“I have extremely large nipples, and feel like they make my DD breasts look weird. I am only 20, and very self conscious about my chest appearing saggy. Do guys care about nipple size?”
this question popped up on p’s guyspeak page yesterday, prompting some interesting (and predictable) comments on our vsb facebook page (the overwhelming consensus? “hell no. yay nipples!!!“).
along with a couple conversations i’ve recently had with a few female friends, this discussion further drove home the idea that many women make their dating and relationship life much harder than it has to be by driving themselves crazy over things that won’t affect a man’s opinion of and level of attraction for her.
to help the vss’s of the world better navigate the murky waters of the dating and mating morass, here’s 10 things women tend to obsess over that guys could really give two shits about
1. saggy boobs
while its safe to say that men probably aren’t going to go gaga if your boobs look like you’ve duct taped two deflated water balloons to your chest, we realize that boobs (especially big boobs) tend to sag and we’re perfectly ok with that. in fact, its actually kind of hot to take off a woman’s bra and watch her boobs fall and sprint out of that bitch like usain bolt.
2. stretch marks
as long as they’re not on your forehead
3. how soon you’ve “given it up”
while it is true that a guy’s opinion of you might change if you don’t wait until a “suitable” (and, remember, “suitable” is completely arbitrary) time has passed before deciding to sleep with him, this only makes a difference if he wasn’t really that into in the first place and is basically just looking for a reason to eliminate you.
if he really likes you, it wont matter if you slept with him after four great dates or four great days, he’s still going to think just as highly of you afterward
4. how much you eat
it amazes me to hear about a grown-ass woman a ordering ceaser salad and ice water and shit on her date, only to have to cut it short because her stomach is growling like busta rhymes in the scenario video. granted, when the menu comes, its probably not a good look to tell the waiter “yeah, just gimme page 2“, but if we wanted to date someone who ate like a six year old boy we would have been catholic priests
5. gifts
although we love gifts as much as anyone else, our love for them is more “cool. new shit.” than “wow! she really must have taken alot of time to think about this“. the thought doesn’t count any more than a gift card does
6. whether your expert-level bedroom prowess will scare us away
***channeling katt williams***
never the history of n*ggadom has a n*gga slept with his chick and thought to himself “damn!!! she’s a f*cking freak!!! i had no idea a wet elbow could do so many things. she’s so freaky in fact that she must have actually had sex with someone else before she met me. since that’s probably true, i can’t continue to date her”
7. your hair anywhere other than the top of your head
again, while having legs that feel like brown sugar cactuses when they’re laying next to you isn’t whats hot in the streets, obsessing to the point of neurosis over your eyebrows, eyelashes, armpits, and pubic area just makes us think you’re even crazier than we already think you are
8. what it smells like down there
as long as it doesn’t seem like you’ve been spraying “sex panther” by odeon between your legs, you have nothing to be self-conscious about. actually, we all love what that thing smell like, word to black jesus
9. whether we’ll be upset that your jeans are target brand instead of true religion
there’s actually a word for guys who really care about stuff like that, and it starts with ‘h” and rhymes with “logoplaxical”
10. your age
i’m not going to say that age doesn’t matter, but most guys are more concerned with how old a woman looks and acts than how old she actually is. we’d much rather be with an active and youthful 37 year old than a 25 year old who looks like she lived through and slept with the great depression.
guys, did i miss anything? also, ladies, is there anything that men obsess over that you all could really give two shits about? the carpet is yours
—the champ
well. good to know.
@MzPW,
know deez
1st comment?!
I cosign #4 and #8.
I also don’t care if you weight fluctuates by 5lbs, i don’t even notice until she starts complaining.
I truly don’t care about the brand of bag you are carrying.
@knightnick,
damn im #2.
@knightnick,
I also don’t care if you weight fluctuates by 5lbs, i don’t even notice until she starts complaining.
yeah. i dont think (most) men care so much about specific numbers than a “look”. like, a woman could be 125 or 175 and still fit under a guy’s type as long as its carried well
LMAO @ this post.
I have been guilty of obsessing about my a$$. However a guy I went out with in college was like “for real?” or is this just a ploy to bring more attention to it cause yo a$$ dont need no gimmicks”… the fact that it even came over as a “gimmick” made me feel stupid so i cut that shyt out. Hey you approached this a$$ it aint like you didnt see it so….ergo….
yeah
oh and my glasses I do still obsess about wearing my glasses when im out on the town. I dont want to come across as the naughty librarian…lol
@shay-d-lady,
c’mon now, you know how these guys feel about women in glasses, lol!
@Ashleyg,
Yea she’s right! A** and glasses are like speed and power in the NBA.
@Kirk Lazarus,
A** and glasses are like speed and power in the NBA.
I smell t-shirt potential.
@shay-d-lady, I feel you on the glasses. In fact, sometimes if I meet a person when I’m not wearing them, I will wait awhile before I wear them in front of him. Iono why, I just do. The men around these parts don’t seem as into the glasses as the men on this site.
@sanen85,
The men around these parts don’t seem as into the glasses as the men on this site.
and, maybe it could be the actual glasses, lol. i mean, if you were rocking june cleavers, i can see how that might make a guy suggest contacts.
@shay-d-lady,
I’m still self-conscious about my glasses too, even after all the thumbs up about women in glasses being sexy/attractive….
@Made In Hawaii,
I’m still self-conscious about my glasses too, even after all the thumbs up about women in glasses being sexy/attractive….
this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true
@The Champ,
touché. I think that’s what everbody needs to learn. If I tell you something believe it, even if it makes no sense to you as least accept that how I see it or feel about.
Men and women always trying to make the opposite sex think like them. My mom pointed out to me once while a family friend was debating some dude behavior with my male cousin, that she really didn’t want an answer because she wasn’t willing to believe my cuz’s answer.
@The Champ, its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true
it’s true. believe me, it’s true
@The Champ,
“this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm”
We really do still enjoy it!
We do enjoy it without the orgasm. The process is probably 75% of the battle.
@The Champ,
Hmm. I didn’t know men find that hard to believe but ya’ll definitely shouldn’t be concern about that.
@The Champ,
its just NOT as enjoyable as it would be with an o. different level to o’s my friend.
1. this feels good but i didn’t get an o
2. meh it’s an “o” i just needed that and i can go on with my day
3. wow
4. OMG I JUST SAW HEAVEN AND EARTH MOVE AND I CAN’T MOVE FOR 15 MINUTES AT THE MINIMUM
@The Champ,
…”this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women when they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true…”
I’m married and I STILL don’t believe it!
Enjoyable, yes. Satisfying, no.
-Chicken Picante Ramen Noodles
@Made In Hawaii,
co-sign. i thought for the longest time they were the reason why i wasn’t getting any play. just turned out it was the low self confidence. who knew!
but there are times when i still think they are a hinderance…and no sticking plastic/glass things on my eyeballs for me.
@shay-d-lady,
Girl, stop trippin. Rumor has it naughty librarian is good. The beauty of men is that ultimately, they’re all perverts…perverts who can somehow find sexxxy in a burlap-clad, myopic mute. Actually, the mute part would probably up her sexiassness… So rock ya specs and just know some nice
pervfella is makin a mini porn in his mind while u sittin there debatin bout tuckin’ em away in ya glasses case.Which reminds me, I gotta run over to Pearle Vision later…
@shay-d-lady,
“yo a$$ dont need no gimmicks”
this is actually the title to the “window seat” remix
@shay-d-lady, I have actually found that guys love the glasses when I’m out on the town…maybe because there usually isn’t a lot of females wearing them..idk but I used to be worrisome about them as well then I decided not to give a f*ck…
and I just recently grew a new asset do to some..umm..extra curricular activities over the past few months and was going crazy over that to but I have realized that the men they do love it
lol so I’m over it!
i have no real comment other than I laughed out loud a lot at this article and I heard that Sex Panther worked 100% of the time, 60% of the time…and with odds like that how can one lose???
@Roro,
That doesn’t make sense. I’m gonna be honest with you – that smells like pure gasoline.
@Madame Zenobia,
Ugh It smells like a used diaper filled with indian food!
@Veronica CorningstoneD,
it smells like big foots dick!
Is it just me or is it different for women??
I hate chest hair aka taco meat.
Size does matter… don’t be fooled.
And how you wear your hair, 29 is way to old to be getting your hair cornrolled. Cut it, dread it. But please stop doing the cornroll thing.
But I really do love this list. Knew it all already,,,but thanks for saying it all out loud.
@JumpOnIt, I didn’t like chest hair for a while like it now. Then again the boo doesn’t look like chewbacca. part of dating men in their late 20s
@JumpOnIt,
And how you wear your hair, 29 is way to old to be getting your hair cornrolled. Cut it, dread it. But please stop doing the cornroll thing.
question: how exactly are dreads different than cornrows? i mean, why does one style have such a positive connotation and the other such a negative one?
@The Champ,
Cornrows are not acceptable in the professional (white collar) workplace. I think it reminds the white people of slavery and they’re uncomfortable. In contrast, if you’re performing menial or manual labor anyway, you’re probably seen as a slave anyway so it doesn’t count.
@Deviant, I don’t know about the slavery bit, but I agree. Maybe it’s because dreads take some dedication to grow?And IMO, braids, regardless of race, are kind of a ‘kiddie’ style.
@Deviant,
No, it’s not slavery, it’s jail and the hood. Conrolls reminds them of convicts. Dreads do take dedication to grow but White Folks don’t know that. Dreads remind them of Rasta’ or weed, more acceptable than Jail and Hood. I hate to say these stereotypes out loud but it’s true. My grandmother and her 10 bros and sis’ are white, I come from a very mixed background adn I get to hear everything from the horses mouth.
Dreds are this generation’s jheri curl
Cornrolls remind them that they aren’t on some tropical island coast, turning husbands into cuckolds, sipping highly intoxicating drinks from large fruit that some half naked boy climbed up a tree and lopped open with a machete, before somebody that speaks a whole fifteen words of English stuck an parasol in it, strolled to their cabana waits for their acceptance and says with some exotic accent, “It is my honor to serve you” while the “pretty little local” girl braids pretty colored floss into their shit.
You should try it.
@JumpOnIt,
“I hate chest hair aka taco meat.”
Hmmm……definitely not a deal-breaker if you really like someone.
Chest hair??? I never understood how a heterosexual woman would not like something that is so masculine. Chest hair… “I just came from the gym” musk ( which is different from straight up funk )… a bald head… coarse hands ( not rough, but not as soft as mine ) Those things don’t just turn me on.. They set me on fire!!! When I lay in the bed… I want a Chad-Ochocinco / Terry Crews / Ving Rhames there…. I don’t want to wake up next to Ferrell and his overgrown mustache ( tryin to compensate for manly shyt that he doesnt posess ). Different strokes for different folks..
I would also like to mention that I am 6 ft tall standing on flat feet. I currently bounce between a 14-16, but at my heaviest I wore a 22.. I recieved more attention, was asked out on more dates, and was flirted with wayyyyyyyy more when I had the fuller figure. For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!
@Lanieanna,
“For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!”
*what’s up head nod*
Say that louder so the folks in the back can hear you!!!
FOR EVERYTHING THAT WE OBSESS OVER…TRUST ME, THERE ARE MEN WHO LOVE IT!!!!!!
Yall heard that?
@Lanieanna,
For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!
this post and the comments are keepin me in CHURCH ALL DAY!! AMEN TO THIS!!
@Lanieanna, co-sign all day!
@Lanieanna,
Not all chest hair is bad.. The kind that looks like taco meat is.
I dated a man that had it, and it was not a go. It carried this stench. I’ll pass. That’s why I stopped looking at Morris Chestnut that way.. Why does it have to pour out of your shirt. I’m gagging as I write this
I agree with EVERYTHING you just said! EVERYTHING!!
@JumpOnIt,
im with you on the chest hair thing… idk why it grosses me out. i dont like hair in general (except on the head of course)
Pen1s size. Obviously, I don’t want to f*ck a vienna sausage but I also can’t get down with a d1ck that I can swing on like I’m Tarzan.
@Apple Butter,
Umm yes. . . but when I made this comment on a previous post apparently I was a hoe- and tried to sound ghetto or some crazy shyt. . . and I was too nasty. . . so thank you for re-stating the obvious.
@#1Snowflake,
Umm yes. . . but when I made this comment on a previous post apparently I was a hoe- and tried to sound ghetto or some crazy shyt. . . and I was too nasty. . . so thank you for re-stating the obvious.
when did this happen?
@Apple Butter,
welcome and sh*t
list is good to know. i have definitely been guilty of stressing over some of these things. the older i get, the less concerned i’ve been, so i can definitely say that age/maturity level can play a part in how self-conscious a female may be.
oh and i gotta disagree w/ u JumpOnIt about the chest hair. i find nothing sexier than body hair on a man. its part of the attraction to me. i think men are supposed to be hairy, not smooth. not saying i want a man with some rough ass feet and hands, but a man’s chest hair (and even ass hair) feels so good against my skin. if i wanted someone w/ skin as smooth as mine, i’d lay up w/ a broad
@dns,
but a man’s chest hair (and even ass hair) feels so good against my skin.
ass hair on the skin????
@dns,
ass hair? oh uh uh. please do keep all ass hair far, far away from me and my household.
@dns,
oh and i gotta disagree w/ u JumpOnIt about the chest hair. i find nothing sexier than body hair on a man. its part of the attraction to me. i think men are supposed to be hairy, not smooth. not saying i want a man with some rough ass feet and hands, but a man’s chest hair (and even ass hair) feels so good against my skin. if i wanted someone w/ skin as smooth as mine, i’d lay up w/ a broad
lol, why did i hear the old spice whistle in my head after i finished reading this comment?
