although i’ve never personally cheated on a mate, i’ve been friends and acquaintances with so many habitual cheaters that i consider myself to be a cheating maven.
i’ve been every alibi (“yeah kim, he was with me last wednesday night. he let me borrow his blender, and since he was there we watched the spurs game, did some blow, and fell asleep on my couch“), heard every story, and have had every possible guilty rationale volunteered to me (“i know i be doing my girl dirty, dog, but i’m anemic so i can’t help it.“)
basically, i’ve heard every single logical reason why a man might have cheated. some are mind-numbingly simple and concise while others are much more nuanced and layered than you would ever imagine
today, as another example of our commitment to fighting crime, i’m going to share all 35 of them.
before i continue, i want to state that i completely abhor cheating and cheaters, (i even distanced myself from a friend before because of this rationale: the way he dogged her out, i knew he couldn’t have had much respect for anybody, including me), and this list isn’t a justification as much as its an explanation for why a guy might decide to step out of the relationship and an answer to the stupidly ubiquitous “why do men cheat?¹” question.
1. he thinks being monogamous is unreasonable
some guys just don’t believe being faithful is even possible, so they don’t even try
2. he wanted to
sometimes, its really as simple as a guy saying to himself “you know, i’ve never cheated on my girl before. i think i will this weekend”
3. he needs the extra attention
there are some men who can’t function without women perpetually fawning over him, and fawning sometimes leads to forking
4. he’s not physically attracted to you anymore
it sucks to hear this, but sometimes it’s really as simple as “you gained too much weight in the past year“ or “that chimp attack really didn’t do you any favors”
5. he feels entitled to
“i cheat because i can because i am who i am”
6. he can’t say no to a woman
these are usually also the guys who have closets full of never worn clothes they bought just because the cute chick at the banana republic convinced him to open a credit line
7. he just happened to be horny at a time when she (the other chick) was around and you weren’t
*reason number 324 why long distance relationships usually don’t work*
8. he wants you to break up with him
because he doesn’t have the balls to do it himself
9. he got caught up in the heat of the moment
sometimes its not about anything other than the fact that he happened to be rocking some “long hours at the office intensely working on a project with a female co-worker” goggles and got caught up
10. you’re boring as hell in bed
*also known as “the halle berry”*
11. he needs to cheat to keep the relationship happy
this is a tricky one, because a guy does this with his woman’s long-term benefit in mind. he’s love and wants to be with her, but realizes that he’ll get frustrated with her if he doesn’t use another woman as an outlet
12. he thinks he can’t please you sexually
generally speaking, we’re (men) extremely neurotic about our sexual performance. if we feel like we’re not fulfilling your needs, we consider it to be a personal indictment on our manhood (or lack thereof). this neurosis can lead to us going outside of the relationship for the sexual ego boost
13. he doesnt respect you
basically, he treats you like sh*t because he doesn’t think you deserve any better
14. you didnt trust him
the pressure of you always thinking that he was going to cheat finally broke him
15. he was pursued and seduced
just think of something a movie character played by robin givens would do. most guys can put up the “no” fence, but its takes a special individual to stop a relentless she-devil. it’s like wearing a mask in a room full of people with h1n1
16. you’re the mother of his children
and he just doesn’t want to do freaky sexual things to someone who’s breast feeding his daughter
17. you let him do it before
so this really shouldn’t be a surprise
18. its his form of masturbation
although women think this is bullsh*t, for some guys, there’s no difference between sex with another chick and j*rking off to bootytalk 82.
19. you stopped having sex with him
duh!
20. he thinks his penis is his only positive attribute
basically, this is the guy who ties his entire self-worth on being able to get women off. its all he thinks he’s good at (and he might be right)
21. he always needs to win
some ultra competitive alpha male types can’t stand losing, ever. to him, he cheats because he wants to win every attractive girl he sees for himself just so that the other guys interested in her will lose
22. he needed to see if he’s still attractive to other women
although, admittedly, he could probably do this without actually sleeping with them
23. he found someone he likes more than you
shit happens
24. he was peer pressured into it
its rare, but there are guys who cheat just because everyone else in their peer group is doing it
25. you cheated on him
duh, again
26. he’s a nymphomaniac
while i’m sure hundreds of men have tried to use this as a cop-out, sex addictions do actually exist. they even have support groups and reality shows and sh8t
27. he’s a thrill seeker
to him, sex isn’t fulfilling unless he knows he’s doing something or someone he shouldn’t be doing
28. he was given an offer/opportunity he couldnt refuse
you only live once. how many other times will he have the opportunity to sleep with keri hilson?
29. he couldn’t choose between you and the other chick, so he just decided to have both
to him, doing this is no different than going to coldstone and saying “damn, i can’t choose between sweet cream and moose tracks. maybe i’ll just get both”
30. he’s intentionally self-destructive
he knowingly doesn’t sh*t to sabotage good around him, and he cant help it.
31. he wanted to hurt you to pay you back for something you did to him
remember this the next time you b*tch to him about putting down the toilet seat
32. he has more options now than he did when you first met each other
and he either can’t handle the extra attention, or thinks its time for an upgrade
33. he was with her before you two even met
i have a friend who has had the exact same sidechick in each of his last three relationships. honestly, this is one i don’t understand. i’m gonna have to get him on vsb one day to explain himself
34. he needed to get it out of his system before fully committing to you
another “sounds like bullsh*t” excuse that actually does occasionally ring true
35. he enjoys “getting over” on people
there exists people who would rather steal something than get it for free, and men who cheat on women just because he enjoys knowing that he knows something she doesn’t know.
so, people of vsb.com, do you agree that there can be various reasons why a man might step outside of his relationship, or do you think this list could have just stopped at “1. he’s a b*tch-ass n*gga. the end”?
the carpet is yours
¹you know, i’ve always hated being asked “why do men cheat?”, because the query itself has a way of implying four separate fallacies. a) all men cheat. b) cheating is a man-specific trait. c) men are monoliths who all cheat for the exact same reason d) jello
—the champ
lol..jello??? why is that a fallacy and should I be concerned? I am making a helluva lot of jello shots for a party tomorrow…and i don’t want any trouble!!!
@Ro,
Don’t you know? Everything goes better with Jello.*
*snickering*
*old commercial.
@Ro,
nothing about jello makes sense. yet, its always found somewhere and more people than you think enjoy doing it. basically, its just like cheating
@The Champ, why am I just now noticing jello in your footnote….LMAO!
and the sad part is I had already read the comment referencing jello….I was just thinking…”dang that’s pretty random”
jello doesn’t make much sense but it is pretty tasty…and a great way to make a shot of something go down really easy
@The Champ,
“more people than you think enjoy doing it” as in doing jello? ok forgive my slowness but what in the hell? Not even touching the how party but why? Why disgrace the gelatin goodness that is jello?!!! That’s just….just….unamerican!?!?
I t hink there are 34 bullshyt reasons that lead to the 1 real reason… which is.. He decided to do it because he wanted to.
regardless of how he to the the end…the final decision came down to he wanted to do it.
so he did
well ex cluding s.e.x addiction…for real addiction though not the eric benet kind
@shay_d_lady, “well ex cluding s.e.x addiction…for real addiction though not the eric benet kind”
*Takes out a notepad* How would you tell the difference?
@HabitualLineCrossa,
umm carrying on a seperate relationship with another chick does not a s.e.x addict make.
@shay_d_lady, understood. Sooo, what does?
@HabitualLineCrossa, actual addiction to s.e.x
@HabitualLineCrossa, any more questions and I have to refer you to the lifetime movie “Love Sick: the Secrets of a S.E.X. Addict”… LMAO
@shay_d_lady, writing that down…word.
@shay_d_lady, You’re being reductionist. Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.
@Scipio Africanus,
Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.
nodding head
@Scipio Africanus, You’re being reductionist. Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.
I know its one of the reasons listed which is why I am basically saying its the only one that was needed.
I am not pretending the nuance doesnt exist, I am saying I DONT CARE that the nuance exists. Whatever led you to be standing Dyck first in front of some open legs stops mattering the minute you enter .
At that moment you knowingly, willingly decided to do it. End of story for me.
Learn about your nuances with the next chick.
@shay_d_lady,
I love you for this comment chickie.
@shay_d_lady,
“Learn about your nuances with the next chick”
LMAO!!! Amen sista..amen
@shay_d_lady, Any person who would use anything on this list to justify his or her behavior to the person they cheated on is an idiot.
We’re not talking about what you’re supposed to tell your boo when you get caught out there. In that situation you quietly take your L and k.i.m. Any guy who’s been around the block once or twice knows that.
We’re in here actually and factually discussing the real why’s and how’s of this, not the what an emotionally-harmed and cheated-on person will and won’t want to hear. It’s called dispassionate and objective investigation – it can be fun!
@shay_d_lady,
“learn about your nuances with the next chick”
this message should be shown after every tyler perry movie trailer
@shay_d_lady,
not dyck first tho. *slayed*
@Scipio Africanus,
True. There’s no reason to pretend it doesnt exist but I think a healthy strategy more often than not (esp. if we’re talking about overly analytical, coddling ass women who try to play Dr. Phil with some aint shet ninja that aint never gon be shet but what he is) would be to ignore the nuance and just deal with the result. Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.
@Me fail english?,
Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.
i actually agree with this.
Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.
I’ll join the chorus on agreeing with that whole heartedly. Fantastic post, BTW.
@Me fail english?, Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.
exactly!
@shay_d_lady, That’s what I just said above and that’s exactly what we’re all doing here, which is why I don’t get your response to me. The way things are when you walk in the bedroom and see Tyrone giving your cousin Tamika a personal nether-regions inspection is not and should be be the way you go about discussing that very act here.
@Me fail english?,
Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much
Pretty much.
@Me fail english?, Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.
This is a very truthful statement.
@Me fail english?,
This is what I’m sayin’…Get-get-get it, girl!
Co-sign on your whole list! I grew up around a lot of guys – male cousins and close guy friends and have heard every excuse possible for cheating. Every single one of my guy friends has cheated and with chicks that were a major downgrade. This always puzzles me. I also get puzzled by women who blame themselves for their man cheating.
@Leila,
sometimes blaming yourself is just the first reaction…literally–i was like “what did i do wrong?” and then i replayed the entire relationship to see if i could find an occasion that would have sparked and/or justified dude tiptoeing thru someone else’s two lips. a halfway decent kat won’t let you think it’s all your fault. the greasy grimey crusty jackanape will.
@cam1ll3,
yep, I did the same.
@Leila,
I also get puzzled by women who blame themselves for their man cheating.
while you can’t necessarily drive someone to cheat, you can definitely open the door and put keys in the cheating ignition
good info…kinda sorta..some of it was like duh! the rest was like really ? wheretheydothatat? the rest…just random but informative nonetheless
@caramel eclair,
i dont know if i should thank you or be offended
@The Champ,
jello
@Me fail english?,
*dying*
I kinda wanna say this to whoever gives me the 3rd degree. Like,
Man: Um, where you at?!
Cheekie: Jello.
Cheating is a choice…
To unzip your pants, or
lift up your skirt and
fiddle between the legs
of someone other than your mate.
@bittersweet’s baby, “Cheating is a choice…” …so is eating.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
eating is a life sustaining necessity. cheating is not.
@N.I.A. lovesthekids….,
Exactly. And depending on the cheatee, it might help shorten your life.
@bittersweet’s baby, maybe he stepped out to preserve her life.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
What kind of “eating” are we talking? Cuz that ish is soooo not optional
@bittersweet’s baby,
Slept on it and those 35
ReasonsExcuses why he cheats still boil down one reason to me… a person made the choice to do so. If you think your mate is pushing you away somehow and you can’t work thru it, move on…It drives me crraaazzy to hear a chick sit around and justify why her dude cheated. Like it’s some sort of natural progression as you go thru ups n downs n all around…GTFOH (and find your self esteem on the way out.) How are you fallin’ for those jedi mind tricks and you’re 30, if a day??!@!??
@bittersweet’s baby,
Cheating is a choice…
To unzip your pants, or
lift up your skirt and
fiddle between the legs
of someone other than your mate.
this definitely reads like a poem i would have written in 2002
@The Champ,
If I were going for a poem, I could’ve probably done better in ’82. I actually wrote that as I said it to the screen at whateva wee hour I read this drivel. And since you all couldn’t hear the pregnant pauses, I tried to help out, k?
P.S. My mind got a lil befuddled by Excuse# 5 because it’s Just. Not. That. Complex.
@bittersweet’s baby,
fiddle between the legs
*tee hee*
You killed me with the Hallie Berry thing.
When THAT mess came out, ever male (and a few chicks) fell out (in a 600 mile radius.)
If you cheated is my favorite…Ive seen and known too many girls losing their minds, KNOWING they just did some dirt not even a month or 2 before!
That and the no sex bit…….. Those will forever be my “What the hell?” girls.
Because seriously, what are you doing with that man? Thats not a boyfriend, thats a roommate. A sad roommate, at that.
@LittleMissStrange,
That and the no sex bit…….. Those will forever be my “What the hell?” girls.
Because seriously, what are you doing with that man? Thats not a boyfriend, thats a roommate. A sad roommate, at that.
there’s no more frustrating feeling than sleeping next to a person every night who has stopped sleeping with you. shit’ll make someone pull their hair out
@LittleMissStrange,
“Because seriously, what are you doing with that man?”
I’ll never understand how you lay up next to some jank every night and don’t jump on it.
I don’t get it.
You really didn’t need 35 reasons. Reasons #2 and #13 would have sufficed.
Maybe have an entry for “Why men think they need so many reasons to justify cheating”.
@Ivyette,
You really didn’t need 35 reasons.
lol, they’re not “my” reasons.
@The Champ,
“lol, they’re not “my” reasons.”
Well, you’re the messenger. That’s good enough for me. Shots fired!
@Ivyette,
message deez
@The Champ,
message deez
LOL….when all else fails, a simple _____ deez will due.
@Ivyette,
cosigns that!
@Ivyette, uhhhh, where did he say it was “justified?”
No better subject illustrates how differently men and women are wired than cheating.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
@Ivyette, uhhhh, where did he say it was “justified?”
Ummm…he didn’t. That why I (you know, as in Ivyette) typed: “Maybe have an entry for “Why men think they need so many reasons to justify cheating”. It was a suggested topic.
“No better subject illustrates how differently men and women are wired than cheating.”
