10 Thoughts About The 2015 BET Awards » VSB

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10 Thoughts About The 2015 BET Awards

BET

 

I had a lot of thoughts about the BET Awards. But because I’m Black, here are 10.

1. Fuck this is long. This is Easter Sunday long. This is record-breaking long. This is the kind of long that starts out cute but ends up being super annoying…and I watched it at home where I could turn off the television or change the channel. I can’t even imagine what it felt like to sit in the audience without commercial breaks. It begs the question though: how did it end up being so long? Pause.

I know they have meetings about these things. Did nobody in the meeting say, “hey guys don’t y’all think its going to take a little bit longer than the normal already-too-long three hours to do this show? Maybe we should scrap…something?” If somebody did, that somebody is probably sitting on the curb with the motherfucker who was trying to censor songs last night and failed miserably. That person was T-Boz acting in Belly bad. My television said “nigga” and “shit” more times at me than I care to remember. Hey, BET…that’s the FCC calling, they’d like to have a word with you.

2. Similarly, I’m sure Debra Lee would like a word with Nicki Minaj who received the last award of the night, The Viewer’s Choice Award, went up on stage but had no fuckin’ clue why she was there. The level of high and/or drunk she was was impressive. She went from not knowing why she was there to going into weird mode. To be fair, that award was past the three and a half mark. Nearly every Black person there was intending to get ALL THE FUCKED UP  at some afterparty anyway and you know they were gonna start early. So, I’m giving her a pass. You can only look at an unopened bottle of Hennessey for so long, ya know. It ain’t gonna drink itself.

3. There was a Bad Boy 20th Year medley though I’m pretty sure Bad Boy is older than 20 years old, but whatevs. Anyway, Puff, Mase, Lil Kim, The Lox (minus Styles), Faith, 112, and French Montana were there. Shyne is obviously in Belize. But where the fuck was Craig Mack? The vast majority of people’s intro to Bad Boy was via Craig Mack. I know he’s saved now and shit but he is also still making music. I’m pretty sure he could have used that exposure. And where in THE fuck was Total? We had to listen to 112’s non-singing asses butcher “Peaches n Cream” (and yes, they sounded like pure shit). It’s only right to let Total butcher one of their songs too! Puff also fell through the stage. I’m gonna blame that shit on karma.

4. I truly believe BET hit Rihanna with the okey doke. They let her premiere a 1-minute trailer for her “Bitch Better Have My Money” video which comes out on Thursday. Except she had to wait for 3 and a half fucking hours to do so. Here’s my conspiracy theory: BET knows Rihanna is a draw. Just showing Rihanna in the audience, which they did a lot, is better than NOT having her. So I’m guessing they told her she could do it, but they didn’t tell her when and damn near four hours later…

She bad doe.

5. Ciara murdered that Janet tribute. Which is only because she didn’t sing. A dance tribute to Janet is amazingly fitting because it ain’t like Janet can sing either. But go on ahead Ciara and do your thing. I mean, you did your thing. And all hail Queen Janet who looked so damn good that I forgave her for being in those two Why Did I Get Married movies. Tyler Perry, do better. Sidenote: He was great in Gone Girl. Why has nobody ever mentioned how great he was in that movie? Oh, and was that Jason DeRulo up there with Ciara? And why?

6. Tracee Ellis-Ross continues to be bad as fuck. Good gawd.

7. I said a bunch of this shit on Twitter, but niggas swear they don’t like Big Sean. Meanwhile, Sean Don has more hits than a motherfucker. “IDFWU” was literally EVERYBODY’S personal anthem for at least three hours during the past year. “Blessed”? Folks are in church right now every Sunday ending their altar call prayers with “I’m waaaaaaay up, I feel blessed”. Shouts to Riley Curry, by the way. That might have been creepy. Point is, if you said your grace before dinner with the hook to “Blessed” would anybody really judge you? Probably not. Big Sean might deserve his own article.

8. Let’s talk about the final performance with included K. Michelle (why?), Tamar Braxton (even more why than K. Michelle), and Patti LaBelle (thank your Lord for creating Patti). Tamar sounded like pure trash. Her face looked a mess. K. Michelle can sing but, just no. Folks will stop trying to make her a thing when we’ve said over and over again that we don’t want her. They were so bad that Patti LaBelle came out there and screamed off key quite a few times, making up all kinds of notes that I’m sure don’t exist on a proper staff, and still sounded better than they did. I’m biased because Patti LaBelle MIGHT be one of my favorite people of ever. But still, anybody watching them would likely agree that we need not ever see Tamar’s ass again. And  you can’t help but see K.Michelle’s ass.

