10 Thoughts About the Malia Obama Lollapalooza Non-Story Story » VSB

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10 Thoughts About the Malia Obama Lollapalooza Non-Story Story

  1. I can’t imagine growing up in the spotlight the way that Malia and Sasha Obama have. We’ve seen more discussions about their facial expressions and decorum at events than you can shake a stick at. And because of this, I’m sure they get “the talk” from their mama, ALL THE TIME before major events. “Make sure you stay composed because the world is looking at you.” That seems like it would be grating and annoying, especially when you’re 10 and 8, but even more so when you’re 18 and 16 and lookin’ to rock out with your *CENSORED*. Microscope livin’ must suck when you really just want to listen to Joey Bada$$ and rock Pro Era gear.
  2. To that end, it is part of the gig. While President Obama is the President, the rest of the family is in office, too. And because so many people seem to viscerally detest our President, that means that everything the family does becomes some non-sensical race to the bottom of human decency. Michelle Obama wears her arms out? That’s not first lady-like. Malia Obama misses the DNC to ham it up at Lollapalooza? What a waste of taxpayer dollars! So seeing her turn up at Lollapalooza, pulling up her skirt or shorts and doing some dance-like thing was going to be scrutinized by Black folks who think she should be more reserved and white folks who think she should be more reserved and white. Thing is, ants gon’ ant, people gon’ people, and niggas gon’ nig. J. Cole already went platinum with no features so she might as well enjoy the fuck out of being 18 and finished with high school. Shoot your shot, Malia.
  3. Also, practice your shot, Malia. The thing that stood out to me most about the video was just how, and I mean no offense – I promise, rhythm-less she looked. Please don’t call what she was doing twerking. It was not. I won’t say she can’t dance as I have no clue; she might be Janet Jackson in 1991 when nobody is watching. But I’m surprised that she got caught on video looking like she can’t dance. Listen, I’m not famous. But I’ll be damned if you gon’ catch me at a concert attempting to dance and failing. Naw, you gon’ see me bringing the pain. Y’all can say I can’t write all you want, but what you not gon’ do is come for my rhythm. And I’m just gonna say it, her rhythm left the venue that day.
  4. I blame our President for this. He looks pretty wooden in the moments where he’s doing dance-like motions. He’s still cooler than everybody else, but he ain’t exactly Usher out there. I don’t for a second believe that Michelle Obama can’t dance though. She’s from the southside. She comes from a hard-working family that preaches family first, but we all know that the O’Jays and Kool & The Gang got some burn in her house. And there’s only so many times in a Black household you gon’ get caught sucking at dancing before you work on it and show up stronger. In Obama’s household, I’m sure dancing was not exactly high on the list of “things you need to be able to do”. Genetically, and based ONLY on that video, Malia looked like she caught the President’s dance skills. Look, I’m not saying that the girl needs to go to an HBCU or anything, but I feel like going to Harvard ain’t gon’ help this cause and she’s going to continue in that tradition of doing dance-like things without much in the way of ever really putting in the work to show and prove. No shade, she just needs practice.
  5. At the same time, thank God she wasn’t like, for real, twerking. Lawdhafmercy. Can you IMAGINE the outcry if she was caught on camera attempting to try out for The Twerk Team? Donald Trump would have a solid two weeks off the front page as people argued over the values of the Obama kids and what kind of parents Barack and Michelle are. The fact that the rhythm-less one got caught is the blessing in disguise because it’s a non-story. Sasha? I’ll bet Sasha turns up. Her theme song is probably “All The Way Up”.
  6. Oh, right. People, this is not a story. Donald Trump attacking the Khan family? Story. Donald Trump’s press corps being HORRIBLE? Story. Flooding in Ellicot City, Maryland, that killed people? Story. Police murder and brutality? Story. Korryn Gaines? Story. An 18-year-old doing 18-year-old things with her friends at a concert? Congrats, the Obamas raised a normal kid. Not a story. Shit I’ve never been to Lollapalooza. I’m jealous. I’m glad she’s able to have some fun.
  7. I’ve read stories mentioning how she skipped the DNC to head to Chicago for Lollapalooza as if she blew them off. That led me to this video, which pretty much sums it all up. But let me add a few things. For starters, who gives a shit that she missed the DNC? She wasn’t speaking. Ninety percent of the speeches sucked. She’s not a delegate. Her parents aren’t running for office. I can’t, in all honesty, see why she’d NEED to be there as if the DNC was some uber important thing for these kids to attend. I live two-hours south of Philly and short of being there to witness the historic nomination, and see Obama speak, I had zero desire to attend.
  8. At the same time, I get the idea that: hey, this is a historic nomination. Hillary Clinton is the first woman to head  major ticket heading into Presidential election. Awesome. Unfortunately, her dad was, like, the first Black person to reach that mountain. I’m not saying that it muted the historic nature – it didn’t – I’m saying that she’s an 18-year-old and a lot of these kids nowadays might not feel the historic weight of these moments. Or at least maybe not enough to feel like she needed to be there. Most of us were able to fully appreciate the moment…from home.
  9. At the samer time, maybe, just maybe, a band she REALLY wanted to see was going to be performing and now that she’s 18 with a little more freedom she wanted to take that opportunity because who WOULDN’T when you finally get a taste of freedom? I’m just saying, historic speech that she’ll be able to watch over and over online or once-in-a-lifetime concert performances. No two shows are ever the same.
  10. I mean, at least it aint Rae Sremmurd on The Breakfast Club.
Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Courtney Wheeler

    That was the first thing I thought when watching that video was “Man…Malia needs to practice her twerk skills…but then again she’s going to Harvard to she’ll be okay.”

