Pop Culture

Who Is He And What Is He To You?: 5 Couples You'll Never See Ever

b-strange-black-mustac-4a1591058e9cjpegPeanut butter and Jelly. Kool-Aid and sugar. Ham and burgers.

Those are things that go together like Peaches & Herb, Sonny & Cher, jail and buttchex.

Some people just seem to fit together. Some folks are just peas in a pod. But there’s also the other side of the game where you get oil and milk. Vodka and Hennessey.

OJ Simpson and life.

Some things just aren’t intended to be no matter the Fates best intentions.

With that said, here are 6 5 couples you’ll NEVER ever see together.

1) the guy who drives a Dodge Magnum with a Hemi and a woman who drives a Prius

Think about it. Anybody who drives a Prius actively went out and bought the armpit of ugly cars. And they bought it because they care about the gas mileage AND the environment. You can’t tell me otherwise. If you just care about gas mileage you’d get a Camry or an Accord or something…anything that looks better than a Prius. If you have a Magnum, you’re basically saying f*ck it to all things environmental. Those two people would not be getting along…at all. Though I almost think a dude with a Prius might date a chick with a Magnum assuming she was hot enough. But women tend to be more steadfast with their causes…even those that put you in a Prius.

2) PETA advocate and a person with common sense

I hate PETA. F*ck PETA. And I’m an animal lover. Any organization that willingly goes after the motherf*cking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES for killing a fly has clearly lost its ever loving mind. Besides, its hard for somebody with such an extreme cause to date anybody who isn’t 100 percent on that bandwagon, especially something as polarizing as PETA. You can love animals and not be insane, though I’m not sure Pink knows that.

3) The Ohio State University alumni and University of Michigan alumni

Well, at least you shouldn’t see this. Even if you don’t care about sports you should at least respect the history here and just date somebody from the other state schools or something. Where’s the respect for the rivalry?

4) the jazz music lover and the person whose only CD is the Best of No Limit

If you’re both, great. Otherwise, there’s no way these two could probably ever work out under any circumstance. For one, he probably wants to get some lovin’ to Mingus and she’s like, who’s Mingus? Can we get some Adina Howard. Or she’s like, Miles Davis’s Kind of Blue

always puts me in the mood and he’s like, “yeah, I feel that, but when I need to unwind I listen to Pastor Troy ‘Vice Versa’ cuz that song is deep and it makes me think.”

By the way, “Vice Versa” is not a deep song. At all.

5) Spike Lee stan vs. a Tyler Perry stan

Both make some pretty wack movies at times, but at least Spike will always have Malcolm X, Bamboozled, School Daze, and Do The Right Thing. Tyler Perry only has Why Did I Get Married? This probably wouldn’t work because they’d annoy each other arguing about the nuances of each “genre” and anybody who would make a positive argument for the Madea character would get stabbed by the Spike stan who’s probably overstating Spike’s relevance at this point. For God’s sake, he made She Hate Me. I’m not sure what’s worse, She Hate Me or Tyler Perry’s Family Reunion, but I do know one thing, they both sucked monkey nuts.

6) black dude with dreads shouting Black power and a white Becky-style chick

I mean any dude with dreads has to be down for the cause right? He wouldn’t dip in that pool and let down his sisters like that. Earthtones, Malcolm X rhetoric, and the locs representing the motherland? That brotha is all about making sure he’s looking for the woman with the sweetest juice.

So, my good friends of VSB, what other couples have no way of ever happening?

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3

p.s. Please remember to vote for us for the Black Weblog Awards. All it takes is a few clicky clicks on our ballot page.

Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future.

  • http://trintrinsez.blogspot.com trin-trin

    #5…i def feel u for…i cant deal with a madea stan…it damn near starts a war between me n moms when we talk about it (maybe its cuz im a film major, and what tyler perry makes is NOT films…and why did i get married was NOT good flick…i dont care what anyone says, as much as she hate me perplexed me, i would still choose that over why did i get married any day)

    #6…we wont touch on that except to say, i’ve seen it happen waaaaayyyyy too frequently

    as for the others who should never get together…i got nothin

    • Leila

      @trin-trin, “#6…we wont touch on that except to say, i’ve seen it happen waaaaayyyyy too frequently”

      This happens all of the time.