Yea, add reading comprehension to that too. (smile)
@Ivyette,
**edit**
Ummm…he didn’t. THAT’S why I
*darn that 5 nanoseconds edit feature*
none of the 35 reasons you listed seemed like bullfeces to me. in fact, they all make sense. i actually identify with #31 since that is how i think (you sendin’ freak texts to your so-called platonic bff? oh, that’s not what they are, huh…so her telling you she can’t wait until she can suck your bic is code for what, you LYING SUNUBBA–oh sorry). and #33 the perpetual side piece…smdh. why deny that?! if that’s where you want to be, why not just go be there? why you wastin’ my time? can one of the vsb answer that for me?
@cam1ll3,
I knew a guy, a long long, long long time ago, that would occasionally engage in behaviors that are similar to those being discussed. He has since um, found Hayzeus, and has never gone back to said activities.
Yall seen Baby Boy right? The scene where Yvette confronts Jody and asks about his cheating he responds:
“You my woman, and them other ho’s is tricks. I make love to you, I wanna be with you, but I f**k other females from time to time. I don’t know why, I just do it.”
That was his favorite scene in that movie. And I know he would have me ask, basically, why is it that women don’t make ANY room for the POSSIBILITY that a man can be in love with a woman and still step out?
@HabitualLineCrossa,
i don’t think that’s possible cuz if yhu loved her enough yhu’d think about how yhur actions rr gonna affect her. yhu’d think of her pbp right….i do, that’s yy i don’t cheat in relationships, but then again…that’s just me lol
&& i believe champs never cheating. guys act like not cheating is impossible, it’s not. && if that’s how yhu feel remain a toss && stop having gfs who yhur only going to hurt in the end.
@juanita Pistolas,
Aren’t relationships about compromise? Maybe she didn’t love him enough to consider what her expectations about s3x outside the relationship would do to him.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
I think women completely understand that this is a possibility. However, men should begin to entertain the notion that when you agree to be in a committed relationship with her, you willingly gave up exercising those other options. It’s not rocket science…
@bittersweet’s baby, do you really think men enter those conditions willingly? We don’t have a choice. We try, enter in good faith, then nature/nurture/whatever kicks in, we know we’re in love, AND HAPPY, but you would never understand the need so we try to move in silence to keep all parties happy.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
more excuses, It’s not a “need”. It’s a strong desire. And ftr, yall can become less desirable to us over time as well. Sometimes we snagged a laidback “guy next door”. Doesnt mean we’re not still attracted to the aggressive alpha male type. Also doesnt mean we’ve lost our soft spot for the artistic guys.
Doesnt mean we “need” to cheat on yall with them. We just exercise will power. Men can do this too.
@Me Fail English,
Doesnt mean we “need” to cheat on yall with them. We just exercise will power. Men can do this too.
And I stay trying to explain this to folks. The urge to cheat is in all of us, it’s absolutely not friggin’ gender specific. If I can bloody restrain myself, you should be able to…
@Me fail english?, Sula
have you ever felt this need as a man? no? stfu LOL!!! (love yall)
@HabitualLineCrossa, but you would never understand the need so we try to move in silence to keep all parties happy.
There are lots of men who don’t cheat tho… what about them?
@HabitualLineCrossa,
lol! Ima punch you in the testes!
@HabitualLineCrossa,
C’mon!!! Seriously? Basically, it’s cuz you’re being greedy. (Since you mentioned food earlier.) It’s like eating multiple helpings of Thanksgiving dinner when you’ve barely digested the first. You ain’t hungry, but your eyes are bigger than your stomach. Don’t even taste same but ya still eatin’. Cuz it’s there. And you can.
If you can’t control your peenie, then I don’t know what you can control. It ain’t unnatural to have urges…but it IS ridiculous to expect any vss to even entertain the foolishness contained in these sentiments about why it’s basically a moot point that should be accepted.
@pgh muse,
one word…misery.
@cam1ll3, “and #33 the perpetual side piece…smdh. why deny that?! if that’s where you want to be, why not just go be there? why you wastin’ my time? can one of the vsb answer that for me?”
I also don’t understand this and would like an explanation.
@AnonyMiss,
I’ll say what one of my boys in that situation has told me: She’s a B chick for a reason. A full blown relationship wouldn’t work with her. He could only stand being with her part of the time and she had good pu$$y. In the past he tried to elevate her and it didn’t work so it evolved to what it is. She is like the backup QB to whatever starter chick he has in the game at the moment. Not my philosophy. I’ve reached a level of laziness in my old age that will not allow me to entertain more than one woman. Too much labor.
@Deviant,
She is like the backup QB to whatever starter chick he has in the game at the moment.
lol, so basically she’s like charlie batch or jeff garcia (a great back-up to have on your team, but you never want them to be your starter. ever.)
it makes sense now
@The Champ,
exactly
@Deviant
“I’ve reached a level of laziness in my old age that will not allow me to entertain more than one woman. Too much labor.”
That’s the only thing that really confuses me about cheating. If the “other” person knows and plays their position fine. But otherwise, it seems like it just takes to much damn effort to juggle. How do you keep up on your sleep?
@cam1ll3 & AnonyMiss, “and #33 the perpetual side piece…smdh. why deny that?! if that’s where you want to be, why not just go be there? why you wastin’ my time? can one of the vsb answer that for me?”
Unless the dude is in denial, the Perp may have one or two EXTRAordinary talents that the dude just…can’t…shake, but not enough to wife. So he could be really trying to kick the habit a la #34.
@cam1ll3,
There is a character flaw in that female that prevents her from being his girlfriend/mate. She will forever be the perpetual jumpoff/sidepiece because of this. She may have the best sex this side of the galaxy, but she may be “un” (uncouth, uneducated, unrefined, etc.). In his pursuit for a mate to build with, during moments of weakness/turmoil he may often revert back to this woman as a vice.
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
but we’re talking about cheating, meaning she already is his “girlfriend/mate” … and if he’s unhappy with her “un” stuff, then why not just chuck up the deuces? Keep it the hayle moving and stop putting her at risk for lord knows what. lol
@Selah,
I was referring to the female who is the eternal jumpoff, not the girlfriend. In his mind he is not putting her (the girlfriend) at risk, because he is only f*^king her (the jumpoff) and he has been ” ” (the jumpoff) for so long that he knows she does not have anything (evil laughter @ the man logic)
I’m not saying it’s right….or that you gotta like it….but that’s what it is. You’re welcome.
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
ahhhhhh. good lookin brutha. apparently I’m a tad bit slow on the uptake. it’s late. sue me. lol
@BlkBond,
Can you elaborate on this? I might be that woman this year…
@Jackie,
you’re the main chick or the perpetual side piece?
@BlkBond,
Your word is bond, sir. Great and honest explanation.
Prevenge. He gonna do it to you before you do it to him.
@HabitualLineCrossa, LMBO! I gotta use that one…haha
@HabitualLineCrossa,
lmao. that’s just some real disfunctional ish right there. smh.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
LMBO! That is some ish people would do too.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
LOL @ “Prevenge”…this truly made me chuckle this morning!
@HabitualLineCrossa,
lol, good one.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
“Prevenge.”
Ok, adding this to my lexicon and sharing.
@HabitualLineCrossa, “Prevenge.” If it’s not there, you need to run to urbandictionary.com and add it.
Hmph. Dealing with a cheater…been there, done that. These 35 excuses and any others can be left for the birds. All I need to hear is the sound of the door shutting behind him as he exits out of my life.
@MzKang, I feel you and all, but bear with me. I can’t help myself. WHY is it such a deal breaker? Why is it the end all be all?
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Haha. It wasn’t immediately in my past relationship. I gave him a chance…then again…then again. After dealing with that, I’m just not willing to deal with the drama and the emotions of going through that again. And plus I think I deserve somebody that wants to be with only me. Judge me if you wish.
@MzKang, “And plus I think I deserve somebody that wants to be with only me. Judge me if you wish.”
no judging, we all family. I hope that day comes, but until then, a margin of error gives the next man a real shot too LOL
@HabitualLineCrossa,
That came across wrong in text, than how it sounded in my head. I don’t really think there is any judging. The VSB folk have all seemed like good people. Sorry for the misperception!
@MzKang,
those situations test your character…you’ll either be stronger for the wear or you’ll end up on “snapped”. i’m good for now but if i have to go thru it again with dude, look for me…i’ll be the crazy haired broad holding a cast iron skillet in my mugshot.
@cam1ll3,
LOL! Nah, ain’t no man worth me losing my life over. I believe that b*tch named Karma will take care of it for me and that right there makes me smile.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
coming out of retirement to answer this:
its a deal breaker because when you (universal “you”) decided to commit to a person, you forfeited your right to exercise your options with other people. point.blank.period.
love and commitment are about sacrifice and selflessness. if you feel its your right to f*ck everything that walks when your single, that is fine. you willingly sacrifice that right because you LOVE that person when you are in a real relationship.
Love is a verb, not a noun. It it involves decisive clear action that may make you a little uncomfortable… but the happiness, security, joy and peace of the person you are with matter more to you than your right to do whatever you feel like doing or succumbing to temptation. If you can’t handle that, you have NO BUSINESS declaring your love to a person and ‘committing’ to them because you are not ready. plain and simple.
moreover, stepping outside of a relationship where the STD status of each partner is known is playing Russian Roulette with their health.
I hate to break it to you folks, but condoms (even when used perfectly every single time) are AT BEST 89% effective in preventing disease transmission. And certain diseases, such as HPV and herpes simplex are not always on areas where the condom is a barrier. So now you are literally gambling with the life and health of your partner. Explain to me how that is loving?
@BlackBerry Molasses,
I hate to break it to you folks, but condoms (even when used perfectly every single time) are AT BEST 89% effective in preventing disease transmission. And certain diseases, such as HPV and herpes simplex are not always on areas where the condom is a barrier
way to be the turd in the punch bowl
@The Champ,
*takes a bow*
you’re welcome. anything i can to help be the moistest of duvets.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Love is a verb, not a noun.
Uh, sorry, it’s both.
Sincerely,
every dictionary that exists.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
That was the ONE thing you decided to pick over in this post?
Ur slipping…
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, In the context in which it’s applied here it’s a verb
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
LMAO…right…
Bond.
@BlackBerry Molasses, **APPLAUSE**
@BlackBerry Molasses,
made some great point, bbmo. altho i disagree on the “love” piece. i think ppl can experience love for a person and still hurt them — be it by lying, cheating, abusing, mistreating, etc.
i think the biggest misstep comes from choosing to COMMIT and then breaking the commitment by cheating. why bother with commitment if monogamy is so hard to deal with?
@BlackBerry Molasses,
You said it all. Think about how you affect the other person health wise, if not the other person…think of your own welfare.
@highfive and Black Berry Molasses,
I have a friend who has a friend who wouldn’t divorce after she found out her husband cheated, but did make him wear condoms forever more.
@MzKang,
I haven’t been cheated on (to the best of my knowledge) but I feel like if it happens, I won’t be the chick to stay and work things out — I’ma just leave. … Wait…. Naw…. I take that back… I’d throw something at him first THEN I’d leave. lol
@Selah,
That’s what I thought before it happened to me. I was so wrong, smh. Oh well, I lived, I learned, and I grew. Never again, never again.
@MzKang,
cosign on that.
Me and my boys got on this topic a few weeks back. My boy’s explanation for his cheating is exactly this: “Sh*t happens.”
So that’s around #2 or #5.
Or maybe it’s really all 35.
@P.,
That’s his explanation cuz he’s shiiteee…
@P.,
did i ever welcome you and sh*t?
4. he’s not physically attracted to you anymore
… “that chimp attack really didn’t do you any favors”
HILARIOUS, I’ve been cracking up about this for the past 5 minutes. Your reasons are sound. Except, the I was seduced-Bullshit. You chose to let that bitch touch you and proceed from there. She didn’t overpower you.
@Manny, You seen Love Jones right? Isaiah Thomas character talk about when man gets hard (known to happen when getting seduced), blood flow come from his brain and legs/feet…meaning he stupid/not thinking clearly, and he can’t run.
That makes sense to me.
Damn, how do I remember this sh!t…
@HabitualLineCrossa,
cuz it was a really corny line. Followed by some random dancing/shaking by the lady with the dreads. Quite the memorable moments. lol
@Selah, “cuz it was a really corny line.” -the hate. lol
That line made sense damn it. Lord I hope its true, possible #36?…We’re SUPPOSED to. God MADE us this way.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
LOL @ “the hate” ….. i mean, i never said it didn’t make sense, I just said it was corny.
I’d like to see how that goes over in your next relationship — “God made me this way, ergo God made me do it!” hahahaah
@HabitualLineCrossa,
I love you like cooked food, but why do I feel like you’re the Johnny Cochran of cheating…
…except the version that doesn’t win the cases.
@Me fail english?,
You took the words right out of my mouth, lol….Sensei HabitualLineCrossa sounds like he wrote the book…
@Me fail english?, “…except the version that doesn’t win the cases.” lol
would need a jury of my PEERS dear Lol. I just don’t think there is a more polarizing topic than this one between the sexes.
women only seem to agree to it when they do it too. its almost like yall feel its a betrayal to all women everywhere to concede that
mostsome men honestly don’t share your perspective on infidelity. and not because they no sh!t ninjas either.@Smiley Face
i’m really not as bad as i may come across. just like exploring ideas.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
that was tongue-in-cheek, lol
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Haha. We’re your peers too. This aint the Jim Crow South deciding on Emmitt Till’s murder. Everybody aint gonna look like you!
@Manny,
Except, the I was seduced-Bullshit. You chose to let that bitch touch you and proceed from there. She didn’t overpower you.
just because you allow it to happen doesnt mean that you couldnt have been bamboozled and sh*t
Damn…5 & 21 kinda hit home. I’ve come along way…good list fam. This list is the truth; we just need to begin a dialogue and actions on how to address all of the enumerated items as they happen in a relationship setting. Problem is when people begin criticizing the list before they even try to understand it, thus the cycle will continue…
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
the only way a dialogue can truly begin is to open our minds to whether or not monogomy is possible. it is–this we know. however…everybody ain’t built for it. when everyone can wrap their mind around that, this won’t be as heated a discussion…this is not to say that the deceit of cheating hurts any less, but taking time to understand it allows you to see beyond your emotion and look at the bigger picture , which is “is this bama worth the work or not?” sometimes he/she is. sometimes the muthackufr ain’t.
