40 Signs You Just Might Be A Bougie Black Person » VSB

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40 Signs You Just Might Be A Bougie Black Person

1. You first met each of the last three people you’ve dated at game nights.

2. Dwayne and Whitley still matter a bit more to you than Barack and Michelle do.

3. You’ve been gainfully employed for some time, but no one — you included — actually knows or really understands what you do for a living.

4. You get irrationally, almost ridiculously giddy about going to Target.

5. You own more sweaters than the average person. Considerably more.

6. Not only do you know what NSBE stands for, you look forward to their annual conference.

7. You’ve attended a Scandal watch party.

8. In the past five years, you’ve been to five different continents, 15 different countries, but only three different cities in America.

9. You’re aware of the difference between Sebago Docksides and Sperry Topsiders.

10. You’re Greek, but you pledged as a graduate student.

11. You’ve used a selfie you took on top of a mountain as your Facebook profile picture.

12. You’ve taken a selfie while on top of a mountain.

13. While you know tons of married folks, you can count number of people in your extended circle who actually have kids on one hand.

14. You’re in better physical shape now than you were at 18.

15. You’ve either been a guest on Melissa Harris-Perry or you’ve dated someone who’s been a guest on Melissa Harris-Perry.

16. Even though you know you’re not supposed to admit this publicly, you’ve watched Girls a couple of times and actually thought it was funny.

17. On at least one occasion, you got something to eat directly after leaving brunch because you spent so much time talking and drinking at brunch that by the time you finally left, hours had passed since you’d eaten and you were hungry again.

18. On at least one occasion, you got something to eat directly after leaving brunch because you spent so much time talking and drinking at brunch that you forgot to actually eat.

19. You’re not quite an alcoholic. But you can’t remember the last social event where you didn’t have at least two drinks. And you know more than you ever thought you’d know about whiskey. Which makes you not quite not an alcoholic.

20. You strongly suspect that people like your hair/beard more than they actually like you.

21. You belong to some sort of coed sports league comprised of very fit young professionals who never actually played any sports.

22. You still prefer Facebook to all other forms of social media.

23. Every time you hear about a ULYP meeting, you tell yourself “You know, I should attend more ULYP meetings” but you never actually do.

24. When the chorus for “B.M.F. (Blowin’ Money Fast)” comes on, you do the “whooop!” louder (and, arguably, better) than Rick Ross does.

25. You made certain to attend an HBCU for undergrad and a PWI for grad school.

26. You’ve either done or are currently doing the “long distance relationship” thing.

27. You’re kinda “over” Thai food, now. (Actually, not really. You’ll never be over Thai food. But you just like saying that.)

28. “Will I ever pay off these student loans?” is a much more pressing and stress-filled concern than “Will I ever get married?”

29. Somewhere in your home sits a shoebox full of business cards you refuse to throw away even though you’ll never, ever, ever contact any of the people those cards belong to.

30. You have a blog. (And business cards for this blog.)

31. You still try, but you just can’t get that mad anymore when your White co-workers say things like “I love your locs so much that I’m thinking about growing them myself! Do you have any tips?

32. You own at least three bottles of wine you’ll never open because A) they were given to you by a guest at a game night you hosted and B) you intend to take at least one to the next game night you attend.

33. You try very hard to convince people that you like Solange more than Beyonce.

34. Regardless of the service or situation, you intentionally overtip.

35. Although cutting/doing your own hair would be more time and cost effective, you still go to the same hood barbership/hair salon because it’s the same hood barbershop/hair salon and you don’t want to feel out of touch.

36. On more than one occasion, you were almost caught watching a twerk tutorial on your phone during a staff meeting.

37.  You bought your first pair of Jordans at 33.

38. You’re still, reluctantly, on Kanye West island.

39. “What your undergrad degree is in” is so different from “What you actually do for a living” that you have to convince people you’re not lying when you tell them.

40. Even after reading this list and knowingly nodding your head at 80% of it, you’ll still deny that you’re a Bougie Black Person.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • alana

    Guilty of a few of these. DAMN, definitely took pictures of myself on a mountain. That’s the expat life, though. A little bougie.

    • Damon Young

      well, at least the mountain was real and not photoshopped

  • miss t-lee

    Only thing I can relate to is #19.
    I’m a social drinker, so I don’t even do events unless I can sip a few, or 5.

    • OSHH

      LOL

    • Damon Young

      same. i really can’t remember the last social event where i had no drinks

      • miss t-lee

        Social events without drinks, usually aren’t very social.

        • afronica

          I’m friends with a couple who’s been on a kale smoothie, chia seeds in everything, spiralize squash into noodles tip since September. They were never big drinkers, but now it’s nil. Their game nights are sooo dry. May not see them again until they wise up and juice up.

