Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Race & Politics, Theory & Essay

3 completely practical reasons why he’s with a white woman

who knew i’d find true love at the celery garden co-op board meeting?

while i was sitting with a female friend last week at my favorite place to people watch and steal wi-fi, an interracial couple (think of a much shorter, darker-skinned isaiah mustafa¹ [the old spice commercial guy] with a younger, curvier, taller, and straighter² mariska hargitay) walked in, ordered a couple smoothies, and left.

my friend, who’s usually all kumbaya when it comes to interracial dating, watched them leave, punched me in the shoulder and said:

“champ, if this were a tyler perry movie, this is when my character would roll her eyes and ask you something like “what the hell do brothas see in becky’s?” Then, a keyshia cole song would come on with a slow-motion montage of  black men and white women ice skating and eating ice cream together while a group of sad-looking sistas drank mojitos at the bar by themselves.

anyway, omnipotent relationship guru: even though this aint a movie…give me four good reasons why he’s with her instead of all of this nubian loveliness.”

my answer? (paraphrasing)

1. your breath stinks

2. you just used “nubian” in a sentence

3. she probably smells like almond torte cake

4. he already was with you. you’ve just been with so many men that you can’t remember

although my friend and i were obviously joking, her question stuck with me.

i mean, even considering the fact that you can’t possibly know why some anonymous person chose to be with someone else, and that we all know that black men are much more likely to date black women than “others,” if i had a dollar for every time i’ve read or overheard the “why is he with her?” discussion, i’d have enough to buy the winter olympics a dozen token blacks.

usually, the answers given range from insulting (“cause educated black bitches ain’t shit“) to just plain freakin weird (“white woman never run out of syrup“), fitting into whichever pre-conceived accusatory racial or sexual narrative is popular that week.

but, in every discussion i’ve encountered, they always seem to ignore the three most common (and practical) reasons why he is with a white woman:

1. she (the non-black woman) was around. you (the black woman) weren’t.

when talking to the black male friends i have who’ve dated interracially, the vast majority of them end up saying the exact same thing in regards to their dating habits, a thought process that represents the biggest difference in the way a (typical) black man and (typical) black woman approach “dating out.”

of course i’m attracted to sistas. but, honestly there just aren’t that many where i happen to work/live/go to school.

basically, the typical relationship-minded sista forced to live in place where brothas are scarce will do one of three things:

a) do the half-assed long-distance relationship thing with the last black man who took her on more than one and a half dates

b) save so she can travel whenever she can to places where black men might be

c) not date

on the other hand, the typical brotha might do the “damn, where the hell are all the sistas???” mope for about three weekends, until he finally relents and accepts his co-workers invitation to polka karaoke night.

after the third jagermeister, all bets and loyalties to AKAs are off.

2. he’s very much attracted to black women. but, the black women he’s able to attract and date aren’t as physically attractive as the “others” who are attracted to him.

whether it’s because of their personalities, interests, occupations, or whatever, sometimes educated black men end up dating “other” women because they’re better looking than the sistas he’s able to bag. mind you, this isn’t suggesting that other women are inherently better looking than black women, just that, for whatever reason, some guys aren’t given access to pick-of-the-litter sistas, and they would understandably rather be with an other “9” than a black “6.”

lemme put it this way: because of his height-issues (dude must have been 5’3”, tops), there’s no way in hell that the aforementioned old spice guy doppelganger would have had access to a sista as tall and attractive as the woman he walked into the coffee shop with. take that however you want to.

3. they’re actually meant for each other.

i know it seems odd, but in my many travels i’ve found that it is actually possible for a black man and a non-black woman to be genuinely attracted to and compatible with each other and that it’s also possible for that attraction and compatibility to be completely devoid of any undertones of interracial fantasy.

strange, right?

