10 dating and relationship tips from drake

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drake wants the ladies to be careful. sparkle and r.kelly

the champ met with recording artist drake for brunch yesterday to discuss the budding megastar’s new album and upcoming tour. over mango and pheasant omelets and mimosas, the toronto native also talked about the obama effect, jamaal magloire, and how gay it was going to read when champ included the part about them eating mango and pheasant omelets together in this piece.

as they left brunch and walked to a nearby apple retailer to stand in line for the iphone4, drake brought up that he was a longtime fan of verysmartbrothas.com (“ya’ll dudes got soul for real. candy rain“), and offered a few dating and relationship tips for the vsb readers.

***before continuing, please be advised that drake has a bit of a, for lack of a better term, “unique” way of phrasing his points where he follows each sentence with an unrelated word that further articulates the main point of the last five or so words of the previous sentence . if this is too confusing to understand, that’s okay, because you shouldn’t be taking relationship advise from 24 year old canadians anyway***

1. “unless he puts a ring on it first, never let a dude beat it in the whip. chris brown”

2. “trust me, ladies: if you please your man in bed, he’ll stay locked down. kwame kilpatrick”.

3. “a man should always pay for at least the first three dates. if he doesn’t do this, cut him off and don’t look back. beltway drivers”

4. “meeting people and dating is hard work. but, once you get past that, relationships themselves should be super easy. delta chicks”

5. “a little first date nervousness is cool, but make sure to relax. have a drink if you need to. you don’t want to be all sweaty and smelly. pau gasol”

6. “be a man with a plan. nobody wants to be with a dude who can’t make up his mind. tyler perry”

7. “ladies, accentuate your assets. if you’re funny, tell jokes. if you’re cute but not that bright, smile and wear short skirts. sarah palin”

8. “ladies say they want the truth, but really they just want to hear what makes them feel good. honesty is cool sometimes, but for the best results just tell them want they want to hear. black churches”

9. “if he asks you how many people you’ve slept with, leave without a word or lie about the number. tony hayward”

10. “the worst gift to get a woman is flowers. you never want to buy her something that’s going to die soon anyway. my career.”

as they parted ways after leaving the apple store, drake offered one last piece of advice.

“always remember: hold on to your dream, but don’t let your dream hold on to you. christina milian.”

—the champ

422 thoughts on “10 dating and relationship tips from drake”

    • Co-sign with everyone else. Funny post especially “the worst gift to get a woman is flowers. you never want to buy her something that’s going to die soon anyway. my career.” Lol…

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      • “the worst gift to get a woman is flowers. you never want to buy her something that’s going to die soon anyway. my career.” Lol…

        i was actually surprised drake put that in there. i would have expected him to say “john mccain” or something

        Reply ↓

  5. Ahhh! I can’t read anymore posts written in “Young Money-ese.” Especially since it can be Addictive, Truth Hurts.

    #7 and #10 – you know you’re wrong for that

    Forget Steve Harvey, I want to see a relationship round-table with Drake, Tyler Perry and Hill Harper.

    Reply ↓

    • LOL

      A relationship round table with three light skinned men, gets the side eye… who would trust that?… Plus don’t they all like the mens? I still don’t know what the three of them do. Is Draker a rapper? Is Hill an actor? Is Tyler a man?

      That entire idea gets the side eye, Tavis Smiley.

      Reply ↓

    • Forget Steve Harvey, I want to see a relationship round-table with Drake, Tyler Perry and Hill Harper

      during our brunch, drake actually mentioned that he was thinking about retiring from rap to write books. that roundtable may not be too far away

      Reply ↓

    • Lmao@ young money-ese. Someone please put that in urban dictionary. (lurkers make yourselves useful. Bookman.)

      Reply ↓

  7. This entire post is ridiculous but #2 almost killed me and #8 got the o_O.

    Sidebar: mango and pheasant omelets…GTFOH!!

    Reply ↓

  9. Fam hit it on the head with the bonus tip! I never thought that I would say that about a person involved in a bromance with Lil Wayne.

    Reply ↓

  11. *ignores how I’m not first*

    But, let’s me real. I’m slackin’ like a one-legged, pigeon-toed dude in a marathon.

    Anyhow.

    Speaking of Drake, did ya’ll see that that MTV special he did for the release of “Thank Me Later?” The BEST part was when this hoodrat chick went to his album signing. This how it went:

    *Hoodrat Chick (HC) hands Drake the CD*
    HC (as Drake signs): I’m more than just an option…
    Drake (bobs his head and laughs, humoring her): Hey, hey hey…
    HC: Ok, take care. *walks away quickly*
    Drake & I effing DIE laughing.

