- who knew i’d find true love at the celery garden co-op board meeting?
while i was sitting with a female friend last week at my favorite place to people watch and steal wi-fi, an interracial couple (think of a much shorter, darker-skinned isaiah mustafa¹ [the old spice commercial guy] with a younger, curvier, taller, and straighter² mariska hargitay) walked in, ordered a couple smoothies, and left.
my friend, who’s usually all kumbaya when it comes to interracial dating, watched them leave, punched me in the shoulder and said:
“champ, if this were a tyler perry movie, this is when my character would roll her eyes and ask you something like “what the hell do brothas see in becky’s?” Then, a keyshia cole song would come on with a slow-motion montage of black men and white women ice skating and eating ice cream together while a group of sad-looking sistas drank mojitos at the bar by themselves.
anyway, omnipotent relationship guru: even though this aint a movie…give me four good reasons why he’s with her instead of all of this nubian loveliness.”
my answer? (paraphrasing)
1. your breath stinks
2. you just used “nubian” in a sentence
3. she probably smells like almond torte cake
4. he already was with you. you’ve just been with so many men that you can’t remember
although my friend and i were obviously joking, her question stuck with me.
i mean, even considering the fact that you can’t possibly know why some anonymous person chose to be with someone else, and that we all know that black men are much more likely to date black women than “others,” if i had a dollar for every time i’ve read or overheard the “why is he with her?” discussion, i’d have enough to buy the winter olympics a dozen token blacks.
usually, the answers given range from insulting (“cause educated black bitches ain’t shit“) to just plain freakin weird (“white woman never run out of syrup“), fitting into whichever pre-conceived accusatory racial or sexual narrative is popular that week.
but, in every discussion i’ve encountered, they always seem to ignore the three most common (and practical) reasons why he is with a white woman:
1. she (the non-black woman) was around. you (the black woman) weren’t.
when talking to the black male friends i have who’ve dated interracially, the vast majority of them end up saying the exact same thing in regards to their dating habits, a thought process that represents the biggest difference in the way a (typical) black man and (typical) black woman approach “dating out.”
of course i’m attracted to sistas. but, honestly there just aren’t that many where i happen to work/live/go to school.
basically, the typical relationship-minded sista forced to live in place where brothas are scarce will do one of three things:
a) do the half-assed long-distance relationship thing with the last black man who took her on more than one and a half dates
b) save so she can travel whenever she can to places where black men might be
c) not date
on the other hand, the typical brotha might do the “damn, where the hell are all the sistas???” mope for about three weekends, until he finally relents and accepts his co-workers invitation to polka karaoke night.
after the third jagermeister, all bets and loyalties to AKAs are off.
2. he’s very much attracted to black women. but, the black women he’s able to attract and date aren’t as physically attractive as the “others” who are attracted to him.
whether it’s because of their personalities, interests, occupations, or whatever, sometimes educated black men end up dating “other” women because they’re better looking than the sistas he’s able to bag. mind you, this isn’t suggesting that other women are inherently better looking than black women, just that, for whatever reason, some guys aren’t given access to pick-of-the-litter sistas, and they would understandably rather be with an other “9″ than a black “6.”
lemme put it this way: because of his height-issues (dude must have been 5’3”, tops), there’s no way in hell that the aforementioned old spice guy doppelganger would have had access to a sista as tall and attractive as the woman he walked into the coffee shop with. take that however you want to.
3. they’re actually meant for each other.
i know it seems odd, but in my many travels i’ve found that it is actually possible for a black man and a non-black woman to be genuinely attracted to and compatible with each other and that it’s also possible for that attraction and compatibility to be completely devoid of any undertones of interracial fantasy.
strange, right?
¹on the somewhat racist list of “famous black guys who have names that make them sound much more “black” than they actually look”, barack obama is 1st, isaiah mustafa is 2nd, denzel washington is 3rd, and farnsworth bentley is 224th
²i know she’s not gay, even though my mom still swears that she is
—the champ
All too true…although I can’t co-sign on that “not dating if there are no brothers around” business…I’m an equal opportunity dater…if you meet my 5 pre-reqs we’re good.
@Siobhan,
we clearly need to kick it.
@lulu,
Sure enough…anytime!
@Siobhan,
if you meet my 5 pre-reqs we’re good.
which are?
(betting a weeks supply of kool-aid that “wrestling” is somehow involved with one of them)
@The Champ,
Wrestling…is not explicitly a pre-req…a love of wrestling, awareness of kayfabe storylines, and a love of MMA is seriously extra and worthwhile though.
I’m going to copy and paste my 5 pre-reqs from an old blog below:
“Since everyone keeps playing me out accusing me of being a man emotionally and a robot otherwise I thought I’d take this time to explain a few simple things.
I will be doing a series of blogs that perhaps will better allow you to understand me…beyond the cold-hearted ice queen persona you all know and love.
So to begin…what do I look for in a parnter…a man to be precise
There are only FIVE things I look for in a companion/partner. There are a few other items that are important but do not merit disqualification if they are lacking.
1) Maturity – This mostly relates to being self-confident and not being an overly possesive insecure idiot. That is not fun for me nor I imagine the guy so it’s a waste of time. Being self-possessed and your own person is very important.
2) Ambition – I’m not suggesting some out of this world dreams that you will likely never accomplish or attempt to accomplish. I am referring to realistic goals that one can actually accomplish even if modification is necessary. Actionable goals that will allow you to live in a manner which makes YOU happy ( not me because I’m going to “do me” anyway)
3) Height and Attractiveness – It’s so shallow but your height and how attracted I am to you matter. Now the two can vary, based on how attracted I am to you then you could probably be pretty short. I usually say 6’0 but that’s not a requirement. I tend to not care if I am attracted to you enough because I’m wearing my four-inch heels no matter what. Attraction is not just appearance either. It is personality and how we interact. Similar interests and hobbies are important (politics and sports please). If you can make me laugh that is AMAZING. I never realized how attractive laughter was until my people were always making me crack up.
4) INTELLIGENCE…I don’t care how beautiful you are…I refuse to listen to the idiocy coming out of your mouth…or deal with the lack of intelligent thought generated in your skull. If I can’t talk to you there is no point.
5) Sensuality – Now any number of people know that this was previously defined by a number…but I have found numbers are limiting. Some large folks have NO IDEA what they are doing and though I am willing to teach I need some sort of baseline to work with. I have met men who refuse to participate in some of the most basic sexual acts BUT expect them to be performed on them…just crazy. So a sensual man is an important factor.
Please notice that things like clothes, jewelry, cars, and so on were not on the list. All that comes and goes and is unimportant in the long run. Though I will admit a man who presents a pretty package is always more attractive than a slovenly pig and that’s just the truth. I harbor something in my heart for men that wear nice outfits…a suit can be so flattering.
[This is likely a reflection of my permanent 40's -50's style of dress.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=11207618&l=beed277088&id=834630439 ]
@Siobhan,
This picture actually makes it more clear (same day). The guy in the interesting outfit next to me…not matching so much http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=11207632&l=869f370520&id=834630439
@Siobhan,
Hmm…better yet…compare the dude walking by to what I’m wearing…I get alot of annoyance from guys telling me I should “dress down”
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=11207632&l=869f370520&id=834630439
I must admit when I see a black guy and a yt woman together my initial reaction would be to side-eye,and assemble the tribune for a quick trash talk … but some of the reasons I believe that black guys date “light-skins” are…
they might just share common interest on things that sistas wouldn’t admit they enjoy… like alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports…
Also as you mentioned above there are blk men that sistas wouldn’t conciously want if he didn’t have a something substantial going for him . Example Mr.KArdashian ( Lamar Odom) , I don’t think too many sista would even admit he exist / incline to jump on that if he didn’t have the nba thing going or wasn’t currently married to a 2520..just sayin
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil, LOL @ odom. Yeah I wouldn’t be checkin for him at all. I think most of the hooplah behind their marriage is how shotgun-like it was.
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,
“things that sistas wouldn’t admit they enjoy… like alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports… in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports”
You ain’t lying, it’s for those exact reasons, (love of the cold, base-line jumping) and a few other reasons I can’t disclose here for fear of being called racist that I refuse to cross that color line.
But the day I find a yt man that looks like Idris Elba, I’ll be all over 2520 or not. Until then black men, rock on.
@JumpOnIt,
imma just go on head and admit i like a majority of the above.
@lulu,
And I’ll be there with ya.
Then again, I had always been an all-opportunity dater. I date people.
@JumpOnIt, do you only date black men who like Idris Elba too?
@JumpOnIt,
Naw, any brother that’s north of 6’2″, no matter how goofy or corny he is, gets the “tall points”.
Much like a light skin sista gets light skin points, tall brothers get tall points.
Tall is on every kameelah-esque list out there
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,
Example Mr.KArdashian ( Lamar Odom) , I don’t think too many sista would even admit he exist / incline to jump on that if he didn’t have the nba thing going or wasn’t currently married to a 2520..just sayin
there was an article in the huffington post about this a couple weeks ago, how the kardashian’s actually helped each of their athlete husbands be more popular and marketable than they already were…which may or may not be a sign of the apocalypse.
@The Champ,
Definitely a sign of the apocalypse. I think the Odom/Kardashian union is what’s causing these effed up weather conditions, earthquakes, tsunamis… it is indeed the end of times.
@N.I.A. naturally,
I think the Odom/Kardashian union is what’s causing these effed up weather conditions
i thought it was dick cheney’s pacemaker
@N.I.A. naturally,
thought it was dick cheney’s pacemaker
that too….
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,
I never had a problem admitting those things. Maybe that’s why my husband jokes about being in an interracial relationship. My Black Card™ gets pulled early and often. LOL.
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil, Would the Kardashians do the same? Nope. I believe women in all racist want a tall successful man. It’s just human nature to want security and protection. This is how women are raised. But somehow sistah’s shouldn’t want the same. I don’t get it.
now that i am back after being distracted a good 5 mins by that isaiah mustafa vid, I realized I never considered how true #2 can be. I think this is because I so often see black men with “other” 2-6s….so I just assume reason #3 to maintain my laissez fairness
@kidSistah,
now that i am back after being distracted a good 5 mins by that isaiah mustafa vid
did you wash your hands, at least?
@The Champ,
Ha! wasn’t that kind of break. As one who has not watched much of the winter Olympics, I just wasn’t familiar w/ the commercial so I watched it and its counterparts.
1. she (the non-black woman) was around. you (the black woman) weren’t.
I saw this all the time from my friends in college. If they did not have the time to hang out at/with a Black Student or equivalent organization they had to take whatever was around. There is a chance that if there were no sisters around I would probably bite the bullet and start settling for the others.
@Dash,
“There is a chance that if there were no sisters around I would probably bite the bullet and start settling for the others.”
yeah. sometimes you just gotta take one for the team
@The Champ,
The meat won’t be dry for too long. Even though I would hope not to have to go to far down the melanin scale.
@Dash,
If they did not have the time to hang out at/with a Black Student or equivalent organization they had to take whatever was around.
There is a saying in my language that goes something like this: “The sheep grazes where it is fastened” … I think people forget how true this really is.
Dont be talking about my girl Olivia!! SVU is that crack….
Its late so imma give like a couple not very well thought out/half sleepy/tipsy Sunday night answers:
(FYI these are things Ive heard from black men, not necessarily my own views)
- Black women have too much attitiude and/or are too unaproachable. Whereas the typical cute white chick in the bar is not ashamed or whatever to show that she’s interested in a brother.. whether by making eye contact or flipping her hair or coming over to speak, etc… sisters on the other hand will pretend not to notice a guy if he’s very atractive or she thinks that HE thinks he’s all that, etc. – Therefore black guy just goes with whats easiest and most accessible rather than jumping through hoops to get black woman’s attention
- White chicks are thinner and/or take better care of their bodies and don’t embrace being a BBW (this one I might have to agree with *slightly* – Im happy for Gabourey Sidibe in getting all this critical aclaim and sh*t for Precious and im sure it was a great movie and all that but please Black america, this is not the image we should be embracing, fat is not the new skinny… that girl needs to lose weight like ASAP or she won’t live to enjoy her success…. yeah I said it!!!)
Okay going to sleep now….