@The Champ, I’m on a horse
@Plain Ole Peyso, HAHAHAHA!
Look at your man…now look at me
@The Champ,
lol, why did I hear the old spice whistle in my head after I finished reading this comment?
Look @ your ass hair. Now, look @ me…
@Resident GRitS,
Look @ your ass hair. Now, look @ me…
no
@dns, list is good to know. i have definitely been guilty of stressing over some of these things. the older i get, the less concerned i’ve been, so i can definitely say that age/maturity level can play a part in how self-conscious a female may be.
You took the words right outta my mouth
@dns, chest hair is aight–can take or leave but I I LOVE hairy legs! I don’t know why but a man with hairy legs does it for me….
@Reecie,
I agree : )
@Reecie,
i agree on the, hairy legs are soooo friggin hot!
and to the one’s put off/confused by the ass hair comment, i mean the hair that grows on a man’s ass cheeks. most men have it. it’s natural. not braidable type hair lol, but hair that feels good against my legs and hands when i’m gripping the ass. nothing perverted in what i meant…i just like my men to feel like…ya know…MEN
and lmao @ the old spice commercials…they will never get old
@dns, I’m sorry that arse hair thing is just not ok.
@Yeah…SO!?!,
lol but what if he naturally just grows hair on his ass? do u expect him to shave it? i think if i walked in the bathroom and saw my man standing in the mirror with shaving cream slathered all on his ass, i’d be a bit more turned off by that lol
@dns, hmmm… how shall I put this? I definitely don’t eva eva eva eva eva wanna see my man shaving his arse- that’s foremost, but it’s kinda one of those things you don’t talk about you know? you just let it be… much like Sarah Palin- you don’t want to acknowlege her but you know she’s there.
@dns, Yea, I agree with that. I was watching something on MTV about a guy trying to be a bodybuilder and one of the things that they do to get ready is get rid of all their body hair. Then they showed his dad shaving his ass, I just couldn’t when I saw that. Talk about a turn off.
@dns, Yea, I agree with that. I was watching something on MTV about a guy trying to be a bodybuilder and one of the things that they do to get ready is get rid of all their body hair. Then they showed his dad shaving his ass, I just couldn’t when I saw that. Talk about a turn off.
i would rather his dad than his homeboy…i think that one would be a pass.
@dns,
i find nothing sexier than body hair on a man.
Agreed.
OMG, there are tears in my eye from “rhymes with LOGOPLAXICAL”- literally lol! um, but yeah, they’re either gay or kappas….
anyway, I’ve heard these very same comments from several guys over the years. i think if we women would realize and accept that guys don’t judge us the way we judge each other, than we’d be better off.
Can’t speak for all women, but I can say for myself:
-really don’t care what kind of car you drive….as long as it doesn’t stain or rip my clothes…
-really don’t wanna hear about your frat, college/high school glory days- we grown now. do you have a job?
-really don’t care about your education, or lack of, as long as you’re ok with it and know how to act in front of the white folk (who sign my check)
@Ashleyg,
co-sign. 100%.
@Ashleyg,
another cosigner *raises hand*
@Ashleyg,
YES!
@Ashleyg,
-really don’t wanna hear about your frat, college/high school glory days- we grown now.
Let da chuuuch say “Haaayman”!!! If my SO tells me one more random Kappa saga, I SWEAR I’m going to burn his cane and all accompanying paraphernalia!!!! I enjoyed the HELL out of college, but ummm, bro…that was 10 years ago! Why don’t you just wear a class ring and a letter jacket from high school too?!!
*tambourine claps & passes the collection plate*
@Ashleyg,
@Ashleyg,
-really don’t wanna hear about your frat, college/high school glory days- we grown now. do you have a job?
so you’re saying i should stop showing women pictures of me in my college basketball uniform?
@The Champ,
lol, yes…immediately.
@Ashleyg, but that technique works 100% of the time, 60% of the time
@Ashleyg,
I have a co-worker that is like 34 years old, and he used to play for the Maimi Hurricaines…. He was a very highlighted player… but i just think it is a little wierd he keeps pictures of his High school prom, and news paper articles of himself when he played football at his desk. His name is Robert Hall… google him… NINJA! LET IT GO!
@Lanieanna,
Dang. For some reason I’m upset for him that you put him on blast with the government name and shyt. Quite funny though…lol!
@Monk,
yeah… i thought twice about it… but i said fuQQ it… just like he did when he thought twice about them one two wayyy back photos of himself in an all white wedding tux for his 1995 senior prom!
We don’t care about whether or not something is “cute,” since that word does not exist in any [straight] man’s vocabulary (unless it’s in reference to a female).
I agree with everything on here, especially #4. I don’t trust anybody that’s afraid to eat in front of someone. Reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s thing in Raw about “salad-eatin’ bitches” who order salad and water at a restaurant or something.
@P.,
I don’t trust anybody that’s afraid to eat in front of someone
me neither. its a sign of mental defect and laker fandom
@The Champ,
*je suis mort @ laker fandom…
@P.,
I don’t trust anybody that’s afraid to eat in front of someone.
Make that anybody with a weird relationship with food that are not religion or belief based… You can miss me with the “I don’t eat red meat on the 3rd tuesday of the month” or “If the foods I am eating do not match my shirt, I am not touching them” stuff…
#cantstandpickyeaters…
I can’t say all, but too many fellas obsess over “street cred”. 1st: Be yourself. 2nd: I was born & raised in inner city Baltimore; if I wanna see some negroes act a fool I can go to my grandma’s for 20 minutes. (And yes, those two things are directly correlated)
@Keity Rich,
LMWAO . . . . . .
@Keity Rich, Cosign!
@Keity Rich,
miss me some baltimore……
grandma…lol
@Keity Rich, Thank you!!! I grew up in the hood, so I know what “real n!ggas” are about. If I wanted to date a thug, I never would have left my hometown.
@ Keity Rich,
I feel you on the “street cred” but you don’t want a B***h Ninja, who can’t take care of his when need be.
@knightnick, co-sign, but they make females different in Baltimore, I’m sure she could handle hers. [yeah i'm a native as well]
@Keity Rich,
Co-Sign!
Sorry boo, “street cred” didn’t get you into this ivy league school…and it didn’t land you that job on wall-street or into the Harvard MBA program. Just do you…you ain’t got nothin’ to prove!
@Toni Childs, co-sign…
give me a corp thug…dude that grow up in the hood but when he became a man he put away childish things and got a job.
@thatchic,
give me a corp thug…dude that grow up in the hood but when he became a man he put away childish things and got a job.
thats all it takes to be the elusive “corporate thug”? if thats the case, like 95 percent of working black men qualify
@champ….thats all it takes to be the elusive “corporate thug”? if thats the case, like 95 percent of working black men qualify
now now champ…you know what i mean
Champster, I hatechu for
“yeah, just gimme page 2“.
Mmkay? Goodnight and see y’all tomorrow.
@Cheekie,
thank you, cheekster. my goal everyday is to have you hating me by the end of it
So mad that you threw it back to the BET Uncut days with “What That Thing Smell Like” by Black Jesus! I went to school in Indiana and used to clown all of my friends there as dude was from Indy!!!
@tzerai, props to BET Uncut for making nights at Howard U. classical. Lol. That’s word to ladies that “Don’t Have No Panties On On The Dance Floor” so you know it’s “Time For Freakin’” w/ a “Tip Drill” “P Poppin on A Hand Stand.”
@Frederico Savage,
Wooow you took it back with the Uncut medley, lol! Uncut was like a late night ritual after parties in undergrad… The one that comes to mind for me everytime I think of that show is the guy with the gap and the Afro that sang YT Girls, lol!
@Frederico Savage, Freshman year at HU me and my friends would make our own songs that included lines from BET uncut videos. No panties on the dance floor was one. I think we all tried to p-pop on a handstand in the dorm room, too.
@Deeds Frederico Savage,
Sorry I went to the REAL HU.
anywho, uncut was classic. I still remember All of those random, funny songs. The videos were definitely entertainment.
The day BET Uncut went off the air was a sad day……
@tzerai,
So mad that you threw it back to the BET Uncut days with “What That Thing Smell Like” by Black Jesus! I went to school in Indiana and used to clown all of my friends there as dude was from Indy!!!
lol, see i had no idea where he was from, but if i had to bet my life on it i would have guessed either gary indiana or mars
@tzerai, Uncut was notorious for giving dudes from offbrand cities attempts at stardom.
aka Joker The Bail Bondsman who i’m pretty sure was from Anchorage.
Anchorage gets NO love in these streets…except on Uncut. Somebody should have done an economic analysis on the impact of ending BET:Uncut on the Black community.
@Panama Jackson, offbrand cities
*Big Boi voice* you so disrespectful
@Panama Jackson,
aka Joker The Bail Bondsman who i’m pretty sure was from Anchorage.
he was. that was the first video i’ve ever seen featuring strippers and a snow moving tractor
1-I never knew women obsessed about their boobs sagging a little until i was abt 20. * shrugs*. women in my family are very buxom i guess since most women in my family hang low around the house i thought it was natural
4- i have never ordered salad on a date. wtf? i’m supposed 2 be hungry the rest of the night b/c i want to look cute? no thanks. i’m a size 12 girl i def didn’t get here by eating salads
- what’s with grown men obsessing abt their waves? a fresh cut or nicely brushed hair will do
*just a peeve on my own- guys that wear those muslim oils *barfs* those shtis smell awful =x
8- hmmm i am very conscious of that. i don’t think this is something i can shake. maybe b/c i heard my cousins rag on this girl for having a rotten smelling twat
@Satya,
8- hmmm i am very conscious of that. i don’t think this is something i can shake. maybe b/c i heard my cousins rag on this girl for having a rotten smelling twat
of course you dont want to have a vagina that smells how flavor flav looks, but guys know that its not going to smell exactly like a strawberry milkshake either
@The Champ,
“guys know that its not going to smell exactly like a strawberry milkshake either”
you mean Kelis lied??.
@Keisha Brown,
*passed out*
@Keisha Brown,
*emerges from the land of lurkdom*
I don’t know about anybody else, but MINE’S smells like Strawberry Milkshake (not the McDonald’s kind but the Johnny Rockets kind) with sprinkles on top. Smells so good I have to stop my ownself from eating it from time to time.
*slips back into the land of lurkdom*
@Keisha Brown, Not only did she lie, but she will charge you 800 grand for it!
She MUST(y) be a good salesman!
@Satya,
“*just a peeve on my own- guys that wear those muslim oils *barfs* those shtis smell awful =x”
Dead at the smell that just creeped into my nose as I read that. I agree..either go au natural on the smells or a nice cologne but no oils please….it all smells like incense to me and I don’t even light those in my house. Thanks.
@Satya,
There is a differance between funky.. and not so fresh! I mean.. there is a little something to why dogs sniff each others asses!
Definitely going down as one of my favorite posts!
@Poetiksoul27,
no doubt!
@Poetiksoul27,
today’s VSB post was brought to you by the letters
C
O
S
I
G
and
N
and the number 6.
@Poetiksoul27, (in female computerized voice) This post has just received a Co-Sign good for 24 hours of co-signingness, thank you and have a great day (outro music)
Very informative for chicks not in the know. What seems like a no-brainer to you guys leaves us females befuddled… My own dont give a shit issue with guys is the “segway”. The smooth transition from one place to another (i.e dinner, couch , car to bedroom). I dont want to hear some line you spent reahersing all night to get me into the sack. If I’m agreeing to come home with you its because , YES I WANNA FUCK TOO !!!!. Just be straight , be real without all the nonsense . Dont try to hard or come on to hard. For some of us ladies out there , less = more.
@Chiclet,
Again. . . maybe it is because my comment was in the wrong post- but I said these very words in another post! HELL YES! LMWAO!!
@#1Snowflake,
No worries. Im thinkin’ it was more the delivery than the content. No worries, but go back & re-read your comment. Maybe you’ll see the comedy. Hopefully…
@Chiclet,
Bless their hearts. You know some dudes will always feel the need to run a sneak play on the sugar walls, even when you put it right out there on the table. I guess cuz somma us make em jump thru hoops, claim to just want a friend, or don’t wanna be that type of girl… Plus very few take you at your liberated word since apparently some chicks don’t take ownership of the decision (read: potential consequences) of doing the do. Whole nutha topic, tho.
@Chiclet,
welcome and sh*t
@Chiclet,
What secret interweb magic did you use to bypass moderation?! FUCK!
@Chiclet, I wish I had known this 10 years ago.
SMH.
@Chiclet,
and let the church say?…..
@Chiclet,
I remember my first time with TheDude. After some hot and heavy *petting* (Um, why do they call it that?), he just took me by the hand, pulled me up from the couch – didn’t say a d@mn word.
(H#ll, just thinking about it now makes me moist.)
@Chiclet,
I need to put this next to my Wrap-it-Up box.
@Chiclet, Raises hand and shakes head in agreement…This NEEDS to go on a billboard somewhere!
Monk doesn’t give a fugg about:
*Your designer shoes.
*Your designer bags, handbags, purses or your various names for them shyts.
*How many sex partners as long as you don’t tell us (not asking).
*How many degrees you got.
*What you do for a living (but we prefer it’s something that makes you fill happy to cut down on the drama we face as a couple).
*How much time you spend with your homegirls. You need that. Be gone (sometimes).
*If you fart or burp or if the bathroom smells a bit after you step out. It’s natural…we accept it.
And the kicker…
*Makeup is NOT needed everytime you step out of the house.
That’s it. …I think.