¹on the somewhat racist list of “famous black guys who have names that make them sound much more “black” than they actually look”, barack obama is 1st, isaiah mustafa is 2nd,  denzel washington is 3rd, and farnsworth bentley is 224th
²i know she’s not gay, even though my mom still swears that she is

—the champ

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

  • http://www.twitter.com/hipployta Siobhan

    All too true…although I can’t co-sign on that “not dating if there are no brothers around” business…I’m an equal opportunity dater…if you meet my 5 pre-reqs we’re good.

    • lulu

      @Siobhan,
      we clearly need to kick it.

      • http://www.twitter.com/hipployta Siobhan

        @lulu,

        Sure enough…anytime!

      • http://www.twitter.com/hipployta Siobhan

        @lulu,

        Sure enough…anytime!

    • lulu

      @Siobhan,
      we clearly need to kick it.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Siobhan,

      if you meet my 5 pre-reqs we’re good.

      which are?

      (betting a weeks supply of kool-aid that “wrestling” is somehow involved with one of them)

      • http://www.twitter.com/hipployta Siobhan

        @The Champ,

        Wrestling…is not explicitly a pre-req…a love of wrestling, awareness of kayfabe storylines, and a love of MMA is seriously extra and worthwhile though.

        I’m going to copy and paste my 5 pre-reqs from an old blog below:

        “Since everyone keeps playing me out accusing me of being a man emotionally and a robot otherwise I thought I’d take this time to explain a few simple things.

        I will be doing a series of blogs that perhaps will better allow you to understand me…beyond the cold-hearted ice queen persona you all know and love.

        So to begin…what do I look for in a parnter…a man to be precise

        There are only FIVE things I look for in a companion/partner. There are a few other items that are important but do not merit disqualification if they are lacking.

        1) Maturity – This mostly relates to being self-confident and not being an overly possesive insecure idiot. That is not fun for me nor I imagine the guy so it’s a waste of time. Being self-possessed and your own person is very important.

        2) Ambition – I’m not suggesting some out of this world dreams that you will likely never accomplish or attempt to accomplish. I am referring to realistic goals that one can actually accomplish even if modification is necessary. Actionable goals that will allow you to live in a manner which makes YOU happy ( not me because I’m going to “do me” anyway)

        3) Height and Attractiveness – It’s so shallow but your height and how attracted I am to you matter. Now the two can vary, based on how attracted I am to you then you could probably be pretty short. I usually say 6’0 but that’s not a requirement. I tend to not care if I am attracted to you enough because I’m wearing my four-inch heels no matter what. Attraction is not just appearance either. It is personality and how we interact. Similar interests and hobbies are important (politics and sports please). If you can make me laugh that is AMAZING. I never realized how attractive laughter was until my people were always making me crack up.

        4) INTELLIGENCE…I don’t care how beautiful you are…I refuse to listen to the idiocy coming out of your mouth…or deal with the lack of intelligent thought generated in your skull. If I can’t talk to you there is no point.

        5) Sensuality – Now any number of people know that this was previously defined by a number…but I have found numbers are limiting. Some large folks have NO IDEA what they are doing and though I am willing to teach I need some sort of baseline to work with. I have met men who refuse to participate in some of the most basic sexual acts BUT expect them to be performed on them…just crazy. So a sensual man is an important factor.

        Please notice that things like clothes, jewelry, cars, and so on were not on the list. All that comes and goes and is unimportant in the long run. Though I will admit a man who presents a pretty package is always more attractive than a slovenly pig and that’s just the truth. I harbor something in my heart for men that wear nice outfits…a suit can be so flattering.

        [This is likely a reflection of my permanent 40’s -50’s style of dress.
        http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=11207618&l=beed277088&id=834630439 ]

      • http://www.twitter.com/hipployta Siobhan

        @The Champ,

        Wrestling…is not explicitly a pre-req…a love of wrestling, awareness of kayfabe storylines, and a love of MMA is seriously extra and worthwhile though.

        I’m going to copy and paste my 5 pre-reqs from an old blog below:

        “Since everyone keeps playing me out accusing me of being a man emotionally and a robot otherwise I thought I’d take this time to explain a few simple things.

        I will be doing a series of blogs that perhaps will better allow you to understand me…beyond the cold-hearted ice queen persona you all know and love.

