5 “Not-All-That-Talked-About” Fears Every Man Has
“And that is what I am slowly being enlightened about today. I genuinely had no idea guys worried that much about their women cheating.”
This was a comment left by veteran VSB-er WIP in Monday’sÂ A Conversation About Double Standards And How â€œReformed Homosexual Manâ€ = â€œPromiscuous Woman.â€Â It was a response to the assertion that the threat of female infidelity definitely affects how we Â (men) act.Â And, to be clear, it’s not so much that men worry all day long about whether their mate is cheating on them. The angst and anxiety happen beforehand, as we’re much less likely to choose mates who give off a “Yeah, you’re probably not going to be enough for me” signal.
Anyway, WIP’s lack of awareness of this very real fear made me wonder if there were any other prominent fears held by (many) men that (most) women have absolutely no idea about, and I thought of four more.
2. Unknowingly raising a kid that’s not yours
While many men will willingly help raise the child(ren) of a woman who had kids before they met each other, the prospect of loving, supporting, and protecting a kid who was assumed to be our kid but really isn’t scares us worse than prison, urinal rats, and the thought of period sex with Lisa Lampanelli. In fact, this — the fear of raising a kid who isn’t yours — may be the main reason why “promiscuousÂ woman anxiety” exists.
3. Wang failure at the worst possible time
If “wrong f*cking time wang failure” —- and, for clarity, wrong time wang failure is when you get a once in a lifetime opportunity (i.e.: for whatever reason, Stacey Dash wants you right now) and can’t perform — isn’t bad enough, making it worse is the fact that it’s largelyÂ psychosomatic and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Basically, sometimesÂ wang failure occurs just because of how badly you want to sleep with and please this person. Your interest and excitement works against you. And, adding insult to injury, the more you think about it and want it, the less likely you’ll be able to reverse it.Â Perhaps God isn’t a woman, but studies like this definitely make me think he must be a Kappa.
4. Getting â€œbitchedâ€ or made to feel helpless in front of your woman or children
For those unsure of what iâ€™m referring to,Â just watch this scene again
5. Unauthorized sperm theft
Out of all the fears, this one is the most irrational. I mean, there’s only like 16 men on the planet important enough that a woman would actually dig in the garbage toÂ retrieveÂ a used condom with the hope that the semen is still able to impregnate her, and I’m pretty sure none of these men read VSB. Also, there’s only like 16 women on the planet desperate andÂ dastardlyÂ enough to do something like that, and I’m pretty sure none of the cast members of “The Real Basketball Wives of Hip-Hop” read VSB, either.
Still, despite the irrationality, it is a very real fear that some men have. I even have a friend who told me that, if sleeping with a woman at her house,Â he always takes the used condoms home.Â I didn’t have the stomach to ask how exactly he’s transporting them.
Anyway, fellas: Did I miss anything? Can you think of any other fears that women probably don’t know anything about? Also, ladies, is there anything you’re deathly afraid of that would surprise most men if we found out?
—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)