@Monk,
Yep that’s the list
@Monk,
“*Makeup is NOT needed everytime you step out of the house”
Cosign…wish more women knew/did this…I, for one, actually appreciate the natural, fresh-face (hair in a bun/ponytail) look…
@DG, yeah, ok, you realize a lot of those ‘fresh faced’ girls have on something, right?
@Dee, lol…whitley gilbert said it takes 15 mins to obtain the natural face.
@Dee, Some of us really just don’t wear makeup though.
@Dee,
I don’t know… I really only wear makeup when I go out… and even then. I love makeup, don’t get me wrong… I just love it as men love their gadgets, it’s fun to play with.
Every day to go to work, run errands? Rosebud Brambleberry Rose lip balm will suffice.
@DG,
Cosign…wish more women knew/did this…I, for one, actually appreciate the natural, fresh-face (hair in a bun/ponytail) look…
Truth times 8
@DG,
truth times a hundred, thousand, trilion
@Monk,
Damn good list.
@Monk,
*If you fart or burp or if the bathroom smells a bit after you step out. It’s natural…we accept it.
IIIIII gotta disagree wit you there potna. It is natural, I don’t mind a female burping around me. Hell, we can have burping contest to see who’s tha loudest and longest, But passing gas??? No sir. Please be a lady and don’t do it around me. INSTANT TURNOFF if were dating and getting to know each other.
@Tx10inch,
But passing gas??? No sir. Please be a lady and don’t do it around me. INSTANT TURNOFF if were dating and getting to know each other.
what if she excuses herself to the bathroom? or, is she just supposed to hold the gas in until she gets back home?
@The Champ,
is she just supposed to hold the gas in until she gets back home?
That mess hurts like all hell….will have you curled up in a ball w/ a ugly face
@The Champ,
Or she’ll spontaneously combust like Kenny.
@The Champ,
what if she excuses herself to the bathroom? or, is she just supposed to hold the gas in until she gets back home?
Exactly what she supposed to do. Be a f’en lady, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom and we ALL good. 4sho.
@Tx10inch,
ha @ the passing gas thing. i dated a guy who had issues with that and we dated for four years! farted and took dumps at my crib pretty early on but had a mini heart attack when i farted around him like a year in. he was put off and so was i. it wasnt any room clearing shit but if i gotta get up and leave the room for you, get yo lazy ass up and leave the room for me.
@Tx10inch,
What if you’re doing the do? Would you still want her to stop and excuse herself? Or what if it’s your wife…should she still go to the bathroom everytime she has to poot?
@Monk,
lol. Believe me, it’s happened. If we’re doing tha do and it happens and she’s embarrassed about it, then cool. We’re human and it’s natural. But, to me..If your a lady and you raising your leg and blastin away like Hercules from tha Klumps. Then we have a problem. LOL. I’ma get my azz up right then and there and make me a sandmich. I’ve done it. *channeling B.B. King* Tha thrill is gooone…
@Monk,
*finger snaps for this list.
@Monk,
As my Philly homie says:
Yessir
@Monk,
I wanna take this list out for a shot of Herradura silver.
@Monk,
You guys should educate females around you about that stuff… If I hear one more girl tell me how she doesn’t “go” at her boyfriend of 3 years place, I will scream. Sometimes I am befuddled at my girls… *smh*
@Monk, *How many degrees you got.
Why is this a hot topic now? It seems like black men are venting about what they don’t care about black women. Now I have read about the degree thing like three times. I didn’t know it was that serious in the first place. Isn’t going to school personal? Not something a woman does to impress a man? I don’t know maybe it’s just me.
@Natasha,
i feel you on this one!
i got my degree for me and my momma! (and maybe not in that order). my future husband was in no way shape or form an influence at 18 in my studies.
@Natasha,
Isn’t going to school personal?
Helena, are you listening?
Ok, I’ll leave her alone now. ==>
@Sula, I am late but who is Helena?
@Natasha,
I am just taking stabs at Hele.na Andr.ews of “Bitch is the new Black” fame… who (I’m sure against her will) is slowly becoming the poster child for the “Woe is me, I am a black girl with 50-11 degrees, and I can’t find a dude” phenom…
Ok… I am reaaally no longer talking about her, I promise.
Here Here!
@the champ,
Sorry, bro. Disagree with No. 8…wholeheartedly (Everything else, good stuff). That thing needn’t smell like anything but heaven (or just not bad). If you’ve ever smelled anything that smelled otherwise (bad), you’d agree. Apparently, you’re quite fortunate. Me? Not so much.
I can’t relive that tragedy in a public forum. But I will say this: Had he caught a whiff of it, Black Jesus may have never made it to the cross and died for our sins. We’d be lost.
the moral: you don’t have to be self-conscious. But if you can smell something (that don’t smell right), shower. douche. do something. Anything but let a man smell you.
@tmcydame,
Yea I feel you! I don’t know how I would feel if a chick took her draws off and it smelled like a raw crawfish dinner…
@tmcydame, I was wondering about that one too. Why wouldn’t you guys care, that may be the first sign that you’re about to catch an STD. Also, how can you not be turned off immediately by a vicious odor? SMH
@sanen85,
*Becky Public Health Hat On*
I hate to be slightly academic on here. . . I promised myself I wouldn’t. . . but Sanen85 is right. . . STD’s can smell quite fishy—- so be careful—- men need to talk to the women about the last time they were tested etc—- find out what’s up. . .
@sanen85,
Also, how can you not be turned off immediately by a vicious odor? SMH
Amen! Had a bad xxxperience in ’96. Took a week for any nosehairs to grow back.
@tmcydame,
low tide is a bitch ain’t it?
@tmcydame,
Sorry, bro. Disagree with No. 8…wholeheartedly (Everything else, good stuff). That thing needn’t smell like anything but heaven (or just not bad). If you’ve ever smelled anything that smelled otherwise (bad), you’d agree. Apparently, you’re quite fortunate. Me? Not so much.
thing is, thats basically what i said. i mean, of course there’s going to be an issue if it smells like the beach at burgandy, but ive known women to be entirely too self-conscious about that, so much so that they couldn’t relax and actually enjoy sex.
basically, just take care of yourself.
@The Champ, yeah but you left room for a margin of error or some sh*t like: as long as it doesnt smell like retread asscrack wrapped up in junkyard dog, it might be okay. sex panther smelled like that.
much like tmcydame, i just want to make sure that sh*t doesnt get misconstrued. it should smell like heaven. PERIOD.
@The Champ,
I’m with you now. Just had to be sure. Like Panama said, this is something women DON’T need to think they can swing all the way to the left with… lol.
@tmcydame, co-sign. But I think some men do not care enough about the smell of their male parts. If the smell hits me when I whip out your member i know you can smell it too. [Ninja thinking i'm gagging bc of his large pen!s....]
@tmcydame, “this is something women DON’T need to think they can swing all the way to the left with..”
much like sweaty b@lls.
@tmcydame,
If it smells like BV, then yes, that’s an issue, but if it simply gives off it’s natural fragrance, life is good; no need to stress about it.
I gotta co-sign on #3! Ladies think about it like a test drive, wheter we do it early or later, if we don’t like the ride its going back to the car lot.
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t care if you don’t watch sports. Or know you only know certain athletes. As long as you can respect the house rules of no speaking while the game is on, I can care less if you don’t know who Jeff Green is. Because if I have one more woman talk about how she love watching basketball, and then ask me on those “why did they just blow the whistle” question, its gone be some blunt force trauma round this bish!
@Kirk Lazarus,
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t care if you don’t watch sports.
yeah, sports is one of those things where its a plus if she’s into them, but if she’s not its cool as long as she doesnt want me to help her knit while the cavs game is on
@The Champ,
that’s what i do!!! i loathe basketball,but stans for college football (go gators!) and when my friend comes over i actually HAND HIM the remote, and will cuddle with him. But, i’m either knitting or crocheting. All so i don’t make that dreaded mistake of talking during the game. We can talk during commercial break.
Effing hate basketball.
@less_than_3_u,
Effing hate basketball.
are you trying to get banned?
@The Champ
I stand by my words! At least I allow him to watch it in peace…anybody else? hmph
@Kirk Lazarus,
“As long as you can respect the house rules of no speaking while the game is on, I can care less if you don’t know who Jeff Green is. ”
Agreed, also, dont bring your arsehole of a best friend over when the Giants are playing the Eagles to stay in the playoffs . . she’s not a fan of football . . but decides to loudly cheer for the Eagles to upset me . . . then wonder why I tell you to never bring her back to my apartment . . .that is all.
@Kirk Lazarus,
haha thats good to know. i just cant get into sports like that. i dont hate them. ill watch the superbowl and pick a team and get excited but its not something i can really get into.
We care about what you wear ladies but not to the extent that you do. Be classy and coordinated that’s 75% of it and the rest is the attitude, basically how you carry yourself.
@Jaybilal,
***nodding head***
@Jaybilal, I can be in sweats (cute sweats of course) and just turn up my swag and still get approached by males so this is definitely true….well in my case anyway
#3 The only reason I’ve ever worried about this, is how I’ll feel about myself. I’m not gonna stress too much on if a man would judge me about something like that, but if I slept with someone to soon and was worried about it, I obviously wasn’t sure about it.
#5 Is there are any woman out there that actually thinks men are stressing over the though behind a gift they received? Since I’m of the type to love gifts simply because I love new sh*t, I am great at giving men gifts.
#7 For me it’s more of a maintenance thing half the time to keep my armpits, legs, and “area” shaved. It’s easier to just keep up with it, then let it go for a minute and have to deal with that. *confession* I’ve never touched my eyebrows and only plan on doing so if they actually become a problem. I just don’t see the need to start (because I don’t want one more thing to keep up with) and to my knowledge, it hasn’t affected the attention I get. *shrugs*
As for the rest, I don’t think about ‘em much.
@sanen85, Oh, I guess except #8 and only to make sure that there are no issues (especially any health concerns), but I’m very confident in that area.
@sanen85,
#3 The only reason I’ve ever worried about this, is how I’ll feel about myself. I’m not gonna stress too much on if a man would judge me about something like that, but if I slept with someone to soon and was worried about it, I obviously wasn’t sure about it.
yeah, this (how comfortable she is with doing it) should be a woman’s only concern.
Do guys care about matching? I’m a little compulsive about my bra and undies matching but I think dudes could care less. Am i right?
@Madame Zenobia,
I am too but it’s more because I always think about “What if something happens to me and I have to be taken to the hospital?” Same reason I’ll never get caught w/ any hair on body.
@Made In Hawaii,
co-sign. i’m the same way!
@Made In Hawaii, As a male EMT who provides pre-hospital patient care, I still do not care whether your underwear matches or not. At that point I’m more focused on keeping you alive.
@Madame Zenobia,
Do guys care about matching? I’m a little compulsive about my bra and undies matching but I think dudes could care less. Am i right?
Hell naw! because if we got you in just a draws, we got what we want!
@Madame Zenobia,
Do guys care about matching? I’m a little compulsive about my bra and undies matching but I think dudes could care less. Am i right?
Only if you plan on NOT coming out of them.
@Tx10inch, “Only if you plan on NOT coming out of them.”
Yep
@Madame Zenobia, Yeah that’s something I really don’t give a crap about. I probably wouldn’t even notice. If I do notice, I still don’t care because at that point I’m probably beginning to focus on what it’s hiding anyway.
Not the Black Jesus!! LMAO. That ish was soo foolish. #3 is the truth, although I think it will always be obsessed over. What do guys obsess about? I’ve got nothing…lol
@miss t-lee,
In the words of the great southern philosopher, Andre 3-Stacks:
“I don’t give a d@mn about her giving it up on the first night…that just lets me know, she knows what she want out of life!!”
Please spread the word among your other VSS….lol
@DG,
I knew this quote would come up eventually…lol
*thumbs up*
@miss t-lee,
Yup. Those bastards are unconcerned. They bank on our neurotic behinds being able to embrace them, flaws n all cuz lotsa us are too busy pickin ourselves apart. Diabolical, I tell ya…
@bittersweet’s baby,
Just doesn’t seem fair huh?
What about with under garments? Do guys care if a woman’s bra or panties come from Wal Mart, Victoria’s Secret or La Perla?
I hate when guys that are supposedly not “rainbow representatives” claim they won’t date girls that aren’t rockin’ Louboutins or Manolos and frown up at Payless. It’s like, “You are a guy! Shouldn’t you be more concerned about whether or not she’ll let you hit it?”
@Made In Hawaii, ummm yeah if i guy says that sh*t, he’s definitely batting for the other team…….
@Made In Hawaii
We don’t care where you get you under garments from. we would much rather you show up naked, save us all some time and effort! I don’t care if you show up with duck tape on your extremely large nipples and a leaf thong, I waxing dat a**!
@Made In Hawaii,
First of all I’ve never heard of Louboutins in my life so I definitely wouldn’t care if you was wearin em or not.
I don’t care where your undergarments come from cause hopefully once I see them they will be on the floor soon after
@Made In Hawaii,
We don’t care. Those joints that the dance company chicks from the Hanes commercial were rocking will do.
@Made In Hawaii,
what the hell are Louboutins? that sounds like a disease you’d get in your gums
@The Champ,
Louboutins are heels that average about $750/pair.
@The Champ, The shoes with the red soles….
@The Champ,
LMAO!!!
did you see jLO fall on her ass during an award show performance? those are shoes she was singing bout.
@Made In Hawaii,
I saw some ugly @ss shoes in the Essence magazine advertisement for $80 – whatdahell?
I will add that sht to my scapegoat list from yesterday (that I never posted) which included the airbrushing and photoshopping of photos.
@SexyCool, I think those maybe the shoes that payless is putting out by some big designer. I can’t remember his name and the heel looks ugly.
