Dating, Relationships, & Sex, Lists, Theory & Essay

10 Dating And Sex-Related Things Never Said By Anyone, Anywhere, Ever

"Babe, before we go out, would you mind ironing again so your creases will be sharper?"

If you’ve ever taken a look at our origin story, you’ll see that helping people and shit is a huge part of our overall mission. We’re here to help you all help yourselves.

As the resident irreverent motherf*cker, I’m a believer in using words like “irreverent” when describing myself to convince people I’m worth listening to. I also enjoy saying things such as “I don’t disagree with you” and “That’s never not been true.”

I have no idea why I’m bringing any of this up, but I do know that, at times, there’s no better way to help someone than to convince them that what they’re doing is f*cking stupid. In this sense, “10 Dating And Sex-Related Things Never Said By Anyone, Anywhere, Ever” is just me being very altruistic.

“Yeah, I didn’t plan on giving him any, but after seven months of attempting to make me feel bad for not being attracted to him, I eventually got so turned on by his perpetual guilt trips that I finally decided to have sex with him”

“After this fifth time getting caught cheating on her, if she forgives me again and takes me back again, I definitely plan on being faithful to her”

“You know what I love most about her, man? Her strength. Dude,  when I think about that and her independence it makes my dick hard”

“I wasn’t feeling him at first, but then I saw that Instagram pic of him  ice-grilling the camera while rocking an ascot, and I was instantly turned on”

“Let me woman up for a second and tell you something. I’m sorry for doing that. I was wrong. I repeat: I, not you, was wrong. It’s completely my fault, and I take total responsibility for my actions”

“Remember that guy I hit on at the bar a few months ago? You know, that guy I thought was really cute, and I walked up to him, told him how sexy I thought he was, and asked for his number? Well, we’re getting married!”

“Not calling, texting, tweeting, seeing, being seem with, spending time with, and claiming her is my way of showing her that I’m completely into her”

“Girl, there’s nothing sexier than being at a movie with him and feeling him attempt to bang me with his dry-ass, popcorn salt laden fingers”

“Hey fellas, at wing night tonight, instead of sharing stories about all the crazy bitches we’ve been with recently, lets talk about the shit we pulled to exacerbate the crazy”

“Man, this is the best party ever. You know what would make things even better? If my girl was here. She’s the funniest person I know”

That’s it for me today. People of VSB.com, can you think of any other dating, sex, and relationship-related statements never said by anyone, anywhere, ever?

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

***If you’re in the DC area today, make sure to come out to “Myth or Maybe” — a relationship-related discussion hosted by Panama and the homie Rahiel from Urban Cusp***

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Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

  • eazy_

    first

    • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

      That’s usually what he says. Followed by an eye-rolling and teeth sucking sigh from some poor, frustrated woman.

      • nillalatte

        LMAO!!! When he’s first, game over. :( He should have met jack before trying crack. :P

        • Breezy

          Well played Tes!

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          LOL That’s a good one.

      • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

        lmao…now he cant even make eye contact wih her cuz he wants to smile and he knows she’s pissed

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          hahahahahahahahaha

      • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

        BAZINGA!

      • http://pinchmycheekie.wordpress.com Cheekie

        TOTALLY well-played.

      • Medium Meech

        Looks like our lil Tes has grown up. Not sure how I feel about that. :-[/]>

        • Sandpaper

          Me neither

        • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

          that’s what happens when…
          oops. never mind. ;)

          • Medium Meech

            >:-[/]>

            • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

              sup meech! lol. ;)

          • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

            Shh! *blushes* lol

            • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

              i aint say nuffin!

        • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

          Aww Meech :) I’m still the same little Tes…

          • Medium Meech

            Not feeling the “…”

            • http://testorshia.blogspot.com Tes

              A few small changes here and there, but I promise I’m mostly unchanged. :)

      • eazy253

        Never saw the eye roll or heard the teeth sucking. I just woke up.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

    “You know what I love most about her, man? Her strength. Dude, when I think about that and her independence it makes my dick hard”

    You may not hear this but this one is realistic… F*ck that. I could see myself saying this. REAL TALK.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

      “Girl, there’s nothing sexier than being at a movie with him and feeling him attempt to bang me with his dry-ass, popcorn salt laden fingers”

      Did you mean “finger-bang”?? **cringe**

      • Yonnie

        Do full grown adults do this in the movie theater?

        • naturalista88

          After working @ a movie theater for 3 years and finding unwrapped condoms on several occasions, I can confidently say yes. That and many other things can go on in the back of a theater nowadays.

          • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

            I was surprised folks still do that. I guess they don’t know that there are cameras in the theater looking for people bootlegging the movie. One of them is going to mess around and run for office and the bootleg police is going to sell their s3x tape

        • That Ugly Kid

          Yes. Yes we do. Especially at the Icon theatre on Roosevelt in Chicago, IL. Finger-banging as well as oral goes on in there. Not…speaking from personal experience of course…

          • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

            As a germaphobe I think that’s so nasty.

            • That Ugly Kid

              You’re a germaphobe? So I guess now would be a bad time to tell you that I snuck into your crib and serial sneezed on everything.

              • http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

                Lol, A germaphobes worst nightmare.

          • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

            Yes. Yes we do.
            The above statement negates everything you said below it.

            • That Ugly Kid

              Gotdamnit! And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling Jays…

              • Breezy

                Good catch Jay….we can’t have TUK running around these e-streets unchecked!

                *sticks tongue out at TUK*

          • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

            Sure TUK. WE believe you! ;-)

        • Blaque

          Yep. In the words of someone wise but nonetheless no good… Go on and do it. No one looks back in the movie theater.

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      I’ve had a lot of men tell me that me being a boxer turns them on. But they’re probably secure in their manhood, so….yeah.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        I assume it. Men love a woman moving her body and sweating so… yeah

    • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      You should examine why you’re attracting and staying with irresponsible women. I admit I’m wrong all the time.

      • YeahSo

        I do too… I don’t know where men get that mess from. Some women are fine with apologizing… I’d even go as far as to say majority… ehhh then again maybe not, but still there’s prolly like a 60/40 split.

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Women, when they call themselves apologizing, will try to just say “well, I think we should just do what you were thinking” or “you were probably right.” It gets worded in such a way that it becomes plausibly deniable at any point.

          • YeahSo

            I understand what you’re saying… but from experience I have and do often apologize… and yes I have boobs. Actually, I believe y’all are too stubborn and too SENSITIVE to even accept when you’re being apologized to, so heyll you probably don’t even know when women are actually telling you sorry. All you hear is “blah blah blah blah” because you still mad. That’s the problem… plus everyone knows men hold on to stuff when it’s long over anyway (apology included).

            • random

              Having boobs doesn’t mean you’re female….lol

              • YeahSo

                Did you just call me a fat man? (Meech is that you?)

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I don’t worry about other women. If I am wrong, I apologize. There are worse things a woman can find herself in other than apologizing. Like stripping him naked and he has the wrong sized dyuck.

          • Phillygyrl

            That’s happened to me before! lol! A huge disappointment.

            • Delightfully Anachronistic

              You mean a tiny, very small disappointment.

      • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

        As do I. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. No amount of hemming and hawing is going to change that.

  • https://twitter.com/mcnairian5 fiveisthenumber

    “Hey, Me and my girl want to start a fantasy football league for couples, who’s in?”

    • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

      MEEE…. F*ck!!! I forgot, I’m single now. Great idea though.

      • https://twitter.com/mcnairian5 fiveisthenumber

        LOL

  • eazy_

    1. I think we should go on a diet together.

    2. I’m going out with my friends tonight. You can come if you want.

    3. Shouldn’t you be getting an extra large shirt instead of a small?

    • http://www.iamyourpeople.com I Am Your People

      #1 will end your relationship AND your life

      • Breezy

        BOL @ IAYP….you en never lied.

      • A Woman’s Eyes

        Only if she’s fat and doesn’t wanna change that.

        I know couples who went on a diet together with no violence occuring at the suggestion.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      All three of these are guraranteed to have World War III start in a heartbeat.

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      omg People let the ones they get naked with and love go out in the world in too small shirts? Coupled up person?? Dag! Well I’m going to tell you if your clothes don’t fit your body right.

  • http://rhondamae.wordpress.com RhondaMae

    I have no problem admitting when I’m wrong! Do I say it like, “I was wrong. I repeat: I, not you, was wrong. It’s completely my fault, and I take total responsibility for my actions”? No. But I confess to my mistakes.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

      I would like to talk to your exes. I bet you hear yourself say: “Babe I’m sooo sorry. I was wrong”. but what you REALLY say is: “lets just forget about it and move on”.

      I don’t know you so I’m not accusing you of anything. Thats just the closest I’ve ever heard a female come to saying “I was wrong.”

      • That Ugly Kid

        Pause….females admitting when they’re wrong? What…what….what is this sorcery?!

        • JustAThought

          It’s called responsibility…I take that.

          • Rewind

            Where they do that at?

            I’ve never seen it done, and if it was…it was real half assed at the last moment.

          • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

            •Like•

        • nillalatte

          Oh, stop it TUK… some folks do have the sense to admit they’re wrong. Of course, then the guys usually aren’t mature enough to accept that they are taking responsibility and act all crazy.

