I have a lot of women in my life. I have about 4 sisters. And my use of that term “about” is about as accurate as you’re going to get in the life in the day of Panama Jackson.
Now, because of these women, I’m often privy to various comedic conversations that seem so ridiculously dumb I usually want to stab ants. But alas, I do not. For I recognize that women do indeed have to put up with a lot of non-sense at the hands of their men.
However, sometimes you all really don’t give us our due. You see, us menfolks do a lot of stuff that we’d prefer to never ever do a day in our lives…for you.
Because we looooooooove you. Word to Lenny.
So today, out of the kindness of my heart, and because I want relationships to last forever, I shall provide you with a list of things that men would rather not do, but we do them anyway.
Because we think we love you.
demonsamongus download 1) Kill Rodents – Nobody wants to see Mickey Mouse running around their house. I agree. However, I got them out of my house, why come do I have to go to your house and run down Splinter’s little cousin risking life and limb? Call somebody – that isn’t me. And word to Big Bird, if you have a beaver in your spot, I ain’t the one.
In fact…
2) Kill All Your Bugs
– You know what, you’re right. So what if I’m asleep. You saw a cricket and you don’t want any cricket in your house so I need to come kill it pronto. Trekking across town at 2am isn’t that big a deal anyway. I’m half awake so my chances of dying in a head-on collision with a tree as I try to avoid the beaver in the road that was hiding in your place because you wanted ME to kill it instead of the Beaver Patrol is only 50 percent. I definitely should make it there. To locate, destroy, and properly dispose of…your cricket.
3) Hand-wash All the Dishes – You ever know that chick who wouldn’t put her pots and pans in the dishwasher but she cooked you a big meal so its only right that you wash the dishes, but she used all of her pots and pans and you’d much rather use the dishwasher as God intended it, since it’s a ya know, a dishwasher. And yet, we do it anyway, hands looking like Dr. Ruth’s ankles after we’re done, all Palmolived up. Love.
4) Washing Your Car – I don’t know about you all, but I hate washing my car. Now don’t get me wrong, I like when my car’s washed and all shiny. My car is dope. But the actual washing of the car is often a long process that should take (if done properly) a few hours. And of course, if you see my car is washed, you’re going to ask me to wash you car and I’ll have to pretty it up like I did my car because I’ll never hear the end of it if your car doesn’t sparkle like mine. I’m just saying, because I love you, I’m killing my afternoon in the 95 degree heat, with a toothbrush, a shimmy, and some wax to clean a car that you’re just going to drive through a mud puddle anyway.
5) Cutting your grass – I also hate cutting grass but it gets done (currently, my girls uncle who’s a landscaper does ours, but that’s neither here nor there) because it has to get done because you can’t be the house on the block bringing down property values. Add cleaning out gutters and washing shutters and stuff…basically, we’re like a Home Depot cleaning service.
6) Put together your IKEA furniture – Not only is IKEA some of the cheapest-made furniture out there, it often takes 2 Angels, 4 cows, and 2 shepherds to put things together. But, you want it, so we do it. We go to the store and pack all of that stuff in our car and then go home and put it together while you tell us that it ain’t standing up straight as it should. Love.
7) Go check out the noises at night that could be a serial killer – We really don’t want to go see what the noise is. We’d prefer to go to sleep and wake up in the morning and hope it ain’t there anymore. But that won’t work for you. So we go risk life, limb, and splinter to make sure that you get to live another day.
For the love.
So good women of VSB, what are some other things that you expect men to do for you and men what are some things that you hate doing that you always end up doing for your woman…because you love them?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Admin Note: It’s Black Weblog Award Time again, and since we at VSB are not too big or gangsta to beg for your support, please go to the Black Weblog Awards Website and nominate us for categories please. We qualify for the following: Best Group Blog, Best Sex and Relationship Blog, Best Writing in a Blog, and Blog to Watch. Now you can only nominate us for four, so we felt those were the ones we qualified for the bestest. Love us. And never leave us alone. All nominations need to be in before July 25th. We know you can do this for us! Thanks in advance for your support and just for continuing to come here and party with The Champ, Liz, and I.
I likes to put together my own IKEA furniture (cuz I know I can do it right versus men usually trying to take shortcuts and force things in the wrong hole messing it all up). All I need is for someone who loves me to haul it into my apartment for me. Yes Please, Thanks, and MOVEOUTTAMYWAY.
Everything else I suppose I can do on my own….but it’s so much better when you can force, I mean, request the love of your life to do it for you. *bats eyelashes*
Taking out the trash should also be on this list. I should never ever have to touch a trashbag once I am married. Maybe on your birthday. If you’re lucky.
As if trash will radioactively affect a woman’s genetic makeup or something.
@Liz,
High Larry Us. Women don’t seem to care what is or isn’t a trashcan either. You can take out the trash, or end up with trash in that Jordan shoe box that was empty or that flat screen TV box you KNOW you are gonna need when you move.
@Liz,
cuz I know I can do it right versus men usually trying to take shortcuts and force things in the wrong hole messing it all up
that’s what she said.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
lol!! i can’t wait to see how Panama or Champ responds to that “force things in the wrong hole messing it up.” lmao!!
@N.I.A. naturally…., lucky for you i’m all about things being tastefully done.
all nude. but tastefully done.
and Liz knows she’s treading thin ice with that one.
i try not to put things in the wrong hole…that’s what makes the trap say “aye!”
@Liz,
“cuz I know I can do it right versus men usually trying to take shortcuts and force things in the wrong hole messing it all up”
This is so true. Ninjas be lookin’ like toddlers forcing the square block into the circle whole talm ’bout “I KNOW it goes here!”.
And LOL @ Gem…BeThatAsItMay. Nice.
@Cheekie,
whatever it did go there shapes dont mean nothin and neither do directions buildin shiii comes naturally to guys.
@Cheekie, i think you and Liz are smoking rocks. directions, much like speed limits, are merely suggestions or one way to do it. as the logical and innovative species that men are, it is imperative that we at least attempt to discover a new way to do things.
ole Christopher Columbus type mentality. i mean, he went the wrong way and discovered America (after other people did but we’re Europeanized so roll with it) and helped somebody start Wal-Mart.
it’s a win-win.
@Panama Jackson,
This philosophy is why I my curtains hang at a 67 degree angle to my window with “test-holes” all around the point where the rod meets the wall.
@Me fail english?,
lmao
@Me fail english?,
they havent fell yet tho have they lol exactly they were supposed to be at that angle didnt you see the pic on the box
@BLUNTBLAZER,
LOL. But they make “settling” noises and they’re less than 2 years old! Also that framed poster you mounted above my head…it creaks like it wants to jump on my face in the middle of the night. If I wake up looking like Vanilla Sky, its gon be repercussions!
@Me Fail english,
“settling” noises you too picky its up its up and its been up for 2 years shesh. And about tha poster lol it only creaks when we are chexn so it aint my fault lol
@me fail english?,
I don’t appreciate you trying to kill me talm ’bout “If I wake up looking like Vanilla Sky”. LOL
*in critical condition*
@Me fail english?,
LMBAO… same reason why my painting damn near opened a friend’s skull… Talking about but those nails are sturdy! Ninja, stop!!!
@Panama Jackson,
Wal-mart is cheap. And evil. Cheap because they’re evil.
And I don’t want your “new” way turning my table into a rocking chair. Read directions. Only folks who don’t need them ever are the moving guys at furniture stores.
@Liz,
versus men usually trying to take shortcuts and force things in the wrong hole messing it all up).
Oh my god! That is so true… It’s like they are allergic to reading directions and doing it right! *smh*
Just carry the furniture please. Thanks. I can do the rest myself. Except that rodent thing. Oh hell no!
@Miss Sia, can somebody riddle me why women’s furniture always weighs like 100 more pounds than necessary?
my girl has this dining room table set with the HEAVIEST glass tabletop in history. it literally took 4 of us to carry it in the house, and even that wasn’t easy.
i keep waiting for the damn thing to go thru the floor when somebody puts a coke on it.
@Panama Jackson, because we buy sturdy long-lasting pieces… not milk crates and plywood.
besides, we need to know it will stand up to “extra curricular” activites and the ankle biters that will result and love to tear sh*t up.
@Panama Jackson,
“i keep waiting for the damn thing to go thru the floor when somebody puts a coke on it.”
This visual will most surely have me cracking up all day.
I think the cutest and most stylish furniture tends to be the heaviest for some reason.
I am not afraid of bugs or mice and don’t expect you to catch or kill either and I’m in total agreement with Panda Man about dishes getting done in the dishwasher, and agree with Liz that my hands should only touch a trash liner to replace the one you just took out… All I ask is that on occasion you run out to the store and buy me the right panti liners/tampons/pads please if you loved me you would do it
@intellectual hedonist via the crackberry,
LOL. Right, and get me the right kind. Don’t bring me back any phone book-like maxi pads circa 1974.
@Liz,
I don’t know the right kind unless you can draw me a picture with exact dimensions and colors. If you just try to tell me it’s the pink one I will get it wrong EVERY time. I’ve been through this I’m ashamed to say… I thought I loved her
@A-Town Genius,
I just send him with the old box…. If we have arrived at the situation where I have to impose on you like that there needs not be ANY confusion
@Princess Jai,
shiii sendin a guy to the store for something specific is just asking to be disappointed when we return.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
LOL! Truth.com!
He won’t be back on time. He won’t remember why he went out. But there will be a delicious sandwich…for him.
@Me fail english?,
Dam you kno me too well????????………………..
dam the deli was next to the store thas all i remember lol
@A-Town Genius, that is so true. i’ve been out before with specific instructions and when i got there i was like, “the f*ck? they make 12 different kinds of the same sh*t she mentioned!!!! how is this possible.”
so i just went and bought me some tshirts.
@A-Town Genius,
The worst is when yall not only show up with the wrong thing, but you show up with 20 of the wrong thing and no money left! Talmbout “But the saleswoman
…she kept saying all these deals 
“
@intellectual hedonist via the crackberry,
indeed
at least for me, the right kind is hard to screw up. there is only one brand I’m not allergic to (I’m allergic to FREAKING EVERYTHING… FML) and you can only find it at Whole Foods. Now go out and get em, because I’m doubled over in pain. Oooh and some Mission to Marzipan ice cream! LOOOOOVE YOUUUU!!
My body is so bourgie. I blame my momma.
Welcome to the crackberry nation… but I don’t have your PIN?! *folds arms in a huff*
@blackberry molasses,
My body is so bourgie. I blame my momma.
not sure why, but that cracked me the f*ck up.
@intellectual hedonist via the crackberry,
LOL!! that’s how you can really tell a man loves you!!
@intellectual hedonist via the crackberry,
yes indeed!!!! i asked my ex back in the day if he’d go out and get my feminine products. he said “i’ll hate it but i’d do it only becuz i love you”. gotta love the love!!
but i had to reiterate — PUHLEEZ don’t get the wrong ones or i’ll have to send you back!!
Good list, although I think Liza was right and you need to add taking out the trash to it, my girl is NOT going to take the trash out under any circumstances. I also realized i’ve done half of those things in the past 48hrs for my girl as well….*sigh* the things we don’t for the women we love.
P–
Can I also add that I think you def love your girl, your mom, and me because you sat through multiple back to back episodes of wedding shows on TLC when I came to visit? LOL. You looked so miserable watching it with us, but you definitely didn’t complain or mock us for indulging.
LOVE!!!
@Liz, I draw the line at watching wedding shows, childbirth shows and HGTV. Only if I’m too tired to get up, and planning on falling asleep anyway…
I agree about the rodent thing. No one wants to deal with a dead mouse, and I know I definitely don’t want to have to walk to the dumpster in the alley carrying a sticky trap with a mouse fighting in vain for his freedom stuck to it. As the man, it’s just something that you do for your lady, despite the fact that it’s disgusting.
Another thing I put up with while I was with my ex girlfriend was the fact that she didn’t know how to cook, yet she used me as her guinea pig to text out new recipes as she learned. I didn’t like it half the time, but I went along with it because I appreciated the fact that she WANTED to learn how to cook nice meals for me.
See…I’m not always a jerk. Just on days that end with a “y”
@ListenToLeon, awww. You def aren’t as big a jerk as I would peg you to be. Heheheh. JK
@Liz,
TLC – the learning channel or the lifetime channel
NOT THE LIFETIME please!!!!!!!!!!
@BLUNTBLAZER,
All those wedding shows are on The Learning Channel. TLC might as well be Lifetime! LOL
@Dom, do you know until now, I actually didn’t know what TLC stood for. I thought it was the tender loving care channel. which would make sense on it being for the chicks.
@Panama Jackson,
I used to think the exact same thing.
@Panama Jackson,
“the tender loving care channel.”
LMAO!! U might as well have called it the “We luv buttchex. how bout you?” channel.
TLC used to be cool. They had surgery with the blood spurting out and everything. Now it’s Lifetime Reality part Deux.
@Dom,
haha das why I dont have cable i got dvd’s like chick pick a movie lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
LOL Smart Man!
@Liz, how about i don’t even remember watching those shows. lol. that’s how much attention i was paying.
my physical was there, mentally, i was clearly in outer space.
@Panama Jackson, LOLOL. Yeah you pretty much looked like you were checked the eff out. Still! That’s better than complaining!
we make sure you get yours (to protect our good name in the street should we ever break up) because we love you and we know aint nothin gonna help you go to sleep and have a good day at work like gettin some good good before you put your retainer in and and go to sleep
@Blacklaw,
I am MAD at the retainer!
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
@Blacklaw,
das wuz up. we see you tha only one outa ya lil girly click cheesin like you jus came from the dentist knowin daddy laid it down.
love this blogness so much.
well, the top of my list would definitely have to go to shoveling snow. it’s cold, wet, mushy, heavy… did i mention COLD?
yeah. i imagine no one likes to shovel snow. but men do it because they Loves us.
@Muze, OH YES. Snow is DEF a MUST. I mean if he doesn’t do it, I won’t
My future husband and boyfriends better be glad I live in LA where it doesn’t snow. I will pick up a phone in a minute!!
@Muze,
I will only shovel snow in the driveways of close relatives. Doing work in the cold or heat is definitely reserved for people you will always love.
If I cut grass or shoveled snow for a woman and she failed me, I might lose it.
@thismayconcernyou, *delurking on random day off*
I CONCUR!
@IVR, well gotdamn. mothertrucking IVR. LOL. nice to see ya.
*scratches name of “Milk Carton List”*
@Panama Jackson,
lol i know right. talk about blast from the past!!
@Panama Jackson, “@IVR, well gotdamn. mothertrucking IVR. LOL. nice to see ya.
*scratches name of “Milk Carton List”*”
I’m here everyday homie . . . just trying to stay employed . . .
@Muze,
“well, the top of my list would definitely have to go to shoveling snow. ”
YES! I’d pick mowing the lawn over shoveling snow if I had to choose (if he loves me, I won’t have to…he’d do both. lol).
@Muze,
im from cali. Whats Snow? lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
*throat punch*
@Cheekie,
*snickering*
@miss t-lee,
It’s warranted ya know? I’m sitting here like, no this mofo didn’t say “what is snow” given the pure hell we experienced here this past winter. lol
And it JUST started being consistently nice outside. And that won’t last for long. lol
@Cheekie,
its been in the 80′s for like a week now lol
gotta love cali
@Cheekie,
Consider yourself lucky. Im in Boston and its been 66 and rainy for a week. We still aint hit a good patch, its worse than Seattle!
@Cheekie,
I don’t really know what snow is either…sorry…lol
@Dom,
Yeah, we are lucky in that aspect. It’s very nice out today. The forecast keeps changing. Rain…no rain…50% thunderstorm…30% chance of thunderstom.
@miss t-lee and BLUNTBLAZER,
*mass throat punches*
@BLUNTBLAZER,
awwww you’re from cali too?? what part??
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
bay areaaaaaaaaaaaa and u?
@Muze, yeah, you’re right about that. i HATE shovelling snow. on the scale of things i hate most in life, shovelling snow is right after getting accupuncture with sharpened ninja stars that have been heated to 145 degrees Celsius. yep, right after that.
I recently fixed a vacuum for a girl. I walked a girl home along her path home from work specifically to see the route and potential fools along the path. I was also asked to start an outdoor fireplace.
Those are cool.
What do I hate doing?
Taking out a woman’s trash ten minutes after I just took out another bag. Taking out the trash is fine, but taking out your trash 10 minutes after I just did it is some fmylife-type ish. And it happens to me 24/7.
@thismayconcernyou, awww, u poor thing! that would def suck. I try to minimze trash needs to once a day!
@Liz,
I promise, though. I will only cut my wife’s grass. My dad had me cut grass with him as his “side hustle” from the time I was 11 until I graduated high school.
I probably made $150 total cutting grass in that entire time. My dad said I was “earning my keep in the house.”
I’m still side-eyeing that mofo(<– literally) for that. No, we don’t have a good relationship. No, I didn’t talk to him on Sunday. lol.
Anyway, cutting grass for any woman is out of the question until marriage — save Keri Hilson, Kerry Washington and Jurnee Smollet so long as they’re bartering their services for my lawnmowering skills.
@thismayconcernyou, promise, though. I will only cut my wife’s grass. My dad had me cut grass with him as his “side hustle” from the time I was 11 until I graduated high school.
my husband had a similar experience.. he does not cut grass. .. he makes sure it gets cut but he fa show aint the one cutting …..LOL
@shay_d_lady, yeah, that’s me too right now.
@thismayconcernyou,
“I probably made $150 total cutting grass in that entire time. ”
Dayum…CTFU!!!!
@thismayconcernyou,
at least u got paid shiiii I been cuttin grass since i was tall enuf to reach the handle. pops tricked me i saw him doin it one day thought it was coo and i been doin it ever since. thank god for apt’s no grass except the good good kind yadaimean
@thismayconcernyou,
she using a dixie cup as a trashcan? what’s that about?
@SAULE WRIGHT,
There are some women who seem to compile trash as though they are city dumps. I don’t know why, but it seems as though I have lived with a few of them in my life time. smh.
And the dixie cups are more like hefty bags.
@SAULE WRIGHT,
lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!
@thismayconcernyou, you know, i also hate that. if it aint a BBQ, why for come you got so much damn trash?
@thismayconcernyou,
BF gets pissed when I put the little garbage bags from the bathroom or bedroom into the kitchen garbage. Damn, at least I put it by the door
we watch a lot of chick flicks, all of whom have interchangeable plots
@Blacklaw,
Ya’ll know ya’ll enjoy some The Notebook.
@Cheekie,
yall really watch those i be makin my move durin chick flicks and we never finish the movie hahaha victory again
@BLUNTBLAZER,
HAHA…true.
But stop frontin’…ya’ll like the plot of SOME of those movies. Some of them are just good stories, period. Good stories are universal. lol
@Cheekie,
yea great plot *kissin the neck* i love this movie *grabs a hip* next thang you now tha movie is watchin us
@BLUNTBLAZER,
lol…shut up.
@Cheekie, don’t get me started *again* on the wacksaucness that is The Notebook. I’ll watch Love, Actually over and over, but The Notebook makes me want to burn mongeese(da hell is the plural for a mongoose) with a magnifying glass.
@Panama Jackson,
How could you be so heartless? (no auto-tune)
@Panama Jackson,
Mongooses
@Panama Jackson,
*ahem*
Mongolia
quick topic change – Peejay, this nomination process on the blog awardshas me slightly confused – please help! the language of the prompts is as though I am the blogger of vsb, nominating myself. and there’s one tab where they want us to put in an email addy – should i be putting in mine? i went ahead and did it… hope it doesn’t get either of us in trouble, heh heh…
good luck, i know you’re gonna rock it! i’m in the US this july, you BETTER invite me to the champagne and ribs celebration bash when you win!
@superwoman, It confused me too. I had to check on the fine print to make sure I wasn’t crazy. What you did sounds like it was right, despite the confusion. Thanks for your support!!!
@Liz, ok, cool, thanx ever so much!
i noticed you adroitely sidestepped the issue of the celebration bash…i will not be deterred in my goal to be entertained by vsb!!! hook it up!!!
I want to add an asterisk to all 7 items because everything guys “altruistically” do for chicks is something we enjoy watching them do….mowing the lawn (shirtless and sweaty), putting together furniture (shirtless and sweaty), washing my car (shirtless and sweaty) all benefits the guy because eventually I’m gonna look over and realize what a selfless (shirtless and sweaty) person you are. And you’ll reap the benefits.
The true test–the one sure way to know if a man is honestly doing something out of the kindness of his heart—is if that man can understand and support my sports rooting allegiances. If I can convince a man to applaud/cheer/yell/high five me for Gary Sheffield (clearly), Derrick Rose/Deron Williams, Alex Ovechkin, and the New Orleans Saints then I can buy my own tampons for the next 50 years. And if the feds ever come, I’ll take the charge for him. Seriously, if I can ever convince a dude to be gay enough to alter his sports loyalties for the sake of a relationship it’s the only way I’ll ever know he really digs me.
@Sheffield Swats,
mowing the lawn (shirtless and sweaty), putting together furniture (shirtless and sweaty), washing my car (shirtless and sweaty) all benefits the guy because eventually I’m gonna look over and realize what a selfless (shirtless and sweaty) person you are. And you’ll reap the benefits.
oh lawd yes indeedy!!!!! bring on shirtless and sweaty!!!!!!!!!!!
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
“mowing the lawn (shirtless and sweaty), putting together furniture (shirtless and sweaty), washing my car (shirtless and sweaty) all benefits the guy because eventually I’m gonna look over and realize what a selfless (shirtless and sweaty) person you are. And you’ll reap the benefits.”
Mmmhmm. This is some Good Samaritan ish right here. God will look down on your proudly for doing this for your lady.
@Cheekie,
sad thing is half the block saw us shirtless and sweaty so we got half the block jockin now lol catch 22
@Sheffield Swats,
“If I can ever convince a dude to be gay enough to alter his sports loyalties for the sake of a relationship it’s the only way I’ll ever know he really digs me.”
If dude totally switches teams to make you happy, you’ve found the wrong man (if you call that thing a man). If he cheers for your team when his team isn’t playing, fine.
@An Island, Amen.
@Sheffield Swats, that’s not love. that’s a man who doesnt care for sports that much.
and i don’t trust dudes who dont like ANY sports.
sometimes in life, all a man has is his allegiance to his teams.
even in bad times.
even in the face of people who HATE his teams (Duke Blue Devils rock!).
