4 Unreasonable Expectations During Spirited Disagreements » VSB

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4 Unreasonable Expectations During Spirited Disagreements

biggieYou don’t want to get into an argument with me. Not a debate. I like debates. I’m respectful and I respond in kind. But an argument where we’ve decided that for that moment in time we are not friends? Yeah, you don’t want it with Hov. Ask Nas he don’t want it with Hov.

Like, I’m T.I. willing to beef with motherf*cking Floyd Mayweather. Do you know insane you have to be to be willing to attempt to take on a man whose hands are actual registered weapons? T.I. doesn’t even look like he can fight. But he’s also proven himself to be a few guns short of an NRA convention (see what I did there?) so I suppose anything is possible. For all the crap Tiny and T.I. parade via their show, they sure as hell do keep having real world issues.

Back to the lecture at hand…

Sidenote: I’m watching The Internship as I write this. There is NEVER not a good time to run Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide”. Just an FYI.

…I do not enjoy arguing. At all. But not for the reasons you think. I mean nobody should enjoy the art of actively beefing with another person. Only a motherlover like Jelena from Hit The Floor would like that. I happen to hate arguing because I think people have completely unrealistic expectations of what is in bounds when arguing and being mad at other people. Namely, I think it sucks that while we are actively going at each other’s throats, I STILL have to give a f*ck about your feelings. Granted, I’m not going to low blow anybody…that’s women’s bailiwick (FIGHT ME), but I do think in my experience that amongst relationship arguments, there are unfair expectations. Such as?

Such as (oh, and I’m glad you asked).

1. You’re expected not to curse

Look. I cuss. A lot. So much so that I even get tired of hearing myself curse at times. I try to check it. I try to check a lot. But its hard out here for a pimp when you’re trying get that money for the rent. But let me get this right – and this has happened to me before – we’re in the middle of a heated argument and I’m in the feelings you swear I don’t have and you expect me to be couth enough to filter my f*cking words mother f*cker? That’s just unreasonable. But it never fails. “WHY ARE YOU CURSING AT ME?”

Hell…

2. “Why are you cursing at me?”

I hate those words more than any other when arguing. For one n*gga…I’m just cursing usually. Secondly, if I tell you to get the f*ck out of here, that’s not cursing at you, that’s just cursing into the ether of which you happen to be apart. Now if I call you a b-word, a-word, c-word, or d-word…well most alphabet words then yes. Now, I may do that in which case you are more than welcome to be in your feelings though, again, I feel like during times of heightened emotions, you kind of should just understand. I mean, I will! Have at it, b*tch.

3. The Expectation of Noise Reduction

I feel like you know you won an argument when a person says to you, in all seriousness, “why are you yelling!!!?!?!?!?” Because there’s a better than Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta chance that you have both raised our voices to the gawds during the fracas you’ve been apart of. Yet and still, there is always somebody who is going to question why you’ve raised your voice. I feel like that’s a “stall” card.

4. Clear, Logical, Linear Thought

I don’t know about you, but when and if I get in my feelings, I tend to chill there for a minute. For those of you who’ve never had the pleasure of getting in your feelings, it becomes very hard to distinguish between what’s real and what you feel. What you feel will tell you that the person you’re dating has been cheating on you with a wooly mammoth. Whats real will tell you that they’ve been exactly where they’ve said they’d be when they said it at all times. But when I’m in my feelings I absolutely DO NOT let facts get in the way of my opinions. As it seems most folks don’t. But nope, folks expect you to (while not necessarily doing so themselves) accept all things being said as fact and to be able to process all that’s being said in a fashion to end said argument.

I was going to do 5 but I’m over it. Plus, it ain’t nuttin’ to cut a *CENSORED* off. So what are other unreasonable expectations people have in high emo situations?

Talk to me.

-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka MR. MOVE THAT DOPE aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Muze

    “..and I’m in the feelings you swear I don’t have” LOL. so much truth in these words. hilarity.

    i HATE being told to calm down. like, that is the exact thing to say to turn me into Lady Hulk if i am not already. thing is, i’m usually calm UNTIL he says calm down, and then … he has to die. we are no longer friends for like… until i’m calmed down from being riled up from you telling me to calm down.

    • miss t-lee

      Calm down?
      Yeah…all bad.

