10 Myths About Black People That Need To Be Taken Behind A Barn And Shot In The Fucking Face » VSB

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10 Myths About Black People That Need To Be Taken Behind A Barn And Shot In The Fucking Face

Malia and Sasha Obama (Ron Sachs/Pool/Getty Images)

 

Smart Black kids are regularly teased by other Blacks for “acting White” and ostracized because of their academic achievements

It can not be denied that some Black people have experienced this. But creating and promoting a narrative that this type of intentional academic self-sabotage happens all the time — like there are sentinels on every corner in the hood waiting for a kid with a bookbag to walk by so they can splash white paint on him and inject him with liquid crack — is both wrong (because…it’s wrong) and dangerous (because it vilifies working and lower class Black people and reinforces some of the worst stereotypes about us).

Black people don’t care about Black-on-Black crime

Tell that to everyone who’s ever attended a dozen or so candlelight vigils. Or dozens of stop-the-violence protest marches and rallies. Or all the people who’ve organized and participated in things like Midnight Basketball. Or all the community-based initiatives in every inner-city in the country specifically devoted to finding ways to stop crime. Or all the little Black kids who grew up to be lawyers or politicians or police officers because they grew up around violence and vowed to devote their lives to doing something about it because they didn’t want any more little Black kids to have to see the things they saw.

Black men generally suck at being dads

From Think Progress

Most of the CDC’s previous research on family life — which the agency explores as an important contributor to public health and child development — has focused exclusively on mothers. But the latest data finds that the stereotypical gender imbalance in this area doesn’t hold true, and dads are just as hands-on when it comes to raising their kids. That includes African-American fathers. In fact, in its coverage of the study, the Los Angeles Times noted that the results “defy stereotypes about black fatherhood” because the CDC found that black dads are more involved with their kids on a daily basis than dads from other racial groups.

Black women do not support and encourage Black men the way other women (White, Asian, Indian, etc) support and encourage their men

Perhaps the most ridiculous myth of all, because aside from Florida Evans from Good Times — who really was the Albert Einstein of hating — there’s no real evidence to support it and literally centuries worth of evidence to refute it.

Successful Black men are more likely to marry a non-Black woman than a Black one

Let’s forget for a moment that the guy who created perhaps the most famous line about this myth (“And when you get on/ he leave your ass for a White girl”) actually went out and did it. The vast majority of Black men — rich, poor, whatever — who choose to marry do marry Black women. 

Black people hate the police

We (Black people) just hate that some police officers seem to hate us, and that the criminal justice system is structured in a way that often protects these hateful few and even encourages their behavior.

Black people hate White people

We (Black people) just hate that some White people seem to hate us, and that the criminal justice system, the government, the banking industry, the education system, the legal system, the financial system, and the prison system are all structured in a way that often protects these hateful few and even encourages their behavior.

Black people are bad tippers

For argument’s sake, let’s concede that we (Black people) generally tip servers and bartenders less than other demographics tend to. Without context, this would seem pretty damning. With context, though? Perhaps this phenomenon is a direct reaction to a very real history of getting substandard service…which leads to more substandard service because of an expectation of how Black customers are going to tip.

And maybe, like with many other things, the perception of the frequency of certain misbehaviors committed by Black people is far greater than the reality.

The ratio of eligible Black men to eligible Black women in your city is a number too ridiculous to even mention

While it is true that there is a numbers imbalance, it’s nowhere near the seven-to-ones and 12-to-ones and 253,234-to-ones we seem to regurgitate. Also, believing things are this dire becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because if enough people believe these “facts” to be true, they’ll start acting like they’re true. This is how Diva Dudes are born.

Black people who attend HBCUs are ill-equipped to navigate corporate America

Of all the reasons to choose to attend a PWI instead of an HBCU, this is the worst. Mainly because…

A) It implies that “being in the vicinity of White people” is a more valuable college experience than actually learning shit in college.

B) It presumes that predominately White corporations are the only ones available to work in and/or worthy of working for

C) It makes the assumption that whatever a young person needs to know about “White people” needs to be learned in college and couldn’t have possibly been learned over a lifetime of living in America.

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a columnist for GQ.com And he's working on a book of essays to be published by Ecco (HarperCollins). Damon is busy. He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Reach him at damon@verysmartbrothas.com. Or don't. Whatever.