*prepares for morning backlash*
@BKSweetheart,
Yes there are way too many big proud sisters. I can’t and won’t get with that. It does not make good health, business, or attraction sense to be overweight. Also if a man did not marry, boo up, or whatever you when you were big, don’t expect “love” to keep him attracted to you or interested in continuing a relationship. Physical attraction is an underrated component to maintaining relationships.
@BKSweetheart,
I have 2 gym memberships. One near my job and one near my house. I expect to see more 2520 womens at the gym near Wall St. I am utterly shocked that the amount of 2520 women at my gym in Harlem severely out number the amount of black women.
@BKSweetheart, Co-sign to the 8th power on “don’t embrace being a BBW”! We all don’t want to/have to look like Naomi Campbell> but looking like all of the fat in your body is about to burst out of you=NOT HEALTHY. My sodium/cholesterol levels go up just by looking at Gabourey..
@GeekChicness, yeah I’m effing tired of people ignoring the 800 pound gorilla in the room when it comes to her… oh wait… umm nevermind, i’ll be nice today… (that one was almost too easy)
But seriously, people biggin up this chick and no one wants to say that chick needs to lose weight like yesterday!!! I don’t give a shit how talented you are, that shit is not healthy at all… It’s not about being some anorexic heroin chic 2520 chick or fitting some European or unrealistic standard of beauty. It’s about living a healthy lifestyle and not needing a freakin quadruple bypass at age 35 which is where that chick is heading.. someone needs to blow the whistle on that shit, burst the bubble, whatever…. that sh*t is not the business AT ALL!!!
(sorry this is passionate topic for me lol)
@BKSweetheart,
(FYI these are things Ive heard from black men, not necessarily my own views)
- Black women have too much attitiude and/or are too unaproachable. Whereas the typical cute white chick in the bar is not ashamed or whatever to show that she’s interested in a brother.. whether by making eye contact or flipping her hair or coming over to speak, etc… sisters on the other hand will pretend not to notice a guy if he’s very atractive or she thinks that HE thinks he’s all that, etc. – Therefore black guy just goes with whats easiest and most accessible rather than jumping through hoops to get black woman’s attention
- White chicks are thinner and/or take better care of their bodies and don’t embrace being a BBW (this one I might have to agree with *slightly* – Im happy for Gabourey Sidibe in getting all this critical aclaim and sh*t for Precious and im sure it was a great movie and all that but please Black america, this is not the image we should be embracing, fat is not the new skinny… that girl needs to lose weight like ASAP or she won’t live to enjoy her success…. yeah I said it!!!)
see, while i’ve heard these reasons cited numerous times, they’re more about blaming-gaming than anything else, and they’re dangerous because they give the impression that the majority of black guys who date out do so because they have pathological issues with sistas
@BKSweetheart,
hmm well ill agree with the first bit about the whole attitude thing && being unapproachable. i think for lots of black women its not necessarily about not wanting the guy to feel himself too much… its also a defense mechanism. also ive noticed amongst my own black peers that black women who are “open” and flirty are often looked at as being promiscuous or hoeish even if they’re just friendly. its silly (although sometimes hoes are extra friendly)
as far as body size issues… from my obervations weight is more of a problem amongst older black women and it seems to me that women of all races add on weight as they age. black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density. but that doesnt mean we are naturally overweight but many of our bodies “normal/happy” weight is not what would be considered thin by white society. i dont know why so many people have come to embrace white standards of beauty, especially when it comes to size. this kind of thinking is what leads to disordered eating. (sorry for the rant, this topic is very personal to me)
@AnonyMiss,
“black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density”
what?
@Deviant,
haha well thats what im currently learning in nursing school
@AnonyMiss,
black women are naturally larger than other women in general. greater bone density
Man… *sigh* come on… Even if it was true, it wouldn’t contribute to one’s size. Maybe bone strength. But not any person’s frame size or shape or fat…
Just let a 2520 say that’s the reason most of us don’t swim and there would be a march on Washington in March.
@AnonyMiss, Eh. It’s already been said, but the difference in bone density is not enough to justify the very real weight issues among Black women.
@AnonyMiss,
“as far as body size issues… from my obervations weight is more of a problem amongst older black women ”
Um, no….you obviously haven’t spent much time in the south…it’s thick down here.
@DG,
I literally just laughed out loud. Thanks.
But in all seriousness, even if you were to argue that we’re naturally curvier or whatever there’s still a difference between being thick and being overweight/obese… Very fine line but a line all the same. Let’s work on getting physically active and eating right. (Shrimp noodles and hot fries are not a meal.)
@DG,
fat chicks are everywhere. Its not restricted to below the Mason Dixon.
Co-sign with the list except #2. In my experience, black men tend to drop their standards with women of other races. They may want black women who are 9′s and 10′s and not settle for anything else but then date “other” women who are barely a 4. This always baffles me and I see it all of the time.
@Leila, YES. I think the exact opposite is true. I see black men with all kinds of 3s (no offense P) from the melanin-deficient team.
@Liz,
Hey may be with the non-black 3 because the last black woman he dated was whoopi goldberg…
@Kirk Lazarus, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. this is true. usually the ones with the white 3s aren’t dudes I’d wanna be with anyway. it just makes me wonder when i see it out in the wild lol.
As a Californian who finds herself in mostly in non-black environments, I’d guess that #1 and #3 apply to plenty of the couples I see. #2, not so much.
Would white guys agree that those white women are 9s?
I ask because white female acquaintances have told me that they date black guys because as a fat or in some other way not at the top of the white pecking order white woman, they can attract better quality black guys than white guys.
I have seen a few black men with white 9s. The guy was always at least a 9 himself. Which means he probably could have dated a black (or any other color) 9 and was likely with the white woman for reason 1 or 3. Then again, most of the black male 9s, 8s, or even 7s I see are actually with black female 9s, 8s, or 7s!
@sandbalance,
“I have seen a few black men with white 9s. The guy was always at least a 9 himself. Which means he probably could have dated a black (or any other color) 9 and was likely with the white woman for reason 1 or 3.”
The BM9 in this equation could very well have approached or met several BF9′s; however, when meeting these BF9′s, none of them may have enjoyed alternative rock, wearing shorts/flip-flops in sub-zero temperatures, tiny sandwiches, rain and extreme sports…etc. similar to what seenoevilhearnoevil mentioned upthread.
Then, there’s the whole hoop jumping factor. A lot of BF9′s I’ve met had this laundry list of criteria for what she wants. Dude’s have been sweatin’ her all her life and she probably doesn’t feel a need to compromise because she knows that she’s got plenty options. So, while she might be attracted to the BM9, he’s gotta have not just a law degree or M.D., but it must be from an ivy league school…and, if he’s an athlete, he can’t be a bench rider, he’s gotta be a starter.
I’m not saying that a WF9 will be guaranteed to have the same high standards, but given the option of a WF9 and a BF9, and the WF9 is more accepting of you, what would you choose?
@Leila,
THIS^! You’ve hit the nail on the head. Heard it directly from a few 2520 women…
@Leila, You have to remember that it is a completely different rubric for the scoring of attractiveness. A 2520 when using the black women’s rubric will just about always be a 3. However, you have to use the white women’s rubric for white women. Is she good looking for a white girl is the real question
@Plain Ole Peyso,
But Peyso, the reason people side eye is because the white woman is a 2 on the white woman scale, lol. Many will admit it straight up – they don’t get that much attention from their white brethren, but the brothas think that they’re fine. Before white women started cropping up with quality azz (I blame that dang BootyPop push-up panty) it was the ones with the big ole flapjack rumps talkin’ bout how the brothas couldn’t resist the “thickness”.
@Leila,
“Co-sign with the list except #2. In my experience, black men tend to drop their standards with women of other races. They may want black women who are 9’s and 10’s and not settle for anything else but then date “other” women who are barely a 4. This always baffles me and I see it all of the time.”
YES. And I think this phenomenon gives ammunition to those who side-eye a ninja’s motives for dating “the others”. But, hey…*kanyeshrug*…beauty is
only skin deep, but ugly is to the bonesubjective.@Leila,
“In my experience, black men tend to drop their standards with women of other races. They may want black women who are 9’s and 10’s and not settle for anything else but then date “other” women who are barely a 4″
the reason why this happens has to do with one thing: pressure.
basically, when black guys continually date white woman who are much less physically attractive than the black women they date, they do so because, in their minds, there’s no pressure to do anything more than just date (read “f*ck) them. in their heads, they can mess around all they want with “becky”, knowing that there wont be any societal, familial, or relationship pressure to make it more serious.
thing is, even if you have no intentions on being in a serious relationship with someone, continually sleeping with them and spending time around them has a way of manufacturing feelings you didnt want to produce.
@Leila,
Since you brought up the rating scheme thing…help me with this.
I don’t know how to say this…but i’ll try. A down to earth black woman that is a 9 is a hard find. This is the chick that is at the off the beaten path gym religously or is out hiking and biking through mountain trails…maybe that’s how she was raised. Her interests are vast…not becasue it’s the thing for upwardly mobile blacks to do…helll, she just likes what she likes. She is accomplished…but can talk about things other than work or status related. She can drive a modest vehicle and have a modest mortgage. She is fine as hell…but modest.
On the other hand…the black chicks that are 9′s and join the black ski club (with zero interest in skiing) started for “inclusion” and networking purposes? Yeah…they want the quintessential black lawyer/doctor/etc.
The second type of black women described pushes SOME black men towards down to earth becky that wants to do more than buy a luxury vehicle, go to church 3 times a week (touchy subject) and gain weight.
I want to know why the second type of black woman continues to exist if their ways push black men away.?.?.?.
@atltx, here we go with the stereotypes. I know plenty of black women, including myself, that live modestly. Are you telling me most white women go hiking etc, no they don’t. This is a prime example of what many black women don’t accept about brothers who date inter-racially. Black women practically have to be superwoman to attract successful black men (define it however you choose). While Becky can role out from under some old fart and get married/with child in less than one year (Kendra).
@Leila,
i agree but i guess beauty is subjective so maybe they really are just attracted to these trashy looking white girls??
@AnonyMiss, maybe they really are just attracted to these trashy looking white girls??
It’s not so much that they’re trashy looking, but I know a lot of black men that will accept certain qualities in non-black women that they won’t accept in black women. A big one is weight. They want a sister in the best shape, but will date a white woman who’s 100 lbs overweight. A big contradiction to me.
I recently put my sister on to generically referring to white women as “Beckys” (cf. “Jimmy Johns/Jimmys” for white men and for groups including both genders); I’m glad I’m not the only one who does this.
Anyway, the most common reason for my boys back home (most of whom are milkmen) is #1. Which kind of makes sense, since we went to high school in the suburbs. Then again it kind of doesn’t, since our school was majority Jimmy, but not Jimmy enough that I ever had to hang around them (60-30-10 Jimmy/Black/everything else, I’d guess), so there were plenty of Black women around. Plus, most of us were from Baltimore*/DC, and if there weren’t enough at school they were PLENTY back around the way, so this excuse never really made sense to me in the context of my friends.
*Not wanting to date a Baltimore girl, however, would be a completely legitimate reason.
@P., ouch!….being a native Baltimorean, I take a offense to that especially since it coming from a 3. lol
Anyway..what’s so wrong with us B-more gals besides the fact that you could get shot coming for a visit by a random person or said girl. Let me stop, I’ve learned only the ones who have left the city during their formative years and later returned (if they ever do) are cool peoples…
@P.,
*Not wanting to date a Baltimore girl, however, would be a completely legitimate reason.
LOL. the wire didnt do the women of baltimore any favors
Number two is something for sistas to consider when they give the side eye to a pro athlete who has a 2520 on his arm. These guys go to D-1 colleges often with very low minority populations and whatever sistas attend said school often are not part of the rabid sports fan base either. Here in Charlotte a couple of retired Panthers have white wives Mike Minter and Mike Rucker, but they went to school at Nebraska and you can’t tell them to weed through all those cornhuskers’ and find the one or two corn fed black women there and pray they’re made for each other.
@Jaybilal,
“Here in Charlotte a couple of retired Panthers have white wives Mike Minter and Mike Rucker, but they went to school at Nebraska and you can’t tell them to weed through all those cornhuskers’ and find the one or two corn fed black women there and pray they’re made for each other”
certain phrases just don’t match, and “cornfed” and “black women” are two of them
Oh boy not this topic again.
