10 Things I’d Tell My Teenage Daughter About Men, Dating, Relationships, And Sex

Repeat after me honey "If he doesn't pay for dinner, that n*gga aint a winner"

You know, I’m not a dad yet, but I might be one day. If this day comes, there’s a 50/50 chance that my child will be a daughter, and I will do everything in my power to protect, love, and educate this girl. But, if she decides to cite a hug I didn’t give her in 2018 as the reason why she can’t find love in 2038, I’ll have one message for her: F*ck you

 

This disturbingly candid (or, would “candidly disturbing” work better?) example of the type of parent I’m probably going to be is the last paragraph of “Why “Daddy Issues” Don’t Really Exist” — an old entry where I argue that if every strange thing a woman does can be explained away with “daddy issues,” then perhaps they don’t exist. And, while “please don’t blame a hug you didn’t get in 2018 for your relationship issues in 2038” is definitely sage advice, I don’t think that’s quite enough.

Today, I’ve decided to share nine more bits of fatherly advice I’d give my (non-existent) teenager daughter if she actually decides to exist one day

2. Just assume that every man you meet from now until you’re, I don’t know, 53(?) would sleep with you if given the opportunity

This doesn’t mean that every man you meet is going to try to. This also doesn’t mean that sleeping with you is all any man is ever going to want from you. There will be men who’d give their left testicle just for five minutes of your time. Men who’d build a bridge across Lake Michigan if that’s what it took to you see you. Men who will want to debate you, make fun of you, hear your opinions about “Amistad” and Meek Mill, build houses for you, sit in silence with you, lay next to you, travel with you, learn from you, teach you, learn about you, take you to IKEA, and grow old with you. But, the man wanting to sleep with you is the foundation for all of that, and you’d be wise never to forget that.

Shit, as much as I love your mother, you wouldn’t be here today if I didn’t want to tear her clothes off the first time I saw her at the Ole Country Buffet hovering over a plate of steamed broccoli while her thong was peaking out ever so slightly from her two toned silver vintage stretch pants church.

3. When in doubt, break up

Relationship drama is for grown ups. And by “grown-ups” I mean “old motherf*ckers.” If you’re 23 years old, and you and your boyfriend are going through some serious adversity, break the f*ck up with him. No need to be “working through” anything if you’re still not even old enough to serve in the House of Representatives.

I know this seems cold, but your youth should be the time when you’re having as much fun as you possibly can, not losing sleep because some janky negro with lint on his lips is going through some depression and you don’t know how to help him. You really want to know the best way to get through to him? Say “deuces” and let him figure that shit out for himself while you’re at Outback Steakhouse with that cute guy you met at the swap meet last weekend.

4. Learn how to ***insert word that rhymes with “pastorgate”***

I’m telling you this now because you’ll likely be a much happier person if you’re able to, um, “make yourself happy” without the assistance of others. If you need more details, you should probably go ask your mom. Or one of your white classmates.

5. Eat your vegetables

I hate (most) vegetables, but your mom seems to love them. Since your mom is banging — and since banging women have (somewhat) easier lives — I’d suggest you start emulating her. Eat your veggies and shit.

6. When in dating doubt, always err on the side of making things harder for the guy

He needs to convince you that he’s worthy of being in your life, not the other way around.

7. When in relationship doubt, err on the side of making things easier

You have carte blanche to be a bit of an asshole while you’re single and dating. In fact, I encourage it. Once a guy has proven himself worthy and ‘won” you, though, you can start buying him gum and shit.

8. I know I’m your father and you love me and shit, but don’t try to date men like me

I’m an awkward asshole who only tricked your mother into marrying me because I told her the Sultan of Brunei is my second cousin on my dad’s side. Your best strategy would be to avoid all assholes, awkward and, um, unawkward, regardless of how attractive and “unique” they seem to be. You can usually easily spot them, too. They’re the ones who intrigue you and make you feel a little tingly because they literally do not give a f*ck about you or anything you do.

I actually don’t expect you to follow this advice, but if you did it would save you a shitload of unnecessary heartache.

9. Throughout life, you’re going to meet women who say things like “I never really got along with other women.” Avoid these women the same way Antonio Cromartie avoids condoms. 

10. Throughout life, you’re going to meet men who say things like “I’m not like every other guy.” If you happen across a man like this, kick him in the nuts. 

If he screams, he’s exactly like every other guy. If he doesn’t, he’s obviously a eunuch, and might actually be telling the truth.

That’s enough for me today. Did I forget anything? Also, people of VSB.com, what advice would you give to your teenage daughters?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

  • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

    Try to be as honest as possible. I think women have a HUGE…..HUGE problem with this. Not that they are dishonest(unless they are). I’m just saying that women as a whole have a hard time with the brutal, honest truth and this is EXACTLY what most men want.

    • LMNOP

      unless they ask about how good they are in bed, or how big their wang is…

      • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

        or how many guys you’ve been with, or how you really feel about his momma, or how well he plays basketball….

        • JEHeartbreak

          Ha!!!! so true!

      • Justmetheguy

        Yeah, Imma have to go head and co-sign Jay and LMNOP on this one. Dudes can handle honesty in relation to more topics than women (yes I’m generalizing here) but when it comes to the topics LMNOP mentioned…yeah, they THINK they can, but more often than not they can’t handle the truth. It is what it is. Egos are naturally sensitive

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

      @ Jay,

      Honesty has nothing to do with X and Y chromosomes. It has everything to do with the individual.

      • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

        Bollocks, I say!

        • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

          @ boo,

          Hey!
          C’mon you can’t just refute a statement without at least an explanation.

          • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

            You nad I have talked about this before. As you can tell, I wasn’t alone in my thinking. As I have stated once before, women have a problem with men who are brutally honest.

            • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

              *You and I…

              • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                @ boo,

                Again remember there is a fine line between brutally honest and just straight up asshole, in the name of honesty!!

      • Justmetheguy

        @ Mrs. Afrijay The name changer I mean Intellect- While that’s true, it doesn’t change the validity of the generalization. It’s often because of socialization though. People tell women they are beautiful from the time they’re girls throughout adulthood and their homegirls tell them what they want to hear as well. Also men tell them what they want to hear in hopes of gettin some action. With all that being said it gets a lil harder and more dramatic for the truth to rear its ugly head in many women’s lives. With men nobody cares about your feelings THAT much, so you have to accept a lot more truths earlier in life whether you want to or not. I still agree with LMNOP on the usual exceptions to the rule though…

        • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

          @ JMTG,

          Of course as with any generalization, there will be some concocted validity statements to back it up, and make it seem as if plausible! So you are tying to validate Jay’s statement by telling me that our honesty is limited due to socialization?! Please! How about a woman’s honesty level is correlated to her upbringing as it relates to her. These sweeping statements are killing me softly. I done died ten thousand deaths and over from Champ and em dishing out sex toy/masturbation advice, and now this, let me live!

          Aside: I credit the name change to you. Go back to the other thread, I did a shout out to you!

          • Justmetheguy

            @ Mrs. Afrijay- You make some good points. I understand how frustrating it is for someone to make a group generalization about a group you’re a part of that couldn’t be further from the truth about you in particular, so I can’t say that your vantage point is invalid. It’s just that I’m not talking about admirable individuals such as yourself. Ya kno?

            • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

              I’d have to agree with JMTG. Its socialization. And yes, he’s generalizing and so was I. I’m not saying ALL women. I’m just saying ALL of the women I’ve been with, which is why I said that I would try to guide my teenage daughter in a different direction. A lot of women are this way because of their upbringing… and it IS a lot of them, and its even worse if they actually are beautiful.

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                If women are taught that it is okay to piss off a man, to tell him no I’m not interested, and feels she is physically and emotionally safe to do it, then she will begin to tell the truth to men. Girls have to be taught how to have a “fuck what you think” attitude when it comes to her friend’s 2 cents, her mama’s 5 cents, her neighbor’s 20 cents, her pastor’s 5 cents…before she will be telling men the full truth.

                Because honestly, the truth-telling doesn’t happen until she gains life experience and is older than her 20s.

                • A Woman’s Eyes

                  free my comment, por favor.

            • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

              @JMTG & JAY

              PUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!!

          • nillalatte

            Yup, she did give you credit for the name change JMTG. She admires your intellect/logic. She just needs to remember you mines. ;) LOL (oh, and I did catch your side note to MJoy, but I ain’t mad boo. Do yo’ thang.)

            • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

              @ nillalatte,

              Hon! Trust he is all yours for the taking. The shout out was not a flirtatious come on! I am quite direct in that area!!!!! Enjoy your man, but be weary of MJoy—–>she is too joyous in my opinion

              • MJoy

                ????? Excuse me!?! It’s ok. I can share JMTG while I wait for Malik to marry me.

                • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

                  @ MJOY,

                  This love triangle I am not a part of!———————–>Why don’t you just concentrate on Malik?!

                  • MJoy

                    I just might have to if this Negro don’t act right!

                    • Justmetheguy

                      GASP! What?! I always act right. I even gave this Malik character my blessing since he’s an intelligent and upstanding gent. He seems like he practices good hygiene and wraps it up everytime so I’ll approve of his presence for now. But if you bout to kick me to the curb Imma have to scan the room for a new candidate (seeing as how me and nilla have a deeper understanding,. ie; she ain’t trippin, she let’s me be great and vice versa) And every since Malik’s name got thrown in the mix this is no longer a love triangle, it’s a rectangle of passion lol

                    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

                      @ JMTG,

                      rectangle of passion——>me likey!!!!

                      I see you are the hottest commodity after Jay in the streets right about now! K kkkkkk!!!!!

                    • Kema

                      Wow! This is getting very exciting. *pick up camera* OK.. JMTG you sit right there next to MJoy.

                    • MJoy

                      I can get down with a rectangle :)

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          “People tell women they are beautiful from the time they’re girls throughout adulthood and their homegirls tell them what they want to hear as well.”

          Guess I’m an exception because ever since I can remember I’ve been told how ugly and inadequate I am. Guess I inspire honesty. I never have to worry about people giving me what I want to hear, so like African Mami aka Mrs. Jay, I feel it all depends on the individual. I’d like to add that it depends on all individuals involved, not just the one saying the truth.

          • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

            @ Asiyah

            Thank you!!!

            By the way, there is no aka….it is the real deal, I am Mrs.Jay-whether he wants it or not.

          • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

            Its impossible to make a point in a discussion without generalizing. I think we all get that because we all do it. But WITHOUT FAIL, the response will be NOT ME… NOT ME as if that negates the original statement. I said most, not all, even all that I’ve been involved with, but NOT ALL. I didn’t say YOU specifically, so to refute my argument by pointing out how you’re different puts us at odds FOR NO REASON and it doesn’t prove anything.

            And saying “it depends on the individual” is a statement that I don’t get. I mean that could be an argument for any and everything. I could say that most (not all) black men like basketball and that would be a true statement. So for someone to say that “it depends on the individual” means nothing. Its as if you’re trying to argue that THERE ARE NO RULES, no guidelines with which you can predict… not determine, but make an educated guess at a persons tendencies. Its like you’re arguing that people from a similar background, class, or sex don’t have similar characteristics, challenges, problems, or preferences when they ABSOLUTELY DO.

            • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

              @ Jay

              Breathe baby breathe! Wheeeeeeeeew!!! You starting to scurr me.

            • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

              “And saying “it depends on the individual” is a statement that I don’t get. I mean that could be an argument for any and everything. ”

              Actually, that is a very valid argument. Not everything is so black and white or clearcut. It’s not super complicated either, but to say that a particular rule applies for all instances is not true. “It depends” is valid.

              • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                @ Asiyah

                YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOO. high 5! I got tired and just gave them a puhhhhhleeeze! keep on the good fight!

                • JEHeartbreak

                  lol…

              • That Ugly Kid

                Except that it’s not. People need to understand that the term “in general” does NOT mean “includes EVERYONE in said category.” All it simply means is naturally/usually/mostly etc. Someone who says, “Asians, in general, are smart,” is NOT saying that ALL Asians are smart. Just that naturally/more times than not/usually Asians are smart. Meaning that there are exceptions to the rule. So people retorting general statements with stuff like “Not me, so your claim is false,” or “I’m an individual” aren’t providing a counter argument at all. They’re actually stating the obvious. Yes I know that every single Asian isn’t smart. But that doesn’t change the fact that the Asians I’ve seen, more times than not (read: in general), are. So alerting everyone that you’re some special case in attempt to falsify the general statement, does absolutely nothing.

                • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                  @ TUK n’ em

                  Ya’ll can spin the term “general” however you want to, but we know exactly what you mean!

                  • Justmetheguy

                    I just don’t get why yall are fighting the use of generalizations. We all (<—see what I did there?) use them quite frequently. More importantly, generalizations make the exceptions to the rule THAT much more attractive, intriuging, refreshing (insert positive adjective here). So for these generalizations to be agreed upon make you individuals that much more desirable. Why fight your own greatness? Smh @ u ladies

            • Ms. Bridget

              I think the problem arises when people try to designate things as “general truths” when they are not. They may be generally true for your n=1 is not enough to make it a rule.

              • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                MARRY ME!!!!! yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessss!!!! GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY

  • https://twitter.com/#!/fiveisthenumber fiveisthenumber

    when she decides to marry, honor those vows; break her hubby off often…and swallow.

    I’ll have to hire somebody to tell her that….

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

      *DEAD*—————–>find me in some mortuary.

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

      *DEAD*—————–>find me in some mortuary.

    • erika

      Those are the kinds a words you have your attorney recite in your last will and testament video.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      I’d love to see her reaction to the second half of the sentence, LMAO!!!!

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      *slain*

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      and I’d tell her do not marry a man who has not one action made towards her own pleasure and protection. A woman who is resentful of spreading her legs and swallowing is a woman who would just as soon as poison your food.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “when she decides to marry, honor those vows; break her hubby off often…and swallow.

      I’ll have to hire somebody to tell her that…”

      probably should edit and make this number 11

  • http://www.thinkprettysmart.com Ms. Smart

    Uh but what was number 1?

    My daddy told me not to force a weak man into marriage because the worse position to be in is beside a husband who resents waking up with you AND resents the kids down the hall. He also told me men 35+ who are really into shiny (which is different from ‘nice’), things will likely never get to know me. They’re just looking for someone to look pretty in the passenger side. If that was cool, alright. But know the deal. The last thing (that I will share), is that he’s casually said my sister and I don’t ‘look smart’ so a lot of men are going to assume we aren’t and approach as such. I get what he was saying because I understand him as the habitually inappropriate parental figure who immediately notified me of his vasectomy.

    • LMNOP

      Wow, I can’t believe you really had these kinds of talks with your father. Impressive.

      • http://www.thinkprettysmart.com Ms. Smart

        My father has no sensor. None. Absolutely zilch. I think once I turned 21, he felt like all bets were off. At first I’d be like, “Dad! I’m going to call you back!” Then not speak to him for a month. Now, if he doesn’t say one inappropriate thing in the first three minutes of a conversation, I know he’s tired. I appreciate him for his blatant honesty. I’m so thankful for him because he has put me on to so much ‘G’ over the years all while he appears to be quite mild mannered and stodgy to onlookers.

    • Chanelle

      “he’s casually said my sister and I don’t ‘look smart”
      Lmao oddly enough I’ve also been told this before. Your father sound hilarious

      • http://www.thinkprettysmart.com Ms. Smart

        He is. I just try to contain him. As a matter of fact, lemme go log into his Facebook account and see what he’s up to. You have to watch old folks on the internet cus they will get into all sorts of things.

