come on, maaaan! you know this is some bullshit.
we’ve all been there before:
obnoxiously bow-tied boy at urban league happy hour approaches girl.
girl, already tipsy and unusually horny because of a rabbit mishap that morning (she wanted to use it before work, but forgot that she needed new batteries), grabs boy’s hand before he has a chance to speak, and leads him to the dance floor.
boy and girl dance in an awkwardly familiar manner, meet later at 24-hour oyster house, leave, and have aggressively mediocre sex in girl’s cat-infested duplex, fully initiating the first steps of the half-assed forced relationship dance usually done by people too decent to just have a one night stand and bounce.
the bullshit romantic relationship —where “nice” people stay in dead-end relationships much longer than they should because, well, they’re pussies— is as much of a staple in the young urban professional community as gap body spray and gentrification.
since their manners won’t let them break up on their own, those in half-assed couplings sometimes need outside forces (whether its an attractive new neighbor, an anniversary, or the threat of a nuclear war) to convince them to end this endless coital agony, and no other avenue is as efficient at reminding them how bad their relationship is than a movie.
without further ado, here’s five movies you should watch if you want out of your half-assed relationship:
1. a history of violence
why you should watch it: in the middle of a fight, tom and edie stall (viggo mortensen and maria bello) have the type of passionate, violent, nasty, monkey-matrix sex (on wooden freakin stairs!!!) your half-assed relationship ass probably hasn’t had since the first season of house. if this doesn’t make you want to get out of your self-imposed pussy-ass relationship purgatory, nothing will.
2. 50 first dates
why you should watch it: [spoiler alert] henry roth (played by some lesbian woman impersonating adam sandler) is so in love with lucy whitmore (drew barrymore) that he 1. deads his completely implausible practice of boning random hot chicks on vacation, 2. comes up with approximately 50 elaborate schemes to repeatedly woo a woman who loses her memory every 24 hours, 3. wins over said woman’s dad, brother, and best friends, and 4. marries and impregnates said woman despite the fact that she’ll need to be remind of who he and their kid is every day for the rest of their life.
he did all that for her, and the guy you have apathetic unprotected sex with twice a month can’t even remember to pull out half the time.
3. unfaithful
why you should watch it: the plot revolves around every man’s biggest nightmare —a seemingly content girlfriend/wife having an affair with a guy much younger, handsomer, and europeaner than you are— a storyline that will undoubtedly be your future if you don’t burn that bullshit ass bridge as soon as f*cking possible.
4. chris rock: never scared
why you should watch it: the only thing more awkward than being in a half-assed relationship is sitting on the couch with your melancholy mate while you’re watching a comedian talk sh*t about half-assed relationships.
5. zombieland
why you should watch it: 1. to remind you of what you two look like to your mutual friends (a zombie), and 2. to remind you of what your mutual friends are tempted to do to you every time your lifeless, depressing ass duo invites itself to an event (chop your f*cking head off).
anyway, people of vsb.com: i’m sure i’m missing a few. can you think of any other movies that would literally force someone to end their half-assed relationship if they happened to watch them?
—the champ
aw, i didn’t know the gap still made those body sprays. in other news, i think this guy i’m seeing has a madonna/whore complex. can we talk about that? and this is dead on topic because i ended my half a*s relationship for his weird little self. okay…no i didn’t.
@charli skipper,
i think this guy i’m seeing has a madonna/whore complex. can we talk about that?
sure. madonna and whores are two of my favorite topics
plus, “why did i get married,” is a good one to see (no tyler perry fan). because something about the way that jerk treats his chunky jill scott of a wife just drives you to action and makes you ready to cuss a ho that don’t love you out. because your prince is out there.
@charli skipper,
because your prince is out there.
or not. for some people, the pot of the end of the rainbow will always be filled with shit
@The Champ,
Dang, So harsh?! LOL
oh, where is everybody? i am just running all up and through it today, honey.
@charli skipper,
“i am just running all up and through it today, honey.”
thats what she said. and by “she” i mean “the champ”
@The Champ,
You just called yourself a girl. No need to point out the obvious.
@8th Wonder, lol
@charli skipper
I cant think of anything….We are all alone…
“I Think I Love My Wife”. Why? Because it helps the man gauge what he’d do if he had Kerry Washington trying to bed him. And it helps the woman gauge how comfortable she would be if her man had a much hotter female friend from the past.
