Hand me a late pass because today was the first day that I saw the list on Thought Catalog that was a compilation of statements from Reddit about some of the bizarre things that all women have done at least once. It was aptly entitled “27 Bizarre Things That All Women Have Done At Least Once”. Not for nothing, ewww.
While all men learn to appreciate and eventually love the arrival of a woman’s period, some of the information in the article was just TMI. Like, we all know that we all take dumps, but the details are so unnecessary to share. On the other hand, there were quite a few of the things on the list that I’ve seen either in person or thru my vast network of boobed mammals have been informed of. Don’t end sentences in prepositions.
Also, the fact that no women that I know disputed getting in front of a mirror on all fours to see what doggystyle looks like from a male’s perspective? *dead* But I can totally see it since well…
Let’s just get into this male centric list, mmkay, pumpkin? Here are 19 bizarre things that men have done at least once. Maybe not all, but most. You can dispute this, you will be wrong. And for semantic’s sake, the word bizarre is going to have its loosest interpretation ever.
1. Measured his penis
If a dude tells you he doesn’t know how big his johnson is, he’s lying. EVERY dude tries to take SOME measurement.
2. Done naked jumping jacks
I have no clue why. At all. But we do it.
3. Pick up a pair of pants off the floor, smell them, and put them on regardless of what they smell like.
I’ve definitely reached the point in my life that I haven’t done this in years, but it happened. Oh yeah, it happened.
4. Twirled his penis
You know the naked jumping jacks? This is the next step in the progression of penis olympics.
5. Adjusted himself in public, in full view of any and everybody
Yo, when your schlong is uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable. And nobody likes being uncomfortable.
6. Stuck his tongue on frozen sh*t to see if his tongue would get stuck without a plan in case it actually happened
7. Refused to throw away an item of clothing because you’ve had it for long period of time.
I’ve got shorts that literally shame the our ancestors who picked cotton that I refuse to give up. I also have a pair of Morehouse shorts that have more holes in them than a golf course eaten alive by moles. They’re coming with me til this life ride is over.
8. Drank out of a carton even despite repeatedly being told not to by the authority woman figure
9. Attempted to run and slide in our socks on a hardwood floor
I don’t care whose house it is. If there’s a hardwood floor and I wake up in the morning, I will try to slide in my socks.
10. Put his hands in his pants just for comfort because that’s where hands go when they need comfort and warming
11. Stood in a mirror and flexed our muscles pretending to be swole even if we aren’t
12. Eaten food that would possibly kill us because, well we won’t know if we’ll die unless we actually die
Guys make a lot of sense.
13. Attempted something that might actually kill you because…well see #13
I skateboarded off the roof of my house. It hurt a lot.
14. Freestyled for a significant period of time during a car ride solo and truly believed we were good enough to make it as rappers
Still going strong with this one.
15. Watched a chick flick and felt some kind of way while watching
Me and my father once watched a Lifetime movie together. Afterwards, we didn’t speak to one another for 2 hours.
16. Written his name with his urine while pissin’ at a urinal.
All cursive of course.
17. Eaten food right off the ground…like outside ground.
18. If he has them, combed (and possibly conditioned) his chest hairs
Nobody likes that hard scrabble stuff…we like soft silky…what am I doing tellin y’all. This got awkward.
19. Wiped his arse with something other than toilet tissue…because, we tend to run out of toilet tissue. Or are out in the woods.
Again, this is younger man stuff, but its man stuff nonetheless. It happens.
Well there’s your 19. A bizarre number.
It’s Friday. Let’s come clean and share some of the secrets of the trade of our genders. Let’s add to the articles. What are some more things that all men and women do at least once.
Talk to me.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka VITAMIN P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL HE A 3