    • Todd

      Those first 2 pieces of advice were gems. So many women just wanna be Mrs. So-and-so that they don’t check the status of the dude they’re marrying. Then one day, you find out he’s laid up with a new chick he’s been humping for the past 18 months, and hell no, he ain’t sending child support, and they wonder why.

      Also, I don’t get women who get into those spots looking for true love. A woman who’s smart will use that situation to network, get some connections, get some money and nice things, and generally enjoy herself because it could be all over tomorrow. If you aren’t, well, that’s how women turn cold as ice.

      • http://www.thinkprettysmart.com Ms. Smart

        It’s simple. Nobody they trust has ever told them better.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      “He also told me men 35+ who are really into shiny (which is different from ‘nice’), things will likely never get to know me. They’re just looking for someone to look pretty in the passenger side. If that was cool, alright. But know the deal.”

      As a man that’s past the age of 35, I will say your father isn’t lying about that one.

      • http://www.thinkprettysmart.com Ms. Smart

        Without my daddy to tell me these things, I would have done a lot of super dumb stuff with no idea how it turned out poorly. And I will admit to not listening at points in my youth. But the bottom line is that no matter what, my daddy has been a male/man all of his life and he means me no harm. He’s had good and bad relationships and witnessed far more than I ever could. So now, I just listen.

        • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

          Sure he may have been inappropriate (well, at least you said he was), he was upfront with you and got you hip to the game. In the long run, he was trying to help you- as brutally honest as he may have been, LOL!

    • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

      #1 was the hug thing.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      Uh but what was number 1?

      lol, c’mon. you’ve been around long enough to know number one is always embedded in the intro. smarten up, ms. smart

      • http://www.thinkprettysmart.com Ms. Smart

        CHAAAAMP! It was late.

  • http://www.tonyatko.com Tonya Tko

    LOL @
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    10. Throughout life, you’re going to meet men who say things like “I’m not like every other guy.” If you happen across a man like this, kick him in the nuts.

    If he screams, he’s exactly like every other guy. If he doesn’t, he’s obviously a eunuch, and might actually be telling the truth.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I just about nearly DIED this morning laughing at that!!!
    ahahahhaha
    (Where do you come UP with this stuff??)
    LOL

    -Tko

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      “(Where do you come UP with this stuff??)”

      cracker jack boxes

  • LMNOP

    Real talk, I have a daughter and she is only six, but I am already terrified of her dating. My advice would probably be something like “just say no.”

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      That’s not enough.
      Guy: “You want me to stop?”
      Girl: “No”

      • MJoy

        bwahahahaha. “Just say no” is maybe the worst advice you can give a teen girl. She will do the exact opposite.

        You have to break it down so it will forever be broke! Ask Savon to talk to her.

  • NubianKween

    that picture makes me want to birth babies and stuff

    • LMNOP

      Me too. Babies who I never ever ever talk to about sex or dating.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/Think2Inspire Think2Inspire

      The caption makes the picture 20x better.

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

      I want a baby too—–>I am not sure whether she would be for decoration or keeps but nonetheless, I wish I could purchase her at a Rue 21 or something instead of stretching thangs!

      • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

        Lolwut?!?!?!

        • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

          Boo,
          All I am saying is that I want to be able to shop for a baby without having to give birth to one! Like a customized baby to fit my current needs.

          • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

            Ain’t that what adoption is for? I’m just saying…

            • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

              I do not want somebody’s egg and semen! I want my own store brand mini me! What I am trying to say is the following:
              1.) I wish there was a store that I could go and buy my own baby-already made with my DNA and my baby daddy of choice
              2.) I do not have the time for adoption and the bureaucratic legalities involved, as I would ONLY adopt a baby from Ethiopia.
              3.) I don’t want thangs stretched.#that is all

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                Get your eggs sucked out and fertilized in a lab and placed into a surrogate’s womb. Viola!

                • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                  @ AWE,

                  Hun,I’m African that is an abomination. I might as well commit suicide while at it.

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            I want to experience pregnancy without experiencing labor.

            • MJoy

              Pregnancy is actually WAY worse than labor… in my opinion.

              • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

                I can see that. At worst, labor is a couple days.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              Get a scheduled C-Section.

              • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

                LOL, edit: I want to experience pregnancy without my body getting ripped and/or sliced open.

                • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                  @ WIP

                  After reading your comments and mine, I have come to the conclusion that we might need to check into mental rehab!

    • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

      Listen. When I tell ya’ll my uterus participated in the Soul Train line just now…

  • NubianKween

    My advice
    Always remember, you’re the girl! He needs to pursue you not the other way around.

    • GirlSixx

      Quoted For Truth!!!

      Gospel

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      But but but…what if she really wanted him and he didn’t pick up on her cues??

      • https://twitter.com/#!/DonQ___ QG

        that means He doesnt want her, has his own doubts, isn’t single not confident enough. Either way, he’s not for you. Leave well alone no matter how much you like him.

        • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

          !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
          i envision this scene

          me: *finishes giving advice from people called champ, pj, DQ, OG etc.
          her: mom, who are these people? why dont they have real names?
          me: they are very smart people. that’s all you need to know. now dont question your mother.
          her: yes mom.

          end scene.

          • NubianKween

            A man pursues what he wants. It’s really simple

          • DQ

            What? Someone might quote me in the future? I have officially arrived. You can’t tell me nothing now.