We all know, around your people, the guys would be lying about your responses, but eventually, you’d be honest with yourself. After all, we all know that the only person who could handle Kerry’s “white girl crazy” is John Mayer.
@chaoticdiva,
how come white girls were not all mad and such @ John Mayer about that statement?… what is white girl crazy?
@nolagirl,
what is white girl crazy?
i think it refers to a planned crazy (like getting hired as a temp somewhere just so you have access to social security numbers), instead of a sistas spontaneous crazy
@The Champ,
K, so I asked other men friends they also pointed to the Astronaut riding around in the diaper crazy as “white girl crazy” who knew?
@The Champ,
I think that calculated, planned crazy *cue Snapped* is something like white crazy altogether, not just white girl crazy.
Think Columbine. And how no one was expecting John Malveaux.
@nolagirl,
You know, I wondered that. Black women got mad because John Mayer says he only gets turned on by a couple of our actresses, then his penis gets flaccid at the sight of the rest of the populus. But he hoes the life of several white women, and coins this “white girl crazy” phrase that we know we’ll hear Plies use on his next album.
Word
I think the key is to watch some stalkerish type of movie… [i.e. Fatal Attraction, Single White Female, that bullsh*t Beysus/Idris Elba flick] and say stuff like:
“I could see why someone would flip out like that”
“I see a lot of that crazy chick’s personality in me”
“Ooooh, this movie reminds me of my last relationship”
I think that could unseal a deal nicely…
@naturallyalise1,
“I see a lot of that crazy chick’s personality in me”
***filed under “important statements a big butt and a smile can make you ignore”***
@The Champ,
Yeah…they’re really trying to confide in you…and won’t let you leave…and then the knowledge comes and then the big butt…ooooh weee the BIG butt. Resistance is futile…just hope your neighbors don’t call the police when she hits you and you grab her and fall on the bed to keep from getting hit again…her crazy azz is strong too…but she’s so damn sweet…
“now I’m realizing that I love her”
“Mind Playing Tricks On Me” by Scarface
Not having batteries is the worst…..
Major co-sign on 50 first Dates… If I have to constantly remind you that I am your wife…Then its def time to let it go!
@JamaicanGirl, actually i think this could be kind of fun in a weird kind of way..you could tell his a$$ anything and have him believing all kinds of ish, and at least he has a reason, I think you’re in real trouble when your SO can’t effin remember an effin thing and you have to remind him of every effin thing any way …hmmm….*sorry, um i have a “friend” who has that problem with her SO,,,:-)
@bajanflchick, I’m with you…you mean to tell me I can wake up today and if I don’t feel like being married I don’t have to.
“Eff it I don’t feel like being married today…I’ll see you tomorrow.”
@JamaicanGirl,
“Major co-sign on 50 first Dates… If I have to constantly remind you that I am your wife…Then its def time to let it go!”
although i think you missed the point of me putting 50 first dates in there, i agree and sh*t
@The Champ,
although i think you missed the point of me putting 50 first dates in there
I thought the same.
p.s: the site has been buggy, y’all. It took fifty eleven attempts to see the comments.
LMAO!!!! Thank you for that.
Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/
@Tiffany,
we didnt sleep together last night, did we?
Is it bad that I saw none of the movies mentioned. But, I don’t have a half assed relationship, just a half assed marriage.
@Depressed,
I’m gonna need you to go seek some help, and not in the form of a movie. More like Dr. Phil without the celebrity.
@Depressed,
at least you get a tax break.
@RocktheCatbox,
LOL
@Depressed,
Damn not a half a$$ed marriage! I assume this means the relationship in the beginning was half a$$es also?
@Depressed,
welcome and sh*t.
and, considering your half-assed marriage, you should probably add each of these movies to your netflix que
I saw Chris Rock’s “Good Hair” end three relationships simultaneously.
@Dash,
LOL! Chris Rock is like Cupid’s opposite.
@Dash,
LOL “there’s a lack of intimacy because you can’t run your fingers through a black woman’s hair..”
that’s why i told women to not take their man to this movie. lol
@Dash,
“seeing a chris rock performance/movie together” should be a litmus test for anyone in a relationship. if you can survive that without any “damn, is he talking about me?” awkwardness, then youre good to go
1. Kudos on ever having watched a history of
Violence, Viggo only tops this mixture of nudity
And violence in Eastern promise.