@TheHallway/TheSunk,
It’s fun, ain’t it?
@Cheekie,
right. who doesn’t love a good interracial relationship discussion on a monday? it keeps my hair black
@TheHallway/TheSunk,
Lol! Great contribution!!
@Everyone,
The Hallway has Sunken back into Space…See you guys tomorrow
I really believe that people can meet and it is just right. Well, I try to believe that. But after going through the 1990s in Kentucky, it just seemed like a decade long “Bring a White Chick, Get Half-Off” sale. Brothers was jumping on anything white and usually cornbread fed and a 2.6875246 (not even a 3). Brothers who wouldn’t date a BBW, was loving them some BWW.
That said, sistahs definitely need to do better in the physical health department. I think 75-80% of sistahs are significantly overweight.
@BKSweetheart–SVU sucks monkey nuts. Criminal Intent is where it’s at.
@meka,
“That said, sistahs definitely need to do better in the physical health department. I think 75-80% of sistahs are significantly overweight.”
I was watchin Patti Labelle on Wendy and the topic of exercise came up. Patti told Wendy (regarding exercise), “You don’t need to do that! I don’t believe in exercise…” I was thinking, “Oh Lawwwwwwwwwd, Ms. Patti…..You teachin ‘em wrong, Ms. Patti. You are teaching them wrong.”
@charli skipper, “I was watchin Patti Labelle on Wendy and the topic of exercise came up. Patti told Wendy (regarding exercise), “You don’t need to do that! I don’t believe in exercise…”
Doesn’t Patti have diabetuss? You’d think she would be all about her health.
@meka, “@BKSweetheart–SVU sucks monkey nuts. Criminal Intent is where it’s at.”
BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!! That guy Vincent D’onofrio or whatever the eff his name is, he kills me always putting together the most insignificant and obscure clues and details and be figuring out the whole case lol. CI is only tolerable when Chris Noth is on there, that’s one fine ass white man!! (or is that the regular L&O, get them confused lol)
@BKSweetheart,
That guy Vincent D’onofrio or whatever the eff his name is, he kills me always putting together the most insignificant and obscure clues and details and be figuring out the whole case lol
goren’s my favorite character on television, so those are fighting words. if you ever come back to the burgh, you better come strapped
Strapped and wearing an ICBM* proof vest. Nobody messes with Bobby!
*you read that correctly. I will snipe you even while i’m in finland.
@The Champ,
I definitely agree, goren is right up there with Temperance Brennan
@meka,
“@BKSweetheart–SVU sucks monkey nuts. Criminal Intent is where it’s at.”
nodding head. svu is built for people who read mediatakeout.com and the back of cereal boxes
@The Champ, “svu is built for people who read mediatakeout.com and the back of cereal boxes”
Hey we all have our guilty pleasures lol…
@The Champ, you must be crazy…goren’s clues don’t even tie together. He just being pulling clues out his butt!
my best friend–who is a gay black man–says that, in his experience, when a black man exclusively dates white women, that’s the last step before his coming out. now, i’m not saying that’s true. i’m saying that i just really enjoy repeating this around black men and checking for their reactions.
@charli skipper, “my best friend–who is a gay black man–says that, in his experience, when a black man exclusively dates white women, that’s the last step before his coming out. now, i’m not saying that’s true. i’m saying that i just really enjoy repeating this around black men and checking for their reactions.”
I do believe that this is the first time I have ever heard this one, but I also think that I will certainly be holding on to this nugget for future reference, cause we all know that the “gay Black man” is the quintessential authority on all things relationship-I do love the gays* they give it to you REAL, hold nothing back, pull no punches etc.AND if that’s what they sayin then it MUST be the truth! *snickering at how much I lurve this theory .
@bajanflchick,
Ummm…I don’t see how are gay men the authority when it comes to relationships. Maybe it’s just the nes I know, but their relationship history doesn’t seem to be the greatest. Trust me, it’s not a good look to see a 30+ yr-old gay man crying about his lover (or ex) over facebook statuses.
Actually, the notion of heterosexual women taking advice from a homosexual man may be problematic in itself. Just sayin’…
@Monk- I’m sorry, I guess the *sarcasm* doesn’t translate well on these internet streets, i was being sarcastic , i kid, i kid about them being the authority….and am in agreeance on the whole problematic advice thing, and on a side note *it’s not a good look for any-one, gay, straight, or whatever to be crying over Facebook Statuses… Seriously
@Monk,
how do you think Tyler Perry got to be so popular?
@bajanflchick,
Whew, that’s a relief. I thought you were being sarcastic, but didn’t know for sure because I definitely think some women really do think that way.
@rockthecatbox,
Good point. I think many of his films are part of the problem though, not the solution.
@Monk,
Oh, I definitely agree. The man casts men who he’d want to sleep with and his screenplays are all about his hatred for attractive women. Not the dude I’m trying to get tips on getting/keeping a man from, lol but the number of women who act like he’s Jesus in drag is mindblowing, LOL
@charli skipper, Wow, I hadn’t heard that in a very long time. A gay black male friend of mine said that was his first step while struggling with his black identity and gender identity, and he observed the same thing in several other gay brothas.
I definitely don’t think it’s true for all or even most, especially now when interracial dating isn’t a big deal, but there is something about some of those guys that tell you they’re searching, from the relaxed or dyed hair to the green or blue eye contacts and even to flirting with or embracing political conservatism.
@charli skipper,
“my best friend–who is a gay black man–says that, in his experience, when a black man exclusively dates white women, that’s the last step before his coming out. now, i’m not saying that’s true.”
lmfao. I would love to know the figures of this one. Such an interesting and way-out-there theory. Like, 2520 chicks are closer to dudes than any other chick. I love how this is the way to ease into gaydom. It’s like a carnivore going vegetarian before they go full-blown vegan.
@Cheekie,
Like, 2520 chicks are closer to dudes than any other chick. I love how this is the way to ease into gaydom. It’s like a carnivore going vegetarian before they go full-blown vegan
actually, with that rationale, its more like a carnivore just deciding to eat all of his meals at wendy’s
@The Champ,
lol
@The Champ, i almost choked on a goldfish from reading that LOL
@The Champ,
oh my goodness! my best friend does this too. so, you must be right with your analogy. wait……”analogy” is the right word, right?
@charli skipper,
“my best friend–who is a gay black man–says that, in his experience, when a black man exclusively dates white women, that’s the last step before his coming out. now, i’m not saying that’s true. i’m saying that i just really enjoy repeating this around black men and checking for their reactions”
LOL…hilarious…..is it just me or are gay men always looking for signs that straight black men are about to come join their team???
@klysha,
is it just me or are gay men always looking for signs that straight black men are about to come join their team???
Right?
@klysha,
is it just me or are gay men always looking for signs that straight black men are about to come join their team???
lol, next its going to be “the way he sits on couches”
@The Champ,
Or the way he cuts his steak…or some other silly ish…lmao
@charli skipper, maybe the reason for this would be that white women are more forgiving when it comes to “swagger”, and a guy that is in the closet probably is showing his “sensitive side” more than a black woman would deal with. I can’t imagine that in the closet, gay black men find white women to be “manly”. That doesn’t even make sense. (IMO)
@juli,
lol. i don’t think he was saying that they find white women manly. he was saying that bringing a white woman around your black family and friends is like the training of wheels of bringing your same sex lover around them. good practice.
For myself, I was never interested. Outside of that, I don’t remember it bothering me…then my pops got him a white girl…and she’s not a fly one either. Should it matter, of course not, but it bothers me that he is a very successful black man who divorced my mom (black) dumped his ex when she brought up marriage (black) and now travels to see her all while forgetting, neglecting, or ignoring that I may want him to visit this side of the world too. Where she gets prearranged trips and visits to his side of the family, I get the trips on the end of business excursions and non committal responses to when WE can go see his side of the family (I think she’s seen them more than I have). I feel like not only has he replaced the black women in his life, but he’s replaced his own son…with an unattractive white woman. She reminds me of the chicken in the bonnet from the old Foghorn Leghorn joints that used to say “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees”.
Anyway, I say all that to say that I’m sure that my reaction/thoughts about the situation when I see it out in the open is really a reaction based on it’s perceived affect on my relationship with my father.
*it’s a DAD issue…(c) Austin Powers*
@Saule Wright,
This is also something I’ve seen before…I have several black male friends and a brother (like, a related-to-me brother) who have treated the usually successful, attractive black women they were with like the dirt under their shoes–these relationships did not last long– but turned around and treated the average looking, dumb as a box of rocks white chick like a queen. THAT aspect is what would bug me about a dude who said he preferred to date interracially, not the interracial dating itself. As I got older, I realized with these particular men it’s not just a preference based on race, it’s a power issue and that they probably would have gotten with a black woman with similar traits as those white woman, but hilarity of hilarities, ALL THE BLACK WOMEN THEY KNEW and that were around them were intelligent, accomplished and their self-esteem was too high. How do I know this? Well, one of my male friends admitted that’s why I was undateable to him, not looks, not “activities in common” and not geography. I felt he was doing me a favor by not trying to date me. Now I don’t think that all men who date interracially have this issue, and like knowing that men aren’t afraid to date and love all kinds of women, shit I’ve dated all kinds of men (which black men openly and boldly object to, another story entirely) and keep it moving.
@RocktheCatbox,
You know…and I love the name…you are right. My mom let him walk on her for a while and when she was tired, they ended up divorced. His ex girlfriend, she wasn’t having it so it ended. This chick, from the little time I saw them together, her t-shirt says “welcome” on it.
@Saule Wright,
LMAO!!
@ Humble_One,
I’m in the D, too! Let’s have lunch. I agree with you, it’s like they haven’t matured enough to confront their issues and take it out on the women in their lives…preach.
@Sula,
ROFL @ Zoe Saldana story. It’s the fact of her attractiveness and his plainness that makes the men pissed off. I’ve seen ugly black chicks (very rarely, as white men seem to only want to date really gorgeous black chicks…take note black men! ROTFL) with white dudes who get no comment (in fact, if the black person is ugly you kind of want to thank the white man/woman for taking them off the market). Gorgeous negroes with whiteys raises all kinds of reckless eyeballing born of sexual entitlement.
@RocktheCatbox,
” have several black male friends and a brother (like, a related-to-me brother) who have treated the usually successful, attractive black women they were with like the dirt under their shoes–these relationships did not last long– but turned around and treated the average looking, dumb as a box of rocks white chick like a queen. THAT aspect is what would bug me about a dude who said he preferred to date interracially, not the interracial dating itself. As I got older, I realized with these particular men it’s not just a preference based on race, it’s a power issue and that they probably would have gotten with a black woman with similar traits as those white woman”
I cosign this. A lot of times men are equal opportunity douchebags. Who ever will but up with their BS is who they will be with.
” ALL THE BLACK WOMEN THEY KNEW and that were around them were intelligent, accomplished and their self-esteem was too high. How do I know this? Well, one of my male friends admitted that’s why I was undateable to him, not looks, not “activities in common” and not geography.”
Maybe I feel this way because I am in Detroit and the friends that I have. But women like this are appreciated. Here you have more than an abundance of the opposite of those traits you listed. Those guys don’t want women like that because they define their position in relationships by dealing with their insecurities in a fraudulent way.
@RocktheCatbox,
shit I’ve dated all kinds of men (which black men openly and boldly object to, another story entirely)
I had a funny real life visual of this very phenomenon last week.
Picture this:
Masses of people coming out of concert venue after an (excellent) Jay-Z concert. This is Houston so you know the population at this concert is blcak dominated. Beautiful, gorgeous, black girl, think southern version of Zoe Saldana (read more hips and a$$ets).. walking next to a whiter than lily white Boy. The girl is dressed rather “urban”: skinny jeans, boots and curve-hugging sweater. Homeboy though? Seems like he came straight from work: khakis, light blue shirt, and sensitive shoes. But he is cute though. Now my sister and I are right behind them. Then there is this black guy who walk straight past us with an incredulous on his face. Dude looks like your average VSB… The girl felt the look I am sure… Her boyfriend tried to cuddle, she kinda did reluctantly… The VSB is now walking faster to kind have her look at him… then he passes them and blatantly shakes his head.