  • She Who Reads

    Truthiness on fleek, pops.

  • I appreciate the piece on Fatherhood. I was so excited to see those numbers when the CDC released them. As a part of my job, I’m required to know this but personally I live it.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Whats your occupation?

      • I work in a non-profit specializing in infant, early childhood and mother’s health. As a part of pregnancy promotion and health family living, we house a fatherhood program as well.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Oh wow. You must have stories for days. Thank you for sharing that.

        • Missnottoday

          I wrote my thesis on fatherhood and how the system is not designed to help fathers but then labels them as deadbeats. It was specific to fathers and their involvement in CPS cases. Anywhoo, I’m happy to see there are programs out there for dads. Dads matter!

          • That’s such a great topic. Also, our program is called “Dads Matter”. S/O to you!

  • Lea Thrace

    Champie went in!

    Who peed in your cornflakes this morning…

    • nillalatte

      LOL

  • ED

    I’ve questioned the first myth. I was made fun of for being nerdy/weird BUT (and this is very important) it was done by friends, and was no different than the regular joking around that kids (friends) did to each other. I used to think maybe it was just the environment I was in but recently I’ve been thinking this is taken way out of proportion. In a school of about 4,000I don’t remember anyone being picked on for being smart. The one girl I know who was referred to as “oreo” was no smarter than the average black kid. It was actually because she talked just like the white girls in the school.

    About the black women not supporting black men myth: I’ve actually heard the opposite. That black women give their unwavering support to black men only for black men to not give anything close in return.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      I think being told you’re “acting white” was about ostracizing like when people called kids “nerds”. It hurt a lot of kids growing up to hear that. Maybe the effects don’t seem as damaging as do the other stereotypes but for many kids, especially Black nerds, that caused alot of anxiety.

      • AlwaysCC

        i think it’s about internalizing what you’re being teased about (no matter the subject). if you already have issues fitting in, and then a group of kids tell you you’re too ___ to hang with them – it can have a profound effect on you.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          It can, and I think it’s just another heap of stress mounted on top of the Black experience. Some make it through, others dont.

          • ED

            I think continuing to exaggerate how much smart black kids are teased about being smart isn’t helping.

            • Ms TLC

              Not at all. Because all my friends and I did was ban together…duh! LOL! We created our own clique of weirdos, cornballs, etc. Not to mention any type of stereotypical teasing I endured, I just considered the source. They were ALWAYS bullies, who bullied EVERYONE about EVERYTHING! Once I paid attention to that it became so stupid and obvious. But I did grow up in a racially/socioeconomically diverse suburb…so

              • AlwaysCC

                i was just talking about this last week! nobody messed with the “band nerds” because there were 300 of them. they were bigger than any other social group. and the tuba players being bigger than some of the football players helped a bit, too…

              • Nick Peters

                DOPE

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              It’s only an exaggeration to people who don’t experience it though. I mean it clearly doesn’t happen to everyone but then again, we arent kids in school anymore

        • ED

          Internalizing. That’s what I was gonna try to say but I couldn’t come up with it lol. Thank you.

          • Wesley Spain

            It needs to be addressed especially with how political everyone is these days. We go around destroying our kids psyche because we disagree with their parents or their politics. Really ?

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              That’s the part that becomes dangerous. We say we want better for the kids, yet just participate in pissing contests to get our way. Forget the kids.

          • AlwaysCC

            anytime lol

    • Asiyah

      I’ve heard the stereotype of black women not being supportive from a few black men, but I call them out and reply that just because a person will not put up with your crap doesn’t mean they’re not supportive (I use “your” pertaining to that individual, not black men as a whole.). I resent that stereotype.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        As you should. Supporting someone is not the same thing as finishing the job for them.

  • RewindingtonMaximus

    The whole “acting white” is a bigger phenomenon than people let on. Maybe it’s better for children today, but before, it was quite rampant. There are too many people that had that hatred spewed in their face for it not to be real.

    Great list. May I add another though? Or two?

    11) Black people are more homophobic than other groups.

    Not true.Yes we do have a problem with homophobia, as does every culture in some sense, and that problem primarily stems from religion. But it is in no way, worse off than other racial groups. Our LGBT community sets too many trends for the LGBT worldwide community to be ignored.

    12) Black people don’t believe in mental health.

