I'm sorry. I really don't know what happened to me just now. Would it cheer you up if I made you some eggs? I know eggs can't replace sex, but they are some damn good eggs.
“And that is what I am slowly being enlightened about today. I genuinely had no idea guys worried that much about their women cheating.”
This was a comment left by veteran VSB-er WIP in Monday’s A Conversation About Double Standards And How “Reformed Homosexual Man†= “Promiscuous Woman.â€Â It was a response to the assertion that the threat of female infidelity definitely affects how we  (men) act. And, to be clear, it’s not so much that men worry all day long about whether their mate is cheating on them. The angst and anxiety happen beforehand, as we’re much less likely to choose mates who give off a “Yeah, you’re probably not going to be enough for me” signal.
Anyway, WIP’s lack of awareness of this very real fear made me wonder if there were any other prominent fears held by (many) men that (most) women have absolutely no idea about, and I thought of four more.
2. Unknowingly raising a kid that’s not yours
While many men will willingly help raise the child(ren) of a woman who had kids before they met each other, the prospect of loving, supporting, and protecting a kid who was assumed to be our kid but really isn’t scares us worse than prison, urinal rats, and the thought of period sex with Lisa Lampanelli. In fact, this — the fear of raising a kid who isn’t yours — may be the main reason why “promiscuous woman anxiety” exists.
3. Wang failure at the worst possible time
If “wrong f*cking time wang failure” —- and, for clarity, wrong time wang failure is when you get a once in a lifetime opportunity (i.e.: for whatever reason, Stacey Dash wants you right now) and can’t perform — isn’t bad enough, making it worse is the fact that it’s largely psychosomatic and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Basically, sometimes wang failure occurs just because of how badly you want to sleep with and please this person. Your interest and excitement works against you. And, adding insult to injury, the more you think about it and want it, the less likely you’ll be able to reverse it. Perhaps God isn’t a woman, but studies like this definitely make me think he must be a Kappa.
4. Getting “bitched†or made to feel helpless in front of your woman or children
For those unsure of what i’m referring to, just watch this scene again
5. Unauthorized sperm theft
Out of all the fears, this one is the most irrational. I mean, there’s only like 16 men on the planet important enough that a woman would actually dig in the garbage to retrieve a used condom with the hope that the semen is still able to impregnate her, and I’m pretty sure none of these men read VSB. Also, there’s only like 16 women on the planet desperate and dastardly enough to do something like that, and I’m pretty sure none of the cast members of “The Real Basketball Wives of Hip-Hop” read VSB, either.
Still, despite the irrationality, it is a very real fear that some men have. I even have a friend who told me that, if sleeping with a woman at her house, he always takes the used condoms home. I didn’t have the stomach to ask how exactly he’s transporting them.
Anyway, fellas: Did I miss anything? Can you think of any other fears that women probably don’t know anything about? Also, ladies, is there anything you’re deathly afraid of that would surprise most men if we found out?
—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)
The first thing that comes to mind is ending up like Janet Jackson on “For Colored Girls”, but I’m sure that’s already something men know about. Especially for the men living in Atlanta.
I didn’t see the movie but….. Going back to a recent thread. I am deathly afraid of marrying a downlow brotha. My gay cousin only dates those types of man. What I mean is he only dates men that identify themselves as straight. That means there are gays that actively seek out your man just to compete with women. I’m terrified to catch disease from it. I’m also terrif
I didn’t see the movie but….. Going back to a recent thread. I am deathly afraid of marrying a downlow brotha. My gay cousin only dates those types of man. What I mean is he only dates men that identify themselves as straight. That means there are gays that actively seek out your man just to compete with women. I’m terrified to catch disease from it. I’m also terrified that I’ll marry this guy and 20 yrs and 2 grown grown kids in college he decides he wants to be a woman or marry alphonso our pool boy.
“What I mean is he only dates men that identify themselves as straight. That means there are gays that actively seek out your man just to compete with women.”
I once had to work under the supervision of a supervisor who was very adamant about this- thank God he hated my guts, LMAO!!!
Gay men trying to turn straight men is really common. I stumbled on this info during my Craigslist adventures. Straight men are hounded by gay men. They even pose as women to try to trick the guys into giving it a try. Some guys are literally harassed. Smh.
They’ll try to change a straight man, but, of course we know change isn’t possible. So the point of harassing men to try gay sex?
I was surprised that it was fairly commonplace among them. I wonder if those gay men are aware that doing things like that don’t end very well.
Truth be told, that’s how it is for both genders. From what I’ve observed, gay men and women, well some at least, can be quite aggressive and prey on any seeds of doubt from a straight person. Once you show a hint of understanding or curiousity, its like blood in the water….they won’t quit til they get you. I remember my experience and this dude just was relentless, but it is all ego the end of the day, not much different from straight people. You just have to hitthem where it hurts for them to stop.
+1
When I was in college, it seemed like the mission of the women’s basketball team was to convert all incoming freshman to the dark side.
Pssh…in college it is beastly. Just because it said co-ed dorms did not mean the two teams weren’t playing separately.
Obviously the gay guys have been successful with acquiring men that black women identify as straight. They only continue to do it because they find success in doing it. The same way black men who dress and act like thugs continue to dress and act like thugs because the find success in that behavior attracting women. If so many didnt like it, it would not exist. Thats a part of nature, people do more of what attracts our desired sexual preference.
Agreed. Perfect example is “The Good Guy” turned “Asshole”. He lost as “The Good Guy”, but wins as the “Asshole”. Darwin. E-Ching.
I think the most recent stats show that black women have higher rates if HIV/aids than any other group. So, I think the fear for me is that my guy cheats on me with a woman. Times have changed since that play was first written.
I’m not disillusioned to that fact, but since this is a discussion on fears rationality does not have to be a factor. I stated my piece. I ‘d be mad if he cheated no matter the sex but I can’t pretend there isn’t a stigma against marrying a gay man. Can you?
You can’t but the statistic is faulty. The issue isn’t same gender sex, it is purely infidelity and not having safe sex.
Whether the stats are faulty or not, how I feel is how I feel. I’m entitled to feel this way the same as how men freely admitted their rational (and irrational) feelings on dating a promiscuous woman. I don’t want my future mate to ever consider coasting the hershey highway plain and simple.
what men have even seen “For Colored Girls” to get that reference? Translate that to a movie a man has actually seen
LMFAO @ this question.
To sum it up, he was a brotha on the DL. His wife becomes HIV positive due to his steppin’ out.
I’ve seen it. its one sided, but I got the point. Enjoyed the poetry!
probably hearing “i love you” maaaaad early on in the ‘courtship’ or what-have-you. there’s not a good contingency plan that exists for that (at least to my knowledge) and you end up pretty much destined to hurt her feelings and subsequent failure.
That’s actually true for both ends. I don’t think anyone (with sense) can agree that hearing “I love you” hella early is cute.
Go THAT way.
Agreed. Or if the other party is moving too fast and wants to “settle down” after your 2nd date. I understand that people can know what they want, but jeez….can we do more than go to TGI Friday’s and see a movie before you decide I’m the one???
+1
Do you need a car loan bc I will double cosign. Guys who say I love prematurely are usually deranged, stalker types or just plain desperate and annoying.
Had a chick hit me with that on the first date. The very first one. She was packing 36DD and wearing a low-cut shirt, so I wasn’t really concentrating on the conversation and said it back. Yep, gets no better than first date, I Love You’s. And boy what a mess that created.
The Boobie Trap. Works every time.
Not only is that crap creepy…makes you want to slug someone for saying it. How can you love me when you don’t even know my favorite color or how I dance when I have Oreos in my hand?
“how i dance when i have Oreos in my hand” This visual made me lmfao!
It is a jig you will never find on Youtube, of that I assure you.
“probably hearing “i love you†maaaaad early on in the ‘courtship’ or what-have-you.”
I’m not scared of that. Suspicious, but not scared. I think that’s mostly game and ish, so what I do is that I either go along with it (e.g. “oh my God! that’s so sweet!”), call them out on it (e.g. “that’s a lie”), or test them (“really? ok so if you love me buy me a ring”).
Having a pregnancy scare especially with someone im not that into bothers me. Im always careful, but these days, u jus never know and I had a pregnancy scare before with someone I really did not want to have kids with. Now I gotta be extra careful who I ho with j/k
Actually, this holds true for both sides…
For men not named Travis Henry, Shawn Kemp, or Antonio Cromartie, getting the wrong woman pregnant is a VERY BIG fear of many men (well, at least those of us who actually give a d@mn about our seeds). It should probably be an addendum to #5….5a, if you will.
@ DG- Forget 5A it should be the REPLACEMENT of #5. It’s the revised version of #5 that includes most men instead of 16. That ish is so real it’ll show you who you are as a person…
I don’t know if this is quite as scary but I definitely fear meeting the perfect chick at the wrong time in life when I’m not ready to give up my bachelorhood. Because while there are a lot of amazing women to choose from, chemistry is underrated…Plus it wouldn’t be fair to the other women I encountered afterwards for me to always regret not locking her down…
I can agree with this. I’m only 22, so I don’t plan running into “The One”, Neo, until like I’m 27-28 or something. I don’t want to meet that special girl while I’m trying to attain the daunting achievement of having a body count rivaling that of Wilt Chamberlain. It wouldn’t be fair to her, because I’m going to abhore trying to maintain a cheat-free relationship because I’m not there mentally. And I know once I screw sh*t up and she leaves me, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.
Hell..I’m living this RIGHT NOW.
Ah, the revised #5. C-O-M-E, COME, COME INTO MY LIFE!
I think I’ve been on the receiving end of this a couple of times before. Strong feelings on both ends(I assume) only to be hit with I’m not there yet or the wrong time in my life. It makes me wanna put a wall up cuz it’s like what’s the point of getting close. Although I’ll say this after the decision is made don’t call or text me, you’re just pouring salt in the wound now.
…and you wanna know what the wack thing is, rumor has that us men ain’t hard to please. Only thing is when we’re ready, we’re ready, which usualy means we’ll pick from what’s in front of us, although we met the potential best candidate for the job years ago. It’s kinda like fitting a job really well, but the company’s not hiring. And when they are, someone with the hook-up is gonna get it. But i know my VSBs/VSSs aren’t like this (-_-)
Lesson of the day: Choose your careers (and your employees) wisely.
@ MTM you’re a sage my friend. We really do want a specific type and don’t really know until we meet her. But like you alluded to, it has to be at the right time in life. You also demonstrated the other side of the coin that I almost mentioned upthread. Not only do we fear meeting the right one at the wrong time, but we also are terrified of meeting the wrong one at the right time (making it feel right beforehand). Life really can’t help but to be complicated can it? smh…This is all more evidence that the rumor that we are easy to please is a little misleading lol
Can we say “My depressing life”? I was with a guy 5 years, we had a baby, he acted as father to my son of a previous relationship and when I said, “Hey dude, when are we getting married?” He said…”I’m not ready for that” O_O
um…ok.
Now he regrets the sh!t outta that sh!t now that he’s ready and I’m … Over It.
Don’t regret it. It was a very valuable lesson for you, and made you a stronger person, and you had someone provide love to your children. Despite all the wrongs, appreciate the rights.
“I don’t know if this is quite as scary but I definitely fear meeting the perfect chick at the wrong time in life when I’m not ready to give up my bachelorhood.”
I have the same issue. It’s not about being a bachelorette, in my case. It’s more about me meeting the right guy when I’m simply not ready to make the compromises and concessions one needs to make when in a relationship. I can give up other guys, sure, but that’s about as much as I’d be willing to give up. There are other things that you have to compromise or tone down when in a relationship, including letting your pride down and being willing to listen and solve problems, and I’m just not into that at the moment.
@ Asiyah I know exactly what you mean! I have those same issues too. Now imagine if you had all those same issues compromising and putting pride aside and compounded them with a strong aversion to monogamy and leaving the plentiful and intriguing options that single life has to offer as well. This is the foundation of male sexuality/personality/individuality that dies with marriage. I may be being dramatic, but only slightly…lol
LOL I don’t think you are being dramatic at all! Monogamy is awesome…when you are ready for it and the responsibility that comes from being in a monogamous relationship.
People don’t take other people’s lives into account. They just come and throw their fantasies onto you but ignore where your life currently is, and how you may feel about it. It sucks to say but just because you spend time with someone doesn’t mean you are meant to be with them for the long haul. So even if you do meet the right one for you and you aren’t ready, chances are despite all of their big talk, they aren’t ready either.
I believe this to be a fear of men too, so I can’t help but be surprised when on a first date some guy is talking about getting me pregnant or wanting me to be his baby mama. I’m just like WTH. Hearing something like that makes me wanna run and not look back at that exact moment. Happened about twice to me.
“when on a first date some guy is talking about getting me pregnant or wanting me to be his baby mama.”
I swear that that must be a ‘thing’ now. Apparently these young chicks out here must think that’s cute, when a man is telling her he wants to get her pregnant. The last couple of guys I’ve talked to [slightly younger than me] have made a bunch of references about “how cute our kids would be” and that they want to get me pregnant. I’m like, what in THEE f*ck?! That works for y’all nowadays?