    By the way, Champ, you HAD to tag “Young moola, baby!!!” I’m done with you. *cracks up*

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      • Uh no! If you add the probability that it was a beautiful day, Mr Rogers, during said lunch. And they went shopping together right after, (can you say throw it in the bag?) F.A.B.O. Then this was definitely a date, which takes the bromance mean up to at least 87.06… therefore making this lunch 94.3% gay.

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    • I see my comment first all the time, and then BOOMPOW, you’re ahead of me. I keep waiting to get bumped. Let me shine, let me shine.

      Reply ↓

    • *Hoodrat Chick (HC) hands Drake the CD*
      HC (as Drake signs): I’m more than just an option…
      Drake (bobs his head and laughs, humoring her): Hey, hey hey…
      HC: Ok, take care. *walks away quickly*
      Drake & I effing DIE laughing.

      Cheekie my sister and I was dying laughing when we saw that part. Funny! I LOVED that MTV show, I saw him in different light.

      Reply ↓

      • “I saw him in different light.”

        Same here. I thought his statement on how he owes his fans was very poignant.

        And I thought it was endearing how he mentioned his “wheelchair Jimmy” gig during one of his performances when the mics and ish weren’t working.

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      • I’m going to have to gather some patience and watch that show. Maybe it’ll help me see him in a different light. For some reason I perceive him as an @$$ and a crybaby. Kobe.

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    • Wow, Cheekie, I don’t even know you, but why are you off your game? How you gonna let these other VSS take your spot? Do we need to block their access to get you back to #1? You betta watch your back.

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  12. i dont know champ.. lol you might need to stick with just regular writing.
    and 4 relationships are hard work
    I was going to try and say something and use the oil spill or bp in “drake” but
    it was harder than i thought.

    so i rescind my first statement.

    Reply ↓

    • “i dont know champ.. lol you might need to stick with just regular writing.”

      no more interviews? i thought this went well.

      btw

      “….but it was harder than i thought.”

      thats what she said

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  13. I can’t stop laughing. ihatechu for this Champ. I sat here and fell out over the first rule for a good 10 min. Woooow

    Reply ↓

  14. I see ya Champie on that Soul for Real…lol Oh yeah and this post was already 72% ghey when it started out with “Drake and I were at Brunch.” I could just imagine ya’ll drinkin’ mimosas and bellinis with ‘cha pinkies out. Andre.

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  15. So, I didn’t know WHAT to expect about this post, but it was pretty funny, especially numbers 7-10 ..Black churches do have a way of putting spins on the Bible like an NBA All-Star.. Chris Paul.

    Reply ↓

  17. Number 8 is hilarious! Hangover.

    This is true and related story: So as a college sophomore I was talking to this freshman (who coincidentally later pledged Delta). She was mos def feeling me but I wasn’t particularly feeling her on the same plane. So one day she gets brazen enough to ask me, “Courtney, would you like to seriously date me” or something to that effect, to which I reply with a “No I would not actually.” No joke, this is her response: “Courtney you’re way too honest. Sometimes please just lie to me.”

    True story I tell ya. Helen Keller.

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  18. FUNNY!!!! That was very good Champ.

    Everybody is talking about this dude. It’s crazy, I got the album because I felt left out lol. I do believe Drake will have a lasting career. Watching his MTV special it looks like his future is going to do well because he is level headed. Also his birthday is a day after mine so I am team Drake now. Scorpios stand up!

    Reply ↓

  21. You a fool for this one champ!

    Smh…I love Drake…he’s so adorable! I fucks with this mixtapes, but his new cd is sorta…not up to my expectations, but its good. I just find his personality adorable. I mean…did I tell you that I’m a Degrassi head? I love Degrassi so much…I still watch it! Don’t tell anyone. I’ve seen every episode…even their made for tv movies! Omg, I don’t know how to use punctuation.

    Anyway, Drake will always be cute Jimmy to me who dated Hazel then Ellie then Ashley then some girl in a wheel chair.

    He was cuter on Degrassi, but I think he will lose some of that fat on his head and make a comeback with the cuteness!!!!!!!!!!

    #endrant

    Reply ↓

    • I was DegrassiStan even before “Jimmy Brooks” was in a wheelchair etc. that was my Ish, I always wondered why mtv didn’t pick up the show, guess cause it wasn’t AbcFamily ish, they dealt with some Real issues that should have been on American Tv, but anywhoo Yes Aubrey’s (girl name??) mixtapes or appearance on other’s singles are soooo much better than his album! I guess when things get too mainstream they downgrade or try to appeal or $, Most of the better music anyways is never played on local radio, just satellite or internet

      Reply ↓

      • Yea, Degrassi was definately a great show,dealing with some serious issues.