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Leila,
        Yea saw it at my son’s graduation. I was like was up rasta then becky hopped out tha car lookin like she fresh from the 60’s. all i thought was wow

    • http://thismayconcernyou.com thismayconcernyou

      @trin-trin and @panama,

      For the stricken text, you should have found a picture of Pacman Jones with dreads in a strip club paying a blonde dancer. lol. That woulda been perfect.

      It happens all of the time.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @thismayconcernyou, that would have been a perfect pic.

        • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land84 Me fail english?

          @Panama Jackson,

          I’m still tryna figure out the purpose of that angry, angry cat.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @Me fail english?, the cat has a moustache.

            cats + moustaches don’t go together.

            but mostly its just funny.

          • iloV.E.G.rits

            @Me fail english?,

            umm…met too.
            That kitty is not friendly looking.

          • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

            @Me fail english?,

            I’m very uncomfy to the fact that the cat has a pronstache. A feline Ron Jeremy? *shudders*

          • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land84 Me fail english?

            @Cheekie,

            I didn’t even notice the Ron Purr-emy. Awww.

            On another note, I’d NEVER get naked in front of that cat.

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

            @Me fail english?,

            I’m still tryna figure out the purpose of that angry, angry cat.

            this is exactly how i feel about michael dyson

          • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

            @Me fail english?, the cat looks like inspector Cluseau (sp)

      • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

        @me fail english?,

        “I didn’t even notice the Ron Purr-emy. Awww.”

        *DEAD* @ Ron Purr-emy. I wish I knew how to quit you.

        • iloV.E.G.rits

          @Cheekie,

          I need to quit both you AND me fail. Y’all cracks me up.

          • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

            @iloV.E.G.rits,

            I’m wondering if we should go on tour. The me fail english and cheekie Comment Revue.

            Shooot, this whole lot of VSB-ers should go on tour with that ish ya’ll be coming up with sometimes. lol

    • ofloveandotherdemons

      @trin-trin,
      I have a theory, a controversial one, about films whose target demographic is a ‘minority’ group. I’m talking about all minority groups before anyone jumps down my throat: racial minorities, sexual-orentiation minorities, religious minorities, chia pets, whatever. My great theory is that these groups are so grateful to see stories about themselves that they lower their standards for the finished product to nil. Which would explain the phenomeneon that is Tyler Perry’s success.
      Spike Lee may be talented but he is and narsacisstic pseudo-intellectual bore. He is to ‘edgy social satire’ what Woody Allen is to ‘quirky social satire'; over-hyped and losing relevance.

      • ofloveandotherdemons

        @ofloveandotherdemons,
        Ooooh, as to #6…let’s just let people love/phuck who they wanna love/phuck. No harm, no foul.

      • http://thismayconcernyou.com thismayconcernyou

        @ofloveandotherdemons,

        interesting point. I agree with most of it. Most of us, white and black, want to see colorblind Bojangles 24/7. Most of us are looking for laughter, not mental stimulation.

        I don’t think Spike cares to please the bigger audience much if at all.

        But in the moments where he’s taken a chance to do a film that has broad appeal, like Inside Man, he has stuck some great pieces of propaganda in the framework that probably still go over some idiots heads.

        a la, the kid in inside man playing Get Rich or Die Tryin” the video game in front of the moral robber in Inside Man. smh. Or the white guy with the “Gold Digger” ringtone that says the N-word. smh.

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        @ofloveandotherdemons, I disagree. tyler perry is successful on film because he knows what topics to pander to and he has a dedicated fan base that snowballs. your argument may have been the case in the 50s and 60s, but I think we all know better these days. at the end of the day i think lower common denominator entertainment wins just because it’s lowest common denominator. not because we are thankful Massa allowed us to be on the silver screen.

        • ofloveandotherdemons

          @Liz,
          I get what you are saying, but it’s not only films that carter to a black audience that I think are held to a lower standard. Have you ever tried sitting through a film whose primarily audience is the gay/lesbian community? 80% percent of those are Godawful; 5% are unwatchable, and the rest are fair-to decent. The same with Bollywood/Nollywood productions, or any religious films I’ve sat through. So I’m not so sure it’s Tyler Perry’s great ability to pander that has made him such a household name. I’m sure it has helped, but I think it’s deeper than that. It’s not a scientifically quantifiable study, true, but I really do think that being able to identify with those characters up on the screen on something as big and fundamental in our lives as race/sexuality/religion outweighs whatever other standard of ‘excellence’ we usually place on a film. Plus, I don’t think that that much has changed in the film/tv industry as far as exposure for blacks since the 50s and 60s. Our stories are still disproportionately represented in main stream media (I’m talking about big production companies targeting a larger segment of the population rather than a specific niche) than those of the white chocolate drops. It sucks, but it is what it is.

          • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

            @ofloveandotherdemons,

            Actually, your comment makes an entirely different argument.

            Yes, movies written for a particular audience will tend to have a better reception among members of that audience and not so much among outsiders.

            It just so happens that “mainstream” movies have the entire country (more or less) as the intended audience. It stands to reason that “most” people would like them more.

            You may then say, why do our “mainstream” movies tend to do well internationally relative to Nollywood and Bollywood productions. The answer is easy: most other countries are quite uniform in the background of their citizenry compared to us.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Liz,

          “your argument may have been the case in the 50s and 60s, but I think we all know better these days”

          thing is, lizzard, ive read and seen interviews about tyler perry where diehard fans express that they love him because he does show sh*t and tell stories that they feel aren’t told enough (on screen).

          i think you’re both right. hes popular because of his subject matter, and he stays popular because he knows how to pander

          • http://lizburr.com Liz

            @The Champ, yeah to me “not told enough on screen” means pandering to what sells. not a coincidence his movies solve the same problem lol.

      • http://trintrinsez.blogspot.com trin-trin

        @ofloveandotherdemons,

        I will defend Spike to the death. No matter what, his work (old or recent) is still 20x better than ANYTHING the rest of Hollywood is putting out. People don’t respect him the way they should, and i think that’s partially his doing cuz he makes himself the antagonist too often…

        same time though, he’s an artist…and all artists are defensive about their work…so i can understand where he’s coming from. i would never say he’s lost relevance. His films are timeless and are as relevant today as they were when he first made them.

        • ofloveandotherdemons

          @trin-trin,
          I don’t mean his old stuff is losing relevance I mean the new things his put out. School Daze, She’s gotta have it, Mo Better Blues vs. She Hate Me, Bamboozoled (sp.???), Miracle at St. Anna (man he rammed that moral down your throat in that one). I can’t really string a coherent thought right now; be back in the morning.

          • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land_84 Me fail english?

            @ofloveandotherdemons,

            I didn’t see St. Anna, precisely for the reason you mentioned. Every critic, cinephile, baby mama agreed that he really hit the ants with a sledgehammer on that one. Subtelty is your friend. :)

          • http://trintrinsez.blogspot.com trin-trin

            @ofloveandotherdemons,

            …and i never said “his old stuff”…bamboozled and miracle made your list of bad movies??? seriously???
            yeah his old stuff will always be revered, but bamboozled and miracle are just as groundbreaking…no one touches those subjects, but they need to be talked about. they need to be part of our consciousness. were they exaggerated a little, yes…but it was to prove a point, because the “madea” crowd dont seem to get the idea when its subtle.

          • Omar

            @ofloveandotherdemons,

            Am I the only one that thought Bamboozled was terrible, the moral of the story was great, but the actual story sucked.

          • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land84 Me fail english?

            @Omar,

            I thought Bamboozled was funny, but not where Spike intended it to be. I don’t see why Spike feels the need to go all absurdly surreal on us with the accents and one-dimensional archetypes. Sometimes I feel like he thinks we’re stupid.

            And with that said ” I…I be smackin my hoes! I be SMA-CKING MY HOES!!!”
            Bwahahaha

          • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

            @Omar, i actually liked Bamboozled. i think it was one of spike’s better movies.

            that might be a post in and of itself…spike lee’s best movie.

            sounds like folks would go in 12 different directions fromm “he aint got none” to “she hate me” is the best thang smokin’…like Dro.

            who in 2007, was clean in this b*tch.

        • pinksghetti

          @trin-trin,

          I have to say that Spike Lee is my favorite director. I’m not really into modern movies (love old movies) but he’s made many I enjoy. He mixes comedy with social issues pretty effortless in all the films I’ve seen (there are still some I haven’t seen though).

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @trin-trin, i’m glad you’re defending spike lee. though i can’t say that all his movies are head and shoulders above the rest. i think spike’s a good director when he can focus. a lot of the time he tries to do 12 thigns too many in his movies. sometimes it works (school daze) sometimes it doesnt (she hate me).

          i like spike though…

          • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

            @Panama Jackson,

            “a lot of the time he tries to do 12 thigns too many in his movies.”

