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10 Totally Speculative But Completely Reasonable Reasons Solange Probably Popped Off On Jay-Z

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - ArrivalsYou’ve all seen the footage by now of Solange going all Brooklyn on Jay-Z in an elevator while Beyonce watched and none of us know what the f*ck happened. One truism in life, my rap, is that we will likely NEVER know why Solange decided to go all Porsha Stewart on Jay-Z. Family affairs are just that and if they’re all smart – which we have every reason to believe they all are – then we’ll all be holdin’ our collective d*cks waiting for an answer. Sway doesn’t have them so we won’t either.

So where does that leave us? The people? It leaves us with our imaginations and our speculations. We know very little about the inner workings of that family so we get to have all the field days we want. With that being said, here are 10 totally speculative but completely reasonable reasons Solange Probably Popped Off On Jay-Z.

1. Jay refuses to hand off her latest music to Kanye West leading to Solange still chasing “hits” she’ll never see. Pun intended.

2. Jay told Solange that Juelz Santana is a better rapper than her son Julez. He also said that Juelz spells his name better. Debateable.

3. While Jay and Bey were acting out scenes from “Partition”, Solange got pissed and told the driver to roll up the partition (baby) and Jay was like naw…girl you know you want this diiiiiiih! And forced her to watch. She was not happy. Beyoncés stoic non-confrontational give-no-f*cks-ness makes this possible. She’s like, I mean, he’s my husband. Feminism, b*tch. Solange wants no parts.

(The most telling part of the whole video is how chill Jay and Bey are. Solange must wil’ out frequently.)

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals4. Jay told Solange that Letoya Luckett is a better actor/actress (I’m not sure what’s PC nowadays) than she’ll ever be, citing Johnson Family Vacation as his proof, which would piss anybody off after watching Letoya in Single Ladies. I love Letoya, by the way.

5. In another potential “Partition” related universe, Jay inserted (pun) the words “Solanged Knowles’d all on my blouse” while singing his own version mocking her and thus her bringing up some secret family business inside joke around security. Solange was non-plussed.

6. Jay just listened to Solange’s new music and threw it out the limo window on the way over to the Met Gala and said it was trash and it finally bubbled over. (Most likely).

7. Jay DIDN’T listen to Solange’s new music after promising to in order to give her some pointers, but still threw it out the window on the way over to the Met Gala. He didn’t say it was trash, but he definitely implied that it would be.

8. Jay was talkin’ sh*t about the fact that Blue had both a better name AND said that folks cared more about Blue than Julez. Which would piss off any mother – and rightfully so. Jay’s shortsightedness though leaves him vulnerable to the likeliness of an ironicly named group of cousins named Blue Julez 10 years from now. This will not end well.

9. Solange just found out that Jay and Bey got tickets to the next Grits and Biscuits party and didn’t get her one so she is pissed because she put them up on game in the first place.

10. Jay would NOT stop attempting to sing Alicia Keys parts in “New York” after Solange remarked how much she loves Houston – the city, not the one-eyed singer – and she couldn’t take it anymore because Jay sings like sh*t.

Since we’ll never know, what do you think happened?

-VSB P

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Damon Young

Panama Jackson is pretty fly for a light guy. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. He believes the children are our future and is waiting to find out if he is the 2nd most interesting man in the world.

  • Rachmo

    My thoughts: I honestly think Solange found her newest mixtape that Jay was supposed to listen to in the toilet a la Hustle and Flow and much like DJ couldn’t handle it. So she did what she had to do.

  • towninc

    Beyonce’s smirk is so funny to me. she’s looking like “here goes my spoiled baby sister again acting an a$%”.
    Your #3 is the BEST though! Hilarious
    #7 is probably the most accurate. I’m not a fan and don’t understand the cult following of solange. her pictures stay on Pinterest/tumblr. I’m still trying to figure out how my brother can become famous so that I can become famous just for being his sister. #lazy

  • Kema

    Hah! Now I see this post. Anywho… Saw this on Youtube’s comments “NO Solange you are not the opening act for me and Beyonce’s Tour” lol!

