5 “Not-All-That-Talked-About” Fears Every Man Has

I'm sorry. I really don't know what happened to me just now. Would it cheer you up if I made you some eggs? I know eggs can't replace sex, but they are some damn good eggs.

“And that is what I am slowly being enlightened about today. I genuinely had no idea guys worried that much about their women cheating.”

This was a comment left by veteran VSB-er WIP in Monday’s A Conversation About Double Standards And How “Reformed Homosexual Man” = “Promiscuous Woman.” It was a response to the assertion that the threat of female infidelity definitely affects how we  (men) act. And, to be clear, it’s not so much that men worry all day long about whether their mate is cheating on them. The angst and anxiety happen beforehand, as we’re much less likely to choose mates who give off a “Yeah, you’re probably not going to be enough for me” signal.

Anyway, WIP’s lack of awareness of this very real fear made me wonder if there were any other prominent fears held by (many) men that (most) women have absolutely no idea about, and I thought of four more.

2. Unknowingly raising a kid that’s not yours

While many men will willingly help raise the child(ren) of a woman who had kids before they met each other, the prospect of loving, supporting, and protecting a kid who was assumed to be our kid but really isn’t scares us worse than prison, urinal rats, and the thought of period sex with Lisa Lampanelli. In fact, this — the fear of raising a kid who isn’t yours — may be the main reason why “promiscuous woman anxiety” exists.

3. Wang failure at the worst possible time

If “wrong f*cking time wang failure” —- and, for clarity, wrong time wang failure is when you get a once in a lifetime opportunity (i.e.: for whatever reason, Stacey Dash wants you right now) and can’t perform — isn’t bad enough, making it worse is the fact that it’s largely psychosomatic and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Basically, sometimes wang failure occurs just because of how badly you want to sleep with and please this person. Your interest and excitement works against you. And, adding insult to injury, the more you think about it and want it, the less likely you’ll be able to reverse it. Perhaps God isn’t a woman, but studies like this definitely make me think he must be a Kappa.

4. Getting “bitched” or made to feel helpless in front of your woman or children

For those unsure of what i’m referring to, just watch this scene again

5. Unauthorized sperm theft

Out of all the fears, this one is the most irrational. I mean, there’s only like 16 men on the planet important enough that a woman would actually dig in the garbage to retrieve a used condom with the hope that the semen is still able to impregnate her, and I’m pretty sure none of these men read VSB. Also, there’s only like 16 women on the planet desperate and dastardly enough to do something like that, and I’m pretty sure none of the cast members of “The Real Basketball Wives of Hip-Hop” read VSB, either.

Still, despite the irrationality, it is a very real fear that some men have. I even have a friend who told me that, if sleeping with a woman at her house, he always takes the used condoms home. I didn’t have the stomach to ask how exactly he’s transporting them.

Anyway, fellas: Did I miss anything? Can you think of any other fears that women probably don’t know anything about? Also, ladies, is there anything you’re deathly afraid of that would surprise most men if we found out?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

  • EmDottie

    The first thing that comes to mind is ending up like Janet Jackson on “For Colored Girls”, but I’m sure that’s already something men know about. Especially for the men living in Atlanta.

    • JessicaL

      I didn’t see the movie but….. Going back to a recent thread. I am deathly afraid of marrying a downlow brotha. My gay cousin only dates those types of man. What I mean is he only dates men that identify themselves as straight. That means there are gays that actively seek out your man just to compete with women. I’m terrified to catch disease from it. I’m also terrif

    • JessicaL

      I didn’t see the movie but….. Going back to a recent thread. I am deathly afraid of marrying a downlow brotha. My gay cousin only dates those types of man. What I mean is he only dates men that identify themselves as straight. That means there are gays that actively seek out your man just to compete with women. I’m terrified to catch disease from it. I’m also terrified that I’ll marry this guy and 20 yrs and 2 grown grown kids in college he decides he wants to be a woman or marry alphonso our pool boy.

      • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

        “What I mean is he only dates men that identify themselves as straight. That means there are gays that actively seek out your man just to compete with women.”

        I once had to work under the supervision of a supervisor who was very adamant about this- thank God he hated my guts, LMAO!!!

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Gay men trying to turn straight men is really common. I stumbled on this info during my Craigslist adventures. Straight men are hounded by gay men. They even pose as women to try to trick the guys into giving it a try. Some guys are literally harassed. Smh.