9. As much as folks hate Chris Brown, we might as well go on ahead and accept it: he is probably the best accessory in urban pop music. He makes every song he’s on better and you can always put him on stage and he’ll do a good job dancing. No bullshit, Chris Brown and Drake are probably the two most valuable commodities in current Black music. For all of Chris’s shenanigans – and there are a plenty and likely to be more – the man is value added.

10. I’ve never been a fan of Smokey Robinson. I know, that’s on par with blasphemy and treason, but its true. Funny enough, some of my absolute favorite Motown songs are written by Smokey. And “Tracks of My Tears”? Lord…I love that song. Smokey sang his ass off up there last night. Much respect to the gawd.

I know y’all had more observations because you probably watched the whole damn thing like I did. What say you??

Talk to me.

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Hostile Negress

    I ain’t been here for Lil Kim err since she became a Korean man, but lawt JAYSUS when she popped up out that floor yes GAWD!!!

    That’s how I’ll be arriving to every work meeting from now on. She truly did that (even if her and P did sound winded).

    • I will be popping out of the floor like that for my future wedding.

      • camilleblu

        i think skrippers are gonna start poppin up out the floor

        • Hostile Negress

          Please don’t give anyone that idea. PLEASE.

      • Hostile Negress

        I absolutely support this idea!

      • tgtaggie

        How about Janelle levitating

    • camilleblu

      #lissen – i was hyped when the queen b popped her altered face up thru that stage…gatta find me a reason to pop up thru somebody’s floor like that.

      • Hostile Negress

        Reason=Tuesday.

    • TeeChantel

      I died @ Korean man.

    • HeyBooHey

      She popped out the ground in true samurai pose and jumped up like a genie out of a bottle. I wanna start every day of my life that way

    • Mika

      LMAO

    • PunchDrunkLove

      “I ain’t been here for Lil Kim err since she became a Korean man”

      I wasn’t prepared for this comment and just hollered like nobody’s business.

      • Hostile Negress

        I can’t believe you all haven’t heard her referred to as Lil Kim Jon IL? lolol I hear it all the time! I miss old Kim :/

        • Thriftybynature

          LMAO. I almost choked on my organic ginger pear tea!!!!!!!!!!

        • PunchDrunkLove

          First time today and it was hilarious!!

    • I remember someone on the Twitter saying that Lil Kim’s plastic surgery is the Wal*Mart value version of Janet’s.

      • SororSalsa

        I saw a meme today…a picture of Janet that said that’s what Lil Kim’s surgeon was going for, if only he could draw. Dayum.

    • Epsilonicus

      “I ain’t been here for Lil Kim err since she became a Korean man”

      I almost laughed myself into an asthma attack at this one lol

  • Cori Hoston

    I just can’t take it…ijc….cackling

  • How you just gone gloss over Keyshia Cole trying her dambedest to let everyone know she got kicked off her label and she is “comin’ out with an album independently” lol Also, that was a sad a$s tribute for Smokey. Why is BET so pressed to shove Robin Thicke down our throats every year? How did Sam Smith beat our Fetty Wap AND Rae Sremmurd?! Boooooooooooo!!!!!!

    • panamajackson

      I actually missed the beginning and various parts of the show because I know a lot of Black people.

  • Tonya Love

    My album will be coming out independently.. ????. (I can’t stop saying that..I need help).

    • cakes_and_pies

      She kept saying it like it was the new “I’m just here so I wouldn’t get fined.”

      • Does she not understand that literally NO ONE is checking for any music she’s putting out?

        • cakes_and_pies

          Not at all. I remember when Lil Kim went independent and we were like “And”?

          • Who is her demographic? Do those same people even pay for music?

            • cakes_and_pies

              Her demographic is that Petty Aunt who won’t let y’all forget she makes the best potato salad every year because she’s got #selfofsteam issues?

    • Petty Rubble

      Just sayin.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Manny will be set up at your local pawn show / weave store / sail salon hoping to negotiate a buy your item, get the CD free distribution deal.

      • That’s a waste of a good black CD. At least make it a CD-RW.

      • towninc

        OMG! yall are stupid. I might have to watch the show now

      • Slaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin

      • mzpw

        Man I love VSB!!! SO datgum petty it’s beautiful……:-D

    • Tristan

      Gotta get that word out

  • IsitFridayyet?