        Aubrey is a unisex name like Ashley, Jamie, or Adrian

        Reply ↓

        • I know, but it just sounds kinda feminine..like I know a lday with daughters named Ashley Ariana Aundrea..boom if she had another girl boom Aubrey, he has to go by Drake, I don’t think anyone would take a Canadian Rapper from the Burbs and tvshow seriously named AUBREY “bree bree”

          Reply ↓

        • Aubrey and Ashley are NOT unisex names. That’s what parents say to make their sons feel better about themselves and try to repair the damage they’ve caused from the unleashing of other children’s cruelty in the playground. Jamie and Adrian are pushing it…

          Reply ↓

          • Speaking of unisex names, Shirley, Vivian, Beverly and Hillary were originally men’s names. There are still plenty of old British men with those names. You don’t have to take my word for it. LeVar Burton

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  24. *Rolling my neck and my hands on my hips* AWWW Heeelll naawww!!

    Calling all Sorors to the floor!!

    “meeting people and dating is hard work. but, once you get past that, relationships themselves should be super easy. delta chicks”

    Champ you get the Child Please for this. Ocho Cinco. It was cool when you were on the Kappas, but how you gon’ get on us?? Dayum dayum dayum. Florida Evans.

    (I have to say that it is funny though.)

    Reply ↓

    • *assembled to the floor*
      I know, Soror. I’m feeling a certain kind of way. Conan O’Brien.

      LOL! :)

      Reply ↓

      • I came back from lurking to say this…

        uh…#4? Champ, I will cut you.

        But not in the name of Delta, because Delta women are classy, sophisticated women.

        But if you wake up in the am to a clan of individuals in black hoodies, wielding sharp instruments, dont say I didnt warn you. (Biggie!)

        Reply ↓

        • “But if you wake up in the am to a clan of individuals in black hoodies, wielding sharp instruments, dont say I didnt warn you. (Biggie!)”

          so the construction workers from fraggle rock are gonna get me?

          Reply ↓

          • Came out of lurk-dom specifically to stand up for the Sorors. I know ya’ll are equal opportunity in here, but I still feel some type of way for having shots fired at me. Black man running from the police.

            Reply ↓

    • *Grabs some popcorn and pulls up a chair to watch to the Deltas assemble like the Avengers to give Champ a major side-eye.*

      Reply ↓

    • yeah I was like let me scroll the comments because I know my sawrahs peeped that. hmph.

      I guess he plays the AKAs enough, so it was our turn. lol

      Reply ↓

    • “Champ you get the Child Please for this. Ocho Cinco. It was cool when you were on the Kappas, but how you gon’ get on us?? Dayum dayum dayum. Florida Evans.”

      everyone could use a jab every now and then to keep them on their toes. no one’s above a shot. supahead

      Reply ↓

      • “everyone could use a jab every now and then to keep them on their toes.”

        For instance — speaking of toes — you could jab Champie and call him pigeon-toed. Was that what it was? Or knock-kneed? I remember Champ saying he had some leg/foot related quirk. Anyway, I like pigeon-toed better so my Drake ref can be: Tommy Pickles.

        Reply ↓

  25. I wanted to say I don’t like you, because I love this so much. Kim Porter.
    I know I posted something about the Yoda-rap stylings here a while back and another VSS/VSB said they were gonna use Yoda-rap as part of their lexicon. Even though “Yoda speak” was used as the tag, I’m gonna lie to myself and feel good about it as if I did something. No Child Behind.

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    • Shoulda been: No Child Left Behind or BP or Madonna or Bush Regime or Amber Rose…..Yoda Speak free for all.

      Reply ↓

    • LOL…I was thinking about this yesterday. My daughter bought the Drake cd from Walmart (no cursing right) yesterday and she wanted to listen to it in my truck. I sitting there playing soccer mom with all of her friends and play and we play ‘Over’.

      So it bleeps out everything and then goes: I know way to many people here right that I didn’t know last year…who the fcuk are yall

      All the kids were like he cussed…and I’m sitting here contributing to the delinquency of a minor and not helping with ‘No child left behind’. R. Kelly

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      • #DEAD _____________________ Jai not today, I just can’t. Between your comments and your avi. I can’t keep laughing out loud at work.

