Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

10 things women obsess over that guys could really give two sh*ts about

“I have extremely large nipples, and feel like they make my DD breasts look weird. I am only 20, and very self conscious about my chest appearing saggy. Do guys care about nipple size?”

this question popped up on p’s guyspeak page yesterday, prompting some interesting (and predictable) comments on our vsb facebook page (the overwhelming consensus? “hell no. yay nipples!!!“).

along with a couple conversations i’ve recently had with a few female friends, this discussion further drove home the idea that many women make their dating and relationship life much harder than it has to be by driving themselves crazy over things that won’t affect a man’s opinion of and level of attraction for her.

to help the vss’s of the world better navigate the murky waters of the dating and mating morass, here’s 10 things women tend to obsess over that guys could really give two shits about

1. saggy boobs

while its safe to say that men probably aren’t going to go gaga if your boobs look like you’ve duct taped two deflated water balloons to your chest, we realize that boobs (especially big boobs) tend to sag and we’re perfectly ok with that. in fact, its actually kind of hot to take off a woman’s bra and watch her boobs fall and sprint out of that bitch like usain bolt.

2. stretch marks

as long as they’re not on your forehead

3. how soon you’ve “given it up”

while it is true that a guy’s opinion of you might change if you don’t wait until a “suitable” (and, remember, “suitable” is completely arbitrary) time has passed before deciding to sleep with him, this only makes a difference if he wasn’t really that into in the first place and is basically just looking for a reason to eliminate you.

if he really likes you, it wont matter if you slept with him after four great dates or four great days, he’s still going to think just as highly of you afterward

4. how much you eat

it amazes me to hear about a grown-ass woman a ordering ceaser salad and ice water and shit on her date, only to have to cut it short  because her stomach is growling like busta rhymes in the scenario video. granted, when the menu comes, its probably not a good look to tell the waiter “yeah, just gimme page 2“, but if we wanted to date someone who ate like a six year old boy we would have been catholic priests

5. gifts

although we love gifts as much as anyone else, our love for them is more “cool. new shit.” than “wow! she really must have taken alot of time to think about this“. the thought doesn’t count any more than a gift card does

6. whether your expert-level bedroom prowess will scare us away

***channeling katt williams***

never the history of n*ggadom has a n*gga slept with his chick and thought to himself “damn!!! she’s a f*cking freak!!! i had no idea a wet elbow could do so many things. she’s so freaky in fact that she must have actually had sex with someone else before she met me. since that’s probably true, i can’t continue to date her”

7. your hair anywhere other than the top of your head

again, while having legs that feel like brown sugar cactuses when they’re laying next to you isn’t whats hot in the streets, obsessing to the point of neurosis over your eyebrows, eyelashes, armpits, and pubic area just makes us think you’re even crazier than we already think you are

8. what it smells like down there

as long as it doesn’t seem  like you’ve been spraying “sex panther” by odeon between your legs, you have nothing to be self-conscious about. actually, we all love what that thing smell like, word to black jesus

9. whether we’ll be upset that your jeans are target brand instead of true religion

there’s actually a word for guys who really care about stuff like that, and it starts with ‘h” and rhymes with “logoplaxical”

10. your age

i’m not going to say that age doesn’t matter, but most guys are more concerned with how old a woman looks and acts than how old she actually is. we’d much rather be with an active and youthful 37 year old than a 25 year old who looks like she lived through and slept with the great depression.

guys, did i miss anything? also, ladies, is there anything that men obsess over that you all could really give two shits about? the carpet is yours

—the champ

Filed Under: ,
Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't.

Previously

the scapegoat

  • MzPW

    well. good to know.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @MzPW,

      know deez

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @MzPW,

      know deez

  • MzPW

    well. good to know.

  • knightnick

    1st comment?!

    I cosign #4 and #8.

    I also don’t care if you weight fluctuates by 5lbs, i don’t even notice until she starts complaining.