My sister and I almost burst out laughing! I mean he was so obvious with it! The poor girl probably felt the wrath of his side-eye.
My theory is that, had the girl been “busted” (whatever that means), VSB wouldn’t have cared that much… and had the white boy been a little bit more “urban aware” (read at least in Ashton Kutcher type clothes), it would have seemed more “acceptable” to the VSB.
My sister says I give VSBs too much credit… and he would have done it regardless.
I mean it was a very amusing moment and I had to share it….
I know it’s long but eff it, it was funny as heck@Sula,
I’m going with your theory. I mean, I got a “Woodro” just thinking about a Zoe Saldana doppleganger with more hips and a$$ets…d@mn!!!
@Sula,
Oh one more thing, white girls HATE seeing black women with good looking white dudes. I went to a bar with a very attractive octaroon (the only reason I knew he was black is I met his mama), ex military, frat boy type. Every white girl in the place looked like she wanted to beat me down and they kept flipping their hair when he walked by. I felt unsafe, when I wasn’t laughing and making him take off his shirt. The only reason we broke up was because he was incredibly stupid. That was the most fun I ever had making white girls angry.
@RockTheCatBox,
Oh yes, I have seen that played out as well…
One of my best friends (she is Thai) is married to a cross between Matthew McConaughey and Josh Hartnett. I mean dude is HANDSOME times 25. Lol! I remember when they were dating, and we went to Miami on their first “official” couple outing… White girls would side-eye us ALL THE TIME. I mean at some club, one had the nerve to come and ask him if we were co-workers… Best believe, I showed my Black that day… (my friend is more the non-confrontational type, me? not so much!
)…
I guess women in general are socialized to compete. And that’s a shame across the board.
@Sula,
LMAO. I know beckys be thinking, I starve myself and have these blond highlights and SHE gets HIM!?!! wtf!! [image of Barbie head spinning around and popping off]
I know there’s a comedic equivalent for black women who see black men with beckys, but jealous white women make me smile inside.
@Saule Wright,
“She reminds me of the chicken in the bonnet from the old Foghorn Leghorn joints that used to say “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees”.
Prissy?! Mayne hol’ up. I am CTFU over here.
@miss t-lee,
YES, THAT’S IT, PRISSY!
@Saule Wright,
Wow.
@miss t-lee,
ROTFL…me too. That one took me back and done me in simultaneously.
@Cheekie,
It was extra funny to me because sometimes I do that “yeeesss”, when I’m being goofy…lol
@miss t-lee,
“It was extra funny to me because sometimes I do that “yeeesss”, when I’m being goofy…lol”
Love it. lol
@Saule Wright,
damn. that was depressing. i’m sorry, man
@The Champ,
I find ways to lose myself in other thangs, but yea, it gets to me sometimes. Thanks for the eBeer. *cheers fam*
I think number 1 hit the nail on the head. I have higher propinquity levels with white girls than with sisters because of where I am located geographically and the activities I enjoy. ( hardcore gamer, Archery , snowboarding, swimming, diving and surfing). As you can see most of the activities I like involve water sports which is like kryptonite to black women.
@Deus Ex Machina,
oh my goodness, did you say archery? where have you been my whole life? haha. it’s something i’ve wanted to pick up as a real sport but where does one take archery in NYC?
@lulu, Its actually quite fun. Not in the NYC area but I found this http://www.archery-nyc.com
@lulu,
Lol…VSB: Where archery @ss ninjas meet.
>——-> O
Bullseye.
@AkShone,
Bwahahahaha!
VSB needs to start charging for “encounter fees”… or at the very least regale us with stories of “happy couples who met on VSB!!”
@AkShone,
mess!
@Deus Ex Machina, Archery? Oliver Queen is that you?
“( hardcore gamer, Archery , snowboarding, swimming, diving and surfing). ”
One of my friends gave activities as his reason for dating white women.He was into cross-country and extreme sports so his rational made sense to me.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E., LOL Oliver Queen. LOL @ the fact that I know who you are talking about.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E., I mean, he should maybe just start dating different sistahs! I would get down with extreme sports if a brotha wanted to try it. But so far, only a white man has offered to take me cow tipping…:-(
@Anike Love, True. Mind you this was in college so we do have to take that into consideration. He lives on Cyprus now so I have no idea what he’s into now!
As for the cow tipping, don’t. There is nothing funny about turning over a half ton of beef. Cow tipping is a gateway activity to other stupidity.
@Anike Love,
Cow-tipping???? That ain’t extreme…that’s country.
:::says the country boy:::
@Deus Ex Machina,
i have a friend who got an Fencing scholarship to college. and she’s black. i had no clue they even did scholarships for Fencing. lol. once there, she was recruited for the Archery team. i also had no clue there was an actual Archery team. lol.
…she remains to be the only black woman i’ve ever known that does either one of those sports though. lol
and natural-haired black women are not afraid of water sports, fyi. at least not for hair reasons. lol
@Muze, Wow really, fencing and archery, I just fell in love. I took fencing and Kendo and a dozen other martial arts.
@Deus Ex Machina, I took fencing in high school, Epee blade. Which was kool cus it was mostly Black and Latin. If you saw the faces of other 2520 teams (Who were the only people we had to play against) LMAO. We just act Exxxxxtra hood beat them and leave. O man, good times
@Muze, The tradition of black fencers in the US is something I’m pretty about and it’s completely under the radar. I’m a tennis player not a fencer, but as an adult I’ve always wanted to learn.
@Deus Ex Machina,
wow. its not everyday that i see a word in the comments that makes me google it and sh*t. vsb.com: where the champ learns about propinquity and sh*t
@Deus Ex Machina,
Archery actually looks superfun and will love to try it one day. Same with fencing…I remember having this strong desire to take fencing classes as a child. Actually, you just reminded me of it because I forgot about that (lost) dream. I thought that ish was so cool. I definitely need to try ‘em one day.
@Cheekie,
It’s funny, I always wanted to learn fencing so I could scream out, “En garde!!!!!!!” and wear the mask to summon Ghostface Killa…
@AkShone,
Yes, screaming “En garde!!!” contributed about 45% to the reasoning of my desire.
@Deus Ex Machina,
Women don’t have to share all of my interests. I generally prefer they don’t because my hobbies are my me time, but Black women not being able to swim has always been an issue to me. I love to be in/near water, and their hair should not be so important that you can’t handle themselves in an average sized pool.
I would definitely have to agree with #1.
I recently dated a black man who was from the Northwest and his last two ex-girlfriends were beckys; I chalked it up to becky’s being the only one’s available in his environment.
Thing is, I use to live in the same state as the black man listed above, in a small a*s town with a black population of 0.9%. Every time you ran across a black person, you couldn’t help but looked shocked and wonder “Where did you come from”? I lived there for a year and did not date for an entire year. It wasn’t until I relocated back to DC that I stepped back into the dating pool. It NEVER crossed my mind to date one of the “others”.
Whenver I see I a black man with a becky, I automatically think he has a preference and it’s not something that “just happened”. I’m working hard on overcoming this preconceived notion. But, an occasional side-eye does escape every now and then.
@More is More,
Whenver I see I a black man with a becky, I automatically think he has a preference and it’s not something that “just happened”. I’m working hard on overcoming this preconceived notion.
thats what vsb.com is for and sh*t. good job
And to summarize all of the above…
4. BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE.
This is what’s hard for most black women to deal with. That one of their own genuinely prefers non-black women. Of course their preference could be based on any number of issues. But at the end of the day, he’s with her, not you. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
ps: and yes, I’m all about interracial dating so of course I am biased in favor of them.
@lulu,
Yep. Everyone has preferences for whatever reason. Deal with it.
@lulu,
that’s what i say. i don’t get any feelings whatsoever when i see a black man with a white woman. usually it’s a man i’d never think of dating anyhow… #2 i suppose.
i have two older brothers who exclusively dated “other” women in college (and some in HS) and one of them married one and the other has a child by a Puerto Rican woman, so i guess i was assimilated into the idea early on.
@Muze,
same here. two of my uncles on my mom’s side married outside of the Igbo ethnic group. One was Filipino, the other is white. I’m used to it.
@lulu,
It’s funny how you have have uncles and such who’ve done this, yet somehow you’re supposed to be the one to bring balance to the force*.
*this is disclaimer day. for those who don’t get the star wars/nigerian reference, bringing balance to the force means closing the loop on igbo-igbo marriages when everyone in the previous generation has gone astray, because it is incumbent upon you to restore racial/tribal purity to your clan.
@Kamakula,
I am def being called upon to restore the balance. As you can imagine, I’m run far away in the opposite direction.
@lulu,
Yeah, that really does dead it all.
@lulu,
I think a lot of it stems from the fact that we expect EVERYBODY to like us. And that is a problem, not only regarding interracial but life in general… The question “Why not me?” bothers me A LOT. Why not you? Well, because she is NOT you. And he is attracted to HER not YOU… Should there even be a why?
Then again, like you, I don’t really have a problem with Interracial dating so *kanyeshrug*
(Having said that, I am following new show The Deep End and I think it’s pretty decent, but I will raise a HELL of a storm if Micah ends up dating that other lawyer. First for perfunctory good reason that they have ZERO chemistry… I mean he can’t even “make believe” that he likes her… It won’t work and it will suck. I see this is the direction they are trying to go in, and I will not stand for that. At least, pick actors that have REAL chemistry (think Isaiah Washington & Sandra Oh) AND don’t force fed us some crappy fantasy just because you think it’s cute.) #endrant.
@Sula,
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think they cancelled the show.
@miss t-lee,
What? *smh* *sad face*
Those people are killing me.
I agree with #1 and #2 wholeheartedly. Sometimes it’s a hard pill to swallow when explaining this to women that ask such a question to me.
How about
#4 You’re not checking for him anyway (Tiger Woods Rule)
If Laquisha and Aladasondra didn’t give Eldrige anyplay in highschool or college, so why would he get with them when he’s all middle management.
@D-weezy,
#4 You’re not checking for him anyway (Tiger Woods Rule)
If Laquisha and Aladasondra didn’t give Eldrige anyplay in highschool or college, so why would he get with them when he’s all middle management.
you know, i was going to write something about taye diggs revolving around that entire point
@The Champ,
I’ve always wondered why Taye Diggs catches so much flack. I may be wrong, but from what I know about dude…he’s only been with one white chick, which is the one he’s married to…and they’ve been together since he was like 19…dude’s like 38!
He wifed the chick that’s been with him that long and was with him before the fame…can you really blame him (not you personally)? She was into that brotha when he was a background singer at Disneyland…if that ain’t love, what is?
@AkShone,
A lot of the flak Taye receives is because he has blamed a lot of his television and movie flops on Black women not supporting him, and not on the fact that he came close to singlehandedly ruining all the late 90s early 00s Black ensemble flicks that he was in because of his weak screen presence and generally annoying vibe he projects.
Numbers one and three make the most sense to me.
“1. she (the non-black woman) was around. you (the black woman) weren’t.”
Opportunity and geography are inherently linked.
“3. they’re actually meant for each other.”
You can’t legislate the laws of attraction among adults and sometimes two motherf&*kers actually fall in love with each other. Shocking, but it happens.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
“You can’t legislate the laws of attraction among adults”
you can’t? i had no idea
@The Champ,
“you can’t? i had no idea”
Well maybe in Iran, Singapore, certain parts of the south, and any nation that ends with “stan”.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
“You can’t legislate the laws of attraction among adults”
What about teenagers?
@Cheekie, I placed “adults” in my comment so that the R. Sylvester Kellys of the world wouldn’t use “Youn can’t legislate teh laws of attraction” to defend their dating habits. In Sylvester’s case his lawyer obviously used this line of thinking during his trial and the jury went for it.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Gotcha. Good look.
“white woman never run out of syrup“
LMAO!!!
Your Mom thinkgs Mariska Hargitay is gay? Wow.
I don’t really pay much attention to these matters. Most of the time they are kats that I wouldn’t be interested in anyway, so why should I care if he’s dating a 2520?
It’s so not that serious.
