10 Non-Singing Ass Singers That People Swear Can Sing » VSB

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10 Non-Singing Ass Singers That People Swear Can Sing

Last week, I dared various individuals to come and test me now in a battle regarding two somewhat-storied and not-really-fabled singing groups from Atlanta. As was expected, some people agreed with my points. Others called me names. Nanny nanny. Boo boo. Well in the midst of that discussion evolved a discussion of the lack of singing prowess of one of the leads from one of the somewhat-storied and not-really-fabled singing groups from Atlanta which gave rise to the phoenix of crappy R&B singers. Full disclosure: I’m a fan of crappy singers. I’m mostly a fan of effort. Because of that effort, there have been SEVERAL high profile singers that many folks SWEAR can sing. I’m a reasonable man so I know better. But despite them not really being able to sing very well they have still managed to have quite successful careers…at singing. God does indeed have a sense of humor.

There’s no judgement here; you are entitled to like who you like. This is how I’ve lived my life and if you look in my life you would see what I see. Sing that shit, Mary. Sing that shit. So here is a list (in no particular order) of singers that you and I both know can’t sing, who just so happen to put “singer/contractor” on their IRS forms at the beginning of the year, ya know, in those years when they’re actually paying their taxes.



1. John Legend

I realize he is a Grammy-award and now Oscar-award winning artist. Clap for him. First, and I’ve never written about it with the fervor that I feel though I had every intention of doing so, “Glory” is trash. It’s absolute trash. But that trash is ONLY saved by John Legend’s crooning, non-singing ass which as you can imagine has given me agita. I won’t pretend that John Legend doesn’t have songs that I like because he does. I love “Green Light”. I also hated his voice on that song. John Legend sings like he’s got marbles in his mouth, but not like Michael McDonald. I guess they use different sized marbles. This is not a balls joke by the way. DEFLATEGATE BITCHES. Point is, John Legend sounds like crapola. One good note for John Legend, I did love the “Ordinary People” video because, domestic violence aside, he did illustrate -in slow motion mind you – the perfect way to slap a bitch. And by bitch, I mean anybody who brings you agita. Like John Legend. #slapjohnlegend

2. Keith Sweat

Keith Sweat may be the Patron Saint of bad R&B singers. Just like we screamed for ice cream, we all loved Keith Sweat. “Twisted” is a great song. Hell, his album I’ll Give All My Love To You was full of hits that I loved. You say no. I say yes. Girl, I’ll bet I can make you sweat. Now that I write that out, its a bit rapey. Real talk, older R&B and soul music was both very stalkerish AND rapey. Nevertheless, Keith Sweat is one non-singing ass negro. And lots of people love him and will tell you that he can sing. He. Can. Not. Like another artist on this list,I’ve gotten into a full scale argument with a friend of mine about whether or not he can sing. We’re still friends and all, but our relationship changed.

Speaking of that singer…

3. Carl Thomas 

No.No.No.No. One winter night at the Times Square Applebee’s in NYC in February 2003, I formally met a beautiful woman that I’d known tangentially during our time in college. How did we formally meet? Somebody mentioned Carl Thomas and she started talking about how much she loves him. I said, “that nigga can’t sing.” She looked at me like I’d just slapped her mother. An argument ensued between she and I. That night was magic. She and I are great friends at this point. She still believes that Carl Thomas can sing. I still don’t. We still debate this point on occasoin. Summer Rain deez is usually how this conversation ends. To be fair, “I Wish” has long been one of my favorite Bad Boy songs.

4. Slim from 112

From last week’s post: “‘Round 112 way, we all know Slim is the lead – he’s the most prominent lead singer despite being the worst singer of the group.” #factsonly

Worst singer doesn’t really tell the story. For instance, saying that Nate is the worst singer in Boyz II Men is unfair. Everybody in Boyz II Men could sing and sing well but if you had to pick a “worst” he might be the pick. In the case of Slim, he’s not only the worst singer in 112, he also cannot sing. I don’t give a fuck what your mama who grew up listening to 112 thinks. Also, if your mother grew up listening to 112, get off the Internet do your homework. Now.

