Guest Blogger, Lists, Theory & Essay

5 Reasons Why Black Men Love Weaves…And Don’t Even Know It

[Admin. Note: Apologies for the lateness of this post. I usually schedule my posts and let the guinea pigs running the Internets handle the rest. For some odd reason, this time, it didn't post at midnight like usual. Damn shame what happened to that dog though...]

[Today I'm handing over the podium to writer and all around woman extraordinaire, Iman Milner, cofounder of Edge Magazie.  The floor is hers. Let's play nice!]

Track star.

Track star.

I see it everyday.

Some Black man gets on his high horse on some social media about how he doesn’t like weaves and wants to run his fingers through a woman’s hair without having his hand smacked away.

(PJ Note: I hear women say this and I’ve heard of this “social media”, but I’ve only actually ever met one man in real life who has ever said that refuses to date a women with weave. He also said he won’t date women with tattoos. But his girl got a girlfriend…and tattoos. My point, people say a lot of things. STREETS IS TALKING.)

Black women respond with “yo mama got a weave” and “go get you a white woman den” and someone starts the hashtag #WeavesGiveLife (PJ Note: they do though, I saw Good Hair) and dissertations on how white women were the first to wear weaves anyway pop up on the internet for about a week straight.

All because of @IRespectWomenWithoutWeaves’ personal preference. But one venture onto @IRespectWomenWithoutWeaves’ instagram account and you see where his true problem lies…he doesn’t know a weave when he sees one.

And he’s not alone.

(PJ Note: Before I let her explain to me about what I don’t know about weaves, I’m going to go ahead and agree with everything she’s about to say with one caveat. We might not know a weave when we see one, but we know bad weaves, and I think that’s what most men are talking about when they say. If we don’t know its a weave…is it really a weave? #deep. Okay, not deep since the answer is obviously yes, but you get my point. Bad weave is the root of Black poverty and the downfall of every Black politician’s career.)

Here’s the thing brothas, your favorite female celebrity, of any race, is wearing a weave! WHAAAATTT? Yes. Yep. Kim K, Salma Hayek and Jennifer Aniston too. That fine girl who made your coffee at Starbucks this morning with the perfect curly fro…she may have an extension or two in the back to make it fuller. Day ruined? Get over it.

The fantasy of a woman with illustrious curls swinging down her back is one you all have perpetuated for so long and the truth of the matter is about 20% of the women in the world actually have the hair you all desire.

(PJ Note: I think she’s overstating how many women have weaves – 80% rocking that extra? Not buying it. That sh*t is expensive. PUN! And given how many people reached out for free tickets to see a movie that will come out two days later, either we’re broker than I think or cheaper. Either way, I’m starting to poll Black women I see on the street. It didn’t go so well this morning, but I’ll try again tomorrow. Some women are sensitive about this topic.)

What do you mean we all desire, girl writing on VSB today, you don’t know me?!?!?!

Here’s 5 Reasons Why Black Men Love Weaves…And Don’t Even Know It

  1. Beyonce. Yep. Her Majesty of Lacefronts. I don’t know a Black man who doesn’t find Beyonce attractive. You may not necessarily be ready to give it all for Queen Fony Pony but you ain’t passing up a chance to sample her waters if it ever comes your way and let’s face it—you ain’t never seen Beyonce’s real hair. Ever. Part of the fantasy of Beyonce is that she is a man’s dream: curvy body, long glamorous locks, talent and slightly can’t read or talk. Am I wrong?
  2. Kim K. I just picture Kanye getting into bed with Kim for that first time, starting to run his fingers through her hair and Kris Jenner popping in with the evening tea right before he could discover the truth. Black men love Kim Kardashian. Y’all will defend her honor until the end of time and swear up and down that all of her body parts are real. I’ll let the body parts one lie for now and turn your attention to the hair on her…head. I don’t know how many but believe me you…there’s an extension or two. I’m a poet and I don’t even know it.
  3. Instagram and Tumblr: I hung out on my homeboy’s IG page one day as I scrolled through I said “Homeboy, why are you following all these girls who look the same way?”…and he said, “You know men love booties and long hair at the end of the day”. My response was “most of these girls have weaves though, Homeboy”. His response was: http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/shocked-will-smith.gif. Yeah, we see y’all thirsting after every Brazilian silky on your IG timeline. We SEE YOU. And Tumblr is much of the same…
  4. “Is That Your Real Hair?” The answer to this question has launched a thousand thirst traps. Let me be the one to tell you: in today’s world weaves are harder to spot than real talent in a room full of pop stars. You’re being lied to…daily. Especially by women who you assume would have naturally long hair or hair of a certain texture. You’re being fooled! It hurts, I know.
  5. Your Dating History. Yep, I went there. You’ve dated a woman with a weave. You have. You’ve kept your hands out of her head and/or have gotten the evil eye after pulling too hard while making the beast with two backs. You’ve watched her pat her head into submission to keep from scratching her scalp and some of you have paid for her to have her very own Sasha Fierce moment.