    I truly don’t care about the brand of bag you are carrying.

    • knightnick

      @knightnick,

      damn im #2.

    • knightnick

      @knightnick,

      damn im #2.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @knightnick,

      I also don’t care if you weight fluctuates by 5lbs, i don’t even notice until she starts complaining.

      yeah. i dont think (most) men care so much about specific numbers than a “look”. like, a woman could be 125 or 175 and still fit under a guy’s type as long as its carried well

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @knightnick,

      I also don’t care if you weight fluctuates by 5lbs, i don’t even notice until she starts complaining.

      yeah. i dont think (most) men care so much about specific numbers than a “look”. like, a woman could be 125 or 175 and still fit under a guy’s type as long as its carried well

  • knightnick

    1st comment?!

    I cosign #4 and #8.

    I also don’t care if you weight fluctuates by 5lbs, i don’t even notice until she starts complaining.

    I truly don’t care about the brand of bag you are carrying.

  • http://shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

    LMAO @ this post.
    I have been guilty of obsessing about my a$$. However a guy I went out with in college was like “for real?” or is this just a ploy to bring more attention to it cause yo a$$ dont need no gimmicks”… the fact that it even came over as a “gimmick” made me feel stupid so i cut that shyt out. Hey you approached this a$$ it aint like you didnt see it so….ergo….
    yeah

    oh and my glasses I do still obsess about wearing my glasses when im out on the town. I dont want to come across as the naughty librarian…lol

    • Ashleyg

      @shay-d-lady,

      c’mon now, you know how these guys feel about women in glasses, lol!

      • Kirk Lazarus

        @Ashleyg,

        Yea she’s right! A** and glasses are like speed and power in the NBA.

        • Sula

          @Kirk Lazarus,

          A** and glasses are like speed and power in the NBA.

          I smell t-shirt potential. :)

        • Sula

          @Kirk Lazarus,

          A** and glasses are like speed and power in the NBA.

          I smell t-shirt potential. :)

      • Kirk Lazarus

        @Ashleyg,

        Yea she’s right! A** and glasses are like speed and power in the NBA.

    • Ashleyg

      @shay-d-lady,

      c’mon now, you know how these guys feel about women in glasses, lol!

    • sanen85

      @shay-d-lady, I feel you on the glasses. In fact, sometimes if I meet a person when I’m not wearing them, I will wait awhile before I wear them in front of him. Iono why, I just do. The men around these parts don’t seem as into the glasses as the men on this site.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @sanen85,

        The men around these parts don’t seem as into the glasses as the men on this site.

        and, maybe it could be the actual glasses, lol. i mean, if you were rocking june cleavers, i can see how that might make a guy suggest contacts.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @sanen85,

        The men around these parts don’t seem as into the glasses as the men on this site.

        and, maybe it could be the actual glasses, lol. i mean, if you were rocking june cleavers, i can see how that might make a guy suggest contacts.

    • sanen85

      @shay-d-lady, I feel you on the glasses. In fact, sometimes if I meet a person when I’m not wearing them, I will wait awhile before I wear them in front of him. Iono why, I just do. The men around these parts don’t seem as into the glasses as the men on this site.

    • Made In Hawaii

      @shay-d-lady,

      I’m still self-conscious about my glasses too, even after all the thumbs up about women in glasses being sexy/attractive….

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Made In Hawaii,

        I’m still self-conscious about my glasses too, even after all the thumbs up about women in glasses being sexy/attractive….

        this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true

        • OftenConfused

          @The Champ,

          touché. I think that’s what everbody needs to learn. If I tell you something believe it, even if it makes no sense to you as least accept that how I see it or feel about.

          Men and women always trying to make the opposite sex think like them. My mom pointed out to me once while a family friend was debating some dude behavior with my male cousin, that she really didn’t want an answer because she wasn’t willing to believe my cuz’s answer.

        • OftenConfused

          @The Champ,

          touché. I think that’s what everbody needs to learn. If I tell you something believe it, even if it makes no sense to you as least accept that how I see it or feel about.

