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10 Ridiculous Rap Names From The Era We All Love

snoop-doggOver this past weekend, I found myself in the unenviable position of having to defend a rapper that I truly couldn’t care less about. And who would that rapper be?

Bobby Shmurda.

And how did I end up having to defend he of “Shmoney Dance” fame? Well, while at a bar a conversation about current hiphop arose with the standard camps retreating into their respective corners, the true school hip-hoppers and the “current hip hop ain’t that bad” camps. I tend to straddle that line depending on the argument. But that’s not what this little talk here is about. One of the people in the “to the hip hip, the hop it don’t stop, Das EFX is the real hip-hop” camp immediately said, “and what’s up with their names nowadays, like, Bobby Shmurda?????? That’s ridiculous.”

Full stop. Now I alluded to this in a recent post so this conversation was right on time and so appropos.

I immediately pointed out to her that while we can argue about whether or not current hiphop sucks versus all of our favorites of the 90s, what she wasn’t gon’ do was clown any rapper for their name under some idea that rappers had names that made sense and were super reasonable during the golden era.

So of course I began to run down a list of rappers with names that if they weren’t famous rappers, they’d get clowned relentlessly. I also pointed out to her that she was having a conversation with a grown ass man who calls himself Panama Jackson. On purpose.

Well here is a list of rappers whose names are, for lack of a better word, ridiculous.

1. Snoop Doggy Dogg

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, this name is as ridiculous as they come. I love Snoop. Doggystyle will forever be one of my favorite albums, but Snoop Doggy Dogg has been and will always be a WTF name. Always. And yet, because he’s Snoop it sounds like everything thats right with the world. Funny enough, I know people who think that Snoop Lion is a ridiculous name change. You know why? Because we’ve lived with Snoop Doggy Dogg for 20 years now so his name sounds like a regular one. And folks want to clown Wacka Flocka Flame????? Snoop is his spirit animal.

2. Q-Tip

I don’t care why he came up with the name. (I also argued that Q-Tip really isn’t a good rapper though I remember an actual argument in college where niggas wanted to put Q-Tip in their Top 5 Rappers Alive arguments. What the shit were they listening to?) It’s not a dope name. Period.

3. Ice Cube

Do you all realize that for a a solid 3 years, a Black man named Ice Cube was possibly the scariest man in America? Somehow, nooooooooooobody ever thought it was ridiculous. I never once had a single conversation with anybody that was like, “hey you know the name Ice Cube really is kind of stupid.” Nope. Cube it is.

4. Crunchy Black

Okay, nobody is exactly out here thinking about him in any conversation about hip-hop, but if I have the choice between the name Bobby Shmurda (which I actually think is a dope name since I haven’t said so yet) versus Crunchy Black, I’m going the Shmurda route everyday, b. Mostly, I wanted to remind everybody that he has an Oscar because he was part of Three 6 Mafia when they wont he Oscar. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

6. Fabolous

I don’t care what you say, Fabolous is a dumb ass name. First off, it’s an adjective. Names shouldn’t be adjectives, homey. Not without something to modify. But hey, I’m just the dude who just named himself Lightskint Victorious so what do I know? He may be a great rapper, but he was not the father of a dope name. Ludacris however IS a dope name. I know I contradicted myself, look I don’t need that now.

7. The Game

He might be the owner of the stupidest name ever. What game? Milton Bradley? Parker Brothers? The rap game? The crack game? They say the rap game is really just like selling dope. The girlies is free, cuz the crack cost money…oh yeah. Who knows, but “The Game” is nowhere near a good name. And yet because he’s a good rapper, we let that shit slide to the point where folks talking about Game without even a hint of, “did I really just call a person ‘Game’?”

8. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

Yes. All of them. Krazy. Lazy. Flesh. Wish. and Bizzy. They sound like the damn dwarfs hanging out with Snow White. Yet I remember arguing about who the best Bone was. Pause. Anyway, their names. Ridiculous. Totes.

9. Melachi The Nutcracker (from Group Home)

Amazingly, Melachi’s name isn’t actually Melachi (it’s Jamal), which makes it even weirder. But “The Nutcracker” is what makes it art. Bad art. To be fair, nobody really likes him as a rapper and only people who are true heads even really remember Group Home as a group much less the individual rapper names. However, possibly the world’s worst rapper also has one of the most ridiculous names. That, my friends, is livin’ proof.

10. Mr. Cheeks

Who doesn’t love this dude? I love him. You love him. Hell, The Lost Boyz are one of my favorite groups from the 90s. However, Mr. Cheeks is a crap ass name. Well, as a “real” name anyway. If it’s a nickname for a nickname then it works.

BONUS:

11. Trugoy

Just to be clear, Trugoy aka Dave aka Plug Two…is YOGURT spelled backwards.

That’s my list. What you got?

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • Msdebbs

    I always thought 50 cent and Puff Daddy, Diddy, Puffy or what ever he’s calling himself now were both stupid

    • IcePrincess

      Your skin is all glow-ey in your avi. Pretty.