          • That Ugly Kid

            Some do, but it’s a rarity for a woman to just flat out admit that she’s wrong. Like, flat out. Usually the few women who do, try to justify it by saying, “Okay, I’m sorry. I know I was wrong, but I wouldn’t have did that if you didn’t do….blah blah.” But I’ve NEVER came across a woman who took FULL responsibility for what happened without trying to have me syphon some of the blame.

            • nillalatte

              That’s called projecting and a psychological imbalance. No, that is not a good trait to possess at.all.

              • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

                Yet it seems to come standard with boobs.

                • nillalatte

                  Oh, stop it Jay. I admit when I’m wrong and trust.. I have boobs. There are plenty of women that take responsibility for their missteps. But, men seem to hold grudges longer.

                  • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

                    Just speaking from experience…

                    • Breezy

                      I had to admit I was wrong just on Monday…I am a big girl and can own up to the errors of my ways. Jay and TUK…ya’ll need to meet better women…lol!

                    • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

                      @Breezy

                      I’d like to hear the story behind your apology.

                    • Breezy

                      @BM: I reacted to something he did prematurely, he didn’t like it (he was so right and I was so wrong), we talked about it and I apologized for my “impatient” reaction….it really was that simple.

                    • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

                      Well, um, I mean couldn’t you be slightly more detailed? Just doesn’t seem satisfactory enough.

                    • Breezy

                      @BM: I thought you would be satisfied that I actually admitted that IIIIIIIIIIIII (the woman) was wrong? Don’t you wanna turn me over and spank me just based on that alone….then do the Rocky staircase victory dance? No?

                    • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

                      Nah no need for that. I just want to hear an odd story, that’s all.

                    • JessicaL

                      Lol my stepdad trained my brother and me to admit when we’re wrong. I don’t like it but I know it’s the right thing to do so I do it. Let’s face it no one likes to be wrong, but it makes life so much easier if you ca see and understand your mistakes and apologize. He used to make us say you were right and I was wrong. Now it just comes naturally.

                  • Rewind

                    Then that’s your indivieual take, but many men have stories about yuor gender counterparts that have never come close to making that move for us, but clearly expect us to do it for t hem.

                • c-real

                  Hilarious!

              • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

                Oh, I’ve gotten the “I’m sorry for XYZ but you ABC” apology a lot from my wife. Then again, the last time I brought my wife out as a standard, I was told I was being unfair. Moving along…

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                I thought it was called having a chip on one’s shoulder.

                Sheeyt, I’m going to admit when I am wrong. I’ve gotten the best sex after admitting I was wrong.

            • Boo Radley

              That’s because we’re generally reactive by nature. When we do dirt, it’s because we feel genuinely justified.

              • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

                Notice you used the word “feel” instead of “think”…When it’s 95 degrees outside and someone says they’re cold, we assume that person has a fever. Yet, with women, base on what you’re saying, if they’re cold, it’s because it’s cold outside eff the weather.

            • Britico Chick

              LOL – there’s truth in that…guilty hand tries to escape and I’m shutting it down

          • Ms. Bridget

            Yeah. A few days ago I wholeheartedly admitted that I was wrong, apologized, and was quiet as my bf vented his frustration. He was so angry that idk if he even heard me. I think he wanted me to keep apologizing or try to make it up to him…

            • Rewind

              Sometimes, as men, we get extra angry when our women do something wrong, because the other times when we point it out, we are ignored or you just don’t even give regard to our feelings at the time. So then when we truly lose it, that’s when we are finally heard…and that hurts. Why do we have to wait for someone to understand you are hurting our feelings?

              I can’t speak for him but perhaps that’s how he might have felt.

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                Makes total sense to me.

                I don’t like hurting people’s feelings so. I admit I was wrong. I woman up. I have steel ovaries.

                • Rewind

                  When well then teach some female friends a thing or two about how to harden up them ovaries so people can stop worrying about being right all the time. It’s just about being fair, you give me what you want me to give you.

                  • Rewind

                    And trust me when I saw you are rare for admitting that.

                    • Delightfully Anachronistic

                      You sound like an angry dude. I am going to email you a hug. I don’t think the folks who say they apologize are rarities at all. I wasn’t raised to always have to win a discussion (or argument), so apologizing for something isn’t a problem for me. When I apologize, I am sincere about it and respected for it. I don’t do this often because I’m not often offensive to others and I think before I act. Again….not a rare trait in a woman. Get out more.