@Panama Jackson, totes disagree. A man has his own sports priorities which he shouldn’t cede. BUT if we’re at a game together and, after months of hating on my favorite player, my dude begrudgingly celebrates an at bat of said player it’s kind of a big deal.
Similarly, I hate the Kobe (and the Blue Devils, for that matter). But if I celebrate a Lakers chip (or console you on another early tourney exit, in your particular case), the guy knows I’m only doing that ish because I care. I expect the same.
@Sheffield Swats,
Thank goodness I dont gotta do all this consoling bizniss. When ‘Nova went home he just took me out for wings.
LOL.. now that dishwasher thing is me all day, I hate hate HATE when my husbands puts the pots and pans in the dishwasher.. they never get clean, and you end up hand washing anyway… or being trifling and running them through the dishwasher again….
however the car wash thing is a man’s way of staking claim.. I aint never asked a ninja to wash my car but every single solitary guy I have ever dated has washed my car.. my husband even got mad when I got the mobile detail guy to do it at the job…it has never really mattered to me. i can run it through the gas station joint and be straight..
i do require guys to take out trash and bring in groceries or any heavy items from the car.. I just told my sis to drop her dude who did not offer to bring in the huge a$$ bowl of pasta salad that was in her car for my mom’s party… I was like how you need my husband to go and get it and old boy chillin? he aint shyt….
@shay_d_lady,
lol my homeboy just yelled at me the other day becuz i had this big thing of water in my trunk. he couldn’t understand why it was still there. i said it was too heavy for me to take up to my apt so i just took a few water bottles out at a time (lol) and he then launched into his “that’s what n*ggas are for” rants. i wanted to drive him to my apt to go ahead and do the job but alas, it did not happen.
i still have water in my car lol.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
i still have water in my car lol.
That there statement cracked me up! I literally LOLd.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay, girl I have done that and still will.. my husband had jury duty and was sequestered for 2 weeks.. i just took a couple of bottles out at a time… LOL
@shay_d_lady,
gas wastin smh
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay, my girl does the same thing. she stays with a thing of water bottles in the car. lol. i thought she just wanted to always have some at her disposal…even boiled to the point of distillation water due to the 90 degree DC heat.
@Panama Jackson,
LOL @ “even boiled to the point of distillation water due to the 90 degree DC heat.”
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
well, I will carry my own sh*t up our 3 story walk up when he is out of town (yay for weight training).
But when he is around, BEST BELIEVE I will call him on my way home on some ” what u want for dinner?? oh, by the way got a car full of crap…”
@blackberry molasses,
the bulk pack water bottles i buy from Costco is really too heavy for me to carry. when i bought the smaller size from target, i could do it no prob. but now?? puhleez. i’m happy to take out 3 each day util it’s time to go back to Costco
Let your momma come over and spend the night with no courtesy warning but when my mom wants to stay its like a Haitian applying for a US school visa. I love you to death. I wish I could, literally. Joke I would never condone such a thing.
I need you tonight girl. That’s why I love you tonight.
When you talk slick in front of friends and I dodge your face with my open palm. That’s love. Its a difference between a mistake and premeditation or or at least that’s what you told me when your mouth accidently fell onto dude in 9b’s swipe.
When I payed for my own Birthday Present from you but didn’t know it until my credit card bill came in the mail and I still kept you on my insurance. That’s love.
I don’t even like you and you know that’s love.
@Arafat Khadafi,
Myyyyyy ninjaaaaa!
Tell your mom’s she fine and all, so I got that good dreamworks workin, which I know I’ll HAVE to do cuz you actin all prudish cuz she in the next room. ninja you STAY with me… You think she don’t know we fuggin on a reg? I thought you LIKED that sneaky naughty sex? Tuh! The nerve of you…
And I flew you to NYC for a modeling gig? Damn… I’m generous as hell. Wish I’d thought of that as a surprise… for YOU. Cuz it sho as he!! was a surprise to me…
@Arafat Khadafi,
“When I payed for my own Birthday Present from you but didn’t know it until my credit card bill came in the mail and I still kept you on my insurance. That’s love”
Reminds me of when I had to put my Barkley’s in lay-away so she could get them for me for my birthday present.
Also, when a dude handles anything concerning the toilet…cleaning it, holding my hair while I puke in it, and plunging it when a roommate/family member/houseguest drops a stinky load. Gotta say, that’s love. I will pay a million jillion dollars to a plumber to handle anything toilet related in the absence of a man I can guilt trip into doing it.
@Sheffield Swats, ain’t nothing worse than dealing with somebody else’s sh*t.
that, my friends, is a double entendre.
I’m going to list the simple stuff then go up and read everybody’s responses. Take out the trash, pick up after yourself, suggest going to see the latest chick flick before I start begging, take out the trash and going down on me regularly. LOL.
back to our original programming…
i really, really love it for a guy to drive me around, coz i hate driving. you’re the guy – YOU do battle and play dodge ‘ems with the crazy minibus taxi drivers, navigate thru congested traffic and all that…
i’ll sit over here in the passenger seat and make witty, engaging conversation…
@superwoman,
Yes! And he can out-stare the minibus taxis whose drivers are bat isht crazy!! (be glad you don’t have them motorcycle taxis aka boda bodas!). He’s been known to switch off his car and just wait out the taxis to get back to their lanes as they were driving on the wrong side of traffic and they expect him to drive off the road if he wants to get moving… But!!! along with being a passenger comes great responsibility. Thou art not supposed to tell him “baby, why don’t you just let him through” or give advice on his technique for blocking access to his lane from a queue jumping minibus taxi.
@Wanjiru,
But!!! along with being a passenger comes great responsibility. Thou art not supposed to tell him “baby, why don’t you just let him through” or give advice on his technique for blocking access to his lane from a queue jumping minibus taxi.
ndio, sweetie – which is why i spend my time in the passenger seat making riveting conversation and ignoring the near death scrapes with combi drivers…
@superwoman,
You can sit while I drive all day long. Just don’t put your feet on my dash like a ghetto bird, or out my windo like a crazed 2520.
And also, I don’t give a sheet if it’s your birthday… DO NOT touch my radio. I can take polite suggestion: “What is THIS song?” is sufficient enough to make me put on the sappy love songs or smiiiiith Jazz.
@Dante_Alexander,
I can get with this. On the other hand, if you put smthg on for me and I express to you I HATE it, please find smthg else. I mean, if I wasn’t in the car you wouldn’t be listening to this anyway.
If I say I like Isley Bros, and you put on Mr. Biggs, or I say I like R&B and you put on Frankie J don’t get offended and make me suffer throught that BS.
@Me fail english?,
Duly noted. My car stereo has a slot for a flash drive. I keep EVERY song I have on that flash drive, separated in different folders. I can find something you like.
But DO NOT touch my radio if you want to turn the song up. There is a remote, and tou’re fugging up my settings if you touch anything. Please don’t. When you’re NOT in the car, I have to reset everything.
Plus, any chick that’s with me knows I’m the coolest OCD cat since Mark Sommers hosted Double Dare. But I WILL flip if you feck my sheet up. Seriously. And it’s not even directed at you. Its about my sheet.
What I CAN do is teach you the remote or whatever so you can play DJ on a long road trip. but if we goin to the store? C’mon now…
@Dante_Alexander, being the music snob i am, Ray J notwithstanding, i’ve gotten into beaucoup “debates” with the fairer maidens about their flagrant fingers touching and changing my radio.
though that was mostly b/c i didnt respect their musical acumen.
you own two cd’s, one of which is Changing Faces. don’t touch my radio.
@Panama Jackson, word. If Kiss-FM is that woman’s idea of background ambience, she ain’t got a friend in me.
SMH at the above thread…. Boys and their car stereos….
*whispers* but I’m exactly the same way. Touch my radio and you will draw back a nub.
@superwoman,
“i really, really love it for a guy to drive me around, coz i hate driving. ”
Yup. There’s something very manly about a guy taking the wheel. And something girly about me checking myself out and applying lip gloss in the sideview mirror.
@Cheekie,
‘Xactly. This is why I can’t get along with a man without a car.
@Me fail english?,
nuthin betta than cruisin on a sunday with tha car all shined up and ya old lady right next to ya
@BLUNTBLAZER, Hell, Saturday too. Friday, a good holiday, anytime one doesn’t have to commute. Break out that weekend warrior. Proper sports car, proper cruiser, proper 4×4 even, with good sounds? Good times.
Going to and from work however has one screaming for a comprehensive NYC-esque mass transit system.
@Me fail english?, even in NY??? seems to me that sometimes in NY, a car is an inconvenience.
@Panama Jackson,
Oh yeah, I forgot you’re over there in NY, me fail english. I thought folks mostly walk or cab it in NY…
ETA: Or the dreaded subway. lol
@Cheekie,
Hell to the nizzaw! I got a car. It’s insured in downstate NY (in a garaged area, but still) and I’m under 25. I only use the train for work. Other than that, I’d thank fools to keep their bird flu off my neck and their change cups out my face. Eff the subway!!
(I really hate the MTA)
@Panama Jackson,
I have this debate with people all the time. Unless you live in Manhattan, I really can’t see why you’d choose to live without one.
Some ppl don’t mind smelly, homeless, crack sex staring them in the face at 1am, all because they wanted a late meal in the city. I do.
Some people don’t mind standing in exhaust fume heat under a 90 degree sun for 20 minutes til the bus comes. I do.
Some people don’t mind the “foxy” lettuce that barks at you from the bag cause the market with good produce is where the buses dont run. I do.
If I lived in Downtown BK or wherever these non-driving outer-boro folks live, I’d sell my arse for garage money. I dont find public transpo. convenient at all!!
@Me fail english?,
All the people who love the convenience of their cars change their minds when they move to Houston.. or LA… Driving is a CHORE! And I’ll take that nice public transportation system you got over there… Thanks much.
@ Sula: Indeed driving in SoCal IS a chore during rush hour or when you’re running a billion errands. You can get sick of being behind the wheel dogfighting with ghetto monster trucks and uber-self-important douchebags in Priuses (Prii?) and 3-series, and don’t let the AC crap out in the summer with nothing on the radio and you’re sick of what the shuffle on the Zune/iPod drudges up.
Oh, but that whip is your friend on Friday night or when you have some impromptu skins to go see. Even that 86 Tempo leaking power steering fluid with one spinner hubcap, expired tags, and a hole in the exhaust comes in handy.
@superwoman, I don’t hate driving but I really love to be driven (take that as you like)
This should be a pretty hot post this week…anyways, let’s rock…
It’s definitely love if I’m toleratin’ yo’ *ss CONSTANTLY wantin’ rides everywhere (e.g. at 5am to work because you have zero idea how to wake up to an alarm clock and drag yourself out of your own house that I don’t live at).
But I’d have zero problem fixing things or taking them to get fixed if I’m the one who can see that it’s done RIGHT (and in the latter case, without someone getting ripped off). A notable exception is coming out from 45 minutes away to change a tire to a spare. Within reason, I ain’t mad at it, but otherwise, that’s right up there with acting like the trash is a man’s job, like suddenly it’s beneath you because a man is around…FOH.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, taking out the trash is beneath me when a man is around, kindof like men act like it is beneath them to make up the bed or clean out the tub when a woman is around. *rolling my eyes at dudes that don’t take out the trash. My grandpa is probably rolling over in his grave*
@El,
I’m OCD. I make my bed every day. Just make sure you take your draws out from under the covers BEFORE I make it… else you just lost them batches until the next time we remove the covers. I only chew my cud once.