          Men and women always trying to make the opposite sex think like them. My mom pointed out to me once while a family friend was debating some dude behavior with my male cousin, that she really didn’t want an answer because she wasn’t willing to believe my cuz’s answer.

        • a plus

          @The Champ, its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true

          it’s true. believe me, it’s true

        • a plus

          @The Champ, its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true

          it’s true. believe me, it’s true

        • CNotes

          @The Champ,

          “this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm”

          We really do still enjoy it!

          • come on people

            We do enjoy it without the orgasm. The process is probably 75% of the battle.

        • CNotes

          @The Champ,

          “this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm”

          We really do still enjoy it!

        • Made In Hawaii

          @The Champ,

          Hmm. I didn’t know men find that hard to believe but ya’ll definitely shouldn’t be concern about that.

        • Made In Hawaii

          @The Champ,

          Hmm. I didn’t know men find that hard to believe but ya’ll definitely shouldn’t be concern about that.

        • less_than_3_u

          @The Champ,
          its just NOT as enjoyable as it would be with an o. different level to o’s my friend.

          1. this feels good but i didn’t get an o
          2. meh it’s an “o” i just needed that and i can go on with my day
          3. wow
          4. OMG I JUST SAW HEAVEN AND EARTH MOVE AND I CAN’T MOVE FOR 15 MINUTES AT THE MINIMUM

        • less_than_3_u

          @The Champ,
          its just NOT as enjoyable as it would be with an o. different level to o’s my friend.

          1. this feels good but i didn’t get an o
          2. meh it’s an “o” i just needed that and i can go on with my day
          3. wow
          4. OMG I JUST SAW HEAVEN AND EARTH MOVE AND I CAN’T MOVE FOR 15 MINUTES AT THE MINIMUM

        • http://brothatech.com Brotha Tech

          @The Champ,

          …”this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women when they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true…”

          I’m married and I STILL don’t believe it!

        • http://brothatech.com Brotha Tech

          @The Champ,

          …”this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women when they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true…”

          I’m married and I STILL don’t believe it!

        • http://(underconstruction) Ware

          Enjoyable, yes. Satisfying, no.

          -Chicken Picante Ramen Noodles

        • http://(underconstruction) Ware

          Enjoyable, yes. Satisfying, no.

          -Chicken Picante Ramen Noodles

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Made In Hawaii,

        I’m still self-conscious about my glasses too, even after all the thumbs up about women in glasses being sexy/attractive….

        this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true

      • Keisha Brown

        @Made In Hawaii,

        co-sign. i thought for the longest time they were the reason why i wasn’t getting any play. just turned out it was the low self confidence. who knew!

        but there are times when i still think they are a hinderance…and no sticking plastic/glass things on my eyeballs for me.

      • Keisha Brown

        @Made In Hawaii,

        co-sign. i thought for the longest time they were the reason why i wasn’t getting any play. just turned out it was the low self confidence. who knew!

        but there are times when i still think they are a hinderance…and no sticking plastic/glass things on my eyeballs for me.

    • Made In Hawaii

      @shay-d-lady,

      I’m still self-conscious about my glasses too, even after all the thumbs up about women in glasses being sexy/attractive….

    • bittersweet’s baby

      @shay-d-lady,

      Girl, stop trippin. Rumor has it naughty librarian is good. The beauty of men is that ultimately, they’re all perverts…perverts who can somehow find sexxxy in a burlap-clad, myopic mute. Actually, the mute part would probably up her sexiassness… So rock ya specs and just know some nice perv fella is makin a mini porn in his mind while u sittin there debatin bout tuckin’ em away in ya glasses case.

