10 Totally Speculative But Completely Reasonable Reasons Solange Probably Popped Off On Jay-Z
You’ve all seen the footage by now of Solange going all Brooklyn on Jay-Z in an elevator while Beyonce watched and none of us know what the f*ck happened. One truism in life, my rap, is that we will likely NEVER know why Solange decided to go all Porsha Stewart on Jay-Z. Family affairs are just that and if they’re all smart – which we have every reason to believe they all are – then we’ll all be holdin’ our collective d*cks waiting for an answer. Sway doesn’t have them so we won’t either.
So where does that leave us? The people? It leaves us with our imaginations and our speculations. We know very little about the inner workings of that family so we get to have all the field days we want. With that being said, here are 10 totally speculative but completely reasonable reasons Solange Probably Popped Off On Jay-Z.
1. Jay refuses to hand off her latest music to Kanye West leading to Solange still chasing “hits” she’ll never see. Pun intended.
2. Jay told Solange that Juelz Santana is a better rapper than her son Julez. He also said that Juelz spells his name better. Debateable.
3. While Jay and Bey were acting out scenes from “Partition”, Solange got pissed and told the driver to roll up the partition (baby) and Jay was like naw…girl you know you want this diiiiiiih! And forced her to watch. She was not happy. Beyoncés stoic non-confrontational give-no-f*cks-ness makes this possible. She’s like, I mean, he’s my husband. Feminism, b*tch. Solange wants no parts.
(The most telling part of the whole video is how chill Jay and Bey are. Solange must wil’ out frequently.)
4. Jay told Solange that Letoya Luckett is a better actor/actress (I’m not sure what’s PC nowadays) than she’ll ever be, citing Johnson Family Vacation as his proof, which would piss anybody off after watching Letoya in Single Ladies. I love Letoya, by the way.
5. In another potential “Partition” related universe, Jay inserted (pun) the words “Solanged Knowles’d all on my blouse” while singing his own version mocking her and thus her bringing up some secret family business inside joke around security. Solange was non-plussed.
6. Jay just listened to Solange’s new music and threw it out the limo window on the way over to the Met Gala and said it was trash and it finally bubbled over. (Most likely).
7. Jay DIDN’T listen to Solange’s new music after promising to in order to give her some pointers, but still threw it out the window on the way over to the Met Gala. He didn’t say it was trash, but he definitely implied that it would be.
8. Jay was talkin’ sh*t about the fact that Blue had both a better name AND said that folks cared more about Blue than Julez. Which would piss off any mother – and rightfully so. Jay’s shortsightedness though leaves him vulnerable to the likeliness of an ironicly named group of cousins named Blue Julez 10 years from now. This will not end well.
9. Solange just found out that Jay and Bey got tickets to the next Grits and Biscuits party and didn’t get her one so she is pissed because she put them up on game in the first place.
10. Jay would NOT stop attempting to sing Alicia Keys parts in “New York” after Solange remarked how much she loves Houston – the city, not the one-eyed singer – and she couldn’t take it anymore because Jay sings like sh*t.
Since we’ll never know, what do you think happened?