        So to begin…what do I look for in a parnter…a man to be precise

        There are only FIVE things I look for in a companion/partner. There are a few other items that are important but do not merit disqualification if they are lacking.

        1) Maturity – This mostly relates to being self-confident and not being an overly possesive insecure idiot. That is not fun for me nor I imagine the guy so it’s a waste of time. Being self-possessed and your own person is very important.

        2) Ambition – I’m not suggesting some out of this world dreams that you will likely never accomplish or attempt to accomplish. I am referring to realistic goals that one can actually accomplish even if modification is necessary. Actionable goals that will allow you to live in a manner which makes YOU happy ( not me because I’m going to “do me” anyway)

        3) Height and Attractiveness – It’s so shallow but your height and how attracted I am to you matter. Now the two can vary, based on how attracted I am to you then you could probably be pretty short. I usually say 6’0 but that’s not a requirement. I tend to not care if I am attracted to you enough because I’m wearing my four-inch heels no matter what. Attraction is not just appearance either. It is personality and how we interact. Similar interests and hobbies are important (politics and sports please). If you can make me laugh that is AMAZING. I never realized how attractive laughter was until my people were always making me crack up.

        4) INTELLIGENCE…I don’t care how beautiful you are…I refuse to listen to the idiocy coming out of your mouth…or deal with the lack of intelligent thought generated in your skull. If I can’t talk to you there is no point.

        5) Sensuality – Now any number of people know that this was previously defined by a number…but I have found numbers are limiting. Some large folks have NO IDEA what they are doing and though I am willing to teach I need some sort of baseline to work with. I have met men who refuse to participate in some of the most basic sexual acts BUT expect them to be performed on them…just crazy. So a sensual man is an important factor.

        Please notice that things like clothes, jewelry, cars, and so on were not on the list. All that comes and goes and is unimportant in the long run. Though I will admit a man who presents a pretty package is always more attractive than a slovenly pig and that’s just the truth. I harbor something in my heart for men that wear nice outfits…a suit can be so flattering.

        [This is likely a reflection of my permanent 40’s -50’s style of dress.
        http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=11207618&l=beed277088&id=834630439 ]

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Siobhan,

      if you meet my 5 pre-reqs we’re good.

      which are?

      (betting a weeks supply of kool-aid that “wrestling” is somehow involved with one of them)

  • http://www.twitter.com/hipployta Siobhan

    All too true…although I can’t co-sign on that “not dating if there are no brothers around” business…I’m an equal opportunity dater…if you meet my 5 pre-reqs we’re good.

  • SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil

    I must admit when I see a black guy and a yt woman together my initial reaction would be to side-eye,and assemble the tribune for a quick trash talk … but some of the reasons I believe that black guys date “light-skins” are…
    they might just share common interest on things that sistas wouldn’t admit they enjoy… like alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports…
    Also as you mentioned above there are blk men that sistas wouldn’t conciously want if he didn’t have a something substantial going for him . Example Mr.KArdashian ( Lamar Odom) , I don’t think too many sista would even admit he exist / incline to jump on that if he didn’t have the nba thing going or wasn’t currently married to a 2520..just sayin

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil, LOL @ odom. Yeah I wouldn’t be checkin for him at all. I think most of the hooplah behind their marriage is how shotgun-like it was.

    • http://lizburr.com Liz

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil, LOL @ odom. Yeah I wouldn’t be checkin for him at all. I think most of the hooplah behind their marriage is how shotgun-like it was.

    • JumpOnIt

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      “things that sistas wouldn’t admit they enjoy… like alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports… in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports”

      You ain’t lying, it’s for those exact reasons, (love of the cold, base-line jumping) and a few other reasons I can’t disclose here for fear of being called racist that I refuse to cross that color line.

      But the day I find a yt man that looks like Idris Elba, I’ll be all over 2520 or not. Until then black men, rock on.

      • lulu

        @JumpOnIt,
        imma just go on head and admit i like a majority of the above.

