Spades is the official card game of the African-American community. I don’t want to hear about bid whist or gin. I almost think it should be taught to little Black boys and girls since anytime I meet a Black person who can’t play spades…
…I don’t trust them and think their upbringing was lacking.
Spades is the kind of game people get stabbed over. Friendships have been f*cked, relationships ruined, and new love interests have turned to utter disgust at their very sight. This can happen all within a matter of seconds.
Thing is, all of this can be avoided – quite simply too. You see, just like anything in life, there are rules to this sh*t. Here are 10.
1. Never ever ever ever ever overstate your spades abilities. More fights could be avoided if somebody didn’t front like they were better than they are. If you’ve been playing spades for a solid 2 weeks, there’s no way you’re going to be able to team up with somebody who’s been playing for 10 years. Stay in your lane, Hyundai.
2. Because rules differ by region, ALWAYS MOTHERF*CKING ASK THE RULES IF YOU’RE NEW TO THE CREW THAT’S PLAYING. This serves two purposes: 1) you won’t be the reason your team loses because you “didn’t know” that the 2 of Diamonds trumps the 2 of Spades; and 2) you won’t have to say some stupid sh*t like, “well I didn’t know because we don’t play like that where I’m from” which will more than likely piss of your partner who assumed you knew since you probably pretended you could hang no matter where you were. Don’t die behind the deuce, dumas.
3. Do not be wrong on calling out somebody for renigging. Saying somebody renigged gets the same reaction as a white chick saying she was raped by a Black man in the 1800s. Anger, disbelief, etc. You better be right and you better be able to pick out the book that’s fugazi. Saying somebody renigged is basically calling them liars. In the wild West, it got you shot. In Brooklyn, it might get you street sweepered. Plus if you’re wrong, your partner pays the price. Be sure, b*tch.
4. Don’t talk across the board. You ain’t bleeding and and everybody knows what you mean when you start mentioning the Black B*tch. You’re not fooling anybody. Just stop it. People have been shot for less.
5. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it. Do not be the jacka** who stands up, sticks the cards to his forehead, and talks beaucoup sh*t when winning if you get all salty and b*tchmade when your’e down 100, you Game a** ninja.. Real talk, I’ve seen fights break out because of trash-talking at the spades table. I’ve also been involved in one. I shouldn’t have slapped that dude with the Big Joker. Oh well, we won.
6. Play to win. If you have Ace’s, lead with them. Don’t try to get cute by starting out with a 10 of Hearts just to see what everybody else has like that’s a real strategy.
Speaking of…
7. Learning how to properly count books and possibles is a skill. (And everybody can’t do it). I HATE people who constantly underbid because they don’t know how to read their hand. If you have 13 cards and only 1 of them is a Heart, well, you have CUT CARDS. That means you probably have more books than you think. On the other hand, if you have 6 spades, ranging from 3-8, well, you just might not have the 8 books that you think you do. Plus, depending on where you’re playing, sandbagging might get you f*cked up in the game.
8. Pay attention to the cards that are being played. More people suck at spades because they don’t know how to read the table. Observation will get you everywhere. Stop looking at the chicks who aren’t watching you watching you play.
9. Make sure you know which Joker is the BIG Joker. This is important enough to get its own line. I will be ready to fight you if you “think” you have the BIG Joker and you don’t. Ask before you start playing dummy. Then again, if I’d chosen my partner wisely, I wouldn’t have had that problem. Bitter daze.
10. If you must be cocky and animated, PRACTICE YOUR DAMN CARD SLAP ON YOUR OWN TIME. I’ve mastered the slap-and-spin. Whether on the table by itself or on top of other cards. My cut-card will spin like its life depended on it. Also, I like to get that nice crisp slap that just lets other people around know you just got your a** handed to you. And I will slap the table with cards a lot. I win, b*tch.
BONUS: As with any game, if you lose, get your happy a** up off the table, say good game and congratulate the people who beat you. Nobody likes the Lebron a** ninjas salty b*tches who can’t take losing with dignity.
These were just 1o of the general rules associated with playing spades and keeping your life. What are the other rules people need to know about spades playing??
Share.
push dvd -VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Just don’t play. I learned this rule after:
1) being raised in the D where you will get stabbed, shot, and pissed on for messing up a hand of spades
2) seeing a woman slap a grown ass man with a spiral notebook (used for scoring) over a spades game
3) realizing nobody wins when Patron and spades happen at the same table
Needless to say, I don’t play or encourage spades playing. I don’t allow people to play in my home either.
@Hostess,
Damn straight…..lol hell naw…
I’ll be the negro sippin something outside….
on a diff note…i love bein back in dc these last two weeks!!!
@Hostess,
Psssshshshshst *eye role*
Quitter
@Hostess, booooooooooo.
and let’s be real, you can get stabbed, shot, and pissed on for more reasons than messing up a hand of spades in the D.
i mean, it’s the D. it’s so cooold in the D, how the f*ck is anybody supposed to have peace??
@Panama Jackson,
bwuaaahahaahahaha
@Panama Jackson,
LOL good one
@Panama Jackson, True. But playing spades increases the chances 13-fold.
@Hostess,
2) seeing a woman slap a grown ass man with a spiral notebook (used for scoring) over a spades game
I have seen that too! Funniest. sight. ever.
@Hostess,
by the D, do you mean Detroit? That’s what we call Detroit lol.
@AshleyNeicole, Yes. The D is Detroit. It’s actually ‘The D, N-word! The D’. That’s the way they used to say it when I
was stucklived there.@Hostess,
LOL yes that’s my city!
Do not under any circumstances stop the game so you can:
-get another drink
-call your boo
-use the bathroom
-or any other tom foolery.
Handle bidness before the game begins
@Satya, stop a game? i’ve never even heard of such f*ckery. in fact, during the summer before my freshman year of college, i was in a summer program. one night, me and the 3 other chaps who were playing spades, literally played from 10pm until 7am the next morning b/c folks kept getting set…and peep this, we were ONLY PLAYING TO 300.
it took us 9 hours to finish one game.
the funny part is, one of my boys was there when we started, went to sleep, came down the next morning like, “damn, y’all ninjas are STILL playing?? that’s dedication.”
@Panama Jackson, lol, at my cousin’s bbq one player tried to stop the game to call his woman. He barely escaped a whuppin for even suggesting it. And at another party someone tried to say hold the game so the could refill their drink…NEGATIVE. the game does not stop for anyone
@Satya, I don’t care if Halle Berry my partner…she better come to play or take her butt home to that Himbo he-concubine/sperm conceptacle she shackin’ with…and that means, no calls from your agent or Dave Justice and Eric Benet saying that they sorry…again, no potty breaks, no signing autographs, drunk @ss Uncle Leonardo can wait with his dirty old man self and NO bragging about your stank Oscar for that jiveassed Monster’s Ball low grade dog food mess…shut up and bid, Halle!
@T. Troy Stewart,
lmao wowsers
I hear you Hostess.
My first boyfriend was a great Spades player and the worst winner in the world. He was a loving Dr. Jekyll most of the time. But when we played Spades he turned into a patronizing, ish talking, jacka33 Mr Hyde. I hated him during those games and would often leave the table humiliated and disgusted with him. I swore off the game if for nothing else than to save our relationship. Now, I can’t even stand to watch people play.
@Ms. Hall, Now, I can’t even stand to watch people play.
i feel this same way about backgammon. only, not at ll.
@Panama Jackson,
Have some compassion Panama. I was traumatized.
**walks away misty-eyed**
@Ms. Hall,
I need to play THAT nicca!!! No… I need that nicca on my TEAM!!! Might wanna update my AIG policy first though….
Hm..for people like me I say just don’t play.
I have no idea wtf I’m doing and let me admit another staple of young black America.
i knownothingbouttupac
V. Renee can prolly read that.
@Jac,
Et tu Jac????
You taking shots, and know nothing about Tupac?
You need to get your priorities in order.
::snatching your Black card away::
@Jac, how does one make thru life and not know anything about ‘Pac? little kids in Mongolia know about ‘Pac. motherf*cking snuffelupagus knows about ‘Pac. i swear i heard him say “picture me rollin’” when he started rollerskating down Sesame Street.
gangsta.