2. Unfaithful is a painful movie to watch…
*damn these dusty offices, I got sensitive eyes*
…Mostly because if Richard Geere had been
Listening to some Sticky fingers he woul’ve seen
That sh*t from a mile away
3. The list is on_point, but I’m wonderin with a
Good clique around you, how does a guy get stuck
In these dead-end relations
@sisanda,
The only thing worse than Viggo naked in Eastern Promises is Viggo naked in The Road [shudders]
@sisanda,
but I’m wonderin with a
Good clique around you, how does a guy get stuck
In these dead-end relations
pressure and p*ssy
All of these movies were perfect examples. I think, “Love and Basketball” is another good one. Also, “The Best Man”. Both of these movies involved for the most part healthy relationships that went thru a crisis or conflict but where the two people found there way back to each other.
Color Purple is an all around great example for the obvious reasons.
@QueenT,
Color Purple is an all around great example for the obvious reasons.
i havent had my eggs and lobster yet so i might be slow, but, i’m not seeing why this is obvious
@The Champ,
Its a wake up call to all women who are in abusive relationships. The movie in general empowers women to step out and reclaim your life. I know it may be a bit more extreme than half-assed but it does make you think.
‘Deliver us from Eva’. There is this scene where Meagan Goode’s husband is lustfully licking her toes like they are made out of chocolate fondue or something = cue in James Blunt’s ‘Goodbye My Lover’, here’s why…
a) Guy has never tried this even if girl would say it’s gross.
b) Girl mentions it’s gross and guy goes quiet i.e recalling a relationship that saw him giving toe-jobs lustfully/or maybe just a case of ADD.
c) Girl mentions it’s gross and guy agrees but says enthusiastically ” But it’s Meagan Goode! I’d do the same if I was him”
d) All the above as told by my now single guy pal.
@Superior Motherload,
c) Girl mentions it’s gross and guy agrees but says enthusiastically ” But it’s Meagan Goode! I’d do the same if I was him”
LOL, this is hilarious
@Superior Motherload, ga! ‘Goodbye My Lover’ is my ultimate breakup song….was trying to put it out of my mind.
@Dee,
James Blunt’s music generally seems have that effect. lol!
Hmmmmmmmmmm, I’mmma have to go with 9 1/2 Weeks, if you’re Kim Bassinger in this one then you’re gonna have to say, perhaps this ISH ain’t for me,that dude had her seriously sprung, and well, anyway…that’s my pick
@bajanflchick,
i’ve heard the sex scenes in that flick were off the hook.
Half-arse relationships are the way of the future..(it’s a recession the cost of batteries can start adding up).A movie that would definately end such an ordeal would be BELOVED… how can you continue to see or associate with someone who believes that movie is date appropriate …can’t even awkardly cuddle during all of that…and if that’s not enough motivation to run for the hills..imagine if you mess around and got pregnant …you might end up with a beloved situation on hand…
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,
Mornin! Answer your phone!
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,
A movie that would definately end such an ordeal would be BELOVED… how can you continue to see or associate with someone who believes that movie is date appropriate …can’t even awkardly cuddle during all of that
lol, thats a good point. anyway who thinks a movie that disturbing is good date fodder needs to be thrown in a wood-chipper
Angry this mornin Champ?
I don’t have patience. Def not enough to stay in a lukewarm-ass relationship.
@JumpOnIt,
Angry this mornin Champ?
nah. just trying to fight crime, like usual
Love Jones. you can definitely see how two people that really love eachother act. Por Ejemplo, when Larenz Tate was running through the train station and when Nia Long was standing outside in the rain getting her hair wet for him, kissing him.
@Deeds,
‘Loves Jones’ would also tell you that she is liable to leave you go live with her ex-fiance in NY and come back and date you friend when you ain’t even do nothing wrong… That might get you out of you relationship before the movie ends.
That and Lisa Nicole Carson playing the freaky best friend can’t help but make you think of possibilities.
@LoveJoneswasSomeBull,
Damn, you stole my comment. Oh well, I already made it.
@LoveJoneswasSomeBull, to bad Lisa Nicole Carson went crazy because I really liked her.
How come nobody said “Fatal Attraction.” That is the type of crisis you do not want to be in.