@Natasha, i think your talking about christian siriano for payless
#2- stretch marks- It’s not something I actively worry about, but it does cross my mind every one and again.
#3- I will admit I worry about this. I have a tendency to sleep with guys early on, and the times that I’ve actually wanted to keep on dating them afterwards, I’ve worried about whether they think im a wh*re. I like to say I have slutty tendencies, but Im not a full-blown slut.
#4- If Im starting to get to know you, I will watch what I eat in front of you. Not the types of food, but the quantity of it. No need to stuff my face in front of you just yet. I once went out with this guy who ordered a veggie burger without the bun at a restaurant because he didnt want to eat carbs. Needless to say, I never went out with that guy again.
#5- gifts- I always put sooo much thought into the gifts I give, and unfortunately Im always left disappointed with the recipient of the gift doesnt think it’s as amazing and I did.
#7- Being clean shaven is a total concern of mine. You might not care about it, but I do.
Obviously Im EXACTLY the kind of girl this post is directed at. Sort of ashamed.
@lawschoolb*tch,
“I will admit I worry about this. I have a tendency to sleep with guys early on, and the times that I’ve actually wanted to keep on dating them afterwards, I’ve worried about whether they think im a wh*re. I like to say I have slutty tendencies, but Im not a full-blown slut.”
When will Champ start the bidding war for your email dress? If there is no auction is there a “buy it now” option?
@lawschoolb*tch,
welcome and sh*t.
and yeah…
“Obviously Im EXACTLY the kind of girl this post is directed at. Sort of ashamed.”
…this post had your name on it. no need to be ashamed though
@lawschoolb*tch,
” I once went out with this guy who ordered a veggie burger without the bun at a restaurant because he didnt want to eat carbs. ”
o__O I would have been turned off also. This screams metrosexual to me.
@lawschoolb*tch,
I will admit I worry about this. I have a tendency to sleep with guys early on, and the times that I’ve actually wanted to keep on dating them afterwards, I’ve worried about whether they think im a wh*re.
I feel you on this one! Society has all these rules and regulations that we have to adhere to. FDAT!! Moral of the story: just because i did with you, DOESNT mean i do with everybody else. Each situation is different!!
@lawschoolb*tch,
I seem to consistently loose concerntration after reading “I have a tendency to sleep with guys early on”…….someone fill me in on the rest of the post
@lawschoolb*tch, Im not a full-blown slut.
this is a pun if ever I read one
Ok guys. . . what do you really want to hear when it is that time of the month?? And why do you have to continue to try and put your hand there when I try and be discreet about it. .
. . . my girlfriend was telling me that at the last Maxwell concert in DC that delicious fool was talking about fukcing women during their time of the month- and putting down a towel???!!!! I was like . . “HELlllllLLLL NO!!! MAXWELL!!!”
@#1Snowflake, That’s so annoying. I’ve seriously said everything but “I’m on my effing period, leave me alone!!” and they just don’t get the point. It’s not really a mysterious as to why I let you get down there last week and this week I’m acting shy like I’m a 15 yr old girl again.
@Kendra, How about this, stop acting like a 15 year old girl and just say that you’re on your period. I don’t receive hints well. There’s no misunderstanding when you take the direct approach. We’re all adults here.
@#1Snowflake,
I wanna hear you say it’s that time of the month so I can go and wash my hand
@#1Snowflake,
what do you really want to hear when it is that time of the month??
ummm, “its that time of the month” seems like it would do.
@#1Snowflake,
i don’t get the problem with saying ‘aunt flo is here/i’m on my period/ this is my OFF week, honey/’ or something.
we’re grownups. you’re not the first woman they’ve encountered who has a period.
@#1Snowflake,
some of us just don’t mind that’s all….look left, look right, then run that red robot
@sisanda, “some of us just don’t mind that’s all….look left, look right, then run that red robot”
Yep . . . that’s what the maroon sheets are for . . .
@#1Snowflake, That’s so annoying. I’ve seriously said everything but “I’m on my effing period, leave me alone!!” and they just don’t get the point. It’s not really a mysterious as to why I let you get down there last week and this week I’m acting shy like I’m a 15 yr old girl again.
“ummm baby you really don’t want to go there this week.” usually works.
Ha those are good points.
I’d have to say for mine I don’t care what girls you’ve dated, as long as you still don’t have something going on.
I don’t care what you drive.
And as for size, I don’t care if you’re not quite up to par but in that case it’d be advised that you get good with foreplay.
Plus I don’t care for games, I know every guy has them. But just be straight up, if we aren’t on the same page then I’d be more then happy for you to find someone else.
*off subject, how do I upload photos on this??
@Kendra,
I had a profile on wordpress first and when I registered here the picture automatically transferred over. I know nothing past this though.
@Kendra, you need to go sign up for gravatar.com and use the email address you use here when you sign up.
@Kendra,
welcome and sh*t
@Kendra,
Gravatar.com
Katt WIlliams rant… so much humor and so much truth
@A-Town Genius,
its funny: i’m not a huge katt williams fan but he says some funny sh*t.
Word on #9. A week or so ago, Maino went in on Rosa Acosta dogging her “cheap shoes.” This resulted in a hysterical twitter war, with random cats going in on Maino like…you noticed her shoes? If Rosa showed up at the average ninja’s house in bunny slippers or flippers, he probably wouldn’t notice.
I’ll add cellulite and flat stomachs to the list. Most men do not give a rat’s @$$ about a lil flab.
@ViK,
Average ninja? Maino is a parole violation and a crappy album away from being an below average ninja.
@Wu Young Agent of M.E.,
CTFU!!!!!!!
This is the best description of Maino, ever.
@miss t-lee,
Fake a**, thugged out, Darnell from Girl Friends looks ninja.
@ViK,
who’s maino? should i know who he is?
@The Champ, good question. I had to use The Google to find out who they was talking about.
As a woman, I agree with everything here. We worry about alll of these things too damn much. Except for #8 b/c, tho it may not need to smell like a basket of roses, there are some things that it should absolutely not smell like! And, we all know what those are . . . so if that’s what you got going on, go on ahead and take the necessary steps to fix that.
I slang bras and draws at a retail store and I tried to explain #1 to a lady the other day. She needed help with her bra and when I stepped in the fitting room to assist her, she admitted that she won’t even take her bra off in front of her man b/c her boobs aren’t perky. I had to catch myself before I gave her a full side eye. I told her that gravity (and age) will not allow heavy triple D’s to sit up like a pubescent B cup naturally . . . it’s just not gonna happen! lol. I assured her that he would understand and would enjoy the “reveal.” After she left, I was confused as hell . . . how do you get adequate cutty with a bra on? EVERYTIME? lol.
And, I want to also cosign on the matching bra and panty set that somebody mentioned. I realise that matching can make you feel sexy and ya man may appreciate the visual, but trying to make that happen everyday is just too much work. Maybe ladies with more modest busts can do this (b/c their bras are cheaper & more widely available) but, not I, lol.
@BSQUARED86,
how do you get adequate cutty with a bra on? EVERYTIME? lol.
lol, it happens in the movies, so i guess it happens in real life as well
@BSQUARED86,
i have D’s myself and used to work in a lingerie store. i was always silently (aka..not so silently) cheesed that girls with A-B-C’s (#nojackson5), could come and get cute matching sets. If your breastessses are large, your bras usually come from specialty stores, where they don’t care about creating sets for your breasts and ass. Probably a bunch of haters!!
@BSQUARED86,
Ladies, they don’t even have to match. They can be “similar” in color and it’s all good. I’m racking my brain trying to remember the last time I “noticed’ the bra and panties any women I’ve related to even had on.
*accessing memory*
Nope. Don’t remember. I remember they were on and then we took them off. That’s what’s important.
@BSQUARED86,
I like that you said you “slang” the bras and draws, lol. Something about that word when used outside of an illegal context tickles me.
@BSQUARED86, I do not have D’s (dammit) so I always try and maximize what I do have (the amply described prepubescent B’s) so it’s necessary for me to match. Not for him, but for me. I feel more comfy if the ladies are showcased to their best ability
And that smell thing goes for men as well…especially if they work out. Yeah, I like what your body looks like and the effort in the gym helps, but if I have to smell sweaty nutsack before the deed, I’m gonna request you hop in the shower before we get down. Also, if it smells like fish for a man…problems! All kinds of gross. Get it right, men. It ain’t just us!
So dead @ “a 25 year old who looks like she lived through and slept with the great depression.” the Champ’s in the building lol!
@Superior Motherload,
i’ll be here all day, folks
you have nothing to be self-conscious about. actually, we all love what that thing smell like, word to black jesus
Ladies, gotta disagree with Champ on this one slightly. If it’s spur of tha moment back busting sex, then sure..it is what it is. You probably been workin all day or something and we had an itch to get spontaneous on that ass. But if you been expecting the wood all day, phone sex and foreplay included..I’ma need you to be EXTREMELY fresh 2 def. Strawberry & Kiwi type ish…ya heard? That smell alone would make me jump on Precious.
@Tx10inch, Precious?! Really Doe?!?!?! #CMonSon lol
@Tx10inch,
“That smell alone would make me jump on Precious.”
………………………………………………………………………….
@Tx10inch,
“That smell alone would make me jump on Precious.”
Drought Goggles?
@Caballeroso,
YES.
@Tx10inch, That smell alone would make me jump on Precious.
there ain’t SH*T on this planet that would make me jump on Precious.
@Panama Jackson,
I don’t know P-Jack…Dem fruity smellin body lotions go HARD in tha paint! Let’s keep it real now…
I prefer the average “girl next door” dime myself, BUT, the right night, right combination of liquid courage and sum straight out tha shower good body lotion on a fat chick will have you ashamed in the morning. But nevertheless satisfied.
@Tx10inch, That smell alone would make me jump on Precious
I don’t know about that buddy because Precious looks like she smells like whatever smell you’re running away from…
LOOK HERE, Y’ALL NEED TO WRITE FOR TV OR AT LEAST START DOING PODCASTS. NO WAY YOU ALL ARE THIS DAMN FUNNY ALL THE TIME! This week has been fly as heyel at VSB. This is another winner.
Oh,….and I cosign all dat sh*t you said up therra.
@Saule Wright,
I agree Champ has been on a roll this week. I’ve barely done any work all week…lol
@Saule Wright, OftenConfused,
thanks and sh*t. i do it for my people
@Saule Wright,
If you were holding up a mirror to my brain, you would be reading the exact same post – but in cursive.
@SexyCool,
LOL! Loves it! *stealing it*
@Saule Wright,
yeah i gets NOTHING done laughing at yall….*sigh
I don’t know one woman that actually really cares about the car u drive…We just like them clean (on the inside) & able to get from A to B. So all that extra wipe down y’all do after the last rain drop falls…kill it. The rims & things…kill it.
Penis size…if we can feel it…we’ll work with it…& if you give good head then you can keep hitting it.
Muscles…not really that important.
I don’t know one woman that actually really cares about the car u drive…We just like them clean (on the inside) & able to get from A to B. So all that extra wipe down y’all do after the last rain drop falls…kill it. The rims & things…kill it.
Pen1s size…if we can feel it…we’ll work with it…& if you give good head then you can keep hitting it.
Muscles…not really that important.
@Alovelydai,
lol, i have a feeling that quite a few women will disagree with your list (especially the last two)
@Alovelydai, Agreed!!! That’s why there are more positions than just the missionary. And nothing compares to a man who knows how to go downtown!
@Alovelydai,
Hmmm I like cars. Now I’m don’t care about what you drive in terms of price or status, but roll up to me in a beetle and you getting the side eye. Note however that if you roll up in an Audi r8, a bentley coupe or a maserati please believe I’m looking at the car and not you. But yes any drivable, well kept, non-gay vehicle will do.
**side rant: I can’t stand men who can’t drive stick**
also I like muscles. I mean, you ain’t gotta be the hulk like you about to bust out your clothes or have Tyson beckford model muscles but I like nice arms and a non beer belly midsection. Not a deal breaker by any means, but a preference? Yes.
@Alovelydai,
Lack of muscles – no big deal.
Physically nondescript – can be overlooked with other things working properly.
Just don’t go to fat cause I’m just not dating the Michelin Man.
That is all.
@SexyCool,
I’m just not dating the Michelin Man.
LMAO!
@Alovelydai,
Co-sign this list.
@Alovelydai,
Penis size…if we can feel it…we’ll work with it…& if you give good head then you can keep hitting it.
sorry champ, i’ll have to agree with alovelydai on this
Another thing we don’t give a damn about is whether or not your panties match your bra. Hell, we don’t really care about lingerie in general. Just keep the shoes on and get naked.
@skoolboikrush,
Just keep the shoes on and get naked.
LOL
@skoolboikrush,
Just keep the shoes on and get naked.
Can I get the t-shirt??
@skoolboikrush,
this is one of those things that women just don’t get (@champ like enjoy sex minus the O for men) if women would believe this Vicky Secret would have to close up shop. Probably not though because this is really something most women do for themselves to boost their ego.
@OftenConfused,
Probably not though because this is really something most women do for themselves to boost their ego.
thats the thing: women feel sexier when they were that shit, which makes them hornier, which bodes well for us. basically, yay lingerie
@OftenConfused,
I don’t know…I buy lingerie more for me than anything else… It’s my weakness and I like to splurge on it… My Dude? He could care less if I was wearing Hanes (which I also own) or Chantelle… My Chantelle just make me feel powerful and sh!t…
This whole post is me right now.
I just got out of a 4 year relationship, and now that I want to start dating again, I’m obsessing about everything. My glasses, whether I should wear them. Contacts can kill my eyes after a few hours, but because I’m trying to look cute I’ll put them on and complain about them all night.