So stop acting like weaves don’t run the world. They do. And you love it.

(PJ Note: I don’t think we love it. I just don’t think we hate it either. I don’t think most of us care. We get annoyed by all of your products in the bathroom but have no idea what 90 percent of them do. Point is, unless we wake up and your hair is laying on the floor in the morning, most of us probably couldn’t care less one way or the other. Only the vocal minority on Twitter is claiming they hate weaves. But that vocal minority hates everything. Literally. They also spend way too much time on Twitter hashtagging their lives away. If Twitter goes bye-bye, them folks cease to exist anywhere, then we’re back at square one. PJ has spoken.)

So what do you all think? Do we really loves weaves and weoeno (it)?

-IMAN MILNER

Filed Under:
Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • 321mena123

    I don’t know of these guys either and i stay away from most social media for a reason. Men seem to like nice hair. Meaning, whether it is yours or not, as long as it is laid and flipped right and compliments your looks (or makes it even better), you won’t get any complaints. That’s all i’ve got for today.

    • keisha brown

      and that when things are getting rough and tumble between the sheets that it won’t come off in handfuls.
      wait…what?

      • Keisha

        LOL…right!

      • Epsilonicus

        Yes ma’am. If it starts to come off when I pull it…

      • Shamira

        gotta make sure your hair is tug friendly for sure

    • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

      You pretty much summed it up, mena.

      • afronica

        Yay! You’re back!

        • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

          Oh man, you guys are making me feel so loved today lol.

          • afronica

            But you are, Blanche, you are!

    • Camilleblu

      I agree Auntie Mena…but I stay wondering how these chicks with the blue-tipped red dyed hair that is fried hard as a burnt burger get a man that seems to be pleased with her style choices.

      • keisha brown

        cuz some men will fluck anyone.

        • Camilleblu

          Well, there you have it…lol

      • Manny

        Because they like women with muti-colored hair. Makes ‘em think you’re a freak.

        • afronica

          Interesting. What I thought was a bug is actually a feature.

          Kinda like the Beyonce “…slightly can’t read or talk” thing. I keed, I keed. Bey works hard, is stylish, has talent, and is a beautiful woman.

      • 321mena123

        It is probably a guy you don’t want anyway. There is literally someone for everyone.

        And thanks for making me choke on my morning bagel.

    • panamajackson

      I’m a man. I like nice hair. I rarely ever know if I’m dealing with a chick with weave. I was told about one chick I was seeing that she had weave. I had no clue.

  • Keisha

    I’ve only heard one guy…ever…express this sentiment and his reason seemed really valid. His opposition wasn’t really directed towards the weave itself, but more so the impact it had on the woman’s confidence level. If she was the same with/without the weave, cool. If she HAD to have weave in ALL the time to feel like ‘herself’ it was another story… Can’t say that I blame him.

    • panamajackson

      That makes sense, but that also requires knowing a woman on a personal level to know that her esteem sucks. Most of us just arent getting that close. And if we are, she’s our girlfriend and its too late anyway.

      • Keisha

        True…maybe that’s the real problem. People aren’t taking the time to really get to know a person before deciding they want to be in a serious relationship with them anymore…

        • 321mena123

          Lies. All lies. :-)

        • Kinghenry2007

          in the words of Rod Tidwell in Jerry Maguire ..”boo effing hoo”

    • Whats Normal

      Makes sense. There is woman that I have known since high school who I’ve never seen without a weave. Well, once on ‘accident’. Her weave may look like a bird’s next after a thunderstorm, but its better than having anyone see HER hair. The one time I saw her actual hair, which was cut very short because she refused to grow it out, I saw how beautiful she really is. Her confidence is so tied into what her hair is ‘supposed’ to look like that she’s never even explored her OWN standard of beauty. My confidence went through the roof when I did my big chop. Sadly, I’d never seen my hair in its natural state before.

      • Keisha

        “Her confidence is so tied into what her hair is ‘supposed’ to look like that she’s never even explored her OWN standard of beauty.”
        This is so many women…used to be me. Congrats on the big chop! I felt a lot of things when I did mine…I don’t think confidence was one of them. I will say that it came with time after I started to accept my new look. It also took time for me to redefine my own definition of beauty and what it meant to be “pretty”. So while this whole natural journey originally started off as being about hair, I’ve grown so much more as a person as a result.