@Dante_Alexander,
LOL… Too funny!
@El,
You took the words right outta my mouth. To each his own, but I’m def guilty of feeling trash duties is man’s work. Yes, we should all know how but let bf watch me lugging a hefty bag…let’s see how long you can go with no home-cooked food.
@Me fail english?,
I’m with you on the trash as man’s work thing. I remember being so steamed when with the ex, instead of taking it out, he’d compact it so tightly that when I finally (accompanied with dramatic sighs and a shrug at the empty fridge and cold oven), I’d try and take out the damn trash and all I’d do is have a ruptured garbage bag (and we used to buy the good ones- not the 60 for $1 from the dollar store!) and I now have to clean up all the trash that is now on the floor and the damn bag is heavy and who the heck throws away a water melon and a phone book in the trash and does not empty it?!!!
Arrgghhh!!!!
Don’t even get me started on the foolishness of tying up the trash bag as it’s summer and it’s smelling.It’s $6 for a packet of 30. We can afford a new trash bag every day!! Take.it.out.mo-fo!!! Take it out (said as I take the duly tied up garbage out).
@Me fail english?, exactly, and half way to the garbage can, if a neighbor offers to take it to the bin, that n word gets pissed.
@El, What kinda nasty bastich won’t clean his tub out?
Basically, I don’t think most domestic stuff is beneath either sex. It’s whoever sees and needs to do it so that it’s banged out. Neither my parents nor anything I’ve ever seen in other households or on TV has indicated that taking trash out is ONLY for males. Like the trash will just sit gnat and maggot infested and overflowin’ because that duty absolutely has to wait for a man. Chyle, please!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, js, it seems like ever since I moved in 3 years ago, I am the only one that makes the bed or cleans the tub. Go figure. I totally agree with you. Although, I believe it is a man’s job to do some things like take out the trash, if he doesn’t do it, then I do it.
@El, not sure what men you deal with, but i dont mind making the bed at all. or clean out the tub. neither is fun, but you do it cuz it needs to be done.
@Panama Jackson, I deal with one man and he used to clean all the time until I moved in. I guess he figures it is my duty. *rolling my eyes* And since I cant let stuff sit, I clean up.
I would expect my man to:
1) retrain himself to keep the toilet seat down—this is how I discern whether or not you give a damn about me;
2) take out the trash; and
3) buy my tampons, unless and until it is not necessary.
@charli skipper,
“buy my tampons, unless and until it is not necessary.”
girl…lol.
@charli skipper,
YES to the tampons. not a negotiable. you want me to hook up my killer chicken wings, pap and chakalaka recipe for when you and your boys watch rugby/footie/cricket or whatever varient of sports is on telly?….then best you be okay with buying my lil’lets extra strong.
and as champ would say…’that is all.’
@charli skipper,
1) I believe we here at VSB have had this convo before, but look… If I took a shet in the middle ofthe night, I’d think to put it down before I sat. Conversely, if I took a piss, I’d think to look to lift it up. Why is this so hard?
I, btw, always put the whole thing down, top and all. if I gotta do work, so does she. Dammit.
@Dante_Alexander,
hollylujah brother preach 4 real like yall aint got no rearview mirrors when u backin that thang up
@charli skipper, 3) buy my tampons, unless and until it is not necessary
I think its weird so many ladies have this on their list, this has never been a requirement of mine.. I mean in a pinch of course I dont want him frowning up at it but I have never really had a reason for a guy to do it. I mean I know when its coming and stock up accordingly…it seems like a “if you love me” test type of thing….
@shay_d_lady,
I hate “tests”! I don’t think I put that on my list but I hope the ladies meant “willing to buy on a bad cramp day”. Men barely grocery shop right (ol’ steak wit no seasoning asz ninjas!), so I doubt anyone’s depending on him to do a regular stock up on the ladies’ hygiene products.
@Me fail english?,
for me, it’s not a requirement. it’s just a “would you” kinda thing. i’m sure it’d make a guy uncomfortable to have to even be in that aisle. but if i REALLY needed it and couldn’t do it myself, it’d be nice to know a dude would grin and bear it.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay, you know, i think this is the crux of most of the breakdown between men and women. women don’t always want us to do things, they just want to know that we would. thing is, we often don’t know that we would until we have to b/c largely, we ain’t thinking about it. so when you ask if i’d jump off a building to save you if you fell…i might hesitate and be like…um, why’d you fall cuz if its yoru fault then you get what you deserve, no point in both of us dying.
women just like to know that we’d do sh*t that we dont’ want to do…for them.
lots of arguments have been started for that very reason.
y’all want us to WANT to do stuff.
LOL this isn’t the “i want you to WANT to do ish” kinda thing. it’s a will you tough out being uncomfortable for a few minutes to get me what i need cuz i’m unable to get it myself. i prefer to do my own shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc. i don’t need nor want a man to do it for me. but under certain circumstances, it’s nice to know you’ll handle biz if i actually am in need.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
Yeah. I want him to WANT to be romantic once in a while. If I ever catch him WANTING to buy tampons, that’s cause for concern.
@Me fail english?, you ain’t talking about this man’s grocery shopping skills. I’m the KAYNG of the supermarket! And the 99 cent store too.
Be a lot of cute freaks in the supermarket too. Single brothers feel me on this one.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
hell yea i suck at shoppin but it gets me play i got a number one time cause this girl saw my basket ( meat, beer and hungryman dinners) and laughed she said i was cute but I needed a woman’s touch.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
The grocery cart is like the arcade machine in the game of dating/love. There’s so many potential pick-up lines in a cart. lol
@Cheekie,
yea and if i see hella healthy food in ya basket im ingorin you lol i need substance. the shoppin cart is like the preview of their fridge.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
that must be why i don’t get play much at the super market. my basket is full of organic and healthy foods. i have been teased by male cashiers tho lol
@BLUNTBLAZER, No woman will ever tell me that when it comes to shopping for much of anything. But my rest? Uhhh, no comment.
We’re here on that preview part too. Only the thing I look out for is if they eat pig and other BS. If you’re the complete antithesis of Gem…BeThatAsItMay, we probably ain’t the two.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
You’re a dying breed! Sometimes my pops or bf will ask me to cook them smthg like “Look, and I got all the ingredients here too
” all proud and isht. Fool! No, you don’t that aint nothin but some Lemon juice and Lowry’s! How I’m sposed to make oxtails with this??
@Me fail english?, I thought we were a growing breed.
I don’t count on females not named my mother to cook. Too many broads I’ve known in my time couldn’t microwave ice.
@shay_d_lady,
I mean in a pinch of course I dont want him frowning up at it but I have never really had a reason for a guy to do it. .
Me either. I’m seriously trying to think of a time when there wasn’t something on hand. I can’t.
@charli skipper,
I would expect a woman to know how to check the toilet seat and put it down if necessary. That’s how I check for laziness and the ability to connect cause and effect.
@kamakula,
I don’t get the whole toilet seat argument either. Unless you’re into feng shui and believe sh*t (figuratively) is escaping through the toilet, so it must be down. Otherwise, all it takes is the flick of the wrist to put it down.
@V Renee,
We’ve already discussed it. I just don’t get it. What is it? I think it’s moreso a power play than anything…
@kamakula, That’s how I check for laziness and the ability to connect cause and effect.
LOL. you’re right. if a chick doesnt think to do this, toss her back.
@charli skipper,
“3) buy my tampons, unless and until it is not necessary.”
Women get docked points if they run out of feminine products. I just don’t see how one would not be prepared, and you don’t want me in the store buying them for you. My cheapness may manifest itself, and I cop the joints that are on sale.
@Legendary Dash,
smh@ u coming home with duct tape and cotton balls talm bout “Here baby, strap up”
*Dead*
@Legendary Dash,
“I just don’t see how one would not be prepared”
Yeah. There should never be a sanitary supply emergency. one should always have some on hand.
@iloVEGrits, i agree. we all know that once a month you will have a visit from Aunt Flo, unless you irregurlar. And then, you should always have some on hand. I buy my products in bulk, and i look for the sales so i can buy some more. no excuse ladies!!!
Agreed!
@N.I.A. naturally….,
I also get mine in bulk. And I’m pretty neurotic about keeping at least a couple in my purse. Don’t wanna end up in one of those embarrassing moment letters in those teen magazines I used to fear. lol
*This thread of comments is probably thee best way to keep the boys away. I bet they’re not coming NEAR these comments. lol
@iloVEGrits,
Well, I have lived in a house with 5 girls/women (my mom and sisters)… Those emergencies are bound to happen!
Ideally, it won’t but on the very off-chance that (gasp!) life gets in the way and (double gasp!) one runs out of tampons, it would be nice for him to pick them up…
I don’t think I’ve ever had anybody say: “Nope I won’t buy your tampons, sorry”… It’s part of life (literally) and shyt.
Go in the store with you. We know what we want, when we want it, and where it is. We don’t read labels, don’t bargain shop, and don’t care to have a membership card to get the lower price. We are in and out. YOU like to read the ingredients, then look on your iBerry and research the company, THEN call yo’ moms and them and see what the profit margin was for the company last year….THEN mull it over with the other 88 items on the same shelf. All this over some toothpaste? C’mon.
Talk. …you really expect me to explain that one?
Watch AND talk about the baby channel. Now, I’m not sure what channel this is, probably HATERgen or TLChange the channel, but they have nonstop baby shows. “Help, I’m having a baby”, followed by, “I Ain’t Know I Was Knocked Up”, “He Won’t Help Me Raise The Baby”, and then “Babies Being Born” and “Who Dat Baby Daddy”….OH and “Baby Stories featuring Babies and Babies Babies”. Yeah, hearing 99 women scream and 400 babies crying while some emotional (sometimes even rightly so) woman yelps about her man and the baby stress WHILE you provide color commentary and real life situations to relate to the story…is really close to peeing on a live electrical wire while standing in a puddle of water wearing metal boots.
but ah girl ya know I luv ya.
@SAULE WRIGHT,
So LOL!!! I was grocery shopping with the ex husband (with coupons – the whole 9) and after we’d finished, I told him we’d saved $9.72. He was PISSSSEEEDDDD! Every time we went shopping thereafter, he’s give me $20 and crumple the coupons.
Filed under “I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do THAT!”
@Wanjiru,
LMAO at the coupons, I just don’t have the organizational skill to clip coupons and then remember to take them to the store with me, and then just to save $10! I just can’t do it!
@Ms. T, I tend not to trip off most coupons, as it’s usually for stuff I don’t even buy (plus there’s usually some sale or generic version still cheaper in the store anyway). The coupons I get up for are the restaurants. Friday’s, Olive Garden…oh yeah, Souplantation/Sweet Tomatoes fans STAND UP!!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
lol. Your girl sounds like me! Aint nothin wrong wit some restaurant coupons. My Friday’s buy an entree get one free just expired yesterday. Shoot me
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
(plus there’s usually some sale or generic version still cheaper in the store anyway).
You really are the KAYNG of the supermarket… I heart you.
Coupons are for people who like brands. Me? I like good quality. Give me the Kroger or HEB brand and I’ll be good. It’s just Canola Oil anyways!