@miss t-lee,
Your Mom thinkgs Mariska Hargitay is gay? Wow.
lol, seriously. she even had me convinced to the point that i started telling other people. it wasn’t until i saw she was preggo a couple years ago that i thought to investigate
@The Champ,
*snickering*
Your Mom sounds hilarious.
@miss t-lee,
“Your Mom thinkgs Mariska Hargitay is gay? Wow.”
My mama has said the same thing. But then again, that lady is
nuts and I love herhas this hilarious obsession with having gaydar. A recent exchange with her:*MamaCheekie and Cheekie watching CNN*
*A CNN talking head (can’t remember his name) in on the screen*
CNNTalkingHead: Blah blah blah blah Obama Healthcare Blah blah Teapartycakes
MamaCheekie: He’s gay.
Cheekie: o_O (WTF) HAHA, How do you know, Mama?
MamaCheekie: Because his eyes are too close together.
Cheekie: *Death From Tear-Inducing Laughter*
@Cheekie,
“Because his eyes are too close together.”
This sounds like sum ish my off the chain grandma would say…lmao!!!!
#1 is soooo on point. my best guy friend in highschool went from dating natural poem-spitting, fist raising black women to frosted flakes (his words) simply because he went to college for undergrad and grad school in Wisconsin… AND he played bball. sooo… it was pretty much predestined.
he has informed me that he will ultimately marry a ‘green card’ (also his words) woman. means exactly what you think it means. lol.
i don’t really have an issue with black men and white women, as i stated somewhere above, first, because usu it’s a black man i’d never even consider anyhow. secondly, my grandmother (father’s side) is white, my aunt married to my black uncle (mom’s side) is white, sister n law is white, and i’ve seen a few white men whom could definitely have a shot or at least a date, with me. thirdly, who cares? unless becky is taking shots at MY man… then it’s uncivil war.
@Muze,
my best guy friend in highschool went from dating natural poem-spitting, fist raising black women to frosted flakes (his words) simply because he went to college for undergrad and grad school in Wisconsin… AND he played bball. sooo… it was pretty much predestined.
lol, i’ve said it before, but if you send the most militant “i hate cave b*tches” brotha on the planet to rome or idaho for a year, by the fourth month he’d be in more white panties than clorox
@The Champ,
i’m late but LMAO at “in more white panties than clorox”
@Muze,
then it’s uncivil war.
Love it!
This is an ironic subject, because I was discussing this with a co-worker of mine (brilliant dude) last week and #2 is his exact problem…if it’s a problem. He has mostly white friends, went to predominately white institutions. His Facebook friends page looks like a casting call for the O.C., but he LOVES black women, but they won’t give him the time of day.
When they do give him a shot, he says they are either turned off by his background or the fact that outside of his family you can count his black friends on one hand; or the black women he is able to pull are not as hot as the non-black women he is able to attract.
Now, admittedly…dude’s a little corny, but some sistas can appreciate corniness. I tell him he has to keep trying, all sistas are not alike, but don’t let a good non-black woman that would be a great fit for you pass by either…happiness trumps color, f*ck what you heard.
I can’t understand things from his point of view, because I didn’t grow up like that and didn’t have those type of problems, but hearing things from his point of view definitely gave me a different outlook on situations like his and others.
@AkShone,
You’re encouraging him to keep trying to exclusively date black women?
@kamakula,
No, not exclusively…
He’s at a point where he is considering not even trying to date black women at all anymore. I’m purely saying to him that you can’t judge an entire segment of women by a few that thought you were wack. What one sista thinks is wack/corny/lame…another could view as endearing, but if you do meet a non-black woman that is what you’re looking for…go for it. That was pretty much my point to him.
@AkShone, he’s corny, but is he attractive? And I know you’re a guy, but ya’ll know if a dude is good-looking or not so be honest lol!
@Anike Love,
I’ll put it this way. With his intelligence, his career and his personality; he should have no problem with attracting sistas.
Now, he’s a big dude, but I’ve seen dudes way bigger than him have highly attractive girlfriends/wives with much less pedigree.
@AkShone, were these men in the NFL? Because that’s the only place I see that happening. I think that was slightly ig’nant of me lol
@AkShone,
Yeah..your boy should have no problem. You’re still in the south right?
Big dudes get much love down this way…lol
@AkShone,
“I’ll put it this way. With his intelligence, his career and his personality; he should have no problem with attracting sistas.Now, he’s a big dude, but I’ve seen dudes way bigger than him have highly attractive girlfriends/wives with much less pedigree”
This description would not be enticing if you were describing a female co-worker. I’m just sayin…
@DG,
You’re right, but you know as well as I do that women and men aren’t judged on the same attraction level.
@t-lee,
Yep, ATL, so you know he gotta try mighty hard not to bump into a sista.
@Anike Love,
Nah, regular dudes. I’m not talking super-model women, but highly attractive…which is still subjective, but let’s just say brothas would notice sistas like these…I did.
@AkShone,
“I tell him he has to keep trying, all sistas are not alike”
i’d tell him the same thing. but, admittedly, i can see how easy it would be to just say “f*ck this trying sh*t. i need to start doing me”
@AkShone,
happiness trumps color, f*ck what you heard
T-shirt.
@Sula, I was thinking the same thing just a second ago!
See, I JUST posted about this! Exactly what I was saying about the “white-washed” black guys! lol. Trage-comedy!
2. he’s very much attracted to black women. but, the black women he’s able to attract and date aren’t as physically attractive as the “others” who are attracted to him.
#2 resonated with me. While, I’ve only dated one white woman for a short time and that was around 4 years ago, I think I’ve experienced #2. I think #2 is related to one’s location and a numerical lack of Black people isn’t necessarily the issue. I think in the case of #2 or in my case, I fell in with a white woman because of similar interests and demeanor. Basically, she was a laid-back white woman that went to law school with me, she liked and understood football, we agreed politically, she wasn’t that religious, she made her interest in me known; and she was just a nice person. And, for the record, she was very attractive and not fat at all.
In some locations there are a lot of Black people but an infinitesimal amount of Black folks with good, damn common sense and class. Now, I love my Black women but I had to get to out of Louisiana to get to “my type” of Black women. Now, we all know that down south there are some seriously fine and pretty women, but it has been my experience that I just don’t have much in common with this particular lot of Black women and I have better results when meeting Black women who are not from the deep south. In my case, in Louisiana, I have found too many Black women who are hyper-religious or at least put up the front they are religious (either way I’m not with that), have no knowledge of self, think locally and not globally, conform their standards to the lower common denominator of Black folks or are too stuck up (I like a woman who can just be herself; a confident woman who treats herself and others with respect), and who have urged me to “play the game” (by making myself more amenable to whites to get by. I assume these Black women “play the game.”).
So, now, I travel to DC often and am in the process of moving there
@Kamala Jones,
I don’t know about these other Brothas but for me to date outside of my race, the woman has to meet high standards, Basically, I have to “marry up” to “marry out.”
@Kamala Jones,
I met to say. I don’t know about these other Brothas but for me to date outside of my race again or to marry outside of my race, the woman has to meet high standards. Basically, I have to meet a non-Black woman that will make it advantageous for me to be with her. I’m definitely more willing to work with a Black woman.
@Kamala Jones, I commend you on your honesty, and can respect your reasons for dating non-white women.
Us DC women will welcome you with open arms, but watch out! Some of these women up here are just as stuck up and bourgeois-acting as the women you’ve encountered. But there’s a good mix, as I’m sure you know!
@Anike Love,
“@Kamala Jones, I commend you on your honesty, and can respect your reasons for dating non-white women.
Us DC women will welcome you with open arms, but watch out! Some of these women up here are just as stuck up and bourgeois-acting as the women you’ve encountered. But there’s a good mix, as I’m sure you know!”
@Kamala Jones,
*sign number 435 that the champ needs to probably start paying better attention to the comments*
i have nothing to say other than the fact that up until this comment, i assumed you were a woman.
@The Champ,
Not a problem. My screen name is “Kamala” is derived from one of my favorite wrestlers was Kamala the Ugandan Warrior and I have a crush on Kamala Harris, the San Francisco District Attorney
@Kamala Jones, “Not a problem. My screen name is “Kamala” is derived from one of my favorite wrestlers was Kamala the Ugandan Warrior and I have a crush on Kamala Harris, the San Francisco District Attorney”
Yeah KH is my girl!! New York Times named her one of 17 women most likely to be the first female president of the US.
@BKSweetheart,
“Yeah KH is my girl!! New York Times named her one of 17 women most likely to be the first female president of the US.”
I read about her when she was elected DA and I thought she was attractive. Then a few years ago, I saw her at a conference, and I got that awkward silence us men get when there’s a hottie in the room
My SO is black however has dated plenty 2520 chicks and we have this conversation all the time… In addition to my comments upthread, I think the geography/proximity factor is pretty valid.. Both us work in the Wall St. area so there are just naturally more 2520 chicks around here, so it guess it was just easily accessible for him.
However I will say that he has told me numerous times that even though he has no problem dating 2520 chicks, he’s not the kind of brother who is just white girl crazy (which is something totally different). He would rather date a black chick who is a 7 or 8 than a white chick that’s a 9 or 10.
Funny thing is, we’ll go out after work in the area and he’s told me that a few times when Ive gone to the bathroom, 2520 chicks have tried to approach him or gave the “come hither” look from across the room (KNOWING he was with someone, mind you) – it’s like they have this sense of entitlement or automatically assume that a black guy is going to choose them over a black chick…
I don’t have anything against anyone of any race, but let me have seen one of them 2520 broads trying to push up on my man.. It woulda been some furniture movin in that motherf*cker.. and I’d throw a couple extra blows in there for the ancestors while I was at it LOL…
@BKSweetheart,
“I don’t have anything against anyone of any race, but let me have seen one of them 2520 broads trying to push up on my man.. It woulda been some furniture movin in that motherf*cker.. and I’d throw a couple extra blows in there for the ancestors while I was at it LOL…”
Exactly. and LMBO at extra blows for the ancestors.
+1 on the extra for the ancestors. You had me choking on my wasabi peas.
@BKSweetheart,
Love the extra blows for the ancestors! Lol!
*As the beating ensues, hear me shouting “And this ones for Emmett Till…and this one’s for Esther Rolle in Rosewood!!!!”
@BKSweetheart,
“….and this one’s for Tyra Banks in Higher Learning!!”
Sorry, got caught up in the moment….lol
@BKSweetheart,
“It woulda been some furniture movin in that motherf*cker..”
LMBO!!
I’m not surprised. They are very aware of what’s happening and they are taking full advantage of it. That’s the only time I’d have a problem with Blk man/wht woman: either party being disrespectful or insulting to a Black woman because they feel entitled to have each other.
I admit it, I ask this question ALL THE TIME because I’m just like, WTF!! give up on a sistah’s chocolatey goodness for…her?! But then I realize that some of the black men with the white women (the short guy in the narrative, Seal, and Eldrick to name a few) have probably been passed up by black women, or there aren’t any black women in their social circles. Seriously, how many black women frequent PGA golf events? Boringgg
But how about you pose a question to black women about reasons why they have dated or are dating a white or non-black men? It would be interesting to hear the flipside! Just a thought!
@Anike Love, IDK about Seal. Heidi is pretty fine, and I don’t like women in that way. And we know why Heidi chose him.
@Dee,
Yeah, Heidi’s very pretty and she seems like a hella cool chick, actually. And she yodels.
@Cheekie,
And everyone knows what they say about women who have the ability to vibrate those vocal cords with finesse. . .
@kamakula,
I predicted someone would go there. My Monday is complete.
@Cheekie,
I’m glad I hit that spot for you.
@kamakula,
Lovely.
@Dee, but I’m saying, how many black women would have given Seal a chance? They woulda straight “NEXTTTTTT”ed him. Wait, why did Heidi choose Seal??
@Anike Love,
“how many black women would have given Seal a chance? ”
*I liked Seal way, way back, when he first came out, complete with the dreads and the facial scars…lol
Oh yeah, and Heidi choose him because he saw his junk in some workout gear…lol
@Anike Love,
Seal has been my sex symbol since I was 14… “Kissed by a rose” killed me a slow death… and I have been in love ever since..
(Then again, my attraction to scars and other odd bits has been well documented on VSB… so I might not be the norm.)
@Anike Love, I would have had he come into my life wearing biking shorts.