    Not true, because on the average, every VSB reader and lurker has a family member that suffers from some sort of mental illness, ranging from depression to schizophrenia to demntia. Out culture tends to fear mental illness and the ideas of psychology, but given that our primary downfall is stress, even our denial wavers when hit with the hard facts.

    • Black people don’t get treatment for their mental illnesses and instead rely on the church.

      • Well… *submits my comments from 2011-2013 for consideration* Of course, there’s also my therapist and a leadership role with an online support group…

    • Wesley Spain

      You are correct. The reason it doesn’t get addressed is because the political and religious elite in our community use these “black enough?” tactics to do business, separate those who they surround themselves with and ones they can and cant trust and ones who will benefit for govt contracts and programs. They also teach their kids to be wary of kids who are too ambitious, date white, or speak with a nasal tone and it KILLS US more than anything the white man can do.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        True. Training ourselves to look at each other as the enemy after years of how effective the way white men did it plays a major role in why we stumble every time. We don’t see unity as a true comrpromise, except when tragedy strikes. Otherwise, the ones who fight to dismiss the stereotypes can only go so far if the numbers never grow.

    • I think the policing of Blackness is WAAAY less strict now than in our era. Things that wouldn’t fly back in the day fly now.

      In terms of mental illness, I’m calling shenanigans. While people are at least aware that things are wrong, the whole Black people Are Strong myth is still running Wild. There are a lot of people who talk as if depression or self-injury can be powered through. And I still get people surprised that my ex is a fully fledged Black woman with all those psych issues.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        I’m not saying we don’t pretend things aren’t eeal, but our ratio isn’t worse off than most other racial groups. The stereotypes always make it seem like mental health cripples the entire race.

        • The BS happens is when the pretending goes overboard. Ninjas don’t notice until things go way over the edge.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            And that’s just a human problem in general. Realistically depending on your experiences, many Black people live with some form of depression or PTSD. But if everybody around suffers from the same and act like it’s no big deal, you have no reason to not think it is normal.

      • Sigma_Since 93

        Fears of not being treated as equals medically is a BIG reason why we won’t get checked out. We went through that cycle where docs were diagnosing folks as feeble minded and locking them in institutions forever and the kids being diagnosed with ADHD and handing out that Ritalin like it was candy

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          That and being experimented on without our knowledgeable consent has created this culture of extreme distrust.

        • Agree 1000%. When Black people do get into the system, they’re usually scared as f*ck, and for good historical reasons. The upshot is that Black people tend to end up in teaching hospitals for their mental health care, where they’re treated by residents. These residents don’t know the history, so it just looks to them that the Black patients are just being extra. The cycle continues from there.

          • Wild Cougar

            There is real bias in the medical community that would make many Black people, rightfully, shun mental health care. Black boys are commonly misdiagnosed with schizophrenia. I have seen counselors and became frustrated with their ignorance and stereotypes. You cannot develop trust to hand over your emotional issues to someone who is willfully ignorant about people who look like you.

      • AlwaysCC

        black people tend to pray ailments away instead of just going to a doctor.

        • A major reason that many black people don’t seek out help until it’s too late. The church can be a place of healing but it seems like churches can effectively cripple a community if the right people aren’t in place.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            Preying on the minds of the weak and desperate it’s what always begins the downfall

            • Sigma_Since 93

              My doctor will often say I treat but God heals. I don’t think is prey more than it’s resources; a mega church may have a doctor / lawyer that can put together a 501c3 and create a clinic or have a wellness workshop. Folks JUST (depending on where you live) got heath care where they aren’t going broke going to the emergency room. Prayer was the most cost effective measure when you don’t have money for healthcare.

              • I can attest to this. My church is full of physicians and nurses and lawyers and councilmen/women. We are always having some sort of workshop or clinic and there are always announcements to go get mammograms, prostate checks, etc.

                • AlwaysCC

                  my church, too. my pastor even recommends going to therapy.

                  • StillSuga

                    Mine too! I gained so much respect for him as a person, and in his ministry that “pray it away” wasn’t what he preached.

      • Epsilonicus

        “I think the policing of Blackness is WAAAY less strict now than in our era. Things that wouldn’t fly back in the day fly now.”

        I have noticed this with my niece

      • Nick Peters

        Isn’t this why we have barbershops and beauty salons?