        Reply ↓

    • “Even though “Yoda speak” was used as the tag, I’m gonna lie to myself and feel good about it as if I did something. No Child Behind.”

      that was a good one. robocop

      Reply ↓

    • Drake sent these to my email:

      Remaking the same old song of BS with a man will kill you softly. Lauryn.
      Leave those sappy azz players alone. Warren.

      yeah, he did also mention that he was going to start sending a relationship email blast out to everyone he could. that seems like alot of work though. aretha’s bras

      Reply ↓

      • “that seems like alot of work though. aretha’s bras”

        I swear they should get one of those Russell Simmons humanitarian awards or some ish.

        Reply ↓

  29. 1. “unless he puts a ring on it first, never let a dude beat it in the whip. chris brown” So…nocubiczirconia? *searches ebay for covenant ring*

    2. “trust me, ladies: if you please your man in bed, he’ll stay locked down. kwame kilpatrick”. …provided he’s a late bloomer or a jellyback.

    8. “ladies say they want the truth, but really they just want to hear what makes them feel good. honesty is cool sometimes, but for the best results just tell them want they want to hear. black churches” ….or Miss Cleo and her deck of tarot cards

    9. “if he asks you how many people you’ve slept with, leave without a word or lie about the number. tony hayward” …..’cause you can’t handle the truth!!! Col. Jessup

    Reply ↓

    • I don’t know any breathing Jamaican whose ears didn’t bleed whenever the Ms. Cleo commercials would come on..
      Or maybe that was just my house..
      false accents aren’t cool.. Cool Runnins…

      Reply ↓

        • “good & terrible…”
          LOL

          Cot’damn that boy girl can sang!….he guud!!! *clap, clap, clap*

          Reply ↓

      • @Nick_L_Odeon,

        As an American, seeing someone of no obvious Caribbean lineage bust out into a fake accent is annoying, especially a rapper. That sh*t kinda erks me a bit, so I can imagine how annoying it is for you all.

        Reply ↓

      • Can I just say both my parents are Jamaican and everytime the likes of Ms Cleo, Cool Runnin, Mighty Quinn EVERY Robert Townsend movie would come on a child would be sacrificed. ugh! Bad accents are the worst!

        Mor fiyah, mor fiyah fi mi bredren dem NickLO, bajanflchick, SFG and MrSoBo… no lie y’all be having me cracking up errrryday. ooonna nah easy lol (dats all I got lol)

        Reply ↓

        • @Yeah…So
          If I’m not mistaken, like me, you’re fairly new here.

          Welcome and sh*t btw Cheesetricks an bag juice btw

          Reply ↓

          • Offensive? How yuh mean?
            Nuh tell mi seh you ah one a dem stush gal deh.

            Cheesetricks an bagjuice ah di lick, man!

            Yeah, you’re right, I’m a newbie. :-)

            Reply ↓

          • Stoosh? Aw si ow ya gwan suh… Ya wan one box inna ya face. Rihanna… jus gway nah man? cha!

            ok, I’m done :)

            Reply ↓

          • @SoBo..
            wha gwan dahlin?!
            yu neva see what mi write yu last evenin… an mi deh yah from mahnin.. so yu cyann seh nuttin…
            i IMMEDIATELY started laughin..
            “cheeztrix and bag juice..”
            cuz everyday when me and mi auntie leave di YMCA.. we gone a half way tree and get a patty and bag juice..
            and wi muss get di plum dem wha sell out by di gate..
            and star apple…
            i love jamaica for those memories…

            Reply ↓

          • @ Nick_L_Odeon

            Mi de yah. Jus a hol mi cahna.
            Naw, me neva know yu did leff message fi me. Mi haffi guh check di post fram las night den.

            Anytime me touch di road, me haffi get my jelly coconut if dem a sell it pan di roadside.

            Yes, bagjuice and all even kisko pop -aka- suck suck.

            Reply ↓

          • @MrSobo
            Yes, bagjuice and all even kisko pop -aka- suck suck.

            Wow you are a certified Jamaican. LOL

            Reply ↓

          • @SoBo
            “Jus a hol mi cahna.”
            lol..
            yu remind mi a dah pickney wha have video pon youtube..
            “jus a hol mi seat.. and drink mi wata and mi tea..”

            @bajanFl
            if mi memba it right.. yu did seh summ’n like dis day before lass.. an mi laugh so til!!
            “milk fi put inna di cahnflakes..”
            mi done mi done mi done……. cyann bodda wid yu!!!

            Reply ↓

          • Are you talking about a video with the little girl chatting to her uncle?
            If so, that video is absolutely hilarious. There are two that I know of.

            Reply ↓

          • that’s exactly the one i’m talking about!!
            mi deh yah a arrange a sahta ting inna Hoctobah… yu should come an vibe.. TRUSS, it a go wahma yahso dan whey yu deh..

            Reply ↓

          • @ Nick_L_Odeon

            “mi deh yah a arrange a sahta ting inna Hoctobah… yu should come an vibe..

            Ah true no?

            Well, gimmie di details when everyting finalize, so me can mark it inna mi calenda. But fus, ah wha sahta ting yuh ah harrange? An who ago di deh,… di tree ah uuno?
            Cah di way uuno a talk, mi waan know if me should bring me peanut punch or jus mi appetite. ;-)

            Reply ↓

          • di days dem sahta finalize already.. people a buy plane ticket an ting..
            so far.. bout six people a go deh yah.. an @foxgirl live yah.. so is nuttin fi yar come wid wi..
            use yu mind.. click pon mi name.. and get mi contac info from di blog…
            mi will gi yu di detail dem…

            Reply ↓

          • Yes mi readee…yuh av mi numba. I pressin mi yello pants as wi speak…an caan figet mi yello bra fi match. Wi a go brung di place down

            Reply ↓

      • @Nick-futru, mi did seh no bodda bodda w Mr.SoBo, cuae im no wan fi bodda bodda wit wi, jes so like the pickney deh wit har carnflakes, mind ya mi go di pon di youtube ting & pull har up…mi cy’anann….*dead with laf

        Reply ↓

        • @bajanflchick

          How yuh so full ah chat?! Eeh?
          Yuh always have some facetiness ah talk. Why yuh no guh swing yuh engine somewhey an lef we alone gal. Cho.

          :-)

          Reply ↓

          • @Nick_L_Odeon

            An mi love yuh like cawn beef and white rice.

            Mi ave yuh email, so mi wi links yuh.
            Oh, and yu mus finish yuh disater in maryland story. Mi waan hear dis.

            Reply ↓

          • Mr.SoBo- so yuh see how mi did quiet nah, me gone witta me hengine fuh tru, yu stay deyah w yuh facety ta blackfoot self , yuh lucky mi nevah see dis before, mi didda cuss you some bad wud* but iz alright,til one day you will wanna chat wit me & me just tun mi e-backside & walk off….joke i mekkin :-) me jussa look pon Bob Marley deyah and smile

            Reply ↓

        • @bajanflchick

          How yuh so full ah chat ooman?! Eeh?

          Yuh always have some facetiness ah talk. Why yuh nuh go swing yuh engine somewhey else an leff we alone gal.

          :-)

          Reply ↓

          • @bajanflchick
            Much love to you Bajan.
            Swinging Engine was my jam back in 1996. Back then, I was loving me some soca & calypso.

            “it was a hot night,
            It was a time for speeding,
            And we were in di mood”.

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  30. LMAO, I knew it. As soo as I read number 1. I was gonna laugh till I couldn’t catch my breath. Dyspnea.

    Since i can’t run from the drake frenzy, ill check out the special and CD. Time to see what I’m been missing.

    “the champ met with recording artist drake for brunch yesterday to discuss the budding megastar’s new album and upcoming tour. over mango and pheasant omelets and mimosas” Riley, Champ. Riley Freeman, I’ll leave it at that.

    Reply ↓

  31. why are we discussing Drake when the rest of the free world is discussing MJ Anniversary-Toni, Toni, Tone

    Reply ↓

    • well, i did the interview yesterday and i wanted to post it today while the info was still fresh. plus, panama would do any mj tribute better than i would

      Reply ↓

  34. I was wondering how you were going to end the week after posts about poon booby traps and and a map that looks like a Cricket wiresless coverage map/dating dead zones. This post came out of no where. Alvin Greene.

    Props to The Champ for a post making fun of Drake. It only adds to my dislike of the Yellow One. I’m still not sure why I don’t like this cat. Guess I’m that type of guy. James Todd Smith.

    Number 10 was the funniest. I was talking with a friend the other day about Aubrey not being around next year. Craig Mack.

    Reply ↓

      • ***before continuing, please be advised that drake has a bit of a, for lack of a better term, “unique” way of phrasing his points where he follows each sentence with an unrelated word that further articulates the main point of the last five or so words of the previous sentence

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  36. And Wu Young Agent of M.E.- I swear you are my favorite, VSB-if there was no Mrs MoneyPenny, you’d have to be e-scared of e-stalkering- you’re so intelligent, always making me e-swoon, without having to use hundred dollar words. Michael Eric Dyson

    Reply ↓

    • @bajanflchick,

      Thanks girl! Most people just think i’m insane.
      “if there was no Mrs MoneyPenny, you’d have to be e-scared of e-stalkering- ”

      I’m actually looking over mye- shoulder and checking the e-bushes right now!