5. Ameriie

This one might baffle you because most reasonable people know that Ameriie can’t sing. It’s kind of a given like police brutality and Apple dropping technology to replace the shit you just bought in six months. However, Ameriie (her second “i” truly bothers me) has convinced people that she can sing forcing those people who have been convinced – by Amerie – that she can sing to attempt to convince me that she can sing. Or at the very least, she’s not a bad singer. She is. She’s like the version of Mary J. Blige that can’t sing, eschewing sound-goodness for angst and passion.

6. Mary J. Blige

Wait, what? FIGHT ME BRO. You know Mary can’t sing. Now look, I love Mary J. Blige during her crack years. I haven’t purchased a Mary album post Share My World and I’m not entirely convinced she’s released an album since then. Sure, I’ve heard she did but whatevs. Point is. my love for Mary has come despite her lack of range. Or note delivery. I’ve always been surprised when folks like Mary (and Amerie) get live singing gigs, but not of their hits but of songs that folks who can actually SING usually perform. Like church songs. If Mary J. Blige comes to your church you might ask her to sing, not because she is a good singer and folks are about to be moved, but because its rude NOT to ask a person who has made a livelihood singing to sing a song. Nobody is clamoring for Mary acapellas. Speaking of acapella: PITCH PERFECT 2 BITCHES! 

7. Alicia Keys

I probably don’t even have to say anything on this one. I think most people accept this to be true. Right?

8. Ralph Tresvant

This one hurts me a bit. I love New Edition. Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, Mike, Ralph, and Johnny too were like my favorite group for years. Ralph Tresvant and Bobby shared lead vocals early on then when Bobby left to release arguably the greatest post-soul R&B album ever, Don’t Be Cruel, (I can argue this with ease), Ralph took the reins solo and……well. Look, I love Ralph. “Sensitivity” is also one of my favorite songs. I’m listening to it right now. Drake owes a debt of gratitude to Ralph. Ralph is not a good singer. I know women loved him. I get it. He had swag. He had grace. At the same damn time. But he’s the third best singer in the group behind Johnny and Bobby. And I might be able to argue that Ricky had a better voice than him. Also, this is “best voice” in a none of them can really sing that well (aside from Johnny Gill) so who is the best of the worst kind of thing. New Edition Forever #doe.

9. musiq aka The Husel

My man Musiq. I love Musiq. I really do. “Half Crazy”? My shit. The Soulstar album? Also my shit. “Merry Go Round”? My shit too. But have you heard “Love”? This is the song where he really goes for it vocally. He doesn’t really succeed. Also, he’s a rapper now, going by the name The Husel. For the life of me I cannot understand this. He’s a great songwriter. He’s not a good rapper. He’s a much better singer than rapper. Think about that.


Kima, Keisha, and Pam can’t sing. See what I did there?

Panama Jackson

Panama Jackson is pretty fly (and gorgeous) for a light guy. He used to ship his frito to Tito in the District, but shipping prices increased so he moved there to save money. He refuses to eat cocaine chicken. When he's not saving humanity with his words or making music with his mouth, you can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking her fine liquors. Most importantly, he believes the children are our future. You can hit him on his hitter at panamadjackson@gmail.com.

  • KB

    Tell me you don’t jam to Keith Sweat songs, go ahead…I DARE YOU! He made having the name “Keith” cool, before him I hated being called Keith.

    Bonus – Fantasia, I cannot stand her constant hollerin on her songs. She sounds like a child getting whopped for not doing the dishes before going to bed.

    • Sorry, your request for coming at Fantasia today has been declined. Please try again never.

      • KB

        This is fact though

        • But it’s not though

          • KB

            Besides, she has one of those Michel’le baby regular speaking voices that makes me want to punch a chipmunk

    • Deeds

      Fantasia just has one of those powerhouse voices. I happen to like them, but they aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. That’s not indicative of not being able to sing though. Just like there are other music forms that I may not like, I can still recognize the talent.

    • Embrace the name “Keith” it is truly a great name.

    • panamajackson

      I definitely jammed to Keith Sweat. And I would right now too. Doesnt mean he can sing.

    • PunchDrunkLove

      Fantasia’s voice is so irritating, it grates on my nerves.

  • Deeds

    What John Legend can’t sing??? Now, some of his songs can be a bit slow, but John can definitely sing. I don’t agree with his addition to this list.
    Alicia Keys can be a hit and miss.