      • Settle down

        • miss t-lee

          Even worse…lol

    • we are >>here<<

      • you do need to calm down sometimes though.

        • You can go fall head first into a vat of acid.

          • yall see how she treat me?

            • h.h.h.

              Simmer down man. lol

    • Amethyst

      Ditto!!!

    • I’m never told to “calm down”. I’m the guy who is asked why I’m not mad. Being completely calm during an argument screws with people.

      • Muze

        That’s because women don’t say that to men unless it’s an extreme circumstance and he actually needs to calm down. Men know that infuriates most women (kind of like asking a woman if shes on her period when she’s emotional) and thus say it, regardless of your actual tone.

        I’m logical to a fault, so I’m rarely raising my voice or arguing if I don’t have to. and for someone who is usually already calm, it’s sooo irritating to be told to calm down. I’m convinced Baldy says it JUST to derail the conversation. Lol

        • I get you. Folks often mistake a person’s lake of outward rage during an argument as being dismissive.

      • Stacey

        It makes them more mad….guilty of this too…

    • Tonja (aka Cheeks)

      Chile… being told to calm down… Or even worse for me… SIMMER down. NINJA I’M NOT A BOILING POT.

    • Rachmo

      That “calm down” sets me off. I have to immediately leave or just freak out.

      • panamajackson

        There needs to be some type of psychological study into why that sets women off so much. You all can’t possibly think you’re calm at all times. Or rational. And yet, here we go, those two words and its WWIII

        • It’s because it’s rarely used at a point where it is necessary for the person to calm down. I haven’t yelled at another human in like a decade but get told to “calm down” all the time. It’s either used to dismiss someone’s anger/feelings over a thing you don’t see as a big deal (but if it BOTHERS the person that should be important, but nvm) or to dismiss the argument’s validity or the person in general, reducing a legitimate concern to “hormones” or “feelings”, as if your anger has reason and mine is just a monthly issue. It’s like the argument version of “female”.

          • THIS

            The idea that your feelings of anger are somehow invalid is what unnerves me. I get upset, sad, happy, etc. and it is perfectly fine to be upset even if you think I’m “overreacting”.

            • h.h.h.

              is there anyway to fast-forward through it? or nah? #AskingForResearchPurposes

        • nillalatte

          To be told to calm down when you already are calm is patronizing. Men, some men, use that approach intentionally to belittle. While women should realize this and stare at his azz like the fool he is and walk, it is piercing because it is quickly realized, he didn’t respect you enough to hear your opinion.

        • PunchDrunkLove

          I’m replying, but not really. If I post independant of others, the dern thing goes missing for days…and reappears out of nowhere. By then we’ve moved on.

          I admit it, I have a temper. I’m much much better these days…..lol Let me back up, I wouldn’t say temper, I’ll say I don’t have it for folks not on the up and up, BSers, etc. I don’t apologize for whatever the reaction is to that. And yep, I’m probably doing 1 – 4

          Now, having a legitimate disagreement, I don’t get upset when told to calm down, because I know that from my stance I’m getting a point across rather than yelling, but to another it might seem like a little more than that. I can take that and bring it down a notch. But again, I don’t really go off unless provoked, and even with that it’s usually someone trying to pee on me and telling me it’s raining.

    • Kozy

      what about for the folks who DO fly off the handle? does being asked to relax yield the same result?

    • panamajackson

      Yeah…telling women to calm down is usually the end of any ability to hash out a reasonable solution to whatever problem exists.

    • Stacey

      Calm down or the worst, relax, will basically set me on fire…good luck telling me that. Like dude, did you really think saying either of those things would actually work, the fuck?

  • One unreasonable expectation that some people have during a disagreement (and you probably have seen it on here countless times), is when a person expects you not to get mad at them- especially after they made the mistake of saying something completely out of pocket. And yes, this also applies to relationships as well- not that it needs to, by the way…

    It’s a very common thing to do apparently…take personal shots at someone they do not agree with. However, the same people that do this very act think they are completely innocent and said nothing wrong. Even worse is when they try to justify it. This is how things go left real quick and tempers flare up to…well…you know what happens next…

    *cues “Say Something” by Talib Kweli*

    • Amen! There are certain things that, even if they are absolutely right and have to be said, are going to cause people to go nuts. Ideally, you hope to avoid those situations, but sometimes not saying something will cause more problems. You just know in those spots that there’s an argument going in, and to protect yourself at all times.