And the fact that I look very young for my age. I’m 24, but I have gotten people thinking I’m as young as 15 sometimes. This means that I get hit on by guys that are way too young for me. And the men that are my age aren’t interested until they have a conversation with me and realize that I’m not in high school. Frustrating…
@Carter,
welcome and sh*t, carter.
also, RELAX. trust me when i tell you that the young looking thing is a very good thing
@Carter,
THIS! i’m 28 and people ask me for ID when i buy my dad’s cigarettes. shame. i look sooooo young. gosh. and my glasses… i feel i look like suuuuch a dork. but a post on here made me realize that some guys like it. lol. i get hit on a lot with them on too, but i always think a guy is being facetious when he compliments me in them. lol.
@Muze,
Trust me when I say that you ladies will *REALLY* appreciate the young looking thing as you get older. Long as you’re not walking around in bobby socks and cheerleader skirts – you’re good.
I just want to thank Champ for the hilarity you’ve added to my life this week it’s truly been better because of these posts. Can’t wait for tomorrows topic.
Anyway, I’ve only worried about 1,2,7 and 8 on this list. However, I’ve worried about other things like my lower belly flab (I wear an 6-8, but there’s definitely a pooch), I don’t like my feet and you probably won’t see them if the toes are not polished- (yeah we’ll be chillin on the couch with the shoes (or at least socks) on, my lack of booty since a$$-to-waist ratios have become (seemingly) increasingly important, my small nipples/aereolas…I’m sure there’s more. I don’t worry about these things all the time but they do pop up.
I’m trying to adopt the male attitude of “this is me:take it or leave it” for the most part I’m really happy with myself…except for the mid section and I’m working on that
@OftenConfused,
Anyway, I’ve only worried about 1,2,7 and 8 on this list. However, I’ve worried about other things like my lower belly flab (I wear an 6-8, but there’s definitely a pooch), I don’t like my feet and you probably won’t see them if the toes are not polished- (yeah we’ll be chillin on the couch with the shoes (or at least socks) on, my lack of booty since a$$-to-waist ratios have become (seemingly) increasingly important, my small nipples/aereolas…I’m sure there’s more. I don’t worry about these things all the time but they do pop up
yeah. there are somethings we DEFINITELY do care about, but the stuff you mentioned is relatively “ehhh”
@The Champ,
Good to know. Thanks champ
#6: It never crossed my mind that a guy would be concerned if a girl had some expert-like moves.
I might give a guy the side eye if we’ve been in a relationship for a while and he suddenly is an expert in some new ish…
@YouMissMe,
#6: It never crossed my mind that a guy would be concerned if a girl had some expert-like moves.
i’ve heard more than a few talking about this before, wondering if her skill in the sack would scare a guy away.
welcome and sh*t, btw
CHAMP! You made my morning! I love you….lol
You hit the nail on the head. I used to wonder about almost everyone of these things (except my jeans)..thanks, for clearing things up for a sista….
I will still probably wonder/worry…but, thanks for trying!
@QueenT,
CHAMP! You made my morning! I love you
if i had a dollar…
@The Champ, you’d have a dollar
LLS. I told ya’ll the other day, as you get older you tend not to obsess over insignificant sh*t, the women that is learn to relax more and have more confidence etc
@Orangestar Happy Hunting,
we *here*
@Smiley Face, yes girl thus enjoying the WHOLENESS of the experience that much more, well at least thats how I remember it……… vaguely………… LOL
@Orangestar Happy Hunting,
LOL…I know that’s right
@Orangestar Happy Hunting,
so ur saying..I shouldnt wear my girtle under my clothes? lol
Here’s a couple things I don’t care about…
…which pair of black shoes looks best with this black dress? I don’t care, they’re both black so I’m good. Let’s go already. (Same thing for purses BTW).
…your breasts not being exactly the same size. It’s really not THAT noticable.
…you passing gas. We all do it; it’s natural. I’m gonna give you crap about it if smells God Awful, but even then, it’s not that serious. Of course, if it’s at the table or in front of my momma (or other people in general) all bets are off.
…that pimple on your forehead. Pimples come and go; it’s just like that for some folks. It’s temporary and you’re beautiful in spite of it.
…your morning breath. Especially if we had “relations” last night. I love you for you, in spite of your morning breath.
@Caballeroso,
…your morning breath. Especially if we had “relations” last night. I love you for you, in spite of your morning breath.
while the i love you for you part is true, sometimes morning breath can be a bitch. and by “a bitch” i mean “something that smells like something the devil would feed to his dog”
@Caballeroso,
…which pair of black shoes looks best with this black dress? I don’t care, they’re both black so I’m good. Let’s go already. (Same thing for purses BTW).
Actually, I just realized a lot of things that women obsess over have nothing to do with a man’s opinion. I know you could care less. If I’m being honest, I’m more scared of the judgemental women than what a man thinks about my outfit.
@Carter,
When them judgemental chicks start buying your clothes, then you can be worried about what they think.
@SexyCool,
Word.Life.
@Caballeroso,
**…your breasts not being exactly the same size. It’s really not THAT noticable.**
-but we feel like it is. I lost some weight last year and apparently this is were sonm of it left from, leaving one side smaller than the other. I can tell so I think others can too. This was not an issue before so it’s also a new problem for me
**…which pair of black shoes looks best with this black dress? I don’t care, they’re both black so I’m good. Let’s go already. (Same thing for purses BTW).**
-I admit I ask this sometimes. I want to look my best when I go out, not neccessrily just for you but for whoever I may run into. Interestingly, most dudes I have dealt with have had definIte opinions about my attire at one point or another.
Thanks for this article Champ. I think the underlying point of this is to let women know that they have to be comfortable being yourselves. If you got confidence in who you are and what you do, you will get noticed. Some of the things y’all worry and stress over, we men don’t even think about or notice. Most men are simple individuals- show us you like us, spend time, be able to have decent conversation, satisfy needs and wants, and keep it real.
@Soulgerian,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ,
Thanks! I’ve been reading articles on this site for awhile and I finally signed up.
@Soulgerian,
If you got confidence in who you are and what you do, you will get noticed.
Every little girl on the planet should receive this as a gift set embroidered on a teddy when they turn 7 (or know how to read).
Things that men or I don’t care about.
1) having a little pooch or love handles. Men don’t care about this. Now once you start getting like Monique then it’s a problem.
2) long, short, natural, or permed hair. I prefer natural regardless of hair texture but it doesn’t matter. I’ll take a short afro over a long weave. But overall I couldn’t care less. As long as it is clean and maintained.
3) lingerie and matching undergarments. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t get excited seeing a womanin a silk doily. Men don’t care if your boy short match your bra. The fact that you have on boy shorts is enough
4) Birthdays. Women make a HUGE deal of this. I find most dudes aren’t really pressed if they do something or don’t.
I have to cosign everything Champ listed. None of that really matters. I’ve heard dudes complain about 1 and 2 and I wonder if they deal with REAL women.
@Humble_One,
YAY!! for numero dos.
that’s all.
I have to cosign everything Champ listed. None of that really matters. I’ve heard dudes complain about 1 and 2 and I wonder if they deal with REAL women.
@Humble_One,
You’d think most brothas either live in a fantasy world or are the R Kelly type (15 & 16 year old girls are probably the only females without stretch marks) by they way they have a vendetta for women with stretch marks
@eff yo couch, @Humble_One,
You’d think most brothas either live in a fantasy world or are the R Kelly type (15 & 16 year old girls are probably the only females without stretch marks) by they way they have a vendetta for women with stretch marks
Hmmm interesting…well guess I met the R Kelly type before because I remember this one dude saying he would never date girls with stretch marks and I was like oh then what do you date?
@Humble_One, well, I got a pooch like Monique, but you would have already known that before we got down. Don’t get all brand new in the bedroom.
@Dee, lol…i like you!
@thatchic, I’m not orca fat, but I’m a big girl. I’m not shy about letting you see me naked–that hiding under the sheets and throwing on a big shirt before you get out of bed stuff is for the birds. I figure that if we are in bed together, you are somewhat attracted to me, and you should already know what you’re getting into….ain’t but so much spanx can hide!
@Humble_One,
4) Birthdays.
On International Sula Day? I will make a fuss…. You are free not to participate in the fuss or even not understand what my giddiness/happiness is all about, but I will be dam!ned if you prevent me from celebrating my day the way I see fit.
Most dudes I’ve dated didn’t care much about birthdays (just like my dad who often forgets his own b-day) but they understood that I have to mark my day with something special (I don’t even ask them to participate if they don’t want to…). You don’t have to understand it, just accept it and we’ll be cool.
@Sula,
“You don’t have to understand it, just accept it and we’ll be cool.”
At this point this is what I do. I accept it and go along with it.
P.S. – My boy has been in Houston a couple of weeks and really likes it. Outside of the countriness and conservatives he said it’s nice. He also told me to get down there.
@Humble_One,
Outside of the countriness and conservatives
You had to mention that, uh? Lol! After a while, those you don’t even notice those things anymore…
But really, give it a try… It’s a lovely place to be… in earnest.
i really heart this post.
i obsess over body hair and my small boobages so much. lol
i heart PJ’s guyspeak column too. hilarity the questions people ask.
i have more but right now… duty calls.
@Muze,
oh! and things i don’t care about…
-i don’t care if he has a lexus or a honda. as long as it isn’t a rustbucket (unless it’s one of his ‘other’ cars) we’re good.
-how much money he makes (unless he’s working at mickey d’s and is 30. that’s a problem)
most men i run into assume this about me and/or women and it’s a complete turn-off for a man to have just met you and is already bragging about what he has. ew. it gets you no closer to the underthings. sorry.
the ONLY thing for me that is a true deal-breaker with no exceptions to the rule ever, is his height. periods. i’m 5’8 and i like heels… there will be none of that. call me shallow. ioncare. lol
@Muze, “the ONLY thing for me that is a true deal-breaker with no exceptions to the rule ever, is his height. periods. i’m 5?8 and i like heels… there will be none of that. call me shallow. ioncare. lol”
@Caballeroso,
aw. lol. i’m not saying this bc i haven’t tried it… i have. it just doesn’t work. i feel like the ‘protector’ and he feels he has to act extra manly to make up for the height difference.
@Muze,
“aw. lol. i’m not saying this bc i haven’t tried it… i have. it just doesn’t work. i feel like the ‘protector’ and he feels he has to act extra manly to make up for the height difference.”
So you would feel like the protector if you were with 50 cent or a Barry Sanders type of guy? And you would feel protected and safe if your were with Tayshawn Prince?
@Humble_One,
well, i don’t prefer skinty dudes no matter what height… but short and skinty is a def no for me, because i’m toned and tall, so i’d def feel like the ‘protector’. tall and skinty like tayshawn… that’s extreme. he’s lankier than any person i’ve seen at that height. lol. but like i said below… there is a such thing as too tall for me, and i think he’d qualify.
i know i sound picky but you have to think about future kids when you’re dating as an adult, and i’ve seen the things kids go through in HS being the extra short guy or the extra tall girl.
i dated a prof. football player for a spell and he was 5’10 but HUGE. like, my thigh=his arm. i felt very protected in that instance. but i went out with a guy that was 5’6″ … and he wasn’t skinny at all, but not football build either. and he had so many complexes it was so off-putting. and i felt self-conscious when he’d want to hold my hand out in public, or touch my waist, or anything close to pda, and that wasn’t fair to him either.
so, i just have that standard now. guess it’s a case by case basis. but 5’6-5’9ish gets definite doubt of foreverness from me. just being honest.
@Muze,
At 6ft… I’m soooo with you on the height thing. I’m not budging. I do enough good deeds to get a break on this. I’d rather stay single than try compromising on this again.
@ Muze and DoktaDivah,
It doesnt matter b/c we’re all the same height laying down.
That is all
@Muze,
“i dated a prof. football player for a spell and he was 5?10 but HUGE. like, my thigh=his arm. i felt very protected in that instance. but i went out with a guy that was 5?6? … and he wasn’t skinny at all, but not football build either. and he had so many complexes it was so off-putting. and i felt self-conscious when he’d want to hold my hand out in public, or touch my waist, or anything close to pda, and that wasn’t fair to him either.”
I understand now. My brother is no Tayshawn skinny but he is skinny and about 5’10″ 1/2 and he has always got ragged on for being small and is a little sensitive about it. That comes from people trying to play him because of his size. I am less than an inch shorter than him but have never had a woman say anything to me about being too short unless she was like 5’10 plus. My ex that I was with for 5 years was 5’8″ and height never came up. I’ve dated mad chics that were 5’6″-5’9″. Maybe they gave me a pass because of my personality or because I have a football player type build? IDK. I do know that it’s not typical for a dude like me to be with those women.
@Muze,
i’m 5?8 and i like heels
That’s when being 5’4 and 3/4 comes in handy…
@Sula,
LOL yeah you have the choice to date pretty much anyone you want.
but i looove being tall though so i guess i have to deal with the limited choices. lol.
@Muze,
i have more but right now… duty calls.
i know we’re all fam and sh*t here, but this was TMI
@The Champ,
LOL!!! i totally meant the fact that i’m writing an essay AND a short story.
but now that i read it again… LMBO. did sound like TMI. delete it!! lmbo.
@Muze,
I hate compromising on height. Recent dudes have been the same height as me on a good date.
Can’t find a suitable tall brother for the life of me.
Oh, I did go on a date w/ a child hood friend this past summer. Son is 6’7….you know I wore heels! And was still way shorter than him! Loved it!
@La Bakir,
wow. see i dated a guy that tall once… and it was just awkward. lol. but yes, wearing heels and still feeling ‘short’ is nice. 5’11-6’4ish are good for me. under that though…
@Muze,
Feeling short is awesome at times, lol! Yeah…under 5’11 is a tough one.