                    • Rewind

                      Delightfully, I am not angry, I am just honest. Maybe you do take responsibility for what you do, but quite a large number of people don’t, no matter the gender. You aint in the right position to tell me to get out more when you don’t know much about my life or experiences. If you and the people you know don’t do those things, good for you, but my life, and the people who’ve shared their stories with me seem to be quite different, meaning this stuff isn’t made up or just a weird coincidence. It means this crap really does go on. I’m not blaming all women, I’m not saying all women are alike, but I do wish some women who let go of the BS and live life the way the feel is right could help show other women who don’t get it the benefits of the lifestyle, the same way I try to share my stories with other men and help them see the light.

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          This NEVER happens. I think after this happens, Jesus will return to the Earth. I always thought it would be after Rutgers made it to a bowl game, but since that came and went in 2005, I think it’s this scenario.

          • Rewind

            Either that or the Chicago Cubs win the World Series, the Knicks win the NBA Finals, & Maywether actually fights Pacquio. Since none of that shyte is ever going to happen, it is quite clear all men on VSB stand in unison that we won’t ever get a full apology from a woman.

            • SweetSass

              I’m sorry you’re wrong.

              (Does that count?)

              • demondog06

                well that’s usually how it goes

              • Rewind

                Oh hell naw.

                And I said it with a smile to let you know I care.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              Baby, I’m sorry. I was wrong. Do you forgive me? :)

          • Zar000

            Forget apologizig when I’ve been wrong at times, I’ve apologized even when I wasnt at fault just so that we could move past it… Why win the battle to lose the war?
            I dont understand why the male constituency here seem to think women are not capable of apologizing…

            • Rewind

              Because sincerely, a lot of men have never recieved true apologies from women. I think, and this is from my experiences, the women in my life have shown me they always expected men to toughen up and accept their craziness but if she was in the wrong, he’d be ok. That’s not true, we want respect the same way a woman would want it.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              ” I dont understand why the male constituency here seem to think women are not capable of apologizing…”

              Because they chose women who have a chip on their shoulder.

              • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

                Maybe you’re onto something. I know whenever I say something that can somehow be spun into “I’m just like her dad”, my wife takes it ALL the way there. Of course, my wife and her father don’t really speak because he chose drugs over her, then got clean a month or so before she went to school…only to fall off the wagon when she moved back home 6 years later. So yeah, there are some chips there.

              • Rewind

                You might be right but it takes a long time for anyone to realize that the people they date have a serial issue.

        • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

          ive seen this mentioned on VSB so many times and am still confused by it.
          every. single. time.
          you mean to tell me in the history of women, we don’t know how to apologize?
          i wish there was a way to search all my comments on VSB. i’m sure i’ve WRITTEN them more than once. and can attest to having said it.
          if you need references – lemme know.

          • demondog06

            references please……

            • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

              Yeh I concur.

          • Rewind

            Well maybe that’s out of context. I guess we are really talking about relationship-based apologies. I guess conversational apologies with strangers is a bit different although you can’t feel sincerity through font.

          • http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

            well i could give you the email address of the ex who wanted to marry me – but.. i broke it off with him – if you wanna drudge up bad memories for the dude…

            it was my first time really breaking up with someone, and i was truly regretful that i couldn’t see it to make it work. it was ALL on ME. he didn’t change one bit. i did say that I was sorry. and meant it.

            still do.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            I’m a lover not a fighter so I’m not “most women” or “women” when it comes to our being labeled as never admitting we are wrong. Life is too freaking short. People die. I’ve known cases where a person had an attitude wouldn’t admit they were wrong *cough cough Faith Evans & Biggie* and next breath, person gone.

            Say that shyt. Say it with your chest.

            • Rewind

              damn you and your Kevin Hart reference! Now I can’t stop playing a clip of a 5’4 man poking out his chest in my head.

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                lmao

      • hehe

        I’m so confuse. So you’ve never been in a relationship where a woman admit she was wrong? I’ve said I’m wrong when I’m wrong heck even when I wasn’t but just wanted to end an argument.

        • Rewind

          I won’t speak for others, but the only apologies I’ve gotten felt half assed and barely did they feel that what they did wrong was that big of a deal, except for one HUGE f-up my current girlfriend caused. That was the first and only time she gave me a true apology but that took 4 years to get.

          • hehe

            Hmmm sounds like a lot of apologies men say to women.

            • Rewind

              Hence why I say she’s actually a man on the inside. She hates that.

        • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Bitter men abound on the internet. It’s strange how some guys like to say ALL women do this or that objectionable thing. They also claim to be logical, but don’t see the faulty logic of their assertion. Perhaps they don’t like to take the responsibility for the type of women they choose and prefer to blame all women for their woes/neuroses/issues

          • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

            Lol, as if it’s only on the internet. You should see private conversations; these are tame.