@Panama Jackson,
motherf*cking snuffelupagus knows about ‘Pac. i swear i heard him say “picture me rollin’” when he started rollerskating down Sesame Street.
u stoopit. lmao
@Panama Jackson,
*dead*
lololol. my cousins taught me how to play when i was a kid so it always amazes me too when people don’t know how to play. and you ain’t neva lied about No.1. or No. 3.
a few years back i was at a family gathering with my boy, i think it was around mardi gras time, and they decided to play spades. why they decided to let him play after he was all wishy washy about whether he knew how to play or not, me no know…..well, i think the other team thought it would be an easy win/sh!t talkin’ fun time.
anywho, after i wiped the look of shock off of my face at his lack of knowledge and i gave him a quick tutorial, the game begins. i’m trying to help him read his hand and call his books. then they’re like, no you can’t help him so i sit back and shut up.
then i saw it happen and all i could do was put my head down. he cut hearts with a spade when he had hearts in his hand. of course he gets called out later, shouting ensues and his uncle (and parter) is all, why didn’t you say something? well, because ya’ll told me to stay out of it and i explained that sh!t to his @ss before the game started. and props to No. 8 and paying attention, a family friend on the opposite team was like, didn’t you see her put her head down?!?!
*sigh* how he messed up that game followed him for years.
@SouthernGirl, non-observant people, in general, baffle me. perhaps its partially my own upbringing but i’m always aware of my surroundings and what’s going on. i watch the board like a hawk and read the people i’m playing.
plus, it increases my a**hole factor exponentially on the spades table when i’m in the zone and i can read your own hand better than you can.
“go ahead, its okay. you might as well play that card now since you don’t have sh*t else. in fact, play your little joker first so i can eat it up, THEN play that deuce of spades…it doesnt matter. i’m better than you. you embarass me. you embarass yourself.”
lol.
@Panama Jackson,
Yeah I feel like you’ve said that verbatim.
This is all Greek to me, homie. When folks play spades, I drink or check out the cute guy who’s winning. I *know* I wasn’t raised right, but you can trust me. I swear that since I became aware of my spades deficiency (at age 12) folks were playing like they came out of the womb making books and sh*t. I blame it on the North Hills. I’m too old to learn now. Cocktails, anyone?
@miss patterson, oh hell naw, you need to learn! Go sit at the kids table the next holiday and learn. Get your game up over the fall and winter and come out next spring ready. Cocktails do not stop the insults in the black community.
@miss patterson, North Hills…
Don’t feel bad. There are better educations to have. North Hills will get one much farther in life than Spades and Tonk. Learning to play is easy.
Patti,
Spades is like education…you’re never to old to learn.
Plus, it can d@mn near be an aphrodisiac. I was on the fence about this girl I was dating once and we played a game of spades at one of my boy’s house sets and the mixture of her spades intellect, confident sh*t talking and low cut baby t…led to a quick exit after the win.
From then on she was nicknamed…”The Librarian”.
Learn it.
@miss patterson, yeah, you’re never too old to learn to play spades.
i think the only thing you can be too old at in life is too old to start smoking weed. seems like something you just shouldn’t start doing at 40 unless the doctor says you have to.
@miss patterson,
once you’re back in the burgh, me and Ivy will teach you!! we put on spades clinics for ppl all the time, so we’re used to schooling folks.
hopefully you’ll be back in time for Game Night at my new apt in August!!! yay!!!
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
Really!? Those who can’t… Teach
LOL
@WuDaMan, oooooh. that was a low blow, wuda. when are you coming back to the burgh…for your a$$ whoopin’, that is. and i don’t mean in spades. i mean with a foot and a fist, for talking trash to my girl.
@Miss Patterson,
thanks for the back up, saks 5th. *hi 5*
@WuDaMan,
HI hater.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay, you found an apt??!!! yay!!! text me girl. where is it? i bet you’re excited! there’s hope!
@miss patterson, gettin in line behind Miss p…i kinda never knew until college, and the seriousness of spades games was not the best space to be learning and ish.
ya’ll can trust me though, i’m overit and sh*t.
Good list. I would like to add:
1. Never, EVER misdeal.
2. Learn how to shuffle properly. That ‘I’m gonna spread out all the cards and wax-on, wax-off’ thing gets annoying.
3. Playing for money takes the game to a whole ‘nother level. Act accordingly.
@maximillian,
Also, don’t be doing weird a** 8 way cuts and what not and flipping cards. I hate that ish
@A-Town Genius,
to me, that’s a form of cheating…it don’t fly
@maria,
HAHA. Sholl is. Anyone who does special dealing tricks during Spades is Beazulbub.
@A-Town Genius, Wait a minute… It has a name like “French” shuffling or something like that. OMG… I haven’t played spades in a LONG time… somebody tell us what the name of that shuffling is where you cut the deck 8 times and flip over the cards??? It’s going to kill me till i remember!
@pgh muse,
We call it “French cutting” and I hate that ‘ish with the power of 10,000 suns…
@maximillian, LOL @ wax on wax off LOLOL. I have family who would do that ALLLLL the time. def annoying.
@maximillian, you know, the shuffling properly thing is definitely a major issue. i HATE when folks don’t know how to shuffle a deck of cards. that just seems like something everybody should learn how to do at some point in life.
just so you can hear the flapping sound.
@Panama Jackson,
I can’t shuffle to save my life *holds head down in shame*. Ironic thing is i’m a pretty serious spades player and sh*t. I keep a deck in my car.
Adding to #3…
DO NOT RENIG! If you do ensure that you can’t be caught by talking more ish and being as obnoxious as humanly possible to distract the other team while you do it. It’s probably better if you just don’t do it though. If you do get called on it, again be as loud and obnoxious as possible and make threats about how many books the person that called you out will lose if they are wrong to make them lose their train of thought.
@A-Town Genius,
Again, my boy will renig on purpose, but shuffle the books so that when you call the book, it’s always the wrong one.
Oh no, that’s cause for a shoot-out right there
@8th Wonder, that’s an Extinction Event level right there…they shot up Tombstone for less than that
@T. Troy Stewart, too true. Them OK Corral ninjas were just Alright that day.
@A-Town Genius, or, as an addendum to DO NOT RENIG. In the even that you just so happen to do so, AND YOU REALIZE IT, do not draw attention to yourself and for the love all things polyester, make sure the other team doesn’t figure it out until the end at which point picking out the renigged book is like picking out your favorite kid – you shouldn’t be able to do it.
Yeah, I hate when people renig and then gasp or look real stupid, like they shot Mr. Boddy in the hall with the effin revolver…
@Panama Jackson,
Most definitely agree with that. And if you are a spades player and you renig you should realize it. There should never be a time you renig and just don’t know. If you don’t realize it just stop playing spades. It’s not for you. All black people can’t play basketball and all black people can’t play spades either so just leave it alone.
@A-Town Genius,
I reneged once. I was so shocked that it happened (made the mistake of putting like colors together) I attempted to leave the table in shame. I shudder when I think about it. Despite the fact that we still won the game, that occurrence horrified me and to this day, I take my time when laying out my hand, for prides sake.
Teach your children, “when mommy has cards in her hand, don’t bring yo bald headed fat a** over here, okay?!? mmmkay!”
I have seen many children get their feelings hurt over what their parents said to them in middle of a spades game.
@THE DUTCHESS, lol. make sure you give yor kid some kool aid and cheetos before the game. If you get up from the table to tend yo chilrens there will be a problem
@Satya,
oh and dont bend my CARDS! there has been one too many fools that have gotten a natural cuss’n bout dey cheat’n @ss bending the corners, twisting the left side of the cards, rippin my sh!t.
@THE DUTCHESS, that should be a rule. Bent cards are not accepted
@THE DUTCHESS,
I hate folks tearing up my cards, too. However, after a while, if they aren’t damaged in some way (i.e. time for a new crisp deck), you ain’t playin’ right. lol
@THE DUTCHESS,
yea i caught a few opp’s upside the head tryna ask mawmaw ?’s but I learned if you can dodge the backhands thas the best time to ask cause they always say yes. lol
No Table Talkin has made me quit mid-game b/c NO mutha…I ain’t dumb…we know wtf you and ur partner are doing…then to sit there and deny that $hyt!!! It’s a wrap, then call me a cry-baby…please…you just cheatin and mad that we ain’t havin it.
And if you do drink while playin, know your limit…don’t get all $hytfaced and forget whose turn it was or what was the last card played…NO ONE IS GOING TO TELL YOU…and if you’re my partner I’ma put you in the corner sin-drink…
Don’t be takin too-long smokin or bathroom breaks…it’s not suppose to take 3 hrs for one game…c’mon kids…for all that play monopoly or something…
Don’t eat while playin-no one wants your greasy @ss hands on their deck…
And the worst is pple who don’t know what sandbaggin is or don’t wanna play with the rule AND know it’s cuz they ALWAYS gonna have overbooks b/c they scared to play their hand right or too slow to know what they got in their hand…
Personally, I ain’t gonna play with folks who are overthetop trash-talking, don’t stop talking, talking the entire game, every hand, every deal, every play–FFFF###CCCKKK, for real? That’s how you going?