      • Neptunes presents The Clones

        You know what makes a woman’s skin glow right

        • IcePrincess

          I won’t take the bait!

        • LMNOP

          Pregnancy, or so I’ve heard,

      • Msdebbs

        Thanks IP!

  • LadyIbaka

    Bow Wow-wow yippie yo, yippie yea, where my dogs at, bow diggirry…..wtf?!?!?!
    Too Short-short of? money, skills, lenght, girth-what’s goodie ma pippoz?
    Future-what?!? eternal baby daddy
    ASAP-all of them. Shourr ourrs to Rocky doe!
    Flo Rida-his looks coupled with the name, have me at uuuuurgh!
    Lil-anything. oi!
    Hurricane-???????????????what’s next tsunami?

    • Hey, I like Too Short just for the possibilities of “Oooo God is that you Todd!” It’s a classic lyric in my opinion.

    • I actually like Flo-Rida’s name its creative.

      • st george doesnt exist

        I used to think so, but think I kept hearing white fans of him say his name and then no… lol Its kind of when they took bling bling.. several years late.

        • haha that will ruin anything… now they have taken “swag”

  • Neptunes presents The Clones

    Titty Boy
    And for all who thought Sahel is a nutter when it comes to privacy,check out all the nude pics that have hit the net stolen from cloud storage.

    • The solution is when you have some fun, make sure your face isn’t seen. The fun I’ve had with my archives…*cackle* Excellente! :)

      • That’s the golden rule, i will say if I’m getting some special jpgs i want a face added to the illusion that “you usually don’t do this”

    • tgtaggie

      A lot of that could’ve been avoided if they would’ve click don’t upload photos to icloud on their phones. But on the other hand, if some Megan Goode pics surface I would be totally delighted. lol.

      • Neptunes presents The Clones

        Well,me and Val are having a good start to the week

    • Cloud storage never struck me as a good idea as far as anything goes, servers are about as reliable as a deadbeat father

      • Heavens2Murgatroid

        That! And I don’t feel comfortable letting someone I don’t know and will never meet safeguard my memories and valuables, and pay a fee on top of that

  • Nb

    Magoo
    Shorty Sh! tstain
    Old Dirty Bastard
    Chamillionaire
    Trick Daddy
    Keak da Sneak
    Silkk the Shocker

  • MysteryMeat

    Ice T always tickled me. Also, I never understood 2chains former moniker Titty Boy. ????? Really? Titty-boy. Tittyboy. Titboy. Tit. It tickles my soul. Reason being, Titty is one of those words that sound funny if you say it too many times. The linguist side of my brain gets throwed by that word. Tiddy.

    • CamCamtheGreat

      Every word sounds funny if you say it too many times. “Semantic satiation.”

  • kidvideo

    Celly Cel
    Numbskull/Yukmouth(The Luniz)
    Ol’ Dirty Bastard
    Positive K
    Brother Lynch Hung
    Gangsta Nip
    Lil Half Dead

    • Wild Cougar

      Come on……You have no love for Ol’ Dirty Bastard? I LOVE that name. Its just…..the most.

  • I think Crunchy Black wins the list. That the Oscar committee had to give an award to a dude named that is hilarious. I think that’s why Oscar announcer stuck to government names when they said that Three 6 Mafia won. Saying otherwise probably violated his contract. Also, I don’t think Mr. Cheeks is that bad a name. It sounds like something your great-aunt or grandma would call you at 6, and yet it somehow stuck. Happens all the time.

    Also, Q-Tip’s rapping is like Janet Jackson’s singing: limited, but it seems to work with the right production. Thank goodness Q-Tip had to the sense to not work with, say, Bomb Squad as producers. He would have been exposed with the quickness.

    Other than that…f*ck it. I’m going Pon Di Parkway later. Any photo requests for hoochies Playing Mas?

    • Neptunes presents The Clones

      No idea what Pon Di Parkway means but l’m requesting them pics son,if they look like Bunni fresh from the shower even better

      • It is a reference to the annual West Indian Day Parade in Brooklyn, which takes place on Eastern Parkway. Think of it as an American version of Caribana or the Notting Hill Carnival, except that we get a day off work and school to do it. :-) Here’s an example of what I speak https://mobile.twitter.com/LLghandi/status/242683282330894336:

  • kidvideo

    Pharhroe Monch

  • What is a Jadakiss, and why did we let him get away with saying Mwah like chicks on blackplanet

    • man i remember the day i discovered jadakiss. I read the back of the ruff ryders cd, and was like, oh cool they got another female rapper besides Eve.
      I was like 12, ok?
      But since that day, jada has been a mainstay (lie) in my top 10 emcees.

    • Godzilla Jr.

      It started as Jay, the Kiss of Death. Still corny though.

  • Q-Tip is an adequate rapper with a near unparalleled body of work.

    • Godzilla Jr.

      Top 10 in my book. Plus a lot of people don’t know that he produced the first three ATCQ albums singlehandedly. This makes him the best rapper-producer ever (yes, even including Kanye).

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