35 reasons why he cheated

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although i’ve never personally cheated on a mate, i’ve been friends and acquaintances with so many habitual cheaters that i consider myself to be a cheating maven.

i’ve been every alibi (“yeah kim, he was with me last wednesday night. he let me borrow his blender, and since he was there we watched the spurs game, did some blow, and fell asleep on my couch“), heard every story, and have had every possible guilty rationale volunteered to me (“i know i be doing my girl dirty, dog, but i’m anemic so i can’t help it.“)

basically, i’ve heard every single logical reason why a man might have cheated. some are mind-numbingly simple and concise while others are much more nuanced and layered than you would ever imagine

today, as another example of our commitment to fighting crime, i’m going to share all 35 of them.

before i continue, i want to state that i completely abhor cheating and cheaters, (i even distanced myself from a friend before because of this rationale: the way he dogged her out, i knew he couldn’t have had much respect for anybody, including me), and this list isn’t a justification as much as its an explanation for why a guy might decide to step out of the relationship and an answer to the stupidly ubiquitous “why do men cheat?¹” question.

1. he thinks being monogamous is unreasonable

some guys just don’t believe being faithful is even possible, so they don’t even try

2. he wanted to

sometimes, its really as simple as a guy saying to himself “you know, i’ve never cheated on my girl before. i think i will this weekend”

3. he needs the extra attention

there are some men who can’t function without women perpetually fawning over him, and fawning sometimes leads to forking

4. he’s not physically attracted to you anymore

it sucks to hear this, but sometimes it’s really as simple as “you gained too much weight in the past year or that chimp attack really didn’t do you any favors”

5. he feels entitled to

“i cheat because i can because i am who i am”

6. he can’t say no to a woman

these are usually also the guys who have closets full of never worn clothes they bought just because the cute chick at the banana republic convinced him to open a credit line

7. he just happened to be horny at a time when she (the other chick) was around and you weren’t

*reason number 324 why long distance relationships usually don’t work*

8. he wants you to break up with him

because he doesn’t have the balls to do it himself

9. he got caught up in the heat of the moment

sometimes its not about anything other than the fact that he happened to be rocking some “long hours at the office intensely working on a project with a female co-worker” goggles and got caught up

10. you’re boring as hell in bed

*also known as “the halle berry”*

11. he needs to cheat to keep the relationship happy

this is a tricky one, because a guy does this with his woman’s long-term benefit in mind. he’s love and wants to be with her, but realizes that he’ll get frustrated with her if he doesn’t use another woman as an outlet

12. he thinks he can’t please you sexually

generally speaking, we’re (men) extremely neurotic about our sexual performance. if we feel like we’re not fulfilling your needs, we consider it to be a personal indictment on our manhood (or lack thereof). this neurosis can lead to us going outside of the relationship for the sexual ego boost

13. he doesnt respect you

basically, he treats you like sh*t because he doesn’t think you deserve any better

14. you didnt trust him

the pressure of you always thinking that he was going to cheat finally broke him

15. he was pursued and seduced

just think of something a movie character played by robin givens would do. most guys can put up the “no” fence, but its takes a special individual to stop a relentless she-devil. it’s like wearing a mask in a room full of people with h1n1

16. you’re the mother of his children

and he just doesn’t want to do freaky sexual things to someone who’s breast feeding his daughter

17. you let him do it before

so this really shouldn’t be a surprise

18. its his form of masturbation

although women think this is bullsh*t, for some guys, there’s no difference between sex with another chick and j*rking off to bootytalk 82.

19. you stopped having sex with him

duh!

20. he thinks his penis is his only positive attribute

basically, this is the guy who ties his entire self-worth on being able to get women off. its all he thinks he’s good at (and he might be right)

21. he always needs to win

some ultra competitive alpha male types can’t stand losing, ever. to him, he cheats because he wants to win every attractive girl he sees for himself just so that the other guys interested in her will lose

22. he needed to see if he’s still attractive to other women

although, admittedly, he could probably do this without actually sleeping with them

23. he found someone he likes more than you

shit happens

24. he was peer pressured into it

its rare, but there are guys who cheat just because everyone else in their peer group is doing it

25. you cheated on him

duh, again

26. he’s a nymphomaniac

while i’m sure hundreds of men have tried to use this as a cop-out, sex addictions do actually exist. they even have support groups and reality shows and sh8t

27. he’s a thrill seeker

to him, sex isn’t fulfilling unless he knows he’s doing something or someone he shouldn’t be doing

28. he was given an offer/opportunity he couldnt refuse

you only live once. how many other times will he have the opportunity to sleep with keri hilson?