      Which reminds me, I gotta run over to Pearle Vision later…

    • bittersweet’s baby

      @shay-d-lady,

      Girl, stop trippin. Rumor has it naughty librarian is good. The beauty of men is that ultimately, they’re all perverts…perverts who can somehow find sexxxy in a burlap-clad, myopic mute. Actually, the mute part would probably up her sexiassness… So rock ya specs and just know some nice perv fella is makin a mini porn in his mind while u sittin there debatin bout tuckin’ em away in ya glasses case.

      Which reminds me, I gotta run over to Pearle Vision later…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @shay-d-lady,

      “yo a$$ dont need no gimmicks”

      this is actually the title to the “window seat” remix

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @shay-d-lady,

      “yo a$$ dont need no gimmicks”

      this is actually the title to the “window seat” remix

    • IJstDntUnderstand

      @shay-d-lady, I have actually found that guys love the glasses when I’m out on the town…maybe because there usually isn’t a lot of females wearing them..idk but I used to be worrisome about them as well then I decided not to give a f*ck…

      and I just recently grew a new asset do to some..umm..extra curricular activities over the past few months and was going crazy over that to but I have realized that the men they do love it :)

      lol so I’m over it!

    • IJstDntUnderstand

      @shay-d-lady, I have actually found that guys love the glasses when I’m out on the town…maybe because there usually isn’t a lot of females wearing them..idk but I used to be worrisome about them as well then I decided not to give a f*ck…

      and I just recently grew a new asset do to some..umm..extra curricular activities over the past few months and was going crazy over that to but I have realized that the men they do love it :)

      lol so I’m over it!

  • http://shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

    LMAO @ this post.
    I have been guilty of obsessing about my a$$. However a guy I went out with in college was like “for real?” or is this just a ploy to bring more attention to it cause yo a$$ dont need no gimmicks”… the fact that it even came over as a “gimmick” made me feel stupid so i cut that shyt out. Hey you approached this a$$ it aint like you didnt see it so….ergo….
    yeah

    oh and my glasses I do still obsess about wearing my glasses when im out on the town. I dont want to come across as the naughty librarian…lol

  • Roro

    i have no real comment other than I laughed out loud a lot at this article and I heard that Sex Panther worked 100% of the time, 60% of the time…and with odds like that how can one lose???

    • Madame Zenobia

      @Roro,
      That doesn’t make sense. I’m gonna be honest with you – that smells like pure gasoline.

      • Veronica CorningstoneD

        @Madame Zenobia,

        Ugh It smells like a used diaper filled with indian food!

        • Kirk Lazarus

          @Veronica CorningstoneD,

          it smells like big foots dick!

        • Kirk Lazarus

          @Veronica CorningstoneD,

          it smells like big foots dick!

      • Veronica CorningstoneD

        @Madame Zenobia,

        Ugh It smells like a used diaper filled with indian food!

    • Madame Zenobia

      @Roro,
      That doesn’t make sense. I’m gonna be honest with you – that smells like pure gasoline.

  • Roro

    i have no real comment other than I laughed out loud a lot at this article and I heard that Sex Panther worked 100% of the time, 60% of the time…and with odds like that how can one lose???

  • JumpOnIt

    Is it just me or is it different for women??

    I hate chest hair aka taco meat.

    Size does matter… don’t be fooled.

    And how you wear your hair, 29 is way to old to be getting your hair cornrolled. Cut it, dread it. But please stop doing the cornroll thing.

    But I really do love this list. Knew it all already,,,but thanks for saying it all out loud.

    • Satya

      @JumpOnIt, I didn’t like chest hair for a while like it now. Then again the boo doesn’t look like chewbacca. part of dating men in their late 20s

    • Satya

      @JumpOnIt, I didn’t like chest hair for a while like it now. Then again the boo doesn’t look like chewbacca. part of dating men in their late 20s

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @JumpOnIt,

      And how you wear your hair, 29 is way to old to be getting your hair cornrolled. Cut it, dread it. But please stop doing the cornroll thing.

      question: how exactly are dreads different than cornrows? i mean, why does one style have such a positive connotation and the other such a negative one?