            • A Woman’s Eyes

              I must be doing something right in avoiding men like that. I see people’s strengths and weaknesses automatically. Observation.

              • http://blackmedici.wordpress.com Black Medici

                This applies to men who’ve been married for 30 years. A man who ain’t complaining about women, ain’t invested in them.

          • demondog06

            “Bitter men abound on the internet”

            and yet are still dwarfed by bitter women :)

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              You might be dwarfed, but not by bitter women. And not on this blog.

              • demondog06

                if you say so……

                • Delightfully Anachronistic

                  Damn. You got served, shorty.

          • hehe

            Yup pretty much.

          • Rewind

            It works both ways when you do the same.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            Thank you for that Wild Cougar. Sincerely mean that.

      • Chanelle

        But are male apologies sincere? I’d rather not be apologized to than recieve an insincere apology and many of the men I’ve come across (not saying this is you) only apologize to appease us……So whats the point of apologizing if its fake anyway

        • naturalista88

          To shut us up, of course.

          • Chanelle

            lol i know….but personally I’m not apologizing if I’m not truly sorry though

            • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

              The thing with me is that I don’t apologize for what I did unless it was a bonified accident or unintentional. If I meant to do it then apologizing for it is a cop out. My apology would be for the results of those actions (ie, hurt feelings, you feeling some kinda way, etc)

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                Would you be okay if a man called you a bytch and said “I’m sorry that you were hurt.” ?

                If we mean the hurtful things we say, then we must be okay with the consequences of such actions.

                I’ve seen women and men upset by the new person in their ex’s life who is much kinder.

                • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

                  Honestly, no. I wouldn’t be ok with that. An apology given doesn’t automatically mean an apology accepted. However, I think in this instance, hell, I don’t know how to say what I want to say here, but In my head I’m right, but if I’m wrong, then I right because I admitted I was wrong, right?

                  #confused

                  Ok. He’s calling me a bytch… disrespectful and unacceptable. Besides, if he calls me a bytch, it’s because he meant to call me a bytch or he even if he didn’t mean to say it, he feels that way. What I’m saying is that if I do something that as a result hurts your feelings although it was not my intentions to do so, I will apologize for being the reason you’re feeling some kind of way about the situation. However, I will not apologize what i did/said because I meant it to do/say it.

                  Make sense?

                  • Rewind

                    Everybody goes through this. Point is even if you know you’re right but the other person is upset, you just bite the bullet, because there are no winners. Unless it’s over an issue that the other person is being overzealous about, then f that shyte.

        • mfundo

          In most cases a man has to apologies even when he’s right and she’ wrong, is it sincere? maybe not, but we man up and swallow that rock so things can be good again. Its in the fine print of every relationship contract.

          • demondog06

            +14

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            He only has to do that if he’s married. IF he’s single he just has to ask himself if she’s still a keeper. LMAO

        • http://taterwithak.blogspot.com K. Marie

          *shakes tambourine*

          And (SOME) men are so guilty of the faux apology: “I’m sorry if YOU FEEL…..”

          Yeah, ninja….I do feel. LOL

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            Both genders do the shitty “I’m sorry if you feel” and “I’m sorry you were hurt” apologies.

            If you can do foul shyt and still keep the person in relationship with you after such an apology, then he/she deserves to be in a relationship with you.

        • Rewind

          I think anyone does that when they just don’t want noise in their ears and they really don’t see the big deal in what they did. Of course, if you did the exact same thing back to them, they’d demand a sincere apology from you.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            Noise in the ears, not seeing the big deal….changes if the person says ” ‘K and leaves the relationship.

            People are staying in relationships unhappy because they really think its their only option for a relationship and that dating and meeting new people is “too hard”.

            Our ancestors dealt with husbands ripped from them, children, walked from Mississippi to Canada in threadbare shoes in the river with dogs….

            WOMAN UP & MAN UP

            • Rewind

              Agreed Either you be about that life or let it go. People need to stop making excuses.

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                Yes. Go hard or go home. We go hard in planning our mother’s special day for Mothers Day and her birthday. Or our children’s birthday. We plan a great day with our boys or girls. Why can’t we go just as hard in the relationships we have with others….whether its for sex, love, a love relationship, a marriage?

                People need to stop taking each other for granted. Or someone else will appreciate them and be appreciated by them.

                • Rewind

                  Totally agree. I never really thought about it until my current relationship but it is scary how so many people in relationsihps become lax and take their loved ones for granted. But if you pay attentiion, people do it to their family and friends too, meaning people just expect stuff to happen, and assume nothing will change. That’s how feelings get hurt. That’s how fights start. People need to treat family and loved ones like strangers sometimes and really appreciate what they have.

            • nillalatte

              “meeting new people is “too hard”.”

              Guilty. I didn’t say it was ‘too hard’ but I did say that I just don’t have the energy to put into a relationship… and I feel as if I don’t. There is so much going on with me right now, that just feels like taking on more responsibility that I just can’t handle in my life currently. I guess I will one day, maybe.

      • Chanelle

        Him- I love when you wear that head wrap to bed
        Him- I think its sexy when you leave your hair wrap on during sex
        Him- I’m not really that great at basketball (I know…this not relationship related)
        Him- I love me a wide mid-section. #teambigstomachs
        Him- I like women with a nice proportional ass (ok well white men might say this)
        Her- Im not big boned or thick, Im just fat
        Her- I love broke men
        Her- baby you can go to the strip clubs and hang out with your friends all night
        Both- This is all my fault
        Both- I’m a terrible parent

        • Chanelle

          Posted this in the wrong area!

          • Yoles

            I admit to being fat all the time… Fat, Plus Sized, Full Figured.. I actually never met an real live lane bryant shopper that says she’s just big boned… I think thats urban legend like the welfare queen & other negative mythical creatures…

            • http://www.twitter.com/Bmorebmw Tentpole

              Then you need to be in a Fashion Bug where the big boned roam free and natural

              • afronica

                Well, yeah. There’s a significant (money/class) difference between your Lane Bryant shopper and your Fashion Bug/Rainbow/Ashley Stewart shopper. I cop to fat. Can you imagine how freakish someone who actually had larger bones would look? #elephantmanish

            • Rewind

              “I admit to being fat all the time”….do you not understand how fawking sexy that just made you? Every woman I ever seen in my life got an excuse, can’t even joke about the fat. Like it really aint there, but more of a David Copperfield illusion or something

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                Yes, Yoles stays sexy! I like that she accepts herself as is.

                • Rewind

                  Because honesty is just simply beautiful.

                  • A Woman’s Eyes

                    +1

            • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

              LOL, I passed “thick” 20 lbs ago…

            • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

              Speak, honey!!! I don’t understand why people can’t just own up to the truth. About themselves and even in reference to myself.

              Them: Girl, you aren’t fat. You’re just chubby. You super thick. That’s just baby fat.
              Me: Honey, I’m 30 years old. That’s just fat, baby.

              It’s cool, though. 133lbs down. 77 more to go. Whoo hoo!!

              • nillalatte

                That’s awesome! I’m making lifestyle choices too before my arse ends up back in the hospital. Me and Bill Clinton’s diet are rocking!

                • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

                  That’s wonderful!!! Best wishes on that. I don’t diet at all. I still eat the foods I like, but I’ve learned healthier ways of cooking them. I’m at the gym 3-4 a week. The other days I pull out a work out dvd. I drink lot and lots of water. Substitute sugar with honey (for beverages and cereal and things of that nature). Haven’t drank a soda pop since 1995. I bake and grill the majority of my meat. And I dance. A lot. Since I prefer music to actual tv, I put my televisions on the music choice channels and dance through the house while cooking, cleaning, talking on the phone, whatever. If you ever call me and I answer out of breath, you know why. lol

                  My birthday is Monday. It will be the first time in 9 months that I will have cake. I’m so excited. lol

                  • nillalatte

                    That’s awesome girl! Keep up the good work! I love music instead of a television any day. And, if I’m not around on Monday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Have a wonderfully blessed day. :)

                    • http://challyshares.tumblr.com Nei Jae

                      Thanks!

                • A Woman’s Eyes

                  I was going to ask if you meant cigars, then I realized you meant his vegan diet he went on before his daughter got married. lol

        • A Woman’s Eyes

          I don’t care that he has children he doesn’t see nor support, I like fyucking him and telling myself that I am a better woman than his children’s mothers.

          I choose men to have sex with who would make shytty dads, but I don’t believe in abortion or birth control.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

    “Say bruh… let’s go out tonight. Not for girls though. I just want to dance.”

    • https://twitter.com/mcnairian5 fiveisthenumber

      Horrible.

    • That Ugly Kid

      *raises hand*

      I’ve…..actually done this before. It wasn’t my idea, buuut I did agree to it. And you know what? We had fun. I would give this story an epic ending by saying the women there were so impressed with our dancing skills that they came home with us. But…they didn’t so, there’s that.

      • kid video

        But…they didn’t so, there’s that.

        The dry wit of this line makes it funny…TUK, you should consider writing comedy skecthes.

        • That Ugly Kid

          Thanks! My friends and I are actually developing an online series, and I do some writing for that. For now it’s just a hobby. For now….