29. he couldn’t choose between you and the other chick, so he just decided to have both

to him, doing this is no different than going to coldstone and saying “damn, i can’t choose between sweet cream and moose tracks. maybe i’ll just get both”

30. he’s intentionally self-destructive

he knowingly doesn’t sh*t to sabotage good around him, and he cant help it.

31. he wanted to hurt you to pay you back for something you did to him

remember this the next time you b*tch to him about putting down the toilet seat

32. he has more options now than he did when you first met each other

and he either can’t handle the extra attention, or thinks its time for an upgrade

33. he was with her before you two even met

i have a friend who has had the exact same sidechick in each of his last three relationships. honestly, this is one i don’t understand. i’m gonna have to get him on vsb one day to explain himself

34. he needed to get it out of his system before fully committing to you

another “sounds like bullsh*t” excuse that actually does occasionally ring true

35. he enjoys “getting over” on people

there exists people who would rather steal something than get it for free, and men who cheat on women just because he enjoys knowing that he knows something she doesn’t know.

so, people of vsb.com, do you agree that there can be various reasons why a man might step outside of his relationship, or do you think this list could have just stopped at “1. he’s a b*tch-ass n*gga. the end”?

the carpet is yours

¹you know, i’ve always hated being asked “why do men cheat?”, because the query itself has a way of implying four separate fallacies.
a) all men cheat.
b) cheating is a man-specific trait.
c) men are monoliths who all cheat for the exact same reason
d) jello

—the champ

  • Ro

    lol..jello??? why is that a fallacy and should I be concerned? I am making a helluva lot of jello shots for a party tomorrow…and i don’t want any trouble!!!

    • miss t-lee

      @Ro,
      Don’t you know? Everything goes better with Jello.*
      *snickering*

      *old commercial.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Ro,

      nothing about jello makes sense. yet, its always found somewhere and more people than you think enjoy doing it. basically, its just like cheating

      • http://www.mysixcents.wordpress.com klysha

        @The Champ, why am I just now noticing jello in your footnote….LMAO!

        and the sad part is I had already read the comment referencing jello….I was just thinking…”dang that’s pretty random”

        jello doesn’t make much sense but it is pretty tasty…and a great way to make a shot of something go down really easy

      • Ro

        @The Champ,
        “more people than you think enjoy doing it” as in doing jello? ok forgive my slowness but what in the hell? Not even touching the how party but why? Why disgrace the gelatin goodness that is jello?!!! That’s just….just….unamerican!?!?

  • shay_d_lady

    I t hink there are 34 bullshyt reasons that lead to the 1 real reason… which is.. He decided to do it because he wanted to.
    regardless of how he to the the end…the final decision came down to he wanted to do it.
    so he did
    well ex cluding s.e.x addiction…for real addiction though not the eric benet kind

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @shay_d_lady, “well ex cluding s.e.x addiction…for real addiction though not the eric benet kind”

      *Takes out a notepad* How would you tell the difference?

      • shay_d_lady

        @HabitualLineCrossa,
        umm carrying on a seperate relationship with another chick does not a s.e.x addict make.

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @shay_d_lady, understood. Sooo, what does?

          • shay_d_lady

            @HabitualLineCrossa, actual addiction to s.e.x

          • shay_d_lady

            @HabitualLineCrossa, any more questions and I have to refer you to the lifetime movie “Love Sick: the Secrets of a S.E.X. Addict”… LMAO

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @shay_d_lady, writing that down…word.

    • Scipio Africanus

      @shay_d_lady, You’re being reductionist. Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Scipio Africanus,

        Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

        nodding head

      • shay_d_lady

        @Scipio Africanus, You’re being reductionist. Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

        I know its one of the reasons listed which is why I am basically saying its the only one that was needed.
        I am not pretending the nuance doesnt exist, I am saying I DONT CARE that the nuance exists. Whatever led you to be standing Dyck first in front of some open legs stops mattering the minute you enter .
        At that moment you knowingly, willingly decided to do it. End of story for me.
        Learn about your nuances with the next chick.