        • Sula

          @lulu,

          And I’ll be there with ya.

          Then again, I had always been an all-opportunity dater. I date people.

        • Sula

          @lulu,

          And I’ll be there with ya.

          Then again, I had always been an all-opportunity dater. I date people.

      • lulu

        @JumpOnIt,
        imma just go on head and admit i like a majority of the above.

      • Plain Ole Peyso

        @JumpOnIt, do you only date black men who like Idris Elba too?

      • Plain Ole Peyso

        @JumpOnIt, do you only date black men who like Idris Elba too?

      • WestIndianArchie

        @JumpOnIt,

        Naw, any brother that’s north of 6’2″, no matter how goofy or corny he is, gets the “tall points”.

        Much like a light skin sista gets light skin points, tall brothers get tall points.

        Tall is on every kameelah-esque list out there

      • WestIndianArchie

        @JumpOnIt,

        Naw, any brother that’s north of 6’2″, no matter how goofy or corny he is, gets the “tall points”.

        Much like a light skin sista gets light skin points, tall brothers get tall points.

        Tall is on every kameelah-esque list out there

    • JumpOnIt

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      “things that sistas wouldn’t admit they enjoy… like alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports… in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports”

      You ain’t lying, it’s for those exact reasons, (love of the cold, base-line jumping) and a few other reasons I can’t disclose here for fear of being called racist that I refuse to cross that color line.

      But the day I find a yt man that looks like Idris Elba, I’ll be all over 2520 or not. Until then black men, rock on.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      Example Mr.KArdashian ( Lamar Odom) , I don’t think too many sista would even admit he exist / incline to jump on that if he didn’t have the nba thing going or wasn’t currently married to a 2520..just sayin

      there was an article in the huffington post about this a couple weeks ago, how the kardashian’s actually helped each of their athlete husbands be more popular and marketable than they already were…which may or may not be a sign of the apocalypse.

      • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. naturally

        @The Champ,

        Definitely a sign of the apocalypse. I think the Odom/Kardashian union is what’s causing these effed up weather conditions, earthquakes, tsunamis… it is indeed the end of times.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @N.I.A. naturally,

          I think the Odom/Kardashian union is what’s causing these effed up weather conditions

          i thought it was dick cheney’s pacemaker

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @N.I.A. naturally,

          I think the Odom/Kardashian union is what’s causing these effed up weather conditions

          i thought it was dick cheney’s pacemaker

        • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A.naturally

          @N.I.A. naturally,

          thought it was dick cheney’s pacemaker

          that too….

        • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A.naturally

          @N.I.A. naturally,

          thought it was dick cheney’s pacemaker

          that too….

      • http://nianaturally.blogspot.com N.I.A. naturally

        @The Champ,

        Definitely a sign of the apocalypse. I think the Odom/Kardashian union is what’s causing these effed up weather conditions, earthquakes, tsunamis… it is indeed the end of times.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      Example Mr.KArdashian ( Lamar Odom) , I don’t think too many sista would even admit he exist / incline to jump on that if he didn’t have the nba thing going or wasn’t currently married to a 2520..just sayin

      there was an article in the huffington post about this a couple weeks ago, how the kardashian’s actually helped each of their athlete husbands be more popular and marketable than they already were…which may or may not be a sign of the apocalypse.

    • thewayoftheid

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      that sistas wouldn’t admit they enjoy… like alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports…

      I never had a problem admitting those things. Maybe that’s why my husband jokes about being in an interracial relationship. My Black Card™ gets pulled early and often. LOL.

    • thewayoftheid

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,

      that sistas wouldn’t admit they enjoy… like alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports…

      I never had a problem admitting those things. Maybe that’s why my husband jokes about being in an interracial relationship. My Black Card™ gets pulled early and often. LOL.

    • Martina

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil, Would the Kardashians do the same? Nope. I believe women in all racist want a tall successful man. It’s just human nature to want security and protection. This is how women are raised. But somehow sistah’s shouldn’t want the same. I don’t get it.

