Peanut butter and Jelly. Kool-Aid and sugar. Ham and burgers.
Those are things that go together like Peaches & Herb, Sonny & Cher, jail and buttchex.
Some people just seem to fit together. Some folks are just peas in a pod. But there’s also the other side of the game where you get oil and milk. Vodka and Hennessey.
OJ Simpson and life.
Some things just aren’t intended to be no matter the Fates best intentions.
With that said, here are 6 5 couples you’ll NEVER ever see together.
1) the guy who drives a Dodge Magnum with a Hemi and a woman who drives a Prius
Think about it. Anybody who drives a Prius actively went out and bought the armpit of ugly cars. And they bought it because they care about the gas mileage AND the environment. You can’t tell me otherwise. If you just care about gas mileage you’d get a Camry or an Accord or something…anything that looks better than a Prius. If you have a Magnum, you’re basically saying f*ck it to all things environmental. Those two people would not be getting along…at all. Though I almost think a dude with a Prius might date a chick with a Magnum assuming she was hot enough. But women tend to be more steadfast with their causes…even those that put you in a Prius.
2) PETA advocate and a person with common sense
I hate PETA. F*ck PETA. And I’m an animal lover. Any organization that willingly goes after the motherf*cking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES for killing a fly has clearly lost its ever loving mind. Besides, its hard for somebody with such an extreme cause to date anybody who isn’t 100 percent on that bandwagon, especially something as polarizing as PETA. You can love animals and not be insane, though I’m not sure Pink knows that.
3) The Ohio State University alumni and University of Michigan alumni
Well, at least you shouldn’t see this. Even if you don’t care about sports you should at least respect the history here and just date somebody from the other state schools or something. Where’s the respect for the rivalry?
4) the jazz music lover and the person whose only CD is the Best of No Limit
If you’re both, great. Otherwise, there’s no way these two could probably ever work out under any circumstance. For one, he probably wants to get some lovin’ to Mingus and she’s like, who’s Mingus? Can we get some Adina Howard. Or she’s like, Miles Davis’s Kind of Blue
always puts me in the mood and he’s like, “yeah, I feel that, but when I need to unwind I listen to Pastor Troy ‘Vice Versa’ cuz that song is deep and it makes me think.”
By the way, “Vice Versa” is not a deep song. At all.
5) Spike Lee stan vs. a Tyler Perry stan
Both make some pretty wack movies at times, but at least Spike will always have Malcolm X, Bamboozled, School Daze, and Do The Right Thing. Tyler Perry only has Why Did I Get Married? This probably wouldn’t work because they’d annoy each other arguing about the nuances of each “genre” and anybody who would make a positive argument for the Madea character would get stabbed by the Spike stan who’s probably overstating Spike’s relevance at this point. For God’s sake, he made She Hate Me. I’m not sure what’s worse, She Hate Me or Tyler Perry’s Family Reunion, but I do know one thing, they both sucked monkey nuts.
6) black dude with dreads shouting Black power and a white Becky-style chick
I mean any dude with dreads has to be down for the cause right? He wouldn’t dip in that pool and let down his sisters like that. Earthtones, Malcolm X rhetoric, and the locs representing the motherland? That brotha is all about making sure he’s looking for the woman with the sweetest juice.
So, my good friends of VSB, what other couples have no way of ever happening?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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