@BlkBond,
Problem is when people begin criticizing the list before they even try to understand it, thus the cycle will continue…
thats the million dollar question right there: is it worth even finding out why? does/should it matter
@The Champ, no. women should stop trying to hold men to a standard they most likely cannot live up to. offer a get outta jail free card once a month, and if he doesn’t use it…it rolls over into the next. we’d all be much happier.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
??
@highfive, jus saying women would find themselves happier if they allowed a man to go on autopilot once a month and get his “practice” on. he’s merely answering a natural urge. denying him this is denying him happiness. and if he doesn’t take advantage this month, then like at&t, the option gets rolled over to the next month. everything in moderation lol.
Once again habitual ???? I’ll take it that you are trying to be funny with the comment.
Eventually one of those months he will return with some package for me, be it an innocent baby or a disease.
@highfive, you could be there to monitor the activity…simple solution?
@The Champ,
I think it is worth finding out because then the problem can (possibly) be isolated, addressed, and resolved which can save the relationship and change that person for the better.
However, if people don’t care, then it doesn’t matter if it takes place altogether then does it…
Bond.
@BlkBond,
“Problem is when people begin criticizing the list before they even try to understand it, thus the cycle will continue…”
Agreed to an extent. One party’s reluctance to hear out the other’s explanation (esp. when it’s smthg that concerns him and his emotions) can lead to huge breakdown in communication that gives life to infidelity.
But I think what the ladies are getting at in their criticisms is that at the core of these 35 there are only like three theme issues we’re interested in addressing:
-lack of communication
-lack of compromise
-respect for the integrity of our “union”
Today you’re cheating cuz I’m fat and you like to bone thin women. But you could’ve just as easily left my big ass. Let’s skip the superficial and temporary (weight issue) and get down to the more likely fundamental, recurring thing (you’d rather cheat than tell me to lose weight or leave me).
@Me fail english?,
Agreed to an extent also. I will show you how these three issues cannot be easily addressed through real world examples and logic, I will await your response:
1. Lack of communication: Someone close to me has been dating a woman for 10+ years. He cheats on her constantly. Why? Her weight is a issue. She does not look like she looked when they began dating. Forget all of the “blah” that you’re emotions are telling you to ask (does he look the same?, “of course she’s going to gain weight..”, etc.). He tried to talk to her about her weight, but it’s such a touchy subject, she usually breaks down into tears or runs from the room, house, etc. whenever he tries to engage her. The cheating will continue.
2. Lack of Compromise: I have a friend who likes to f*&k his women in the mouth. HARD. He is a reformed thug, so he is used to dealing with a certain ‘type’ of women. He is reformed, so that aspect of his life no longer places him in contact with these type of women and he no longer as any attraction to them also. His girl does not allow him to do this to her, because she believes this particular part of chex is disrespectful. (Throw out your judgmental thoughts about chexual perversions you prudes, lol) Thus…the cheating will continue.
3. Respect for our ‘union: first and foremost, all cheating is not about ‘you’, ‘him’, or ‘us/the two of you’. Sometimes there are just whores (kanye shrugs). Sometimes there are people who keep expressing their need to be f&*ked, and you just happen to be there with what they need. It happens.
Bond.
@BlkBond,
she usually breaks down into tears or runs from the room, .
This image is amusing to me. I can’t help it.
I have a friend who likes to f*&k his women in the mouth. HARD. .
Ummm wow. My mouth dropped….I quickly closed it in fear of getting f*&ked in the mouth HARD.
Ummm you say he is a reformed thug??? Did he spend time in jail? And if so, did this mouth f*ckery begin before or after? I’m not saying……but I’m saying…..
@BlkBond,
Re: your #3. That in itself is an issue that needs to be addressed. The fact that you think that something that could throw me into an emo tailspin has nothing to do with me.
#2 is in quagmire. Glad I’m not in their spot.
But to your whole comment, I never said anything was going to be “easily addressed”. Since when are any rel’ships (parents, colleagues, friends, etc.) easy?
But if your friend with the big girl or any other cheating couple wants to “work it out” these are the things (my list of three) that need to be addressed DIRECTLY.
Eg. Why can’t your mouth-boning friend let his girl know “if I cant eff you in your mouth, Im not sure I can be faithful”? NOBODY wants to be part of that convo. And he may very well lose the best thing to ever happen to him. Not easy at all. But supposing he gets caught and she asks the “why” question, answers like “I just like to bang uvulas” will most likely piss her off more.
@Me fail english?,
““I just like to bang uvulas”
I’m gonna kick your arse for making me laugh like this.
Dayum!!!
____________________
@Me fail english?,
If it sends you into an emotional tailspin, the tailspin is a result or reaction from a condition that was created (cheating). The condition may or may NOT be a result from a variable (you). Thus, to believe so is flawed.
I gave you an example how a man tried to address the issue directly (my friend with the big girl), but there is still an issue (her with herself) thus, cheating will still exist. next?
Again, read the post. My friend with the perversion brought it to his girl’s attention, but she believes it is disrespectful, nasty, etc. next?
So what now? how should ‘men’ solve all of these problems we have, if there are women out there who (1st) don’t want to acknowledge the issue, (2nd) believe the issue rests on the man?
the saga continues….
Bond.
@Me fail english?,
For all the fancy language you dress it in, your first point still makes no sense. Whether his cheating was because of me or not I am STILL affected by it. Meaning cheating never “has nothing to do with the woman”.
#2 You said he brought his preference to her attn. Not that he said that plus what the consequence would be. If he’s not expressing the gravity of the situation they are NOT having completely open communication.
Finally, these examples don’t matter. Maybe you failed to catch it in my first post, but I’m not Dr. Phil tryna solve your friends’ marital strife. My point was the reason women don’t wanna hear these 35 reasons is because for most of those listed there are a handful of recurring themes that if addressed properly (whether that means breaking up, compromising, etc.) would put an end to like 30 of the reasons.
Now go ahead and give me like 15 more scenarios of your boy who has to cheat because his girl won’t cook dinner.
@Me fail english?,
In response to you last comment:
If he bought it to her attention: it is a problem. Must he give her the possible result if it is not addressed also? This should be where common sense kicks in.
My point makes perfect sense: cheating does not always have to do with the woman, that was the point. If you can’t see that and if other women can’t see that, then it’s understandable why some women can’t seem to get why the man is doing his thing in the first place.
Finally, you’re right…(laughs) they don’t matter, cause their girls like millions of other women in the world don’t know a damn thing about a man, LOL… sometimes I forget that, and actuall believe that some want to learn, but nevertheless, it doesn’t take long for reality to bring me back, lol, carry on (hysterical laughter)
I don’t have to give you 15 reasons, I’ll give you 1: P*&^y feels good. POW!
Bond.
@Bond,
Yes, knowing the weight of an issue and what takes (sex, appearance, etc.) precedence in any given rel’ship IS NOT always common sense. If common sense were more common you wouldn’t need me to tell you that.
My bad I forgot how many men forget to put on their thinking caps and use reading comprehension to respond to posts in favor of half-witted attempts at dry humor and sarcasm.
I guess I should insert “hysterical laughter” here???
@BlkBond,
Seems like lack of compromise is the problem in all of those cases.
The woman with the weight problem won’t compromise and discuss and exercise program. The man won’t compromise and admit that beauty is the most fleeting of all positive attributes.
The dude who likes mouth sex won’t compromise and admit that women of a different caliber have different ideas about what is acceptable in sex and admit that he chose a woman of a certain caliber for a reason.
His chick won’t compromise on her standards and consider the idea that a man’s actions outside of the bedroom say as much about his respect for you as his actions inside of it. So, if he’s respectful of her in all other situations, his sexual preferences are probably just what gets him off.
@Me fail english?, me not gon sit here and defend all men. some just ain’t no good. but where is the compromise you speak of? I’d like the ability to step out and practice to my hearts content. you say no…none. so i say compromise…1 a month? u still say none. i say just some head. u say none. there is no compromise.
communication…yall love to hold ish against us. yeah i said your girl was foine, now we living in hell for answering your question. and if i said she wasn’t, you’d say i was lying anyways.
as for broaching the topic of weight. we’re up sh!t creek on that one. women wanna make men feel guilty and use it against them for bringing it up.
did it ever occur we might truly love you and want to be with you, just might not be capable of living up to those terms…just a thought.
and let a man come home talking about he been having feelings of messing with some chick. i’ma go ahead a pour a lil out for that dude right now…cos he either just effed his happiness, and/or that relationship is over.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
On compromise…
Sometimes it means simply letting the other person win. Not always a 50/50 thing. Por ejemplo, I’m not allowed to use any tvs or PCs in my bf’s house on Sundays because football and fantasy football. I can watch with him or leave. The compromise is that I let him get his way so he’ll give me some leeway on my BS.
On communication..
LOL! Who’s we? I dont stay mad past a day. Two days if it’s really bad. Men need to man up and stop actin all nervous and shet. If you cant be honest with your partner without fear of retribution or catching hellfire then she needs to be told about her issues. You do yourself no favors ignoring the “crazy”.
Rel’ships are like shoes. You gotta break em in. When you’re not doing your due diligence of honestly communicating you’re doomed to failure.
@Me fail english?, and every woman is the exception to the rule.
me thought compromise was give and take, a happy medium. what you are talking about imo is sacrifice…one that WE have to make.
its a delicate balancing act between honest communication and happiness. they are unfortunately mutually exclusive in most relationships.
you are right about not doing yourself any favors. i get cussed at a couple times a week. *kanye shrug* i live. i am not above telling someone to go to the other room to finish crying. Tears
are satanic efforts at manipulationdon’t always warrant coddling imo.honest communication to most women is synonymous with telling them what they want to hear/agree with. i’m too grown for that.
@Habitual,
No. Apparently every woman is some cackling stereotype that men who watch too much Roseanne create on slow work days. And yes in allowing him to tell me “You can watch this game or bounce” and actually complying with that wish, WE have decided that’s the way our rel’ship works. Quid pro quo.
Sacrifice is PART of compromise. Let’s not split hairs.
You’re right about the delicate balance that does not happen in most rel’ships. Which is why most rel’ships don’t work out. That sounds like an argument FOR being more honest and less sneaky to me.
P.S. Neither of us took a poll, but there is a significant portion of ppl that just want to know how to make their rel’ship work better. That’s why ppl want honest communication. Now if ppl are too stubborn/unreceptive to listen and adjust appropriately (whatever that may be) you have a bigger problem than a fat spouse.
@Me fail english?, u are right, i believe in honesty too. my problem is tact. i’m just saying that women don’t make it easy and most guys just say eff it because the women never listen, nor are they ever wrong.
on a more serious note, i never thought that women would find the idea of men stepping out…palatable in the least sense of the word. but to at least, entertain the idea in theory… but thats not an option either. you talk about people being stubborn/unreceptive to listen and adjust appropriately…from where you’re sitting thats me, and from over here thats you.
is it possible to truly love someone and step out? yes. is it a comfortable thought? i’m sure its not. but its a truth that is never given the time of day. so in coming up with a solution, may we at least begin by acknowledging that some/most men seem to have a problem with monogamy. whether nature or nuture, it is still a problem regardless. it doesn’t seem to be going away from the guys end, and it doesn’t look like women are going to budge either = the cycle will continue ad infinitum.
I was 19 and engaged and cheated on..at the time i really needed to know why (chick was a ho…tatted up 3 kids 2 baby daddies…trying to reform) all dude said was just because…just because… that wasn’t good enuff for me back then. suffices just fine now if it were to happen again”kanye shrug” you win some you lose some…it all worked out for the best ! i was unhappy anyway but couldn’t lose to a skank wasted my time doing petty shid…”ahh to be young and foolish and carrying a 9mm…nuff said …
@caramel eclair,
ahh to be young and foolish and carrying a 9mm
i think this is the title of fredro starr’s first solo album
Very interesting.
My cousin told his girlfriend that he cheats because she doesn’t give him what he wants, when he wants it. Then, had the nerve to tell her that she couldn’t do the ish he does because it would ‘taint the image I have of you’! Isn’t that the biggest crock of foolishness ever? Plus, he had the nerve to act an arse when she left him.
I will never understand this.
P.S-She’s back with him now…three kids in.
@Kijuana, “Then, had the nerve to tell her that she couldn’t do the ish he does because it would ‘taint the image I have of you’! Isn’t that the biggest crock of foolishness ever?”
actually no. sometimes outsourcing is best for all parties concerned.
esp depending on the level of depravity you are on. Not that I would know anything about that.@Kijuana,
now, that pisses me off–that dumba$$ double standard dudes have: “i can fling the ding ding everywhere i like but you will not share my jay jay with anyone. thanks.” madness, i say!!
@cam1ll3, meet Stuff Ghetto People Like: a man that doesn’t think that way. Because if I do my thing with other people, it’s only right that she does too. Tryna do otherwise is like being that douchebag that blocks their own number but doesn’t accept blocked calls.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
meet: Planet Earth
There is NO shortage of hypocritical men who will cheat and say to their woman “But you don’t get ya man back like THAT!”
Word Jay-Z, Ne-Yo and GFK
sidebar: champ you usually do a veery good with the pics as relating to the topic i have to say i was disappointed with this pic was expecting a pic of elin and tiger….and before you say disappoint deez…i’m sure deez are disappointing…. Pow! ….i’m bored at wrk census is low **shrugs shoulders**
@caramel eclair,
i actually liked the pic… the dude is looking super shifty… and she’s looking at him like “I know you done did something, I’m just waiting for the right time to hop yo’ head!” lol
@Selah,
“I know you done did something, I’m just waiting for the right time to hop yo’ head!”
I’m sorry, I read “hop ‘yo head” and thought something totally different. LOL. Please continue.
@caramel eclair,
lmao!!
:shots fired:
@caramel eclair, Did the champ just get owned???? damn that must of hurt!
@caramel eclair,
shrug deez
@caramel eclair,
lmfao @ you dissing Champ in the future before he even has a comeback.
@Cheekie,
A good application of “prevenge”.
Hilarious, thank you Champ. No 4 and no 32 just kill me…SMH!
But err seriously?! U’ve never cheated? Ever?
But yeah all 32 reasons are on point, men cheat for various reaosns. Women, well we more complex than all that, but we do our fair share of stepping out too, we just smart enough not to get caught
@mateosmuse
I’ve never cheated either (what do i win?). And I know several guys who haven’t (I purposely didn’t say “never will”). Anyway, I think the main problem, or my problem at least, is that we all want an extremely principled person to be our spouse, but want a fun, unpredictable person with tons of sex appeal to be our lifelong companion. So far, I haven’t found that combo in one person. Maybe I never will. But a woman will know when I figured out she ain’t the one. In my
simplemind, someone better’s around the corner so there’s no need to hold onto something that’s incomplete.@An Island,
Oops. Meant to strike “simple” only. It’s Friday, I’m over it.