            This is a perfect description of Spike. Ol’ dude is so creative and artsy he goes into overdrive…he doesn’t place limits on himself sometimes to the detriment of his films actually making sense. A lot of his films are some of my favorite, though, with “X” being near the top of my all-time fave list.

        • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

          @trin-trin,
          cosign spike make respectable movies that you can learn something from

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @trin-trin,

      “#6…we wont touch on that except to say, i’ve seen it happen waaaaayyyyy too frequently”

      Sure does! It’s such an interesting dynamic of my people. It really makes me furrow the brow.

    • GabbyTime

      This is actually what PETA had to say about the Fly situation. Sorry I had to go to the video tape, but I´m a member, and I´m fucking crazy:

      http://blog.peta.org/archives/2009/06/obama_and_the_f2.php

      “As we all know, human beings often don’t think before they act. We don’t condemn President Obama for acting on instinct. When the media began contacting us in droves for a statement, we obliged, simply by saying that the president isn’t the Buddha and shouldn’t be expected to do everything right—if not for that, we would not have brought it up. It’s the media who are making a big deal about the fly swat—not PETA. However, we took the opportunity, when asked, to point out that we do offer lots of ways in which to control insects of all kinds without harming them, including the humane bug catcher we sent President Obama. There is even a chapter in PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk’s book The PETA Practical Guide to Animal Rights about how to rid your home of “uninvited guests.”

      We have lots of other items on our agenda, as you can imagine, and PETA’s focus will remain on our core issues—promoting alternatives to eating animals, opposing fur and products made from animal skin, opposing laboratories that torment animals, and fighting the abuse of animals in circus training camps as well as other overt abuses that fall within our mission statement, which states that animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment…”

      Posted by Alisa Mullins

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        @GabbyTime, thank you for de-lurking to inform us on this! LOL!

        see, delurking always brings knowledge into the circle of love, folks.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @GabbyTime, welcome and sh*t.

        thanks for the clarification. serves me right for getting my news from places like cnn.

        • GabbyTime

          @Panama Jackson, Thanks. Don´t worry….Ingrid Newkirk (PETA President) is a fantastic c*nt anyway, I thought that shit was true when I saw it on the news.

      • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

        @GabbyTime,

        Yeah, much thanks for the clarification. Glad ya’ll realized it was purely instinct, which ya know, all of us are prone to act on no matter what you choose to eat or not eat.

    • GabbyTime

      Oh and in reference to number six. My cousin Darren is as militant and hood as they come (although his dad was a Tuskeegee Airman and oceanographer and his mother a nurse, but whatever).

      He married a white woman.

      And when we as a family collectively looked at him like he´d gone nuts, he responded by shrugging and saying, “WHAT? She´s ALBANIAN! That ain´t really white.”

      Looked white to me. And now his baby “got good hurr.” No dreads for her, I guess (not without a ton of wax anyway).

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @GabbyTime,

        *sung to the tune of The Temptations “The Girl’s Alright To Me”*

        “…the girl look white to me, you know, that girl is white…”

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Panama Jackson,

          You are too much. I love it.

        • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

          @Panama Jackson,

          **overloud chortle**

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @GabbyTime,
        the old albanian trick huh lol if they aint neva been slaves they white

  • http://lizburr.com Liz

    I feel you on the spike versus tyler point. tyler is all about business whereas spike seems to be more about art/thinking.

    i couldn’t finish watching she hate me. it was too painful.

    • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall….

      @Liz,

      the sad thing is that one of my homeboy’s thinks that was a great movie…but, then again, he’s a kappa, so what does he know about quality(j/k, G)… ;)

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall…., i dont trust people who think that was a good movie. now, i do appreciate the dania ramirez/kerry washington scenes, but other than that…that movie was an a** factory.

        • IVR

          @Panama Jackson, “i do appreciate the dania ramirez/kerry washington scenes”

          Word . . . I’d buy the DVD for that . . . or try to find a “special” copy on the street. . . *back to work*

        • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall….

          @Panama Jackson,
          naw, that’s my boy. i trust/luv him, and his redeeming qualities outweigh his like for that movie…

      • http://lizburr.com Liz

        @N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall…., LOLOL!!!