            *Hits Message Board Dougie*

        • CNotes

          “He doesnt want her, has his own doubts, isn’t single not confident enough. Either way, he’s not for you. Leave well alone no matter how much you like him.”

          This is hands down, my mode of operation when it comes to meeting men. Call me crazy, but I never…EVER approach men. I’ve seen men who I have found very attractive. But, if he did not make a move….the meeting never happens. Que Sera, Sera

      • That Ugly Kid

        That’s what I saying. If you want someone, go get them. I don’t see why women hold on to that archaic view of finding a mate. Maybe it’s because since women need people to constantly validate how beautiful/special they are, they feel they need to be pursued. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with approaching a man you really want. In fact, it shows us you’re a confident woman, an automatic plus. That you’re not so insecure that you NEED someone else to make you feel beautiful. Approaching a man tells him that you KNOW you’re beautiful/special and that HE should feel lucky because you could’ve chosen any other man in the room, yet you chose him. It’s the 21st century. Don’t miss out on a potential soul mate because you’re stuck in the 1800s.

        • http://asiyah3.wordpress.com Asiyah

          “Maybe it’s because since women need people to constantly validate how beautiful/special they are, they feel they need to be pursued.”

          No. Some women have done the approaching and have been told by those men that it was a turn-off. I don’t mean to sound bitter (which I am), but men speak constantly about women being complicated or not speaking clearly, but this is one of the many issues where men contradict themselves. You say you want the woman to approach you, but many women who do the approaching are deemed less of a female or something. So does it really just depend on the guy, or are all men full of crap when they say that women should approach men if interested?

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            I think both are true. You may initiate the chase if he does not. But after that you have to allow yourself to be chased. You can’t remain the instigator.

            • Jess

              I’m in total agreement. We can argee guys are lazy, but they will go after what they want. It can be a hot dog or a game cube (IDK). They have legs, eyes, hands and will power.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              + Gold

            • Justmetheguy

              I like how this WIP individual thinks. I’m Justmetheguy and I approave of this message

          • Royale W. Cheese

            Men only value what they pursue. If you want to be with a man who values you, then you have to hang back. And it’s not even about needing to feel worshipped. You have two choices, be valued or be treated like absolute crap.

            • DQ

              “Men only value what they pursue.”

              I would have said it in reverse “Men pursue what they value” but forwards or backwards I think it’s true.

            • That Ugly Kid

              I call complete and absolute bull. Wholeheartedly. Just because a man pursues a chick, certainly doesn’t mean he values her. Or do you mean to tell me that every single one stand in history is a result of the female initiating contact. No? Exactly.

              • That Ugly Kid

                one night stand*

              • Royale W. Cheese

                I chose my words anticipating that very interpretation. No, him pursuing you isn’t going to guarantee that he really values you 100% of the time, but it is the only condition under which he is ever likely to value you…

                He pursues
                50% – he actually values you
                50% – he sees you as a cum rag

                You pursue
                100% – he sees you as a cum rag

              • Royale W. Cheese

                I chose my words anticipating that very interpretation. No, him pursuing you isn’t going to guarantee that he really values you 100% of the time, but it is the only condition under which he is ever likely to value you…

                He pursues
                50% – he actually values you
                50% – he sees you as a c*m rag

                You pursue
                100% – he sees you as a c*m rag

                • That Ugly Kid

                  And that too is blatantly false. I’ve dated women I was pursued by. And not only did I value them, in fact, they ended up being the ones who cheated on me. So again, no. Actually with the exception of two guys, every single one of my guy friends who has a girlfriend is in a committed, long relationship. And get this, THEY were the ones who was pursued. If you pursue a man and he sees you as a heaux, then maybe you need to ponder if the MANNER in which you pursued him and not the pusuit itself, is the reason for his thinking.

                  • Royale W. Cheese

                    “…then maybe you need to ponder if the MANNER in which you pursued him and not the pusuit itself, is the reason for his thinking.”

                    I bet if you were to describe this alleged female-led pursuit, it wouldn’t really look like pursuit at all. Often times, a woman simply being the first to say hello puts her into potential heaux category.

                    • Justmetheguy

                      @ Royale W. Cheese- I’m perplexed. Like seriously scratching my head trying to figure out how you got so misguided about this perceived devaluing attached to a woman approaching. I’ve NEVER witnessed or even heard of friends discussing such a phenomenon. Yes many men enjoy the thrill of the chase. Yes some men may be turned off by the fact that you approached them instead of vice versa, but be real. It is NOT that serious either way. It doesn’t guarantee ANY d*mn thing except that an interaction of some sort will take place between you two (which is significantly better than NO interaction between two individuals who may be attracted to each other but shy). I don’t understand where this heavily ingrained idea of woman who approaches is a h*e came from. You must associate with some super lame men. It’s really not that serious either way

                    • Royale W. Cheese

                      It doesn’t make sense to me either, but I’m not making this up. Super lame? Well as far as I can tell, just typical everyday dudes as far as I know. It’s not like I go to the annual super lame convention in order to purposely “associate myself with” with super lame dudes.

                    • Royale W. Cheese

                      I do admit that I need to filter out or dial down all of the background noise (dudes) that’s been darkening my perspective as of late.