        • miss t-lee

          @shay_d_lady,
          I love you for this comment chickie.

        • Smiley Face

          @shay_d_lady,
          “Learn about your nuances with the next chick”
          LMAO!!! Amen sista..amen

        • Scipio Africanus

          @shay_d_lady, Any person who would use anything on this list to justify his or her behavior to the person they cheated on is an idiot.

          We’re not talking about what you’re supposed to tell your boo when you get caught out there. In that situation you quietly take your L and k.i.m. Any guy who’s been around the block once or twice knows that.

          We’re in here actually and factually discussing the real why’s and how’s of this, not the what an emotionally-harmed and cheated-on person will and won’t want to hear. It’s called dispassionate and objective investigation – it can be fun!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @shay_d_lady,

          “learn about your nuances with the next chick”

          this message should be shown after every tyler perry movie trailer

        • http://cookinwitgrease.com chasdizz

          @shay_d_lady,
          not dyck first tho. *slayed*

      • Me fail english?

        @Scipio Africanus,

        True. There’s no reason to pretend it doesnt exist but I think a healthy strategy more often than not (esp. if we’re talking about overly analytical, coddling ass women who try to play Dr. Phil with some aint shet ninja that aint never gon be shet but what he is) would be to ignore the nuance and just deal with the result. Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Me fail english?,

          Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          i actually agree with this.

          • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

            Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

            I’ll join the chorus on agreeing with that whole heartedly. Fantastic post, BTW.

        • shay_d_lady

          @Me fail english?, Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          exactly!

          • Scipio Africanus

            @shay_d_lady, That’s what I just said above and that’s exactly what we’re all doing here, which is why I don’t get your response to me. The way things are when you walk in the bedroom and see Tyrone giving your cousin Tamika a personal nether-regions inspection is not and should be be the way you go about discussing that very act here.

        • Sula

          @Me fail english?,

          Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much

          Pretty much.

        • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

          @Me fail english?, Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          This is a very truthful statement.

        • bittersweet’s baby

          @Me fail english?,

          This is what I’m sayin’…Get-get-get it, girl!

  • Leila

    Co-sign on your whole list! I grew up around a lot of guys – male cousins and close guy friends and have heard every excuse possible for cheating. Every single one of my guy friends has cheated and with chicks that were a major downgrade. This always puzzles me. I also get puzzled by women who blame themselves for their man cheating.

    • cam1ll3

      @Leila,

      sometimes blaming yourself is just the first reaction…literally–i was like “what did i do wrong?” and then i replayed the entire relationship to see if i could find an occasion that would have sparked and/or justified dude tiptoeing thru someone else’s two lips. a halfway decent kat won’t let you think it’s all your fault. the greasy grimey crusty jackanape will.

      • MzKang

        @cam1ll3,

        yep, I did the same.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Leila,

      I also get puzzled by women who blame themselves for their man cheating.

      while you can’t necessarily drive someone to cheat, you can definitely open the door and put keys in the cheating ignition

  • caramel eclair

    good info…kinda sorta..some of it was like duh! the rest was like really ? wheretheydothatat? the rest…just random but informative nonetheless

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @caramel eclair,

      i dont know if i should thank you or be offended

      • Me fail english?

        @The Champ,

        jello

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Me fail english?,

          *dying*

          I kinda wanna say this to whoever gives me the 3rd degree. Like,

          Man: Um, where you at?!
          Cheekie: Jello.

  • bittersweet’s baby

    Cheating is a choice…

    To unzip your pants, or
    lift up your skirt and
    fiddle between the legs
    of someone other than your mate.

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @bittersweet’s baby, “Cheating is a choice…” …so is eating.

      • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. lovesthekids….

        @HabitualLineCrossa,
        eating is a life sustaining necessity. cheating is not.

        • bittersweet’s baby

          @N.I.A. lovesthekids….,

          Exactly. And depending on the cheatee, it might help shorten your life.

          • HabitualLineCrossa

            @bittersweet’s baby, maybe he stepped out to preserve her life.

      • Me fail english?