@The Smoking Ace, I’m just gonna have to beat champikins on this one RIF . check way back up at the top….at naturallyalise1……Your welcome champikins
The Notebook. That movie will make you resent the person you’re with even if you’re NOT in a half-assed relationship. They fucking DIE together!
@RocktheCatbox,
That movie really tugged at my heartstrings. Great movie, but I will never watch it again.
@RocktheCatbox,
That movie will make you resent the person you’re with even if you’re NOT in a half-assed relationship. They fucking DIE together!
that movie was an emotional terrorist
@RocktheCatbox,
And that was going to be my pick!!!
(And I have ended a relationship around the time I saw the movie too…
)
omg that History of Violence scene has to be one of my top five of all time. i’m STILL waiting to start a fight near some stairs so i can recreate some ish. lol
good examples. i think another is When A Man Loves A Woman. because the title will make the both of you feel extra uncomfortable if your love is half-assed, and the crap he puts up with throughout the movie (her drinking problem, becoming extra close to some guy, blaming him for said drinking problem, forgetting their kids in random stores, moving away with the ‘ugh’ look when he tries to touch her) and then still goes to those “hi my name is enrique iglesias and i’m the spouse of an alcoholic” meetings and CRIES in a room full of people about how much he misses his dysfunctional arse wife and his daughters (one of which isn’t even his) is enough to make any man look ‘meh’, and enough to make any man think of ways he’d leave you if he ever had to play Where’s Waldo with his children because he left your drunkard arse in charge.
y’all love my run-ons. i know. lol
@Muze,
“When A Man Loves A Woman” is in my top 5 favorite love story movies. Andy was going through it!!!!
@miss t-lee,
mine too!
right. takes a special kind of man…
@Muze,
Yep!!!!
@Muze, OMG- I can’t believe i forgot how much i love this movie….thanks for the reminder
@Muze,
That is a damn good movie.
@Muze,
“omg that History of Violence scene has to be one of my top five of all time. i’m STILL waiting to start a fight near some stairs so i can recreate some ish. lol”
lol, so if a random homeless man smacked you while you were on the stairs on the way to your building, you’d bone him?
@The Champ, “lol, so if a random homeless man smacked you while you were on the stairs on the way to your building, you’d bone him?”
LOL! TOOO funny
@The Champ,
LOL if i was feeling Champ-ish, i’d simply say Bone Deez…
Revolutionary Road. That movie would make you want to leave a happy relationship in fear that your marriage would turn into that.
@Smanakins,
is that worth putting in the netflix queue?
@The Champ, Definitely. It’s one of those movies that make you say “Well Damn!”
@The Champ,
I will recommand. Just to feel the depression and oppression of “expectations”… Try it.
@Smanakins,
Oh my god. That movie MESSED ME UP!!! I have always been frightened of “ordinary soccer mom in the ‘burbs” anyways… but watching my fear materialize in front of me like this? Horrible!
*smh*
this is off topic but the term ‘half-assed’ has always been disturbing to me. i mean can you imagine seeing someone who was literally half-assed? o_O
would be h e double hockey sticks trying to find jeans that fit.
@Muze,
this is off topic but the term ‘half-assed’ has always been disturbing to me. i mean can you imagine seeing someone who was literally half-assed? o_O
lol, yea. half-assed is one of those terms like calling someone a “f*ck face” that make sense without making any sense at all
50 First Dates is a good one.
When I dealt with a guy that I obviously had no business dealing with, I happened to pop in my “Love Jones” dvd for old times sake. The scene with Nina’s old boyfriend whining about some darn toasted oats cereal and then her line about all they had together was a bunch of years totally struck a chord with me. Plus, you see how much more content she is with the person that she actually likes.
@Jamaica,
The scene with Nina’s old boyfriend whining about some darn toasted oats cereal and then her line about all they had together was a bunch of years totally struck a chord with me
see, this is why i’ll never have to actually watch love jones. if you pay attention on vsb long enough, you’ll actually get a play-by-play account of each scene in the comments
Really good selection Champ- I’m impressed… although the “Zombieland” suggestion was a stretch (eh) but I see where you’re going.
And no, I’m not gonna _____ your deez.
@Yeah…SO!?!,
impress deez
Closer with Natalie Portman, Jude Law, Julia Roberts, and Clive Owen .This film shows what a half-assed relationship can be at worse end of the half-assed spectrum. Closer is half-assed at DEFCON 1!