    • No lie.
      The degree won’t be for dance.
      Lol

      • Kas

        So no “Drumline III, Turning Up Harvard”?

        • Ummm no.

        • brothaskeeper

          Straight to Netflix! Synopsis: A talented but troubled inner city youth earns a music scholarship to an elite Ivy league school and attempts to win the affections of a stodgy co-ed. Starring Soulja Boi, Keke Palmer, Kenan Thompson, Terrence J, Tichina Arnold, and Clifton Powell as the Dean of Music.

          • Charles Johnson

            I’d replace soulja boi with the black dude who thinks he mixed all of a sudden. The dude version of raven symone. Chad Moss?

            • Edithvjenkins3

              <<y:y. ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????:::::::!!bx136a:….,….

          • heyheyno

            Naw Terrance J and Keke Palmer are too big for straight to Netflix movies. I think it will be two names that aren’t that big like that girl who played in the Aaliyah movie and Hakeem from Empire lol

    • miss t-lee

      Fa sho. She’ll be good.

    • SororSalsa

      Yeah, I found her Serena-like lack of twerk skills far more of an issue than the fact that she was dancing with her friends.

      • Maxine Shaw

        Can somebody please tell me why Serena keeps trying to twerk? Beloved…!

        • SororSalsa

          This right here is proof positive that Queen Bey has a sting…you know she was behind this foolishness.

  • A.G.

    A lot of the criticism I’ve seen about her seems to revolve around the fact that she’s (obviously) extremely privileged, and because she never has to worry about anything in life because of said privilege, well, people got a problem.

    Doesn’t mean it’s fair.

    • Bah Debo

      Where are these criticisms at though??? I don’t have twitter and stay off of facebook for the most part. I saw one article on Facebook when it first happened, watched the video, and was immediately mad that they even called that a “twerk”.
      If she was just your normal, average 18 year old, and, I saw that as her father, I wouldn’t be happy…but it wouldn’t be a big deal. Most harmless thing I’ve ever seen an 18 year old girl do.

      • A.G.

        I’m referring to the Fox News article about her getting into Harvard. They had to shut down the comments section b/c of all the racists.

        • grownandsexy2

          The vitriol in the comments was savage.

      • L8Comer

        Yeah I haven’t seen much criticism either. I’ve seen much more articles saying people should not criticize her than I’ve seen articles criticizing her.

        • grownandsexy2

          I’ve seen racist comments because she’s taking a year off before attending Harvard.

          • the horror….
            #StraightFace

          • L8Comer

            Why? That’s a good decision for a lot of kids

      • Nik White

        It’s the “real” media.

    • Black girl with said white privelege = Wypipo Mad

    • grownandsexy2

      I’d be willing to bet those were WP who spoke to her privilege, but deny their own. I would expect if my parents were POTUS and FLOTUS, I would have some privilege.

      • Kas

        People would think my first name was “Do you know who I am”

      • Thats what I say.
        She aint exactly no hood rat or nuffin.

      • Nik White

        Please and thank you!

  • Brandon Allen

    She’s stiff like her dad. Tall back, tall legs, tall head…

    It makes moving fluid a little more difficult. Like the hundreds of stiffs that made the NBA over the years cuz they’re tall.

    • Courtney Wheeler

      Yeah I have long arms and legs so I’m sure when I dance a kinda look like a over grown marionette puppet

    • My Mami and daughter are tall… they don’t play.

      • Brandon Allen

        They got good genes. A lot of tall people are just awkward.

        • Haaaaaa! That’s fukked up.

        • LMNOP

          I think balance and coordination are legitimately harder if your tall and lanky. It’s like living in 6 inch heels. I would imagine. I’m short, so I don’t know this first hand, but you definitely to see a decent number of awkward tall people.

    • AshAlly08

      Somebody explain Ciara then cause I swear her height is why she’s a good dancer. I’m 5’2″ and it still takes me a second to find the beat. I don’t even bother clapping in zumba.

    • Reemo

      I read this as “Big head lil body ahh”

  • “10. I mean, at least it aint Rae Sremmurd on The Breakfast Club.”

    I’m still processing this interview. Yet to me it still wasn’t as odd as the A$AP Rocky interview.

    • What is a Rae Sremmurd? Is that one of the southern dudes who makes dance songs that everyone listens to but never actually charts on the Billboard?