This is why I’ve stopped dating. -__-
As a man who had to buy the Morning After pill 4 different times, for the same chick, I can attest to this. Nothing can end a game of Championship Strip Hopscotch faster than a spontaneous call from a female saying she’s late. That has killed many smiles. But the fun part comes when she finally gets on and you tell your boys. You get the same giddy look on your face the slave probably had when they saw Harriet Tubby herself has come to free them. You all go out, celebrate, get drunk, meet a drunk chick, smang her, and the cycle repeats.
Ugh @ the morning after pill…man I still remember the chick’s face the day after she took it..might as well had the abortion on the spot.
@Rewind – just a point of clarification…you know the morning after pill doesn’t cause abortions right?
I know, I’m talking about the reaction this girl had to the pill. It caused her so much pain, that the effect might as well have had been an abortion
This right here! I couldn’t imagine getting pregnant by the wrong person….at least there are options like the morning after pill.
The pregnancy scare will have a ninja rethinking his whole life and wondering how badly he messed up. Apparently you lose sleep and you’re just scared. One of my boys was near tears until the pregnancy test came back negative.
Lmao, my homegirl took the test at my house because she was scared and didn’t want to be alone when she took it. We waited the amount of time. She went back in the bathroom to look at the results and all I hear is crying and the f-bomb being dropped numerous times. I went in the bathroom and she’s crying I’m pregnant I don’t want to be pregnant. I looked at the test just to be sure and her test was a big minus sign. I could have slapped her for being so dumb.
Lol, might as well have some fun with the results after having the sh*t scared out of you for a few days lol
Pregnancy scare is worse when someone fakes it.
Worst 6 months of my life. I will never forgive that trifling trick no matter how hard I try.
Terrence Howard will forever be the face of emasculated black man.
As he should be.
In the movies, yeah…but in real life, that honor goes to the one and only (drumroll please) Drake! Yes, I went there, LMAO!!!!
Uh, I still think I’d give that title to Terrence Howard IRL…
Him and those damned baby wipes, LMAO!!!
“Terrence Howard will forever be the face of emasculated black man.”
Ya know, I always wondered why Terrence ALWAYS had that “constipated and nervous” look about him and now the only thing I can do to explain it is that scene in Crash. I’m okay with this conclusion, too, despite it just being a role for him.
I think everbody has a fear of tripping up and falling in a crowded club…at that point your real name no longer matters…you are “That guy/girl who just bust they azz over there”.
Pssh, I did that at the club on my boyfriends b-day one year. People wanted to laugh but I guess my fall looked too serious. The bouncer was like are you ok. Then he was like I mean you fell down a lot of steps. That was when I got embarrassed, I mean he counted how many stairs I fell down.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahah
Damn, shawty hit like 23 steps bruh. She MJ’d those stairs
Hahahaha, oh man.
I have tripped, slipped, and fallen in a club twice. Different clubs Once on the dance floor. Once in the lobby. I was too intoxicated to be embarrassed.
LOL, exactly. Usually these things happen when you’re drunk anyway. Drunkness has a way of erasing all those pesky atributes such as fear, inhibitions, and embarrassment.
Now, if you walk INTO the club and fall because of those 5 inch heels, well…
Getting a phone call from a past or current lover that he has AIDS or is HIV positive.
@ A Woman’s Eyes- Sh*t….that was a scary one…that thought’s only crossed my mind like once before you mentioned it, and it’s scarier than anything else on this list…
A friend of mine called me like at midnight on the 1st of April to tell me she had gone to give blood and they wouldn’t accept it, and they had a counselor tell her she had AIDS…
…and all I could think of was that old dirty bastard lyric “you’ll probably catch AIDS or something, not saying I got it, but if I got you got it… WHAT?”
Oh yeah did I mentioned we had smashed before? Yeah, well we had smashed. And so I had my entire life flash before my eyes. Then she said April Fools. I’m actually surprised we’re still friends today after one, that $h!t was SO not funny to me.
Bruh, we definitely would NOT have been friends after that joke. SMH.
The funny (or not-so-funny) part is that I had something like that happen to me. Gave blood, got a certified letter from the Blood Center than my ELISA test was positive. After panicking, I called them, and they told me that the ELISA was positive…but the PCR was negative. WHEW!!!! Talkbout some scary ish, especially since I’m hetero, not a freeballer (at least to that point) and not a heroin addict. That was scarier than Space Mountain.
Same thing happened to me. When to the clinic at Howard University for my first test. I was gravely sick at the time due to a blood infection. Took the oral HIV test and it came back positive. They treated me like crap the whole time but once those results came back negative, the director of the clinic came out and tried to break the news. Took the blood test and had to wait 5 days for the result. At the time I had no clue my infection was so bad, so I really thought I had HIV. For 5 days I was lingering, thinking about who I banged and how this had happened. I when had to break it down to my moms. Maaaasn that was hard. Luckily it came back negative, the first test was affected by my blood infection. Bit wow…talk about the.scare of a lifetime
See…This is why women have that rep Peej was talking about for not being funny…Cause that sht is not a joke.
Yeah, she had me ALL in my emotions for a second. But after the relief of realizing she was joking, I was pissed, and I cussed her out (after she called back, you know a ninja hung up at first right?)
I wanted to be pissed forever, but I couldn’t. She called back apologizing but still laughing. In the end, even though I was mad, it was one of those moments where I realized, I wasn’t really up in my emotions because of her joke, I was up in them because the joke scared me because I hadn’t practiced safe sex. If I had done what I was supposed to have done, the joke wouldn’t have had any potency (other then thinking my friend had AIDS).
I wanted to be mad at her, but really I knew I was pissed with myself – with one bad joke she made me go face to face with my own irresponsibility (and deep down inside, I was somewhat grateful to get that slap in the face).
That ain’t nothing to joke with
I agree…why are you guys still friends? She could have given you a heart attack!
LOL, let me tell it I did have a heart attack. We’re still friends because even though it was a bad joke, it made me take stock of my own actions in even making the joke effective. If I had used protection, I wouldn’t have responded that way.
That’s some scary sh!t…I probably would pass out on the spot.
One time, a woman called me asking if I had been with her man. She said she was his wife and that he had HIV. Now this all turned out to be a lie (not his wife) and my tests were all good, but needless to say, it was scary as fvck.
Wow…I can’t believe your friend would play with your cardiovascular and emotional health like that. That’s not even funny, that’s just eye-opening and cruel. Todd that would probably give me a heart attack, especially because that description would’ve done me no good. I have no clue what those acronyms mean, so I would’ve still been spazzing out. And WIP that must’ve been a serious scare, because it’s not so implausible to believe. Why would she lie? I’m glad you all are still in good health (that I know of) and living to tell these stories. Scary world we live in
There’s actually a video where a radio DJ tricked a woman (let’s call her Sara) like this. Sara’s husband had called up the radio station and suspected his wife of cheating. So the DJ had a chick call Sara up and tell her that the guy she was creeping with was her husband and that she had caught AIDS from him. This conversation took place while Sara’s husband was on the other line listening in. Sara’s worried response to what the chick said confirmed that she was, in fact, cheating of him. After which the husband spoke up and confronted Sara, on air. She was speechless because she was cold busted.
@ That Ugly Kid- wow….I’m just…speechless. I like the methodology though. That’s like a flawless approach to finding out that she’s cheating. Only take that route if you actually want to know the truth
“Getting a phone call from a past or current lover that he has AIDS or is HIV positive.”
Another fear of mine! That’s another reason why I try to stay “friends” (or, at the very least, cordial) with any past partners. I want to know this stuff.
Hands down the biggest fear anyone can have
The friend that takes the used condoms home with him needs to take many seats. What makes his little swimmers that desirable?
And, please introduce him to the toilet – any woman willing to scrape DNA out of a toilet bowl is a woman he’s destined (doomed?) to be with anyway.
Great point. I think the possibility of her saying “um, I don’t think you’re worth procreating with…ever” is higher than the chances of sperm theft for most dudes.
This. The number of dudes who are “garbage picker” worthy is extremely small (16 as Champ pointed out…)
As one of the 16 men Champ mentioned, I must say, this is not a joking matter. We have to live in constant fear. One wrought with paranoia. Even walking down the sidewalk is a choir. Mainly for fear of a very real and highly probable event (to us, at least) in which every single woman who sees us will take off running towards us at full sprint while simultaneously emptying out whatever contents she had in her Starbucks cup, in the attempt to pull out our wang, aggressively stroke the wang, and collect the payload in said Starbucks cup.
Lol that was my first thought…why won’t he just flush them?
The only one of your list I’m really concerned about is #1. Mainly because my last 4 relationships ended with the chick cheating. So that is a HUGE fear of mine. But, I can hide my insecurity about it masterfully, so the females never know. That is until I let my insecurity get the best of me, assume they’re cheating, and go f*ck their sister/friend/choir director etc.
But here’s what I’d add to the list:
Financial Stability: I want to be able to buy my girl anything. Within reason, of course. I mean, if she asks me to buy her some dumb sh*t like a diamond space shuttle with a pretzel interior, we’re are going to have a long talk about why she ain’t sh*t.
But I don’t want my woman to ever have to worry about money. I said in a post a month back about how I actually LOVED shopping with women. Because I love seeing that look of pure excitement and happiness on her face as she drags me from store to store, trying on sh*t, then not buying sh*t. So yea, this is a major fear of mine.
Pretzel interior?
Many laughs.
“I mean, if she asks me to buy her some dumb sh*t…we’re are going to have a long talk about why she ain’t sh*t.”
dead.
i need to work that last part into some type of conversation.
What is with the men on this blog frequently referring to women as ‘females’ as if we are nothing more than our vaginas?
*sigh*
Don’t respond dude…don’t respond…
“What is with the men on this blog frequently referring to women as ‘females’ as if we are nothing more than our vaginas?”
This comment fuels MY fear that men will see statement and assume that all women are searching for ways to divide us.
*this* statement.
Right?! Les sighs…
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see how this is offensive… seeing as how I am, in fact, female. *shrug* But hey, to each her own and all that.
me too… i have no problem being called a female… because it is true… i check it off on many forms and don’t have an issue… i don’t have the time to pick up this burden too, i got my own problems
I don’t see the big deal because I call other women females.
The ladies’ response to that comment just made me smile. You awesome VSSs have made my day. I realize it’s not all of you that are looking for a battle. Non-combative women are much more attractive
A guy told me once that his biggest goal in life was to pay of his future wife’s student loans… I almost proposed to him.
And u must love combative women. They’re so much sexier.
” And u must love combative women. They’re so much sexier.”
lol, only for flings. nothing long term
All right, whatever
If no one else is feeling you, I am. Go ahead and own it; we all have our pet peeves. I find references to women as “females” highly irritating as well.
My thing is, I rarely, if ever hear people refer to men as ‘males’ in the same context as they are speaking of women as ‘females’.
You know, I’ll see someone say, “There were more females at the party than there were guys.”
Not only that, but guys get to be called ‘guys’, ‘dudes’, ‘men’, but the more nastier terms are reserved for women.
This is my first time commenting on this blog and I am already turned off by the negative reception and presumptuous nature of being labeled ‘combative’ just for putting the question out there.
@LADreamimg85 – this is my issue with the use of the word “females”. Anytime I see it, I think female what? A female bunny, a female dog, a female arachnid, a female human? Ah yes, female human already has several names: woman, girl, lady, belle, femme…usually whenever I see the word “female” pop up, the usual context of the sentence whether it is written by a man/woman just lends itself to saying “insert the word “b*tches” instead.
Yes, exactly. I didn’t want to confuse anyone, because before I have mentioned to people that I felt the word ‘female’ was being used in place of the word ‘bitch’ and they didn’t get it.
I, too am left thinking, ‘female what?’ and I tell people that if they are speaking of a female human, that is what the words girl and woman are for.
You made a real broad statement and made it seem that a general word was somehow offensive, without clearly explaining why it offends you, so now you’re upset that people called you on it?
Your pet peeve is yours alone. If you care to share your opinion, be prepared to have that opinion dissected within the public forum. That’s what happens when you talk out loud, people want to know what you mean.
I don’t see anything wrong with the word female, it brings no negative energy towards women, and it was a word to describe women before the word WOMEN existed.
At least you did clarify in this post how you’ve heard it and why it might annoy you, and I get it. Just remember to be more expressive next time, and you’ll get a better reception.
But…But…I like pretzels. Why don’t you want us to work TUK?
I sweetheart, I really do. But see this is why we had that “special talk” I mentioned. You keep asking me to buy you nonsensical bullsh*t. Like that time you asked me to buy you that “great Tyler Perry movie”. Do you know how embarassing it is to get laughed out of every Bestbuy because the salesclerk would look at me and say something along the lines of “Bruh…that sh*t don’t exist.”?
“I mean, if she asks me to buy her some dumb sh*t like a diamond space shuttle with a pretzel interior, we’re are going to have a long talk about why she ain’t sh*t.”
BOL!
@ TUK,
Before it was your shoe size, now you talking about the emotional satisfaction you get when you spend dough on yo chick…..CONTINUE! I’m watching you!
Is…is this a good thing? Like are there specific days I’m being watched? What is your agenda? Am I to be harmed, molested (in a good way), or what?
@ TUK
Questions at this point are not being entertained. CONTINUE!
I think my dad always felt like my brother wasn’t his. My bro is really light, while my mom, dad and I have the same skin tone.
Never mind that my dad’s own father was light as well..