        • Ididn’tfinishLast

          Church!! I hear ya brotha
          some fellas just don’t realize. Or your clues may be different from other chicks we’ve been involved with. If my wife didn’t make things clear to me…I wouldn’t be married. She was an upgrade from any other women i had ever been with. Intelligent, fine as hell, and had a slick as mouth and didn’t take no bulshit…Hell i didn’t know how to come at her..but we mutally went after each other.
          I’m not saying throw the cooch at a brotha. But, there is nothing wrong with a lil chase. Most women just can’t handle the rejection.

          • Ididn’tfinishLast

            can you free my post?

        • MJoy

          @TUK

          But, if you like a woman, want her, don’t you go after her? We usually don’t have a chance to pursue because the man is already on the hunt. This is what we’re used to (both men and women). If a man knows of my existence and isn’t pursuing me, I figure he’s not interested. All women have to do is put themselves in the right place at the right time to get noticed by that special someone and he should do the rest. If he doesn’t he probably doesn’t want you. Or at least this is what we assume. Are we wrong in this assumption? Would you wait for a woman you really wanted to approach you? We don’t approach men b/c we figure if he wants me, he’ll come get me…because yall usually do.

          • That Ugly Kid

            You’re missing my point. I’m not saying men should wait for women to approach them. The comments made by the ladies above me imply that no matter how much a woman likes a man, she should NOT approach him. Basically, she should wait for him to approach her. And while it’s true that men do most of the “hunting”, you should never assume this to always be the case. If you really find someone attractive, go for it. There are a multitude of reasons that could cause a man to hesitate his pursuit of you, and neither one is synonymous with him “not wanting you a lot”. If you’re worried about rejection, buy a vibrator. If men, as prideful as we are, have to deal with the very real possiblity of being rejected every single time we approach a female, I’m sure you women can handle it as well.

            • MJoy

              we really can’t tho :p

              • Justmetheguy

                lol, he went and made that incredible and well-articulated point and her rebuttle was “but we can’t though” smh, MJoy you got to do better boo lol

                • MJoy

                  hahaha. My bad. I just would love to hear some of the reasons why you like a girl but don’t approach her. Guys seems to go for it if they want it.

                  • Justmetheguy

                    Well honestly, every since you put that pic up it’s only because I don’t know where you are. Otherwise I’d do much more than just approach you…ahem, but I digress. Other than that guys tend to talk themselves out of things. They’ll make an excuse for the woman as to why she isn’t interested or is busy, or “probably has a boyfriend”, looks stressed out, there’s not enough time before my train stop arrives etc; This is especially the case with intelligent men. Our minds are very rational, analytical, and creative so our conscious minds can come up with some d*mn good excuses before we have the time to check that side of our conscious and just go for it. However, it’s mostly a habitual thing. It’s a habit not to strike up conversation with everyone you find attractive, therefore it’s tough to get past that combo of inertia, adrenaline, and excuses. Also keep in mind that there’s a very short window of time to act most of the time, so….yeah not approaching is hardly a sign of lack of interest. You could call it lack of decisiveness or lack of positive energy (you need that for motivation and to kill the excuse mechanism most of us have) also, but it’s certainly not always (or even usually) lack of interest

          • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

            I thought the same thing Mjoy, if I’m in your face, ki-ki-ing for no reason, making sure I’m in your space and you don’t respond then I assume you’re not interested. What I’ve come to realize through conversations with men (and VSB) is that even that level of subtlety can be too much. Sometimes they still aren’t sure you’ll be receptive to them.

        • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

          ” If you want someone, go get them.”

          yea, can’t agree with this, man

          • DQ

            I think a woman can give you signs… but as a dude, it’s your job (and really it should be your inclination) to pursue after her. I liked the chase, I looked forward to the chase, the chase was good.

            That might be my conqueror syndrome talking right there… but I still think men should pursue. Doesn’t mean she can’t flirt, but taking the step out into the unknown… that’s like a Y-chromosome birthright.

            Maybe you crash and burn, maybe you fly high, but in order to know you gotta hit the afterburners and launch off the deck…

            • NubianKween

              Thank you DQ! There’s a difference b/n flirting/positioning and pursuing. A woman can flirt with a man (give him signs etc.) but I don’t agree that she should actively pursue him. A man should be the pursuer. Countless men have told me that when a woman makes herself too easy and available or if she’s the pursuer her value goes down in their eyes. They explain that they feel they didn’t have to win her. It goes back to the original post doesn’t it, see #6. A man needs to prove how much he values and desires a woman during the dating phase.

              • NubianKween

                …..and if a woman is interested, she can always encourage a brotha with signals that he can “win” her.

            • BeautifullyHuman

              I agree. It’s about the chase. Sperm pursues the egg; the egg does not pursue the sperm. *shrugs*

              At least that’s my outlook on it. I can’t approach a man, although I can provide him with subtle hints that I’m interested. If he doesn’t pick up on it, then it goes nowhere because I’m not about to mack up any dude.

              • Justmetheguy

                Over time (meaning since I’ve been an adult) I’ve come to agree with DQ, Nubian Kween and Beautifully Human. If we’re making the distinction between pursuing, approaching, and flirting then I agree. My only suggestion to women is that they get much more obvious than they are as it is. The reason I say this is because what’s “so obvious” to women is NOT obvious to men. In hindsight it becomes obvious, but at the time we aren’t always living in the present moment and keying in on cues. Even when we are, there are many that can be interpreted multiple ways. For example, showing up in our space more than once or twice (one of you said that upthread) means nothing more than you showed up in our space more than once or twice. Coincidences happen all the time. Not saying this is pointless, but it’s very subtle, even though to most women it’s “obvious”. There are many more examples too.

                • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

                  Agreed. I think I’m being obvious and clear, he thinks I’m just being friendly. Getting a phone number doesn’t end the chase. Calling me was not the ultimate prize, there’s still plenty to dangle, if you will, LOL. Now for all my talk, I’ve never done it. I have just taken the “I guess he isn’t interested route” only to find out later that he was.

                • MJoy

                  All men should KNOW THIS:

                  If a woman keeps showing up in your space, she probably loves you.

                  Woman can’t handle rejection so most of the signs we send will most likely be extremely subtle (although obvious to us) so just go for it and see what happens. If she don’t want ya, she’ll let you know (unless she’s an evil evil tease).

                  We don’t want to do “too much” because if the guy doesn’t reciprocate right away we jump to “he’s just NOT that into me”

                  • Justmetheguy

                    She probably loves you? Well d*mn lol

                    I thnk the ladies should do a guess post about all these super secretive and subtle (yes the alliteration was intentional) attraction signals that you give off. Because we generally are trying not to stare, so we want decipher all that out of the corner of our eye as anything other than you adjusting your hair because a few strands got in your eye….same for the whole crossing and uncrossing your legs thing…

                    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                      I don’t alliterate I let it be known! My legs be splayed from the get go! Legoooooooooooooooo

                  • Breezy

                    Alas this is true. Long story short…a friend tried to hook me and a friend up based on the fact that this guy was indeed interested. He connected us and then damn near a week and a half goes by and this fool didn’t even say HI!!!! But yet am being told that “he really likes you”…so I decided ok let me help him along and I say hi FIRST…well I regret it because afterwards I was told i should have waited for HIM to say HI to me FIRST. WHAT IN THE HELL…I said Hi not if you want to marry me. He even aint cute anyways AND his upper body to lower body ratio is way off…..how in the hell you goona be big on top and be standing on toothpicks for legs!?!?!?

                    Next——————>>>

                    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                      @ Breezy

                      *DEEEEEEEEEAD* I swear this child you were dropped on top of your head as a child..

                      Your muffin top, chicken legged friend did not do right!!!! If you like somebody, SAY IT! I hate suspense. I swear to the heavens and back, if dude did not contact me in a week’s time, it’s a WRAP! I hate my time being wasted, and especially by muffochens! (muffin top + chicken legs= Muffochens)

                  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

                    @ MJoy

                    Yes @ handling rejection. I cannot handle rejection. It’s a knife to my heart and most importantly MY pride.

        • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

          @ TUK

          I agree about pursuing him. However, I am going to alter one thing. After you’ve netted him, let him lead!

  • 90sgagirl

    I grew up with mom and my father in my household(no cosby show), but he NEVER told me anything about boys/men/dating #yeshrug I’m just gonna assume that it’s awkward for him or he doesn’t know how to talk/communicate, especially with their daughters..sigh….

    • LMNOP

      I think it would be awkward for almost any father. It’s even pretty awkward for mothers. And advice like “masturbate”????? Practical and all, I guess, but not something I can imagine ever telling my kid.

      • Todd

        Well, with the masturbation thing, by the time my daughter hits the teenage years, she’ll have an aunt and a bunch of female cousins in their 20s and early 30s. If they can’t help with that part, I dunno what to say. :)

    • AfroPetite

      My father never discussed dating with me either. I only ever dated one serious prospect in high school and even then my dad didn’t really seem interested lol None has ever crossed that threshold since then and for good reason.

    • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

      Ya I didn’t get very much advice either besides “boys only want one thing.”

      • Kema

        This reminds me of my mother telling me what her mother told her when it was time for ‘the talk’.

        “Dont let anyone look under your dress”

        Yep… Thats it!

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      of course it’s awkward. that’s why i wrote this entry, so instead of actually talking to her about this shit, i can print it out and leave it on the dining room table

  • Royale W. Cheese

    #2…”But, the man wanting to sleep with you is the foundation for all of that, and you’d be wise never to forget that.” I dunno. I think it’s healthiest, wisest, and most peaceful for a woman to never feel any kind of way about that. It may not be evil, but it sure as heck isn’t special. And you can argue “what if no man ever wanted to sleep with you” all day, but that’s a hypothetical fiction that just ain’t gonna happen.

    #10 LMAO. Stop the violence.

    • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

      I think it’s healthiest, wisest, and most peaceful for a woman to never feel any kind of way about that. It may not be evil, but it sure as heck isn’t special.

      that’s why they need to remember that, to remember that nobody — man or woman — is really all that special

      • southernsweetness

        and boom. the truest of true.

  • That Ugly Kid

    11. When you start dating, don’t date jerks. If you do, don’t complain to me about it. You knew what you were getting yourself into but dated him anyway. Talk to your mom about this. Took her years before she found me. And she still got it wrong…

    12. I’d rather you not have sex at all until you’re at least 21. However, should you run into a guy who, like me, has an ungodly knack for bullsh*tting his way into your panties, please practice safe sex.