    • Taz

      Black people may believe in mental health but many do not seek treatment on a regular bases.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Because we don’t generally trust the institutions that provide it

        • Taz

          How has ppl who provide mental health swindled blk ppl? Medical, yes. But not mental. Black ppl just never went to seek profesioonal help for mental illness.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            There are recorded psychiatric experiments from the early 1900s onwards on multiple ethnic groups in the U.S. Our paranoia isn’t fear based, there are legitimate reasons Black people often reject medical and mental science.

            • Taz

              Im black and I dont fear the medical community. Im not sure why young ppl would reject it but older ppl might.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Younger people only would if they kept letting old heads scare them out of it

          • Wild Cougar

            “A recent surgeon general’s report and various studies document racial and ethnic disparities in mental health care, including gaps in access, questionable diagnostic practices, and limited provision of optimum treatments. Bias is a little studied but viable explanation for these disparities.”

            Read More: http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.93.2.239

            • Taz

              How would black ppl know any of that if they never sought out mental health professionals? Rumors? If ppl are believing rumors when its pertains to their health then they deserve what they get.

              • Wild Cougar

                They would know because people tell them. What they say is true and should be trusted. Its not just rumors. The medical community is what needs to change, not the black community

                • Taz

                  Who is this “they” that are telling blk ppl to distrust medical professionals. All I know is Imma keep going to the docs and taking care of myself. IF I start going crazy (knock on wood) I will seek mental health professionals.

                  Yall stay misinformed and sickly.

  • 2 Kinds of Stereotypes – ones from experience, the other from media.

    Most of these are stereotypes from the media.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      True but someone has experienced them as well.

      • No doubt.

        The difference is a matter of degree. A stereotype based on experience can easily be changed or challenged by another one. Whereas on the media, it’s much more difficult.

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          True, media emphasizes on lack of experience and a healthy dose of ignorance

          • I don’t really blame the media though.

            The media, even under the best of circumstances can only offer a perspective, not an experience. People who believe that it can are already lost, regardless of how smart they are. Which is why when I here a lot of smart and ambitious black people say the cure for black social ails requires owning our own media, I smh in disappointment, knowing that they are not going to change anything.

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              You’re correct. Media no matter what is story telling. Story telling only gives you information, but it never dictates your perception. However it still remains as dangerous, due to the need to emphasize a version of information that clearly is manipulated.

        • Sigma_Since 93

          Prime examples.

          Example A White folks can burn stuff down and be called revelers. Black folk burn stuff down and get called looters.

          Example B There are more White folks on public assistance but Blacks are the face or public assistance and public assistance fraud.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            White folks steal and it’s called sampling. Black folks steal and its….normal.

            • AlwaysCC

              ain’t it though?! smdh

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                Everyday. Looking at us in the stores, don’t realize white girl just put two outfits up her crotch.

                • AlwaysCC

                  my husband is in loss prevention. he has sooo many stories about shoplifters – and a lot of times it’s the parents who are enabling the kids (or teaching them)…it’s so sad.

                  • RewindingtonMaximus

                    Its a repeat cycle, if you don’t teach your kids consequences then they think its normal…and yet that has nothing to do with color.

                    • AlwaysCC

                      exactly.

  • miles b

    I hate when conservatives trot out that 1st myth so much. I was the weird smart dude in the school and I was never beat up for it or chastised. Like ever. In fact my 2 best friends in high school were the same way and won prom king and queen. I honestly think it’s because conservatives still want to think of us as less than, so they push that narrative that our culture is backwards.

    • The worse part of the stereotype, is that despite all the guns and weapons illegally available to teens in the hood compared to the boonies, it’s usually the white nerdy and anti-social white guys who end up shooting the schools and the rest. If smart black kids are the ones that are getting harassed and beat up to such a high extent, why aren’t they the ones shooting up the schools?

      • That last paragraph is truth. A lot of conversations about race throughout the political spectrum tend to be proxy wars for cultural disputes within and among White people. Fight your own beefs man!

        • Yes America, is pretty much immigrants coming in and taking all the money, and then all the white people blaming the conservatives or progressives for why things are stagnant in their lives. Black people would be much better off if we could just get out of this intellectual civil war that white people have had between C.Wright Mills and Russell Kirk, since the 1950’s.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      Conservatives want monopolize intelligence. They want it to seem like skin color dictates mental superiority, and it’s been that way for hundreds of years. But I was beat up and harassed for talking white, and that left a big stain on my beliefs of Black people. It’s a two fold issue.