Or that my dad himself was an unrepentant serial cheater ..wait that might have had something to do with it.
true story: My father who i am the spitting image of, claimed I wasn’t his when i was 15, he had an elaborate story about a man from panama named jeffrey that was my real father for the judge… i was mortified, my mom was embarrassed & the judge was cracking up… he said “sir, unless jeffrey is your twin brother, i truly think you are mistaken”. needless to say, i had a paternity test done, my father is my sperm donor and he was made to pay child support.
FIN
Yoles!!! Where have you been hiding???!
the plantation Cayenne… it had me by the soul… i was too tired to contribute as i was adjusting to my new schedule… but i’m back now… YAY
Yoles was he serious? That’s a bummer…Did the judge really laugh tho? Smh
judge laughed like he was at a star studded comedy show… like i said i look just like my father and my parents were married and everything… my dad was just being an azz… we’re good now, water under the bridge and all that
Wow, that sounds like a television show plot. I can’t lie, I would be keeping it together and being all empathetic and whatnot unless I was in the courtroom when the judge busted out laughing, cause at that point I would no longer be able to hold it in. lol, glad y’all worked it out though, cause I would be offended if I were in anybody involved in that scenario (other than the judge and the pops)
Finding out that he has a serious mental illness that he’s not taking meds for.
Another real life scenario. Wow…mental wards are NOT fun places to visit.
You ain’t lying! It’s similarly depressing as visiting someone in prison.
*Shiver* That’s a pretty valid fear. I can live to tell the tale but if you EVER get the inkling somebody needs some couch time with a side of Xanax after a ‘here’s Johnny!’ Nicholas moment, just leave & never look back.
If a woman suffers from mental illness, I probably won’t rock with them anymore… but I will clown the hell out of them, LMAO!!!
I highly doubt that you would clown her. If you’ve ever dated a person with mental illness and not just the “everyday crazies”, you would see the difference real quick. Having dated a person who had his first episode 5 months after we started dating and numerous stays subsequently, laughing is something I wished that I could do. Dealing with someone with a mental illness will leave you on the brink as well, if you don’t have support.
Let me clarify this for you- I did date a woman with a mental illness before. The only problem was that she never disclosed that information to me until I stumbled (literally, as in she left it on the floor) across her medication. I always wondered why she was so negative and down all the time. I thought she was bitter…turns out she was suffering from depression. Needless to say, I had to get away from her very quick…
Depression….no. At best it is mild and managable, depending on how serious a person is at getting to the root of their problem. I am proof of that. A real mental illness is being bi-polar or schizophrenic, where there is no control and medication will be an every day occurrence. You’d never make fun of that person if you knew what their mind was doing to them.
+1 Rewind- I hate to say depression “doesn’t count” but it’s more manageable. I’d never laugh at someone with something that they can’t contain or “fix” so to speak. The mind is our most powerful asset
Unfortunately depression does count and is not always able to be fixed.
It ended my marriage, caused us both to do irreparable things in reaction to something undiagnosed and left us both struggling financially.
Do not underestimate this mental illness’ ability to have the same crazy symptoms as any other
Thanks for saying that Sassy. People downplay depression as “not real” but it most definitely is. There are people on a multitude of meds who still cannot deal with everyday life because of this “not serious” mental illness. BiPolar disorder is just as “easily” treated as depression is, but its mentioned as being one of the serious illnesses. Just because one disorder hides better than the other does not make it less debilitating.
+1 rhenewal – clinical depression is no laughing matter; I’ve read too many first hand testimonials of people suffering from it and having people have to talk them out of committing suicide when their pain grew unbearable
I’ve suffered from severe mental depression. I’m studying it as a psychology major because of how bad my ordeal was. But my ordeal taught me the key to recovery was in front of me the whole time, i just was not ready to see it. I realize with depression, we are in our own way and cannot see the root of the problem because we keep making the same mistakes and not facing the truth. So I understand how destructive it can be to the lives of many people, but I also realize the state of helplessness it puts people in is in no way as harmful and deteromental as psychotic stress disorders. Those disorders are truly frightening, and stop people from believing in reality. We who suffer from depression have no idea how horrible that can be in turn.
@ Rewind +1 That’s all I was saying. I have an idea about depression too and it’s certainly no joke. One of my close friends had manic depression and started guilt tripping me as he threatened to kill himself during an episode where he broke all the way down, drank and popped enough pills and bought a gun to threaten that he was gonna kill himself. It was a disturbing and twisted reality it was causing for both of us. It’s not like I don’t believe in depression, but it’s much different and more manageable than the others in my humble opinion
Following on from the last one…have you seen this video…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFocQcBsb-g&list=PL007A616725ACE62E&index=5&feature=plcp
LMAO just wow…people need to run from the insane!
btw am I the only who fears going insane? Cray’ doesn’t look cute at all… I’m just saying. If I’m alone I’m going back to the corner LOL
iDIED!!!
especially when she did”I’m so glad I’m ovulating now!”
Fear of ending the woman who dated and dumped a man who is a stalker, armed to the teeth, if I can’t have you then no one else will crazy.
Correction: Fear of finding ourselves as the woman who ended things with a man who turns out crazy–armed to the teeth if-I-can’t-have-you-then-no-one-else-will stalker.
@AWE
Or to flip the scenario to be a family member and receive death threats of the man that is dating the crazy lady because if she cant have hime no one else will
im like how did i get caught up in my brothers fatal attraction..
And when i say crazy…..i mean riding 20 mins out the way driving around lookong for his family members in a van with tints with a baseball cap
Yes…getting caught up in a fatal attraction is never fun and damn sure no fun when youre not even dating “said” crazy person
*sigh* im glad its over with
And man i promise you, them ninjas is out here too.
…But why she can’t live, and YOU just die? Then she won’t be your problem no mo…
Fear of bringing into the world a child who is ugly.
LOL ! That can be fear !
bwahahahahahahahahahaha! It’s too late for this! ha
hahaha lmao i cant breathe!
Speaking of children, here’s a real fear for men. Having a son who ends up being gay. Even though I’m far from having children, I still think about that. As a father you want to pass everything down to your son. Want him to play sports and have all kinds of talks that only a father and his heterosexual son can have. I can only imagine trying to talk to my gay son about having sex, when he’s into peen. Even if you are a super dedicated father who tries to salvage what little sex talk options you have by at least giving the boy advice on his “stroke”, all of it will be a waste when you find out your son in the one BEING “stroked” and not the other way around. Gotd*mn that was a long sentence.
Anyway. That’s not to mention the whole childbirth thing and such. Most fathers want sons to carry on their names. Yea, your son and his spouse can adopt, but it’s not quite the same as a grandchild who actually carries your DNA.
all of it will be a waste when you find out your son in the one BEING “stroked†and not the other way around
He could be the one doing the stroking.
Heterochexual men talk with their fathers about stroke? Yikes….
Sex is sex, you man up and give him the whole truth the same way you would a straight male. If it becomes time.where he had questions you can’t answer, find someone who can help. I don’t get this fear, and I’ve heard it many times. Your son would be your son, regardless of who he slept with, so just because that will be one thing you won’t have in common doesn’t mean you can’t rock with him on anything else.
There are plenty of active, athletic gay men. Similarly there are plenty if straight boys who are not into sports or anything their dad is. And there of plenty of men who are not athletic, into sports who are straight and have sons.
Exactly, there will always be something there to strengthen that father/son bond, as long as people keep their minds open.
This is valid. LOL
That is a LEGITIMATE fear of mines! Like I’ve always said, if that baby is fugly imma sell him on ebay! Any takers
NOPE! I don’ want an ugly kid either. Among my friends, I am known to be truthful and call an ugly baby ugly. I don’t believe in the superstition that if you call a baby ugly, then your kid will be ugly. What happened to the phrase “tell the truth, shame the devil”? So ugly babies get a pass?
@ GypsyCurl
I love Sundays because then only then do the fuglies come out of the woodworks. I spend a good amount of time looking at mothers smothering their children with love and kisses like they are the best fried bacon that ever came out of a pigs back.
-I do realize that this is very vain, shallowminded and a whole lotta wat the fuggers, but I like the intellectual discussion that is going on right hurr!
Losing my spirituality
(I’d rather the other privileges life offers me vanish first and this one last.)
Pregnancy
Abortion
Organ theft
wow I only fear organ theft bc of movies!!! Is it really that deep?
Fear of him getting tired of or bored with being up in my vagina.
Fear of him getting tired of or bored with being up in my vagina.
Thats what “side pieces” and “jump-offs” are for…so your vag keeps that new car smell.
O__o
lmao
Learn a new reason everyday to NOT ever be in a relationship.
If ownership is what you desire, relationships with humans probably won’t satisfy you.
Words of wisdom, right there.
” If ownership is what you desire, relationships with humans probably won’t satisfy you.”
Exactly! Sums it all up for me lol
Okay, so are the terms ‘side piece’ and ‘jump-off’ not reserved for the woman or women who are being entertained by a man who is in a relationship?
Based on how I hear and see those words being used and based on the original comment, it seemed to me that the writer of that comment was implying that when a man gets bored with having sex with the woman he is in a relationship with, he will go OUTSIDE of his relationship (cheating) to find better sex.
The comment about ownership is completely off the mark of what I was thinking.
Dead.
Dead-n-Buried…
bwahaaaaaaa.
“Fear of him getting tired of or bored with being up in my vagina.”
REAL TALK!
@ A Woman’s Eyes – just become a different caped crusader every year (always have that mask on!) so that he’ll never know it’s the same old you!
The visual image of different caped crusader every year just kilt me. Killed me dead. lmao!!!
Women in love fear finding out there are side babies.
This happened to me during my MARRIAGE to my ex. When I found out I was sick to my stomach and blinded with anger because the child was 4 years old. He waited that long to tell me X-x
This happened with my brother. He’s still dealing with the fallout.
Mary J. never lies…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQWOEaQfuEQ&ob=av2e
Omg, this. I can take if you cheated. But got her pregnant?! The horror. Let me find out she did that on purpose knowing there was a main chick. You can get my jail cell ready, cause I’m coming after somebody.
“Omg, this. I can take if you cheated. But got her pregnant?! The horror.”
Same here. That, and/or he gave me an STD because of the side piece(s).
Yeah, that, too. I told my ex, if he ever stepped out, he better use condoms, cause I would murder him in his sleep if he gave me something.
Surprising? I dunno, but I fear that the dudes I date are going to hurt my kids- either sexual assault or regular assault- and that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life out of fear. Two men have met my kids, and I’ve known both of them and their families since I was a kid. No new guys though. They can’t come anywhere near my kids. And no, these dudes don’t seem shifty or anything, but you can never tell. Some of the nicest men I’ve met molest kids, so you just don’t know.
My goddaughters were molested by my best friend’s f-buddy.
There are things in this world I can not forgive. Until I know every drop of his blood is drenched into the Earth..I just can’t let that idea go. I now understand some of the burdens women go through introducing men to their family.
Wow. I don’t have children, but I know that is a very real fear. I know of personally three little boys who’ve been molested by men their mothers have had around them. Not even just boyfriends, but uncles/brothers/friends that they’ve trusted to watch their kids. I absolutely could not imagine how helpless I’d feel if I found out I wasn’t able to protect my child.
I plan to be very protective of my children. I will have cameras hidden throughout my house.
“Surprising? I dunno, but I fear that the dudes I date are going to hurt my kids- either sexual assault or regular assault- and that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life out of fear.”
I don’t even have children of my own and this is a legit fear of mine.
You dont fux with the kids. Oh no, boo boo. We’ll kill you.
This.
Good list, folk….
As for men, I would add Se.xual adequacy….since the burden of sexual performance falls on us, I would imagine that many (if not most) men have wondered at least once whether he was big enough, could last long enough, etc. Until you get your weight up and start to perfect your (stroke) technique, you may have some occasional Snickers envy (i.e., are you really satisfying?).
*Admittedly, this fear probably occurs fairly early (like teens/early twenties), but it’s likely a concern nevertheless.
I used to think the same thing untill i heard my homeboys having locker room talk one day. Saying things like “her p*ssy was wack”, “she had no walls”, ect. Im like “wack *ssy”? What is that? Does that exist? Wait a minute, do I have walls? Omgggg! Lol. So understand we women have plenty to be insecurw about too. Plus we have to worry smelling april fresh all the time. Ladies, imagine your stuff being labeld “wack”. Wouldnt you just DIE? I’d feel like all my superpowers had been stripped away. Disclaimer: In case anybody was wondering, I got that bomb, that Grade A++++, that kryptonite. Thanks much & have a great day!
Disclaimer: In case anybody was wondering, I got that bomb, that Grade A++++, that kryptonite.
This statement will only be verified and cosigned following public viewing of uploaded home videos to pronhub, redtube, or any other adult site of choice.
Thanks – Management
Rush Limbaugh, is that you?!
Your disclaimer is what I’ve heard most women express….you can’t tell a woman that her stuff ain’t heaven-sent….harp music plays and rainbows appear EVERY time she gets ready to give a dude some….and he should be extremely thankful to be on the receiving end. Moreover, I don’t think women can really have a bad p****y report (like us men), because for every man who thinks her stuff was ‘wack’, there’s another 100 men who would gladly accept the wackness, esp. if she’s reasonably attractive. Like you said, the main thing that can negatively impact a woman’s se.x score is hygiene…if everything ain’t springtime fresh, it’s a wrap.
