“yo, son: when you gonna stop d*ckin around and marry her ass?”
even though we all know a chick or three that would cut her closest homegirl’s throat if forced to choose between her and her man, the prevailing thought is that a woman’s girlfriends have an unparalleled influence on who she chooses to date.
in truth, a man’s best friend actually welds more power than any other third party.
noone, not his dad, his deacon, or his dealer has as much “she aint right for you, dog” veto power as a guy’s acebooncoon. even if they’re not exactly paragons of relationship health themselves, they’re usually ultra cynical genius-level bullshit detectors when it comes to who their homie happens to be dating because they knowknow you better than anyone else, and truly want you to be happy.
because of this, men need to pay extra close attention when their best friend asks em, “when you gonna stop dickin around and marry her ass?”, because any woman your best friend would actually say that about is definitely a keeper, even if you haven’t realized it.
anyway, although countless viewings of the obama calenders in our cubicles have given us an idea of what a keeper might look like, many of us wouldn’t recognize a. keeper even if she were giving us a lapdance while rocking twin “hi. i’m a. keeper” tassels on her chest.
this is even more pronounced with brothas who, educated or not, all could use a bit more help figuring out that there’s no real correlation between ring-worthiness and ass-to-waist ratio.
to help our vsb’s out, and as another example of our crime-fighting ideals, here’s four more signs that she’s probably a keeper…and you just might have to marry her ass:
1. your sex life is better than it was a year ago
why does this matter? well, an improving sex life means that you’ve grown more sexually compatible, a fact that suggests a combination of three separate things:
a) you’re communicating better
b) she’s getting more comfortable with herself and her body
c) she was patient enough to wait for you to “catch up” to her
either way, its a sign she thinks enough of you and your relationship to work to improve on something that many “grown” women (and, from what i’ve heard, men) take for granted: chicks who think that “shave”, “show up once a week” and “take off your panties” are the only reasonable relationship sexual requirements on their end.
2. she blushes when people give her genuine compliments
although, of course, if she happens to blush and coo when mr. md20/20 at the club tells her that she looks better than a five year old can of spam, maybe it’s time to re-think those joint lease plans.
3. she spends the night with you when you’re sick
i’ve always found it amazing that the same woman who needs to call the national guard to help her kill a baby spider in her apartment will happily volunteer to spend the night with a guy with amoebic dysentery if she cares enough about him.
4. she’s a great tipper
they say that character is best defined by how you behave when you think noone is looking. they also said that the hangover would actually be funny. basically, they are full of shit.
anyway, when you consider a typical woman’s relationship with money, a woman willing to generously and graciously tip a person who many others would deem to be a social subordinate says a lot about her character, constitution, and potential willingness to occasionally sleep in the wet spot, all valued qualities of a keeper.
people of vsb.com, did i miss anything? can you think of any more signs that a woman might be “wife material”?
the carpet is yours.