    • I like John most of the time, but he gets kind of goaty at the pre-chorus to All of Me, which always makes me laugh.

      I hope my friend’s wedding doesn’t use that in the processional or I’m gonna be in trouble.

      • Nick Peters

        Who Did That To You

      • mssporadic

        “…he gets kind of goaty…” I swear I’m going to use that to describe somebody one day.

      • LMAO Goaty…I chuckled at that.

      • Lea Thrace



        I AM DEAD!

  • Thank you for putting John Legend on this list. His warbling aggravates me.

    I am confused about #3. Is there more than one R&B singer named Carl Thomas? The only one I
    know sings this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYH3yZt2J2E and has no business being on this list.

    • iamnotakata

      You know what you’re so right Carl got vocals!

      • Right? Color me confused as to why he is on this list.

  • KB

    I know this will get flaming arrows shot my way but whatevs, I has my Spartan shield; Aaliyah was not that great of a singer either. She, like Ashanti, could harmonize her Azz off, but really didn’t possess any true vocal ability/range, and this is coming from someone who had all of her albums. I’ve heard from plenty of folks that she was a horrible singer when she performed onstage.

    • …. I’ll allow it.

    • NoPlaysOff

      No arrows…. You speak the truth. Aaliyah in my opinion was a product of a perfect storm: passable voice, above average dance skills, an aura and AMAZING production!

      • gurlgamer05

        I agree 1000%. As much as I loved her music (maybe it was more the production I loved than anything), but she had no range.

      • SAS

        Keep it real. Aaliyah was just aiight. But her choreography was the ish!!

        • Cleojonz

          looking at videos recently her choreography wasn’t even all that either, but that’s Fatima’s fault more than hers. Every damn video was the same.

    • Minah

      Thank you! Aaliyah is definitely there with Ashanti!

      • gurlgamer05

        I’d put Ashanti a bit lower because her production wasn’t quite as good as Aaliyah’s to make up for her screeching.

    • Deeds

      I have to agree with Aaliyah, her voice was very basic.

      • mrsspj

        She could sing.. She just wasn’t the GREATEST singer.

    • HeyBooHey

      Ashanti….harmonize??? All she did was sing “baby” 5011 times in song, that’s easy to harmonize! She did give me hope that I could get a singing career though. If she can…

      • PunchDrunkLove


      • Courtney Rene’ Lowe

        My sister sang back up for her for one of the Divas Live concerts and said that she was a fuggin MESS during the soundcheck. Said she came out singing harmonies instead of the melody and couldn’t get it right. lmao.

      • Juanetta Mackey Brewton

        Ashanti was just horrible.

        • Rick Pennington

          aptly named Ashitty

          • Anansa Ronne’

            HaHaha. I can’t breathe where is my inhaler lol

          • Lmmao! I just fell over “Ashitty”

        • PhillyDCGyrl

          was? she still is……

      • MostlyMax

        I saw that broad with Ja Rule at Hot 97’s Summerjam during the peak Murder, Inc years. I was too old to be there even then and she was basura. Straight trash.

    • panamajackson

      I never thought Aaliyah could sing. But at this point, and this will be sad, I also forget she was a thing.

    • Suchalady

      But comparing Aaliyah to Ashanti? Nope, Ciara and ‘shanti, yes.

      • onlineincomedreambuilder

        Ciara is trash live…smh…Saw her on an awards show and had to change the channel..

        • Patrick Pete

          Live and in color is the true measure!

        • Rick Pennington

          Entertainer vs. Vocalist different worlds…Janet Jackson (Entertainer), Jill Scott (Vocalist)

          • Erika Baker

            Thank you!!!

    • Olu Burrell

      What about her version of “At Your Best”? That showed a range that Ashanti could NEVER achieve. For that performance alone, she gets a pass from me.

      • Monique The Doula

        She was super pitchy on that song.

        • pls

          She wasn’t the best singer but I did see her sing on the spot at a radio interview and she got a few of today’s artists beat!

    • John Shannon

      You take that Aaliyah shade back lol

    • I remember watching her perform onstage once before she died, and it was the pits! Voice sounded mad deeper than on the recording.

    • Take it back, all of you! You will respect her low alto vocals and soft soprano whispers!

      • Stone Kold Khori


    • sHA

      (I’m whispering in agreement. Everyone looooves to say she could sing. Nerp. Harmonize. Hooks. But a whole song not overproduced? Nope. And know what else, her videos were awesome, THAT’S what did it for her.)

    • K Lust

      But…but.. she was purty and could dance and stuff! Thats my only argument lol

    • trillyholliday

      Aaliyah actually could sing though. She had a 3.5 octave range, beautiful tone, dope runs and had the falsetto on lock. I think people overlook her vocal abilities because Timb’s beats were so percussion and bass heavy and her voice was soft that sometimes it got drowned out.

      • Beauty In Truth

        I’m the biggest Aaliyah fan ever. She was gorgeous. But let’s not kid ourselves and pretend that she could do Jamie Foxx runs acapella. She did not have strong vocals. But a great image/persona.

        • trillyholliday

          I disagree. I’ve listened to some of her tracks acappella and she could do some nice runs. Was she a vocal powerhouse? No, but she had a beautiful voice and nice control. From a technical standpoint, she could actually sing.

        • ciyelceo1

          Jamie Foxx can’t do Jamie Foxx runs…hes another overrated singer……..

    • Pele Kama

      She’s excellent in the studio, but live she sounded zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I agree.

    • halima229

      Aaliyah was an average singer and an ok dancer. Her music was great but she was always geting out danced by her backup dancers

    • MeLisa Onmygrind Ross

      Uhhhhh, harmonize not a thing

    • Hostile Negress

      You done did it now. Now everybody knows she was what Don Cornelious called a “vocal stylist” (I didn’t realize that was shade until recent years) but her main thing was being a performer in the vein of Janet J.

      What I find forever hilarious is that people shaded Aaliiyah for years (she’s cross eyed, etc.) then suddenly in the late 90s, they invited her onto the porch. Then she died. And NOBODY seems to recall the early shade dating back to at least 1994!

      • GrimyLittlePimp

        I remember. They would not let her live behind those sunglasses and that extra long bang.

  • Damon Young

    I disagree about John Legend. I don’t even really mess with R&B like that, but he’s one dude whose voice I can appreciate. Agree with everyone else, though.

    • Legend can sing he just has no control over his range most the time like Django Foxx

      • Elowwole

        Django Foxx almost took me outta here!

      • That girl MEL!

        John Legend sounds like the lion from THE WIZ and that is not a compliment. I’m in total agreement c

        • SandySB

          He’s a classic cruise ship singer

          • sHA

            oh no no no.

          • Lea Thrace

            Perfect description!

        • HeyBooHey

          Not the cowardly lion though….cuz as I read that, I slowly nodded in agreement

        • TonyaTko

          HOW DARE YOU make me laugh like that??


    • I’ve seen dude in concert twice and I generally like his music but he’s better when he knows where his boundaries are.

  • S

    When I saw Musiq all I could muster was “Fight Me Panama!” LOL

    But THANK YOU for John Legend, he does nothing for my soul.

    • panamajackson

      We can fight right after the Mayweather vs Pacquiao rematch.

  • iamnotakata

    SIR! See you lost me at John Legend and Maryy! See what you’re not gonna do is spread these lies about my girl Mary because ught she can sing! Thanks management. OK and you also tried it with Musiq…I don’t know about his “rap” career but brotha can blow….Alicia used to be able to sing I dont what happened though.

    • I am a huge fan of Mary. I love her name, her songs and her emotion. However, I have to admit that her voice is lacking. Her passion and emotion makes her music for me.

  • Trill Mickelson

    Now’s as good a time as any to point out that this is a thing that exists: http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Love-Keith-Sweat/dp/B000X410IE

  • *picks up Captain America shield*

    Honorable Mentions

    Jhene Aiko
    Post puberty Beiber
    Post 2005 Mariah

    • See, what you’re not going to do is try and come for Brandy. This is not allowed. Now everybody else on that list … {sips tea}

      • ciyelceo1

        Lost his WHOLE mind…lolol

    • I never understood the Aiko stannery. Kind of cute but sing…nah.

      • Jhene actually has some catchy songs on her mixtapes so I guess I can understand her stans. I just don’t agree with them

        • She’s Amerie with less vocals and no “One Thing” or “Why Don’t We Fall in Love”.

          • sHA

            YEEEEEES!! to these 2 songs.

            • kid video

              Two great summer songs.

      • K Lust

        She is horrible live. It pains me to say. But her cd slaps.

    • KB

      I never got the big fuss about Jhene Aiko. Her music sounds like something you would hear in an elevator…or waiting at the dentists office. She’s now become more known for telling people to “eat the booty like groceries” than any of her music.

      • Chile….I thought I was the only one who fell asleep listening to her mixtape.

      • Baemie St. Patrick

        I love chill music, so that’s why I dig her music. And she’s cute as all get out. Plus, she gave us a lyric that will never be forgotten.

    • iamnotakata

      I approve of this list ????

    • Dougie

      Brandy can blow. I’m with you for the rest of the Honorable Mentions.

      • I was also confused by the Brandy addition.

        • gurlgamer05

          Brandy really shouldn’t be an honorable mention. Everybody else is correct although I’d add pre puberty post YouTube Bieber lol.

    • I see nothing wrong with this list.

    • Nick Peters

      Teyana Taylor sings?

      her whole catalog is the first 15 seconds of “Dark Fantasy”

      • She has an album that sounds like 1996 the everyone claims to love but didn’t buy

      • Dougie

        Teyanna Taylor can blow. And her album is dope. You should give it a listen.

      • Nick Peters

        I ounce saw her @ the Cheescake Factory in Friendship Heights during Howard’s Homecoming

        • Boo Radley


          • Nick Peters

            Eating dinner

          • menajeanmaehightower

            Dead. Wrong.

            • Boo Radley

              I’m just saying. I love Brandy, but I’m perturbed that the best examples of her talent were captured on a Galaxy 4 and cataloged along side footage of cats doing cartwheels. If not for Youtube those of us who do know, probably wouldn’t. Her people are decidedly aintshyt.

      • Its a no from me

        • I now know not to trust your judgement in vocal prowess. Thank you.

          • Nick Peters

            To be fair…she is in her bathroom

            • I sound like trash in or out of the bathroom. She’s sung plenty of pieces live for me to know that she’s talented. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but the woman can sing.

        • ciyelceo1

          You’re ears can not be trusted. You’re opinion totally invalid…lol

      • Brian Collazo

        THANK YOU.

      • K.D. Andrews

        And Brandy’s runs can’t be touched.

        • ciyelceo1

          AT ALL. Again, one of the purest vocalists in the game.

      • Mina B.

        I distinctly recall when I was younger listening to a Brandy song and my dad walked in and said “Who is that? She cain’t sang” LOLOLOL

        I only thought she could sing after hearing her on youtube. For whatever reason her studio albums don’t highlight her talent at allllllll.

        • CrayolaGirl


      • pls

        And I still got my Brandy Barbie doll sittin at my mama house!

    • NoPlaysOff

      Box braid Brandy was not a good singer and no one will convince me otherwise…. Her voice on Full Moon though showed growth. Damage was already done though.

      • KNeale

        same. she is good…now. her voice has grown a lot and I am a fan. but when everybody up here talkin bout she can sing her face off. They can’t possibly be talkin bout Sittin Up in My Room Brandy. thats Full Moon To Date Brandy.

      • Jada

        LOL! To be fair, Brandy’s most popular album (Never Say Never) was recorded during an awkward transitioning phase in her voice so that’s why she sounds a little different. However, even on her first album, we knew she could sangggggggg. Go to 3:45. Who else at 15 years old?

        • pls

          brandy started off in the church. anybody can sing a song during testimony, but chile, she was leading her daddy’s choir at 9 years old. #dontdoit

    • HeyBooHey

      Take out Brandy and you’ve got a worthy list

    • Minah

      um Brandy?? No sir! She’s definitely a singer!

    • You just volunteering as tribute on today, huh?

      • Elowwole

        That’s exactly what’s happening! Brandy can’t sing?? Bruh…

        • I ain’t know so many ppl rode for Moesha…. Welp

          • Whitney Houston rode for Brandy’s voice cuh.

    • Tange

      Also, blasphemy on Brandy. She is a beast. But all the others? Yep…I do like Teyana Taylor but I’m not sure if it’s because of the songs or the actual voice. :-/

    • If you don’t know Brandy can’t sing you pretty much disqualified yourself from judging singing dude.