@Wanjiru, OMG, I’m DYING laughing. I just spit my drink all over my keyboard!!
@Wanjiru,
shout out to Chris Brown….
@SAULE WRIGHT, LMAO!!!! I watch all of those nonsense shows on TLC!
@SAULE WRIGHT, you are funny. Cracking up at the “iberry” LMAO! Hmmmm, all this talk about the TCL channel is going to make me start watching it.
@SAULE WRIGHT,
YOU like to read the ingredients, then look on your iBerry and research the company, THEN call yo’ moms and them and see what the profit margin was for the company last year….THEN mull it over with the other 88 items on the same shelf. All this over some toothpaste? C’mon.
*dead*
@SAULE WRIGHT, *DEAD* at your list of shows!!! you CLEARLY watch too much of them shows and love the hell outta somebody LOL
@Liz,
They say that patience is a virtue…but I feel like my patience may make me a patient.
hold me
@SAULE WRIGHT, I can’t clap to not bargain shopping or using the discount cards. You have to appreciate the extra cream towards kicks, records, and drank.
But I feel your take when it comes to the mall. I don’t want to do that dance with bags from stores that have NOTHING for men, waiting on her to try a bunch of crap on, apply samples, etc. Ex factor had the nerve to complain if I dare hit up Men’s Land because I don’t feel like waiting on her to come out of Express or Victoria’s Secret or wherever.
And I don’t mind talking, but it’s definitely love if she tries to unload the girl sh*t on me. I be feelin’ like “damn, call your crew on your own time and tell them all those finer girly points, that is not my department.”
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
It depends. I can go in Marshalls and find a Fendi bag for my wife for .33 cent and a pair of Diesel jeans for 3.00….but outside of Marshalls or Burlington….I can’t get with it. It’s like selective turrets. You know, when they only say racial stuff. I got that when it comes to shopping. I can only tolerate bargain shopping when I am DIRECTLY affected…i.e., I can flip it on ebay.
@SAULE WRIGHT, Go in the store with you. We know what we want, when we want it, and where it is. We don’t read labels, don’t bargain shop, and don’t care to have a membership card to get the lower price. We are in and out. YOU like to read the ingredients, then look on your iBerry and research the company, THEN call yo’ moms and them and see what the profit margin was for the company last year….THEN mull it over with the other 88 items on the same shelf. All this over some toothpaste? C’mon.
Panama’s long lost brother? Is that you?!?
@Panama Jackson,
well…papa was a rollin’ stone……
I appreciate the heck out of my man for
1. taking over car duties for me e.g. he’ll occasionally take (my) car to see how it’s running and inform me that I need to get whozzit changed *and* then take it to a guy he knows to do it. Tires and oil changes? Check.Pumping gas even if I’m driving, check. He’ll also call BS on some of the unnecessary stuff that some mechanic will try and pull (if e.g. he’s traveling and I tell him that the guy said that I need a whatchamacallit). Pluuuss… if my car’s acting up, he’ll let me drive his car and take mine.
2. Getting himself roped into one of those ‘bring your dudes’ along events (like 3 men and 20 women). How many ways does he hate this? But he does it, bless his heart.
3. He HATES going-nowhere phone calls. Make that talking on the phone in general. I mean, this is a dude that charges his phone like once a week, ’nuff said. But if one of us is traveling, he’ll do a recreational phone conversation or two.
@Wanjiru,
“He HATES going-nowhere phone calls”
My bf too. Matter of fact, I don’t think he’s all that big on talking, but he’ll listen to me talk about NOTHING for hours, even when the game is on. I think I got a keeper.
@Me fail english?,
Yes you do. I despise phone convos as well, but will make the necessary adjustments for the people that matter.
@Wanjiru, man, it sounds like you got a keeper. I love when my man fixes my brake pads. Soooooooooo sexy. Even though he takes a month to do it after the request, I appreciate the skill none the less.
@Wanjiru,
The going nowhere phone calls thing is essential for every fully non-femalien male out there. We hate bubble gum talk. We handle phones like we handle shopping: You get in, get what you need, then get out.
It’s only so many times you can ask how somebody’s day went, and truthfully, we only care if it has somehow changed your mood to incredibly happy, incredibly sad/angry, or incredibly horny. If the day in question has no illicited one of those responses, please just learn to say “fine.” and move forward. I do not care that Becky had a paisley scarf on when it was hot in the office. I do not care that Bob tripped up and said something slick to Sarah, which caused her to yammer on about him all day long since she’s liked him since he started working there straight out of college 8 months ago.
I shouldn’t know all this shet. It’s ridiculous to me.
But I listen, because I love you.
I want to bash my head in with the very phone I’ve started speaking to you on, but I love you nonetheless…
@Dante_Alexander,
“I do not care that Becky had a paisley scarf on when it was hot in the office. I do not care that Bob tripped up and said something slick to Sarah, which caused her to yammer on about him all day long since she’s liked him since he started working there straight out of college 8 months”
LOL! I find all of this fascinating!!
@Dante_Alexander,
Oh dear. See, I wanted to call you and find out just what Bob said. Or why Becky has a scarf on in August. Hickey? When tanning goes bad? Tattoo?
But I hear you. I now know that men are the WORST sources of information. He’ll say
Him: “blah blah blah but we got a take out since his new place is still empty”
Me: What new place? He left his wife? She left him? When? What happened?
Him: Who knows? Just her being difficult. Now you, where are my white work shirts now?
And that’s all you’re gonna get until you learn that he left her because her boss took her to Cape Town, but the wife and her boss were both officially on vacation etc.etc.
@Wanjiru,
LMAO! Cosign this whole post!
Men never get all the damned details. Bf had a friend that pretty much disappeared for a while. Turns out he moved to like Kentucky. For months bf knew this but when I’d ask “Where’s Daniel?” he’d go “He’s gone. He’s just gone.”
Got me thinking he got kidnapped by the mafia…or swallowed by a whale or sum isht. smh.
@Wanjiru, yeah, i’m the king of non-details. my girl probably hates that. by the time it comes to relay the story, i’ve usually lost interest so i dont feel like talking about it anymore.
i’ve just moved on. details schmetails.
@Dante_Alexander,
Aww but you listened and remembered the details and everything! That is great!
@Wanjiru,
Pumping gas even if I’m driving, check.
If a man is in the car with me and I am going to put gas and he lets me pump it myself I will be quite upset. Men are supposed to know that women can pump gas but it is officially a man’s job.
@Wanjiru,
. He HATES going-nowhere phone calls. Make that talking on the phone in general. .
I hate going nowhere phone calls too, so I feel him. Only person I really like to talk about nothing with is my mama.
@V Renee,
“I hate going nowhere phone calls too, so I feel him. Only person I really like to talk about nothing with is my mama.”
Only person I like to talk about nothing with is, well, nobody! If you don’t have anything to talk about, text me…
@Wanjiru,
GUILTY. I sigh and cop an attitude when my phone rings. Now, unless you are my niece or a job offer, I’m offended that you dialed my number. We have a joint line with 1000 minutes….and use about 300 on a regular basis. Don’t call me.
But you can text me till yo’ fingas bleed.
@Wanjiru,
1. taking over car duties for me e.g. he’ll occasionally take (my) car to see how it’s running and inform me that I need to get whozzit changed *and* then take it to a guy he knows to do it. Tires and oil changes? Check.Pumping gas even if I’m driving, check. He’ll also call BS on some of the unnecessary stuff that some mechanic will try and pull (if e.g. he’s traveling and I tell him that the guy said that I need a whatchamacallit). Pluuuss… if my car’s acting up, he’ll let me drive his car and take mine.
I promise you that was one of the MAJOR reasons why I actually got engaged to my ex-fiance… Sometimes, when both of our cars would be due for Oil Change and I would still be in bed? He would get up, take one car over, have them work on it, drop it home and then the second car and have them work on it again. He would fix all the needs my car had pre-emptively… Say things like “I checked your tire pressure and it was down, so I put some air in… and so on and so for”…. I was in car heaven with that dude….
I am quite appreciative when a guy takes over garbage duty and car maintenance duties.
That is all.
@iloVEGrits,
*5th Sunday Fellowship*
I would have to add driving across town to change a woman’s flat tire to things I’ve done out of love (or temporary insanity).
@Omar, but i’m sure you got lots of special little **gifts** as a result of your chivalry!!
i know if you were my man, i would do things that’d make you feel like a bloody genius and lotto winner for that act of love and selflessness
@Omar,
Damn, love or temporary insanity?
I’ve never changed a tire but I’ve def. drove across town in the rain, at night, in traffic to pick someone up after they’d been in a fender bender. I pick up ppl when they’re stranded, etc. And these are ppl I don’t even love.
Maybe you’re just mean.
Come on, that’s completely different.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Not to me. Maybe cause I don’t know how to actually change a tire. But if I did and you called me to come help, unless I had special contempt for you…I’d just come help. No love or insanity necessary. I guess yall would just leave people stranded. smh
No, there is a diametric difference btw. being completely stranded or the car being undrivably wrecked and simply not wanting to swap a spare. But I will grant that it could take elbow grease that a woman might just not have in her (even a man can’t undo some extremely tight lugs), or that she’s in a dress and/or especially her girly footwear (e.g. sandals, heels) prohibiting her completely from adding a kick.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I’m guessing if she called someone she actually doesn’t know how to change the tire. I’m sure she’s not just chilling on the side of the highway like it’s the place to be for sheer laziness.
@Me fail english?, I’m late but she wasn’t stranded in the middle of the highway she was at home. She must’ve punctured it the night before because in the morning she had a flat.
Ironically her roommate knew how to change a flat, and she actually gave me a tip on how to do it faster…
I don’t know if you know atlanta but I was in SW ATL and she was north of Dunwoody.
I don’t really “expect” a man to do anything but listen and take heed. I rarely ask anything directly.
But my man knows I’m scared to death of bugs, but since I live alone, I have learned to man up and drown them in bug spray.. if he’s there, it’d be nice if he flexed a little muscle and killed it for me.
If I cook a big meal, I’m cleaning as I go, but it would be nice if he volunteers to wash the dishes.
I feel like I should not have to ask and if he’d listen, he’d know waht to do.
Somtething that my man does now that lets me know he loves me is drive 5 hours to see me (way more than I do for him) and never complains!
@Nicki Sunshine,
“If I cook a big meal, I’m cleaning as I go, but it would be nice if he volunteers to wash the dishes.”
Yes ma’am. Also, some stuff isn’t meant to go in the dishwasher. For example, my knives (the good ones at least) aren’t meant to be left in water for long periods of time, much less a whole dishwasher cycle. Cutting boards can’t be washed properly with dish soap. Certain ceramics can’t take the heat. Plus on my non-stick, I like to give it a fresh coat of grease afterwards anyway so we might as well just wash it manually so we don’t forget!
@Me fail english?, Exactly!!! And I have a dishwasher that I want use bc of how dingy it looked when I moved in! So I wash everything by hand, so yes, I’d expect him to also!
@Nicki Sunshine,
i agree with all of this, expecially the volunteering to clean up after i’ve cooked a big meal. it’s only right that he offer, and i would return the favor if he cooks a big meal for me.
@N.I.A. naturally…., “it’s only right that he offer, and i would return the favor if he cooks a big meal for me.”
