SuspiciousHusband-main_Full

although i’ve never personally cheated on a mate, i’ve been friends and acquaintances with so many habitual cheaters that i consider myself to be a cheating maven.

i’ve been every alibi (“yeah kim, he was with me last wednesday night. he let me borrow his blender, and since he was there we watched the spurs game, did some blow, and fell asleep on my couch“), heard every story, and have had every possible guilty rationale volunteered to me (“i know i be doing my girl dirty, dog, but i’m anemic so i can’t help it.“)

basically, i’ve heard every single logical reason why a man might have cheated. some are mind-numbingly simple and concise while others are much more nuanced and layered than you would ever imagine

today, as another example of our commitment to fighting crime, i’m going to share all 35 of them.

before i continue, i want to state that i completely abhor cheating and cheaters, (i even distanced myself from a friend before because of this rationale: the way he dogged her out, i knew he couldn’t have had much respect for anybody, including me), and this list isn’t a justification as much as its an explanation for why a guy might decide to step out of the relationship and an answer to the stupidly ubiquitous “why do men cheat?¹” question.

1. he thinks being monogamous is unreasonable

some guys just don’t believe being faithful is even possible, so they don’t even try

2. he wanted to

sometimes, its really as simple as a guy saying to himself “you know, i’ve never cheated on my girl before. i think i will this weekend”

3. he needs the extra attention

there are some men who can’t function without women perpetually fawning over him, and fawning sometimes leads to forking

4. he’s not physically attracted to you anymore

it sucks to hear this, but sometimes it’s really as simple as “you gained too much weight in the past year or that chimp attack really didn’t do you any favors”

5. he feels entitled to

“i cheat because i can because i am who i am”

6. he can’t say no to a woman

these are usually also the guys who have closets full of never worn clothes they bought just because the cute chick at the banana republic convinced him to open a credit line

7. he just happened to be horny at a time when she (the other chick) was around and you weren’t

*reason number 324 why long distance relationships usually don’t work*

8. he wants you to break up with him

because he doesn’t have the balls to do it himself

9. he got caught up in the heat of the moment

sometimes its not about anything other than the fact that he happened to be rocking some “long hours at the office intensely working on a project with a female co-worker” goggles and got caught up

10. you’re boring as hell in bed

*also known as “the halle berry”*

11. he needs to cheat to keep the relationship happy

this is a tricky one, because a guy does this with his woman’s long-term benefit in mind. he’s love and wants to be with her, but realizes that he’ll get frustrated with her if he doesn’t use another woman as an outlet

12. he thinks he can’t please you sexually

generally speaking, we’re (men) extremely neurotic about our sexual performance. if we feel like we’re not fulfilling your needs, we consider it to be a personal indictment on our manhood (or lack thereof). this neurosis can lead to us going outside of the relationship for the sexual ego boost

13. he doesnt respect you

basically, he treats you like sh*t because he doesn’t think you deserve any better

14. you didnt trust him

the pressure of you always thinking that he was going to cheat finally broke him

15. he was pursued and seduced

just think of something a movie character played by robin givens would do. most guys can put up the “no” fence, but its takes a special individual to stop a relentless she-devil. it’s like wearing a mask in a room full of people with h1n1

16. you’re the mother of his children

and he just doesn’t want to do freaky sexual things to someone who’s breast feeding his daughter

17. you let him do it before

so this really shouldn’t be a surprise

18. its his form of masturbation

although women think this is bullsh*t, for some guys, there’s no difference between sex with another chick and j*rking off to bootytalk 82.

19. you stopped having sex with him

duh!

20. he thinks his penis is his only positive attribute

basically, this is the guy who ties his entire self-worth on being able to get women off. its all he thinks he’s good at (and he might be right)

21. he always needs to win

some ultra competitive alpha male types can’t stand losing, ever. to him, he cheats because he wants to win every attractive girl he sees for himself just so that the other guys interested in her will lose

22. he needed to see if he’s still attractive to other women

although, admittedly, he could probably do this without actually sleeping with them

23. he found someone he likes more than you

shit happens

24. he was peer pressured into it

its rare, but there are guys who cheat just because everyone else in their peer group is doing it

25. you cheated on him

duh, again

26. he’s a nymphomaniac

while i’m sure hundreds of men have tried to use this as a cop-out, sex addictions do actually exist. they even have support groups and reality shows and sh8t

27. he’s a thrill seeker

to him, sex isn’t fulfilling unless he knows he’s doing something or someone he shouldn’t be doing

28. he was given an offer/opportunity he couldnt refuse

you only live once. how many other times will he have the opportunity to sleep with keri hilson?

