Here at VSB.com, we pride ourselves in providing that real and honest commentary. Plus, since we’re brothas, we’re prone to keeping it real. Well, the past two weeks have been the realest weeks of my life. And since I know that most of us on this site plan on having kids someday — if you don’t have them already — I figure that thru my tragedy and triumph, everybody can gain. What’s the point of education if you can’t share it?
So without further ado:
1) When people say that you won’t get anymore sleep, they’re not lying.
I got a total of 6 hours of sleep yesterday, and since the birth of my daughter, that’s the most sleep I’ve gotten in a single day. I’ve also managed to make it thru a day getting something like 2 hours of sleep. At this rate, delirium should set in very shortly and I’ll be writing posts about leprechauns running across highways in Birmingham, Alabama.
2) Girls projectile pee too.
I think my cat is traumatized right now. One day, I attemped to change my daughter’s diaper. She had a clean diaper. How disappointed was I. Until all of a sudden she started pissing and a rainbow of golden liquid cleared at least 8 feet in my room. I pulled a George Bush and narrowly missed being the target and my cat followed my lead but not in time. Poor thing. THEN, she pooped at me (yes, AT ME). Let’s just say, this little lady is having a ball.
3) Freaking out is inevitable, especially if you aren’t getting enough sleep.
I fell asleep on the couch one day and then woke up two hours later ONLY TO THINK THAT I’D FALLEN ASLEEP ON MY CHILD AND SMOTHERED HER. Nevermind that she was upstairs with mommy all safe and sound. To complete the murder, I fell asleep on a blanket and woke up trying to unfold the blanket to find my baby.
Get some sleep, people.
4) Relatives are a Godsend.
I don’t know how people do this on their own. Having all the grandparents in town has been nothing short of a miracle. For one, I really have no clue what the f*ck I’m doing. And as a new parent, I tend to over think everything and panic when things aren’t going right – read: the baby’s screaming uncontrollably. Then my mother swoops in, grabs the baby and calms her in like 2.5 seconds. Plus, they keep kicking us out of the living room so that we’ll go get some sleep.
5) Time is a very fluid concept.
I’ve honestly lost track of what day it is. We had a doctor’s appointment on this past Monday. It feels like it happened 2 weeks ago. Not to mention that my daughter seems to be a total night owl, basically she’s got her days and nights confused right now, so she gets all her jollies between midnight and 8am. Yes, she’s kicking my a** right now.
6) I don’t mind not breastfeeding.
I’ve read some books about men feeling left out of the process because they can’t breastfeed. F*ck them cats. I’m SO cool on that one. For one, it looks painful. Like getting your Johnson caught in a door and nobody can pry it open. For 30 minutes every 3 hours. That’s a lot of badwood.
7) There really is nothing on television between the hours of 12 and 8am.
Trust me. Television is no solace.
8) Your house will become sterile.
I’ve never had to sterilize so much sh*t in my entire life. It’s gotten so bad I tried to throw my shoes into a pot and boil them just to make sure they wouldn’t negatively affect my daughter.
9) Static cling is a motherf*cker.
For some reason, either by myth or literature, my girlfriend has forbid the use of fabric softener. It’s bad enough I have to use odorless detergent so my clothes don’t smell like an arctic tundra, now I’m walking around like a human lightning rod. I’ve been shocked more than a 22 year old Black male athlete who let’s all of his women buy his condoms.
10) I don’t remember NEARLY as many nursery rhymes as I thought I did.
I’ve come up with and sang more remixes to old songs than has to be legal. Right now I’m waiting on R.Kelly to call me so we can do the nursery rhyme remix album. I’ve resorted to making up my own songs and dubbing myself Dinosaur Daddy.
And yes, I’ve gotten that corny.
Good people of VSB.com, welcome to Panama’s World.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P
Good luck man. Though I’m the oldest of four, I didn’t really have a hand in taking care of anyone till my parents were old pros at it.
@kamakula,
I was the oldest of 4 also and I was 6 when my first sister was born. I damn near feel like her daddy I did it all bottles, diapers, baths, rockin her to sleep everything.
@panama
Congrats and good luck man
@kamakula,
Lucky you! My sister is 16 years younger than me so I put in a lot of work – damn it’s hard! So Panama – good luck!
@YGB,
lol, i wasn’t saying it wasn’t a lot of work. They did most of the work for my second sister and with my brother, after a couple months, I was assigned everything (now that I think about it) not considered life threatening – rocking, diaper changing, entertaining, potty training – until he got old enough that they were not worried I’d accidentally choke him on a pretzel.
BTW, some parent’s never lose that worry. Poor George and Barbara.
@kamakula,
I’m the baby so I ain’t have to put in any work. However, I have a gang of nieces and nephews that I love dearly and watch from time to toime. LOL not the same?? Hey… I wanted to be included in the convo
@kamakula,
for a period of time, i had to help to take care of my nieces. thing is, that “taking care” basically just consisted of taking them trick or treating and watching mrs doubtfire with my niece
Since 2 is my favorite number I’ll take it.
Good luck Papa Panny!! Now don’t you wish you would have listened to all the stories your mom and granny used to tell you about having kids???
@This Just In,
Oh and lotion helps static cling.
)
FLASH….Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
i have yet to have any babies of my own, but i feel like i’ve learned so much watching and being around my closest friends having theirs…but still the entire infant stage does seem pretty scary–i’ll feel much *safer* when my can talk- at least then i feel like i have a fighting chance to not go crazy lol and be able to take care them…
@mscharqueno,
but still the entire infant stage does seem pretty scary
im just happy that i’m not the only one who’s scared to death of infants.
oh my… it’s definitely hard work at the beginning, but once they get to the fun stage (about six months-ish when their heads are more proportional to their bodies and they can sit up on their own) it’s a lot easier to deal with. and once they’re walking, omg they’re so precious! i mean, they get a little tricky to keep up with (who’d have thought a little being with legs 3/4 of a foot could move so fast?), but they get a little less infant-angsty, meaning you can sleep and whatnot.
just one thing – even if you’ve burped them and it’s been a good 20 minutes after that, it’s still not okay to play “swing baby over your head”. why? because you’ll get puke shot in your eye. and if you try to dodge like r kelly does trials you’ll drop the child, so that’s not an option. instead you end up with baby stomach acid/formula in your cornea. which hurts A LOT btw. even more so when said child starts laughing at you. i heart kids, truly.
@puff,
ROTF @ the entire comment. Puff,you stoopid!
@puff,
…..stomach acid in your eye,man,that’s rough?
Yep–it does get tiring. I remember when my cousin had her baby. We got there late…she went straight to sleep I had to hold him all night. Really–he’s been keeping me up since then…almost five years ago…sorry to bring sadness LOL
Congrats babe!
BTW-Try boiling some hot water on the stove. Static cling is comes from dry environments as well which a baby shouldn’t be in SO moisturize that air! You can even put oranges and cinnamon in the water to put a good smell in the house
Dear Dinosaur Daddy (wow),
This is the best post you’ve ever written. seriously, i’m sure i’ve stated this before but cambodian breast milk just dropped to #2. I just spent the last 10 minutes laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. I was gripping the side of the couch in an asthma attack when i read that you thought you fell asleep on Panamina. Man, oh man. You have to warn us next time….that was hilarious.
p.s.- i hope you’re journaling about this experience, because this stuff could sell one day.
To complete the murder, I fell asleep on a blanket and woke up trying to unfold the blanket to find my baby.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!! okay, so sorry panama, for your sleep deprivision, but that statement just KILLED me, i can just imagine you jacknifing up off the couch, all wooly-brained, and trying to locate panama-nyana (little panama) in the blankie!!
parenthood is HECTIC, and it’s critical to have the relatives around to help, otherwise you WILL go crazy.
ah well – maybe she’ll turn into one of those angels and by the time she’s six months, be sleeping thru the night – as opposed to the lunatics like my sisters kids, who until they were three, woke up an average of 4 times a night….
@superwoman, that is to say..sleep deprivation…
I have nothing more to contribute besides:
*chortle*
*guffaw*
*giggle*
*snicker*
~~~~
~~~~
~~~~
Wavy lines of memory.
Tina will be 15 next week.
*misty*
Enjoy it, PeeJay.
@PBG,
You forgot *cackle* *snort* *cough* *hold sides*
@Luvvie,
I didn’t want to laugh to hard @ PeeJay. That lack of sleep stuff was the WORST part of having a new baby to me. There is no way I could start over now, w/Ike n’ Tina being as old as they are. I have a friend who sent her oldest to college and her youngest to kindergarten the same year. iCan’t. I couldn’t imagine all of the baby foolishness now @ my age. I’ll leave that to all of you all who see it as a novelty. The reality of it all ain’t nothing to trifle with.
LOL, damn man!
Im a month or so, things will level out.
But sleep or not…
YOU BETTER BRING THOSE DONNIE HATHAWAY CLASSICS!!!
Remember the children are the future.
“I fell asleep on the couch one day and then woke up two hours later ONLY TO THINK THAT I’D FALLEN ASLEEP ON MY CHILD AND SMOTHERED HER. Nevermind that she was upstairs with mommy all safe and sound. To complete the murder, I fell asleep on a blanket and woke up trying to unfold the blanket to find my baby.”
I could imagine this scene…. SOooo funny. Since I am the resident babysitter, I can remember once, this baby I was watching. He had this thing where in the middle of the night, he’d scoot over right up under me and hold on to my t shirt… well, one time I forgot and rolled over on him. LOL.
Don’t worry too much hon. You’re doing a fabulous job. Kids get rolled over on, kids fall out the bed, kids get dropped (I’ve seen it all) and they’ll be fine. It prepares them for life. (JOKING!)
@Nicki Sunshine,
Kids get rolled over on, kids fall out the bed, kids get dropped
**reminding self to never let nicki sunshine babysit any future champ seedlings**
@The Champ, LMAO! I don’t do it on purpose. Your kids would love me.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Girl who you telling. My youngest who will be 2 next month has done everything except fall down the stairs. It builds character lol (joking)
@mssmtaylor, Girl, when I was younger, I allowed my little brother to roll of the couch.. my sister too I think. They are both perfectly normal now (I think)
Man I think this is the realest ish that I’ve read on VSB, and it’s making me think harder and harder about poppin’ some chirren out.
I’ve done tons of babysitting and I’ve got an almost grown nephew, but like everyone says, you don’t really know until you get your own.
You still have a sense of humor about it, which is priceless at a time like this.
“6) I don’t mind not breastfeeding.
“I’ve read some books about men feeling left out of the process because they can’t breastfeed. F*ck them cats. I’m SO cool on that one. For one, it looks painful. Like getting your Johnson caught in a door and nobody can pry it open. For 30 minutes every 3 hours. That’s a lot of badwood.”
You’re killing me dawg, this ish dayum near had me crying…lol
Hang in there, and give Lady PJack and Panamina some love from me.
@miss t-lee,
“6) I don’t mind not breastfeeding.
“I’ve read some books about men feeling left out of the process because they can’t breastfeed. F*ck them cats. I’m SO cool on that one. For one, it looks painful. Like getting your Johnson caught in a door and nobody can pry it open. For 30 minutes every 3 hours. That’s a lot of badwood.”
You’re killing me dawg, this ish dayum near had me crying…lol
this image had me crying too, but not in a happy way
this post was the best!
bless your heart Daddy Dinosour, you are doing great!
This post is so precious…
oh yeah i was that kid, who sunny mentioned, who fell out of the bed alot and I turned out fine, luckily tho i had that thing magiggy (for kids who fall out of their beds )to catch me…we had hard woods floors in our house.
And please don’t wait on R. Kelly to do anything. I’m so thru with him. The black people’s forgiveness bandwagon is so out of control. OJ was enough…why we gotta forgive an idiot savant pediofile. As a christian I send him peace. As a black woman he is erased from the corners of my mind…i would break out into a barbra streisand song…but its not appropriate..
@Princess Duvet,
idiot savant pediofile
i enjoy the acronym potential of this phrase. i can see myself calling folks isp’s in the near future
This is priceless!! I laughed, I cried, I smiled, I “awwwwwd”. Definitely one of the best/realest/funniest blog entries I’ve read in the history of my blog addiction. If VSB posts could win Grammy’s this one would be nominated 12 times!
Good luck with Daddy-dom, and from my experiences with my neices and newphews, you are doing GREAT and the best is yet to come! Give Lady PJ and Baby Pink PJ some love from me!
(BTW I am sending the hubby this post- tryna rush the knocking up of his bride and whatnot. This will be a reality check for him!)
“6) I don’t mind not breastfeeding.
I’ve read some books about men feeling left out of the process because they can’t breastfeed. F*ck them cats. I’m SO cool on that one. For one, it looks painful. Like getting your Johnson caught in a door and nobody can pry it open. For 30 minutes every 3 hours. That’s a lot of badwood.”
As a mother who breastfed, I would say that this is a VERY accurate description and I am amazed that, as a man, you have been able to capture the very ESSENCE of how this feels.
I am cringing now as I reminisce…..Geezus!
But if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.
.
.
Except maybe my baby daddy…..but that’s another post….
@nia,
I am cringing now as I reminisce…..Geezus!
But if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.
.
.
Except maybe my baby daddy…..but that’s another post….
This had me dyin’!! I’m sooo witchu, all tho me and my second bd are in luv (today) lol.
@pgh muse,
But if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.
.
.
Except maybe my baby daddy…..but that’s another post….
LOL
@nia,
Let me know when you ready to blog about baby daddys.. I’m all over that one.
@mssmtaylor,
Me too…who wants to set it off?? LMAO it can be called thismuphuckahere.blogspot.com
@pgh muse,
Settin it up as I type….
I already have 2 little niglets and just reading today’s post has brought back memories and has also prompted me to call my doctor so I can get that vasectomy I’ve been meaning to get.
@ PJ
Don’t worry about the sleep. Believe it or not you will get used to it. Even after my babies started sleeping through the night, I wuold still wake up in the middle of the night . . .it became second nature & shit.
@eff yo couch,
yo man….i f’ed up (literally) before I talked to dr. snippenstein…. went from 2 to 4 in a blip….
don’t wait man….lol
@eff yo couch,
I still get up and my oldest is 5yrs. I like to make sure they are still breathing and have cover on and what not.
lmao…oh wow!!!
that’s hilarious!!! I am the youngest of three, so i’d be lost also. I’ve never had to do anything. I don’t plan on having any children any time soon
Good luck man. I’m going through all that as well with a 4 month girl. All I can say is “amen, preach, and go tell it on the mountain.” I got 3 hours last night! I refuse to sleep with the baby for that very reason.
@Herb, that’s so wrong!!! you don’t take turns??? i trust your lady is on maternity leave – because if/when she returns to work, it’s time to remember that the baby belongs to you BOTH!!! you have to share nights! you MUST!
@superwoman,
We do take turns! Maternity leave is over. Last night the wife slept first till about 2 am, then I slept from about 2 until 5. I meant I don’t sleep with the baby in the bed with me for his paranoia reason from above. (clarity fail) Shes going in the crib, the swing, the car seat… hell she can take our whole bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. I do too much position changing while I sleep.
@Herb, oh, i seeeee… that’s a relief, i was sympathizing with your wife, but glad to hear that the duties are shared…
myself, i stay in the exact position i fall asleep in, so no danger of smothering baby. quite the opposite, actually- i once slept with my year old niece, and had a dream that i was being strangled – woke up and found the child sleeping on my face. and she was one of those BIG, BIG babies!! her round tummy square on my face, cutting off the air!! i could NOT breathe!!!
my instinct was to fling her off, fortunately i woke up before i chucked her clear across the room…
@superwoman,
too funny
Two and Three are killing me! Thatnks for the heads up on the projectile pee.
Sounds like you’re having fun times despite the sleep deprivation. My boss had twins a few months ago and he still comes in looking whipped!!!
I dont have too much baby experience so I’m glad you are going through it first and telling us all about it.
@Dom,
I’ve had both my godson and my nephew projectile pee on me while changing them.
…so not the bizness…lmao
Projectile vomit is even worse.
@miss t-lee,
Projectile vomit? I feel sick.
/
@This Just In…Welcome to SIXBURGH!,
I;m mad I didnt check this comment until lunch.
Thanks for ruining my grilled cheese. : /
@Dom,
lol
Sorry.
@This Just In…Welcome to SIXBURGH!,
I’m sorry, but yep…I found out the hard way that this can happen.
@Dom,
Thatnks for the heads up on the projectile pee.
pun intended?
@The Champ,
Ahem, Yes.
Have you yet reached that point where you can’t even COUNT the amount of bodily substances on your person?
Two pointers for when you do:
1. You CAN hold them securely with one hand.
2. Shower steam is good for babies, anyway.
Good luck, and congrats!
Oh my GAWD!!! This is like in the top three VSB posts I have ever read. It’s so close to my heart right now. I am so glad that you are a man writing this too… cuz so many get the shyt twisted… but ne who… I’m so proud!! God makes babies malleable for a reason, lol, they are some tough little things (i’m not saying smother the child) but, they have built in mechanisms that prevent death by inexperienced parent, which we all were at one time or another! And aren’t grandparents, aunties, uncles, godmamas and daddies the shiznit?!?! Oh… be skrong my brotha… I love little babies, but u have so many more fun times to come. And btw on the breastfeeding thing… that shyt hurts worst than labor. Or at least that’s how it seemed to me. I won’t go into gory details, but the shyt HURTS , and don’t let’s get started on the dang electric pump. That is a torture device prolly engineered by a man lol. Be glad it’s not you.
@pgh muse, i remember i was one of those women who romanticized breastfeeding, then a pregnant friend told me how her midwife advised her to use a toothbrush on her nipples during the pregnancy to ‘toughen them up’ in preparation…
i was HORRIFIED!!! the sensitive nips being assaulted by a toothbrush!! o jehovah!
from then on, i’ve made nipple cream a staple in every baby shower pressie i give out, and am taking my own sweet time with the reproduction bit…
@superwoman,
midwife advised her to use a toothbrush on her nipples during the pregnancy to ‘toughen them up’ in preparation…
I don’t think that will even do justice… but it may help. I was told to twist mine.
@superwoman,
“midwife advised her to use a toothbrush on her nipples during the pregnancy to ‘toughen them up’ in preparation…”
Oh sweet Lord…I see why all my friends gave up on breastfeeding…lol
@miss t-lee,
I tried once and was like “oh haillll to the gnaw”
@mssmtaylor,
That’s what my best friend said!!!
@superwoman,
i was HORRIFIED!!! the sensitive nips being assaulted by a toothbrush!! o jehovah!
damn. just reading that made me cringe and grab my wang.
@The Champ,
cause you really needed an excuse? *side eye*
@SouthernGirl, LMAO!!!!
*sorry if this has been posted twice*
I already have 2 little niglets and just reading today’s post has brought back memories and has also prompted me to call my doctor so I can get that vasectomy I’ve been meaning to get.
@ PJ
Don’t worry about the sleep. Believe it or not you will get used to it. Even after my babies started sleeping through the night, I wuold still wake up in the middle of the night . . .it became second nature & shyt.
@eff yo couch,
Couchie, leave it to you to kill the “Full House End of Episode” moment we are all having lol.
Aww!
Number 3 had me ROLLIN’. When I have mini Cheekies (read: never), I’ll probably be freaking out like that too. I’m already a control freak when it comes to my own ish, so I’ll definitely be that way about some kid that came outta me.
I won’t be like Jackie from Roseanne though because she was hella annoying. I’ve made a direct goal not become that.
Also: Regular corny is not hot. Daddy corny is way hot.
Welcome to the club man
It gets better…..believe me….
after 10 years
item 11 – do not let grandparents put on no diapers…you heard! I love em..but hell…backwards upside down AND inside *with* pins… I still love you Ma..
Spend as much time as you can with you children as you can man!
@KingPine,
OMG what is the deal with that??? How do you forget to put on a diaper?!!
I found this post super funny…being a parent and all. Yeah the fabric softner thing will pass…not for a while though.
Congrats, you seem to be holding it down pretty well…and her hours will shift in a week or so and she’ll begin sleeping through the night, trust me.
Good luck Dinosaur Daddy, lol.
Hate to bring it up again but #3 is too funny.
alls I can say is enjoy man. Something about that vasopresin n shyt.
While you feel like you are about to die right now, the time passes way too fast. Mine is 13 now and I keep wishing I could have even 2 more years of the lovey little boy I used to know (instead of this teenager thing he’s got going on).
Take notes, take pictures and know that everything will even out for you soon enough…oh, and great post!
“7) There really is nothing on television between the hours of 12 and 8am.
Trust me. Television is no solace.”
I discovered BET’s Uncut when my son was born. I really didn’t know that was a show! I was like “This is what’s on at 3am???” I was disgusted and intrigued at the same time. My nights became booty flappin and bottle feedin.
Of course, my own booty flappin is what proly led to the bottle feedin.
@nia,
I discovered BET’s Uncut when my son was born. I really didn’t know that was a show! I was like “This is what’s on at 3am???” I was disgusted and intrigued at the same time. My nights became booty flappin and bottle feedin.
Of course, my own booty flappin is what proly led to the bottle feedin.
ummmm, i’m almost scared to ask this but…please expound
“I discovered BET’s Uncut when my son was born. ”
@nia,
I see why your son was up all night, he was trying to watch them video chicks drop it like it’s hot
Right now I’m waiting on R.Kelly to call me so we can do the nursery rhyme remix album
…. I don’t know about u, but I wouldn’t want ANYTHING R. Kelly within 1000 feet of my infant daughter… sheit… subliminals ‘n shyt… call me paranoid but you might be able to play that album backwards and he be whispering or some shyt.
@pgh muse,
OMG LMAO
I’m am being escorted out of the building as we speak for disrupting the productivity of my co workers.
P-Money, you brolly got bags the size of hefty under ur eyes. One tip: Avoid mirrors, lest you wanna scare urself with ur reflection. New parents be having that downtrodden look, although they are glowing on the inside.
Congrats on the Mini Very Smart Sista!!! Does she have a onesie w/ “VSS” on it in gold dust yet?
Bravo! I’m not a father yet but I’m sympathizing with you, laughing with you, enjoying with you. I bet this is some of the best Sh*t you’ve expressed all year. Daddy daycare face…
LOVE the breastfeeding analogy – too funny!
@jackandjill,
welcome and sh*t
@jackandjill,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
awwwwww. coming from single parent land i have to say i lurve involved daddies! they are the bizness!!!!
*shooting gold stars*
i am surrounded by babies (from friends/family) right now which is kicking my biological clock into overdrive so even though this is hilarious i also know it is soooooo true. glad you’re able to have a laugh about it. kids are hilarious. wait until she starts talking.
i was the oldest in my fam and one of the oldest cousins and i’ve done volunteer work with kids since junior high so while i have some experience, i know having your own is an entirely different experience.
my little cousin who’s diapers i used to change as she was permenantly attached to my hip (she would actually tell people i was hers and get mad if she thought they were trying to “take” me from her) just turned 14 and it blows my mind cause i remember all the baby stuff. and i have to say, she fell out of my bed once and hit her head on the tiled floor but she turned out great. go figure.
congrats again to you both!
You ppl have scared all the squishy warm fuzzy reproductive feelings out of me! I’m SCURRED…I’m getting a monkey!
@SxyScientst,
smgdh…lol hell naw….
no kids….then no pets either….live free
@KingPine, I’m fully planning to teach the monkey how to make my favorite cocktails, get my slippers, and find the remote. Its win win cuz you can feed monkeys dogfood and dont have to start a college fund for it. With the major plus being I can sell it with no harsh legal recriminations….
As you see, I’ve been thinking about this for some time!
@SxyScientst,
dayum…….you ain’t jokin…
you got a supply of wigs on hand?
i watched some monkeys in a fit rip the roof of a car once….six flags nj…..
be prepared….lol
@KingPine,
“i watched some monkeys in a fit rip the roof of a car once….six flags nj…..”
The visual is hilarious! Where’s a yuotube link when you need one!
@Dom,
peeled the top like an orange…ppl inside hollerin and screamin…. we were in car behind bustin guts…
i ain’t been back to that park since…..
one more strike against nj….smgdh
@Dom,
I live near Great Adventure. I have been to Six Flags every summer for the past 16 years. NEVER IN MY LIFE WILL YOU CATCH ME DOING THAT DAYUM SAFARI.
@blackberry molasses,
Well, they fenced the monkeys in now.
Its the Ostriches yall need to be worried about.
Oh and the giraffes…all in the road.
anyways…
@KingPine, I have had the misfortune of being on that Six Flags “Safari” back in 1990…SCARIEST thing ever. They prolly ripped the roof off to jack ppl for their wallets…My grandmother had like three heart attcks that day
@SxyScientst,
and you *still* want one……
wow
@SxyScientst, & & & what about when the monkey reaches *clears throat* that reprductive age? They are going to want someone to mate w/. And welcome to VSB. So what is that incredible embibe of yours?
@WuDaMan, See thats where it gets even better. After my gentlman monkey (he will be a boy AND wear a bowtie at ALL times) reached the age where he is interested in lovin the ladies down…Im gonna rent his services and make BANK! You can’t do that with real children…it’s ILLEGAL .
Gettin a monkey sounds better and better ya’ll…
@SxyScientst,
The hustler in me appreciates the way you think.
@SxyScientst,
lmfao
you’re sick. thought provoking… but sick…
@SxyScientst,
*clears throat*
okay where is this coitous act to take place? You know feats of strength R a part of the ‘get down w/ the gettin down.’ I’d still like to hear abou this drink too.
@WuDaMan, well my new favorite cocktail is firefly tea. Firefly vodka and sweet and sour. It shouldn’t be too hard to train him to do that. And for the monkey love acts…the location will be ladies choice…Who am I to dictate where a momentous occasion like the creation of where my grandmonkeys will occur ?
@SxyScientst,
Aight lol. I C U. I guess the only addage, maxim, tidbit I would like to leave w/ you. ‘save room (John Stephens) you never know what your going to get Forest gump).
@SxyScientst,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@SouthernGirl, ooooohhh that sounds fun! I guess I can toss around some Splenda or Pixie Stix sugar or sumpin. I hate to come empty handeded….
@SxyScientst,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ, Thanks!
@SxyScientst,
There’s more fun a-comin’!!
Welcome!!!!
**Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™**
Enjoy the sparkly goodness
Lol. Breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt…unless baby has a bad latch or is teething and thinks its funny to bite Mommy and watch her yelp. I’m nursing now. TMI? But if she has sore nipples, try Lansinoh.
My baby just turned 6 months and Let me tell you that uber-sterile PHASE will only last about 2-3 months. Once she discovers her hands and you accept that she will touch anything (read: everything) within reach and put it in her mouth, you’ll just keep thing clean or un-dirty. That’ll also be about the same time you start gettin some sleep. Seriously, I had hand sanitizer on my shower registry…then I found my baby suckin on my panties (they were clean and I wasn’t wearing them) Germs are inevitable
Bounce has “free” dryer sheets. So you can say goodbye to static cling.
And be careful with that shootin poop, that stuff will stain everything
@Imperfect,
And be careful with that shootin poop, that stuff will stain everything
***filed under “things dwight from “the office” would say if he were a vsb-er”***
@Imperfect,
LMAO… oh how I love this post. Keeping the house “undirty” is now in my vocabulary.
this list is so cute.
i have no children yet, but both my sister’s do… all girls. one has a 5 year-old and a 2 year-old and the other has a 3 year-old and a 1 year-old… and she’s pregnant again. they always tell me that once you have kids… you lose your mind. they tell me this because i’m always looking at them, asking “how the eff could you forget that??”
one of my sisters half the time can’t even remember my name… she calls me by the name of her eldest child… all the time. her eldest child is 5… im 23. go figure.
she can’t ever remember how old im turning on my birthday… for the past three years she swore i was turning 19… again… im 23.
my other sister just calls me randomly throughout the day and tells me… “just talk… i don’t care about what… but just talk to me… i need an ADULT to talk to me… i feel like i’m going crazy…”
but my little lovemunchkins are so worth the rotting of my sisters’ minds. even though it is draining, i have witnessed through my sisters how rewarding being a parent is. plus, kids are fun!! (9 times out of ten i’d rather spend time with my nieces than my friends… they make me laugh harder)
congrats again panama!
@laylah,
“(9 times out of ten i’d rather spend time with my nieces than my friends… they make me laugh harder)”
So true. I must sound old and boring, but I’d rather spend a night in with my little cousins than go out and party. In fact, I have.
@Dom, Cuz lil kids get to do fun stuff…even though Chuck E. Cheese doesn’t have beer (wich would make it 10000% better). I’d still rather go there than to the club…But when u don’t have any kids or nephews/neices, and your friends want monkeys too its hard to find a good kid to hang with.
@SxyScientst,
Chuck e Cheese doesn’t have beer… but Dave N Busters DOES!!!!
@blackberry molasses,
chuuch
@blackberry molasses, yeah but ppl get mad when you take their two year olds there…I absolutly HEART D&B and their southern counterpart JILLIANS. Jills is D&B’S with a nightclub and Volleyball court. You never have to leave..it’s like Walmart for drunk ppl!
@SxyScientst,
You forgot the Bowling Alley at Jill’s!
@blackberry molasses,
actually when I was in college. There was this group of guys they called themselves The Deuce Mob well their last party was @ a chuck e cheese they called it ‘the Deuce Mob goes crazy’ & we baught pitchers of beer @ chuck e cheese. it’s what it is.
@SxyScientst,
Chuck E. Cheese doesnt need to have beer! Check out the article a friend sent me a while back: http://cityguides.msn.com/citylife/cityarticle.aspx?cp-documentid=15819667>1=24000
Chuck E. Cheese Where a kid can be a kid and Mommy can get her trash talking a** whopped!
@Dom,
isn’t that the best? so many saturday nights, we have blasted my music (kiddy appropriate, of course) and had own our little party in my sister’s den… dancing all night!! (my nieces love that… the energy these children have)
Is it against VSB rules for me to promote an event??? I hopes not. To the Pgh VSBer’s … there’s a mixer 2nite at the Kelly Strayhorn Theater. DJ, drinks, live band, poetry n shyt… and u can get ur Muse. Starts at 7pm.
Thanks, The Champ, P aka the Insomniac (:-)) and Liz
@pgh muse,
from seven until?
@The Champ,
Ummmm… don’t know. Good question. Let me find out…
@The Champ,
10ish, The Champ.
@ Panama Jack
Don’t worry potna. it only gets betta when you and tha gf argue about who’s turn it is to get up everynight…fun times i tell ya.
@Panama,
God Bless bruh. I believe that parenthood is the most frustrating yet rewarding thing that I’ve ever done in my life. My two sons bring me the most joy while testing the limits of my patience and my health insurance. Welcome to the club.
Sorry so late
1. Sleep when the babies sleep. That means, sleep, no catching up on house work, home work, sex, anything. Just sleep.
2. Some folk just have a way with calming babies and they can tell when you are stressed or scared. So chill before you engage.
3. Finger puppets SOMETIMES will distract them enough to stop the crying, but buy a book so you don’t run out of animals.
4. Kids are resilient and you are smart. They won’t be damaged as you learn fatherhood.
5, “this too, shall pass” which meant EVERYTHING they eat, and it won’t be solid coming out, ever. My daughter would poop so much NO diaper on the market could hold it. We always kept changes of clothes and wipes stashed everywhere (car, purse, dad’s backpack.
6. Find other dads and share the adventure.
7. Dont shy away. My daughter was my first and I was right in the trenches with her early years. This has lead, I believe, to a much closer relationship between us and has trained me to read her like a book as she hits the “tweens”.
You will be alright, I am sure
@swamii,
I’m glad SOMEBODY came in here and gave PeeJay some real, experience based advice.
@PBG,
Thanks, I tries, I tries……………..
First and foremost, Congrats Panama. I got the text msgs in regard to your child’s birth and I never had the chance to reach out. I’m still in the process of relocation, I will definitely reach out when I make it back to the District. I’ve started blogging (I know, crazy), so, we will see how it goes. God Bless homie.
BlkBond
ROTFLMAO!!! I usually don’t post but this ish had my co-workers wondering what they h*ll I’m laughing at. I have a son, I understand completely, enjoy this time because they do grow up.