10 Things You Should Totally, Definitely, Absolutely Say To A Writer » VSB

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10 Things You Should Totally, Definitely, Absolutely Say To A Writer

#Tenthingsnottosaytoawriter has been trending all day, and has produced some gems, including…


But, what do writing-ass people actually want to hear? Good question.

1. “Yeah, we definitely pay writers. Wouldn’t dare ask you to work for free or for “recognition” or some bullshit like that.”

2. “We have direct deposit.”

3. “We received and processed your invoice, and your check is on the way.”

4. “Do you mind editing this document for me? Oh, and what’s your hourly rate?”

5. “Man, I could never be a writer. Thinking of an engaging and unique topic and angle. Writing, editing, rewriting, and editing again — and making it all cohesive, readable, and even entertaining — just seems like a lot of work. I don’t know how you do it.”

6. “Are you hungry? I have a bunch of extra pancakes and lobster and bacon from this morning. Come right over and get some. Oh, and help yourself to that bottle of Grey Goose too! I know it’s been a tough day.”

7. “The wifi is complimentary.”

8. “We need to establish a new holiday. Call it “Give a writer some sloppy and enthusiastic head” day. And today could be the first day!”

9. “You know, after seeing your headline, I was ready to fire off an angry email to you. But then I read the entire piece — and then read some of your previous work for a better context and understanding of your voice and perspective — and I get it. I still disagree, but I see your point.”

10. “Thanks.”

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • Brass Tacks

    May I ask what inspires your writing?

  • kid video

    +1 for number 8

    I need to step my scribe game up.

  • skinnynow

    9. All day, ni–a!

  • brothaskeeper

    I’m not a writer, but I’m here for #s 6 and 8…

  • Jennifer

    Bacon, lobster, AND pancakes?!?! Shoot, it’s like you want us to start appreciating writers or something.

  • Breh.

    I just shed a tear.

  • Ger Wil

    I am only a writer on weekends….but i will “work from 10-to-10-to-10 again” if I get 6 through 8 in my compensation package.

    Big Sean quoted above, because I know how much you love his work.

  • cogito

    Dude, number 8 is just St. Patrick’s day.

  • As a writer I LIVE for 1, 3 and 9. I would take any of those over enthusiastic head

  • It’s like you read my Christmas list!!

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