          They’ll try to change a straight man, but, of course we know change isn’t possible. So the point of harassing men to try gay sex?

          • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

            I was surprised that it was fairly commonplace among them. I wonder if those gay men are aware that doing things like that don’t end very well.

          • Rewind

            Truth be told, that’s how it is for both genders. From what I’ve observed, gay men and women, well some at least, can be quite aggressive and prey on any seeds of doubt from a straight person. Once you show a hint of understanding or curiousity, its like blood in the water….they won’t quit til they get you. I remember my experience and this dude just was relentless, but it is all ego the end of the day, not much different from straight people. You just have to hitthem where it hurts for them to stop.

            • Sigma_Since 93

              +1

              When I was in college, it seemed like the mission of the women’s basketball team was to convert all incoming freshman to the dark side.

              • Rewind

                Pssh…in college it is beastly. Just because it said co-ed dorms did not mean the two teams weren’t playing separately.

          • YALE GENT

            Obviously the gay guys have been successful with acquiring men that black women identify as straight. They only continue to do it because they find success in doing it. The same way black men who dress and act like thugs continue to dress and act like thugs because the find success in that behavior attracting women. If so many didnt like it, it would not exist. Thats a part of nature, people do more of what attracts our desired sexual preference.

            • Top5DOA

              Agreed. Perfect example is “The Good Guy” turned “Asshole”. He lost as “The Good Guy”, but wins as the “Asshole”. Darwin. E-Ching.

      • S.V.W

        I think the most recent stats show that black women have higher rates if HIV/aids than any other group. So, I think the fear for me is that my guy cheats on me with a woman. Times have changed since that play was first written.

        • JessicaL

          I’m not disillusioned to that fact, but since this is a discussion on fears rationality does not have to be a factor. I stated my piece. I ‘d be mad if he cheated no matter the sex but I can’t pretend there isn’t a stigma against marrying a gay man. Can you?

          • Rewind

            You can’t but the statistic is faulty. The issue isn’t same gender sex, it is purely infidelity and not having safe sex.

            • JessicaL

              Whether the stats are faulty or not, how I feel is how I feel. I’m entitled to feel this way the same as how men freely admitted their rational (and irrational) feelings on dating a promiscuous woman. I don’t want my future mate to ever consider coasting the hershey highway plain and simple.

    • http://www.twitter.com/randomnimrod RandomNimrod

      what men have even seen “For Colored Girls” to get that reference? Translate that to a movie a man has actually seen

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        LMFAO @ this question.

        To sum it up, he was a brotha on the DL. His wife becomes HIV positive due to his steppin’ out.

      • Pheelster

        I’ve seen it. its one sided, but I got the point. Enjoyed the poetry!

  • http://www.brotherspanky.com BrotherSpanky

    probably hearing “i love you” maaaaad early on in the ‘courtship’ or what-have-you. there’s not a good contingency plan that exists for that (at least to my knowledge) and you end up pretty much destined to hurt her feelings and subsequent failure.

    • EmDottie

      That’s actually true for both ends. I don’t think anyone (with sense) can agree that hearing “I love you” hella early is cute.
      Go THAT way.

      • SororSalsa

        Agreed. Or if the other party is moving too fast and wants to “settle down” after your 2nd date. I understand that people can know what they want, but jeez….can we do more than go to TGI Friday’s and see a movie before you decide I’m the one???

    • Professor

      +1

      • GypsyCurl

        Do you need a car loan bc I will double cosign. Guys who say I love prematurely are usually deranged, stalker types or just plain desperate and annoying.

    • That Ugly Kid

      Had a chick hit me with that on the first date. The very first one. She was packing 36DD and wearing a low-cut shirt, so I wasn’t really concentrating on the conversation and said it back. Yep, gets no better than first date, I Love You’s. And boy what a mess that created.

      • Rewind

        The Boobie Trap. Works every time.

    • Rewind

      Not only is that crap creepy…makes you want to slug someone for saying it. How can you love me when you don’t even know my favorite color or how I dance when I have Oreos in my hand?

      • Iceprincess

        “how i dance when i have Oreos in my hand” This visual made me lmfao!

        • Rewind

          It is a jig you will never find on Youtube, of that I assure you.

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      “probably hearing “i love you” maaaaad early on in the ‘courtship’ or what-have-you.”