Iw as wondering if it matter how long or short the girls hair is??? Or if it’s Afro kinky, curly or straight.
Only asking because I chopped my hair off last September, it grew back, now at arm pit length resting on my boobs. I like to wear my hair natural but I don’t really let guys see me with my fluffy curls (think Hilary on Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire). Does any of that matter?
@MakeupVixen,
Iw as wondering if it matter how long or short the girls hair is??? Or if it’s Afro kinky, curly or straight.
this makes a big difference to some men, and to some it doesnt.
basically though, if you’re attractive, you’ll be attractive regardless
Well, call me a shallow bastard, but I can’t agree with everything on this list. I’ll say the vast majority of it is true.
I definitely agree with gifts, and most definitely prowess in the bedroom. A lot of the time, the performance is on us anyway. But even so, I don’t expect you to be an Olympic gold medalist.
But three things that I’ve got to admit cross my mind are 1, 4, 7 and 8.
1. Saggy boobs – I’m sorry, but I’ve experienced both saggy and perky boobs. I’ll take the latter. It’s not that I’ll be disgusted by the sight of you, but it is an issue of preference. I’m not so sure I can sign on for the “watch her boobs fall and sprint out of that bitch like usain bolt” bit. It’s just not a turn on to hold half filled water balloons in my hands.
4. How much you eat – Again, call me shallow if you must, but there is a balance here. And no, it’s not a good look to order Page 2. I’ve dated women of all sizes. Big, small, tall, and short. I’ve run the gamut of shapes. I think I’ve earned my right to be pickier than I used to be. I’m not saying I’m Kobe Bryant, but I’ve been trying to keep fit and watch what I eat. I was a chubby kid when I was younger and started to regress back to that when my metabolism started to slow down. So, forgive me if I want my girl to look out for her health and fitness. It’s not so much the one-offs of ordering a bacon cheeseburger. I love bacon cheeseburgers. It’s ordering bacon cheeseburgers all the time and doing nothing to offset it (exercise). It’s a slippery slope, and people don’t realize that it DOES eventually catch up with you.
7. Your hair anywhere other than the top of your head – As aforementioned, from personal experience at both ends of the spectrum, I prefer it clean shaven, or cleaned up. I shouldn’t need a bushwacker to navigate my way. Again, personal preference, but I’m not down with a ton of hair. To each their own, and I’ll never say another guy is wrong for being okay with it. But for myself, hairy armpits, or face whiskers just don’t do it for me.
8. What it smells like down there – Alright, nah. This is bullshit. That’s like saying women don’t care if your balls smell. lol. Again, I’ve been very liberal with the girls I date, and I’ve encountered different kinds of vaginas. There’s no way to slice or dice it. How it smells matters. Maybe that’s just you, but it does matter to me if it smells poorly. I’m not saying it needs to smell like vanilla and warm brown sugar, but smelling nasty is not an option. Obviously, if it’s been a long day, or whatever, the circumstances are different. But I mean if on a regular basis it’s just not fresh, it’s a turnoff.
Ladies, I’m not saying that you’re unattractive if you have any/all of these problems. It’s just an issue of personal preference. Just how y’all have your own preferences for guys. It’s just an issue of taste. I’ve dated many types of women, varying in personalities to personal maintenance. So, I’m not talking out of my ass with this. I’m speaking from experience.
By the way, I think a woman in glasses is sexy. lol.
@Deo,
“It’s ordering bacon cheeseburgers all the time and doing nothing to offset it (exercise). It’s a slippery slope, and people don’t realize that it DOES eventually catch up with you.”
i agree that there’s a problem with eating nothing but unhealthy foods and doing nothing to stay in shape. what i’m referring to is women who pretend like they don’t eat at all, lol.
“Maybe that’s just you, but it does matter to me if it smells poorly. I’m not saying it needs to smell like vanilla and warm brown sugar, but smelling nasty is not an option”
lol, i never said that smelling like lukewarm shit was an option. the point i’m trying to convey is that there’s nothing wrong with a natural, clean smell.
but yeah, you’re right when you say it comes down to personal preference. like i’ve expressed numerous times today, though, most men aren’t as particular (in regards to some things) as women think we are.
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ,
Thanks for the warm welcome. lol. I stumbled across your site through tweets from Liz, who I follow on that site Twitter. You might have heard of it.
@Deo,
It’s ordering bacon cheeseburgers all the time and doing nothing to offset it (exercise). It’s a slippery slope, and people don’t realize that it DOES eventually catch up with you.
Word to Big Bird! That’s how I feel about dudes. Like son, there’s not way in hell you should like your 6 months pregnant and we damn near the same cup size…I’m sorry. Get it right.
@Deo,
Are you from California (or living there) by any chance?
@Sula,
Nah. I’m a native New Yorker. Do I look familiar?
@Deo,
Nope. Just sound like a SoCalifornian.
I have to disagree with number 7
I broke it off with a chick because I found out she had facial hair in the form of a mustache … from this experience I’ve learned that it’s beneficial to wear my glasses at all times
Number 2 is on point … I love a woman with stretch marks specially on a fat @ss … you can blame that on my teenage visits to the illegal strip clubs, that are usually located in someone’s basement.
Number 5 … I used to get $hitty gifts from the opposite sex, so I expecting some clothing 3 sizes to small & sh*t
Number 8 … from my experience, every woman has her own scent … I’m the type that’s equally curious to see how it smells and feels
@eff yo couch,
I have to disagree with number 7
I broke it off with a chick because I found out she had facial hair in the form of a mustache … from this experience I’ve learned that it’s beneficial to wear my glasses at all times
LOL, notice i didnt say anything about taking care of the hair growing on your lip. there’s only room in my bed for one goatee
@eff yo couch,
I’m curious as to how you “found this out.” You didn’t know before you started something, and then “broke it off?” How did this happen? Bad lighting?
@eff yo couch, “I broke it off with a chick because I found out she had facial hair in the form of a mustache … from this experience I’ve learned that it’s beneficial to wear my glasses at all times”
I don’t mind a little fuzz . . . might be my tendency to get with latinas (hate hate hate) but I witnessed my ex shaving her face in my bathroom one day and wasn’t really sure how to feel about that . . . still not actually
Haha,
Saggy boobs aren’t really that big a deal. The proper term for the action it makes when being released from the bra is called PLOPPAGE. When them things plop out of captivity, the fluid movement and bouncy action can create instant Pergo from the likes of me. Now if they sage to the point she can kick them with her knees or she looks like she is wearing a flesh vest…I pass.
I’ve also never understood why a woman, even after you’ve seen her naked insists on covering herself up, especially if she has to get up and walk across to room to find her clothes. Let it hang all hang out woman…
About #8 though: There is some concern we have because all cooches are not cozy coves of potpourri and patchouli. However,a woman knows if she is pungent or not and should not require men to dine on her golden buffet if she knows she has essence of Perch eminating from her thighs.
@CPT Callamity, “I’ve also never understood why a woman, even after you’ve seen her naked insists on covering herself up, especially if she has to get up and walk across to room to find her clothes. Let it hang all hang out woman…”
This is me all day. Even after exchanging the O face, I can’t seem to get up out the bed without putting on my shirt…Yes, I know we were just naked and you saw me in all my glory, but its different when I have to get up and you get to see things giggle and stuff…Yeah, just pass me that shirt haning off the bed post thanks!
@Complex Simplicity,
this point is SO damn funny because it TRULY doesn’t make any sense. but since y’all are so focused on getting the goods, you let having lumps, bumps and curves in the wrong places slide. I (we) figure, once that’s all over, we don’t want y’all to be disappointed and not want it all again!
but like I said.. it dont make no gatdamn sense.
that being said..love wearing a dudes shirt..smells like goodness..mmmm….
@CPT Callamity,
I’ve also never understood why a woman, even after you’ve seen her naked insists on covering herself up, especially if she has to get up and walk across to room to find her clothes. Let it hang all hang out woman…
you know, i think one of the reasons women do this is because actresses in movies do this all the time. there will be an intense sex scene, and then the chick puts on a jumper and some work boots to go get a glass of milk.
i hate hollywood
@The Champ, “you know, i think one of the reasons women do this is because actresses in movies do this all the time. there will be an intense sex scene, and then the chick puts on a jumper and some work boots to go get a glass of milk.”
LMBAO! TOO funny
Okay @CPT Callamity, You spot on w/ the termanology cuz PLOPPAGE made me squint my eyes (cuz I was going to my happy place) and lick my top lip… & the rest of this tissh is funny too. Oh yeah sometimes the fonkey monkey is a sighn somebody else’s schwetty balls been slappin that slippity mo bippity… Protect ya neck. Cuz I’m the first one to yell MORIE THAT STANK LIL UHHM BASTAID AIN’T MINE. LOL
@CPT Callamity,
**I’ve also never understood why a woman, even after you’ve seen her naked insists on covering herself up, especially if she has to get up and walk across to room to find her clothes. Let it hang all hang out woman…**
**raises hand** i’m guilty of this. I mean like even after I was married after the do I wanted a tshirt a robe something! I know I know! Not surpisingly not many men have seen me naked.
I think it’s like @ Keisha Brown said while were horizontal we feel like we get a pass you should be more concerned with what we’re doing than focusing on my strech marks or jiggily thighs. I mean at that point your blood has left your brain and it ain’t function right anyway. But once that’s over and you are in your right mind and you can look and observe, I don’t need you taking notes and sh!t.
@OftenConfused,
Add this to the list of insecurities in a woman I will never and should never try understanding. If I’ve seen it all already, and more than likely I saw it all with lights on, then trust me, I’m not going to care whether or not something jiggles. I mean, when I’m laying in bed with a woman and she decides to snatch the entire top sheet so she can shield me from observing from 3 inches away, what is she guarding my eyes from? I just saw the ploppage jiggle and shimmy from my strokes…why cover them up like they suddenly got stage fright? *shrug*
BTW ladies…send all pictures of ploppage or pre-ploppage pillowage to cptcallamity@gmail.com. Thank you.
@CPT Callamity,
I admit it makes no sense. I’m better now though.
@CPT Callamity,
^^the email came back as undeliverable..mailbox too full.
@OftenConfused,
I mean like even after I was married after the do I wanted a tshirt a robe something!
See I don’t get this… Maybe because I was a nudist in another life or something… I like being NAKED! Heck, if it was just me, I would just chill naked in my living room all the time…
I am the chick walking naked to the gym bathroom (my friends hate me for so often assaulting their eyes, lol)… Maybe it comes from growing up in a household where the only man was my dad… or going to all-girls schools all my life, but naked and I? Friends for life!
@Sula,
this is so me. i heart being naked. and naked hearts me. lmbo.
but naked in the gym… no. around my home and my man… allday. lol
@Sula,
**Maybe because I was a nudist in another life or something… I like being NAKED! **
maybe I was a nun in a past life. I dunno. My mom and aunts are not shy at all, but me and my sis are clothed at all times. Being in a dorm, having friends like you and pledging have made me less body shy than I used to be, but I’d still rather sleep in pjs than nude.
@CPT Callamity,
cozy coves of potpourri and patchouli
Instant Love!
Champ…..speaking from experience I have to thoroughly disagree with #8. When the smell of sex smells more like the smell of death you are going to remember and you are going to want to forget.
No matter how solid the foundation is in your relationship…..when thought of sex makes you consider vomiting the relationship is in serious danger.
@B. Carroll,
When the smell of sex smells more like the smell of death you are going to remember and you are going to want to forget.
this is true.
btw, way to pick a creative pseudonym.
to buttress 2. stretch marks – “as long as they’re not on your forehead”
your stretch marks make you look like a tiger, and i love tigers. THEY’RE GRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!
http://bit.ly/3G5BH7: if your man got a problem with your stretch marks i suggest you stop f*ckin with b*tch nuccas…
@Carver The Great,
“your stretch marks make you look like a tiger, and i love tigers. THEY’RE GRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!”
This just made me laugh out loud at my desk!! LMAO!!!!!
@Carver The Great,
” your man got a problem with your stretch marks i suggest you stop f*ckin with b*tch nuccas…”
LMAO I needed a good laugh today.
@Carver The Great,
if your man got a problem with your stretch marks i suggest you stop f*ckin with b*tch nuccas…
I passed out laughing!
I must have a brain function that is damaged because I don’t care about what a man thinks about any of those things. I make me happy
@Siobhan,
I must have a brain function that is damaged because I don’t care about what a man thinks about any of those things
i agree.
@The Champ,
LOL…I forgot…I DO actually have brain functions damaged so go feel bad
oh… and i don’t care if y’all don’t care…
a woman should NOT be funky all down in the netherlands if a man is anywhere near. jussayin.
i most def won’t be letting a man wine and dine if the meal is stale. ew.
i call that… trife life. lol
@Muze,
word…you know when you’re having a bad day in the love below
@Muze,
oh… and i don’t care if y’all don’t care…
lol, dont get it twisted. i never said that we didnt care about that
I guess I should stop lurking about and jump in… especially since I’m sitting here reading and laughing n hollering instead of working. Hola! Wha gwaan! etc. etc.
I occasionally grimace at my thighs and behind. Then I think, if a dude gets around to seeing them naked – he’s probably focused on sumn else besides how photogenic they are. I don’t obsess about my glasses anymore, but I still rarely wear them outside. Glad to know that not obsessing too much over what I wear and going out face-nekkid daily is a good thing.
Guys:
I CAN’T STAND the obsessing about your waves business. I think it’s decidedly unmanly. Cornrows and braids on a guy are a serious turnoff, where dreads are a turn ON. Aaaand…. as long as your papers are right and it’s fairly well-maintained inside and out, I don’t care about your car.