      Reply ↓

  37. Does anybody else remember Kanye reference citing in the “Good Life”?

    “Yo, it’s got to be cause I’m seasoned, haters give me them salty looks…Lawry’s”

    BTW….I showed someone the Samba Baby post last night & every google ad above it was for Sexually Abused kids & how to get them help!!

    Reply ↓

      • “Yeah other rappers have done this before”

        this is true. the first time i can recall hearing someone rhyme like that was in a joe budden freestyle from like 2004

        Reply ↓

    • Does anybody else remember Kanye reference citing in the “Good Life”?

      “Yo, it’s got to be cause I’m seasoned, haters give me them salty looks…Lawry’s”

      YES. and my husband did it better. “yall pop the trunk, i pop the hood. Ferrari.”

      i agree with Liz. Drake is a biter. S&M

      Reply ↓

      • Our co husband (No Utah) is the best at it…

        This is bad, real bad… Michael Jackson
        Now I’m mad, real mad… Joe Jackson

        Reply ↓

        • @Sula

          “This is bad, real bad… Michael Jackson
          Now I’m mad, real mad… Joe Jackson”

          omg i almost forgot. i use both of these in my daily conversations. lol.

          oh, we’re sharing him? tiger woods chicks.

          i hate champ for making me talk like drake all day. i can’t stop! Diddy.

          see? lens crafters.

          i give up. losers.

          Reply ↓

    • It’s clear that Kanye is Drake’s inspiration. His whole flow is inspired by Kanye. I think that is why Kanye opened up to Drake because he knows that.

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  39. Everytime l see Aubrey l wonder how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop. Whooo…

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  40. Loved it! TeeHee

    If you do get caught cheating, make sure it’s an upgrade. Kobe Bryant, Tiki Barber

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  42. LOL……. there was a pretty accurate, for me anyway, review of the canadians album @ Prettymuchamazing.com

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  43. Ok this whole list was true and hilarious. Especially #1!!!

    But this “4. “meeting people and dating is hard work. but, once you get past that, relationships themselves should be super easy. delta chicks”
    ” better be in reference to delta flight attendants!!!!!!

    Reply ↓

  44. 10. “the worst gift to get a woman is flowers. you never want to buy her something that’s going to die soon anyway. my career.”

    Actually, I used to be a flower hater. SANDRA ROSE. (LOL Had to do it) But now as I’ve gotten a little older I kinda like them, but I agree with the comment up top. I prefer not to get the traditional roses and please save those little white filler flowers because they are hideous. FLAVOR FLAV. :P

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  46. sometimes i do have to give flowers the side eye. on a random day, lovely thought. on my birthday or christmas, do better. google.

    Reply ↓

  47. Let me give this a shot

    You’re not Smokey Robinson but you have tears of a clown – Glenn Beck

    I got Tiger Woods love for my people and h**es – Uncle Ruckus

    Like ankles, hearts, and promises all broke – my wallet

    I never cross the line or cut it. I just maintain it till it’s gone – Flo-Rida

    Women are females and you think your cute with your too small clothes and suspect boots. You swear you’re fly but your whole swag is wack and crude – Diva Dude

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    • All this mention of Drake by Champ. I’m sensing a man crush.-DownLow-R.Kelly…..I know, I know I seent it coming now, but I just couldn’t help it

      *downlow Deez…..Champ

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      • well, he is from toronto (the best city on eurf)

        I really can’t argue with that. I don’t have a bad thing to say about that city.

        Reply ↓

        • you’d better not have a bad thing to say about the T-Dot-Keisha Brown

          she’s not here so I will speak on her behalf- Kelis attorney

          Reply ↓

          • Miss Keisha Brown already knows my love for the T-Dot. That is really how much I like it up there. I honestly can’t find a bad thing to say. I had a really good time up there.

            Reply ↓

          • im back! mr magic city.

            @ bajan-ooman! so far gone. drizzy.

            @champ: thanks for the toronto love. protesters went and lost their damn minds though. houston

            police got paid, but didn’t do nothin but watch their cars get set on fire???. lapd.

            @smartgirl: yep. and no body supposed to be here. deborah cox.