      I’m not scared of that. Suspicious, but not scared. I think that’s mostly game and ish, so what I do is that I either go along with it (e.g. “oh my God! that’s so sweet!”), call them out on it (e.g. “that’s a lie”), or test them (“really? ok so if you love me buy me a ring”).

  • http://www.greenafrodiva.com Green Afro Diva

    Having a pregnancy scare especially with someone im not that into bothers me. Im always careful, but these days, u jus never know and I had a pregnancy scare before with someone I really did not want to have kids with. Now I gotta be extra careful who I ho with j/k

    • DG

      Actually, this holds true for both sides…
      For men not named Travis Henry, Shawn Kemp, or Antonio Cromartie, getting the wrong woman pregnant is a VERY BIG fear of many men (well, at least those of us who actually give a d@mn about our seeds). It should probably be an addendum to #5….5a, if you will.

      • Justmetheguy

        @ DG- Forget 5A it should be the REPLACEMENT of #5. It’s the revised version of #5 that includes most men instead of 16. That ish is so real it’ll show you who you are as a person…

        I don’t know if this is quite as scary but I definitely fear meeting the perfect chick at the wrong time in life when I’m not ready to give up my bachelorhood. Because while there are a lot of amazing women to choose from, chemistry is underrated…Plus it wouldn’t be fair to the other women I encountered afterwards for me to always regret not locking her down…

        • That Ugly Kid

          I can agree with this. I’m only 22, so I don’t plan running into “The One”, Neo, until like I’m 27-28 or something. I don’t want to meet that special girl while I’m trying to attain the daunting achievement of having a body count rivaling that of Wilt Chamberlain. It wouldn’t be fair to her, because I’m going to abhore trying to maintain a cheat-free relationship because I’m not there mentally. And I know once I screw sh*t up and she leaves me, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.

        • Rewind

          Hell..I’m living this RIGHT NOW.

        • Todd
        • Deeds

          I think I’ve been on the receiving end of this a couple of times before. Strong feelings on both ends(I assume) only to be hit with I’m not there yet or the wrong time in my life. It makes me wanna put a wall up cuz it’s like what’s the point of getting close. Although I’ll say this after the decision is made don’t call or text me, you’re just pouring salt in the wound now.

          • http://www.todisspits.blogspot.com MicTheMessenger

            …and you wanna know what the wack thing is, rumor has that us men ain’t hard to please. Only thing is when we’re ready, we’re ready, which usualy means we’ll pick from what’s in front of us, although we met the potential best candidate for the job years ago. It’s kinda like fitting a job really well, but the company’s not hiring. And when they are, someone with the hook-up is gonna get it. But i know my VSBs/VSSs aren’t like this (-_-)

            Lesson of the day: Choose your careers (and your employees) wisely.

            • Justmetheguy

              @ MTM you’re a sage my friend. We really do want a specific type and don’t really know until we meet her. But like you alluded to, it has to be at the right time in life. You also demonstrated the other side of the coin that I almost mentioned upthread. Not only do we fear meeting the right one at the wrong time, but we also are terrified of meeting the wrong one at the right time (making it feel right beforehand). Life really can’t help but to be complicated can it? smh…This is all more evidence that the rumor that we are easy to please is a little misleading lol

            • MJoy

              Can we say “My depressing life”? I was with a guy 5 years, we had a baby, he acted as father to my son of a previous relationship and when I said, “Hey dude, when are we getting married?” He said…”I’m not ready for that” O_O

              um…ok.

              Now he regrets the sh!t outta that sh!t now that he’s ready and I’m … Over It.

              • Rewind

                Don’t regret it. It was a very valuable lesson for you, and made you a stronger person, and you had someone provide love to your children. Despite all the wrongs, appreciate the rights.

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          “I don’t know if this is quite as scary but I definitely fear meeting the perfect chick at the wrong time in life when I’m not ready to give up my bachelorhood.”

          I have the same issue. It’s not about being a bachelorette, in my case. It’s more about me meeting the right guy when I’m simply not ready to make the compromises and concessions one needs to make when in a relationship. I can give up other guys, sure, but that’s about as much as I’d be willing to give up. There are other things that you have to compromise or tone down when in a relationship, including letting your pride down and being willing to listen and solve problems, and I’m just not into that at the moment.