Size doesn’t matter as much as delivery. If it bothers YOU, it’ll bother me. If your foreplay is wack regardless of package, I will change my mind. (You can talk yourself out of the pums pretty easily with me.)
@DoktaDivah,
welcome and sh*t. and, who still obsesses about waves in 2010?
@The Champ,
Thankya! …and you’d be surprised. Atl is full of (supposedly) straight wave-obsessers.
@DoktaDivah,
Size doesn’t matter as much as delivery. If it bothers YOU, it’ll bother me. If your foreplay is wack regardless of package, I will change my mind. (You can talk yourself out of the pums pretty easily with me.)
And that my friends is gospel truth.
…which pair of black shoes looks best with this black dress? I don’t care, they’re both black so I’m good. Let’s go already. (Same thing for purses BTW).
Actually, I just realized a lot of things that women obsess over have nothing to do with a man’s opinion. I know you could care less. If I’m being honest, I’m more scared of the judgemental women than what a man thinks about my outfit.
@Carter,
i was going to say this. i’ve learned that women dress for other women. not men. it’s strange. i wear what i want. that’s the one thing i don’t obsess about, and i get compliments from women all the time. but yeah, women are hella judgmental. i think what it is is that these things on his list… a lot of women will judge another women based on them, so we think a man will as well. lol
@Muze,
“i’ve learned that women dress for other women. not men.”
I think single women dress for other women but once you have a man you get dressed to make sure he is only looking at you.
@Ivy St.,
true. but usu when you ask your man if or what he likes… it’s apparent that most of the time, as long as you’re presentable, he’ll like it.
i’ve never had a man complain about my dress not matching my bag not complimenting my shoes. and if i did… i’d def give him a humongous eye to the side. lol. dressing pretty/sexy for your man, yes. carrying a louis V and wearing louboutins for your man, no. lol
@Muze,
HUMONGOUS EYE TO THE SIDE
*dead*
I’m on the floor dying here
*wiping tears from my eyes
Champ! This ish was too much craziness in one post.
#4(How much you eat) is still confusing for me sometimes as a Very Crazy Sista.
I’ve actually had a dude ask me during a date “Are you sure you want to order an appetizer as well? The (main) meat dish you ordered seems pretty heavy?”.
I was still an EMT at the time, so I was always starving after a shift. I answered back like ‘Look Slim Pickins’, I’m not some fairy-emo-b*tch. I work like a mutha and eat what I need to, when I need to. I’m not a size ‘XXL-gawddamm she big-LL’ , so back the eff up!’
Anyways, my question about you men folk: why are y’all so afraid to make noise during sex?
We’d LOOOVVVE to have more feedback other than>
one grunt= ‘baby that feels good
two grunts=’wiggle your booty more to the right’
just sayin’
@GeekChicness,
Yes-Gddammit! More sounds during the humping. Talk. TO. ME!
(About to go call TheDude.)
LOL!
@GeekChicness, COSIGN!!!! I hate that… guys be having like one line they repeat over again throughout, i.e. “oh baby….oh baby…” or “oh yeah…. oh yeah…” LMAO
@GeekChicness,
‘Look Slim Pickins’, I’m not some fairy-emo-b*tch
i’d probably propose on the spot if someone said that to me on the first date
@GeekChicness,
You want Wesley Pipes?
@Humble_One, He is the worst! Talks too much. Good point lol.
@GeekChicness,
why are y’all so afraid to make noise during sex?
We’d LOOOVVVE to have more feedback other than>
one grunt= ‘baby that feels good
two grunts=’wiggle your booty more to the right’
just sayin’
*waiting for answer with chin on hands* Because really those grunts are NOT enough.
As a woman…all my facials, massages, clothes, and shoes are for me. Since I’m with me more than any man will be I have to be comfortable LOL. If I have saggy boobs after I have kids…I’m getting a lift because I want them to look right in my clothes. If I have a few extra pounds I’m toning them up because I like my body fit. If I keep myself hairless it’s because I prefer it that way. I do for me.
At this point I’m a career bachelorette so it matters all the more
@Siobhan,
yeah, i think a lot of the things on this list are just normal maintenance for a woman. i will always exercise, be non-hairy and smell good. it’s just a fact. lol. man or not.
@Muze,
Agreed…and can I please applaud you earlier comment about women dressing for women and how you’ll side-eye a dude if he tries to judge you like one? *Starts slow clap*
My favorite post!
What about stomach? I used to have a flat stomach but after I had my daughter it turned into a little pouch.
I still think men are very visual. They notice all of our imperfections but if they are really feeling us then they probably won’t leave because of it. I still notice guys in Miami with girls who look like strippers from the waist down but wendy williams from the neck up. *sigh*
@SmartFoxGirl,
girls who look like strippers from the waist down but wendy williams from the neck up. *sigh*
#DEAD
@Soulgerian,
Not to sound conceited but face wise, i’ve been told I’m a 8-9 on the prettiness scale…but walking next to my girl who has a big butt, small waist and size D breasts is like wearing a bag over my face here in MIA. lol
@SmartFoxGirl,
I guess it’s pretty much about curves in the MIA. I go for the total package (personality, cuteness, confidence, style, etc). Maybe I’m in the minority but I can’t deal with a butterface (everything is good ‘but her face’).
@SmartFoxGirl, OH!! you sound like you hang out with a friend of MINE!!! MIA is King of “look like a video hoe” syndrome..
sorry, i hate it here, so maybe i’m projecting.. lol..
@SmartFoxGirl,
I was going to ask a similar question. When I ran track, I always had a 6 pack but now a days I’m strugglin with a 3 and a small pouch. I’m curious if guys even notice a small pouch or how much stomach is too much stomach?
@SmartFoxGirl,
What about stomach? I used to have a flat stomach but after I had my daughter it turned into a little pouch
thats one of those case by case things that involve a complex matrix regarding your height, your bust, waist, and butt size, and your age
@The Champ,
LOL – 5’6, 140lbs, 34, 26, 40 – 29. You could grap and pick me up by my love handles. Standing up I’m fine but sitting down is a hot mess. lmao
@SmartFoxGirl,
“5?6, 140lbs, 34, 26, 40 – 29. You could grap and pick me up by my love handles.”
If there has been a better case on VSB for “this comment is useless without pics” please present it now.
“If there has been a better case on VSB for “this comment is useless without pics” please present it now.”
***the prevailing word world outreach center***
@The Champ,
Posting a pic of my stomach fat online? That’s a negative ghost rider. I’m slim and attractive but said I have stomach fat and the brothas need a pic. This confirms that it does matter so you should add that one to your list. lol
@SmartFoxGirl,
“Posting a pic of my stomach fat online? That’s a negative ghost rider. I’m slim and attractive but said I have stomach fat and the brothas need a pic. This confirms that it does matter so you should add that one to your list. lol”
We don’t care about your stomach fat. We want the pic because you said you are
“5?6, 140lbs, 34, 26, 40 – 29.”
Which is a VERY good thing.
I love it, there is nothing i can deny in this post at all. Love it Real tru funny stuff.
@nena,
thanks and sh*t
white girls with big butts has been the latest obsession by my girlfriend that she just wont shut up about
@Keron,
Because white girls with sista bodies are enemy#1 for alot of black women….
@SmartFoxGirl,
“Because white girls with sista bodies are enemy#1 for alot of black women….”
For a lot of dudes the @ss was the saving grace for Black women. Now that 2520s are getting them the playing field has become even more equal.
@Humble_One,
The arse was a saving grace for sistas? Nah….I call Bullshyt on that one. Maybe I’m delusional, but isn’t there a sexiness to how a sista carries hers? 2520s carry their arses like an unwanted passenger while we are behind the wheel with ours.
@Humble_One,
Dwl, that’s just wrong…think about all that comes with the big ass. The big ass should just be a plus. I’m still laughing though.
@Humble_One,
The arse was a saving grace for sistas? Nah….I call Bullshyt on that one. Maybe I’m delusional, but isn’t there a sexiness to how a woman carries hers? 2520s carry their arses like an unwanted passenger.
We need to take our arse back, they’re using it wrong. They make it a hot line, we make it a hot song.
@CNotes & SmartFoxGirl,
I was joking when I said that. Of course sistas got 2520s beat as far as I’m concerned. I’m not leaving sistas over an @ss. And CNotes you are correct. I’ve seen some 2520s chics that walk like they can’t handle it.
@Humble_One,
Oh ok….whew! *wiping forehead* : )
@Keron,
white girls with big butts has been the latest obsession by my girlfriend that she just wont shut up about
she wants to have a threesome?
I would like to personally thank yall for number 1. Oficially putting the reduction off my list, forever!
Let em hang!!! let em hang!!!
@Gigi,
***looking at the sky while wondering if i realize what i’ve done***
I’m loving this post! I’ve been a victim of obsessing over many of them.
Men usually obsess over finishing too fast when they’re chexing us. They need not worry, because this is such a turn on for us ladies. Makes me feel like mine is the ish.
@CNotes, ‘
Amen…plus anything longer than 10-15 mins starts to hurt anyway
@SmartFoxGirl,
Yeah it can depending on the dude/situation. If its going down on a regular, 15 min. is about right. But, if on a regular dude wants marathon chex?……..*biting nails*
@CNotes,
“Men usually obsess over finishing too fast when they’re chexing us. They need not worry, because this is such a turn on for us ladies. Makes me feel like mine is the ish.”
You are the first woman I’ve heard this from.
@Humble_One,
Really? I know plenty of chix who feel the way I do. That’s not to say we will not look forward to a round 2 or an occasional olympic-style session. But for the most part we’re not trippin.
@CNotes,
They need not worry, because this is such a turn on for us ladies. Makes me feel like mine is the ish
thats what i try to tell my girl after our occasional 45 second quickies
@The Champ,
“occasional 45 second quickies”
Those are great just before heading out to work, to run errands, etc.
@CNotes,
““occasional 45 second quickies”
Those are great just before heading out to work, to run errands, etc”
This is what I miss about being in a relationship.
@CNotes,
Men usually obsess over finishing too fast when they’re chexing us
Did I mention that I dig you?
Yes! Men, stop, I repeat STOP obsessing about finishing too fast or whatever… I will take two 15 minutes sessions of Intense Chexual Satisfaction over an hour of senseless poundage, any day of the week and thrice on thursdays. Let’s strive for quality folks…
@Sula,
: )
“I will take two 15 minutes sessions of Intense Chexual Satisfaction over an hour of senseless poundage”
*e-dapping you*
Out of curiosity what about cellulite? Not the cottage cheese looking one but little dimples here and there esp in the buttocks area?
@T’Lu,
Out of curiosity what about cellulite? Not the cottage cheese looking one but little dimples here and there esp in the buttocks area?
fellas, anyone want to take this one?
@T’Lu,
My question is why should it even matter what they think?
@Sula, Oh it doesn’t matter at all. Just wanted to be able to tell my female friends that they should stop complaining about it…
This was funny but as some others have said, I don’t give a sh*t about any of that sh*t.. Imma always be clean and shaven *all over* because its just good hygiene plus more aesthetically pleasing.. Imma always be in at least decent shape because I love run.
I know I have my imperfections but I always have the attitude that if someone really likes you for you, they won’t be worried about you not having a perfect body and perfect hair, perfect breasts, etc. And if you have a problem, be out then son!!! Cause there’s plenty more that don’t subscribe to the bitchassness…. ya heard!
@BKSweetheart, correction love TO run, that is…. lol
P.S. One thing women don’t care about:- how long you can go in the sack. As long as its not 2 sec, 45 minutes of the jackhammer does not impress us. I think most would be fine with about 10-15 min of intercourse (after foreplay and/or oral chexing of course). But guys are so convinced longer is better no matter what you tell them. Don’t get it.
@BKSweetheart,
yes yes yes! please spread the word. most women do NOT want something going in and out of their bodies for nearly an hour. no matter how good it feels, at some point it can just flat out uncomfortable. guys always give me the most confused looks when they find out that most women don’t want porn star-like loving (all the time).
@BKSweetheart, One thing women don’t care about:- how long you can go in the sack.
I think it depends on the girl. Because I say 45mins to an hour max even after warming up the oven…
@BKSweetheart,
c/s
jackhammer…jack rabbit…it’s all a no-no
and so is going so long that the love below is drier that straw
@La Bakir, YES!!! That is the WORST!!! You’ll be drier than the d*mn Sahara and sittin there praying in your head that they’re about to be finished… then they just stop like “Wanna get on top?”
Like F*CK NO!!!! C*M ALREADY D*MNIT!!!!! LMAO
@BKSweetheart,
Like F*CK NO!!!! C*M ALREADY D*MNIT!!!!! LMAO
LMAO…seriously! Like ninja IS you done?!!! lol
@LaBakir,
seriously! Like ninja IS you done?!!! lol
THIS!!!
@BKSweetheart,
“I think most would be fine with about 10-15 min of intercourse (after foreplay and/or oral chexing of course). But guys are so convinced longer is better no matter what you tell them. Don’t get it.”
Guys are convinced longer is better because women give dudes hell for not lasting long enough. I use to think all chics wanted it long until I met a few chics that were good after 15-20 minutes. Maybe it was because they were in their late 20s and older that they felt this way? IDK. You don’t hear women say I’m good after 15-20 minutes of stroking. What you do hear is women saying that want it for a hour plus or a marathon man.