      • Deviant

        @The Champ,

        Cornrows are not acceptable in the professional (white collar) workplace. I think it reminds the white people of slavery and they’re uncomfortable. In contrast, if you’re performing menial or manual labor anyway, you’re probably seen as a slave anyway so it doesn’t count.

        • Dee

          @Deviant, I don’t know about the slavery bit, but I agree. Maybe it’s because dreads take some dedication to grow?And IMO, braids, regardless of race, are kind of a ‘kiddie’ style.

        • Dee

          @Deviant, I don’t know about the slavery bit, but I agree. Maybe it’s because dreads take some dedication to grow?And IMO, braids, regardless of race, are kind of a ‘kiddie’ style.

        • http://makeupvixen.blogspot.com MakeupVixen

          @Deviant,

          No, it’s not slavery, it’s jail and the hood. Conrolls reminds them of convicts. Dreads do take dedication to grow but White Folks don’t know that. Dreads remind them of Rasta’ or weed, more acceptable than Jail and Hood. I hate to say these stereotypes out loud but it’s true. My grandmother and her 10 bros and sis’ are white, I come from a very mixed background adn I get to hear everything from the horses mouth.

        • http://makeupvixen.blogspot.com MakeupVixen

          @Deviant,

          No, it’s not slavery, it’s jail and the hood. Conrolls reminds them of convicts. Dreads do take dedication to grow but White Folks don’t know that. Dreads remind them of Rasta’ or weed, more acceptable than Jail and Hood. I hate to say these stereotypes out loud but it’s true. My grandmother and her 10 bros and sis’ are white, I come from a very mixed background adn I get to hear everything from the horses mouth.

      • Deviant

        @The Champ,

        Cornrows are not acceptable in the professional (white collar) workplace. I think it reminds the white people of slavery and they’re uncomfortable. In contrast, if you’re performing menial or manual labor anyway, you’re probably seen as a slave anyway so it doesn’t count.

      • http://in-artwear.com Ulysses

        Dreds are this generation’s jheri curl

        Cornrolls remind them that they aren’t on some tropical island coast, turning husbands into cuckolds, sipping highly intoxicating drinks from large fruit that some half naked boy climbed up a tree and lopped open with a machete, before somebody that speaks a whole fifteen words of English stuck an parasol in it, strolled to their cabana waits for their acceptance and says with some exotic accent, “It is my honor to serve you” while the “pretty little local” girl braids pretty colored floss into their shit.

        You should try it.

      • http://in-artwear.com Ulysses

        Dreds are this generation’s jheri curl

        Cornrolls remind them that they aren’t on some tropical island coast, turning husbands into cuckolds, sipping highly intoxicating drinks from large fruit that some half naked boy climbed up a tree and lopped open with a machete, before somebody that speaks a whole fifteen words of English stuck an parasol in it, strolled to their cabana waits for their acceptance and says with some exotic accent, “It is my honor to serve you” while the “pretty little local” girl braids pretty colored floss into their shit.

        You should try it.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @JumpOnIt,

      And how you wear your hair, 29 is way to old to be getting your hair cornrolled. Cut it, dread it. But please stop doing the cornroll thing.

      question: how exactly are dreads different than cornrows? i mean, why does one style have such a positive connotation and the other such a negative one?

    • CNotes

      @JumpOnIt,

      “I hate chest hair aka taco meat.”

      Hmmm……definitely not a deal-breaker if you really like someone.

      • Lanieanna

        Chest hair??? I never understood how a heterosexual woman would not like something that is so masculine. Chest hair… “I just came from the gym” musk ( which is different from straight up funk )… a bald head… coarse hands ( not rough, but not as soft as mine ) Those things don’t just turn me on.. They set me on fire!!! When I lay in the bed… I want a Chad-Ochocinco / Terry Crews / Ving Rhames there…. I don’t want to wake up next to Ferrell and his overgrown mustache ( tryin to compensate for manly shyt that he doesnt posess ). Different strokes for different folks..
        I would also like to mention that I am 6 ft tall standing on flat feet. I currently bounce between a 14-16, but at my heaviest I wore a 22.. I recieved more attention, was asked out on more dates, and was flirted with wayyyyyyyy more when I had the fuller figure. For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!

        • miss t-lee

          @Lanieanna,
          “For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!”

          *what’s up head nod*
          Say that louder so the folks in the back can hear you!!! :)

        • miss t-lee

          @Lanieanna,
          “For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!”

          *what’s up head nod*
          Say that louder so the folks in the back can hear you!!! :)

        • Lanieanna

          FOR EVERYTHING THAT WE OBSESS OVER…TRUST ME, THERE ARE MEN WHO LOVE IT!!!!!!

          Yall heard that?
          :)

        • Lanieanna

          FOR EVERYTHING THAT WE OBSESS OVER…TRUST ME, THERE ARE MEN WHO LOVE IT!!!!!!

          Yall heard that?
          :)

        • Keisha Brown

          @Lanieanna,

          For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!

          this post and the comments are keepin me in CHURCH ALL DAY!! AMEN TO THIS!!

        • Keisha Brown

          @Lanieanna,

          For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!

          this post and the comments are keepin me in CHURCH ALL DAY!! AMEN TO THIS!!

        • IJstDntUnderstand

          @Lanieanna, co-sign all day!

        • IJstDntUnderstand

          @Lanieanna, co-sign all day!

        • JumpOnIt

          @Lanieanna,

          Not all chest hair is bad.. The kind that looks like taco meat is.

          I dated a man that had it, and it was not a go. It carried this stench. I’ll pass. That’s why I stopped looking at Morris Chestnut that way.. Why does it have to pour out of your shirt. I’m gagging as I write this

        • JumpOnIt

          @Lanieanna,

          Not all chest hair is bad.. The kind that looks like taco meat is.

          I dated a man that had it, and it was not a go. It carried this stench. I’ll pass. That’s why I stopped looking at Morris Chestnut that way.. Why does it have to pour out of your shirt. I’m gagging as I write this

        • Smartcoco

          I agree with EVERYTHING you just said! EVERYTHING!!

        • Smartcoco

          I agree with EVERYTHING you just said! EVERYTHING!!

      • Lanieanna

        Chest hair??? I never understood how a heterosexual woman would not like something that is so masculine. Chest hair… “I just came from the gym” musk ( which is different from straight up funk )… a bald head… coarse hands ( not rough, but not as soft as mine ) Those things don’t just turn me on.. They set me on fire!!! When I lay in the bed… I want a Chad-Ochocinco / Terry Crews / Ving Rhames there…. I don’t want to wake up next to Ferrell and his overgrown mustache ( tryin to compensate for manly shyt that he doesnt posess ). Different strokes for different folks..
        I would also like to mention that I am 6 ft tall standing on flat feet. I currently bounce between a 14-16, but at my heaviest I wore a 22.. I recieved more attention, was asked out on more dates, and was flirted with wayyyyyyyy more when I had the fuller figure. For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!

    • CNotes

      @JumpOnIt,

      “I hate chest hair aka taco meat.”

      Hmmm……definitely not a deal-breaker if you really like someone.

    • AnonyMiss

      @JumpOnIt,

      im with you on the chest hair thing… idk why it grosses me out. i dont like hair in general (except on the head of course)

    • AnonyMiss

      @JumpOnIt,

      im with you on the chest hair thing… idk why it grosses me out. i dont like hair in general (except on the head of course)

  • JumpOnIt

    Is it just me or is it different for women??

    I hate chest hair aka taco meat.

    Size does matter… don’t be fooled.

    And how you wear your hair, 29 is way to old to be getting your hair cornrolled. Cut it, dread it. But please stop doing the cornroll thing.

    But I really do love this list. Knew it all already,,,but thanks for saying it all out loud.

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