@An Island,
Saturday* you’re waaaay over it.
@mateosmuse,
Yeah guys make up for that by just assuming all women cheat anyway. Its part of the excuse pattern for when you’re cheating.
“I mean who knows what she doing when I’m at work anyway right?”
@mateosmuse,
“we just smart enough not to get caught”
Honestly, I don’t think that’s really true (maybe, in certain situations), but it’s easier for women to cheat. The reason I say this, is because generally cheating revolves around sex (at least for men) and as long as we are getting that from a woman that is cheating on her man, we’ll pretty much cater to your schedule because we know what it is. That’s not always the case when it’s the opposite situation (man cheating on his woman).
There are exceptions to every rule, but if you really could gather the data on circumsatnces of cheating between men and women; I’d bet Tiger Woods’ lawyers overtime pay that it was easier for the women to cheat than the men.
@mateosmuse,
But err seriously?! U’ve never cheated? Ever?
nah. to me, its really not that difficult to not cheat, or just break up with someone if you get a strong inclination to want to cheat
@The Champ, what about
the crock of BS otherwise known asan emotional affair?@HabitualLineCrossa,
the emotional affair was actually the subject of the first ever entry on vsb
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/emotional-cheating-the-ultimate-oxymoron-2/
@The Champ, dang…where was i for that?! either way, was asking if you had ever engaged in an activity that could be regarded as emotional cheating.
since i wasn’t here for that i’ll chime in now. the concept of an emotional affair imo was bred by an insecure woman that didn’t want her man to leave her crazy ass. ok i’m done.
@The Champ,
Now this, I actually disagree on. I do believe emotional affairs exists; actually more commonly than physical affairs and what’s worst is that they are permitted. We (men) only consider cheating to be physical (sex) because we have been taught to place so much value in chastity.
If you look at the history of courting/relationships/marriage, it is reflective in the historical perspective of how men view virginity as some sort of premium for who the woman is; they derive their value for her based on how chaste she is (or is not), completely ignoring other aspects of her as a person: notably her mind & personality.
With that said, women are stimulated by what they hear and how it makes them feel. All processed by the head & heart. Thus, a woman who may have a boyfriend who lives out of town, or is only physically appealing, etc. will seek out her “thrill” elsewhere.
She will engage men who have the mental capacity & emotional fortitude to stimulate her needs while (usually) maintaining her physical self for her partner. She is cheating emotionally…far as I’m concerned, it’s all the same.
Bond.
@Bond,
Thank you. Men will wake up when they realize a difference in the level of respect, attention, compromise and loyalty they get from their wife “pre” emotional affair and “post” emo affair.
@ Bond…yes yes yes!!!
@The Champ, It really is that simple but people are just so selfish.
Kudos to you for not cheating, there is something to be said about that level of discipline.
@The Champ,
its really not that difficult to not cheat, or just break up with someone if you get a strong inclination to want to cheat
Definitely agree!! It is so much harder to cheat, and get away with it, than to not cheat or break up!!
@N.I.A. naturally,
Back in the real world, this is false.
@Dorian G.,
Is it really hard to not cheat or break up? It would seem to me it would be harder to to continue lying to your SO. but I have morals, integrity & shyt, so what do I know… lol!
@N.I.A. naturally,
Yes it is. You’re completely oversimplifying the situation. Removing the fallacy that is the “emotional cheating”, cheating is purely a physical/sexual act. Are you saying that relationships are purely physical/sexual institutions? If you’re ready to acknowledge that most relationships are deeper than the physical and include the emotional/spiritual/and lets be honest (mental) intertwining of 2 people, then you can see why saying “well you should just end this if you’re going to do this physical deception” is not even remotely plausible or realistic.
@Dorian G.,
this just made my head explode
@Dorian G.,
@Dorian G.,
Come on now. Cheating can be anything you can’t do in front of yuor partner. My man spending every night on the phone, going on trips, buying gifts for some broad NOT named MeFail? CHEATING!
@The Champ,
Sorry I’m in work mode.
Alright if you just trying to beat something else, it has nothing to do with how you feel about your other half. Would you break up with the mother of your kids, your soul supporter and all that just because you have the inclination to cheat? Of course not.
So once we cross that hurdle that breaking up is stupid, then the next question is how do you force yourself to not cheat. Sometimes the answer is you can’t and you just hope to do your dirt very temporarily (most people say its only once or twice) and then go back to your life you are building with the SO.
@Me Fail English?,
I couldn’t disagree more with this definition. There are tons of things I’m sure people do in relationships that they would rather their SO not know.
Also in your example thats an outlier IMO. If you got the type of man that will fly chicks on vacation, buying gifts and whatnot and NOT smashing then you just got a simp and you have deeper problems than him being faithful.
@Dorian G.,
Not cheating is a choice you make because you love your SO. period. I think all men, like all women, are perfectly capable of making this choice.
Love, which is an action verb not some state that you fall into by the way, is also a choice that you make every day that you’re with a person. To love someone is to choose to not intentionally do things that you know will hurt them.
@Me fail english?, you sound like the woman that thinks watching pron is cheating.
@Dorian G.,
The examples are just that: examples. Things you’d “rather not do in front of a mate” is different from things you KNOW you can’t do without getting dumped/beat, etc. You can equivocate about it if you’d like.
@Stuff,
How did you gather that? Who cant let their partner know they watch pron
@Dorian G., If you’re ready to acknowledge that most relationships are deeper than the physical and include the emotional/spiritual/and lets be honest (mental) intertwining of 2 people, then you can see why saying “well you should just end this if you’re going to do this physical deception” is not even remotely plausible or realistic.
I think that this is VERY true – which leads me to the question, Why risk destroying this bond by having a purely physical relationship with someone else? Sure she may have a big a$$ and biddies, but this shows why cheating is such a selfish act. The risks of an std, outside pregnancy – all that are great. Why is it worth the risk?
@ Selah
You right lol! she is looking at dude like I know this negro has done some low down dirty shifty shid…i guess i was all caught up in the hooplah surrounding tiger and his balls…
Did Eric Benet really say that Hallie Berry was boring in bed? I don’t know about him but I would just have to be bored and get mine! I don’t think I remember him saying that!
@Just X,
it would get old to you too. No one likes a dead fish no matter how she looks.
@Deviant,
EPIC CO-SIGN!
@Deviant,
Word. What’s the use in having a beautiful Ferrari that you can’t drive…that’s just visual art in your garage.
@AkShone,
good analogy
@AkShone,
Damn good analogy indeed.
@AkShone,
But can’t you just Coach the Ferrari? If I had a Honda that aint drive, I’d cut my losses.
But if was Lambo Gallardo Spyder type ish??? Hmmm
@Me fail english?, gotta love that woman perspective. You’d be surprised how little of a fluck some give, how little passion and enthusiasm they have, or how untrainable they are when it comes to sex and cooking and other matters. Some people really are just trophies for the shelf.
@Deviant, Now that i think about it you’re right!!!
“do you think this list could have just stopped at “1. he’s a b*tch-ass n*gga. the end”? ”
Exactly. I totally think you could have saved some space on this one.
All of these reasons just sound pitiful.
@miss t-lee,
lol, so basically the post is a waste of bandwidth?
@The Champ,
I’m not gonna go that far and say that. I’m sure you’re helping some enterprising young chap get his excuses ready…lol
Some kats out there need some help.
@miss t-lee,
T-lee, what up? I heard that ATX is getting hit pretty hard with the snow. We are getting some now but whatever is hitting y’all should be headed our way soon.
@ComicBookGuy,
Nah in my neck of the woods…just peeped out the window…not a thang. My BFF is down where you are and said she hasn’t seen anything just yet…lol
Stay safe, you know them folks don’t know nothing about driving in the snow.
@miss t-lee,
It’s been coming down pretty hard this a-way.
@Sula,
Actually it just started here, I just got back inside from taking pictures out in the snow with my co-workers…lol
*our colleagues who are in town from Ohio were laughing hysterically at us.
@ComicBookGuy, Happy Founder’s Day!
@Caballeroso,
Happy 103 to you, too, bruh. Perfect day for Founder’s Day in Houston, dontcha think?
@ComicBookGuy,
Fa Sho!
I think all of these are probably thoughts that have gone through a cheater’s mind before, during and after cheating (good list champ). Still, cheating is bad business because you said you wouldn’t and if you do, you are not a person of your word. I would probably try to save the marriage the first time BUT I am taking out every window and tire (including the spare) on your shit to vent my anger and I dare your punk @$$ to call the police. In the case of Tiger and the ever-increasing number, there’d be no way to rebuild trust with him (for me). In my mind, he’s clearly a serial cheater and a bad judge of character. The disrespect of poor jumpoff selection adds insult to injury. At the end of the day, if monogamy ain’t for you, don’t put yourself in a monogamous situation or get out of it when you realize it.
@Rapture,
I would probably try to save the marriage the first time BUT I am taking out every window and tire (including the spare) on your shit to vent my anger and I dare your punk @$$ to call the police
see, something like that wouldnt work. you either have to forgive him (which, to be honest, i probably wouldnt recommend) or just bounce. f*cking him up and staying wouldnt make things any better
@The Champ,
“you either have to forgive him…or just bounce.”
Much easier said than done. Forgiveness is sometimes a tricky process, and bouncing can be trickier when kids, vows, and assets are involved.
@The Champ,
Nikiloveli is right, easier said than done. Besides, I wish a mofo who has broken his vow to me would lecture me about hurting his car when he has hurt me, our relationship and children if there are any…
I know one of the main man-laws is to deny everything but can one of my vsb’s explain “why”?
I caught my guy cheating (living a double life actually) and when I gave him a chance to come clean with me…even with all the evidence I had – he would not admit a thing. Why is it when some guys are caught they wont just fess up? Is it pointless for them to let it all out once they’re exposed?
@RedPlum,
As long as someone picks a story and sticks to it, no matter how much evidence you may have of your case, unless you actually were there and caught the person in the act, there will always be doubt. Perhaps someone was setting him up. Perhaps it is a serious case of misunderstanding driven by your suspicions. Perhaps something else. You don’t need to present any alternative explanations (unless you’re in court), just maintain your innocence.
@kamakula,
Wow. Interesting. Thanks for enlightening me
@RedPlum,
Would it have mattered?
@RedPlum,
My question to you RedPlum is this: why did you need him to fess up for? You had all the evidence and whatever decision you needed to make you should have been able to make based on the evidence, right?
So if you were waiting for his “confessions” to act on it, then it only made sense that he withheld them. If the confessions are just a way fo you to “cristalize” the cheating, I would be him I would have kept denying too… Just being practical.
@Sula,
C/S a hunnid million percent
@Sula, I presume it’s more about having closure. That seems to be big for a lot of ladies.
@Caballeroso & Sula,
You’re right Caballeroso…i just really wanted that closure. It would not have made a difference in my decision to move on immediately but to the extent he went to, to lie and deceive me i just wanted a reason as to “why”
@Sula, my e-twin is brilliant and wise in the ways of the menfolk…
There’s only one real reason people cheat… because they want to cheat. Sure, there are probable 100 reasons people give to justify it, but it’s all just BS. Just leave the relationship. It’s obvious you don’t care about the other individual, so just let them go…
And, with a few of those reasons, the cheater could rectify the situation with the SO instead of stepping out. Like, if the SO is boring is bed, why not introduce some new position or sects game into the relationship instead of cheating. That makes more sense to me.
@N.I.A. lovesthekids….,
A new position they’ve made clear many many times they will not try? A game that’s the “devil”. Maybe you should just end the relationship if you’re at the point of cheating.
@kamakula,
I agree!! If you try to make the relationship work, and you’re not being met half-way, then cut your losses. Now, it’s not that easy to cut your losses if you’re married. But if it’s really bad and negatively affecting the marriage, then get out.
@N.I.A. naturally, “But if it’s really bad and negatively affecting the marriage, then get out.”
or have an open one.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
yeah, apparently some open marriages work… Personally, I wouldn’t waste my time, nor my parents money money on an open marriage. A person can be open while they’re single. They can be really, really open if they so choose. But, to each his own….
@N.I.A. lovesthekids….,
There’s only one real reason people cheat… because they want to cheat.
and this entry breaks down each reason why someone would want to cheat. i guess i look at cheating like murder. all murder is wrong, but people murder for different reasons, and some murder (2nd degree manslaughter?) might not be as wrong as other murders (1st degree murder)
@The Champ,
“and this entry breaks down each reason why someone would want to cheat. i guess i look at cheating like murder. all murder is wrong, but people murder for different reasons, and some murder (2nd degree manslaughter?) might not be as wrong as other murders (1st degree murder)”
Truth
@The Champ,
I get the entry. And I understand #25 more than you know. I just wish more people were honest with themselves, then perhaps they could be honest with others. Stay single, don’t get married, break-up with your gf/bf, get a divorce. We find all the reasons in the world to justify something we enjoy doing so we won’t feel bad about doing it. Ultra religious folk are really good at this….
I give props to BlkBond for speaking that real deal. It may not be pretty but it is the truth. Good list as well I’ve identified a few of my justifications on there. To be honest I’ve only been in 3 relationships and it wasn’t until the last 2 I cheated. I cheated on the 3rd with the the previous chick. Men cheat because we can period nuff said. Women know we have a g/f and 70% of the time don’t care. Now you will get some that will say”nah you got a girl” but then give you an opportunity to lie and say nope she’s just a friend now what does that tell a guy? She’s ’bout it. Guys are greedy and selfish(some guys) but let’s be honest if it was difficult would we(men and women) do it. Cheating is easy and we make it easy. I’m a dude and I’ve cheated juggled jump-offs the whole 9 and you know what, I’ve been hemmed up 3x twice with the same two chicks. Its easy and that’s why I’ve been guilty. Also, a chick cheated on me when I was 20 and in my 1st real relationship. I won’t admit it but something changed in me from that day till now. I don’t trust a muthaplucka. So, I do me and I let her do her if she wants. That’s no too complicated. Ladies make it easy, its usually a cop out from a bigger problem, and somebody damaged my trust early on.