        @HabitualLineCrossa,

        What kind of “eating” are we talking? Cuz that ish is soooo not optional

    • bittersweet’s baby

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      Slept on it and those 35 ReasonsExcuses why he cheats still boil down one reason to me… a person made the choice to do so. If you think your mate is pushing you away somehow and you can’t work thru it, move on…

      It drives me crraaazzy to hear a chick sit around and justify why her dude cheated. Like it’s some sort of natural progression as you go thru ups n downs n all around…GTFOH (and find your self esteem on the way out.) How are you fallin’ for those jedi mind tricks and you’re 30, if a day??!@!??

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      Cheating is a choice…

      To unzip your pants, or
      lift up your skirt and
      fiddle between the legs
      of someone other than your mate.

      this definitely reads like a poem i would have written in 2002

      • bittersweet’s baby

        @The Champ,

        If I were going for a poem, I could’ve probably done better in ’82. I actually wrote that as I said it to the screen at whateva wee hour I read this drivel. And since you all couldn’t hear the pregnant pauses, I tried to help out, k? :)

        P.S. My mind got a lil befuddled by Excuse# 5 because it’s Just. Not. That. Complex.

    • Nikkisix

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      fiddle between the legs
      *tee hee*

  • http://Ifollowyall...findme. LittleMissStrange

    You killed me with the Hallie Berry thing.

    When THAT mess came out, ever male (and a few chicks) fell out (in a 600 mile radius.)

    If you cheated is my favorite…Ive seen and known too many girls losing their minds, KNOWING they just did some dirt not even a month or 2 before!

    That and the no sex bit…….. Those will forever be my “What the hell?” girls.

    Because seriously, what are you doing with that man? Thats not a boyfriend, thats a roommate. A sad roommate, at that.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @LittleMissStrange,

      That and the no sex bit…….. Those will forever be my “What the hell?” girls.

      Because seriously, what are you doing with that man? Thats not a boyfriend, thats a roommate. A sad roommate, at that.

      there’s no more frustrating feeling than sleeping next to a person every night who has stopped sleeping with you. shit’ll make someone pull their hair out

    • miss t-lee

      @LittleMissStrange,
      “Because seriously, what are you doing with that man?”

      I’ll never understand how you lay up next to some jank every night and don’t jump on it.
      I don’t get it.

  • Ivyette

    You really didn’t need 35 reasons. Reasons #2 and #13 would have sufficed.

    Maybe have an entry for “Why men think they need so many reasons to justify cheating”.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Ivyette,

      You really didn’t need 35 reasons.

      lol, they’re not “my” reasons.

      • Ivyette

        @The Champ,

        “lol, they’re not “my” reasons.”

        Well, you’re the messenger. That’s good enough for me. Shots fired!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Ivyette,

          message deez

          • Ivyette

            @The Champ,

            message deez

            LOL….when all else fails, a simple _____ deez will due.

    • A-O

      @Ivyette,
      cosigns that!

    • http://stuffghettopeoplelike.wordpress.com Stuff Ghetto People Like

      @Ivyette, uhhhh, where did he say it was “justified?”

      No better subject illustrates how differently men and women are wired than cheating.

      • Ivyette

        @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

        @Ivyette, uhhhh, where did he say it was “justified?”

        Ummm…he didn’t. That why I (you know, as in Ivyette) typed: “Maybe have an entry for “Why men think they need so many reasons to justify cheating”. It was a suggested topic.

        “No better subject illustrates how differently men and women are wired than cheating.”

        Yea, add reading comprehension to that too. (smile)

        • Ivyette

          @Ivyette,

          **edit**

          Ummm…he didn’t. THAT’S why I

          *darn that 5 nanoseconds edit feature*

  • cam1ll3

    none of the 35 reasons you listed seemed like bullfeces to me. in fact, they all make sense. i actually identify with #31 since that is how i think (you sendin’ freak texts to your so-called platonic bff? oh, that’s not what they are, huh…so her telling you she can’t wait until she can suck your bic is code for what, you LYING SUNUBBA–oh sorry). and #33 the perpetual side piece…smdh. why deny that?! if that’s where you want to be, why not just go be there? why you wastin’ my time? can one of the vsb answer that for me?

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @cam1ll3,

      I knew a guy, a long long, long long time ago, that would occasionally engage in behaviors that are similar to those being discussed. He has since um, found Hayzeus, and has never gone back to said activities.