Moreover, I don’t think women can really have a bad p****y report
Gotta disagree w/u here homie. There is some wack squirrel out there. Dry, bad smell, no chemistry w/u during the action. Just a bad experience. And for every 100 men that would embrace the wackness, I believe never had dat bomb before.
I totally agree with you…I know there’s some questionable squirrel out there…don’t deny that one bit.
What I’m saying is that I don’t think women can have a bad p****y REPORT (emphasis on ‘report,’ not on ‘bad p****y’)…meaning that even if she is lame in the sack, it won’t really affect her desirability…esp. if she’s attractive. If I told you that Halle B’s cookies were dry as day-old oatmeal, would you take that at face value, or would you still want to make that determination yourself?? I’ve heard that a bad d.ick report can actually affect a man’s reputation….I don’t think the same can be said about women with a BPR, tho’.
If I told you that Halle B’s cookies were dry as day-old oatmeal, would you take that at face value, or would you still want to make that determination yourself??
Point made good sir. Very well made.
I hate to agree. Chicks could be clapping like Yankee stadium and burning like California during summertime and some dumb son of a snitch is going to give it a shot regardless of the warnings.
But girls DEFINITELY get bad rep for bad pus.
“Saying things like “her p*ssy was wackâ€, “she had no wallsâ€, ect. Im like “wack *ssyâ€? What is that? Does that exist?”
As a person who had that unfortunate experience on New Years Eve in 2007, I would have to say yes…
” Im like “wack *ssyâ€? What is that? Does that exist? Wait a minute, do I have walls? Omgggg!”
You slated me with this one! LMFAO!!!
And yeah the april fresh thing is only true when you want a dude to lick-a-dee split. If not, as long as it’s not foul or strong we’re good. When an oral demonstration is in order though? Yeah, it better be either entirely odorless or smell like air freshener lol
I think women worry about how their pussy stands up against previous pussy.
I know mine’s great but I have nothing to compare it to. Sure it’s clean, tight, wet, and fresh to death but what if your ex’s actual did have rainbows shooting out????
We just never know.
Thought of another one…
For the male ho.es of the world, I would imagine having nothing but daughters is a legit fear.
LOL, why is it that every playa I know ends up with daughters. It’s like, yeah ninja… time to reap all that stuff you were sowing.
Nothing makes a playa care about women’s rights more than a daughter (assuming that as a parent he’s actually worth $h!t)
A daughter will make you instantly remember EVERY f#cked up thing you ever did to a woman.
I just call those situations karma!
A daughter will make you instantly remember EVERY f#cked up thing you ever did to a woman.
Mayne, you ain’t lyin….every time I look at my precious angel, I shake my head and say “Jesus be a chasity belt”
“Mayne, you ain’t lyin….every time I look at my precious angel, I shake my head and say “Jesus be a chasity beltâ€
LMAO!!!
OMG I’m dead!
I know at least one. At last count he had 3 daughters.
+1
But he stopped at 4. His wife asked if he wanted to try again for a son, but he knew that he was still paying for all of his ho-tivity, and no son would come forth.
Lmao, y’all are too much for me today.
Good one.
The day I have a daughter, I’m buying a gun and I will figure out some way to protect her until she is 18 or I will pray that she is a total bookworm. That is one of the top fears of every player!
Sorry to tell ya, but bookworms get it in too, playa.
LOL, I was thinking the same thing. That’s the one you need to look out for even more because you’ll never see it coming.
Like a MUG
I wish you guys let me live in ignorance lol
**disclaimer: i know women will come for me and call my homophobic/misogynistic but imma be brutally honest**
Ive hd this conversation many times with friends but…
One thing i fear(and many other men i know fear) is having a gay and/or feminine son. Not that i wouldn’t love my son if he was gay any less but its fear i have. blame it on patriarchal society and misogynistic, but most straight man don’t envisions his son being gay/feminine.
Usually when men think about having a son its in terms of teaching them to be a man or interacting in manly events(sports). So to have a gay/feminine son would be hugh curve ball. I can’t fathom my young son coming home ask for advise on how to approach a guy he likes or preferring wanting to play w/barbie dolls rather than play/watch sports.
I know ppl will come for my head but thats just a fear i have and have heard many other men i know say, if it happened i’m sure i’d get over it but i’m not going act like i’d happily accept it with open arms
*puts head in chopping block*
Cosign this post. Was one of my fears as well. But don’t apologize for how you feel. People express their feelings w/o fear of judgement, you express yours.
I think this is the worst case scenario for any father- whether they want to admit to it or not.
Cosign.
I have an 8 yr old son that I’m pretty sure is gay.
My greatest fear is that there will never be a man that can fully love and accept him. It’s hard enough that he wouldn’t be his biologically but it makes it even harder that he’s most likely homosexual.
Attitudes like this make me sad and make my life difficult. Oh well, at least he has me.
I’m sure there are guys like me (well when I grow up enough to play dad or step dad…nowhere close to doing that now) that will accept children as they are.
My god brother was a queen since day 1. We all knew it but because he had a messed up family, his closest family members ignored the signs. But I always supported him. I’m glad he grew up without needing my help because he found a way to be strong on his own, without any man’s help. But I always told him there was nothing wrong with how he was….except the few times he was REALLY BEING A QUEEN and needed to get his azzzz whooped..but that’s another story.
Your son will be ok. Just don’t smother him and give him the resources to understand what being a man truly means, however you can.
Here is a good one that nobody talks about.
Having a dude BETTER THAN YOU somehow (either financially, intelligence-wise, or through sheer swagger) scoop your woman and show you how frail your relationship was in the first place.
Everywhere you go, you’ll hear mad songs today about rappers and ballers taking some dude’s girlfriend. Let’s be honest, all the humping these dudes are doing…they most definitely are smashing somebody’s woman, in every town they go. How crappy would it feel to know Curren$y or ASAP Rocky was talking about YOU?
This. I’d be f*cking MAD! I’m sitting here playing the dude’s music and he had my girl in the back of the tour bus “Kidnapping” (read: swallowing). Like:
Me: *Bumpin’ Lil Wayne* Man dude is a beast!
Her: That he is. I wholeheartedly agree.
Me: Wish I could meet the dude. He seems real chill. If not actually meet him, at least be in the same place as him.
Her: *Mumbles* Ha, you already have…
Me: What you say babe?
Her: I said, “F*ck the Cavs.”
FLATLINE
lmaooooooooooooooo I have seen that in action and IT IS NOT PRETTY AT ALL.
Slayed.
“How crappy would it feel to know Curren$y or ASAP Rocky was talking about YOU?”
I literally LOL at this one.
You have to, because the thought is so horrid, but true for so many men that have no clue
Truth.gov!
lmao! Yeah, this fear is pretty realistic. I sometimes listen to songs and think to myself “Rap music is some sick, twisted, f*cked up, depressing sh*t when you really think about it.” We love that ish, but the topics they choose on the regular will make you very cynical, paranoid, or just flat out Machiavellian in nature…smh lol
I realized this one day when I was in the club listening to Jay-Z & R-Kelly “Somebody’s Girl”. The irony of it all.
All I could think about while reading this was that letter from Superhead to her husband….ex husband
That ish was cold blooded.
Being that I’m going to be sick for the rest of my life, what I fear most is a woman who can’t understand my individuality. I am a man, granted, but I am a human being first, with a sum total of experiences, goals, failures, harshly learned lessons, and inspirations that make me who I am. I do not want nor need a woman who can only look at me as a man, and not treat me as the person I truly am. I am not a stereotype, ergo I do not want to be treated like one.
Many men I have met seem to feel the same way, but they don’t know this yet and don’t know how to fully express this feeling.
Wow, this sparked my “momma” heart. I have no idea what you’re going through, but I’m sending hugs to you.
Aww thank you very much
I have the same fear. This just broke my heart
I don’t like hugs but here’s one for you!
You’re too sweet. Thank you.
As a woman I have this fear too. My ex couldn’t understand that I was his girl but also a person who had dreams of my own, goals of my own, and love for individuality. I’ve never cheated on a guy but have found that my need to be alojne has translated to “who you messing with” Must we be together all the time? Suffocation is not a good look. I don’t want to be with someone who does not understand that I need me time and shiz.
“I’ve never cheated on a guy but have found that my need to be alojne has translated to “who you messing with†Must we be together all the time? Suffocation is not a good look. I don’t want to be with someone who does not understand that I need me time and shiz.”
I have this exact same problem! Again, I like monogamy. I think it’s cool, but what I hate about relationships is that it takes up some of my alone time. If I ask to be alone the guy assumes I’m not into him and steps out, or he assumes that I mean the total opposite and proceeds to suffocate the hell out of me. Just let me be alone for a few, damn. That’s what I meant earlier when I said that there are some concessions I can’t make. This is a real deal breaker. If I feel that my alone time will be used by you as an excuse to step out on me or just be a sh*tty partner, I write you off.
Love, I have been with my girl for 5 years. I have had to fight tooth and nail to make it clear I NEED MY ALONE TIME. It is not up for discussion. I got too much going on in my life and I always will, and the only way I know how to cope is to do things by myself. I thought if I made that point quite clear from the beginning (which I feel most people don’t and that’s where the confusion begins) that she would get it, but I had to chip away at her misconceptions of me as a man and what a woman should do for a man first…and that was a lot of work. Now she gets it.
I realize now you got to erase people’s memory of whoever they used to be with in order for them to take a new approach with you. And be VERY DIRECT about what kind of person you are.
See I’m with you, but trying to explain this to most females today is like explaining quantum physics to a high school quarterback. It just does not work. They have always believed there were alterior motives involved or my favorite “are you saying I’m not good enough to be everything for you”? Ugh.
The whole women not understanding male fear has traces of not being capable of acknowledging self as the problem.
Of course, there is no surefire way to cross that front-line without catching harm. I suffer from that fear truly. I’ve personally connected it to not wanting to raise progeny that I am told, to believe is my own.
Getting punked & wang failures aren’t fears, they are facts of life (some people have nothing to lose and will do anything to bait you into accompanying them to hell)(wangs are connected physiologically & psychologically, so there are sure to be situations of minimal control & influence).
Sperm theft is boredom mixed with a self serving & reckless imagination.
I know a woman who babysat for a family, she poked holes in condoms so the couple would have more kids and she could stay living there. Seriously
What is wrong with people? Wow.
Apparently, she was creeping on a come up, LMAO!!!!
That’s a hell of a way to live rent free *snickers*
One thing that scares the ever-living shit out of me is the fear that a guy I like only wants to sleep with me; that the attention he gives me is not genuine, but is fake and he really just wants to get in my pants. On the other hand, I also fear that I’ll keep the right man (who really does want me) at arm’s length because of the first fear.
It’s a vicious cycle.
+1
I’m living that with someone right now.
A man who wants to have sex with you is a helluva lot better than a man who wants no parts of the hello kitty. I’m just sayin’! lol
I’m going to have to co-sign this!
I was married to 1 who just stopped wanting it, due to a lot of his own personal mental issues but has turned into a lifestyle choice, and i truly got that Bomb A++++.
In the reverse, if a guy only wants s.ex, let that be up front. I can’t stand all the manipulation. If u just want to smang, let me kno and let me make an informed decision.
+1000
Which is why it’s a good idea to take cookie out of the equation when getting to know someone. Makes things easier.
Something we’re afraid of that would surprise women? Hmmm.
Maybe that you wanted to be married, more so than you wanted to actually be with us. Not saying it’s a valid fear, but sometimes (with some women) they can be so pre-occupied with being married, you wonder if she wants you, or the wedding day.
Another fear, that’s related to the first fear, is the fear that after we say “I do”, that they will no longer feel compelled to keep up the facade of who they really are and introduce us to the real them, who we will absolutely hate and be stuck with.
Whether by marriage, no dude EVER wants to be stuck with a woman he can’t stand and who robs him of peace of mind.
This is a big fear of mine…….this would be one of the worst things to happen. I’m so afraid of someone turning psycho…..but I guess I’ll warn them before hand- If you change or become a different person after marriage I will have no choice but to divorce you…..I refuse to live a miserable life.
Does this place have a collection plate? Because it’s straight CHURCH today!
Women fear choosing the guy who isn’t sexually compatiable with her psychologically and physically, and having to exit from an awkward situation where she isn’t happy with that is going down in the room with him. And having to save face after she already done bragged to her friends about her new man and how well he treats her.
Just out of curiosity, how incompatible is “incompatible”? I mean are we talking frequency of sex or style of sex incompatability (or both)?
Incompatibility can be both of those things.
Personally, frequency is high on my compatibility meter. But equally important is how they view sex in their lives and relationship which will influence their style.
This area of incompatibility was high on the list of reasons why I’m divorcing, among a lot of others areas.
The more often a woman has sex with her partner the more of the bonding hormone is produced. It would make sense for couples to describe becoming further apart if they are not having as much sex as they wish to have with each other.
frequency of sex can be worked out, but I’m talking:
style of sex — do both of you like what you’re doing?
physical ability to have the sex you want
physical compatibility–enjoyment of each other’s bodies, how the penis feels in the vagina and other orifices…how her vagina and orifices feel with him entering her (some prefer girth only, some prefer girth and length, some prefer small, some prefer extra large…some women realize after the first night that he’s too large, others feel he is too small ) Do you fit together?
physical health — are the pherhoromnes compatible? are you both equally flexible/agile? are your fetishes compatible? ability to orgasm? ability to get wet? ability to have a lasting erection? premature ejaculation?
attitudes about sex (thinking something is gross that the other person thinks is hot)
Sexual hang ups? sexual fears? Phobias your partner is unaware of that affected/will affect sex?