29. he couldn’t choose between you and the other chick, so he just decided to have both

to him, doing this is no different than going to coldstone and saying “damn, i can’t choose between sweet cream and moose tracks. maybe i’ll just get both”

30. he’s intentionally self-destructive

he knowingly doesn’t sh*t to sabotage good around him, and he cant help it.

31. he wanted to hurt you to pay you back for something you did to him

remember this the next time you b*tch to him about putting down the toilet seat

32. he has more options now than he did when you first met each other

and he either can’t handle the extra attention, or thinks its time for an upgrade

33. he was with her before you two even met

i have a friend who has had the exact same sidechick in each of his last three relationships. honestly, this is one i don’t understand. i’m gonna have to get him on vsb one day to explain himself

34. he needed to get it out of his system before fully committing to you

another “sounds like bullsh*t” excuse that actually does occasionally ring true

35. he enjoys “getting over” on people

there exists people who would rather steal something than get it for free, and men who cheat on women just because he enjoys knowing that he knows something she doesn’t know.

so, people of vsb.com, do you agree that there can be various reasons why a man might step outside of his relationship, or do you think this list could have just stopped at “1. he’s a b*tch-ass n*gga. the end”?

the carpet is yours

¹you know, i’ve always hated being asked “why do men cheat?”, because the query itself has a way of implying four separate fallacies.
a) all men cheat.
b) cheating is a man-specific trait.
c) men are monoliths who all cheat for the exact same reason
d) jello

—the champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • Ro

    lol..jello??? why is that a fallacy and should I be concerned? I am making a helluva lot of jello shots for a party tomorrow…and i don’t want any trouble!!!

    • miss t-lee

      @Ro,
      Don’t you know? Everything goes better with Jello.*
      *snickering*

      *old commercial.

    • miss t-lee

      @Ro,
      Don’t you know? Everything goes better with Jello.*
      *snickering*

      *old commercial.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Ro,

      nothing about jello makes sense. yet, its always found somewhere and more people than you think enjoy doing it. basically, its just like cheating

      • http://www.mysixcents.wordpress.com klysha

        @The Champ, why am I just now noticing jello in your footnote….LMAO!

        and the sad part is I had already read the comment referencing jello….I was just thinking…”dang that’s pretty random”

        jello doesn’t make much sense but it is pretty tasty…and a great way to make a shot of something go down really easy

      • http://www.mysixcents.wordpress.com klysha

        @The Champ, why am I just now noticing jello in your footnote….LMAO!

        and the sad part is I had already read the comment referencing jello….I was just thinking…”dang that’s pretty random”

        jello doesn’t make much sense but it is pretty tasty…and a great way to make a shot of something go down really easy

      • Ro

        @The Champ,
        “more people than you think enjoy doing it” as in doing jello? ok forgive my slowness but what in the hell? Not even touching the how party but why? Why disgrace the gelatin goodness that is jello?!!! That’s just….just….unamerican!?!?

      • Ro

        @The Champ,
        “more people than you think enjoy doing it” as in doing jello? ok forgive my slowness but what in the hell? Not even touching the how party but why? Why disgrace the gelatin goodness that is jello?!!! That’s just….just….unamerican!?!?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Ro,

      nothing about jello makes sense. yet, its always found somewhere and more people than you think enjoy doing it. basically, its just like cheating

  • Ro

    lol..jello??? why is that a fallacy and should I be concerned? I am making a helluva lot of jello shots for a party tomorrow…and i don’t want any trouble!!!

  • shay_d_lady

    I t hink there are 34 bullshyt reasons that lead to the 1 real reason… which is.. He decided to do it because he wanted to.
    regardless of how he to the the end…the final decision came down to he wanted to do it.
    so he did
    well ex cluding s.e.x addiction…for real addiction though not the eric benet kind

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @shay_d_lady, “well ex cluding s.e.x addiction…for real addiction though not the eric benet kind”

      *Takes out a notepad* How would you tell the difference?

      • shay_d_lady

        @HabitualLineCrossa,
        umm carrying on a seperate relationship with another chick does not a s.e.x addict make.

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @shay_d_lady, understood. Sooo, what does?

          • shay_d_lady

            @HabitualLineCrossa, actual addiction to s.e.x

          • shay_d_lady

            @HabitualLineCrossa, actual addiction to s.e.x

          • shay_d_lady

            @HabitualLineCrossa, any more questions and I have to refer you to the lifetime movie “Love Sick: the Secrets of a S.E.X. Addict”… LMAO

          • shay_d_lady

            @HabitualLineCrossa, any more questions and I have to refer you to the lifetime movie “Love Sick: the Secrets of a S.E.X. Addict”… LMAO

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @shay_d_lady, understood. Sooo, what does?

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @shay_d_lady, writing that down…word.

        • HabitualLineCrossa

          @shay_d_lady, writing that down…word.

      • shay_d_lady

        @HabitualLineCrossa,
        umm carrying on a seperate relationship with another chick does not a s.e.x addict make.

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @shay_d_lady, “well ex cluding s.e.x addiction…for real addiction though not the eric benet kind”

      *Takes out a notepad* How would you tell the difference?

    • Scipio Africanus

      @shay_d_lady, You’re being reductionist. Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Scipio Africanus,

        Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

        nodding head

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Scipio Africanus,

        Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

        nodding head

      • shay_d_lady

        @Scipio Africanus, You’re being reductionist. Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

        I know its one of the reasons listed which is why I am basically saying its the only one that was needed.
        I am not pretending the nuance doesnt exist, I am saying I DONT CARE that the nuance exists. Whatever led you to be standing Dyck first in front of some open legs stops mattering the minute you enter .
        At that moment you knowingly, willingly decided to do it. End of story for me.
        Learn about your nuances with the next chick.

        • miss t-lee

          @shay_d_lady,
          I love you for this comment chickie.

        • miss t-lee

          @shay_d_lady,
          I love you for this comment chickie.

        • Smiley Face

          @shay_d_lady,
          “Learn about your nuances with the next chick”
          LMAO!!! Amen sista..amen

        • Smiley Face

          @shay_d_lady,
          “Learn about your nuances with the next chick”
          LMAO!!! Amen sista..amen

        • Scipio Africanus

          @shay_d_lady, Any person who would use anything on this list to justify his or her behavior to the person they cheated on is an idiot.

          We’re not talking about what you’re supposed to tell your boo when you get caught out there. In that situation you quietly take your L and k.i.m. Any guy who’s been around the block once or twice knows that.

          We’re in here actually and factually discussing the real why’s and how’s of this, not the what an emotionally-harmed and cheated-on person will and won’t want to hear. It’s called dispassionate and objective investigation – it can be fun!

        • Scipio Africanus

          @shay_d_lady, Any person who would use anything on this list to justify his or her behavior to the person they cheated on is an idiot.

          We’re not talking about what you’re supposed to tell your boo when you get caught out there. In that situation you quietly take your L and k.i.m. Any guy who’s been around the block once or twice knows that.

          We’re in here actually and factually discussing the real why’s and how’s of this, not the what an emotionally-harmed and cheated-on person will and won’t want to hear. It’s called dispassionate and objective investigation – it can be fun!

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @shay_d_lady,

          “learn about your nuances with the next chick”

          this message should be shown after every tyler perry movie trailer

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @shay_d_lady,

          “learn about your nuances with the next chick”

          this message should be shown after every tyler perry movie trailer

        • http://cookinwitgrease.com chasdizz

          @shay_d_lady,
          not dyck first tho. *slayed*

        • http://cookinwitgrease.com chasdizz

          @shay_d_lady,
          not dyck first tho. *slayed*

      • shay_d_lady

        @Scipio Africanus, You’re being reductionist. Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

        I know its one of the reasons listed which is why I am basically saying its the only one that was needed.
        I am not pretending the nuance doesnt exist, I am saying I DONT CARE that the nuance exists. Whatever led you to be standing Dyck first in front of some open legs stops mattering the minute you enter .
        At that moment you knowingly, willingly decided to do it. End of story for me.
        Learn about your nuances with the next chick.

      • Me fail english?

        @Scipio Africanus,

        True. There’s no reason to pretend it doesnt exist but I think a healthy strategy more often than not (esp. if we’re talking about overly analytical, coddling ass women who try to play Dr. Phil with some aint shet ninja that aint never gon be shet but what he is) would be to ignore the nuance and just deal with the result. Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Me fail english?,

          Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          i actually agree with this.

          • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

            Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

            I’ll join the chorus on agreeing with that whole heartedly. Fantastic post, BTW.

          • http://keepittrill.blogspot.com/ Kit (Keep It Trill)

            Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

            I’ll join the chorus on agreeing with that whole heartedly. Fantastic post, BTW.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Me fail english?,

          Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          i actually agree with this.

        • shay_d_lady

          @Me fail english?, Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          exactly!

          • Scipio Africanus

            @shay_d_lady, That’s what I just said above and that’s exactly what we’re all doing here, which is why I don’t get your response to me. The way things are when you walk in the bedroom and see Tyrone giving your cousin Tamika a personal nether-regions inspection is not and should be be the way you go about discussing that very act here.

          • Scipio Africanus

            @shay_d_lady, That’s what I just said above and that’s exactly what we’re all doing here, which is why I don’t get your response to me. The way things are when you walk in the bedroom and see Tyrone giving your cousin Tamika a personal nether-regions inspection is not and should be be the way you go about discussing that very act here.

        • shay_d_lady

          @Me fail english?, Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          exactly!

        • Sula

          @Me fail english?,

          Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much

          Pretty much.

        • Sula

          @Me fail english?,

          Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much

          Pretty much.

        • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

          @Me fail english?, Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          This is a very truthful statement.

        • http://www.museacdonline.com pgh muse

          @Me fail english?, Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

          This is a very truthful statement.

        • bittersweet’s baby

          @Me fail english?,

          This is what I’m sayin’…Get-get-get it, girl!

        • bittersweet’s baby

          @Me fail english?,

          This is what I’m sayin’…Get-get-get it, girl!

      • Me fail english?

        @Scipio Africanus,

        True. There’s no reason to pretend it doesnt exist but I think a healthy strategy more often than not (esp. if we’re talking about overly analytical, coddling ass women who try to play Dr. Phil with some aint shet ninja that aint never gon be shet but what he is) would be to ignore the nuance and just deal with the result. Dissection is fun and useful for blogs with your e-friends. Real life application? Not so much.

    • Scipio Africanus

      @shay_d_lady, You’re being reductionist. Sometimes it is just that simple (it’s one of teh reasons that was already pointed out) but sometrimes it’s more nuanced. Nuance doesn’t diminish guilt, so there’s no need to pretend nuance doesn’t exist in this case.

  • shay_d_lady

    I t hink there are 34 bullshyt reasons that lead to the 1 real reason… which is.. He decided to do it because he wanted to.
    regardless of how he to the the end…the final decision came down to he wanted to do it.
    so he did
    well ex cluding s.e.x addiction…for real addiction though not the eric benet kind

  • Leila

    Co-sign on your whole list! I grew up around a lot of guys – male cousins and close guy friends and have heard every excuse possible for cheating. Every single one of my guy friends has cheated and with chicks that were a major downgrade. This always puzzles me. I also get puzzled by women who blame themselves for their man cheating.

    • cam1ll3

      @Leila,

      sometimes blaming yourself is just the first reaction…literally–i was like “what did i do wrong?” and then i replayed the entire relationship to see if i could find an occasion that would have sparked and/or justified dude tiptoeing thru someone else’s two lips. a halfway decent kat won’t let you think it’s all your fault. the greasy grimey crusty jackanape will.

      • MzKang

        @cam1ll3,

        yep, I did the same.

      • MzKang

        @cam1ll3,

        yep, I did the same.

    • cam1ll3

      @Leila,

      sometimes blaming yourself is just the first reaction…literally–i was like “what did i do wrong?” and then i replayed the entire relationship to see if i could find an occasion that would have sparked and/or justified dude tiptoeing thru someone else’s two lips. a halfway decent kat won’t let you think it’s all your fault. the greasy grimey crusty jackanape will.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Leila,

      I also get puzzled by women who blame themselves for their man cheating.

      while you can’t necessarily drive someone to cheat, you can definitely open the door and put keys in the cheating ignition

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Leila,

      I also get puzzled by women who blame themselves for their man cheating.

      while you can’t necessarily drive someone to cheat, you can definitely open the door and put keys in the cheating ignition

  • Leila

    Co-sign on your whole list! I grew up around a lot of guys – male cousins and close guy friends and have heard every excuse possible for cheating. Every single one of my guy friends has cheated and with chicks that were a major downgrade. This always puzzles me. I also get puzzled by women who blame themselves for their man cheating.

  • caramel eclair

    good info…kinda sorta..some of it was like duh! the rest was like really ? wheretheydothatat? the rest…just random but informative nonetheless

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @caramel eclair,

      i dont know if i should thank you or be offended

      • Me fail english?