  • ED

    I didn’t know there were any men who didn’t know that a significant number of those IG models wear weaves. I thought that was last year’s news. We’ve moved on to who’s had manufactured body parts. Store-bought hair is almost a given.

  • keisha brown

    hmm..
    i have to read this post again because i’ll be honest, i got lost a few times reading it. LOL.

    i will say that i’ve seen men be ADAMANT about not dating women with weaves. they want to be able to get their fingers all up the girls scalps without any -laugh- tracks. shrugs.

    i’ll also say that MOST people don’t care THAT much (except the natural hair bullies) about weave. just look nice and presentable. look like i can take you to the gala, business meeting and that your hair isn’t artificially flavoured with koolaid mix.

    funny thing about hair, is that it both is and isn’t that serious. it’s a fun accessory to some, and a way of hiding to others. for some it boost their self-esteem and for others its about playing into the beauty stereotype.

    i’ve seen men say that not all women should/could go natural, and we all know what the stereotype (#longhairdontcare) that the men chase. does that mean short-haired/natural haired chicks don’t get hollered at? nope. not at all. but let’s be honest that she has to have other features (body type, skin tone) to make up for it. TO SOME.

    my hairstyles have run the gamut from rocking my curly curls to my beyonce-inspired weave. i do it at different times for different reasons. it is what it is. i am what i am. my name is my name.

    kbai.

    • panamajackson

      Apparently I need to start pulling hair more.

      • Shamira

        a well placed tug here and there will have you prospering in these streets, Peej. Belee dat.

        • panamajackson

          duly noted. It’s about to be on like donkey kong.

          • Shamira

            *makes sure weave is super secure*

            • BreezyX2
            • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

              *looks at Shamira, look at Peej* Mmmhmm.

              • Shamira

                I gotta stake my claim! @disqus_QAASv0G2pU:disqus took one peek at his square footage and started trying to swoop in! @BreezyX2:disqus it’s for a good cause!

                • Maris

                  I haven’t BEGUN to get a proper peek at his square footage.
                  **sips tea**

                  • http://daratmathis.wordpress.com/ dtafakari

                    oooooooooooooops! lol.

              • afronica

                Yeah, SuperStrings betta make hisself appear. With the quickness.

            • Rachmo

              Peej is prob browing the Groupon site right now

              • BreezyX2

                BOL!

                Extra brownie points if he buys her some brown liquor too.

                • panamajackson

                  I got a bottle of Bullitt with her name on it.

                  • BreezyX2

                    Well looks like this cuffing season will be an epic one. Shamira, we have a willing participant. Let this thread serve as proof that @panamajackson:disqus asked and courted what is about to take place. May the cuffing gods shine on you both!

                    • Shamira

                      Oh Breezy, I sincerely appreciate your dedication to seeing me through this #cuffingseason . Drink on me when you come to NY!

                    • BreezyX2

                      I gotchuboo! Make sure you take pictures for you and PJ’s first scrap book…ya know to show your e-kids and e-grand kids how it all started.

    • Luca

      “…my hairstyles have run the gamut from rocking my curly curls to my
      beyonce-inspired weave. i do it at different times for different
      reasons. it is what it is. i am what i am….”

      Yesss! *singing praise song* Why is this so hard for ppl to understand?

  • jdiva216

    I agree. Men really don’t care. Their IG’s tell the truth. LOL. It’s just not like it used to be. Black women of varying hues with varying hairstyles. Short, medium, long. Now? Lots more rocking that Hawaiian Silky down their back, looking like Stepford Wives, because that’s what hot in these streets now. *shrug. Do you sis. Me? Well I’ve been rocking short hair since FAMU and let’s just say I have no shortage of men, boys (New York teenagers have an appreciation- “Yo Ma!!!! You’re beautiful!!), or women ;) loving this fade….

    I love it…and so does my husband. I guess that’s what really matters in the end.

    • panamajackson

      yaymen.

  • SSW

    My other half loves him some long hair. He also swears up an down that he likes the “natural” look: no makeup, no high heels, no weave, etc. I’ve had single braids ever since we started going out, and he knows it’s extensions. He’s seen me with my hair out and pressed when I’m between braidings, but that’s only a day or two. A few months ago I took out the braids but didn’t have an appointment lined up, so I went a few weeks with cornrows supplemented with extensions. HE HATED IT. When I put the single braids back in, he goes, “Finally, your hair is back to normal!” I’m like, “Babe, these are extensions. I thought you only liked natural hair.” His response: “For you, this IS natural!”

    I love my dear fool.