          • miss t-lee

            Exactly. I’m not saying you can’t have fun with out the sauce, but I’m not exactly trying to find out…lol

            • afronica

              We >><<.

  • IsitFridayyet?

    It’s official,I am not a Bougie Black Person.

    • Damon Young

      you need more people

      • IsitFridayyet?

        Lol ! 2.5 out of 40, means I do not register on the Bougie Black Person scale. Source: Myself

        • Wild Cougar

          This is me. I’ve always known I wasn’t bougie. This list makes it official. I’m bougie free

    • mrs.BAP

      Ditto!

  • Skegeeaces

    Per this list, I’m less bougie than I thought. I am half relieved and half defensive…because each half of me secretly wants and DOES NOT want to be bougie! I’m feeling some kind of way indeed.

    • Damon Young

      that’s a lot of conflict.

      • Skegeeaces

        I’m about to hit this therapist’s couch HARD. Wait- ain’t therapy bougie?! Lawd…

    • cakes_and_pies

      Wanting to be more bougie without having the bougie schemata my issue. Don’t want the contracted bougie membership, let me be month-to-month.

  • skinnynow

    a little more than 50%. i couldn’t be bougie if i tried!
    *walks away with nose up in the air (with my game-night bottle of wine)*

    • Damon Young

      what kind of wine?

      • skinnynow

        Malbec, of course. The game-night wine of choice.

        • Rachmo

          Yessss for malbec

  • Human

    R.I.P Stuart Scott

    • Damon Young

      I have some thoughts about his death. i’m not sure if i’m ready to publish them, though

  • Angel Baby

    LOL Happy New Year VSB! eeemmmuuuaaaahhhhh I may or may not agree with 80% of this list. :)

    • Damon Young

      happy new year to you too

  • FIRST OF ALL SQUADDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!
    MY BABIES!!!!!
    THE CAROLINA PANTHERS!!!!
    NFC SOUTH CHAMPS BACK TO BACK!!!!!!
    WE STILL HERE!!!!!

    • Val

      First; being NFC South champs is a joke. Second; the NFL (and also the National Security Agency) is not going to allow the Panthers to stink up the Super Bowl with that losing record. Just saying.

      • 1. And we’re laughing on our way to Round 2
        2. If that were the case then why “allow” us to get this far?
        3. How’s your team doing in the playoffs this season?

        • In fairness, the Niners did finish with a better record so…

          • All I know is that the 49ers ain’t in the playoffs but look at that!!! MY PANTHERS AREEEEEEE

      • Success Is Certain

        Especially not if they have to play the Cowboys….in Dallas….*cough, cough*

        (Angry Detroit Lions fan here….lol)

        • Val

          Those refs though. Wow.

          • Success Is Certain

            Yeah, all I’m waiting for now is the NFL to release some BS statement talking about how “we got the call wrong”….and I’ll officially be through with professional football.

            Between the shady officiating, no explanation for picking up that pass interference flag, and the NFL’s head of officiating being seen on the Cowboys’ party bus….Something is amiss out here. Jerry Jones knows damn well he had those refs in his back pocket.

            • Val

              He wasn’t just on the party bus, he was hanging out with Jerry’s son, wasn’t he? I expect more from the NFL. Oh wait. Forget that.

              • Success Is Certain

                Exactly, Val. Hanging with the son of the owner (whom I believe is the vice president of something Cowboys-related)?

                Nah….That ain’t cool.

                As a Lions fan, I should be tarred and feathered for saying this, but I hope Green Bay MURDERS Dallas next weekend. All the referees in the world won’t save them from Aaron Rodgers.

                • Nicholas Peters

                  So do we all…

                  • Success Is Certain

                    Like, y’all don’t understand how much I despise the Cowboys and the Packers. I want the final score of that game to be tied at -1….thus eliminating both teams and just let Carolina-Seattle determine who represents the NFC in the Super Bowl. Lmao

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      I’m a Redskins fan and Dan Snyder is the owner…so I can’t believe in winning…All I have is hating the Cowboys

                    • Success Is Certain

                      Lol. Point made.

                    • Lea Thrace

                      That sir is hate I can believe in!

            • HR Paperstacks

              Report came out an hour or so ago.

        • Nicholas Peters

          Don’t worry..If Cam plays like he did against Arizona…Seattle will run circles around Carolina…
          plus I think Rodgers makes quick work of Mr. Draya Michelle and Greg Carr

      • NomadaNare

        Here Here. As happy as I am for Cam, the Saints sold out their entire offensive backfield for Graham. The NFC was very weak this year.