Infidelity, relationship complacency, Clive Owen’s mutant abilty to be the same character in every movie, and Natalie Portman’s heavenly flavored lady parts all show what can happens if you let half-assed go on for too long. If either you or your S.O. watch Closer and can imagine your relationship heading down this road, add “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” to your internal playlist and kick rocks.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Closer is one of my favorite movies.
“… ’cause I’m a f*cking CAVEMAN!” – may be the best line ever.
@deviant,
Closer is one of my favorite movies.
mine too. it also had one of my favorite movie insults ever:
“you liar, you…writer!!!!”
@deviant,
thanks for your honesty. now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag.
*cringe*
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
i was thisclose to putting “closer” on the list, but i wanted to stop it at five. but yea, i’ve never cringed through an entire movie the way i cringed through that
btw, “Natalie Portman’s heavenly flavored lady part” will definitely be the name of my fantasy football team next year
@The Champ, Hoss, may that name and Ms. Portman’s lady parts bring you success in fantasy football.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Closer is a really good one. Sh!t is like a lukewarm plate of half-assedness… Terrible.
@Sula,
“Sh!t is like a lukewarm plate of half-assedness… Terrible.”
T-shirt?
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
That will be an hilarious t-shirt depending on circumstances…
Imagine wearing that on a first date. Lol!
‘eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.’
and
‘the last kiss.’ oh, man. especially this one.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E., hear hear on Closer.
@my soul’s in my smile,
‘eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.’
everytime i try to watch that movie my nose starts bleeding
@The Champ,
i’d be insulted if that wasn’t so amusing.
@my soul’s in my smile,
Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind is one of my favorite movies of all times (generally movies with Mark Ruffalo have a good effect on me.
)… I mean your memory is erased YET you find each other AGAIN? If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. 
oh! and (500) days of summer.
@my soul’s in my smile, (500) hundred days was interesting even with the hipsters. Have you seen Medicine for Melancholy? That was a half-assed one night stand.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E., “Medicine for Melancholy? That was a half-assed one night stand.”- co-sign 100 % however Wyatt Cenac was in it so…on the strength of that alone …i’m gonna have to bring that up to 3/4 assed one night stand, at the very least
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
yes! i was going to add that one too, but my list was getting a little long. melancholy was painful to get through (too many lengthy ‘meaningful’ pauses), but reinforced why the awkward ‘get to know you’ dance after a one night stand isn’t worth it. and one night stands for that matter.
@my soul’s in my smile, It was painful. Micah was getting on my nerves a little too when he was complaining about how black people in the “indie” scene always end up with a white mate. I wanted the girl to quote O Dog and say, “Micah, you know you sound like a little bitch right now.”
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E, right! that’s what i was saying. i got his point and all, but seriously, who told him to stay in San Francisco? you have options, my friend. exercise them! way too whiney to be believable. honorable attempt at a black indie film though.
@my soul’s in my smile, Seriously, he could have gone across the bay to Oakland to find some blacks in the “Indie” scene there. Are there hipsters that aren’t whiney?I liked the movie and seing Wyatt being “serious” was a good change for him.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
i believe hipster is synonymous with emo which by definition, is whiney. there may be exceptions. alert me if you come across one, please.
@my soul’s in my smile, I’ll let you know if I find any non-emo hipsters. I try not to deal with them. Ugly sneakers, and beat to hell ten speed bikes anger me. How does one spend that much money to look like a vagabond.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
No, that was not just a half-assed 1-night stand… It was what half-assed relationships make you do: miss out on potential good relationships and have half-assed one-night stands instead. *sad face* –>
@my soul’s in my smile,
Good one! Loved that movie to pieces.
@my soul’s in my smile, Also called “SHE just not that into you”
@Mr. Gundam,
Also called “SHE just not that into you
Word. Life.
I disagree. People delude themselves into thinking they’re relationship are OK. That’s why they stay so long.
You should watch something that mirrors your relationship on screen rather than torturing yourself about what’ it’s not. That way you can see what it looks like from the outside and you’ll be less likely to continue your delusional behavior.
The Break Up is excellent example of this.
@deviant, didn’t see the break-up but I like the way you think *co-signin*
@deviant, true true…but that movie was funny to me….