@GainesvilleGreen,
Just a suggestions, but instead of getting into relationships with women, why not stay single so youcan work on your trust issues? That way, you wouldn’t have wasted the 3rd chicks time… And this isn’t just for you. I think a lot of people cheat b/c of trust issues, men and women….
@N.I.A. lovesthekids….,
That presumes I hold the concept of a relationship to such a high standard that I would deny myself regular s3x for the purpose of protecting it.
@kamakula,
that’s the point, though. If you don’t hold it to a high standard, why be in one? You can get regualr sex from JOs and FWBs. There is always some woman willing to sleep with a man.
@N.I.A. naturally, or maybe you DO hold it to a higher standard, and made the executive decision to outsource his frustration so that he is on an even keel when you guys do sit down. That’s the sacrifice he was willing to make for the relationship.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
LOL!! okay….
@GainesvilleGreen,
” its usually a cop out from a bigger problem”
And there it is.
@GainesvilleGreen,
‘preciate the love, I just call it like it is man…
Bond.
2 things. #1 Lets separate regular ni99a cheating from celeb/billionaire ni99a cheating. Because really they are apples and oranges. #2 This is a very good list. Basically broke down everything.
Also for my VSS out here I can answer #33″he was with her before you two even met
i have a friend who has had the exact same sidechick in each of his last three relationships. honestly, this is one i don’t understand. i’m gonna have to get him on vsb one day to explain himself”
We must have the same friend because I’ve seen this up close and personal. In homie’s case the girl is just not the type you settle down with. For him anyway, because as far as I can see there’s nothing really wrong with her, but he obviously knows better. Its crazy because she’s not what you would think, she’s very attractive, has a great career (in fact she makes more than every ni99a i know save 2), well educated, and not wild acting. And she’s completely head over heels in love with this dude. Like gets him presents for his bday and xmas (he don’t get her nothing, to be fair sometimes a card/lil teddy thing), if he’s ever stuck she is right there to scoop him, pretty much she’s the girlfriend in between his girlfriends. And he just tells her everytime he gets into a new relationship. You can tell it hurts her but she’s always like “oh thats so good, shes pretty, you guys look great together…etc”. And everytime she just falls in line as the side piece. Its actually the most interesting study in human psychology I’ve ever seen. I’m like dude you need to just write a chapter in my future bestselling book because ni99as would pay to find out how you do this.
@Dorian G.,
“I’m like dude you need to just write a chapter in my future bestselling book because ni99as would pay to find out how you do this.”
lmao……shit….it ain’t him…it’s her…believe me….she the one with the problem
@Dorian G.,
She’s dyckmatized.
Simple and plain.
@miss t-lee,
Nah its deeper than that
@Dorian G.,
You think so?
It’s either that, or she’s really in love with that kat,thinking that eventually he will come around and want JUST her ,so she’s content, just to get pieces of him when she can because she doesn’t want to cut it off in the event that he realizes that all along he wanted her.
But we all know that’s never gonna happen, that’s why I went with the short answer.
@miss t-lee,
Bingo! (I should have read before replying… Lol!)
@ Sula,
That why you’re an e-sibling…lol
@miss t-lee,
Troof.com
Would you make that girl your only? There’s something to be said about integrity and if a woman is willing to help you in such a low down act, why should you trust her (this was what a male friend that cheated told me), baffling double standard but it makes sense to me.
Sadly, I was that a lite version of that girl a long time ago. I would convince myself that I was “home” (afterall, he always came back to me smh…you can conjure up some crap in your mind when you try lol), I was just waiting my turn…that was till he called and let me know he was getting married. I quietly packed my bags and left.
Like someone said earlier, people make it easy for others to cheat (that is not an excuse for anyone to cheat though)
@laughable,
Damn that concept of “home” sounds very close to right. Also it took him getting married for you to roll out, why didn’t you just transition into the next stage of “home” with the guy?
@Dorian G.,
Cause he didn’t see me as that one for him (and he was not wrong for feeling that way). As a human being, someone can only treat you the way you let them treat you and I wanted him around so I played nice, thinking it was only a matter of time.
It did wonders for my self esteem when I walked away and worked on my self.
@Dorian G.,
your comment makes me really, really, really not want to have daughters
@Dorian G.,
Actually, this situation is not as uncommon as one might think (and for both genders).
And the simple reason why that broad does what she does is because somewhere, somehow she holds the deep belief that the lights will eventually click in his head and she will become his “one”… He does it because, heck, he can get his cake and eat it too, and it’s as simple as that.
35 damn reasons….smh lol damn….
it all comes down to ain’t nobody goin a lifetime w/o skins. period
and it def ain’t a male thing…more women than you like to think proffer the nana…status, yours or their’s, be damned.
@kingpinenut,
and it def ain’t a male thing…more women than you like to think proffer the nana…status, yours or their’s, be damned.
this is definitely true
I can’t argue with any of your list Champ. You forgot one more.
Her @ss, bitties, was too big and I couldn’t let it pass.
@Humble_One,
that’s why i wear blinders….for my own damn good!
@Humble_One,
lol, i think #28 covers that
@The Champ,
I thought #28 was meant to mean if she offered it on the platter to you. I was speaking more alongs the lines if he see a big @ss or bitties period.
I think discussing this with women is like discussing religon with church folk. People are gonna think what they are gonna think it doesn’t matter how reasonable or rational your argument is they are gonna keep on thinking what they think no matter how logical or illogical it is.
before anyone says it I dont condone cheating I’m just not too quick to hang anyone that does. Case by case basis and all that jazz.
@Deviant,
I think discussing this with women is like discussing religon with church folk. People are gonna think what they are gonna think it doesn’t matter how reasonable or rational your argument is they are gonna keep on thinking what they think no matter how logical or illogical it is.
yeah, there seems to be two distinct “i dont wanna talk about sh*t” and “its wrong, but it helps to understand why sh*t happens” camps
@Deviant & Champ, I’m a woman and I understand it very well. Didn’t until around age 30 when I began reading about evolutionary psychology. Humans adapted not only biologically to survive their environment, but our minds and the way each gender perceives and reacts to environment as well. Had we not, we’d have gone extinct before the written word was invented.
It’s too long to go into here but you can read about it in an excellent article I wrote long ago, Evolution Is A B*tch.
As a woman who claimed at one point to never have cheated, I have actually done #11….
…..don’t shoot me!
@Jackie,
lol, its not me shooting you you need to be worried about
@Jackie,
Lol, we won’t shoot you, but he might.
Folk just need to be honest and learn how to communicate by listening and openly expressing what it is you feel is missing or is wrong etc before you go out here and betray someone.
Its easy to cheat, like its easy to lie, like its easy to be coward etc etc etc
@OrangeStar616, its easy to be selfish, to live selfishlessly, to be greedy, inconsiderate, and ruled by the flesh and a carnal nature all togther……..It takes something else entirely to live above these things!
@OrangeStar616, I don’t think it has anything to do with betrayal. I think communication is key and you are dead on with that. when most of us hear relationship it is all too easy to assume monogamous relationship and not all people are ready or capable of doing it.
C’mon Son! Getthefu*kouttaherewiththatsh*t!
@Stustustudious,
lol, damn. who pissed in your milk this morning?
Champ, Great List!! Monogamy is unnatural! I have been faithful to my girl for years now, but if I said it was effortless, I would be a liar. Each day is a constant struggle to keep it in the pants. I am convinced that monogamy is just something that is imposed on us socially; therefore, we conform to it.
@Xave, folk folk make me laugh with that arguement, that monogamy is unnatural………washing your a$$ everyday is “unntaural” too but necessary wouldn’t you agree LLS
The LORD gave man reason, which in IMO negates that unnatural arguement, monogamy can also be found in nature.
@OrangeStar616, i would love a list of all the things in nature that are monogamous vs. the things that are not. That would give me some perspective.
@Xave,
I may be wrong, but I believe I read somewhere that dolphins and penguins are the only monogamous animals.
@AkShone,
then it can’t be natuarl… exceptions to the rule prove the rule. It is not natural.
@AkShone,
penguisn and dolphins all looks like clones so that dont count.
@AkShone,
Most animals don’t read, write or count. Doesn’t mean we should go back to nature and be illiterate/innumerate.
MFE,
I wasn’t saying we should do as animals do.
The statement was made that Xave wanted to know all the things in nature that were monogamous vs. the things that were not.
@AkShone,
Yeah I actually meant to respond to Xave
@Xave, most water foul( ducks, swan etc) are monogomous I know off the break, now I could do a lil research to have the entire animal kingdom breakdown LOL, dolphins have orgies BTW LLS, and altho we are considered mammals, the LORD created us after his own image and gave us reason etc………we are born into this world natural sinners, but because of the LORD and His sacrifce we are made righteous, and are overcomers of sin but only if WE chose to be so! This is where reason becomes paramount.
@Xave,
“Monogamy is unnatural! ”
Say word?
Ed Lover said it best, “C’mon son, GTFOHWTBS!”
@miss t-lee, though it is unnatural at the same time, there is no reason to conclude that cheating is unavoidable. bottom line is that peoeple are driven by the “pleasure principle”–the boilogical and psychological need to satisfy themselves. This is why champs list is dead on.
@Xave,
I’m aware that people are pleasure driven, but I still don’t agree with your original statement.
@Xave,
I am convinced that monogamy is just something that is imposed on us socially; therefore, we conform to it.
thing is, from weariing clothes to making comments on blog, we spend the majority of our lives doing “unnatural” sh*t. basically, i think that argument is a bit of a cop-out. thanks for the compliment, though
@The Champ,
Of course it is a cop out when taken out of context. “I have been faithful to my girl for years now, but if I said it was effortless, I would be a liar. Each day is a constant struggle to keep it in the pants.” Those two sentences add so much more to the comment
@Peysonic Temple,
thanks brah, we are vibing. It’s not a cop out cause we are constantly torn between the persuit of gratification and reality. “I would want to step out but if I do I may get caught and the outcome may be undesireable. But on the other hand I guy may say if I get caught big deal, I don’t believe this is the only someone out there. “
@The Champ, thank you!
@Xave,
At one time, as chronicalled in the Bible, men had multiple wives. Per the History Channel (where the past comes alive), the Catholic Church (the foundation from which the protestant denominations sprang forth) actually supported and encouraged prostitution as backed up with various records found. What changed?
@Caballeroso,
Women were given equal rights and status in society. In the times you mentioned women had no voice. They were second class citizens.
@Caballeroso, smdh…i don’t know…we started listening to women lol.
@Caballeroso,
actually, we (men) are the ones who benefit the most from polygamy being outlawed, and “women having an equal voice” had nothing to do with those laws being changed.
basically, monogamy ensures that every man has at least a chance of getting a mate, whereas in a polygamous society, rich and powerful men could legally have 50 or 60 wives, vastly decreasing a ‘regular’ mans chances of finding somebody.
@Xave,
I am convinced that monogamy is just something that is imposed on us socially; therefore, we conform to it.
I actually agree with that. But since we have decided to conform to it, then let’s do that. I mean it is a struggle, a real one but it can be done.
@Xave,
“I am convinced that monogamy is just something that is imposed on us socially; therefore, we conform to it.”
Hell, it might be. But, so is wiping our arses when we boo-boo. Some social norms are just needed for folks.
@Cheekie,
but you can’t be mad if someone refuses to conform to the rules. Conforming can be tiring.
Tigergate has definitely opened up a much needed dialogue…
IMO men (especially high profile/celeb/ athlete men) cheat because we allow them to. Not intentionally necessarily. But we’ve bought into the “boys will be boys” cliche to the point where a lot of men and women actually believe it’s gospel.
I think we need to start expecting more out of our men and stop giving them that lame excuse. The guys who don’t cheat need to stop covering for their boys who do….call them out and make it known that monogamy is a choice that you make because you truly love someone (now the issue of getting into relationships with people you truly love, and actually understanding what love is, is a whole separate topic)…And the women need to get some self esteem and stop accepting the side piece position…. men wouldn’t cheat if there wasn’t anyone to cheat with.
As far as female cheaters…that’s much more complex.. I don’t even think it’s truly in a females nature…I think most women do it due to outside circumstances…but it’s still a choice and still dead wrong
@klysha,
Women cant cheat for the reasons listed above? Why are women so different from men? I think its a mistake to say that women are really thinking that much differently than men do on this subject.
@Deviant,
I agree! It irks me when I hear when women cheat “its complex”..how did these complexities end up with the same outcome? O_o
@klysha,
ROFLMAO!!!! You have got to be kidding with this entire response.
“Its not in a woman’s nature”?? “Outside circumstances” LOL I love this site.
@klysha,
LOL. Okay, okay. You ninjas caught me. I have cheated on significant other. Long, loooong time ago …lol!! (RIP Bernie Mac)
Actually from the ages of 17-21 I “cheated” (ftr, I never had intercourse with anyone else. but I did get “special attention” … RIP Bernie Mac). Here’s the reasons:
-Cuz I could. The end.
Didn’t matter who I loved or respected or blah, blah, blah. I only got caught once and even then he was acting like he wasnt really sure I did it. But other than that. Sometimes you feel like Soul Food, sometimes you feel like Pernil. Sometimes you wanna listen to rap, sometimes you wanna throw on the R&B. (Did Champ address the variety issue?)
So eff it, why not? If I’m not getting caught, who’s getting hurt? I’m not married to these ninjas.
Since then, something went haywire in me and my normal loyalty got extended to *gasp* my boyfriends. And I actually started looking at dudes like my partners. Regardless of whether I get caught or not, NOBODY can have what belongs to him. That’s my muthaeffin’ co-d and I simply will not stand for anyone moving in on what’s his (me included). He’s a part of (at least a reflection on) me and anybody tryna make him look like a cabron/cuckold/fool/simp is against US…no matter how good they’d look in my shower
.
Interestingly enough, with my current bf in particular, I really don’t want anyone else. If I can’t be with him, I’d rather be by myself.
@Me fail english?,
I have cheated as well… and I can’t even use the “young” excuse. I was a grown up, in grown up relationships… And I have used a medley of the 35 excuses listed. Sometimes, it was simply because I could. Other times, it was because I was horny. Most times, it was because while I recognized the benefits and positive goodness of my relationship, I was just not in love with the dude. Simply. I even had a relationship like Dorian’s boy. He was the dude “in between dudes”, and sometimes “while with dudes”. I was selfish, I knew he loved me with all his heart, and the s3x was banging. Simple. I have never been caught… there has been suspicions but not outright “catching”.