      I just don’t see how it’s OK to take personal shots at people when there are perfectly acceptable means of getting out of the argument. Like if you aren’t feeling someone, and can get out of a situation, leave the situation. If their BS can be canceled out of your life, it should be done quickly and efficiently.

      • I dealt with someone who tried their best to engage me in an argument. Not only could I see through their antics, I also knew they were illogical and immature. When they still wanted to push it further, I don’t think they understood what kind of person they were dealing with.

        Everyone that knows me knows how I am when I argue and/or fight. After they see me one time, I can tell you they will never want to engage me again, LMAO!!!

  • miss t-lee

    The Biggie meme is giving me so much life right now. *snickers*
    Funny I always throw out #2, however I’m almost positive I’m yelling all of the cuss words when I get the chance.

  • 1. Why Olivia have to die?
    2. Why Jelena out here trying to actively ruin the lives of every single person who breathes the same air as her?
    3. Why Ahsha so pressed to keep her relationship with Derrick a secret? I’d be making sure NBA groupie heaux knew he was piping me down and that I keep a 40 oz can of Heaux Repellant (pepper spray) on my person.
    4. Why do I always cry when I’m having heated arguments? I don’t een be sad. I just be livid.

    • Conceited-Ibaka

      girl who are these people? Olivia, Jelena, Ahsha, Derrick?

      • A show on VH1 called “Hit the Floor”. It’s my guilty pleasure show. The lady from that one TP movie where she pushes her paralyzed husband into a bathtub is in it. I caught the premier on accident last summer and they just started the second season tonight.

      • panamajackson

        Yo, Hit The Floor is my new crack. It’s actually a good show.

    • MissRae

      All of this! As fine as Derrick is I would never keep him a secret. Just saying….

    • panamajackson

      1. Olivia had to die b/c they had no more need for her. She added nothing more to the show but can live on as the bane of Oscar’s existence…without vh1 having to pay her. Hello, Mia.

      2. Jelena is one of the most evil, conniving women in history. If more people watched this show, she’d be in the pantheon of Evil Women everywhere.

      3. The rules stated they weren’t supposed to date players despite Jelena’s ability to pull that off. I always found that inconsistent.

      4. Reh Dogg has lots of reasons why you must cry.

      • Also, why is everyone having to work with their ex on this show? No one can escape their past because they all work for the Devils or have some affiliation with the organization.

    • God Shammgod

      It just connected with me that Jelena looks like a Bratz doll yesterday.

      And 2 thumbs up for appreciating the greatest thing on TV right now.

      • She’s so pretty! I follow her on IG. @loganlaurice and I can’t get enough of her. If I ever meet her, I’m going to let her know how much I love to hate her. When she called that new “Tim Tebow” player out in the weight room I died. I also don’t want him to get involved with her though.

        Idk why German (I hate that name btw) would want to take a job with the Devils and have to deal with seeing Ahsha all the time. I know I wouldn’t want to see my ex on the job.

      • Kema

        lol! Did you see her in the Bratz movie? When Hit the Floor first came on thats all I could see.

  • Msdebbs

    Calling me angry makes me angry…so shut the eff up!

  • Resolution.

  • Msdebbs

    Moderation = !#$%&^&*&(*())_&^@$#@%$

    • Joel

      Yo, you stay in moderation….lol

      • nillalatte

        ’cause she bad! :D

        • Msdebbs

          yea but in a good way…sometimes.

    • IcePrincess

      Me too :-/

  • Conceited-Ibaka

    That I shouldn’t at all be emotional to begin with, Ummm, no. I’m going to emoticate until I’ve run out of all emotions known to man.

    • Msdebbs

      ditto.

  • jazzyLia

    I can’t stand that passive aggressive ish. Granted, I do it at work whenever a customer complains, but being on the receiving end of it during arguments I’m not being paid to have? Heyal to the naw.

    #3… I’m notorious for keeping my “inside voice” during an argument. I only raise my voice when I get hype (the happy kind).

  • nillalatte

    “what are other unreasonable expectations people have in high emo situations?”

    Sanity. To respond to the situation like you’re NOT totally involved and don’t have emotions.