      • miss t-lee

        Google still works, Ricky…lol

        • I had to get that mediocre joke off 1st though.

          • miss t-lee

            Nah…that was all you…lol

          • Brandon Allen

            Yeah, I was like…”Ricky you know who they are…”

      • Rae Sremmurd are Willow and Jaden’s rap alter egos.

        • miss t-lee

          *hollering*

        • TheCollinB

          The smith’s wish they could make records like that. I think of that amazing studio they’re dad built and all the “music” they’ve made in it and my soul gently weeps.

          • wanderlust

            Willow actually has gotten better since “whip my hair’ she collaborates with SZA and has her own sound and voice now.

      • TheCollinB

        Rae Sremmurd needs to be a part of your music library. These kids literally can’t miss. Nothing they make is bad. Might be all the fire Mike Will beats but again, they ain’t losing in the studio.

        • Looking at their singles (that I have apparently heard) naw. I don’t do much dance-y rap unless it’s co-signed by Uncle Luke

          • TheCollinB

            I know you hold yourself to a higher standard with the music. But if “Somebody Come Her” and “By Chance” don’t warm your heart I don’t know what does.
            ONAN: Ocean on Friday, thoughts?

            • Well I don’t really have a higher standard because I’m an ardent Gangsta Boo fan as AP could attest. I mean the music is cute. It’s very meme-y/I sing this during my snapchats. Which isn’t an insult. Just not my wave. I totally get why people love them.

              I’ll believe a Frank album exists when I listen to it.

            • Bah Debo

              I refuse to purchase Apple Music, so it’s gong to be a couple more weeks for me. Geeked though.

    • IsitFridayyet?

      I have more thoughts about the young man wearing a baby pink fur coat in the Summer than I will ever have about Malia dancing.

    • miss t-lee

      Do I even wanna watch it?

      • It was kind if weird to me. Not weird or funny like Webbie in Walmart though. I just don’t get A$AP so maybe that’s why his interview puzzled me.

        • miss t-lee

          Webbie in Wal-Mart was a classic…lol

        • TheCollinB

          A$AP is my wife’s music Bae who can basically do no wrong and even she said the n*gga sounded high key dumb, so there’s that.

  • Nik White

    First of all, we already know who Malia supports. Second – what about them drunken Bush twins?!? And third, attending an HBCU might not be a bad idea (for summer school at least).

    • Kas

      My two kids have my rhythm much to my Jamaican wife’s dismay. Definitely going to need an intervention for them at some point.

    • brothaskeeper

      I mean, Howard is right there. Or Coppin State.

    • Val

      I could imagine Sasha considering an HBCU like Spelman before choosing a PWI. But Malia seems, ahem, a little special unicornish to me. No way she considered an HBCU.

      • Mochasister

        Seem like you would get tired of being around white people all the time. I would be RUNNING towards some Black people! Lol! I wish I had gone to a HBCU.

  • Freebird

    This is further proof that a lot of people’s lives suck and that they are not happy. How is this even in the news cycle? I was grinding up on someone’s daughter when this story broke. No time to judge, but….I’m sure she dance like her daddy. Still let the girl dance.

    N igg as need to stay off twitter and social media. I’ve come to realize that despite the good that can happen with these tools people use them mostly to confirm how horrible the things they fear and hate actually are and then pass the word on to like minded folks.

    Korryn James. Say my sister’s name.

    • L8Comer

      Korryn Gaines*

      • Freebird

        Corrected. Thanks sis.

        • L8Comer

          No prob :)

    • HouseOfBonnets

      I’ve learned that filtering can greatly enhance the experience while keeping you in the loop if it helps

      • Freebird

        A train wreck is still a wreck if you cover one eye.

  • Other_guy13

    Nothing to see here folks…move along. Let that child be great. She isn’t even on Miley Cyris Twerk level yet…chill!

    • brothaskeeper

      And prayerfully, she never will be!

  • ” The thing that stood out to me most about the video was just how, and I mean no offense – I promise, rhythm-less she looked.”

    Cue up that cut called “rhythmless nation.”
    Cause damn.

  • But, po lil tink tink, has no rhythm.

  • laddibugg

    She might have privileged but most of us non rhythmic folks never get caught on camera dancing. She’s 18…let her live. And I’m not being hypocritical–I wasn’t mad about the Bush girls drinking underage–it happens.
    Why on earth would she need to be at the DNC? Her dad is on his way out, he doesn’t need to sell the world on his beautiful family (two children by one wife, BTW…nothing wrong with multiple marriages but the GOP is big on family values and he has had not one, not 2, but 3 wives.)

    • brothaskeeper

      Repubs woulda been all over Barack if he had shown up with 5 kids by 3 different women.

      • laddibugg

        Women that he DIVORCED. That’s the kicker for me. If, say, his first wife passed and then he remarried, fine. But this dude just trades up for a newer model. If he wasn’t running for president I am sure Melania would have been on her way out a long time ago.

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