          • Justmetheguy

            @ Asiyah I know exactly what you mean! I have those same issues too. Now imagine if you had all those same issues compromising and putting pride aside and compounded them with a strong aversion to monogamy and leaving the plentiful and intriguing options that single life has to offer as well. This is the foundation of male sexuality/personality/individuality that dies with marriage. I may be being dramatic, but only slightly…lol

            • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

              LOL I don’t think you are being dramatic at all! Monogamy is awesome…when you are ready for it and the responsibility that comes from being in a monogamous relationship.

            • Rewind

              People don’t take other people’s lives into account. They just come and throw their fantasies onto you but ignore where your life currently is, and how you may feel about it. It sucks to say but just because you spend time with someone doesn’t mean you are meant to be with them for the long haul. So even if you do meet the right one for you and you aren’t ready, chances are despite all of their big talk, they aren’t ready either.

      • Deeds

        I believe this to be a fear of men too, so I can’t help but be surprised when on a first date some guy is talking about getting me pregnant or wanting me to be his baby mama. I’m just like WTH. Hearing something like that makes me wanna run and not look back at that exact moment. Happened about twice to me.

        • http://sarcasmforbreakfast.com MizzCam

          when on a first date some guy is talking about getting me pregnant or wanting me to be his baby mama.

          I swear that that must be a ‘thing’ now. Apparently these young chicks out here must think that’s cute, when a man is telling her he wants to get her pregnant. The last couple of guys I’ve talked to [slightly younger than me] have made a bunch of references about “how cute our kids would be” and that they want to get me pregnant. I’m like, what in THEE f*ck?! That works for y’all nowadays?

          This is why I’ve stopped dating. -__-

    • That Ugly Kid

      As a man who had to buy the Morning After pill 4 different times, for the same chick, I can attest to this. Nothing can end a game of Championship Strip Hopscotch faster than a spontaneous call from a female saying she’s late. That has killed many smiles. But the fun part comes when she finally gets on and you tell your boys. You get the same giddy look on your face the slave probably had when they saw Harriet Tubby herself has come to free them. You all go out, celebrate, get drunk, meet a drunk chick, smang her, and the cycle repeats.

      • Rewind

        Ugh @ the morning after pill…man I still remember the chick’s face the day after she took it..might as well had the abortion on the spot.

        • kaname

          @Rewind – just a point of clarification…you know the morning after pill doesn’t cause abortions right?

          • Rewind

            I know, I’m talking about the reaction this girl had to the pill. It caused her so much pain, that the effect might as well have had been an abortion

    • Chanelle

      This right here! I couldn’t imagine getting pregnant by the wrong person….at least there are options like the morning after pill.

    • Cheech

      The pregnancy scare will have a ninja rethinking his whole life and wondering how badly he messed up. Apparently you lose sleep and you’re just scared. One of my boys was near tears until the pregnancy test came back negative.

      • JessicaL

        Lmao, my homegirl took the test at my house because she was scared and didn’t want to be alone when she took it. We waited the amount of time. She went back in the bathroom to look at the results and all I hear is crying and the f-bomb being dropped numerous times. I went in the bathroom and she’s crying I’m pregnant I don’t want to be pregnant. I looked at the test just to be sure and her test was a big minus sign. I could have slapped her for being so dumb.

        • Jessica

          Lol, might as well have some fun with the results after having the sh*t scared out of you for a few days lol

      • Rewind

        Pregnancy scare is worse when someone fakes it.

        Worst 6 months of my life. I will never forgive that trifling trick no matter how hard I try.

  • http://mrweethomas.wordpress.com weethomas

    Terrence Howard will forever be the face of emasculated black man.

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

      As he should be.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      In the movies, yeah…but in real life, that honor goes to the one and only (drumroll please) Drake! Yes, I went there, LMAO!!!!

      • http://sarcasmforbreakfast.com MizzCam

        Uh, I still think I’d give that title to Terrence Howard IRL…

        • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

          Him and those damned baby wipes, LMAO!!!

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      “Terrence Howard will forever be the face of emasculated black man.”

      Ya know, I always wondered why Terrence ALWAYS had that “constipated and nervous” look about him and now the only thing I can do to explain it is that scene in Crash. I’m okay with this conclusion, too, despite it just being a role for him.

  • kid video

    I think everbody has a fear of tripping up and falling in a crowded club…at that point your real name no longer matters…you are “That guy/girl who just bust they azz over there”.

    • JessicaL

      Pssh, I did that at the club on my boyfriends b-day one year. People wanted to laugh but I guess my fall looked too serious. The bouncer was like are you ok. Then he was like I mean you fell down a lot of steps. That was when I got embarrassed, I mean he counted how many stairs I fell down.