        @The Champ,

        jello

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Me fail english?,

          *dying*

          I kinda wanna say this to whoever gives me the 3rd degree. Like,

          Man: Um, where you at?!
          Cheekie: Jello.

        • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

          @Me fail english?,

          *dying*

          I kinda wanna say this to whoever gives me the 3rd degree. Like,

          Man: Um, where you at?!
          Cheekie: Jello.

      • Me fail english?

        @The Champ,

        jello

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @caramel eclair,

      i dont know if i should thank you or be offended

  • caramel eclair

    good info…kinda sorta..some of it was like duh! the rest was like really ? wheretheydothatat? the rest…just random but informative nonetheless

  • bittersweet’s baby

    Cheating is a choice…

    To unzip your pants, or
    lift up your skirt and
    fiddle between the legs
    of someone other than your mate.

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @bittersweet’s baby, “Cheating is a choice…” …so is eating.

      • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. lovesthekids….

        @HabitualLineCrossa,
        eating is a life sustaining necessity. cheating is not.

        • bittersweet’s baby

          @N.I.A. lovesthekids….,

          Exactly. And depending on the cheatee, it might help shorten your life.

          • HabitualLineCrossa

            @bittersweet’s baby, maybe he stepped out to preserve her life.

          • HabitualLineCrossa

            @bittersweet’s baby, maybe he stepped out to preserve her life.

        • bittersweet’s baby

          @N.I.A. lovesthekids….,

          Exactly. And depending on the cheatee, it might help shorten your life.

      • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. lovesthekids….

        @HabitualLineCrossa,
        eating is a life sustaining necessity. cheating is not.

      • Me fail english?

        @HabitualLineCrossa,

        What kind of “eating” are we talking? Cuz that ish is soooo not optional

      • Me fail english?

        @HabitualLineCrossa,

        What kind of “eating” are we talking? Cuz that ish is soooo not optional

    • HabitualLineCrossa

      @bittersweet’s baby, “Cheating is a choice…” …so is eating.

    • bittersweet’s baby

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      Slept on it and those 35 ReasonsExcuses why he cheats still boil down one reason to me… a person made the choice to do so. If you think your mate is pushing you away somehow and you can’t work thru it, move on…

      It drives me crraaazzy to hear a chick sit around and justify why her dude cheated. Like it’s some sort of natural progression as you go thru ups n downs n all around…GTFOH (and find your self esteem on the way out.) How are you fallin’ for those jedi mind tricks and you’re 30, if a day??!@!??

    • bittersweet’s baby

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      Slept on it and those 35 ReasonsExcuses why he cheats still boil down one reason to me… a person made the choice to do so. If you think your mate is pushing you away somehow and you can’t work thru it, move on…

      It drives me crraaazzy to hear a chick sit around and justify why her dude cheated. Like it’s some sort of natural progression as you go thru ups n downs n all around…GTFOH (and find your self esteem on the way out.) How are you fallin’ for those jedi mind tricks and you’re 30, if a day??!@!??

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      Cheating is a choice…

      To unzip your pants, or
      lift up your skirt and
      fiddle between the legs
      of someone other than your mate.

      this definitely reads like a poem i would have written in 2002

      • bittersweet’s baby

        @The Champ,

        If I were going for a poem, I could’ve probably done better in ’82. I actually wrote that as I said it to the screen at whateva wee hour I read this drivel. And since you all couldn’t hear the pregnant pauses, I tried to help out, k? :)

        P.S. My mind got a lil befuddled by Excuse# 5 because it’s Just. Not. That. Complex.

      • bittersweet’s baby

        @The Champ,

        If I were going for a poem, I could’ve probably done better in ’82. I actually wrote that as I said it to the screen at whateva wee hour I read this drivel. And since you all couldn’t hear the pregnant pauses, I tried to help out, k? :)

        P.S. My mind got a lil befuddled by Excuse# 5 because it’s Just. Not. That. Complex.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      Cheating is a choice…

      To unzip your pants, or
      lift up your skirt and
      fiddle between the legs
      of someone other than your mate.

      this definitely reads like a poem i would have written in 2002

    • Nikkisix

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      fiddle between the legs
      *tee hee*

    • Nikkisix

      @bittersweet’s baby,

      fiddle between the legs
      *tee hee*

  • bittersweet’s baby

    Cheating is a choice…

    To unzip your pants, or
    lift up your skirt and
    fiddle between the legs
    of someone other than your mate.

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