    • JustAThought

      ahahahahaha

    • Royale W. Cheese

      BOL. Golden.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      “Say bruh… let’s go out tonight. Not for girls though. I just want to dance.”

      I’ve said this once, so I can claim it. However, I didn’t go out to dance- I went out to drink and/or fight…depending on how I felt that day.

    • JessicaL

      Lmao at the dane cook ref.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

      *dead*

    • Rewind

      HA!

      I heard Dane Cook say that one time.

    • demondog06

      if one of my boys said this to me….i would kick them in the kneecap real real hard!

      but real talk i’ve seen a group of wannabe goons dancing (or whatever that was) amongst themselves in the middle of the dance for like that actually made them look cool. really it just made them look prison moist!

    • A Woman’s Eyes

      If all you want to do is dance… coolness! :) But does it mean you dance by yourself or with women?

  • http://caronism.com CARONISM

    Yeah, I bought Magnums even though there is way too much room left in those.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

      Studies show that only 2.4% of all men on the planet have peens bigger than 7.5 inches. Magnums are at least 8.

      P.S. I’m using the first part of this comment as a pick up line from now on. Should work… right?

      • nillalatte

        Only for the sake of curiosity. LOL

        • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

          …which killed the CAT. Hey-Ohhhhh!

          • nillalatte

            lmao… good one!

          • Iceprincess

            Lmao you stuuuuupid! Aye man, glad to see you back & in a good mood. Youre one of my favorites on here. Mwah!

            • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

              Look at you, trying to make me feel all warm and fuzzy…

              • nillalatte

                That’s what the cat is for… bam! :D

                • Breezy

                  Ha ha Nillalatte on a roll today…lol. Jay you gonna bring Mami out of hiding with this retro picture.

                • Rewind

                  This is the classic set up ofa porn scene. I just need the music.

                  • Breezy

                    ♫ Boomchickawawa ♫

                    • Rewind

                      Breezy FTW!

          • c-real

            I see Jay and Nilla are on their Martin and Pam shyte today lol! Lovin it!

      • Yoles

        I swear that percent has to be wrong… Between my personal & professional life i’ve seen at least 20 over 8 inchers that i can think of off the bat I’m just one chick…

        • Rhenewal

          Interesting, Yoles. I’m a nurse too, and I’d say it’s pretty accurate. I’ve seen a hell of a lot of peen, and most of them are well below the 8inch mark. Course, I’m talking flaccid ones (for the most part) but…

          • thelonius

            flaccid ones don’ count, it’s like ignoring Sayans transformation into Super Sayans

          • Yoles

            Rhenewal… i have seen more peen than i can count both flaccid and erect and i have seen many over 8ers…

            i will note there is a direct correlation between institutionalized men and large junk… i swear if the dude came from the group home, nursing home, hospice, specialized care due to chronic seizure disorder or being born all fvcked up and not having a chance in the world to function independently then he is packing like nobodies business.. i wonder is it some kind of joke, or the universe making sure things balance out is blind the functionality of it all…

            on the other hand.. i have seen actual micro pen.is many times as well.. the lord giveth and the lord sayeth but none for you sir…

            • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

              Wow, you’ve seen a lot more big peen than me. I’ve seen a one or two that are close to 8, one that might be over 8 by a little. Most of the big peen I’ve seen is in the 7.5 range.

            • Rewind

              Hmmm. And here I thought it was all genetics for me. Didn’t know being crazy had a trade off. Need to prove this to my old psychatrist.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            I dated a dude who was 2 inches flaccid and 9 inches erect. Flaccid doesn’t count LOL

        • https://twitter.com/#!/mackaroto Jay

          Unless you assure me that you NEVER leave home without a ruler, I’m gonna assume that your eyeball measurement needs a little calibration. At least you err on the side of generosity though.

          • Yoles

            i know a US dollar bill is 6 inches and i always have one of those… ;)
            my eye balling is on point…

            • http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

              I measure with my hands…

              • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

                Mmmm…talk about batter up! ;-)

              • A Woman’s Eyes

                and a few times, I have had to measure by comparing to my arm….

                • Breezy

                  …why am I picturing a horse…

                  • A Woman’s Eyes

                    hence the phrase “hung like a horse”

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            Jay I know 9 inches when I see it! If we can guesstimate a car’s distance from us on the road, we can notice an obvious 9 inch length. Come on now!

            • Phillygyrl

              Just like I can look at a pair of shoes/heels and tell you the excact length in inches…I can do the same for peen…I’m just that good.

        • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

          Yoles, I’ve seen you in person. I doubt you’ve messed too many dudes shorter than 6 feet, if only because the shorter ones are too scared to holla. Peen size is somewhat correlated to frame size and height. Hence the larger peens.

