Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Theory & Essay

100 Words On Love: Scared to F*cking Death

***Joanna Schroeder, editor at The Good Men Project, has an ongoing series where she asked a select group of writers to each offer 100 words about love. I originally wrote something that was 130 words, and after about an hour or so of edits, got it down to 99. Anyway, this is what I had to say.***

There’s one part about being in love that people currently there don’t really share. Admittedly, this seems practical. I imagine they want others to eventually be there too, so they volunteer personal examples of the want, weightlessness, and fulfillment associated with it to make others eager to join their club.

I’m currently experiencing this. And it is fucking great.

I’m also scared to death of losing her—to cancer, to car accidents, to E coli, to mutant land sharks—and I’m annoyed no one warned me that an increasingly irrational fear of an inevitable occurrence would come with this gotdamn fucking package.

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • KLysha

    OMG I’m experiencing this exact same feeling right now with my fiance! I’ve never heard anyone else describe the irrational fear of losing the person that comes with being completely in love so I thought I was just going crazy. I’m not at all afraid of him just up and leaving me but I frequently experience paralizing fear that some freak occurance like him getting attacked by a rogue lion escaped from the DC zoo might happen. I’m so relieved to know this is just a symptom of love. This also serves as confirmation that I’ve never been in love before now because I never experienced this particular feeling with anyone else I’ve been in a relationship with.

    • D Lurker

      Let me tell you that feeling never goes away. I’ve been with my husband (dating or married) for over 12 years. I usually can’t go to sleep until he gets home at night (he works late often). He used to ride a motorcycle to his old job, 45 miles round trip. WORST. YEAR. OF. MY. LIFE. I am terrified of the George Zimmermans and police “protecting” my neighborhood. Ha, I’ve even prepared a speech in my head as to how I’d convince my husband to save himself if we were in a situation where only one of us could survive. My (ir)rationale: I don’t want my sons to grow up stereotypically black and fatherless. My boys really only “need” me until they’re about 10-12. Part of the paranoia and irrationality stems from me being still madly in love with my husband and the fact that… I had previously lost a boyfriend in a freak car accident. Ugh.

  • Rachmo

    So you’re just going to climb into my head and pull out all of my current feelings? I know EXACTLY what you mean. Glad I’m not going crazy.

  • Suddenly I feel like I need to give all my love to a bag of Chips Ahoy and a bottle of wine. Thanks.

  • Shay

    OMG this is exactly how I feel, about all of my loved ones. Romantic and otherwise. I think that once you experience losing someone or experience a circumstance that makes you meet the reality of mortality this kicks in. I sometimes find myself frustrated with my boyfriend, a man who is blessed enough to have not lost anyone who was, as he put it “Significant or close enough for it to shake him” because he doesn’t seem to get the seriousness of this particular angst. No matter how much we talk and how many different ways he tries to listen, He just doesn’t get it. Said that to say that even if the love birds before us had warned us, we may not have gotten it until life taught it to us…

  • Letitia – TeachingClass

    I thought it was just me… a trip to the grocery store late at night suddenly becomes a concern.

  • UrRoyalBrittness

    I seldom think of this when it comes to my boyfriend as well..As I’ve seen it happen before to others. Getting a 3 a.m. call and something happens to them that could have been life threatening..Talk about your heart dropping! I also think that my little pooch feels that way too. Whenever I leave he looks at me like “Return to my human.” *depressed doggy look* And then when I come home he acts a fool!

    • UrRoyalBrittness

      me*

  • alana

    Hmmm…I’ve never felt like this. Not with anyone, actually. Interesting. But, thanks for letting me know what i’m signing up for if I were to actually, truly fall in love.

  • nillalatte

    Yes, it’s true. You pray and worry about things you can’t control for the ones you love.

    Buuuuuuuuuttttttttt, this is going to the be the Friday post? All about love? Hells no! Hit me up in Vegas baby for my birfday weekend. Y’all know how we do. ;)

  • h.h.h.

    2 things:

    1) if that’s what it is, i know i haven’t experienced it. sounds neat-o.

    B) how is someone other than a male(i can’t say female, right?), in charge of a website called “The Good Men Project”?

    • Sageyk3

      I applaud your shade. It is quite irksome such a furor has been planted in the impressionable minds of women that being called a female suggests anything other than what they are. It is what they are, simply. It removes the humanity, the color, and every other trait and speaks to their gender; true. However, this is a societal practice that is indiscriminate. The purpose is to allude to stereotypes and not necessarily to deny the humanity. At which point, it begs the question, are we trying to teach people tact & decorum or is this really some fascist attempt to tell individuals what they cannot say in a “Free Speech” society?

      • h.h.h.

        the pendulum swings, overcompensating at times, before it settles to a balance.

  • I Am Your People

    Love, huh, good God , y’all. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Huh, say it again.
    Yeah, I’m pretty much a #RelationshipFAIL

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