    • celinad6

      I hopped out of my seat when I saw Brandy. But I’m glad others here disagree with this. Brandy can sing her a$s off! Don’t get jumped now.

    • Suchalady

      Brandy?! Nah bruh…

    • PunchDrunkLove

      Except Brandy

    • That girl MEL!

      No wait now – BRANDY can sing!!
      Teyana got something in her, she just doesn’t have the best production.

      Jhene Aiko is pure garbage juice but b/c pretty and b/c mixed everyone hangs off her right nipple.

      • miss t-lee

        I agree, if Jhene Aiko wasn’t marginally pretty we wouldn’t know who she was.
        Chick cannot sing.

    • Val

      Sorry, Tristan but I’m going to have to pull Brandy, Weeknd and Teyana Taylor off of your list.

    • miss t-lee

      Yeah, I agree with everyone but Brandy.
      Brandy can sing.

    • The Weeknd makes music to stalk strippers by.

      • Brian Collazo

        Ayo, good call. I can’t stand the trash ass Weaknd.

      • mssporadic

        I never paid attention to him until Earned It. Love that song!

      • HeyBooHey

        His entire “House of Balloons” EP was exactly that. Stalk/Coke out with strippers music

      • K Lust

        The Weeknd also makes music to get high to and have a f*ck fest…. or so i heard.

        • Baemie St. Patrick

          The best “no pull out” music in the last 4 years.

          • K Lust

            LMAO none at all. Future baby father music.

      • NomadaNare

        Just strippers…? He should write ALL the songs for the Broadway revival of Cats.

      • MostlyMax

        Facts. T-rash.

    • Brian Collazo

      Out yo rabbit ass mind. Brandy sings her damn face off.

    • K Lust

      The Weeknd??????? nah bruh. I can’t agree. Not at all.

      • I’d have to hear him live

    • Lea Thrace

      Cosigning left and right!

    • Lisa Harris

      Aaliyah. not a singer by any definition.

    • Jumpcoach

      Trey Songz too!

    • Kris

      Go ahead and throw Brandy’s lil bro in there too–though I’ve never heard anybody say that RJ can SANG.

    • Cleojonz

      I don’t know who keeps trying to make Britney a thing and people keep buying tickets to her stuff. She has ALWAYS just been awful.

    • ciyelceo1

      Captain America Shield won’t help you. Brandy being on this list is complete insanity. She’s one of the best pure vocalists in the game. Period.

    • halima229

      Youre not gonna come for mariah. Not today! Look up mariah surprises fans. She did an an impromptu thing and she sounded great. She also performed love takes time at vegas. Brandy can really sing.

    • Shamir

      Ok settle the long debate then, Brandy or Monica? I’m going for Monica

    • PhillyDCGyrl

      Anytime someone references Drake I immediately go back to Degrassi High…

      ::Just me?::

    • Jada

      Lmfao Brandy can’t sing but she can whip out a Whitney vocal in the speed of lightning. I mean this run at 2:40! Everything alright? lol

    • DiamondIsMyRealName

      I heard Teyana live last year, she’s actually a decent singer but a better performer, definitely sexy.

    • keepinITreal

      NOW we know why Whitney went from Bobby to Ray J … overrated and NO talent – #truth

    • Tisha Duree

      Bet not nobody say nothing bad about Mariah Carey! I’ll have to cut cha!

  • Dougie

    I cant co-sign John Legend, but everything else is on point. I don’t know how Mary and Alicia keys weren’t back to back 1 and 2. I move to revise the post and throw them higher towards the top. It’s depressing what happened to them.

    • Alicia was moreorless a jazz singer and when she tried to make that leap to being a pop star she missed it by a mile.

      Mary’s voice just aged bad

      • gurlgamer05

        Alicia probably should’ve stayed jazz instead of trying to cross over. I think all the alcohol and cocaine use messed up Mary’s voice. That and her not being in pain no more.

        • Dougie

          And her actually singing the words hateration and danceree didn’t help her stock.

          • DBoySlim

            Dude, how did people let that slide. Family Affair was a terrible song.

      • Alicia Keys is not a jazz singer or anything close.

        • I ain’t say she was a good one

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