That is all…
@maria, I co-sign on the whole list especially “Don’t eat while playin-no one wants your greasy @ss hands on their deck”
@maria, to piggy back just a smidge… please don’t take more than 5 seconds to pick a card to play. I hate a slow moving spades game! Pick a mf card dayum. And pay attention so you will know it’s your turn ***rolling my eyes and saying it’s on you… again***
@El,
CO-SIGN! You only got 13 cards…if in doubt..PLAY to WIN!
@maria,
“No Table Talkin has made me quit mid-game b/c NO mutha…I ain’t dumb…we know wtf you and ur partner are doing…then to sit there and deny that $hyt!!! It’s a wrap, then call me a cry-baby…please…you just cheatin and mad that we ain’t havin it.”
haha, no singing either….we know that if y’all have been partners a long time, y’all have code songs too (don’t play)
@maria, i’m all about the flapyappin’ during Spades. it makes for more a more entertaining experience. especially since some people are really fun sh*t talkers.
in fact, i’m pretty sure my yappin’ abilities are how i picked up a stray chick some years back. i could see the spark in her eye when i started telling her which cards she was finna play in the most cocky manner possible.
she hit me with the, “i can’t believe this ninja. i think i love him” face
“Spades is the kind of game people get stabbed over. Friendships have been f*cked, relationships ruined, and new love interests have turned to utter disgust at their very sight.”
I’ve seen so many fights break out over Spades. My college dorm used to have weekly Spades games and it was serious. I saw friendships and relationships end at that table. My freshman roommate was new to the game to noone wanted to be her partner. She never learned all of the rules and would make so many mistakes and would end up in a big fight with her partner…
If you’re gonna play, make sure that you know the rules and play to win.
@Leila, or at the very least, don’t f*ck up the game for your partner.
And another thing adding to # 8
Please don’t cut me out because you wasn’t watching the board. If we get set because you cut my jack of diamonds that was gonna skate across that board like we at the winter olympics I might come across this table.
I will pick up your books if you aint paying attention. If you’re the type of mofo that bids 7 by yourself, you better have a partner that’s roping them in. If that person aint paying attention, I WILL take your sh**. I’m from the south, I count it as my affirmative action. You aint watching the board then I’m making a come up.
I will steal your books. I’ll admit it. If you bid 7 books aint your partner’s to busy talkin sh** to pick them up, I’m taking ‘em. I’m southern. That’s my affirmative action. Watch the board.
@Sheffield Swats,
My boy ROUTINELY will play a cut card like a 9, two or 3 times in a hand. I know when he does it, and I try not to laugh, they NEVER catch him. It’s a shame.
I have a quick shameless plug to a post I wrote how life is just like a Spades game: http://naturallyalise.blogspot.com/2008/11/this-game-is-rigged.html
an excerpt:
*Partners Matter : The key to winning the game of Spades is having a compatible partner. Pay attention to the company you keep, it will definitely make or break you. Can’t have partners that cut your books, not cute, that can get you cut in my hood. (I don’t live in the hood, but suburban folks are gangsta too!)
check it out….
@Naturally Alise, well done. i will make every attempt to talk a person talking about going 9 into that 10.
9 is for p*ssies. chances are if you think you can pull 9, you REALLY think you can pull 10 you’re just afraid to really go that far.
@Panama Jackson,
Man where I play you can’t go 9. It’s not in the rules. You either go 8 or you go 10. No inbetween
11. If you are ever in a situation or environment where the people act like they might cut, stab, shoot, slap, kick, karate chop someone over some spades…DON’T PLAY WITH THOSE PEOPLE!! you do not want to be a victim or witness to a homicide over a card game. And this is coming from someone who loves the game, but that love goes on vacation when I’m around ignant ninjas…..
@N.I.A. TGIF!!!, RUKM. I love playing with those people. And when I take their table, they stand around cheering for the next team… like I aint going to beat them too. I talks maddd shiddd, but I don’t ever come to blows or leave the table with and attitude, but I stay deflating egos :p
@El, I stay deflating egos :p
Lol. This is the fun part!
@El,
There’s nothing wrong with talking shyt, if you can back it up. But I have seen fools come to blows over a spades game. grown azz men and women fighting. Of course, alcohol was involved. It was ridiculous, which is why I only play with friends and family.
i shared your post from yesterday with all my friends who i had a BBQ with a couple weeks ago and they all LOVED IT!!! we are going to circulate the list to all the offenders before the next cookout.
anyhoo– this spades list is ON POINT!!! you hit all the major points, kudos. my spades game is not superior (although i hold me own) but i know not to talk mess when i am not certain i can back it up. and i HATE to play against ppl who talk a good game but have no idea what they are doing.
to add to your list, which kind of goes with #8, do not, i repeat, DO NOT cut over your partner!!!! that is just outta order and will certainly dissolve any good standing relationship you may have had previously with your partner.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay, I only cut over my partner if they already have too many books and I’m still short on mine. So for me, never say never.
@Liz, ya’ll are a team! Never cut out your partner unless you are trump tight. SMH
@El, agree! A teams books are a teams books no matter who gets them. No excuses for cutting over your partner unless u have no choice. And @ trump tight –
I haven’t played spades in a good while, but spades speak makes me a little giggly 
@Liz,
NEVER CUT OVER YOUR PARTNER!
@Ivy St., There are situations where you have to cut or you’ll renege. If no one thought that 10 of diamonds was gonna walk and you have the Jack and no other diamonds, your going to have to do what you do.
I LOVE SPADES!!! I first learned spades around age 6 at my aunt’s house in Compton.
srsly we shoulda played at our birthday party.
I got a question tho: do only 2520s play withOUT the jokers? All the computer spades games i find online are all Joker-less (nevermind the duece of diamonds) but every Spades game I have played in real life (with Black people) have Jokers, etc.
Oh yeah, th spades app on the iPhone is cool except they don’t have Jokers.
@Liz,
No jokers, plus that bid nil/double nil thing…
@Liz,
I played a game with 2520s one time…and it was our table. Rise and fly….so I don’t know how they play. They only lasted one hand.
@Liz,
I thought they updated it to include Jokers?
@Datalore,
It’s call iSpades…
You can play Joker, Joker, Deuce, Deuce…the only way to go…lol
Biggest Rule:
WATCH THE BOARD!
Dont be the dude askin “what led?” because that can be the difference between making your books, getting stuck, or stickin the other team!
#2 – You either go for the bubble(2 for 10), or 8 books. NEVER go for 9! Be sure either way
“you got enough for the 5 then why not the 6?”
@streetz,
Asking what lead is table talk where I’m from.
@Nola Darling, not if u askin everyone
@streetz,
I agree with Nola…I hate when folks do that…just means you wasn’t payin attention…so I won’t be tell ya what was thrown out first…
@maria, I agree. Asking what led is talking across the board. u should be paying attn.
@streetz,
Board talk is when someone is given info that gives them an advantage. If they don’t know…giving them that info is an advantage. Without said info they may 1.) Cut their partner out or 2.) play it safe giving the other team the book. Therefore asking what lead is board talk.
P.S. There are, of course, other scenarios but those are the 2 that immediately came to mind.
@streetz, some people will allow that “what led” convo. me? i start jumping down your back for it. lol.
speaking of 10 for 2, i LOVE when folks go double Stevie on that sh*t and go blind when you have like 498 and they have 200. might as well shoot for it.
hell, i went blind 13 before. LMAO.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
Admittedly, I didn’t learn to play until I got to college… child of African immigrants raised around white folks and black folks who I thought* never played spades.
But… I was a fast learner. Matter of fact, in addition to my love of football and putting hot sauce on my french fries, Spades is how I hooked the man for LIFE. It was actually one of his requirements in a woman- that she can hold her own during a game.
* My godfather pulled the okie doke on me one day when my friends and I were playing at his house one 4th of July. That man’s Spades game is NOT TO BE MESSED WITH. He made grown men cry that day. With his 67 year old self.
@blackberry molasses, the art of playing card games is definitely one that i think people overlook in potential mates. it speaks to competitiveness and strategery. lol.
folks that are good at spades are inevitably good in the sack.
not sure why. i just believe this to be true.
I am too happy to see this post and forwarding it to all the sorry spade-playing folks I know (including my SO who cannot accept that he is NOT a card player and gets mad that when it comes to Spades, we are no longer partners of any kind!)
So the next rule: Don’t get offended cuz I won’t play with you. It’s Not You. It’s that you have no understanding of Rules 1-10.
@kidSistah, lol. i’m not sure i could date somebody who i refused to be spades partners with under any circumstance. i mean, right there up front, it’s a trust issue.
you don’t trust that ninja not to f*ck up. that would play out in every other facet of our relationship…LOL.
plus its like the most cutthroat comeback ever:
“and THAT’S why i aint your spades partner.”
@Panama Jackson,
“and THAT’S why i aint your spades partner.”
Cutthroat indeed! Just made it into my arsenal LOL
@Panama Jackson,
“and THAT’S why i aint your spades partner.”
Oooohhh… that’s like telling someone outright they have a small peen or a stupid stale vajayjay. Just COLD.
@kidSistah,
“So the next rule: Don’t get offended cuz I won’t play with you. It’s Not You. ”
I love how Spades can be attributed to dissing someone romantically interested in you.
“I’m sorry, it’s not you, it’s your lack of Spades game.”
And then there will be a book deal: She’s Just Not That Into Your Little Joker.
@Cheekie,
ROFLMAO
It was to his benefit that we did not meet at a houseparty, BBQ, spades tournament or under any other circumstance that would have led to his automatic classification as “un-dateable”.
I would also say never play the first game with folks you don’t know and/or haven’t previously played with. Sit out the first game or two and size up the sitch.
I like spades but beyond healthy competition and a lil side eyeing and sh!t talkin’ it’s not that serious to me. you’re not about to be (seriously) cussin’ me out or threatening my life space over a game because then it will get real.
OMG, thank you!
I enjoy playing spades, I’m pretty good, but its a GAME. I live my life talking a lil ish, so that’s fine and dandy, but this whole turning into the hulk over a lost game blows me. I am very selective with who I play spades with nowadays, cause I can’t handle the foolishness.
@8th Wonder, it’s not just a GAME. if soul music is…life. then Spades is the key to inner sanctity and chrysanthemums. plus, you can make the cards spin really fast and really cool if you practice.
that by itself is bigger than life.
@Panama Jackson,
ijustdied. first the vh1 soul reference and then the chrysanthemums?!?!? lol.
@Panama Jackson,
it is just a game. but you can gain so much insight about a person by how they react to the question “wanna play spades?” or “can you play spades?” you can match their answer with how they actually play the game. is their sh*t talking valid and warranted?? are they a straight liar?? do they overexaggerate? are they modest, subtle assassins? do they have a sexy “i’ve got both jokers” face??
you can learn so much of a person by this one GAME!!!
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
Coincidentally, I have a tattoo on my knee that says “subtle assassin” that I show to my spades adversaries and after my victorious efforts I show them again and just walk away…
(Ok, it’s not really a tattoo…it’s written with a sharpie, but it still looks cool for a dramatic exit.)
@AkShone,
lmao!
@AkShone,
u dumb. LOL
@ Panama Jackson
hush.
@8th Wonder,
Spades is a game. A game of life. Play well or perish.
@Cheekie,
indeed!!
Watch your drinking while playing. No one wants the partner that keeps f**kin up because they are sloshed. I’ve seen people close to getting murked because of this foolywang. Put the Henny Down!
Study long study wrong. Co-sign the find out the house rules and watching the table. Has anyone ever played with a kitty? I played a couple of times that way ( because those were the house rules) and cannot remember how it works.
@Nola Darling,
a “kitty?” Um, are we still talking about spades cause….
@Saule Wright,
lmao!!
@Nola Darling, you know, in all my years of Spadeology, i still don’t understand the concept of the kitty.
@Nola Darling,
Listen here and pick up your note pads. Playing w/ a kitty is a derivative of bid whist. They do it all the time. The kitty is your first book so on so forth dudda dudda duddda
@WuDaMan,
This is where house rules come into play. That’s not the version I played. The kitty had maybe 8 cards. Someone won the kitty. Whoever won the kitty picked it up and could take card from it to make their hand better then discard the rest. I remember the jist of it just not the specifics.
@WuDaMan, What the h*ll are y’all talking about? This kitty business sounds dirty and inappropriate, for Spades and for life
@Kindred Smile,
I co-sign this. A kitty? While ya’ll tarnishing up Spades? It’s sacred, dag nabbit.
Um…I don’t know how to play spades. Let’s talk about chicks, man.
@charli skipper, Kill yourself right nah!
@charli skipper, say it aint’ so
SantaCharli!@charli skipper,
I hated you during the first sentence. But when you got to the second sentence, my hate melted a bit reading the second sentence on the offchance that you watch The Soup.
Hatred status pending your response.
Also, Spades IS chicks. You get to slap em down on the table, bid on ‘em, and collect their books.
Since I am the Queen of Spades (ask Killa, I got street cred), let me start by saying, it is so important to talk sh!t from the moment you sit down to the moment you get up. Don’t bite your threats i.e. we about to spank dat azz, don’t think you have to be nice to the newbie, and last but not least, cuzz your partner out as soon as the round ends so it doesn’t continue to happen. Also, if you cheat (I never do, but I have a few partners that do), don’t get caught
Great topic. Shout out to the re-nigger that I knowo 
@El, word.life.
if you’re gonna talk. do it from jump. i agree wholeheartedly. good advice.
If you aren’t on the table, do not do play by play, sing little theme songs, or instigate a beatdown. I have seen many a merc’n because Tatalicious is watching her boo play and going “Go head freddy, play that King so my baby can cut that mess up.” “Go baby, it’s my birthday, cut the hearts out, cause it’s my birthday.” Basically, spades groupies are not welcome. Enjoy the game n sh*t.
2. IF you feel the need to slap yo card….keep it on the table or be ready to get yo happy tail up and get the card that flew across the table.
3. If you are skilled enough to count the cards and read players, good for you, lets not try and tell them what they are going to play next, it’s not cute.
@Saule Wright, 2. IF you feel the need to slap yo card….keep it on the table or be ready to get yo happy tail up and get the card that flew across the table.
i do so hate people who slap the card and send it halfway across the room. mostly cuz i’ve perfected my slapping technique. if i can practice than you can too. spades is life, make time for it. love it. serenade it.
above all else, respect the gotdamn table.
This one deserves it’s own post. Biddin’ NIL is for yahoo spades….ONLY. Thank you.
@Saule Wright, when i started playing spades on yahoo, it took me quite some time to even understand what the f*ck NIL was. that sh*t was drummed up by the Republicans.
@Panama Jackson,
“that sh*t was drummed up by the Republicans.”
And the CIA.
and PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE know how to set your hand up. Let’s keep the game going at a brisk pace, if we are playing a suit and you have them all over your hand, you slowin’ down the game like Pinto on the freeway.
@Saule Wright, You’re my partner at the VSB BBQ! I swear to never cut over you or renig! So it is written, So it is done
OH and for those that are hosting the game, PLEASE present us with an acceptable deck of cards. The following are all unacceptable:
1. We all know Bicycle is the official spades deck. Do NOT get mad if your prized black history King and Queen desk ends up looking like Rambo II when he hid in the mud wall from being smudged. You knew they wasn’t quality cards when you saw the joker with a Louis Vutton outfit on and the KING with a tattoo on his face.
2. Plastic cards….the hard cards that actually chip or explode (and yes, I’ve seen it) when slammed on the table. Good rule, if they can CUT when you cut, then we need to toss them to the trash.
3. Combined decks of cards do not work. Blue backs mixed in with Red backs, two different patterns of Red backs, Old cards mixed in with new (we all can tell after the first hand that the yellowish card is in fact the BIG joker so we ALL count that book soon as it’s dealt).
4. The Elderly deck…times are hard, but square cards with a 9 the size of the card in the middle just won’t do. You know that we read the corners of the cards, so this Hyper Fuchsia 10 in the middle of the card won’t do.
5. Dirty cards. Hey, decks have shelf lives too. Now if you go to pull them out the box and dust comes out, they all stick together, or certain cards are creased, we are gonna need a new deck. Don’t get shanked because we had 8 straight misdeals because the cards are getting caught in cuts and forensic evidence of games long gone. And again, we all realize that the card with the 3 crease lines on the corner is the big joker…so stop.
6. Standard sized cards….sorry I have to say this twice. I love a good game of spades just like the next man, but I graduated from college, that means that that miniature set of cards that are 2 inches by 1 inch will not do. I have the dreaded sausage fingers and hands with dimples, so what. I also have a higher body fat percentage than I do patience for you breaking out that little deck in the plastic box.
@Saule Wright,
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I’ve so been there. Sorry, I’m a bit tipsy right now. But that sh*t was still funny!
@Saule Wright, YES. Yes. I co-sign this entire comment.
@Saule Wright, yeah hombre, well written. LOL.
this is clearly part 2 to the Spades commandments: Card Etiquette and You.
@Saule Wright,
lmao you preached that word about the decks!!!!
but iDied @…
Do NOT get mad if your prized black history King and Queen desk ends up looking like Rambo II when he hid in the mud wall from being smudged. You knew they wasn’t quality cards when you saw the joker with a Louis Vutton outfit on and the KING with a tattoo on his face.
@Saule Wright,
“Standard sized cards….sorry I have to say this twice. I love a good game of spades just like the next man, but I graduated from college, that means that that miniature set of cards that are 2 inches by 1 inch will not do. ”
WTF. I wish someone WOULD try to play Spades with some mini cards. What do you want me to do with these, pull my monocle out my pocket to read these? Plus, your slap game will be all thrown off and not as tight.
@Cheekie,
“What do you want me to do with these, pull my monocle out my pocket to read these?”
Mr. Peanut game proper.
@miss t-lee,
*dying…dying…dead*
@Cheekie,
I will give you an extra cold Nehi Cola to see you play a game of spades with a monocle. Sweeahtagawd
@Saule Wright,
Hmm. *seriously considers uploading an occurence of this on youtube*
I’ll get back to ya, though that sounds mighty tempting…I’ll probably desperately want it once it gets truly hot out here AND STOPS RAINING FOR ONCE.
Sorry, I was yelling at Chi-town, not you. You are cool people and I have nothing but love.
Muahahahaha! And my ninja ass was just playing spades last night.
@chaoticdiva,
Haha, naturally.
On a side note: Do the regulars on this panel all post on Okayplayer?
I’ve gotten an OKP vibe from posters here and a gaaaaaaaang of different related blogs I’ve read past couple of weeks (e.g. SBPH, dallas penn)…
Just curious.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I ain’t been on OKP in a hot minute. Dang…. gotta go there soon.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, not I.
i’m an okayplayerhater. and i rarely read any of those blogs or sites. i used to read dallas penn til dude got a little bit too matrix 2 for me. half the time i don’t even understand what he’s talking about.
and coming from me, that mean’s something.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
PJG$
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I was a regular on SBPH. The days, they were good and old. I’m still mad at Chris for ending and not restarting up a blog…
@Cheekie,
Chris is doin’ that shyt on purpose. Playin’ bald headed games. Where the EFF is the dayum book?
**heated.. but not really**
@blackberry molasses,
For real. I’ve been waiting on that for the longest. Didn’t he finish it? I coulda swore he sent a Facebook message that said so. *side-eyes Chris*
is this an american thing? we play blackjack here. for mooooonay! FREE LUNCH!
@Dope Fiend,
Okay money games here in these OOOnighted states of Umherikaaaah is called Tonk. Kind of a 5 card gin.
Have you ever played the subway poker?
@Dope Fiend,
I got addicted to blackjack when my mama’s male friend taught me. Good game to know.
This post is sooo crucial (like my throwback slang hahaha)! I know how to play spades… I haven’t played in like 4 years, but I know how. It’s funny but every family function where people start breaking out the cards, the elders want to play bid whist, chess, or scrabble and my slightly tipsy a$$, along with my cousins who decide not to go out usually just put on a movie, find a corner somewhere and go to sleep. Idk. I’m narcoleptic and would rather catch some zzzzzzz’s. I’m going to have to get my spades game up b4 the VSB BBQ so I don’t get murked… I don’t renig or talk across the board tho… it hasn’t been that long lol.
@pgh muse,
i’m not entirely sure you can still be a black-card carrier if you KNOW how to play spades but you NO LONGER play.
that’s offensive to me. off with your head!!
Gemmie boo, you can still have your black card. Its like leaving the drug game for the 9 to 5…
“I almost think it should be taught to little Black boys and girls since anytime I meet a Black person who can’t play spades…
…I don’t trust them and think their upbringing was lacking.”
Man please, eff that. You ain’t gotta trust me, and ain’t ish wrong with my upbringing. I don’t play any card games outside of Uno.
I also don’t play dominoes either. Don’t you dare ask for my Black card either, cause I will throat punch you.
However I will kick your arse in a mean game of taboo, trivial pursuit or scene it.
Thank you and good night.
@miss t-lee, Yep. Pretty much the only card game I care to play these days is Casino.
I do play dominoes though.
*shrug*
@Mr. Mister,
At least you got the dominoes play down…I never had the patience to learn. I do enjoy watching everyone else play and talk junk though.
@Mr. Mister, yeah dominoes is awesome game of sport too
@Mr. Mister,
I never could play Casino… bc no one ever had the rules straight, so I said f*ck it…
@miss t-lee,
I play all the games YOU mentioned, and Spades, too.
What I need to do is be more discerning in my selection of Partners for playing the game. I tend to let whomever wants to play sit with me, and I win all my damn books, but I’m at about 50/50 on whether or not my partner can pick them up…
@Dante_Alexander,
From what I can tell having a bad partner will mess you up period…lol
*Cueing up some Johnnie Taylor for you*
@miss t-lee,
I once was in love with a Disco Lady.
Then she fugged up my Spades game, in a 2 out of 3 Rise and Fly session.
She now lives with 14 cats in a one bedroom apartment. I didn’t mean to lash out in such a fashion as to render her almost catatonic… but she played the Ace of Spades as the first spade of the game, with other spades in her hand… AS THE LAST PERSON TO PLAY.
inexcusable.
@Dante_Alexander, awww naw! that’s like an Amish dude using a cell phone…you revoke your status in the community for a janky move like that…
@T. Troy Stewart,
She might as well have wished all my unborn children retarded for how hard I went in on her. I’m pretty sure I offended everyone at the party…
Until they found out what she’d done. Then it was simply “Oh… well.”
@Dante_Alexander,
You know I was with you until you started talking that spades lingo…then it started sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher…
Sorry…
@miss t-lee,
Think of it in “Scene It?” terms…
The first movie clue she got, she decided to yell out “Smokey and the Bandit, Parts 1, 2 and 3!” word to Death.
The clip showing on screen, however, was for “The Lion King”.
Except what she actually did was MORE idiotic.
@Dante_Alexander
I got it now…hilarious!!!
@miss t-lee,
Taboo is second in body count, that game will get some folks a quick trip to the plastic surgeon too.
@Saule Wright,
Taboo will get somebody needing about $1500 worth of dental work…straight up….
@Saule Wright,
Trust me…a game got heated once because the word was “ambitious” (or something like that I can’t remember right now) and a chick was telling her team…what I am, what I am…
One of them blurted out, a h*e?
I died….
@miss t-lee,
LMAO!!!!!
@miss t-lee,
Hilarious!!! I guess she won’t say that again.
@miss t-lee,
lmao taboo has got many ppl’s feleings hurts when they give clues.
the worst is when ppl continue to use the SAME clue over and over and clearly nobody gets it. it’s like, move on to another clue fool!!
i will never forget one dude kept saying “when you sign on to facebook. facebook. facebook. uhhhhh it’s in your email. email, email.” his team looked confused as hell. probably because the word was MEGABYTE lmao.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
‘da hell?!?!?!?
That was the worse clue EVER!!!! No one would have ever figured that out…lol
@Saule Wright, that is very true. Taboo is the one game where you can really find out how well you know somebody too. i’ve seen folks end a round like, “i thought you knew me, but clearly since you didnt get any of my clues, you don’t. “
@Panama Jackson,
word up. People sometimes walk away on some, ‘Who are you?!’ *w/ serious side eye*
@miss t-lee, not you!!!!! i expect you to know all things like this…
i’m a little hurt. lol. next thing you know, you’re gonna tell me that you aint never seent whats happenin!
@Panama Jackson,
No Rodger!
No Rerun!
No Rent!
@Panama Jackson,
Of course, I’ve seen “What’s Happenin”…come on dawg…don’t be trying to disown me just yet…LOL!!!
My Momz didn’t play with that dominoes/card playing ish in the house…when I was old enough to learn I just didn’t care anymore…dah well. Helped me develop my ear for music.
@miss t-lee,
my taboo and guesstures game is PROPER. me and Ivy St have killed many a negro at this game. our team (usually all the ladies in game night attendance) has NEVER lost.
@Gem…BeThatAsItMay,
That’s definitely a good look. I forgot about guesstures, I haven’t played that one in a while.
@miss t-lee,
…and I’ve officially reserved my seat next to you at the VSB bbq. I am familiar with the rules of both Spades and Dominoes, but I wouldn’t say that I “know how to play.” That’s like saying you can drive because you know how to operate a vehicle.
My Taboo game is pimp tight, tho.
@Nikiloveli,
I love that you just said “pimp tight”….lol
and yes…I’ll get your place card ready.
@miss t-lee,
You can’t officially get your Black card taken because you do play Uno at least. Which has evolved into something hooder than hood.
@Cheekie,
*daps*
thanks.
i’ve had to give the game up. i turn into this horrible horrible super competitive person who will she her tail at the table…i think its just best this way.
4 the Pgh Vsbers: Did anyone go see Mechelle Ndegeocello last night? I didn’t go but I’m dying to hear about the show! Fill me in!
@pgh muse,
no
I’m just going to…sit this one out.
I may get hit with a sock full of nickels over this, but I don’t play spades. I’m from the west coast. We play dominoes…cuz. And break card tables in half while doing so lol.
Hilarious unrelated ish: about 2 months ago, me, my fiancee and two of our grown-a** friends got together around the following: 3 blunts, a 12-pack, and A PACK OF UNO CARDS.
@shakashawshow, UNO is definitely a comparable game though. not sure why UNO is so popular either but that sh*t stays in rotation in households across America.
and on being from LA, some of the best spades players i know are from LA. my homiez.
@Panama Jackson, word. I’m from the Bay and never really saw a game of spades pop off til freshamn year at Howard in DC, Drew Hall lobby where fools use to get real up in arms behind it.
In all honesty, I’m better at spades than I am at my job, in fact it is easily my best “skill” outside of eating a chicken wing properly, and recognizing a song based on the .5 second snippet before the beat drops.
I grew up in an African household, and my grandparents used to make me play spades with them since I was a pup. I used to think it was an old persons game and I hated it, until I got to middle school and realized that I was already better than everyone else in the school, teachers and the janitor included.
You hit all the nails on the head, and I’ve long said that spades needs to be brought to the national spotlight, in casinos, and on ESPN, because I will quit my job right now and go become a professional spades player, wear weird sunglasses and run with a cool name like Jack Club, or Lil’ Joker D.
@Dorian G., #ell yes to the PST (Professional Spades Tour) but I don’t want a show called SPADES AFTER DARK or headlines like SPADES TAKE OVER LAS VEGAS…Fox News would have a field day with it and I would have to “cut” somebody…
@T. Troy Stewart,
Who needs crunches, I think I just laffed myself to a 6pack.
@Dorian G.,
*slow clap* LOL
@Dorian G., you know, i’d definitely try to get on a spades tour too. i’m with you 100 percent on this comment hombre.
@Dorian G.,
I’ve seen you eat a chicken wing, I wasn’t impressed.
@8th Wonder,
*snickering loudly*
@8th Wonder,
First off you can’t speak because you leave half the meat on the wing, and you violate so many wing eating rules its not funny.
You have to break the wing in half, eating the drumstick looking portion first, as its the more rewarding of the two sides and harder to share. Then you don’t just dive into the wing ding portion, you push up the small bone thru the meat, leaving one bone covered with meat. Then eat that portion leaving nothing but three bones behind. Step up homie.
This is slander. I do NOT leave half the meat on the wing, you’re being ridiculous right now, and you know what….
Wait, are we actually fighting about who eats wings better on vsb?
@8th Wonder, ::guffaws::
@Dorian G.,
YES! There should be tournaments on ESPN. Folks betting on them and getting killed. Spades brackets. A huge 6 foot trophy for the winner(s). The works.
And every game should be to the death.
@Cheekie,
I been reading your comments…. I am AFEARED of YOU.
Your Spades devotion is scary@me (c) PBG
@blackberry molasses,
That’s what happens when something has been a part of your childhood. lol That ish never leaves you.
I’ll have to agree with everyone that said you MUST learn how to read your hand before when bidding…
Also, PLEASE know what the rule is for throwing your hand in. If it’s no Spades, don’t complain about not having any face cards.
By the way, since the game is called Spades, I do believe NOT having Spades constitutes a throwing in of a hand. That’s just me.
@Dante_Alexander, i tend to play the no face card rule…cuz if you have no spades, but three Aces, you’ve still got a viable hand.
@Panama Jackson, I usually do, too. I can go either way.Mainly because I’m a Spades player.
You could give me a Used Tampon hand, and I’ll make it happen. I’ve done it before… ain’t no thang to do it again.
@Dante_Alexander,
“By the way, since the game is called Spades, I do believe NOT having Spades constitutes a throwing in of a hand. That’s just me.”
…you sir, would be wrong. No spades, but you have aces and/or face cards…you gotta play or forfeit your game…aka Celtic out.
@AkShone,
Misdeal: A misdeal is a deal in which all players have not received the same number of cards. A misdeal may be discovered immediately by counting the cards after they are dealt, or it may be discovered during play of a hand. If a hand is misdealt, the hand is considered void and the deal passes to the next player.
Sometimes a misdeal is also called if a player is dealt 0 spades or no face cards. A player if he wishes must throw down his hand face-up, so other players may verify, and declare “misdeal” before he or his team has bid.[3] This is optional; a player may try to bid “nil” if dealt such a hand.
Like I said, I ain’t never heard nobody bid “Nil” before, and i can go either way… but THIS is EXACTLY why you ask the rules before you sit.
At YOUR table, I’d have just been a d-bag and showed you my entire hand. At another, it woulda been a misdeal…
@Dante_Alexander,
The key word there is “or”, but I see what you’re sayin’…
I’d never even heard of spades till this post. Now I feel all enlightened and sh*t.
@Quark, and where art thou from?
and welcome.
@Panama Jackson,
To piggyback off of Panama’s question…is where you from a part of Earth?
@Panama Jackson, and @Cheekie
I am definitely an earthling thank you very much! I grew up in London but moved to DC 9 months ago. First time I’ve heard of spades but at least I won’t be completely clueless if I do come across it. I may have to learn it since I love me a good card game.
@Quark,
Oooh, keep us updated if and when you do learn. It’s a lovely game to learn and makes you feel complete.
@Panama Jackson,
And thanks for the welcome. Really enjoying the blog- keep up the good work!
*DON’T cut over your parther ( I know it was said but it can’t be said enough)
*Do learn how to pull spades so your lil 8 of club (or whateva) can me boss at the end
*Don’t get suckered by the other team to up your bid and get mad when you get set–trust your game
*Do learn how to feed your partner
*Don’t hold on to the Joker for dear life, it is still only 1 book, this can result in partners bumping heads
*Do take that 10 when you have it — scared money don’t make money
This: *Don’t get suckered by the other team to up your bid and get mad when you get set–trust your game
….is so true…you can’t jedi mind-trick me, bytch, I know what’s in my damn hand!
@cocomyst,
“Do take that 10 when you have it — scared money don’t make money”
In FLa we used to say, ‘PLAY PU$$Y GET FUHCKED’
@WuDaMan,
Oh yeah I think I’ve heard that one….I have to remember that one
@cocomyst,
“*DON’T cut over your parther ( I know it was said but it can’t be said enough)”
YES! I remember doing this when I first learned to play with partners and them grown folks were chastizing me like I was caught smoking a square or something. I almost felt like sitting in the corner, it was so disobedient.
@Cheekie,
Yes i was traumatized and made to cry when a young girl, around 8, learning to play spades. Cursed out, I mean CURSED OUT for playing the wrong card.
I now vow to be a more gentle teacher to the current learning youngins.
@cocomyst, Nuh-uh Coco, don’t be gentle. You gotta be rough so they’ll be prepared when you send them into that cutthroat world. Spades is gritty, it builds character. Them kids better baby up, LOL.
@Kindred Smile,
This is so true. Spades gives you street cred without ever stepping foot in the streets. lol
Can we also mention “that fool” who applies the “DOMINO, MUTHERFU*KA” table slam to everything from Spades to Battleship…
“I SUNK YO’ BATTLESHIP, MOTHERFU*CKAAAAAAAAAAA!”
@T. Troy Stewart,
Guilty.
Sorry.
UNO OUT MUDDASOAKAAAAAAA!
@Dante_Alexander,
ditto
I’ll start ad libbing songs
Wu Tang sap suckaaaaa
orangatangs ate your mothaaaaaaa
we bring the pain have anothaaa
or some good old Harlem Nights quote, ‘Ddddd dd d don’t take this ssa whoopin ppp ppp ppp personally.’ *smile grin cheeese giggle*
@WuDaMan,
I don’t know how I feel about dudes giggling…….
hehehehe
@V Renee,
it’s a man giggle w/ a lot of bass and it goes down all evil like heh heh heh hehhhhhhhh
by the way that’s a short e vowel sound in the hehs
@T. Troy Stewart,
I personally, love adding a MOTHERFU*CKAAAAAAAAAAA!” anytime I can get one in while playing anything competative…that and “In yo face, b*tch!!!!”