Exactly.. I feel like if you are with a GROWN man, you shouldn’t have to ask him to do anything, he’d just know!
@Nicki Sunshine,
I feel like if you are with a GROWN man, you shouldn’t have to ask him to do anything, he’d just know!
agree 150%
@N.I.A. naturally….,
This is also true! Whenever I go to anyone’s house and they help me to a meal, I get my arse in the kitchen and help clean…without being asked to. That’s just manners.
@Nicki Sunshine, I feel like I should not have to ask and if he’d listen, he’d know waht to do.
i think that very statement right there has caused both world war 1 and 2, and helped start the korean conflict.
@Panama Jackson,
lol..yeah, there are beaucoup arguments that include the phrase, “I shouldn’t even have to ask! You should’ve known!” or something of the like.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“But my man knows I’m scared to death of bugs, but since I live alone, I have learned to man up and drown them in bug spray..”
Hallelujah Holla Back.
@Precious Rubenstein,
Yeah, Raid is my best friend. And I hate that dollar store ish…I had to spray and entire can on a waterbug once and it wilted away. Only to run away into a small crack as soon as I turned my back. lmao @ them slick mofos.
@Cheekie,
LMAO @ him playing dead!
Raid sucks too tho. I mean it works, but the bugs just take forever to die. The flop around all dramatic and then take one last kamikaze flight onto my pillow (eww). I wind up having to smash them anyway.
@Me fail english?,
Raid is a racket and everybody should know this by now.
Lysol works just as well, and it disinfects 99.8% of bacteria.
I say, dutch oven your SO, then kill a few bugs AND the smell with the Lysol. Functionality at its best.
@Dante_Alexander,
I’ma try it!
One thing that men do when they really love a woman is let her win an arguement. Even when we know that you’re dead wrong, if a man swallows his pride and says, “Honey, you’re right,” that’s love right there.
@Monk,
..or he’s just tired of dealin wit yo’ ass. Either way, I’ll take it!
@Me fail english?,
Yeah, it goes both ways…it’s love nevertheless though.
@Monk,
True story. Cuz I’ll be damned if EVERY argument we get into ain’t the dumbest sheet I’ve ever heard in my life.
“I’m sorry, baby. Crystal Pepsi DOES taste just like regular Pepsi. You’re right. What was I thinking?”
@Dante_Alexander,
Completely off topic…I used to love Crystal Pepsi.
@miss t-lee,
It was! They need to bring that ish back along with KFC’s Chicken Littles and the original McDonald’s McChicken.
@Me fail english?,
And the McDLT. Big Tasty just ain’t cutting it.
i want my hot side hot, and my cold side cold, Cot daymmit.
@Dante_Alexander,
Yeah, McDLT’s are truly missed.
@Me fail english?,
arch deluxe with bacon. That was the only burger I ever liked from McD…lol
@Me fail english?,
Speaking of Mickey D’s, do any of ya’ll’s McDonalds have that Angus Beef Burger yet? I remember seeing some documentary about them consumer-testing it and I recently heard some restaurants have them already.
@Cheekie,
I know BK had an Angus Burger. But they put all types of onions and bacon and mayo and ish on it and it sucked! (got it with a coupon. take THAT guys!)
Are the third-pounders made with Angus? They’re sooo freaking good, but obscenely large. I usually can’t finish it.
@me fail english,
A third-pounder…that sounds familiar. See, we don’t have those yet here so it might be the angus ones.
@Monk, I don’t know. Show me a woman that can’t take an L every now and again and I’ll show you an unreasonable, insufferable egomaniac.
@Monk, word.life. and on a similar note, i know i love my girl b/c i dont correct all the completely wrong statements she makes. like she get all her facts from wikipedia.
i just let it ride at times, smile, and mention it 2 days later so that she can be like, “really, i thought it was…who knew?”
@Panama Jackson,
“i know i love my girl b/c i dont correct all the completely wrong statements she makes. like she get all her facts from wikipedia.”
Teach me this not correcting skill. lol.
@iloVEGrits,
I need to learn it too.
@Panama Jackson,
Right!!
Aww…this was a sweet post.
Let’s not forget taking care of the car (all aspects, oil changes, tire pressure and the whole nine), and hooking up all the TV ish…
I know how to do these things, I’d just rather not have to.
@miss t-lee,
agreed, especially the t.v. stuff. during the holidays last year, why did my dad and my brother want me to connect the DVD with the Direct TV box so it could all work together w/o ever having to disconnect one thing in order to use the other. fathers and brothers can get away with that, but my man should not expect the same specail treatment….
@N.I.A. naturally….,
You’re soo nice…lol
@miss t-lee,
lol!! too nice…especially since my brother knew how to do it and he was home all day but just to lazy to do it.
@N.I.A. naturally….,
Aw naw. I woulda had all kinds of words for my brother. It woulda been a situation…lol
@miss t-lee,
it would’ve been, ‘cept i was sipping on some mulled wine i made and i was starting my 3rd glass when they asked me to do it. so it was cool….
My man should do yard work–cutting grass, pruning hedges, etc.– and he should clean out the garage and keep the garage cleaned out. and he should be able to fix something in the house. not b/c i can’t do it (b/c i can fix plumbing/electronics if i have to), but b/c he loves me.
@N.I.A. naturally…., ya know, i know jack sch*tt about doing real yardwork – pruning, planting stuff…i figure cutting the grass is all the yard work i need to be up on.
I might like a person heavily but honestly, if I’m bustin my azz being Mr. Fix-Em-Good because it’s in my nature, I’m hoping she’s Miss Kitchen-Throwdown or Miss Magic Shoulder Massage.
I found myself walking a GF’s dog one time, which wasn’t too bad if the dog wasn’t an absolute goofball and want me to chase it’s silly ass around in the snow. There are certain limits I have though…for instance, thou shalt not go to or participate in anything related to beautification such as sitting in a nail shop inhaling fumes while a Korean lady saws her toenails down. Just can’t do that…
@CPT Callamity,
” if I’m bustin my azz being Mr. Fix-Em-Good because it’s in my nature, I’m hoping she’s Miss Kitchen-Throwdown or Miss Magic Shoulder Massage. ”
This is how it should be.
@miss t-lee,
True. I believe in quid pro quo. Quite honestly, when I’m around I don’t expect bf to cook or clean up after himself or even do laundry ( I don’t trust him with the sorting *side-eye*).
He generally does a shetty job with all that stuff anyway…probably on purpose.
@Me fail english?,
“( I don’t trust him with the sorting *side-eye*).”
This is the truth. A lot of ninjas are sorting-illiterate.
@Cheekie,
They don’t know what sorting is…
c’mon now!!!
@miss t-lee,
Girl, you’d be surprised how many sweaters I’ve had to rescue from hot water cycles. It clearly says “wash cold with like colors” man! Everything white don’t need hot water and bleach!!
I appreciate when my man…
…comes all the way out to my place to hang out when I know it’s really boring there.
…brings me to his guy events like sports stuff and car shows without me having to ask him. I know he doesn’t want me there but he takes me anyway cause he knows I’ll enjoy it. He even pretends to be happy I’m there. awww
…offers to help me with problems even though I didn’t ask for his help. No muffin, I don’t need (or want!) you to “go up there and straighten it out” with my boss. But I appreciate the offer.
…goes to restaurants when he’s not hungry and just watches me eat. Lol. We wouldnt have made it if he didn’t do this. That man is never hungry and Im always down to eat.
@Me fail english?,
“comes all the way out to my place to hang out when I know it’s really boring there.”
Women really need to understand how big this is. My ex stayed on the other side of town and I would spend weekends at her boring @ss apartment.
@Humble_One,
We know and we love you for it!
@Humble_One,
I feel you on that one..the new guy drove down from Jersey to spend the weekend in my boring, not fully unpacked DC apartment, AND took me and my BFF to get fitted for these bridesmaid dresses he could not watch us try on, all while sleep deprived. Needless to say, I made sure to properly express my gratitude for his selfless acts.
@Happy Meal,
Thats good. Some women look at men doing that type of stuff as his responsibility to her. For them it’s just him doing what he is suppose to do.
@Humble_One, that is so true. some women mistake generosity for obligation.
I’d like to add if they know one of my girlfriends is sad or lonely, offering to take her out to eat with us. My ex fed me, my bestie and her mom one night and I didn’t even have to ask him to do it.
@Me fail english?,
“…goes to restaurants when he’s not hungry and just watches me eat. Lol. We wouldnt have made it if he didn’t do this. That man is never hungry and Im always down to eat.”
Aw, this is cute. It reminds me of this Family Guy clip…
Naw, just kidding. lol
But, don’t you feel the need to offer him something while you eat? I’d feel sorta weird just eating there in front of him like he was forced to choose who gets to have a meal and he chose me and I look like some greedy wench who doesn’t let her man eat. But, I’m neurotic like that. lol
Seriously, though, I’m sure you’re used to it where it doesn’t really bother you.
@Cheekie,
“Aw, this is cute. It reminds me of this Family Guy clip…”
LMAO!
But yeah girl I’m used to it. We’re complete opposites in that way. Eating is an event for me. He can survive off dusty cheetos and raindrops. He usually orders smthg and just stabs it with his knife. Sometimes I’ll make him eat smthg off my plate but he’s a 28 year-old baby. He just pouts when I make him eat, so I only do that sparingly.
@Me fail english?,
*dying* @ “dusty cheetos and raindrops”. What a meal. lol
Things that I do because i love you.
1) Stepping out of my comfort zone or inconveniencing myself for you.
2) Letting you touch my music.
3) Going to buy tampons and stuff for you.
4) Chauffering your @ss any and everywhere at all times of the day.
5) Kill Rodents
(If you have a mouse cool. But alley rats and opossums I ain’t touching. I ‘m from the hood and you know brothers from the hood don’t like rats or opossums.)
7) If I allow you to eat off my plate.
6) If I allow you to wear my clothes.
@Humble_One,
True stories, all.
You wanna go to an Art Show sponsored by the West African Neo-Fascist Movement to look at the statues of Ancient Zodiac symbols? Sure, baby, I’ll drive.
I think everyone should pay close attention to the last two, as well.
We’re not talking about just ANYTHING here… Dante does NOT share food. If I offer some to you, I really like you. If I do not smack your hand or stab that sumbeetch with my fork when you reach onto my plate, I love you dearly. please recgnize this fact. Typically my food, no matter the size of the portion, will be gone in less than 5 minutes. If you’ve gotten a chance to get a piece of mine, you’re a)very lucky, and b)in extrememly good graces. People have lost limbs over this. Seriously.
A side note to that is I allow you to NOT finish your food at a place and don’t make a comment or two about it. Doggie bags are your friend. You don’t even have to EAT it later. Just let me know you appreciate the effort I just paid at Spondivits. That damn shrimp platter was $37 bucks, ninja. At least give me the ILLUSION I didn’t flush it dow the toilet.
And also, If I allow you to wear my clothes (and I’m not talking about the ratty tee shirt I gave you to put on after I gave you that pearl necklace), but like my favorite Tee, of especially my favorite sweatshirt… Believe there’s something there. Believe it like you believe in the Lord.
@Dante_Alexander, i’ve lost a few sweatshirts that i really loved b/c of love. i miss them.
and my girl knows i dont like sharing food. hell, she tells everybody about that too. like, hi, this is Panama. this ninja dont like sharing food.
they judges me. LOL.