    • Martina

      @SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil, Would the Kardashians do the same? Nope. I believe women in all racist want a tall successful man. It’s just human nature to want security and protection. This is how women are raised. But somehow sistah’s shouldn’t want the same. I don’t get it.

  • SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil

    I must admit when I see a black guy and a yt woman together my initial reaction would be to side-eye,and assemble the tribune for a quick trash talk … but some of the reasons I believe that black guys date “light-skins” are…
    they might just share common interest on things that sistas wouldn’t admit they enjoy… like alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports…
    Also as you mentioned above there are blk men that sistas wouldn’t conciously want if he didn’t have a something substantial going for him . Example Mr.KArdashian ( Lamar Odom) , I don’t think too many sista would even admit he exist / incline to jump on that if he didn’t have the nba thing going or wasn’t currently married to a 2520..just sayin

  • kidSistah

    now that i am back after being distracted a good 5 mins by that isaiah mustafa vid, I realized I never considered how true #2 can be. I think this is because I so often see black men with “other” 2-6s….so I just assume reason #3 to maintain my laissez fairness

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @kidSistah,

      now that i am back after being distracted a good 5 mins by that isaiah mustafa vid

      did you wash your hands, at least?

      • kidSistah

        @The Champ,

        Ha! wasn’t that kind of break. As one who has not watched much of the winter Olympics, I just wasn’t familiar w/ the commercial so I watched it and its counterparts.

      • kidSistah

        @The Champ,

        Ha! wasn’t that kind of break. As one who has not watched much of the winter Olympics, I just wasn’t familiar w/ the commercial so I watched it and its counterparts.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @kidSistah,

      now that i am back after being distracted a good 5 mins by that isaiah mustafa vid

      did you wash your hands, at least?

  • kidSistah

    now that i am back after being distracted a good 5 mins by that isaiah mustafa vid, I realized I never considered how true #2 can be. I think this is because I so often see black men with “other” 2-6s….so I just assume reason #3 to maintain my laissez fairness

  • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dash

    1. she (the non-black woman) was around. you (the black woman) weren’t.

    I saw this all the time from my friends in college. If they did not have the time to hang out at/with a Black Student or equivalent organization they had to take whatever was around. There is a chance that if there were no sisters around I would probably bite the bullet and start settling for the others.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Dash,

      “There is a chance that if there were no sisters around I would probably bite the bullet and start settling for the others.”

      yeah. sometimes you just gotta take one for the team

      • Dash

        @The Champ,
        The meat won’t be dry for too long. Even though I would hope not to have to go to far down the melanin scale.

      • Dash

        @The Champ,
        The meat won’t be dry for too long. Even though I would hope not to have to go to far down the melanin scale.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Dash,

      “There is a chance that if there were no sisters around I would probably bite the bullet and start settling for the others.”

      yeah. sometimes you just gotta take one for the team

    • Sula

      @Dash,

      If they did not have the time to hang out at/with a Black Student or equivalent organization they had to take whatever was around.

      There is a saying in my language that goes something like this: “The sheep grazes where it is fastened” … I think people forget how true this really is.

    • Sula

      @Dash,

      If they did not have the time to hang out at/with a Black Student or equivalent organization they had to take whatever was around.

      There is a saying in my language that goes something like this: “The sheep grazes where it is fastened” … I think people forget how true this really is.

  • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dash

    1. she (the non-black woman) was around. you (the black woman) weren’t.

    I saw this all the time from my friends in college. If they did not have the time to hang out at/with a Black Student or equivalent organization they had to take whatever was around. There is a chance that if there were no sisters around I would probably bite the bullet and start settling for the others.

  • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist BKSweetheart

    Dont be talking about my girl Olivia!! SVU is that crack….