  • PunchDrunkLove

    Whoa…I couldn’t see the faces good, but that was a mighty long elevator ride, it seems. She had time to kick/take another swing, after being restrained? Yeah, she’s mad because she couldn’t open for him and Bey……yeah, that’s it. She was awwwfully ticked!

    • ED

      The TMZ article says the bodyguard hit the emergency stop button

  • PunchDrunkLove

    TMZ must hide out in every crack and crevice of every building, airport, etc. They’re always getting the dirt…lol

    • Abhorsen

      TMZ is on another level of spying

      • Epsilonicus

        Im worried about TMZ than the NSA…

        • Abhorsen

          Do they have like a network of people always ready,man

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Hahaha….true, so true

  • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

    Life ain’t so sweet after all. Beyonce is interesting though, no matter what happens she always stays in character. Smiling. Playing the role of a seemingly perfect pop starlet.

    • Yoles

      i find that a bit scary but thats just me… that stepford wife/starlet/pop star robot shyt is crazy

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

        The day Beyonce snaps is something I don’t think anyone is ready for. I feel like she doesn’t emote well because she’s numb. Something is going to push her over the edge.

        • Abhorsen

          Numb from what

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

            Beyonce is a very polished entertainer. Everything she does is very calculated and rehearsed.

            • menajeanmaehightower

              She controls her image. True.

            • Abhorsen

              So shes a puppet

              • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

                Not really but if that’s what you want to reduce her to, then yes.

        • Kema

          I think she’s just extremely controlled. My sis is like that. She only shows emotion in front of family

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

            You’re probably right. Still, as I was telling Sahel, she’s very polished.

            • Kema

              I respect it. I wish I had a fourth of that control.

              • Abhorsen

                Kema is hoooooooooooooood

                • Kema

                  Hardly! I’d have been scream crying at them both.

      • PunchDrunkLove

        Mmm hmmm….that’s heavy

    • menajeanmaehightower

      I didn’t see that. It looked like she was playing sister and wife trying to get them both to calm down.

    • menajeanmaehightower

      Where did you see a smile? All i can see is Beyonce getting in the middle and turning her head to talk to them both.

      • Kema

        When they get off the elevator…

        • menajeanmaehightower

          I stay missing moments.

        • Mimi SassMouf Brooks

          Bey giving Sol that look like …”She’ll be aight, she on her flow..” XD

    • nillalatte

      “she always stays in character”

      She def protects her brand.

    • Rawtid

      i always thought she was phony but this took it to a whole diff level

  • amoly101

    Maybe he said he didn’t like her hair.

    • PunchDrunkLove

      lol

  • Epsilonicus

    1. Let a sibling go after a significant other like that and we are thumping. I can’t sit by like Bey did.

    2. Jay looked like he wanted to swing but had to keep it cool.

    • towninc

      not everyone feels like you. Sometimes people forget who they married and you have to start wondering how strong is their sibling love

    • menajeanmaehightower

      She did the right thing. I would have gotten in between them to stop it and the security guard handled everything. It looked like Beyonce told them both to calm down. Granted, if my sister rolled up on my husband and he was telling her to calm down and she swung and he pushed her behind, i wouldn’t be upset. In fact, i’m probably going in and kicking her behind myself. Horrible of me, i know.

      • Kema

        It all depends on why shes wiling out. Did he just pat her on the booty? Is she taking up for Beyonce after he pimp slapped her? The world may never know!

        • Abhorsen

          Did he ask for a threesome

          • IcePrincess

            Don’t nobody wanna smang solange

            • Abhorsen

              You sure,i remember someone on VSB saying she has major attitude but i won’t mind a shot at her

            • Chris Streetz Poet Bright

              Lmfao

        • menajeanmaehightower

          LOL. The jokes. So wrong. Can’t wait for the think pieces on this. It won’t be something simple like sister and brother in law get into a fight. No, it will be due to Solange’s jealousy because of x,y,z. It must hurt being in your sister’s shadow at all times. Since birth.

          • Tx10inch

            Possibly.