          • GirlSixx

            I know this to BE FALSE!!!.

            Some shorties be having that 3rd arm.

          • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

            Stop spreading that nonsense. Peen size definitely does NOT correlate to frame size. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Unless you’re gay, why would you make a statement about peen size? Peen size correlates to nothing. It’s like a box of chocolates…..

            • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

              I said SOMEWHAT correlated, aka not completely.

              • http://wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

                It doesn’t even somewhat correlate. Not at all. I know you tryna push that tall man propaganda nsh*t, but how would you know, anyway? How many hard peens have you measured?

                • YeahSo

                  O_O… uh oh *packs up music book and closes piano*

                  • BeautifullyHuman

                    *Dead at that whole exchange*

                • http://verysmartbrothas.com The Champ

                  “It doesn’t even somewhat correlate. Not at all. I know you tryna push that tall man propaganda nsh*t”

                  it does, actually. penises are, for the most part, proportional to a guy’s height. basically, if you were measure 1000 random 6’4 guys against 1000 random 5’8 guys, the 6’4 guys would average bigger. obviously, there are exceptions, but height is the most reliable indicator

              • Rayne

                Yeah…..no.

            • BeautifullyHuman

              “Peen size correlates to nothing. It’s like a box of chocolates…..”

              Ain’t this the damn truth! I always end up picking the butter creme ones, too. Hmph. *sucks teeth*

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            I knew a dude who was 5’5″ and HUGE. I had to do breathing exercises. Shyt.

            • Nikki

              Breathing exercises. .Imma need to remember that. This last year has been. . .different..

          • Phillygyrl

            Peen size is in no way related to one’s height or frame size. The “biggest” man I was with was 5″4 in height/ med frame and the “smallest” was 6″3 and muscle bound.

  • DCgirlNMD

    This is hilarity (Is that a word..lol)…esp the one about getting turned on by how strong and independent a woman is AND the one about the woman getting married to the guy she approaches first. All I can say is Churrrrch!! (Meeks Mills voice)

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      This is hilarity (Is that a word..lol)

      As a linguist by trade, I know hilarity is an actual word. In fact, it’s in reference to humor.

      • http://taterwithak.blogspot.com K. Marie

        A linguist by trade?

        That just might be the most sexy occupation ever. IMHO, of course.

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Sexy occupation- yes…but like everything else associated with the world of education, it doesn’t pay worth a damn, LMAO!!

        • SweetSass

          Quite a cunning linguist, eh?

          • demondog06

            i see what you did there…clever girl

          • http://taterwithak.blogspot.com K. Marie

            LOL!!!! Awesome play on words. I feel like we must now be friends in real life.

          • A Woman’s Eyes

            hahhahahahahahhahahahaha

  • https://twitter.com/cnote220 Cheech

    “My dude, I wonder what her personality is like.” Said about random girl walking by

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

      I’ve said this one as well. People who know me know that I’m not as hung up on beauty as almost ever other men. Usually the most beautiful women have little to no personality (See: Anyone who’s light skinned *shots fired*!!!!).

      • Breezy

        Cottam PA…to the corner!!!

        S/N: Did ya’ll see Eric talking bout people who don’t like his song is racist?!?!?

        • http://www.youtube.com/user/pervertedalchemist1?feature=mhee Perverted Alchemist

          Look everyone- for the first time in two weeks, I have been sent to the corner by Breezy. This is a moment that belongs in the Guiness Book Of World Records!!!!

          Yeah, I saw Eric Benet on that bullsh*t playing the racism card for the people who don’t like the song. I should go up to him and step on his toes- you know he doesn’t like to wear shoes onstage, LMAO!!!

      • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

        Word PA! Light skinned women think they walk on water and that I should be willing to give both arms just to say hello. Forget that BS! I can get the same light skin from a White girl with 18.72% of the BS. :)

        • YeahSo

          Forget you and P.A. (the person not the state) I’ve got a great d@mn personality, SUCKA!!!

          • https://twitter.com/#!/IluminatiNYC Todd

            At any moment, I’m expecting a gaggle of light-skinned hoodrats to show up at my door, begging me to hump them while refusing to give me head. Le sigh. Hope this doesn’t happen to you PA!

            • YeahSo

              yeah and I hope they steal your wallet and portable DVD player.

            • YeahSo

              I’d like to add hoodrats come in all shades, shapes and sizes.

  • https://twitter.com/mcnairian5 fiveisthenumber

    “Honey, I got off work early today and I came straight home. Happy hour can wait”

    • Rewind

      I spit my water out when I read this.

      • mfundo

        lol, I think this one shall remain unsaid

        • Rewind

          My ribs are recovering from the laughing I had to do.