  • Leila

    “the jazz music lover and the person whose only CD is the Best of No Limit”

    I met a guy recently who was attractive, smart, well-traveled, and we vibed really well until the discussion of music came up. He’s from Atlanta and argued that no rappers came out of the NYC (I’m not making this up) and said that TI and Lil Wayne are the best rappers of all time. That was a wrap for me, especially when we went to club and he refused to dance because he doesn’t dance.

    • Leila

      @Leila, I meant no good rappers. He said that not one good rapper came out of NYC and went on and on praising Southern rappers.

      • pinksghetti

        @Leila,
        The only excuse he could have was being born in 1998 other than that he’s cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

    • Nola Darling

      @Leila,

      Good observation

      Gangsters and dancing.

      Booooo on dude’s lack of knowledge of BIG, Jay-Z, Dipset, WuTang, Redman, N.E.R.D,, Clipse, Fabolous, etc

      • TLC

        @Nola Darling,

        N.E.R.D., Redman and Clipse are not from NYC….and Dipset are great rappers?….I confused…lol!!

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @Nola Darling, yeah, and i’m not sure i’d call N.E.R.D. (i assume you mean Pharrell) a great rapper. lol. i mean he’s entertaining and all, but it.ends.there.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Nola Darling,

        Booooo on dude’s lack of knowledge of BIG, Jay-Z, Dipset, WuTang, Redman, N.E.R.D,, Clipse, Fabolous, etc

        lol, i’m assuming nola has daily convos like this:

        “…and i cant stand a guy who says that all liberals are dummies. you mean to tell me that bill mahr, keith olbermann, pat buchanan, jon stewart, and michelle malkin aren’t smart????”

        • overit?

          @The Champ, “…and i cant stand a guy who says that all liberals are dummies. you mean to tell me that bill mahr, keith olbermann, pat buchanan, jon stewart, and michelle malkin aren’t smart????”

          LOL. i wanna fight michelle malkin.

          • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

            @overit?,

            I will hold your heels and your earrings and put the vaseline on your face.

        • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land84 Me fail english?

          @The Champ,

          LOL!

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      @Leila, “He’s from Atlanta and argued that no rappers came out of the NYC (I’m not making this up) and said that TI and Lil Wayne are the best rappers of all time”

      R U SERIOUS? He gets the award for most ignorant comment.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

        @Nicki Sunshine, wait…lil wayne isn’t the greatest rapper of all time?

        if it isnt him it surely is Diddy.

        • 8th Wonder

          take that take that take that.

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Panama Jackson,

          “if it isnt him it surely is Diddy.”

          Yup, just you wait, VH1 will do a Hip Hop Honors to the Diddy Bop alone.

          • miss t-lee

            @Cheekie,
            You know it’s coming right?
            I give ‘em 3…maybe 5 years tops.

          • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land_84 Me fail english?

            @Cheekie,

            LOL. Wouldnt put it past them…but even Diddy knows he doesnt deserve that.

          • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

            @Me fail english?,

            *brow raised*

            You truly think he has enough humility to turn that down? I can’t imagine it, but would believe in humanity once again should he do so. I’d honestly become a fan of his for one second if he were to do this. lol

          • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land84 Me fail english?

            @Cheekie,

            lol. I just said he KNEW he aint deserve it. I aint say nothing about giving it back. He’d snatch that bish up faster than he took Day 26’s award last Sunday nite!

        • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

          @Panama Jackson, LMAO.. Not gonna be able to subscribe to either one of them.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Leila, yeah dude is clearly trippin’. everybody knows that the best rapper alive right now is straight out of Brooklyn…

      Maino.

      • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land_84 Me fail english?

        @Panama Jackson,

        LOL! Black flaggin’!

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Panama Jackson,
        best ever out the east

        KOOL G RAP

    • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

      @Leila, *somewhat off topic* my friends boyfriend yesterday said that in a few years Drake could be the next Jay-Z…now mind you I wouldnt know Drake if we were shackled together on the same chain gang, but I do know in three years Drake could hold Jay-Z’s colostomy bag if he had one, I was like dude you have had too much to drink. Really stop now

  • Nola Darling

    Joe Jackson and Common Sense (not the rapper tee-hee)
    Michael Jordan and a black woman
    beyonce and personality
    Kelly Rowland and record sales ( although I like her)
    Bet and good taste
    Tuesday July 07 2009 and a lack of MJ funeral service coverage (much respect to MJ)
    Lil Kim and her original anything
    Puffy and normal sized teeth
    Usher and Tameka????
    Vh1/MTV and music videos
    Miss Honey and whomever is calling her ( don’t you hear me calling you?) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3S8OLCZuRc
    Dude who got his world of warcraft account canceled and Dude’s mom http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMcor8xLxxc
    A patchouli princess and a dude that listens to Plies
    A Michael Steeler and a Barack Obamaniac
    Vibe and circulation (too soon ?)
    that’s all for now. TTFN

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      @Nola Darling, LOL! Love all of these!