      • Cleojonz

        “Conservatives want monopolize intelligence”
        Which is ironic when so many of their arguments are based on emotion and cannot be based on fact at all. Some of the things they say are so ignorant. Prime example is the recent controversy with the Duggars’ son. They are on record as saying gays shouldn’t adopt because they will molest children. Meanwhile their son had already molested his own sisters. WTF?

        • RewindingtonMaximus

          Good point. They make shock statements but have nothing to say when logic refutes those statements. Then its “well the Bible says this, Jesus is against that”. Meanwhile, I don’t ever remember the Holy Spirit giving the official thumbs up to coked up hooker parties, billion dollar deals to destroy faraway countries filled with brown people, or endorsing companies that release enough poisons in the atmosphere to recreate a global epidemic, like they won’t suffer with the rest of us.

          • Cleojonz

            RIGHT! It’s “the bible says” as applied to everyone else, but never their hypocritical selves!

            • RewindingtonMaximus

              Because people never like to be wrong or proven wrong, so let a book speak against anything they don’t like. Most mature attitude ever.

  • disqus_vfmXwntoup

    The tipping thing. *sigh. The first problem is people’s perception on what a good tip is. I think it’s a lack of exposure, but 10% and 15% are not examples of great tipping. 18%-20% is standard. I work in hospitality and bad tips come from cheap people, broke people, and foreigners. Unfortunately a fair number of them are black people. When I first started working in the industry I was so offended by this stereotype I’d go out of my way to give above and beyond service to every black customer I got. Lots of verbal compliments but, people who were going to tip you well will and people who won’t/ do not know, will not.

    • RewindingtonMaximus

      The thing is, breaking the stereotype reinforces a new one : being the Black person who is unlike other Black people. It’s like we can’t be ourselves, for everything we do, even tipping well cause homie put extra tequilia in my drink, somehow represent ts the whole race.

      I’ve seen the look on the faces of waiting staff that know me because I tip well but talk smack about all the other Black patrons because they dont.

    • Lol, nah look, it is what it is, when it comes to tipping for food and most hospitality oriented stuff…

      When it comes to hair, the story is a lot more different.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        That man gives you the ill fade, you tip that man. Nuff said.

    • towninc

      and where are these standards? I must’ve missed the transition from 15% to 20% being the standard.

      • dmcmillian72

        I was thinking the same thing…

    • Kim

      no that’s just entitlement, I’m not tipping anyone $20 (when I go out, I go all out) when all they did was dropped a menu on my table then handed me the bill afterwards.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        Hmmm….note to self…bring Kim when going for drinks.

        • Kim

          lol smh I’m a victim of gluttony.

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            You and me both. My bartenders name drinks after me.

            • Kim

              whaaaat? I was I had the fortune.

              • RewindingtonMaximus

                You gotta roll then! Once I chat up and pay those bucks, we suddenly friends with liquor benefits

    • MsSula

      The fact that Tipping even has a standard does not compute. I am one of those foreigners. In any other place I have been to, you tip according to the quality of service you have received. It is not a guaranteed thing. What needs to happen is to pay Service workers a regular wage and let them have the tips as extra. Restaurants can’t expect patrons to pay for their meals AND pay for their employees at the same time. That’s where the problem is.

      • Kim

        Thank you, I tip based on the quality of service not some stupid standard.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        True.

      • disqus_vfmXwntoup

        That’s a genuine argument and there are merits to it. However, the person who suffers is not the restaurant (you have already paid for your meal, they’ve gotten their money), your are penalizing the person who makes $2 an hour

      • Cleojonz

        Agreed. I won’t ever NOT tip someone but if the service is lousy what should you be rewarded for?
        There are several restaurants that have now started to take this approach. Offering insurance and giving a living wage and eliminating tipping. Patrons don’t mind paying a little bit more for the meal if they realize what the costs are associated with. Its creates a better work environment with much less turn over too.

    • I don’t think that it’s fair to expect people to tip if they weren’t ever taught how to or why they need to. I know a guy who refuses to tip because his thought process is “They are getting paid to do their job and they knew they wouldn’t be making much coming in”

      That just tells me no one ever exposed him to ish in life.