      • Rogman

        Bwahahahahahahahahahahah

        Damn, shawty hit like 23 steps bruh. She MJ’d those stairs

        • Jessica

          Hahahaha, oh man.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      I have tripped, slipped, and fallen in a club twice. Different clubs Once on the dance floor. Once in the lobby. I was too intoxicated to be embarrassed.

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        LOL, exactly. Usually these things happen when you’re drunk anyway. Drunkness has a way of erasing all those pesky atributes such as fear, inhibitions, and embarrassment.

        Now, if you walk INTO the club and fall because of those 5 inch heels, well…

  • A Woman’s Eyes

    Getting a phone call from a past or current lover that he has AIDS or is HIV positive.

    • Justmetheguy

      @ A Woman’s Eyes- Sh*t….that was a scary one…that thought’s only crossed my mind like once before you mentioned it, and it’s scarier than anything else on this list…

    • DQ

      A friend of mine called me like at midnight on the 1st of April to tell me she had gone to give blood and they wouldn’t accept it, and they had a counselor tell her she had AIDS…

      …and all I could think of was that old dirty bastard lyric “you’ll probably catch AIDS or something, not saying I got it, but if I got you got it… WHAT?”

      Oh yeah did I mentioned we had smashed before? Yeah, well we had smashed. And so I had my entire life flash before my eyes. Then she said April Fools. I’m actually surprised we’re still friends today after one, that $h!t was SO not funny to me.

      • KT

        Bruh, we definitely would NOT have been friends after that joke. SMH.

      • Todd

        The funny (or not-so-funny) part is that I had something like that happen to me. Gave blood, got a certified letter from the Blood Center than my ELISA test was positive. After panicking, I called them, and they told me that the ELISA was positive…but the PCR was negative. WHEW!!!! Talkbout some scary ish, especially since I’m hetero, not a freeballer (at least to that point) and not a heroin addict. That was scarier than Space Mountain.

        • Rewind

          Same thing happened to me. When to the clinic at Howard University for my first test. I was gravely sick at the time due to a blood infection. Took the oral HIV test and it came back positive. They treated me like crap the whole time but once those results came back negative, the director of the clinic came out and tried to break the news. Took the blood test and had to wait 5 days for the result. At the time I had no clue my infection was so bad, so I really thought I had HIV. For 5 days I was lingering, thinking about who I banged and how this had happened. I when had to break it down to my moms. Maaaasn that was hard. Luckily it came back negative, the first test was affected by my blood infection. Bit wow…talk about the.scare of a lifetime

      • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

        See…This is why women have that rep Peej was talking about for not being funny…Cause that sht is not a joke.

        • DQ

          Yeah, she had me ALL in my emotions for a second. But after the relief of realizing she was joking, I was pissed, and I cussed her out (after she called back, you know a ninja hung up at first right?)

          I wanted to be pissed forever, but I couldn’t. She called back apologizing but still laughing. In the end, even though I was mad, it was one of those moments where I realized, I wasn’t really up in my emotions because of her joke, I was up in them because the joke scared me because I hadn’t practiced safe sex. If I had done what I was supposed to have done, the joke wouldn’t have had any potency (other then thinking my friend had AIDS).

          I wanted to be mad at her, but really I knew I was pissed with myself – with one bad joke she made me go face to face with my own irresponsibility (and deep down inside, I was somewhat grateful to get that slap in the face).

      • Deeds

        That ain’t nothing to joke with

      • Cheech

        I agree…why are you guys still friends? She could have given you a heart attack!

        • DQ

          LOL, let me tell it I did have a heart attack. We’re still friends because even though it was a bad joke, it made me take stock of my own actions in even making the joke effective. If I had used protection, I wouldn’t have responded that way.

    • Chanelle

      That’s some scary sh!t…I probably would pass out on the spot.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      One time, a woman called me asking if I had been with her man. She said she was his wife and that he had HIV. Now this all turned out to be a lie (not his wife) and my tests were all good, but needless to say, it was scary as fvck.

      • Justmetheguy

        Wow…I can’t believe your friend would play with your cardiovascular and emotional health like that. That’s not even funny, that’s just eye-opening and cruel. Todd that would probably give me a heart attack, especially because that description would’ve done me no good. I have no clue what those acronyms mean, so I would’ve still been spazzing out. And WIP that must’ve been a serious scare, because it’s not so implausible to believe. Why would she lie? I’m glad you all are still in good health (that I know of) and living to tell these stories. Scary world we live in

      • That Ugly Kid

        There’s actually a video where a radio DJ tricked a woman (let’s call her Sara) like this. Sara’s husband had called up the radio station and suspected his wife of cheating. So the DJ had a chick call Sara up and tell her that the guy she was creeping with was her husband and that she had caught AIDS from him. This conversation took place while Sara’s husband was on the other line listening in. Sara’s worried response to what the chick said confirmed that she was, in fact, cheating of him. After which the husband spoke up and confronted Sara, on air. She was speechless because she was cold busted.

        • Justmetheguy

          @ That Ugly Kid- wow….I’m just…speechless. I like the methodology though. That’s like a flawless approach to finding out that she’s cheating. Only take that route if you actually want to know the truth

    • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

      “Getting a phone call from a past or current lover that he has AIDS or is HIV positive.”

      Another fear of mine! That’s another reason why I try to stay “friends” (or, at the very least, cordial) with any past partners. I want to know this stuff.

      • MJoy

        Hands down the biggest fear anyone can have

  • Ash

    The friend that takes the used condoms home with him needs to take many seats. What makes his little swimmers that desirable?
    And, please introduce him to the toilet – any woman willing to scrape DNA out of a toilet bowl is a woman he’s destined (doomed?) to be with anyway.

    • Royale W. Cheese

      Great point. I think the possibility of her saying “um, I don’t think you’re worth procreating with…ever” is higher than the chances of sperm theft for most dudes.

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        This. The number of dudes who are “garbage picker” worthy is extremely small (16 as Champ pointed out…)

        • That Ugly Kid

          As one of the 16 men Champ mentioned, I must say, this is not a joking matter. We have to live in constant fear. One wrought with paranoia. Even walking down the sidewalk is a choir. Mainly for fear of a very real and highly probable event (to us, at least) in which every single woman who sees us will take off running towards us at full sprint while simultaneously emptying out whatever contents she had in her Starbucks cup, in the attempt to pull out our wang, aggressively stroke the wang, and collect the payload in said Starbucks cup.

    • Chanelle

      Lol that was my first thought…why won’t he just flush them?

  • That Ugly Kid

    The only one of your list I’m really concerned about is #1. Mainly because my last 4 relationships ended with the chick cheating. So that is a HUGE fear of mine. But, I can hide my insecurity about it masterfully, so the females never know. That is until I let my insecurity get the best of me, assume they’re cheating, and go f*ck their sister/friend/choir director etc.

    But here’s what I’d add to the list:

    Financial Stability: I want to be able to buy my girl anything. Within reason, of course. I mean, if she asks me to buy her some dumb sh*t like a diamond space shuttle with a pretzel interior, we’re are going to have a long talk about why she ain’t sh*t.

    But I don’t want my woman to ever have to worry about money. I said in a post a month back about how I actually LOVED shopping with women. Because I love seeing that look of pure excitement and happiness on her face as she drags me from store to store, trying on sh*t, then not buying sh*t. So yea, this is a major fear of mine.

    • Tonya

      Pretzel interior?

      Many laughs. :)

    • imaninia

      “I mean, if she asks me to buy her some dumb sh*t…we’re are going to have a long talk about why she ain’t sh*t.”

      dead.
      i need to work that last part into some type of conversation.

    • LaDreaming86

      What is with the men on this blog frequently referring to women as ‘females’ as if we are nothing more than our vaginas?

      • Rogman

        *sigh*

        • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

          Don’t respond dude…don’t respond…

      • CNotes

        “What is with the men on this blog frequently referring to women as ‘females’ as if we are nothing more than our vaginas?”

        This comment fuels MY fear that men will see statement and assume that all women are searching for ways to divide us.

        • CNotes

          *this* statement.

        • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

          Right?! Les sighs…

      • http://sarcasmforbreakfast.com MizzCam

        Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see how this is offensive… seeing as how I am, in fact, female. *shrug* But hey, to each her own and all that.

        • Yoles

          me too… i have no problem being called a female… because it is true… i check it off on many forms and don’t have an issue… i don’t have the time to pick up this burden too, i got my own problems

          • JessicaL

            I don’t see the big deal because I call other women females.

            • Justmetheguy

              The ladies’ response to that comment just made me smile. You awesome VSSs have made my day. I realize it’s not all of you that are looking for a battle. Non-combative women are much more attractive ;)

              • MJoy

                A guy told me once that his biggest goal in life was to pay of his future wife’s student loans… I almost proposed to him.

                And u must love combative women. They’re so much sexier.

                • Justmetheguy

                  ” And u must love combative women. They’re so much sexier.”

                  lol, only for flings. nothing long term

      • LaDreaming86

        All right, whatever

        • Around the Way Girl

          If no one else is feeling you, I am. Go ahead and own it; we all have our pet peeves. I find references to women as “females” highly irritating as well.

          • LaDreaming86

            My thing is, I rarely, if ever hear people refer to men as ‘males’ in the same context as they are speaking of women as ‘females’.

            You know, I’ll see someone say, “There were more females at the party than there were guys.”

            Not only that, but guys get to be called ‘guys’, ‘dudes’, ‘men’, but the more nastier terms are reserved for women.

            This is my first time commenting on this blog and I am already turned off by the negative reception and presumptuous nature of being labeled ‘combative’ just for putting the question out there.

            • kaname

              @LADreamimg85 – this is my issue with the use of the word “females”. Anytime I see it, I think female what? A female bunny, a female dog, a female arachnid, a female human? Ah yes, female human already has several names: woman, girl, lady, belle, femme…usually whenever I see the word “female” pop up, the usual context of the sentence whether it is written by a man/woman just lends itself to saying “insert the word “b*tches” instead.

              • LaDreaming86

                Yes, exactly. I didn’t want to confuse anyone, because before I have mentioned to people that I felt the word ‘female’ was being used in place of the word ‘bitch’ and they didn’t get it.

                I, too am left thinking, ‘female what?’ and I tell people that if they are speaking of a female human, that is what the words girl and woman are for.

            • Rewind

              You made a real broad statement and made it seem that a general word was somehow offensive, without clearly explaining why it offends you, so now you’re upset that people called you on it?

              Your pet peeve is yours alone. If you care to share your opinion, be prepared to have that opinion dissected within the public forum. That’s what happens when you talk out loud, people want to know what you mean.

              I don’t see anything wrong with the word female, it brings no negative energy towards women, and it was a word to describe women before the word WOMEN existed.

              At least you did clarify in this post how you’ve heard it and why it might annoy you, and I get it. Just remember to be more expressive next time, and you’ll get a better reception.

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5FR1LGsT7E TheAnti-Cool

      But…But…I like pretzels. Why don’t you want us to work TUK? :(

      • That Ugly Kid

        I sweetheart, I really do. But see this is why we had that “special talk” I mentioned. You keep asking me to buy you nonsensical bullsh*t. Like that time you asked me to buy you that “great Tyler Perry movie”. Do you know how embarassing it is to get laughed out of every Bestbuy because the salesclerk would look at me and say something along the lines of “Bruh…that sh*t don’t exist.”?

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      “I mean, if she asks me to buy her some dumb sh*t like a diamond space shuttle with a pretzel interior, we’re are going to have a long talk about why she ain’t sh*t.”

      BOL!

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

      @ TUK,

      Before it was your shoe size, now you talking about the emotional satisfaction you get when you spend dough on yo chick…..CONTINUE! I’m watching you!

      • That Ugly Kid

        Is…is this a good thing? Like are there specific days I’m being watched? What is your agenda? Am I to be harmed, molested (in a good way), or what?

        • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

          @ TUK

          Questions at this point are not being entertained. CONTINUE!

  • Tonya

    I think my dad always felt like my brother wasn’t his. My bro is really light, while my mom, dad and I have the same skin tone.

    Never mind that my dad’s own father was light as well..

    Or that my dad himself was an unrepentant serial cheater ..wait that might have had something to do with it. ;)

    • Yoles

      true story: My father who i am the spitting image of, claimed I wasn’t his when i was 15, he had an elaborate story about a man from panama named jeffrey that was my real father for the judge… i was mortified, my mom was embarrassed & the judge was cracking up… he said “sir, unless jeffrey is your twin brother, i truly think you are mistaken”. needless to say, i had a paternity test done, my father is my sperm donor and he was made to pay child support.

      FIN

      • Cayenne

        Yoles!!! Where have you been hiding???!