    • http://jdivaonline.com chaoticdiva

      @Nola Darling,

      iDied. Yes, my comment was corny.

    • ofloveandotherdemons

      @Nola Darling,
      Tuesday July 07 2009 and a lack of MJ funeral service coverage (much respect to MJ)

      It shouldn’t but this made me laugh. Kim Jong Il could launch those pesky little nukes his been going on about this Tuesday and the only way we’d know is the mushroom cloud everyone would see on Wed. Yellow journalism anyone???

    • http://www.singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com Nicki Sunshine

      @Nola Darling, I stan for this list.

    • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall….

      @Nola Darling,
      lol…good list

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Nola Darling, you’re ice cold for the Kelly Rowland and record sales comment.

      besides, i hear she’s very popular in Cameroon.

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Panama Jackson,
        *spitts water on floor* bwhahahahah

  • http://jdivaonline.com chaoticdiva

    Um, I see alot of #3 happening here in Ann Arbor. At least I hate both teams so I won’t choose a side. (Go Green!)
    But yea…

    Another couple you wont see: Morris Chestnut and I. Which makes me mad, because I want to jump his bones make him happy.

    But seriously. You will never see me with a Patriots fan. You will never see a young (meaning under 30) alpha male with an alpha female because they are probably arguing over who’s right and who’s dominant as we speak. You will also never see a stripper marry a pimp. The h*es get no love.

    (as you can see, I need sleep, because I’m getting silly. )

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @chaoticdiva, ho*s get lots of love.

      i distinctly remember in some song some rapper say, “i love all you ho*s.”

      they get love.

      • http://jdivaonline.com chaoticdiva

        @Panama Jackson,

        That was Jazze Pha…hardly a pimp…lol.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @chaoticdiva,

      You will never see a young (meaning under 30) alpha male with an alpha female because they are probably arguing over who’s right and who’s dominant as we speak

      lol, you should probably change that to “you will never see a non-neutered male with an alpha female”

      • http://jdivaonline.com chaoticdiva

        @The Champ,

        That too. But being an alpha female, I tend to end up butting heads with alpha males under 30. Now over 30….much different story.

  • http://hunnybeezhive.blogspot.com Beez

    Bacon & The Breakfast Song dude (sorry, it was stuck in my head, and yes, I know he’s gone to glory…)
    BET and humanity
    Parents and modern technology (I just got a fwd text from my mom, and was thoroughly unnerved. Help.)
    Desmond Hatchett and contraception
    Lil Wayne and contraception
    Oprah and Steadman (zing!)
    Twitter and Facebook (twitbook?)
    (real)Thugs and college (you gangbangin’ with a backpack? NEXT.)

    • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land_84 Me fail english?

      @Beez,

      (real)Thugs and college (you gangbangin’ with a backpack? NEXT.)

      Whoa, whoa! We had alllllll the tough guys, straight outta the meanstreets of Connecticut. You betta ax sumbody?!

      • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        @Me fail english?, Stop playing cause Yale is around the block from the hood as is Brown… True Story

        • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land_84 Me fail english?

          @Intellectual Hedonist,

          I think she’s talking about the actual matriculants (is this a word?).

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Beez, (real)Thugs and college (you gangbangin’ with a backpack? NEXT.)

      you know, i dont know if i agree with this. i’ve been amazed at how a many known gang members have attended at least a year of college. i suppose it was on some type of Chicken Soup for the Gangster type steez or something. hell, even when i was at morehouse, there were a few cats with very distinct gang ties out of Chicago up in college.

      Gangsters 4 Ejukasion.

      ^^t-shirt.

      • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        @Panama Jackson, I say you pen this book “Chicken Soup for the Gangster Soul” the people at that publishing house wont know what to do with it

        • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land_84 Me fail english?

          @Intellectual Hedonist,

          You can’t make it a book though. It gotta be a DVD full of World Star type clips.