      • RewindingtonMaximus

        I know plenty of people like that, but I realize they don’t consider appreciating anything in life either, so tipping is the least of the worries.

        • Why don’t these people stop frequenting places that require you to tip???

          • RewindingtonMaximus

            They too bougie for MickeyDs, but too cheap for Tony Romas

      • disqus_vfmXwntoup

        Ruby, that’s my point exactly on exposure. It’s not that black people are inherently bad tippers (lol, is that even a thing?) It’s that a lot of people just don’t know that this is the norm. Nobody is expected to reward bad service, but when a server receives 15% or 10% it indicates there was dissatisfaction with service, and the server is being penalized.

    • PunchDrunkLove

      I tip 15% for standard or subpar service….because they need to make a living as well. I’m happy to drop plenty more for a job well done.

  • TeeChantel

    Yeah, that first myth sucks. I hate the whole “acting white”, “talking white/talking black” myth. I’ve questioned it so many times and no one could ever really explain what it means to talk and act white. Growing up, I used to get called “Penny” or “Battier” because apparently I was a white woman stuck in a black woman’s body. And most of the teasing came from black folks that had little to no education or those that kept the “ghetto fabulous” mentality. So, to them, I was basically a sell out.

  • miss t-lee

    “Black men generally suck at being dads”

    Definitely gotta take this one out back and old yeller it.

    • I’d rather leave it on an artillery target range at the nearest military base bound to a kitchen and gagged.

      • Ms TLC

        Word!

      • miss t-lee

        This also works.

      • Cula J.

        I’d rather leave it gutshot, and handcuffed to a radiator in some flophouse in a seedy party of town. Somewhere, a saxophone is playing while I try and fail to drown my anger in two fingers of rum.

        • This comment would make Elmore Leonard smile somewhere in the afterlife.

          • Cula J.

            Damn. I was trying to channel Walter Mosley…but I’ll take this.

    • Sigma_Since 93

      Sounder this one

    • Cleojonz

      This myth really needs to go away. Some how there became a correlation between whether a black father married his child’s mother and whether or not he would be an involved parent. It’s not always a relevant factor.

      • miss t-lee

        Indeed.
        Especially when we all know good fathers out here. They are definitely not the minority.

      • Yellow Tail

        Yes! I’ve personally seen loads of 2520 men who are married but spend so much time staying out late after work and playing golf on weekends it really makes you wonder how “involved” they really are in their children’s lives. Just because mom and dad are co-parenting doesn’t mean the kids have a bad relationship with dad. In fact I would argue that it forces dad and kids to spend more time together. With all this said, I think the issue with black dads is not necessarily time spent with kids but may be more economic when you look at the black unemployment rate etc. Black men are great dads!

        • Epsilonicus

          Going to a white private HS, while dad lives at home, dad wasn’t active at home. I had many classmates who saw their dads only a few times a week.

        • Cleojonz

          That’s exactly it. Being more economically stable does not equal being a good dad. Nor does just being present in the home. My dad was so involved with my brother from his first marriage he eventually came to live with us full time when he grew tired of him mom’s shenanigans and wanted more structure.

      • DiamondIsMyRealName

        This is my truth! My sons father and I havent been together in over 2 years and we have a soon to be 6 year old. he sees him 2-3 times during the week and gets him every other weekend (fri, sat, and sun). No child support, no court orders, we just do what needs to be done. We go half on my sons schooling and the rest is taken care of as needed. I couldnt ask for our situation to be any better! #BlackDadsRock My favorite picture of all time of my son and his dad has this quote “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society” – Billy Graham. #Facts!

        • Cleojonz

          That’s great that’s you’ve been able to work together as true partners for your son’s sake. It’s only to your benefit that he spends time with your son. It’ shard to do this ish on your own!

          • DiamondIsMyRealName

            Agreed, I always said that there’s no point in us staying together and not being completely happy and “doing it for the baby”. Bottom line is, he can’t be happy if we aren’t, even if that means us being apart. I have so much respect for women who don’t share my same experience but still manage to hold it down. I admit, I’m spoiled and enjoy my “me time” on Tuesday and Wednesday nights when he’s with his father but I know there’s nothing like having a present dad (both physically and mentally).

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