All of that determines compatibility. Frequency of sex is easiest to resolve–it isn’t on the list since we’re talking first time sex with the person.
@ Woman’s Eyes- Yeah, +1 Those sexual compatibility issues are much more real, and much more likely to cause incompatibility than the frequency ones. Frequency can be fixed, very few if any of those things you named are EVER gonna change considerably. (with the exception of things like premature ejaculation or wetness/lack thereof for a woman). People need to be honest with themselves that those things matter A LOT if a long term relationship is gonna work.
Alright I’ll give you both props on the compatibility list and agree.
However, frequency can be an issue when it’s a once per 2 months or more issue. And the person who has the issue with the frequency can’t make it just change.
That becomes an issue because you are married to the person whose sexual appetite is much much different than yours. Unless you have zero compunction about cheating or telling dude his sexual appetite isn’t fulfilling you.
When folks are not married it is easier to step away, step out, step up (you pick whichever one you want). First time sex with a new person? You can walk away.
Maybe it’s just me, but they then(women) use that Jedi mind trick and make you feel bad for not wanting to get married as bad as she does.
It’s not just you. That’s one of their “go to” arguments, that their desire to be married is proof that they are more committed to the relationship. To me their desire to be married is only proof of their desire to be married. It’s just one of those issues where the genders will not see eye to eye.
” To me their desire to be married is only proof of their desire to be married.”
or their desire to have a wedding. Yes.
Desiring to marry is different from desiring to be a particular person’s wife and to be committed to nurturing the duration of that marriage.
Yea but how many women actually know this?
It is a constant battle every man faces at least one time, and it truly is a sign of immaturity. But WE CAN’T SAY THAT without WWIII coming.
@ DQ – Nah, those are very valid fears that I have had too. Especially the one about her changing after I commit to marriage. I’m leaning away from the idea of marriage these days though. Especially due to that last one you mentioned “remember that d*ck sucking contest from college?” Yeah, can’t sponsor any of that type of foolishness
“Maybe that you wanted to be married, more so than you wanted to actually be with us.”
I’ve noticed this trend with a lot of girls and it bothers me. That affects girls like me because we aren’t like that, but by the time guys meet us, they automatically lump us into that category and we’re deprived of relationships.
Some women want to be married just to be married or have a wedding but I think for most they want to know that YOU want to marry US because we know that’s a big step for men to take.
If you marry me, I know you really do love me and want to be with me forever. You’re willing to take the ultimate risk for me.
Marriage is the ultimate validation and women like to be validated.
Oddly enough, the sperm theft thing happened between two Doctors that were having an affair.
Oh one more, that your woman has some sort of sordid past (sexual) that she thought she escaped and wouldn’t ever have to tell you about, only to have it rear it’s ugly head through some errant conversation.
*The setting a house party, a bunch of 30 year olds reminisce on their college days*
You: Man we used to have some good times when we were young
Her: Yep we sure did
Her friend: yeah you remember that trip when you won that d!ck sucking contest during Spring Break?
*sound of a needle being dragged across a record*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
But she won!
Exactly,
#SilverLining
Which means I lost.
No, it means you pick winners.
“No, it means you pick winners.”
Bwahahahahahahahaha I love that!
\O/
WIP for the mutha effin WIN!!!!
Lmao!I ‘m sitting her crying from laughing so hard.
BTW WIP, I hate you with the depth of the Laurentian Abyss for making me laugh at what you said.
Your girl needs new friends! Lol. Any friends of mine who brings up any indiscretion of mine in front of my man will be beheaded with a dull butter knife. Its only right.
No Snitching, homie.
Say That!!! #Humph
Why for come you couldn’t tell me that you won the 2001 Suck Off Invitational Though? Don’t you think that’s some information I’d like to know? LOL… See stuff like this is why black folks end up having secret families LOL…
The sweetest, most innocent looking girls always have a secret or two, or twenty. They have to keep the secret. It’s woman code.
*Snickers….*
It’s sad but true. Men run from “hos” but have no idea what their “wifey” has done in the past.
Good girls are clever girls and know how to keep their mouths (not necessarily their legs) shut.
I’m scared of marriage. Forever, forever ever, forever ever?
+me
Forever is a might long time. What if I end up hating everything about you but can’t get rid of you without a good divorce lawyer or a wood chipper?
Wood chipper doe? Dang, TAC.
That’s why you should date for like, 3 – 5 years. Even the best actors gonna show their true a$$ after 3 – 5 years.
” That’s why you should date for like, 3 – 5 years. Even the best actors gonna show their true a$$ after 3 – 5 years.”
That’s a good rule of thumb, but many of the lady commenters here and around the blogosphere have made me aware of the skill for hiding and manipulating valuable information and feelings, so I don’t think 3-5 years is enough to prove a person worthy of that type of commitment. I’ll stick with a year by year renewable lease. #donttrustem
You certainly can date for 3 to 5 years, but people show you who they are within a year. They show it, so the question becomes “are you paying attention?”
3-5 years to find out someone is a waste of your dating time stinks unless you dated other people at the same time as them & were even keeled in your emotional investment in them all.
It happens. This is my life.
The Woodchipper happens?
5 years of wasted time happens…. (excuses herself to cry in the corner)
I wish… It would make things a lot simpler lol but seriously.
Nah, it’s weird but there’s nothing I like about my soon-to-be ex anymore. NOTHING. It’s like he was abducted by aliens when we separated and his body is just a host. You’re from the south, for 40 years you ate like it, now your a vegetarian. You’re a self proclaimed a$$hole but now you care about the treatment of animals in the food chain. We smanged non-stop for days, weeks on end in the beginning, now you are asexual. And you lost all types of table manners and social skills.
Yup, wood chipper woulda been easier. And now this divorce has to drag on until God knows when cuz he can’t get it together. 5 years n counting.
Ppl talmbout, you’re still a married woman. Shhhhh!!!tt. Ok, yeah technically but let me hip you to what the reality of that means in this situation: I’m the first suspect in his death or disappearance OR I’m responsible for claiming his body in the event of his unfortunate demise.
So the fear is valid
“I’m scared of marriage. Forever, forever ever, forever ever?”
Word. The only way I think I can make that work is if we live in separate apartments at one point. And by “at one point,” I mean when we come back from the honeymoon.
Lol.
What a crappy friend.
Just for the record, it was a hypothetical. That hasn’t actually happened (but you have to admit, that 2 to 3 seconds of awkward silence that would ensue? That would be pretty funny as long as you weren’t the man or the woman)
I hear you. Hypothetically, that’s a shitty friend.
It would be like that scene in the “Dealing” video when everyone realizes that Eric Roberson and Lalah Hathaway are kissing. That slow motion shock and awe is some of the most awesomeness EVER!! Ninjas were like O_O
You know what’s crazy though? Her friends don’t have to rat her out.
Youtube can do that for her. Or some dude she used to mess with when he puts her pictures on line. Or maybe she was feeling frisky one night and put her sex tape on youporn.
The list goes on and on about how we find out that our lovely little lady is TRAMP 3.0.
We at the point where I have seen girls naked online and then SEEN THEM IN THE STREET. Oye.
Oh one more, for those who are on the marrying end of the relationship spectrum, the fear that you will somehow fail to protect your kids from harm. That they will need you, and that you won’t be there to protect them.
The vitality of your family is the ultimate metric of your value as a man. If you don’t protect them what purpose do you serve? That’s why that “Crash” scene is so visceral. The unstated “black rules” say we don’t pop off at police (we get killed when we do) but at the same time the unstated “black rules” also require, that when something threatens your household, you kill everything moving. No questions, no exceptions.
If God is anything close to a Kappa, we’re all doomed. No, seriously, doomed.
So hurricane season… that’s really just God dropping his kane during a celestial step show – is that how it works?
That’s why we have multiple hurricanes over the course of a season….for there will undoubtedly be several dropped canes.
I am done for the day lmao.
“Free. Your. Mind.”
-Morpheus to Neo, “The Matrix”
Good morning mr champ, everyone,
You know, eversince ive embarked on this vision quest of mine-to educate my brothers about the art of love and the SCIENCE of seduction roughly a year ago (and began right here at vsb, in response to a particular male reader/commenters poignant travails; necessity is the mother of invention indeed)-i must say that ive never been, at turns amazed and baffled by those i come into contact with.
I say that because-and lets be clear here, my focus is on black men and by extension the black community-the degree of sheer bullheadedness when it comes to the truths of game-the out and out refusal to investigate evidence given and so forth-really does call into question whether other americans’ observations about african americans not valuing education and knowledge *for its own sake*, that we cotton to rather uncivilized and outmoded, backward notions and ideas, really is true.
Folks, the answers to the questions/bullet points mr champ notes above (and many, many other things discussed along these lines here at vsb and beyond) have now been answered-and, as is so distressingly often is the case, we black folk are the last ones to get the memo-not because “the man” has kept it from us; but rather, because we refuse to accept that we dont know something and that we need to improve.
Virtually every one of those points mr champ raises is addressed, in detail, in one book- a volume ive mentioned several times before (and will be doing so again):
Evolutionary psychology, third edition, by david buss. Buss is considered by many to be one of, if not the founding fathers of evopsych, beginning his career at harvard and currently at the univeristy of texas at austin. His works, as well as that of other evopsych pros, are required reading for any aspiring gamesman, for it is evopsych that gives game its predictive power. Indeed, given the furor raised over game and its varied practitioners over the past few years (sex positive feminist clarrise thorn has recently put out a screed attacking game for example), it is completely understandable why it and evopsych are so feared by so many:
Feminists fear game/evopsych because its insights threatens the very root premise that fuels feminism itself-that men and women are essentially the same (game/evopsych proves they are NOT)
Women are brought up in a feminist culture and know nothing else, hence their fears of game/evopsych
(black) men have proven to be extraordinarily resistant to anything that comes in book form that doesnt involve a ball; this resistance is magnified exponentially when it comes to sex and women
Americans are resistant to game/evopsych because we are wedded to the idea that “all men are created equal”-game/evospych says something else
Americans are also deeply religious/moralistic, while game/evopsych is deeply amoral; as snoop famously said, “deserve’s got nothin to do with it”.
But history has proven that ducking ones head in the sand doesnt help matters, indeed they only make them worse. At what point do we-and im talking about black folk now-get with the program?
Its a question that runs like a sub-routine in the back of my mind whenever i engage my own on such matters. Perhaps the light will finally come on in the middle of this century…or the next…?
Anyway, yea, bang there it is. Game is here to stay, so is evopsych. Day unto day and night unto night new research comes out that proves and validates its efficacy. The mind of woman is rapidly being decoded. More and more male minds are being freed.
Wakeup my brothers. Its time to join the 21st century.
Suggested further reading:
Evolutionary psychology
The evolution of desire
The blank slate
Why women have sex
The red queen
Sperm wars
A billion wicked thoughts
Finally…
Cuckoldry=rape
Now adjourn your arses…
O.
Yet many misogynist beliefs and behaviors are practiced by many women. I don’t think most women are largely feminist.
I agree.
“Yet many misogynist beliefs and behaviors are practiced by many women. I don’t think most women are largely feminist.”
Basically. Especially Black, Latino, and other minorities. We’re actually not brought up in feminist cultures at all. *shrug* Maybe I’m missing something here.
” Basically. Especially Black, Latino, and other minorities. We’re actually not brought up in feminist cultures at all. *shrug* Maybe I’m missing something here.”
True, but the educated crowds among us are moving towards it as if it has no flaws in its application toward reality.
Evolutionary psychology is faulty “science” at best and exaggerated and overblown justifications for gender roles and societal status quo at worst…
Also, ladies, is there anything you’re deathly afraid of that would surprise most men if we found out?
Most of my fears are based around marriage and I don’t think any of my fears would surprise most men but here they are-
I fear getting fat or becoming undesirable to my mate during marriage (people seem to always gain a lot of weight after marriage but at least this is something I can control)
I fear marrying someone who is a abuser, mentally unstable refusing meds, or financially unstable
I fear marrying a cheater and a man who has children outside of the marriage or catching AIDS from a cheating husband
I fear getting any type of serious health issue or debilitating injuries
I fear not being able to have kids….then taking fertility drugs to have them and ending up with 6 or 8 kids at one time
I fear marrying someone who wants to raise children differently than I
I fear having bad kids
I fear marrying a gay man
I fear marrying a man who changes after and turns into a miserable psycho that is disrespectful and verbally abusive.
I fear marrying or falling in love with someone who has multiple children that he didn’t mention beforehand and doesn’t take care of
I fear marrying someone who becomes an addict….may that be to drugs, video games a sex addict etc.
“I fear getting any type of serious health issue or debilitating injuries”
This. I fear getting into some horrible disfiguring accident and having to live the rest of life alone. The idea of being forced to take care of a spouse who is no longer independent, for moral or purely emotional reasons, seems daunting. I’m not sure if I could hold someone to that. I’m not sure if I could do it myself.