@deviant,
You should watch something that mirrors your relationship on screen rather than torturing yourself about what’ it’s not.
depending on the personalty that can backfire because a person could watch a movie like the break-up and think to themselves ‘you know what. i guess all relationships are like this, so mine isnt that bad”
Wuyoung Agent of M.E. beat me to it. I was going to say the movie “Closer”. Damn good movie.
Funny story about that movie: I had just moved to Mobile, AL after graduating college about 5 years ago and I still had a girlfriend back home in Dallas. We had been getting into arguments that whole week about our relationship when suddenly, my next door neighbor, a cute black woman around my age at the time, invited me over because she was having friends and she knew I didn’t know anyone. Thinking it was going to be a guy/girl get-together, I was told my girl and she got it my ass about it. I went anyway just to piss her off. It ended being my neighbor and her best friend, who also happened to be cute, playing Scrabble and watching Closer. That movie messed my head up at the time because my neighbor was really nice to me and she had an ass like a dump truck ( I know that was horrible but that is the best way I could put it. I mean her ass was HUGE, but she had a itty bitty waist and it wasn’t unsightly or anything. It was a thing of beauty. God bless black women). Anyway, within a week, me and my girlfriend at the time broke up. She always thought I was going to cheat on her when I moved out of state, but I never did. After badgering someone for so long about that, it will eventually happen so I let her go just to avoid that possibility. Watching that movie did not help at all.
Oh yeah, Sweet November is a good one, too. If you are not willing to make that someone happy and love them despite the fact you are dying yourself, it would be time to chunk up the deuce and roll out.
@ComicBookGuy,
So what happened to your neighbor?
@Humble_One,
She ended up moving to Taiwan to teach English. She was cool as hell, but when I found out she didn’t drink and always went to church and gasped at a lot of the stuff in the movie, she got a lot less appealing to me, despite the dump truck of a booty.
@ComicBookGuy, ah,….tragic.
@La Bakir,
Thus is my life in a nutshell.
@ComicBookGuy,
“She ended up moving to Taiwan to teach English. She was cool as hell, but when I found out she didn’t drink and always went to church and gasped at a lot of the stuff in the movie, she got a lot less appealing to me, despite the dump truck of a booty.”
damn shame. smh. If she didn’t have the dump truck booty it wouldn’t have been so bad.
@ComicBookGuy,
These would have been pros, not cons for me.
@Big Man,
I feel ya. Like I said, I was right out of college and didn’t know no better. She was real cool people and thanks to Facebook, I still keep in touch with her. She is back in the states now and, you guess it, the booty is still there in all its glory.
@Humble_One,
“So what happened to your neighbor?”
you know, lol? you cant tell a story like that without including the punchline (and pics)
@The Champ,
lol. My bad. I forgot to expound on that in the initial story.
Lol. The last one about ZombieLand was hilarious. P.S. I Love You would definitely throw the pins and needles. I mean dude still had that ish on lock even long after he passed away. This would be worst if said mates never even wrote each other a letter…
@Tahirah,
PS I love you was good. Great pick!
This movie called “Premium” w/ Zoe Saldana, Hill Harper and Dorian Missick
Pretty much shows how glittery half-assedness never lives up to the real than…that movie woke me up
@kidSistah,
Is that the movie when the dude was trying to be an actor and working at a gas station?
@Humble_One,
I googled the title. I saw this movie. It was pretty good.
@Humble_One,
It was. I was starting to think I was the only person who’d ever seen it b/c no one ever knows what I am talking abt when I mention it
@kidSistah,
This movie called “Premium” w/ Zoe Saldana, Hill Harper and Dorian Missick
i’m mad i’ve never heard of this movie
@kidSistah,
I agree with you on that. I saw this when it randomly came on Starz. Still not sure why I actually have Starz. But anyway it gave me a crush on Dorian Missick and made me think Zoe Saldana needs a sandwich and a vitamin supplement.
@RocktheCatbox,
“Zoe Saldana needs a sandwich and a vitamin supplement.”
She needs to get on that Serena Williams diet.
@RocktheCatbox,
LOL…I do think I saw it on Starz. Or better yet Black Starz. Both are now cancelled, but at least I got one good movie out of it.
@RocktheCatbox,
LOL…I do think I saw it on Starz. Or better yet Black Starz. Both are now cancelled, but at least I got one good movie out of it.
@The Champ
It’s definitely worth watching.
@kidSistah, loved that movie…didn’t get a lot of pub. They really did love each other.
@kidSistah,
Added to the Netflix queue. Thanks!