@Dante_Alexander,
“At least give me the ILLUSION I didn’t flush it dow the toilet.”
AMEN!! If they don’t do that, that’s borderline disrespectful.
@Humble_One, knew about the rats but I was unaware that opossums had made the list
@Humble_One,
“6) If I allow you to wear my clothes.”
Doesn’t this — in the case of wearing jerseys or oversized shirts with nothing else — benefit YOU more than her?
I was wondering this as well.
@Cheekie,
“Doesn’t this — in the case of wearing jerseys or oversized shirts with nothing else — benefit YOU more than her?”
That’s cool. I’m talking about the $200 plus shirts and stuff like that.
@Humble_One,
Oh…gotcha.
@Humble_One,
See this ish aint cute at all. I’d have to tell a broad about herself if I caught her traipsing around in my fly siht
Things I do:
1. Sitting through hours of watching half @ss celebrities find love on a tv, Soaps, and boring @ss Lifetime movies
2. Buying tampons in the middle of the night when her aunt flo decides to pay her an unexpected visit
3. Fixing shyt that I have no clue how to fix. Cars, toilets, holes in the wall, etc.
4. Lending money or playing taxi driver to her broke @ss sister
5. Defending your woman’s honor when there’s a strong possibility that you will get your @ss kicked by old Debo lookin boy, or even shot or stabbed by some ruffian
@ Panama
I was a sadistic child so I enjoy killing rodents, bugs, and kicking midgets. But if I was you, I would get a cat. It’s like watching the Discovery Channel when they catch mice.
IKEA furniture is easy to assemble, only when they give you all the freaking pieces
And do they have car washes in DC or crackhead that roam the neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do?
@Eff yo couch,
“And do they have car washes in DC or crackhead that roam the neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do?”
In Detroit the crackheads wash your car for you at the self car wash. They also roam the neighborhood looking to do car detailing and lawn care.
@Eff yo couch, And do they have car washes in DC or crackhead that roam the neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do?
definitely, thing is, i have moved from the neighborhood with the all-purpose crackheads into one that probably never saw one before.
the task has fallen to me and it gave me an appreciation for what a crackhead will do for 20 dollars. my old crackhead, (first st nw stand up) was a wiz with the sham. car looked like i just got it detailed from the dealer.
@Panama Jackson,
U gave them fools $20?! Damn that’s generous. Most I’m givin up is a 5. They don’t need crack that bad. Not like it’s heroin.
I like the topic Panema but half of it I can’t relate to because I don’t own those things. Here is a list of things that I think are signs a man loves you:
1. He offers to get you a Vitamin water or ice cream on the hotest day of the year.
2. He kills bugs that EVEN HE is afraid of.
3. Invites you events and functions that are special to him and not just the club.
4. He eats new foods (i.e. spicy Thai or Indian) just because he knows it will make you happy even though he hasn’t eaten all day.
5. Watches with you the “Notebook” or “My Best Friend’s Wedding” with a smile on his face.
7. … he tells you.
@Ivy St.,
“Watches with you the “Notebook” or “My Best Friend’s Wedding” with a smile on his face.”
This reminds me of the time my ex knew he and I was going out and he knew the Desperate Housewives finale was going to play that night, so he taped the episode for me. I really appreciated that he even thought to do that without me asking.
@Ms. T,
Damn and he’s your ex now?!?
@Ivy St.,
LOL…he must have done something very naughty.
@Ivy St.,
Yep! He did that and more to reel me in! Then he started slippin’!
@Ivy St., you spelled my name Panema. were you thinking about an enema when you commented?
lol. these things keep me up at night.
@Panama Jackson,
Yes Panema and “Panda Man” have me dying!
@Me fail english?,
I was wondering where all the quality Panama pet names were because “Champie poo poo” kills everything, it is so incredible.
i can handle most of the above except the rodents. i live in NYC. them big azz mofo’s are crossed with bear, at the very least. i simply cannot handle them.
i appreciate when a guy tries to cook for me. i love cooking, but i’m not a morning person so a dude making me breakfast… i got you for lunch and dinner.
massaging my feet also gets major points… mainly cos i hate feet and won’t touch any one else’s (mine are v pretty, so it’s all good). so if you indulge my spoilt self when i’ve been in heels all day, i’ll love you forever.
@puff,
“i can handle most of the above except the rodents. i live in NYC.”
LOL. You know, I think growing up here, I’m more scared of the mice than the rats. And more scared of raccoons and possums than either of em.
But if you’re having an infestation problem with BIG anything or any animal other than mice, you just need to move. That is not normal. Not even for NYC!!
@puff,
i appreciate when a guy tries to cook for me.
I do too, especially since I’m not the best cook. He gets a lot of brownie points for cooking!
Randomly Paying for things (like $300 in new additions to your wardrobe). LOVE
Going out to eat. Now im not talking about fridays every weekend im talking about someplace nice. (DC folks are gonna know these places: Ocean Air, McCormic and Smitt, The Mandrin Hotel, The Gaylord Hotel, and some of the random eateries in GW.) LOVE.
Washing her hair. Now i know alot of women might be side eying me like…that ninja isnt washing her hair and IF he is he isnt doing it right. lol
Well i figure if we are already in the bath or shower together…WTH not? Feel the love. that ish is deep…im washing your hair. lmao
…………………….tampons…………………
sorry ladies. i cant roll. i believe in relationship barriers some things should remain private to keep the mystery and the sexy in our relationship. My S.O. dosent dosent by my “raincoats” or deoderant so yes….hygene product shopping shall now and forever remain a personal shopping trip. nothing to do with love or the lack their of its just what i believe. (its in the same vein of how living together can SLAUGHTER a good relationship)
Lastly, you know i love you if i hang out with your folks. Your folks are cool and everything but i mean…..im long stroking their daughter and they HAVE to know it. So when we are all sitting around watching a movie and a chex scene jumps off…..akwarrrrrdddddddd. lmao
@ESQuared, you ever wonder what your girl’s father is thinking when he first meets you? like, “you hitting off my daughter??? YOU!!!!”
@ESQuared,
… just for future reference….
(1) if were grocery shopping together can i pick up some personal items?
and
(2) was watching Idlewild with my parentals that bad? lol
I just dont understand the whole taking out the trash thing…i mean when you lived by yourself or when your man is not there who took out the trash…you did!
I admit I hate doing it – but it doesnt require that much energy.
(I’m in a second person kinda mood today…and this is on the offchance that some random ninja applying for the job of Cheekie’s boo [I hate that word] reads the below)
If you love me? Oh, you gon’ kill my bugs. Especially them pesky silverfish. When I was living at the crib, it was Mama that suffered the agonizing screams and flailing arms when I saw one dart past. Shooot, I heard them mutants crawl in folks’ ears while you’re sleep. They look like parasites and crawl too fast. Bad combo. And one time my sister smashed one and the body fell the floor while the legs were still squirming around on the wall. What…THEE…Frick. Any animale that can do that is gross and unsanitary.
Other things I expect if you love Cheekie:
- The unexpected. I love when I mention something matter-of-factly but you up and give it to me later on to show that you have a great memory (or if you don’t…it shows that it was important enough to remember) and that you listened.
- My fave flowers: orchids. Followed by cala lillies. I am not really a rose person. If I mention how much I love orchids, those should be the flowers sent to the office so girls could squee and coo over them.
- You hug me from behind. Aw, that is just so cute. Aw.
- You cook for me. Hell, I’m spoilt. My dad was the cook when he was married to my mom (he was a chef in the navy) and that mofo threw DOWN. Downside is my Mama don’t know how to cook much of anything except some bomb peach cobbler. Which…majorly accepted. She gets five passes for that, it’s soo good. Wait a min…get off the tangent, Cheekie…
-
You buy my womanly products.You at least grab them and throw the womanly products in my cart.You at least order my womanly products online.Okay, I can totally understand if you don’t buy my womanly products, but once we’ve jumped the broom and borne rugrats? Modesty and false machismo is out the door.
Love,
Cheekie
@Cheekie,
Eww I hate silverfish too!
Oh…this topic seems a tad foreign to me somehow.
Let’s see: I don’t own a car or a dishwasher, nor do I have pets. I do all of this stuff myself, including the pest control. You’re more than welcome to help me move some furniture around as needed, though.
I am a reasonable guy and so I am willing to trade certain thing for the list of seven. I don’t feel it is unreasonable then to have a woman on tap for the following:
1. Cook Breakfast – I may not always have someone over who takes care of this in the morning or stays long enough for a drive to some diner. From time to time, I don’t feel like oatmeal or banana nut crunch cereal. While I can cook most things, my scrambled eggs still require lots of practice and I prefer pancakes with berries on the side (see example breakfast made for me this past Sunday, waffles with peanut butter: http://picasaweb.google.com/kamakula/Hmm#5350548829589613090 *I’d taken a bite before I realized I should grab my camera) when someone else makes it.
2. Clean out my fridge – I am a machine when it comes to packing up and moving. I can work nonstop for 6-8 hours just so that I can get everything done in one day. I’ve had girlfriends breakdown crying because they didn’t realize they themselves could stop and take a break and male friends pretend not to, because they were unable to keep up the pace. In fact, I don’t mind doing all the work myself. So while I’m busy with that, why don’t you do some of the easy stuff like sanitize the fridge, degrease the stove, and scrub the bathtub?
3. Rub my feet with the good stuff – If I have to listen to hours of chat where it is mandated that my only contribution to the conversation is one of the following “uh huh”, “want me to beat him up?”, “sure, I can do that tomorrow”, and “Wow, really?”, then you should be fine with just 30 minutes with my feet.
I’m sure someone(s) can come up with a few more to round out the seven.
@kamakula,
i think those are reasonable requests. my ex used to love for me to rub his feet. it seemed to always lead to another kind of rubbing….
@kamakula,
Waffles with peanut butter???? Forreal? I wasn’t even aware.
@V Renee,
Try ‘em with almond butter and a mixed-berries sauce…. Hmmmm!
@Kamakula,
You must have done something really right for the plate to be decorated so…. *grin*
This is a cute post.
I expect a man to do certain things which have already been listed, house repairs, trash emptying, bug-slaying, and anything car and lawn related. And please…you’re a man, take these heavy bags out of my hands, damn!
But honestly, I dont know if that has as much to do with love as it does just…things that should be done. I know I would cook or do “womanly ish” for a man I was seeing even if love hadn’t quite came into the equation yet.
I will NEVER ever ask you to buy me tampons. Have my hands/legs/ability to operate a vehicle stopped working? Just feels wrong and unecessary to me.
Anywho, its always nice when a man does things he is not a fan of simply to please you. Keep up the good work, guys!
@8th Wonder,
“But honestly, I dont know if that has as much to do with love as it does just…things that should be done.”
Yeah, some of these lists include stuff decent people would do for anyone they didn’t HATE if asked politely. These posters are on some “Naw we gotta be married b4 I be all holding the door for you.” lol!
@8th Wonder,
“I will NEVER ever ask you to buy me tampons. Have my hands/legs/ability to operate a vehicle stopped working? Just feels wrong and unecessary to me.”
Thanks e-twin.
I too, was wondering what the fascination with a man buying feminine products was…
My Dad (single parent) used to have to buy them for my sis and I, and even then, it was madd uncomfortable.