        • DON’T CARE!
          WE IN THE PLAYOFFSSSSSSSSS

          HAHAHAAAAA

    • Nicholas Peters

      …And then the Seahawks came…

      • Yeah. Some dreams will get deferred in the Queen City right around next weekend.

      • DON’T CARE!!!
        PANTHERS MADE IT!!!!!!!!
        WE IN THERE!!!

        • Nicholas Peters

          …and then were quickly showed the door to the 2014-15 NFL Graveyard…yall were just in the back of the plane….

          • I don’t know why there’s all this ill will being wished upon my team but it doesn’t matter. I’m ecstatic about how far they’ve come :-) Stay mad, I’m glad they’re still in it!

            • Nicholas Peters

              I only have ill-will for the Cowboys, Giants, and Eagles…I just live in the land of facts and reality

              • You say you live in a land of facts and reality but won’t acknowledge the fact that the Panthers are in the race for the NFC Divisional crown. Why? Are they not real contenders? Are they invisible players come Saturday against Seattle. Seattle won’t be playing themselves in their hunt for the Superbowl. As angry as people are about the NFC South, rules are rules. Divisional winner get a Playoff bid. I won’t ever feel bad about rooting for my team because the division they play in was poo poo this season. That isn’t my fault. No one asked the rest of the NFC South to lose over 50% of their games along with us. That’s just how the cookie crumbled. I bet money no one would be griping had their own teams made it, but since they didn’t, they want to shed crocodile tears in the NFC South’s direction. Be mad at your own teams. They didn’t do perform well enough to win their own divisions out right.

                • Nicholas Peters

                  We got a REAL GM for the first time in 16 years…I could take a naked run through the snow….Im in a GREAT MOOD

                  Its just Seattle has only lost 2 home games over the last 3 years @ home, have beat Carolina three times straight, and Im taking Russell over Cam 100% of the time

                  • Anything can happen in football and I love my team. Go Panthers Go!!!!

                    • Nicholas Peters

                      Good Luck

    • Nicholas Peters
  • Second, is there a category for gutta bougie? I think I fit there because in reality, I’m the type of woman who you can take to your boss’ home for dinner but I’m also the type of woman described in this love ballad.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR9iCBlDzO8

    • Nicholas Peters

      Priyanka Banks?

    • MzzPeaches

      I personally love the phrase “Sophistaratchet”. When you can quote Baldwin and still do hood rat stuff with your friends on the weekend.

    • Damon Young

      there’s room in the bougie umbrella for you

  • dalijay

    40 signs you might be an AMERICAN bougie black person. We do it a li’l differently North of the border.

    • Break it down to us sister. I’ve heard about things like soca night at the local ice skating rink that seem perfectly bougie.

      • dalijay

        Haha…Soca night at the rink ain’t bougie. It’s fun, but it’s not posh. I can only speak to Toronto (and a li’l bit of Montreal) – and really, that’s where most of the Canadian Blacks reside, anyway…

        Things like:

        – You attended University of Toronto or Glendon College (and in general, university over college)
        – You attended schools like Brebeuf (for boys) and Havergal or Bishop Strachan (for girls) or Holy Trinity (co-ed)
        – Your hairstylist/gym is in Yorkville
        – Every year you get season’s passes for TIFF (and not just for the “Urban” flicks)
        – Regularly attending exhibits at or having Memberships to ROM or the AGO or the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts
        – Living in Westmount/Vieux Port in Mtl (as I did), or Forest Hill or in Queen’s Quay or similar in Toronto
        – Food Shopping at Pusateri’s or Summerhill Food Market or somesuch
        – People are surprised to learn that you were actually BORN in the Caribbean, and didn’t immigrate to Canada until you were in your teens – you’ve completely lost any trace of your accent
        – You don’t “do” the TTC (public transit)
        – BRUNCH – but at the aforementioned AGO or in Yorkville and not at Cora’s or any franchise
        – Your ideal retreat is at some place like Scandinave
        – You don’t attend even the poshest of urban parties in the city, because of the pat-down policies
        – You have a membership to the Spoke Club, Soho House, or the Toronto Temperance Society
        – You have never lived in or been to Scarborough
        – You lived in Scarbrough when you first immigrated to Toronto and people are surprised to learn this fact because you sooooo don’t seem like that type
        – The only malls you’d briefly consider shopping at are Yorkdale or Promenade
        – You can afford to Shop at Holt Renfrew
        – You’ve spent summer afternoons lounging poolside at Cabana Pool Bar or nights on the Rooftop at the Thompson Hotel
        – You like your sushi from places like Ki Modern, Blowfish or Nami

        I’ve culled these from some of the bougie black people I know. I’m sure some might disagree, or feel compelled to dispute or correct me. Meh.

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