7 Other Things The NFL Is Probably Lying About » VSB

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7 Other Things The NFL Is Probably Lying About

I think we can all agree that the NFL is either the Illuminati or governed by an inept group of individuals who don’t know their johnsons from a stalk of lentils. And since the NFL is more popular than ever and making money hand over fist, I’m going with the former. Given this “fact”, its not surprising that the NFL reportedly received a copy of the Ray Rice tape video in April from law enforcement (unauthorized as it may have been) yet has “no knowledge” of ever receiving it and went about their business as usual droppin’ that 2-piece suspension on Ray Rice as opposed to the current and more appropos indefinite suspension. Thank goodness for TMZ and public outcry. You just can’t go puttin’ them paws on women like that and landing KO punches. Also, it’s no surprise that Floyd Mayweather came to his defense. Because Floyd.

Anyway, I don’t believe for a second that the NFL has no knowledge that they received the video back in April. For one, it happened in a casino. There are more cameras in casinos than than in a Canon factory. Secondly, they had to know the first fact. Allegedly, they asked for information from the wrong jurisdiction. #cmonson. Because of this, I believe the NFL is Joe Jackson. They’re a lie and a cheat and I don’t want them.

I’m lying. I’m going to watch the game tonight. I’m part of the problem. I almost feel like I need to get that on a tshirt.

Cognitive dissonance aside, I’m starting to feel like the NFL has had their hand in bunch of other stuff that they “have no knowledge of”. Through scientific research and diggin’ in the crates, I discovered 10 other things that the NFL was in on but had “no knowledge of”. Basically I think the NFL be knowing so here are some other things I’m pretty sure they’re lying about.

1. Watergate Scandal

Rumor has it that an NFL official was part of the group of individuals who went into the Democratic National Convention headquarters at the Watergate Hotel in 1972. It’s long been reported that there were 5 men who were arrested for breaking and entering, but somebody saw a 6th person break out and he had on a shirt that said “I work for the NFL”. Nobody has ever been able to prove this individual existed, but the lore is there. When questioned, the NFL claimed to have no knowledge of the scandal and thought that Watergate was something you put in pools to keep toddlers from wading into the deep end.

2. Zapruder film

I’m not saying the NFL had anything to do with the assassination of JFK, Jr. What I am saying is that there are missing frames from the Zapruder film. And I’m saying its entirely possible that the NFL has those missing frames. That’s all I’m saying. And even then, I’m not even saying that.

3. Who shot JR Ewing?

If the NFL knows they ain’t saying. And we know they know. What’s the most popular franchise in the NFL? Dallas. What’s the name of the show that featured JR Ewing? Dallas. You do the math.

4. Who called AJ on that last episode of 106 & Park that AJ and Free hosted together?

To this day it’s still a mystery. We saw the video, AJ crying on television as he takes a phone call on what is to be his last day hosting 106 & Park. Rumor has it the phone records were requested by and sent to the NFL offices but nobody will confirm or deny that ever happened. When asked, they simply said, “what is BET?” Touché.

5. The location of the Honeycomb Hideout

If the NFL is the illuminati, then they know all. And if they know all, then they know where the Honeycomb Hideout is. But if you ask anybody in the NFL about the Honeycomb Hideout, a hush comes over the crowd and a quick “Nobody knows” is uttered from NFL officials. Somebody’s lying, b. And it aint the hushed crowd. They asked the question.

6. What is Stonehenge really?

They know they know, we know we know. But when asked, they have repeatedly been mum, pretending to have no clue who, what, where, or why…Stonehenge.

7. Nipplegate

Janet took the L, but I’m guessing the NFL had prior knowledge that it was going ot go down no matter WHAT anybody said. They were hoping nobody would notice and it would boost ratings amongst the liberated women crowd. They forgot that the vast majority of NFL fans are of the God, family, football variety and have never seen nipples before. Though to be fair, network television was definitely not the best time to go full nipple. Nipple. Titty sprinkles.

What else do you think the NFL has information about but is swearing they don’t?

 

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • 8. Who really shot Crispus Attucks?

    It was a time displaced Aaron Hernandez. Crispus would have had a series of male ancestors that would revolutionize American soccer in the 1960’s so the NFL couldn’t have that. At the league’s behest Belichick sends Hernadez back in time to murk Attucks.