            @nick: run for the border! taco bell (just remember your passport).

            ps: a) i am in awe that the lil show degrassi was even shown in the us, much has such a following! if y’all are ever up here -i’ll take you to the actual school!

            b) i dont take advice from 24 y.o cdn’s either. lil brother.

            c) i missed y’all.

            Reply ↓

  49. I just want to say that I will be adding VSB and all the commenters to the acknowledgment section of my dissertation. I read, laugh uncontrollably and get to writing everyday. You are my inspiration. Chicago

    And yes!!! I love that plagiarism is dead thanks to Drake.

    Reply ↓

  50. now that i have started breathing again… lmbo… let me say this is one of THEE funniest posts eva.

    1,2,3,6,… basically all of them. hilarious! i loved them all. zahia dehar.

    Reply ↓

  52. that little disclaimer you put up about his “unique” way of phrasing things is so funny! My sister brought this to my attention while listening to his music a few weeks ago. I think he gets it from wayne. Nicki Minaj does it too.
    “…bought to set if off, set it off, jada pinkett.” lmao

    Reply ↓

    • Apparently it’s what’s hot in the streets now. Ludacris does it on his song that features Nicki Minaj, my chick bad….

      “Couple girlfriends and they all a lil’ crazy
      Comin’ down the street like a parade. Macy’s.”

      Reply ↓

    • that little disclaimer you put up about his “unique” way of phrasing things is so funny! My sister brought this to my attention while listening to his music a few weeks ago. I think he gets it from wayne. Nicki Minaj does it too.
      “…bought to set if off, set it off, jada pinkett.” lmao

      like i mentioned upthread, i think they all got it from joe buddens, which further strengthens his title as the most unfortunate rapper of all time. welcome and sh*t, btw

      Reply ↓

  53. “always remember: hold on to your dream, but don’t let your dream hold on to you. christina milian.”

    wow. hilarious. the whole interview. seeing as how i used to be a drake fan i find this even funnier.

    Reply ↓

  54. LMAO!! You took shots at everybody with this one. I love it!

    6. “be a man with a plan. nobody wants to be with a dude who can’t make up his mind. tyler perry”

    Poor TP. Can’t find anyone to give him a break. Nell Carter.

    Reply ↓

    • “DEAD @ first comment…I don’t even need to read the rest.”

      ***had a drake ad lib here, but decided to delete it because it was too harsh. a free vsb tee (we’re coming with new designs) to anyone who can guess what it was***

      Reply ↓

  61. so i’ve been meaning to mosey my over to this blog for a moment… so glad i picked today. This joint… bwhahahahaha & the commentary. I’m dead. Coffin.

    Reply ↓

  62. What an interesting 7 days this has been.

    We started out dealing with some some heavy subject matter, and now it’s turned to this. Maury Povich.

    This was definitely a good way to close out the week by lightening things up. Sammy Sosa.

    Reply ↓

  63. 8. “ladies say they want the truth, but really they just want to hear what makes them feel good. honesty is cool sometimes, but for the best results just tell them want they want to hear. black churches”

    “““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`
    *dying of laughter here!* ..some of us learned the hard way, i feel like society has taught men how to lie because saying to the truth to a woman..*cough* sista doesnt get you much and the comparison to black churches is so on point…lmao! i mean seriously does anyone expect those religious businessmen…sorry uh preachers to be truthful, they know they will end up with an empty church ! and let the people say AMEN !

    Reply ↓

  64. *sounds horn* EXCUSE ME…P.S.A.:
    JAMAICANS AND ISLAND FOLKS (others) ARE TAKING OVER THIS BLOG. IF YOU ARE NOT JAMAICAN OR FROM THE ISLANDS, YOU BEST GET A TRANSLATION DICTIONARY (or call your local dread). CAUSE WE TAKIN OVA! – DJ Khaleed

    Reply ↓

    • @SmartFoxGirl

      You all can take over as long as you feed me oxtail and plantain. Since I left my parents house I don’t get plantain often.

      Reply ↓

      • That’s my favorite Humble_One! Throw it in a crock pot and let it slow cook all day. No hard work involved. – Donna Summer

        Reply ↓

    • how YU BAD SUH!!!!!

      notice to yanks: sound it out… Sound. It. Out….. 8 times outta 10, it’ll be JUST what you think it is..
      each one, teach one n sh*t…

      Reply ↓

        • *wha ya a say*Caribbean Massive & now, mi ungry no joke…lawd ma belli a scream…..Lord me can’t take it no more-General Degree

          Reply ↓

          • Wow, ya’ll werent playing. It looks like you folks are really trying to take over everything. America.