    The Nicki and Meek Mill performance was very ….interesting. They seemed to be doing a lot to show that they are in a relationship during the show.

    • I think they’re both just genuinely smitten with one another. You should see their Vine vids and such.

      • camilleblu

        she needs to stop shading her ex like that tho…she got him banned AND said “blame yo gatdambed self”…#letitgo

        • And y’all say we Millennials are “narcissistic and immature” *cackles*

          • cakes_and_pies

            32 is considered a Millennial though.

            • Idk, she falls on that cusp year of 1982. I’m gone go ahead and say she Gen X because I personally consider Millennials to be 1985-199x

            • towninc

              right 34 and below unfortunately

        • HeyBooHey

          I’m convinced she still loves Jungle and this is his punishment for hurting her somehow. She finds every opportunity to shade him like a true petty chick from Queens

          • mssporadic

            I agree with you. He’s mad because he didn’t get famous off her success. She’s mad because either he hasn’t made it yet or he’s not content just to be her man.

      • IsitFridayyet?

        I guess I’ll just have to take your word for that. It just seems like they are forcing the power couple thing.

        • I’m over the whole “power couple” pairings. Celebrities must be miserable trying to live up to the Jay Z & Beyonce ideal all the time.

          • towninc

            and regular people too…just be you and your boo, that really is good enough

    • That girl MEL!

      Yeah. They may be smitten. Separately they are fun to watch. Together they are quite corny. They don’t have that power couple dynamic. Oh well. They happy.

      • Tristan

        That’s the thing, Meek is never going to be a big mainstream star so Nicki is basically stunting in a PT Cruiser

        • HeyBooHey

          Stunting in a PT Cruiser…..I just need you to leave now smh

        • Mika

          I really enjoy how petty you are Tristan. But you are right, I mean Rhameek…..is well Rahmeek………..

        • mssporadic

          “Stunting in a PT Cruiser” is so Midwestern. I bet if I looked hard enough somebody is rolling down these streets in one with some spinners right now.

        • MysteryMeat

          GOOOTT EEM

        • K Lust

          Ooooooooooooooooooooooo don’t do this. I stunt in my PT cruiser erryday thankyouverymuch.
          It’s quite fun, yet pointless. I guess just like Meek?

    • kneelbeforetigers

      At the end when she hand summoned him over to her side, I was like oh daaaang he’s in check.

  • Petty Rubble

    Did you peep Rihanna arguing with then throwing her purse in the face of BET Exec Stephen g. Hill right before she hit the stage ?? I imagine she was pissed after sitting through 4 hours of trying to recovering from seeing anthony Andersons camel toe, her baby hair edges were reverting, and they only had time to preview 1 minute of her video bc of smokey’s extended sermon aND Raches Dolezal’s (no shade tori kEllen bUT every one is suspect now). Black Lives Matter. #justsayin

    • That wasn’t a purse, it was a stack lol I heard it was staged though.

      • Petty Rubble

        Rewind the tape. That was a purse and it definitely wasn’t stage. Thug life lol

        • camilleblu

          she was not kidding at all…

        • Lol ok I stand corrected. What was said though?!

          • Nahknee_nanee

            Probably had something to do with her showing up for a four hour show for them to only show one minute of the intro to her video…but #Icouldbewrong

      • camilleblu
    • Tristan

      Tori Kelly daddy is black, and if that wasn’t staged BET lost the only star bored enough to show up

  • Shawnda Thenappynerd Harper

    Waiting patiently for the BIg Sean article, because YES!

  • TeeChantel

    I made a promise to myself to never watch a BET awards show again. I’m glad I upheld that promise.
    I’m all here for a Bad Boy reunion, though. I’ll probably catch that part on Youtube.

  • Yousealiar

    Can we discuss Diddy falling in the hole? Anyone? Someone?!

  • CynCyn82

    Is it just me, or when Keyshia Cole said her next album coming out “independently”, I immediately thought of her being at your local Waffle House in the parking lot selling her CD’s out of her trunk and a BOGO of any of her previous albums?

    • HeyBooHey

      So rude. Yet, so accurate

    • Boo Radley

      Maybe not the first time, but by the 6th repetition I was having similar thoughts. I mean, was there someone she was attempting to notify, because none of us were shocked. I’d have been more surprised if she said she still had a record deal…

    • carlisias

      I was on Twitter and watching the show, someone wonder, who was watching Keyshia’s food truck while she was on stage. I died

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