I can’t find it right now. But there was an article in the Washington Post not too long ago about a woman who’s husband had to be put in a care facility and how she found love again and had to make a difficult decision. She did (divorce and) remarry and her new husband promised in his vows to help her take care of him. They all (the new couple, children, former husband) moved together to another state, settled him into a new facility and the *husbands* have breakfast together once a week.
It was a very beautiful story. I will see if I can find it…
Damn, I want to read that for real.
#5….Does he have to flush the used condom down the toliet? I mean, all the waste that washes up on beaches or streams I’ve seem have condoms in it & I think that pretty messed up. Tossing a usded condom in the trash should be good. It trash. And no self respecting, sane & self aware woman would dig in the trash to self impregnate, IMO. It reflects badly on the guy that’d he choose a loon to have sex with in the 1st place. I’m, done with the save the Earth moment.
While most are ok with it, I think going bald is a fear men have.
Getting the annual after 40 test to check the prostate, men fear. Considering the indignities women have to go thru with the gynecology, ya’ll are wussies!!!
Thanks for the save the earth comment. I really wanted to say the same thing.
Say NO to flushed condoms!! Save the earth!! It’s the only one we got (I think)!!!
That one day I’ll enjoy anything Tyler Perry does.
*shudder*
Considering the value that society places on youth and beauty in women, I have a fear of getting old…or maybe it’s a fear of not aging gracefully. I wish I could say that I exercise, wear sunscreen, etc. for health reasons–but it’s purely for vanity.
that fear is crippling me as we speak… i have no words to describe how this fear has snuck into my heart from under my skin out of nowhere…
I know a lot of women that haven’t aged gracefully- and a lot of them I went to school with. Quite a few women that are my age (I’m 37, by the way) look as if they could pass for 54…
That comes from living a hard life, not being truly happy and treating their body like crap.
And smutting themselves out- as many in the class of 1993 did so easily, LOL!!!
Agreed…and it’s a cross-gender thing. It’s lime our youths are free until 30, then we gotta earn it based on how well we treat our bodies. I’m 32, and I’ve run into dudes younger than me that look 10-15 years older. LOL
Golden girls quote- if you’re beautiful when you’re young, it’s luck. if you’re beautiful when you’re older, you’ve earned it.
(or something like that)
Women I think have it way harder than men do. Consistently the most attractive men, according to women, are between 30-50. With women after 35 its meh…
I have this fear as well. If things don’t work out, I’m all for plastic surgery though.
Losing the respect of your children / no longer being your child’s hero
Isn’t that called them being a teenager? They’ll come around when they’re in their late twenties. That’s what I recall from my teens/20′s. I thought I and my friends knew everything and that my mom didn’t know anything.
Karma: My mom saying to all four of her kids, “I hope your kids are twice as bad as y’all are”. My first born is me (smart aleck yet super charming) to the Nth degree – and super-intelligent to top it all off. A lethal combination for the unsuspecting.
Prayer: That’s the grace, power and wisdom that is keeping me from jacking up my teenager. Also, the only thing preventing me from wishing that same thing on him because he would catch some serious h-e-double hockey sticks from his offspring.
I’m talking post teens. When they discover “dude is just a man” and begin to look at you sideways for decisions / choices / flaws you may have that may not have been apparent when they were younger.
Ahh, ok. I understand where you’re coming from. Valid concern (not that you needed my validation). It’s a concern that actually goes through my mind from time to time.
I find that boys who admire their dads usually grow up to be men that admire their dads (unless you f*uck over their mom). It usually doesn’t change.
Girls and their mothers, however, a whole different story.
“Losing the respect of your children / no longer being your child’s hero.”
I am speaking as a person who was a VERY depressed and ungrateful teenager. As an adult NOW, I can firmly attest that my respect for my parents has grown exponentially. To be honest, it is rare for children to lose respect for parents, unless it’s a case of parents failing them in some way (e.g. my friend’s dad cheated on his mother with a woman the same age as their daughter, kicked the mother out on the street with her youngest son, and didn’t even pay for her flight back home to Michigan. He no longer speaks to his father). There’s always that point in adulthood where we realize that our parents are people and whatever mistakes they made were made because nobody’s perfect. Don’t worry so much about that. I could have had every opportunity in the world to continue dissing my parents, but I don’t. And it’s not because I force it. It’s because I understand them more.
Champ, you nailed it with all 5 on your list, and I love the addendum above for #5. Wow…and the only ones that haven’t happened to me is #2 andf the original #5. #1 has happened to me a LOT, and it sucks hard. #3 I had happen once, and I swore never to have it happen again. #4 you can’t control and #5a…well, it’s another excuse to link to Rick James
I’ve been married since I was 21. My husband’s biggest fear is not being able to take care of and provide for his family in the same way that his father was able to – essentially being forced to play the “woman” role. He also fears not being able to grow enough facial hair (?!). I’m not sure what that’s all about.
“He also fears not being able to grow enough facial hair (?!). I’m not sure what that’s all about.”
This made me LOL. Guys are taking hair way too seriously.
LOL, I caught him a few times looking up websites about how to make sideburns connect to goatees and how to grow a bigger beard. He doesn’t have a whole lot of facial hair. His excuse for it is his ancestors are from a part of West Africa where the people don’t grow much facial hair.
I feel your man on the facial hair thing. I only get two hairs on the side of my face that you’ve got to have your nose on my face to see.
If he asks me if his sideburns have gotten any thicker, can I see his beard, does he have a rasta beard one more time, I’m gonna leave his a–.
“My husband’s biggest fear is not being able to take care of and provide for his family in the same way that his father was able to ”
+ INFINITY!!!
All of us have the expectation / burden of doing more, giving more, being more than our parents because we have opportunities to do more, give more, be more than our parents. I feel this pressure especially when it comes to saving for college for my boys. I often find myself saying If my mom saved up by herself working two jobs what’s my problem.
We have five children so he’s definitely feeling the pressure. Plus we have four girls so he’s on the edge of having a heart attack nearly every day (“If somebody mess with my girls, I don’t know what I’ll do”). And his father provided well for his family. I think he feels like he can never live up to his dad or mine. Y’all men have it hard. Glad I’m a woman, lol.
“Y’all men have it hard. Glad I’m a woman, lol.”
I’m a huge man-hater, but even I find myself saying that lol. Men really do have it harder than women in some respects.
“Huge man hater”
Maybe im looking under a rock I shouldnt but why the man hate?
” Maybe im looking under a rock I shouldnt but why the man hate?”
I know. That’s what I was thinking. It stood out because normally she’s one of the more reasonable, insightful, and objective among the female commenters (at least she has been these past few weeks). Let me find out she’s a man-hater in disguise. Smh lol
LOL awww thank you for the compliment, Justmetheguy.
I am able to put aside my feelings and discuss things objectively and rationally. If I can’t put aside my feelings, I just won’t comment. I have this approach to almost everything in life, including love and religion (two very emotionally-charged areas).
And as for the “man hating,” it’s just a label. To be honest, my “hatred” is geared towards some things men do, but not men as people. Don’t worry, fellas, I have the same approach with women lol. No matter how much I dislike certain actions I will always acknowledge the good they were born with and the roadblocks they encounter that most likely contribute to those very actions I am against.
I love my dad and have too many positive men in my life to hate any men. But, yes, I do think black men have it the hardest out of everyone.
“Also, ladies, is there anything you’re deathly afraid of that would surprise most men if we found out?”
I think I only have one but it’s probably no surprise. I’ve always been scared that if we have chex too much, a guy would get tired of having chex with me. So even if I didn’t want to, I’d try to space it out so it wouldn’t be so expected. Will too much chex make a guy not want to have chex?
That’s tricky. Cause if he’s committed to you but doesn’t want to have sex as often, it could mean that he’s just satisfied with how much you do give it to him and he’s content with your relationship. But on the other hand if he’s secretly cheating, then yeah he’s probably bored…or possibly just a dog.
+1 That’s about right.
i have this fear as well WIP, i mean you hear it all the time, dudes saying oh there was nothing wrong per se with the sex, just that they got tired of doing it with her, or pussC expires, or aint no pussC like new pussC or its best in the first 3 months of getting to know the pussC, whatever saying that goes with i used to love being inside her and now, not so much… it seems like there is nothing a woman can do to prevent this b/c it NOT about her performance or wetness level or even the much talked about tightness, its just he’s tired of her particular body…
*sigh*
Yes, even if you got crazy position game, there are 365 days in a year. Gonna be a lot of repeats. I wonder if men have that fear too?
” I wonder if men have that fear too?”
Yeah…especially because we mature and get less testosterone (ie lower sex drive) as we age, but women do the opposite…sigh. Why for God had to make us so inconvenient for each other smh lol
right? Sometimes I wonder…
Sup Yoles, where u been gurl?
da plantation, but i done escaped now…
*dancing a jig*
That speaks to why a woman has to have more to herself than her sex game. She has to be a well-rounded person who has a full life, even if she is in a relationship.
#truth. At some point, we’re gonna stop humping. My question is will I still want to talk to you after more than 5 minutes of non-chexing, ya know? If only women got that.
Oh, which leads to another fear men have: of falling in love with the Noni when the woman owning it ain’t worth sh!t. A lot of dudes have gotten caught up because of that.
Depends on the guy. For me, You will have to eventually up your level of freakiness. You will have to be the wife and the side-piece. As they say, variety is the spice of life.
To me that implies a women (or man I guess) should purposely start out simple and slowly work her way up? I’ve heard that you can’t go backwards. Once we do something, we have to keep doing it.
Girl. That’s the main reason I don’t like to try things anymore. Just because I did it once, I’m supposed to relish doing said act for the rest of my life? Nah, dude. Esp. if I was uneasy about doing it in the first place…
I’ve learned to stick to my guns chexually. There’s no reason I should be doing anything I’m not entirely comfortable with just because dude likes it. No bueno.
I’m sorry that your level of understanding of the male psyche is so limited. You are asking/pushing your man to step out on you. If you can’t see yourself doing that act again that had you uncomfortable, explain that to him pronto. That way you won’t be wasting his time. Whether it be physically or mentally, he’s gone.
Lol. Seriously?
The ‘sticking to my guns’ part would be me telling the man that I won’t be doing/repeating said act. If he wants to leave because I refuse to, Idk, have a.nal chex – please understand that I’m good without that man.
If this is your attempt at enlightening me on the male psyche, you have failed. The men that I know have more self control than that. There are plenty of other ways to enjoy chex.
Self-control you say? Unfulfilled desires on his part will cause him to depart. Ignore my comments at your own peril. I’m sure I’m wrong, being a man and all….
SMGDH
My fault, I didn’t realize you were the international spokesperson for all men.
I’m not.
I am the resident VSB spokesperson for Alpha-males though. I thought you knew.
Your Indian-giving (no dis to Native-Americans)of sexual favors would NOT be tolerated by an Alpha-male. A beta would gladly accept it though. Since 80% of men are Beta’s, You won’t have any problems finding someone who will suppress his own desires to keep you around.
To each his own.
Ha. I see…
Last time i checked doing everything a man wants will not prevent him from leaving..doing what every body is comfortable with should be the rule..
This is why I keep saying sexual compatibility matters in sex & relationships.
I’ll take the sticking to my guns sexually further and end the relationship.
I can’t stay if its no fun. I’d rather be with someone who is compatible with me sexually.
“There’s no reason I should be doing anything I’m not entirely comfortable with just because dude likes it. No bueno.”
This is true, you should never do somethign you are not totally comfortable doing but with that being said this is something that he should know early on before you get down to business, rather then telling him afterwards you done did the uncomfortable deed or you now just refusing to do it again.
Communication
I don’t know how y’all figure out what you like or don’t like, but I’m usually open to trying new things. I’m not required to love them all. I most certainly have the right to not repeat them. The issue isn’t a lack of communication. I have 0 problems expressing myself, trust me.
Example:
One may not know that they like some light choking during chex. It doesn’t sound like something they might enjoy off rip, but they agree to try it, and now they like it.
The opposite could happen. She is free to decide whether or not she wants to experience it again.
This is a very real concern of mine as well. Seems like the more you give it/want it, the less they will, even when everything else is on point.
I suppose it’s the supply n demand theory.
Feels like I’d have to force myself not to be myself just to maintain yet if I’m not myself who is he in a relationship with? If I’m not myself, can I truly be happy? Nope.
Woman, your tag name is WIP.
I should be able to spot 3 latex garments in your closet ASAP.
End of story.
Don’t know if it’s been mentioned, but one of guys biggest fears is falling in love with the Slore. I mean the undercover superfreak who’s been with all his boys, associates, co-workers etc…but unknowingly to him he hits, falls head over heels in luv, wine, dines and wife’s her up (thinkin he’s got a catch). Now, all tha people in his circle are laughin behind his back and possibly to his face in disbelief. lol. smdh.
“…wife’s her up (thinkin he’s got a catch). Now, all tha people in his circle are laughin behind his back and possibly to his face in disbelief.”
This is the image I had in my mind during that other discussion. It seems like that would be the primary concern.
Also known as The Superhead Syndrome.
Thanx. I was lookin for tha right term…but on tha other hand, who DIDN’T know about Supahead and her exploits?!? Only a sad simp would wife her.
Bill Maher, LULZ!!
Bill Maher was with her *because* of her superheadness…and he never married her.
He didn’t know until she started ratting on herself. And then I explained it like this to my girlfriend, because she said the same as you.
Bill Maher is white comedian who has a tv covering politics and social issues. WHY THE HELL would he have known how many rappers she was blowing when clearly they were in two different social circles? Wasn’t until after she blew up that he found out the truth. But I’m sure he got some good good out of the scenario regardless.
PS: Is it wrong that because he is one of my favorite comedians, that the only reason I really don’t like Superhead is because of how she played glamour girl for him before he knew the truth?
It would be interesting if it were the case that men fear falling for the freak wrapped in a convincing good girl package more than the falling for obvious freak. Is the being fooled factor bigger than the actual shenanigans? Say you got two women with equal histories. Big freaks both. One keeps it to herself and has a really good act. The other is open about it. Is the fear of being fooled by the “good girl” greater than being with a girl who got around?
It would be interesting if it were the case that men fear falling for the freak wrapped in a convincing good girl package more than the falling for obvious freak. Is the being fooled factor bigger than the actual shenanigans? Say you got two women with equal histories. Big freaks both. One keeps it to herself and has a really good act. The other is open about it. Is the fear of being fooled by the “good girl†greater than being with a girl who got around?
Absolutely. the bad girl playing good hurts alot more than the obvious freak. She takes away control of making a clear minded decision whether to be with her or not. You’ll be blindsided with shame and ridicule. At least with the obvious freak you’re willing to put up with tha b.s. that’ll come wit all that..ala Superhead.
“Is the fear of being fooled by the “good girl†greater than being with a girl who got around?”
Yes! That’s a good question, and the answer is a re-sounding YES! I personally wouldn’t want either, but at least there would be no deception involved with the obvious freak. Whatever you do don’t f*ck wit my reality! The obvious freak gets much more respect from me. Her straightforwardness would put me one step closer (maybe 2 steps) to accepting it and being able to trust her. The closet freak better keep it moving and be bout that life forever lol
Simply put, closet freak stabs you in the back. Happy freak tells you she’s going to stab you, when she’s going to stab you, how she’s going to stab you, how many times she’s going to stab you AND how to stop her from stabbing you.
REAL BIG DIFFERENCE. That’s why the lies hurt, because you’ll never know what hit you.
See, this rubs me the wrong way. It’s funny men don’t want to be judged for their past relations but a woman suddenly becomes unworthy and un-wifeable once she’s too far gone. I hate this double standard and maybe I’m too kind but I think both men and women should be allowed redemption in a relationship. Yes, I know we’re talking about fears so I think this is one that really a person would need to personally work on. Maybe men are more threatened by this because it’s a blow to their manhood.
@ analog girl- See the post from a few days ago (Monday I believe) on the reasons men aren’t into promiscuous women. We’re all burnt out on explaining why that double standard ain’t goin nowhere despite the infinite amount of reasoning/protest provided by women
It has been my observation that the men who believe the double standard the most are the MOST likely ones to end up with a really good liar. And they dont catch on, while she creeps behind their back.
Why? These men don’t understand female sexuality. They think women come in two distinct categories. Good and bad. So when they see the glitter pink smile of the perfect good girl, they fall for the game. And they never believe she could fool them. That’s just like the girls who believe in the prince charming fantasy guy. They get cheated on by the guy who can act really well.
Well there are many unfair double standards, but the point is that it all comes down to a choice. You don’t have to accept a man with huge numbers just the same as I don’t have to accept women with big numbers. But we do have to understand the approach to how men and women are perceived is truly different. We can’t deny that fact.
“Thinking he’s got a catch” LOL
This reminds me of this guy that I went to high school with who liked (and still likes) every girl at our school. He has tried to date me, my sister, my friends, my friends’ friends. Finally, thanks to facebook, I saw that he and a girl we went to school with are now dating. All I did was laugh. His desparation finally worked. I could never date a guy like that.
This has been mentioned before but I fear my man not thinking I’m enough and then going out to cheat on me. Aside from the heartbreak, he would then bring back diseases or get some outside woman pregrant. I just really don’t want to answer my door someday with a woman holding a baby talking about the babies is my man’s.
Women fear that their child’s father will dump his child by no longer being a part of their child’s life. And that the child will feel rejected/unwanted despite her awesome mothering.
Biggest fears as a woman…
Dying during childbirth or having my child die.
Surviving the childbirth and me or my child dying before we have to.
Living and raising a completely fcked up child that I wish had died.
Loving and trusting a man that hurts my kids in any way.
Getting old and sick and having a child that wouldn’t help take care of me.
” Living and raising a completely fcked up child that I wish had died.”
damn….
After hearing about the story of the boy that shot and murdered his mother while she was sleeping on the coach I do have a fear that I will have a child that could hate me and want me dead.
“After hearing about the story of the boy that shot and murdered his mother while she was sleeping on the coach I do have a fear that I will have a child that could hate me and want me dead.”
Me too.
Yep….all of this!
“Living and raising a completely fcked up child that I wish had died”…the first thing I thought of when reading this is imagine how horrible it would be to be the parent of a child molester or serial killer
” Living and raising a completely fcked up child that I wish had died.”
bwahahaha! Flatlined!
Fear numero uno : Home invasion !
This is not gender specific but since I am a divorced mother of two who lives in a home too big to monitor all the goings on, I am irrationally fearful of someone breaking in. A robbery gone wrong and the perp panics and does something stupid. My kids rooms are on the other side of the house and I fear that if that were to happen, I wouldnt be able to get to them in time. Always been against guns in the home, but I’m about to rethink this.
I grew up in the hood and now live in the burbs and I will always remember my friend who had an invasion and both her brother and mother (drug dealer) were killed. Though I’m not in the “life”, some thoughts never leave you.
My biggest fears have happened to me already. During my marriage my ex-husband slept with numerous women, unprotected, and had a child by one of the them. I caught him on the phone with some chick, he fessed up to that relationship – but then decied to say ‘hey, by the way, I have a four year old son’. Welcome to my nightmare!
By the grace of GOD I didn’t contract any STD’s, but what hurt the most was he couldn’t be adult enough to say he wanted out of the marriage – because he actions proved that he didn’t want to be in one.
Once everything came out in the end, I was beyond numb. I don’t hate men because he doesn’t represent the whole, but I’m so fearful of picking someone who might do this very same thing to me again.
Damn.
That’s deep..
Damn
Another fear men have? Ending up being like their father- especially if the father wasn’t exactly an upstanding citizen.
Just imagine if you just happened to inadvertently go down the same road as your dad- the same exact path you tried your hardest to avoid?
Women fear ending up like their mother’s too. Many decisions I have made in my life are based on the fact that I want to be nothing like the woman that birthed me.
This is news to me. I’ve never heard a lot of women talk about this- mostly men…including those with deadbeat dads or fathers with drinking and/or substance abuse problems.
Unfortunately those men’s fears come true. They end up being just as trifling as their fathers.
10 years ago, my pops told my mom he’d move back to Grenada. Within those 10 years, he cheated, stole money, told lies, caused an uproar with a family friend over something sexually explicit he said to her child, and then divorced my mother so he could leave.
Now, me and him were never close due to the typical Caribbean man attitude (will work to take care of family, but good luck getting an emotional connection). I fear I am on the same path. I don’t want marriage, I don’t want kids, I just want to be free….though I love my girlfriend of 5 years and will cherish her for as long as I can. I just can’t provide the future she envisions and I know 50% of that is because of him.
“period sex with Lisa Lampanelli”
Goddamnit, it’s too early in the morning for this thought to be in my head.
#3 happens to every man, at least once. Any man that says otherwise, has been messing around with women he’s not that into. I won’t lie, it’s happened to me, but I was quick enough to realize what was about to go down (or rather, not come up), and made with some nimble tongue action.
#4 – I think I might have gotten shot or arrested. Seriously.
#5 – Easiest way to avoid this is to calmly and discreetly get up, collect the raincoat, and flush it while going to the bathroom. This is all done after a bit of post-coital tenderness. Besides, who just throws their used condom in the garbage? That’s kinda nasty.
- Extended torture in a foreign prison…
- Raped…
- Turning 40 & not being accomplished & worldly…
And most of those DY mentioned…
the moment (hours, days) from getting tested (physical, STD, whatever) and getting the results…especially if its been a while since you’ve seen the doctor
Cosign!!!
CNotes’ Womanly Fears:
-Having a child with a man who decides he doesn’t want to be a father after the fact
-Not having children
-Being alone when I’m old
-Not being enough for the person I’m in a relationship with
These are perfect.
Biggest fear as a woman/wife/mother – That I’ll think I’m doing a bang-up job as a mother and later find out that my children didn’t think the same thing.
My husband will grow bored with me since we’ve been together so long and go looking for some hoochie.
I’ll have a child that decides she wants to do porn a la Montana Fishburne.
My husband decides he wants to do porn while still being married to me.
Not being considered “fine” and “thick”. Ya know, having a BMW (body made wrong). Flat booty and all that type of stuff.
“Not being considered “fine†and “thickâ€
Lol….This reminds me of my pre teen days. We use to pray that our bodies developed to be thick like strippers (southern strippers…..that is…)
And…?
My prayers were answered. : )
You will be receiving an email address. You are to send the following evidence to said email address:
-Frontal body shot (includes nudes)
-Standard “I got a donk” pose (Standing sideways with your torso turned at a 90 degree angle, facing whatever mirror you’re in front of)
-Full body pic, including the face so as to confirm identity
We here at Azz & T*ts Anonymous appreciate your submission.
LOL… I knew someone was going to jump on it. #CarryOn
“We here at Azz & T*ts Anonymous appreciate your submission.”
As a part of the VSB “Behind the Avi” Club, I am exempt from submission requests due to my attending the “VSB Three Deez” anniversary celebration where my identity and attributes were confirmed.
Regards,
CNotes : )
Dear CNotes,
After so doing some research, we here a ATA regret to inform that we have legal documentation that states that your Behind The Avi club is not accredited. Meaning any events you attend while you are affiliated with said group are rendered invalid.
Sincerely,
ATA Treasurer, That Ugly Kid
Well alright!
Yeah, superficial fear of mine, but, hey, I want men to look at me and whisper things to themselves like “GOT DAMN!” and “Ooooh-ooh, she fine” and “she looking like strawberry jam on hot biscuits.” This blog just let me admit it. And yes, I did used to watch 2 Live Crew videos and compare my body to the dancers in the videos. After having five children, I HAVE ARRIVED!
LOL!!! *Daps Rattlerpride*
number 1-4 are real fears for me. especially 1 and 4. i’ve been cheated on and that feeling is not cool. something i don’t want to experience that ever again. every man wants to be his woman’s protector. failing in that capacity would be a huge blow to my ego/manhood.
another fear that i have is starting a family and losing my ability to take care of them.
*another fear that i have is starting a family and losing my ability to take care of them.*
I once tried to explain to one of my female friends who couldn’t understand why a dude that was interested in her, wasn’t interested in being serious with her at the time, because he didn’t have his finances in order. To her the money shouldn’t have mattered, she didn’t seem to get (no matter how many different ways I explained it to her) that it wasn’t the money, it was his means of taking care of his household that was bothering him.
That is real for men.
I fear most of the men and the mentality I see on these comment sections. Only looking at women as notches on their belts and wanting to add to their counts before they settle down. Y’all leave a lot of bitter ass women in your wake who don’t know any better than to stay away from your tired asses. SMH.
So every man should be marriage-minded with every woman that he dates? I’m confrused. Whatchumean?
If by “dates” you mean “has sex with,” then sure. That would contribute to reducing the average female body count, men would get more virginal-like ladies, and everyone wins.
Bitter women = women who lied to themselves and had sex thinking it would make the man commit to them…and did it with men they KNEW only cared about notches on his belt. Women: Pick carefully who you sleep with and when ….and make sure these factors align with why you are sleeping with him.
Bitter women are just pissed at themselves for the poor choices they made, and poor judgement they used.
Hey don’t sleep on the bitter women. A man always has that friend or two…or ten who will make him snap out of heart ache by reminding him that chicks aren’t a big deal.
A bitter chic is a great female equivalent of male heartbreak support. “Girl, you mean to tell me you ruined an hour’s worth of Mac make-up work crying over that chump? Men ain’t sh*t. Shoes are better. Let’s go shoe shopping.”
I’m legitimately afraid of getting slapped my Rick Ross’ tig ol’ bitties.
What on earth would you be doing to be close enough to be hit by one of those…
… I wonder?
Easy. Any situation where I’d be acting LIKE A BAWSE. I’m sure that attracts him and his tig-ols.
* i * can’t * take * you * l*m*a*o*
Add a “you’re too big” at the end of that and I can slap a “That’s what she said (Verbatim Edition)” sticker on your post.
Ba dum tssssss.
* LMAO ! *
Leave it to a well-bosomed broad to accidentally get a black eye from doing jumping jacks.
Oh crap. Why did did I interpret this as you being afraid of being slapped by your own breasteses, and comparing them to Rick Ross’s (for extra comedic effect, maybe)?
#fail
“Also, ladies, is there anything you’re deathly afraid of that would surprise most men if we found out?â€
Getting and looking old!! Sounds Vain or Self-Absorbed?? Absolutely, but it’s the GOD HONEST TRUTH.
Going through Menopause before it’s time, I had a GF that went through it in her late 20′s early 30′s and it wasn’t pretty, it really fcuked with her self esteem for awhile.