            Reply ↓

      • @Nick,

        I am learning so much from you guys, seriously. I heard my boys speak patois in college all the time, but you guys typing it out is definitely making it easier for learn. I even kinda understood what that guy was saying to Drake at the beginning of that video.

        Reply ↓

          • *Hands Nick a handkerchief (Yeah, I’m old school like that) to wipe away tears*

            You are too funny, but I really am learning a lot from you, even about some of the small stuff in your culture. Like I said, I love Caribbean folks. I see you are a fan of Heavenly Sword. I hope to beat GOW II soon.

            Reply ↓

          • oh YES!!!
            i love Heavenly Sword..
            Nariko is pretty dope.. my other avi is Kitana tho.. cuz me and her go WAYYY back!
            i didn’t wanna stress you and ask how you were liking GOW… but i’m glad you’re almost done..
            HOWEVER, when you start getting into GOW 3, you’ll get to a point where you wanna slow down because you don’t want the game to be over just yet…
            #justbeinghonest

            Reply ↓

          • @Nick,

            I can see why you like Kitana with you being a MK fan and all. I believe you what you saw about GOW 3. Uncharted 2 and Modern Warfare 2 were those kind of games that I didn’t want to end.

            Reply ↓

          • Kitana is just basically a bad *ss..
            i’m SO hurt that my hookup to PS3 and i are no longer dealing.. i want to see Uncharted so badly..
            (i even wrote it down so i can remember to get it..)
            by the time i get all that for myself, i bet they’ll have the next Mortal Kombat out.. (yeah, it looks dope!) i will be getting online with that though.. i have to!!
            i’m always a day late and a dollar short- Terry McMillan

            Reply ↓

        • @CBG
          I even kinda understood what that guy was saying to Drake at the beginning of that video.

          I fell out of my chair HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

          Reply ↓

    • I gotta get Rosetta Stone for this ish!

      Although I earned my honorary Trini badge last year….ya gal still need to work on her level of partying!

      Bacanal!

      Reply ↓

    • Some Jamaican Escovitch for me….rum cake and sorrel (around Christmas), and you all are good…please and thank you.

      Reply ↓

    • yessssss!!!! big up to my west indian massive!! sound selectah pull up di thread!!!!! brrrrraaps!! *two finga inna di air gun shot salute!!

      mi luv yuh like elephant man like fi give directive inna his chunes!

      Reply ↓

  67. I’m a 21 year old canadian, and the way you discredited relationship advice I could/might/would give in 3 years is so insulting, i might just open a blog to completely discredit the discimination against canadians that vsb’s apparently take part in.mychal denzel.

    Reply ↓

  69. I JUST CAN’T.

    I just want to say that I completely appreciate you all for the lovely week of comments and to Champ for getting me through the week with this hilarity.

    I’m not good at Drake-isms, so I’m gonna politely step off the stage. **Insert something here**

    <3<3<3<3<3 ^_^

    Reply ↓

      • LOL was definitely 5 secs from mention ol’ Randy. I was debating how polite screaming “Sexy Chocolate” was.

        Reply ↓

    • “so I’m gonna politely step off the stage.”

      Avoid throw bottles. Choir boy. Five Heartbearts.

      Had to help you out there. That’s what she said. Condom wrappers.

      Reply ↓

    • Taylor Swift… “I’m really really happy for you and everything…”

      Dang great minds do think alike… I was gonna drop Randy Watson at first *shrug*

      Reply ↓

  70. This made my day!

    But one of my bosses just passed by as I was reading this and not working. Hope I don’t get fired. Donald Trump.

    Reply ↓

    • But one of my bosses just passed by as I was reading this and not working. Hope I don’t get fired. Donald Trump.-

      To which you would reply – No, I resign- Gen McChrystal

      Reply ↓

  71. Loved this one champ. It’s crazy as hell, but it’s so ridiculous I just had to laugh. Ron Artest.

    Reply ↓

  72. Are we ever going to find out the true reasons behind the “post that never was” from last week? Unsolved Mysteries.

    Reply ↓

  73. I would like to thank everyone for making me die 47 times today. I’m wondering how I’ll come back from this. Lawrence Taylor.

    Reply ↓

  74. “Maybe you and I can’t do great things. We may not change the world in one day. But we still can change some things today,….in our small way”. Michael Jackson

    R.I.P.

    Reply ↓

  78. This was a GREAT post…and the comments were hilarious!

    BTW : Kanye’s verse in Maybach Music II ….KILLED it.
    Drake is just wack. Crack

    *i will now return to my cave.

    Reply ↓

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