        • Yoles

          thats ALL i am saying.. we have no idea what caused the wilding out… all i know is that in my family when something happened and the family member didn’t try to stop it it was because their spouse was 100% WRONG and they let the drama rock.. not adding or taking away from it because they are still married and shyt…

    • Val

      Bey isn’t able to move or speak without choreography and lyrics being given to her.

      • Joel

        Lol

      • st george doesnt exist

        beybot

        • PunchDrunkLove

          lololol…that’s funny

          • st george doesnt exist

            now Janelle monae, I have to listen too. im late but became a fan during all star weekend

        • st george doesnt exist

          like a transformer, her personality is in disguise. on stage powerful diva who runs the world, off stage vapid pretty country girl who just so damn sweet lol.
          By the way I like partition, but is it just a little hard to follow? or is it just me… oh well she had me mid drunk in love bouncing around. Shit she should just drop a whole video of twerk songs. Hell they just remix for the Bounce music anyway. I really dont listen to her “lyrics” lol

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

        I. hate. you.

      • Fleur

        Big ole Julius, the security guard, can’t hold Solange back effectively, so she keeps on going back for more swings at Jay Z.

        Good on Jay Z for not hitting Solange back.
        He can’t seem to reason with her though.

        Beyonce steps directly between Jay Z and Solange.
        Solange stops for a moment.
        Jay Z exits the elevator.

        King B, The Diplomat, helps diffuse the violent situation, and she seems to stay true to her character.
        Love my HoneyBey.

  • Abhorsen

    So if Jay hit her,would he have been condemned because she came at him

    • CrayolaGirl

      Yes, people would condemn him. I’m surprised no one is condemning her…she had enough sense to do when she got on the elevator and walk off like she didn’t just lose it on her brother-in-law. SMH

      • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

        When’s the last time a woman was ever chastised for hitting a man?

        • CrayolaGirl

          It’s sad that I can’t remember. This wasn’t pitiful pushes but full on punches and kicks. If this wasn’t in the family, she would have gone to jail for this- but like most times, family just kept it moving.

          • http://brown-c6h12o6.tumblr.com/ RubyWooWho

            Even if it wasn’t family I don’t think she would’ve been jailed because she was assaulting a man. Had Solange been hitting another woman I think she would have spent that night in jail.

            • PunchDrunkLove

              Or ER

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        She’s not important and given that she’s hitting her brother in law, this gets to look silly, but if he was just a boyfriend instead, nobody would be laughing.

    • PunchDrunkLove

      Thankfully he didn’t….but he looked like he was holding back.

      • CrayolaGirl

        He could have easily been justified after she kicked him…but that’s just me.

        • PunchDrunkLove

          Yeah, that would have gone another way though….IMO

      • Abhorsen

        But still,she even kicked out at him when the other dude was holding her back

        • PunchDrunkLove

          Good thing that other dude held her back…probaby for her sake.

          • Abhorsen

            Women have to stop this silly attitude of running up on folks. Last time i checked Jay is from Marcy

            • Epsilonicus

              And he stabbed someone.

              Women have this superman belief that they can put paws on anyone at any time. I dont know where this comes from.

              • Kema

                Ummm… Very simple. From us getting away with it.

                • Abhorsen

                  I saw that video of the Chicago rapper beating the daylights out of some woman who stepped up. That attitude has to stop

                • Freebird

                  i should not have laughed at that. but its probably true.

              • Abhorsen

                It’s bananas. Then when someone goes for a nuclear option you start gender bending yet you instigated

              • Leigh

                Not just stabbed. That ninja shot his brother over some dope. it seems to me that Solange does this often. sometimes it’s just better to let the crazy be crazy.

            • PunchDrunkLove

              I agree. I don’t believe in swinging on grown men or anyone for that matter. We’re in the day and age where practicing a lil restraint just might be your saving grace.

    • h.h.h.

      of course sir.

      *waits for charges to be pressed*

      *twiddles thumbs*

  • MissRae

    These memes on my fb timeline though…

    • Epsilonicus

      They are too funny.

    • MissRae

      LOL. I’m done, this one had me weak.

      • minxbrie

        I started screaming when I saw this one.

        and this: