Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

10 things women obsess over that guys could really give two sh*ts about

“I have extremely large nipples, and feel like they make my DD breasts look weird. I am only 20, and very self conscious about my chest appearing saggy. Do guys care about nipple size?”

this question popped up on p’s guyspeak page yesterday, prompting some interesting (and predictable) comments on our vsb facebook page (the overwhelming consensus? “hell no. yay nipples!!!“).

along with a couple conversations i’ve recently had with a few female friends, this discussion further drove home the idea that many women make their dating and relationship life much harder than it has to be by driving themselves crazy over things that won’t affect a man’s opinion of and level of attraction for her.

to help the vss’s of the world better navigate the murky waters of the dating and mating morass, here’s 10 things women tend to obsess over that guys could really give two shits about

1. saggy boobs

while its safe to say that men probably aren’t going to go gaga if your boobs look like you’ve duct taped two deflated water balloons to your chest, we realize that boobs (especially big boobs) tend to sag and we’re perfectly ok with that. in fact, its actually kind of hot to take off a woman’s bra and watch her boobs fall and sprint out of that bitch like usain bolt.

2. stretch marks

as long as they’re not on your forehead

3. how soon you’ve “given it up”

while it is true that a guy’s opinion of you might change if you don’t wait until a “suitable” (and, remember, “suitable” is completely arbitrary) time has passed before deciding to sleep with him, this only makes a difference if he wasn’t really that into in the first place and is basically just looking for a reason to eliminate you.

if he really likes you, it wont matter if you slept with him after four great dates or four great days, he’s still going to think just as highly of you afterward

4. how much you eat

it amazes me to hear about a grown-ass woman a ordering ceaser salad and ice water and shit on her date, only to have to cut it short  because her stomach is growling like busta rhymes in the scenario video. granted, when the menu comes, its probably not a good look to tell the waiter “yeah, just gimme page 2“, but if we wanted to date someone who ate like a six year old boy we would have been catholic priests

5. gifts

although we love gifts as much as anyone else, our love for them is more “cool. new shit.” than “wow! she really must have taken alot of time to think about this“. the thought doesn’t count any more than a gift card does

6. whether your expert-level bedroom prowess will scare us away

***channeling katt williams***

never the history of n*ggadom has a n*gga slept with his chick and thought to himself “damn!!! she’s a f*cking freak!!! i had no idea a wet elbow could do so many things. she’s so freaky in fact that she must have actually had sex with someone else before she met me. since that’s probably true, i can’t continue to date her”

7. your hair anywhere other than the top of your head

again, while having legs that feel like brown sugar cactuses when they’re laying next to you isn’t whats hot in the streets, obsessing to the point of neurosis over your eyebrows, eyelashes, armpits, and pubic area just makes us think you’re even crazier than we already think you are

8. what it smells like down there

as long as it doesn’t seem  like you’ve been spraying “sex panther” by odeon between your legs, you have nothing to be self-conscious about. actually, we all love what that thing smell like, word to black jesus

9. whether we’ll be upset that your jeans are target brand instead of true religion

there’s actually a word for guys who really care about stuff like that, and it starts with ‘h” and rhymes with “logoplaxical”

10. your age

i’m not going to say that age doesn’t matter, but most guys are more concerned with how old a woman looks and acts than how old she actually is. we’d much rather be with an active and youthful 37 year old than a 25 year old who looks like she lived through and slept with the great depression.

guys, did i miss anything? also, ladies, is there anything that men obsess over that you all could really give two shits about? the carpet is yours

—the champ

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People who has serious violations of the cardiovascular system should use сialis tablets w..

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • MzPW

    well. good to know.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @MzPW,

      know deez

  • knightnick

    1st comment?!

    I cosign #4 and #8.

    I also don’t care if you weight fluctuates by 5lbs, i don’t even notice until she starts complaining.

    I truly don’t care about the brand of bag you are carrying.

    • knightnick

      @knightnick,

      damn im #2.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @knightnick,

      I also don’t care if you weight fluctuates by 5lbs, i don’t even notice until she starts complaining.

      yeah. i dont think (most) men care so much about specific numbers than a “look”. like, a woman could be 125 or 175 and still fit under a guy’s type as long as its carried well

  • http://shay-d-lady.com shay-d-lady

    LMAO @ this post.
    I have been guilty of obsessing about my a$$. However a guy I went out with in college was like “for real?” or is this just a ploy to bring more attention to it cause yo a$$ dont need no gimmicks”… the fact that it even came over as a “gimmick” made me feel stupid so i cut that shyt out. Hey you approached this a$$ it aint like you didnt see it so….ergo….
    yeah

    oh and my glasses I do still obsess about wearing my glasses when im out on the town. I dont want to come across as the naughty librarian…lol

    • Ashleyg

      @shay-d-lady,

      c’mon now, you know how these guys feel about women in glasses, lol!

      • Kirk Lazarus

        @Ashleyg,

        Yea she’s right! A** and glasses are like speed and power in the NBA.

        • Sula

          @Kirk Lazarus,

          A** and glasses are like speed and power in the NBA.

          I smell t-shirt potential. :)

    • sanen85

      @shay-d-lady, I feel you on the glasses. In fact, sometimes if I meet a person when I’m not wearing them, I will wait awhile before I wear them in front of him. Iono why, I just do. The men around these parts don’t seem as into the glasses as the men on this site.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @sanen85,

        The men around these parts don’t seem as into the glasses as the men on this site.

        and, maybe it could be the actual glasses, lol. i mean, if you were rocking june cleavers, i can see how that might make a guy suggest contacts.

    • Made In Hawaii

      @shay-d-lady,

      I’m still self-conscious about my glasses too, even after all the thumbs up about women in glasses being sexy/attractive….

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @Made In Hawaii,

        I’m still self-conscious about my glasses too, even after all the thumbs up about women in glasses being sexy/attractive….

        this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true

        • OftenConfused

          @The Champ,

          touché. I think that’s what everbody needs to learn. If I tell you something believe it, even if it makes no sense to you as least accept that how I see it or feel about.

          Men and women always trying to make the opposite sex think like them. My mom pointed out to me once while a family friend was debating some dude behavior with my male cousin, that she really didn’t want an answer because she wasn’t willing to believe my cuz’s answer.

        • a plus

          @The Champ, its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true

          it’s true. believe me, it’s true

        • CNotes

          @The Champ,

          “this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm”

          We really do still enjoy it!

          • come on people

            We do enjoy it without the orgasm. The process is probably 75% of the battle.

        • Made In Hawaii

          @The Champ,

          Hmm. I didn’t know men find that hard to believe but ya’ll definitely shouldn’t be concern about that.

        • less_than_3_u

          @The Champ,
          its just NOT as enjoyable as it would be with an o. different level to o’s my friend.

          1. this feels good but i didn’t get an o
          2. meh it’s an “o” i just needed that and i can go on with my day
          3. wow
          4. OMG I JUST SAW HEAVEN AND EARTH MOVE AND I CAN’T MOVE FOR 15 MINUTES AT THE MINIMUM

        • http://brothatech.com Brotha Tech

          @The Champ,

          …”this kind of reminds me how men don’t believe women when they say they can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm. its like we just can’t wrap our minds around the possibility that this could be true…”

          I’m married and I STILL don’t believe it!

        • http://(underconstruction) Ware

          Enjoyable, yes. Satisfying, no.

          -Chicken Picante Ramen Noodles

      • Keisha Brown

        @Made In Hawaii,

        co-sign. i thought for the longest time they were the reason why i wasn’t getting any play. just turned out it was the low self confidence. who knew!

        but there are times when i still think they are a hinderance…and no sticking plastic/glass things on my eyeballs for me.

    • bittersweet’s baby

      @shay-d-lady,

      Girl, stop trippin. Rumor has it naughty librarian is good. The beauty of men is that ultimately, they’re all perverts…perverts who can somehow find sexxxy in a burlap-clad, myopic mute. Actually, the mute part would probably up her sexiassness… So rock ya specs and just know some nice perv fella is makin a mini porn in his mind while u sittin there debatin bout tuckin’ em away in ya glasses case.

      Which reminds me, I gotta run over to Pearle Vision later…

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @shay-d-lady,

      “yo a$$ dont need no gimmicks”

      this is actually the title to the “window seat” remix

    • IJstDntUnderstand

      @shay-d-lady, I have actually found that guys love the glasses when I’m out on the town…maybe because there usually isn’t a lot of females wearing them..idk but I used to be worrisome about them as well then I decided not to give a f*ck…

      and I just recently grew a new asset do to some..umm..extra curricular activities over the past few months and was going crazy over that to but I have realized that the men they do love it :)

      lol so I’m over it!

  • Roro

    i have no real comment other than I laughed out loud a lot at this article and I heard that Sex Panther worked 100% of the time, 60% of the time…and with odds like that how can one lose???

    • Madame Zenobia

      @Roro,
      That doesn’t make sense. I’m gonna be honest with you – that smells like pure gasoline.

      • Veronica CorningstoneD

        @Madame Zenobia,

        Ugh It smells like a used diaper filled with indian food!

        • Kirk Lazarus

          @Veronica CorningstoneD,

          it smells like big foots dick!

  • JumpOnIt

    Is it just me or is it different for women??

    I hate chest hair aka taco meat.

    Size does matter… don’t be fooled.

    And how you wear your hair, 29 is way to old to be getting your hair cornrolled. Cut it, dread it. But please stop doing the cornroll thing.

    But I really do love this list. Knew it all already,,,but thanks for saying it all out loud.

    • Satya

      @JumpOnIt, I didn’t like chest hair for a while like it now. Then again the boo doesn’t look like chewbacca. part of dating men in their late 20s

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @JumpOnIt,

      And how you wear your hair, 29 is way to old to be getting your hair cornrolled. Cut it, dread it. But please stop doing the cornroll thing.

      question: how exactly are dreads different than cornrows? i mean, why does one style have such a positive connotation and the other such a negative one?

      • Deviant

        @The Champ,

        Cornrows are not acceptable in the professional (white collar) workplace. I think it reminds the white people of slavery and they’re uncomfortable. In contrast, if you’re performing menial or manual labor anyway, you’re probably seen as a slave anyway so it doesn’t count.

        • Dee

          @Deviant, I don’t know about the slavery bit, but I agree. Maybe it’s because dreads take some dedication to grow?And IMO, braids, regardless of race, are kind of a ‘kiddie’ style.

        • http://makeupvixen.blogspot.com MakeupVixen

          @Deviant,

          No, it’s not slavery, it’s jail and the hood. Conrolls reminds them of convicts. Dreads do take dedication to grow but White Folks don’t know that. Dreads remind them of Rasta’ or weed, more acceptable than Jail and Hood. I hate to say these stereotypes out loud but it’s true. My grandmother and her 10 bros and sis’ are white, I come from a very mixed background adn I get to hear everything from the horses mouth.

      • http://in-artwear.com Ulysses

        Dreds are this generation’s jheri curl

        Cornrolls remind them that they aren’t on some tropical island coast, turning husbands into cuckolds, sipping highly intoxicating drinks from large fruit that some half naked boy climbed up a tree and lopped open with a machete, before somebody that speaks a whole fifteen words of English stuck an parasol in it, strolled to their cabana waits for their acceptance and says with some exotic accent, “It is my honor to serve you” while the “pretty little local” girl braids pretty colored floss into their shit.

        You should try it.

    • CNotes

      @JumpOnIt,

      “I hate chest hair aka taco meat.”

      Hmmm……definitely not a deal-breaker if you really like someone.

      • Lanieanna

        Chest hair??? I never understood how a heterosexual woman would not like something that is so masculine. Chest hair… “I just came from the gym” musk ( which is different from straight up funk )… a bald head… coarse hands ( not rough, but not as soft as mine ) Those things don’t just turn me on.. They set me on fire!!! When I lay in the bed… I want a Chad-Ochocinco / Terry Crews / Ving Rhames there…. I don’t want to wake up next to Ferrell and his overgrown mustache ( tryin to compensate for manly shyt that he doesnt posess ). Different strokes for different folks..
        I would also like to mention that I am 6 ft tall standing on flat feet. I currently bounce between a 14-16, but at my heaviest I wore a 22.. I recieved more attention, was asked out on more dates, and was flirted with wayyyyyyyy more when I had the fuller figure. For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!

        • miss t-lee

          @Lanieanna,
          “For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!”

          *what’s up head nod*
          Say that louder so the folks in the back can hear you!!! :)

        • Lanieanna

          FOR EVERYTHING THAT WE OBSESS OVER…TRUST ME, THERE ARE MEN WHO LOVE IT!!!!!!

          Yall heard that?
          :)

        • Keisha Brown

          @Lanieanna,

          For everything that we obsess over.. TRUST ME, there are men who love it!

          this post and the comments are keepin me in CHURCH ALL DAY!! AMEN TO THIS!!

        • IJstDntUnderstand

          @Lanieanna, co-sign all day!

        • JumpOnIt

          @Lanieanna,

          Not all chest hair is bad.. The kind that looks like taco meat is.

          I dated a man that had it, and it was not a go. It carried this stench. I’ll pass. That’s why I stopped looking at Morris Chestnut that way.. Why does it have to pour out of your shirt. I’m gagging as I write this

        • Smartcoco

          I agree with EVERYTHING you just said! EVERYTHING!!

    • AnonyMiss

      @JumpOnIt,

      im with you on the chest hair thing… idk why it grosses me out. i dont like hair in general (except on the head of course)

  • Apple Butter

    Pen1s size. Obviously, I don’t want to f*ck a vienna sausage but I also can’t get down with a d1ck that I can swing on like I’m Tarzan.

    • #1Snowflake

      @Apple Butter,
      Umm yes. . . but when I made this comment on a previous post apparently I was a hoe- and tried to sound ghetto or some crazy shyt. . . and I was too nasty. . . so thank you for re-stating the obvious.

      • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

        @#1Snowflake,

        Umm yes. . . but when I made this comment on a previous post apparently I was a hoe- and tried to sound ghetto or some crazy shyt. . . and I was too nasty. . . so thank you for re-stating the obvious.

        when did this happen?

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Apple Butter,

      welcome and sh*t

  • dns

    list is good to know. i have definitely been guilty of stressing over some of these things. the older i get, the less concerned i’ve been, so i can definitely say that age/maturity level can play a part in how self-conscious a female may be.

    oh and i gotta disagree w/ u JumpOnIt about the chest hair. i find nothing sexier than body hair on a man. its part of the attraction to me. i think men are supposed to be hairy, not smooth. not saying i want a man with some rough ass feet and hands, but a man’s chest hair (and even ass hair) feels so good against my skin. if i wanted someone w/ skin as smooth as mine, i’d lay up w/ a broad

    • Kirk Lazarus

      @dns,

      but a man’s chest hair (and even ass hair) feels so good against my skin.

      ass hair on the skin????

    • charli skipper

      @dns,

      ass hair? oh uh uh. please do keep all ass hair far, far away from me and my household.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @dns,

      oh and i gotta disagree w/ u JumpOnIt about the chest hair. i find nothing sexier than body hair on a man. its part of the attraction to me. i think men are supposed to be hairy, not smooth. not saying i want a man with some rough ass feet and hands, but a man’s chest hair (and even ass hair) feels so good against my skin. if i wanted someone w/ skin as smooth as mine, i’d lay up w/ a broad

      lol, why did i hear the old spice whistle in my head after i finished reading this comment?

      • Plain Ole Peyso

        @The Champ, I’m on a horse

        • http://natashasjourney-natasha.blogspot.com Natasha

          @Plain Ole Peyso, HAHAHAHA!

          Look at your man…now look at me

      • Resident GRitS

        @The Champ,

        lol, why did I hear the old spice whistle in my head after I finished reading this comment?

        Look @ your ass hair. Now, look @ me…

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @Resident GRitS,

          Look @ your ass hair. Now, look @ me…

          no

    • http://tkresia.blogspot.com T’Lu

      @dns, list is good to know. i have definitely been guilty of stressing over some of these things. the older i get, the less concerned i’ve been, so i can definitely say that age/maturity level can play a part in how self-conscious a female may be.

      You took the words right outta my mouth

    • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

      @dns, chest hair is aight–can take or leave but I I LOVE hairy legs! I don’t know why but a man with hairy legs does it for me….

      • CNotes

        @Reecie,

        I agree : )

      • dns

        @Reecie,

        i agree on the, hairy legs are soooo friggin hot!

        and to the one’s put off/confused by the ass hair comment, i mean the hair that grows on a man’s ass cheeks. most men have it. it’s natural. not braidable type hair lol, but hair that feels good against my legs and hands when i’m gripping the ass. nothing perverted in what i meant…i just like my men to feel like…ya know…MEN

        and lmao @ the old spice commercials…they will never get old

    • Yeah…SO!?!

      @dns, I’m sorry that arse hair thing is just not ok.

      • dns

        @Yeah…SO!?!,

        lol but what if he naturally just grows hair on his ass? do u expect him to shave it? i think if i walked in the bathroom and saw my man standing in the mirror with shaving cream slathered all on his ass, i’d be a bit more turned off by that lol

        • Yeah…SO!?!

          @dns, hmmm… how shall I put this? I definitely don’t eva eva eva eva eva wanna see my man shaving his arse- that’s foremost, but it’s kinda one of those things you don’t talk about you know? you just let it be… much like Sarah Palin- you don’t want to acknowlege her but you know she’s there.

        • Deeds

          @dns, Yea, I agree with that. I was watching something on MTV about a guy trying to be a bodybuilder and one of the things that they do to get ready is get rid of all their body hair. Then they showed his dad shaving his ass, I just couldn’t when I saw that. Talk about a turn off.

        • thatchic

          @dns, Yea, I agree with that. I was watching something on MTV about a guy trying to be a bodybuilder and one of the things that they do to get ready is get rid of all their body hair. Then they showed his dad shaving his ass, I just couldn’t when I saw that. Talk about a turn off.

          i would rather his dad than his homeboy…i think that one would be a pass.

    • Sula

      @dns,
      i find nothing sexier than body hair on a man.

      Agreed.

  • Ashleyg

    OMG, there are tears in my eye from “rhymes with LOGOPLAXICAL”- literally lol! um, but yeah, they’re either gay or kappas….

    anyway, I’ve heard these very same comments from several guys over the years. i think if we women would realize and accept that guys don’t judge us the way we judge each other, than we’d be better off.

    Can’t speak for all women, but I can say for myself:
    -really don’t care what kind of car you drive….as long as it doesn’t stain or rip my clothes…
    -really don’t wanna hear about your frat, college/high school glory days- we grown now. do you have a job?
    -really don’t care about your education, or lack of, as long as you’re ok with it and know how to act in front of the white folk (who sign my check)

    • Veronica CorningstoneD

      @Ashleyg,

      co-sign. 100%.

    • http://www.Twitter.com/EksAmplified EksM

      @Ashleyg,
      another cosigner *raises hand*

    • Avah Royal

      @Ashleyg,

      YES!

    • Tenchi

      @Ashleyg,

      -really don’t wanna hear about your frat, college/high school glory days- we grown now.

      Let da chuuuch say “Haaayman”!!! If my SO tells me one more random Kappa saga, I SWEAR I’m going to burn his cane and all accompanying paraphernalia!!!! I enjoyed the HELL out of college, but ummm, bro…that was 10 years ago! Why don’t you just wear a class ring and a letter jacket from high school too?!!
      *tambourine claps & passes the collection plate*

    • bittersweet’s baby

      @Ashleyg,

      ;-)

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @Ashleyg,

      -really don’t wanna hear about your frat, college/high school glory days- we grown now. do you have a job?

      so you’re saying i should stop showing women pictures of me in my college basketball uniform?

      • Ashleyg

        @The Champ,

        lol, yes…immediately.

        • Plain Ole Peyso

          @Ashleyg, but that technique works 100% of the time, 60% of the time

    • Lanieanna

      @Ashleyg,
      I have a co-worker that is like 34 years old, and he used to play for the Maimi Hurricaines…. He was a very highlighted player… but i just think it is a little wierd he keeps pictures of his High school prom, and news paper articles of himself when he played football at his desk. His name is Robert Hall… google him… NINJA! LET IT GO!

      • http://presidentialtelevisionandfilm.ning.com Monk

        @Lanieanna,

        Dang. For some reason I’m upset for him that you put him on blast with the government name and shyt. Quite funny though…lol!

        • Lanieanna

          @Monk,

          yeah… i thought twice about it… but i said fuQQ it… just like he did when he thought twice about them one two wayyy back photos of himself in an all white wedding tux for his 1995 senior prom!

  • P.

    We don’t care about whether or not something is “cute,” since that word does not exist in any [straight] man’s vocabulary (unless it’s in reference to a female).

    I agree with everything on here, especially #4. I don’t trust anybody that’s afraid to eat in front of someone. Reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s thing in Raw about “salad-eatin’ bitches” who order salad and water at a restaurant or something.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      @P.,

      I don’t trust anybody that’s afraid to eat in front of someone

      me neither. its a sign of mental defect and laker fandom

      • Keisha Brown

        @The Champ,

        *je suis mort @ laker fandom…

    • Sula

      @P.,

      I don’t trust anybody that’s afraid to eat in front of someone.

      Make that anybody with a weird relationship with food that are not religion or belief based… You can miss me with the “I don’t eat red meat on the 3rd tuesday of the month” or “If the foods I am eating do not match my shirt, I am not touching them” stuff…

      #cantstandpickyeaters…

  • Keity Rich

    I can’t say all, but too many fellas obsess over “street cred”. 1st: Be yourself. 2nd: I was born & raised in inner city Baltimore; if I wanna see some negroes act a fool I can go to my grandma’s for 20 minutes. (And yes, those two things are directly correlated)

    • #1Snowflake

      @Keity Rich,

      LMWAO . . . . . .

    • sanen85

      @Keity Rich, Cosign!

    • kingpinenut

      @Keity Rich,

      miss me some baltimore……

      grandma…lol

    • Pe. Riche.

      @Keity Rich, Thank you!!! I grew up in the hood, so I know what “real n!ggas” are about. If I wanted to date a thug, I never would have left my hometown.

    • knightnick

      @ Keity Rich,

      I feel you on the “street cred” but you don’t want a B***h Ninja, who can’t take care of his when need be.

      • MissingBerlin

        @knightnick, co-sign, but they make females different in Baltimore, I’m sure she could handle hers. [yeah i’m a native as well]

    • http://www.thegiftedlife.com Toni Childs

      @Keity Rich,

      Co-Sign!
      Sorry boo, “street cred” didn’t get you into this ivy league school…and it didn’t land you that job on wall-street or into the Harvard MBA program. Just do you…you ain’t got nothin’ to prove!

      • thatchic

        @Toni Childs, co-sign…

        give me a corp thug…dude that grow up in the hood but when he became a man he put away childish things and got a job.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          @thatchic,

          give me a corp thug…dude that grow up in the hood but when he became a man he put away childish things and got a job.

          thats all it takes to be the elusive “corporate thug”? if thats the case, like 95 percent of working black men qualify

        • thatchic

          @champ….thats all it takes to be the elusive “corporate thug”? if thats the case, like 95 percent of working black men qualify

          now now champ…you know what i mean