The War of the Roses. That should act as a cautionary tale to anyone that feels compelled to stay in a relationship from a one night stand.
They had chex after just meeting eachother then proceeded to get married. It was obvious throughout the movie that she wasn’t really feelin him which lead to them killing eachother at the end. I mean if you know the relationship is dead just end it so yall don’t kill eachother, literally.
@Deeds,
Dayum. I haven’t seen this one in ages. They were dysfunctional from jump.
@Deeds,
t was obvious throughout the movie that she wasn’t really feelin him which lead to them killing eachother at the end.
yeah. watching that movie as a teenager could make you not want to ever be in a relationship with anyone ever again
This post was hilarious despite the fact that I have never seen any of the five movies listed … dang I wish I had this list three years ago when I was trying to figure out how to get out of a relationship.
@klysha,
how did you eventually get out?
@The Champ,
murder 1?
@The Champ,
You know what, one day we were on the phone and he said “So do you still want to keep doing this ( this being the relationship)”
and I responded “No, no I don’t” and that was the end of it….
who knew that it could have been that simple could have saved both of us about a year of misery.
but maybe seeing one of those movies would have brought us to that conclusion much sooner.
Slumdog Millionaire
Jamal loved Lathika….even as a kid.
Teenaged Lathika: I thought you had forgotten
Teenaged Jamal: I never forget. It is our destiny
*sighs* I mean his love for her….he NEVER gave up looking for her after “losing” her several times. He went on “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” in hopes of her seeing him on TV and reconnecting w/ her. He didn’t want the money or the fame…just her.
That’s enough to make anyone leave a half-assed relationship. To have someone tell you, that you’re there destiny…is just heart warming.
@La Bakir, awww hell yeah, that was one hell of a movie… that dude went through hell and high water for Latika, literally…
@BKSweetheart, Yes! I love, love, love that movie!!!
@La Bakir,
I still haven’t seen that movie yet. You have me intrigued now. I know I’ve been out of pocket lately. How have you been?
@La Bakir,
I mean his love for her….he NEVER gave up looking for her after “losing” her several times. He went on “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” in hopes of her seeing him on TV and reconnecting w/ her. He didn’t want the money or the fame…just her.
yeah. jamal was obviously the biggest movie simp of all-time
@The Champ, awwwww dont say that!!!!
@BKSweetheart, Seriously! Jamal was the bestest!
@La Bakir,
I will up you one and say Any Bollywood movie period. They are really onto that Love is forever business. Devdas? Umrao Jaan? Killer!
I haven’t seen any of the movies listed except for #4. I’m surprised no one has mentioned “He’s Just Not Into You”. That was a pretty good movie. I could relate to it because I have experienced or observed those situation in my life or seen my friends go through it.
@Humble_One, Wow we were typing the same thing at the same time lol
@Humble_One,
That was a good one, too.
@The Champ – I LOVE LOVE LOVE the movie Unfaithful. It’s such a mind f*ck, so much symbolism throughout…
Def cosign on ANYTHING done by Chris Rock. I’ve watched his specials with multiple SO’s over the years, that shit do be awkward as hell though sitting there trying not to laugh when that shit aint nothin but the truth LOL…
Other movies:
He’s Just Not That Into You -(SPOILER if you haven’t seen it) especially the scene where dude is about to hit off Scarlett Johansen and his wife drops by the office unexpectedly to talk to him. And after he makes Scarlet go in the closet, he ends up having chex with the wife and Scarlet hears everything. Just WOW!!!! But thats what the hell you get for being a whore lol. (And how come I didn’t know she was that thick?!?! That girl is bootylicious as hell in that movie – damn these 2520 broads)
@BKSweetheart,
“And how come I didn’t know she was that thick?!?”
i guess you just haven’t been paying attention, lol.
@BKSweetheart,
Ninjas go ga-ga over Scarlett something serious. And with very good reason.
@ComicBookGuy,
I bounce b/w Scarlett and Jessica Biel.
@Humble_One, “I bounce b/w Scarlett and Jessica Biel.”
*nodding*
Good choices.
@Humble_One,
Excellent choices indeed.
@Humble_One,
can’t forget about christina hendricks (the chick from “mad men”)
@Humble_One and @ The Champ, Hendricks is another good choice.
