saudi Arabia and all over the Middle East because her dad is a diplomat. Ya boy was intrigued especially since I just did a stint in the Peace Corps.
We go out a few times (they were enjoyable). I had my charm at 1000000% (it’s a controllable switch). Eventually we have relations
girl was a ryda and had that mean skull game EXTRA MEANAlas things could not last because she wanted to travel again.I still hear from her and she goes from overseas relationship to overseas relationship. Moral of the story: be careful what you wish for you just might get it.
@Stank-0,
Traveling is addictive. I just returned to the States a week ago and I am contemplating going somewhere else. I pray that at some point I’ll want to put down some roots somewhere. But a traveler’s life is so seemingly free. It beats being at home (and acting like an adult.)
This list speaks truth for the men to avoid, too.
Loved it. lmao @ “slower than Southern math”
I’m all 9. And what b*ches?!
The World ain’t ready!
@BlackBerry Molasses, LOL
A lot of the types of women y’all named seem pretty serviceable. These, however, are not by any means:
The wannabe Nadya Suleman. Mad kids, no husband (c) J. Sands, and a miserable personality to match. Men usually ain’t shyet to this woman, but somehow she found ways to procreate. Makes you wonder what them dudes’ side of the stories are.
Little Miss Weak & Pathetic. Always needs a ride somewhere, can’t reach for anything or do semi-heavy lifting, always losing her keys or forgetting her pin number, doesn’t fight her own battles, and otherwise makes you wonder can she do anything herself…almost worse than the so-called strong woman. Is a cousin of…
The attention whore. calls too much, hates when you simply wanna watch TV, doesn’t go out by herself, is always the “sexy ____” for Halloween…you know, THAT girl.
That girl who doesn’t like anything. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, doesn’t like most movie genres, won’t f*ck with most parts of town, a picky eater, not adventurous or willing to try anything new out of some weird fear…THIS, is the person that’s not human! Probably the person you have to chex thru a hole in the sheet in the DARK!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, I am a girl & I HATE ALL OF THESE CHICS LOL!
I traveled out of town once with friends of friends & they fit every chic you named. I HATED THEM!!!! By day 2 I went and rented a car and was ghost on them!!! By day 7 they hated me!! Oh well…..LOL
@Yaa, surely they all somehow contradicted themselves throughout the trip, right? Doesn’t Like Anything Girl is good for this kind of hypocrisy.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, YUP! We have different names for them all. One girl we call BBB (Big Bag B*tch). She walks around frontin with her big designer bag like it represents who she is & where she comes from. We got there and she was broke as hell!!! She couldnt do an activity & wanted to eat cheap all week LOL.
Ms. Fire & Brimstone who acted like everything we did or said was so beneath her. To this day I am almost SURE she slept with this dude we all met at the club. ‘TALKING ON THE BEACH ALL NIGHT’ my a$$!!!
Ms. LOOK AT ME she is the SH*T in the DMV area. We got on vacation and she soon realized that she is DMV Beauty Queen ONLY. She was ready to go when she realized dudes weren’t checkin for her & when they did she didnt have anything to say. Each day that passed I just watched her ego just deflate LOL.
I was amazed by them..well the little time I spent around them LOL!! I just realized after this trip that after age 25 you dont REALLY make new friends LOL.
I see you tryin’ to be slick, Champ. There WAS 7.
Still ain’t on the list. Booyakasha.
@Cheekie,
“booyakasha”
…My Wife and Kids?
my bad ya’ll i left out the part about and the chicks that say these men gotta have this and that dont even have a pot to pi*s in….
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You forgot Ms.” Skee-O turned Christian”
This is the chick that spent all of college getting torn down by every cat with some dough, a tight car, some tight gear and some waves but NOW when you try to get next she all of a sudden is celibate. Don’t do it. You’ll never be able to go to homecoming with the chick and all those snickers when you will by will eventually add up…
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
Ms. “Vapors”
The chick that you tried to get at that wasn’t feeling you but gave you just enough rythm to keep in in the friend zone while she laughed to her friends about how you tricked on her. Now that you or either blowing up or she is getting long in the tooth she ready to make you her man. Don’t do it, can’t trust those types cause they will always be looking for the next best thing but “d@mn it feels good to see people up on it…”
ROFL @ “the time when you were three minutes late for picking her up from work and she stabbed you in the shoulder with a nail file!!!” That made me laugh so hard i blew juice all over my keyboard! Darn you!!! : D