    Its late so imma give like a couple not very well thought out/half sleepy/tipsy Sunday night answers:

    (FYI these are things Ive heard from black men, not necessarily my own views)

    – Black women have too much attitiude and/or are too unaproachable. Whereas the typical cute white chick in the bar is not ashamed or whatever to show that she’s interested in a brother.. whether by making eye contact or flipping her hair or coming over to speak, etc… sisters on the other hand will pretend not to notice a guy if he’s very atractive or she thinks that HE thinks he’s all that, etc. – Therefore black guy just goes with whats easiest and most accessible rather than jumping through hoops to get black woman’s attention

    – White chicks are thinner and/or take better care of their bodies and don’t embrace being a BBW (this one I might have to agree with *slightly* – Im happy for Gabourey Sidibe in getting all this critical aclaim and sh*t for Precious and im sure it was a great movie and all that but please Black america, this is not the image we should be embracing, fat is not the new skinny… that girl needs to lose weight like ASAP or she won’t live to enjoy her success…. yeah I said it!!!)

    Okay going to sleep now….

    *prepares for morning backlash*

    • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dash

      @BKSweetheart,
      Yes there are way too many big proud sisters. I can’t and won’t get with that. It does not make good health, business, or attraction sense to be overweight. Also if a man did not marry, boo up, or whatever you when you were big, don’t expect “love” to keep him attracted to you or interested in continuing a relationship. Physical attraction is an underrated component to maintaining relationships.

    • http://thecochranfirm.wordpress.com/ Dash

      @BKSweetheart,
      Yes there are way too many big proud sisters. I can’t and won’t get with that. It does not make good health, business, or attraction sense to be overweight. Also if a man did not marry, boo up, or whatever you when you were big, don’t expect “love” to keep him attracted to you or interested in continuing a relationship. Physical attraction is an underrated component to maintaining relationships.

    • Plain Ole Peyso

      @BKSweetheart,

      I have 2 gym memberships. One near my job and one near my house. I expect to see more 2520 womens at the gym near Wall St. I am utterly shocked that the amount of 2520 women at my gym in Harlem severely out number the amount of black women.

    • Plain Ole Peyso

      @BKSweetheart,

      I have 2 gym memberships. One near my job and one near my house. I expect to see more 2520 womens at the gym near Wall St. I am utterly shocked that the amount of 2520 women at my gym in Harlem severely out number the amount of black women.

    • GeekChicness

      @BKSweetheart, Co-sign to the 8th power on “don’t embrace being a BBW”! We all don’t want to/have to look like Naomi Campbell> but looking like all of the fat in your body is about to burst out of you=NOT HEALTHY. My sodium/cholesterol levels go up just by looking at Gabourey..

      • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist BKSweetheart

        @GeekChicness, yeah I’m effing tired of people ignoring the 800 pound gorilla in the room when it comes to her… oh wait… umm nevermind, i’ll be nice today… (that one was almost too easy)

        But seriously, people biggin up this chick and no one wants to say that chick needs to lose weight like yesterday!!! I don’t give a shit how talented you are, that shit is not healthy at all… It’s not about being some anorexic heroin chic 2520 chick or fitting some European or unrealistic standard of beauty. It’s about living a healthy lifestyle and not needing a freakin quadruple bypass at age 35 which is where that chick is heading.. someone needs to blow the whistle on that shit, burst the bubble, whatever…. that sh*t is not the business AT ALL!!!

        (sorry this is passionate topic for me lol)

      • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist BKSweetheart

        @GeekChicness, yeah I’m effing tired of people ignoring the 800 pound gorilla in the room when it comes to her… oh wait… umm nevermind, i’ll be nice today… (that one was almost too easy)

        But seriously, people biggin up this chick and no one wants to say that chick needs to lose weight like yesterday!!! I don’t give a shit how talented you are, that shit is not healthy at all… It’s not about being some anorexic heroin chic 2520 chick or fitting some European or unrealistic standard of beauty. It’s about living a healthy lifestyle and not needing a freakin quadruple bypass at age 35 which is where that chick is heading.. someone needs to blow the whistle on that shit, burst the bubble, whatever…. that sh*t is not the business AT ALL!!!