        • http://hunnybeezhive.blogspot.com Beez

          @Intellectual Hedonist, \

          Or a mixtape…

    • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

      @Beez,
      Parents and modern technology
      -hell yea I believe in age maximums for certain stuff cause Old people and fast cars? um why they still go slow as fuq in um.
      Old people and iphones? Why it takes my mom 5 min just to make a phone call. WTF

      • http://hunnybeezhive.blogspot.com Beez

        @BLUNTBLAZER,

        Then you get phone calls at random times of the day… “now how you program numbers again? I’m gonna get me one of them iphones, but why it ain’t got no buttons? How you dial with it?”

        I can. not. deal.

        • http://stankoniforous.blogspot.com Stank-0

          @Beez,
          I LOL’d at that one.

          My dad still can’t program numbers he writes them jawns down in a lil notebook negating the purpose of the cell.

  • maximillian

    Speaking of Panama and She Hate Me…

    #5 – Any conversation that starts “I know you don’t like Tyler Perry but…” comes to no good end…

    #6 – Can someone explain this?

    For some reason the nerd-boy, thug-girl thing doesn’t work out too much.

    Bear Fan-Packer Fan neither.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      @maximillian, LOL @ u citing yourself citing P from the way back machine!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @maximillian, actually, thanks for that link. i’d been trying to find that damn review i wrote.

  • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

    I used to have me a Hemi. A black Charger on 20’s with the BIG SRT Hemi at that. The Hemi is not only a fuck you to environmentalists, animal lovers, and vegetarians, the Hemi is a complete fuck you to polite society. BMW’s say “I enjoy the precision of German engineering.” Hondas say “I’m a reliable, sensible guy.” Hemis say “I do not share your middle class values” or “I prefer to drive without wearing a shirt” or “Yes, I do have an unregistered gun under the seat, thank you for asking.” While I agree that on the surface, the natural enemy of the Hemi is the Prius, in reality, the Hemi has only two foes: $4/gallon gas and education. I would argue that the couple you’ll never see is the guy with the Hemi and the woman not actively pursuing a video modeling career.

    • ofloveandotherdemons

      @Brandon St. Randy,
      While I agree that on the surface, the natural enemy of the Hemi is the Prius, in reality, the Hemi has only two foes: $4/gallon gas and education

      Lol.

    • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land_84 Me fail english?

      @Brandon St. Randy,

      “I prefer to drive without wearing a shirt”

      LMAO!

    • K to the…

      @Brandon St. Randy,

      lol @ “Yes, I do have an unregistered gun under the seat, thank you for asking.”

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @K to the…,
        hell yea

    • Humble_One

      @Brandon St. Randy,

      Hondas and Toyotas have to be the most boring cars on the planet. They are 100% utilitarian.

      • http://www.twitter.com/lala_land_84 Me fail english?

        @Humble_One,

        Hey! My Accord is sexy with shiny paint.

        • miss t-lee

          @Me fail english?,
          No.

      • http://www.twitter.com/circa1908 Intellectual Hedonist

        @Humble_One, I have put about 12ooo miles on my 2002 Honda Accord in 6 months and she is the bomb… about to buy her some new tires got to take care of her.

      • http://stankoniforous.blogspot.com Stank-0

        @Humble_One,

        I was rollin in my boys Accord two days ago. It was right. Of course, if he had changed the headlights and brake lights, put a megaphone on and a few other things it would have been righter.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

      @Brandon St. Randy, you’re right. that $4 gas was kicking my arse something awful for a while. i attempted to wage war against rising gas prices until i realized that i’d lose.

      • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

        @Panama Jackson, I feel you. When I sold that girl, the lifetime COMBINED MPG on the trip computer was 13.9. Fortunately, at the time, I had a more fuel efficient car I used for everyday stuff. It was a Suburban.

        Hangs head in shame.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com Panama Jackson

          @Brandon St. Randy, i should hangeth my head with more shame.

          i bought my Magnum…at the HEIGHT OF bad gas prices. when i bought my joint gas was hanging around steadily at $4/gallon. this AFTER driving an very gas efficient japanese confection for 5 some years.

      • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

        @Panama Jackson,
        whateva jus get a chick with a v6 and drive her shiiii lol I only put 10k miles annually on my v8 my girl understands. Once you drive a v8 there is no going back.

    • 8th Wonder

      @Brandon St. Randy,

      This whole thing slayed me.

    • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

      @Brandon St. Randy,

      I would have gotten the Charger, but it didn’t come in a manual. . .so I settled for a bmw.

      • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

        @kamakula, Yeah, test-drove some M3’s but I really needed 4-doors at the time. Also, I felt much safer in bad neighborhoods with the Charger. BM’s are inviting to carjackers and jump out boys. Hemi-based Chrysler products and ’95 Impalas, not so much. You could pull up to an Al-Qaeda pep rally in a star spangled Charger, and Mullah Omar and ‘em would think twice about f*cking with you.

        • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

          @Brandon St. Randy,
          true my 94 buick roadmaster has the same body as the impala and it getts respect. One chick said it was a gangster car. I call her “Babe”

        • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula

          @Brandon St. Randy,

          I am dying at your comments. Hilarity!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Brandon St. Randy,

      welcome and sh*t

    • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

      @Brandon St. Randy,
      Audi’s say I have money and im stupid

      • http://brandonsaintrandy.wordpress.com Brandon St. Randy

        @BLUNTBLAZER, Naw. An Audi is the ultimate f*ck you to everybody car. Audis say “I have money, but I’m way to sophisticated and classy to drive that flashy ethnic Benx/BM/Maser trash you’re driving. And I only eat free-range organic pork. Unlike you chitterling eating commoners.” S5 and R8 are kinda hot though.

        • ChocolateGirlWonder

          @Brandon St. Randy,

          lol@ “And I only eat free-range organic pork. Unlike you chitterling eating commoners.”

        • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

          @Brandon St. Randy,
          audi’s suck compared to a benz if im goin luxury im goin benz eryone i kno that has a audi hates it and is mad that they cant sell it

          • http://stankoniforous.blogspot.com Stank-0

            @BLUNTBLAZER,

            The A8 is sick. I also saw an Audi coupe that looked suspiciously like a BMW coupe. Swaggerjackin?

    • overit?

      @Brandon St. Randy, this was hilarious.

  • http://thismayconcernyou.com thismayconcernyou

    “Black man and a black woman.” ~ Chris Rock … he really said that, lol.

    Seriously, though:

    –Rush Limbaugh’s Dittoheads and pretty much anyone in California, specifically in The Bay Area…

    –John Mayer-types and Jessica Simpson-types … oh yeah, that actually happened, though I don’t know how.

    –The woman who wants to order lobster on a first date with a guy she doesn’t like & the guy who wants to take the “ho” to Burger King.

    I’m done.

    • aja

      @thismayconcernyou, kudos on the “Rush Limbaugh” comment…its not just in the bay..its just about everywhere! lol

    • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

      @thismayconcernyou,

      I have yet to meet a “Dittohead”. I live a blessed life.

    • http://www.myspace.com/thagrindaholic BLUNTBLAZER

      @thismayconcernyou,

      BAY AREAAAAAA
      sorry had to say that
      whats a Dittohead and fuq rush

    • http://freetherapyorelse.blogspot.com Sula

      @thismayconcernyou,

      –John Mayer-types and Jessica Simpson-types … oh yeah, that actually happened, though I don’t know how.

      I think this one can happen…just not last. It’s the theater/artsy geek from high-school trying his hand at the cheerleader/airheaded girl…

      Besides, guys are simplistic enough to smash anything… :)

  • ofloveandotherdemons

    1. Doves and Hawks (not when there is an actual war going on anyway.)
    2. Considers Zane the greatest author of this century and the rest of humanity
    3. An active member of the KKK/Neo Nazi and an active member of the Nation of Islam/Black Panther
    4. Volunteers at LGBT/PFLAG and volunteers at the Godhatesfagsandwillsendthemalltohell center
    5.Conspiracy theorists and the rest of humanity
    6. Storm Thurmond supporters and anyone that is not a bigot/hypocrite
    7. Ann Coulter and Ann Coulter (the world would implode)

    • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com blackberry molasses

      @ofloveandotherdemons,

      Ann Coulter and Ann Coulter (the world would implode)

      Indeed it would. How I HATE the fact that she went to my alma mater.

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @ofloveandotherdemons,

      “7. Ann Coulter and Ann Coulter (the world would implode)”

      God forbid there are TWO of these wenches. I would’ve even want to live in a world where this is remotely possible. I’m of the mind that Ann Coulter snuck into earth when God was resting on Sunday.