Imma give him a pass, though, since he’s not American and neither is she.
I wouldn’t have so I am perfectly happy for him. A man’s face is one of the few things I tend to pay close attention to and the one bag of scars business nuh mek it! Plus didn’t he take her up when she was pregnant with some next man’s child? How many black men are too busy scorning women with already-born children to notice what kind of woman she actually is, much less one that’s pregnant…or would they give her a bly if she was rich and famous like Heidi?
If you ask me, any black man who wishes they were Seal is likely accepting a lower standard where this kid thing is concerned than they would have for a black woman. And any black woman who wishes they were Heidi and doesn’t have a fetish for the thugged up scarred up types, is straight hating cause 99% of black women in America, American or NOT, would, as Anike Love says, shout out “NEXTTTTTTT”! lol!
@Anike Love,
But how about you pose a question to black women about reasons why they have dated or are dating a white or non-black men?
no
@The Champ, boooo. At least I tried!
@Anike Love,
about reasons why they have dated or are dating a white or non-black men
My reasons were simple enough: we liked each other!
@Sula, you’re right, that was simple enough! I have a friend whose bi-racial (mom is black, dad is white) and her mom told her she married her father so her kids could have “pretty hair”. I was like…O….MY…I guess that’s still a simple enough reason but to admit it to your children?! Geez….
@miss t-lee, I had no idea Seal ever had locks! *Googles pictures*
@Sula, I still love me some “Kiss by a Rose” too and “Waiting For You”! Hmmm….
@Anike Love,
Yes ma’am!!! He had them when he came out with his first album, but by his 2nd album– the one with “Kiss From A Rose”…gone!!!!
I love “Dreaming In Metaphors”, and “Killer”.
*off to dig those up now…lol
You know, in my experience, black men in general get waaaay more emotional and out of pocket when they see a sista with a white man. I dated a white guy about five years ago, and many of the reactions from the black men around me were just horrendous. I lost friends over it. And these were educated, attractive black men who had dated interracially themselves! Just saying…
I guess we spoil them. Maybe they’re not used to seeing us explore “other” options, so when we do, it hurts. Idk, can anyone shed some light on this for me?
@Honey,
this is interesting. and sooo true. i went on ONE date with a 2520 who’d been hounding me for a date one summer after high school, and every black man around me (including my half-german father) was giving me the WTF face and comments.
i still hear about it to this day.
just like a woman BET NOT cheat while her man goes around sticking his wang into any available hole, i think the same rules apply here in the mind of black men. my brother told me “the man” has stolen enough sh*t from the black man as it is, so when he sees a one with a black woman (esp if she’s attractive), he’s automatically inclined to walk up and punch him.
i think vsb should do a post.
@Muze,
Good point. Men and their double standards *shakes fist*…oh well. I always do me so I’m fine. I hate when other women put up with it though.
@Honey,
I guess we spoil them. Maybe they’re not used to seeing us explore “other” options, so when we do, it hurts. Idk, can anyone shed some light on this for me?
i personally don’t know of any black men who’ve reacted this way, but i’ve heard enough sistas talk about this that i guess there must be some truth to it. maybe those guys just feel like they have exclusive providence with black women.
You know I wouldn’t have a problem with that but the men I know who date white women give me totally different reasons that are cop outs. These are the top reasons I’ve been given by the majority and not one said, “just because she was someone I wanted to date.”
1. White women don’t give men attitudes like Black women.
2. White women never hurt me. (They blame ALL Black women for the pain they may have encountered by a few).
3. White women are willing to do what the Black woman won’t.
None of those excuses are any real reason in my opinion to date a white woman but are reasons that have been given to me.
I would date a white man if I met one compatible with me in several areas and we were both attracted to one another. I wouldn’t date a white man just because I’m pissed off at a few black men.
@Confessions of a Single Black Woman,
You know I wouldn’t have a problem with that but the men I know who date white women give me totally different reasons that are cop outs
lol, i think you need to meet some different men
1. she (the non-black woman) was around. you (the black woman) weren’t.
I’ve heard this a few times. I have a friend who was raised in the NOI that has a child by a 2520 chic. When a brother wants some @ss and all that is around him are 2520s what is he suppose to do? Especially when they are approaching him.
2. he’s very much attracted to black women. but, the black women he’s able to attract and date aren’t as physically attractive as the “others” who are attracted to him.
This could arguably be #1. I’ve met and know SO many dudes that date white women because
1) they don’t attract Black women
2) Black women weren’t feeling them from their teens to early 20s. So when they finally graduate college and start their career they aren’t looking back.
3) They want a woman that looks like Beyonce, Alicia Keys, or Vanessa Williams but can’t get them.
“3) They want a woman that looks like Beyonce, Alicia Keys, or Vanessa Williams but can’t get them.”
Lol, yeah, seriously, when will they learn?!
@Humble_One,
“3) They want a woman that looks like Beyonce, Alicia Keys, or Vanessa Williams but can’t get them.”
Those guys are just shallow and their shallowness is manifested in other ways too I’m willing to bet. Now, this is coming from a Black man. I can say for my friends that have dated non-Black women that they just want a woman that is attractive to them and not some supermodel-looking type of woman. Oftentimes, I find that when Black women say that a Black man wants a “Beyonce” they are giving an excuse as to why that Black man or other Black men don’t want her. Her attitude could very well be stank. Just saying…
@Kamala Jones,
This is true too. I’ve been accused of that and I’m not attracted to those type of women. Their attitudes were just bad that why I wasn’t feeling them.
I don’t even care anymore. I used to get tight when I saw a black man with a 2520. Now, I barely notice it. I say, let love find you where it will or may. I say, if you are not excluding but including good for you. I just get mad at those people who say they NEVER have dated within their own race or some such foolishness. To me, you have issues well beyond race when you exclude your own people. For example. Dennis Rodman. says he has never dated a black woman but I don’t think we are feeling the loss too much on that one….lol.
@QueenT,
For example. Dennis Rodman. says he has never dated a black woman but I don’t think we are feeling the loss too much on that one….lol.
lol, i know you were joking, but, as a few people mentioned upthread, you’d be surprised at how many bm exclusively date ww because sistas were really checking for him in his formative years.
@The Champ, Yeh, well, I get it..but, were they ALL not checking..or just the ones he wanted that looked like Bey and A. Keys? Hmmm?
Of course, what no one brings up is that the guy may be dating her on purpose to get attention.
Look at it this way. You spend 18-24 years of your life getting ignored by the sistas and two days after you start dating Becky, all of them are like “Who is he and why can’t I have him”.
The trick is how you make the transition from Becky to Laquisha without losing that *intangible* in the process. For all the guys who want to know, send me an email and after $10.99 to my paypal account, you too will be in the loop.
@kamakula,
Of course, what no one brings up is that the guy may be dating her on purpose to get attention.
hmmm. never looked at the white woman as a reverse mcguffin angle.
@The Champ,
Someone’s gotta do the thinking around here. It might as well be me.
@The Champ,
But it is working!! I see way too many black women paying attention to dudes, just because they are dating white women…
1- dating can be like real estate…its about location, i`m a living testimony, i mean i went from growing up in new york to spending my freshman and sophomore years in a college named washington and lee university in the shenandoah valley in Virginia..percentage of black women on campus..uh cant remenber seeing that many and if i did they were usually the international students from Africa but then again not too many, junior and senior year in George washington university in DC, percentage of black women on campus? quite frankly i’d say less than 1%. Conclusion: i’ve had my fair share of Molly and Kates
2. Background….man there is something that has always hit quite a nerve with some brothas..its that “corny“ label than hang on brothas who are into things that black women think are uh white! whatever that means and so from the beginning you have a compatibility issue, this brotha may feel more culturally close to Molly and kate than to Lashonte and Shanniqua, Lets face it chances are very high that if Lashonte meets a brotha who is more likely to read Newsweek magazine than keeping up with Football and highly anticipating the next album of rapper THE GAME, then he gets called corny but then Kate looks at this brotha as someone who her not-too-minority-friendly- dad can accept in case her relationship goes forward
i’ll stop here for now!
@Oliver,
“its that “corny“ label than hang on brothas who are into things that black women think are uh white!”
“Lets face it chances are very high that if Lashonte meets a brotha who is more likely to read Newsweek magazine than keeping up with Football and highly anticipating the next album of rapper THE GAME, then he gets called corny ”
This doesn’t make you corny. Kats can be corny for many reasons and it has nothing to do with your hobbies, or what you do in your personal time.
@miss t-lee,
“This doesn’t make you corny. Kats can be corny for many reasons and it has nothing to do with your hobbies, or what you do in your personal time.”
See, you sound mature, but a lot of grown-ass, professional Sistahs look at a Brotha sideways if he’s watching the news channels too much and he only started doing so after Obama became POTUS! Real talk, some (not all) Sistahs dismiss a lot of “thinking Black men” as corny over the most silly reasons. And, I’m sure there are some Black men who dismiss Black women for silly reasons too. Just saying…
@Kamala Jones,
“Real talk, some (not all) Sistahs dismiss a lot of “thinking Black men” as corny over the most silly reasons.”
That’s truly sad.
I would prefer that my man knows what’s going on in the world, and able to converse about different events and topics. There’s definitely nothing corny about being informed.
@Kamala Jones,
“That’s truly sad. I would prefer that my man knows what’s going on in the world, and able to converse about different events and topics. There’s definitely nothing corny about being informed.”
We’re definitely on the same frequency. I believe that VSB and similar websites/blogs is definitely an outlet for
a “certain type of Black person.” I hate to say that but I think it’s true. Champ and Panama need to start up a VSB Meet and Greet for Single People
@Oliver,
“…junior and senior year in George washington university in DC, percentage of black women on campus. quite frankly i’d say less than 1%”
you were in d.c. though. i mean, its not like george washington is in montana or something
@Oliver,
I gotta cosign your #2. This has been an issue for me a few times with Black women. I read the Nation and the Economist. My parents raised us in a politically and culturally aware household. I still did my hood thing. Some Black women don’t get you if aren’t into Tyler Perry movies, Wocka Flocka’s latest single, or heavy into church. I’ve been called uppity, bougie, and so on and Im far from it. It seems like VSB is the only place where I have found women that are like minded.
@Humble_One,
“I gotta cosign your #2. This has been an issue for me a few times with Black women. I read the Nation and the Economist. My parents raised us in a politically and culturally aware household. I still did my hood thing. Some Black women don’t get you if aren’t into Tyler Perry movies, Wocka Flocka’s latest single, or heavy into church. I’ve been called uppity, bougie, and so on and Im far from it. It seems like VSB is the only place where I have found women that are like minded.”
I agree 1000% with you! I think something (among other things) we as Blacks in the U.S. seem to lack and maybe even dislike is diversity. I think that a lot of us Black folks tend to take our most miniscule differences and give these differences power thus creating division.
@Humble_One,
Some Black women don’t get you if aren’t into Tyler Perry movies, Wocka Flocka’s latest single, or heavy into church
I have already told you to DIVERSIFY!
Get out of the D, son. *grins* 
@Sula,
LOL. I’m working on leaving Detroit. You know what’s funny? My friend just got a job in Metro Houston. He will be moving there later this month.
@Humble_One,
At least, you’ll have a chance to check it out through his experience. I am sure he will like it. Houston is pretty cool.
@Sula,
hey, ultracool people (like myself) live in Detroit.
(although i’m working on leaving too. lol)
@Oliver,
I agree with #1 but not #2. Being “corny” has nothing to do with hobbies and everything to do with personality.
@Oliver,
I feel you somewhat. I think I know what you’re getting at. I think on surface encounters–meeting for the first time–women have a more narrow view of “cool” than men and use this as a basis for dateability. Men aren’t really looking for coolness in women on surface, just physical attraction and not being annoying. Case in point, I have been told by men that I’m into relatively strange things (cartoons/anime, independent film), my values are not what they’re used to (I’m not a label or status whore) and I eat weird food (quinoa, kale and spaghetti squash). If I were a dude this would be the kiss of death. A man will date a quirky/weird chick if she’s fine. Her quirkiness is endearing, and who cares because they’re having sex. A woman will hesitate to date a quirky/weird dude even if he’s fine. His weirdness will make couples night uncomfortable.