    • @Ms. Nillalatte:
      Are you sure you’re a Virgo? Their trademark “sanity under pressure” – especially Virgo females – are especially appealing to yours truly, I might add. :)

      O.

      • nillalatte

        Yes, O, I am a Virgo, very much so. Depends on what type of pressure you’re speaking of. Most of the time folks tell me I don’t appear angry, upset, or nervous. That is because I internalize a lot of emotion rather than going off on folks. I’m not pretty when I’m angry. lol. However, cross that line and I will react. The scenario I was thinking of was when my ex kidnapped our son and the police left my azz without recourse. I told them if they wouldn’t do their job, I would. How would you expect someone to act in that situation?

        • @Ms. Nillalatte:
          Alright, I can see where you’re coming from in light of your report; fair enough. Kidnapping in these instances are sadly, quite common.

          Extreme situations as you have described aside, Virgo ladies are well known NOT to get involved in the usual nonsense and BSery that far too many ladies in our time are sadly, world reknown for.

          Take for example, one Ms. Beyonce’ Knowles-Carter, born on Sep 4, 1981 at Houston, TX; born under the Sun Sign of Virgo, with the Moon in Scorpio – the most “calm” of the Water Signs – a very good compliment. Her calm and steadiness in the face of her kid sister’s Chimp Out, is exemplary of the Virgo lady’s poise, repose and calm, in the face of such BSery.

          It should also be noted that Ms. Knowles-Carter’s husband, Mr. Jay-Z, was also born on the 4th day of the month, in his case Dec of 1969, making him an Archer, like yours truly.

          :)

          O.

          • nillalatte

            Virgo’s are Earth signs O. And, true, I generally don’t get involved in BS. In fact, craziness reared it’s ugly head this weekend. I dipped.

            • @Ms. Nillalatte:
              I’ve found Virgo ladies to be quite calm, rational, matter-or-fact, graceful and quite poised. Sophia Loren, as I’m sure you know, is a Virgo lady.

              Of course, and I’m pretty sure you’re aware of this also, as Virgo ladies tend to be quite well read and studied, that there are many other factors that makeup any individual’s “astrological innards” so to speak; the Moon plays a very large role in just how “into their feelings” the truly can be. In the case of the Virgo native, the Moon can either greatly augment their already cool and calm demeanor, or greatly exaggerate the lower ends of the Sign – devolving into pettiness, nitpicking, etc. Nas is an example of such an imbalance, born a Virgo with an Aries Moon(!)-a very difficult combination to mamage, under the best of conditions.

              O.

              • Sahel

                As opposed to scorpios

                • Actually, Scorpios are exceptionally self-contained, focused and calm, under most conditions.

                  O.

                  • Obsidian aka Mr. Cle-O

                    • Actually, Ms. Cleo is a fraudulent “psychic”…a very bad one.

                      I am NOT.

                      One does not need to be a psychic to be a competent astrologer, ahem.
                      Have you done your homework?

                      O.

                    • IcePrincess

                      Ooh do me! Do me! Sagittarius, 12/09/80.

                    • *does maffamatics*

                    • IcePrincess

                      I’m 33. Wit my old azz smh lol :(

                    • Ms. IcePricess has asked yours truly to take a look at her horoscope and give a brief analaysis thereof. Because she does not know the time at which she was born, we are left to consider only the astrology extant on her birthdate, which was Dec 9, 1980, making her a Sagittarius with the Moon in Capricorn – a very good combination, as it turns out.

                      Why?

                      Because the ordinarily buoyant, jovial, “wanderlust” energy of Sagittarius, is “brought down to Earth” through the Moon in Capricorn; the latter puts the former “through the commonsense paces”, asking tough questions as to just how practical, tenable and matter-of-fact all the grandiose plans Sagittarius natives are known for. The Moon in Capricorn is well known for its ability to organize, get things done and administrate progress in any direction or project, task or job; natives with this placement are often natural managers and supervisors.

                      This is even moreso the case with Ms. IcePrincess, as her Capricorn Moon is possibly conjunct the Red Planet Mars, also in Capricorn, on the day she was born. Depending on precisely what time she was born, this “coming together” of these two planets could be very strong, and, in its best light can describe someone who is very driven, focused, has the will to win, to survive, to succeed. This is a combination that can make for a heck of an athlete, martial artist and/or dancer – IcePrincess crackles with “pure energy”, and may have inherited her mothers fiery temperament. This combination also may indicate difficulty with the mother and/or other females, often of a highly competitive nature surrounding males…ahem.