    • Zee

      LOL!!!

    • keisha brown

      LMFAO. oops.

    • panamajackson

      Clumsy as that may be, my man presents a good point. Natural is what’s natural to you.

      BE YOURSELF AND SET YOUR SELF FREE FROM WHOEVER IS TRYING TO IMPRISON YOU. that was deep what i just said.

    • afronica

      I think it was Shamira who said that some guy told her he liked the natural, no makeup look on women. She asked him to name a famous woman who had this look. He replied, “Kim Kardashian.” Same cluelessness, different body part. If Kimmie don’t have 20 diff’rent products on her face at all times, I’ll be Sam Fine (translation: creative makeup director, Fashion Fair and famous Black makeup artist). But guys just like the pretty, nttawwt.

  • Maris

    Who was it that talked about validation yesterday? Yeah.
    Anywhoo, it’s not validation, it’s competition. Women are competitive. And, since our “relationship currency” is VISUAL (as opposed to mens’, which is financial), we are going to do whatever we need to make ourselves match the look that we see YOU react the most positively towards. Cuz we want you to date us, and not #Keisha. If that involves some fake hair, so be it. And until the instagram likes on your page match girls whose hair looks more TLC than Destiny’s Child, it’s gonna stay that way. **shrug**

    • Keisha

      “Cuz we want you to date us, and not #Keisha”…lol.

    • Alndei

      This ^^^^ 1000 times. Reality is for the average woman, the longer the hair, the more male attention she attracts.

      • afronica

        I wish it weren’t true, but it is.

      • Rachmo

        Dudes do seem to like longer hair. I definitely got more play when my fro grew out. Not that I was barren before, just seemed to get a bit less attention.

    • panamajackson

      You know, I’ve never actually dated a chick named Keisha. but I’ve definitely been smokin’ on keisha before.

      No I haven’t.

    • Joel

      There are some parts of a man’s currency that is physical as well.
      Don’t believe me? Check out that Stephen Jackson link (and some of the reaction) Shamira shared above. lol

      • Maris

        Flavor of Love.
        Hugh Hefner.
        Flavio Briatore.
        J Howard Marshall.
        Doug Hutchison.
        Shall I continue?

        • Joel

          I’m not sure what you’re getting at here.

      • Shamira

        well, i wouldnt view those men as my standard, for the record.

        • Joel

          But for every one of you that doesn’t, there are at least ten that do.

  • Bellevirgo

    I’m in the 20%. Never had a weave/braids/extensions/pieces.

    • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

      I wore one before my big chop. Loved it for about a week then was ready to take it out. I think I may have lasted three weeks lol.

    • Yonnie

      Also. Other than braid/twist extensions, which I haven’t had in ages (but might get soon), I just don’t feel comfortable in fake stuff. Weaves, nails. I’m JUST now starting to explore a little with make up.

    • panamajackson

      Me neither. 20 percent girl power.

      • afronica

        But that’s only because YOU AIN’T GOT NUTTIN’ TO ATTACH TO. Sorry, don’t know what got into me there.

        • panamajackson

          attach deez.

          sounds like medical terminology.

    • Shamira

      me too. never even had a relaxer because my momma wouldnt let me. in retrospect, she chose wisely. I am the worst at hair maintenance and I probably wouldnt have any right now if she had let me do that.

    • afronica

      …but I do relax (to keep it real up in here).

  • Yonnie

    When I was a little girl, I used to walk around the house with a towel draped around my head and swing it back and forth like it was my hair and imagine I had long silky hair. Then I put the towel away and picked my Jheri curl afro before school (It was the 80s. Judge me.). Sometimes when I’m out, I look around at a sea of bad weaves, and I wonder why these women have chosen to wear their imaginary hair out the house? Seriously. Your short natural hair (or pressed or permed hair) looks a MILLION times better than that long string dry mess that ain’t fooling ANYBODY.

    • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

      I did the towel thing too! I think every little black girl does this.

      • Camilleblu

        Aly! How are you darling? You settling in ok?

        • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

          Hey Cami! Yeah, doing well. How have you been? How are your boys?

          • Camilleblu

            I’m doing well…and the boys are doing “weller” than me, so they’re good to go..lol

      • http://tripsixes.com/ Trip

        Imagines young Aly towel-twirling…nice to see you back! You’ve been missed ;)

        • http://www.saysmeblog.wordpress.com/ Aly

          Thanks Trip!

  • Memi

    It seems men of any race love some long hair, they do not care if you beg, borrow, or steal it. Let’s not even get into straight vs curly/kinky. If you are already booed up its one thing, but empirical evidence from my own experience it is #justhefacts