      Yall seen Baby Boy right? The scene where Yvette confronts Jody and asks about his cheating he responds:

      “You my woman, and them other ho’s is tricks. I make love to you, I wanna be with you, but I f**k other females from time to time. I don’t know why, I just do it.”

      That was his favorite scene in that movie. And I know he would have me ask, basically, why is it that women don’t make ANY room for the POSSIBILITY that a man can be in love with a woman and still step out?

      • juanita Pistolas

        @HabitualLineCrossa,

        i don’t think that’s possible cuz if yhu loved her enough yhu’d think about how yhur actions rr gonna affect her. yhu’d think of her pbp right….i do, that’s yy i don’t cheat in relationships, but then again…that’s just me lol

        && i believe champs never cheating. guys act like not cheating is impossible, it’s not. && if that’s how yhu feel remain a toss && stop having gfs who yhur only going to hurt in the end.

        • http://kamakula.wordpress.com kamakula

          @juanita Pistolas,

          Aren’t relationships about compromise? Maybe she didn’t love him enough to consider what her expectations about s3x outside the relationship would do to him.

      • bittersweet’s baby

        @HabitualLineCrossa,

        I think women completely understand that this is a possibility. However, men should begin to entertain the notion that when you agree to be in a committed relationship with her, you willingly gave up exercising those other options. It’s not rocket science…

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @bittersweet’s baby, do you really think men enter those conditions willingly? We don’t have a choice. We try, enter in good faith, then nature/nurture/whatever kicks in, we know we’re in love, AND HAPPY, but you would never understand the need so we try to move in silence to keep all parties happy.

          • Me fail english?

            @HabitualLineCrossa,

            more excuses, It’s not a “need”. It’s a strong desire. And ftr, yall can become less desirable to us over time as well. Sometimes we snagged a laidback “guy next door”. Doesnt mean we’re not still attracted to the aggressive alpha male type. Also doesnt mean we’ve lost our soft spot for the artistic guys.

            Doesnt mean we “need” to cheat on yall with them. We just exercise will power. Men can do this too.

          • Sula

            @Me Fail English,

            Doesnt mean we “need” to cheat on yall with them. We just exercise will power. Men can do this too.

            And I stay trying to explain this to folks. The urge to cheat is in all of us, it’s absolutely not friggin’ gender specific. If I can bloody restrain myself, you should be able to…

          • HabitualLineCrossa

            @Me fail english?, Sula

            have you ever felt this need as a man? no? stfu LOL!!! (love yall)

          • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

            @HabitualLineCrossa, but you would never understand the need so we try to move in silence to keep all parties happy.

            There are lots of men who don’t cheat tho… what about them?

          • Me fail english?

            @HabitualLineCrossa,

            lol! Ima punch you in the testes!

          • bittersweet’s baby

            @HabitualLineCrossa,

            C’mon!!! Seriously? Basically, it’s cuz you’re being greedy. (Since you mentioned food earlier.) It’s like eating multiple helpings of Thanksgiving dinner when you’ve barely digested the first. You ain’t hungry, but your eyes are bigger than your stomach. Don’t even taste same but ya still eatin’. Cuz it’s there. And you can.

            If you can’t control your peenie, then I don’t know what you can control. It ain’t unnatural to have urges…but it IS ridiculous to expect any vss to even entertain the foolishness contained in these sentiments about why it’s basically a moot point that should be accepted.

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @pgh muse,

          one word…misery.

    • AnonyMiss

      @cam1ll3, “and #33 the perpetual side piece…smdh. why deny that?! if that’s where you want to be, why not just go be there? why you wastin’ my time? can one of the vsb answer that for me?”

      I also don’t understand this and would like an explanation.

      • Deviant

        @AnonyMiss,

        I’ll say what one of my boys in that situation has told me: She’s a B chick for a reason. A full blown relationship wouldn’t work with her. He could only stand being with her part of the time and she had good pu$$y. In the past he tried to elevate her and it didn’t work so it evolved to what it is. She is like the backup QB to whatever starter chick he has in the game at the moment. Not my philosophy. I’ve reached a level of laziness in my old age that will not allow me to entertain more than one woman. Too much labor.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Deviant,

          She is like the backup QB to whatever starter chick he has in the game at the moment.

          lol, so basically she’s like charlie batch or jeff garcia (a great back-up to have on your team, but you never want them to be your starter. ever.)

          it makes sense now

          • Deviant

            @The Champ,

            exactly

        • Me fail english?