        • Yoles

          the plantation Cayenne… it had me by the soul… i was too tired to contribute as i was adjusting to my new schedule… but i’m back now… YAY :D

      • Justmetheguy

        Yoles was he serious? That’s a bummer…Did the judge really laugh tho? Smh

        • Yoles

          judge laughed like he was at a star studded comedy show… like i said i look just like my father and my parents were married and everything… my dad was just being an azz… we’re good now, water under the bridge and all that

          • Justmetheguy

            Wow, that sounds like a television show plot. I can’t lie, I would be keeping it together and being all empathetic and whatnot unless I was in the courtroom when the judge busted out laughing, cause at that point I would no longer be able to hold it in. lol, glad y’all worked it out though, cause I would be offended if I were in anybody involved in that scenario (other than the judge and the pops)

  • A Woman’s Eyes

    Finding out that he has a serious mental illness that he’s not taking meds for.

    • Todd

      Another real life scenario. Wow…mental wards are NOT fun places to visit.

      • Tamarind

        You ain’t lying! It’s similarly depressing as visiting someone in prison.

    • http://runningwithhumans.blogspot.com/ dimaati

      *Shiver* That’s a pretty valid fear. I can live to tell the tale but if you EVER get the inkling somebody needs some couch time with a side of Xanax after a ‘here’s Johnny!’ Nicholas moment, just leave & never look back.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      If a woman suffers from mental illness, I probably won’t rock with them anymore… but I will clown the hell out of them, LMAO!!!

      • Tamarind

        I highly doubt that you would clown her. If you’ve ever dated a person with mental illness and not just the “everyday crazies”, you would see the difference real quick. Having dated a person who had his first episode 5 months after we started dating and numerous stays subsequently, laughing is something I wished that I could do. Dealing with someone with a mental illness will leave you on the brink as well, if you don’t have support.

        • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

          Let me clarify this for you- I did date a woman with a mental illness before. The only problem was that she never disclosed that information to me until I stumbled (literally, as in she left it on the floor) across her medication. I always wondered why she was so negative and down all the time. I thought she was bitter…turns out she was suffering from depression. Needless to say, I had to get away from her very quick…

          • Rewind

            Depression….no. At best it is mild and managable, depending on how serious a person is at getting to the root of their problem. I am proof of that. A real mental illness is being bi-polar or schizophrenic, where there is no control and medication will be an every day occurrence. You’d never make fun of that person if you knew what their mind was doing to them.

            • Justmetheguy

              +1 Rewind- I hate to say depression “doesn’t count” but it’s more manageable. I’d never laugh at someone with something that they can’t contain or “fix” so to speak. The mind is our most powerful asset

              • Sassy

                Unfortunately depression does count and is not always able to be fixed.

                It ended my marriage, caused us both to do irreparable things in reaction to something undiagnosed and left us both struggling financially.

                Do not underestimate this mental illness’ ability to have the same crazy symptoms as any other

                • rhenewal

                  Thanks for saying that Sassy. People downplay depression as “not real” but it most definitely is. There are people on a multitude of meds who still cannot deal with everyday life because of this “not serious” mental illness. BiPolar disorder is just as “easily” treated as depression is, but its mentioned as being one of the serious illnesses. Just because one disorder hides better than the other does not make it less debilitating.

                  • kaname

                    +1 rhenewal – clinical depression is no laughing matter; I’ve read too many first hand testimonials of people suffering from it and having people have to talk them out of committing suicide when their pain grew unbearable :(

                • Rewind

                  I’ve suffered from severe mental depression. I’m studying it as a psychology major because of how bad my ordeal was. But my ordeal taught me the key to recovery was in front of me the whole time, i just was not ready to see it. I realize with depression, we are in our own way and cannot see the root of the problem because we keep making the same mistakes and not facing the truth. So I understand how destructive it can be to the lives of many people, but I also realize the state of helplessness it puts people in is in no way as harmful and deteromental as psychotic stress disorders. Those disorders are truly frightening, and stop people from believing in reality. We who suffer from depression have no idea how horrible that can be in turn.

                  • Justmetheguy

                    @ Rewind +1 That’s all I was saying. I have an idea about depression too and it’s certainly no joke. One of my close friends had manic depression and started guilt tripping me as he threatened to kill himself during an episode where he broke all the way down, drank and popped enough pills and bought a gun to threaten that he was gonna kill himself. It was a disturbing and twisted reality it was causing for both of us. It’s not like I don’t believe in depression, but it’s much different and more manageable than the others in my humble opinion