Biggest fear as a woman/wife/mother – That I’ll think I’m doing a bang-up job as a mother and later find out that my children didn’t think the same thing.
My husband will grow bored with me since we’ve been together so long and go looking for some hoochie.
I’ll have a child that decides she wants to do porn a la Montana Fishburne.
My husband decides he wants to do porn while still being married to me.
Not being considered “fine†and “thickâ€. Ya know, having a BMW (body made wrong). Flat booty and all that type of stuff.
Stop moderating my comment and post my jive!
Thanks for posting twice, lol.
LOL @ post my jive. I’m stealing that.
LOL. Feel free to.
1.) I fear being widowed in Africa! OH MI GOSH….In America it is DIFFERENT!
2.) I fear DEATH…….
You might want to move to America if your fear is that serious.
Lol! It’s not that serious that it would warrant me leaving my dear motherland! Never dat!
I don’t fear death itself, but I do fear a slow and agonizing death…
@Justmetheguy,
Yo-you don’t fear death….KUDOS!!!!!!!!
My biggest fear is having an affair with a married one. I for one don’t see that ever happening, but you never know. Sometimes people are bit really badly by the love bug and all rules, morals, etc. go out the window. It’s one thing if I’m dating a guy and he blatantly lies to me and it turns out he’s married (even after I do my intensive investigation. some people are THAT good at lying), it’s another thing to willingly go into a relationship with a married man. In the former case, I do have some blame, but I was deceived just like his wife was. In the latter, I am an active agent in the deception. I just wouldn’t be able to handle it. I think too much about other people’s feelings that me hurting his wife would just make me one miserable b*tch. And if he has children with her? Can’t imagine that. I don’t care how miserable he is in the marriage. Tell that ish to a therapist or cheat with some other chick. I just hope I never fall foolishly in love to the extent of engaging in adultery.
Oh and ending up married or in a relationship with a child molester or rapist or serial killer who has never been caught. *sigh* I just wanna stay home!
My greatest fear at the moment is finding out that I’m unable to have children.
There are other options out there, I know. But adoption isn’t for everyone. If I found out that I was unable to conceive, I would just be crushed. My genes are strong, and I want to have a little mini-me running around one day.
And like most people, I fear being cheated on. It’s happened before, so I definitely don’t want it to happen again.
You can get a fertility evaluation if you wanted to know.
I wouldn’t pay all that money. I have no reason to believe I’d have problems with conception, but I’ve still always had that irrational fear. I’ve never actually tried to get pregnant – I would just hate to know that I couldn’t.
I have a cousin who has been trying to get pregnant for 20 years to no avail. To date, she has had 7 failed in vitro procedures. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
OMG that is my greatest fear RIGHT NOW! 3 months ago, I lost my first child due to placenta abruption. I was about 26 weeks along. I’m about 80% sure it was due to fibroids. The thing is that I’ll be 38 on Saturday and I’m so scared that I’ll have some type of deformed child, child with severe mental &/or physical limitations, or not be able to have ANY children at all. You never know how much you want something until its gone. When I lost my little boy, I thought that my world would end. I didnt wanna get up, didnt wanna do anything but cry. I wasnt even trying to get pregnant so he was a total surprise. Everyone was so hype and happy! I think it cuts me to the core as a woman to NOT be able to carry children, your OWN biological children. Maybe I’m jumping the gun here & I wont ever experience that again & my next child will be born full-term with no complications, etc. Sure that could happen but I wouldnt wish this on anyone!
One minute you’re picking out names, the next minute you’re making “arrangements for the remains.” I feel/felt deformed, less than womanly, defective, etc. I felt angry, cheated & punished. I felt like everything about me was perfect, except for this 1 thing. You feel like a luxury car with a long scratch going around both sides. Horrible horrible horrible. UGH ok sorry I went off on a tangent here
Did the doctor recommend doing anything about the fibroids?
Having fibroids removed depends on your age, your childbearing path (as in if you’re actively trying to get pregnant), pain being caused by the fibroid, and what *type* of fibroid it is (removal of some types can leave scarring on your uterus which means less surface area for implantation of a fertilized egg).
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001912/
Yup I’ve been reading up on fibroids & such. Its all so scary to me. Has me wondering could I lose another baby if I try again without the surgery? Could the surgery make everything worse? I feel like time is running out. UGH this sucks but I’m moving forward anyway!
I know…I’ve had some removed.
Yup, my doctor said its about the size of an orange and I need to get that outta there! I knew I had them but apparently it grew during my pregnancy and well……I ended up losing the baby. I’ll be seeing a specialist the first week in April. Not sure how I feel about all of this.
Ok, good. Take care of it sooner rather than later. : )
“My greatest fear at the moment is finding out that I’m unable to have children.”
This used to be my biggest fear for a very long time.
Had to chime in here with MY fears as a woman. In no particular order.
1. Having a gay/effeminate (sorry if my spelling is off) son.
2. Having female children at all. And especially female children with a man with really masculine features. My man is really good looking. He has a 12 year old daughter. Looks just like him. She looks like 50 Cent with pigtails. She is everything I would NOT want in a female child. Loud, ghetto, slick with the mouth, etc. (dont beat me over the head folks but I have to be honest) I am really NOT a fan of this kid. However, I’m nothing but sweet when I see her because I know what its like being a kid who wasnt exactly welcome all the time.
3. Someone mentioned the fear of having a child die. I never woulda thought I would ever say that myself but I lost my child at 6 months pregnant. This was 3 months ago. A little boy. Never knew such emotional pain existed. Couldnt imagine it then. Still cant now. Hell I’m still pretty pissed off about it. Moving on……
4. Being left by your man for ANY REASON!
5. Your man doesnt want sex with you, or plain doesnt want you.
6. Something else I’d never thought I’d say….when your man can’t stop having sex with you LOL! I dont mean to complain but there are days when I’m like “Really homie? You serious? We just did a, b, c with some h & q thrown in 15 minutes ago and you still want some more??!”
Somebody come gits me, I’m in heavenly glory!!!!!!!
TEE, you are WRONG! DEAD WRONG for this!
My man is really good looking. He has a 12 year old daughter. Looks just like him. She looks like 50 Cent with pigtails. She is everything I would NOT want in a female child. Loud, ghetto, slick with the mouth, etc. (dont beat me over the head folks but I have to be honest) I am really NOT a fan of this kid.
50 cent with pigtails….I saw her yesterday on the bus!!! Come git yo stepchild.
Yours is the end all, be all to this post. I don’t think it can get better than this.
“She looks like 50 Cent with pigtails.”
Oh My Goodness!!! I. Can’t. Breathe.
lmaoooooooooo
I. hate. you!
Anytime someone mentions 50 cent I will picture him with pigtails, LMAO.
LMAO, I’m sorry! It did take me a while to stop hearing 50 in my head everytime I saw her! Whenever she’d walk down the street….”You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub….”
Well she does have my man’s dimples lol (shrugs)
“It did take me a while to stop hearing 50 in my head everytime I saw her! Whenever she’d walk down the street….â€You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub….â€
(Time of death: 5:19pm)
Tell us how you really feel. 50 cent with pigtails, that’s pretty rough. BOL!!
I literally thought of 50 Cents with not just pigtails, but perfectly done pigtails, because you know a child is very loved if their hair is well cared for.
LOOK lol I thought we were being honest around here LOL! I can be a little brutal but (to me) she looks…….nevermind. But she’s young so there’s room for improvement. All kids have an awkward phase. I was not the cutest kid either lol at least I didnt think so!
I have a gay son…
and he is awesome.
I have nothing against gay folks. Half my family is gay, bisexual, confused, etc….lol…I love them all for who they are. I’m just saying that a gay son would be something I’m afraid I’d have. Also having a heterosexual wanna be thug, always in the streets, getting locked up with 14 girlfriends and 8 baby mamas, with no job having son is something to fear as well (shrugs) lol
You clearly do have something against gay folks if you fear producing one and would put a gay child on the same level as the extremely dysfunctional “wanna be thug” you described.
But our culture is hopelessly and sadly homophobic.
But I guess if we throw a shrug and an lol on that it’s all good.
Oh jeez, the whole thread is about what we fear as men or women. Having a gay child would be a fear. Having a bad kid is a fear. Having no kids is a fear. Having a dumb child is a fear. Having a child thats too light-skinned (yeah I went there) is a fear. Having an ugly child is a fear. Having a hoodrat child is a fear. Lots of people have ideas of how they’d like their child to be. You dont always get what you want, and you love that child anyways. Calling me homophobic won’t make it true.
@ Tee- Well played, but you at least have to understand why it hurt her a lil bit though. I realize you didn’t mean it to offend and weren’t necessarily saying that anything was wrong with being gay.
See, I translated that in my head as feeling inadequate at helping a child who is a thug or a child who is gay. Adults having that fear of how to raise a child who is gay…is real. It comes from not knowing how to provide what a child may need due to being gay in a society that can be homophobic.
@ A Woman’s Eyes- Yeah, I read it that way too. I guess I can see why she would read it the other way tho…I wouldn’t know how to handle it, and I’d feel overwhelmed by it…
I truly hope that this child never learns how you feel about her and that if you are ever a part of her life or her stepmother that you can see the beauty in her. If I read these words about myself, especially from someone that my father brought into my life, I would be devastated. It might even make me act “loud, ghetto, slick with the mouth, etc. “…
Oh come on Starita! I never said the girl was ugly! Actually my man’s cousin flat out said years ago that the child was (and I quote) “ugly cause her mama ugly too!” I’m just saying that her father has very masculine features and they do not mesh well on a female face! It happens. I’m not mean to her at all. Ever. Ok maybe my comment was rough lol. She’s strong in the face and her attitude doesnt help. But I accept that I am her (gulp) stepmother. I dont interfere in the father/daughter relationship. We have our bonding time, they have theirs, we have it together. Its cool. Like I said, strong features & a slick mouth. (smh)
Give me a gay son over a stupid one any day. About 1/3 of the highly accomplished science-oriented men I know are gay.
My biggest fear is being an inadequate mother. I think I’d be an excellent mother, but perfection is the goal. And since that’s impossible, I’ve chosen not to do it. I can’t deal with the idea of being given a brand new perfect person and effing them up despite my best efforts. I would never forgive myself. Good enough isn’t good enough. Not for my kid.
Yeah, like WIP, I didn’t get the whole ‘don’t date a slut because she will cheat’ thing. But since you’ve forced it as a truth and based a conversation about male fear on it, I’d like to know other signs that alert men of a potential female cheater.
I like today’s topic, but it’s nothing most women wouldn’t guess. The slut cheat correlation has me wondering how completely wrong I am about other signs men use to determine how a woman is likely to behave in a relationship.
“Once a ho, always a ho.”
“You can’t turn a ho into a housewife”
Ever heard these phrases before?
We believe them.
“You can’t turn a ho into a housewifeâ€
,
We No Longer Believe You!!!!
Bull Shyte — Amber’s, Superheads, Kim K’s, blac chyna/skrippers and the like are getting wifed up everyday.
And the silly mickey-fickeys(Millie) who do so lose every time. Thanks for proving my point.
Supahead recently put her husband on blast by telling him she was cheating on him with someone else….
I actually believe Amber is loyal to Wiz Kalifa lol
But the rest of the women listed, remember getting married doesn’t make you respectable or loyal to your man. Only SHE decides if she will be loyal to her man.
And if a woman is a so-called slut or so-called whore, she is not cheating when its already publically known she is not monogamous. Marrying a woman you KNOW has never been monogamous a day in her life = marrying someone you know will continue to live her life with multiple sexual partners.
Totally different than a woman you have no idea does not believe in nor practice monogamy.
A very simple way to determine who’s a wh0re and who’s not. It’s a pretty good philosophical answer.
“If it’s a human, it’s a cheater.”
To me. Every female cheats until proven otherwise.
When I was pregnant with my little girl I called my mother practically hysterical at nine months, terrified that what if my husband turned out to be a child molester one day. Wasn’t based on him or his behavior, it’s just this deep powerful fear that a man I trust and love will hurt my child. My mother told me not to stress, that knowing I was bringing a girl into the world was making me fear it and she was the same way when she met my father and stepfather. Other women I’ve known have admitted to the same fear. Of trusting the wrong man and him hurting your baby.
I’d say it’s irrational but the number of women and men I know who admit to having been raped or molested damn near equals the number who were never violated so maybe it’s not so irrational.
I’m afraid to die before my parents. I lost a sibling in an awful accident (he was a 13), and my family is still recovering. My mum is not quite the same. I’m not the perfect child, but I’ve seen my parents grieve the loss of a child and I don’t want to be a reason for that. I want to live long and prosper so its one less thing for my fam to worry about.
I’m super close to my immediate family. My greatest fears involve dealing with losing my family. Not sure how I would cope.
the only thing that surprised me was the unauthorized sperm theft.
Having my newborn switched with another in the hospital
Having this happen, and then discovering that the replacement kid is an upgrade compared to your real kid.
Having pregnancy destroy my body. As I get older, this fear has been echoing loud enough to drown out my biological clock. Adoption seems to look better and better.
Does anyone else have a recurring nightmare where you’re taking some crazy difficult text-book thick math test, only to realize you missed the entire semester and have no clue how to answer anything?
At least three other folks from my old lab (including the professor) had this dream several times.