          @Deviant

          “I’ve reached a level of laziness in my old age that will not allow me to entertain more than one woman. Too much labor.”

          That’s the only thing that really confuses me about cheating. If the “other” person knows and plays their position fine. But otherwise, it seems like it just takes to much damn effort to juggle. How do you keep up on your sleep?

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @cam1ll3 & AnonyMiss, “and #33 the perpetual side piece…smdh. why deny that?! if that’s where you want to be, why not just go be there? why you wastin’ my time? can one of the vsb answer that for me?”

      Unless the dude is in denial, the Perp may have one or two EXTRAordinary talents that the dude just…can’t…shake, but not enough to wife. So he could be really trying to kick the habit a la #34.

    • http://blkbond.blogspot.com BlkBond

      @cam1ll3,

      There is a character flaw in that female that prevents her from being his girlfriend/mate. She will forever be the perpetual jumpoff/sidepiece because of this. She may have the best sex this side of the galaxy, but she may be “un” (uncouth, uneducated, unrefined, etc.). In his pursuit for a mate to build with, during moments of weakness/turmoil he may often revert back to this woman as a vice.

      Bond. BlkBond.

      • http://fromselahwithlove.blogspot.com Selah

        @BlkBond,

        but we’re talking about cheating, meaning she already is his “girlfriend/mate” … and if he’s unhappy with her “un” stuff, then why not just chuck up the deuces? Keep it the hayle moving and stop putting her at risk for lord knows what. lol

        • http://blkbond.blogspot.com BlkBond

          @Selah,

          I was referring to the female who is the eternal jumpoff, not the girlfriend. In his mind he is not putting her (the girlfriend) at risk, because he is only f*^king her (the jumpoff) and he has been ” ” (the jumpoff) for so long that he knows she does not have anything (evil laughter @ the man logic)

          I’m not saying it’s right….or that you gotta like it….but that’s what it is. You’re welcome.

          Bond. BlkBond.

          • http://fromselahwithlove.blogspot.com Selah

            @BlkBond,

            ahhhhhh. good lookin brutha. apparently I’m a tad bit slow on the uptake. it’s late. sue me. lol

      • http://jackgetsapack.blogspot.com/ Jackie

        @BlkBond,

        Can you elaborate on this? I might be that woman this year…

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Jackie,

          you’re the main chick or the perpetual side piece?

      • http://ecstaticfreshness.wordpress.com AkShone

        @BlkBond,

        Your word is bond, sir. Great and honest explanation.

  • HabitualLineCrossa

    Prevenge. He gonna do it to you before you do it to him.

    • http://kadebotehbeauty.blogspot.com KadeB

      @HabitualLineCrossa, LMBO! I gotta use that one…haha

    • http://fromselahwithlove.blogspot.com Selah

      @HabitualLineCrossa,

      lmao. that’s just some real disfunctional ish right there. smh.

    • MzKang

      @HabitualLineCrossa,

      LMBO! That is some ish people would do too.

    • RedPlum

      @HabitualLineCrossa,

      LOL @ “Prevenge”…this truly made me chuckle this morning!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @HabitualLineCrossa,

      lol, good one.

    • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

      @HabitualLineCrossa,

      “Prevenge.”

      Ok, adding this to my lexicon and sharing.

    • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

      @HabitualLineCrossa, “Prevenge.” If it’s not there, you need to run to urbandictionary.com and add it.

  • MzKang

    Hmph. Dealing with a cheater…been there, done that. These 35 excuses and any others can be left for the birds. All I need to hear is the sound of the door shutting behind him as he exits out of my life.

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @MzKang, I feel you and all, but bear with me. I can’t help myself. WHY is it such a deal breaker? Why is it the end all be all?

      • MzKang

        @HabitualLineCrossa,

        Haha. It wasn’t immediately in my past relationship. I gave him a chance…then again…then again. After dealing with that, I’m just not willing to deal with the drama and the emotions of going through that again. And plus I think I deserve somebody that wants to be with only me. Judge me if you wish.