@Humble_One,
Guys are convinced longer is better because women give dudes hell for not lasting long enough
yeah, i agree. i mean, the first time i had sex intentionally made sure i lasted for like 90 minutes because i thought thats want women wanted. who knew that i had a better chance of starting a forest fire with that than pleasing her
@Humble_One,
If a guy NEVER lasts long….that’s an issue. There will be times when a woman wants more depending on the situation. But I don’t have one female friend that has confessed to wanting 90 minute chex everytime.
I’m just gonna jump in with some responses and caveats.
A.. I don’t mind saggy boobies if you’ve had babies. Also if you just have huge breasts. I mean, I understand how the world works, I would be a fool to expect you to be perky forever. That’s just dumb. But, if you’re young, I would expect some perkiness. Nobody wants 50-year old titties on a 25-year old.
B. Personally, I LOVE stretch marks on the hips and butt and really don’t care that much about stretch marks on the stomach.
Hip and butt stretch marks make me appreciate the eternal struggle between your skin and your protuding butt. It’s like your skin just can’t contain all that @ss the Lord bestowed upon you. Any man who isn’t excited about doing some work with a butt that can’t be contained by skin is a sick man.
C. The smell of your nana and your number of previous sexual partners has a direct relationship with how hot you are. The hotter you are, the more I’m willing to deal with. This is true for every flaw.
D. I don’t care about brand names as long as you look cute.
Now a few items of my own.
1. We don’t really care what your friends and family think about us. Yes, it would be nice to be cool with everybody, but as long as we’re smashing on the regular and reasonably happy with your personality, we couldn’t care less what the clan thinks about us.
2. Nails and toes. Yes, french manicures can add a bonus to your overall look, but when you’re butt nekid we couldn’t care less about the flower Kim Song put on each of your pinkies.
3. Your wedding dress. I know it’s important to you, and you think that we’ll remember how beautiful you were on that magical day for the rest of our lives, but we won’t. We won’t be able to pick your wedding dress out of a lineup within two months of getting hitched. I promise. It all goes vague once we get ready to say “I do.”
@Big Man, “Your wedding dress. I know it’s important to you, and you think that we’ll remember how beautiful you were on that magical day for the rest of our lives, but we won’t.”
*insert Dumb and Dumber boy in wheelchair with Pretty Bird head falling off scene here*
“Aw pretty bird, pretty bird”
@Big Man, No women picks her wedding dress because she is worried about what her man will think of it.
@sanen85,
I know y’all are more concerned with what the other guests think, I get that.
But, having watched “Say Yes to the Dress” I know for a fact that some chicks are actually wondering what their man will think. And, since I’m married, I know women will hit you with a random pop quiz on the wedding and wedding dress after the fact.
So, while we might not by your number one priority when you’re obsessing, we are on the list, and we don’t need to be.
@Big Man,
But, having watched “Say Yes to the Dress” I know for a fact that some chicks are actually wondering what their man will think
were you kidnapped and forced to do this at gunpoint?
No! But many women pick their men because she worried what her wedding dress will look like.
@Big Man, i like your list.
@Big Man,
It’s like your skin just can’t contain all that @ss the Lord bestowed upon you. Any man who isn’t excited about doing some work with a butt that can’t be contained by skin is a sick man.
mi DEAD!
@Big Man,
“but when you’re butt nekid we couldn’t care less about the flower Kim Song put on each of your pinkies”
(Packing up and going home for the day. I’m Done. LMAO!!)
@CNotes,
Right behind ya! Hilarity!
This entire post needs more people.
@Miss Patterson,
you need more deez
good list. i’ll have to call a technical foul on numbers 1 & 7.
saggy titties are no what’s hot in the streets. if you have a triple F then i know when you take your bra off chances are your breasts are gonna fall faster than the stock market.
i don’t know about you but the less hair on a woman the better. as far as eyebrows if she looks like she has two caterpillars on her forehead that’s an immediate turnoff. the first thing i notice about a woman is her teeth and her overall face (including eyebrows).
@MadScientist7, Hey it’s Tunde!!! *waving*
@Yeah…SO!?!,
lol yeah i had to change my name and my email info because i wasn’t able to make comments on any blogs earlier in the week.
@MadScientist7,
saggy titties are no what’s hot in the streets. if you have a triple F then i know when you take your bra off chances are your breasts are gonna fall faster than the stock market
my bad, lol. i forgot to make a disclaimer for the four triple F women on the planet
@The Champ,
I always thought of saggy as more synonymous with deflated than with hanging. Am I wrong? I mean, I expect big boobs to hang, but not to necessarily look like dingy old tube socks filled with gravel. Maybe thats because I’m a FF and my midgets are round like melons (honeydew maybe?). They hang but are NOT deflated or flat or long. Don’t know about the FFF sistas out there. Maybe they do need a disclaimer?
@INFJgurl, “and you can tell by how her titties HUNG” Common ..they are spose to hang somewhat, now deflated thats another animal LOL
IMO….
we don’t care about how long you can go. i have a tendency to get “there” pretty fast and often…15 mins after the 2nd or (if you’re good) 3rd one you’re pretty much bouncing on me; so get off or get off.
a gut. i’m not saying Randy Jackson yo dawg gut but a nice lil pooch is a turn on…it just let’s me now he’s happy and is eating good; therefore can feed me.
that’s all for now…
@thatchic,
“i have a tendency to get “there” pretty fast and often…15 mins after the 2nd or (if you’re good) 3rd one you’re pretty much bouncing on me; so get off or get off.”
***the bidding for thatchic’s email address will start at 5pm***
1.) We really don’t care about “how big or small the guy’s penis is” all that matters is that you know how to work it right, but I will say that most women wouldn’t want something soo abnormally huge b/c it scares the hell outta us….
tbc lol
@Krissy,
welcome and sh*t
@Krissy, We really don’t care about “how big or small the guy’s penis is” all that matters is that you know how to work it right
I agree . It’s all in the motion. As long as the motion is right the size don’t matter. Most of us women are not looking for something so big that could damage our sweetness
@T’Lu,
DISAGREE!
A big penis is a thing of beauty and for many women is in and of itself, a turn on. I have been told by my friends that I’m a size queen so I definitely dont think I’m in the majority but I am not in the minority either. Small ones turn me off completely (especially when you say TA-DAAA before taking off your pants) and you can have the best motion in this and all four oceans, but the only effective oeuvre a small penis can make is getting zipped back into the pants from whence it came. Sorry. No ego stroking, no “but it doesn’t matter,” just, no thanks, put that thing away. I might still like you as a person but your parts and my parts were not meant to be together, Imma need you to leave and come back with a bigger d!ck.
Carry on.
@Krissy, “We really don’t care about “how big or small the guy’s penis is” all that matters is that you know how to work it right”
ohhh I don’t know about inadequate packages LLS!!!
@Krissy,
amen to that sister! I have an ex SO that was hung like a horse. I was excited the first time i saw it until i realized i had to have chex with that thang. It took darn near half our realationship for me to get use to that thaang…and even then there were certain “normal” position we had trouble with….i would be like just the tip dude..just the tip!
@Krissy,
“We really don’t care about “how big or small the guy’s penis is” all that matters is that you know how to work it right,”
This right here is not the truth so please stop tellin these men lies. Yes the motion in the ocean is important but i’ll be damned if you take your pants off and all i see is your thighs cause ain’t ish there… let’s keep it trilla…if you take your pants off and mess is hitting your knees ima need you to see yourself out cause that’s not coming near me… but yes size does matter (on what ea woman’s preference is)… but please don’t believe just your head game and lil toothpick motion is gonna keep you on deck.
That is all.
someone mentioned it earlier, but i’m REALLY not interested in the type of car you drive.. i’m more concerned with how you manage your money, and how you got that car..
and “awww”.. *slight blush* i used to be insecure about stretch marks because i went to Jamaica one summer (and since my people eat good) and gained 20 pounds.. my ex (the nicest thing said) said i looked like i had a ghetto booty.. and NOW~~ i walk around the house like “Eve”.. nobody can tell me ANYTHING!! besides, boy shorts make me look FABULOUS!! (lol)
my current has told me about the whole “i didn’t even notice you were gaining weight..”.. which is cute and all (and he got rewarded for it).. but I notice.. nuff said, i don’t feel good about that ish..
what i’ve heard guys don’t care about.. “weave”.. i watched “good hair” the other day, and got into this discussion about how guys don’t care how long the hair is.. i told him “STFU cuz you’re not on the blogs having discussions about this ish”.. i think he’s just alone in his opinion..
signed, “you can pull it baby, it’s all mine..”
@Nick_L_Odeon,
what i’ve heard guys don’t care about.. “weave”.. i watched “good hair” the other day, and got into this discussion about how guys don’t care how long the hair is
i think this is basically a case by case thing, but generally the consensus seems to be if your hair is generally “nice” thats all that matters
Ok. I’ll probably get shot at but its cool. I’ll stay low and keep firing.
All of these are on point. But I have to keep it 100 with the ladies.
Number 3 is true. Many of us can think highly of you regardless of when you give it up. Sex rarely changes this for most of us. We either respect you or we don’t.
However, many of us (even the more forward thinking of us) might not wife you though as a result and in fact, I would say we are less likely to see you as wife if you give it up before (arbitrary number here).
Respect you, yes. Marry you….well… even if we want to be many of us are not as progressive here as we would like to be.
@Dave,
“Respect you, yes. Marry you….well… even if we want to be many of us are not as progressive here as we would like to be.”
I disagree. If I like what she’s working with, the whole package, she can have given it up on day 1 or day 100 – if I’m feelin’ her, I’m feelin’ her, and than can include marriage.
@Caballeroso,
I like this answer but can’t help but doubt it’s sincerity.
I think women are a lot harder on each other about this than even guys are. Personally, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal if I wait 10 days or 10 months. If I like you and we both clearly want each other than why torture ourselves? So long as we don’t get too absorbed in the physical that we don’t take the time to actually get to know each other on an mental/emotional level than what’s the problem? It does seem like men have a hard time focusing on both areas at once though….
@Dave,
LOL. Oh Dave. Who would want to win the “respect” of men who make it so plain that they don’t deserve any themselves? Like Humble said in a post from the other day…large numbers of yall can be on some arbitrary BS anyway when it comes to relationships so I’ll continue to take the ENORMOUS, wifey-title-endangering risk of treating each man I meet on a case-by-case basis, and weed out the ones that are on that I’ma wife you based on how soon you banged me bullsh*t. And please learn to stop using wife as a verb.
Deserve has nothing to do with it. There is a guy getting laid right now that does not deserve it as I speak to you. In fact most of us have been beneficiaries in one way or another of something we don’t deserve. And darling, most things from either side of the isle are arbitrary when it comes to relationships. You know that of course. Frankly I do not think having a degree has anything to do with manhood but thousands of women in my dating pool think so. Narrow/ simple-minded thinking? I think so. But it is a reality that I have to live/date with.
By all means take each relationship on a case-by-case basis. You should! But regardless of what we may think a lot (not all) of men think this way when it comes to the long-term commitments that lead to what many women (but not all women) want and that’s marriage.
And if you don’t really give a damn (and I love the few women that really do not) jump the next set of bones as you choose! But I have a feeling despite your stance here if you really like a man and sense that he is worth more than a jumpoff you are not going to fall into bed with him the day you meet him….men do this too. And if you do you will worry about how the relationship will play out as a result.
I applaud you sister and your post and any other woman on here who is this way because you are free in ways many of us male and female are not.
And thanks for the grammar lesson sister. I took notes:)
I co-sign everything on this list Champ (#8 within reason).
But you know what women SHOULD obsess over? Their cooking.
@MeteorMan, young if you know how to cook why obsess over it, obsessing over anything is not good, a healthy outlook is always better!!!!
@MeteorMan,
But you know what women SHOULD obsess over? Their cooking.
:snickers:
@MeteorMan,
I feel the same way about men and their bank accounts. Make enough money so all I have to do is be a good cook. Pay off my college loans and house and car note too while you’re at it, and I’ll cook for your ass every day.
@RocktheCatbox, Hahahaha…word!
I am mad that one of the tags for this list is Silly Rabbitness. LMAO.
But yeah, co-sign with everybody else… good list an sh!t. You are on a roll, my friend.
iHOLLERED@ #1, #6 and #8, and i mean really yelled out loud hahahahahahahaa
I just realized I have had a random dude with some friends of mine check me on the bag I was carrying last week. I brought back out the Coach Resort 2006 bags, the ones with the fish, and he was trying to clown it as a tacky knockoff. My jaw just dropped and everyone stared at him for a minute. Then I explained what season it was and told him I would have to pull his Metro card and that he could pull his skirt back down.
Men who worry about balding shouldn’t.Most women like a nice smooth head to rub on… Among other things ….. Or maybe it’s just a fetish of mine????!!! Lol
Word to #9. I got 2 of ‘em. So what? I’m fulfilled.. *deep sigh*
Champ, are you sure? I’m not a dude, but I’m pretty sure if you actually encountered saggy, hairy old boobs smacking you in bed after the first date, you would cross off numbers 1,2,3 and 7 without a second thought.
I couldn’t agree with you more on a lot of these points. The other thing that women seem to obsess about is make-up… and the crazy thing about make-up is that most guys I know prefer them without it… or at least not a ton of it! At the end of the day what usually gets my attention is how she carries herself… her overall attitude and appeal. That goes a long way
This list was very informative – thanks for sharing. However, I’ve cursed you for having me click on that Black Jesus link. Holy Finger Sniff Batman!!
How big their package is. Guys if you are not on the supa upa end hone your skills. Trust there are little guys that will drive a woman nuts and the mandigos that don’t know how to work their junk. Work with what you got and be confident.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
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Poignant list, have to disagree on #8 tho.
its not goin down if goin down gives me a frown.
I will direct you to my shower to “hold a fresh”
You are hilarious. The truth mixed with comedy is the best!