So yes, cheaters (gender-neutral) used those excuses and they sometimes make sense to the cheater. At some point though, when you weigh the pros vs. the cons, the pros of not cheating easily outweighs the cons. In the latest relationships I have had, I have never cheated. Not because temptation has completely subsided, but because I gain more by remaining faithful than by cheating.
And at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
@Sula,
LOL. I got caught red-handed by my bf’s brother taking another dude’s number. I dont remember what I said, but we stayed together and nobody mentioned it again. And we all lived happily ever after
…til we broke up.
@Me fail english?,
you know bernie mac’s daughter comments on here, right?
@The Champ,
Jello?
@klysha,
As far as female cheaters…that’s much more complex
this is why i wrote this entry, to show people (read: women) that a guys reason for cheating can be complex as well
Okay I probably should have either left the touchy subject of female cheating out of my comment or made it specific to me….LOL
Women are absoultely capable of cheating for all the reasons stated above…which all basically boil down to they cheat because they want to…..but I honestly don’t feel like it’s in most women’s true nature to just want to cheat out of the blue. Especially if they have a family.
Let me clarify that I’m talking about cheating within marriage. I don’t even think most non-marriage relationships are serious enough to count. Heck a lot of marriages aren’t serious enough.
As for ME (and I’m not married) when I really care about someone I have no desire to be with another person.
@klysha, use of italics fail lol
@klysha,
so its man’s nature to cheat? b.s.
women aint no different than men
@klysha,
I don’t even think it’s truly in a females nature…
That’s not true. I struggle not to cheat. A real struggle where I sometimes have to write two columns of pros and cons. Lol. It’s not a gender-specific trait, absolutely not.
@Sula,
Word. It’s in a whole lotta females’ natures to want that new, new, hot ish. Handbags, shoes, men. Same isht!
Its funny that women are here saying that all of this is BS. It doesnt matter if its BS to you, its the reason a man cheated. If I went to the store and forgot the SO and said “Oh, I forgot”, she would reply “You’re a liar. You left me on purpose”. I just told you this is the reason that I’m doing XYZ and you’re telling me that it is actually ZYX. Its backwards thinking and almost a part of the problem.
Who cares if he wanted to or not, there are reasons as to WHY he wanted to and people are overlooking and symplifying that. When you eat McDonald’s its not JUST BECAUSE you wanted to, there is often a reason behind it
@Peysonic Temple, “I just told you this is the reason that I’m doing XYZ and you’re telling me that it is actually ZYX. Its backwards thinking and almost a part of the problem. ”
Werd . . .
@Peysonic Temple,
Tis truth in these words…
Also, there is an ongoing assumption that if I give a reason for something that means that I’m justifying it. No, that’s a poor conclusion. If I slap the dude walking up the block, I probably no it was wrong but I did it because he looked at me wrong. The same goes for cheating.
@Peysonic Temple, good point. I would like to add that it is wrong depending on the agreement that you and your partner have. Also, i don’t think women realize that when/if a man “cheats” it has absolutely nothing to do with them. See Champs rule number 2.
@Xave, but they want to be miserable and blame themselves. somehow they weren’t good enough. that just sounds like such a horrible place to live.
we stopped trying to understand why they act crazy and we accept it. is a little reciprocity too much to ask for? lol
@HabitualLineCrossa, we all want to be wanted and if a woman were to cheat on me, I would wonder and feel inadequate not because she gave a way “what was mine” or “she betrayed my trust” but for another selfish, self involved reason: like my ego. My pride would be hurt. It has nothing to do with our relationship, love or bond but everything to do with “me”. It sounds pretty narcissistic but its something that some dudes won’t admit
@Xave, see, i go to a much happier place. she cheated on me=she stupid. the end.
PS that Prevenge thing keeps you breezy
@HabitualLineCrossa,
lol! Cuz yall act crazy plus cheat!
@Me fail english?, we act crazy cos we fighting the urge to cheat…and then we lose that fight…in theory of course. i have never cheated. well depends on your definition. nah, based on my definition i have never cheated.
@Habitual,
Word. It’s only cheating on Tuesdays.
@Me fail english?, between 4:00:01am and 4:00:02am.
@Xave,
Also, i don’t think women realize that when/if a man “cheats” it has absolutely nothing to do with them.
but…sometimes it does, lol
@The Champ,
but…sometimes it does, lol
It’s hard to swallow, but that’s true in some cases.
@Xave,
“Also, i don’t think women realize that when/if a man “cheats” it has absolutely nothing to do with them.”
It’s not called cheating when you are single and screwing. Cheat is a verb, the object that verb acts on is your significant other. Cheating on me with someone else involves me. While the reasons like Champ said very, at the end of the day, you screwed and I got screwed. Everyone of Champs reasons has an implied extension of “and I don’t care that I promised my SO otherwise”.
@Xave, ‘i don’t think women realize that when/if a man “cheats” it has absolutely nothing to do with them.’
That’s not true at all. Using Peyso’s analogy..If I eat McDonalds every day all day it’s because I want to and then as a consequence I end up gaining 50lbs, it has nothing to do with you …BUT you are the one who has to look at my overweight tail on a daily basis right?
Has nothing to do with you because you aren’t putting the burger in my mouth but it affects you right?
@Peysonic Temple,
Also, there is an ongoing assumption that if I give a reason for something that means that I’m justifying it
lol, yeah. i call that tactic ‘the parent’
@Peysonic Temple,
“Also, there is an ongoing assumption that if I give a reason for something that means that I’m justifying it.”
Hmm, this makes sense. I think a lot of folks believe “reason” and “excuse” are interchangeable.
Not good reading for those in long-distance r’ships.
argh.
@Champ,
I’ve been with my woman for four years and we had some problems, and my boy says to me, “the only way to save your relationship is to cheat son”.
??? @ your friend’s advice, he might be looking for ways to put you back in the singles club. Save your relationship by cheating…right.
Although my man is a wise man, I pray everyday that he is surrounded by people with his best at heart (no shots at your friend)
@highfive,
see champ’s reason number 11… it sums up where my friend was coming from. I didn’t listen by the way.
@Xave, from your comments I figured you didn’t listen to him.
@highfive,
Yeah. Sounds like a dude who needs a wingman back at the club with him or smthg.
@Lili,
Uh…those comments were not supposed to be under my comment, right?
I repeat:
“Not good reading for those in long-distance r’ships.
argh.”
@Lili, I’m also an LDR’r and yes some of the vsb (and sbm) topics scare the living snot out of me but they also help us to stay realistic and cautious (within reason).
Have faith in your partner and hopefully they keep their end of the “bargain”, if not we count it as a lesson learned and move on.
*Ok, I need to close this page and get.back.to.work*
1. He is selfish. Period
@Da Iceman,
“can it be that it was all so simple”
@The Champ,
the way we were, champ? lol
@Da Iceman,
I agree & I’d add he was lazy. Too lazy to let his needs be known and lied by not saying he needed more.
@Da Iceman
Or insecure. There’s no real difference when it comes to men and women. Now there are some things that women see or experience more often (or exclusively), but if a guy were put in her shoes or vice versa we’d see the same amount of pure f*ckery in the world. That’s the frustrating thing about this “Why are men like that” bullshyt coming from the vss’s today. This list can be applied to them or their girls too.
@An Island,
I agree with this whole comment ‘cept for the “same amount” part. I really think women cheat more often than most men realize but still not as often as males.
@all y’all,
These responses? This is why i love my VSB’s.
@Me fail english?
Ok, here’s a test that I put to my female friends. Ask them (especially the aggressive but sweet ones) if they wouldn’t consider cheating on their husband if HE were the one who had to give birth to the child (no 9 month investment by the female or anything else but the chex) and HE were the one society dictated keep the child and raise it right. If you don’t at least get a smile or a pause, I’d be shocked.
@An Island, This is very very true. I have to check myself REGULARY by using the “if the shoe was on the other foot” sentiment.
@An Island,
Hmmm. This isnt the best question for me since children has never been a reason I cheated or subsequently decided to stop. Frankly, I’m not even sure how pregnancy relates to this issue since I’m gonna take a wild guess and say most cheating has nothing to do with babies.
But to your point, women DO carry the child nine months. And men don’t. Just is what it is.
@An Island, if they wouldn’t consider cheating on their husband if HE were the one who had to give birth to the child (no 9 month investment by the female or anything else but the chex) and HE were the one society dictated keep the child and raise it right.
I’m sorry. I had to go back and reread this and now all i come up with is HUH?? I definitely agree that partners should empathize with each other… but what does pregnancy (especially if the female is the primary parent and caregiver) have to do with cheating? Pregnancy between loving partners can be GREAT. I know from experience. A man finds his pregnant woman to be beautiful – at least this was my experience… and pregnancy rituals can def be a bonding *wink wink* experience lol.
@Me Fail,
I ask them that question because the thing that disgusts women the most imho is a man who cheats on his wife when they have a family. But if you ask a woman to think what she would do in his place, and if they’re honest, you’ll get the same number of women as men saying “I gotta do what makes me happy,” “Shyt happens,” etc. Same for dudes. If THEIR bodies had changed permanently (for some), and they were expected to raise the child, and they had to endure 9 months of pregnancy and everything that goes with it, I’m sure more would suddenly be claiming that monogamy is the natural order. The only thing that makes women different than men is there’s one group that always has to make the physical and emotional investment while the other doesn’t. It’s purely about circumstances, not some higher moral standard or some bullshyt like that.
@An Island,
Yes Selfishness and Insecurity are both two traits as to why a person will cheat.
I think this list is good and honest. Good Friday post, Champ.
@pgh muse,
thanks, pgh muse. you going to first fridays tonight?
@The Champ, first fridays tonight
I may swing thru actually. I’m going to a friend’s suprise party at CJ’s tonite
. U going to first fridays?
@pgh muse,
it looks like it right now
@pgh muse,
It really is a good list.
To be honest, I was expecting Champers to just list some of the list of 35 things…listing random numbers like that other list he recently did. But he did the WHOLE thing! Good look, Champie Poopie.
Uh…those comments were not supposed to be under my comment, right?
I repeat:
“Not good reading for those in long-distance r’ships.
argh.”
@Lili,
lol, thats ok. its friday and sh*t
LMFAO @ “jello” being a reason why men cheat. I also think jello is the reason why Sarah Palin was able to publish a book.
“18. its his form of masturbation
although women think this is bullsh*t, for some guys, there’s no difference between sex with another chick and j*rking off to bootytalk 82.”
o_O Think? Naw, I know it’s bullish. If tickling your Vienna Sausage is the same thing as thronxing a chick, then why not just masturbate? Niccas always complaining how difficult chicks are, then avoid all that hot mess and just do the do alone. lol
Okay, so this is a good topic because Cheekie, your resident VSB unicorn, is in the process of being the “other woman”…somewhat. I have a “bad habit” if you will. Nothing really happened yet but flirting, a slight kiss, and dirty talk (all due to washing away all my morals with Don Julio which was later MIXED with effing blue label arse only-thing-left-at-the-end-of-the-night Seagrams….terrible idea). Anyhow, this dude is hella chexy and cocky…I have a weakness for it. That bad boy ish. Anyhow, he’s a longtime family friend…a bit older than me, but now I’m at the age where it don’t matter as much. (*thinks about when it did matter*…ew.) Anyhow, he’s been talmbout how we should “make it happen” and how we “grown and don’t have to tell nobody”, but lawd knows that even though I am getting more restless and horny, I still want my first time to be with a man I love and not a man who may care about me, but already has a situation. I directly called him out on it, but he is relentless. Thoughts?
o_O and SMH @ this hot mess…
@Cheekie,
Don’t do it, Cheeks! I’ve seen this movie play out with two of my friends (one friend, multiple times!) and it never ends well. You dont just think he’s “talented”, you’re attracted to his personality. Which means it’s only a short matter of time before you develop real, deep feelings for him.
Add to that, by saying “we don’t have to tell anybody”, he’s telling you in advance “we will NEVER tell anybody, so dont even think about it!”. Meaning he fully intends on not moving you any higher on the priority chain (ie. girlfriend status) than what you allow today. Tease the shet outta him, see how much money you can get him to spend (sorry, I have a one track mind!) and then cut your losses. But dont give up the “V”!
Sidenote: Since you waited this long, you may as well wait for a more magical experience for the first time. But personally, I didnt feel anymore emotional connection to my bf after our first time. Actually, he got more open since I was his first virgin. For me it was business as usual. Just dont want it to be anti-climactic for you.
@Me fail english?,
That was some real talk, girl! Of course, I expected nothing less from you. Thanks!
And hell yeah, I’mma tease the boy! Also, I’m not sure I wanna be his girlfriend (shady arse nicca…lol), he just turns me the eff on. Of course, as you say…that can change over time. Like I told him, I’m just gonna go with the flow. I made him no promises.
@Me fail english?, I almost agree with your advice ME Fail…..but I say keep your distance period. Play with fire honey and you get burned beyond recognition.
Just leave it alone, I know that type all too well, “very cheXXXy and cocky”, hard to resist I know, with a devils grin LOL esp with a potent sexually charged chemistry attached. If he is indeed in a situation nothign good will result from phcukin with him, even if the sex is exquisite it will only pull you in deeper..thats why I say its best to step off now, while your emotions and your heart are still intact.
@OrangeStar616,
“Just leave it alone, I know that type all too well, “very cheXXXy and cocky”, hard to resist I know, with a devils grin LOL esp with a potent sexually charged chemistry attached. ”
Bingo.
You ain’t never lied.
I’m still hesitant, so that’s a good thing…I had to get it out there before I wasn’t that hesitant any longer. I need to listen to the brain upstairs and stop fantasizing about the brain downstairs…lol.
@Cheekie, I agree with the vsss’. Leave that dude alone. Especially if he is older… he’s experienced at this shyt. Girrrlll… fire definitely burns.
@OrangeStar616,
That’s true. The tease is better if you’re not turned on by dude. Otherwise, the wave can take you under!
@Me fail english?, WIPEOUT!
LLS
@Me fail english?,
by saying “we don’t have to tell anybody”, he’s telling you in advance “we will NEVER tell anybody, so dont even think about it!”.
this should be a bumper sticker or som’n.
@Cheekie,
Aww for real Cheekster, you thinking about throwing the v-card in? All I’ma say is think long and hard about it (no pun intended).