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @MzKang, “And plus I think I deserve somebody that wants to be with only me. Judge me if you wish.”

          no judging, we all family. I hope that day comes, but until then, a margin of error gives the next man a real shot too LOL

          • MzKang

            @HabitualLineCrossa,

            That came across wrong in text, than how it sounded in my head. I don’t really think there is any judging. The VSB folk have all seemed like good people. Sorry for the misperception!

        • cam1ll3

          @MzKang,

          those situations test your character…you’ll either be stronger for the wear or you’ll end up on “snapped”. i’m good for now but if i have to go thru it again with dude, look for me…i’ll be the crazy haired broad holding a cast iron skillet in my mugshot.

          • MzKang

            @cam1ll3,

            LOL! Nah, ain’t no man worth me losing my life over. I believe that b*tch named Karma will take care of it for me and that right there makes me smile.

      • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

        @HabitualLineCrossa,
        coming out of retirement to answer this:

        its a deal breaker because when you (universal “you”) decided to commit to a person, you forfeited your right to exercise your options with other people. point.blank.period.

        love and commitment are about sacrifice and selflessness. if you feel its your right to f*ck everything that walks when your single, that is fine. you willingly sacrifice that right because you LOVE that person when you are in a real relationship.

        Love is a verb, not a noun. It it involves decisive clear action that may make you a little uncomfortable… but the happiness, security, joy and peace of the person you are with matter more to you than your right to do whatever you feel like doing or succumbing to temptation. If you can’t handle that, you have NO BUSINESS declaring your love to a person and ‘committing’ to them because you are not ready. plain and simple.

        moreover, stepping outside of a relationship where the STD status of each partner is known is playing Russian Roulette with their health.

        I hate to break it to you folks, but condoms (even when used perfectly every single time) are AT BEST 89% effective in preventing disease transmission. And certain diseases, such as HPV and herpes simplex are not always on areas where the condom is a barrier. So now you are literally gambling with the life and health of your partner. Explain to me how that is loving?

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @BlackBerry Molasses,

          I hate to break it to you folks, but condoms (even when used perfectly every single time) are AT BEST 89% effective in preventing disease transmission. And certain diseases, such as HPV and herpes simplex are not always on areas where the condom is a barrier

          way to be the turd in the punch bowl

          • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

            @The Champ,

            *takes a bow*

            you’re welcome. anything i can to help be the moistest of duvets.

        • http://stuffghettopeoplelike.wordpress.com Stuff Ghetto People Like

          @BlackBerry Molasses,

          Love is a verb, not a noun.

          Uh, sorry, it’s both.

          Sincerely,
          every dictionary that exists.

          • http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com BlackBerry Molasses

            @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

            That was the ONE thing you decided to pick over in this post?

            Ur slipping…

          • http://www.mysixcents.wordpress.com klysha

            @Stuff Ghetto People Like, In the context in which it’s applied here it’s a verb

          • http://blkbond.blogspot.com BlkBond

            @Stuff Ghetto People Like,

            LMAO…right…

            Bond.

        • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

          @BlackBerry Molasses, **APPLAUSE**

        • The One & True GEM… of the Ocean

          @BlackBerry Molasses,

          made some great point, bbmo. altho i disagree on the “love” piece. i think ppl can experience love for a person and still hurt them — be it by lying, cheating, abusing, mistreating, etc.

          i think the biggest misstep comes from choosing to COMMIT and then breaking the commitment by cheating. why bother with commitment if monogamy is so hard to deal with?

        • highfive

          @BlackBerry Molasses,
          You said it all. Think about how you affect the other person health wise, if not the other person…think of your own welfare.

          • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

            @highfive and Black Berry Molasses,
            I have a friend who has a friend who wouldn’t divorce after she found out her husband cheated, but did make him wear condoms forever more.

    • http://fromselahwithlove.blogspot.com Selah

      @MzKang,

      I haven’t been cheated on (to the best of my knowledge) but I feel like if it happens, I won’t be the chick to stay and work things out — I’ma just leave. … Wait…. Naw…. I take that back… I’d throw something at him first THEN I’d leave. lol :)

      • MzKang

        @Selah,

        That’s what I thought before it happened to me. I was so wrong, smh. Oh well, I lived, I learned, and I grew. Never again, never again.

        • cam1ll3

          @MzKang,
          cosign on that.