        (sorry this is passionate topic for me lol)

    • GeekChicness

      @BKSweetheart, Co-sign to the 8th power on “don’t embrace being a BBW”! We all don’t want to/have to look like Naomi Campbell> but looking like all of the fat in your body is about to burst out of you=NOT HEALTHY. My sodium/cholesterol levels go up just by looking at Gabourey..

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @BKSweetheart,

      (FYI these are things Ive heard from black men, not necessarily my own views)

      – Black women have too much attitiude and/or are too unaproachable. Whereas the typical cute white chick in the bar is not ashamed or whatever to show that she’s interested in a brother.. whether by making eye contact or flipping her hair or coming over to speak, etc… sisters on the other hand will pretend not to notice a guy if he’s very atractive or she thinks that HE thinks he’s all that, etc. – Therefore black guy just goes with whats easiest and most accessible rather than jumping through hoops to get black woman’s attention

      – White chicks are thinner and/or take better care of their bodies and don’t embrace being a BBW (this one I might have to agree with *slightly* – Im happy for Gabourey Sidibe in getting all this critical aclaim and sh*t for Precious and im sure it was a great movie and all that but please Black america, this is not the image we should be embracing, fat is not the new skinny… that girl needs to lose weight like ASAP or she won’t live to enjoy her success…. yeah I said it!!!)

      see, while i’ve heard these reasons cited numerous times, they’re more about blaming-gaming than anything else, and they’re dangerous because they give the impression that the majority of black guys who date out do so because they have pathological issues with sistas

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @BKSweetheart,

      (FYI these are things Ive heard from black men, not necessarily my own views)

      – Black women have too much attitiude and/or are too unaproachable. Whereas the typical cute white chick in the bar is not ashamed or whatever to show that she’s interested in a brother.. whether by making eye contact or flipping her hair or coming over to speak, etc… sisters on the other hand will pretend not to notice a guy if he’s very atractive or she thinks that HE thinks he’s all that, etc. – Therefore black guy just goes with whats easiest and most accessible rather than jumping through hoops to get black woman’s attention

      – White chicks are thinner and/or take better care of their bodies and don’t embrace being a BBW (this one I might have to agree with *slightly* – Im happy for Gabourey Sidibe in getting all this critical aclaim and sh*t for Precious and im sure it was a great movie and all that but please Black america, this is not the image we should be embracing, fat is not the new skinny… that girl needs to lose weight like ASAP or she won’t live to enjoy her success…. yeah I said it!!!)

      see, while i’ve heard these reasons cited numerous times, they’re more about blaming-gaming than anything else, and they’re dangerous because they give the impression that the majority of black guys who date out do so because they have pathological issues with sistas

    • AnonyMiss

      @BKSweetheart,

      hmm well ill agree with the first bit about the whole attitude thing && being unapproachable. i think for lots of black women its not necessarily about not wanting the guy to feel himself too much… its also a defense mechanism. also ive noticed amongst my own black peers that black women who are “open” and flirty are often looked at as being promiscuous or hoeish even if they’re just friendly. its silly (although sometimes hoes are extra friendly)

      as far as body size issues… from my obervations weight is more of a problem amongst older black women and it seems to me that women of all races add on weight as they age. black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density. but that doesnt mean we are naturally overweight but many of our bodies “normal/happy” weight is not what would be considered thin by white society. i dont know why so many people have come to embrace white standards of beauty, especially when it comes to size. this kind of thinking is what leads to disordered eating. (sorry for the rant, this topic is very personal to me)

      • Deviant

        @AnonyMiss,

        “black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density”

        what?

        • AnonyMiss

          @Deviant,
          haha well thats what im currently learning in nursing school

        • AnonyMiss

          @Deviant,
          haha well thats what im currently learning in nursing school

      • Deviant

        @AnonyMiss,

        “black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density”

        what?

      • MeteorMan

        @AnonyMiss,

        black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density

        Man… *sigh* come on… Even if it was true, it wouldn’t contribute to one’s size. Maybe bone strength. But not any person’s frame size or shape or fat…

        Just let a 2520 say that’s the reason most of us don’t swim and there would be a march on Washington in March.