1. Love Jones
Come on. This black classic validated the whole bourgie black movement while setting unrealistic expectations for men everywhere. I mean, in what world is it ok for a broad to go back to her ex-boyfriend while dating you, and then get mad that you decide to explore some new booty? That is unacceptable. That freaking midget poet gave broads was too much ammo with that joint, but his willingness to get punked will either reawake your own manhood, or convnce your lukewarm girlfriend she needs a better quality of man.
2. American History X
Besides the fact that this movie will remind you of the true meaning of “kick you to the curb”, the uncomfortable shower rape scene will make any chick ask an important questions: “How likely is it that this could happen to my man?” For most women, a “yes” answer is a great reason to drop a ninja
3. Players Ball
Now some of you may be scratching your heads at this one, but stick with me. Nothing will end a wack relationship faster than an entire movie dedicated to bare butts and titties. While you’re oogling the broads, your girl is sure to notice that you haven’t been that interested in her in months. Plus, the idea that there is a stripper with a heart of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow for any man willing to look is sure to inspire quite a few dumb ninjas to drop their current hag.
@Big Man,
Dude, I applaud you on your choices. American History X was a great movie and I like the angle you took on it. If a woman sees that happening to her man, she better roll out quick. And the stripper with a heart of gold comment is so true for some reason.
@Big Man, smh @ all-a-dis
This wouldnt really have much to do with half-assed relationships, but didn’t you feel like the Pursuit of Happyness made you want to murder all half-assed parents? That movie totally manipulated my emotions.
@RocktheCatbox, Well it does b/c the wife was on some next ish. There marriage was half assed.
@RocktheCatbox,
I found the father to be extremely shiesty.
His motivation for becoming a stock brocker was to get a nice car…
What part of the game is that? That was an ode to capitalism disguised as a feel good story about perseverance. Dude made his sleep in a bus bathroom because he was always looking for a get rich quick scheme.
Granted, his wife was trifling, but he got this chick working long hours and he blows the whole savings on some wack portable doohickeys? I would have cut him personally.
That dude was a horrible father, I don’t care how many hugs he doled out.
@Big Man,
Right on, I was so manipulated by the teary hugs and American dream sappiness I didn’t even realize what a douchebag he was. Now I’m REALLY angry.
LOL
@Big Man,
Hilarious.
This is a great perspective on this movie.
“Diary of a Mad Black Woman” pretty much did it for me. 18 years and you’re throwing me out of our house? I don’t care if my name isn’t on the deed, I’ll be damned if you’re dragging me out in front of some other woman. Plus, at least I’ll end up with a finer, sweeter, steel-welding man at the end.
who is the flat chested white woman? and how can she possibly be that good looking?
@charli skipper,
maria bello. actually, all of the white women mentioned in the entry are somewhat flat-chested and still attractive. hmmm.
@Big Man
Ur whole comment re: Pursuit of Happiness is straight comedy!!! I never looked at it that way but u definitely make some valid points lol
The best thing about this post is that there are hundreds of people who didn’t respond because they don’t KNOW they are in a half-a**ed relationship. and that makes me laugh inside.
Thus, consider this an invite to write a post on 5 signs you’re in a half-a**ed relationship. You gonna help a lot of people.
woot.
Gegen Der Wand..is on my list!! Basically its about love, your homeland, culture clash etc etc..One part in the movie the main character says as his girl leaves the country ” his home is in his her heart” (loose translation). He was lost without her, literally& physically. Now if that doesn’t make you look at your half-assed SO and visualize slapping him bc everytime he says that he loves you his eyes look lifeless and dull, then maybe you deserve that self-inflicted purgatory.
“Love Actually”. Even the little boy goes hard for his little girlfriend and dodges airport security to get to her. He talks his grown father into helping him, practicing for the X-mas performance…..
Zombieland will definatley work . I can attest, watched it with a guy I wasn’t really feeling……. Never saw him again thank GOD!
500 Days of Summer will definitely get a guy ready to keep it moving once he realizes he’s THAT guy
Before Sunset, with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. When you see how simple and natural real chemistry is, you can’t possibly bear to stay in a half-assed relationship.
This movie is new, but im going with “The Crazies”
(spoiler)…if living in a small town( as if small towns aren’t hell enough) where your man drinks the water and burns you and your child alive doesn’t make you want to leave your half-assed relationship, I don’t know what will. Not to mention this movie, like some mentioned above is not a date movie.