Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Pop Culture, Theory & Essay

5 Times It’s Perfectly Okay Not To Fight For Your Woman

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“Would and could he fight for me?”

It’s a question that somehow manages to be completely relevant and completely irrelevant at the same damn time.

It’s relevant because it’s never not at least a consideration when a woman is deciding whether she wants to commit to a man. Perhaps “Would and could he protect me?” isn’t the first question she asks herself, but she’ll definitely ask herself that question.

It’s irrelevant because, well, no one actually gets into fights. Actually, lemme rephrase that. Some adults still do get into fights. But it’s a very small percentage of us. And, the 7% of adults who still somehow get into fights at least once every other month probably make up 97% of the adult fight total between themselves. If you asked one of the 93% when the last time they get into a serious fist fight was, I bet most answers would fall between 5th grade and “That time in 9th grade when I thought that I was big enough to talk back to my dad. I was wrong.”

Earlier this week, Keyshia Cole became one of the few adult women to have that question answered for her, as her husband—former Cavs guard Daniel “Boobie” Gibson—broke the jaw of a man who reportedly “disrespected” her in some way.

Considering the fact that Gibson is a free agent—and considering the fact that Cole hasn’t had a hit single since the last season of Scrubs—getting into a fight and potentially jeopardizing a new contract probably wasn’t the smartest move. How else do they expect to cover their monthly tattoo bills?

Still, if Gibson legitimately felt that Cole was threatened, no one would seriously begrudge his jaw breaking. It’s his husbandly duty and shit. But, is there ever a situation where your girl/woman/wife/concubine is disrespected in some way and you’re actually not supposed to fight for her? Of course!

In fact, here are five of them!

1. If she kinda, sorta, had it coming. 

Lemme put it this way: If I’m at a club, and I see some dude push my girl and call her a “bitch,” we are going to have a serious physical problem.

But, if my girl happens to be Evelyn Lozada-ish, and she’s talking shit, throwing drinks, and spitting in people’s faces for no reason, and I happen to see one of the guys who she spit on push her and call her a “bitch,” we are going to have a…conversation. And then we are going to leave. And then I am going to stop at a gas station. And then I am going to ask her to get me a pack of Now & Laters. And then I am going to drive off and leave her there.

2. If you’re definitely going to lose…badly.

Look, I can handle one Kimbo Slice. And by “handle one Kimbo Slice” I mean “sucker punch and run from a Kimbo Slice.” (And yes, I would expect my girl to keep up with me. What’s the point of being in Black Girls Run if you don’t take it literally?)

But, if my girl comes over to me upset that some dudes disrespected her, and she points to a table of three Kimbo Slices and three “Comb That Nigga’s Chest Hair” dudes, I figure a slight scowl in their direction is an appropriate response.

3. If you’re definitely going to win.

If you’re 6’5 and 350 pounds and the Kevin Hart doppelganger at the bar calls your girl a bad name, he’s actually putting you in a no-win situation. You can’t put your hands on him, cause you’ll be a lame for fighting a dude half your size. But, you can’t not do something either.

My advice? Just pull out your dick, with your arms extended outward in the “Ta-Da!” pose. Hopefully this’ll shame him into silence. (This also has obvious backfire potential, but you have to do something, right?)

4. If you’ve been wanting to break up with her for some time, but haven’t had the opportunity or guts to do it.

Usually, men in this predicament try to sabotage the relationship by cheating and hoping he’ll get caught. But, why do that and expose her to all types of STDs? Just let her get disrespected in front of you, and let her get mad enough at you that she ends it. Now, you’ve rid yourself of a problem and you saved her from syphilis. It’s a win win.

5. If you’re busy.

It’s not your fault she picked the 4th quarter of game seven of the NBA finals to get disrespected. She needs to learn that if she wants a good defense, she needs better timing.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Vee Woo

    Sadly I fall in that 7%…but I hadn’t had been in a physical altercation since high school. Does the fact that I was fighting with a redneck who sucker punched my dude for something that I did? I mean I was defending him. The couple that brawls together stays together right?

    • Sahel

      Worldstaaaaaaaar

    • The Champ

      you were fighting riley cooper?

      • Vee Woo

        You know I had to Google that right. :)

        Not him but someone equally ignorant.

  • Tia_Sunny

    Lol, in certain situations you have to fight then others be the bigger person and walk away.

  • Becca

    Fighting confuses me. Like why are we trying to hurt each other. And then, how does the fight end? We both just walk away? Never understood the physics of it all.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      lol someone just throwing hands and just walking away…..usually someone eventually breaks it up

      • Abu Husain

        Or someone is sleep on the ground.

    • WIP

      the fight ends when someone gets tired enough to let someone pull them off. sometimes there are long a$$ fights that seem like they’ll never end.

      • Jay

        I’ve never seen an adult fight last longer than 20 seconds. Those long fights are usually impossible after middle school.

    • The Champ

      this is why men of a certain age usually stop fighting. if two grown men fight, you go into that aware there’s a chance someone can get seriously hurt. aint no one trying to use valuable sick day to nurse a broken collarbone

  • Yoles

    i, yes yolie the pacifist have been in ~2 fights.. one waiting for the bus in kindergarten and the other in 10th grade… i don’t like violence but i like men that can fight.. not ones that will just throw hands all over the place but a dude that can shoot the fair one with strength, skill and precision… i swoon

    good time to not fight for your chick

    1- at church/funeral/wedding
    2- in the hospital/er
    3- at or around the police station (yes i have seen this one with my own two eyes)

    • IcePrincess

      You’ve been staying up late a lot recently, yolie. They giving u weird hours at da hospital or something?