“Anyhow, he’s been talmbout how we should “make it happen” and how we “grown and don’t have to tell nobody”,
I heard these exact quotes from this 19 year old that was tryna get at me Saturday night…lmao
@miss t-lee,
LMFAO @ “19 yr old”. I peeped that too. I’m like…is this high school?
@Cheekie,
Oh he was tryin’ to spit madd game…I was like boy gon’ somewhere with that isht.
@missladee622,
Wait…what? *looks at VSB name* *confused*
Is this miss t-lee? lol
@Cheekie,
LMAO!!!! ’tis me.
Part of my email addy peeked through, I be tellin’ ya’ll that you don’t know what lengths I go through to get to ya’ll daily…lmao
@miss t-lee,
OK, had me like…wtf…someone tryna hijack your VSB identity? Gotcha.
Oh, and we appreciate you going through the trouble. It ain’t the same without you!
@Cheekie,
I’m sorry there are so many layers to this.
1. First time???
2. LOL @ “slight kiss”
3. Older guy from childhood??? You been thinking bout this for a min ma
4. He doesn’t have a situation he has a woman
5. You gonna do what you gonna do, just keep your eyes open when you do it
@Dorian G.,
1. Yeah, where you been? I’m the enigma up in these here VSB parts. lol
2. I know…I’m justifying like a mofo. Shut up, me.
3. Well, actually, I haven’t seen him a minute. What’s effed up about it is that his best friend used to mess around with my older sister. He’s younger than him (8 years older than me), but it’s funny…wtf, he tryna get it in w/ the little sista? Everyone peeped it from the jump. lol SMH…
4. Duh, I know…I was quoting T.I. Something I don’t get to do too often.
5. Truth.
@Dorian G., Layers indeed. I understand the psychological need to have your first time with someone who “loves you” and I don’t think this is the way you want to start your intimate life. Granted, I am all about getting it in and I don’t put much stock in the “other woman” doctrine that women preach. I say just be cautious you are not just some mans conquest; even though many long relationships started from conquests.
@Cheekie,
Anyhow, he’s been talmbout how we should “make it happen” and how we “grown and don’t have to tell nobody”, but lawd knows that even though I am getting more restless and horny, I still want my first time to be with a man I love and not a man who may care about me, but already has a situation. I directly called him out on it, but he is relentless. Thoughts?
REPENT!
@The Champ,
Holy Ghost!
No Love, I know you won’t do it…you know better. Don’t let your first time be with someone that’s not committed to you in anyway
.
The fact that he said we don’t have to tell anybody makes my skin crawl…don’t get yourself on the hush hush list. From your description of him, I can tell you will fall for this boy and get hurt in the process. Don’t bother with him. Have a great weekend!!!
@highfive,
“No Love, I know you won’t do it…you know better. ”
I really, truly do…*sigh*
And your moniker is apt because I gotta give you a *highfive* for your comment. Thanks!
@highfive, “The fact that he said we don’t have to tell anybody makes my skin crawl”
I agree and also makes me thinks he’s told that to someone else…it came out way too smooth for him….don’t do it, your first time (hell ANY time) shouldn’t be with someone you can’t tell anyone about…
@Smiley Face,
What’s worse is that I KNOW of his history. Oh yeah, he messes around with other folks and I’m sure he says the same things. Again…*sigh*
@Smiley Face, you reminded me of Aaliyahs (RIP) “Extra Smooth” an updated version of “Smooth Operator” Sade…describes the same type, the type to beware and very leery of virgin or not, “no place for beginners or sensitive hearts”
@Smiley Face,
lol. It does kinda sound like a Chester the Molester thing to say.
@Me fail english?,
YES!! lol
@Me fail english?,
*dying*
@Cheekie,
wait wait wait.
Cheekster is about to move out of Virginia?! Via this bumpy rocky road to perdition? Oh no baby girl…
Hold up, wait (no Nate Dogg)….
@BlackBerry Molasses,
Smoke. Everyday!
Ok, I had to.
But yeah, regarding your advice… I know, I know.
@Cheekie,
Especially not your first time.
There is never any good coming out of being the other woman. And personally maybe my ego is too big but I can’t be the one being hidden, whatdafcuk?
He’s trying to jedi-mind trick you, knowing the “authority” that comes with his status as family friend and your “underling” status as a horny unicorn.
Walk away from the light, Cheekie… Walk away slowly and surely. You’ve saved it this long don’t waste it on a Jedi-Mind-Tricker. Lol!
@Sula,
“He’s trying to jedi-mind trick you, knowing the “authority” that comes with his status as family friend and your “underling” status as a horny unicorn.”
You right. But, I gotta add. Regarding my status as, “horny unicorn”, he only knows of 1/2 of the two-worded-phrase.
@Cheekie,
“Regarding my status as, “horny unicorn”, he only knows of 1/2 of the two-worded-phrase. ”
You should keep it that way too.
@Cheekie,
Is you married?
No
Then you single. Why you trying to have cecksie time w/ someone not your husband. Your husband and kids would frown on that deportment…
8. he wants you to break up with him
because he doesn’t have the balls to do it himself
I did this once when I was younger (i’m 23 so thats really not saying much) out of necessity. Some women just won’t let you go unless you do some foul ish…
Triffling? Yes sir.
@1wontdo,
welcome and sh*t
Aside: Dayum this joint must be filled with VSBs and VSSs today because my work computer is acting all wonky by freezing, not loading properly, etc! That, and my work computer is a PC.
Fired. Shots.
@Cheekie,
Cheekster, don’t go blaming the peeps because your computer is janky as hayel…
**shots returned**
@BlackBerry Molasses,
lol I ain’t claimin’ this mess! This hot mess is property of [specific plantation name redacted]. I’m a a Mac. Never any grunting and straining to load there. lol
Naw, it’s okay, I messes with PC on the side. See, how I did that, I’m back on topic!
Ahhh the million dollar question with a ten dollar answer as Steve Harvey would say! Honestly the list could’ve stopped at 1. He’s a bitch-ass-nigga. I can’t stand cheaters and I don’t have any time to hear excuses. And this list is just that 35 lame ass excuses smh.I really think if people were honest in the beginning of relationships things would be a lot easier. I will never understand why some men pursue women knowing good and well they have no intentions or the capabilities of being faithful!
@Geela,
lol, next time don’t hold back so much. tell us how you really feel
@Geela, A woman scorned I presume. Being “monogamously challenged” is a serious problem. Guys have to deal with it every single day. Where is the compassion?
@Geela
Most of the time we tell you what you need to know from jump, y’all just don’t listen.
@An Island, unfortunately this is so true. We hear what we want to hear
@An Island,
Also true.
Cept for the clinically diagnosed sex addiction (I have met one and trust me, she HATES her condition and is on medication and in therapy to deal) the rest of these reasons complete and utter bovine excrement.
You did it because you wanted to, reasons and debate be damned.
When you’ve deeply hurt someone, and they are crying tears of extreme anger, betrayal and sorrow, the REASON you did it isn’t going to make them feel any better.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
“When you’ve deeply hurt someone, and they are crying tears of extreme anger, betrayal and sorrow, the REASON you did it isn’t going to make them feel any better.”
*nodding*, this is the bottom line. I mean, folks ask “WHYYYYYY?!” all the time, but the why of it doesn’t erase the hurt.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
(I have met one and trust me, she HATES her condition and is on medication and in therapy to deal) .
They have medication for it? Wow. Never knew.
@V Renee,
… not exactly. Its medication for, I believe, bi-polar disorder. I think they’re attempting to control what they perceived as impulsive behavior.
@BlackBerry Molasses,
I have met one and trust me, she HATES her condition and is on medication and in therapy to deal .
They have medication for it?? Wow. I never knew.
To all the people that replied to me, now that I think about it you’re all right, but damn we can all agree that she is FINE.I would’nt working with her!!!
@Just X,
you’re right. she is fine, but fine has an expiration date
ok so what bout those dudes who only date girls who look a certain way even if he don’t “like” her. But he still funks with the girl(s) he really do like regardless of what she looks like coz she only the side piece…
I have a homeboi like this… he get these skinny, light skinded, dum dums with no personality or common sense who’s only requirement it to make him “look” good and then he hustles p*ssy from the big bootie, brown skinded girls that give him great conversation.
Sad.Just sad.
@Nikkisix,
lol, nothing about this is sad
@The Champ, NOT A DAMN THANG!!
@klysha, italics use fail
@klysha,
Also, “reply location fail”. lol
Blame The Champ…
I got nothing for that. Whole list is spot-on.
The thing that gets my goat is, if a man knows he’s gonna want other freaks in his lifetime, why not set up the conditions that allow for that so that it’s not cheating. Instead of swearing commitment to never shag another woman again, why not be like “I’m not a one-woman man” or if you just have to be with someone (which I do understand if you want a family), arrange an open relationship.
Not as easy as it sounds, but closed mouths don’t get fed. We can do anything if we speak on it. People just act too afraid of losing out on arse, her leaving him, etc. and in turn basically live a lie to placate someone.
An elder brother told me 12 years ago that it’s not in a man’s nature to do the “be up under just one woman forever” thing like that. Made sense to me, and a lot of people, young and old, male and female had since said the same. And let’s face it, marriage is a social and especially religious construct anyway. Though a cat like me, if I’m gonna play the game and commit to someone, cheating is making a monkey out of me. And I know a whole bunch of cats who live the MWC life and brag how much they still love getting it elsewhere. I ask why and as booed up/married as they are, they say with a laugh, “you’ll see”….
Can’t say I don’t understand with the horror stories we’ve all heard about women of relationships actin’ brand new, falling apart, etc. And I’ve known some women in my time that are zero fun to be around.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Instead of swearing commitment to never shag another woman again, why not be like “I’m not a one-woman man” or if you just have to be with someone (which I do understand if you want a family), arrange an open relationship.
you answered your own question. guys are scared that they’ll scare women away if they say that to them
@The Champ,
I’m hoping to see the reasons why some women cheat. just for balance in the universe. I want some brothas to go on rants as well since the sistas have so much to say about this lovely friday post.
Should include:
“You weren’t there for me emotionally and he was”
“Do you really, want to know?” lol
“I had too much to drink”
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“Instead of swearing commitment to never shag another woman again, why not be like “I’m not a one-woman man” or if you just have to be with someone (which I do understand if you want a family), arrange an open relationship.”
So would you be alright if your woman had the same requirements? Like whenever she got the urge to have some different jank, she could go out and scratch that itch? Or would this be a one-sided open relationship?
@miss t-lee,
If she wanted to do it, I would embrace it and deal with it. Rather than fool myself like most women do.
@Xave,
Why is it fooling myself because I don’t want to ‘embrace and deal’ with someone who is cheating…?
@Smiley Face,
call me cynical but seem to me we are trying to deny the inevitable.
@Xave,
But if you said you were able to manage to stop cheating on your woman, why do you still think it’s inevitable?
@Xave,
“I would embrace it and deal with it”
No.
@Xave, i nominate you sir, for a nobel peace prize.
eff da middle east. if women got this…there’d be peace in the crib.
@HabitualLineCrossa,
these women act like they never though about sleeping with a friend of their or a random guy. Thought is the fist step…
@miss t-lee, I don’t do double standards. Women deserve breaks too. Of course for both parties the open relationship has to be codified IMO.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Just wondering how this would work…lol
@miss t-lee, one possible way: think Andrei Kirilenko and his wife.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Nah that really didn’t help me…but thank you for trying.
@miss t-lee, will & jada i hear.
Great post Champ, I always like to hear things from the “horse’s mouth” and in this case the mind of a cheating male or those who know somebody, who knows somebody, who … umm hmm. Anyway, I don’t know if it was having had to drink bad office coffee this morning or listening to Norah Jones sing “Don’t Know Why” while reading this, I am now thoroughly depressed and am taking a long 2 cocktail lunch. Thanks and Happy Friday.
@PrincessCutc, honey don’t be depressed, not all men cheat!
@OrangeStar616,
“not all men cheat!”
They do in this town-lol just kidding.(kind of)
It doesn’t really matter, I have taken myself out of the “game”until Spring. So I will review the copy of the book “Why Men Love B!tches” and stock up on Moscato until things improve-ha ha
Um, I’ll take ” he’s a b*tch-ass n*gga. the end” for $500, Alex.
It’s simple – there’s never a reasonable excuse to cheat. The whole “men are not naturally monogamous” argument is BS and really gets under my skin b/c in essence it releases men from moral and personal responsibility. It’s not nature, it’s b*tchassness DAMMIT! :-0
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I agree with a lot of the comments made up-thread, and the list is fairly on-point from what I’ve seen.
The thing that I find interesting though, someone said up-thread something along the lines of “if he can’t be monogamous, he should just be honest about it with who he’s with.” Epic Fail!
Here’s how I got there: People can be a bit selffish and want to have it their way. Most ladies want a man s3xing only her. Many guys want that wonderful lady, with a little sectual variety (both practices and partners).
These are competing desires. Only one member of the couple can get what he/she desires in that regard. The other will have to sacrifice what is desired to make the other happy; therefore, one of the two people of this coupling is destined for dissappointment.
Chances are, she likely won’t stick around if he’s honest with her, so he keeps that to himself and tries to make it happen in stealth mode (to protect her feelings and what not); afterall, why should he be the one to sacrifice because she can’t handle what he honestly wants?
(The opinion expressed above is not necessarily representative of my own practices.)
@Caballeroso, Love the disclaimer LLS….you can’t have it both ways young, you can’t have the cake and eat it too, even if you try eventually you’ll tire of the masquerade and juggling act, that sh*t is alot of work I imagine; keeping things copacetic with the main person, possible demands/caught feelings from the 3rd party etc etc etc and or you’ll just be found out………people feel when sh*t ain’t right and guilt has a way of making the cheater act out of proportion etc
@OrangeStar616,
I actually agree with you. I went through the whole “variety is the spice of life” phase in my twenties. Missed out on some great long-term opportunities with that maddness.
In my 30′s I no longer have the desire, energy, or patience to juggle multiples (unless it’s a menage…., but that’s off topic). Otherwise, been there, done that. Now I’m looking for that one candidate for the long-haul.
I was going to chill in the cut on the subject today but now that I have some decent nourishment, I can actually think clearly today. Yet and still, I will be very random with my thoughts on Champ’s list (which is hilarious by the way).
Cheating is bad. It hurts people.
Not cheating is not at as easy people make it out be. For some it is easy, for others it isn’t.