    13. Should #12 occur, understand I will be incarcerated for 1st Degree murder.

    14. When you turn 18, your friends are no longer “off limits”. You have been warned.

    15. #14 will only take place if I’m single. Either through divorce or if your mom was tragically killed in a freak crocodile wrestling accident.

    16. If #14 takes place and the conditions of #15 weren’t met. Shut. The F*ck. Up.

    • LMNOP

      I strongly approve of #12.

      And I am also telling my daughter that she cannot be friends with your daughter.

    • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

      @TUK

      There is absolutely no way you can be serious about your daughter’s friends being a consideration. YUCK! NASTY!

      • LMNOP

        I know, right?
        I do know that some people end up being dirty old men, but I never realized that was something anybody PLANNED on…

        • Kema

          I have actually given this much consideration. I have been thinking that I will embark on my cougardom within the next decade or so. However if 8 mile has taught me anything it is that sons hate it when their mothers date guys that went to school with them.

          • Justmetheguy

            @ Kema- Holla at me if you need some cougar training. I’m available on Wednesdays and every 3rd Friday of the month

            • Kema

              Those times dont work for me but remember… I have a special spot saved for you when I am in my 70′s. Don’t sleep on it either. I will probably be able to take my teeth out and everything. *wink wink*

            • MJoy

              Really, we’re just going after everyone now?? Ok, notes taken.

              • Justmetheguy

                @MJoy- Im only biased cause she has a picture up. Im through with her for the next 45 years tho, so don’t mind her. And don’t think I missed that talk of this Malik character. I’ve reasoned myself out of jealousy, but I still observe and note irregularities… Let’s just kiss and makeup :)

                • MJoy

                  um….. ok :) and I would have a pic up but gravatar HATES me for some reason :( But you couldn’t handle my pic anyway!

                  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

                    oh damn!! @ you couldn’t handle my pic!!!! YOOOOO, I’m starting to warm up to you…nillalatte—->you sleeping ma, berra wake up.

                    • nillalatte

                      Nah, I see this craziness. Like being a club dancing on the floor. Just never know whose gonna make that move on the booty next. LOL It’s all good. In the end, JMTG knows where to find momma on a cold night. :D

                  • Justmetheguy

                    Sounds like an excuse to me…but I’ll let you slide for now since that gravitar thing is more complicated than it should be….As far as that other statement, you’d be amazed at what I can handle dear…trust me ;)

                    • MJoy

                      The question is, what can you give ME to handle? Would I be amazed?

                    • Justmetheguy

                      I can give you…ahem…positive vibrations if you will ; We’ll just leave it at that.

                    • Kema

                      *interrupts frisky talk*

                      Nice Avi MJoy!

                  • MJoy

                    yay, I mastered gravatar. yay for my face yay!!!

                    • Breezy

                      All ya’ll (except Kema I think cause I need to re-read this thread) need a room!!!

      • That Ugly Kid

        Who said anything about consideration? All I’m saying, is that if one or several of her friends catch me in a drunken stupor/hold me at gunpoint and engage in sexual acts with me, I will not feel guilty about it as long as they are pretty, and of age. That is all.

        • Kema

          Reminds me of an episode of ‘Shameless’. Good show!

        • MJoy

          I’m on board. My son is 8, ten more years and his friends are mine :p

          • That Ugly Kid

            Of course YOU can. When women do it they get all kinds of high fives and praise about how they’ve found a strapping young TUK…er…lad who can keep up with them sexually. When men do it we’re perverts and all other kinds of unspeakables. Man f*ck that. When my daughter’s friends turn 18, it’s open season. I sooo cannot wait to play “The College Professor and The Desperate Student Who Needs an A To Graduate” with one of her besties.

            • Royale W. Cheese

              MJoy, TUK…(Most Interesting Man in the World voice) I don’t usually judge, but when I do, I call adult anticipation of chex with current children just plain disgusting. *sips Dos Equis*

    • That Ugly Kid

      17. Education is extremely important. Don’t let anything deter you from your schoolwork.

      18. Set a high standard for yourself. Don’t ever settle for less. However, it is important for you to understand that there is a difference between compromising, and settling. A lot of women can’t make this distinction.

      19. With that said, I understand that college isn’t for everyone. However, give college a legimate try. Never give up, if you tried your hardest and things didn’t work out. Try to find a different method to reach the same goal.

      20. If I die in any manner other than natural causes or disease, don’t believe what your mom told you. She’s found the e-mails and has taken matters into her own hands. Call the police.

      • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com Mrs.AfriJayTheIntellect

        @ #20 You dis boi oo, you are too much wahala!

      • Justmetheguy

        TUK’s 18. is soooo real, but then again I get how it’s tough to tell the difference sometimes

      • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

        LMFAO @ #20.
        stop it!

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        I quitteh you so hard for #20, joe. lmaoooo

    • Meisarebel

      I’m actually in accordance with all of this.

    • http://pervertedalchemist.blogspot.com/ Perverted Alchemist

      “11. When you start dating, don’t date jerks. If you do, don’t complain to me about it. You knew what you were getting yourself into but dated him anyway. Talk to your mom about this. Took her years before she found me. And she still got it wrong…”

      Ouch…and damn, LMAO!!!

      • That Ugly Kid

        Truth hurts man.

        • Justmetheguy

          Yeah I meant to shoutout #11, that one was golden. I will most certainly tell my daughter that one if nothing else