Yeah, it just seems kinda emasculating to me. I think its great to know a man WOULD go get them if you for some reason could not, but come on…that must be the most uncomfortable thing ever for a man, why subject someone to that when you can go yourself?
@8th Wonder,
I think a man should be able to pick some up if the woman is otherwise busy such as taking care of his child. Other than that, I feel ya, there’s no reason I can’t get ‘em myself. I just like the feeling that he WOULD get them if need be. Sometimes you need him to pick up something when he’s out and you don’t have time or ya’ll share a car or something…why can’t feminine products be included in that?
One thing I find more emasculating than buying fem. products is a man holding a purse. At least the former is only for a minute or so…the latter can last hours. Would you guys do this if you loved your girl? I can multi-task with the best of them, so I can find a way to maneuver my purse so that the guy doesn’t have to hold it. But, just wondering…
Because I see the looks guys give guys holding their chick’s purses. It’s hilarious and sympathy-inducing at the same time.
lol yeah, that also is effed up…there are a few things I never ask my man (When I have one, lmao) to do:
1. Buy feminine products
2. Hold my purse
3. Accompany me shopping
@Cheekie,
LMAO! I do this unintentionally all the time! I only have two hands man! I’ll take it back in a minute
@Me fail english?,
LOL. I never had to do this, but I’m always SMH at women who have their men doing this for the entire shopping trip. Like, I’ll see them in Macys and next time I see them in Vicky’s Secret, they’re still holding the purse. And it’s usually some truly feminine color like hot pink or some mess. lol
Sad.
@Cheekie,
LMAO! Okay I’ve never done it that long. You know what’s funny tho. Most of the men around me (neighbors, family, friends, etc.) tend to be hypermasculine and of all the muscle-bound athletes, hood dudes and assorted tough guys, only one person has refused to hold my purse.
MY GODDAMN SISTER!! She’s such a pirate hooker!!
@Me fail english?,
HAHAHAHA!
Now it’s extra-hilarious seeing a beefy guy with a purse. Naw, it’s funnier seeing a thugged out, sagging ninja with a purse. *giggling*
@Cheekie,
the real issue is if i’m trying to juggle handling 5 things at once.. the man needs to have his hand out trying to help me hold SOMETHING.
how you gonna stand there and watch me struggle and not offer to hold something??? =\
if he offered, i wouldn’t have to ask and he’d have more options.
@Cheekie, holding the purse is probably the worst b/c every dude that sees you is calling you a b*tch with his eyes even though they probably do the same thing.
but i can take it one step further. i actually had an ex who wanted me to *drumroll* please, put on lipstick. rather, she didn’t see anything wrong with her attempt to put lipstick on me. we got into a huge argument about that cuz im like, why would you want to date a man who would be okay with putting lipstick on all willy nilly.
she swears she didnt see the big deal but i really think she was on them rocks for that one. makeup? you want your man to put on MAKEUP?!?!?!
what part of the game is that?!?
@Panama Jackson,
I’ll admit that I used to do that when I was like 15, but my boyfriend never let me put it on him. I guess I was trying to punk him to see if he would let me do whatever I wanted and that wasn’t cool. Needless to say I have not done that since.
@Panama Jackson,
I went on a date with a guy a few years back that told me a story of how his ex put lipstick on him and painted his toenails. Then she demanded that he wear her thong to which he objected. I think he got punched in the face for that (unless I’m mixing up stories..but she definitely snuck him one time).
And this fool had the nerve to wonder why I never called him back. Can we get a “Signs You’re Not getting another date” post? If we havent already done this I’d appreciate venting!
@Me fail english?,
“I went on a date with a guy a few years back that told me a story of how his ex put lipstick on him and painted his toenails.”
Tha fcuk?!?!??!
Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
@miss t-lee,
Girl, at first I thought he was talking about his ex ad nauseam to make me jealous. But why would he be tryna make me jealous on our first date??? Then I realized that I didn’t care why he was doing it. He’s a closet homosexual and he deserves to be abused.
@Panama Jackson,
*mouth dropped open*
WHAAA? What are you her little brother? That is ten kinds of wrong.
Wow…I mean, wow.
How evil can someone be? lol
(Kinda) Off-topic: That guy in the pictorial representation of this post is kinda cute.
BTW, anyone who reads my takes in posts like these, don’t get me twisted. I love the laaaaaydies. I sometimes just find a good gender war fun, that’s all. Reading some of what the girls say thinkin’ “I’ll knock a bootch out poppin’ some sh*t like that with me”…and simultaneously taking notes!
THINGS THE BLUNT DOGGY DOES
1) Go out to eat/dance/walks/dumb parties, festivals etc. – we jus really wanna stay home and bone i work to much to wanna come home and do hella shiiiiiiiiii
2)Talk on the phone- yea guys do hate talkin on tha phone unless u talkin nasty then i expect you to back it up in less than 30 min after i hang up.
3)Buyin girly shiiii- It looks kinda funny seein a big thugged out linebacker sized lookin dude holdin a big a$$ teddy bear or jewelery etc standin in line to pay for it (talk about walk of shame)
4) Wear stuff you buy/let you dress us- I hate that outfit you bought you bought for my b-day but I wear it cause you like the way I look in it and i will let you pick my clothes on occasion.
5) Let you do #2 – If iI let you drop a stinky thas love cause weird thing is gurls shiii smells 20x’s worst than dudes shiii maybe it cause yall hold tha farts in lol but yea.
6) Mornin breath fallowed by a kiss- Yea we know you may look like halle berry but ya breath smells like a porta potty and you say “gud mornin daddy” and lean in for tha kiss ewwww……. but you kiss her back and hope ta god she doesnt try ta use the tounge.
7) dirty chex- yea we kno you need a shower/have to change the bed sheets due to wet spots but you want it so we give it to ya cause we know you were clean just 2 hrs ago and we can jus dodge the wet spots. thas love
@BLUNTBLAZER,
*cracking up at this entire list* Especially this:
“5) Let you do #2 – If iI let you drop a stinky thas love cause weird thing is gurls shiii smells 20x’s worst than dudes shiii maybe it cause yall hold tha farts in lol but yea.”
This is so true. Folks are mad possesive over their bathrooms unless it’s outta love.
Also,talking on the phone, too. Ya’ll ninjas know ya’ll get uncomfortable on the phone. Like, a whole ‘nother person. lol
@Cheekie, idk…the phone is the business for me. i can mutli task. so i can be STR8 playing Gears 2 listening to what happend at work and telling you to start documenting everything your co-worker says cause a problems comming, while muting you for a quick second to yell at my team mates for missing with every round in the torque bow.
After you have had your emotional and financial council you hang up with me so i can go play? Word? You support my video game habbit?
Thats love like a MF.
@ESQuared,
thas the only time i use my blue tooth to play video games and spit game at the same time lol
@ESQuared,
You sir, are growing on me, lol!
@Cheekie,
i be like pops from friday #2 is a priveldge lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
LMFAO. And yeah, don’t be number two-ing all in my bathroom spraying the whole can of air freshener like pops as if that’s gonna help.
@Cheekie,
naw got blunts for that lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
LMBAO @ this whole list!!!
Especially #4. THAT is adorable! awwww….
*pinches BLUNT’s cheeks*
@Me fail english?,
yea one chick had me dressin like carlton (fresh prince) to impress her dad one time. But her pops was hella coo we was killin the scotch. He knew she dressed me up to he was like her mama is tha same way and gave me a pat on the back. i neva met a girls parent that aint like me
@BLUNTBLAZER,
OMG you don’ brought out a Fresh Prince moment. Remember when Will had to dress like Carlton to impress that snooty chick’s dad that turned down every potential date? They’d walk up to him and he was like, “NO!”. lol
And Will was practicing what to say with Carlton:
Carlton: If they ask where you’re from, what do you say?
Will: Ben Dover.
Carlton: It’s Andover, we’re going home!
LMAO.
@Cheekie,
naw member tha carlton dance that was the greyist/funniest thang ever still makes me laugh. people really used to dance like that? lol
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I used to kill doing that dance. I had it perfected in grammar school.
@BLUNTBLAZER, i cosign this whole list and im given extra props to number 2 I hate hate hate talkin on the phone with a chick if we aint talkin about chex, or when we gonna have more chex
girls be tryna keep you on the line even when there is dead silence. let me go! “you are raping my time” (Patrice O’Neal)
Well just about all of the reason except rodents is why I love dealing with single women in NYC-no lawns to cut-no cars to clean and putting together furniture uh no I will bring it upstairs and all but theres no putting together of any furniture unless she in Long Island with big a$$ house and she in that position probably has a man already…BTW I aint buying a house UNLESS I get married and have KIDS I aint mowing lawns after editing and shooting a film for 12-15hrs…kick rocks!!!
@tempsoner,
umn… I kinda feel where you coming from..buuuut not even a condo? I think I need you to own something that appreciates in value…for you
I also think that buying name brand products shows love.. my husband is cheap as he-ll when it comes to paper plates and towels and condiments but he knows that I dont do any ketchup but heinz, no mayo but kraft real and no ranch but hidden valley…. ya know why? cause I got plenay money……thats what you didnt tell the folks…LMAO just kidding I been looking for a chance to say that all day…
but for real, him? his a$$ is eating whatever is on sale..even the ‘catsup” which I just cant even trust…
@shay_d_lady,
“I got plenay money”
LOL! I was standing on top of the bed this wknd, raining down singles (I only had three)on bf and saying this isht…in my Plies voice. He was pissed
@Me fail english?,
the visual just kilt me
@Me fail english?, LMAO “lift up shirt I bet your ribs showin”…thats my favorite part….besides..cause what you didnt tell the people I got plenay money…..
As a married man, I co-sign this list.
I would add:
1. Hang out with your people
Yes, we do it. Yes, sometimes it’s fun. But, to be honest, we could find much, MUCH better things to do with our time then hangout with your family and all their idiocy. Seriously.
2. Listen to you bitch about your stupid friends.
Your friends are dumb. When we chose you, we knew who your friends were, and we decided that you were the best of the lot as far as a total package. Do not expect us to be surprised that your friends have done something incredibly stupid. We saw that potential in them. That’s why we’re not with them.
3. Pull out
Nothing ruins sex like pulling out. Nothing.
@Big Man, LMAO @ number 3.
@Big Man,
#2 sounds like my current GF i like her but i hate her friends to death.
#3 no comment bruh bruh lol
@BLUNTBLAZER, i disagree with number 3 if it is accepted that I’m allowed to aim and hit, AND HIT anything I can reach with my bullets
@Blacklaw,
Yeah, re-living your pr0n fantasies are cool, but it ain’t the same.
At least not for me.
Alright, what’s up with “7 Things That Women Do Because They Love Us?”
And “head clinics” shalt not be on that list, because that’s a given.
head clinics may be a given but she swallows cuz she (nasty as hell) loves me
paying for shyt. heffah you got money too.
@WuDaMan, going shopping w/ them
I feel sorry for dude in the picture. He just looks like, “Damn, this is what my life has become?”
Pretty cool post. I just found your site and wanted to say
that I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Anyway
I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon!
This whole list seems nice and all, but sometimes the dude just can’t hang. My ex was positively extra afraid of spiders, bugs, mice, sand…pretty much everything….kinda remembering why we broke up. SMH when the woman has to be the man in the relationship.
I am from nyc, what’s a lawn!?
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