      • Yoles

        @disqus_Z2tDRaHsWA:disqus girl this job is driving me crazy.. im now on semi flex so my shif changes constantly, even during the same week… arggghhhhhh

    • Todd

      At or around the police station? Talk about some bold individuals. LOL

      • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

        That’s bound to end in cuffs and “officer he Beat me!”

    • WIP

      I’d think the hospital is the best place…

      • LMNOP

        Very practical. For those well-planned and thought-out fights. “Hold on a second, I might draw blood when I punch you, so let me slip on some latex gloves to prevent disease transmission. Oh and my insurance card is in my wallet, should anyone be needing that later.”

    • http://www.NextStepEducation.org/ Bunni

      I’ve Never been in a fight a day in my life. I attribute this to three things: my Daddy said im too pretty to fight, I’m sure ppl would feel terrible beating up someone as tiny as me, and idk if anyone has ever hated me enough to actually throw hands lol

      • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

        Same here…I actually wrote about that on my blog once lol. I was too small, too timid, too smart, too chicken to throw down.

    • Epsilonicus

      I have seen people fight right in front of Central Booking here in Baltimore. The police literally walked 5 ft out the door, arrested the guys and walked right back in. No one even needed to make a phone call.

    • Camilleblu

      I was at a ratchet funeral once where the wife and (grown) kids were there and then the mistress and her (grown) kids showed up wearing t-shirts with the fathers pic on them, talmbout “he was our daddy too” ….needless to say it ended up on the news….

      • britico chick

        you.just.have.to. MARVEL – they have GUTS

  • toy

    “And then I am going to stop at a gas station. And then I am going to ask
    her to get me a pack of Now & Laters. And then I am going to drive
    off and leave her there.” Classic Line

    • nillalatte

      I laughed. I can picture Champ doing that too. :)

    • Kema

      But he didnt even say what type. Were they banana?

      • The Champ

        grape

    • h.h.h.

      this needs to be in the show…as a flashback!!! lol

  • I Am Your People

    The boring answer – if there is an easy way to get out of it.
    Another reason not to fight – when you will win the battle, but lose the war. Like, you can fight THIS guy, but not his brother who will come after you

    • Sahel

      Or his crew like a pal of mine found out in LA. She nearly ended up on milk cartons

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      its crazy when i think to all the altercations i had, rarely any retaliations, win or lose sh t ended right then and there

  • nillalatte

    I do not understand those women that wanna start sh*t just to see if their man will fight. I’m like, who you finna try? Girl, please. Why that man gotta fight? Don’t you want him in ONE piece? LOL

    Gotta share doe and y’all gonna think “yeah, that sounds like some white people sh*t” but whatever. This has been some years back when my ex (and now dead) brother-in-law started talking smack to my dad. My dad was cool until he disrespected ‘his wife.’ Oh, LAWD have mercy, that dumb arsse didn’t have no better sense than to talk smack about my mom to my dad’s face?! My dad pounded that fool. I wasn’t there, but I wish I had been. That would have been a ‘get the popcorn, dis gonna be good’ moment! According to the witnesses, my dad WHOOPED arsse. My dad was probably in his 50′s at the time and the ex-BIL was probably in his 30′s. I heard my grandparents were in it trying to get my dad off of the dumb arsse. LOL…

    • LMNOP

      Sounds like some race-neutral sh*t to me.

      I just wonder in situations like that, what on earth was going through your brother-in-laws head? Insult his wife’s mother, to her father…

      • Dignan 2

        I, too, am dying to know what the brother in law’s motivation was. DYING to know.

        • LMNOP

          Right, like how could that have ended well?

          • Dignan 2

            I’m guessing that Pabst Blue Ribbon was heavily involved.

            • Rachmo

              BOL

  • Seriously-Maybe.com
  • Tx10inch

    Like Champ said, as long as there isn’t any basketball wives ratchetness happnin, *Bird hand clap* I’m puttin a ninja TO SLEEP for my baby…NO QUESTIONS ASKED. Not lookin for trouble but large consumption of alcohol, 2yrs of kick boxing & jujitsu might factor in that decision.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com/ Tristan

      it bes that way sometimes

    • Sahel

      What if the other guy has 3 years karate and 6 years of combat training.

      • Tx10inch

        Then I ask my girl “Why you botherin this nice man?!? If yo butt wasn’t so big he wouldn’t have grabbed it! Sit CHO AZZ DOWN somewhere!!”

        Sir, can I buy you a drink?

        • Todd

          I completely respect that option. And if my girl would have a issue with that, she’s on her own with ol’ dude. No point into getting into a fight neither of you can win.

    • Yoles

      @tx10inch:disqus see now you go and make urself more appealing….
      i see you

  • IcePrincess

    I like that daniel f*cked up old boi for talkin reckless. Hood romance at its disfunctional best! Aaaaaaaw :)

    • Kema

      They probably had really good relations later that night. lol!

      • Jay

        That’s got to be #1 on the list of positives that come from fighting for your girl….