    • Lea Thrace

      That is some batsh*t crazy level of conspiracy theories. But I am here for it.

      Could happen…

      • and my theory is still more plausible than any theory involving the #loomingnaughty

  • Val

    I said yesterday that Goodell was done if there were any more missteps. Welp, there have been gigantic missteps. Basically Goodell has been lying all along and his big fat lie has caught up with him.

    And, hiring the former FBI Director is just another smoke screen. They are just looking for a patsy within the NFL to blame all of this on. It won’t work though. There’s too much media attention on this.

    If Goodell still has his job come playoff time I’ll be very, very surprised.

    • chile, there will be 1,000 fall guys under charter buses before that occurs.

      • Val

        I don’t know, Dara. Things are getting kind of critical. I mean when members of Congress are sending letters to Goodell wanting to know what’s going on then there is a serious problem. Plus, owners don’t like to rile Congress. They don’t want anyone in Congress thinking about the NFL too much. They like having the bs anti-trust exemption.

        • Amber

          Yeah I’m not too impressed by Congress sending letters. The way Congress is now I assumed these so called letters are actually cover letters with resumes attached, so they can have jobs when they leave office.
          The NFL is ridiculous it’s been reported that they have many ex CIA, military, FBI, Secret Service people and the like on staff to always know what’s going on.

  • The NFL shot Big AND Pac.

    • jaidevivre

      When the Super Bowl came to Dallas a few years ago, I was working for an environmental nonprofit with ties to a suburban city. The NFL approached us and other cities/orgs in the area bc they wanted to do tree plantings in all these places in honor of SB 45 and to make DFW feel good about the NFL having been there. But tell me why we ended up paying for damn near everything?! They brought the idea, basically. And then kept saying “as a nonprofit…” NO. WE are a nonprofit. WE are the ones with barely a 90 day reserve. Please miss me with that foolishness.

    • jaidevivre

      Sorry about this. This is what comes of trying to operate my phone 5 minutes after I wake up. Pushing wrong buttons, replying to wrong things. Good call on the Big/Pac theory though… :)

  • Paradigm

    I’m still mad about nipplegate ayetime it comes up.. Golden Boy Justin Timberlake was the one who initiated the wardrobe malfunction.. He NEVER got any heat for that situation.

    • st george doesnt exist

      he sure didnt. in fact his popularity increased and he didnt say much of shit.

  • Andrea

    Tiddy Sprinkles!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    On another note @Panama do you ever go to that Howard/MHouse thingy on the roof over at Macy’s? Did that happen this year? Is that still a thing? (The NFL won’t say :)

    • Andrea

      @Panama Never mind! I found it! It is still a thing. Not at the Macy’s though.

  • Sigma_Since 93

    George Halas had Al Capone offed with the help of the NFL. Al was trying to muscle in on da Bears and George and the league team up to put a stop to it.

  • WHY THE NFL IS A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION.
    *sorry for the #capscapscaps

    • jaidevivre

      When the Super Bowl came to Dallas a few years ago, I was working for an environmental nonprofit with ties to a suburban city. The NFL approached us and other cities/orgs in the area bc they wanted to do tree plantings in all these places in honor of SB 45 and to make DFW feel good about the NFL having been there. But tell me why we ended up paying for damn near everything?! They brought the idea, basically. And then kept saying “as a nonprofit…” NO. WE are a nonprofit. WE are the ones with barely a 90 day reserve. Please miss me with that foolishness.

  • SweetSass

    Crop circles. Nuff said.

    • Of course. That’s where Al Davis’ space ship would land. #RIPAL

  • GemmieBoo

    the NFL doesn’t care about Black women. sooooo they gotta have info on Judy Winslow’s disappearance from Family Matters that they just refuse to release.

    • The wikipedia on Family Matters says in her last episode she goes up to her room. She’s just been on punishment for about 24 years or so…..

  • st george doesnt exist

    who shot tupac and biggie? Is jay z and beyounce devil worshipers, who turned out the lights at the N.O superbowl, is there a cure to cancer like that time on family guy.., they dont want a team in LA just so they hold everybody hostage.

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