I even use these when I win at Sudoku.
@AkShone,
lmao @ “I even use these when I win at Sudoku.”
@AkShone,
I can’t stop laughing about the Sudoku.
@T. Troy Stewart,
I know! Folks in my family have made games like Backgammon hood. And I’m still mad I forgot how to play that. I was so so good at it as a wee child. It’ll come back to me once I get someone to play with me, though.
“It’ll come back to me once I get someone to play with me, though.”
Watch it, Cheeks…VSB’s will catch ya slippin’, lol.
@AkShone,
I know, I know, I’m so ashamed. But I haven’t come across any ninjas who truly know the game of Backgammon. It’s either Spades, Uno, etc.
@Cheekie,
Love me some backgammon. Even though you gotta watch when ppl treat you how to play. My ex’s momma taught me, and she had me thinking I HAD to move my pieces out the way so she could move hers around the board…smh
@AshleyNeicole,
LOL…dayum, that ain’t right. Taking advantage of folks.
Yo card slapping needs propper logistics. I need;
Propper chair height-table ratio.
I can throw a card up in the air above peoples heads and have it land and spin on the card that it just beat. There’s all kinds o ways to show your prowess.
I remember playing w/ a couple cats who thought me an IN boy and a my dude a SC cat was some marks. My homie D tapped the deck and we went from Tallanasty clean on to boston w/ them suckas. hahahaa
The game can really be fun w/ people who really know how to play. I remember this chick I partnered w/ who was out standing. The deck was mad even 6-7 point style you know. So we just playing I think this one game went most of the evening. smh. Towards the end I was praying for the game to end. I was hollering @ her to stop trying to win. I wanted out of that game. I was trying to loose, give away my hand win to no avial. It was hilarious.
Real talk spades is great but Bid Whist ninjuh! *walks in a circle shaking head* is a game for winners.
Since the move I’ve been trying to learn this peanuckle thing.
@WuDaMan,
my one rule. Play to win.
@WuDaMan,
“my one rule. Play to win.”
I do wonder, though: Who plays to lose? Unless it’s Opposite Day or something, who is in it to lose? lol
@Cheekie,
I played to loose that one day. I felt like that cat in the pepe le pew cartoons. I’da done just about anything to get from across the table from her. Even though she was a lot of fun.
@WuDaMan,
I think they should make a jai ali wii game
@WuDaMan,
as well as cricket.
I think they already got golf right?
@WuDaMan,
euchre can be a fun game too
*tightly holding black card*
@AshleyNeicole,
Euchre ROCKS!
@WuDaMan, Real talk spades is great but Bid Whist ninjuh! *walks in a circle shaking head* is a game for winners.
I totally agree with this…spades is cool but it’s like beginners bid whist
Uno, anyone?
@Monk,
I got you.
@Monk,
Hey you ever play w/ house rules?
Cuz that’s off the hook.
@Monk,
I’ve seen a couple of fights start because of this game, too. Callin’ uno and then getting perpetually slapped with “draw fours” have caused some frustration.
@AkShone, hahahaahaha
@AkShone,
I’m the a-hole that does this all the time. I specifically save a draw four card for one of these moments.
Uno, you say? You mean Quattro, fool. Take THAT!
@Cheekie,
…Which is funny because what i DIDN’T know about UNO, and what my brother unceremoniously told me, was that a draw four can only be used if you haven’t the appropriate color in your hand or some sheet. it’s actually in the rules on the UNO box. But since I was one of the kids that had three decks held together with a rubber band and never saw a box growing up, I had no idea.
In fact, none of us that day had ever heard of such a thing.
2520s have rules for everything, and most of them don’t make sense.
Like no sex in the Champagne room. Fookin stupid.
@Dante_Alexander,
“In fact, none of us that day had ever heard of such a thing.”
Me either. We JUST got a new Uno deck several weeks ago and read up on the “official” rules and saw that mess. The hell? I’ve been playing wrong all these years.
Well, as they say…I don’t wann be right.
Naturally, we told that 2520-ridden rule sheet where to stuff it. We literally cussed that rule sheet out and threw it on the floor ceremoniously.
First of all, why is Hyundai a tag for this post?? LMAO!!!!
I can’t do it….I almost fought a guy that was 3 times bigger than me and whooped a white girl over a game of spades….needless to say, I don’t play anymore…that shiggity is too emotional for me…ninjas play like their life depends on it…and nine times out of ten, there’s no money on the game!!! Eff that…if I’m gonna get super heated over a game, there d@mn sure better be some money on the table…otherwise….
I’m going for another drink…
@This Just In…,
“why is Hyundai a tag for this post?? ”
Lol, because Hyundais and spades could potentially get you beat up in the wrong region…ask Rodney King, I actually think he was coming from a spades game that night…d@mn, he lost twice.
Gee, I thought I was the only one who didn’t play spades at all or (in my case) not very well. Here’s a fresh deck and some refreshments; have at it, folks. I don’t play dominoes, either.
Yeah, just pass those Uno cards…
@rainebeaux,
Wait have you ever played w/ house rules?
@rainebeaux,
There should be a discussion about Uno here one day as well. Brings me back to the highschool lunchroom days. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday folks.
@rainebeaux,
Dominoes comes third to Tunk (or Tonk?) and Spades.
Cosign all rules listed. I come from a family that gets especially hood at these types of gatherings. It is ingrained in my dna to talk mad isht and wear a clown suit during all types of games. Including but not limited to spades, tonk, go fish, uno, four square, kickball, dodgeball, basketball, golf, chess, checkers, connect four, sorry and last, but most def not least, monopoly!! if you are anything like me, and a woman, please think twice about playing around SO, your ivy league friends, co workers, in laws and so on.
Its not personal, I have to win and they should cry!
After a game of spades against my sis and bro in law, she had to whisper on the phone to talk to me for two weeks because he resented the ash whippin I handed him, and the way I neatly packed his confidence and ego in a napsak and sent said napsak on a long journey the h3ll away from the game table! Not my fault he didn’t recognize that all is fair in the aforementioned games(read: he’s a punk). He approached the table talkin more ish than I could accept, and still be pleasant. Moral of the story…when the wind is south bound don’t aim north! Jk, don’t talk ish if you can’t handle someone bustin that asp wide open. Ole bishasp suckas. Oh yes, it gets gutta at the game table son! Lol
At this point with SO or potential SOs we neeed to have been involed at least 8 months and two weeks before you can witness who I become during any of these games. Unless you met me through the gig, in which case you’ve already witnessed the take no prisoners, razor sharp, heartless beast I can be. Lol.
Ps, my thumbs are now numb from pounding this out on the crackberry! Gonna go ice…
Ahh spades, along with casino, crazy 8s and texas hold em these are the only card games I bother to play
I even play 2 person spades though its not as fun as watchin a team fall apart in front of me
I have had my main spades teammate since I was about 8 so we have close to 15 years of experience and we learned at the same time by out OG spades partner who def fell off (it was all good just a week ago, well actually 10 yrs ago, gotta put da drank down my friend)
Please know the house rules
Please know how to keep score and have pen and paper ready, I rather have documented proof that I’m busting ur ass
Any shady card dealing will lead to tables getting flipped or some1 catching a rihanna
Don’t waste ur high cards on handa you know your going to lose and then procede to cut me, that’s how u end up like sanaa lathan at the end of the family that prays.
Like previously stated please have a decent set of cards. And don’t have two 7 of spades and write club in the middle of one like it makes a difference
And admit if you don’t know what your doing. I’d hate to see you lack of admitting ignorance lead you to ICU
Besides… It’s just a game
Spades. Where Amazing Happens
(And if they ever have a professional spades tournament or make it available at casinos I’d move to atlantic city or wen I got 2 vegas in 2 weeks I’ll lose my return ticket
@rockstar718,
“catching a rihanna”
lol
@Panama
Look imma need people to lay off Lebron for one thing… aight
he had a bad day im not trying to defend his actions completely cuz it was kinda jerkish but just lay off everybody knows he was wrong no need to keep repeating it
back to the topic at hand: I’m from cleveland we play Joker Joker Duece Ass we don’t even use the duece of diamonds at family gatherering but i cant even be good at joker joker duece duece its just not natural….. and imagine a freshman sittin down at a table with upper classmen saying i’ve been playing since i was 10 and then i ask the rules they tell me duece duece and i ask for clarification, we play and get our asses handed to us and im almost killed the gameroom is just starting to trust my playing skills again
As the grandchild of the Spades Sensei (my grandma), my heart swells for this post. She taught me this beautiful game at the tender age of 6 and I fell in love from the moment I gathered my first book. I threw tantrums when she “skunked” me (that was a term for absolutely murdering your opponent by taking EVERY single book…i.e. “HAHA! I skunked you! Loser”). And my heart weeps for the days when I played everyday with senior citizens after school. Because NO ONE can trash-talk like old folks. They have premium roasting skills, please believe.