@RocktheCatbox,
“Case in point, I have been told by men that I’m into relatively strange things (cartoons/anime, independent film), my values are not what they’re used to (I’m not a label or status whore) and I eat weird food (quinoa, kale and spaghetti squash). If I were a dude this would be the kiss of death.”
I have to agree with you on this…as men, we interpret “quirkiness” a lil’ differently. From what you listed, I would think that 1) you have your own interests/hobbies; 2) you’re not materialistic (at least not about clothes/fashion); and 3) you’re open to new and/or diff. things (it always gets me when someone says they don’t eat this or that, yet have never, ever tried it). Food is such a personal ‘experience’, so if you’re willing to try different/exotic foods, it says alot about your personality.
@DG,
I like the way you think… and I think that’s what Oliver was trying to get at… which Rockthecatbox summarized perfectly.
@RockTheCatBox, next time I’m in MI we def need to hang! (I have fantastic Quinoa recipes we can share. *grins*)
@Sula,
it amazes me. the look and feel of a startch, but a protein?! I’m in love with the stuff.
For sure
@RocktheCatbox, Co-Sign on this. I notice that I avoid talking about things that of personal interest to me (Anime/Politics) mostly around my Black friends. Hmmm, Im gonna have to change that…
@RocktheCatbox,
I dunno, man. As a chick who has had her blackness called into question quite a few times by dudes she’s dated it definitely goes both ways. And while I definitely held my own in the sex and looks department I think my quirkiness (and complete lack of interest in organized religion) was probably a dealbreaker for a few.
@thewayoftheid,
“As a chick who has had her blackness called into question quite a few times by dudes she’s dated it definitely goes both ways”
See, that’s the thing….there’s no one recipe for what constitutes “blackness.” It’s not as simple as “add 3 parts Iwishaniggawould, 2 parts affinity for watemelon and friend chicken, and a dash of Coming to America…and blend”….The blk experience in this country is multidimensional and varied. I’m as down as they come, but I would quickly question anyone who questioned my blackness, like “and who made you the authority on Negrodom??”
Just for reference sake, here are a couple of folks who wouldn’t fit the stereotypical mold of “blackness” either: Sammy Davis Jr., Lenny Kravitz, Mae Jemison, our president…the list goes on.
@thewayoftheid,
I think this really depends on what we think as the “type” of people we want to date.
I like off-beat brothers myself… well, I tend to veer towards the quirky (which I didn’t know was quirky until well, it was… lol!) so the kind of cats I like, tend to “appreciate” the quirkiness… I mean if I date you, you have to understand my need to listen to “wait wait don’t tell me” on saturday mornings…
… But boys that I like usually like it.
Now, I know a type who will not necessarily be all ok with my alternative arse. I have dated a few of that type. They seem to like the novelty at first but can’t quite understand it. Those types will not necessarily go for the quirky girl in the long run… If that’s the target, yup, you will feel it more.
But in general, men are more likely than women to be liberal in their dating “types”…
i agree with this list. especially number 3. i just don’t understand what’s so hard to believe that two people of different races, can just like each other for who they are.
I can relate to #1 and #2 and a previous comment #4 (they’re just not that into you…) but I think my own situation is exacerbated by living in the hinterland for the majority of my adult life.
The web has been great for discovering that at a macro-level there are lots of black folks who are into “stuff that black folks aren’t into” and so, I still hold out hope that my paths will cross with someone who is into what I’m into, because I think believing into the hype that somehow the only way for black folks to find their match is to “marry out” as if there’s some sort of pathology that prevents two similar black folks from getting together bugs me to no end.
But I do think it goes both ways, because the same dude that someone “isn’t checking for” might just make the reach that he couldn’t possibly have anything in common with someone who looks like him. Which might seem strange, but is pretty common once you leave the east. My brother moved out to the middle of nowhere with me a few years back. He’s younger and he had this friend of his that we over at our place one day and I don’t know how it came up, but this kid — who was born in California, but raised in Wyoming pretty much from youth — said “I don’t date any chick who is darker than me.” He was 20, so I understood where it came from. I gave him a long lecture about it, because I knew it was unlikely that anyone else ever would. And it wasn’t anything about devils or the such, just…that he was kidding himself.
I’d never been caught saying something that silly when I was his age, but I do think I understood the complicated ways someone could get there. So I try hard not to parse other people’s intentions, even when I find their choices somewhat bizarre, because you can’t know how they arrived where they did or how something that looks vapid on the surface could be something else.
@RB,
So I try hard not to parse other people’s intentions, even when I find their choices somewhat bizarre, because you can’t know how they arrived where they did or how something that looks vapid on the surface could be something else
great point. welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ, I used to frequent your old blog back in the day. So I was glad to see you were still writing when I found this blog earlier this year.
I think it comes down to location and what’s available. Let’s use me as an example. Some basics first. I don’t have any set in stone preferences. I’m attracted to women of all backgrounds though some I in general see less of those that I’d be interested in than others. I believe that the person I date should be someone who shares some common activities with me. Given the number of cute librarians has decreased this year, this means if I’m asking you out, it is because you are also present someplace that I am when I’m not actively working. So, if I pretty much only date ppl from places I hang out, my dating pool will be limited to those who go out to those places.
I’m busy enough as it is. if I have to make serious exception to my normal routine just to have a chance at meeting you and further changes/exceptions to date you, then not only do you have the potential “So, what do we do now?” thing to worry about, but everytime we decide to spend time together, it has greater significance because “usually I’d be going to X part of the city” or “my friends don’t usually go there” or “she never does my stuff”. This then puts more pressure for things to go right to justify its effect on your life and amplifies little things which you may normally ignore otherwise.
*Note, this post applies to relationships in general. It is not specific to the discussion at hand. Furthermore, the discussion at hand presupposes there is something special about white/black dating NOT interracial dating. Don’t believe me, look at all the posts. Nobody cares if they see a dude with a Dominican. Also, it is not representative of all situations. Your mileage may vary. While situations and persons described herein my have similarities to real life experiences and persons, any such resemblance is purely coincidental.
@kamakula,
Apparently there are lawyers amongst us.
@kamakula,
And I agree with this post. People I date should fall into my life seemlessly… If we have to run through hoops to carry our flame (no Olympics) then it becomes one more thing on the “To Do List” and that’s not how I want to perceive my dating. With that said, I am most susceptible to date someone who I happen to meet at my regular hangouts than not. Now if he happens to be blue with a side of lime green (calling all my VSAs (very smart Na”vis), so be it.
(calling all my VSAs (very smart Na”vis),
Should read “calling all my VSNs (very smart Na’vis)”…
@kamakula,
“I’m busy enough as it is. if I have to make serious exception to my normal routine just to have a chance at meeting you and further changes/exceptions to date you, then not only do you have the potential “So, what do we do now?” thing to worry about, but everytime we decide to spend time together, it has greater significance because “usually I’d be going to X part of the city” or “my friends don’t usually go there” or “she never does my stuff”. This then puts more pressure for things to go right to justify its effect on your life and amplifies little things which you may normally ignore otherwise.”
…and then you multiply my interest in you by the interest you have in me, divide that by the number of times we have met, add up the numbers of the last place we met, multiply that by 4, then make that number an exponent of 3.15, and subtract the number of times I blinked, and then that would equal a great big…
What da hell are you saying? LOL…concrete examples, my brotha, concrete. (smile, it’s Monday)
@Ivyette,
Let us say that I decide one night to make a change from my normal schedule, go out somewhere new and meet you. Meanwhile, you have your own schedule and places you frequent, yet we’ve never run into each other before. In all likelihood, we don’t have much in common in terms of places we chill, hang out with friends, etc.
So, whenever we spend time together, the likelihood of it being as a part of a normal activity (me hanging out with my friends at X, you hanging out with your friends at Y) is lower just because our paths don’t normally cross. So then going out with you at times becomes an extra special occasion.
And we end up in a situation where we have to miss out on our normal activities a lot more than if you happened to be a person who frequented the same hang out spots or was a friend of a friend.
This then puts extra emphasis on the time we spend together which can then lead to positive or negative reinforcement of emotions.
@kamakula,
“So then going out with you at times becomes an extra special occasion.”
I feel the same way.
“This then puts extra emphasis on the time we spend together which can then lead to positive or negative reinforcement of emotions.”
Let’s just focus on the positive.
*DEAD* @ “white woman never run out of syrup“.
As for me, I can analyze a brotha who “only dates the others” with the best of ‘em, but when it comes down to it…personally, I don’t want no one who don’t want me. Badda bing.
Is it wrong I give BM/WW couples side eye even when I’m with my Puerto Rican man? :-p
There is nothing wrong with liking who you like, but it’s annoying when you get the impression someone is with a person simply for their complexion (or lack of). I have seen that in action. Anyone remember the scene in “There is Something About Mary” where Ben Stiller’s character meets Mary’s parents? Mary and her fam were from MN, and her stepdad was Black–that pair up is VERY prevalent in that state. The Black men DO NOT check for Black women out there.
@Dee,
but it’s annoying when you get the impression someone is with a person simply for their complexion
My question is How does one get that impression?
@Sula, I don’t really know how to explain it…it’s just something that I just can tell.
Actually, I shouldn’t say ‘with’, it’s more something I’ve seen in a ‘meet market’ situation, like at a club. I would see the BM flock to the WW like moths to a flame, looks be damned.
#2 gives me heartburn…it’s all about being insecure…and taking the easy wasy out. dude…keep approaching what you want…you are guaranteed 1 out of 10. Spend your 10 wisely.
@atltx,
…and if he wants Becky?
@Caballeroso,
well…preference is preferece…stick to beckies and leave other folks that you don’t want alone.
@Caballeroso,
Why would you waste time on someone who doesn’t want you?
And to the larger audience – why do the romantic stylings of people who are NOT interested in us bother us so much?
@kamakula,
why do the romantic stylings of people who are NOT interested in us bother us so much?
I have been trying to answer that question for the longest time.
I think it boils down to “entitlement”… (shortcut answer)
Reason #6: Curiosity. After dating sistas all his life he decided to give it a try to see if there is really any difference of significance.
Reason #7: Rebellion. His parents and friends have always told him he should only date sistas. He decided, eff that, I’m dating who I want to and I’mma show you!
Reason #8: Brainwashing. With all the mainstream media, commercials, and movies (esp. romantic comedies) portraying the white woman as the ultimate prize, he decided that would be his next accomplishment.
@Caballeroso,
#6: um… What? Any guy will tell you that p*ssy is p*ssy. #realtalk
#7: What? I don’t know any person (man or woman) that will sex/date/marry/hang around any person of any race purely out of umm… racial spite. #wheretheydodatat
#8: Yeah… because there are only two types of people in the entire world: Whites and blacks. awesome… o_O
Another thing is that you don’t know when you are seeing some people – unless you look at their ring fingers. And if you didn’t look at the ring finger, then you obviously weren’t interested.
Anyway the point is that since I’ve been in pgh, I’ve dated a more or less equal number of chicks with a couple different racial backgrounds. Would your head explode if you saw me with a white chick one week then a black chick a month later?
People who date inter-racially are like people playing roulette. There is a chance that the game will stop on one color or another. You can’t know what they bet on based on what you see them leave with.
@kamakula,
Cosign.
Whoever has my comment in moderation only likes 2520 women, I guess.
On a similar note to what Kamakula mentioned upthread, a lot of people assume that just because two people are together, they are dating.
I’ve gotten props from fellow black males because they saw me walk out of the bar with an attractive WF. They didn’t realize that we were coworkers there for a happy hour and happened to be leaving at the same time.
I’ve had sistas side-eye me because I was walking down the street with a beautiful hispanic chicka. Nevermind that she’s a coworker and I was only being a gentleman by walking her to her car after another happy hour since she parked in an unsavory part of downtown.
Finally, there’s the side-eye from sistas who saw me walking into the grocery store with a fugly WF sister of a co-worker. She rode to the store with me to get more supplies for her brother’s birthday party that we were setting up, yet I’m getting side-eyes. smh
Don’t jump to conclusions so quickly. Just because they are together does not mean they are dating.
