I have a lot of women in my life. I have about 4 sisters. And my use of that term “about” is about as accurate as you’re going to get in the life in the day of Panama Jackson.
Now, because of these women, I’m often privy to various comedic conversations that seem so ridiculously dumb I usually want to stab ants. But alas, I do not. For I recognize that women do indeed have to put up with a lot of non-sense at the hands of their men.
However, sometimes you all really don’t give us our due. You see, us menfolks do a lot of stuff that we’d prefer to never ever do a day in our lives…for you.
Because we looooooooove you. Word to Lenny.
So today, out of the kindness of my heart, and because I want relationships to last forever, I shall provide you with a list of things that men would rather not do, but we do them anyway.
Because we think we love you.
demonsamongus download 1) Kill Rodents – Nobody wants to see Mickey Mouse running around their house. I agree. However, I got them out of my house, why come do I have to go to your house and run down Splinter’s little cousin risking life and limb? Call somebody – that isn’t me. And word to Big Bird, if you have a beaver in your spot, I ain’t the one.
In fact…
2) Kill All Your Bugs
– You know what, you’re right. So what if I’m asleep. You saw a cricket and you don’t want any cricket in your house so I need to come kill it pronto. Trekking across town at 2am isn’t that big a deal anyway. I’m half awake so my chances of dying in a head-on collision with a tree as I try to avoid the beaver in the road that was hiding in your place because you wanted ME to kill it instead of the Beaver Patrol is only 50 percent. I definitely should make it there. To locate, destroy, and properly dispose of…your cricket.
3) Hand-wash All the Dishes – You ever know that chick who wouldn’t put her pots and pans in the dishwasher but she cooked you a big meal so its only right that you wash the dishes, but she used all of her pots and pans and you’d much rather use the dishwasher as God intended it, since it’s a ya know, a dishwasher. And yet, we do it anyway, hands looking like Dr. Ruth’s ankles after we’re done, all Palmolived up. Love.
4) Washing Your Car – I don’t know about you all, but I hate washing my car. Now don’t get me wrong, I like when my car’s washed and all shiny. My car is dope. But the actual washing of the car is often a long process that should take (if done properly) a few hours. And of course, if you see my car is washed, you’re going to ask me to wash you car and I’ll have to pretty it up like I did my car because I’ll never hear the end of it if your car doesn’t sparkle like mine. I’m just saying, because I love you, I’m killing my afternoon in the 95 degree heat, with a toothbrush, a shimmy, and some wax to clean a car that you’re just going to drive through a mud puddle anyway.
5) Cutting your grass – I also hate cutting grass but it gets done (currently, my girls uncle who’s a landscaper does ours, but that’s neither here nor there) because it has to get done because you can’t be the house on the block bringing down property values. Add cleaning out gutters and washing shutters and stuff…basically, we’re like a Home Depot cleaning service.
6) Put together your IKEA furniture – Not only is IKEA some of the cheapest-made furniture out there, it often takes 2 Angels, 4 cows, and 2 shepherds to put things together. But, you want it, so we do it. We go to the store and pack all of that stuff in our car and then go home and put it together while you tell us that it ain’t standing up straight as it should. Love.
7) Go check out the noises at night that could be a serial killer – We really don’t want to go see what the noise is. We’d prefer to go to sleep and wake up in the morning and hope it ain’t there anymore. But that won’t work for you. So we go risk life, limb, and splinter to make sure that you get to live another day.
For the love.
So good women of VSB, what are some other things that you expect men to do for you and men what are some things that you hate doing that you always end up doing for your woman…because you love them?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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