“7. Learning how to properly count books and possibles is a skill. (And everybody can’t do it). ”
Please repeat this 478 times. I remember when playing 4-hands, this one lady would ALWAYS undercount her books and no one wanted to be her partner. She’d bid like 4 books and end up with 7 or 8. I’d
cuss her out in my mindask her why she underbid and she’d say she was playing Jedi mind tricks or some ish…trying to throw opponents off. WTF. *smoke shooting out of ears*. Those “tricks” don’t work! The points is where it matters and you cost us about 30 because of your silly tricks. Tricks are for kids and politicians anyway. Bleh.“9. Make sure you know which Joker is the BIG Joker.”
We did the ghetto writing “LITTLE” and “BIG” on each Joker. Hey, I told ya I was workin’ with old folks. Sometimes I’d tryt o be cute and write Lil’ instead of Little. And I always wanted to write “The Big B*tch” on the Bit Joker, but ya know, I had mad respect for elders. *tips hat*
“2. Because rules differ by region, ALWAYS MOTHERF*CKING ASK THE RULES IF YOU’RE NEW TO THE CREW THAT’S PLAYING.”
This is so important it should be like number 1a or something. Like hood monopoly, there are like 345 different ways to play spades…and counting. Please learn the right way. And the right way is determined by the majority of people who play the same way. If you don’t…you better ease up out that chair, Sir…or Madam. I love how folks get in arguments on what’s the “better” way to play, though. Those are always entertaining.
@Cheekie,
See but in a new environment the experienced player will adjust to a weak teammate and plan accordingly. One time I was at this house party and partnered up with this girl (cuz she was cute) and made a run at the table champs. She was a notorious underbidder, so I had to adjust my style accordingly. House rules played 10 sandbags, so I had to eliminate possibles from her lingo, make her give me a definite number, then adjust our bid based on what I had. Unlike Lebron James I don’t make excuses about my teammates I just go out and win championships.
@Dorian G.,
I cosign I don’t mind playing with a weaker partner. As long as you don’t renig, or cut over me.
If you admit that you don’t know how to play, I give you 1 bi for cutting over me as long as it is not at a critical point in the game and I can tell you when that hand is over.
@cocomyst,
Yeah, it’s not so much them being weaker as a whole, it’s specifically cutting me and underbidding that gets me agitated.
DAM I dont know how to play spaces and never have tried and Im blacker than black cause im black lol.
My country fam all know how to play and they get down real hard even my mama know how to play.
I like poker texas-holem or bones. And you cant take my black card away I got beat up by the police for mistaken identity.
So My Black Card is foooo-life.
@BLUNTBLAZER,
“DAM I dont know how to play spaces and never have tried and Im blacker than black cause im black lol. ”
As I mentioned above, if you play any other Black games, your black card may be safe for now. Otherwise ninjas will be like, “Mofo, you ain’t Black, you taupe!”
@Cheekie,
as many times as i get pulled over/ sterotyped/ harassed/discriminated against/ make palebreezys clutch they purses. I wish a mutha wud try ta take my black card its tattoed on my fo head.
on the side note i cut my hair this mornin (im the black mr. clean now *arms and all*) and I my clippers was havin issues goin thru the naps. so again im blacker than black cause im black
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I like Texas Hol’ Em 2.
I think this should be said if it hasn’t been said. Internet Spades and Real Life Spades are COMPLETELY different. The stuff you could get away with online is not the same. I have witnessed people do this sort of thing. Drives me CRAZY!
If you have one spade in your hand, that is not cause for a re-deal. If you a REAL spades player, you need to play the hell outta that hand that you got dealt.
And if you gonna play according to internet scoring rules, like betting nil or blind nil, PLEASE understand what the hell nil and blind nil means!
LOL my post needs to be approved for posting due to “strong language” and the only “bad” word I used was hell.
Sidenote: Ol’ dude in this post’s representative picture at the top looks extremely suss. And his name is probably Chauncey.
@Cheekie,
yea that pic doesnt make me wanna play spades neva eva eva eva eva eva o-k *in smokey’s voice*
ANOTHER SIDE NOTE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cj9_yW8tZxs
my song of the day “the humpty dance” by digital underground
if you dont like this song go watch titanic
and if you have never did this dance go watch titanic
and no I have never seen/will never see Titanic
no actors of color= not my type of movie
HAPPY FRIDAY YALL
DO THA HUMP LOL
I absolutely LOVE #7! Preach! This is the exact reason I only play with my sis. Yes, it’s that serious. Can’t take any chances with stupid partners. Good post.
You know I can’t relate; I’m one of those black folks who never learned how to play lmao….
I went to a cookout a few weeks ago, and they didn’t want to play Spades… they wanted to play some punk azz card game called Phase 10. A piece of my soul did a Tony Awars winning dramatic death sequence. Jesus wept.
@Naturally Alise,
I would love to know wtf Phase 10 is. Google, I’m on my way.
@Cheekie,
Ok, I’m back. I browsed Wikipedia and it just looks like some bootleg, more complex, take-too-much-time Uno.
Pass.
@Cheekie,
See… now you understand my angst, and why my soul is now ashes to ashes dust to dust…
Since the author banished us from speaking of the far superior game that my crew graduated to long ago… (my crew thinks spades is for the youngins and amateurs so we don’t play spades unless there are less than four whist players present…) ….I’ll say
I totally agree with this list of rules. And I too question peoples upbringing if they don’t know how to play spades. This is a crucial social skill in the black community that should be taught somewhere between how to ride a bike and the birds and the bees.
but for real…bid whist is the business….hard to go back to spades once you’ve graduated to whist
I’d like to thank you all and collect about a penny from each of you. That should cover the cost of new draws and jeans cause I’m straight “yellow frontin” laffin’ at the stories on this joint.
LMAO @ this post! Seriously! I just had to explain to my homie why I simply REFUSE to play spades with anyone…not just black folks!!!
I learned my lessons the hard way…first hand. Shoot, Ion’t even play with my family! Them fools is ruthless!
I’ve seen divorce proceedings start over a bad play during a spades game.
I tell all my friends…if you get invited to the family bbq…stay away from the spades table and the chess board unless you are d@mN sure you know what you doing….b/c I am not responsible for any fluckery that happens! In essence… you on ya own kid! I hope you can hold it!! LOL!
(**The above response in no way reflects my Spades playing capabilities. I know how to play…I just refuse to do so.)
You should shorten this up, make the rules rhyme and put out a mixtape on this topic. Call it Ten Spades Commandments.
@Rob, LMAO. Good idea!
@Liz,
1. Never ever overstate your spades abilities.
If you drive a hooptie, don’t say mercedes.
2. Always ask the rules … if you’re new.
Your strong duece of spades don’t trump every crew.
3. Always be for certain if you call a renig.
Be wrong about this and get a twisted wig.
4. Be rightegous at the table – no punk move hints.
Never know the reaction – get your backbone bent.
5. Flaunt when you’re winning. Salty when you’re losing.
If your game is tight, let the points do the proving.
6. Lead with the thunder not with a silly trick.
That strategy could make your partner very sick.
7. Know your potential and count those books.
6 spades 3 to 8 ain’t always how it looks.
8. Keep your eyes on the cards. Stay focused on the game.
Those chicks on the couch actually think you’re lame.
9. Know the joker from jocker … biggie from smalls
If you don’t know ask – or get your ass called.
10. Practice your card handling skills before the game.
Slopping moves flippin cards make you look insane.
@Robert, WOW, i am really impressed!!! *standing ovation*
lol I’m actually happy I read this! I’m not too familiar with the rules and all, I have asked which is big joker, etc., and I admit I underbid ’cause not sure of books, but, everytime it’s worked out for winnings sooooo lol
http://www.Spadester.com is the best place to play online cuz u can play Singles there (instead of partners). I don’t like in-person spades anymore because it ain’t official. No bags and nils.
i think asian people are good at spade. we run spade
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If I renig in spades by mistake and I catch myself because the suit were stuck together and I say it can they still take my 3 books ? I don’t cheat !