@Caballeroso,
You cerainly like your happy hour. Is it because of all the 2520s that are giving you the “come hither” look? (lol…coudn’t help it)
Honestly, I never give anyone’s skin color any thought. I notice it but that’s about it. I don’t understand this concept romantic racial loyalty that would even yield a discussion where these common sense reasons would need to be enumerated. Maybe that’s just me… This applies to every guy in the entire world that has encounter more than one race of women. duh…
@MeteorMan,
Funny!
@Sula,
This is killing me, truly. How about this: If you see ANY guy with a woman of ANY race, maybe it’s not that he prefers one race or another. Maybe he just prefers that woman. It’s mind-boggling, I know. Next Black men will be tagged in order to map out our race-influenced mating habits. Maybe handle courtship different depending on the race of the person. Who knows… *dead*
@MeteorMan,
If you see ANY guy with a woman of ANY race, maybe it’s not that he prefers one race or another. Maybe he just prefers that woman.
And that’s the point I think many people are missing.
There shouldn’t be a WHY… there should be an acceptance. Now, if YOUR guy goes out with ANY woman of ANY color then the WHY is totally justified. Until then, well, he prefers HER so the why doesn’t/shouldn’t matter.
And this comparing looks(eg the white women are usually 3s etc…etc…) is beyond ridiculous. So people go out with other people just based on looks? Wow.
I have a good friend for whom I think #2 could potentially apply. He loves black women but because he’s all of 5′ 3 1/2″ on a tall day he gets dissed by most black women on a regular basis. He told me he was about to start dating white women because to them at least he has the black man mystique (and the myth) going for him.
But in his case you’d think he’d resent white women since his dad cheated on his mom with one (he has a half white younger brother as a result). But then his older brother married a white woman so maybe there’s a genetic thing going on there. I don’t know…not sure here I was going with this comment…
@klysha,
Wow…this is a cop out if I ever heard one…lol
@klysha,
so maybe there’s a genetic thing going on there.
genetic predisposition for dating certain races!?!?!?! Really though? Genetic, as in pasted down through one’s DNA to future generations and can be recessive or dominate? Didn’t we just decode the human genome? What gene is that? I don’t know if I should laugh or be offended…
@MeteorMan,
Boy you need to stop!
I agree with #3 because I feel that is the main issue. If you are compatiable with someone then that is the bottom line. I have read Essence mag that black women need to date outside their race, but that is a personal issue. When you know who are as a person, then you are able to make better decisions with dating.
I have met some black men that I am not compatiable with and I could see why they would get along better with a white woman. I grew up in the hood so my swag is different and I need a man who can balance that out. I am college educated, but that rough side of me has not changed. So I attracted to men who has that balance as well. Being with someone who you feel your best with is what it’s about! I understand that now!
@Natasha,
“I have met some black men that I am not compatiable with and I could see why they would get along better with a white woman. I grew up in the hood so my swag is different and I need a man who can balance that out. I am college educated, but that rough side of me has not changed. So I attracted to men who has that balance as well. Being with someone who you feel your best with is what it’s about! I understand that now!”
As someone who grew up in the “hood” I think we as Black folks give the “hood” too much power. It’s less about the “hood” and more about your experiences in your home and outside of it. Everyone that grew up in the “hood” didn’t have the same experiences. Whereas my neighbors’ parents may not have had many or any in their family to go to college, my great-grandparents went to college and so did the rest of my family. And, that’s how our Black neighborhoods and communities used to be. Moving out of the “hood” or where the other Black folks dwell due to economic affluence or education for Black folks is a relatively recent phenomenon.
@Kamala Jones, I understand what you are saying and I know that everyone from the hood does not have the same experiences. But my reasoning was because I moved to an environment that was totally different from when I was growing up in “the hood”. And alot of those men in my new neighborhood dated white women and I was confused at first. After going out I realized our up bringings and what we been through made us totally different. I am not giving the “hood” power it’s just from my experience it seems to be a lack of compatiblity for me.
@Natasha,
I understand now Natasha. Thanks for clarifying that for me.
I have nothing to add to this topic. Absolutely nothing. I am just ecstatic that the site was unblocked today!!!!!!!
**Two stepping**
I’ll probably come in tomorrow to a blocked site. And that makes me sad, because I want to participate. Just not on this topic
Ha!
Couple things
First of all, this is a Claire and Heathcliff problem. Tyrell and Boomqueesha, have no problem finding each other and pumping out 6 bebe kids. Real talk, the intra-racial marriage rate for black folks is north of 90%.
Second, 99% of the time when you see a Heathcliff with a becky/maria/padma or mei ling, it’s because of 1 thing. On his list of requirements, her race is not the #1 priority. That’s all it is.
Claire on the other hand, her #1 one priority is that he be black. Only in desperation do many black women “taste” the other side. And many that do give the other style a test, go right back to being alone.
For better or for worse, black women are 100% devoted to black men.
@WestIndianArchie,
Second, 99% of the time when you see a Heathcliff with a becky/maria/padma or mei ling, it’s because of 1 thing. On his list of requirements, her race is not the #1 priority. That’s all it is.
And that’s the reality.
And I can understand why Black women(who are devoted 100% to dating black men) might feel the pinch… because if you are devoted to a cause at 100% and the “cause” is mildly lukewarm towards your “cause”, you might feel some kinda way…
Personally, I am devoted to the cause of my happiness… so while I may not quite understand the annoyance these women feel, I can see how it might play out.
@WestIndianArchie,
Unfortunately most of us are devoted, but we forget that “interracial” isn’t relegated to Black/White. My knowledge of past/present history totally kills any possible desire to date a white man as well as the lack of physical attraction to them. If it ever reached the point that it seemed like I’d be a celibate spinster with a parakeet and a cat because NO Black men were available, I’m not so close-minded that I wouldn’t be open to other races i.e. Latino, Asian, Arab, etc. I don’t see this ever happening though because I’ve never had a problem in attracting a great selection of Black men.
Side note: I love DelRoy Lindo as “West Indian Archie” in Spike’s Malcolm X movie. Sorry about being off topic for a minute.
@WestIndianArchie, “For better or for worse, black women are 100% devoted to black men.”
Umm I dunno about all’at…. Sure I think black men are the most attractive race of men on the earth, but I stay seeing some fine white boys on a daily basis.
How can you say you don’t find white men attractive AT ALL – two words – David Beckham!!!
@BKSweetheart,
Yeah Imma have to raise a big fat cosign on this here. We like, appreciate and are interested in being with a black man but 100% devotion–that’s what a slave would have for his/her master to me, as in take anything we can get, and doesn’t sound anything like my experience. Being devoted to our own detriment is something very few of us Claires would ever, ever do.
@WestIndianArchie, YEP!
I LOVE THE BLACK MAN AND HAVE NO INTEREST NOR DESIRE FOR ANY OTHER….if I fell in love with a man of another race I would have a serious problem…BLACK is my preference, what I am attracted to and who I feel I understand and would understand me…maybe a white/Latin/Asian would too…just don’t care enough to find out!
After reading these reasons, I honestly don’t believe that these men truly desire to be in a relationship with a Black woman, even if she had every desirable quality that he wanted. There seems to be more Black men with low-rated white women than anything else. The Black men that seem to get the 9 & 10 white women are usually a 9 physically & definitely financially themselves. I’m sure that these men are happy that they were born in this day & age where it’s so acceptable & encouraged, but they have no chances of being hung. We all have a right to do what makes us happy & without judgement when it’s not harming anyone. Help yourselves. If you put this together with the new “movement” to get Black women to follow suit, the sighting of a Black-on-Black couple will garner side eyes, neck rolls, rude comments, then the news & blogs will talk about how outdated & weird that is. At this rate, this will be true by the end of the decade.
@Jamaica,
Then again, upward of 90% of Black people are married and in relationships with other black people… so it will be a few decades before the black-black couple sightings end…
We got time.
@Sula, LOL I hope that you’re right! I usually take the media’s stories with a grain of salt, but these headlines and blog posts are starting to make me uncertain.
Hi Champ very interesting reasons why black men date white women and other women outside of their race I have a question for you I am dating a black guy who told me that he prefers to date mexican girls and I’m black am I wasting my time being with him?
Thank You
@collegegirl,
Yes
I wholeheartedly agree with your assessments. They are, indeed, 3 perfectly sound reasons for anyone to engage in any relationship. My last relationship, before my present boyfriend, was with a white guy. Oddly, I received no negative commentary from my girlfriends and I know it wasn’t going on behind my back either. They know my interests, they knew he fit them, plain and simple. He was much more perceptive to looks from black men whenever we were out together. I rarely noticed and to be frank, I could have given two shits. As mentioned in the article, I, too, went to school with many, many white people. Lived in dorms with them. Majored in a largely white field. Worked for a majority white computer company and consequently spent a lot of time in many different circles. What it all comes down to is interests. An aside: I do recall a black guy however who outright said he was not attracted to black women and I am certain that it was due to his 5’5 stature, just shy of corpulent frame, and surly attitude. Seriously, why would anyone tolerate that, let alone desire it?
@my soul’s in my smile,
I’m feelin’ that name.
@Shay,
thanks shay
@ BKSweetheart
David Beckham is certainly not an ugly man, but he’s not fine enough to help me overlook that pink p*nis. Oh goodness no! Everyone has preferences
“pink p*nis” eeeewwwww! never seen one!
@WonderWoman,
haha i feel so racist when i make note of this but it really does disgust me.
For the record, black people always have syrup. Granted it may be old and have syrup all over the top and be sticky to pick up. White people always have FRESH syrup on deck.
Being from a suburbs where Blks were def outnumbered I have heard a few reasons why blk men were more willing to be w white women
- Becky been giving head since she turned 10 . . .seriously she likes and is good at it . . . (yes many blk women are good too but I know plenty who don’t like doing it)
- She’s willing be submitt easier . . “yes daddy, whatever you say daddy, etc . . ”
- She’s more willing to share “How much money you need daddy?”
- She’s more willing to forgive his punk behind “well if you were only with her that one time”
Now based on these things I gotta say *kayneshurg* cuz I know I personally have probs with the last 3. I have plenty of white girlfriends they are not all like that . . but there is still plenty that are.
As a blk woman I don’t disike the blk men who like to be with these women. I dislike the ones with these women who be all up on my bra strap . . mfer you’ve made your choice . . be gone . .
That being said I kinda feel that if you enjoy dating other women . . stick with them. It’s like being gay make your choice and stick with it. Cuz if you enjoy them I cant see how you would enjoy me in any way beyond sex.
Ok so this is my first time on this site and I’m really enjoying it! So many times I always hear an angry black woman or man’s point of view on this issue. And while I still believe that MOST of the men who do choose IR dating is for some shallow reason instead of love or genuine attraction…
It is refreshing to hear a Blk man’s point of view on it that is completely logical, unbiased, and not derogatory towards black women. I love it!
But you are so right about location, because my homeboy moved to a small country town for a job and he says that all the blk women there are loose or ghetto or unattractive or fat (he’s a BIG health nut) and while he has expressed to me that ideally, in theory, he would love to marry a black woman, if there is no acceptable mate around then he has no problem looking else where. (Here in lies the loyalty problem, because I’ll be damned if I’m gonna “settle”, because if that’s what I envision, then that’s what I’m gonna make happen….but as you pointed out, men are different)
One that is rarely mentioned:
She more than likely had a father in the home growing up, and has a template on how a female is supposed to treat a man instead of playing it by ear. If a woman hasn’t had a man in her home she is more likely to be on that irritating “independent” bs. Independence is its own definition, if that is what she is on more than likely thats what she will be. A father tempers some of that irrational bs that alot of females are on, and he gives her a model of what type of man to marry.
A lot of my friends wont date a female now if she was raised by a single mother that couldn’t keep a man.
reasons 1 & 2 are almost all you need… a lot of brothas – GOOD ONES, not the latest reincarnation of the BET rap star of the week/ actor on “The Game” – are tired of having to settle for the “Black 6″, as you say, when we can easily get the “Non-Black 9″, sometimes without even trying.
excellent points!
Reason #4: He’s a follower of Bulworth’s dictum – the quickest way out of all this racist B.S. is f!cking each other until we’re all a nice even shade of cafe au lait…
I find this funny.. I’m light skinned and grew up in an all white hood.. Black women are just not attractive to me. Not to say black women are not good looking they just don’t get my dick hard