                      Ms. IcePrincess was also born at a very special point in time, when the historic Jupiter-Saturn conjunction would take place; not only that, but this was even more special, given that it would take place in an Air Sign for the first time in centuries. You will kindly recall that Pres. Ronald Reagan was shot but did not die and indeed survived to be reelected and considered one of our country’s greatest leaders. Reagan ushered in the “Morning in America” period in American life, associated with a new take on Conservatism, and Ms. IcePrincess was born with these impulses as well. She is much more traditional than she may let on, and is put off by what she sees as mindless tomfoolery and the like. In fact, given this combination along with the aforementioned Moon-Mars combo, it would not surprise me one bit if she took a liking to the “Law & Order” professions: law enforcement, law, security work, or perhaps some kind of political advocacy work, etc.

                      There’s more that I could say, but I’ll stop here.

                      O.

                    • IcePrincess

                      Does breaking the law count? Lmfaooooooo. But no, seriously, law is a passion of mine. I wanted to be a lawyer ever since I was a lil kid, but my life took a darker turn. It’s all good tho. Thanks for taking the time,O.

                    • @Ms. IcePrincess:
                      You’re most welcome. And, in keeping with the “Law & Order” theme, I offer the following YouTube by Mr. Sotomayor!

                      http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=i6Pg0GYDjnU

                      Comments?

                      O.

                    • More:

                      Pt 4 ATL Metro Cop Gets Back-Up – YouTube

                      http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll-WonpIkZo

                      Comments?

                      O.

                    • I prefer practiced. ;)

                    • nillalatte

                      LOL.. can’t wait to reveal my age so you can find a creative adjective for it! ;)

                    • For some reason, I thought you were older than me. Ah well. :)

                    • IcePrincess

                      We’re close, rite? What are you, bout 35?

                    • I turn 35 in October. You’re right.

                    • @Ms. IcePrincess:
                      It would be my pleasure to do so; but I would require your time of birth and town/city you were born in please. If you’re squeamish about putting these on the air, you can email them to me. Thanks!

                      O.

                    • IcePrincess

                      What’s ya email?

                    • @Ms. IcePrincess:
                      theobsidianfiles@hotmail.com

                      By the way, to everyone else reading along: feel free to contact me for anything: thanks, compliments, suggestions, observations, insults, death threats, you name it – it’s all goood!

                      :)

                      O.

                    • IcePrincess

                      Bwahahaaaaa. It’s good to see you having a sense of humor, O.

                    • I hope no one sends you death threats. You make me want to physically hurt you at times but that’s foul, someone telling you they want you to die.

                    • nillalatte

                      Ice, stop begging girl! That ain’t how u put them (read: men) in your pocket. LOL You just a little too excited. LOL JK Sagittarius? I’ve never really gotten along with Sagittarius’, I believe. You know I did a ‘study’ once of my friends on FB and found that most prevalent signs of my friends were Scorpio & Capricorn. These two signs & Virgo are very compatible.

                    • Kema

                      I tend to like Taurus and Scorpio peeps. Dont know too many Capricorns. Cant deal with a Leo man.

                    • IcePrincess

                      Mane I can’t do Taurus. They are truly stubborn as their mascot.

                    • nillalatte

                      +1 on the Leo man as a love interest anyway. My dad’s a Leo.

                    • Kema

                      They require much more validation than a virgo is willing to give. lol

                    • Is it time for your diaper change yet?

                    • Oh, I didn’t know you got down like that, Ms. Ruby…just when you think you know somebody…BamBamBamPowPowPow, out comes the freak in U…

                      ;)

                      O.

                    • No. Never. The thought of changing a child’s diaper has been my sole motivator in staying child free.

                    • OK…

                      O.

                  • Conceited-Ibaka

                    lies you tell. not unless you are talking about november scorpios.

            • Msdebbs

              So that’s why Beyonce was so “stiff” in that elevator.

              • @Ms. Debbs:
                “Stiff”? That’s what they call someone who acts like they got some commonsense these days – “stiff”?

                O.

              • nillalatte

                Is you calling me ‘stiff’? LOL

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