If you are with someone that is faithful and loving to you, especially if you know that get a lot of attention from the other sex, appreciate them and don’t f*ck it up.
If you feel like you are going to cheat or can’t resist the urge, break up with that person you are with. It ain’t worth the trouble and drama.
We are all human and get weak at times. It is how we act in our moments of weakness that help define who we are.
I can’t judge no man or woman on what they do because I am about has far from perfect as New York is to LA.
That’s my random change on the subject.
RIP to Pimp C aka Chad Butler. We miss ya Big Homie.
It’s inevitable because of the make up of most people including myself. I have not cheated in the last four years because the cost outweighed the benefit so far. I don’t cheat because of the societal stigma attached to cheaters and I don’t do it because of the “reality principle” which stops people from seeking constant gratification. However, there may be a time when I am no longer willing to conform; when the cost doesn’t outweigh the benefit of stepping out; or just may not care or consider the cost. Most of the time cheating is like a crime of passion. I think Champ mentioned this in the list. You get caught in the moment, so for those of us who haven’t cheated that’s great but I won’t and can’t say I never will or admonish cheating.
@Xave,
All of this makes sense. But saying “I can’t never say I’ll cheat.” and “Cheating is inevitable.” are two very different statements. I’m a pretty impulsive person. I can’t say I’ll never do a lot of things. Only things inevitable, death and taxes.
@Me fail english?, well maybe i shouldn’t generalize. I’m bound to cheat! lol
@Xave, you never know what you will do, til you are in said situations, you may have an idea but its not true, really, in a golden sense, til its been tested, and ALL that we think we are, is tested in this life for that truth.
@OrangeStar616,
Apparently relationships are games… A cruel game that is set up for failure. I guess that’s where “Cheating” comes from. I try my best to play by the rules of this game, but my grandma always said, “when men on earth try their best, angels in heaven can’t do better”.
@Xave, I don’t view relationships as games at all (gamers don’t get very far with me) but more like opportunties, to learn more about ourselves thru our experience with others.
I haven’t posted in a few days because I’ve actually been doing work at work (*gasp*) but I wanted to add my two cents before the weekend.
I agree with this list – however at the same time I can’t judge anyone for their transgressions as I know I haven’t always been perfect. Not to say that cheating is okay – however you don’t know what that person’s situation might have been. But my bottom line is, and this applies to both men and women, if you’re going out with someone who’s very attractive, accomplished, etc. and has a lot of other options and you treat them like sh*t and make little attempt to satisfy their needs (physically, emotionally) then you are just asking for it. You’re disrespecting the game. No one is going to sit around and be taken for granted forever. They might put up with it for a while but everyone is going to get worn down eventually when things get really f*cked up. Yes I hear you all saying “well then you should just break up and you’re being selfish” – yes while this may be the case it doesn’t always happen like that because people are attached, they’re in the comfort zone and as the saying goes “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” so they don’t want to break up even though they are miserable. So they cheat. Bottom line
Have a nice weekend folks
I am a female, and I am being completely serious when I give this reason why men cheat…and I realize a lot of women may disagree with me, even though they most know it is 110% true.
Lots of men cheat because they are being pressured into settling down at too young of an age by women who are also too young to settle down also, but are trying to conform to some societal standard of what is an appropriate age for a woman to be married.
I am staunchly against young marriages. I feel if anyone believes that a man in his 20s has slept with the last woman he is EVER going to have sex with in LIFE, then he/she is very naive (even if the person who thinks this way is the man, himself i.e, Kobe Bryant).
While I agree there is never an EXCUSE for cheating, I do believe there are reasons and this post hit most of the reasons on the head–without doing like other articles of this nature and blaming the woman for a man’s actions.
Bottom line, to me, is people need to spend their youth (20s, early 30s) getting an education, building a career, and have life experiences. Then, when we (men and women) are older and more mature (and hopefully men have effed enough woman that is stick is chaffed), then we can settle down and live happily ever after (hopefully)…oh, and both people should be able to pass a blood test before what is, hopefully, a monogamous marriage.
@Ttime, that sounds really good and makes a valid point in some ways getting married too young is not good because niether party knows themselves really as adults, they haven’t lived enough in short, but that doesn’t account for ALOT like the old dogs turning new tricks LLS…
@Ttime, Great point.
In my humble opinion, age and maturity are not related. There are men in their 30s thats till believe they are not done sowing their wild oats, it is just dependent on the individual. I know a lot of young couples who have successful marriages (I and 6 others are a product of such a union). It is dependent on the person’s maturity level and not age.
I used to have that “I can only date a man that is +5 years my age because I felt they were on a different level of maturity…pfff, my theory has been disproved time and time again. I have met +10yrs my age that are still all over the place.
That said, I definitely agree that people should get to know themselves before settling down with someone but your age at marriage does not determine the success of the marriage or a person’s willingness to stop being a cheat.
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I forgot to tell you about a mutual friend of my first BF….been knowing dude sice we were teens, and he and hos wife have been knowing each other for a minute and married for minute..dued was alwasy slight in build til recently, he got a lil brolic, weight training has been known to boost confidence and improve appearance..nothing wrong with that, except when folk ain’t used to it, a ceratin kind of attention from the opposite sex etc, dude been cheating on his wife since he started feeling himself and his new physique, which is selfsih as he11, thats pure selfishness to the ump degree AND his wife just had this nucca baby like three weeks ago..all I could do was SMH, and say thats why I like folk who are used to that kind of attention and for the most part unfased, cause its nothing new
Can we assume that everyone who enters a relationship truly understands what it means to be in one?
Each person, hopefully, grows as an individual every day. To learn something new about yourself, while in a relationship, is one of the scariest things that can happen.
You are directly pinned against what you are getting, and what you want, or what you think you want. So for the time being, most wouldn’t leave, they will figure it out so to speak. If they are stupid, they will get caught. If they are smart, just like with a job, you only move on when you’ve found something better.
What are the values that SHOULD keep a person from cheating? Honesty, respect, loyalty? Well are all of these things found in the common relationship? No, they are usually based on aesthetic factors and sex. Social perception and its benefits.
Most people will never analyze themselves and realize “hey, maybe I’m just an asshole, and I don’t care how other people feel” so any impulse to
act that was is seen as negative and repressed.
Some people accept that the world works how it works, and you do what you can get away with. Fighting the realization that some people are just very smart, and know how to make themselves happy free from emotional limitations, is fear in itself that you are not happy as you are.
I will leave it at that, for now.
I guess my question is, if a man is feeling like #4, 10, 14,19, 23, 25, 32, or 34, why not break up with his girlfriend first? Outside of reason #25, breaking up (before cheating happens) can’t hurt the woman any more than the cheating, and if the man is really feeling #4, 10, 19, 23, 32, and maybe 34, but definitely #23, then those are perfectly good reasons to call it quits, as opposed to being the stereotypical unfaithful male in her eyes. If the girlfriend is going to get her feelings hurt, she’s just going to get hurt feelings, but why not do it with a clear conscience?
I can understand cheating for reason #25, but even then, I wonder why a man wouldn’t just draw the line after finding out and drop her.
… If someone else already asked this question, I apologize. I just didn’t feel like reading through all of the responses.
#33 kills me!!! and its soooo true! some men have no intention on making side chick wifey/wife. WTF is that about
All I can say is makes sense…
I have no rebuttals, no wagging my finger shaking my head nothing, no black girl attitude at all…It just makes sense.
Women Cheat too…they just dont get caught….dhu!!
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My fiance and I recently separated. The physical roller coaster ride is over but the mental one continues incessantly. And because of that I find myself on your website searching for answers to give me peace of mind.
Words alone cannot express my gratitude and appreciation for the many people who’s honesty, courage and advice has prevented me from thinking I would go insane trying to figure out how a man can say he loves you with all his heart in one breath and lie in the next as if he’s totally oblivious to what he’s said a moment ago. HMMM. Am I really here? Is there an invisible entity that snatches the energy of his words and transforms them for him so by the time the words enter my ears I hear something completely different? If so, this illusion is beyond cruel.
This is the situation I have found myself in.
For the VSB’s;
Let’s say you are 40 years old; married and divorced 3 times. You left your 3rd wife for a lady you say is the ‘girl of your dreams’. You tell her you’re in love with her. She’s interested in you but wants some answers regarding your tumultuous relationship history before she agrees to meet you. She asks you the reason for the break-up of your previous marriages and here are the answers you give.
First marriage; ‘too young’. No children. Second marriage your wife cheated. One child. A son you haven’t seen for 17 of his 18 years. You quit the military (training for the Green Beret) to return home to see if you could save your marriage. You claim it was the biggest mistake of your life. Your wife is gone and you drive your vehicle into a tree. You leave the state and marry wife number 3. She’s a single mom with 3 small children. That marriage lasts until you get involved with a lady you play cards with on the internet. You’re crazy about her. You can’t stop thinking about her day and night. You ask her to meet you to “see if what you’re feeling is real”. She refuses to even meet you until you are single. You leave your 3rd wife for this lady(no nudes exchanged nor any ‘cyber sex’).
You meet her (both in her country and yours) five times over the next four months (about 30 days total) and spend most of your spare time with her via the internet. Before she agrees to meet you she tells you that she won’t sleep with you during the 5 day you spend together. She also says that if you’re not interested in her to be honest and don’t waste her time or break her heart. You do sleep with her during your second encounter a month later. After four months you propose. You’ve been so convincing that she believes, inspite of your relationship history of three failed marriages as well as cheating, that you love her and will be faithful so she says ‘yes’.
For the next 2 years you live together and the relationship slowly starts to disintegrate because the “guy” things that are creeping into the relationship are setting off alarm bells in her head and she’s starting to question her own sanity and whether or not she should stay or go. You know she’s slipping away. You start doing crazy stuff like purposely hurting her feelings, being rude and condescending, threatening to drive your truck off Niagara Falls if you’re ever told to leave among other crazy stuff. As a consequence of all this crazy stuff she’s not as responsive sexually so you begin to make sure she notices you checking out other women, surfing more porn, doing less to help her, spending more and more time playing cards on the internet and checking out the ‘personal’ ads online.
She’s not only in a constant state of confusion and heartheache, she’s becoming increasingly unhappy and withdrawn. She says a prayer. She’s asking that something, anything, comes up, forcing you to return to your country so she can have some time to think about what’s really going on without your tantrums and threats keeping her in a state where she can’t figure out which voice to listen to – the ones in her head or yours.
Her prayer is answered. You must go back to your country. Understand, she loves you and wants to be with you but all this craziness is all too familiar to her as she’s been cheated on once before. She doesn’t want to end the relationship until she figures out if she’s overreacting to what she perceives is going on around her. She thinks some time apart will be good for both of you.
The plan, because you have to return to your country, is to rent a hotel as close as possible to where she lives – about 5 hours drive – with the intention of finding a job and then getting your own place asap. She will be commuting every week to see you. The plan is to do the commuting thing for a few months so she can finish getting things in order to move with you to Arizona and get married.
She spends three weeks with you. During this time you are offered a job 2,000 miles away and you tell her you want to take the job because 1) you’ve always wanted to see Alaska, 2) it’s seasonal work so you’ll only be gone for 6 months giving her time to finish things she needs to get done before she can leave her country and 3) there isn’t much in Yakatat, Alaksa to spend money on so you will be able to save more money.
She agrees it’s the best thing to do for now and is excited and looking forward to getting one step closer to where you both want to go – Arizona.
While you’re out one day she gets on your computer and notices you’ve been looking at ‘personal’ ads in the vicinity. Her heart sinks and she goes into “what do I do now mode”. You know, the endless running of different scenarios and their probably consequences. Unfortunately, she’s afraid of you. Your tantrums and excessive outbursts prevent her from being able to bring this matter up so she keeps quiet. But it eats away at her. She’s not sure if she’s willing to take the risk and sleep with you again. Your last night together turns into a disaster (translated into “no physical contact”). You’re furious. You can’t understand why she won’t make love when she won’t see you for about 2 months. (You’d already told her you’d send her a plane ticket so you wouldn’t be apart the entire 6 months). She can’t understand how you can spend 75% of your time playing cards instead of doing things with her when you’re going to be apart for so long.
You part on bad terms but you continue talking with her via the internet for the next few weeks making sure she knows you love her and are looking forward to seeing her soon. Then BAMMM!!!! She get’s an email from one of your buddies that you work with saying you hooked up with a “girl you used to mess with years ago” while you stopped in your hometown for 2 weeks visiting your parents before flying to Alaska. You wanted to sleep with her and she wanted to sleep with you but you didn’t because you weren’t sure about how you felt about her. And now you are online with her “facebooking” as often as possible.
She’s not sure if it’s true or not. To her it seems strange that 1) you would cheat at the very time things are moving forward and 2) that you would brag to your friend about such a thing knowing for certain it will get back to her.
While she’s trying to sort out this new information her father passes away so she calls you to tell you and you’re upset she called you at 8:30 am on your day off. You repeatedly tell her you ‘haven’t had your coffee yet’. She’s so upset about the news that she can’t comprehend how you can not want to talk to her at a time like this just because you haven’t had a coffee!!! At some point you say ‘sorry to hear that’ and then tell her not to call you that early ever again. By this time she gets the message loud and clear you don’t care at all about her. She decides it’s not worth continuing the conversation and says “I love you”. To which you are silent. So she says “bye”.
After several months of emotional toil she realizes she can’t live like this anymore nor can she let you go. She’s in limbo. Not a pleasant place to be. She comes to the conclusion that you will never be monogamous. And in all fairness, just because you lie to yourself that you will be, she understands that you will be perpetually grumpy and frustrated trying to do something you just don’t have the wisdom or strength to do.
She comes up with a solution. Instead of denying reality why not embrace it? Why go through torture when there is a possibility that attacking the problem from a different angle maybe both would be happy?
She proposes to you this solution. You can engage in any sexual activity you choose with whoever you choose. But once you sleep with someone your penis never gets inside her again. I’m sure it’s obvious why. STD’s. She’s not really sexually compatible with you and there’s no way you will ever be satisfied with her and only her. She however is satisfied with only sleeping with you. She has no intention on expanding her sexual prowess with anyone else. You can please her by anything other than you penis.
To some this may seem unconventional but you know what? Isn’t love really about accepting your partner as they are without trying to change their basic nature or addiction or whatever you want to call it. Realistically, there’s no perfect person so why try to ‘make’ the man of your dreams into that which he knows not how to become.
So, would any of you accept this as a solution? If yes, why? If no, why?