      • MeteorMan

        @AnonyMiss,

        black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density

        Man… *sigh* come on… Even if it was true, it wouldn’t contribute to one’s size. Maybe bone strength. But not any person’s frame size or shape or fat…

        Just let a 2520 say that’s the reason most of us don’t swim and there would be a march on Washington in March.

      • Dash

        @AnonyMiss, Eh. It’s already been said, but the difference in bone density is not enough to justify the very real weight issues among Black women.

      • Dash

        @AnonyMiss, Eh. It’s already been said, but the difference in bone density is not enough to justify the very real weight issues among Black women.

      • DG

        @AnonyMiss,

        “as far as body size issues… from my obervations weight is more of a problem amongst older black women ”

        Um, no….you obviously haven’t spent much time in the south…it’s thick down here.

        • Shandrea

          @DG,
          I literally just laughed out loud. Thanks.

          But in all seriousness, even if you were to argue that we’re naturally curvier or whatever there’s still a difference between being thick and being overweight/obese… Very fine line but a line all the same. Let’s work on getting physically active and eating right. (Shrimp noodles and hot fries are not a meal.)

        • Shandrea

          @DG,
          I literally just laughed out loud. Thanks.

          But in all seriousness, even if you were to argue that we’re naturally curvier or whatever there’s still a difference between being thick and being overweight/obese… Very fine line but a line all the same. Let’s work on getting physically active and eating right. (Shrimp noodles and hot fries are not a meal.)

        • Deviant

          @DG,

          fat chicks are everywhere. Its not restricted to below the Mason Dixon.

        • Deviant

          @DG,

          fat chicks are everywhere. Its not restricted to below the Mason Dixon.

      • DG

        @AnonyMiss,

        “as far as body size issues… from my obervations weight is more of a problem amongst older black women ”

        Um, no….you obviously haven’t spent much time in the south…it’s thick down here.

    • AnonyMiss

      @BKSweetheart,

      hmm well ill agree with the first bit about the whole attitude thing && being unapproachable. i think for lots of black women its not necessarily about not wanting the guy to feel himself too much… its also a defense mechanism. also ive noticed amongst my own black peers that black women who are “open” and flirty are often looked at as being promiscuous or hoeish even if they’re just friendly. its silly (although sometimes hoes are extra friendly)

      as far as body size issues… from my obervations weight is more of a problem amongst older black women and it seems to me that women of all races add on weight as they age. black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density. but that doesnt mean we are naturally overweight but many of our bodies “normal/happy” weight is not what would be considered thin by white society. i dont know why so many people have come to embrace white standards of beauty, especially when it comes to size. this kind of thinking is what leads to disordered eating. (sorry for the rant, this topic is very personal to me)

  • http://twitter.com/thepopculturist BKSweetheart

    Dont be talking about my girl Olivia!! SVU is that crack….

    Its late so imma give like a couple not very well thought out/half sleepy/tipsy Sunday night answers:

    (FYI these are things Ive heard from black men, not necessarily my own views)

    – Black women have too much attitiude and/or are too unaproachable. Whereas the typical cute white chick in the bar is not ashamed or whatever to show that she’s interested in a brother.. whether by making eye contact or flipping her hair or coming over to speak, etc… sisters on the other hand will pretend not to notice a guy if he’s very atractive or she thinks that HE thinks he’s all that, etc. – Therefore black guy just goes with whats easiest and most accessible rather than jumping through hoops to get black woman’s attention

    – White chicks are thinner and/or take better care of their bodies and don’t embrace being a BBW (this one I might have to agree with *slightly* – Im happy for Gabourey Sidibe in getting all this critical aclaim and sh*t for Precious and im sure it was a great movie and all that but please Black america, this is not the image we should be embracing, fat is not the new skinny… that girl needs to lose weight like ASAP or she won’t live to enjoy her success…. yeah I said it!!!)

    Okay going to sleep now….

    *prepares for morning backlash*

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